大家好 Welcome.
在幾個月之前 Now, a couple of months ago,
我們仨坐在一起 認真的思考了一下 we were sitting around, wondering what we should do
想一想我們季終集能拍點什麼 for this, the last programme in the series.
沒錯 我說我們應該造一輛能當航空母艦的車 Yeah. I said we should build a car that's also an aircraft carrier.
是的 我說我們應該向宇宙裡發射一輛汽車 Yeah, I wanted to fire a car into space.
因為這倆人的計劃實在是太"雄心壯志" But then we decided that what we should actually do,
我們隨後決定了我們要做的事: because neither of those things were ambitious enough,
終結世界饑荒 was end world hunger.
沒錯 這是個大活兒 Yeah. It's a big job.
這可不是我們能花上20分鐘時間乾正事 Yeah, it's not the sort of thing that we could achieve in 20 minutes
之後還請幾個嘉賓穿插其中來隨便聊聊天 就能解決的問題 with a couple of guests and a bit of idle chit-chat in-between.
沒錯 我們需要一整集的時間 No. We were going to need the whole show.
所以請各位坐好 So settle back now
我們把本周的GT迷你特輯帶往了 一個美麗但深受貧窮困擾的國家 as we take The Grand Tour on a mini special to the poverty-stricken but beautiful country
莫桑比克 of Mozambique.
這是莫桑比克的西部村莊 賓果 This is the village of Bingo in the west of the country.
這裡的人們雖說沒挨餓 The people here are not starving,
但都非常貧困 but they are very poor.
耶穌為這裡的人們安排了悲慘的"粥"作為食物 Jesus here has to exist on a diet of miserable gruel,
對於那些住在紐約或倫敦的蠢富婆們來說倒是沒啥 which is fine for silly rich women in London and New York.
*這幫"蠢富婆"們崇尚有機自然的飲食 甚至是素食 這種吃法經常會鼓搗出各種味道詭異的蔬菜沙拉 或者是蔬菜汁
但這種食物卻讓精力充沛的非洲人民 非常難過 But food like this makes the average red-blooded African man very sad.
不過說來也奇怪 因為就在320公里之外 And that's odd, because just 200 miles away
情況就大不相同了 things are very different.
這裡是莫桑比克的首都 馬普托 This is Mozambique's capital city, Maputo.
這裡的人們營養豐富 並且非常開心 And the people here are well-nourished and happy
因為他們臨海而居 because they live by the ocean...
...不缺魚吃 ...which is full of fish.
這就使我們不禁思考 And that got us wondering.
這事兒能有多難... How hard can it be...
把這裡的魚獲 運到我們之前看過的那個村子那裡 ...to get the fish from here to that village we were looking at earlier?
是啊 要知道這可不是個很富裕的國家 Yeah. Now, this isn't a very wealthy country.
-實際上 是一個貧窮國家 -非常貧困 -In fact, it's a poor country. -Desperately poor.
沒錯 因此他們並沒有冷藏卡車這類的運輸設備 Desperately poor. So they don't have refrigerated trucks, all that kind of stuff.
話是沒錯 但我們在討論的可是320公里的距離啊 這都夠倫敦到利茲了 No, but we're talking about 200 miles. That's London to Leeds, isn't it?
根本就是不可能啊 It's nothing to get this there.
我跟你講 當我們解決了這個問題 I'm telling you, when we get this sorted out,
把海邊的魚運到賓果之後 when we move these fish to Bingo,
我們會獲得諾貝爾獎的 there'll be Nobel Prizes in it for us.
-那我就成了布特羅斯·布特羅斯-梅了 -是的 -And I'd be Boutros Boutros-May. -Yes.
*布特羅斯·布特羅斯-加利 聯合國第六任秘書長
那我就是潘基哈蒙德 And I'd be Ban Ki-Hammond.
*潘基文 聯合國第八任秘書長
-啥? 哦 潘基文 -沒錯 -What? Oh, Ban Ki. -Yeah.
-我就要被授予騎士頭銜了 -那太好了 乾吧 -I'm gonna go for a knighthood... -Do it. Why not?
-...虐暴貝克漢姆 -肯定不錯 -...beat David Beckham to it. -That'd go down well.
不幸的是 儘管我們同意用運輸海鮮的方式 Unfortunately, having agreed that we would end world hunger
來終結世界饑荒 by moving fish across Mozambique,
但我們卻沒能在運輸方式上達成一致 we couldn't agree on how this might be achieved.
於是我們就分頭尋找各自的解決方案 So we ended up with different solutions.
這就是我找來的車 一輛1984年的奔馳旅行車 This is what I came up with - a 1984 Mercedes wagon,
一款在非洲以驚人的可靠性聞名的汽車 a car famous throughout Africa for its rugged dependability.
然而 我大幅改裝了這輛車 However, I have modified it extensively.
在我身後 所有的空間 都被一個有機玻璃魚缸占滿了 In the back, filling up all of the back, is a Perspex tank.
我要在這裡充滿海水 What I'm going to do is fill that with sea water
然後把魚扔進去 and then put the fishes in there
這樣在我向內陸移動的時候 and they will stay alive
魚依舊是活的 as I make my way inland.
你找不到比還在海里游著的魚更加新鮮的魚了 Now, you can't get fish fresher than fishes that are still swimming around in the sea.
我這招很機智 I have been clever.
非常機智 Very clever.
但也沒我機智 Not as clever as me.
因為這是我有生以來第一次 Because for the first time in my entire life,
嘗試用理智去解決問題 我選擇了它 I've made a sensible decision. I've gone for this.
這是一輛日產以我的名字命名的車 It's a pick-up truck that Nissan named after me.
它叫Hardbody It's called the Hardbody.
*Hardbody 體格健壯者 Hardbody是一款日產從1955年就開始製造的經濟型皮卡車 銷售範圍遍及全球 它的現任車型Frontier和Navara納瓦拉 依舊在全球範圍內被大量生產銷售
我這車後面有無盡的空間留給鱈魚 鯉魚和棘魚啥的 It's got tons of space in the back for cod and bream and sticklebacks.
並且它還有四輪驅動 我認為這個很重要 And it has four-wheel drive, which I reckon is going to be essential,
因為 船長都沒想到這個 because - and James hasn't realised this -
現在可是莫桑比克的雨季啊 it's the rainy season in Mozambique,
我猜這裡的路估計會比較...慘 so I reckon the roads are gonna be... hell.
與此同時 哈蒙德 就不那麼機智了 Hammond, meanwhile, hadn't been clever at all.
你們覺得咋樣? What do you think of that?
-額 我覺得這是...摩托車 -沒錯 -Well, I think it's a... motorcycle. -Yes, it is.
具體來講 這是一輛TVS Star HLX E5摩托車 Specifically, it's a TVS Star HLX E5
我剛從超級市場買來的全新車 and I've just bought this brand new from a supermarket
只要八百塊 for 800 quid.
*按翻譯製作時匯率 約合7152塊人民幣
帶商標的引擎罩 Brand spankers.
哈蒙德 這可不是啥高質量產品啊 Hammond, this is not a quality item.
這東西就是為了便宜造的 你也能感覺到 It's built down to a budget, isn't it? You can feel that.
這東西有1000cc? Is it a 1,000cc?
-不 100cc -啥? -No, 100. -What?
-只有100cc -那有幾個氣缸? 4個? -100cc. -How many cylinders? Four?
-一個 -一個? -One. -One?
-就那一個 -那它有多少馬力? -That one. -So how much horsepower has it got?
-七 -只有七匹馬力? -Seven. Seven. -Seven?
但它很輕 很靈活 But it's light, it's agile.
這東西其實是印度造的 These things are actually built in India
專為非洲使用情況打造的 specifically to be used in Africa.
真的 They are!
這是在印度製造的 專為非洲使用的... They're built in India specifically for use in Africa...
這東西太慘了 印度人都用不想用 It's too poor to be used in India.
我能懂為啥印度人不想要這玩意 I can see why the Indians don't want it.
它很皮實 堅固 如果需要越野的話它也能行 It's rugged, it's tough, it can go off-road if we need to.
-它什麼都能幹 -但是它不能做的事 哈蒙德 -It can do anything. -But what it can't do, Hammond,
就是運輸大量的魚啊 is transport a large amount of fish.
