[grunts]
You're gross.
[JUNICHI] It's a new semester,
and that means a chance to meet new people.
[STUDENT AA] Let's go to the amusement park Saturday morning.
[STUDENT A] Sure, and I'll show you my log ride Saturday night.
[STUDENT BB] Did you hear it's couples-only night
at the movie theater?
[STUDENT B] You are gonna get so felt up.
[JUNICHI] And meeting new people means more chances
with the opposite sex, which hopefully leads to finding love.
Unless your me.
[JUNICHI] And then, there's my loser friends.
Hey, guys.
Looks like we're all in the same class again this year.
Shinpei. Keigo. Minoru.
Hey. What's up?
Hey, Junichi.
You're looking good, Junichi.
[STUDENT AA] No way. For real?
[SHINPEI] I hope they all get VD.
We've been back at school for, like, a minute
and everyone's already humping like rabbits.
This is a place for learning! Not sucking face!
Did you guys do anything interesting over the break?
You bet, lots of sex and drugs.
I watched anime.
I need to meet a nice elementary school girl.
[JUNICHI] Minoru, you should get professional help
before you're arrested.
[SHINPEI] Hey, don't judge us!
It's not like you did anything!
[JUNICHI] I didn't say I did!
That's right.
Losers likes us, we don't change over just one break.
[JUNICHI] How'd I end up like this?
I thought once I got to high school,
I'd get a girlfriend, no problem.
But now I'm a sophomore and I'm still a virgin!
[BOTH chuckle]
[JUNICHI] Mm!
[grunts]
I can't keep going on like this!
[NENE] Junichi?
[JUNICHI] Oh. Hey, Nene. It's you.
'Sup?
Here! You forgot your lunch. Your mom had me bring it.
Oh, nice. Thank's so much, Nene.
Junichi, you've become such a weirdo, lately.
How could you forget lunch on the first day of school?
What? How'm I weird?
At least I'm not the one who's in high school,
walking around in the body of a little kid.
Oh?
C'mon, haven't you noticed I've developed
in at least a couple big areas?
[sighs]
Look, Nene, you're nice, but I'm just not into you.
Little girls don't rev my engine, they stall it out!
Now would ya please just go back to your own classroom?
[NENE] I went outta my way to bring you your stupid lunch!
Ungrateful. Kiss my eye!
[JUNICHI] Who says that?
Well, I never knew that Junichi Hashiba's a dirty old man.
Why didn't you introduce us to your friend?
And give us the low-down on those milk bags!
Tell me what elementary school she goes to!
[JUNICHI] Enough!
Stop saying gross things about Nene!
I've known her since we were little kids growing up
in the same neighborhood.
[ALL] You ever play doctor?
Oh, come on, guys.
I think of her more as like a bratty little sister.
[ALL] Then if she's not taken, introduce us!
Guys, settle down!
You're really okay that she still looks like a kid?
[GUYS] It's better that way!
[NENE] No! Stop it!
You guys, I'm too young to do
whatever it is you want me to do!
[ALL] Now that's what I call sexy!
[JUNICHI] I'm pretty sure the police would disagree.
Oh, sweet Junichi. You sad fool.
How can you even call yourself a man?
Go on, boys, tell him how we feel!
I love her innocent smile,
with just a hint of mischievousness!
And she's so tiny, too!
Like she walked off the pages of a Loli manga!
[SHINPEI] But most importantly,
those two, huge sweater cannons.
Looking at her, one can only conclude that God...
[ALL] ...has sent us Loli perfection
to satisfy our manly urges!
[JUNICHI] I can't believe you guys say this stuff in public.
And at school, no less!
So hot.
[YUI] Hey, you!
Junichi. It looks like we're in the same class again.
Oh, hey. Good morning, Yui. What's goin' on?
Wow. Another semester.
Yeah, it's never gonna freakin' end, is it?
Well, I'm always happy to have another friend in my classes.
Uh, yeah. That's right.
Cool!
I feel like we didn't really talk much last year,
so I'm hoping this time around,
we have the chance to become super close.
Uh! You mean close with me?
[chuckles]
[STUDENT AA] Hey, Yui!
[YUI] Oh, I'd love to talk more, but I gotta go.
I'll see ya later, okay?
Have a wonderful day, cutie!
[SHINPEI] Yui Kashii, huh?
Polite, great grades, beautiful.
It's like she's walked right out of a high school anime.
Though, if I'm nit-picking,
her itty-bitty-titties are a bummer.
[JUNICHI] Shut up! What if she hears us?
You can't just go through life with boobs always on your brain!
And breast-size alone does not determine
whether a girl's worthwhile or not!
[KEIGO] I hate to say it.
