- Yo, Tommy. - Hey, taxi.
Cigars. Cigarettes.
Great idea.
Hello, New York. I'm Bobby Rydell, and I'm glad to be here.
Thank you all for coming to see us tonight.
It's Saturday night at the Copa.
We think you're gonna have a great time tonight.
We're gonna do our best to make sure of that.
As always, a very special thanks to
Mr Jules Podell for having us out.
Let's get started.
♪ That old black magic has me ♪
♪ In its spell ♪
♪ That old black magic ♪
♪ That you, weave so well ♪
♪ Those icy fingers ♪
Cigars? Cigarettes?
♪ Up and down my spine ♪
Thanks, doll.
♪ The same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine ♪
♪ I love them so ♪
♪ Well, that same old tingle ♪
Cigars?
♪ That I feel inside ♪
♪ And then that elevator Starts its ride ♪
♪ Darling ♪
Hello, sweetheart.
Here's my coat. And you see this here hat?
I want you to guard it with your life.
It was a gift from my mother.
Yes, Mr Loscudo.
- Here, that's for you. - Thank you, sir.
- Gio. - Hey, Carmine.
- How are you, pally? - Good to see you.
Oh, thank you. That's unnecessary.
Come on, let's go. Andiamo.
I saw this kid Bobby Rydell two and
a half years ago in South Philly.
Nobody knew who he was.
They know him now.
Hey, give me Loscudo's hat.
- But he said to guard it. - I know. I heard.
Give it to me, all right?
Come on.
♪ Yeah, I should stay away ♪
♪ But what can I do? ♪
♪ I hear your name ♪
Hey, be respectful and watch your mouth.
Shut up. She works here, all right, tough guy?
Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Tony Lip.
♪ Well, now you're the lover ♪
♪ I have waited for ♪
♪ You're the mate that fate had me created for ♪
♪ And every time your lips meet mine, yeow ♪
You put your hands on me, you punk?
Do yourself a favour, go home with your friends.
You don't tell me where to go. You know who I am?
I'm going back in there.
♪ Keep talking about that black old magic ♪
♪ Yeah, baby because I love, oh, yeah ♪
♪ Love that thing ♪
♪ Old black magic ♪
♪ Yeah, I love ♪
You tell Juley Podell if I don't get my hat,
I'm gonna burn this joint down. You hear me?
Joe, it's gonna turn up. I swear to God it's gonna turn up.
- Really? - It'll turn up.
You tell that fat Jew bastard,
I don't get my hat, I'll burn the Copa down.
I'm gonna have to go back to driving garbage trucks.
Jesus Christ.
Loscudo's out of his mind.
We earned our money tonight.
Lip, I thought you were gonna kill that guy.
- Yeah. - Better him than me.
So, what are you gonna do while we're closed?
I don't know. Maybe go work at my uncle's pizza joint.
You?
I'm gonna drink for two months.
Take me home, Lip.
- Hey, good luck. - You, too.
See you, Carmine.
No, you shouldn't... That should not happen.
No, I don't want to be a...
My hat.
Heard it was missing, so I looked into it.
I wanted to kill that broad.
No, no. It wasn't her fault.
Who had the balls to clip Gio's hat?
Don't worry about it. I took care of it.
Yeah, I hope you gave him some beating.
Here. Take this. Put it in your kick.
No. No, thanks. It was a pleasure, Mr Loscudo, really.
Bullshit. Take it.
And from now on, you don't call me "Mr Loscudo."
You hear me?
I'm your pal Gio.
Morning.
Good night.
One down, and the batter will be Roger Maris.
- We need to get back in this. - The pitch to Maris. Curveball.
Come on, Roger. Come on.
Come on, Roger, hit one out.
- Let's do it. - Johnny, quiet.
- You're gonna jinx it. - Come on, Roger.
Hey, Johnny. Think you could yell a little louder?
- Maris is up. - Yeah, so am I now.
What the hell are all you guys doing here?
All right.
We came over to keep Dolores company.
- Come on. - Tony.
Thank you, madam.
- Come on, Roger, please. - Let's do it, baby.
- I'll walk you out. - Sure.
We need to get back in this ball game.
- Come on. - Thank you so much.
Any problems, give us a call.
Come on, come on, Roger.
- The 1-2 pitch. - Come on, baby.
The curve is hit deep into right field.
We did it. We got it.
- Yeah. - There it is.
Whoo.
- All right. - 3-1, baby. 3-1.
- Coming back. - Roger, baby, way to go.
- 3-1. - Way to go.
Do it again. Let's do it again.
Come on, baby.
No, Tony. Go get dressed. We're gonna eat.
All right.
No game seven, no game seven.
From thy bounty, through Christ our Lord.
- Amen. - Amen.
And if anyone hears of a job for Tony, let us know.
- Dolour. - What?
Please.
What happened? Did you get fired?
- No. - No.
The Copa's closing for repairs,
so he just needs something for a couple of months.
All the people he knows, he'll find something in no time.
Well, he had a great job at the sanitation department.
You shouldn't have punched out the foreman.
He shouldn't have woke me up.
That's Tony.
I can't believe they lost.
- Don't worry, don't worry. - Relax.
That never happened before.
They're gonna win the World Series.
I'm telling you, this is gonna be the
easiest 50 bucks you're ever gonna make.
Yeah, we'll see.
Hey, there they are.
Hi, Johnny.
- Tony, how are you? - Hey, Paulie. How you doing?
I'm good, I'm good. So, Johnny here tells me
you ate 48 White Castle burgers all in one sitting.
Cheeseburgers.
You tell him, Frankie.
I don't believe it.
What do we care if you believe it?
Hey, Gorman. What's the record here for hot dogs?
Eighteen. Fat Paulie.
Why wasn't Lip in on that contest?
What contest? I was hungry.
Well, the bet's simple.
Half a C-note. Most hot dogs in an hour wins.
With toppings.
- What the hell you weigh? - 260.
Hey, 2... Your left ass weighs 260.
May my mother-in-law drop dead on the spot if I'm lying.
- All right. You're on. - Good.
Pick it up, Lip. The baby elephant just hit 19.
Let's go, Lip. Let's go.
Come on, let's go, Lip. Let's get this going.
You're embarrassing.
You're embarrassing your son.
He is killing you.
Hey, Nicky, you doing your homework?
- Yep. - Good.
Where you been?
Gorman's.
I'm making dinner.
Fat Paulie bet me 50 bucks he could eat more hot dogs than me.
He knocked off 24. Guy's an animal.
Are you crazy? You lost $50?
Dolores, please.
I ate 26.
You are so lucky.
You know that?
Rent is due on Monday.
You gonna get that?
- Yeah? - Hey, Lip.
Some guy called over here, a doctor. He's looking for a driver.
- You interested? - Yeah.
They're interviewing guys tomorrow afternoon.
The address is, 881 Seventh Avenue.
2:15.
Hey. Excuse me.
We're not open right now,
but you're welcome to purchase tickets to tonight's performance.
Nah, that's all right. I think I got the wrong address.
But, is there a doctor's office in here?
A doctor's office?
Dr Shirley?
You have the correct address.
Dr Shirley lives upstairs, above the hall.
How you doing?
I'm here for the driver job.
Tony Lip.
No "Tony Lip."