我也是這麼認為的 如果我要送披薩外賣 Exactly what I was thinking. If I wanted a pizza delivery,
那這東西倒是對... this is the sort of thing...
我都思考過了 讓我解釋一下 I've thought about this. Let me explain my idea.
這就是我機智的地方 當地人在那邊風乾釣上來的魚 This is my genius. What they do here is dry the fish in the wind
因為這樣魚能長久保存下來 cos it lasts longer.
-那是魚嗎? -沒錯 正在風中風乾呢 -Is that fish? -That's fish, drying in the wind.
-看上去像貓啊 -不 那是魚 -It looks like cats. -No, it's fish!
我也要裝一個那樣的架子 在摩托車後面 I'm gonna build a rack like that, fit it to the back,
我一邊走 一邊風乾魚 and then I'll dry the fish as I go along.
多天才啊 It's brilliant!
這簡直是我聽過的最蠢的主意了 That is literally the stupidest idea I've ever heard of.
那你打算怎麼辦 把魚往皮卡後邊一扔 然後看著它們爛掉麼 What are you gonna do, sling your fish in your pick-up and watch them rot?
啊 不 實際上 我有一個計劃 Ah! No. Actually, I have a plan on that.
不過我需要你倆的幫助 But I do need your help.
傑瑞米的計劃 就是在一個伸指不見五手的夜晚 溜進一家酒店偷東西 Jeremy's plan was to break into a hotel in the dead of night and do a burglary.
你得... 你得傾斜一下 You're not gonna... You're gonna have to tilt it!
必須傾斜一下才能移動啊 You're gonna have to tilt it!
好 往後一點 Right, back!
搞定 There!
-這東西為啥這麼沉 -安靜 -Why is it so heavy? -Ssh!
這裡頭零件很多唄 There's a lot of gubbins in it.
第二天早上 我們在海邊集合 The next morning, we all met up on the beach
我要把酒店專用的造冰機裝在Hardbody皮卡上 and I set about fitting the hotel's ice machine to my Hardbody.
好 我需要一桶水放在造冰機上面 Right, so I need a bucket of water above the height of the stolen ice machine
這樣造冰機才能獲得原材料 把水變成冰 from which the Solenoid ice machine can get the supply that it can convert into ice.
贊 Oh, yeah.
發電機就位 Generator in place.
水箱就位 Water tank in place.
與此同時 哈蒙德正在搭他的曬魚架 Meanwhile, Hammond was building his fish rack...
而老梅頭則要給他的奔馳水族館 灌滿海水 ...and May was filling his Macquarium with sea water.
你的車裝滿水之後要多出多少重量? How much is your car going to weigh when it's full?
大概七百吧 An extra 700.
-噸嗎? -千克 -Tons? -No, kilograms.
-所以就是多了0.7噸了 -沒錯 -So it's at 0.7 of a ton... -Yeah, extra.
-多出來的重量 而且他還把車停在了... -沙灘上 潮濕的沙灘上 -Extra. And he's parked it... -On sand. Wet sand.
-潮濕的沙子 -但是魚可是沒多沉啊 -Wet sand. -But the fish aren't heavy.
輪胎 你看他的輪胎 Tyre. Look at the tyre.
絕對是漲潮了 The tide is definitely coming in.
隨著印度洋一點一點的灌進他的車尾 With the Indian Ocean nibbling at his back end,
船長的魚缸終於滿了 James's tank was eventually full.
我需要盡快離開這裡 你們倆都躲開點 I need to get this going as quick as possible. You lot out of the way!
他肯定成不了 He's not gonna do it.
該死 Bollocks!
我需要拖車 拖我走 I need a tow! Tow!
你先自己試試 Try!
臣妾做不到啊 我只有104匹馬力 It won't do it. It's only got 104 horsepower.
用你的皮卡 Get the truck!
用你的四驅車拖我 求你了 Get your four-by-four, please,
幫我走出這20米 and tow me the first 20 yards.
這就是你選那車的原因啊 趕緊的 That's what you've got it for! Get it in front!
他對我吼 He's really shouting at me.
我就不想搭理吼我的 我喜歡冷靜 I don't respond well to shouting. I like calmness.
-你能幫我嗎 -可以 -Can you help? -Yep.
-又咋地了 -我需要拖車 -What's the matter? -I want a tow!
你有四驅車 開過來 把我拖出去 You've got a four-by-four. Put it there. Just tow me a bit.
我幫你偷了那台造冰機 I helped you nick the ice-making machine.
你也幫我點忙好不好 你還是站在那不動手啊 Do something in return. You're still not doing it!
我明明就有幫忙 I am.
這可是我在救船長 This is me saving James May.
不太理想 但... It's not ideal, but...
傑瑞米 他準備好了 Jeremy, he's ready!
繼續走 Keep going!
這噪音是什麼鬼 What is that noise?
是我的變速箱啊 That's my gearbox.
不 不 停啊 No, no! Stop!
你個二貨 Oh, you pillock!
哈蒙德 我的車發出了很不好的噪音 Hammond, there's a really bad noise...
我正好把他放在了下水道的位置那 I dropped him right where the sewage is.
-乾得好 -剛才有一陣特別糟糕的聲音 -OK. -There's a terrible noise.
從我的檔把底下傳出來的 coming from the bottom of my gear lever
就剛才拖他負重的時候 when it's underload, pulling him.
-那能是什麼聲音? -金屬撞擊的聲音... -What is that? -That clicking metallic--
-你聽見了吧 -是啊 聽見了 -Could you hear it? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
不知道 真的猜不到 Dunno. Honestly don't know.
我謝謝你拖我出來 但是你應該溫柔一點的 Thank you. But you were supposed to do it gently.
-我一直在跟你喊輕點 -我的車壞了 -That's what I was shouting. -My car is broken.
-這... -我的車可沒壞 -Well... -Mine's not, fortunately.
-這是怎麼回事 -你幹的啊 -How did that happen? -You did it.
你可能把他的散熱器給戳了個洞 我還沒細看 You might have holed his radiator. We haven't had a look yet.
-當我說"停"的時候 你反而還加速 -是啊 就是這樣 -When I said "Stop", you accelerated. -Yeah, that did happen.
我那快散架的變速箱發出的噪音 The noise of my disintegrating gearbox
蓋過了你的聲音 was drowning you out.
我又不知道你的變速箱快散架了 I didn't know your gearbox was disintegrating.
-現在知道了 -散熱器和風扇都沒事 -It is now. -Radiator and fan are OK.
-肯定是啊 我倒車的時候都計算好了 -是麼呵呵 -I knew they were. I judged it to perfection. -Course you did.
在我們把船長"穿"在身上的水重新填滿之後 Once we'd replaced the water James was now wearing,
我們就準備好去抓魚了 we were ready to go and catch some fish,
使用一些我們真心看不太懂的技巧 using local methods that we didn't really understand.
就我們所知的捕魚知識 我們讓船長下水 So far as we could tell, we had to put James in the sea
手裡拿著繩子的一頭 with one end of the rope,
而我和哈蒙德則邊划船 and then Hammond and I had to row about,
一邊把漁網撒下去 dropping off a net as we went.
劃啊 And pull!
我的天啊 Jesus Christ!
這是個意外啊 There's been an accident!
趕緊划船啊 你們兩個無所事事的混蛋 Row the boat, you idle sods!
等一下 我們... Hold on, James, we'll be...
當地人就是這麼幹的 This is how they do it here.
不對 好像劃反了 應該是另一邊 No, that's the wrong way. Gotta go the other way.
哦 我* 我站錯邊了 Oh, shit, I'm on the wrong side!
轉過來 啊 我* Turn it. Oh (BLEEP) hell!
就在我和鼴鼠正尷尬的尋找節奏時... As Hammond and I were struggling to get into a rhythm...
等一下 船槳掉出去了 Hang on, hang on. The oar's come out.
並且 我們發現 印度洋也並沒有那麼深 ...and, as it turned out, the Indian Ocean wasn't that deep...
大海都哪裡去了 Where has all the sea gone?
我們決定推著船走 ...we decided to push the boat instead.
從現在起 每時每刻我們都是在打漁 Any minute now we're going to start fishing.
我認為這種方式真的可行 I think this might actually be working.
如果他們倆能順利的划船回到這裡 If they can just get themselves back to here,
這樣我們就形成了包圍網 we've got two ends of a net,
往回一拉就有魚啦 pull it in full of fish.
