每个人都问我为什么做事要从尾开始直到开头. Everybody asks why I started at the end and worked back to the beginning.
原因很简单. The reason is simple.
我要到结束的时候才能理解事情的开头. I couldn 't understand the beginning until I had reached the end.
有太多块拼图不见了. There were too many pieces of the puzzle missing.
太多了,以至于她都无法数清. Too much she would never tell.
我本可以卖了这些东西 人们想要买它们. I could sell these things. People want to buy them.
但是我把这些都烧了. But I'd set all this on fire first.
她会喜欢这样的. 那也是她所希望做的. She 'd like that. That's what she would do.
她做这些只是为了烧掉. She 'd make it just to burn it.
我无法承担这个. 但是这个开头值得一些特殊的东西. I couldn 't afford this one, but the beginning deserved something special.
但我要怎么表达, 这不是一种味道... But how do I show that nothing, not a taste...
...不是一种气味,甚至也不是天空的色彩... ...not a smell, not even the color of the sky...
...它一直都是那么清晰,那么明显, 就像我以前属于她的时候一样... ...has ever been as clear and sharp as it was when I belonged to her.
我不知道如何表达 与那么危险的人在一起的感觉... I don 't know how to express that being with someone so dangerous...
...那是我最后一次感觉到安全 ... was the last time that I felt safe.
那个秋天, 从沙漠来的热空气影响着Santa Anas市 The Santa Anas blew in hot from the desert that fall.
只有夹竹桃依然旺盛地生长。 Only the oleanders thrived.
也许这热风是我妈妈做这一切的原因。 Maybe the wind was the reason my mother did what she did.
如果真的是这样，我永远也不会知道， 我一直都生活在她的阴影之下。 If it was, I wouldn 't have known. I lived in her shadow then.
她是我所见过得最美丽的女人。 She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.
每个人从小时候都这样想... Everybody thinks that when they're small...
...但是她是大多数人所见过最美的女人。 ...but she was the most beautiful woman most people had ever seen.
毫无预兆的， 他闯进了我们的生活。 He came into our lives without warning.
妈妈刚开始并没有注意到他。 那个男人不是她所喜欢的类型。 She ignored him at first. He wasn 't her type.
我们一直取笑他， 取笑他的执著。 We laughed about him, his persistence.
“永远不要和一个男人过夜“， 她说。从来没有道歉，没有解释。 ""Never let a man spend the night, "" she said. Never apologize, never explain.
她违背了她所有的规则。 而那将改变一切。 She was breaking all her rules. And it would change everything.
你在这上面干嘛？ What are you doing up here?
过来，坐在我边上。 Come sit next to me.
这是感受风的最好的地方。 It' s the best place to feel the wind.
我在这可以感觉到。 I can feel it from here.
不，你不能。 No, you can't.
好吧。 It' s okay.
你该去睡一下觉。 You should get some sleep.
我从不睡觉。 我已经在这上面呆了好几个小时了。 I never sleep. I've been up here for hours.
我有了最奇妙的想法， 关于如何在Newport展览上运用我的人造偏光板。 I had the most amazing idea for how to use my Polaroids in the Newport show.
我今天不想工作了。 直到我完成它。 I'm gonna skip work today. Keep going until I finish.
家长会你还是要来的， 是吗？ You're still coming to parents' night, aren't you?.
噢，天哪，我都忘了。 Oh, God, I forgot.
我已经计划好去参加Greta的开张了。 I made plans to go to Greta's opening.
其他的家长都会去的。 AII the other parents go.
难道他们还能告诉我关于你我所不知道的事吗？ What can they tell me about you that I don't already know?.
时间到了！放下笔， 请交卷。 谢谢。 Time's up! Pencils down. Papers, please. Thank you.
谢谢。时间到了，Astrid。 Thank you. Time, Astrid.
谢谢。 Thank you.
你母亲今晚会来吗？ Is your mother coming tonight?.
不。她有其他安排了。 No. She has other plans.
比家长会都更重要吗？ More important than parents' night?.
她是一个艺术家。 她对家长会这类事不关心的。 She's an artist. She doesn't care about things Iike parents' night.
