Cleaned, corrected, musical notes and missing lines added by Tronar
♪ Got sun on my face ♪
♪ Sleeping rough on the road ♪
♪ I'll tell you all about it ♪
♪ When I get home ♪
♪ Comin' round to meet you ♪
♪ The long way round ♪
For a long time we always talked about doing a trip together.
Maybe to Spain or somewhere like that.
And then somehow Ewan then rang me up one night
and said, "Listen, Charley. I've got this idea.
Instead of riding to Spain, why don't we ride around the world?"
We're gonna ride 20,000 miles and travel through 13 countries.
And then we could just directly go east through Russia,
but we wanna see Kazakhstan and Mongolia.
And then ride the Road of Bones in Far Eastern Russia to Magadan.
Then we're gonna fly to Alaska
and go through Canada, America and New York.
This is longer than any bike ride I've ever done.
This isn't just going out for a ride... "I'm just going for a ride on my bike."
This is a bit more than that, you know?
Bad news.
Had a call from KTM this morning. From the "K" of KTM.
Mr. K-blah-blah-blah, whatever his name is.
- They don't wanna give any of the bikes? - Correct.
I said, "So, what changed your mind?"
He said, well,
Thomas Junker came back after the meeting yesterday
and said there was bits about, you know, Siberia that he was worried about,
- and blah, blah, blah... - Oh, for...
This is... This is ridiculous.
He's done the trip himself. I mean...
- He's never done the Road of Bones. - He's never done the...
I don't think he's ever done the Road of Bones.
- I don't understand... - He went to Yakutsk.
You know how he got to Yakutsk?
He arrived in a fucking boat.
Oh, my fucking God.
I don't understand. What the...
Oh, for fuck's sake!
What did this guy come and say? That we couldn't do it?
I mean, that it was not possible to do this?
I don't... I don't... I fucking knew that...
My first reaction was, "Don't get that guy here," is what I said.
- I said that to everybody. - Of course.
I said it's impossible. It was wrong to get that guy here.
That was a condition, unfortunately.
Georg, yeah, hello. It's Ewan McGregor here.
I'm just speaking...
Charley and I are here, a bit shell-shocked about...
why now KTM have withdrawn all their offer,
and I'm very interested to find out why.
I think it would be fair if you gave us a call back. Okay, thank you.
I don't know if I've held that or not.
It's gone now.
Why's that there?
Oh, shut up.
After you push the left orange button...
Just the orange button.
My first reaction was one of, kind of, that we blew it.
You know? That we're just, like, a bunch of spoiled, greedy people.
And I just thought about all the...
things we expect, you know?
They were offering to give us free motorbikes.
Who else gets free motorbikes? Do you know what I mean?
You can't just walk into a shop and demand a free motorbike,
yet we were.
Because of what... In what details?
It is an adventure, after all, and...
And he's done his adventure.
The idea is that we go on an adventure, you know?
Okay. Well, thank you for your time.
Thank you. Bye-bye.
They think that we might fail.
Then we'll do it on the BMW
and show 'em what a ♪♪♪♪ great big ♪♪♪♪ mistake it ♪♪♪♪ is.
What a ♪♪♪♪. What a ♪♪♪♪ business.
Fucking...
Get rid of that.
"Fail." How dare they say that?
I was really impressed with Ewan.
Deep down in his heart,
I think he would've been quite happy to go on a BMW right from the off.
And he has stuck by me
and has believed in my passion for the KTM.
That was so unfair for you. It's just a nightmare.
I think he was going with the KTM...
think he was doing it, maybe, slightly for me.
And I feel really honored that he would even consider doing something like that.
Personally, I'm really glad that we've gone with BMW.
I mean, these bikes are built to go around the world.
We're going to have a two-day training course in Wales.
The first day is on lightweight bikes that they make, 650,
to get us used to off-road riding.
And the second day is on the big, heavyweight bikes,
the ones that we're gonna ride around the world on.
Coming round, you're gonna do it using your...
Once the bike goes, transfer your weight to the outside.
Exactly like you are there. Beautiful. Yeah.
It's a great idea on paper to ride a bike round the world,
but the reality of it is that we're gonna have to ride off-road for a lot of that...
a lot of that journey.