No, I should be on there.
No.
I have a Tony Val... Valle-la-la...
Vallelonga. Yeah. That's me.
- Fill it out while you wait. - What?
Fill it out while you wait.
Oh. Yeah.
Have a seat.
Mr Vallelonga. Sorry to keep you waiting.
Oh.
I'm Dr Donald Shirley.
Tony.
Yes. Please sit down.
Some place you got here.
Are them horns real?
Elephant tusks, yes.
What about that?
Is that a molar?
- A what? - A molar, like a shark tooth.
Or a tiger's maybe.
It was a gift.
I thought... I thought I was going to an office.
They said a doctor needed a driver.
That's all they told you?
Yeah.
Actually, it's a bit more complicated than that.
Have you ever driven professionally before?
Yeah. Sanitation.
Garbage trucks.
Plus, I drive my boss home at night.
But I can drive anything. Limos. Tow trucks.
Snowplows. Whatever.
I see. What other experience do you have?
I worked a lot of joints.
Waggon Wheel, Peppermint Lounge, Copa.
- In what capacity? - What do you mean?
What did you do there?
Public relations.
Well, first of all, Tony, I'm not a medical doctor.
I'm a musician.
You mean, like, songs?
Yes. And I'm about to embark on a concert tour,
the majority of which will be down south.
- Atlantic City. - No.
The Deep South.
First, we're starting in the Midwest,
and then we're taking a hard left.
Kentucky, North Carolina, Tennessee,
and on down through the Delta.
Do you foresee any issues in working for a black man?
No.
No, no, no. It was just the other day,
me and the wife had a couple of coloured guys over at the house.
For... For drinks.
I see. You're married.
Yeah. Two kids.
I'm not sure this is the proper job for a married man.
Why? Are we bringing broads?
My point is we'll be gone for eight straight weeks.
No breaks, right up until Christmas.
You're quite sure you can leave your family for that long?
Depends what you're paying.
A hundred dollars a week plus room and board.
But let me be crystal clear.
I'm not just hiring a chauffeur.
I need someone who can handle my itinerary,
be a personal assistant.
I need a valet.
I need someone who can launder my clothes and shine my shoes.
Good luck, Doc.
Tony.
I had my record label ask around town to find me the right man.
Your name came up more than once.
You've impressed several people with your...
innate ability to handle trouble.
And that is why I called and inquired about your availability.
Okay, here's the deal. I got no
problem being on the road with you.
But I ain't no butler.
I ain't ironing no shirts, and I'm not polishing nobody's shoes.
You need somebody to get you from point A to point B?
You need someone to make sure there's no problems along the way?
And believe me, you in the Deep
South... there's gonna be problems.
So, if you want me, it's a buck and a quarter a week.
Or go hire that little chink just pranced out of here,
see how far you get.
Well, Mr Vallelonga...
thank you for stopping by.
Hey, Bobby.
Give me a Rheingold.
Ice cold.
Mr Tony.
Augie asking about you.
Come on. I'm dying of thirst over here.
Shut up.
I'm talking.
When?
Now. He in his box.
Tony Lip.
What the hell happened at the Copa?
I hear you almost split a guy's face open.
That guy you hit, Mikey Cerrone,
part of Charlie the Hand's crew.
Guess he should have known better.
Hand asked me to look into it. I spoke to Podell.
Whole thing was, over a piece of ass, right?
Yeah.
Beef like that should never happen inside the club.
They were out of line.
So we squashed it.
You, looking to earn a little extra scharole?
I can keep you busy while the Copa is down.
What do I got to do?
Things.
Appreciate it, but, I want to spend some time with the family.
Don't be stupid.
You make yourself a few extra bucks,
you buy something nice for that pretty little wife of yours.
Nah, I'm good. I'm flush right now.
Here's 50.
Here. Pay me 60 by New Year's, you get it back.
Hey, Lip.
Everything okay?
What, you got beak trouble, Charlie?
Mind your business.
So, come on. I'm dying to hear. What
happened with the doctor interview?
He ain't a real doctor. He's a piano player.
Well, I don't understand. Why did they say that he was a doctor?
I don't know. I think he's, like, a
doctor of piano playing or something.
You can be that?
I guess.
He lives on top of Carnegie Hall.
You should've seen this place, Dee.
It was filled with statues and all kinds of fancy crap.
And he was sitting on top of a frigging throne
all dressed up like... like the king of the jungle bunnies.
He's coloured?
Well, you wouldn't last a week with him.
For the right money, I would.
Yeah.
Oh.
Look...
Really?
- Okay. - Everything okay?
Okay, hang on a sec.
It's, Dr Shirley, the piano guy.
He wants to talk to you.
- Me? - Yeah.
What? No.
- Come on. Take it. - No. Tony...
Just... Just talk.
Hello?
Good morning, Doctor. It's nice to talk to you.
Well, yes, that is a long time.
It is.
Yes. I'm sure.
Thank you.
Thank you for calling.
Bye now.
What'd he say?
He wanted to know if I'd be okay
with him taking my husband away from his family for two months.
He said he'd pay you what you asked for.
Hey.
It's good money.
We need it.
Can't be eating 26 hot dogs every day.
I know.
I told him it was okay for you to go.
All right. Hey, look. So here's the first half of your pay.
You're gonna get the rest when the tour's over.
No, I got to get paid every week.
Sorry. That's not how the record company does it.
We got to have some guarantee you're gonna finish the job.
Why wouldn't I finish the job? I took it, didn't I?
Well, then we got nothing to worry about.
Here's the deal, Mr Vallelonga, okay?
It's your job to get Don to all his tour dates on time.
Now, if he misses any shows, you're not getting your back end.
- He's not gonna miss any show. - Good.
Oh, you're gonna need this.
Now, this is the book I was telling you about.
Sometimes you guys are staying in the
same hotel, sometimes you're not.
- Oh, yeah, the... - Yeah, yeah.
All right, don't let me down. Let's go.
Marone. Is this the new one?
Yeah, the record company rented it.
- It's nice, huh? - Beautiful.
So, what'd my sister have to say about
you being gone for three weeks?
Eight weeks.
10-to-1, you slap this moolie out, you come home in under a month.
- Come here. - All right, boys, huddle up.
- Say goodbye to your father. - Frankie, Nicky. Come here.
All right. You gonna be good boys?
Huh.
You'll listen to your mother?
Yeah? All right, give me a kiss.
I'm counting on youse.
- Don't go too far. - We won't.
Did you go to the AAA for the maps?
Yes.
No. I mean, the record companies gave me the maps and the itinerary
and this thing.
The Negro Motorist's Green Book.
Yeah, it lists all the places coloureds can stay down south.
Like, you know, travelling while black.
"Travelling while black"?
Yeah, if you're black and you got to travel for some reason.
- Got a special book for that? - I guess.
- Did you pack the iron? - I ain't lugging no iron, Dee.
How are you gonna press your pants?
I'll put them under the mattress.
I want you to write me a letter every chance you get.
- I can't write letters. - Yes, you can.
- I can't write. - Take you five minutes.
- Promise me. - It's embarrassing.
It ain't gonna be no good.
It's a lot cheaper than calling long-distance, Tony.
Promise me you're gonna write.
I promise.
