Hello and welcome to another chapter in the tale of Taskmaster.
I am your narrator, Greg Davies.
Now, this head needs a new owner,
and these are the only five people
on the planet capable of claiming it.
They are... James Acaster!
Jessica Knappett!
Kerry Godliman!
Phil Wang!
And Rhod Gilbert!
And splattered all over the chair next to me,
is the rancorous pustule of a human being
that happens to be very good at Microsoft Excel.
It's little Alex Horne!
Thank you, Greg. That's very nice of you.
Hello. Hello, Greg.
Thank you for the compliments.
Nothing?
I'm waiting, Alex. We normally have a chat during this section.
Yes. I'm feeling very chilled today.
- I feel good in myself. - Do you?
- I know what you were hoping for. - Yeah.
I know what you were hoping for,
- and I know it took hours. - Yes.
This is what you get when you try and get that much attention.
Nothing.
So what's the prize task, Alex?
We've asked them to bring in
the most exciting thing beginning with G.
- Hmm. OK? - Oooh.
You, of course, know what mine is.
It's your special spot.
I shouldn't-- I--
Oh my God.
The person or woman that's brought in the most exciting thing--
Person or woman!
That's brought in the most exciting thing beginning with G
will get five wholesome points.
Philip. Hello.
Oh, hi, Greg.
What's the G thing you've brought in?
A gooold five-dollar bill!
I think you will agree this is very exciting.
It's money made out of...
- You OK? - No, no. I'm good.
It's money made out of gold.
I bought this at Lincoln Memorial,
and I haggled for it.
The shopkeeper said, "This is $30."
I said, "15."
And she said, "30."
I said, uh, "20."
And she said, "30."
So I paid $30 for this bill.
You might have paid $30, but if you look closely
at the back, there is a price tag as well.
You can see it...
Well, goodness me. Kerry?
Right. My thing is guacamole.
OK, and-- What?
You heard Phil's, did you?
I-I'm irritated already!
Tell me it's not a bowl of guacamole, Kerry.
Yes, it is.
Let's have a look at it.
It doesn't even look very nice!
I'm a better shade of green than that, Kerry.
- Come on, Kerry. - I think guacamole's exciting,
- because it's delicious. - Right.
And-- OK, wait--
And, er, it's got a very narrow window of good times,
'cause it goes brown, doesn't it? Literally the next day.
You don't ever eat it alone. It's a shared dish, it's a party thing.
Oh, you can eat it alone, can't you, Alex?
I often do.
OK, I see where you're coming from.
- What? - That it's shit.
Jess?
Most exciting thing beginning with G.
Ooh, what? Most exciting person beginning with G.
Oh, no.
♪ Gre-eg ♪
Here we go.
Signed Greg Davies merch.
So I asked you to sign it
but then you started asking me questions.
About who it was for.
And you said it was for your dad.
And that he was a big fan of mine.
Yes.
And then you said, "What's your dad's name?"
And then I thought it had to begin with G,
'cause I got confused.
So I pretended it's Gordon,
but it's still exciting!
So that whole thing the other night was a total lie?
What's your dad really called?
Peter.
Rhod. It's an exciting thing beginning with G, please.
I took a little trip down to...
Wem.
That's my home town.
Your mum showed me around all your...
childhood and teenage toys.
Yeah.
- Let's see the picture. - There we go.
A confusing Six Million Dollar Man in his underpants, I have to say.
Hey, when he's been running really fast, he gets hot.
What's beginning with G?
- It's Greg's toy collection. - Oh, I see.
You were hoping to humiliate me with these toys, weren't you?
No, I thought you'd be excited to see toys
you probably haven't seen for 40 years.
- I am. - Yeah!
I'm excited to see the Six Million Dollar Man.
The glove puppets were my sister's, so fuck you.
Well, I think that "fuck you" should be directed at your mother,
because she said you'd say that.
- James. - Yeah.
So far the worst round in Taskmaster history.
Can you save it?
Pretty sure I can.
Gandhi's glasses.
Did you just get any old glasses and...
- say they're his glasses? - Nope. Did not do that.