I don't know. It's a big, heavy bike. I've never really done it before.
Three in a row.
No, I did fall down, and I'm not ashamed to say that I did.
I think Ewan struggled a lot
because he was doing stuff which he's never really done before on a motorbike.
He'd always ridden on the road. And so, for me, it was easier.
Ewan went up absolutely fine, right? No problem at all.
Comes... At three miles an hour, comes down like...
Another right.
Another right. Another right.
I've just gotta not let it rock me down and up and down and...
You know, 'cause as soon as I'd had that big fall, I was already in Siberia,
not making it through the Road of Bones.
That's where I was.
Letting you down, letting everyone down.
I've gotta stop letting things send me downwards, you know?
'Cause I...
'cause I fell off, and my immediate thing is...
my immediate thoughts are,
"Well, I'm gonna ruin the trip for Charley."
I had a bad night's sleep, I must say.
- So... you know. - Ah.
But it might give Ewan a bit of a chance, you know, to catch up.
Today, we're going back off-road, but we're on the bigger bikes.
And I hope I don't drop them as often today, because...
they'd be so heavy to pick up.
Ready? Go.
Get your knee under there. That's it.
Get yourself together.
And up.
Okay, well, we'll keep... You know.
- We'll keep an eye... - Yeah, keep an eye on it.
It's getting better and better every time,
and then it'll just come second nature, hopefully.
That's exactly what's gonna happen to him at some point.
And now he's gotta do it again and do it the right way.
There we go, perfect.
I'd really let it get to me, in my head.
So that I was terrified of falling over,
for being the guy that falls over all the time,
you know what I mean?
It was like a wake-up call yesterday.
But only because I haven't really done it before.
The reality of what we're undertaking has sunk in big time.
Yeah.
This is gonna be really hard.
Were there any difficult bits for you?
Are there any things that you're concerned about?
Nah. No, really.
Honestly.
You know what I'm saying?
It's not a problem with Charley. He's... The thing...
Can't get through to him, he's gotta be worried about some stuff.
- Drinking the water, or... doing stuff. - But that's what's brilliant about him.
He's not. He's the one that's constantly picking my bike up,
- he's picking my spirits up. - I know.
That's what Charley's all about.
But, Jesus, it's an eye-opener
for what we might be having to do on this trip, you know?
"Oh, yeah. We're gonna go across Kazakhstan and Mongolia."
- It's very easy doing it on the map. - "300 miles there and 150 here."
Yeah. "So it's, kind of, averaging 250, 300 miles a day.
And then, when we get into Siberia, and then we can fly to Anchorage"...
- How easy it trips off the tongue. - That's not a problem.
I don't think it's a problem. I really don't.
- The learning curve's massive though. - Just tell me honestly, have you...
hand on heart, any qualms about the trip?
- I have no problems at all with... - Okay.
- ...what we're doing. Not at all. - Yeah, all right.
- These cookies are good. - Oh, look. Look, it's Ewan.
Bastard.
Think about what we're doing the last two days in Wales.
You think about the majority of that being like what we did in Wales.
It represents my pulse as I look at it, I go, "Oh, yeah, yeah."
And it goes up like that.
I don't know if I can imagine what's in store for us.
At the moment, this trip just seems to be in two halves.
It's from here to Siberia,
and then there's this little bit from Alaska to New York.
That's the way it seems to be in my mind.
And Kazakhstan, Mongolia and Siberia are vivid,
because they're just probably more challenging than the rest.
But who knows? Who knows?
Maybe the biggest challenge will be riding along a three-lane highway
in the United States,
surrounded by trucks and hamburgers,
and maybe that'll be...
much more of a challenge than hoicking your bike out of another muddy puddle
in, you know, the Road of Bones. I don't know.
Three Maltesers, all in a row.
Someone had a poo-poo. I can smell it.
Ewan?
No. I've been in here with you.
Yeah, I'm just checking, you know?
I'm just about to go in. I'm going in.
I was gonna get MCN and have a shit with the MCN,
so I could look at myself and Ewan in the photo, but...
it's...
Oh. Watch this. Ready?
Wow.
- That's quite impressive, that. - Good, huh?
- Should I do it again? - Yeah.