啊 我* Arg! Shit!
我把自己纏漁網上了 I've caught myself in the net!
我* Oh, shit!
這場災難之後... After this calamity...
-哈蒙德 抓住啊 -做不到啊 -Hammond, get it! -I can't get it!
...我們最終認為還是待在船上更好一些 ...we decided that we'd be better off in the boat after all.
很快我們就把船劃回了船長身邊 And soon we'd worked our way back to James.
-我的天 -加把勁啊 -God! -Come on!
我們這就來了 放下船錨 We're coming. Right, anchor.
好的 正在放 Right. Dropping anchor.
我們要做的就是 把漁網放下去 What we do is, we pull it in,
然後隨著漁網向我們逐漸收緊時 and then, as the net comes towards us...
把水裡的魚都撈上來 ...it fills up with fish.
所以那是漁網的另一頭嗎 So is that the other end of it?
這是我手裡的那頭 起始點 This is my end, the beginning end.
-那另一頭哪去了 -在你船的後邊啊 -Where's the other end? -At the back of your boat.
這是另外一頭嗎 對吧 This is the other end, isn't it?
等一下 不對 這才是另外一頭 Hold on. No, wait. This is the other end.
但是這怎麼還有一頭呢 But that's also the other end.
我手裡也有一頭 This is the other end!
當我們發現手上的繩索邪門的有三個頭之後 Once we'd established that somehow our rope had three ends,
我們就開始收網了 we began hauling in the net.
大家好好看看大自然的饋贈喲 Behold the sparkling treasure of the seas!
我們所做的事 不僅是解決地球上的饑荒問題 What we've achieved - not only solving world hunger
同時還要在一天裡熟練掌握捕魚技術 but mastering fishing in a single day.
你們見過U2的波諾幹這個嗎 Have you ever seen Bono do this?
-安吉麗娜·朱莉呢? -沒有 -Angelina Jolie? -No.
他們兩人都是以熱心慈善事業而聞名 Both of them well respected for their charitable work.
我可沒見過他們倆下海親手收漁網啊 I haven't seen them in the sea hauling nets.
貝克漢姆也是 Or David Beckham.
終於 我們的魚獲上船了 Eventually our catch was on board.
我們打上來八條魚 還有一條上船之後跑了 We've got eight plus one that got out in the boat.
並且 雪上加霜的是... And, to make matters worse...
一場很大的暴風雨要來了 There's a big squall coming.
是啊 我都能看到了 Yep, I can see it. That'll be it.
啊 局面變得有點混亂了 Urgh! It's getting quite hairy out here now.
都上船了 We're all on board.
這船可沒法劃著走啊 You can't row in this.
如果我們把船錨收起來 If we lift up the anchor,
海風會直接把我們吹上岸的 the wind will blow us onto the shore.
那挺好的 That's good.
或者 我們被吹到馬達加斯加 Or we might just miss it and end up in Madagascar.
或者 索馬裡 Or Somalia.
-是啊 -馬達加斯加啥樣啊? -Yeah. -What's Madagascar like?
-肯定比索馬裡好啊 -那倒是 -Better than Somalia. -Yeah.
鑒於我們可能會被吹到海盜綁匪手裡的可能性 Faced with the prospect of being kidnapped by pirates...
我們勇敢地決定拋棄借來的漁船 ...we bravely decided to abandon the boat we'd borrowed
以及釣上來的大魚 and the fish we'd caught,
然後蹭攝製組的船返航了 and hitch a ride back to the harbour with the film crew.
哦 我的天 Oh, bollocks!
然而第二天 情況逐漸好轉了起來 The next day, though, things started to look up.
我們今天早上起來打漁去了 We went off fishing this morning,
在攝影師們起床之前出去的 before the camera crews were up,
我們今天早上可以說是大獲成功啊 and we've had a much more successful morning, much more.
這就是我們的勝利果實 This is the result.
純靠自己的手抓來的劍魚啊 I caught the dorado by hand, in fact.
還挺激烈的 我親眼所見的呢 That was quite a wrestling match. I remember watching that.
這是我抓到的魚 所有都是我抓的 I was hauling these in at the time, all of them.
無論如何 我們現在有了很多魚 親手抓的魚 Anyway, we've got a lot of fish that we caught ourselves,
沒帶攝製組 今天早上出去抓的 without the crew, early this morning.
現在就要把這些魚裝進我們的運輸車裡了 And now it was time to load them into our fish transportation vehicles.
這是一條章魚 看 That is an octopus, look.
你都能看清它的臉 You can see its face,
當船長抓到它時 臉上的那份驚恐 快看 the surprise from when James wrestled it. Look at that.
來點芝士汁 搞一個法式焗烤 With a cheese sauce, got a thermidor going on right there.
海鮮們將濕潤又新鮮地被送往賓果 They will be kept succulent and fresh for the journey to Bingo.
好 快來吧小兄弟 進到叔叔的水缸裡來 Right, come on, matey. In the big tank.
你會跟你的朋友們一樣喜歡的 You'll like it with your mates.
咕嘿嘿 快看啊 Hey, hey, hey! Look at that!
對不起啊 小兄弟 Sorry, mate. Sorry.
實在抱歉 渾身是沙子 Sorry. Oh, he's sandy.
該死的 Oh, bollocks.
給它沖洗乾淨 好的 I'll rinse him off. There you go.
一切正常 He's OK.
所以你要把線從魚嘴裡進去 屁股裡出來嗎 So it goes in its mouth and out of its anus?
不 我要從魚嘴進去 No. It'll go in its mouth
從魚鰓那裡出去 and then I imagine out of its gill.
不對啊 應該從屁股出去 這樣才能穿過魚的整個身體啊 No, it needs to go through its anus, then it goes through its whole body.
到魚鰓那裡就夠了 沒必要從整個身子裡穿過去吧 It goes through the gill, not threaded all the way through the fish!
-如果我想晾幹你的話... -有沒有人能幫我開一下蓋子? -If I were to dry you... -Can somebody come and open the lid?
-不 我跟鼴鼠正忙著呢 -幫個手啊 -No, I'm busy with him. -Open the lid!
搞定 Oh, yeah.
-看我的傑作 -接下來你要怎麼辦 -Admire. -Now what do you do?
掛在這就齊了 Hang it on here.
終於 曬鹹魚的和裝活魚的終於都弄完了 Eventually the loading and the hanging were complete
我們也準備好出發了 and we were ready.
好了 是時候... OK, it's time now...
從來沒人在汽車節目裡說過這話 Nobody's ever said this on a car show before.
...去拯救世界了 ...to save the world.
搞定 There you go.
好的 出發去拯救地球 這就開始了 Right, forward into saving the world. This is it.
哦 我的天 哦 Oh, my God! Oh. Oh.
蠢爆了... 什麼鬼 Stupid... What the hell is...?
我的神啊 Oh, Lord above!
這究竟是什麼情況 What manner of thing is happening here?
沒有最糟 只有更糟 Still, could be worse.
哦 車子在自己轉向 我都沒上手啊 Oh, it's steering me, I'm not steering it.
現在是車子在支配我啊 It is steering me! Oh!
女士們先生們 我懷著... Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great...
我懷著既驕傲又謙卑的心態... It is with great pride and humility
...接受這個獎項... 啊!! that I accept this award for... Urgh!
啊 柏油路 Ah, Tarmac!
好多了 That's better!
我們的行善任務要穿過馬普托城 Our mercy mission would take us through the city of Maputo
然後向北走320公里 前往小村莊賓果 and then 200 miles north, to the tiny village of Bingo.
我這輛車非常好的一點在於 The great thing about this particular vehicle
它搭載了一台3.2升四缸柴油引擎 is that it has a 3.2-litre four-cylinder diesel engine.
動力很足 能讓我更快地完成任務 That's a great deal of power, it'll get me there quickly.
這是安吉麗娜·朱莉 鮑勃·蓋爾多夫 以及波諾都不會注意的細節 This is what Angelina and Bob Geldof and Bono don't realise.
他們都只會唱歌義演 或者收養兒童啥的 It's all very well singing songs and adopting children.
而其實拯救地球真正需要的 是一台足夠有力的引擎啊 What you actually need is a big, powerful engine,
而我的Hardbody皮卡正好滿足這一點 and that's what I've got in my Hardbody.