Those are Gandhi's glasses.
Mahatma Gandhi's glasses.
They're Mahatma Gandhi's glasses.
He had a vision for the world,
and he was given vision by those glasses.
It does say on the internet that Gandhi's glasses sold in 2009
- for 1.8 million. - Oh, OK.
Over the years, they've gone down in value.
It seems they're just an old pair of glasses,
and a lot of bullshit.
OK, for the first time in Taskmaster history,
no one is getting five points for this round.
I'm gonna give two people two points,
and three people one point.
- Two points for Rhod. - Uh-huh?
And I'm gonna give two points to James.
- For Gandhi's glasses? - What?!
These three, absolutely shit.
That's it.
Two points, two points. You three get one.
Let's have our first proper task, Alex.
OK, we have a task that is off the wall
by Michael Jackson. Ready?
Hello.
Hello, Jessica.
Hmm.
"Throw something into the bin on the other side of this fence."
- This fence? - Yes.
"You may not use ladders."
"You may not touch the fence...
and you must stay this side of the fence."
- "You may not use ladders." - That chair is a ladder.
- That's not a ladder. - It is a ladder.
- That is not a ladder. - It is a ladder.
- That is a ladder. - It's a ladder.
- It's not a ladder. - It is a ladder.
- That is not a ladder. - It is a ladder.
- That is not a ladder. - It looks like a ladder.
- That's not a ladder. - Ladder.
- That is not a ladder. - It is a ladder.
- That's not a ladder. - It is a ladder.
"Fastest wins."
"Your time starts now."
I can't see.
Can I drill a hole?
Er...
Ugh!
Nope.
I keep fighting this instinct to characterise you
as a sort of Cockney wide boy.
You keep doing things like,
"I'll get a drill. Drill a hole in it. Bosh."
"That's it sorted!"
I dunno what the problem is.
I dunno, I haven't got a problem with it.
It delights me.
Watching you argue whether a ladder's not a ladder
is honestly like every conversation I've ever had with you.
It's not.
There you go.
Do you wanna start by watching James Acaster going berserk?
Of course I do.
I mean, we all know what I'm about to do, and it's gonna be pretty...
Nope!
Why did I do that? Why did I even try that?
Nope.
- Not in the bin. - Not in the bin.
Not in the bin.
Oh!
Sorry, guys.
Not in the bin.
- Not in the bin. - Nothing in the bin?
Aha! I see it.
This general area.
Not in the bin.
Alex, can you give me a hand?
Put it down there, please.
Not in the bin, James. It does have to go into the bin.
Yes!
All the fezes at once.
Argh!
- Good shot, James. - Yep.
So, your initial impulse...
just start throwing stuff.
Yeah. I thought that, maybe, the first thing I threw would go in,
and then I'll be a hero.
And everyone would go crazy.
And what happened was, I'm not exaggerating,
a waking nightmare.
I... was...
so stressed out during all of that.
Even more stressed when I watched it back
and realised that I got the location of the bin completely wrong.
- Yeah. - 76 items, he threw.
He took 19 minutes and 10 seconds.
Incredible. OK, who's next?
We're gonna see two people whose extended names
are the same as two digital brands.
It's Philips and Jessops. Phil and Jess. OK?
Right.
- Oh, God! - Be very careful.
Oh, God. Don't let go.
I've just remembered that I haven't got anything to throw.
There's a bin...
and there's a guy playing golf.
It seems like we're very far away.
But I feel like there's another closer bin.
- What are you throwing? - My hair band.
No.
Oh, come on.
A-ha!
Overshot.
Uuugh!
Oi oi!
Heyyy!
Thank you for the opportunity.
So, the old bin and tyre technique, eh?
The old bin and tyre.
It was very, very quick.
No, it wasn't.
It would've been quick if you'd done it quicker.
You took seven minutes and 35 seconds.
That's really fast.
Phil tried to do something clever, initially, right?
Well, he spotted a bin way off in the distance.
- Oh. - Yeah...
which turned out to just be part of a golf course.
And so I thought, "There's actually another bin
which is really close. It's right next to the..."