Junichi does have a point here, Shinpei.
Whether Yui's got big or small knockers, she's a "Tokyo Eight."
It's that good girl vibe she gives off
that makes her so hot.
Yeah, because underneath that glossy exterior,
the good girls are always the biggest perverts!
[JUNICHI] At this point, you might as well
put your pictures in the dictionary next to "virgin."
[GUYS] Yeah, well, you'd be right there with us!
[SHINPEI groans]
[SHINPEI] Why is it so hard for girls to give us their bodies?
I just want one I can feel up all the time. Is that wrong?
[JUNICHI] Yeah, I know what ya mean.
Hey! You can't read porno mags in class!
Do you want people thinking you're bigger creeps
than you already are?
This is why you can't get laid!
[SHINPEI] Shut up! And don't try to take away our only pleasure.
Besides, this porno ruins the mood for everyone else.
Which makes us feel in control over the sluts and jocks!
[JUNICHI] Ugh.
I'll never get laid as long as I hang out with them.
[SHINPEI] Here.
C'mon, I know you wanna look.
[JUNICHI] What? No, I'm fine. Thanks.
[KEIGO] You sure? This one's pretty hot.
[JUNICHI gulps]
Well, okay, if you insist.
I guess it can't hurt, right? It's not normally my thing.
[YUKANA] Hey, what are you doing?
[JUNICHI screams]
[JUNICHI chuckles nervously]
Just reading about women's health, that's all.
[YUKANA] Maybe you haven't noticed, but we're at school.
Why can't you and the other sweat brothers
white wash your palms at home like normal perverts?
You disgust me.
Uh. I'm sorry. Forgive me.
[YUKANA] Hmph.
[STUDENT CC] Oh, Yukana!
[STUDENT DD] Having a good morning?
[YUKANA] Uh, far from it!
Did you see my little run in with those hard-up losers?
They're reading porn in class!
No wonder they sit in the corner.
[STUDENT DD] I know. They're all sick.
[STUDENT CC] Who the hell does that?
[GIRLS laughing]
[JUNICHI] Why're girls so cruel?
[SHINPEI chuckles]
[SHINPEI] That was awesome.
Yukana Yame. She's hot!
If she lifted her leg just a little higher,
we would have seen a lot more!
She's a little too old for me,
but I definitely see what the big deal is!
Well, between me, Keigo, and Junichi,
one of us should go after her.
I bet she's easy. Craves that D!
[JUNICHI] No, no, no! That's not happening!
You guys are delusional!
Besides, she already hates me
because of you and your stupid magazine.
Huh? You're missin' the point!
It doesn't matter what she thinks of you,
gals like her sleep around!
C'mon, it's basic science!
[JUNICHI] What evidence do you even have for that?
Right here, bro!
It's all written down in the "Bible."
Take this letter.
It's from a hottie freshman named Motoyama Mei-Kun,
gotta be a fake name, who's a freshman in Shibuya.
"My boy and I were chilling on the roof
when out of nowhere he starts kissing me!
I didn't know what to do at first,
but when he grabbed my boobs
and pushed me against the wall, my panties flooded!
He took me from behind, like a dog,
in front of the whole school.
Tee-hee. Tee-hee-hee."
[gasps] There's no way that's real.
I refuse to believe the average teenage girl
secretly acts like a porn star!
[YUKANA chuckles]
[JUNICHI] Uh, Miss Yame.
Why are you getting on top of me?
[YUKANA] Oh, come on, Junichi,
you know why I'm riding you.
This is what you wanted the second you laid eyes on me.
[YUKANA] I'll even let you touch my boobs.
[JUNICHI] What?
[giggles]
[YUKANA] Aw, you're so sweet.
You haven't even touched them yet
and your warm Keilbasa is already throbbing.
[JUNICHI gasps]
[giggles]
I like you're quivering member.
[YUKANA] Oh, you like that, don't you?
I know you do.
[YUKANA chuckles]
[YUKANA] Oh, you want me to stop?
You don't need a magazine when you have me.
It's time you experience the real deal.
Do you like it?
Now, I'm gonna eat you up. Let's see how long you last!
[JUNICHI screams]
Maybe Shinpei's right.
Okay, it's agreed.
Junichi is gonna be the point man in this glorious assault.
[KEIGO] No way, I wanted to be the guy!
Yeah, we never even voted for it.
Hey, whats up?
Good news, buddy!
After several minutes of deliberation,
we've decided that you will be the one who asks that girl out!
[JUNICHI] What?!
I can't ask Yukana out!
Bro. Man up, dammit.
An old sage once said, "Gals like her like to sleep around."
All you need to do to do her is get down and beg.
