(high-pitched squeaking)
- Shut up!!!
- ♪ Charlie, Charlie the Drunk Guinea Pig! ♪
- So, uh, how are you and Antoinette doing?
- Well, she finally forgave me for knocking her out with Charlie's beer can.
- Oi, toss me the ball.
- Well, it was an accident.
So she should.
- Pass me the ball.
- Yeah, and she said that we might even get back together,
which is pretty cool 'cause she's the hottest girl I know. I mean, super hot.
- Pass me
the damn ball, you bloody poofs!
- Charlie, you're too drunk to catch a football.
- Throw me the f--king ball before I--
AAHH!!
- ♪ Charlie, Charlie ♪
♪ the Drunk Guinea Pig! ♪
- Hey, Charlie, we were wondering if you wan--
(all screaming)
(screaming continues)
It says she likes baseball and her favorite food is pizza.
- Probably sausage pizza. Am I right, guys?
Hahaha.
Hahaha...
Ah, f--k you guys!
- ♪ Charlie the Drunk Guinea Pig! ♪
- Hey, and we actually paid rent on time this month.
- Wow.
Thanks, guys. And Charlie, I forgive you for stabbing me over that little disagreement we had last year.
- Blow me.
- What did he say?
- Oh, he said, uh, whoa, that's a neat wife beater you're wearing.
- Why, thank you.
- Do you actually have to beat your wife to get one of those things?
- No.
You could beat your husband, too.
(phone ringing)
Oh, I gotta get this, guys. Bye!
- What do you want, Kim Jong-Il?
- Do you have my talking gerbil yet?
- Not yet,
my excellency. Those two little dick-breaths are always around them.
- Kill them if you have to!
I want the gray little talking rabbit thing, and I want it
NEOW!
- Yes, my excellency.
- What? You're gonna hang up without saying bye?
- Bye.
- Bye-bye!
Mwah.
- ♪ The Drunk Guinea Pig ♪
(doorbell rings) - That's Antoinette. Oh.
Charlie, try anything funny, and I'll beat the s--t out of you.
- Of course.
- So Antoinette, what do you feel like wa--
- Charlie. (moaning and smooching)
- Oh yeah.
- Oh, you little ass face!!!
- Oi, you're ruining my game.
- (grunts)
(fierce grunting)
- Oh, you want some of this, you poof?
(yelling)
(yelling continues)
Is that all you got, you donkey wanker?
Huh?
(screaming, groaning)
- (yelling)
(grunting)
(snarling)
- No! No, no! Aah! (fwap!)
- ♪ The Drunk Guinea Pig! ♪
- Then you stabbed him, threw him against the wall, and dropped a cinderblock on him?
- Yeah.
You think a stupid little rodent like Charlie would have died after the first punch.
- YOU LITTLE BITCH! (yells)
- ♪ The Drunk Guinea Pig! ♪
- You rike it? I pick the wrapping paper myself!
- It's a vacuum cleaner!
- It's not a vacuum cleaner!
It's a special capture device
that you're gonna use to suck that gray little talking furball in two.
- It says vacuum cleaner right on it!
- Shut up right now, or I kill your famiry!!!
Your
famiry.
- Yes, my excellency.
- Okay, bye-bye. I ruv you!
- What?!
- Uh...
What?
- You love me?
- Uh... oh, look at that, a new nuclear missile. Uh, gotta go. Bye-bye!
- All right, Charlie, time to take a trip to North Korea.
(chuckling)
(laughing diabolically)
(Kim laughing along)
(awkward chuckle)
- What?
- Will Charlie get kidnapped by the evil landlord? Will he recover from his injuries? Will Ian ever see boobs in real life?
All these questions except for the last one will be answered in next week's episode!
- Check out Charlie's own channel. He releases one crazy f--ked up video every week! Click here to check it out!
- Holy s--t! I'm in space! (groans, explosion)
- Flibbididee!
- Shalabaloo!
Yeah!