- Is it an optical illusion? - An optical illusion?
Is that an optical illusion?
Watch this. I did this for a penny.
Ooh.
No, you gotta go...
...and then lay it on.
Lay on your Malteser.
Lay it on the table, boy.
- Yeah. - Wow!
Wow. Really impressed.
Wahey, man!
I think it's in your... I think it's in here.
- Is it in my hood? - It's in your hood.
Maltesers in the hood. Shit.
I've been told that BMWs are so reliable that they'll never break down.
So going down to learn how to fix them is probably a waste of time.
I hope, anyway. But we're gonna go down, have a look.
Take them apart, put them back together again.
- What's this? - Do you really wanna know?
- 'Cause it is quite a boring subject. - Yeah.
That is a throttle position potentiometer.
That tells the control unit exactly what angle the throttle butterfly is at.
Told you it's boring.
That's fascinating.
Okay. Now I've got resistance on all nuts.
"The Force is strong in this one."
Oh, fuck. Do you think we need to put this back on?
Just leave it off?
It doesn't...
This won't fit now, 'cause I've been smashing it around so much.
Whereas Ewan's been filing it all down.
Wow. It fits perfectly.
What are you doing?
I'm putting this grease on here.
I don't know why.
They just told me to do it. Fuck. I don't give a shit anymore.
What's the point of doing that?
I've no fucking idea. They just told me to do it.
They said, you know, "Do that." I said, "Fine. Why?"
They said, "Well, you know, it's a BMW thing.
Do you understand?
You know what I mean?
And we think you're both a bit thick,
so this is about the only job we think you can possibly do, you see?"
Me big sumo wrestler.
Me ready to fight everybody.
Well, see, in great big BMW garage, they give us very important job to do.
- Oh, great. - Fantastic.
Can we get little straws with the beads on them as well?
Ewan's been tipped off to possibly play Bond.
James Bond.
I think I'd be a great Bond, personally, but...
I don't... No one seems to be talking about me for...
I think you could be...
I could be M.
You could be Moneypenny.
Can you imagine?
'Cause you've played my secretary in the past.
- Oh, yeah. That was great. - You could play her again.
Thanks. Never working with that fucker again. No way.
Hey, Jim!
Welcome back.
Unfortunately, though we met with 20 people,
we still haven't found a cameraman.
But the good news is supplies started to come in.
No way!
- Fucking hell! - What?
It's ridiculous. It's like Christmastime, isn't it?
Whoa!
Charley, look.
It says, "Built especially for Charley Boorman."
This is the latest trick bit of kit.
You do that, it beeps and buzzes when you get up to the right torque.
- Ah, okay. - Rather than the crappy old click ones.
- It's a digital torque wrench. - Yep. One of them.
Digital torque wrench.
I've always wanted one.
I don't know how I've made it this long without one.
- Adjustables, always useful. - Oh, yeah.
I've always admired these tremendously.
Use one of those. Butane soldering iron.
- Oh, God. - Shit.
- Lift that. - This is your Gucci...
This just all goes on and on. I just...
I feel very emotional.
I mean, a whole toolbox.
I mean, it was something which I have...
Since I was a child, I have wanted...
I've wanted, all my life, to have a tool chest.
A red tool chest with "Snap-on" written on it.
And not only do I have a red tool chest with "Snap-on" written on it,
but it says, "This has been specially modified for Charley Boorman."
The bikes are coming in half an hour.
Are they? Well, cancel the Russian lesson then.
Fuck!
Well, I've dented that already.
♪ I'm in heaven ♪
♪ And my heart beats ♪ ♪ So that I can scarcely see ♪
Fifteen days to go.
Charley's turned over a new leaf about tidiness in the workplace.
Haven't you, Charley?
What? What?
Have you ever heard of tidying up after yourself?
I haven't finished!
Hand on my heart,
I'm so relieved...
that we've ended up with the BMWs.
Every fiber of me knows that we're on the right bike.
I swear to God.
Oh, for fuck's sake!
I don't understand.
- Patience. - Everything's just fucking...
Patience, you know?
Rome wasn't built in a day.
This is a boy's fantasy, this, isn't it? Now our friends at Snap-on.