Dee, put this in the bank today. It's half my pay.
Oh, here. There's a couple of sandwiches for you and Dr Shirley.
- Thanks. - Be careful.
I will.
I love you.
I love you, too, baby.
You better be home for Christmas, or don't come home at all.
I got it, Pop. I got it.
Hey. I'm Tony.
His driver.
Bum a smoke?
Thanks.
So you're the band?
Oleg. Cello.
George. Bass.
And we're not a band. We're a trio.
Oh. Trio. Right.
Good morning. Excuse me.
Morning.
Thank you, Amit.
Have a wonderful trip, sir.
Tony, the first thing I'd like you
to do when we arrive in the city...
is check the piano where I'm playing.
Make sure it's a Steinway as per my contract.
And can you see to it that there's a bottle of Cutty Sark
in my room every night?
Every night?
Well, if you ever need any help with that.
I won't.
10:00 and 2:00 on the wheel, please.
Hey, Doc.
I noticed on the itinerary thing
the last show's on the 23rd of December, right?
Birmingham, yes. It's a Christmas show.
So, any way we could, maybe hit the road early next morning
so we'd be home in time for Christmas Eve?
We'll see.
Appreciate it.
Could you put out the cigarette, please?
Why?
I can't breathe back here.
What are you talking about?
Smoke's going in my lungs. I'm doing all the work here.
Thank you.
What are you looking at?
You speak German, huh?
That was Russian.
Yeah, I was stationed in Germany in the army.
I could pick up a little bit of what you were saying there.
Watch out for them krauts.
They're all snakes.
Kennedy should've bombed them when he had the chance.
Plus now them Cuban bastards.
Ain't they supposed to be following us?
They have the itinerary.
As long as they get to the show on time,
I'm not worried about it, and neither should you.
I ain't worried about nothing.
In fact, when you see me worried, you'll know.
- Tony. - You'll know if I'm worried.
How about some quiet time?
Sure.
It's amazing you said that.
"How about some quiet time?"
Dolores, my wife, used to say that all the time.
Well, not all the time, but, you know.
She says it when I come home from work sometimes.
You know, she's been with the kids all day,
and she'll say, "Tony, how about some quiet time?"
Exactly like how you said it. I mean, it's amazing.
How is that?
Salty.
Have you ever considered becoming a food critic?
No. Not really.
Why? Is there money in that?
I'm just saying you have a marvellous
way with words when describing food.
"Salty."
So vivid, one can almost taste it.
Hey, I'm just saying it's salty. And salt's cheating.
Any cook can make things salty.
To make it taste good without the salt,
with just the other flavours, that's the trick.
I mean, you take the basic ingredients...
We should get going soon if we expect
to get to Pittsburgh by dinner.
Hey, when I was in the army, I knew a guy from Pittsburgh.
Except he called it Titsburgh.
Because he said all the women there had huge tits.
That's absurd.
Why would women in Pittsburgh have larger breasts
than, say, women in New York?
Guess we'll find out, huh?
Hey, you know, when you first hired me,
my wife went out and bought one of your records.
The one about the orphans.
Orphans?
Yeah. Cover had a bunch of kids sitting around a campfire.
Orpheus.
Yeah.
Orpheus in the Underworld. It's based on a French opera.
And those weren't children on the cover.
Those were demons in the bowels of hell.
No shit? Must have been naughty kids.
What are... What are you doing?
Gotta take a leak, Doc.
Here? Now?
You want me to piss my pants?
- Oh, hey, Doc. - Good afternoon.
Take this for any incidentals we may need.
If you want to buy something, you don't have to ask.
Just keep the receipts, please.
When it runs low, let me know.
Oh. Thanks.
One more thing.
We'll be attending many events before and after the concerts,
interacting with some of the wealthiest
and most highly educated people in the country.
It is my feeling that your diction,
however charming it may be in the tri-state area,
could use some... finessing.
You mean diction... like in what way?
Like in the only way the word is ever used.
Okay.
Your intonation, inflection, your choice of words.
Hey, I got my own problems.
Now I got to worry about what people think about the way I talk?
There are simple techniques I can
teach you that are quite effective.
I can help you.
I don't need no goddamn help.
People don't like the way I talk, they can go take a shit.
The profanity is another issue.
Fanabola. Why are you breaking my balls?
Because you can do better, Mr Vallelonga.
Which brings me to one more point.
As the guest of honour, I'll be introduced
when entering these intimate events.
You will be introduced as well.
In my humble opinion, "Vallelonga" may be difficult to pronounce.
So, I was thinking
"Valle" would be more appropriate.
Tony Valle. Short and sweet.
Nah.
They got a problem with "Vallelonga,"
they can call me Tony Lip.
These are genteel people.
"Tony the Lip" may be a little...
worldly for them.
Well, then it's Tony Vallelonga.
All these high-class people, so much smarter than me,
with their intelligence and speaking abilities,
you're telling me they can't pronounce my name?
They don't like it, they can shove it up their ass.
I'll just wait outside.
A sound compromise.
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we are privileged
to present a great American artist.
He gave his first public performance at the age of three.
At age 18, at Arthur Fiedler's invitation,
our guest made his concert debut with the Boston Pops.
He holds doctorates in psychology, in
music, and in the liturgical arts,
and he has performed at the White House twice in the past 14 months.
He is a true virtuoso.
- And it's a... - "Virtuoso."
- It's a special treat for me... - That's Italian.
Means, he's really good.
So, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Don Shirley Trio.
A new pair of shoes.
- Hard ten. Lady's friend. - He keeps on winning.
It's your dice. I'm just having a lucky night.
You cheating, brother.
- Tony. - Get him again. Get him again.
- Boss man's calling. - He ain't my boss.
I work for the record company.
Yeah, I work for the record company, too.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, come on, man.
Hey, give us a chance to win back our loot, huh?
I'm sorry, fellas. Duty calls.
- Come on, man. - Duty calls?
My man, my duty is to get my money back.
I've been looking for you.
Yeah, sorry. The guys were having a little game.
Next time you need extra money, just ask me.
It's more fun winning it.
And what if you lost?
Craps and cards, I don't lose, Doc.
I don't lose.
So, stooping down in the gravel,
pitching dice for pocket change makes you a winner?
What are you giving me shit for? Everybody was doing it.
They didn't have a choice whether to be inside or out.
You did.
Now wipe off your knees. You have dirt on them.
Dear Dolores, how are you?
I am fine.
"I'm eating real good. Hamburgers mostly.
So don't worry about me not eating good.
I saw Dr Shirley play the piano tonight.
He don't play like a coloured guy.
He plays like Liberace, but better.
He's like a genius, I think.
When I look at him in the rearview mirror,
I can tell he's always thinking about stuff in his head.
I guess that's what geniuses do.
But it don't look fun to be that smart.
I miss you very, very much."
- Who is this? - Who?
On the radio.
Little Richard.
Really? That's Little Richard?
Yeah.
Think you could play something like that, Doc?
I don't know. Sounds fairly complicated.
Got that right.
So, where did this "Tony the Lip" moniker come from?
It's not "Tony the Lip."
It's "Tony Lip." One word.
I got it when I was a kid,
because my friend said I was the best bullshit artist in the Bronx.
Why are you smiling?
What do you mean?
