I can't believe you're going on your very first sleepover! 你居然要去别人家过夜了
Please, Mom, I'm not some baby. 拜托 妈妈 我又不是宝宝
Did you pack Mr. Bun Bun? 你帮我带邦邦先生了吗
And Mr. Num Num. 还有纳姆先生
Oh, thank God. 谢天谢地
Bye! Have a great time! 再见 玩得开心
I didn't know I was gonna feel this -- this... 我怎么会有这种感觉
freakin' pumped! 太激动了
We haven't had a night to ourselves in five years. 我们已经五年没独处了
We can do whatever we want! 我们可以想做什么就做什么
We have nothing holding us back! 没有拖油瓶了
We can run errands! 我们可以跑腿办事了
Kid-free night. 没有孩子的夜晚
Your sticky toffee mincemeat brandy bun 黏糊糊的太妃糖白兰地面包
is cram-jammed with flavor! 味道真是太浓郁了
It is so cram-jammed. 好浓郁啊
How'd she get the meat so minced? 她怎么把肉切得这么碎
Bridgette! 布里奇特
Grab a Snuggie and get in on this action. 拿个毛毯 加入我们吧
Sorry, can't. 抱歉 不行哦
I'm going out to Logan's tonight. 我今晚要去洛根
It's the hot club right now. 那个夜店现在可火了
A club? 夜店
Come on, it's Crumpet Week! 拜托 这周是煎饼周
Yeah, so, remember how we agreed to warn each other 是的 还记得我们说好
if we ever started to turn, you know... old? 如果变老了 就要提醒彼此吗
What? Just 'cause we're drinking lavender dreamtime tea? 怎么 就因为我们喝了薰衣草梦幻茶吗
Lavender dreamtime? 薰衣草梦幻茶
Yes, please! 我也要
First pour, though. 不过我要第一杯
Daddy doesn't like it too strong. 爸爸不喜欢太浓的
Guys, you have a whole night to yourselves 伙计们 你们可以嗨一整晚
and this is what you're gonna do with it? 这就是你们的选择吗
You're old. 你们老了
No, we're... not? 不 我们没有吧
Good night! 晚安
Lavender dream time? 薰衣草梦幻茶
Yes, please! 我也要
Take us with you! 带我们一起吧
- You sure? - Yes. -你们确定吗 -是的
We'll party just like the old days -- 我们要像以前一样嗨
rage all night and then stumble into Brite Spot at dawn 狂欢一整晚 黎明时跌跌撞撞地去亮点餐馆
for chocolate-chip pancakes. 吃点巧克力碎松饼
Yeah! Let's do this right! 没错 嗨起来吧
Hope you guys like Weezer. 希望你们喜欢威瑟合唱团
Hey, my dude, my man, my bro. 哥们 伙计 兄弟
What's a guy got to do to get a few shots around here? 这里怎么点酒啊
Stop trying so hard? 不要这么尬
Four tequilas, please. 四杯龙舌兰 谢谢
One hundo percent. So lit. Thanks. 100% 太棒了 谢谢
- To being lit! - To being lit -燃起来 -燃起来
"Lit" means cool. "燃"就是酷的意思
Alright, I'm just gonna go over here 好吧 我去那边了
while you guys are talkin' like that. 你们继续尬聊吧
Wait, isn't he, like, some big YouTuber? 等等 他不是油管博主吗
Yeah -- Jaxon Pill. 没错 杰克森·皮尔
Samsung paid him a hundred grand to unbox a Galaxy, 三星付了他十万开箱盖世乐手机
and he literally shit all over it. 他真的在上面拉屎了
Mama, mama, red pajama. 妈妈 妈妈 红色睡衣
See you guys. I'mma go slide into his DMs, IRL. 回头见 我去找他聊聊
- Isn't he a little young? - M'kay, byeeeee! -他是不是太年轻了 -好吧 拜
Three more shots, please. 再来三杯 谢谢
*Closing time!* *关门了*
Yeaaaah, son! 儿子
Let's go get those pan-que-ques! 我们去吃松饼吧
Sorry, my bad! Rage on! 抱歉 我的错 继续狂欢吧
Wait, it's not closing time? 等等 还没关门吗
Nah, bro, it's only... 没有 兄弟 这才