我所經過的每個人 他們眼中都閃爍著光芒 Everybody I pass, you can see the light dawning in their eyes.
"為啥我們就沒想到呢" "Why didn't we think of that?"
以後的每天早上 都會有一隊捕魚船 Every morning in future there'll be a fleet of fishing boats
來到這裡的港口 coming in to shore here
然後岸上還會有一隊我這樣的摩托車 and a fleet of these bikes
等待著從船上裝魚 waiting to collect the fish
接著運到內陸 and transport it inland,
這段距離 也就320公里? And it's what, 200 miles?
我感覺騎摩托的話 一個好騎手 I reckon on a bike, a good rider could get in
一天能運個兩三趟 two or even three fish trips a day.
看到沒 我這主意多天才 See, it's brilliant, isn't it?
對吧 我多聰明 Yeah. It's a brilliant idea!
你也會想做這個的 多好的生意啊 You're gonna want to do it! It's a great business!
你看 這就像是那個真人秀"學徒" Yeah, you see! This is like Lions' Den,
*一檔商業真人秀 又名飛黃騰達 此處提及的Lion's Don是BBC製作的英國版節目
還是叫別的啥名 反正就是那意思 Dragons' Den, whatever. The Den.
就是Alan Sugar演的那個 That show with Alan Sugar on.
*這位Alan Sugar在英國版節目中是特朗普的角色
他其實想說的是唐納德·特朗普
溫度和各種壓力都正常 Temperatures and pressures are OK.
魚缸裡的水也是滿的 Tank is full of water.
快速瞥一眼我的魚 沒問題 這就看到一條 Quick look at my fish. Yes, there's one.
它非常開心 怎麼會不開心呢? 這裡就是大海啊 He's looking pretty happy. Why wouldn't he be? He's in the sea.
它根本就不知道自己在車裡 He doesn't know he's in a car.
因為魚類 大家都懂... Fish are not, you know...
智商不是很足 They don't have a big intellect.
正在超過"比薩斜巴" Overtaking the Leaning Bus of Pisa!
那麼報告一下 我們已經走了64公里 So here we are. We've done 40 miles already.
走在一條絲般順滑的柏油馬路上 幾乎跟奧地利的公路差不多了 We're on a velvet-smooth, almost Austrian road,
前往賓果村 heading towards Bingo.
我們大概再有幾個小時就到了 We should be there in a couple of hours.
有史以來最簡單的任務 沒有之一 Easiest thing I've ever done. Easiest.
實際上 因為旅行進展的實在是太順利 In fact, since things were going so smoothly,
我決定搞笑一下 I decided to amuse myself.
準備好測試剎車 船長大人 Ready, steady and brake-testing James May.
混蛋 Git!
你這樣對於我們的運輸計劃沒有幫助 You're not helping with the transport of my fish.
我們這是一個團隊計劃 This is supposed to be a group effort.
不要像個幼稚的孩子好麼 Don't be such a petulant child.
哦 有人在路上摔倒了 我沒啥能做的 Oh, someone's fallen over in the road. Nothing I can do.
然而 在幾英里之後 A few miles further on, though,
絲般流暢的柏油路沒有了 the smooth Tarmac ran out.
因為哈蒙德不接受我關於魚屁股的建議 And because Hammond had rejected my anus suggestion
只把魚線從魚鰓那裡穿過 and used gills instead,
現在問題就來了 it caused him some problems.
哈蒙德 你剛剛掉了你90%的存貨 Hammond, you just lost 90% of your fish.
哦 不 是嗎 Oh, no, did I?
哦 又掉了一條 Oh, he's lost another one!
我剛剛壓過去一條魚 有必要擔心一下嗎? I've just run over a fish. Should I worry?
大兄弟 你恐怕不會只壓過一條魚的 Oh, mate, you're gonna be running over more than one.
哈蒙德正在以一個驚人的速度在掉魚啊 Hammond is losing them at a rate of knots.
又掉了兩條 哈蒙德 Two more just went there, Hammond.
我的天 Oh, God!
又一條 And another one.
他到最後恐怕...又掉一條 He's gonna have... And another one.
...恐怕一條魚都不剩 又掉了一條 ...no fish at all. And another.
我們本次行動的目標是 運輸魚 This fish delivery was supposed to be targeted.
而你所做的是 用鯉魚在莫桑比克進行地毯式轟炸 What you're doing is carpet-bombing Mozambique with bream.
這才是我要表達的理念 It's the principle I'm proving.
我不是要授之以魚 I'm not trying to feed them all.
而是要授之以漁啊 I'm trying to show them how to feed themselves.
好一個碎嘴的白痴 What a blithering idiot.
風擋玻璃內側開始變得模糊了 The inside of the windscreen's filthy
因為...海水不斷的打到上面 because of... dollops of sea water hitting it.
我很高興的跟各位報告 現在下雨了 I'm delighted to say it's now spitting with rain,
也就是說 我頭頂上的水桶正在儲水 which of course is filling up my water bucket.
這就是那種能讓查爾斯王子驚嘆的循環利用啊 That's the sort of recycling that will leave Prince Charles breathless.
當我去接受騎士爵位時 他可能會提到這點 When I go for my knighthood, he'll probably bring it up, I should imagine.
是什麼啟發了你循環利用雨水的? What gave you the idea of recycling?
我認為這是我自己想的 真的 I think this is so inventive, it really is.
-啊!! -對不起啊 -Urgh! -Sorry.
-你這樣潑我一身水 風乾根本沒有意義好嗎 -抱歉 -No point drying them if you're gonna soak them! -Sorry.
抱歉 哈蒙德 是不是又小小地濺到你身上了 Sorry, Hammond. Did some of that go on you ?
你每次都開進泥坑裡潑我一身水的話 我還怎麼曬幹這些魚 What's the point of me drying fish if you then get them wet in a puddle?
距離賓果還有241公里 It was still another 150 miles to Bingo.
但我們很有信心 即便是這種路況 But we were confident that even on these roads,
傍晚之前也會抵達目的地的 we'd get there by nightfall.
不過很快 我們的進程就變得愈發艱難 Soon, though, the going started to get much worse.
不太對 Not so good.
穩住 Steady, steady.
該死 Shit!
又是一個大坑 不要啊 That's a massive rut. Oh, no!
給點力 Come on!
鼴鼠不可能挺過去的 Hammond cannot possibly make this.
哦不 別來了 Oh, no! Not again!
他現在節奏有夠亂的了 It's getting quite struggly now for him.
但實際上第一個涼了的居然是 But actually it was the ruggedly dependable Mercedes
最抗造的奔馳 that was the first to crack.
這回可好了 That was going well.
怎麼了 船長 What's the matter, May?
引擎在我泥坑過一半的時候熄火了 It cut out when I went through the puddle.
什麼東西上面還是裡面進水了 Getting water on something or in something.
我考慮下我能幫點什麼忙 I'm trying to work out what I can do about that.
沒啥 Nothing.
但是秉承著我們是一個團隊的原則 However, because we were all working as a team,
我們不得不等到他的引擎晾乾了為止 we had to wait until his engine dried out.
好的 出發吧 Right, let's go.
憂傷的是 這並不是一次偶發事件 Sadly, though, this wasn't a one-off.
等我一分鐘 又掛了 過一分鐘就好了 Hang on a minute. It's killed it. Give it a minute, it'll go.
該死的 Bugger!
又出什麼么蛾子了 你的車到底能開還是不能開了 What's the news? Is your car working or not?
我得再等上一分半 I've got to wait for a minute and a half.
你為啥非得要在那拋錨 你個村裡來的傻瓜 Why did you have to break down there, you clodhoppy old imbecile?
我能怎麼辦 我也很絕望啊 再等一分半種就好了 There's nothing I can do. Sorry, I have to wait for a minute and a half.
我是怎麼忍他這麼長時間的 How have I put up with him for so long?
奔馳緩慢的行進速度 The slow progress of the Mercedes
對我造成了重大困擾 was now causing me problems,
由於天氣乾燥 我的水箱已經快要空了 because the skies were dry and my water bucket was nearly empty.
他在我前面一會兒熄火一次 然後來一句 He keeps breaking down in front of me and then going,
"一分半就好 等著吧" "It's a minute and a half. You have to wait."
根本就不是一分半好麼 15分鐘還差不多 And it isn't a minute and a half, it's about 15 minutes.
