I'm so fucking bored. 9
Alright, ready? One, two... 10
Fuck! 11
- Fuck this challenge, bro! - Oh, dude. 12
Look at how gross. 13
What is going on? 14
Oh, shit. 15
Jesus. Fuck. Fuck off! 16
Fuck off! 17
Sh-- Sh-- She texted me to come. 18
Hi. Shit. 19
You did not look pregnant. 20
It's a whole thing. 21
A-And it's mine, or... 22
Not -- Not -- Not in a slut-shamey way, 23
I swear to God. Just... 24
we didn't date for that long and -- 25
and it was fast when we did it 26
and -- and -- and you were on your period or -- 27
There wasn't anyone else. 28
D, I'm so fucking sorry. 29
No, it's okay. It's all good. 30
I mean, you know, it's okay. 31
Sure. You -- You just tell me what you want to do, okay? 32
'Cause I-it's your body a-and your choice and -- and all that. 33
That's really nice. Thanks. 34
I mean, there's not really a lot left to choose 35
'cause it kind of already happened and -- 36
Yeah, no, no, no, yeah. Of course. 37
I think I just really need to get out of this fucking mall. 38
Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck, 39
holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck. 40
Hey, it's me. 41
Like if you went to a hospital, they'd give you a wheelchair. 42
Whatever. We -- We -- We gotta go. 43
- Come on. - Come on. 44
- Okay. - Put that down. 45
No! Come on. 46
Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go. 47
Get the baby. 48
- Come on. - Oh! Okay, okay! 49
Oh, shit! Okay. 50
We're good, we're good. Okay. 51
You okay? We got you, we got you. 52
Don't forget the placenta, okay? 53
I'm sorry. 54
Look at me. Never apologize, never explain. 55
Fuck you, mall! Fuck you! 58
¿Que haces? 59
What does it look like I'm doing? 60
I just came in here to tell Miss Cranky 61
that school is cancelled 'cause of the wildfires. 62
Wait, what? 63
Check your phone, cabróna. 64
Wait, close the door. 66
Riley, we have to leave in five -- 67
Air quality day. No school. 68
Is that my orchid? 69
You're getting me a new one. 70
Today. 71
Something about these fires gets me so horny. 73
Girl, your life es un desmadre. 74
You don't think so? He took you for a steak, 75
licked you from your eyeball to your asshole, then peaced out. 76
You're better off sola. 77
Wait, Greta's going somewhere. 78
Let me exercise my maternal responsibilities. Muchos besos. 79
Where are you going? 80
Should I be making you do something today... 81
or with your life in general? 82
I might shoot some hoops later. 83
Why are you playing basketball? 84
There's smoke in the air. 85
They say going outside is like smoking 10 packs. 86
And also "Shoot some hoops"? 87
- I see you. - Stop. 88
I feel like you're just using me for my car. 89
Yeah. Obviously. 90
Can we do something fun 91
'cause the world is burning down around us? 92
Yes. Let's get it. 93
Okay, we're gonna be gentle. 94
Very gentle. 95
Foot on the brake. Hands at 10:00 and 2:00. 96
- Okay. - You're in drive. 97
- Yes. - Now go light on the gas. 98
Light. Light. 99
Oh, my God. Stop! Stop! Brake! 100
- Oh, my -- Oh, my God. - I could have been paralyzed. 101
- Oh, my God. - That was too fast. 102
- No. - That was too much right out the gate. - More. More. More. 103
This is "Mario Kart." More -- I want more. 104
No. That is a very bad thing to say. 105
You need to work on your pedal skills. 106
So, imagine you're being fingered. 107
Excuse me, what? 108
Would you -- Would you like it 109
if someone just jammed their finger 110
onto the entirety of your damned clit 111
like it was the power button on a vintage MacBook? 112
- No! - No! 113
- No! - No! 114
No, thank you, sir or miss. 115
You want them to feel it out, use a little intuition. 116
- Subtle. - Subtle. 117
- Yes. Subtle. - Yes. 118
Then, if it's working, a little more. 119
And if they're panting too much, a little less. 120
I did not think clit was your jam. 121
Okay, first of all, that's homophobic. 122
You don't think that I've engaged with a vagina or two? 123
I mean, have you actually? 124
Safiyah Norris. 125
What? How old were you guys? 126
I dunno. Like, eighth grade. 13. 127
Safiyah was my neighbor, 128
and she taught me how to respect the clit. 129
Oh, my God! Stop it. 130
Stop! Stop it right now! 131
Or we're going to jail for the night 132
like those TikTok boys who had the weed in their pants! 133
Stop! I'm not for it! 134
Riley! 135
♪ Come on ♪ ♪ Let's talk about sex, baby ♪ 136
♪ Let's talk about you and me ♪ 137
♪ Let's talk about all the good things ♪ 138
♪ And the bad things that may be ♪ 139
♪ Let's talk about sex ♪ 140
♪ Let's talk about sex ♪ 141
