Is this a pyjama party or a funeral?
A pyjama party. Come on guys
You scare me like that again, I'm going to slug you
Ben, you said you were up to this caper, now if you're not...
I brought the snake from Stinky Sullivan, didn't I?
And I got it in the house, didn't I?
I even got mum and dad to go for a walk
I've done everything, you've done nothing
Wrong. Look, first, I'm the guy who thought of this plan
And second, I let you help me
Alright, now for the next step
do you remember what you are supposed to say when I run in there to rescue the girls?
Be careful, Mike! Cecil's poisonous
Don't call the snake Cecil, right?
That's his name
Ben, it's supposed to be a wild snake, wild snakes don't have names
How do you know?
Think snakes go around calling each other "Hey you"?
Look, I don't care. Let's just get the plan straight, alright?
The plan!
What are people trying to do to me?
What's going on?
Nothing
Ed, what's all this?
we just happened to be in the neighborhood, and we thought we'd drop in
You're two hundred miles away from home
No we ain't. This is home
The house has been sold
What, you sold your...
They've found Cecil
Easy now, ladies! what seems to be the problem?
Snake!
It's probably in the sleeping bag, Mike. They like warm places
Now stand back everybody. Ben, if I don't make it, call 911
Nice touch!
-Wait a minute, I smell a rat -A rat?!
Don't worry, I'll get rid of it
What's going on here?
What are you doing with Stinky Sullivan's snake?
Yep, that's my brother, crazy and funny Mike
Would you guys please do something about Mike? He's embarrassing me beyond belief
Just right for the party night
Look how my little baby girl has grown up
Why, have you started wearing a bra?
Mum, my life is over
Mike, Ben, in the kitchen now
You were great, Cecil
Mum, let's talk in the kitchen
At least you have a kitchen
Don't worry about it, Shelley, the snake has gone
well...what about the rat?
Now Mike, we all agree
There's nobody in that living room tonight, except Carol and her friends
Come on dad, how can you're picking on just me?
well because I'm sure little Ben is an innocent party to all of this
Ben and Mike, upstairs and in bed right now. And take your reptile with you
That way
Ok alright but...
before we go, let's just clear up exactly what this off limits area includes
Go!
So mum, this business of selling the house, what's going on?
Nothing I care to discuss right now
I was just going out to talk to Ed
You know how Ed and I love to pal around
Where can I plug this?
Anywhere daddy
I was just coming out to see you, Ed
Why?
Daddy, he wants to see your trailer
Maggie, that is not a trailer
That's a 1987 meanderer deluxe
(chorus)The vagabond's dream machine
-You know about that? -Oh, I've seen the Ads
maybe you'd like to go outside and check it out?
Maybe you can help me turn it around
Well alright
So mum, why on earth did you sell your house?
-I blame it all on my cousin Effie -What did she do?
She died
Oh I'm sorry
I never liked her anyway
But I did go to her funeral
I was only gone three days, when I came back
your father had sold the house without even consulting me
and bought that monstrosity out there
which he says we are going to spend the rest of our days in
that doesn't sound like Daddy
yes it does. He's been acting strangely ever since we went to Niagara Falls
When did you go to Niagara Falls?
On our honeymoon
Mum, have you told daddy how unhappy you are about all this?
Oh, I've given him plenty of hints
I sit still, staring straight ahead with a vacant look on my face
Mum, you always have a vacant look on your face
-Go ahead -Oh that's Ok
-No, see for yourself -I take your word for it
You never take my word for it
let's see
-Nice -Yeah
-And it's durable too -It is, I can tell
You know, the brochures never do these things justice
-Press the round thing xxx -No, that's alright
Press that darn...that's it
sweet
I figure, if this is going to be my castle, I ought to have a decent throne
I could be happy in there
Listen, out in Hollywood, some of the stars use this...
meanderer deluxe for their dressing rooms
I figure if it's good enough for Lony Anderson, it's good enough for a retired cop
Well this is terrific, Ed. Forget Lony Anderson
I can't
I didn't know you had a sense of humor
You show me a man who's been married for 17 years
I'll show you a man with a sense of humor
You know you're Ok
look at that captain¡¯s chair!