That's what I thought you'd presumed. There was a sneaky bin there.
- Yeah. - There wasn't.
So once I established that there wasn't anything close,
I jumped on a drawing table, saw it,
and just wanged that satsuma into a bin.
An apple, but yes.
Was it a good time? Tell me now.
Well, seven minutes 35 to beat.
Seven minutes... 19.
- Hot damn! - So fast!
Right, off you go. Have a break. Make it snappy.
We've got great TV to make here, for God's sake.
Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
What's going on, Alex?
We had a little task taking place,
where the contestants had to get something in a bin
on the other side of the fence. Tricky.
But not as tricky as James made it look.
Next up, we've got Rhod and Kerry.
Let me just see if I can hear anything.
Well, I don't know where the bin is, do I?
It's not there.
Ow.
- Is there anything in it yet? - No.
There's nothing there.
Oh, watch the back of my head!
Right, I got you.
Oh, right!
Oh, I don't see how I'm gonna do this!
Well, that's a stupid idea.
- Are we ready? - Yep.
- Get a bit closer. - To what? To you?
- The fence, not to me. - OK.
Argh!
Yes!
Yes! Yes!
- Victory at all costs, is it? - Yep.
You didn't know if there was a party of toddlers
behind that fence, did you?
Start shotgunning pebbles over there.
It's scattergun, though, scattergun.
Surely I should get a point for scattergun.
He's the only one who thought, "I'm gonna cover a wide area."
- Scattergun. - Credit where credit's due.
It's almost more sensible
to use pebbles to cover a large area
than to just toss a drainpipe over.
Well, you say that, but,
a drainpipe is long, isn't it?
So I thought it would cover quite a lot of mass.
So I'd go "dunk" and I did glean
that it wasn't where it landed.
There were fast, tell you that.
They weren't. One of them was.
Oh!
I think this gravel-voiced gimp has done it.
The gravel-voiced gimp used gravel
and got it in in three minutes, 17 seconds.
Bloody hell.
I mean, that's sort of slightly undermined
by "the gravel-voiced gimp," but I'll take it.
Kerry got two seconds and 12 minutes.
So James, obviously, one point for last place,
then Kerry two, Jess three, Phil four,
but Rhod Gilbert wins the task and five points!
Shotgun!
Do you wanna know the current scoreboard?
Yes.
This episode we have two people, James and Kerry, in joint last.
But in the lead with seven points, it's Rhod Gilbert!
Right, another lovely task, please.
OK, it's a quick one. Blink and you'll miss it.
Hello.
Hi, Kerry.
Pulley system.
- Want me to give this a little tug? - Yes, please.
Oh.
- Too much of a tug? - Yeah, that was...
"Don't blink." Oops!
"Don't blink. Last to blink wins."
"Last to blink wins."
Right, let me get them out.
How many times do you blink in a day?
"Your time starts in ten seconds."
1200 times per hour, so...
- 1200 times an hour. - 28,800 times a day.
28,800 times a day.
So if I blink 28,800 times now...
and then I read the rest of the card...
I should be in.
What?
I am not 100% convinced
that you don't think that a human has a blink quota.
Of course I don't. Don't be silly.
But I thought I'd give it a go.
OK, well, here are quite a few of them giving it a go.
Where do I look?
- Into the camera, please. - That one?
Yeah, I'll blow the whistle in seven seconds now.
Good luck.
Three seconds...
Two, one...
Argh!
Oh.
Actually, I'm doing alright here.
This is just how I talk to people anyway.
You alright?
Yes?
Oh, I think I just blinked.
Oh, there's a blink.
Wow.
That was quite good. What was that?
How many seconds?
Well, it's... one minute 17 seconds.
That's quite a lot... for a human.
Oh, God, what?
I just thought, what do you mean, "Quite a lot for a human"?
Some animals don't blink at all, do they?
- She's got a point. - Is that true?
Hamsters only wink. Genuinely true.
Fish and snakes don't--
What do you mean, hamsters only wink?
They can only do one eye at a time.
Saucy little devils.
James...
Just weird, mate.
That is how I imagine you sleep.
