Hello, viewers. I'm James May, and I can't cook. 2
Welcome to my cookery show. 3
♪ ♪ 4
This time, it's breakfast. 5
There are eggs, 6
and sacred Japanese knives. 7
I have a big one as well. And a fruit knife. Mm. 8
But that doesn't even begin to cover it, 9
because there's much, much more. 10
And I've burnt the bottom of the pan, and I don't 11
really know how to cook fried eggs, but apart from that, 12
everything's gonna be absolutely fine. 13
As I come up with a heaving hostess trolley 14
of ideas on how to get your day off to a delicious start. 15
Good morning, viewers. 16
Whatever time you're watching this, it is morning. 17
That's why I have the Bloody Mary, and... 18
we're going to make breakfast. 19
And we're going to start with kedgeree. 20
It's a smoked fish and rice dish 21
that hails, we are told by history, 22
which is largely bunk, from India, 23
from the Mughal emperors and that sort of thing. 24
It was originally made with rice and lentils. 25
Then fish was added. 26
Fish was added for breakfast 27
because the fish was caught fresh. 28
It wouldn't keep during the day, so it had to become something 29
you had at the start of the day. 30
And then it came over to Europe 31
and specifically, it came to Britain. 32
It became corrupted with boiled eggs, 33
sultanas, cream, all sorts of things. 34
We're going to make a properly rustic version. 35
It starts with a beautiful piece of smoked haddock. 36
And you put that in this skillet and I cover it with water. 37
We're going to poach it. 38
Make sure it is covered entirely, 39
otherwise it won't cook evenly. 40
[laughter] 41
Well, that doesn't matter. You don't need to s... 42
That's just the sort of thing that happens. 43
Get a grip, you lot. 44
You cover it entirely with the water. 45
The thing to remember, and this is what everybody forgets, 46
when the fish is cooked, you want to keep the fishy water, 47
because that is essential to the preparation of the rice. 48
Millions and millions of people have gone... [exhales sharply] 49
Bugger. Ruined. 50
[stove clicking] 51
That is going to poach. 52
Won't take very long once the water's up to boiling. 53
Meanwhile, this is all gonna be done in the same pan, 54
we need to, rather predictably, chop an onion. 55
Whoa. 56
I love that thing. 57
The other ingredients: butter, 50 grams of that. 58
I'm only going to use half of it to soften the onion. 59
The other half goes into the final mixture. 60
We have 110 milliliters of basmati rice. 61
We have hot supermarket curry powder. 62
We're gonna use about a teaspoon. 63
There is a lemon, which will be added at the end. 64
There is some flat-leaf parsley. 65
And there is a Bloody Mary. 66
This is coming to the boil. 67
In fact, it's coming to the boil slightly too vigorously. 68
I'll turn it down. That, I would expect, 69
to take about eight minutes. 70
While we're waiting, have a slice of history. 71
Breakfast is, of course, the most important meal of the day, 72
but that's a relatively recent conceit. 73
In the Middle Ages, breakfast as we know it 74
didn't really exist. 75
The Catholic Church was not very keen on it, 76
because it was seen by people like, 77
uh, Thomas Aquinas, for example, 78
as part of the sin of gluttony. 79
Waking up, having done nothing constructive 80
or even devotional yet, and stuffing your face. 81
You broke your fast, which is where we get the word 82
"break-fast," "breakfast," after you've been to morning Mass. 83
Now then, haddock. 84
Mmm. 85
Steamy lens. 86
We're gonna need the lid for cooking the rice. 87
Absolutely essential. Took less than eight minutes. 88
It took only about five and a half minutes to do that. 89
Five and a half minutes from boiling. 90
It's a lovely color. Look at that. 91
The whole thing is going to be a lovely color, actually. 92
The haddock can go into the warming drawer. 93
[quietly] Ow. 94
What did I say? Save the water. 95
A jug, we're going to need 225 milliliters of it. 96
The fishy water is going to be used for boiling the rice. 97
Melt half the butter and add the onion, cooking until soft. 98
Then add the teaspoon of curry powder, mixing thoroughly. 99
And it's cooking, and the room now smells 100
of all the spices of India, and it's absolutely fantastic. Good. 101
Let us add the rice. 102
And just before I put the fishy water in, 103