Niiiine fifteeeeeen. 九点一刻
Daaamn, you've got six million subscribers? 天啊 你有六百万粉丝
Plus four milly on Insta. 图享网还有四百万
You wanna come back to my crib? 去我家坐坐吗
I got a custom Lambo. 我有一辆定制兰博基尼
So Gucci, right? 潮吧
Soooo Gucci. 太潮了
There's nowhere to sit, and my back is killing me! 没地方坐了 我的背疼死了
What?! 什么
I said my back is killing me! 我说我的背疼死了
Yeah, totally. 没错
I don't know about you, but my back is killing me! 我不知道你怎么想 但我的背疼死了
Should we just... call it a night? 今晚就到这里吧
We can't! 不行
That would be admitting we're old lame-os. 那我们就承认自己是老古董了
What's wrong with me? 我是怎么了
I'm already so friggin' tired. 我这么早就累了
Guys, I think I'm... 伙计们 我觉得我
old. 老了
Hey, watch out. 小心
Hey, barkeep! You got any, uh, craft beers? 酒保 有精酿啤酒吗
Maybe a double IPA? 双倍印度淡啤
I'm gonna need to see some ID, bro. 我要看一下你的身份证 兄弟
Really? 真的吗
Thank you, Rogaine! 谢谢 落根
I've got boxers older than 21. 我的四角裤都超过21岁了
Congrats, bro, you qualify for our VIP room! 恭喜你 兄弟 你有资格进入我们的VIP室
- VIP! VIP! VIP! VIP! - VIP? Ohh, man. -VIP VIP -VIP 我靠
I can't wait to post about this on Tripadvisor. 我一定要发到猫途鹰上
I wanna do that! 我也想要
How do you get to be A vip? 怎么成为VIP啊
Oh, my God. 天啊
It's so beautiful. 太美了
What? No! Oh, my God! 什么 不要 天啊
Holy crap! What the hell was that?! 我操 什么鬼
Dude thought he could cruise in here 他以为他可以在这里混到30岁
over the age of 30 and not get executed? 还不被处死吗
SMH, bruh. 不可能的
Josh, I don't want to die! 乔什 我不想死
We gotta find Bridgette and get outta here! 我们得找到布里奇特 然后离开这里
We can't let anyone in here know we're over 30. 我们不能让这里的人知道我们超过30岁
So what's up, girl? You wanna come back to my crib? 怎么样 妹子 去我家吗
Okay! But just to hang out. I'm not some YouTube groupie. 好啊 但只是去玩玩 我不是狂热粉丝
Hey, that's cool. We'll do a little screen time, 没关系 我们先看会儿电视
PBS Kids and chill, 看点动画片
get my mom to whip us up some snacks... 让我妈给我们弄点零食
You...still live with your mom? 你还和你妈住在一起
And weekends at my dad's. 周末住我爸那
He's so strong. 他好强壮
Wait -- how old are you? 等等 你多大了
Me? I just turned 26 -- 我吗 我刚满26个
...months. 26 months. 月 26个月
What?! 什么
Oh, my God! You're a baby?! 天啊 你还是个宝宝
Nah, I'm a big boy. 不 我是大人了
I haven't had breast milk in over a year. 我已经一年多没喝母乳了
Though in your case, girl, shoot, 不过现在看到了你 妹子
I'd go back on that teat. 我好想嘬乳头
I'm going to jail! 我要进监狱了
Bridgette! 布里奇特
Are you shitting me? 逗我呢
Oh, wait. No, that's my bad. 等等 不 是我不好
Can I, uh, see some ID, my man? 我能看看你的身份证吗 伙计
What?! Why? We're -- We're hella young. 什么 为什么 我们很年轻啊
Right, bae? 对吧 婊贝
For realsies. 必须的
Like, seriously, I'm about to get a Bird scooter home 说真的 我要买一辆飞鸟滑板车回家
and just jump on my parents' insurance. 直接上我父母的保险
That checks out. My bad! 没问题 我的错
Thought you were VIPs for a second there. 我还以为你们是VIP呢