It was exactly the opposite technique to Phil.
Before the task, he shut his eyes for a full five seconds.
If you'd then kept them shut, there would've been no blink.
So obvious now!
My seven-year-old came up with that, genuinely.
We haven't mentioned Kerry's attempt.
She came last. She only didn't blink for 11 seconds.
Then Phil with 12 seconds, James with 12.4 seconds.
But so far, Jess in the lead with 77 seconds.
When we separate one, it's for one of two reasons.
It's gone very well,
or it's gone very, very badly.
I would say this one is genuinely a bit of both.
A bit of both!
Here is the other one.
Are you gonna tell me when I start?
Yep, I'll count you down.
Five, four, three, two, one.
I mean, this is fucking agony.
Have you got anything like, um...
super glue... or a staple gun or something like that.
Gaffer tape might do it, actually.
Yeah.
God, please, get the gaffer tape on there. It's killing me.
- Like this? - Yeah.
I've got my eyes firmly open, don't you worry about that.
I've not sure that's gaffer- taped them at all.
You've just given me a bandana.
You want something worth doing...
Hang on a minute. I'm just gonna have to tip the tears out.
That's a bit better.
Oh, that was good-- Argh! Oh!
Your right eye is the worry, I think.
Yeah.
That's where most of the pain is.
Oh, I think I blinked then.
Did I blink then? Did I?
I think that-- Is that a blink?
I think it is. I think I don't even know what I'm doing any more.
Ohh.
Genuinely horrifying to watch, I thought.
- It's like a scene from A Clockwork Orange. - It's like A Clockwork Orange, it's awful.
I mean, honestly, hand on heart, 15 years of friendship,
that's the most impressed I've ever been with you.
I mean, he smashed this, surely.
He did. I would say that you do get genuine staring competitions.
In Australia, they film it.
The Australian Broadcasting Corporation said,
"At around 17 minutes, the crowd became agitated."
"At 30 minutes, the contestants confessed to boredom."
"And then at 35, the winner felt like he was getting a tattoo on his eyeball."
It is painful, 'cause your corneas dry up.
It is terrible, yeah.
You lasted seven minutes and ten seconds.
Jesus!
Oh my God!
Rhod!
Don't try that at home.
Which means that Kerry gets one point,
two points to Phil, three points to James, four to Jess.
Obviously Rhod Gilbert gets all five points.
OK, everyone, I'd just like to take the chance to thank you
for watching the first two parts of the show.
You've done a great job. I'm so proud of you.
Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster.
There's some prize-worthy guacamole seriously on the turn up there,
so they need to crack right on with the new task.
And this one is a team one.
Wooo.
Hello.
Wow... OK.
Hi, Phil. Hello, Rhod. Hello, James.
"Make the best extension to the Taskmaster house."
"You have 30 minutes. Your time starts now."
- Right. Build an extension. - Come on.
Well, we need a foreman.
Phil, you're dressed like a foreman.
A nice extension for my little house.
Somewhere I can relax.
Let's start with the former soap stars
turned home improvement presenters.
It's Donna and Donna.
We're gonna do this in under 30 minutes, if anything.
Easy.
Do we need guttering?
Because if it rains...
I'm gonna say that we can probably go easy on the guttering.
Oh my God, the garage is open.
OK, look. These are sturdier bits of pole.
Look at these massive spoons!
Oh, mate, that's... That's not gonna work.
One bit of bad weather and that's not gonna hold.
You've got eight minutes.
Just gonna put a throw cushion in there.
- Yes. Cat flap? - Yeah.
Cat for the cat flap.
What more can we do?
I am actually happy with that.
Let's have a cup of tea in it.
Oh, no. There's no cups! Let's have a banana, then.
- A celebratory banana? - Banana.
- Honey, I'm home! - Yoo-hoo!
I mean, classic Godliman quotes there.
"Nah, nah. One bit of bad weather, that's not gonna hold."
Sensible, it was sensible. I approached it sensibly.
No, no, you went the other side of that with,
"Look at these massive spoons."
Can we have a look at the end product?