好吧。 你们别忘了， 明天测验17和18章。 Right. And don't forget, you guys, chapters 1 7 and 1 8 for tomorrow.
我的照片完成了。 Finished my mug shots.
你认为怎么样？ What do you think?.
真棒。 They're great.
不。你没有在看。 No. You're not Iooking.
如果你不看，你就不可能成为一名艺术家。 你为什么认为它们很棒？ You can't be an artist if you don't see. Why do you think they're great?.
我不知道。 I don't know.
他们很寂寞。 They're Ionely.
这中间是我。 It's me in the center.
这是我们之间的秘密。 不要告诉别人。 It's our secret. You can't tell anybody.
我不会的。 我永远不会说出我们的秘密。 I won't. I never tell our secrets.
这看起来像灯光下的小鹿。 很欢闹。 It's the deer-in-the-headlights Iook. Hilarious.
-这已经有多久了？ -几个月。 -How Iong has this been going on?. -Couple months.
-他妻子会知道的。 -她是个白痴。 -His wife's gonna figure it out. -She's an idiot.
影景公司。 Cinema Scene.
又是Barry Kolker。 It's Barry Kolker again.
告诉他我在爬喜马拉雅山的时候死了。 Tell him I was killed in a climbing accident in the Himalayas.
Barry， 她还没回城里。 Barry, she's still out of town.
我们一个鸡蛋都没了。 We don't have any eggs.
我们从来就没有买过鸡蛋。 We never have any eggs.
Barry可以带我们出去吃早餐。 Barry can take us out to breakfast.
Barry 和你过夜了？ Barry spent the night?.
是的。 Yeah.
请让一下。 Excuse me.
我打赌他还没回城里。 I bet he's still out of town.
我给杂志社打了电话了。 他三天前就回来了。 I called the magazine. He got back three days ago.
他可能在工作。 没空打电话。 He's probably working. He doesn't call then.
他没打电话， 因为他从别人那里得到了想要的东西。 He doesn't call when he's getting what he wants from somebody else.
我认为你不该这样做。 I don't think you should do this.
他会生气的。 He'II get mad.
-我只是说我们以前是邻居。 -他不会相信我们的。 -I'II just say we were in the neighborhood. -He won't believe us.
你不是我喜欢的类型。 You're not my type.
怎么了？ What happened?.
他已经约了人了。 He has a date.
他和我做爱， 然后对我说我该走了... He made Iove to me and then said I had to Ieave...
...因为他已经约了人。 ...because he has a date.
-不！别碰我。 -把她带出去！ -No! Get away from me. -Get her out!
-你没有权利！ -你已经被逮捕了... -You have no right! -You're under arrest...
-...因为谋杀Barry Kolker. -他们不能拘留我！ -...for the murder of Barry Kolker. -They can't keep me!
我会在一小时内回来的！ I'II be back in an hour!
你一定就是Astrid？我是儿童服务中心的Martinez， 我是来接你的。 You must be Astrid?. I'm Miss Martinez from Children's Services to pick you up.
如果你需要多一点时间， 我可以等你15分钟，不过不能再多了。 If you need more time, I can give you 1 5 minutes, but that's it.
我不要走。我要等我妈妈回家。 I'm not going. I'm waiting for my mother to come home.
你母亲不会回家了。 至少最近不会。 Your mother won't be coming home. At Ieast not for a while.
-有人对判决有异议吗？ --any legal cause why sentence of judgment should not now be imposed?
那么，根据加州法律... Therefore, in accordance with the Iaws of California...
...我宣判你犯有谋杀罪。 ...I sentence you to the term prescribed by Iaw for murder.
你将在最高安全监狱里服刑至少35年。 Not Iess than 35 years to Iife in a maximum-security prison.
-嗨！ -你好，Starr。最近好吗？ -Hey! -Hello, Starr. How are you?.
很好，你呢？ Well, I'm fine! How are you?.
-见到你真好。 -我也是。 -Good to see you. -You too.
你们一定都饿了。 希望你们会喜欢橄榄油面包。 Y'all must be starving. I hope you Iike olive Ioaf.
-我做得足够供应一支军队了。 -Astrid？ -I made enough to feed an army. -Astrid?.