It doesn't bother you that your friends,
the people closest to you, consider you a liar?
Who said "liar"? I said "bullshit artist."
And what's the difference?
Because I don't lie. Ever.
I'm just good at talking people into, you know,
doing things they don't want to do.
By bullshitting them.
And you're proud of that?
Well, it got me this job.
Wait a minute. You're full of shit.
You never heard of Chubby Checker?
Of course I've heard of him. I've just never heard his music before.
But I like this. This is nice.
He's got a silky voice, very smooth.
Yeah, he's terrific.
This is what everybody's dancing to now.
- This stuff... - Eyes on the road, Tony.
You know this song.
I don't think so, no.
How could you not know this music? Aretha Franklin.
Chubby Checker, Little Richard, Sam Cooke.
I mean, come on, Doc. These are your people.
Do you want anything? I'm getting a pack of smokes.
No, thank you.
Grabbed the rock and put it in his pocket.
Thank you, Oleg.
Nice turtleneck. Way to mix it up.
Got you an apple, Doc.
Before we pull out, Tony, we need to have a talk.
- Yeah? - Oleg told me what you did.
What'd I do?
You stole a jade stone from the store.
- No, I didn't. - He watched you do it.
I didn't steal no stone.
You picked it up and put it in your pocket.
I picked up a rock off the ground. I didn't steal from a box.
Now, why would you pick up a rock off the ground?
I don't know.
Because it ain't stealing. It's just a regular rock.
And why would you want a regular rock?
To have. For luck maybe.
A lucky rock.
- Yeah. - Let me see it.
Take it back and pay for it.
I told you that kraut was a snake.
Rats me out for something I didn't even do.
Pay for the stone, Tony. You'll feel better.
I feel fine. And I ain't paying for
no regular rock I found in the dirt.
Do not drive, Mr Vallelonga.
Put it back.
- Feel better? - No.
If you'd like, Tony, I'd happily buy you the stone.
Don't bother. You took all the fun out of it.
Excuse me. Sir.
- I'm with the band. - You're all set up.
This isn't the piano, right?
That's it.
It ain't a Steinway.
So what?
Dr Shirley only plays on Steinway grand pianos.
It's in his written contract.
Who's Dr Shirley?
Dr Shirley. The Don Shirley Trio. They're playing tonight.
Does it really matter?
Yeah, it does. It's in his contract.
Come on, man.
These coons can play on anything you put in front of them.
But it's a piece of shit.
And there's garbage in there.
So take it out.
What'd you say?
You heard me.
Hey. You got two, three hours. Just get a clean Steinway in here.
There ain't a Steinway on campus.
Not my problem.
I bet there's not two Steinways in the whole state of Indiana.
I guess you'd better move your ass, then.
Who you think you're talking to, greaseball?
Dear Dolores,
this morning I had steak and eggs for breakfast.
The band has been playing at very ritzy joints.
Dr Shirley and I are getting along pretty good.
But sometimes I think he gets sad,
and that's why he drinks too much.
I never knew how very beautiful this country was.
Now that I'm seeing it, I know.
You won't believe how beautiful nature
is. It is as beautiful as they say.
And the traffic out here in the country
is nothing, which is fine by me.
Right now I'm eating spaghetti and meatballs in a diner
that tastes like ketchup on Chinese noodles.
We are heading down south now.
I will write you another letter when we get down south.
I love you. Your husband, Tony.
PS. Kiss the kids for me.
Got any family, Doc?
Not really.
Not really? Either you do or you don't.
It's a long story, Tony.
What, we're in a hurry now?
Let's hear it.
I have a brother somewhere.
We used to get together once in a while,
but it got more and more difficult to stay in touch.
Curse of being a musician, I guess.
Always on the road.
Like a carnival worker.
Or a criminal.
Took quite the toll on my marriage as well.
- You're married? - Was.
June.
Good person. Terrible grammar, but a kind soul.
You'd quite like her.
June. Like, like Lassie's mum.
Unfortunately, I couldn't do a husband
act and a concert pianist act.
Couldn't seem to manage both worlds.
Kentucky fried chicken.
In Kentucky. When's that ever gonna happen?
All right.
Hey, you want some?
- I'm fine. Thank you, Tony. - All right.
I think this is the best Kentucky fried chicken I ever had.
Probably because it's fresher down here, right?
I don't think I've ever met anyone with your appetite.
No. I got the bucket so you could have some.
I've never had fried chicken in my life.
Who you bullshitting?
You people love the fried chicken, the grits, and the collard greens.
I love it, too.
Negro cooks used to make it all the time when I was in the army.
You have a very narrow assessment of me, Tony.
Yeah, right? I'm good.
No. No, you're not good. You're bad.
I'm saying, just because other Negroes
enjoy certain types of music,
it doesn't mean I have to.
Nor do we all eat the same kind of food.
Whoa. Wait a minute.
If you said all guineas like pizza and spaghetti and meatballs,
I'm not gonna get insulted.
You're missing the point.
For you to make the assumption that every Negro...
- Hey, you want some or not? - No.
Here. Come on.
- Tell me that don't smell good. - It...
- Huh? - It smells okay.
I prefer not to get grease on my blanket.
Ooh, I'm gonna get grease on my blankey.
Come on, have a piece. It ain't gonna kill you.
- Come on, take it, eat it. - No.
Take it. I'm throwing it in the back.
- You... Don't you dare. - Then you better take it.
How? Do you have plates or utensils?
Baffangul. Eat it with your hands.
- That's how you're supposed to. - I can't do that.
Eat it. Come on. Take it. I got to
drive. 10:00 and 2:00 on the wheel.
Come on. Take it, take it, take it.
- Tony... - Come on, come on.
There you go.
Huh?
I can't do this, Tony.
Eat the goddamn thing.
Jesus.
What, no good?
It just seems...
so un... unsanitary.
Who gives a shit?
Just relax and enjoy it.
You know, my father used to say...
"Whatever you do, do it a hundred percent."
When you work, work. When you laugh, laugh.
When you eat, eat like it's your last meal.
You want another piece? Here. Have a breast.
Delicious.
Take it. Here you go.
What do we do about the bones?
We do this.
This is what we do.
There you go.
What's the big deal, Doc? The squirrels would've ate it anyway.
Pick it up, Tony.
Nature takes care of the earth.
- Pick it up. - Ah, jeez.
This can't be right.
It says right here, "Cosy as your own home."
Place looks like my ass.
This is the place.
The square one, please.
- Just this one? - Thank you.
Hey, if you need anything,
I'll be right up the street at the Easton Inn.
Thank you, Tony.
Hey, Floyd, we ready.
I told you I can't play. My shoulder.
You and that damn shoulder.
Hey. Hey, fancy-pants. You want to play?
I beg your pardon?
Come on, brother. We short a man.
Oh, I'd rather not.
What, you too high and mighty?
No, no, let him alone. Let him alone.
He just afraid of getting that butler uniform a little dusty.
Mm.
I'm just...
I'm on my way to meet a friend.
Yeah, well, thanks for nothing.
Floyd, come on, man.
Shut your ass up, man, and leave me alone.
"Vacation without aggravation."
"Delightful dinners for particular people."
- Yeah? - Get up. It's George.
Get up.
Tony, come on. Hurry up.
