1
00:00:05,542 --> 00:00:07,108
Ready for it? Here it comes.
2
00:00:07,109 --> 00:00:10,160
This is ridiculous. And three, two, one...
3
00:00:10,161 --> 00:00:11,715
- This is ridiculous.
- And why?
4
00:00:11,716 --> 00:00:13,923
- $4 for a cup of coffee.
- And the last time you paid...
5
00:00:13,924 --> 00:00:17,036
Last time I paid $4...
6
00:00:17,037 --> 00:00:18,203
for something this bitter,
7
00:00:18,204 --> 00:00:20,339
I was bargaining down
an east German hooker.
8
00:00:21,841 --> 00:00:23,609
Poor Jennifer Aniston.
9
00:00:23,610 --> 00:00:25,477
She has to have coffee every Thursday
10
00:00:25,478 --> 00:00:26,879
with her angry
father-in-law
11
00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:28,647
and her brother-in-law, who coughs because
12
00:00:28,648 --> 00:00:31,283
he thinks it's covering up
the sound of him farting.
13
00:00:32,686 --> 00:00:37,456
Oh, wait, that's not
Jennifer Aniston. That's me.
14
00:00:37,457 --> 00:00:39,058
Jennifer Aniston is canoodling
15
00:00:39,059 --> 00:00:41,026
with a handsome stranger in St. Barts.
16
00:00:41,027 --> 00:00:43,062
I don't know who this Jennifer Aniston is,
17
00:00:43,063 --> 00:00:44,630
but she sounds annoying.
18
00:00:45,665 --> 00:00:47,929
Oh, wait, that's you too.
19
00:00:48,836 --> 00:00:50,369
I really do love her.
20
00:00:50,370 --> 00:00:51,820
She gets to have this exciting life.
21
00:00:51,821 --> 00:00:54,039
She travels, she has all
these glamorous friends.
22
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,291
Oh, stop complaining, your
life is plenty glamorous.
23
00:00:56,292 --> 00:00:59,128
Mm, sure hope this tea settles my stomach.
24
00:00:59,129 --> 00:01:00,813
It's like the three meats from my sandwich
25
00:01:00,814 --> 00:01:04,083
are having a cage match in there.
26
00:01:04,084 --> 00:01:06,085
That's better.
27
00:01:07,354 --> 00:01:09,455
Henry, take a look at that sign.
28
00:01:09,456 --> 00:01:11,323
Read it for me, I can't see it from here.
29
00:01:11,324 --> 00:01:13,959
It says "help wanted."
30
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:16,462
Help wanted! What do ya know about that!
31
00:01:16,463 --> 00:01:19,365
It's as if they were willing
to pay for somebody to help.
32
00:01:19,366 --> 00:01:20,833
Sounds like a job to me.
33
00:01:20,834 --> 00:01:24,103
Dad, I am doing everything
I can to get a job.
34
00:01:24,104 --> 00:01:26,839
In fact, I have a meeting
with Mission Valley Weekly.
35
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:28,474
I'm going to pitch them some articles.
36
00:01:28,475 --> 00:01:29,842
Do they pay for the pitch?
37
00:01:29,843 --> 00:01:32,693
- No, but...
- Not a job.
38
00:01:33,780 --> 00:01:35,330
Slinging coffee, that's a job.
39
00:01:35,331 --> 00:01:38,584
Selling overpriced condos, that's a job.
40
00:01:38,585 --> 00:01:41,687
Giving $4 worth of German
love to lonely sailors,
41
00:01:41,688 --> 00:01:45,357
that's a job. You don't have a job.
42
00:01:45,358 --> 00:01:47,509
I bet you I have one
by the end of the day.
43
00:01:47,510 --> 00:01:49,895
- And if you don't?
- Then I'll sling coffee.
44
00:01:49,896 --> 00:01:53,065
Or give love to sailors.
45
00:01:53,567 --> 00:02:03,599
Sync by United - corrected by chamallow
www.addic7ed.com
46
00:02:06,830 --> 00:02:10,282
So basically, dog parks
are the new singles bars.
47
00:02:10,283 --> 00:02:14,286
Ooh. You know what I
like about that? Nothing.
48
00:02:14,287 --> 00:02:16,789
But in all fairness, there's
a reason I don't like it.
49
00:02:16,790 --> 00:02:20,092
It sucks. What else you got?