-路上怎么样？ -市区里很糟糕... -How was traffic?. -Bad downtown...
-...但是很快就顺畅了。 -噢，不错。 -...but it cleared up pretty fast. -Oh, good.
来，Astrid Magnussen， 这是Starr Thomas。 There you go. Astrid Magnussen, this is Starr Thomas.
很高兴见到你， Astrid。 It is so nice to meet you, Astrid.
进来吧！往这，我帮你拿那个吧。 路途很长吧？ Come on in! Here, Iet me help you with that. Was it a Iong drive?.
-是的。 -是么？ -Yeah. -Yeah?.
希望你没有带太多东西。 你和我女儿住同一个房间。 I hope you didn't bring a ton of stuff. You'II share a room with my daughter.
这就是我们的家。 这是招待客人的地方。 This is our home. This is where we have company.
这里面是厨房 和装饰柜。 Then in here is the kitchen and whatnot.
男孩们在这里睡觉。 我们的卧室不够。 The boys sleep here. We don't have enough bedrooms.
带着眼镜的是Davey，这是Owen。 That's Davey in the glasses, and Owen.
这是Astrid。 孩子们， 说你好？ This is Astrid. Boys, you say hi?.
Carolee？我说过了，这时候不要在这。 Carolee?. I said, get out here right now.
我们进去吧。 Let's just go in there.
这是Carolee， 我的女儿。 This is Carolee, my daughter.
清理出一些空间，好吗？ Make some room, okay?.
这是你睡觉的地方。 她会整理好，别担心。 This is where you'II sleep. She'II clean up. Don't worry.
别理她，她在青春期。 问题是她还没有洗礼。 Just don't mind her. She's hormonal. The problem is she hasn't been saved.
你呢？ What about you?.
什么？ What?.
你接受上帝当你的救助者吗？ Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?.
我不知道。 I don't know.
当你知道了，他会等你着，好吗？ When you do, he'II be waiting. Okay?.
这里是Ray和我睡的地方， 浴室在这。 This is where Ray and I sleep, and the bathroom's here.
让我们回到这里。 Let's go back in here.
Ray今晚要迟点回来，今晚他们打牌。 别和他谈论耶稣。 Ray's home Iate tonight. It's poker night. Don't talk to him about Jesus.
他看起来像个旧货商什么的， 而不像个木匠。 He acts Iike he's the repo man or something, not a carpenter Iike him.
你一定是新来的。 You must be the new addition.
我是 Ray. I'm Ray.
你也可以叫我Ray叔叔， 但那是Starr的主意。 Or Uncle Ray, but that's Starr's idea.
不是我的。 Not mine.
我是Astrid。 I'm Astrid.
很高兴见到你，Astrid。 It's nice to meet you, Astrid.
你进来吗？ You coming in?.
怎么了？ Well, how come?.
我在想事情。 I'm thinking.
噢，想什么？ Oh, what about?.
我妈妈。 My mother.
Starr告诉我关于她的事， 她杀了她的男朋友，是吗？ Starr was telling me about her. She's doing time for killing her boyfriend, right?.
好吧，那些事情已经发生了。 Yeah, well, those things happen.
你好了就进来，好吗？ You come in when you're ready, okay?.
那婊子老是说我没救， 好像她是Brady Bunch里面的母亲。 That slut said I was grounded, Iike she's the mother in The Brady Bunch.
听她说。 Listen to that.
被基督拯救。 她只是个虚伪的人。 Saved by Jesus. She's such a hypocrite.
他们不该那样。 他们甚至还没结婚。 They shouldn't be doing it. They're not even married.
Reverend Daniels老是讲关于耶稣的废话。 Reverend Daniels always blah-blahing about Jesus.
他想做的指示看她的屁股。 AII he really wants to do is Iook at her ass.
别忘了开着窗。 Don't forget to Ieave the window open.
别那样看着我。 Don't Iook at me Iike that.
你和我没什么不同。 你只是还不知道罢了。 You're no different than I am. You just don't know it yet.
我要杀了你， Ingrid！ I'm gonna kill you, Ingrid!
我要卡死你，婊子！ I'm gonna strangle you, bitch!
你这个该死的婊子。 You bloody bitch!
