You can't just send her back
-Where's she gonna go? -They'll find someplace
You're gonna send her away? You take everything away, don't you?
-You just leave me with nothing. -Jesus Christ, you are such a bad actress
I really almost forgot
Okay, okay
All right, I'll send her back, okay? We can try that
Just don't go, okay? Just don't leave me
Unlike you, Claire, I work. Remember?
And she going with you, your girlfriend?
I've had it with this, Claire
I've really had it
Astrid?
Astrid
Astrid, please
Claire?
Are you awake?
I'm sorry
Are you all right?
Yeah
Take my advice. Stay away from broken people
You can't send me back
He's not coming back, Astrid
He's gonna divorce me
You know, Claire, it wouldn't be the worst thing
I'm cold
Real cold
Here. Get in here with me
Come on
Okay
Stay with me, okay?
Stay with me, please
Claire
Claire, wake up! Claire!
God!
Claire, please
No!
Astrid
What is it?
I'm back in Mac
-Didn't they tell you? -No
Claire's dead
She killed herself
-I'm sorry. -No, you're not
-You poisoned her too, but with words. -I told her what she already knew
You were just jealous
Of course I was jealous. I live in a cell with a woman¡­
¡­who has a vocabulary of 25 words
Why do you think they got you?
To create a perfect family? People get babies for that
Not teenagers recovering from bullet wounds
You were on suicide watch. Don't think it's the first time she tried it
lt's just the first time she pulled it off
I'm not coming back
I wanted to tell you that in person
I'm gonna leave you here, alone
I know you think I'm cruel
I'm trying to protect you from those people
Those people are not the enemy, Mother. We are. You and me
They don't hurt us. We hurt them
You still ignoring me?
I turn 1 8 Saturday. I'm going to New York
I want you to come with me
I can't
Sure you can. Just leave
ls it your mother?
Come on
I'll get a job. We'll find a place to live. We'll be like we always talked about
I don't wanna go to New York. I don't wanna be with you
She was with us for three years. Her parents took her back
We think you'd really like it with us
There are lots of kids your age in our neighborhood
Excuse me
Look. Don't worry about it. She's had a very hard time recently
Let me just go talk to her, okay? You're doing fine
So, what's wrong this time?
I'm too old for them
Look, the Greenways are great
They've got a nice house with an extra bedroom for you
They go to church
Schools are good
They don't smoke. He makes his own beer
I want her
Workers of the world, arise
You've got nothing to lose but Visa card, Happy Meal, and Kotex with wings
Christ, Thursday
-Hey, lazy cows, you want smoke? -I quit for the baby, Rena
Why? You don't keep it, thank God
Hey, you, cheerleader. You want smoke?
Russian cigarettes. No cancer
Clothes
-That really is a nice color. -lt's gorgeous
-What's it made of? -I don't know
Why don't you just try it on and see how you look?
-lt's really nice. -Okay, thank you
Hey, that's my dress. These are all mine
So? You get good price for them. What do you need expensive clothes for?
-Melrose Place call you to be a star? -Someone gave them to me
Even better. All profit. That's why I love this country
Because it loves money like I love money
-Hey. You make a price, I take 25%. -No
What, you think you're gonna sell it all by yourself?
I pay for stall, storage, gas. They pay you, you pay me. You still make profit
Hey
Dead person who give you thing don't care. The past is gone
Sentimental is stupid. lt's smart to make money
There's no price. How about $20?
lt's a Marc Jacobs dress. lt's been worn once
-Fifty? -A hundred
Thank you. Let's go
-How was last night? -lt was fun
-Yeah? -What'd you do?
-Watched TV. -Who were you with last night?
-You know who I saw? -Who?
I saw Danny
-Don't you think Astrid would like him? -No
Astrid?
-I'm Hannah. This is Julie. -Hi
We went to your house. The lady said you'd be here, so¡­.
