Hello? Hello? Radio Tower?
Lisbon plane taking off in 10 minutes. East runway. Thank you.
Louis, have your man go with Mr Laszlo and take care of his luggage.
Certainly, Rick. Anything you say.
Find Mr Laszlo's luggage and put it on the plane.
Yes, sir.
This way, please.
If you don't mind, you fill in the names. That'll make it even more official.
You think of everything, don't you?
And the names are Mr and Mrs Victor Laszlo.
- But-- why my name, Richard? - 'Cause you're getting on that plane.
- I don't understand. What about you? - I'm staying here with him till the plane gets safely away.
- No, Richard! No, what's happened to you? Last night you said--
Last night we said a great many things.
You said I was to do the thinking for both of us.
Well, I've done a lot of it since then and it all adds up to one thing:
You're getting on that plane with Victor where you belong.
- But Rick, no I, I-- - Now, you've got to listen to me.
You have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here?
9 chances out of 10 we'd both wind up in a concentration camp, isn't that true Louis?
I'm afraid Major Strasser would insist.
You're saying this only to make me go. - I'm saying it because it's true.
Inside of us we both know you belong with Victor.
You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going.
If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon for the rest of your life.
But what about us?
We'll always have Paris.
We didn't have we-- we'd lost it until you came to Casablanca.
We got it back last night.
- When I said I would never leave you. - And you never will.
Look I'm no good at being noble.
But it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people...
...don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.
Someday you'll understand that.
Now, now.
Here's looking at you, kid.
There's something you should know before you leave.
- Mr. Blaine, I don't ask you to explain anything.
I'm going to anyway because it may make a difference to you later on.
You said you know about Ilsa and me. -Yes.
She didn't know she was at my place last night when you were.
She came there for the letters of transit. Isn't that true, Ilsa?
Yes.
She tried everything to get them but nothing worked.
She did her best to convince me that she was still in love with me.
But that was all over long ago.
For your sake she pretended it wasn't and I let her pretend.
- I understand. - Here it is.
Thanks.
Are you ready, Ilsa?
Yes, I'm ready.
Bye, Rick.
God bless you.
You better hurry, you'll miss that plane.
It might be a good idea for you to disappear from Casablanca for a while.
There's a Free French garrison over at Brazzaville. I could be induced to arrange a passage.
My letter of transit? I could use a trip.
It doesn't make a difference about our bet. You still owe me 10,000 Francs.
Ah that 10,000 Francs should pay our expenses.
"Our" expenses? -Uh huh.
Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Who am I kidding? I'm not like that.
I never was, I never will be.
That's strictly the movies.
I'm so depressed.
Maybe if I took two more aspirin it would help.
That would make... two, four, six aspirin.
I'm turning into an aspirin junkie.
Soon I'll be boiling the cotton at the top of the bottle to get the extra.
I shouldn't have signed those papers.
Let her take me to court.
Two years of marriage down the drain.
I couldn't believe what she said to me.
She was like a total stranger, not like my wife.
I don't want any alimony. I just want out.
- Can't we discuss it? - We discussed it 50 times.
- Why? - I don't know.
I can't stand the marriage.
You're no fun, you suffocate me.
There's no rapport and I don't dig you physically.
For God's sake, Allan, don't take it personal.
I won't take it personal, I'll just kill myself.
If only I knew where my analyst was vacationing.
Where do they go every August? They leave the city.
Every summer the city is full of people who are crazy till Labour Day.
What if I reach him? What's he gonna tell me?
Whatever I say he tells me it's a sexual problem.
Isn't that ridiculous? How can it be sexual?
We weren't even having relations.
Maybe once in a while.
She used to watch TV during it.
Change channels with the remote control.
Why should a divorce bother me so?
Maybe I'm better off without her.
Why not? I'm young, healthy, got a good job.
This could be my chance to step out a little bit.
If she can swing, so can l.
I could turn this place into a nightclub.
Get broads here like you wouldn't believe.
Swingers, freaks, nymphomaniacs,
dental hygienists.
If she didn't want me, I won't push myself on her.
I couldn't believe what she said when she left.
I want a new life.
I want to go skiing, go dancing, go to the beach,
ride through Europe on a motorcycle.
- All we ever do is see movies. - I write for a film magazine.
Besides, I happen to like movies.
That's because you're one of life's great watchers.
I'm a doer. I want to participate. We never laugh together.
How can you say that? I'm constantly laughing.
I chuckle, I giggle, I guffaw. Why didn't this come up when we were dating?
You were more aggressive then.
Everybody is during courtship. It's natural.
You can't expect me to keep up that level of charm, I'd have a heart attack.
Goodbye, Allan.
My lawyer will call your lawyer.
I don't have a lawyer.
Have him call my doctor.
What's the matter with me? Why can't I be cool?
What's the secret?
There's no secret, kid. Dames are simple.
I never met one that didn't understand a slap in the mouth
or a slug from a .45.
Yeah, cos you're Bogart.
I could never hit Nancy. It's not that type of relationship.
Where'd you learn that word, the shrink?
I'm not like you. In Casablanca, when you lost lngrid, weren't you crushed?
Nothing a little bourbon and soda wouldn't fix.
I can't drink. My body won't tolerate alcohol.
Take my advice and forget all this fancy relationship stuff.
The world is full of dames.
All you got to do is whistle.
He's right.
You give them an inch and they step all over you.
Why can't I develop that attitude?
Nothing a little bourbon and soda couldn't fix.
- Are you all right? - You poor thing!
- Why didn't you call us? - I didn't want to bother you.
Not bother us? For God's sake, what are friends for?
Why did she say she wanted a divorce?
She doesn't laugh enough.
Insufficient laughter - grounds for divorce.
She wants to go skiing.
She wants to ski down a mountain laughing.
Let me call my office. I ran out of a meeting when you called.
They must think I'm crazy.
- Have you heard from her? - I heard from Schulman and Weiss.
I signed some papers and Nancy went to Mexico.
We went there on our honeymoon.
Spent the entire two weeks in bed.
I had dysentery.
Hello, George? Did they agree to the terms?