我得去搞點冰 我們可等不起他了 I must get ice. We can't afford to wait for him bumbling around.
是 你是需要冰 但你可能更需要水 No, you do need more ice. You need more water.
我知道我說過要團隊合作 我們也的確這麼做了 I know we said we'd work as a team and we are working as a team.
-團隊精神就是 拋下掉隊的 -是的 為了團隊 -And the teamwork is, leaving him behind. -Yeah, as a team.
決定了以後 我們就出發了 With that decision made, we set off.
給點力啊小摩托 加油加油 Come on, little bike. Keep going, baby. Keep going.
大部分時候還是很順利的 Mostly the progress was good.
抱歉 Sorry.
這次不是故意的 That was not on purpose.
我們瞧瞧這裡面貓著什麼吧 Let's find out what lies in here for you.
衝啊 Come on!
笑死我了 Oh, deary me.
你像頭在泥坑裡打滾的豬一樣 I think you've drowned your hog.
鼴鼠堅持要我下車幫忙 Hammond insisted I get out and help.
但由於實在太泥濘了 我想了一個好辦法 But it was all muddy, so I came up with a better idea.
行得通 It's working!
錘錘動作居然這麼小心 簡直嚇到我了 This is impressive delicacy from Clarkson here. I'm staggered.
夠溫柔了嗎 How gentle was that?
老哥你實在太溫柔了 You were extraordinarily gentle.
你知道這車已經不能開了吧 You know that'll never work again?
-還能堅持 -這可是在超市裡花800買的 -It will. -It was £800 from a supermarket.
車把已經要散架了 The handlebars have come off.
排氣管裡噴出來的都是水 You're blowing water out of your exhaust pipe.
開玩笑吧 No way!
厲害了 Oh, come on!
伊萬·麥克格雷格為啥要選擇寶馬GS Why did Ewan McGregor use a BMW GS?
*英國演員 摩托車愛好者 曾駕駛寶馬GS完成35960公里騎行
我也不知道 那車又貴又... I don't know. They're very expensive and...
他虧大了 He wasted his money.
嚇到我了 I'm staggered!
與此同時 在身後很遠處 Meanwhile, much further back,
那隻落水狗的日子並沒有很好過 the soggy dog was not being so lucky.
再一分半就好 One and a half minutes.
午後的時間慢慢流逝 As the afternoon wore on,
路況也變得更加艱難 the roads became even worse...
加油 Come on!
而且人型水龜完全就是在拖慢我的進度 ...and the human terrapin was really starting to slow me down.
好的 現在我的水箱已經完全乾了 Right, my bucket is now officially dry.
我需要在冰塊融化之前 I have got to get to a source of fresh, clean water
找到乾淨清潔的水源 before that ice melts.
加油 Come on!
我* 我根本就在海里 Holy shit, I am now in the sea!
哈蒙德 我們還得到下一個鎮上呢 別再鬧了好麼 Hammond, we've got to get to the next town. Can we stop messing about?
-我沒鬧啊 -你就在 -I'm not messing about. -You are.
我沒有瞎鬧 你根本不懂 I'm not messing about! There are no words!
車子脫檔了 別介啊 It's come out of gear. Come on.
快點 哈蒙德 我們的冰要用完了 Come on, Hammond, we're running out of ice.
哦 大爺的 Ooh, bollocks!
他的蛋也夠慘了 心疼一秒 Oh, that's a tragic spectacle, it really is.
這特麼... This is...
我壓根就不喜歡魚 I don't even like fish!
我沒有別的辦法 只能拋棄我唯一的同伴 Eventually I had no choice but to abandon my remaining colleague.
我甚至都不知道下一個城鎮在哪 I don't even know how far away the next town is.
但我要在僅存的冰塊融化之前抵達 But I have got to get there before the last of the ice melts.
我得去搞些水 I've got to get some water,
而且天已經開始黑了 and it's going dark.
誰都可以倡議解決世界饑荒 Anyone can sing Feed The World.
不過把它轉化為行動真的很難 It's actually quite difficult, though, as it's turning out, to do it,
尤其是當你開著一輛被改造成 especially if you have a motorcycle or a Mercedes
水族館的奔馳或者摩托車 that you've converted into an aquarium.
加油 給點力啊 Come on, keep going.
加油啊 德意志 Keep going, German.
這也太嚇人了 That's marvellous.
該死 去他媽的 Bugger! Bollocks and arse!
在夜幕完全降臨之後 However, after total darkness fell...
得益於團隊精神 我這邊情況不錯 ...solid teamwork meant I was in good shape.
好的方面是 我找到了一個小鎮 Right, on the upside, I found a town,
雖說有點將就 well, some kind of settlement,
現在我有了水和冰塊 where I've got water and I've got ice,
所以我的魚還OK so the fish are fine.
壞的方面是 On the downside,
我剛剛發現距離賓果才走了不到一半 we've just found out I'm not even halfway to Bingo.
現在是深夜 鼴鼠和船長還有幾個小時 It's the middle of the night and Hammond and May are hours,
三四個小時的樣子 落在我後面 three, four hours, behind me.
所以我要不要等他們 So do I wait for them?
天吶 好吧 冷靜一下 Oh, dear. Right. Calm.
混蛋 Bollocks!
第2天
...依舊在路上
令人驚訝的是 早上錘錘居然在還等我們 Amazingly, the morning revealed that Jeremy had waited for us,
我們的車隊成功會師 so our convoy was reunited.
但在出發之前 我還要修理一下車子 But before we could set off, I had to repair my bike
船長也要重新填裝他所剩無幾的魚缸 and James had to refill his depleted water tank.
好的 水是一種... So, water is just--
-停 別逼逼... -哦天吶 -No, don't do... -Oh, God.
事先聲明一點 我最不想看見的就是你 I don't particularly want to see you, just to be absolutely clear.
-為什麼 -我凌晨四點才到 -Why? -Well, I got here at 4am,
全身濕透 筋疲力竭 聞上去像一條落水狗 wet, with consumption, smelling like a damp dog.
努力在車裡睡一小會兒 猜猜我聽到了什麼 Tried to sleep in the car, and what did I hear?
-不知道 -呼嚕聲 -No idea. -Snoring.
你的車的呼嚕聲 Your car snoring.
那台該死的發電機聽上去像是有人打呼嚕 That bloody generator is like someone snoring,
但中間完全沒有呼吸的停頓 but without the pauses in the breaths.
發電機是為了保證我的魚新鮮的 The generator is necessary to keep my fish fresh.
-你的水都去哪了 -我頭上 -Where's your water gone? -On my head.
回歸正題 我們要搞到更多的水 Anyway, we've got to make more water.
這是水 我剛才剛要解釋的 This is water. I was just about to explain
這是我們熟悉的普通的水 可以喝的飲用水 that that is normal water which we're all familiar with. You drink it.
海水是鹹的 這點大家都清楚 Sea water is salty. We all know that as well.
-我知道 所以我給你帶了鹽 -不是這種鹽 -I know, I brought you some salt. -It's not that sort of salt.
-這就是鹽 -這是調味鹽 -It's salt. -That's table salt.
沒有錯 海鹽含有額外的礦物質 Exactly. Sea salt has extra minerals in.
那裡沒有 那是精煉過的 That doesn't. That's been refined.
這才是海鹽 所以我們要想辦法... This is sea salt. So we have to work out...
我示範一下 普通的水 指針在最下面 I'll show you. Normal water. Needle at the bottom.
我們要添加足夠的鹽讓指針到這裡 We have to mix enough salt to put the needle on there,
在表盤的最頂端 right at the top of the scale.
我知道這裡有25升水 因為— I know that's 25 litres, because--
等等 要是你一次調25升水的話... Hold on. No. If you're doing 25 litres at a time...
我是要用25升水測試需要加入多少鹽 I'm doing 25 litres to work out how much salt to put in.
-那我們一上午都要浪費在這了... -不會的 -We're going to be here all morning... -No, we're not.
-因為你要把一箱水都裝滿 -那你說我該幹什麼吧 -...because you have to fill your entire tank up! -So what should I do?
你跟我生哪門子氣 我是來幫忙的 Why are you so angry with me? I've come to help.
你壓根不是幫忙的 我自己的話現在就快幹完了 You haven't come to help. I could have almost done it by now.
