所有人，会操了所有人，迟早都会 Everyone fucks everyone, eventually
小尤物 Sugar-tits.
别和他讲话，她是禁区 Don't speak to him. She is red zone!
她几乎算得上是我妹妹了 She's basically my sister.
他叫她“我的露露” He calls her "my Lulu".
我并没有爱上你 I'm not in love with you.
你戴个帽子干嘛？ Why are you wearing a hat?
柯林！ 我认为你应该搬来和我住 Colin! 'I think you should live with me.'
你会喜欢被我彩绘的，我会对你的鸡鸡很慷慨 I think you would like being painted. I would be generous with your penis.
- 弗莱德 - 嗯？ - 这事儿永远不会发生的 - Fred. - Yeah. - This ain't never gonna happen.
好的... OK.
*租金低廉*
*地段悲惨*
*集体生活*
*分期付款*
*明智租住*
*快来申请*
*成为房产监护人*
【翻译&校对&压制 weibo@马siu】
噢，得了吧，如果你要说些类似于 Oh, please, if you're about to say something like
“毛片正在扼杀性爱”的东西，我们会争得不可开交的 "porn is killing sex" we are going to have a massive argument.
- 求你别真说 - 毛片正在扼杀性爱 - 放马来吧 - Please don't say it. - Porn is killing sex. - Bring it.
- 听着，美人，我撸遍整个互联网 - 天呐... - Listen, hot chops, I've wanked over the entire internet. - Godness...
比起真胸，电脑屏幕能让我更快硬起来，这可不正常 Computer screens used to give me faster boners than a flash of a tit and that is NOT normal.
- 我们能不要谈论黄片了吗？ - 露露，你该来帮我的 - Can we please stop talking about porn? - Lulu, you're supposed to be helping me!
你知道吗，阅片过度是会导致勃起功能障碍的 You know that a common side effect of excessive porn use is erectile dysfunction...
- 嗯啊，所以你勃起功能很好？ - 你以为什么支撑着桌子？ - Ah. Are you getting better boners? - What do you think is holding the table up?
露露，来厨房，现在！ Lulu, kitchen now!
- 伙计们，这样会不会太过了？ - 啊咦呀！呀！ - 性感炸！- 看着可爱极了 - Guys, am I too much? - Aiiiiiiii! Aiiiii! - Hot, hot, hot! - You look lovely.
谢谢，谢谢，萨姆帮我的 Cheers. Sam helped.
女士们先生们，这就是我最伟大的作品 Ladies and gentlemen... This is my greatest achievement.
你看着超性感！ You look SO hot!
来，试口这个 Here, try this.
辣不辣啊？ Is it a hot one?
不，是甜椒 No. It's sweet.
嗯，不错，谢谢你让我留在这 Oh, yeah. Thank you for letting me stay here.
我知道毫无预警地出现 I know it can't have been ideal me
出现在这...非常...哦我的妈啊！ just... turning up out of the... Oh, my GOD!
你这个混账！混蛋！混蛋！ You are a BASTARD! You bastard! You bastard!
我该猜到的，你个贱人！ I should have seen it coming, you fucker!
弗莱德，你的约会对象呢？我们得继续了 Fred, where's your date? We need to get going.
- 我再打个电话试试 - 顶起来—— - I'll call him again. - Stood UUPPP.
- 他可能只是延误在一个... - 鸡巴上了 - He's probably just got stuck on a... - Penis.
- 地铁上了 - 鸡鸡地铁 - Train. - Penis train.
他会来的，他很靠谱 He'll be here. He's very reliable.
喔呼！还靠谱呢！ Whoohoo! Reliable!
那么，来吧，给我们说说这个鸡吧地铁 So, go on, pray tell us all about the penis train.
哦，对，嗯... 他，他很有爱，是的，他很，呃... Oh, yeah, well... He-he's lovely. Yeah, he's really, um...
他就对我很好，我，我不... He's just so nice to me, I-I don't...
我就...我是说这...早些时候 I just... I mean, it's... early days.
你犯什么毛病？被玩坏了吗 What's wrong with you? It's broken.
- 被玩坏了！ - 等下别害我，好吗？我挺喜欢他的 - Oh, it's broken! - Don't mess me up, OK? I like him.