I mean, I've been tinkering with my bikes from a little tool kit in a plastic case
that I bought in a hardware shop, you know, ten, five years ago,
for 30 quid.
Check this one.
Sonic have come down with the onboard cameras and comms
to show us how it all works.
So we'll see what happens.
It's gonna take us about fucking...
an hour and a half to get ready each time we get on a bike, isn't it?
Come in, Charley, Charley. Come in, Charley.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're currently flying at 35,000 feet.
We should be landing in Acapulco in 25 minutes.
- We hope you enjoyed the flight. - Look at this.
- Go on. - Yeah, well, whatever.
- That's good, huh? - It's pretty amazing, isn't it?
You know, the bikes being here, the tools being here,
it's just made it more of a reality.
So that's cool. Everything's good.
There's a part of me just wants to be going now, you know?
And then other parts of me that doesn't.
The idea of leaving my family, my wife and kids, for this length of time,
that's gonna be the hardest thing about the whole trip, I think.
The places they're going to, it's not the usual tourist...
They're not going to Thailand, or even to Vietnam.
They're going to places that, really, nobody wants to go to.
I mean, who's gonna say "I'm gonna go to Kazakhstan on holiday"?
I'm worried about bears and God knows what.
And another worry was that, what happens within the relationship
when somebody goes and lives through what they're going through.
"Travels with Charley,"
starring Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman.
- Hello. Here we are today... - Here we are, out in the bloody cuds...
With my bell end.
...with a little bit of scrot rot and some fucking bloody bell end rot.
We get through to the Ukraine, just batter through in a week.
Yeah. Maybe.
Where's my glasses?
I'm having my eyes lasered tomorrow.
- I'm having laser surgery on my eyes. - What's wrong with them?
I can't see very well.
Does it work? I've been nervous about having it done.
Fucking hope so. I'm having it done tomorrow.
- Let me know, yeah. - Yeah, I will.
I'll wake up and go, "My God! I can see you through the fucking telephone."
Have you always had them?
Yeah, but it's got... This eye is terrible now.
Yeah, I can't...
- I mean, terrible. - Yeah, I'm having trouble.
Look at this. Look.
- Yeah, exactly. - London grunge look. Urban...
"Anyway, with that over here"...
He just felt that riding 20,000 miles round the world with a crash helmet on,
it's just gonna be a big problem
to keep trying to put glasses through the crash helmet, etcetera.
So he's decided to go and have laser eye surgery.
Which is totally cool, 'cause it should give him 20/20 vision,
and, for sure, make his life a lot easier.
But from a producer's point of view, it just gives you that bit of uncertainty,
'cause you don't quite know whether it's gonna work.
But, listen, call me afterwards, when you've...
obviously, when you've got home, when you've settled, and, you know...
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- But don't leave it too long... - I won't. I'll let you know.
Listen...
- Are you nervous? - Yeah.
But they cut the eyeball and stuff,
and they lift a flap up and they laser in and...
And you're awake, you know. You're not, like, asleep for it, so...
Oh, my God.
And they clamp your eyes open and stuff.
Don't think you'll pull the wool over my eyes,
'cause I'll see right through it.
- 20/12 vision. - 20/12?
- What does that mean? - Two better than 20/20.
My name is Ewan "I can see forever" McGregor.
Could you feel anything weird, or...
Because they... To make the slice through the top of the eye, they make a flap.
So they cut right through, like the top of an egg,
but they don't cut quite all the way.
And when he's doing that,
they put this round instrument over your eye,
and they put quite a lot of pressure on it,
and it just feels wrong, because you shouldn't...
Your brain's telling you,
"Don't let him put pressure on your eye," you know.
It's a bit Clockwork Orange when you see it,
but it's not when you're having it done. You don't feel it.
- Yeah. - Khatgal...
Time is running out, so we've gotta get this route sorted
so we can get these visas done, otherwise we're in trouble.
- ...should be Mörön. - ...Should be Mörön.
Moron.
It's the birthplace of Genghis Khan.
That's what it is. Bayan-ooh.
So that's 45.
- That's 46. - That's 46, back into the USSR.
♪ Back in the USSR ♪
And then we got, like, three weeks in the USSR.
Bayan-ooh. Okay.