50
00:02:20,093 --> 00:02:22,161
Okay...
51
00:02:22,162 --> 00:02:25,363
um, turf wars between San Diego surfers.
52
00:02:25,364 --> 00:02:27,733
I call it surf wars.
53
00:02:27,734 --> 00:02:31,703
Well, now you're on to nothing. Next.
54
00:02:31,704 --> 00:02:34,840
Okay, so with everything going
on with health care these days...
55
00:02:36,309 --> 00:02:39,545
People are actually
sneaking into Mexico...
56
00:02:39,546 --> 00:02:41,213
I'm sorry, is this not interesting to you?
57
00:02:41,214 --> 00:02:42,815
No, it's great. Keep going.
58
00:02:42,816 --> 00:02:45,384
Well, anyway...
59
00:02:45,385 --> 00:02:46,952
people are sneaking back into Mexico
60
00:02:46,953 --> 00:02:49,455
because, ironically, the price
of health care in this country
61
00:02:49,456 --> 00:02:51,557
is... and...
62
00:02:51,558 --> 00:02:52,758
prohibitively their...
63
00:02:52,759 --> 00:02:55,427
H.M... .
64
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,868
their H.M.O. is...
65
00:03:02,869 --> 00:03:05,337
Please stop talking. I'm dead.
66
00:03:07,941 --> 00:03:11,760
Who's that? The boredom police?
67
00:03:11,761 --> 00:03:13,795
No, it's my dad. It's nothing, I'm sorry.
68
00:03:13,796 --> 00:03:14,947
I thought it was on silent.
69
00:03:14,948 --> 00:03:16,548
Um, anyway, all right,
I have this other idea
70
00:03:16,549 --> 00:03:17,766
about iPads and how they...
71
00:03:17,767 --> 00:03:19,418
Dickey, sorry to interrupt.
72
00:03:19,419 --> 00:03:21,720
There's a guy on the phone,
says it's an emergency.
73
00:03:21,721 --> 00:03:24,623
- Oh, please don't be my dad.
- His name is Ed Goodson.
74
00:03:24,624 --> 00:03:26,124
He says his son is here.
75
00:03:26,125 --> 00:03:28,727
- Do not put him through.
- Put him through.
76
00:03:28,728 --> 00:03:30,963
Thank you.
77
00:03:30,964 --> 00:03:32,531
Hey schmuck-face,
78
00:03:32,532 --> 00:03:35,667
did you run a load of laundry
for one pair of underwear?
79
00:03:35,668 --> 00:03:38,837
Yeah. Dad, kind of in a meeting.
80
00:03:38,838 --> 00:03:41,607
Who do you think you
are? The Queen of England?
81
00:03:41,608 --> 00:03:43,709
You don't run an entire load of laundry
82
00:03:43,710 --> 00:03:45,878
for one pair of underwear.
83
00:03:45,879 --> 00:03:49,248
And why does it say "home of the whopper?"
84
00:03:49,249 --> 00:03:53,085
I changed your diaper.
That's false advertising.
85
00:03:56,923 --> 00:03:58,423
Dad, please.
86
00:03:58,424 --> 00:04:00,425
So I've taken the liberty of siphoning off
87
00:04:00,426 --> 00:04:03,128
all of the water from the washing machine.
88
00:04:03,129 --> 00:04:05,631
That water is now your water supply
89
00:04:05,632 --> 00:04:08,066
for the rest of the week.
90
00:04:08,067 --> 00:04:11,403
You can use it to bathe
in, eat, anything you wish.
91
00:04:11,404 --> 00:04:13,405
Good luck in your meeting.
92
00:04:13,406 --> 00:04:18,677
And I have made a delicious
ratatouille and couscous.
93
00:04:18,678 --> 00:04:20,540
Dinner's at 5:00.
94
00:04:22,582 --> 00:04:24,416
- So that's your dad?
- Yeah.
95
00:04:33,092 --> 00:04:35,092
Okay, first of all, don't do my thing.
96
00:04:36,729 --> 00:04:39,264
And second, you live with him?
97
00:04:39,265 --> 00:04:40,833
Yeah, for now.
98
00:04:40,834 --> 00:04:43,402
I lost my job, and the economy sucks.
99
00:04:43,403 --> 00:04:45,337
A lot of people are moving back home.