Would you like to try it on for size?
Could I?
Be my guest
I envy you, Ed
You envy me?
You kidding? Boy, cruising those highways
every day a different vista out of that window
tied to nothing but the open road and free to find adventure, follow wherever it leads
No responsibilities
No patients waiting for you with problems that would just break your heart
if you didn't remind yourself constantly to keep your professional distance
What the hell are you talking about?
Nothing just...Well you know, when the kids grow up
I would love to try something like this
You would?
I just hope I have the courage to do what you did
Courage?
Wow, boy!
Jason, I haven't been wrong about you all these years, have I?
You called me Jason
That is your name, isn't it?
-Jason -In here honey
Margaret Catherine, come in here and see what ur dear old dad had the courage to buy
-You can do it -No I can't
-Yes you can -No I can't
Jason, we have to go
Jason, I want to show you something
-This can wait, Maggie -No it can't
Did he just call you Jason?
Jason, when I say the words "meanderer deluxe"...
now, what one feature comes to mind?
You didn't order the...
(chorus)custom cabin level control high box!
There it is right here!
You never can tell when you're going to have to park on a 10¡ãangle
This is not a good time, Maggie
-It can do a 40¡ãangle -Oh Mum, it's the perfect time!
Ok Maggie, what is it?
So with that, I told her that she owed it to herself, as well as daddy
to tell him how she really felt about all this and for once stand up for her rights
Maggie, that was terrible advice
Aren't you always telling me how important it is
to be truthful with each other about our feelings?
Honey, that's for us. Your parents' marriage has never been based on truth
That's a good thing?
It's kept them happily married for 37 years
Maggie is right, you are the most pigheaded man I have ever met
And I am not stepping foot on this overblown tin can again
That's just fine
Come midnight tonight, I'm pulling out of here, with you or without you
And you can put that in your pipe and smoke it, Miss Gloria Steinbrenner
Maggie, Jason, which room is mine?
If you put your faith in any man, you'll live to regret it
All men go wacko eventually
You hear me?
Carol, go back to your slumber party
Grandma won't let us
It's Ok
go ahead and make yourself a pot of tea
and Jason and I will make up a bed for you in Carol's room
Oh don't go to any trouble, I can sleep in the garage
You will not
Come on Jason, I want to talk to you
I was afraid of that
We have such a good time with you
Putting puzzles together, singing songs around the piano
Piano?!
Did I hear someone mention the piano?
Well Benny was just saying...
Say grandma, you don't happen to know any new tunes, do you?
Well as a matter of fact, I just bought the Dire Straight song book
Hey, did Benny mention that we just got our piano tuned?
Jason, you've got to talk some sense into him
Honey, this is their business, let them work it out
they're not gonna work anything out. Mum will probably never speak to dad again
How do you know that?
Because if you ever did anything as stupid as
expecting me to live in a little tin thing like some hobo or something
I'd certainly never speak to you again
It's good to find out now
"Now look at them yo yo's. That's the way you do it"
"You play the guitar on the MTV"
"Dad ain't working, that's the way you do it"
"money for nothing and the chicks are free"
Everybody, let's boogie
-Hey Mike, how many times... -Hey dad!
We're just protecting the women folk here
you know, especially since that giant prowler's been in the neighborhood
stealing the nightgowns of teenage women
Look Jason, I was just starting to like you, so don't go saying something
that's gonna make me have no use for you again, Ok?
this could be a short conversation
Perfect!
Ed, I could use your help
Car trouble?