Uh, wait, hold on. You're kidding.
Do you wanna finally get your dink wet or not, Mister Virgin?
Of course I wanna have sex.
That's great. Minoru, please restrain our friend here.
[MINORU] Right!
Hey! What're you doing?
We're setting you up!
We put your name on this letter to Yukana,
and now we're putting it in her locker.
Keigo!
[KEIGO] Ha! Done and done!
Run, Keigo! We're putting Junichi in that gal's pants!
[RANKO] I swear to God, Yukana.
School last like forever.
Like, get this: One hour of class is totally the same
as one hour of karaoke.
That's like it's a total time warp, right?
Ugh! Boys are easier to understand!
Anyway, still up for some karaoke?
[YUKANA] Actually, Ranko, I can't. Sorry.
What? You feelin' sick or something?
[YUKANA] It's just, something weird came up.
[RANKO groans]
[RANKO] But I wanted to sing with you today!
How about I wait until you're done
with whatever it is you gotta do and then we'll go, okay?
[YUKANA] Yeah, I don't know. This might take a while.
Look, Ranko, don't wait for me.
We'll go another time soon. I promise!
'Kay, but I'm gonna hold you to that, girlfriend!
I promise we'll go.
Oh, we better. I'll see ya soon, okay.
[YUKANA, RANKO chuckle]
[JUNICHI] I can't believe she actually came to me.
[YUKANA] So.
Yeah?
[YUKANA] Why'd you wanna see me?
I, uh. You know. Uhh...
[JUNICHI] Stupid friends.
This is how they wanna help me get laid?!
[ALL] Go smash that ass!
[JUNICHI] Stop it, you guys! I can't do this!
You're gonna embarrass me!
You're making me ask out a girl
who I've barely talked to and I know nothing about!
What'm I supposed to say to her?
Just get down on the ground. Beg her.
[JUNICHI] All right, fine.
I've come too far to back down now.
I'll stick it to them, by sticking it to her!
[gasps]
[YUKANA] Wrong hole!
[JUNICHI] Um, Yukana, would you please...
...go out with me?!
Disgusting.
[JUNICHI] You might be right.
Now what am I gonna do?
Aren't you one of those perverts from class
who was reading dirty magazines?
Why the hell are you wasting my time like this?
I mean, you're not a total ugg-bo...
[JUNICHI] So, it's official: She rejected me.
I'm not a man. I'm a worm.
That's why I'm down here.
[STUDENT AA] I heard that Junichi guy got down
on the ground and begged her to date him.
[STUDENT BB] Seriously?
That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.
[STUDENT A] Glad I'm not him.
[STUDENT B] It's a total cuck move.
[JUNICHI laughs]
[JUNICHI] They'll never forget this.
I'll be accepting my diploma
and they'll still be teasing me about that time
I begged her for a date.
There go my high school years.
There goes my chance of getting a girlfriend.
Hello, virginity. I'm stuck with you forever.
But that's okay!
Because I'm going to college
and getting a good job in middle management!
[JUNICHI] Hm?
[gasps]
[JUNICHI] Wait, on second thought,
maybe I won't give up yet.
Maybe I'll stick around and see what happens.
And no, I'm not staying down here
just so I can see more of her panties,
although that would be nice.
I'm not that pathetic, am I?
[YUKANA ] And really, we barely even know each other,
and you wanna date?
What did you expect me to say to that?
[JUNICHI] Uh, I don't know.
I went with my gut and it turned out to be way wrong,
and look, you're right, okay?
I'm a weirdo! What can I say?
Sorry!
[JUNICHI laughing]
Uh-huh.
Then don't you think it's time that you stand up?
I can't yet! It's not happening!
[YUKANA] What?!
First you're begging on your knees,
and now you're all aggressive?
[gasps]
[JUNICHI] No, don't give in. Stay strong.
Think beyond just seeing her panties.
You don't wanna miss whatever chance you have left
at the big one!
The whole reason I'm here. The greatest goal of them all.
That's right. I'm still gonna try to lose my virginity!
So like, why'd you ask me out, anyway?
Whaddaya like most about me?
[JUNICHI] What?!
Uh, well. Umm...
[JUNICHI] If I tell her I'm only in this
for that sweet, sweet ass,
she'll hate me more than she already does.
I gotta come up with a good answer, and fast!
Your...
[YUKANA] My what?
You've kinda got this bitchy side. It's nice.
[YUKANA] That's why? I'm a "bitch"?
No. I know why.
You think I'm hot and easy and you'll get laid. Is that right?
[JUNICHI screams]
That's explains why you're so desperate.
What? No! No. No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no.
It's like she's reading my mind!