No worries, my dude. 没事 兄弟
We gotta jet, but hit me up on the Facebook. 我们走了 记得在脸书上找我
Only old people use Facebook. 只有老人才用脸书
No, I meant... 不 我是说
Snapchat! Venmo? 阅后即焚 电子转账
Look at me floss. 看我的甩手舞
I remember Blockbuster Video! 我记得百视达影像
That's right. I owned cassette singles! 没错 我有卡带单曲
I used AOL to "surf the Web." 我用美国在线"网上冲浪"
I am... 我
old! 老了
What the hell are you doing?! 你到底在干什么
I'm just a tired old man who can't even party anymore. 我只是个嗨不起来的疲惫老人
If anybody should die tonight, it's me. 今晚我不入地狱 谁入地狱
Get away from me, ya punk millennial! 离我远点 你这个千禧一代
He's sacrificing himself to save us. 他牺牲了自己来救我们
- Very cool. Let's go. - No! -太酷了 走吧 -不
We can't leave him! 我们不能丢下他
Get -- Get out of the way! 让开
Leave the old people alone. 别碰老人
Let me go, Josh! It's my time! 放开我 乔什 我的死期到了
I can't let you do this. 我不能让你死
You've still got lots to live for! 你还有很多活下去的理由
Dude, what's the point? 老兄 有什么意义呢
I'm only gonna get older and lamer! 我只会越来越老 越来越逊
But what about all the good parts of getting old? 变老的好处呢
Like how no one expects you to keep up with new music anymore? 比如没人指望你听新音乐了
On a Friday night, you can just stay in 周五晚上 你可以待在家里
and watch "The Great British Bake Off"! 看《英国烘焙大赛》啊
And your beard's gonna get all salt and pepper-y! 你的胡子会沾上盐和胡椒
I'm all about older guys right now! 我现在满脑子都是老男人
You're saying I could have a Clooney vibe here? 你是说我可能有克鲁尼的气质吗
Oh, God! No, no, no, I wanna live! 天啊 不不不 我想活下去
I wanna get old! 我想变老
Noooo! Everyone over 30 must die! 不 超过30岁的人必须死
Just like in "Logan's Run"! 就像在《洛根快跑》里一样
Dude, did you just reference a movie from 1976? 哥们 你刚才引用了1976年的电影吗
That's why you named this place "Logan's"? 所以你这里才叫"洛根"吗
How old are you? 你多大了
What?! No! I -- I must have seen it streaming on Crackle or -- 什么 不 我肯定是在索尼流媒体上看到的
This dude's pushing 50! 这家伙快50岁了
I just wanted to keep it young in here! 我只是想让这里保持年轻的氛围
You can't have people over 30 in your bar. 不能让超过30岁的人进夜店
Then it becomes a pub! 那这里就变成酒吧了
And I would have gotten away with it, 我本来可以蒙混过关的
if it weren't for you nosy 35-year-old kids! 都怪你们这些爱管闲事的35岁小孩
No, no, no! 不 不 不
Yo, if you feelin' me, then "wike and subscwibe." 如果喜欢我 就"素质三连"吧
I know he's young, but he is cute. 我知道他很小 但他很可爱啊
Is it just me, or are these pancakes... 是我的错觉 还是这些煎松饼
Disgustingly sweet? 甜得令人作呕
Yeah, I guess our tastes have changed. 是啊 看来我们的口味变了
And that's okay. We've got new tastes. 没关系 我们有了新口味
These Bakewell tarts got a soggy bottom. 这些果酱杏味馅饼的底部都湿了
Cram-jammed with potato curry! 上面全是咖喱土豆
We saw a guy get killed tonight. 我们今晚亲眼目睹了一个人被杀
So, to prevent further mishaps, 为了避免更多的事故
the children will no longer be learning acupuncture. 孩子们将不再学习针灸
Who cares? 管它呢