I'm just gonna give that a quick stir so that I know 104
spiciness and oniony goodness is coated on the rice. 105
Spread it out evenly across the bottom of the pan. 106
Add... yowzers, the still fairly hot water. 107
- [sizzling] - Oh, listen to that. 108
Oh, that's already looking nice. 109
And the trick here is to give it one stir, 110
just to make sure everything is in the water 111
and then lower the heat, 'cause you only just want it simmering. 112
And put the lid on and leave it alone. 113
This should serve two people quite heartily. 114
This can simmer on low heat for 15 minutes 115
until all the liquid is absorbed. 116
Everything seems to be going swimmingly, doesn't it? 117
But this was not the case a little earlier, 118
because what happened a little earlier... was this. 119
It's supposed to be hash, 120
a classic one-pan dish of fried meat, potatoes and onion. 121
So, dear viewer, I'm going to show you 122
how to do something by showing you how not to do it. 123
We are making a hash. 124
In this case, it is a black pudding hash. 125
You don't have to use black pudding. 126
You could have, of course, used corn beef. 127
That's the traditional one. 128
You could make it with mushrooms 129
if you wanted a vegetarian option. 130
You could make it with something I've had, 131
which is vegan black pudding, which is made with beetroot, 132
and-- and I'm not joking when I say this-- 133
it is delicious. 134
The other ingredients are: a potato, 135
some chopped-up onions, as usual, 136
chopped with a chopper-upperer. 137
You will need a chili. 138
I'm gonna use half of that, so that I don't kill anybody. 139
Uh, we're going to have some parsley 140
to garnish it and to give it a bit of flavor, 141
and we're going to serve it with fried eggs. 142
First, I want to try this. 143
It's an electric potato peeler. 144
Here we go. 145
It even stops by itself. 146
That is superb. 147
Mechanically-peeled potatoes, quartered by hand 148
with a knife. 149
Time for gadget number two. 150
Here we go. 151
Yeah. 152
It's good. 153
It's outstanding. I need another word, quick. 154
Anybody got one? 155
It's awesome. 156
First we need to Cate Blanchett these a bit 157
in this water which I have already got nice and hot... 158
...for about four minutes. 159
Let's think about the black pudding. 160
I will chop this up into little bits. 161
But remember, it's a hash. 162
The clue is in the name. It's a hash. 163
It will all be hashed up together. 164
Let's get to work on the chili. 165
Chop that up into itty-bitty pieces. 166
Remember to make sure the pan is hot when you start cooking. 167
I'm forgetting, of course, that this is a cast-iron skillet, 168
it takes a bit longer to heat up than the other pans 169
I've been using. 170
Potato blanching is complete. 171
It's important that the chunks of potato aren't too big. 172
I think those chunks of potato may actually be a bit too big. 173
I should have done them in both directions 174
through the chipper device. 175
But it's too late, really. I'm not gonna go in there 176
with a knife and deal with them individually. 177
What we're going to do is fry up this mixture. 178
Big chunks of potato into hash do not go. 179
And this is the start of all my woes. 180
Potatoes are quite firm. 181
Let's put the chili in. 182
Remember to keep stirring the pan. 183
Trying to fix one error can lead to more. 184
This is a tool for separating the cauliflower from the root. 185
It's also the ideal tool for going around 186
and chopping up that potato a bit. 187
If pan stirring stops, a crust of burnt potato 188
may form at the bottom of the pan 189
and take all the heat, and your spuds will never crisp up. 190
Still not browning, though. It should go browning now. 191
I'm gonna put the black pudding in as well. 192
[sizzling] 193
Looks absolutely disgusting. 194
It's one of the worst things I've ever seen. 195
The surface of the potato that you would expect to go brown 196
is there, but it's stuck to the skillet, 197
rather than still appearing on the potato. 198
The second element of the dish is a fried egg. 199
Again, make sure the pan is hot enough. 200
Too early. I'm making a total horse's ass of this. 201
I think I didn't quite blanch the potatoes for long enough, 202
and I've burnt the bottom of the pan, and I don't 203