当然，我从没见你这么性感过.... Yeah sure. Never seen you look so sexy.
好了，来咯，能挪一下那个吗，谢谢 OK, here we go. Can we move that, please?
- 当然 - 好极了 - Yup. - OK.
今晚会有三锅咖喱—— 第一锅叫做 Tonight there will be three curries -this first one is...
露露咖喱肉！ Vindalulu?!
是的，不对，现在它叫凯特鸡肉咖喱…… Yeah. No. Now it's called Katie Korma.
什么？！可这根本不是鸡肉咖喱 What?! But it's not even a korma.
不，这一直是鸡肉咖喱，只是你太执着于那个称号了，我不好意思戳穿 No, it's always been a korma. You were just so chuffed with your wordplay I couldn't break it to you.
- 哇哦 - 这最早是用你的名字起的？ - Wow. - It was named after you first?
哦没啦，我只是暂时冠个名，直到他找到个真正的女朋友 Oh, it seems I was just the holding name until he got himself an actual girlfriend.
未婚妻 Fiancee.
哦未婚妻，抱歉，我忘了人们还会那样做 Fiancee. Sorry, I forgot people still did that.
别这么较劲，只是个咖喱罢了 Don't get weird about it. It's a curry.
我哪里有较劲了！ I'm not being weird about it!
呃，他在说她 Ugh, He meant her.
这就尴尬了 That's embarrassing.
啊，我会挺过来的 Ah. I'll get over it.
- 梅洛迪呢？ - 她还在画柯林 - 她肯定在 - Where's Melody? - She's still painting Colin. - I bet she is.
露露，去叫她 Lulu, go get her.
伙计，如果这个菜饼是个帽子，凯特一定会戴着上班的 Mate, if this bhaji was a hat, Kate would wear it to work.
吃起来像你把我口爆一样爽 It's like you've come in my mouth.
谢谢，朋友们。酸辣酱呢？ Thanks, guys. And the chutney?
*评论* ALL COMMENT AT ONCE
咳嗯，尝起来像阴部 Mmmm, tastes like cunt.
谢了...宝贝... Thanks, baby.
- OK，好了，好了 (印度口音) - 别这样 - INDIAN ACCENT: OK, OK, OK. - Don't.
为什么不呐？这可是咖喱之夜！(印度口音) But why not-ah? It's curry night!
这样很冒犯 It's offensive.
什么？为什么？我很擅长的 What? WHY? I'm good at it...
不，并没有。我们能盛咖喱了吗？ No, you're not. Can we just serve the curry?
- 当然 - 但是怎么会冒犯了？ - Yeah. - But why is it offensive?
- 你觉得这样也是冒犯吗 (爱尔兰口音) - 是的，非常 - IRISH ACCENT: Would you say that this is offensive, now Anthony? - Yes. Very.
这样呢？就像，这样，超冒犯的，对吧 (美国口音) AMERICAN ACCENT: Is this? This is, like, totally offensive, right?
- 模仿印度口音和别的口音截然不同 - 为什么不能模仿印度口音？ - Doing an Indian accent is different. - Why can't I do an Indian accent?
我没有蔑视印度人的意思呀，只是在 咖喱之夜配上印度口音而已 (印度口音) I'm not taking the piss out of Indian people, I'm just doing the accent-ah on curry nigh t-ah!
这是种族歧视，好吗 It's racist. OK.
怎么就种族歧视了？！ How is it racist?!
这就是，这让我感觉很别扭 It just is. It makes me feel uncomfortable.
- 因为这让你觉得有印度人在你旁边？ - 不，我没说 - Because it makes you feel like you are around Indian people? - No. I didn't say...
- 我让你不舒服了吗，凯特？ - 你想让他离开吗？ - Am I making you feel uncomfortable, Kate? - Do you want him to leave?
我只是觉得利用某些口音来消遣，含有某种特殊含义 I just feel there are certain connotations that come with mocking certain accents.
没事的，这又不是上世纪八十年代 Come on, it's not the 1980s any more.
你可以模仿一个口音而不含讥讽之意 You can do an accent without it being mocking!
这样有侵犯到你吗，亲爱的？ (旧英国上流口音) POSH ACCENT: Is this offending any of you, darlings?