你只是站在一邊犯蠢 You're just standing there being fatuous
手裡拿著1950年代莫克姆海邊咖啡館的什麼鹽 and bringing a thing of salt from a seaside café from the 1950s in Morecambe.
一邊涼快去 算我求你 Bugger off. Please.
-那你快點的 -您這邊滾 -Well, get on with it. -Go away.
-好的 現在我們知道... -別說話了 直接開乾 -Right, so, we know that's-- -Don't talk. Just get on with it.
重新裝滿我的水箱之後 Having refilled my tank...
這些對我的小魚魚們來說差不多了 That should be close enough for my fishy friends.
我們的車隊又開始了前往賓果的慈善之旅 ...our convoy continued on its mercy mission to Bingo.
我在上面安了一塊簡易防水布 I've rigged up a really rudimentary tarpaulin
希望能減少濺出的水 to try and reduce the splashing
也讓魚的日子過得好一點 and give the fish a better chance.
這兒聞起來真挺噁心的 It does smell so rank in here
我也沒有為死掉的魚找藉口 and I haven't even got the excuse of dead fish.
而且昨天坐著穿了16個小時濕漉漉的內褲後 I think I've got crotch rot from sitting in my own wet underpants
我兩腿之間的那玩意兒好像也腐爛了 for 16 hours yesterday.
你車子後面現在掛的是章魚嗎 Is that an octopus on the back of your bike now?
是的 Yes.
-你從哪兒搞的 -一個池子裡 -Where did you get that from? -Found it in a pond.
哈蒙德 你是搬空了我皮卡車的貨鬥 Hammond, have you emptied out the back of my pick-up truck
來填裝你那個鬼風干係統嗎 to reload your ridiculous drying system?
沒有 我去釣魚了 No. I went fishing.
-真的嗎 -這些是淡水章魚 -Did you? -It's a freshwater octopus.
莫桑比克淡水章魚 非常有名但很少見 Mozambique freshwater octopus. They're quite famous but very rare.
我恨他 I hate him.
好的 昨天我們走了160公里 Right, yesterday we covered 100 miles.
今天...我們還有160公里要走 Today... Well, we've still got 100 miles to go
而且據我所知並沒有柏油路 ...and none of it from what I hear is on Tarmac.
而這對我來講前途尤為堪憂 For me, that was a particularly terrifying prospect.
哦不 紅色塵土 Oh, no. Red dust.
天吶 又開始了 Oh, God, here we go.
看上去可能沒有什麼 但這些鬆軟的紅沙 It doesn't look like anything much, but this soft red sand
鋪在非常堅硬的地表岩石上 sits on a very hard subsurface
所以在上面騎車子幾乎不可能 and it is simply impossible to ride a bike over.
完全沒有抓地力 It just has no grip.
見鬼 Shit!
前輪失控了 Front end gone away from me.
前面只剩下160公里了 哈蒙德 There's only another 100 miles of this, Hammond.
我不行了 I can't do it.
你們聽見了吧 女士們先生們 "我不行了" You heard it, ladies and gentlemen. "I can't do it."
他關心過全球饑荒 世界貧困嗎 沒有 He's not bothered about world hunger, world poverty.
他只考慮他自己 Just himself.
過了一會兒 鼴鼠決定鼓起勇氣 After a while, though, Hammond decided to be brave,
坦然面對搞笑結局 with hilarious consequences.
拜託 別這樣 Come on, stop it. (BLEEP)
該死 Shit!
又開始了 對 別 好的 Oh! Here we go again. Yep. No. Yep.
你知道嗎 詹姆斯 原來看哈蒙德 Do you know, James? It's actually possible to get bored
從摩托車上摔下來居然也會膩 with watching Hammond fall off a motorcycle.
混蛋 (BLEEP) Bollocks!
咱們算算我從日產Hardbody上摔下來的次數吧 So let's just add up the amount of times I've fallen off my Datsun Hardbody.
好的 並沒有 Yep. None.
因為它有四個輪子 Because it's got four wheels.
與此同時 乾燥的路面意味著我的奔馳走的也很順利 Meanwhile, the drier roads meant my Mercedes was working well too.
溫度剛好 Temperature stays spot-on.
機油壓力稍有些波動 但沒有大礙 Oil pressure goes up and down a bit, but there is some.
時鐘也是好的 一點二十五 Clock is still right. 25 past one.
整輛車運行非常順暢 This car is running as sweet as a nut.
電路著火 Electrical fire.
我的車右側有什麼燒著了 Something's badly on fire on the right-hand side of this car.
我不太懂一輛幾乎 I can't understand how in a car
都是由水構成的車居然著火了 made almost entirely from water, he's on fire.
奇怪的就在這 水和電導致的著火 That's the weird thing. Water with electrics causes fires.
這也是為什麼我們有另一種電氣火災用滅火器 That's why we have a different type of fire extinguisher for electrical fires.
他把汽車著火這件事也變無聊了 He's even managing to make a car fire boring.
絕對是電著火 我能聞出來 It's electric. I can smell it.
熱心司機本錘出於對健康和安全的考慮 Keen to do my bit for health and safety,
叫了攝影團隊的一個人去改裝船長的魚缸 I asked one of our camera team to modify James's fish tank
這樣一旦火勢擴大 so that if another fire broke out,
就會有大量的水第一時間將火撲滅 there'd be plenty of water available to put it out.
別再翻車了 哦 正過來了 Please don't move out. Oh (BLEEP), here we go.
不 穩住 No. Held it.
又過了幾公里 我的人生更加慘淡了 Several miles back, my life was as miserable as ever.
上帝啊 最折磨人的是等待 Oh, God. It's the waiting that kills you.
我只是在等待翻車的一刻 I'm just waiting for it to let go.
就好像你被告知即將被處以電椅死刑 This is like being told you're gonna get the electric chair.
"我們會將你固定在上面 把你扔在那兒 "We'll put you in it and just leave you in it.
之後某一刻 可能是一個小時後 Sometime, probably in the next hour,
或者一周之後 我們會按下開關" or the next week, we'll flick the switch."
哦 該死的 Oh! Bollocks!
去他的 Sod 'em!
處理好著火的問題後 我又回到了路上 Fire taken care of, I was now back on the move.
夥計們 還好麼 All right, fellas?
我開始想象這些魚都是男孩 I'm sort of assuming the fish are boys.
但也有一些女孩 你們中有公魚和母魚嗎 肯定的 But some of them must be girls. Do you get girl and boy fishies? You must do.
那個男孩走路需要看路啊 He needs to watch where he's going, that boy.
與此同時 在Hardbody皮卡上 Meanwhile, up ahead in the Hardbody...
我遇到了一點小問題 ...I'd run into a spot of bother.
-怎麼了 -制冰機壞了 -What's up? -Ice machine's broken.
鋸開引擎蓋對修理制冰機有什麼用 How does sawing your bonnet up mend your ice machine?
我想到一個非常棒的主意 很高興你在這 你可以幫我個忙 I've had a brilliant idea and I'm glad you're here, actually, cos you can give me a hand.
關鍵是 詹姆斯 大多數魚在我這... No, seriously, James. Most of our fish are in...
可好魚都在我這兒 The good fish are in here.
90%的魚裝在我的皮卡後面 90% of our fish are in the back of my pick-up truck
他竟然丟下我溜了 and he's just driven off.
喲 哈蒙德來了 There's Hammond.
-你好 -你好 -Hello. -Hello.
-快看我的天才... -呵呵真棒 -Behold, my gen-- -Yeah, fascinating.
真成 他竟然開了100米還沒摔倒 Well, there we are. He's just done 100 yards without falling off.
終於 新的魚肉保存方法研製成功了 Eventually, my new fish preservation solution was up and running.
我剛才是把排氣改了 讓排氣穿過引擎蓋 越過車頂 What I've done is I've rerouted the exhaust through the bonnet, over the cabbie
然後充滿裝魚的尾部 into the load area where the fish are,
並且用蓋子把後面封閉起來 which is now covered with a tonneau cover.
然後 我又調整了引擎的供油 Then I've adjusted the fuelling on the engine
所以現在排出的是厚重的滾滾黑煙 so now it's producing thick, lumpy black smoke
這完全就是做燻魚的辦法 which of course is smoking the fish.
而且這對環境也有好處 And that's good for the environment.
擱平常還得搞個煙燻工廠 Because normally you'd have to have a smokery, a factory,
然後再把熏好的魚運送到各個地區 and then you have to transport the fish to wherever it is they're going.