really know how to cook fried eggs, but apart from that, 204
everything's gonna be absolutely fine. 205
I'm really looking forward to seeing 206
how Nikki reacts to this, 'cause she'll try 207
and be polite about it and go, "Hmm, mmm," 208
and then try and say something interesting. 209
And all the time she'll be thinking, 210
"That is dia-bloody-bolical." 211
I'm embarrassed, frankly. 212
So I'm gonna make a small pile. 213
I mean, it just, that looks vile. 214
- [laughter] - Look at it. 215
That's a good fried egg, though. 216
Come on, there's nothing wrong with that. 217
Oh, I'll just put a bit of parsley on the top. 218
- Um, your-your hash is served. - [Nikki] Oh. 219
The plate is hot. Would you like some brown sauce? 220
[Nikki] Yes, please. 221
Tastes like black pudding and potatoes. And chili. 222
- Are the potatoes cooked? - Yes. 223
Possibly would've cooked them a little bit more 224
to get them crispy. 225
Well, this is the thing. I-I did try to cook them 226
to make them crispy, but the pan went crispy 227
rather than the potatoes. 228
- Oh, no. - Sorry. 229
- It's okay. - I'll-I'll clean it for you. 230
[James] I'm going to try it, 231
because I just think you're being polite. 232
Doesn't taste of anything. 233
It's rubbish. 234
- I... - Don't try this at home. 235
- [mouths] - You should never say anything anybody cooks is rubbish 236
because it's very kind of you to cook it for me. 237
That's incredibly generous. 238
But wrong. 239
So, that's in the bin. 240
But it's also in the book, but don't worry, 241
so are things like this and even this. 242
But now, it's back to kedgeree... 243
...and flaking poached haddock. 244
Flaky fish, no skin. 245
Once the rice is cooked, add the rest of the butter 246
before putting in the fish. 247
We're gonna stir this all together, and try 248
not to do it too aggressively 249
because you don't want to break the fish up too much. 250
You want it to remain flaky. 251
Makes it look nicer, and it'll make it feel nicer 252
in your mouth as well. 253
Let's add the lemon juice. 254
That's half a lemon's worth. 255
Then the flat-leaf parsley. 256
Big, sharp curved knife so you can rock it around. 257
This looks great, doesn't it? Look at that. 258
Then I'm gonna put the lid on for just a few minutes. 259
Make sure everything is warmed through. 260
I think this would be nice 261
if it were served in a bowl with a poached egg in the middle. 262
The problem with that is, 263
we enter the great poached egg debate. 264
So enormous is this debate and so important to the progress 265
of humankind and global peace, 266
that we're going to make it a separate segment. 267
- Morning. - Morning. Would you like 268
- to come to work on an egg? - I would. 269
[James] Egg poaching. 270
Everybody has an opinion on this. 271
Mine is that I use what is probably an egg coddler, 272
strictly speaking, one of those old-- it is old, in fact-- pans 273
with the two little plastic cups 274
that sit in it and you pour the eggs in 275
and they come out looking like the breasts 276
of Botticelli's Venus. 277
Other people say you should do it directly in the water 278
with some vinegar, because that helps the white to stiffen. 279
- Yes. - Is that correct? And that you should create a vortex. 280
Anyway, I've got a gadget, Nikki, 281
that I would like to try out. 282
This is new, it arrived today, and that goes in the water. 283
- Apparently, yes. - Like that. It looks like a diabolo. 284
[James] It does look a bit like a diabolo, yes, the... 285
- [Nikki] Like that? - Yes, but you... we need 286
to fill it up a bit, because the water should come up 287
to that there... there's a little fill line. 288
I don't know if you can see it. 289
There's a little wiggly line... there. 290
So I'm dying to see if this works. 291
The water is boiling. Here is the egg. 292
Here we go. 293
- [Nikki] Ooh. - Oh, it went through. 294
[Nikki] An egg cage. 295
It is. It's like the things that divers use 296
when they want to go and look at sharks. 297
Should we do a vortex? Do you want to 298
- have a go at the vortex? - Yes. 299
We've got some white vinegar. Don't use brown vinegar. 300
Brown vinegar is what makes the poached egg taste all vinegar. 301
See, I would say, since we're in the northern hemisphere, 302