你刚刚让我硬了 I just got hard.
你不能因为你觉得不舒服就批判印度口音 You can't censor an Indian accent just because it makes YOU feel uncomfortable.
如果是这样的话，这才是种族歧视 If anything, that's racist.
我不知道为什么会觉得奇怪，但是的确会 I don't know why it makes me feel weird. It just does.
哦，来试下口音嘛，凯蒂 (原生印度口音) EXAGGERATED ACCENT: Oh, do the accent, Katy.
*鼓励* *怂恿* LAUGHTER AND ENCOURAGEMENT
试下口音嘛，凯蒂 Do the accent, Katy.
不要！ No!
我们能不能，嗯... Can we just, um...
石榴籽好像加得有点多了，我不确定 The pomegranate seeds might be a little bit too much, I'm not sure.
- 什么，哪里面有... - 在酸奶色拉里 - What, there's... - They're in the raita.
再不把我的阿三薄饼端上来，我就要拍我的肚皮了，呀？ (超夸张印度口音) EXAGGERATED INDIAN ACCENT: I'm going to pop my belly if I don't have my papadums soon, ya?
听懂没，呀？ (夸张印度口音) You understand me, ya?
好像是有点种族歧视 Maybe it is racist.
天呐，凯特... Jesus, Kate.
这些食物真的太棒了 This is really beautiful food.
对的，加点香草会更棒，其实 Yeah, with herbs it would be even better, actually.
也不是一定要香草啊 It shouldn't really need herbs.
最糟糕的一点是，他已经知道这婚离定了 The worst thing about it is, a part of him always knew it was
但他实在太害怕一个人生活 happening, but he was just too much of a coward to be alone.
他宁愿静静看着她和她的会计做爱 He'd rather have her while she's being licked out by her accountant,
也不愿意彻底离开她 than not have her at all.
浪漫，悲惨，美丽，太多东西了 Romantic, pathetic, beautiful. It's so many things.
哇哦…… Wow.
好的，我没预料她会告诉你们这些 Yes, I wasn't expecting her to tell you all that.
你现在真的过得很糟糕 You're through the worst now.
他有时候会爱抚自己，然后想象着他们还在一起的样子 He also has sometimes touched himself thinking of the two of them together.
他虽然性方面很混乱，但是心非常大 He is a sexually complicated man. But with a huge heart.
- 对... - 一颗宽广，破碎的心 - Right. - A huge, broken, heart.
- 好的，梅洛迪... - 憔悴的 - OK, Melody. - Shattered.
燃尽了火光 Bum out.
不，不，听着，她在布莱恩那得到了爱 No, no, look. She has found love with Brian.
我不会强求她 I cannot begrudge her that.
你的痛苦实在太美了 Your pain is so beautiful.
谢谢... Thank you.
- 你和卡拉还有联系过吗？ - 是的...她...呃 发了一张她花园的照片给我 - Have you been in touch with Cara? - Yes... She, uh... sent me a photo of her garden.
她的前花园？ Her front garden?
不，尽管她的确有个惹人爱的前花园 No, although she does have a lovely little front garden.
但是我比较关注后花园 But I only paid attention to the back garden.
有更多空间来大力播种，之类的 More space for aggressive seeding and such.
曾经是我每个周末的情趣 It was rather a weekend passion of mine.
我们能看看她后花园的照片吗？ Can we see a picture of her back garden?
当然，如果你喜欢那种东西 Of course. If you like that sort of thing.
这里是她可爱的山茶花 Here are the lovely camellias.
你可以从那些麝香豌豆花里看到几支蔷薇在怒放 And you can just make out that climbing rose blossoming through the sweet peas.
- 那是什么？ - What's that?
那是布莱恩，正在跃过菊花前面的洒水器 That's Brian jumping through the sprinkler in front of the chrysanthemums.
- 他非常的... - 多毛，是的 - He is very... - Hairy, yes.
我可没那天赋，恐怕 I haven't that gift, I'm afraid.
你尝试过了，我觉得这很美，是她辜负了你 I think it's beautiful. That you tried. She let you down.
你做了你能做的，这很棒 You held your end up. Good for you.