Aaaand this parent-teacher meeting is done. 家长会到此为止
Is what I will say as soon as we're done. 一完事我就会说这句话
Oh, come on. 不是吧
Oh, man. 天啊
I should not've drunk three Powerades. 我不该喝三瓶运动饮料的
Just cross your legs. It's almost over. 把腿夹起来 快结束了
And there is one last thing before I let you go, 结束之前还有最后一件事
something very exciting. 非常激动人心
Something exciting? 激动人心
An opportunity. If you're up to it. 一个机会 前提是你们愿意
We need a volunteer to be room parent! 我们需要一名志愿者来当班级家长
You guys, you guys, the drama -- do we need it? 伙计们 有必要闹成这样吗
You just have to send a bunch of e-mails 只需要发邮件
and raise money for new playground equipment. 为新游乐场设施筹钱而已
Josh, whatever you do, don't raise your... 乔什 不管你做什么 别举起你的
hand? 手
What'd I miss? We doing a purge? 我错过了什么 人类清除计划吗
Joshua, would you like to volunteer to be room parent? 约书亚 你愿意担任班级家长吗
That sounds pretty cool. 听起来不错啊
Josh?! Dooooon't! 乔什 不要
I'llll dooooo iiii-- 我愿意
Yes! We have our room parent for the year! 太好了 今年有班级家长了
He didn't mean it! It was a spasm! 他不是故意的 他只是抽搐了
Ooh, I'm so sorry, accidental hand raises are legally binding. 抱歉 意外举手是有法律约束力的
Josh, do you realize what you've signed up for? 乔什 你知道你干了什么吗
Your life as you know it is over. 你的人生已经结束了
It's an opportunity to help the school 这是一个帮助学校
and do something for Candice. 并且为坎蒂斯做点什么的好机会
And it seems fun. Check out this swag. 看起来很有趣啊 看看这个
That is a novelty thermometer for the fundraiser. 这是为募捐活动准备的新奇温度计
More like fun-raiser. 我看着像娱乐活动
I'm gonna go get Candice. 我去找坎蒂斯
Let me help you with that, you absolute hero. 我来帮你吧 大英雄
Thanks, uh... 谢谢
Nikki. I'm Billy's mom. 妮基 我是比利的妈妈
I just wanted to say how impressive you are. 我只想说 你真是太厉害了
It takes a real man to volunteer 真正的男人才会自愿
to be room parent and put on a fundraiser. 成为班级家长 筹办募捐活动
I think of it as more of a fun-raiser. 我觉得更像是娱乐活动
Oh, my God! 天啊
You're so funny! 你太逗了
Thanks. I think so, too. 谢谢 我也这么觉得
Look, I don't want to overstep, but... 我不想越界 但是
What if we were co-room parents? 咱俩能不能一起当班级家长
- Really? - Yeah! -真的吗 -是啊
I did it for my older kids, 我原来是他哥哥姐姐的班级家长
so I know how hard it can be. 所以我知道这有多难当
But I bet if we put our faces, 但我敢打赌 如果我们把脸
I mean heads together, 我是说一起加油
we might even have a little sex. 我们说不定会做爱呢
I mean fun. 我是说很有趣
That sounds great. Thanks, Nikki. 听起来不错啊 谢谢 妮基
Let's do coffee tomorrow. 我们明天一起喝杯咖啡吧
Talk about the fundraiser, 谈谈募捐活动
explore our feelings. 探索我们的感受
Do you work out? 你健身吗
Actually, don't answer. 不用回答我
I want to find out organically. 我想顺其自然地查清楚
Who was that? 那是谁
She just offered to be my co-room parent. 她想和我一起当班级家长
Really? Why? 是吗 为什么
Maybe she just likes fundraising. 也许她只是喜欢筹款
Nobody likes fundraising, Josh. 没有人喜欢筹款 乔什