100
00:04:45,338 --> 00:04:48,140
You're right. We could do a trend piece.
101
00:04:48,141 --> 00:04:49,724
I like that. Write that.
102
00:04:50,117 --> 00:04:51,678
Write what?
103
00:04:51,679 --> 00:04:53,612
Guy in his 20s moves back in with his dad.
104
00:04:53,613 --> 00:04:56,315
It's current. And
besides, he's really funny.
105
00:04:56,316 --> 00:04:59,885
He's really not "ha ha" funny.
106
00:04:59,886 --> 00:05:03,420
He's more "ow, you really
hurt my feelings" funny.
107
00:05:03,421 --> 00:05:05,524
Go, write it. Get out of here.
108
00:05:05,525 --> 00:05:07,593
And when you get a
chance, get out of here.
109
00:05:07,594 --> 00:05:10,329
All right, are you sure? Because I...
110
00:05:10,330 --> 00:05:12,531
2,000 words, 50 cents a word.
111
00:05:12,532 --> 00:05:14,549
Gonna be on your desk in the morning.
112
00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:25,415
Vince, what are we doing here?
113
00:05:25,416 --> 00:05:26,650
I don't know.
114
00:05:26,651 --> 00:05:27,918
You were saying your
life isn't very glamorous,
115
00:05:27,919 --> 00:05:29,136
so I thought we'd go and get drinks
116
00:05:29,137 --> 00:05:30,520
at a place Jennifer Aniston might go to
117
00:05:30,521 --> 00:05:33,890
if she found $38 in one
of her wife's old purses.
118
00:05:34,815 --> 00:05:36,410
You're so sweet.
119
00:05:36,411 --> 00:05:38,028
And I don't mean to complain, it's just
120
00:05:38,029 --> 00:05:39,863
sometimes I wish our
life was more exciting.
121
00:05:39,864 --> 00:05:41,698
You know, our friends more interesting.
122
00:05:41,699 --> 00:05:43,233
Like, if we ran in the same circles
123
00:05:43,234 --> 00:05:45,085
as people who claim
to read the New Yorker.
124
00:05:45,086 --> 00:05:47,037
Ugh! I hate the New Yorker.
125
00:05:47,038 --> 00:05:50,090
What is the point of a magazine
that does not have sudoku?
126
00:05:50,091 --> 00:05:51,541
- Mm.
- Hey!
127
00:05:51,542 --> 00:05:52,976
Honey, look at this.
128
00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:55,612
We're in a bar that gives
away cheddar combos gratis.
129
00:05:55,613 --> 00:05:59,015
And this is latin for cheese
plus pretzel equals awesome.
130
00:05:59,016 --> 00:06:00,350
Hmm.
131
00:06:00,351 --> 00:06:03,487
Hey, can I get two kir royal please?
132
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,155
Oh, oh, my God. Vince...
133
00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:06,523
Do you remember those realtors?
134
00:06:06,524 --> 00:06:10,060
Samson and Chloe Van
Der-something-Danish.
135
00:06:10,061 --> 00:06:12,162
They were on the cover
of San Diego magazine
136
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:13,263
a couple of months ago.
137
00:06:13,264 --> 00:06:14,987
I remember eating a danish.
138
00:06:16,067 --> 00:06:19,369
- That's them.
- Who, the hottie?
139
00:06:19,370 --> 00:06:20,909
And the redhead?
140
00:06:21,606 --> 00:06:23,123
Yes.
141
00:06:23,124 --> 00:06:24,908
We should be friends
with people like them.
142
00:06:24,909 --> 00:06:27,377
That would really be a
bump from coach to business.
143
00:06:27,378 --> 00:06:30,163
- Yoo-hoo.
- Wh...
144
00:06:30,164 --> 00:06:31,481
What are you doing?
145
00:06:31,482 --> 00:06:34,217
Well, now they're gonna come over here.
146
00:06:34,218 --> 00:06:36,052
And we smell like our car.
147
00:06:36,053 --> 00:06:38,588
- Hi.
- Hi.
148
00:06:38,589 --> 00:06:41,324
- Do we know you?
- Uh, ish.
149
00:06:41,325 --> 00:06:43,894
My name is Bonnie Goodson, and
this this is my husband, Vince.
150
00:06:43,895 --> 00:06:47,798
And we also work in high-end real estate.