Oh, hell. Well, if we blow it, we blow it.
God! Can't you cook anything but TV dinners?
Who bothers to cook them? I suck them frozen.
I'll tell you where you can reach me, I'll be at 362-9296 for a while.
Then I'll be at 648-0024 for about 15 minutes.
Then I'll be at 752-0420
and then I'll be home at 621 -4598.
Right, George. Bye-bye.
There's a phone booth on the corner, shall I get the number?
You'll be passing it.
- I'm sorry, Allan. - She wants to be a swinger.
- Married life is no good for her. - Don't get worked up.
I gave her a home, affection, security.
This was a girl I found waiting on tables at the Hip Bagel.
I used to go there every night and over-tip her.
$1 .50 on a 35-cent check.
Nancy was impulsive. We all knew that.
She didn't leave impulsively. She talked about it for months.
- I didn't believe she'd do it. - It's good you find out now.
- You're young. Make a new life. - I'm 29.
The height of my sexual potency was ten years ago.
Look at the bright side. You're free.
You'll go out, there'll be girls.
You'll go to parties, have affairs with married women.
Sexual relations with girls of every race, creed and colour.
You get tired of that.
Besides, those kinds of things never happen to me.
I managed to fool one girl into loving me and now she's gone.
See how he downgrades himself?
Don't you think plenty of women would find him attractive?
- Yes, of course. - The world's full of eligible women.
Yeah, but not like Nancy. She was a lovely thing.
I used to lay in bed and watch her sleep.
Once in a while she'd wake up and catch me.
She'd let out a scream.
He really loved her. I feel like crying.
Why do you feel like crying?
A man makes an investment, it doesn't pay off.
Could I get an aspirin? I have a headache.
He's having a breakdown and you're sick.
- Don't get upset. - I'm not, I just had a rough day.
You want an aspirin too?
I ate all the aspirin, what about Darvon?
Yes, my analyst suggested that when I have migraines.
I used to get migraines but my analyst cured me. Now I get cold sores.
I still do. Big, ugly ones from tension.
- I may need a lobotomy. - With mine away I feel paralysed.
You should move to hospital together.
- You want a Fresca with the Darvon? - Do you have apple juice?
They're fantastic together.
Have you ever had lithium and tomato juice?
No, but another neurotic tells me it's unbelievable.
Can I get a Coke with nothing in it?
I'll get the pills.
Poor guy. If there's anything we can do...
He never should have married Nancy.
I thought they were getting along.
You're so busy all the time you never see what's going on.
Didn't you think it strange that he was married
but still couldn't get a date on New Year's Eve?
Darling, don't get overwrought.
This is Mr Christie, I'm no longer at 752-0420,
I'm gonna be home at 621 -4598.
What? Yes, I'll hold on.
Honey, these things upset me.
I'm experiencing a wave of insecurity.
You are? Did I tell you what happened to me today?
I bought 100 acres of land in Florida
and it turns out that 98 of them have quicksand.
My syndicate wanted to build a golf course.
All we can do is build a three-hole golf course
with the biggest sand trap in the world.
What are you taking a pill for?
- I'm tense. - Why?
The whole subject of divorce is traumatic for me.
- He's getting divorced, not us. - It's the idea of it.
I guess I've never gotten over my parents' divorce.
Well, it's about time. Come here.
You're so insecure. I wish I could...
Milt? Dick. That deal is unacceptable. The figures are lousy.
No, I can't take it.
Marjorie, did Mr Hardy call?
I'm at 922-3299.
Yeah, I'll be here... I'm picking my wife up.
What? Who? Oh, Allan Felix.
All right, I'll call him later. Bye-bye.
Allan's calling again. We got to find him a girl.
Somebody he can be with.
Well, find him a nice girl.
- There must be somebody here. - Not single ones.
- What about Carol? - Engaged.
- What about her? - She's living with a priest.
The tall one with the blonde hair?
She'd eat him alive. There'd be nothing left but his glasses.
This is going to be a bit of a problem.
Mr Christie, there's a call for you.
Listen, Linda and I are going out for dinner tonight.
We'll invite some nice girl and we'll all go.
You've got to start meeting girls.
I haven't done that in two years. I'm out of practice.
When I was in practice, I was out of practice.
You invested your emotions in a losing stock.
It was wiped out.
What do you do? You reinvest in a more stable stock.
Something with long-term growth possibilities.
Like who, General Motors?
Come on, shape up.
She'd have to be damn good to do anything for my morale at all.
- Who can we get? - You don't have anybody in mind?
- We have several in mind. - What kind do you like?
- He likes neurotics. - I like blondes.
Blondes with long hair and short skirts
and boots and big chests and bright and witty.
Don't set yourself silly standards.
She must be beautiful with a big bust?
And a good behind. Something I can sink my teeth into.
- He was always fussy. - But look at the result.
You never went out.
Sally has long hair and a good size chest.
- What's good size? - Like this I guess.
- She's not very bright. - What does she do?
- She works for an astrologer. - Forget it.
You might get her into bed.
With my luck I won't get her into a chair.
These girls often don't have great minds.
Why all this fuss over a dinner companion?
Look, I can't go out, I'm still attached to Nancy.
Will you forget about Nancy? She's gone.
That's true. She wanted to be free so she could swing.
Darling, think of somebody.
I can just picture what she's up to.
Baby, this is wonderful.
My ex-husband would never take me on a motorcycle.
He fell off a scooter and broke his collar bone.
And I mean the kind of scooter you push.
Movies. That's his whole life, he's a watcher.
I'm a doer.
It's been so long since I've been made love to
by a handsome blond man.
We're divorced two weeks and she's dating a Nazi.
- What about Sharon? - I like the name.
She works as a photographer's assistant.
- She's bright and cute. - Let's go.
- Call her. - Perfect.
- What will you say? - I'll ask if she's free for dinner.
Don't mention the divorce. Say my wife's dead.
I don't know if we should do this. The old tension's beginning to set in.
Sharon Lake, please. Linda Christie.
I don't want to hear this.
It's Linda, how are you?