Dr Shirley's in trouble.
I went out for a drink, I walk into this bar,
and Dr Shirley's in there getting bounced around.
I didn't want to leave him, but I didn't know what to do.
Who let him out of his cage?
And they put that little tie on him, too.
- Why you all dressed up? - Yeah.
Get your hands off him.
What in the good goddamn we got here, fellas?
Hand him over. We walk out. Won't be a problem.
I just wanted a drink, Tony.
Hey, I told you we'll leave.
- Not a big deal. Come on. - He ain't going nowhere.
We need a Brillo Pad to wash these dishes with.
Listen, assholes.
Do yourselves a favour and let him go.
Now.
Say it nice.
I just said it nice.
This boy is gonna get what he's got coming to him.
And you, you ain't got no say.
Maybe. But whatever happens here,
I'm gonna put a bullet right in the middle of your thick skull.
He ain't got no gun, Ray. He's full of shit.
What if he ain't?
Well, I sure ain't.
And I ain't about to let this come to pass in my place.
Let the spook go. Let him go.
Come on.
Get him out of here.
I want these Yankees off my property.
- Go on. - Go on, George. Go. Go.
I got you, Doc.
Go on.
You out of your mind?
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you in that position.
Wait, wait, wait.
Are you gonna throw up again?
I'm okay.
Honest to God, Doc, I don't understand you.
You could have drunk here. You got a whole bottle.
I just needed some air.
Air? Do you know where you are?
Does geography really matter?
What?
If I was in a bar in your neighbourhood,
would the conversation be any different?
From now on, you don't go nowhere without me.
Nowhere.
- Got it? - I understand.
Where's your room?
Tony.
What?
Do you really have a gun?
Of course not.
Doc, where's your goddamn room?
- Come on. - There it is.
Over there?
You got to get to bed, Doc.
You got a big show tomorrow night. Come on.
Thank you.
Louisville.
Thank you for your warm hospitality.
Thank you. Thank you.
Don't be lazy, Tony. Enunciate.
I am.
Betty bought a bit of better butter
to make the bitter butter better.
Betty bought...
Bought... Betty bought butta-er... butta...
Who says that? Butta-er.
You have to start somewhere, Tony. A singer does vocal exercises.
An athlete warms up before they rehearse.
Athletes practise. They don't rehearse.
Ah, shit.
Ladies and gentlemen, a very special guest from the far north,
Don Shirley.
Accompanying Mr Shirley, the members of his trio,
Oleg Malacovich, George Dyer,
and his associate Tony Valle...
Valle... Vallelong-longia.
Oh, this is my lovely wife, Margaret.
If you gentlemen don't mind, we're going to steal Donnie away
for some, introductions.
I'd like you all to meet Don Shirley.
Yeah. I'll take one.
What's that?
A pimento-and-cheese sandwich, sir.
Yeah, I'll try one of them.
Oof.
Sorry. Not for me.
Earlier this week, we asked our help
what Mr Shirley might like for supper.
So the boys in the kitchen whipped up a
special menu in honour of our guest.
Gentlemen.
Home-cooked fried chicken.
There we go.
Bring it in. Serve it up hot.
Thank you. Thank you.
We'll return after a brief intermission.
Excuse me, Don.
- Lovely work in there. - Why, thank you.
Are you looking for the commode?
- Yes. I... - Yeah, here. Let me help you.
It's right out there before that pine.
I'd prefer not to use that.
Well, don't be silly, Don. It looks
a lot worse from the outside.
And I suppose you'd know from experience.
Well, I've never had any complaints.
Well, I could return to my motel and use the facilities there...
but that would take at least a half an hour.
We don't mind waiting.
Why don't I just pull over? You can piss in the woods.
Animals go in the woods.
It's gonna be at least 20 minutes I got
to go all the way back to your motel.
So let's just get there so I can go back and finish the show.
See, that's the difference between you and me.
I'd have zero problem going in the woods.
I'm well aware.
What are you sore at me for? I don't make the rules down here.
No? Then who does?
Oh. You're saying just because I'm white and they're white?
You know, that's a very prejudiced thing you just said there.
A very prejudiced thing.
I got more in common with the hymies at Second Avenue Deli
than I do with these hillbilly pricks down here.
Eyes on the road.
You always say that when you don't like what I'm saying.
Eyes on the road.
I don't get it.
How does he smile and shake their hands like that?
They try to pull that outhouse shit on me,
I'd piss right on the living room floor.
Don't... Don't do that.
We have many concert dates left.
Yeah? So?
You realise we're contractually obliged to perform them?
Of course I do. You don't play, we don't get paid.
What's your point?
Ugly circumstances are going to happen again,
so control yourself.
Don't lecture me, you rat.
Dr Shirley could have stayed up north
getting rear end kissed at Park
Avenue parties for three times money.
But he ask for this.
Why?
What on God's green earth are you doing?
A letter.
Looks more like a piecemeal ransom note.
May I?
"Dear Dolores."
D-E-A-R.
This is an animal.
"I'm meeting all the highly leading citizens of the town.
People that use big words, all of them.
But you know me. I get by.
I'm a good bullshitter."
Two T's in "bullshitter."
"As I'm writing this letter, I'm eating potato chips,
and I'm starting to get thirsty.
I washed my socks and dried them on the TV.
I should have brung the iron."
You know this is pathetic, right?
Tell me what you're trying to say.
I don't know.
You know, I miss her and shit.
Then say that.
But do it in a manner that no one else has ever done it before.
And without the profanity.
Something like...
Put this down.
Dear Dolores.
Hold on. I'll start a new one.
D-E-A-R Dolores.
When I think of you...
I'm reminded of the beautiful plains of Iowa.
What planes?
The plains.
P-L-A-I-N-S. Those big fields we saw.
Oh. Yeah, those were nice.
Plains.
Which is what they call
big fields around here.
Tony, no expounding.
- No what? - Just write what I say.
No good.
The distance between us...
is breaking my spirit.
Between us...
My time and experiences without you are meaningless to me.
Falling in love with you was the easiest thing I've ever done.
Falling... in love... with you...
This is very fucking romantic.
Was the easiest thing I have ever done.
Nothing matters to me but you,
and every day I'm alive, I'm aware of this.
I loved you the day I met you, I love you today,
and I will love you the rest of my life.
So, can I put, "PS. Kiss the kids"?
A PS?
Yeah, like, at the end.
That's like clanging a cowbell at the end of Shostakovich's Seventh.
Right. And that's good?
It's perfect, Tony.
Everybody talks about Willie Mays, 1954.
It wasn't even the greatest catch in the Polo Grounds.
That was Joe DiMaggio, 1936, second game of the World Series.
Final out, 500 feet...
You like that, Doc?
That's a handsome suit.
Sharp.
Guy looks just like you.
He does?
Well, size-wise. Yeah.
It is about a 42.
Why don't you try it on?
What, you got to wear a tuxedo on stage every night?
You could mix it up a little, Doc.
Come on, let's see how it looks on you. We got plenty of time.
I'll be right back.
- How you doing? - May I help you, sir?
Yeah, we want to try on that, beautiful grey suit in the window.
- You got it in a 42? - Of course.
That's the one.
Dressing room is in the back, sir.
Thank you. I'll be just a moment.