151
00:06:47,799 --> 00:06:50,934
- Combo?
- They're gratis.
152
00:06:50,935 --> 00:06:53,904
No, thank you. I'm
Chloe, and this is Samson.
153
00:06:53,905 --> 00:06:54,971
Uh...
154
00:06:54,972 --> 00:06:56,439
Uh, we know. We know.
155
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:57,741
So what are you guys doing here?
156
00:06:57,742 --> 00:06:59,442
- A special occasion?
- No, no,
157
00:06:59,443 --> 00:07:01,378
this place just got a great
write-up in the New Yorker.
158
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:04,881
Oh. I love the New Yorker.
159
00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:06,316
What about you guys?
160
00:07:06,317 --> 00:07:08,285
Little Bon-Bon here's
been down in the dumps
161
00:07:08,286 --> 00:07:10,504
and I had 38 large just
burning a hole in the dockers,
162
00:07:10,505 --> 00:07:11,988
so I figured, you know, what the heck?
163
00:07:11,989 --> 00:07:15,158
You only live once, right?
Oh, that! Look at that!
164
00:07:15,159 --> 00:07:17,327
I found a double. There we go.
165
00:07:17,328 --> 00:07:20,864
Be better.
166
00:07:20,865 --> 00:07:25,135
- Well, nice meeting you.
- Okay.
167
00:07:25,136 --> 00:07:28,638
We think you're great.
168
00:07:28,639 --> 00:07:30,206
Excuse me?
169
00:07:30,207 --> 00:07:31,675
Bonnie here thinks
you're the kind of people
170
00:07:31,676 --> 00:07:33,176
that we should be hanging out with.
171
00:07:33,177 --> 00:07:36,279
Well, what are you guys doing
Saturday night for dinner?
172
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:40,350
- They have a great restaurant here.
- It's our favorite place.
173
00:07:40,351 --> 00:07:43,420
They have an olive garden here?
174
00:07:43,888 --> 00:07:47,741
Why am I on their mailing list if
they don't tell me these things?
175
00:07:47,742 --> 00:07:50,493
Mailing list? You're hilarious.
176
00:07:50,494 --> 00:07:53,029
Okay, so Saturday night at 8:00?
177
00:07:53,030 --> 00:07:56,833
That sounds great. We'll
be there. This is so cool.
178
00:07:56,834 --> 00:08:00,337
We have a date with
the Van Der-somethings.
179
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:06,009
Grabs my ass.
180
00:08:06,010 --> 00:08:08,144
I'll tell you what the deadliest catch is.
181
00:08:08,145 --> 00:08:11,348
Syphilis. Now that's a show.
182
00:08:12,717 --> 00:08:14,951
Hello, you've reached the Goodsons.
183
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:17,687
- Neither Ed, nor...
- Henry.
184
00:08:17,688 --> 00:08:20,223
I know your name, schmuck-face.
185
00:08:20,224 --> 00:08:24,194
Henry, it's Dickey. Love the article.
186
00:08:24,195 --> 00:08:26,079
Your dad is hilarious.
187
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:29,249
"it smells like a Cambodian
whorehouse in here."
188
00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:32,502
Blah, blah. Vietnam.
189
00:08:32,503 --> 00:08:35,839
I can't do it justice.
I suck at impressions.
190
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:37,407
Call me.
191
00:08:39,209 --> 00:08:42,496
Henry! Get your ass down here.
192
00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:45,982
Okay...
193
00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:48,051
They should not have charged
us for that channel, dad.
194
00:08:48,052 --> 00:08:49,642
I just wanted to watch the preview,
195
00:08:49,643 --> 00:08:50,387
up to the part where the cheerleaders
196
00:08:50,388 --> 00:08:53,690
find out the meaning of the word "tryout."
197
00:08:55,026 --> 00:08:56,459
Did you write an article about me?
198
00:08:56,460 --> 00:08:59,262
I wrote an article
about me living with you.
199
00:08:59,263 --> 00:09:01,314
- Am I in it?
- Yes.
200
00:09:01,315 --> 00:09:03,366
You are the you part.
201
00:09:03,367 --> 00:09:06,703
The magazine just called
and said they loved it.
202
00:09:06,704 --> 00:09:09,439
- That's fantastic.
- No, it's not.