We visit your mother
She's our project in Women's Studies
-What does she want? -She didn't send us
We came on our own
She asked us to mail you the interview, her show at Bergamot
We thought we could deliver it and see if maybe--
-ls that it? -Yeah
Excuse me
-What do you talk about? -All kinds of things. Art, music¡­.
She talks about you
Really?
What does she say?
Well, that you're in a--
You know, fostered
Look, she feels really terrible about what's happened
So you thought you'd come out and what? Adopt me?
You don't think she killed him, do you?
Something you should know
She did. I was there
Oleander's poisonous. I don't know why people grow it.
-Open the door! -How dare you? You have no right!
They can't keep me. Don't worry, I'll be back in an hour!
Who is that?
I don't know
-You draw her all the time. -I think her name was Annie
She's someone I remember. I don't know who she was
Check it out, you guys
Rodeo Drive refugee
Excuse me, are you Rena Gruschenko?
Gruschenka. lf you come from lNS, I have a green card
I have been all over this junkyard looking for you
You must be Astrid. I'm Susan Valeris, your mother's lawyer
Cigarette?
-Don't know why I never quit. -I do
All the prisoners smoke. You can offer them one
Your mother's proud of you for not quitting school
You graduate soon. Are you making any plans for your future?
Yeah. I thought I'd be a criminal lawyer
Really?
Either that or a hooker or garbage collector
Your mother said you'd be difficult
-Mother knows best. -You've been through a terrible ordeal
Three foster homes, the shooting, the suicide of a foster mother
I understand you were close
Did you ask your client about her involvement with that?
You can't blame her for the death of a woman she met once
But I do blame her, Susan
That's pretty cynical, Astrid
You want me to lie for her in court, is that it?
Why do you hate her, Astrid?
Because you think she committed murder?
Or because you feel abandoned?
Talk to her. People do change
You should hear the way she talks about you. She worries about you
She asked me to find out if there's anything you need
Money for college? Car?
There's money behind her. Just tell me what you want
You are stupid girl
You walk away from money to punish mother
You want car?
You want art college? All costs money
You don't know anything about this, Rena, so just stay out of it
-I have plan for you, anyway. -Yeah? What's that?
Niki leave soon
And Yvonne is stupid girl
Making third baby
Every time she look at the window to see baby's face, baby gone
Then she cries like it's a big surprise
But you, you're a special girl
You stay, I make you partner
Stay here?
What, you got better place to go?
Then go see mother
She need something from you, you need something from her
Go get it
Here she comes
Astrid, my God!
What's wrong, Mom? You don't like my outfit?
I'll leave you two alone for a while
So, what's the story? We didn't go to Mexico to buy DMSO?
Barry beat you? He raped me?
How bad does he have to be to get you out of jail?
I can't believe what's happened to you. When I get out, I'll make it up
Who said you're getting out?
I said I'd talk to you. I didn't say I'd do it
Then what do you want?
I have a deal to make. A trade
You tell me the truth, I'll lie for you in court
-The truth about what? -Everything you kept from me
-And if I don't? -Then you can rot in here
I hate this look, by the way
You're a Sunset Boulevard motel, a $20 hooker in the back of a car
Why did you murder Barry?
lf I submit to this, you'll testify?
Yes
Self-defense. He was killing me
Claire did nothing to you. Why'd you go after her?
Claire went after herself. I just showed her how to do it
Who was my father?
Why do you always ask that? lt's ancient history
lt's my ancient history. Who was he?
His name was Klaus Anders
-What'd he do? -He was an artist
How did you meet?
At Venice Beach, at a party. He had the drugs
Did you love him?
lt was a long time ago. I'm not the same person
Liar. You're exactly the same. Answer the question
You're such a child, taking my propaganda for truth
So set me straight. Did you love him?
We had a very sexual relationship. One overlooks many things
You worshipped him. I read it in your journal
"Worship" isn't exactly the word we're looking for here
Who is Annie?
What?
Who is Annie, Mother?
She was a neighbor who took in kids, did people's laundry
-What did she look like? -Dark, curly hair, freckles
Did she take care of me?