Fine. We're going to dinner tonight with an old friend,
we thought you might want to join us.
No, it's nothing. We just have the radio on.
- You don't know him. - A widower.
Tell her my wife died in a mine shaft explosion.
He's lots of fun. You'll like him.
If she doesn't want to, forget it. I don't need this aggravation.
We'll pick you up at eight o'clock.
Simple dress.
Sure, flats are OK.
Let her wear heels. What am l? Toulouse-Lautrec?
Bye-bye. You're set.
I really have mixed feelings about this.
What if I have this chick in bed and Nancy comes back?
Let's not hope for too much this first night.
- Did she say anything about me? - She doesn't know you!
You never said I was a widower.
I got you the date, you tell her about your wife's death.
I'm excited about this.
We'll pick Sharon up and then you after eight.
I can't stay out late, I have an early meeting.
We can eat at the Pier in Sausalito.
Wonderful. It's so romantic.
The food is terrible and I think it's going to rain.
I'm going to shower and douse my body with Canoe.
I'm going home. I'm going to brush all my teeth.
I think he and Sharon should hit it off.
- Yeah? - You don't think so?
He'll probably calm down by tonight.
I wish she'd seen me before.
I hate to be there on a blind date when the girl first sees me.
What if she's disappointed and she laughs or screams?
Ridiculous.
Has a girl ever once reacted by laughing or screaming?
Once. A co-ed from Brooklyn College.
Came to the door, saw me and passed out.
She was weak from dieting, though.
What the hell?
Bogart was short. That never seemed to bother anybody.
You're starting off on the wrong foot.
- Yeah, negative. - Sure.
She's getting the best of you before the game starts.
What's that stuff you put on your face?
- Canoe. It's an aftershave lotion. - What about that other stuff?
Lavoris, Mennen spray deodorant and baby powder.
You're gonna smell like a French cathouse.
- I need them. - Why? Are you ashamed of sweat?
I want to make an impression.
You know, kid, somewhere in life you got turned around.
It's her job to smell nice for you.
Don't tell her you don't drink, she'll think you're a boy scout.
And don't get nervous.
The only bad thing is if she turns out to be a virgin
or a cop.
With my luck, she'll turn out to be both.
You know he's right.
A lot of women are turned on by a masculine, earthy quality.
I shouldn't have put so much Binoca under my arms.
Wouldn't it be great if we hit it off at first sight?
Why not? They say that dames are simple.
I never met one who didn't understand a slap in the mouth
or a slug from a .45.
Come here, Sharon.
You are fantastic.
Up until tonight, the doctors had told me that I was frigid.
I want to thank you for proving them wrong.
You got any girl friends with the same problem, bring them over.
When Dick and Linda spoke of you, they used terms like,
"brilliant " and "genius"
but they didn't say that you were also an animal.
Sorry I had to slap you around, sweetheart,
but you got hysterical when I said "No more."
It's Linda.
I'm alone. Sharon's with Dick, they're out parking.
He sent me in to make sure everything's OK.
I didn't realise it was so late.
Did you break a bottle of shaving lotion?
- I'm wearing too much? - It's a touch strong.
Once we get out into the air, you won't notice.
I better set this place up quickly.
It's fine. We'll just have a quick drink and go.
A few carefully-placed objects create the proper impression.
You can't leave books lying around like you're reading them!
- It creates an image. - You don't need an image.
Got just the thing, my 100-yard-dash medal.
- You can't leave out a track medal. - Why? I paid $20 for it.
I got a big decision to make. Do I go with Oscar Peterson
or Bartók String Quartet No. 5?
Play Oscar Peterson and leave Bartók out so everybody can see it.
That's a good idea.
I've never seen anybody go to so much trouble to impress a date.
If you devoted so much time to Nancy, I don't see why she left.
I used to write her poems, take her to restaurants and order in French.
The waiter would bring the wrong things.
If you just leaned across and kissed her...
I tried. She used to say, "Not here, everybody's staring."
Once, my sleeve caught fire...
See, you laughed. It's funny, right?
She took it as a symbol of my clumsiness.
Tremendous poise. I'm an absolute master.
Come on in.
Allan, this is Sharon.
I've got friends on this block, right across the street.
Do you know the Gibsons? They're a fantastic couple.
- He's an interior decorator. - That's sort of a hobby of mine.
The key to it is to avoid looking like you used a decorator.
I've got to make one quick call.
- Linda, are you wearing Jasmine? - Me? No.
- What are we drinking? - J&B on the rocks.
A Harveys Bristol Cream.
I'll have the usual.
- Bourbon and water. - A bourbon man.
I got to cut down on my drinking. I'm putting away a quart a day.
This is Mr Christie, I'm no longer at 431 -5997.
I'll be at... What time did that come in?
Sharon did a movie.
- Underground. - Stag film?
Underground, you know, arty, 16mm.
- Allan is interested in cinema. - Really? What do you do?
I'm a writer. Nothing much. Film Weekly.
Articles, essays, criticisms.
This film I did got very good reviews. I got singled out.
Course, I was the only girl in it with nine men.
What's it called? Maybe I saw it.
Gang Bang.
These films have the raunchiest titles. Really, it wasn't sexy.
You were all out of bourbon so I made it straight water.
It's so humid out, I think it's going to rain.
Maybe that's why I have a headache. I get terrible sinus attacks.
You should have them drained.
That's why it's silly to go the Pier.
Could you turn the music down a little bit?
Of course.
Why go to an outdoor restaurant in the rain?
- We used to go walking in the rain. - I love the rain.
It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
Gee, Allan, you really have the delicate touch.
He's a trifle tense, he had some misfortune with his wife.
- His wife? - His ex-wife. She's gone.
- She's dead. - How awful.
She's not really dead.
Technically not dead, but we're not dating.
- She left him. - I'm sorry.
- Is he on anything? - He's been under some strain lately.
This is Mr Christie, I'm at The Hong Fat Noodle Company.
That's 824-7996.
Yeah, right. OK. Bye-bye.
What's interesting is when they eat rice with chopsticks authentically,
they bring it up to their mouths in a shovelling move with your arm.