我的這台車可以在運輸途中把魚熏好 But what I'm doing here is I'm making kippers as I drive along.
正宗炭燻魚 Coal-rolled kippers.
肯定會大賣的 反正我是會買的 You'd buy those. I know I would.
不遠處 波諾和安吉麗娜正在討論剩下的路程 Further ahead, Bono and Angelina were discussing the distance left to cover.
我粗略的估算了一下 By my very rough reckoning,
因為我的速度表和里程表全都不靈了 because my speedo and my mileometer aren't working,
我估摸我們還有70-80公里才能到賓果 I think we've got about somewhere between 70 and 80 kilometres to go to Bingo.
為啥他們要住那麼遠的地方 Why do they have to live so bloody far away?
魚還有剩嗎? Any fish left?
當然 還剩兩隻 Yes. I have two.
我覺得哪怕送去兩隻 But I think it's better to arrive with two fish
也比剩下十隻卻送不過去強 than not to arrive with ten.
這可是句名言 That's a parable.
好像在聖經裡見過 我覺得 Yes, it sounds positively Biblical, I think.
前面看著不太妙啊 I don't like the look of this.
噢 我靠! Oh, bollocks!
天呢 這下挺嚴重的 Geez, that's a big one.
這下面是啥呀? What is this stuff?
哎呦喂 Ooh, hello!
這不是我的同事嗎 My colleagues.
-是你嗎? 克拉克森 -當然了 -Is that you, Clarkson? -Sure is.
老梅頭 趕緊挪一下你的車 Move your bloody car, May!
真討厭 他怎麼選了一輛四驅的皮卡 What a muppet. He's got a four-wheel-drive pick-up truck!
你引擎蓋前面搭的腳手架是怎麼回事? What are those bits of scaffolding coming out of your bonnet for?
我正在做燻魚 你要是沒擋我的道我就在做燻魚呢 I'm making kippers, or I would be if you hadn't have blocked the way.
他說啥"做燻魚"? Did he say "making kippers"?
從後面看著像是殘疾人淋浴用的扶手 They look like the handrails out of a disabled shower
那到底是啥? from back here. What are they?
-排氣系統 -啥? -They're exhaust pipes. -What?
制冰機壞了 我改做煙燻魚了 Ice machine broke. I'm now turning them into smoked fish.
這就是一座行走的燻魚工廠 This is a kipper factory.
等一下 你是用柴油的煙做燻魚嗎? Hang on. You're smoking them in diesel smoke?
-是啊 -啥? -Yes. -Eh?
-都是煙嘛 -你知道為什麼前人都沒有用柴油的煙嗎? -It's just smoke. -Why do you think that's never been done before?
-這個點子沒人想到吧 -不! 因為它非常臭 -Nobody's thought of it. -No. Because it's vile!
胡說 你們吃木柴燻魚才噁心 一團篝火 Well, you eat wood smoke. That's disgusting. A bonfire!
你覺得木柴燻魚和柴油燻魚味道能一樣嗎? Do you think oak-smoked fish is the same as diesel-smoked fish?
這是正宗碳烤魚 It's coal-rolled kippers!
-下面正在熏嗎? -現在沒有 我熄火了 -It's under there smoking? -No. I've turned the engine off.
這段因吹斯汀的對話並不能幫我們到達賓果 This interesting discussion was not helping the people of Bingo.
所以我們的關注點回到穿越泥地上 So we knuckled down to the business of getting through the mud
我要從這些樹後面走 因為我的車足夠窄 我可以 I'm gonna go behind the trees, cos I'm narrow, so I can.
噢! 這樹有刺! 不! Oh! That's a thorn tree! No!
上帝呀! Oh, Christ!
滾開! Get off!
與此同時 老梅頭又讓我拖他了 Meanwhile, May made me give him a tow.
好啦 詹姆斯·梅 你準備好了嗎? Right, James May, are you ready?
走著! Go!
好的! Yes!
加把勁兒 加把勁兒 Come on, keep going, keep going.
等一下 我卡住了 我陷進去了 Hang on, I'm stuck here. I've bottomed out.
接下來這半天我基本都是這種情況 And that's pretty much all I did for the rest of the day.
就差一點! So close!
再來一次吧 把他拖出來 Here we go again to tow him out.
聽那球籠的聲音 Listen to that CV joint.
見他的鬼 還有他1800噸的笨水缸 Damn him and his stupid aquarium which weighs 1800 tons!
這下陷得是最嚴重的 That's the most stuck it's ever been.
噢 老天爺呀! Oh, for Christ's sake!
可喜的是 伊萬·哈蒙格雷總會親自示範把生活過成喜劇 Luckily Ewan McHammond was always on hand to provide some comic relief.
啊哈! 我可以從中間穿過去 瞧啊 A-ha! I can go up the middle! You see!
有沒有意識到 我們今天到達賓果 You do realise it's entirely possible that we won't end up
幾乎完全不可能了 in Bingo even today?
三點半了 Half past three.
從早上七點出發到現在僅僅走了... And we have done since we set off at seven o'clock this morning...
...83公里 ...52 miles.
我們還有另一個80公里要走 That meant there was another 50 miles to go.
好消息是 剩下的路沒有泥了 Fortunately, however, there was no more mud.
壞消息是 剩下的路是這個 Unfortunately, it was replaced by this.
我見過的水分最充足的路 The wettest road I'd ever seen.
老天爺呀 這個可夠深的 Oh, my word, this is a deep one.
差速鎖 掛低速四驅 Diff's locked, low range.
有水啊! 好多水流進來了! There's water! A lot of water has come in!
我現在得抬起屁股來 都濕了 I am up to my anus now in water.
傑裡米小心翼翼淌水的同時 As Jeremy waded through the lake,
我在旁邊找到一條狹窄小徑 I found a narrow path round the edge.
看看哈蒙德是多麼聰明啊 Look what clever Hammond's done.
多麼偉大的一部車啊 What an incredible machine this is.
瞧瞧看 哈蒙德 Look at this, Hammond.
-你的車子進水了啊兄弟 -可不是嘛 -You've got all water in it, mate. -Yes, exactly.
水位線跟我的門都一樣高了 It's come up above the level of my doors.
你的魚你要不要檢查一下 Have you checked for fish?
別犯傻了 Look, don't be stupid.
我們現在做的... Given what we're doing...
我們倆都順利通過 With two of us safely across,
接下來就看那尊奔馳水族館的表現了 all eyes were now on the hopeless Macquarium.
詹姆斯 這水真的深啊 James, it is extremely deep.
好的 我盡量開的衝擊波小一點 Yeah, that's OK. I'll do just a gentle bow wave
就跟在越野學校學到的一樣 like they do at off-road school.
他來了 Here he comes.
我們上吧 There you go.
啊 糟糕! Oh, shit!
糟了! Shit.
救命啊! Help!
你的魚都要越獄了 All your fish are gonna escape!
-啊 混蛋 -你小心別讓淡水混進你的鹽水中 -Oh, bollocks. -Don't let the fresh water get in your salt water.
我都不在乎這個了 趕緊來拖我! I don't give a toss about that. Come and get me!
我已經救了你一百萬次了 I have rescued you one million times
再也不拖你的混蛋玩意兒了 and I'm not towing that damn thing any more.
我的車再拖就要把你的球籠燒壞了 You are breaking the CV joints in my Hardbody.
最後不得已把他拖出來以後 Having finally got fed up with him,
哈蒙德和我決定徹底解決這個問題 Hammond and I decided to get radical.
那天晚上 等詹姆斯睡著以後 So that night, as James slept...
...我們稍微改裝了一下他的車 ...we modified his car slightly.
第2天
...依舊在路上
詹姆斯因此鬧了點小情緒 This made James very unpleased.
你個混蛋! You bastards!
我恨你 你們兩個! I hate you! Both of you!
你們這幫禽獸! You utter bastards!
聽著 我就準備拖一下你的大水箱 這是最重要的 Listen. I am prepared to tow your bootful of water. That's important.
人家才不要拖你的廢引擎 I'm not gonna tow a dead engine
那引擎裡也都是水 簡直就是浪費我的油 that's full of water, as well. That's just a waste of fuel.
瞎扯 根本沒報廢 你把它拖出來後我修一修就能走 Rubbish. It wasn't dead. I could have mended that once we'd dragged it out.