罪是一种病毒。 那是Reverend Thomas说的。 Sin is a virus. That's what Reverend Thomas says.
它就像鼓掌声一样传遍了全村。 It's infecting the whole country Iike the clap.
我们想到了种种借口。 We've got every excuse.
如果我吸食可卡因，或者想爽一下， 这有什么错？这伤害到谁了？ What's wrong if I shovel coke up my nose or want to feel good?. Who does it hurt?.
好的，这伤害了我们。 而且也伤害了主。因为这是错的。 Well, it hurts us. And it hurts Jesus. Because it's wrong.
我不知道你怎么会相信这样的屁话。 I don't know how you swallow that.
“ 信主的人， 即使死了， 也将重生” ，别忘了。 "" He who believeth in me, though he was dead, yet will he Iive."" Don't forget it.
我们到了。 Here we are.
我没死真是奇迹。他们带走了我的孩子， 我是个酗酒者... It's a miracle I'm not dead. They took my kids away. I was an alcoholic...
-...瘾君子，我跳过脱衣舞。 -大家都在看你。 -...a cokehead. I was dancing topless. -People are staring.
噢， Astrid， 看啊！ Oh, Astrid, Iook!
看看这个，这和你的新鞋配在一起太完美了。 Look at that. That is gonna go perfect with your new shoes.
我的意思是，我想： I mean, I thought:
“谁会在意我把乳房放在陌生人脸上， 这和任何人都没关系” ""Who cares if I hang my tits in a stranger's face?. It's nobody's business.""
你知道吗？ 你穿这个会好看。 You know what?. This is gonna be good on you.
Astrid，那鞋真难看。 Astrid, those are ugly shoes.
蛇不会咬到我的脚。 Snakes don't bite above the ankle.
你还是别管那些，穿上这个。 You're better off being bitten by snakes than dressing for them.
我们要给她买个胸罩。 Carolee从9岁就开始穿胸罩了。 We need to get her a bra. Carolee had her first bra when she was 9.
你不希望到30岁的时候胸部下垂到膝盖上吧， 穿上这个。 You don't want them hanging to your knees when you're 30. Try it on.
Carolee，Ray 会喜欢这个吗？ 看啊，真漂亮！ Carolee, will Ray Iove that?. Look at that. That is so nice!
快， Astrid，在这！ Hurry, Astrid, it's here!
我告诉过你们要错过了。 I told you you were gonna miss it.
Astrid.。这是你的。 Astrid. This one's for you.
谁写的信？ Who's it from?.
我妈妈。 My mother.
我原以为她不知道我在哪里。 I didn't think she knew where I was.
亲爱的Astrid， 你收到我的信了吗？ Dear Astrid, have you been getting my letters?
已经过去6个月了。 你为什么不给我写信？ It's been six months. Why don't you write?
几分钟前他们才关了灯。 It's only a few minutes before they turn out the lights.
我可以听到那些女人在牢房里尖叫。 I can hear the women screaming in their cells.
我们都在监狱里，你和我， 因为我们的力量和独立而受惩罚。 We 're both in prison, you and I, punished for our strength and our independence.
别忘了你是谁。 Don 't forget who you are.
我最好的那一面已经很好的隐藏起来了， 你也要一样地这样做。 The best part of me is well-hidden and you have to do the same.
你要记住， 每次侮辱，每滴眼泪。 Remember it all, every insult, every tear.
你在干什么呢？ What are you doing?.
我在给我妈妈写信。 I' m writing a Ietter to my mother.
你有给你父亲写过信吗？ You ever write your dad?.
我不知道他在哪里。 I don' t know where he is.
我从未见过他。 I never met him.
我两岁的时候他就离开了。 He Ieft when I was 2.
-你母亲告诉你关于他的很多事吗？ -不。 -Your mother tell you much about him?. -No.
-那你不好奇吗？ -我在想他会怎样想着我。 -Well, aren't you curious?. -I think about what he would think of me.
他也许会认为你还是两岁。 那是我对我儿子Seth的印象 。 He probably thinks you're still 2. That's how I remember my son, Seth.
-你有一个儿子？ -是的。 -You have a son?. -Yeah.
-嗨，Ray。 -嗨，Patty。 -Hey, Ray. -Hey, Patty.