Yeah! What's fun about raisins, Josh? 是啊 葡萄干[谐音]有什么好玩的 乔什
What's so funny? 有什么好笑的
Ah, room parent stuff. 班级家长的事
You wouldn't understand. 你不会明白的
This is her now! 是她
I'd better take it. 我得接一下
Nikki, hey! 妮基
What am I wearing? 我穿的是什么
She's got it bad. 她好饥渴
She's just aching for that J-dog D. 她渴望他的大弟
What are you talking about? 你们说什么呢
Josh is a type. 乔什算是一种男人的类型
That hummingbird nose... 蜂鸟般的鼻子
His fragile hips. 脆弱的臀部
The way his eyes tear up when he tastes mustard. 他吃芥末的时候眼睛会流泪
Dude's got a body like the jack of clubs -- 他的身材就像梅花J
better than a 10 and paper thin. 比梅花10[财富牌]要强 而且超单薄
No, they're just joking around. 不 他们只是在开玩笑
Going out to meet Nikki! 我去见妮基了
She told me to wash my balls. 她让我洗球球[蛋蛋]
So random. 太会扯了
I've seen that look before. Let me guess -- 我见过这种表情 让我猜猜
taking revenge on the cartel that killed your partner? 向杀死你搭档的贩毒集团复仇吗
I think Josh is being seduced. 我觉得乔什被勾引了
He doesn't realize it yet, but once he does, 他还没发现 但我怕他发现的时候
I'm worried it'll be too late. 已经为时已晚
We'll take my spy van. 开我的间谍车
I followed you today. 我今天跟踪了你
I saw you gallivanting around town with your girlfriend! 我看到你和女朋友在城里闲逛
Nikki? We're just buds! We like to horse around 妮基吗 我们只是兄弟 我们喜欢瞎闹
and give each other nicknames, like Nik-Nak 给对方起外号 比如妮克·纳克
and Delicious Little Sex Boy. 和美味的性感小男孩
I saw you being romantic all over town. 我看到你们到处调情
We were just exploring potential places to hold the fundraiser. 我们只是想找个地方举办募捐活动
So you aren't cheating on me? 所以你没有背叛我吗
Of course not! 当然没有
I love you! And don't worry -- 我爱你 别担心
If someone were coming on to me, 如果有人勾引我
I would definitely know. 我肯定能发现
Just in case, would you mind 以防万一 你可以
not co-room-parenting with Nikki anymore? 不和妮基一起当班级家长吗
Totally. 当然
Thank you. 谢谢
Maybe we can stop by her place 我们可以在明天举办募捐活动前
before the fundraiser tomorrow and break the news. 去她家和她说一下
Sure! She invited me over for a tour of her bathtub anyway, so -- 好啊 她正好邀请我去参观她的浴缸呢
I see it now. 我现在发现了
Josh! Josh's wife! 乔什 乔什的妻子
What a pleasant surprise. Come on in. 太惊喜了 进来吧
Uh, sorry to drop in on you like this. 很抱歉突然造访
I just needed to let you know, 我想和你说一声
I don't think we should be co-room parents anymore. 咱来还是不要一起当班级家长了
You're so funny! 你太逗了
I know I'm usually so funny, 我知道我平时很逗
but this time, I'm actually serious. 但我这次是认真的
But what about the fundraiser? 那筹款活动怎么办
Josh can take care of it. 乔什可以搞定
He really appreciates all your help. 他真的很感谢你的帮助
Thank you, Josh! 谢谢 乔什
I've been making a killer apple tart. 我在做超好吃的苹果馅饼
How about a slice to show there's no hard feelings? 来一块吧 证明我们之间没什么不愉快
That would be -- 那真是
...lovely. 太好了
That worked out great! 进行得很顺利啊
Thanks for doing this. 谢谢你来和她说
No problem. 没事
Billy, my man, what's up? 比利 你好啊