you should've made the water go round clockwise, but... 303
it may not be relevant. 304
Right. We've done three minutes exactly 305
on egg one in the newfangled device. 306
You've done half a minute in that one. 307
So if I'm gonna make a bowl of kedgeree and get ready 308
to serve that one, do you have a slotted spoon? 309
Does it look good? 310
Okay, that first egg is ready. 311
- It's safe to hold that. - Ooh, look. 312
[James] Has it work... it has worked, hasn't it? 313
That looks pretty good. Let's have this one in there 314
and you can try this, this is your kedgeree. 315
What about the old-style vortex method? 316
I don't think it looks too bad, that one. 317
[James] It looks exactly the same. 318
Perhaps it's not the global issue I thought it was. 319
At any rate, breakfast is served. 320
And as the old chat-up line goes, 321
"How do you like your eggs in the morning?" 322
Well, I like mine poached, with kedgeree. 323
- Right. Please. - This looks delicious. 324
The egg is good. 325
- Mmm. - It's got a bit of a kick 326
- on it, hasn't it? - It has, but I approve of that. 327
- It's really nice. - Mmm. 328
I think that's better for not having milk 329
or cream or any of that nonsense in it. 330
- Cleaner. - Cleaner. Good word. 331
[James] Perfect poachy. 332
It's rice and it's spice. 333
And it's come down to you from the Mughals of India 334
in ancient times. 335
And here it is, going in my mouth, so thank you. 336
And as you enjoy the runny egg close-up, 337
I've been thinking, what happens 338
when I want to have a subtly spiced exotic breakfast, 339
but I haven't had a chance to get 340
to the shops the night before? 341
Well, that's why we have a "store cupboard savior" sting. 342
This time, the "store cupboard savior" 343
is about what do to when all you have to your name 344
are some eggs and a tin of tomatoes. 345
We are now going to make shakshuka, 346
which is a Tunisian-Arabic word meaning "all mixed up." 347
Yet despite that, this dish is most readily associated 348
with Israel, where it is a bit of a staple. 349
So there's a massive row that's broken out 350
in the Middle East about who owns shakshuka. 351
Well, for the moment, we own it, here in this kitchen. 352
It's vegetarian, not vegan, but it is vegetarian. 353
The ingredients are a bell pepper, already chopped, 354
a medium onion, already chopped, a tin of tomatoes, 355
some coriander, some eggs, paprika, cumin and chili powder. 356
The only thing that hasn't been preprepared 357
are the two garlic cloves, and for this, 358
I'm going to use my very, very precious 359
Japanese knife. 360
As well as high-performance motorcycles, 361
the Japanese make high-performance knives. 362
Oh... 363
They are sharper and lighter than European rivals, 364
but their thinness makes them more easily blunted. 365
I have a big one as well. 366
And a fruit knife. Mm. 367
I'm gonna do this in two methods. I'm going to... 368
I'm gonna crush that one, but this one, 369
since I've got my exquisite Japanese knife out, 370
I'm gonna be cutting very, very thin slices. 371
You're gonna use your fingernail as a guide, 372
moving it back minutely each time. 373
Rest the edge of the knife against your fingernail. 374
And go down, but whilst you're doing that, remember 375
to retreat your thumb at the same time, 376
otherwise, eventually, 377
the end of your thumb will be with the garlic. 378
Right. Let's start with onions. 379
Sizzle, sizzle. That means the oil's nice and hot. 380
And the peppers. 381
Next, add the vodka in a jus of tomato and celery. 382
I do like a good Bloody Mary, but I find 383
I get this pain in my left eye when I drink it. 384
Can you see this? 385
That's rather marvelous. It looks like pop art. 386
I'm gonna say that's done. 387
It's an excellent garlic squasher, this, I have to say. 388
This is, uh, Nikki's. 389
It manages to squash the garlic 390
but push the skin bit up the side of the plunger 391
and extract it. 392
Very, very good. 393
Excellent, in fact. 394
Here goes the rest of the garlic. That's simply... 395
thinly sliced, rather than crushed. 396
Little bit of a stir around. 397
Let's add our spices. 398
Two teaspoons of paprika, 399
one of cumin and a half of chili powder... 400
Right, so we're gonna cook this for a minute or two because that 401
will bring the flavors out of the spices. 402