谢谢你，萨姆 Thank you, Sam.
- 你试着和这里的其中之一来一炮吗？ - 没啊 - Are you trying to have sex with someone here? - No.
*尤克里里声* UKULELE STRUMS
好了！尤克露露时间到！我们来玩真心话之歌 OK. It's Ukululu time. We're going to play Truth Songs.
所以，酒杯满上，是时候来彻底了解对方了 So, fill your cups. It's time to get to know each other properly
而据我所知，彻底了解对方只有这两个方法行得通 and these are the only two ways I know how to do it.
- 我明天要上班的 - 啊，我们都上的 - I have work tomorrow. - Ah, we all do.
- 呃... - 怎么？ - Well... - What?
你是个接待员 You're a receptionist.
所以呢？ And?
呃... Well...
唱首赞颂这美味咖喱的歌吧！ Sing one about this deliciously spicy curry!
没问题 OK.
♪ 我的确爱这咖喱 ♪ I really liked the curry
♪ 这点很幸运 ♪ Which is really lucky
♪ 因为凯特让我们说好吃，不论好不好吃 ♪ ♪ Cos Kate told us to big it up whether we did or not. ♪
那是事实吗？ Is that true?
当然不！ No.
当然是，下一位？ Yes. Who's next?!
凯特来一首 Kate do one!
好主意 Excellent idea!
- 来一首... - 不要性方面的，拜托 - Do one about... - Nothing sexual, please.
...高潮之歌！ ...orgasms!
- 我是不会唱关于高潮的歌的 - 嗷，来嘛！ I'm not going to sing about orgasms! - ALL: Come on!
♪ 那感觉...超级棒... ♪ They feel really nice
♪ 那感觉...超级棒... ×2 ♪ They feel really nice
♪ 我很喜欢...高...潮... ♪ I really like orgasms
♪ 它就发生在...下面那 ♪ ♪ They happen down there. ♪
你搞定了，宝贝 You nailed it, babe.
我想和柯林一起来一首，关于爱的 I want to do one with Colin, about love.
拉着我的手 Hold my hand.
- ♪ 哦哦哦... - ♪ 哦哦哦哦... - ♪ Oooooo - Oooooo
♪ 我为什么在这？... ♪ Why am I here?
♪ 大多数早上 我希望自己死了 ♪ ♪ Most mornings I wish I was dead. ♪
哇哦 Wow.
他妈的棒极了 Fucking amazing.
第二锅咖喱 Second curry.
什么味道？ What's that smell?
下一锅咖喱啊 It's the next curry.
哦哦，好极了。你为什么告诉露露关于我高潮的事情？ Ooh, lovely. Why did you tell Lulu about my orgasm thing?
我没说。 你为什么逼大家说喜欢我的肉？ I didn't. Why did you tell everyone to pretend to like my meal?
我没说。 你为什么告诉露露我从没射过？ I didn't. Why did you tell Lulu I've never jizzed?
我没说！ 宝贝，女生不能叫射 I didn't! Baby, you can't say jizzed.
那她直觉也太他妈准了吧？ Well, she's fucking intuitive then,
选我唱一首关于高潮的歌 picking ME to sing the one song about orgasms.
幸好应付过去了 Lucky I pulled it off.
等下讲，拜托，这锅可是鱼 Later. Please. This one is fish.
现在没时间争这个 It's all in the timing.
向我保证她不知道 Promise me she doesn't know.
我保证 I promise.
- 以我们未来的小孩起誓 - 我发誓 - Swear on our future children. - I swear.
♪ 凯特来——不——了—— ♪ Kate can't co-me. ♪
我是在唱关于... I was singing about how...
关于你明天来不了影院，和萨姆、弗莱德一起看电影... how you can't come to the cinema with Sam and Fred tomorrow.
- 当然 - 说真的，我之前不知道的 - Sure. - Seriously, I didn't know.
真的，没关系的 Seriously, it's OK.
我不知道的，安东尼没告诉过我任何事情，真的 I didn't know. Anthony never tells me anything any more. Seriously.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
I don't want to talk about it.
OK.
I can get the ukulele if you'd rather sing about it.
- I could fucking murder you sometimes. - Sorry.
Hey, I'm a good listener, though.