Josh... 乔什
Don't like responding to questions when you watch TV? 你不喜欢看电视时回答问题吗
My daughter's the same -- waaait a minute, 我女儿也是 等一下
why does your arm feel like it's filled with straw? 为什么你的胳膊像是装满了稻草
Oh, my God! Billy's dead! 天啊 比利死了
No! Billy's not real! 不 比利并不存在
We have to get out of here! 我们得离开这里
I'm afraid I can't let you do that. 恐怕你们不能走
Not to be rude, but... 无意冒犯 但是
...I don't think we want that tart anymore. 我们不想吃馅饼了
Don't worry. 别担心
The only thing on the menu... 这里只有
...is gun. 枪
Wait, why did you bake it into the tart? 等等 你为什么要把枪放进馅饼
So you're not even a parent at the school? 所以你根本不是学生家长
God no. 当然不是
Kids are like, echhh! 孩子太恶心了
With their sticky little blechhhh. Yeah, no. 黏糊糊的小东西 还是算了
I've pulled this grift in every town 每个镇上我都干过这种勾当
from Santa Maria to Santa Clarita. 从圣玛丽亚到圣克拉里塔
Every school has at least one dad up to his neck 每个学校都至少有一个爸爸
in room parent duties, desperate for help. 被班级家长整疯 急需帮助
In my line of work we call them a "Josh." 干我们这行的都管他们叫"乔什"
But why? 但是为什么呢
You can't be making more than like 250 bucks. 你最多只能赚250块
It's a volume business. 这是走量的买卖
I'm running a Josh in Van Nuys, too. 我也在凡奈斯还吊着一个乔什呢
Well, this has been fun, but I have children to rob. 这次的经历很有趣 但我还有孩子要抢呢
If she takes that money, 如果她拿了钱
we won't be able to afford a new playground! 我们就修不起新游乐场了
And everyone'll think I'm just some dumb Josh! 所有人都会觉得我很愚蠢
- What are you doing? - I'm getting us out of here. -你在干嘛 -我要带我们离开这里
Why, yes, my son is here. 是的 我儿子在这里
And he's totally a human boy. 他就是人类
Where the hell are those two? 那两个人呢
Postpal. 快递
They were all out of knife. 他们没有刀了
You guys are the worst. 你们太差劲了
Nikki! Stop! 妮基 站住
See you on the other side, losers! 另一边见 废物们
Shit. 靠
You can't be up here! 你不能上来
Oh, my God! You're so funny. 天啊 你真逗
Mom! 妈妈
Dad's girlfriend is getting away! 爸爸的女朋友要跑了
- Don't call her that. - Give it up, Nikki. -别这么叫她 -放弃吧 妮基
- You're trapped. - Please! -你被困住了 -拜托
Like I could ever be outsmarted by a Josh. 我怎么可能被一个乔什耍得团团转
Okay, I want to get off now. 好吧 我要下车
Emily! 艾米丽
Josh! 乔什
I've got to stop her! 我得阻止她
I'm a room parent. 我是班级家长
Sorry, Billy! 对不起 比利
Give me the cash, Nikki! 把现金给我 妮基
How about I make out a check? 我开个支票怎么样
To your nuts! 给你的蛋蛋
So long, Josh! 再见了 乔什
And by the way... 对了
you're actually not funny. 你一点都不逗
Yeah, it's pretty hard to be funny... 是啊 逗人笑真的很难
when the joke's on you! 尤其是你被耍的时候
Billy?! 比利
How could you?! 你怎么能这样
Noooooooo! 不
Thank you, yeah. Mr. Campbell. 谢谢你 坎贝尔先生
I spoke with the rest of the faculty at Chamomile, 我和甘菊小学的其他教职工谈过了
and we all agreed to make Josh... 我们都同意让乔什成为
room parent for life! 终身班级家长
But that can't be legally -- 但这不具有法律
It's legally binding! 这是有法律约束力的