♪ Let's talk about sex ♪ 142
♪ Let's talk about sex ♪ 143
What about this guy? 144
He has an actual 18 pack. Let me count this. 145
- One, two, three -- - No. 146
I don't like when they write "Well hung." 147
- How come? - 'Cause they never are. 148
Also, if they don't smile, it tells you something. 149
Mama didn't raise no fool. Next. 150
So, what do you like then? Built? Fem? 151
Skinny? Older? 152
If it's hot, it's hot. 153
Yeah. 154
What does punching and then peach emoji mean? 155
Likes fisting. 156
Ew. 157
- I want to see what you look like. - You're gonna love it. 158
26? 159
18 is legal, but if you put that, 160
everyone thinks that you're 16. 161
I-I don't need to be jailbait. 162
My abs speak for themselves. 163
I mean -- the confidence. 164
- Earned. - Yeah. 166
Oh, wait, you don't show your face? 167
This is all they need. 168
Who else, who else, who else? 169
Looks like he's on Million Dollar Listing. 170
Next. 171
Posing with two twin babies. No. 172
Oh, my God! 173
Holy fuck! 174
- Fuck me twice! - What? 175
I didn't even know guidance counselors 176
were allowed to be on this thing! 177
"Straightforward. Present. 178
Down to play, but not down for the games." 179
Plus he's so cute and innocent in his little T-shirt. 181
Is that Greta? 182
Ask her what she's doing right now. 183
Where did you get this repulsive herb? 184
My father's sock drawer, right next to 185
the Perfect 10 magazines, if you're looking. 186
What's that? 187
You don't know the Perfect 10? 188
It's the premier porn magazine for all the big naturals. 189
You've got champagne flutes, 190
you have party hats, you have tear drops. 191
All the boob shapes that God has ever graced us with. 192
God. 193
This burger/weed combo is nauseating. 194
But I guess the world is on fire and ending, so... 195
Right. 196
So, no regrets. 197
Like Greta. 198
What? 199
I don't know. 200
I don't know. 201
She's really... 202
I don't know. She's really sweet. 203
I bet she's gonna surprise you. 204
Or there's Luz. 205
That girl wants to unzip your pants with her teeth. 206
Have you ever dated any girls? 207
I don't date. 208
I hook up. 209
- Hard same. - Yeah. 210
Have you ever even hooked up with a girl? 211
No. But... 212
you know, if it's hot, it's hot. 213
Yes! If it's hot, it's hot. 214
- Hi. - What's up? 215
Are you guys sure you want to come? 216
- Yeah. - We just want to be led. 217
It's just this community center where I volunteer. 218
- Okay. - Alright. 219
Backing up. 220
Backing up. 221
Back-- Back-- Backing up. 222
When are you gonna go out for your school team, huh? 223
I don't know. Maybe in, like, five years when you die. 224
Oh, you're bad. 225
This fucking air. 226
Can you see the fires? 227
No. Just the smoke. 228
G, I can't believe they let you the fuck up here. 229
I've been volunteering since I was 11. 230
Come here. 242
Chester! 243
What?! 244
Do you want to go to Greta's house for food?! 245
Okay! 246
I said to chop them finely. 247
What do you think I'm doing here, woman? 248
The only fine thing I see is you. 249
You just cheated! 250
Tell me how. 251
Y-You think I'm smart enough to cheat a computer? 252
Riley, I'm loving your Instagram. 253
Aw, so sweet. 254
You showed her? 255
I mean, you are an artist, lady. 256
Why are you on private? 257
You could blow the fuck up, get that sponsorship money. 258
I don't know. Parents are pretty weird about kids posting nudes. 259
Well, Ana won't post nudes, she won't send nudes. 260
She thinks the government's reading her texts. 261
You don't think they're watching right now? 262
You're not in your immigrant mind-set. Amor. 263
What grade are you in? 264
I'm in fourth grade, but today we didn't have any school 265
because everything's on fire. 266
Yeah, same. 268
What are you guys making? 269
Well, I was gonna make tripas, 270
but I think we're just gonna have fajitas and chile relleno. 272
Mm. How do you make that? 273
Um, well, you have to put, like, cheese inside -- 275
Cut open the chilies, take the seeds out. 276
- Oh, yeah. - Put the cheese inside the chilies. 277
At least Sela's not cooking, huh? 278
Say what you want about my sister, 279
but she makes some bomb-ass tripas, okay? 280
Disgusting! 281
- See? Nope. - Callate boba. 282
If Greta's mom was here, I'd have her make it for you. 283
If my mom was here? 284
This apartment would be way cleaner. 285
If your mom was here, 286
that Kristen Stewart poster in your room would be up your ass! 287
Kristen Stewart? For real? 288
- "Twilight" Is good! - "Twilight" Is amazing. 289