Yeah. It's worth admiring the ambitious brickwork,
which is the other way round to normal...
The only thing that's missing from that house
is two litres of white cider.
- Can I ask a question? - Yes, James.
Was the garage open for us as well?
You will see. I mean, it absolutely was, but--
We could've gone in the garage.
Yeah.
I... Oh, my God.
Well, we've seen Phil's extension before, so...
High hopes for him and his team. Here is how they got on.
Can't we move the shed?
We take all the stuff out, we knock the back out.
Then we lift it up and we put it round the front door.
You've said "lift it up" like that's gonna be a very easy thing to do.
Don't even wanna know what he's thinking about.
That's gonna be a help.
Rhod? Maybe gimme a hand?
30 minutes, Rhod, 30 minutes.
I've got an idea.
And we're gonna need a lorry.
But...
Where's he going to get a lorry?
Reverse the lorry onto the front of the house...
and that is a better extension than this.
Well, find a lorry then!
And we'll do this while you're finding a lorry.
You do that. Right.
Nearly-- He's nearly 50.
Guess that was always gonna happen.
Get some furniture from inside the house.
Where's the lorry?
Couldn't get a lorry.
I'm making an extension here.
Well, why aren't you doing it with us down there?
If we do two, we'll have a better shot at it.
Absolutely ridiculous.
Rhod, what is that?
Don't try and reason with him, Phil.
Pass me that tape, Phil?
The one here?
What?!
They're very charming, the Irish.
Well, how's yours going?
It was going alright when Phil was helping me!
So you've done two extensions, have you?
That's not an extension.
That's a poster.
What do you think?
You've written "extension" on the garage.
- Done. - Well, thank you.
I wanted to be on the girls' team really badly.
In seven series, we have never had
a group break up during a team task.
He didn't wanna join us!
He named me foreman and then fucked off.
We'd done tasks all day together by that point.
- That was our final one... - Yep.
and I don't know how you've been friends with him for so long.
I didn't know, until we watched that,
that at one point, he opened the garage,
saw it and then did that.
Like, that blows my mind more than anything else.
I thought on the day, "Oh, it's bad enough that he's done that."
And put the cardboard on and gone, "This is an extension."
And then just kind of looked at us,
like, "What the fuck you gonna do about that?"
and then gone back in the house.
I didn't know he'd also gone, "Oh, the perfect stuff!"
And then done that shit!
This is what Rhod did. There we go.
I've appropriated an existing structure.
You quite like it, I can see.
No, no, I don't like it.
The fact that it's an existing structure
means that it's not an extension to my house.
I want to set fire to it.
This is what the little boys did.
Wow, and now I don't know who to hate.
OK, this is what I'm gonna do.
- Kerry and Jess, great cooperation. - Oh, lovely.
A wonderful final product
and a lovely home life they've created for themselves.
I'm gonna give them four points each.
Four points each. Congratulations, the ladies.
And just because I can't bear to give no points out,
I'm gonna give Rhod...
and the spineless Phil...
- I was being kind! - one point each.
- I was being kind to the elderly. - OK, one point.
You've got to learn.
Listen, you've got to learn. It's too late for him.
He'll be in a home - five, six years? He'll be in a home.
Oh, and I'm gonna build an extension on that home.
James, I felt his pain.
I... loved it.
So I'm gonna give James two points.
One point each of these, four points to these,
and two points to James Acaster!
What's the next task?
It's a seasonal task.
Oh, hi!
Hello, Jess.
It's a party... hat.
Do I put that on... before I read the task?
- Shall I? - I don't know yet.
Hmm.
"Make the best Christmas cracker."
"You have ten minutes to order your materials,
and 20 minutes to make your Christmas cracker."
Hoo hoo hoo!
"Your time starts now."
OK.
These are the bits of crap that I've received
over the years in a cracker.
- Tiny, tiny screwdrivers. - Mm-hm?
Tiny tape measures.
- Little torch. - Mm-hm.
Just gonna shut out the voices.
You went into a trance?
Well, I found a technique was to just try and lock out
some of the worst madness.
Well, I should say, Rhod had his eyes shut for nine minutes.