你要去布道会是吗？ So you're going to the Jesus show?.
-你不去么？ -去学圣经？不。 -Aren't you coming?. -To Bible study?. No.
依我看来，即使有上帝。 他也和地狱一样不值得祷告。 In my opinion, if there's a God, he sure as hell ain't worth praying to.
这听起来像我妈妈说的。 That sounds Iike something my mother would say.
她不会带我去圣诞庆典。 She wouldn't take me to the Christmas pageant.
她让我想骑在其他小孩上面。 She made me beg a ride off another kid.
嗨，Ray。 Hey, Ray.
Leanne，你好！ Leanne, hi!
近来如何， Reverend？ 我想他不是很喜欢我。 How you doing, Reverend?. I don't think he Iikes me very much.
你和Starr为什么不结婚？ Why don't you and Starr get married?.
因为我已经结过婚了。 'Cause I'm already married.
-Astrid，过来，我们要开始了。 -好的，我就来。 -Astrid, come on in. We're starting. -Okay, I'm coming.
你妻子在哪里？ Where's your wife?.
谁知道呢？ Who knows?.
我已经有五年多没见到她和我儿子了。 I haven't seen her or my son in over five years.
我以圣父，圣子和圣灵的名义给你进行洗礼。 I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
阿门。 Amen.
你现在信主了吗？ Do you believe in God now?.
也许相信什么并不是一件坏事。 Maybe it's not such a bad thing to believe in something.
-了解事情会更好。 -为什么？ -It's better to know things. -Why?.
那让你感到什么？ 它有使你能分辨正误吗？ What does it get you?. Does it tell you the difference between right or wrong?.
她不是独自杀了那家伙的。 She didn't kill that guy alone.
我早就知道我妈妈在干什么， 你知道吗？ I knew what my mother was doing, you know?.
我原可以救他的命， 但我没有。 I could've saved his Iife, but I didn't.
快点。 Come on.
我要杀了你，Ingrid！把门打开！ I'm gonna kill you, Ingrid! Open the door!
猜猜他硬盘上有什么重要的东西？ Think there was something valuable on that hard disk?.
也许是这个秋天收集起来要出版的评论。 Maybe a collection of essays due at the publisher's this fall.
你这个该死的婊子！ 你不能这样对我！ You bloody bitch! You can't do this to me!
你不了解我能做什么。 You don't know what I can do.
填好你的注册表。 填上你要探视人的号码。 Fill out your registration slips. Know your inmate's number.
没有号码不能探视。 No number, no visit.
嗨，宝贝。 Hey, baby.
Astrid Magnussen？ Astrid Magnussen?.
Astrid？ Astrid?.
跟我来。 Follow me.
妈妈！ Mama!
别哭，别哭，别哭。 No, no, no, no, no.
别哭了。 Don't cry.
我们不要那样。 我们是维京人，记得吗？ We're not Iike that. We're the Vikings. Remember?.
你真漂亮。 You're so beautiful.
监狱里也是这么说的。 Prison agrees with me.
这里没有伪善。 There's no hypocrisy here.
杀人或是被杀， 每个人都知道。 Kill or be killed, and everybody knows it.
他们伤害你了吗？ Do they hurt you?.
没有我伤害他们多。 Not as much as I hurt them.
我不会永远带在这里的， 我保证。 I won't be in here forever. I promise you that.
总有一天，你从窗外看， 我会在那里的。 One day you'II Iook out your window and I'II be there.
你的头发闻起来像苜蓿。 Your hair smells Iike clover.
我要记住你这个样子， 穿着哀伤的又带着希望的粉红色衣服。 I wanna remember you just Iike this, in that sadly hopeful pink dress.
-Starr 为我挑的。 -当然。 -Starr picked it out. -Of course she did.
那是什么？ What's that?.
没什么，只是一个十字架。 Nothing. It's just a cross.
我知道这是一个十字架。 I know it's a cross.
你为什么带着这个？ Why are you wearing it?.
这是Starr给我的礼物。 It's a present from Starr.
她强迫你去教堂了？ She force you to go to church?.
他们人很好。 他们叫上帝会。 They're really nice people. It's called the Assembly of God.