Well, listen, it looks to me, like, a bit...
I mean, I don't know, but it doesn't look very diverse.
We're missing this part.
Here we could go, "Okay, Charley. I'll see you in a week."
And you go...
"How you doing?"
What, sleep in a tent on my own? You must be fucking joking.
That'll do for Scotland.
So I'll have boots, socks...
We're going up to Scotland to test the bikes.
We need to test the bikes and our equipment.
Oh, fuck. This...
And also, I wanna see my mum and dad before we go.
The bikes are really comfortable.
They're not windy. They're warm.
It's easy to ride. And all the equipment worked really well for the first day.
And the bike-to-bike and all this kind of stuff is great.
Ewan's really excited about being home, and he is just bombing along.
And it's really quite funny to see.
That's where I washed dishes and was a waiter.
He was a waiter in that hotel we just passed. How funny.
I tell you, it's very nice to be here.
Finally, to see where your parents live, after all these years.
This is where I was a wee boy.
Right there's his mum...
looking very happy.
What do you think of your son going off on this trip?
Well,
mixed feelings, I think.
As a mother, I'd rather he stayed at home.
- Uh-huh. - But it's very exciting,
and I know he's gonna love it and so will you.
And...
also, as a mother, you can't stop people doing what they want to do.
You can't, can you?
- This is a little thing for you. - Oh, yeah?
For, basically, for your birthday.
But also... And I know that's early,
but I deliberately thought you ought to have it now.
- Ooh, prezzies. - You know...
- Thank you. - Wicked.
Oh, that's a beautiful book. Thank you.
Thank you very much. That's lovely.
She's a lovely mum, and his dad was in hospital.
He's just had a hip replacement.
And so we went to see him at the hospital.
He was in great form. Told some funny stories.
This guy came up to Charley, and he went,
"Do you know that Ewan McGregor is going round the world on a bike like this?"
And I'm in my helmet, and Charley went,
"Stuart. He says Ewan McGregor's going around the world on a bike like this."
And I went, "Oh, is he? Oh. What are the chances of that?"
This my Nana Lawson.
Look at her.
Seventy-nine, walking to work every day.
- How old? Seventy... - Seventy-nine.
- That was when she was working. - That was when I retired.
And... And... Oh, I won't ask.
- 'Cause it's very rude to ask. - No, it doesn't matter. I'm 81.
Eighty-one? My God.
- You look fantastic. - You do look fantastic.
- You're amazing. - Well, I feel good.
I just want to you wish you and Ewan the very best on the journey.
- And don't take any risks of any kind. - Okay.
So, where are we, Ewan?
We're in Glencoe, Charley.
This is one of my favorite parts of Scotland. Glencoe.
Look at the colors of it.
It's beautiful.
I want that house.
This is the kind of weather we're gonna be camping in tonight.
I'm trying to convince Ewan that we shouldn't be doing it,
but he's not having any of it.
We'll be fine.
Okay. This is the first time Charley and I will have put up our camp.
And there you bloody are.
Okay, so we got the tent up.
Let's have a wee look inside.
Already, I'm neater than you are.
I don't think I've packed the...
the cooking pots. Did you pack any cooking pots?
- Yeah. - Oh, you did?
I've got them.
I think the camping thing for me is gonna be an issue.
You know? And why camp when you can stay in a hotel?
All the camping equipment's worked fine, I think.
I mean, as a test, it's been really good...
This really worked.
The last four days have been really important.
I think we've learned a lot of things.
- Can you see me? - Yeah, mate. No problem.
Your eyes look a bit fucking weird.
I want to eat you. I'll kill you.
So... and we're now officially out in the cuds.
Any thoughts?
Yeah...
I think, you know, there's something to be said about...
there's something to be said about having hotels and stuff like that.
I'm, like, suffering from an obsession about it.
I wake up in the middle of the night,
and I'm thinking about that room, or that bit of equipment,
or Charley, or the bike, or this, that.
The second my mind's awake, I'm only thinking about this.
And I find it quite difficult to have my mind on anything else.
I'm trying to focus on being...
You know, when I'm at home, not to be dealing with this,
because I'm very soon only gonna be dealing with this,
because I'll be on the trip.