No, you see...Right now I'm having a problem keeping Maggie happy
Hear, I won't put up with any of that sex talk
Nothing like that, Ed. It's just well, she asked me to come out here
and tell you that this whole idea of you spending the rest of your life traveling is
stupid
The problem is I think it's fabulous
She also wanted me to tell you that you are treating Kate unfairly
Now I don't know if I agree with that or not, but I do know it's none of my business
Well you're right here about that
Well I have to go tell her that we talked about something
Like what?
Well, like uh, what am I supposed to say to her when she says
"how come my dad did all this without consulting my mum?"
Why should I have to consult her?
Well Ed, some married couples actually do talk to each other
If you are talking about that Phil Donahue and Marlon Perkins, ain't ye?
No Ed, could you at least tell me why you suddenly sold your home?
why, I don't know why
Maybe I ran out of chores. We planted a rose garden, extended the back porch, painted
I did those things the first six months I was on retirement, I don't know why
Just recently the leg broke off my old easy chair
because I was spending so much time sitting in it, watching that Wheel of Fortune
Which is not a half bad show, by the way
Maybe it's because last month we paid the house off
After 25 years and not missing a single payment
And to celebrate, we went home and fell asleep
I don't know why...
Let me ask you something
How many years you figure you've got left?
I haven't thought about it much
I do. A lot
I understand
-You do? -Yeah
Oh, I wish my wife did
Well have you tried telling her how you feel?
If she wanted to marry a communicator, she should have married Walter Cronkite
She'll change her mind
Won't she?
He'll change his mind, won't he?
Sure he will, Mum he's a sensitive, giving human being
He's a jackass
-You're right -Maggie, he's your father
What will I do with myself?
Oh mum, I'm sure that everything will work out for the best
I know. I'll do what you did, resume my career
Mum, you were a riveter during WW¢ò
Oh honey, how did it go?
How did it go? Oh it went well
Actually I think it went very well
very well indeed
This has gone far off
This is no business of yours, Margaret Catherine
Do you have anything to say, Kate?
No. Do you have anything to say?
-Not a word -Alright then
Hold it mum
Now if you're not going to speak for yourself, then I am going to speak for you
Maggie, you shouldn't speak for somebody else
Well someone sure has to with the screwy way this man is behaving
Your father hasn't done anything screwy
Come on Jason, just the whole idea of spending the rest of their lives in this thing
It's way out there
Maggie, this happens to be a dream for some people
A lot of intelligent responsible people, I might add
Well, name one?
Me
I'd love to spend the rest of my days like this
What is it with you men? What do you have against houses?
Alright, your father might have been acting a little impulsively, Maggie
but he was a desperate man. He had nothing to look forward to except...
"Wheel of Fortune" which is not a half bad show
Well then why didn't he tell mum that?
-Because that is not his style -Well his style stinks
-His style was fine for 37 years -38
Mum, do you mind we are having a discussion here
Margaret Catherine, I will not have you talking to your mother that way
Well dad, at least I talk to her
I could talk to your mother as well as anyone can
I'm sorry. I should have told you I was selling the house
See? He said "told" instead of "asked"
Eddie, I didn't know you were so unhappy at home
Well you know I don't complain much
Look, the house hasn't gone through escrow yet
I can take this thing back to Smiling Jakes RV and get our money back
Eddie, are you asking me what I want to do?
Well, kinda, yeah
what would make you happy is what would make me happy
What are we standing out here for?
There's a whole big world out there to see
You're right about that Kate. Maggie, would you tell the kids we said goodbye?
And it was sure nice talking to you, uh...
-Jason -right
Mum, what about your suitcase?
Send it to me. In care of general delivery in Philadelphia
Kate, I was thinking we should go back to Niagara Falls, if it's Ok
It's better than Ok
Maggie, never mind, I won't be needing my clothes
Oh Jason, isn't it wonderful?
All that boloney you were spouting how you'd really like to live like that
did the trick
Well, I am a professional
Hi mum, hi dad, no worries, it's just me
This way Mike
It worked, he's following me
Where are you?
Over here Mike
No Mike, I said over here
Where are you? I can't see you guys