How can you possibly have remembered this?
lt will only hurt you
lmagine my life for a moment
How unprepared I was to be the mother of a small child
I was used to having time to think and you just wanted, wanted, wanted
I felt like a hostage
Can you understand how desperate I was?
I dropped you off at her house one afternoon¡­
¡­to go to the beach with some friends
And one thing led to another
They had a place in Ensenada
lt was wonderful
You can't imagine
To take a nap in the afternoon¡­
¡­to make love all day if I wanted and not have to think:
What's Astrid doing? Where's Astrid? Mommy, Mommy¡­
¡­clinging to me like a spider
At the end, I just wanted to throw you against a wall
How long were you gone?
About a year
Give or take a few months
-My God. -You're not asking the right question
Don't ask me why I left. Ask me why I came back
You should've been sterilized
I could've left you there but I didn't
Don't you understand? For once, I did the right thing
When I came back, you knew me
You were sitting by the door. You looked up and you reached for me
lt was as if you'd been waiting for me all along
I was always waiting for you. That's the constant in my life
Waiting for you. Will you come back?
Will you forget that you tied me up in front of a store or left me on a bus?
-Are you still waiting? -No
I stopped when Claire showed me what it felt like to be loved
What did you think? That I would amuse you?
That's what babies are like, Mother
Did you think we'd talk about Joseph Brodsky?
I thought Klaus and I would live happily ever after
Adam and Eve in a vine-covered shack. I was crazy
-You were in love with him. -I was, all right?
I was in love with him, baby makes three and all that crap
Then why did you leave him?
-Why did you leave him? -I didn't leave him. He left me
You wanna know about your father?
He left us when you were six months old for another woman
I never saw him again until he came looking for you when you were 8
-He came to see me? -Yes, he did
But it was too late. Why should I let him see you after what he did to me?
lt wasn't about you! lt was about me and I wanted to see him!
My whole life I've wanted to see him. That decision was mine, not yours!
Everything's always been about you, never about me
I knew you were gonna kill Barry, but you didn't even care
You didn't give a damn about what that would do to me
I'll say whatever Susan wants, but I gotta go
You don't just walk away from me. I made you. I'm in your blood
You don't go anywhere until I let you go
Then let me go
You look at me and you don't like what you see
But this is the price, Mother. The price of belonging to you
lf I could, I'd take it all back
I would
Then tell me you don't want me to testify
Tell me you don't want me like this
Tell me you would sacrifice the rest of your life¡­
¡­to have me back the way I was
Listen, forget it. A deal's a deal
Let's just leave it at that
Excuse me. lt's probably a waste of time¡­
¡­but I'm looking for someone who used to come here. His name's Paul Trout
-You Astrid? -Yeah
He said you'd turn up
Thanks
-What's going on? -I don't know
-Excuse me. ls it a recess? -No. Jury's out
Don't you need me to testify?
Your mother told me to leave you alone
What happened?
She let me go
Two years after Paul and I moved to New York¡­
¡­I received a letter from my mother.
ln it was the Los Angeles Times Magazine, my mother on the cover.
A Santa Monica gallery had mounted a showing of her work.
The Times included seven pages¡­
¡­of her hauntingly distant prison collages.
She stares out from the cover, the bars of her cell behind her.
Beautiful.
Dangerous.
Proud.
The Times said she was close to winning a retrial after a first failed appeal.
They called her show a triumph.
lt's too much to imagine her tempering her joy with a moment of grief¡­
¡­a moment for what that triumph had cost.
These suitcases are a map of that country¡­
¡­a terrible country I will never revisit.
Even so¡­
¡­I find myself thinking of her¡­
¡­wanting to feel that wind.
lt's a secret wanting¡­
¡­like a song I can't stop humming¡­
¡­or loving someone you can never have.
No matter how much she's damaged me¡­
¡­no matter how flawed she is¡­
¡­I know my mother loves me.
[ENGLlSH]