What's the matter?
Would you excuse me a second? I'll be right back.
- She likes me. - What?
I can read women. She wants me to come on with her.
She digs me. She's playing it very coolly.
I'm going to come on with her later.
- Good night and thanks for dinner. - It's only ten o'clock.
I have a headache and I have to get up early.
- I'll walk you upstairs. - It's OK.
This city's a jungle, I better go.
If I'm not down in an hour, sublet my apartment.
You know any other girls?
I don't know if any of them are his type.
Most of the girls I know are normal.
He's just over-anxious.
As soon as she came over he went into his act.
Well, night.
You know, Sharon, a dame like you and a guy like...
How'd it go with Sharon?
Really?
I keep striking out with women and you keep laughing.
Everybody's insecure, Allan, not just you.
No, you're wrong, Dick is.
Me? Are you kidding? Ask my analyst.
- How many times a week do you go? - Three, but one is group.
Anyone in your group who'd be good for me?
Emotionally disturbed women are interesting. A pervert or something.
Jennifer? What do mean "crazy"?
It'll strictly be sex.
She's too weird for a relationship.
I don't mind just sex.
I'd prefer a girl that doesn't get hung up on me.
I definitely think we should try it.
I really appreciate this. I know it must be a drag for you.
You know who's not insecure? Bogart.
That's not real life. You set too high a standard.
If you're gonna identify, who am I gonna pick? My rabbi?
- Bogart's a perfect image. - You don't need to, you're you.
I know that you can't believe that.
Anyway, onward to Jennifer.
Allan, I won't deny it. I'm a nymphomaniac.
I discovered sex very early. I slept with everybody.
My schoolteacher, my sister's husband,
the string section of the New York Philharmonic.
I want to have sex all the time, play all the time
otherwise you're just down, and why be down?
The best way to get up is sex.
I'm not like my sisters.
They're so inhibited, they never want to do anything.
I believe in having sex as often, as freely
and as intensely as possible.
What do you take me for?
How did I misread those signs?
This stuff just knocks me out.
We're in a room that has some of the highest achievements
- of Western civilisation. - There's no girls.
Look at the Rouault. Look.
It's pretty.
If you could have any painting, what would you pick?
- A van Gogh. Any van Gogh. - Me too.
I feel a mystical attraction for van Gogh. Why is that?
I don't know. I just know he cut off his ear for a girl he loved.
That's the kind of thing you'd do for a girl.
I'd have to like her a lot.
I wonder if Dick would cut his ear off for me?
I don't think you should ask him. He's very busy.
It must be fantastic to be loved so intensely.
Why don't we split and see if there's any action at the Berkeley Museum?
There's one.
- She's great. - Go ahead, speak to her.
- No, are you kidding? - Go on.
Go on, give it a try.
That's what we're here for. Go on.
Casual.
It's a lovely Jackson Pollock.
Yes, it is.
What does it say to you?
It restates the negativeness of the universe.
The hideous, lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness.
The predicament of man forced to live in a barren, godless eternity
Iike a tiny flame flickering in an immense void
with nothing but waste, horror and degradation
forming a useless straightjacket in a black absurd cosmos.
- What are you doing Saturday? - Committing suicide.
What about Friday night?
If they're beautiful, they're crazy. Beauty drives a woman crazy.
What's he ranting about?
Why am I going to the beach? I hate the beach.
I don't like swimming or the sun.
I'm red-headed, fair-skinned. I don't tan, I stroke.
A lot of good women go to the beach at weekends.
Secretaries, receptionists.
I want a really, really, great woman.
Well, Madame Curie's dead, who else is there?
I thought you were too busy to go away.
A few guys from the office are going, I've got a few meetings.
Do you think we'll get to see you?
- I got you pencilled in for dinner. - Very funny.
- Are there spiders at the beach? - Come on!
Anything with more than two legs that walks across my chest kills me.
- We got to find him a broad. - That's for sure!
- I'm carsick. - Come on, Allan!
We're gonna drop you in the bay.
This is Mr Christie, I'm longer at 731 -071 1 .
I'll be at 885-0714. That's good for the whole weekend.
- What a terrific beach house. - Glad you like it.
Let's burn it down for the insurance.
There's a single bed in here! What happens if I get lucky?
You make love on the beach.
On the beach?
I'll be making love in the sand and the tide will come in and carry me off.
I'll score and drown at the same time.
Look at that, that is pretty. Look out there.
That's really beautiful. The fog's gonna creep in.
Look, you can see the seagulls flying over the cesspool.
This is fun. I haven't been to a place like this in a long time.
I'm getting a heart attack, I can't believe that girl.
I'm at 392-8098.
She's a doll. I'd sell my mother to the Arabs for her.
Why don't you ask her to dance?
I can't. I don't know her.
I can't stay long. I've gotta get up early to play tennis with the guys.
You wanna dance?
We can't do those dances, you have to be under 16 to look good.
I love you, miss, whoever you are. I want to have your child.
- All right, get up and do it. - No, I can't dance.
I'm scared. I had measles as a child, my body won't function.
Come on, go.
Now, start dancing. You ready? Keep count. And it's one, two...
One, two.
Right. Go ahead, say something to her.
One, two...
Try something more meaningful.
Three, four...
Speak to her.
Are you interested in dancing?
Get lost, creep.
- What did she say? - She'd rather not.
Even if we buy two more lots, we'll have to wait.
- It's cheaper to hold on to them. - The price will move.
It'll require using our current holdings as collateral.
You've got a lot going for you.
You're bright, funny and you're romantic, if you'd only believe it.
Why put on a mask every time you meet a girl?
Will we be able to build? Even in the new tax year?
Why build if the interest rate might go down?
I keep telling you,
be yourself and a girl will fall in love with you.
You've been great, spending your time with me.
- I'll tell you the truth, I'm having a ball. - Are you?
It'll make a big difference. If you're gonna pay $600 a lot...
It's a great opportunity.
You may have half a per cent more interest rate.
I got you a present cos I know it's your birthday.
How'd you know?
You mentioned the date and I remembered it.