要加入你要接受基督作为你的救助者， 并且要受洗礼。 To join you have to accept Christ as your personal savior. And you're baptized.
他们称这是用羊羔的血进行洗礼， 但实际上只是用水。 They call it being washed in the blood of the Lamb. But really, it's just water.
你接受基督作为你的救助者了？ Have you accepted Christ as your personal savior?.
-基督徒并没有什么不好。 -你疯了吗？ -There's nothing wrong with Christians. -Are you out of your mind?.
这怎么可能？我养育了你， 而不是宣扬圣经的垃圾。 How did this happen?. I raised you, not Bible-thumping trailer trash.
我养育了你，让你自己思考。 I raised you to think for yourself.
不，你没有。 No, you didn't.
你要我像你一样思考。 You raised me to think Iike you.
也许自己思考不是那么好。 Reverend Daniels说那是邪恶的。 Maybe thinking for yourself isn't so great. Reverend Daniels says it's evil.
邪恶？如果自主思考是邪恶的， 那么每个艺术家都是邪恶的。 Evil?. If thinking for yourself is evil, then every artist is evil.
那就是你相信的， 你现在在羊羔的血里面洗净了？ Is that what you believe, now that you're washed in the blood of the Lamb?.
-人们思考的能力是邪恶的？我是邪恶的吗？ -不。 -Man's ability to reason is evil?. Am I evil?. -No.
不是的。 No.
但是杀了不想要你的人那是邪恶的。 But killing people who don't want you is evil.
我们为你的赎罪祈祷。 We pray for your redemption.
操他的赎罪，我不需要， 我对一切都不后悔。 Fuck my redemption. I don't want it. I regret nothing.
请注意，探视时间已经结束。 探视者，请回到过渡区。 Attention. Visiting hours are over. Visitors, return to the holding area.
你尝试着别是邪恶是好的，Astrid。 It's good that you're trying to identify evil, Astrid.
但是邪恶是狡猾的。 But evil is tricky.
一旦你认为你知道它是什么， 它就改变了它的形式。 Just when you think you know what it is, it changes its form.
需要用一生的时间去学习了解它的本性。 Learning its nature takes a Iifetime of study.
我不会失去你。 不会把你给他们。 I will not Iose you. Not to them.
那些人是敌人，Astrid。 Those people are the enemy, Astrid.
- 探视时间已经结束。 - 给我写信。 - Visiting hours are over. -Write to me.
-时间到了。 -写信给我... -Time' s up. -Write to me...
-...至少每星期一次。 -我爱你。 -...at Ieast once a week. -I Iove you.
我是唯一你知道可以保持你的诚实的人。 I' m the only person you know who can keep you honest.
-好吗？ -好的。 -Okay?. -Okay.
别忘了你是谁，Astrid。 Don' t forget who you are, Astrid.
你是我的女儿，你是完美的， 记住了吗？ You're my daughter and you're perfect, remember?.
那儿离这多远？ How far away is it?.
大概一英里，也许两英里。 About a mile. Maybe two.
我们要收拾好准备走吗？ Shouldn't we pack up and go?.
不，还不用。风向对我们还有利。 No, not yet. The wind's still in our favor.
我妈妈过去很喜欢火灾季节。 My mother used to Iove fire season.
她让我决定我们是否该走。 She made me decide what I'd take if we had to go.
她说如果我够勇敢， 我什么也不用做。 She said if I was brave, I wouldn't take anything.
你母亲听起来很坚强。 Your mother sounds tough.
不像你。 Not Iike you.
我怎么样？ What am I Iike?.
你？你是个甜心。 You?. You're a sweetheart.
Astrid，亲爱的？ Astrid, honey?.
Astrid？ Astrid?.
你能进来一会儿吗？ You come on in here a minute?.
坐吧，我又不会咬人。 Well, sit down. I won't bite.
你在这过得愉快，是吗？ 像在家里一样，感觉舒适吗？ You having fun here, aren't you?. Making yourself at home, getting comfortable?.
我要说舒服得有点过头了。 Little too comfortable, I'd say.
我也许不是个天才，但是我了解你的把戏。 而且这让人了解另一个人。 I might not be a genius, but I get your game. And it takes one to know one.