It is difficult. Olly does get a little bit frustrated with me sometimes,
because I'm sort of...
listening, but sometimes I don't listen, and...
my mind wanders off about this, that and the other, you know.
And I think she understands that,
but I think she just gets a bit frustrated.
Yeah, I'm very excited about him going.
Fifteen weeks. It's a long time for someone to go away,
and I think we're all gonna really miss him hugely.
Especially the children, and...
it's a very long time.
Olly's very up-tempo about it. I think...
I think she's just not trying to think about it.
She doesn't wanna think about it.
And if she does think about it, she does have tears.
But she's great, Olly.
She'll just put it out of her mind and say,
"Right. Back in three months. Get on with it."
I'm going round the world on my motorbike.
So, Doone, how do you feel about me going?
- Excited. - Uh-huh.
- And worried. - Uh-huh.
- And sad. - Mm.
I went to Ireland to visit my dad for one last time
before I leave on this trip.
This is his first bike.
It's gotta be 25 years old.
- You had this when you were 12. - Yeah.
You know, you see him here on this motorbike,
with five children piled on top of the motorbike,
going up and down the hills.
You realize that he's totally irresponsible.
We had the most beautiful little child, snow-white hair.
And you always had a big cushion.
And you had your thumby like...
What a sweet little child you were.
And now you're going through Siberia. You must be nuts.
We've just spent the last three months trying to find a cameraman
that can ride a bike, shoot, direct, and that we all like and get on with.
Some of the guys that we were working with as far as cameramen before
weren't working for us, and then fortune has smiled on us...
when I saw the CV of a cameraman from Switzerland
who is absolutely perfect for our project.
I'm Claudio von Planta.
He's a lovely man. He seems to get the idea.
And you know what's interesting about Claudio?
He went off and had a spin on the bike.
He came back in and opened the door,
drove straight in, got off the bike and said,
"Yeah, no. It's great."
Right. I'm putting you through now. Thanks.
Well, one week to go,
I get a call half an hour ago, to find our cameraman hasn't got a bike license.
I discovered that my Swiss motorbike license is not recognized here in the UK,
which means I still have to do a motorbike test.
I'm quite confident. I think it will be okay.
He's sitting his motorcycle test on Tuesday,
and we leave on Wednesday morning.
- We didn't really do the whole... - So, if he fails, he can't do it.
There isn't anyone else.
We've just discovered one other problem,
which is Claudio's passport doesn't have enough space in it
for all the visas that we need to put in.
So we have to get another passport issued in Switzerland
and sent over to us before we leave.
Well, the new passport, I can only get it if they can annulate the old one.
That's why we have to send it to Switzerland.
We've got three break points tomorrow.
Nine o'clock, you're going to the embassy
to find out whether or not you can add the travel document
for Czech Republic and Slovakia.
By 12:00, we're gonna know... And Ukraine, hopefully.
By 12:00, the DHL thing would've been delivered or not.
If not, you'll track it and find out what the deal is.
It's being tracked. It's not a parcel that's disappeared.
It's got a relevant air waybill number.
The moment it's... Both passports are there, ready in Switzerland...
my mother offered, she could actually then...
fly over here to London to make sure it gets here quick, in time,
because these courier services... You know?
The whole of this global enterprise is dependent on Claudio's poor mum.
What about... Surely, you must have a...
Like the British have got a foreign office,
do the Swiss not have an office
that's designed to help British travelers abroad?
You know, I spent one month in prison in...
- What? - Hold on.
Hold on!
I spent one month in prison in Pakistan.
I called the Swiss embassy and said, "You know, that's the problem.
The Pakistanis are giving me a hard time."
The Pakistanis just kept me in prison.
And it took the Swiss a month to get me out.
- No. - Yeah.
'Cause then the third break point
is when you do your driving test at 3:27 in the afternoon
to see if you can ride a bike.
Claudio's the only guy to do a motorcycle trip around the world
without a motorcycle license and a passport.
Ewan and Charley said they loved you because you were laid-back.
But there's laid-back and there's laid-back.
You know what I mean?
What is it?
I don't... It's a deer thing.
Maybe at checkpoints they'll think they're small missiles launchers though.
It doesn't say anything about a motorbike.