[YUKANA] When it comes to guys,
I'm pretty damn careful about whom I date.
[JUNICHI] You're not careful with your panties!
So if that's your only reason for liking me,
there's no way in hell I'm gonna go out with you.
[JUNICHI laughs]
[JUNICHI] I'm not that shallow!
No, no, no, I'm a nice guy.
[JUNICHI] Ah! I just keep digging deeper!
It's only a matter of time now.
She's got me all figured out and is gonna tell the whole school
about my stupid plan today, and once that happens, I'm done!
[STUDENT CC] It's the sex-crazed virgin!
[STUDENTS] Pervert!
[JUNICHI] If that happens, my life is over.
I need to run.
And for the last time, the begging is super annoying. Stop.
If you wanna talk, why don't we go sit over there?
[JUNICHI] What?
[JUNICHI] Yes!
A chance to walk away
and spare myself anymore embarassment.
[JUNICHI yells]
[LIBIDO] Woo!
[laughing]
[LIBIDO] I'm back! And ready for more!
[laughs]
I can see the faintest outline of those sweet lady parts.
No, it's not worth it!
It's our chance to leave without embarrassing ourselves anymore!
[LIBIDO] I don't wanna hear that soft crap!
Now is the time to be primal!
[CONSCIENCE Don't hurt me! I only want what's best for her!
[groans]
[LIBIDO] Victory is mine!
Panty power!
[JUNICHI] All right. The mission's back on!
Uh, no.
You see, as a man, once I've lowered my head,
I can't lift it--
[YUKANA] Yeah, look, I tried to be polite,
but here's the thing:
Staring at my panties like that is super creepy.
[JUNICHI] What? That's not true at all!
How dare you besmirch the honor
of a pure-hearted high school boy!
Yeah, no. You screwed up, not me.
You really thought I couldn't see you staring like that?
Hey, I didn't set out to be a peeper.
They were just right in my line of sight
when I looked up at you.
That's all.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Hey, um, you're funny, you know that?
[YUKANA giggles]
[JUNICHI] Holy crap, her boobs are right in my face!
And they... they smell so good!
Hey.
Now that I'm down here,
you can finally get a good look at my boobs.
What? I wasn't looking at your boobs, I swear!
[YUKANA] No, it's fine!
I'm just surprised you aren't staring at them
like you were my panties.
Go on, Junichi. You can look all you like.
You're not gonna be embarrassed.
It's just the two of us. All alone.
No one will ever find out what we do here today.
So, you wanna see more?
Just tell what part of my body you desire,
and I'll let you get as close as you want to.
Go to town.
[JUNICHI] Holy crap! This gal's a total nympho!
You snuck a peek!
I totally caught you!
[YUKANA chuckles]
You're the biggest perv in school, by far! Ha-ha!
I knew it was only a matter of seconds
before your eyes wandered again.
That's what happens to super virgins, like you!
[JUNICHI] She's an evil girl!
She tricked me into getting all hot and horny
just so she could tease me for being a virgin!
[chuckles]
[YUKANA] Hmm.
So... does any part of you really like me, like me?
[JUNICHI] What?
[JUNICHI] Oh, no.
I won't give you the pleasure of tricking me again.
I know this is just another trap so you can laugh at me.
Well, guess what, temptress,
this time, I'm willingly walking into it.
'Cause I'm a virgin with no self-respect!
Do your worst!
[JUNICHI laughs]
All right, whatever. Humiliate me. I don't care.
[JUNICHI] Junichi Hashiba is a virgin and pervert,
and that's all he's ever gonna be.
Well, that's the end.
Whatever dreams I had left
for a fun high school career ended right here today.
[YUKANA] Hey, wait!
I'm tryna tell you something!
[JUNICHI] Huh?
[thud]
[JUNICHI yelps]
Hey, what're you gonna do to me?
[YUKANA] I like you.
Huh?
In fact, despite all your nervous pervy-ness,
I like you a lot.
[JUNICHI] Huh...?
So, yeah. We can go out. Boyfriend.
[JUNICHI] What?
Yukana Yume is my girlfriend now?
[AYUMI] Hey, guys, Ayumi here!
[KOKORO] And Kokoro!
[AYUMI] Well, the show's finally started.
[AYUMI] Don't you think that Junichi guy's kind of a loser?
[KOKORO] Oh, totally!
[AYUMI] Begging a girl like that is so pathetic.
[KOKORO] Hey, did you know virgins didn't exist
until the Virgin Mary came along?
[AYUMI] Really?
[KOKORO] Yeah, they say she even once
got down on her knees to beg for a husband.
Isn't history weird?
[AYUMI] Crap! We never did the next episode preview!