-什么？ -老是在边上转来转去... -One what?. -AIways hanging around...
...动他的工具。 “这是干什么用的， Ray？我能帮你吗？” ...handling his tools. ""What's this for, Ray?. Can I help you?. ""
我们什么也没做。 We're not doing anything.
我要打电话给儿童服务中心。 I'm calling Children's Services.
-这结束了。 -但是-- -It's all over. -But--
不要跟我说"但是"。 Don't "" but"" me.
他是个男人，他注意他所看到的， 而且他会做他所能做的。 He is a man. And he sees what he sees, and he does what he can.
我在这过得很愉快。 I've got a nice thing going here.
Ray是我遇到过最好的人。 Ray's the best man I ever had.
我住得太久也走得太远， 以至于现在毁了它。 And I've Iived too Iong and come too far to blow it now.
我从小就没有父亲。 I never had a father....
别说这个。 Don't.
我需要操心我自己和我的孩子。 我们很难理解对方。 I've got myself and my kids to worry about. We hardly know each other.
我什么也不欠你。 I don't owe you a thing.
-主会给我一个机会。 -我不是主，和主也不亲近。 -Jesus would give me a chance. -Well, I'm not Jesus. Not even close.
他会生气。 He might be mad...
...如果他知道你把我送走， 只是因为你嫉妒。 ...if he knew you sent me away because you were jealous.
你想要把它变成一个囚犯。 他会恨你的。 You're trying to make him a prisoner. He's gonna hate you.
你知道什么？ What do you know?.
我知道男人不喜欢想要占有他们的女人。 I know that men don't Iike women who try to own them.
我喜欢你，我喜欢这些孩子们。 我不会做任何事去毁了它。 I Iike you. I Iike the kids. I would never do anything to screw it up.
你发誓你对他不感兴趣？ You swear you're not interested in him?.
我向上帝发誓。 I swear to God.
-在那儿，你看到了吗？ -我不知道。 -There. Did you see it?. -I'm not sure.
-看到什么了吗？ -这才开始。 -See anything yet?. -It's just starting.
但我们很快就会看到一小时内40个了。 But we should be getting 40 an hour soon.
象限仪座流星雨是时间最短的流星雨， 但是是最稠密的。 The Quadrantid is the shortest meteorite shower, but the densest.
除了英仙座流星雨。 Except for the Perseids.
你和Starr，你们吵架了吗？ You and Starr, you having a beef?.
没有。 No.
为什么？ Why?.
只是她说了一些东西。 Just something she said.
我想要长大很难... I guess it's hard getting older...
...漂亮女孩在屋子里出现。 ...pretty girl coming up in the house.
Ray，亲爱的？ 你在外面干什么？ Ray, honey?. What are you doing out here?.
没什么，宝贝。 只是抽支烟。 Nothing, baby. Just having a smoke.
看那些星星。 Looking at the stars.
只是40美元 又不是每个月40美元。 And this is $40, not even $40 a month.
-四十美元就是四十美元。 -你一晚上浪费了200美元。 -Forty dollars is $40. -You waste $200 in one night.
-你每个星期都这样。 -我上星期赢了。 -You've been doing it weekly. -I won Iast week.
你还能用钱做其他什么事， Ray？ What else are you doing with the money, Ray?.
-你甚至不看我。 -我正看着你。 -You can't even Iook at me. -I'm Iooking right at you.
你没有，你买了车。 You weren't. And you've got your car out there.
天知道你在那上面花了多少。 God knows what you spend on that.
我用的是自己的钱。 That comes out of my pocket.
-别毁了这个。 -毁了什么？ -Don't ruin this. -Ruin what?.
今天凌晨你到三点了还没回来。 You didn't come in till 3:00 in the morning.
-我和John在一起。 -她又喝酒了。 -I was with John. -She's drinking again.
还有谁？ 我看到你在盯着她。 And who else?. I saw you eyeing her.
我以为你们都去看电影了。 Thought you all were going to a movie.
我有很多作业要做。 I had a Iot of homework.
-你怎么不玩牌了？ -游戏取消了。 -How come you aren't playing poker?. -The game got cancelled.