It's the same date my mother had her hysterectomy.
It's lovely. It's beautiful.
A plastic skunk.
It's so cute and I heard you say skunks are your favourite animals.
I'm so touched.
- You like it? - I love it.
It doesn't do anything, it's just a skunk.
She liked your present better than mine.
She's usually so excited when I get her something
but all she could talk about was her skunk.
It's your imagination.
I don't know. She's moody lately.
- Cos you neglect her. - I know.
- Did she say something? - She doesn't have to.
I see the two of you together. Plus she said something.
It's nothing we haven't been through.
She's very insecure, she needs attention.
What's she insecure about? She knows I'm crazy about her.
Why, because I'm too busy now to always dote on her?
Linda's used to being fussed over.
She's always been pretty, high marks in college.
I sometimes think she married me because I didn't fawn over her.
But you must admit you're driven.
Do you know what's happening in the stock market?
- Where are we going? - There she is.
She works in my office. She just broke up with her boyfriend.
- There's too many people at the table. - Come on!
I don't want to. We'll do it later.
- What shall I say? - Ask her to dinner.
I can't. Why can't you and Linda come...
Cos I have to work late.
Julie, this is Allan Felix.
Would you like to go to dinner tonight?
- That's right to the point. - That was pretty fast!
Forgive me, I'm...
It needed tossing anyhow.
Let's go in there and get stoned and watch the freaks.
You sure you don't want to go to the movies?
Come on!
- You wanna dance? - No, thanks.
I didn't ask you, I asked her.
I don't wanna dance either.
- What the hell is this? - 7 Up.
I'm on the wagon, doctor's orders.
My hand shakes. It's like battle fatigue...
He kills me.
What's your name, honey?
- It's a nice name. - Must get her back to the orphanage.
I take her out once a year to the zoo and the circus. Excuse me.
- Sit down. - I'd love to stay but I gotta be up early.
Going to a temple, it's my people's Sabbath.
- Come here. - Chris is coming over, is he?
I want you to meet this good-looking broad.
Thanks for inviting us over.
- Just get right in here. - I love parties.
You'd look real good on the back of my chopper.
Have you fellas seen the new production of The Trojan Women?
What are you doing?
Financial reports.
Which are not fun.
Have you seen Allan around lately?
Oh, he was here before. He's out tonight.
- On a date? - Yes, I fixed him up.
You did?
Who with?
One of the girls at the office.
Which one?
- Which one is she? Do I know her? - Very sexy.
And bright. I think they'll like each other.
Is Julie the blonde one with big eyes?
Blonde, big eyes, very earthy,
wears those see-through blouses.
Every guy in the office likes her.
You think she's right for Allan?
Cos to me, she doesn't seem like the type.
- He liked her. - Really?
How do you know?
I could feel it.
- Did he say anything? - Hey, I'm trying to work.
OK, I'm sorry.
- Those guys are following us. - Don't worry, I'm a fast runner.
- Where're you going with that chick? - Don't look back.
- I'm scared. - I'll go into my fake limp.
Let's all go on a little party.
Fellas, I'm a veteran.
Get rid of this creep and I'll take you for a ride.
Take your hands off her! Did I say that?
All right, shorty, let's go...
- Your tattoo's coming off on my neck. - I'm gonna start screaming!
Don't worry, I can handle this.
Start screaming.
- Allan, is that you? - Yes.
- How'd it go? - I got into a fight.
What? You got into a fight? With who?
Some guys got tough with Julie. I had to teach them a lesson.
- Are you all right? - I'm fine.
I snapped my chin onto a guy's fist and hit one in the knee with my nose.
- Where's Julie? - She ran off with the leader.
They're getting married. It never would have worked between us.
She's Protestant, I'm Catholic, it's a great religious abyss.
- Who were these guys? - They said they were hairdressers.
- Hard to believe. - You want us to call a doctor?
No, I'm fine. I could use a three-foot Band-Aid
until the pain subsides.
She's laughing and my sex life is turning into the Petrified Forest.
Very funny.
Ten million women in the country and I can't wind up with one.
Come on, you had some laughs with Linda.
There's no pressure with Linda, I'm not trying to make her.
I'm sure if I met her on a date, we'd have no fun.
The girls I try and score with I can't get to first base.
I'm turning into the strike-out king of San Francisco.
What do you expect? I always said you were not the romantic type.
What's the matter with me, Nancy?
You're a dreamer, you're awkward, you're clumsy.
They can see how desperate you are. You've said it yourself.
Don't go by that girl tonight. I was toying with her.
Face it, you may be very sweet but you're not sexy.
Don't be so sure. You never said that when we were married.
I was thinking it.
I bet she was.
I wonder if she actually had an orgasm while we were married
or did she fake it that night?
Is this the Perry residence?
Can I speak to Marilyn?
An old friend of hers, I dated her once.
Do you remember?
I'm stunned! It was 1 1 years ago.
That's right. Short with red hair and glasses.
No, that's cleared up.
How can I get in touch with her?
Really?
She still feels that way?
It's been 1 1 years.
When did you last speak with her?
Last week.
And she specified that she didn't want you to give me the number?
I see.
OK, thank you.
Excuse me, could you tell me where Mr Felix is?
- Right through that door. - Thank you.
- Are you busy? - What are you doing here?
- I don't feel so hot. - What's wrong?
What do you have for an anxiety attack?
Everything, I'm a drugstore.
I have this throbbing in my stomach.
How do know it's anxiety and not fear?
- My stomach's jumpy. - Is it hard to breathe?
I feel frightened and I don't know why.
- I get that. - Is it fear or anxiety?
Homosexual panic.
I always get this way when Dick goes on a business trip.
He had to fly to Cleveland.
I got up, drove him to the airport
and threw up in the United Airlines terminal.
I've thrown up there.
I don't know what it is that upsets me.
Fear of separation. I had to go to Washington once,
and although I was leaving, I got sick
and when I returned, my wife threw up.
My analyst would say I'm feeling guilty because I want him to go.
I can't understand you.
You're a knockout, why are you a mass of symptoms?