203
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,741
I didn't give you permission
to write anything about me.
204
00:09:11,742 --> 00:09:13,076
The article's really about me
205
00:09:13,077 --> 00:09:14,778
and how I had to move
back home with my dad.
206
00:09:14,779 --> 00:09:16,279
Well, that's not gonna happen.
207
00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,081
You gotta get them to pull that article.
208
00:09:18,082 --> 00:09:20,784
They're paying me $1,000, dad.
This is a big break for me.
209
00:09:20,785 --> 00:09:23,053
I don't care if they're paying you $1,000.
210
00:09:23,054 --> 00:09:25,121
They gotta pull that story.
211
00:09:25,122 --> 00:09:26,790
You tell me to get a job, and I got one
212
00:09:26,791 --> 00:09:29,092
- doing something I'm good at.
- I told you to get a real job.
213
00:09:29,093 --> 00:09:30,527
- This is a real job!
- No, it's not.
214
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:33,163
You're exploiting me. I'm
not some 11-year-old in China
215
00:09:33,164 --> 00:09:35,741
making blue jeans for Kathie Lee Gifford.
216
00:09:37,401 --> 00:09:40,136
Besides, you probably made
up half that crap anyway.
217
00:09:40,137 --> 00:09:42,005
Dad, I can't make this stuff up.
218
00:09:42,006 --> 00:09:44,507
You actually cleaned my
room with a leaf blower.
219
00:09:44,508 --> 00:09:46,075
I didn't clean it.
220
00:09:46,076 --> 00:09:48,044
I open the window, and I blow a tumbleweed
221
00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:50,282
of pubic hair into the
neighbor's backyard.
222
00:09:51,582 --> 00:09:54,684
See, this is the stuff I write
about because I live here.
223
00:09:54,685 --> 00:09:56,544
Well, maybe we can change that.
224
00:09:57,355 --> 00:09:58,888
What is your problem?
225
00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:01,090
- It's just an article.
- It's not an article.
226
00:10:01,091 --> 00:10:02,670
It's an embarrassment.
227
00:10:02,671 --> 00:10:04,377
- What's so embarrassing?
- You come off looking funny.
228
00:10:04,378 --> 00:10:05,712
Not funny. Funny is when a guy
229
00:10:05,713 --> 00:10:08,275
gets hit in the nuts
with a wiffle ball bat.
230
00:10:11,102 --> 00:10:12,602
Then why are you embarrassed?
231
00:10:12,603 --> 00:10:15,872
I don't want all of san
diego to know that I'm...
232
00:10:15,873 --> 00:10:18,508
I've got a
26-year-old son
233
00:10:18,509 --> 00:10:21,878
who still has to live
with his father at home.
234
00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:24,556
Wow.
235
00:10:26,329 --> 00:10:27,851
Okay.
236
00:10:27,852 --> 00:10:31,054
I'm sorry I'm such an embarrassment, dad.
237
00:10:31,055 --> 00:10:32,856
You wanna kill the
article, do it yourself.
238
00:10:32,857 --> 00:10:34,190
I'm gonna go find a job.
239
00:10:34,191 --> 00:10:36,280
Maybe something that
doesn't embarrass you.
240
00:10:37,294 --> 00:10:40,830
And for the record, I'm 27.
241
00:10:40,831 --> 00:10:43,967
Which says more about your
thing than it does mine,
242
00:10:43,968 --> 00:10:46,053
so just forget I said that.
243
00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:52,918
So you're saying it's about
surfers who have turf wars
244
00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:56,355
over the waves, and you're
calling it surf wars?
245
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:58,924
You know what my problem with that is?
246
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:01,260
Nothing.
247
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,427
I love it.
248
00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:06,447
Get out of here. Go write.
We'll meet over drinks.
249
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:11,987
- Mr. Todd?
- I prefer Dickey.
250
00:11:11,988 --> 00:11:15,290
Your personal life is none of my concern.
251
00:11:15,291 --> 00:11:19,044
- My name is Ed Goodson and I...
- Wait, wait, wait.
252
00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:20,646
Wait, wait, you're Ed Goodson?
253
00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:22,581
- Yes.
- Oh, my God.
254
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:25,801
Ed Goodson. Ed Goodson is here.
255
00:11:25,802 --> 00:11:27,686
Ah, it is a pleasure to meet you.