So would've... would've won the blinking task with that.
OK, well, shall we start with Rhod and Jess's crackers together?
Oh, no.
- Yes. - Yes?
It's amazing because when you see it in Greg's hand,
it's a totally normal-sized cracker.
Amazing.
- OK, ready? - Yes.
Pull the cracker. One, two three!
Merry Christmas, Taskmaster!
Oh, hang on a second. Bang!
Get the presents out.
Oh, look at that.
Oh, wow, magical!
There's your hat.
Inside is a lovely vanity kit for the Taskmaster,
including nail file, cotton buds...
and, uh...
little tweezers.
There's your Christmas joke.
You can read that. We can have a laugh.
"What do penguins eat for Christmas dinner?"
"Iceberg lettuce."
"Ha ha ha! Oh, that's terrible!"
That's what everyone does 'cause it's Christmas.
What's that?
Lovely made-to-measure Christmas hat for the Taskmaster.
His head is essentially...
the same size as one human head, plus a horse's head.
- Yeah. - Immediately next to it.
What's that?
It's a credit card.
It's my credit card.
Oh-ho hoo hoo!
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Taskmaster.
There was a sense of Christmas wonder
on your face throughout, that I enjoyed.
Oh, good.
What was the credit card all about?
I actually asked for an iPad.
- But then... - Oh, and a puppy.
And a puppy, um...
You were gonna put a live puppy in it?
Obviously live.
Happy Christmas!
I realised that I couldn't fit it into the tube,
- so I stole Alex's credit card. - Right.
Um, I think that's the nicest you've ever been to me.
There were some genuinely nice touches in there.
And thoughtful.
- I loved your personal vanity kit. - Thank you.
Then you went and ruined it.
What?
By suggesting that my head is the size
of one person's normal head, plus a horse's head.
Fine. And this, ladies and gentlemen,
is how part three ends.
Hello!
It's part four, it's Taskmaster,
and we are in the middle of a festive task.
Yes, the best Christmas cracker, that's all they've got to make.
Next up is Kerry.
Yes. Yes!
Oh.
Right.
- When we pull it... - Mm-hm?
you have to let your bangers off at the same time.
One, two, three, go!
I'm trying to get the...
You've gotta want it, haven't you?
You've gotta want it.
Eeeeee...
Ooh... Oh!
Yaaay! I won!
Oooh.
Toolbox.
Ah, look!
- Hat. - Yeah.
All the prizes.
We've got a torch, cards, keyring.
All the crap, but not in a useless size.
- Well done, Kerry. - Thanks.
Er, maybe a little difficult to pull that particular cracker?
I thought you just hadn't quite mastered the system
to get the cracker to break.
And then Alex leant over to me and went,
"Just so you know, that's just a drainpipe."
You knew it was just a drainpipe, and you still committed...
We both thought one of us might win.
I like the idea of upscaling the rubbish gifts
- to full size gifts. - To normal, useful size.
Was there a joke in there?
- Yes, well, no. - Yes.
We couldn't show it, 'cause she put in two pages of A4,
which was her whole Edinburgh show.
Who's next?
Two former friends, Phil and James.
Argh.
Mmmf.
Merry Christmas.
And Happy New Year.
Merry Christmas, Alex.
Whoever wins the cracker will get this crown,
which I think you'll find is a much higher-quality crown
than you usually get in a cracker.
It's not in the cracker.
Well, it's part of the cracker set.
- You ready? - Yes.
Merry Christmas!
I think I won.
Merry Christmas!
Can I put the crown on?
Yeah, yeah, sorry.
Well done.
There's Bisto, but you just add water to that,
and then you've got gravy as well.
Read it.
"Why does Santa have three gardens?"
I don't know. Why does Santa have three gardens?
"None of your business."
And you wear it as a hat.
Pardon?
You wear this as a hat as well.
"What is Santa's favourite number?"
I don't know. What is Santa's favourite number?
"Twelves."
- Twelves. - "Twelves"?
- Twelves, 'cause it's elves in it. - Yeah.
So when people say, "What's your favourite number?"
Santa, he says, "Twelves."