Take your time, Doc. I'll check out some ties for you.
Excuse me. You're not allowed to try that on.
I beg your pardon?
If you'd like to purchase it first, we'd
be happy to tailor it to your needs.
I see.
Ah.
Yeah.
That's me.
Hey, Officer. I got a call about Dr Shirley.
Come on.
His friend's here.
Thank you.
Get a guy a towel, for Christ's sake.
- You a lawyer? - No.
Well, you should call one.
- We're taking your auntie in. - For what?
Manager caught him and the other guy.
Well, can we get the cuffs off him,
let him put his pants on, we talk about this?
Sure, we could.
But we ain't.
Okay, look, we're out of here tomorrow morning.
You'll never see us again.
There's got to be something we can do to work this out.
What if you let him go and I give you something to thank you?
You bribing us?
No. Hell, no.
A gift. A thank you.
What kind of thank you?
Like a...
You know, donation to the police force.
Youse guys.
Whatever you want.
You like suits?
I was walking through your nice town today,
and I seen a store that was selling suits.
Primo suits.
What if, as a thank you... a donation...
I buy youse each a suit?
You get all dressed up, you take the wife out for dinner.
I mean, guys like you, you work hard. You deserve it.
They were wrong for the way they treated me, and you rewarded them.
I was hired to get you from one show to the next.
How I do it shouldn't matter to you.
I just wish you hadn't paid them off.
I did what I had to do.
You know, if this got out, it would kill your career.
Okay, Tony.
I need you to stop it with the phoney altruism
and concern for my career.
What the hell does that mean?
You were only thinking about yourself back there
because you know if I miss a show, it'll come out of your pocketbook.
Of course I don't want you to miss a show, you ungrateful bastard.
You think I'm doing this for my health?
Tonight, I saved your ass.
So show a little appreciation maybe.
Besides, I told you never to go nowhere without me.
I assumed you'd want this to be the exception.
Want me to get some make-up or something for the show tomorrow?
No, I'm fine.
You sure? Bruise kind of shows.
I said I'm fine.
Okay.
He didn't ask me to do that.
I'm telling you, that's what he told me.
He didn't ask me.
Oh. Tony Lip.
Dominic, Mags. What the hell you guys doing down here?
Hey, Brooklyn sent us down.
- Take care of a few things. - Yeah.
I'm working here.
Sorry, Doc. They're some friends from New York.
Hey, can you get Dr Shirley's luggage?
All right.
Called his room. Be down in a minute.
- Hey, Doc. - Where are you off to?
I'm just going downstairs. To have a drink.
Tony.
I think you're doing a wonderful job.
So...
I'd like to formally offer you the position of my road manager.
With the title also comes more responsibility, but...
that also means a raise in pay.
No. No.
No, thanks.
We agreed on 125 a week, plus expenses.
That's our deal, right?
I ain't going nowhere, Doc.
I was just going down to tell them.
Tony.
I'm sorry about last night.
Don't worry about it.
I've been working nightclubs in New York City my whole life.
I know it's a...
complicated world.
So, where'd you learn how to play like that?
My mother.
Your mother? Really?
She taught me how to play on an old spinet.
Soon as I could walk, we'd travel around the Florida Panhandle,
put on my little shows in parishes and halls.
Fortunately, a man who had seen me play
arranged for me to study at the Leningrad Conservatory of Music.
I was the first Negro ever accepted there.
That's where they taught you all them songs you play?
Actually, I was trained to play classical music.
Brahms, Franz Liszt, Beethoven, Chopin.
It's all I ever wanted to play.
But I was persuaded by my record company
to pursue a career in popular music instead.
They insisted that audiences would never accept a Negro pianist
on a classical stage.
Wanted to turn me into just another coloured entertainer.
You know, the guy who's smoking while he's playing
and sets a glass of whiskey on his piano
and then complains because he's not
respected like Arthur Rubinstein.
You don't see Arthur Rubinstein putting
a glass of whiskey on his piano.
I don't know. Personally, I think if you stuck to the classic stuff,
it would've been a big mistake.
A mistake? Performing the music I trained my entire life to play?
Trained? What are you, a seal?
People love what you do.
Anyone could sound like Beethoven or "Joe Pan"
or them other guys you said.
But your music, what you do...
only you can do that.
Thank you, Tony.
But not everyone can play Chopin.
Not like I can.
The trees have shed their leafy clothing,
and their colours have faded to greys and browns.
"I saw millions of trees all dusted with snow,
just like out of a fairy tale."
He's so expressive.
Got to admit, Lip's letters, they're not bad.
Oh, well, it's in the family.
They say our great-great-great-grandfather
helped da Vinci with the Sixteen Chapel.
- You mean Michelangelo. - Right.
What does Michelangelo have to do with writing letters?
I'm just saying, we're an arty family.
"I will count the hours, minutes, and seconds
until you are in my arms.
Love you, Tony.
PS. Kiss the kids."
- John. - Yeah?
I want a letter.
Yeah, soon as you make a meal.
Eyes forward, Tony.
Tony.
All right, everybody. Let's give our finest Louisiana welcome
to Don Shirley and the Don Shirley Trio.
Your mother's ass.
Can't see shit.
What the hell's this guy doing?
Son of a bitch.
Licence and papers.
Am I glad to see you.
We had to turn off the main road, and, now we're lost.
Step out of the car.
- What'd I do? - Out of the car.
Why are you on this road?
I told you. We had to make a detour, and we got lost.
And why are you driving him?
He's my boss.
He can't be out here at night. This a sundown town.
What's that?
Get him out of the car and check his ID.
Oh, come on. It's pouring rain.
Sir, I can just get it right here through the window.
Get him out of the car.
Come on, get out now. Get out now. Get out.
Got ID?
How you say this last name?
Vallelonga.
- Yeah, what kind of name is that? - It's Italian.
Oh. Oh, I see. That's why you're driving him around.
You're half a nigger yourself.
Hands in the air. Now. Now.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, sirs.
I understand why my associate is being held,
but what exactly am I being charged with?
You seem like reasonable men.
Perhaps you could let me out
so that we could discuss the situation further.
Just put the apple butter away, boy.
You ain't going nowhere no time soon.
You cannot hold me without cause.
Oh, I got cause.
Because you let the sun set on your black ass.
I want to speak to my lawyer.
I want my call.
This is a flagrant violation of my rights.
You know...
he does have, rights.
Give the Negro his goddamn phone call.
You happy?
You know a lawyer?
Call him.
I walk up to the car and I say, "Sir,
you know how fast you were going?"
He says, "I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't mean to speed, but"...
As my mother always said, "What kind of brand-new fool are you?"
Look at them over there.
Take a good look at the officer you hit.
Look at him. He's over there having a grand old time,
chatting up with his pals, enjoying a nice cup of coffee.
And where are you?
In here, with me, who did nothing.
Yet I'm the one who pays the price.
I'm the one who's gonna miss the Birmingham show.
Hey, I'm gonna lose a lot of money,
too, if you don't play Birmingham.
So, that little temper tantrum, was it worth it?
You never win with violence, Tony.
You only win when you maintain your dignity.
Dignity always prevails.
And tonight, because of you, we did not.
I wouldn't touch that mattress, Doc.
Maryville Police.