256
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,756
Come on, insult me, and use
an obscure military reference.
257
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:33,225
What? I want my article back.
258
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,660
What do you mean you want it back?
259
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,795
- It's fantastic.
- What difference does it make?
260
00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:41,667
The articles are just filler between
ads for hookers and boob jobs.
261
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:45,971
Boom! E-bomb! Telling it like it is.
262
00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:48,073
Listen, I love you. I get you.
263
00:11:48,074 --> 00:11:50,742
I want a pull-string doll of you.
264
00:11:50,743 --> 00:11:52,978
But I'm running the story.
265
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:55,647
Listen, uh, Dickey.
266
00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:58,000
Let me ask you something.
267
00:11:58,001 --> 00:11:59,851
Did anybody ever publish
something about you
268
00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:01,920
- that was embarrassing?
- Are you kidding?
269
00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:03,622
Google my name, I'll give you a dollar
270
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:06,958
if you can find a picture
of me with my clothes on.
271
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:08,527
Then you know exactly how I feel.
272
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:10,829
But the article isn't embarrassing.
273
00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,230
- Have you read it?
- No.
274
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:13,765
Well, then how do you
know it's embarrassing?
275
00:12:13,766 --> 00:12:16,012
I just know. Dickey...
276
00:12:17,992 --> 00:12:21,106
- Do you have a father?
- Everyone has a father.
277
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:24,910
My guess is that... you're not very close.
278
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,645
Is that a good guess, Dickey?
279
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,780
No, I mean... we're very distant.
280
00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:31,783
But he's disappointed you, hasn't he?
281
00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:34,219
Maybe a little. We don't talk very much.
282
00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:37,436
I want you to think of
me as your dad right now.
283
00:12:38,862 --> 00:12:40,726
Call me big Dickey.
284
00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:46,264
What do you want?
285
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,804
- Speak up.
- What do you want, big Dickey?
286
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:52,270
I want you to give this
nice man back his article.
287
00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:57,109
Okay. I'll tell you what.
288
00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:00,011
I will not run the article
until you've read it.
289
00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:03,915
And if after you've read it,
you don't want me to run it,
290
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:06,985
- I won't.
- Thank you.
291
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:10,856
You're a very good boy, little Dickey.
292
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:17,829
So then, I put my pants back
on and I said, "oh, I'm sorry,
293
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:19,407
I thought this was my buddy's apartment."
294
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:23,160
And then I decided not to press
charges, and we started dating.
295
00:13:23,791 --> 00:13:26,371
- You guys are a riot.
- I know.
296
00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:29,107
And how about the cleavage
on this one, right?
297
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,415
Thank you.
298
00:13:37,416 --> 00:13:39,684
I just can't believe...
299
00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:41,953
I can't believe our paths
haven't crossed before.
300
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:44,356
I thought we knew everyone
in the high-end market.
301
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:47,426
Well, actually, I have
a confession to make.
302
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:50,061
We don't sell high-end homes.
303
00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:52,531
- We sell high-end
condos. - Yeah.
304
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,699
And by high-end,
she means low-end.
305
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,501
- Low. Low.
- Very low.
306
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,637
I just told you that to impress you.
307
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:01,173
The truth is we just
think you're fantastic,
308
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,458
and you're the kind of people
we wanna be friends with.
309
00:14:03,459 --> 00:14:05,243
So you just said that to impress us, huh?
310
00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:08,146
Vince, I assume you didn't
really eat 25 hot dogs
311
00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:09,998
in one sitting, either? Hmm?
312
00:14:09,999 --> 00:14:12,217
No. No, I didn't.
313
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:13,759
It was 29.
314
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,123
I thought 25 was a much cooler number,
315
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:19,925
and you guys just seemed so cool.
316
00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:21,893
I love it!
317
00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:24,196
It's so refreshing to have honest friends.
318
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,997
Oh, that's so sweet.
319
00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:27,874
She called us friends.
320
00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:30,936
Okay, I have an idea.
321
00:14:30,937 --> 00:14:34,539
Let's all tell each other something
that we've told nobody else.
322
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:38,109
Honey, great idea. You first, Vince.
323
00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:40,712
Okay.
324
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:44,749
It was 32 hot dogs.
325
00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:46,278
Bonnie.