...before adding the most abundant 403
of store cupboard staples, a can of tomatoes. 404
Yeah, we have to bash these tomatoes up a bit. 405
We don't want them in solid bits. 406
Right, I'm going to add to that... 407
some of Nikki's white pepper, of which she is a great fan, 408
and a little pinch of salt. 409
Tomatoes can taste a bit sweet, I think. 410
Next, the eggs, cooked in an unusual way. 411
- Nikki? - Hello. 412
Would you mind joining in for the egg moment? 413
- Egg moment. - Yes. 414
What we have to do here is make four little holes 415
in that mixture, break an egg into each one, 416
and it will sort of part fry, part poach, 417
- won't it? - Yes. It will. 418
Um, so, using the green spatula... 419
When you say, "a little well," 420
- is that a little well? - Yes. 421
Okay. So that's a little well. 422
- [Nikki] Mm-hmm. - That's a little well. 423
- Yep. - And that's a little well. 424
I dragged you out of the cupboard unnecessarily. 425
I'm sorry about that. 426
Keep the wells open, please. 427
- It's coming in. Yeah? - Yeah. 428
[James] Blam. 429
- In there. - In the well. 430
♪ ♪ 431
Covering lid can go on. 432
A bit of steam coming up onto the lid and going down, 433
as in an egg coddler, will make sure the top of the eggs 434
are cooking at the same time as the bottom of the eggs. 435
That's it, isn't it? Otherwise, you're left 436
with a rubbery bottom and a soggy top. 437
- About eight minutes. - About eight minutes. 438
More than enough time to chop the coriander as a garnish. 439
Sprinkling? Sprinkling... 440
- That looks great. Look at it. - It does look fantastic. 441
- Yeah, smells great as well. - Perfect. 442
I think it's time for some toast, don't you? 443
Toast. 444
I think it's time for some toast, don't you? 445
Toast. 446
It's like a toast dance. 447
And toast. 448
[sighs] 449
[quietly] It's not ready. 450
And toast. 451
- [Nikki sighs] - [bell dings] 452
- Ah. - Bollocks. 453
- [Nikki laughs] - Slightly underdone 454
by my, uh, standards; I like burnt toast. 455
But I know you don't. Quite a broad soldier, 456
so that you can scoop up... 457
shakshuka, which means "all mixed up." 458
[Nikki] Bit of egg. 459
Little bit of shakshuka. 460
The egg's still slightly runny. 461
- Mmm. - It is absolutely meat-free. 462
But it has quite a meaty quality to it, doesn't it? 463
It's extremely nice. 464
[Nikki] It's very good. 465
It's good. It's some of the ingredients of a fry-up. 466
It's eggs, tomatoes, 467
onion... you'd have a bit of onion in a fryer. 468
But we've added spices. 469
Coriander, which makes everything in the world better. 470
And it's... it's meat-free and healthy. 471
- Cheap, as well... I mean, that costs nothing to make. - Yes. 472
And quick. 473
And morale-boosting. 474
- Morale-boosting, definitely. - Yes. 475
[James] So, there you go: 476
make shakshuka and eat shakshuka. 477
It's delicious. 478
Now, so far we've sampled exotic breakfasts, 479
but what about the good old-fashioned boiled egg? 480
Well, if you think there's nothing that could be done 481
to jazz that up, you'd be wrong. 482
This is an avocado, 483
or, as they used to be known in the 1970s, 484
an avocado pear. 485
These days they're just known as an avo. 486
And the fashionable thing to do is to smash them, 487
but we're not going to do that. 488
We are going to turn this avocado 489
into dippy soldiers for a boiled egg. 490
And not only is this very simple, 491
it's a very good way of using an avocado that is ripe 492
but not properly soft yet. 493
This one's still a bit too hard. 494
So you could make guacamole with it. 495
You could make these things with it. 496
You couldn't eat it with a spoon with some vinaigrette in it. 497
It would be just a bit too hard. 498
So, let's begin by... 499
chopping it in half, using your very sharp knife. 500
Very carefully. If you're lucky, 501
the cut will line up again when you get to the other side, 502
like that. 503
If the stone is stuck in, 504
you can take a spoon... 505
spoon like that, put the point of your sharp knife in... 506
give it a couple of taps, 507
rotate the knife... 508
and the stone will come out, like that. 509
So, there are two ways of getting the skin 510
off the avocado. One is to cut one half in half, 511
thereby giving you a quarter, 512