So either they'll run away from it, or they'll run straight to it.
Or they'll freeze in the middle of the road, going,
"What the fuck is that noise?"
And you come round the corner, and they go...
It's called a deer-freezer.
Fuck it. I'm not taking it.
It's another gram of fucking weight.
Four guys are driving around the world
in 4x4s that we haven't received yet.
We haven't spent a day, a full day,
let alone a half a day, thinking about what's gonna go in them.
We've got a list.
Everything on the list that's highlighted in yellow
represents things we don't have.
Which is...
I've got nine pairs of underpants.
Nine?
I brought gray because I thought if I get white,
you know, you're gonna see my skid marks really easily.
Well, you can when you're wearing your pants inside out the next day.
That's why I got nine, so that...
- 'Cause at least every nine days... - It'll last you two months.
At least every nine days...
"That way I can wear them for two months."
Front, normal-ways, backwards,
inside out frontwards, inside out backwards.
One pair of pants, four days.
And then by the time you've done the four rotations,
hopefully the first skid mark is dry,
so you can start again.
"Healthy nutrition has never tasted so great."
This is what you're gonna be living on for the next three and a half months.
It's funny, 'cause we've spent such a long time now
preparing the bikes and the guys
for everything they've got to do and encounter,
but we haven't really spent a lot of time preparing the camera.
But fortunately, the great guys from Mitsubishi have stepped up to the mark
with a couple of cars.
You've chosen the right vehicles for the job.
The L200 specifically, I mean, it is a hard-core off-roader.
It will do whatever you wanna do.
With the Shogun, I think you're gonna get a little bit more comfort.
I think that's gonna do everything that you need.
What's going on with the support vehicles?
Mitsubishi situation is fantastic.
Basically, we've managed to persuade two guys to go all the way to Germany,
buy all the kit that we need, drive it back in one fell swoop.
And in 24 hours,
we'll have the two Mitsubishis kitted out to expedition standards.
That's what we need doing.
It's 12:15, and we need it by 2:00.
What's the sort of cost? A rough cost...
We're still trying to tick off all the things that have to happen
before departure on the 14th.
But suddenly we've just been hit with a Russian visa problem.
We've got visas for every member of the crew, for every country,
with the exception of Russia.
We can say, "Everything's set but Russia," but Russia's fucking 90% of the trip.
Fuck, man. There's nothing more important
than, on the most basic level, just the documents.
Just the fucking documents.
I don't think you should get yourself stressed out...
- I'm not stressed out. - ...waiting for anything earlier to happen.
If it happens, it's a miracle. It may happen.
I mean, 16th is the official date where we except this visas to come.
I'm not being funny about it,
but right now, we're trying to go around the whole world, and we're only here.
This is all we've got.
- You need to melt them, Ewan. - I know.
What are you? Technical adviser?
You offer a little bit of help...
Now, obviously, I wouldn't advise anyone to try this at home
when this is full of petrol.
No, it doesn't work.
- What did you fill this up with? - The camping fuel.
Whose one ran out first, is what I wanna know.
My one was sold to me with no fuel in it.
You see, again, Ewan seems to find somebody else to blame.
Beautiful, man.
Afternoon before departure.
Driving Standard Agency, and I have to do my big motorbike test.
So, it's pretty close to departure.
But let's hope I make it.
- What happened? - I'm sorry. I fucked up.
I'm really sorry. It's just a pain.
It's ridiculous.
Are you serious? You're fucking with me.
No. No, I'm not. I tell you. I'm not.
You're fucking kidding me, man. Don't tell me that.
No. I tell you. It's...
I... I didn't pass.
- That's not good. - Claudio.
He failed his motorcycle test.
Do you believe that?
Bastards. Bastards.
It's so bloody annoying, I tell you.
Because there's absolutely no bloody mistake.
The one mistake is
- I didn't look back enough. - You're kidding.
- One mistake there. - Three changes of direction.
When's the next opportunity when you can take it?
You need ten working days, but there is no more space left, so...
- Oh, you're kidding. - No.
It's the... I booked it. The earliest possible was the 30th.
You are actually very nice.
You know, I expected to... You know, closed door, you know?
"Get out of here. We don't want to see you anymore." So...