Why is anybody screwed up?
I guess it happens when you're a child.
You think you're ugly, your parents divorce, you feel abandoned.
You must have the same thing.
My parents never got divorced, although I begged them to.
I know you think I'm nice, I appreciate it. It's good for my ego.
And I'm hypercritical.
I have a tendency to reject before I get rejected.
That way I save time and money.
- No date tonight? - I had a date but she called it off.
Some kind of Polish holiday.
Why don't we go out to dinner and hit a movie?
I have a better idea. Have dinner at my house.
The Big Sleep's on tonight.
Do you have anything for me to cook?
Frozen steaks and a bottle of champagne.
What are you doing with champagne?
I tried to cook to impress a girl. Beef stroganoff in the pressure cooker.
- How was it? - I don't know. It's still on the wall.
- I'll buy some stuff and bring it over. - Fabulous.
I'll get some asparagus, salad and dessert.
I love to cook but I never get a chance. Dick's always so busy.
Get a whole lot of stuff.
You can open the champagne but not just for me.
I'll have one with you but you have to put me to bed if I dance naked.
This is gonna be great. I've got a terrific rapport with Linda.
I hate to see her depressed.
It's gonna be a nice, cosy evening in. Build a little fire.
I'll get some candles, set up some atmosphere.
Open the champagne.
Women are suckers for champagne, it makes them crazy.
It makes them crazy? What the hell am I talking about here?
This is Linda, Dick's wife.
So, you finally fell in love with her?
- I just got carried away for a minute. - You don't have to feel guilty.
Over what? Two lonely people with lots in common have dinner together.
- We're platonic friends. - That's not how she thinks of you.
- How can you tell? - Does she have to attack you?
Don't get those candles, they're for a Jewish holiday!
- She's my friend's wife. - She'll tell Dick and he'll beat you up.
- She loves you, not him. - He's not romantic.
- He could be. - Don't listen to him.
- Don't listen to her. - We're in a supermarket.
Get a grip on yourself, she's married.
And to your best friend.
They're never gonna get a divorce either.
Why can't I ever get a break?
I'd like you to do me a favour.
I've fallen in love with another woman, it just happened.
We're going to live in Alaska, she's an Eskimo.
I thought perhaps while I'm gone, you'd look after Linda.
- Of course. - Well, I'm off to Alaska.
If you need me, I'll be at Frozen Tundra 69290.
I'm so tense. I don't know what's wrong.
She'll be here any second.
She is always complimenting me.
I know she likes me but does she like me that way?
What the hell? I could test her.
I could make an advance.
What could possibly go wrong?
- Don't! - It was meant to be.
Take your hands off me. Are you crazy?
- Linda, my love. - I'm a married woman. Rape!
Let's not get carried away.
I'm not an appealing guy.
The thought that Linda could fall for me,
I'm kidding myself.
Where the hell is she anyhow?
By now she could have had her steak and been out of here.
I feel so light, that lithium I took today is really working.
Maybe you'd better not have any champagne.
No, if I get carried away, you can always call the police.
- How long is Dick away for? - He's back tomorrow.
There's a new Truffaut film, we should go see it.
Come on, we're all set for here.
Besides, it's starting to rain and that great lda Lupino movie's on.
She's married but gets involved with her husband's best friend.
- How does it end? - She kills the men.
- Let's go out. - No, I really want to see the movie.
It's a fascinating theme. Do you think it is possible to love two people at once?
- What do you mean? - A wife, happily married,
suddenly finds she loves another man.
Not that she doesn't love her husband just that she loves somebody else.
Do you think that's possible?
- Do you? - Very.
Very possible and probably very common.
Love is such a strange phenomenon.
Strange and exquisite.
- Go ahead, make your move. - No, I can't.
- Take her and kiss her. - Is anything wrong?
She wants it. Hurry, before she moves out of position.
- Kiss her, kid. - I'll do the potatoes.
Well, kid, you blew it.
I can't do it.
How's it look? I invite her over and come on like a sex degenerate.
You're getting carried away. You think too much, just do it.
We're platonic friends.
I can't spoil that by coming on. She'll slap my face.
I've had my face slapped plenty.
But your glasses don't go flying across the room.
-You're gonna disappoint her. - I can't.
Here we are, you can start on this.
Did you read that another Oakland woman was raped?
I was nowhere near Oakland!
- Do they know who did it? - No idea. He must be very clever.
You must be on the ball to rape so many women and get away with it.
If anybody tried to rape me, I'd just pretend to go along with it
and then grab a heavy object and let him have it.
That is unless I was enjoying it.
They say it's every woman's secret desire.
I guess it depends on who's doing the raping.
Why dwell on morbid subjects? Odds are you'll never get raped.
Not with my luck.
I feel so light.
That drink is going right to my head. I'm floating.
- Go ahead, kiss her. - I can't.
- She's ready. - How can you be sure?
- Believe me, I'm sure. - She'll pull back.
She's sitting and waiting. Now, don't screw up.
Right, I'll try but I'm gonna go slow.
If she screams, I'll pretend it was a joke.
She'd better laugh.
The phone!
Yes, she's here.
She came over before. I was going out, I had a Polish date.
It's for you, it's from Cleveland.
- Are you upset? - The ring startled me.
I want her out, I'm gonna cause an international incident!
- Hello, darling. - She loves him. I'm kidding myself.
Relax. You're as nervous as Elizabeth Scott was before I blew her brains out.
All you got to do is make your move.
This is crazy. We'll all wind up in The National Enquirer.
OK, goodbye.
Yes, I will.
Dick sounded down. I think he's having trouble in Cleveland.
How come he never takes you with him on these trips?
I'm afraid to fly. My analyst says it's an excuse.
He never asks me along, though.
Maybe he's got something going on the side.
- Would that bother you? - Sure. But not if I didn't know.
I know it'd hurt Dick if you ever had a casual affair with anyone.
I don't think I could have a casual affair.
No, I don't take those things lightly.
If I fell for another man, it'd have to be more than just a fling.
I'd have feel something more serious. Are you shaking?
Just chilly.