and if you get your fingernail under the end-- 513
not the no-bendy end, the other end-- 514
you can usually... 515
tease like that, 516
with your thumb, 517
the skin away. 518
That's pretty perfect. 519
The other way of doing this, um, is advocated 520
by somebody on the crew, 521
and allegedly-- I've never tried this, but let's see-- 522
you can run the spoon 523
into the avocado. Keep it tight to the skin. 524
Do you know what? I think this might work. 525
It did, sort of. 526
Yeah, that's pretty good. 527
Um... 528
In half, and in half again. 529
Now we are going to add Italian... 530
prosciutto crudo, which is this. 531
You can also get prosciutto sofisticado, 532
but it is more expensive. 533
So stick with the cheap stuff, 534
because this is just a tasty snack. 535
Cut each piece of prosciutto crudo in half 536
with a sharp knife. 537
Take a strip of that, take a piece of your avocado, 538
and wrap it. 539
Sort of a little bit like pigs in blankets. 540
You know what I mean: the things you have at Christmas. 541
A quick montage of me swaddling avocado in ham. 542
Those will go in the oven 543
at 200 degrees for, I reckon, around eight minutes. 544
But the trick is actually to look through the door, 545
and when it looks like crispy, streaky bacon, 546
they are ready, and at that point, 547
we can take them out, let them cool a bit, 548
and then worry about boiled eggs, 549
which will cause an argument. 550
And the clock is running. 551
I have eight minutes, in which I can make myself a Buck's Fizz, 552
which is the other acceptable type of breakfast booze. 553
Do you put the orange juice in first 554
or the fizz in first? 555
[cork pops] 556
I'm gonna make an executive decision. 557
Orange in second. 558
I'll tell you what. 559
That's-that's fizz in first. 560
I'm sure Nikki's gonna want one of these, 561
so let's make a second one and put orange in first 562
and see if there's any difference. 563
♪ ♪ 564
That's fizzy. 565
Ah, no, I can see already: the orange mixes better 566
if you put the orange in second. 567
So... there, there's something that we've learned. 568
Every day is a learning day. 569
Buck's Fizz, fizz in first. 570
I'll give the decent one to Nikki, 571
'cause otherwise, everybody will say, 572
[mockingly] "You gave her the..." 573
[knocks] 574
No need to come out. 575
[Nikki] Oh, thank you very much. 576
- See you later. - See you later. 577
We're going to boil eggs in a minute. 578
I know a lot of you will have opinions on how to boil eggs. 579
Nikki says that if you keep your eggs out of the fridge, 580
which you should do anyway, a room temperature egg 581
can go straight into boiling water for exactly five minutes, 582
and it will be perfect. 583
Let's see if she's right. Here we go. 584
Now, those have been in for only seven minutes, 585
but actually, looking through the door, they are done. 586
And I'm going to take them out 'cause they need 587
to cool off a bit, otherwise you won't be able to pick them up 588
to dip them in the egg. 589
Let's get two serving plates ready. 590
An egg cup on the plate. 591
♪ ♪ 592
Your eggs-any-style are ready. 593
- Eggs-any-style? - Yes. 594
In this case, it's boiled-egg style. 595
Wow, they look good. 596
A boiled egg cooked to your instructions, 597
with a pinch of salt, and here are your avocado 598
and prosciutto dippy fingers. 599
Sorry, I keep forgetting that you like a good luck clink. 600
All right, dip away. 601
[Nikki] Some salt for the top. 602
Mmm. 603
Bizarrely, they taste like chips. 604
- [James] Do they? - Mm, they're really nice. 605
They do taste like chips. 606
What's not to like? 607
They taste like... porky chips. 608
I think that's a very sophisticated breakfast. 609
It's better than smashing them up and putting them on toast 610
and charging 20 quid for them. 611
I think that's our conclusion, 612
- isn't it? - I think so, too. 613
- Cheers. - Cheers. 614
Take that, hipsters. 615
So, breakfast is served, 616
an opportunity to experiment with an array 617
of ingredients and flavors from all over the globe. 618
And if world peace is ever achieved, 619
it will be over breakfast. 620
Well, I think that must count as a success. 621
The kitchen is still intact, 622
and Nikki is still alive in her cupboard. 623
Ten out of ten. 624
See you next time, cookers.