Yeah. Just put it on your head.
There you go.
- Yeah. - The gravy makes it stick.
They both went down a very similar route here.
A full Christmas.
A just-add-water Christmas dinner.
- Yeah. - No water needed for mine.
No, and a full bottle of wine,
which is... incredible.
My one came with a fork and knife,
so mine you could take outside into the woods.
- If you wanted to. - Where we all love to spend Christmas.
- Out in the woods. - In the woods.
It's one of Santa's gardens.
So, I'm gonna tell you this.
I like providing a whole Christmas,
but I don't like it thrown all over the floor.
So I'm gonna give Phil Wang five points.
Holy shit!
Everyone else's, very festive.
Lots to commend all of them.
I'm gonna give them all three points.
OK. Three, three, three, five, three.
There we go. Phil Wang wins the task.
OK.
Right. Everyone on that side of the room,
please stand up and move yourselves to the stage
for the final task of the show!
Who's going to read the task out?
Kerry Godliman is gonna read the task out.
"Walk over and hit that drum in exactly 9.58 seconds."
"Also, there are two bonus points for the person with
the most magnificent walk."
The four who are not walking are gonna be blindfolded,
in case they get hints on what is most magnificent.
James, you're first. We're going left to right.
- Not me first. - Come on, James.
Does anyone have any questions?
Um, what happens if we fall off the stage?
Oh, you don't need to walk blindfolded.
You should be alright.
That's what I thought!
OK, Greg, are you ready for the first walk?
I'm ready for the first walk in 9.58 seconds.
On my whistle.
Here we go.
I mean, hand on heart,
that is not far away from your normal walk.
Next to walk is Jessica Knappett. Good luck, Jess.
Whoa.
Shit.
- Are you alright? - I am fine!
Are you alright?
What's happened?
Are you alright?
I feel fine and I think it was worth it.
Please tell me you fell off.
She has set the bar pretty high.
Kerry Godliman, please remove your blindfold.
Unless you're gonna set yourself on fire,
you're not gonna win, I'll tell you that much.
Please walk on the whistle.
One! Two! Three! Four! Five!
Six! Seven! Eight! Niii--
Nine!
Wow.
What a horrible character.
Phil Wang. Please walk on the whistle.
Welcome, Rhod.
- OK. - I need you for this.
I will do whatever you say, if you could start on the mark.
- You're gonna walk me down the... - Am I?
Ah, it's nice to know that Jess isn't the only one
who's gonna get hurt.
Come down here and we'll add those to the final scores!
Well...
that was eventful.
If I don't win this task now...
you are dead inside.
I mean...
Ladies and gentlemen, two points for the most magnificent walk.
Now let's hear about the timings.
Yeah. It is less good news for Jess, in terms of...
who was closest to 9.58 seconds.
Jess struck the drum after 27.20 seconds.
- In fourth place... - Yeah.
gaining two points, he struck the drum after 6.1 seconds,
3.48 seconds out. That's Phil Wang.
Ahh.
Two points.
Very close to that, in third place,
6.15 seconds was Kerry Godliman.
- She gets three points. - Despite my counting!
At exactly - this is amazing -
exactly 11.18 seconds,
James Acaster in second place. Four points.
Rhod Gilbert, walking on his hands,
struck it in 9 seconds and wins five points!
- Blimey. - Yes, blimey.
'Cause it means now, in the series scoreboard,
Phil Wang has hit 100 points!
We then have James on 116,
Rhod and Kerry both on 124,
but the hero, Jess, is on 127!
But today's episode - do you wanna hear who won?
Yeeah.
It was not tight at the end.
Our runaway leader with 21 points is Mr Rhod Gilbert!
Please go and collect your exciting things
beginning with the letter G. Rhod Gilbert!
So what have we learnt today?
We've learnt that whatever has happened at work,
you might've had an argument with your boss,
you might've fallen off a stage,
but at least none of you have felt
anywhere near as angry as this.
And Rhod Gilbert won, of course.
Sensational skills, a triumph of humanity.
Episode eight next.
Have a nice little rest and we'll see you there.
Bye!