It's not very cold.
Anyway, I'm not the type for an affair.
I couldn't take the excitement.
Besides, I'm not glamorous enough.
You're uncommonly beautiful.
When I go out with you and all those beautiful girls,
I feel like life has passed me by.
I should be selling chocolate at Fannie Farmer.
Those girls are not in your league.
Keep talking, you're saving my life. I have such an inferiority complex.
You're doing very well. Now kiss her.
- Please! - You built up to it beautifully.
- I don't have the nerve. - Tell her she's beautiful.
- I just told her. - Again.
You really are an unusually beautiful person.
- I don't know what to say... - You're exceptionally beautiful.
You're uncommonly beautiful, unusually beautiful...
All right!
It's been so long since anybody said that.
- Move closer to her. - How close?
The length of your lips.
- That's very close. - Come on, move.
Now what?
Tell her that she moves something in you that you can't control.
- You're kidding! - Go ahead.
- It's corny. - She'll love it.
Fred Astaire looks great in tails, I don't.
Leave Fred Astaire out of this and say something.
- I've loved our time together. - So have l.
All right? I don't want to use your line.
You're doing fine, kid.
Now, tell her she has the most irresistible eyes you've ever seen.
You have the most eyes I've ever seen on any person.
- Your... - Your hand is trembling.
- That's because you're near. - Pardon?
Tell her that!
That's because you're near.
You really know what to say, don't you?
Now, tell her that you've met a lot of dames
but she is really something special.
- That she won't believe. - Oh, no?
I have met a lot of dames
but you are really something special.
Really?
She bought it!
Put your right hand around her shoulders and pull her close.
- I can't. - Go on!
I'll try.
Now, get ready for the big move and do exactly as I tell you.
I warned you to leave my ex-husband alone.
I guess I better fix the steaks.
Your eyes...
are like two thick steaks.
Don't!
- I'll pay for the lamp. - I think I love you.
No, I insist on paying for the lamp.
- Forget the lamp. - I'm so clumsy. Take $10.
Forget the damn lamp. Give me $5, we'll call it even.
- Don't! - You're making a mistake.
I was joking. I was just testing you. It was a platonic kiss.
- I think I'd better go home. - You're making a mistake.
- I should go. - If you think I would...
Allan, I'll be fine.
I attacked her. I'm a vicious jungle beast.
She's panicky. When she gets home, she'll be hysterical.
What am I gonna tell Dick? She'll probably go to the police.
What did I do? I'm not Bogart, I never will be.
I'm a disgrace to my sex.
I should get a job at an Arabian palace as a eunuch.
That's the vice squad.
Did you say you loved me?
I still can't believe it.
I haven't slept that well in years.
Is it noon yet?
No, it's seven.
Seven?
I didn't realise it was so early.
- You were fantastic last night in bed. - Thanks.
- How do you feel now? - I think the Pepto-Bismol helped.
What were you thinking about while we were doing it?
Willie Mays.
You always think of baseball players when you make love?
It keeps me going.
I couldn't figure out why you kept yelling "slide".
It'll probably be best if you told Dick.
What'll I say?
It could happen and it happened. It's not your fault or my fault.
You felt like a woman last night and I felt like a man.
And that's what those kind of people do.
But we can't sneak around and have an affair. It's so cheap.
You know, you've got to be honest with him.
You just have to tell him the two of you have grown apart
and you and I have fallen in love.
- That's if you love me. - I do.
Then we have to tell him the truth.
I'm so tense.
I can tell him. I've known him longer than you have.
- No, I'd prefer to do it. - Maybe you'd better do it.
Tell him what?
Tell him that the two of us are right for each other
and that may be he ought to think about getting his stuff and moving out.
Maybe you move in with me for a while.
As long as we handle this in a mature way.
As long as I'm mature about it, you're mature about it,
both of us are mature, we can achieve a certain maturation
that guarantees maturiosity.
You're mature, Allan, and very wise.
The key to wiseness is maturiositude.
Why is it always so complicated?
Lean on me, baby.
Lean on me.
If you want me, I'll be home having an anxiety attack.
Well, kid, she loves you.
Why not? I was dynamite in bed last night.
That lucky girl. I gave her my best moves.
Excuse me, I want to take a look at the music box in the window.
There's a nice, brown, small music box.
- What are you doing here? - I was calling, didn't you hear?
No, I was thinking about some stuff.
- Still daydreaming. How are you? - OK. How are you?
I just got back from New York. I'm gonna move back there.
Is that so?
I don't know what to say!
So, what are you doing?
You know, the usual. Going to the movies and...
staring off into space.
Are you seeing someone?
I mean, I go out but...
How are Dick and Linda?
She's fine. Just... I wouldn't know.
You're in better spirits than when I left.
I am. You got me on an up-day.
Is this the music box you wanted?
It's pretty.
I need to keep my paperclips in something so... You know?
I have an appointment with the diet doctor.
You don't seem overweight to me.
Let's not have that argument again.
Right.
- Bye. - So long. It was nice seeing you.
Thanks. You, too.
I was real cool.
Why not? She never understood me.
I'm complicated. I think Linda understands that.
Linda finds me exciting.
Dick'll understand.
Because of our social encounters a romance has developed.
It's natural among sophisticated people.
- You sent for me? - Yes. Drink? Scotch?
- Fine. - Soda? Linda and I are in love.
Just as well. My doctor says I have two months to live.
- Good. Then you don't mind? - Not a bit.
Dick and I have been through a lot together.
He's my best friend. This is terrible. This is gonna hurt him, I know it.
How could they? My wife and my best friend.
I loved her. And I loved him.
Why didn't I see it coming?
Me, who had the foresight to by Polaroid at 8.5.
Dick is an emotional guy.
He's liable to... God knows what? Kill himself or something.
Kill himself? What might he do to you?
You take a guy's wife, you humiliate him...
You've seen enough ltalian movies. And Dick's got a temper.
You're supposed to be in Cleveland.
I had to come home. I got to talk to you.
I got a problem.
What do you mean?
I think Linda's having an affair.
I called her at home, she's not there.