326
00:14:46,279 --> 00:14:49,120
Uh, um... okay. Oh, my God.
327
00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:50,655
I can't believe I'm about
to tell you guys this.
328
00:14:50,656 --> 00:14:52,824
Okay, one time I left a pharmacy
329
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:55,360
with a bottle of nail polish in my pocket
330
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:57,829
that I might not have paid for.
331
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,931
I'm so bad! I'm so bad!
332
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:01,600
You guys go. Go, go, go.
333
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:04,436
Okay, okay, okay, okay. Um, okay.
334
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:08,239
We might have killed a guy
in Cabo this past Christmas.
335
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:16,314
Uh, excuse me, miss. "Might have"?
336
00:15:16,315 --> 00:15:19,417
Okay, wait. Sorry.
337
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,820
We might have killed him
when we drove over him,
338
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:25,357
but we definitely killed
him when we backed up.
339
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,506
Hey.
340
00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:39,370
Wouldn't happen to have a $4 cup of coffee
341
00:15:39,371 --> 00:15:40,739
by any chance, would you?
342
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:44,175
I can't talk right now, dad.
I'm working. I got a job.
343
00:15:44,176 --> 00:15:47,996
Your name tag says, "If I'm not
smiling, your drink is free."
344
00:15:50,405 --> 00:15:51,984
I read your article.
345
00:15:52,418 --> 00:15:54,436
I really don't care what you think.
346
00:15:54,437 --> 00:15:56,821
Okay, fine. What'd you
think? Don't tell me.
347
00:15:56,822 --> 00:15:58,490
Did you like it? I don't wanna know!
348
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,442
Oh, my God, you hated it. What
was wrong with the article?
349
00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:02,456
Don't tell me. Did you
like it? I don't wanna know.
350
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,031
I came here to tell you
351
00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:09,167
that I thought your
article was not horrible.
352
00:16:10,736 --> 00:16:14,032
- And?
- Intermittently humorous.
353
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,741
So you're not embarrassed by it?
354
00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:19,210
It's not Hemingway,
355
00:16:19,211 --> 00:16:21,813
but it's short enough to read on the can.
356
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,716
First of all, I'll take
that as a compliment,
357
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,084
and I don't mean the writing.
358
00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:27,786
I mean, are you still embarrassed
359
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,021
that you have a 27-year-old
kid living at home?
360
00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:31,957
I... I... I...
361
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:34,258
I guess if I had done a better...
362
00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:37,362
If you'd done a better what?
363
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:39,531
You wouldn't be living at home.
364
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:45,203
Okay, dad, you have screwed up
365
00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:47,456
many different ways.
366
00:16:48,746 --> 00:16:51,309
But this is not because of you.
367
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:53,845
There's lots of people
in this situation, dad.
368
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,480
I don't know, Henry.
369
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:56,715
Why do you think all these people
370
00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:58,216
are hanging out at a
coffee shop at this hour?
371
00:16:58,217 --> 00:17:01,642
Why does anyone leave the house?
To escape their loved ones.
372
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:04,022
No.
373
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,424
It's because the economy kicked our asses.
374
00:17:06,425 --> 00:17:09,327
All right, Henry, if you
need to believe that...
375
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:12,347
I'll show you. Excuse
me. Excuse me, everyone.
376
00:17:12,348 --> 00:17:14,766
I was at a magazine that went under.
377
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:17,358
Has anyone else lost
their job in the last year?
378
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,875
And how many of you had to move back home?
379
00:17:24,140 --> 00:17:26,410
And how many of you are writers?
380
00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:32,817
And how many of you get paid for writing?
381
00:17:36,205 --> 00:17:37,989
See, dad?
382
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:40,566
- No one.
- Wrong.
383
00:17:40,933 --> 00:17:42,468
What are you talking about?
384
00:17:42,469 --> 00:17:45,630
I told Dickey that it was
okay to run with the article.
385
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:47,845
Here's your check.
386
00:17:52,388 --> 00:17:53,805
I'm a working writer again!
387
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:56,842
All right, settle down.
You didn't cure polio.
388
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,916
Okay, I've got a confession.
389
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,851
I'm thirsty, and I need another drink,
390
00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:09,320
and I need my trophy wife to come with me.
391
00:18:09,321 --> 00:18:11,456
Oh, this guy.
392
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,795
Oh, my God, do you believe
what they just said?