- I'm sure you... - What?
I just feel like everyone else can jizz at the drop of a cock.
Tell me about it.
You struggle as well?
Oh, no, sorry. I'm one of the lucky ones.
I get close just looking at The Shard.
- Huh... - DOOR BANGS
Lulu, get out, come on.
I can feel you ruining my relationship from here.
It's OK, baby. I know you didn't say anything. We're just chatting.
- About what? - The Shard.
- Get out of there! - We're bonding!
I'm serious! She's a teenage boy, she has nothing to offer!
It's OK, baby. We'll be down in a minute.
I know you didn't tell her anything.
Yeah, well, I don't like it.
Is it really gross for you to talk about all this stuff?
I know you two are like siblings, right?
- No, it's fine. - Siblings... right?
Yes.
Look, the main thing about orgasms...
Oh, fuck's sake. I HAVE jizzed.
I've just never...
...with Anthony.
- Ooh. - Please don't tell him I told you.
- Course. - I don't want it to mean we're not happy.
It doesn't.
Happy people jizz.
Everyone has a thing. You probably just haven't found yours yet.
You've got to keep experimenting. Don't give up.
SHE SLAPS HER THIGH
Thanks.
(I did actually come in here because I need a poo.)
Sure.
Hey.
What are you doing?
Wow! Nothing.
Come on. Tell me, like... Why is this one not right for me?
Too kind? Too successful?
Too attractive?
You've got a bogey.
I know that's not true.
Fuck you.
No, come on. Please, tell me.
- I do think she's right for you. - Yeah? - Yeah.
Thanks.
I'm just not sure you're right for her.
You don't even come together.
I told you that in confidence.
Aw, shit. Lulu...
...I'm really fucking happy now.
I don't think you are.
Stop trying to fuck Sam.
You're embarrassing yourself and I don't want him to catch anything.
Hey, guys. Sorry to interruptaroo.
You don't know where I can find a little fella called Fred, do you?
CHATTER
TALK GROWS LOUDER
- Go on! - No, no way! No, I hardly know you guys.
Look, if I can do a song, then you can! It's rather liberating.
Yeah, it doesn't matter if you can't sing, it's not about that. It's about truth!
Just fucking do it.
Only if Fred gives me the topic.
Ooh, me? Oh, I don't know... I feel under pressure now.
- How about, um... - Cock?
Sam.
How about... penguins?
- Lovely!
Excellent choice, Fred.
Classic Fred.
♪ I'll sing you a song about penguins and... ♪
Oh, oh, my God.
Oh, no, no! It's good. One more go, one more go.
- Just do it again. - All right, come on. With groove, groove it.
♪ And I wish that I could sing about those penguins
♪ But all that I have in my head, yeah
♪ Is a tune, a tune, a tune
♪ About the most beautiful creature in the world
♪ So I guess I got to sing
♪ I got to sing about Fred! ♪
CHEERING
I want to do one.
You can't beat that!
I think I surprised myself with that one!
Oh-oh-oh-oh!
I'm going to have to strap you in, baby girl.
TABLE SHAKES Oh!
Why am I the only ones drunk?
Cos you drank everyone's wine.
Sam, help me, would you?
- Sam? - Yeah.
So, Lulu...
- Pretty full-on, yeah. - She's trying to piss me off.
She doesn't actually want to have sex with you.
- She does. - She doesn't. Mmm. She does.
She doesn't.
- She does. - I don't have time to do this.
She doesn't.
Can you carry those in?
So, just to be clear... you still want to bang Lulu?
No! No.
OK, cool! So she's not red zone any more?
- Do what you want, man. - Really?
No!
But, yeah, sure. But no.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
No. Cool?
Are you OK?
No.
That'll keep me busy for a couple of weeks. And then... Colin?
I suppose a drop more can't hurt.
Then I'm whisking Fred away to this lovely little villa
that I've got in Palma.
- Aw, how romantic.
Are we nearly finished?
- Nope, no-one move.
- Ow! Melody, Fred hit me! - Fred, do it again.
Give me that. I'm so sorry about this, Will.
Don't make crazy Fred come to town, OK?
ALL: Oh!
You have ruined the shirt!