Recently, she's been distant, distracted.
Little things only a husband would notice.
I don't understand it. You've seen her a lot lately, she's changed.
The other night she spoke about having an affair in her sleep.
- Did she mention any names? - Only yours.
When I woke her, she said it was just a nightmare.
I keep trying to think of who it could be.
It's got to be someone I don't know, someone she met through work.
An agent or ad executive, a photographer, maybe an actor.
- Don't get upset. - I love her.
If she leaves me, I'll kill myself.
Since when are you so emotional?
I've never been in love with anyone before.
If I find out who the guy is, I'll kill him.
I've neglected her and now she's involved with some stud.
If I haven't already lost her, I'm really gonna make it up to her.
I'm gonna change.
I'm gonna make her life with me fun and exciting
cos without her, it wouldn't be worth living.
I was up all night thinking, "I'm losing her. Too bad, I'll survive."
Then I panicked and called her. She was out.
Where the hell did she stay?
- Calm yourself. - I've got to find her.
I've got to beg her forgiveness before it's too late.
I want her to get on that plane with me back to Cleveland.
I want to hear her laugh and speak.
I want to pamper her, take care of her.
Sorry for carrying on like this
but you're the only friend who'd understand.
I understand.
Look, Allan, if she calls, will you tell her I've got to talk to her?
Tell her I'll see her at home.
- OK, I'll tell her. - Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
How can I break up his home? He's crazy about her.
I never realised how much. He never realised how much.
Hello, Linda?
I'm in the middle of a conversation. I'll call you back.
Don't...
So that's really it?
Linda, I have to speak to you. Have you told him anything yet?
- Who is that? ls that him? - This is Allan.
- Allan, I'll speak to you later. - Don't hang up!
Listen, this is urgent... You sound terrible.
Excuse me.
That wasn't her.
I just hope you know what you're doing.
Is it all right? ls the coast clear? Can I speak?
- I ought to be in Cleveland. - No, wait.
Say... Just answer in...
I'll speak to you later.
I don't believe this.
The airport.
I've got to speak to her before she says anything to him.
- The Christies just left for the airport. - Together?
One right after the other.
Taxi!
I'll tell her it's over, that's all. It was fun but we lost our heads.
What if it's too late? What if Linda's really hooked on me?
Once a woman's been made love to by somebody who can do it great...
I was incredible last night in bed.
I never once had to sit up and consult the manual.
Love is very different for a woman, it's a complicated phenomenon.
I've never broken off with a girl before.
- You said you loved me. - Take it gracefully.
But the time we've spent together, the closeness.
You mean too much to me, I can't let you go.
- I 'm sorry. - Sorry? You think I'm some play-toy?
- What can I say? - Give me the letter.
- What? - Give me the letter.
- There is no letter. - I want it.
You're going crazy. Don't pull the trigger. I'm a bleeder!
Pull yourself together, kid. You should feel encouraged.
When you weren't being phoney, you got a good dame to fall for you.
You thought you couldn't make it with dames.
- And now I've got to end it. - It's not that hard, kid. Watch.
- Come here, sweetheart. - Yes, darling?
- It's over. - What is?
- Us. - Over?
- Over. Kaput. - That simple?
- That's right. - Supposing I say no?
- Won't do you any good. - And will this?
Come off it, sugar. You never could use a rod.
But why does it have to end before it can begin?
Because you play too rough for me.
You killed Johnson. Parker found out so you killed him too.
Then you wanted to finish me off.
You couldn't do it when I was facing you so you wanted me to turn around.
Now, let's go. You're taking the fall.
That's all there is to it.
For you because you're Bogart.
Everybody is at certain times.
You're doing something I didn't think you could.
You're passing up a real tomato because you don't want to hurt a guy.
If I did that, there wouldn't be a dry eye.
But I'm heartbroken over it.
All the more reason to feel proud of it.
- You think so? - Sure.
Listen, kid, there's other things in life besides dames.
One of them is to know you did the right thing for a pal.
Think it over.
- What gate is the flight to Cleveland? - Gate 15.
- Where's the plane to Cleveland? - Gate 15.
- Wait. - What are you doing here?
- I've something important to tell you. - So do l.
Do you realise what a wonderful thing has happened?
The most beautiful thing has happened right under our noses.
We've had a wonderful experience. Doesn't that surprise you?
You didn't have to leave books lying around,
you didn't have to have on the proper music.
I even saw you in your underwear with the days of the week on them.
- We have to call it quits. - Yes, I know.
- Pardon me? - Suddenly things became very clear.
And when I asked myself if I really wanted to break off my marriage,
the answer was no. I love Dick.
Although someone as wonderful as you is very tempting,
- I can't imagine life without him. - You can't?
He needs me. In some unexplainable way, I need him.
I know he needs you.
This is the first time I've been affected by anyone besides Dick.
I'm already in love with you.
Unless we stop now, I won't be able to go back to him.
I don't regret a moment of what's happened
because it's reaffirmed my feelings for Dick.
Linda, I understand, really.
Sure? You're not just saying that to make things easy?
I'm saying it because it's true.
We both know you belong to Dick. You're part of his work.
If that plane leaves and you don't, you'll regret it.
Maybe not today or tomorrow but soon and for the rest of your life.
That's beautiful.
It's from Casablanca.
I waited my whole life to say it.
I thought I saw you here. What's going on?
You should know something before you two leave.
Us? You're coming with me?
Nobody owes me any explanations.
I'm going to anyway because it may mean something later on.
You said you thought Linda was having an affair.
But she was at my house when you called.
She came over to baby-sit with me because I was lonely. Right?
Over the past weeks I've fallen in love with her.
I hoped she felt the same way but all she could talk about was you.
- I understand, Allan. - I hope you do.
We better be going.
I'll call you, Allan.
That was great.
You've really developed yourself a little style.
I do have a certain amount of style, don't l?
I guess you won't be needing me any more.
There's nothing I can tell you now that you don't already know.
I guess that's so. I guess the secret's not being you, it's being me.
True, you're not too tall and kinda ugly
but I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
Here's looking at you, kid.
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