393
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:17,962
I know.
394
00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:19,597
Do you think they really wanna be friends,
395
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,136
or are they just saying that?
396
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,335
Bonnie, they killed a man.
397
00:18:24,336 --> 00:18:26,204
Might have.
398
00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:28,306
Honey, these are the coolest
people we've ever known.
399
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:31,176
I mean, can we just overlook
that little blip in their past?
400
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,411
It wasn't a blip. It was a bump.
401
00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:36,281
The bump of a man being
run over twice by their car.
402
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:40,018
That is what happens when
you live an exciting life.
403
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:42,604
You come into circumstances
404
00:18:42,605 --> 00:18:47,425
where you accidentally
kill someone... in Cabo!
405
00:18:47,426 --> 00:18:49,427
Do you hear yourself right now?
406
00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:53,298
Why, do I sound nasally?
Oh, I hate my voice.
407
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,867
Bonnie, you are condoning a murder
408
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:57,535
just so that you can
sit with the cool crowd.
409
00:18:57,536 --> 00:18:59,254
- Is there no line?
- Of course there's a line.
410
00:18:59,255 --> 00:19:00,872
- Okay, well, what is it?
- Well, in this case
411
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,440
it happens to be the borderline.
412
00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:04,408
And this happened south
of it, so I'm okay!
413
00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:07,462
We just bumped into
some friends at the bar.
414
00:19:07,463 --> 00:19:08,913
You would love them.
415
00:19:08,914 --> 00:19:10,515
Yeah, they're our type of people.
416
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:12,917
Did you hear that, Vince?
"they're our type of people."
417
00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:14,719
- Go on.
- Well,
418
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,088
they own a gallery
here and in Los Angeles.
419
00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:20,191
They're big charity people,
they travel everywhere,
420
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:21,593
and they're gorgeous.
421
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:24,596
They're basically the Brad
and Angelina of San Diego.
422
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,141
They're perfect.
423
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:28,666
If they are perfect,
424
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,769
they'd be more like Brad and Jen, but...
425
00:19:32,404 --> 00:19:35,807
Ugh. You mean Jen
"Yawniston"? She's so boring.
426
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:38,409
I don't blame Brad for leaving her.
427
00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:43,748
Whoa. Whoa, whoa.
428
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:45,316
What are you saying?
429
00:19:45,317 --> 00:19:47,886
We're not that into her.
430
00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:49,621
Jennifer's little screen pretty,
431
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:52,423
and Angelina is big screen pretty.
432
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:56,402
You have just messed
with the wrong "Faniston."
433
00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,697
So...
434
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,951
You guys killed a dude. What's that like?
435
00:20:03,319 --> 00:20:05,636
Jennifer aniston is america's sweetheart
436
00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:08,156
with a perfect yoga body,
and impossibly moist skin
437
00:20:08,157 --> 00:20:10,008
that makes her look
airbrushed, even in person.
438
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,543
Have you even seen her in person?
439
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,695
No, but I've seen
pictures of her in person,
440
00:20:13,696 --> 00:20:16,207
and they look airbrushed. Let's go, Vince!
441
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:22,219
Thank you for dinner.
And it was 46 hot dogs.
442
00:20:26,072 --> 00:20:28,318
- The home team has first and ten
443
00:20:28,319 --> 00:20:30,374
- in the closing minutes of the...
- Dad, check this out.
444
00:20:30,375 --> 00:20:32,437
You can flip through the
pictures on your phone
445
00:20:32,438 --> 00:20:33,947
with your index finger.
446
00:20:35,163 --> 00:20:36,716
Amazing, right?
447
00:20:36,717 --> 00:20:38,221
Henry, nobody gives a crap about
448
00:20:38,222 --> 00:20:40,075
all the things your phone can do.
449
00:20:40,076 --> 00:20:43,018
You didn't invent it, you
bought it. Any idiot can do that.
450
00:20:45,734 --> 00:20:49,264
Oh, great, you're gonna
write that one down now.
451
00:20:50,542 --> 00:20:52,570
Dad, it was one article.
452
00:20:52,571 --> 00:20:54,420
Okay, it's not like I'm
gonna make a whole career
453
00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:56,234
out of writing down things you say.
454
00:20:56,892 --> 00:21:00,447
Sync by United - corrected by chamallow
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