Ay. 290
She's in a pain in my ass, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone. 291
Are you going on this trip to San Francisco, too? 292
Yeah, I think we're going to see "Paris is Burning." 293
With, like, Jennie Livingston talking or something. 294
So, you're gonna be spending the night in a hotel room with my niece? 295
- Um...well, uh -- - And what about tonight? 296
Um, I think t-tonight, 297
we were just talking about maybe going back to my house. 298
Yeah. I was gonna show them some of my photography stuff. 299
Your photography "Stuff"? 300
What exactly are your intentions here? 301
Oh, uh -- I mean, no. 302
Like, I think we're just gonna hang out or whatever. 303
It's not, um... 304
Maybe go swimming. 305
You think you're gonna take this girl swimming in the night? 306
- Are you serious? - No, no. Like, no. No. 307
Ana, can you stop? 308
What's going on? 309
Sorry. 310
That was hard to do with a straight face, 311
but this is the best part of motherhood. 312
I need you home tomorrow by noon to watch Miguel. 313
Have fun. 314
Thank you. 315
- Thank you so much for having us. - Thank you. 316
Thank you for feeding us. 317
- It was so nice meeting you. - Aw, so nice meeting you, too. 318
I like this. 319
Come back soon. Watch "X-Files" With us. 320
The -- Wait, the TV show? 321
It is a work of genius, 322
and I am not fucking kidding you. 323
Bye. 324
- Bye! - Bye-bye. 325
I'm obsessed with her. 326
She's amazing. 327
I agree. 328
Raise your hand if you don't want this day to end. 329
Are you raising your hand, Greta? Yeah. 330
Do you have to tell your parents when you get home? 331
Lucky. 332
They only really talk to me to talk shit about each other. 333
Or explain the difference 334
between a separation and a divorce. 335
Sorry, I didn't realize. 336
It's whatever. 337
It's cool how you made your bathroom into a darkroom. 338
Oh. Yeah. Thank you. 339
I, uh -- I watched, uh, some documentary 340
about these photographers in France. 341
They had trunks with a ton of outfits in them, 342
and they would just have all their cool artist friends dress up, 343
and I was like, "I'm gonna do that, too." 344
Yes. My nonna used to take me to Ye Olde Pitchur Gallery 345
at Knott's Berry Farm to do that. 346
This is some sad Goodwill shit. 347
That was my uncle's. 348
He died before I was born. 349
I'm so sorry. 350
He was an artist, too. 351
I mean, not -- not "Too." 352
Yeah. Too. 353
Here we go. 354
Now we getting to good Out of the Closet type shit. 355
Greta, you would rock this. 356
Yes. 357
And this. 358
- Yes! - Yes. Yes. 359
Oh, shit. 360
Your uncle was gay. 361
Oh, my God. 362
You wear this coat so well. 363
Mm-hmm. I know. 364
Open it up for me. Yes. Yes. 365
What are you doing, Mormon? 366
Take off your clothes or you're gonna look bulky as fuck. 367
We need clean lines. 368
Let's do one on the ground. 369
Get low, get low, get low. 370
Amazing. 371
Okay. 372
One facing just straight -- straight towards me. 373
Oh, my God. You look so good. 374
Oh, my God. 375
- Oh, my God. - You look so good. 376
Okay. Stand here. 377
Alright. Both hands on the cane, 378
spread your feet a little bit. 379
Power stance. 380
Yes. 381
Iconic duo. 382
You guys look so good. 383
Give me sex. 384
Yes. Give me lust. 385
Fuck that camera. 386
Stop. 387
Okay, sorry. Sorry. 388
Look at the camera like you want to take it to a nice dinner 389
and then out to the theater, 390
and then fuck it. 391
Here, Greta. Come over here. 392
Stand on this ledge. 394
Okay. 395
Oh, my God. The light is so good. 396
Yes, just like that. 398
Yes. 399
Here, use the camera. 400
Yes. 401
So good. 402
Perfect. 403
Beautiful. 404
You look so fucking cool. 405
I usually hate getting my picture taken. 406
Not tonight. 407
Yeah. 408
Not...by you. 409
You guys are spending the night, right? 410
Yeah, but y'all are crowding me 411
with your pointy girl-asses, so I'm taking the floor. 417
Do you like this? 418
Definitely. 419
She shouldn't have done the milkshake. 420
Should we go to sleep? 421
Night, my bitches. 422
- Good night. - Good night. 423
I loved today. 424
How'd your parents say good night to you? 425
They didn't. I just went to sleep. 426
Just regular, like, my mom would just say good night. 427
My mom would take weird songs and make them into lullabies. 428
Like... "Bootylicious." 429
She'd make that work. 430
She could make everything work. 431
So? 432
What? 433
You know you're gonna do it. 434
I am living for Dom Greta. 435
I saw you. 436
I saw you. 437
x 438
x3