No, sir.
No, no, I'm not, sir.
Yes, sir. He's right here, sir. Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Gimme.
Chief Pratt. Who's this?
Baloney.
Yes, sir. I can hear it now, Governor.
No, sir. I'm sorry.
No, of course I can recognise your voice. It's...
Sir?
You're saying the boy we got locked up called who?
Oh, and he called you.
No... No, sir.
An officer was assaulted in the line of duty.
No, sir. No.
I don't want no National Guard coming down here neither, sir.
I'll get to it immediately, Governor.
Good night to you and the missus.
- Get them out. - What?
Cut them goddamn loose.
That dago wop hit me.
You want to keep your goddamn job?
Then you do what I goddamn tell you to
do when I goddamn tell you to do it.
And I'm telling you to get them the goddamn out.
Who the hell did you call?
Bobby Kennedy just saved our asses.
Marone. How great is that?
It's not great.
It's not great at all.
- It's humiliating. - The hell you talking about?
We were screwed. Now we ain't.
And I just put the attorney general of the United States
in an incredibly awkward position.
So what? That's what the guy gets paid for.
What else he got to do?
That man and his brother are trying to change this country.
That's what else he got to do.
Now he thinks I'm some kind of...
Calling from some... backwoods swamp jail,
asking to attenuate assault charges?
Who does that?
Garbage. That's who. You shouldn't have hit him.
I didn't like the way he was treating you,
making you stand out in the rain like that.
Please, you hit him because of what he called you.
I've had to endure that kind of talk my entire life.
You should be able to take it for at least one night.
What? I can't get mad at that stuff
he was saying because I ain't black?
Christ, I'm blacker than you are.
Excuse me?
You don't know shit about your own people...
what they eat, how they talk, how they live.
You don't even know who Little Richard is.
Oh, so, knowing who Little Richard is makes you blacker than me?
Oh, Tony, I wish you could hear yourself sometimes.
You wouldn't talk so damn much.
Bullshit. I know exactly who I am.
I'm the guy who lived in the same
neighbourhood in the Bronx my entire life
with my mother, my father, my brother, and now my wife and kids.
That's it. That's who I am.
I'm the asshole who has to hustle every goddamn day
to put food on the table.
You, Mr Big Shot, you live on top of a castle,
travelling around the world doing concerts for rich people.
I live on the streets. You sit on a throne.
So, yeah, my world is way more blacker than yours.
- Pull over. - What?
- Pull over. - I ain't pulling over.
Stop the car, Tony.
What?
What are you doing?
Doc.
Doc, what the hell are you doing?
Doc. Get back in the car.
Yes, I live in a castle, Tony. Alone.
And rich white people pay me to play piano for them
because it makes them feel cultured.
But as soon as I step off that stage,
I go right back to being just another nigger to them.
Because that is their true culture.
And I suffer that slight alone because
I'm not accepted by my own people,
because I'm not like them either.
So if I'm not black enough and if I'm not white enough
and if I'm not man enough, then tell me, Tony, what am I?
I need some sleep.
All right.
I'll stop at the next place we see and sneak you into my room.
No. No.
I refuse to stay in an establishment
where I'm not welcome.
Yeah. Okay.
Tony, do you have to smoke everywhere?
I didn't know it bothered you.
You should have told me.
All you got to do is say the word, Doc.
You do realise you'll be home before that letter arrives.
Yeah, I know. Just thought I'd bring it with me.
Save on stamps.
All right.
Tony, give it here. I'll fix it.
No offence, Doc, but I think I got the hang of it now.
"Dear Dolores,
sometimes you remind me of a house.
A house with beautiful lights on it...
where everyone is happy inside."
Yes, Tony. You got it.
Yeah?
Thanks.
Hey, Doc, thanks for helping me with, the letters.
You're really good at writing them.
My pleasure, Tony.
You know, when you get home,
maybe you should write... write one to your brother.
He knows where I am if he ever wants to reconnect.
I wouldn't wait.
You know...
world's full of lonely people afraid to make the first move.
Yeah, I'll finish this tomorrow.
You know, Doc, something's been eating at me this whole trip.
That Titsburgh was a major disappointment.
I didn't notice any difference at all. Did you?
Good night, Tony.
- Good evening. - Welcome, welcome. Come on in.
All righty.
Welcome, Mr Shirley.
Graham Kindell. I'm the general
manager. It is a pleasure to meet you.
Thank you, Mr Kindell.
This is Mr Tony Vallelonga.
- Nice to meet you, Tony. - How you doing?
Let's keep the car right here in our "guest of honour" spot.
Right this way, gentlemen.
- Nice. - How was your drive up?
- Oh, it was wonderful. - Good to hear. Good to hear.
As you can imagine, our Christmas
show is our biggest show of the year,
and we are so happy to have you here, Mr Shirley.
So, if you need anything, anything at all, you let me know.
- Thank you. - Now, here we are.
We got about an hour before show time. Any questions?
Where's the restaurant?
Well, you continue down the hall here, Tony,
to the right and across the lobby.
- Good luck. Break a leg. - Thank you.
Well, he said we got an hour. You must be starving, Doc.
Go ahead. I'll meet you there.
May we join you?
Yeah. Go ahead.
- Cocktail, gentlemen? - I'm good.
Three shots vodka.
Oh.
Last show. Cold War over. Time for truce.
Is Dr Shirley in his dressing room?
Yeah. More like half a broom closet.
Tell you, I don't know how he puts up with that shit.
Six years ago, in 1956...
Nat King Cole was invited to perform
at the Municipal Auditorium here in Birmingham.
Mr Cole was the first Negro asked to play
at a white establishment in this city.
As soon as he started playing,
a group of men attack him for playing white people's music.
They pull him off stage...
and beat him badly.
Jesus Christ.
You asked me once why Dr Shirley does this.
I tell you.
Because genius is not enough.
It takes courage to change people's hearts.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Nu? Na zdorov'ye.
Thank you very much.
- Good evening. - Can I help you?
Oh...
There. Some friends of mine.
You... You can't come in here.
- I understand, but... - Hey. What's going on?
This... gentleman says that I'm not permitted to dine here.
No, you don't understand. He's playing tonight.
He's the main event. Come on.
I'm sorry, but it is the policy of the restaurant.
Everything all right?
No, it's not all right.
This guy's saying Dr Shirley can't eat here.
Oh, well, I apologise, but...
These are long-standing traditions, club rules.
I'm sure you understand.
No, I do not understand.
In 45 minutes, I will be right up there
on that stage entertaining your guests,
yet I can't eat here?
I'm sorry.
Wait a minute. Are you telling me the bozos in his band
and all these people who came here to see him play,
they can eat here,
but the star of the show, the parking spot of honour, he can't?
I'm afraid not.
Well, he's got to eat. I mean, he's got to have dinner.
Okay. I'll tell you what.
Why don't we bring something to his dressing room, huh?
John, show him a menu.
No. I'm not eating in that storage room.
Okay, well, if you prefer,
there's a very popular establishment
right down the road, the Orange Bird.
They'd be happy to feed you.
Doc, come here.
Just one second.
You know what, maybe that other place is better anyway.
I mean, the dinner rolls here are like rocks.
You just go over and... You go over and come back.
It's the last show.