- Well, wait for that option. - You're right. I'm very nice.
And how's your mum?
She's on her way, isn't she? We've booked her on a flight.
No, my mom is reliable. It's not like me.
- Can she ride a bike? - You can count on my mom.
Does she ride a bike?
- Feeling a bit sick. - I feel a bit sick as well.
I feel the pit of my stomach just...
just, this morning was just awful.
It was just really quite hard work.
Just, sort of, trying to be normal.
I woke up at 12:30 last night, and I couldn't go back to sleep.
I started to panic.
12:30 last night. Like that.
I got hold of these two,
and I just give it to important people that have to travel with him.
- It's... - It's perfect.
12:10. Right? Let's try... Let's have, like, a 12:30 goal.
Four jerricans on each rack.
Two sets of tires. Water on that one.
And then, everything else, I don't care about.
This and this is our cooker thing.
I don't know what to put in here.
Phone numbers, passport copies, visa copies, letters of support,
accreditation, visa, border clarification.
That's the most important thing.
It says you can burn any fuel, but what fuel?
You know? Is it petrol? Is it paraffin? I mean, I don't know.
Plates. We haven't even got plates. We haven't got plates.
Plates. Try and remember that.
- That's exactly what we need. - That's what we need.
Yesterday was hell. We were here till 4:00 in the morning.
But I think we got everything sorted.
A lot of headaches.
But we solved 'em.
I'm trying to do the final checklist, Russ.
So you mustn't distract me.
Russia is sorted. Finally. Once and for all.
Just waiting for the visas, which should come on Friday.
We're just sorting out all the communications.
Walkie-talkies, iridium phones.
So that when you're lost in the desert, you can call us and say, "Help."
I overslept. My alarm didn't wake me up.
So I'm just trying to get everything together.
Everything's under control in my world.
We need this European map, don't we, Ewan?
- Yeah. - Does it fit anywhere?
Oh, I wouldn't know where to carry this.
I really want to, kind of, move now.
Okay. Mind the dogs.
I can't see the dogs. I don't want to...
It's good to do different things in life.
Isn't it?
Mikey! What do you think you're doing?
I'm excited that he's leaving,
because he's gonna see lots about how people live.
And I'm sad that he's leaving, 'cause I'm not gonna see him
for three and a half months.
And that's a long, long, long time.
I think it's quite scary.
I don't like my children being on television, and
my wife wanted to stay with them, 'cause they're all a bit upset, you know?
We said goodbye at the house.
We really couldn't...
We wouldn't be at this place without any of you.
And so thank you to all of you.
- Thanks. - Thank you very much.
It's good. We've hit all the marks.
There's some paperwork that needs to be tidied up.
We've got people flying into Prague with visas and passports.
But the most important thing is we got two bikes, two cars,
and we've got a cake.
What more can you ask for?
- Good luck, mate, on this. - There you go.
- Cheers, man. - Aw.
- I promise to look after Ewan. - Hold my hand, there.
- One, two, three... - Two, three...
I love you too, Mum.
The embarrassing thing is we're actually just gonna have to pull around the corner
- and get some petrol, and then... - No, really?
- Yeah. - Oh, no. That's...
You'll all be driving back going, "Wasn't that"...
Are you going?
- You don't want me to go? - No.
Okay, my love. That's all right.
Give me a call anytime.
Helmet comms. You know?
I love you, darling. Kiss, kiss.
I love you.
Saying goodbye to your wife and children,
and then getting on your bike and leaving,
I could see my wife and children crying out of the corner of my eye.
And it just killed me.
And consequently, I dropped my bike.
Can someone help?
Thank you very much.
Jesus.
- Okay, guys. - Okay.
Bye-bye, guys!
- Bye-bye! - Okay. See you guys later.
See you in New York!
Couldn't believe that the journey had begun.
It had been so long preparing for it, and now here we are.
We're actually moving.
Get me out of fucking London.
I've got all these mixed emotions.
And the bike is just so heavy, and I dropped it twice already.
It's all gonna be so new,
and we're gonna come across problems that neither of us have ever done before.
I can't imagine doing this trip and not being somehow enriched by it,
and it's an experience of a lifetime.
But also, I'm sure, a life-changing experience, you know?