就是點火有點問題 我都修了五次了 It's just the ignition. I've done it five times already!
你個大白痴 You complete moron!
我祝你蛋蛋上長滿血吸蟲 I hope you get bilharzia of the ball sack!
行吧 這可是你自找的 Right, that's it. He's asked for it.
啊 真好笑 Funny. Very funny.
簡直瘋了 Bloody mad.
你是不是跟車跟得太近了? I think you're following him too closely.
你怎麼不滾開呢? Why don't you sod off?
改裝有沒有影響操控啊? Has it affected the handling?
那是啥? What was that?
由於擔心詹姆斯聞了太多碳煙得癌症 Fearful that James was about to catch cancer from my coal-rolling...
我請他進我的Hardbody裡面坐 ...I invited him to enter my Hardbody.
他是不是感激涕零呢? And was he grateful?
並沒有 No.
坐這玩意兒趕路真可怕 The ride in this thing is appalling.
為啥這麼糟糕? Why is it so bad?
如果有一台救護車去救你 If an ambulance came to rescue you,
你會抱怨救護車舒適性不夠嗎? would you complain about the quality of the ambulance?
不會 No.
那你怎麼忍心抱怨我為你做的一切? So why are you complaining about everything I've done for you?
你只是把我從你造成的災難中救出來 Because you're rescuing me from effective injury that you inflicted.
如果有個人對我行凶後說"沒關係兄弟 我來幫你" I'd still complain about the man who mugged me
我還是要抱怨你這個對我行凶的人 if he then said, "I'll help you out, mate." I'd still complain.
我們說實話 Let's be brutally honest, shall we?
你的車一路上淨找麻煩 Your car's been a terrible nuisance all the way along.
對我來說沒有 Not to me.
我因此不得不耽誤了一天來救你 It has to me cos I've had to wait for it for days.
你真高尚 我會在獲獎感言裡提你一句的 You're so noble, I won't forget to mention you in my speech.
你才不會得諾貝爾獎呢 You're not getting a Nobel Prize.
-為啥不能? -因為你到了之後 只剩四分之三輛車了 -Why not? -Because you're ending with three-quarters of a car.
又不是根據車況來頒獎的 You don't get the prize for how much car you bring.
只有帶魚過去的人才能得獎 You get the prize for bringing the fish.
小心點 你還拖著我的魚呢 Don't forget, you're towing my fish,
我的魚都還能食用 ie, the fish that are still edible.
-我的也可以食用 -你的不能 -Mine are edible. -No, they're not.
-可以! -我可以擔保你的都廢了 -They are! -I can assure you they're not.
我為詹姆斯的壞心情向您道歉 It was a shame about James's bad mood
因為我們快要接近成功了 because we were on the verge of success.
加油! Come on!
儘管我們解決世界糧食問題的道路上充滿困擾 Sure, our plan to feed the world had been beset on all sides
比如路上的艱辛 by much discomfort...
啊! 可惡! Urgh! Bollocks!
...還有很多挫折 ...and many setbacks.
我們捉到八條 包括跳出船外的那條 We've got eight, plus one that got out in the boat.
我現在得抬起屁股來 都濕了 I am up to my anus now in water.
哦 上帝呀! Oh, God!
也有很多難聞的味道 There'd been some terrible smells too.
哦! 啊! Oh! Argh!
還有幾個小事故 And several accidents.
有一些比較搞笑 Some of which were quite funny.
混蛋! Bollocks!
經歷了那麼多波折 我們終於到了離賓果不遠的地方 But despite everything, we were now just a few miles from Bingo.
我覺得 要是我們理智一點的話 I think, if we're going to be sensible,
我們應該選擇一輛皮卡車 what we should have done is had a pick-up truck
後背拉一台水族箱 with an aquarium in the back.
你現在有一台了 You sort of have now.
那輛摩托車表現真不錯 That motorcycle has been remarkable.
儘管是超市裡八百塊買的 800 quid from a supermarket.
我知道哈蒙德正在沉迷於思考 I know Hammond's been obsessing about how
他自己就是 長路漫漫 中的伊萬·麥克格雷 he doesn't look like Ewan McGregor in "The Long Way Down,"
但是對我來說 他真的就是 因為在我看來摩托車都是一樣的 but to me he does, cos it's a motorcycle and they're all exactly the same in my mind.
我們用他摔車的鏡頭可以拼一部電影 就叫 長路上下錯亂 We could make a film of all of his crashes and call it Wrong Way Up.
跟你說一件事 I'm going to tell you one thing.
你知道那些來非洲做慈善的人 You know normally people from TV or film or whatever
在電視上或者電影裡露面的人 come out to Africa to do charitable work?
他們只要讓Hello雜誌拍幾張照片 They're photographed by Hello! magazine
然後就回到高檔酒店 教皇新堡 and then it's back to the hotel, Chateauneuf-du-Pape,
-然後飛回老家 得到一枚官佐勛章 -沒錯 -fly home to get the OBE. -Right.
他們根本不像我們這樣樸實 對吧? They don't actually do what we've done, do they?
我也覺得不像 No, I don't think so.
我就從沒見過貝嫂拖著一輛破奔馳 I've never seen Victoria Beckham trying to pull half a Mercedes
穿越莫桑比克 across Mozambique.
賓果到啦! Bingo!
到達啦! 我們的旅程結束了! There it is! Our quest is at an end!
諾貝爾獲獎者傑裡米公爵 還有詹姆斯·梅 Sir Jeremy and the Nobel Award-winning James May,
還有理查德·哈蒙德 終於到了! and Richard Hammond, are arriving!
你們好 我們給你們帶來了好消息 Hello. Have we got good news for you guys!
為了避免我們的魚可能給他們引起轟動 Aware that our fish may cause a stampede,
我們特意找了一個空曠的地方避免擁擠 we found a spot with enough space to accommodate the crowds.
準備好了嗎? Are you ready?
這會讓他們爭先恐後地擠過來 看好 This will get them running over here, you watch.
快看呀! Oh, look at that!
幾百條美味的燻魚 Hundreds and hundreds of delicious fishes.
柴油入味的燻魚 Diesel-infused kippers.
然而 詹姆斯卻不太滿意他的小魚的狀況 James, however, was not so happy about the condition of his fish.
不知為啥 他居然怪我 And for some reason, he blamed me.
一路上跟在你的車後面 又髒又顛 把它們都害死了 All that messing around and dragging around, you killed them.
今天早上它們還活著呢! Those were all alive this morning!
全都死了! All of them are dead!
你怎麼知道是全都死了? How do you know all are?
它們都漂起來了 死魚才漂呢 Cos they're floating. That's what fish do.
我倖倖苦苦讓它們活了三天 你這個混蛋 I've kept those alive for three days, you muppet.
怎麼能怪我呢? How have I killed them?
就怪你 你只顧拖車 You did this. You dragged it along,
開的顛來倒去的 一點都不考慮魚的感受 bouncing it around too much, and not thinking about the fish.
你把它們都弄死了! You finished them off!
現在沒工夫去爭論到底是誰殺死了詹姆斯的魚 This, though, was no time to get bogged down with who'd killed James's fish,
因為顯然是他自己 because it was him.
所以我們開始搭建我們的小地攤 So, we got on with the job of setting up our stalls.
-這個擺直了嗎? -並沒有 -Is that straight? -No.
最後我們準備好應付擁擠的市集了 And eventually we were ready for the crowds to descend.
顧客來了 顧客老爺 Customer. Customer.
沒人鳥我們 Nobody's interested.
所以我們進行下一步計劃 So, we moved on to the next phase of our plan.
這個男的是給Hello雜誌拍照的嗎? Is the man from Hello! magazine getting these shots?
-他在這兒 -好的 -He's there. -Oh, yeah.
看起來很憂心 擺一張憂心臉 Look concerned. Let's see your concerned face.
請你構圖的時候注意在背景裡加入一些當地人 Can you make sure you get plenty of local people in the background
這就能證明我們的確在非洲 so it's obvious I'm in Africa?
感謝 Thank you.
最後 儘管一條魚也沒賣掉 但是照了幾張照片 And then with not a single fish given away, but the pictures taken,
最後一件事就是開溜了 there was only one thing left to do.
兄弟們 上飛機 Chaps, let's get the helicopter.