It's the bottom of the ninth.
Let's just get it over with and we can go home,
get away from these pricks.
Huh?
Ah, there you go.
The fish is wonderful tonight.
Either I eat in this room...
or I'm not performing tonight.
May I have a word with you?
Mr Villanueva, you have to talk sense to Mr Shirley.
Please make him understand. We're not insulting him personally.
This is just the way things are done down here.
Yeah, well, he's not from down here.
Yeah, just... just ask him to be reasonable.
I've got 400 guests in there
expecting to be entertained tonight.
And Dr Shirley expects to eat tonight.
Why can't you just make an exception this one time?
Let me tell you a story.
You ever hear of the Boston Celtics basketball club?
Yeah.
Well, those boys came through here
couple years ago on a barnstorming tour.
Seeing as they was the world champions of the league and all,
we were tickled to have them here, and
we rolled out the welcome waggon.
So, do you know what table their big coon ate at that night?
No.
I don't, either, but it wasn't one of ours.
Now, let's cut the bullshit.
Tell me what it's gonna take, huh?
Say, a hundred dollars, you get your boy to play?
You think you can buy me?
With all due respect, sir,
you wouldn't be in a job like this if you couldn't be bought.
- You... - Stop.
Tony.
It's all right.
I'll play...
if you want me to.
All right. Let's get the fuck out of here.
What do you mean "Let's get out of here"?
Where the hell do you think you're going?
Don, don't do this. Now, you signed a contract, and I...
I know you're the kind of man who honours a contract.
Connie, Bill, everything's gonna be fine. It's all right.
You got a show to do, mister.
You turn yourself around right now, goddamn it.
Right now.
This is why you people don't work down here.
Because you're unreliable. You hear me?
I shipped that goddamn Steinway in from Atlanta for you.
Tony, are you hungry?
Does Betty like butta... er?
One, two...
You a cop?
Do I look Irish?
What you want, baby?
Two Cutty Sarks, neat.
Coming up.
Mm. Whatever your speciality is, we'll take it.
Two Orange Birds.
I like what you did back there, Doc.
You stood up for yourself.
It's like what your friend, the president, said.
"Ask not...
your country, what you can do for it.
Ask what you do for yourself."
You know?
So, darling, what you do, all dressed up like that?
Nothing particularly important.
Shouldn't judge a man by his clothes.
He's only the greatest piano player in the world.
That right? You good?
Don't be shy, Doc. Tell her who you are.
Don't tell me nothing.
Show me.
Come on.
Whoo.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's how you break a key.
Oh, that was a good time.
I'd do that once a month for free.
You were unbelievable.
Hey, Tony.
I bet if we leave right now, we can make it.
Make what?
Christmas Eve in New York City.
Oh, shit.
Don't ever flash a wad of cash in a bar.
I knew you had a gun.
This could get bad, Doc.
Yes. It's a shame we don't have
something to protect us on our journey.
Oh, I know.
Why don't you put your lucky rock up on the dash, Tony?
Come on, Tony.
We need all the help we can get.
Thank you. I feel safer already.
You're a real prick, you know that?
Ah, shit.
Goddamn cops.
What are you doing out here?
We're trying to get to New York.
Is there a problem, Officer?
Yeah.
I noticed your car was tilting left.
Looks like your back tyre is flat.
Keep it moving. Keep it moving.
Okay, be careful, gentlemen.
- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.
Thanks, Officer.
Weather advisory warning this Christmas Eve
as a major snowstorm is hitting the Eastern Seaboard
with the severest weather in eastern Pennsylvania,
northern New Jersey, and the five boroughs.
Travellers are advised to stay off the New Jersey Turnpike.
All right, that's it. We're done.
I'm pulling us into the next motel.
Keep going as long as you can, Tony.
I can't keep my eyes open.
I'm getting hypnotised here.
Think my brain's gonna explode.
Hey, we gave it a shot, Doc.
What are you gonna do?
All right, the table is set, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't run in the house. Don't run in the house.
Mum, Frankie won't let me use it.
Frankie, let Nicky use it.
Use what?
Here it is.
Kids. Wash your hands.
Here we go. Alla salute. Alla salute.
Dee. Do you need help with the calzone?
- No, I'm fine. No. - All right.
It's time to eat.
Tony.
Tony, wake up.
You all right?
You're home. Get inside.
Good night.
Wait, wait. Come... Come up and meet my family.
Merry Christmas, Tony.
Hey...
Merry Christmas.
Hey, hey. You're gonna choke on the bone.
I'm just getting started over here.
- You got it? You got it. - I got it.
- Dolores, do you need any help? - No, no, honey.
- Not while I'm eating. - Go ahead, smoke.
Oh.
Look who it is. Shakespeare's home. Hey.
Dad.
Hey.
How are you?
You made it back.
Hey, Pop. Mwah.
- Merry Christmas. - What a Christmas.
- Buon Natale. - Tony, God bless.
- Hey. - I'm glad you made it back.
Wonderful, wonderful.
- You hungry? - I'm starving.
- Hey. - All right. Sit down.
Anything left?
Let's go.
- Welcome home, Dr Shirley. - Thank you, Amit.
I turned down your bed, sir.
Shall I unpack your luggage now?
No, no. Please, go home to your family.
Thank you, sir.
Merry Christmas, sir.
Merry Christmas.
The holidays are just starting.
I love everything in white.
Always. Always with the kissing.
What? You never kiss me like that at the table.
Why don't you ever kiss me like that?
All right, all right, all right. Relax, relax.
So, Tony, you all right? You seem a little quiet.
Yeah. Nah, I'm just tired, you know?
Long trip.
You take care of that thing?
Oh.
Thanks.
Yeah, you owe me 75 bucks.
Seventy-five?
Charlie said 60.
Oh. I'm doing this for free?
Hey, Tony.
Tony, tell us about the trip.
You've been gone two months.
Yeah, how was he, the tutsoon?
He get on your nerves?
Don't call him that.
All right.
Tony, you should have seen the day last week
little Frankie climbed up onto the TV.
I took a picture of him. It was so cute.
He was so funny up there.
What are you, nuts, Dee? With all the tubes back there?
- He could've got electrocuted. - Oh, no.
- What, he break it? - What are you talking about?
You're thinking of toasters.
You can't get electrocuted from the TV set.
She's not thinking about a toaster.
She's thinking about a TV.
Is he taking it into the bathtub?
You're not gonna get electrocuted.
Charlie.
Hey, Lip. Johnny invited me.
Oh. Well, come on in.
All right. Oh. You remember Marie?
- Hey, Marie. - Charlie, you actually came?
I was kidding.
With the wife, too? Jeez.
- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.
- Hello. What a surprise. - Merry Christmas.
Nice to see you.
Everybody, Charlie from the pawnshop.
- Hey. - Didn't bring nothing.
- Christmas. Can you believe it? - Come here, come here.
- Sit down. - Sit down, sit down.
Doc.
Ah. Welcome.
Oh.
Hey, everybody.
Stop it, stop it.
This is Dr Donald Shirley.
Merry Christmas.
Well, come on. Make some room. Get this man a plate.
Oh.
- Hello. - You must be Dolores.
Welcome.
Buon Natale.
Thank you for sharing your husband with me.
Thank you for helping him with the letters.