It was my shirt! I've ruined MY shirt. And "crazy Fred"?
Oh, you're adorable.
Stop touching me. I'm not adorable.
- I'm a man. - All right, stop showing off, you little squid.
I made you.
Excuse me?
Give me my shirt back.
- What? - I don't think that's necessary, is it?
Now.
All yours.
OK...
Now let's play...
"who's going to have sex tonight?"
Melody and Colin!
That is not what this is.
Oh, come on. We've all seen you sneaking out of Melody's room
like a satisfied little squirrel.
- Come on, Colin. - Aw, Lolita, don't run!
Oh, God, I think I'll, erm...
It's OK, Colin. You're going through a big life change.
You're bound to make very odd decisions.
I understand English, you know.
Why is everyone freaking out?
Zey are lovers. Let zem be!
Is zat offensive, Anthony?
He's not my lover!
He's my muse!
- Please excuse me.
- Merci.
- I warned you he was fragile. - He's an adult.
- Well, he just stormed off like a little baby. - Your muse?!
- Well, I think that's just lovely. - Me, too. - No, you don't.
Like an artist's muse?!
- Just lovely. - Yes, he is!
You think meeting someone like Colin happens to artists all the time?!
He gives SO much.
Yeah, sure, and you just lap it up and just slap it on a canvas.
Pardon?
"His pain is so beautiful." You're using him to indulge yourself.
I am indulging. And what is this?
That is a?4 bottle of wine.
COMMOTION
What did I just say?! That's expensive!
Can we all grow up for a second here, please?
- I can't believe you can't come. - Sorry if I upset you, Melody.
You don't upset me. You bore me.
All you seem to want to do is drink and wank and drink and wank.
Well, at least I don't have to wank other people's pain onto a canvas,
and then shove it in people's faces and call it "my art."
Well, at least I don't have to stare at other people's
miserable, naked bodies to make me feel something.
This is so hot.
Isn't that exactly what you're doing with Colin?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, should I call him your muse?
Maybe Kate should try staring at a naked Colin
to help her orgasm debut.
I have had an orgasm!
You are all obsessed with sex!
- Don't walk out on this, this is the big one, this is the curr-icane!
I can't bear it, mate. I'm going to have to make her come.
I have had an orgasm!
This is a very delicate mix of three very unusual, sought-after spices.
This is the first time I've managed to make it. Three days to marinate.
- What does it feel like, then? - Oh, leave her alone. - Can we focus on the curries, please?
- You blatantly haven't. - She has! - I have had an orgasm!
She's just never orgasmed with Anthony!
Can we drop... the wind-ups... for a second, Lu?!
OK...
I am just going to gather up all of this negative energy
and I'm just going to pop it in here, OK?
Don't put it in there. I've spent three days marinating!
- No! - Oh, God, it's delicious, it's delicious.
- Come on, baby, let's go to bed. - Try. - Anthony.
- Fuck! - I'll do it, I'll do it!
Aww. Our first fight.
G'day. I'm going to go and get you a big pint of water, OK?
Fred, have you got some cups and some cloths?
Yes. Sure. This way.
Your friends are lunatics.
I know.
Ugh!
SHE GROANS
Oooh...
Hey.
Ooh.
Hey, hey, hey.
It's tempting, Chuckles, but I'm too full.
Aw, come on. Get your tits out.
We can't.
Sorry.
No!
I'll let you call me Fred!
That was a joke.
I thought you left.
So did I.
- You don't have to be here if you can't handle... - No.
I want to be here.
I want to be the pain in your paintings...
so to speak.
Merci, Colin.
Yup.
That's OK.
Yup. Yup.
This is humiliating.
No, baby, it's not. We've just got to find our... thing.
- HE SNIFFS - I'm sorry.
I don't want to... Whoo!
...cry in front of you, but...
No, no... That's fine.
Maybe we're just going to have to admit that we're not...
Keep crying. Don't stop crying...
...compatible... - Yeah!
- Keep going. - ..together. - Think about how sad that makes you.
- Keep crying! - HE SOBS
Cry! Cry!
Oh, yeah! Please, cry!
Oh, you're sad! Yeah!
Ugh! UGH!
- Did you...? - Yep.
Yeah, I did.