-他们很快会回来吗？ -不会太久。 -They coming home soon?. -Not too Iong.
如果你想要， 这里有足够的食物。 Well, there's plenty of food if you want.
谢谢。 Thanks.
这是不对的。 This isn't right.
其他人都走了吗？ Is everyone gone?.
-这是我的事！这是我的房子！ -这不是！ -It is my business! This is my house! -It is not!
-从我房间滚出去！ -你要遵从我定下的规矩！ -Get out of my room! -You abide by the Iaws I put down!
我不会走的！我要在这里等你。 我要知道你和谁在一起！ I am not gonna get out! I waited up for you. I want to know who you were with!
别跟我废话。 你喝太多了。 Don't give me your shit. You stayed up to drink.
-我在这等着你，你这个荡妇。 -你要知道。 -I stayed up to catch you, you whore! -You should know.
再试一次， 我会把你打出去，婊子。 Try it again, I'II take you out, bitch.
Carolee!！你走出那扇门， 就不要再回来了。 Carolee! You walk out that door, don't you bother coming back.
见鬼，我为什么要回来？ 我和你在一起受够了，妈妈。 Why the hell would I want to?. I've been down this road with you before, Mom.
对不起，Davey。 我再也忍受不了了。 Sorry, Davey. I can't go through this again.
Carolee。 Carolee.
在你注意那个婊子以前你喜欢这样的， 承认吧，杂种！ You used to Iike it before you started doing that bitch. Admit it, bastard!
-你在和她鬼混！ -你需要打电话给你的保证人。 -You're screwing her! -You need to call your sponsor.
-去他的保证人！ -回到床上去。 -Screw my sponsor! -Go back to bed.
我早该把她赶走。 知道我要做什么吗？ I should've gotten rid of her. Know what I'm gonna do?.
我要进去兑现她的支票。 I'm gonna go in there and cash her check.
嗨， Starr。 Starr。嗨， Starr！ 把枪给我。 Hey, Starr. Starr. Hey! Starr! Give me that gun.
-你出什么鬼问题了？ -滚开！ -What the hell is wrong with you?. -Get off!
Starr! Starr! Starr! Starr!
滚开，他妈的！ 别碰我！ Get off of me, goddamn it! Get off of me!
不，Ray！该死的，Ray。 别动我！ No, Ray! Goddamn it, Ray. Get off of me!
不， 不要哭，我们不要那样， 我们是维京人，记得吗？ No, don't cry. We're not like that. We're the Vikings, remember?
Astrid?你能和我说话吗？ Astrid? Astrid? Can you talk to me? Astrid?
Astrid?你能和我说话吗？Astrid 和我说话，你能和我说话吗？ Astrid?. Can you talk to me?. Astrid. Talk to me. Can you talk to me?.
她恢复知觉了。 这男孩救了她的命。 是她打电话给911的... She's coming around. This boy saved your Iife. If he hadn't called 91 1...
-...你差点就死了。 -谁对你做了这些， Astrid？ -...you'd be dead. -Who did this to you, Astrid?.
-谁开枪打你的？ -我不知道。 -Who shot you?. -I don't know.
嗨，注意你的脚。 Hey, watch your feet.
-好的，给我毯子。 -知道了。 -Okay, rug. -Got it.
-Ray在哪里， Davey？ -他走了，他们俩都走了。 -Where's Ray, Davey?. -He's gone. They're both gone.
对不起。 真得很对不起，是我毁了这一切。 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I ruined it.
没关系， 这迟早要发生的。 Doesn't matter. Something would have.
再见， Astrid. Bye, Astrid.
好的，有个台阶。 Okay. One step.
-Davey. -我们接到你了， Astrid. -Davey. -We got you, Astrid.
好的，小心。 Okay, step.
我们接到她了。 We got her.
没事了，我们救了你了。 It's okay. We got you.
我们要找一个长久的地方， 但是我们现在没有足够多的孩子。 We'd prefer to find a permanent place, but we have so many children right now.
你会在 McKinney Hall受到特殊照顾 You need special attention, which you'II get at McKinney Hall.
他们有各种为孩子设置的活动。 They have all sorts of activities for kids.
你死定了，婊子！ 你听到我说的吗？你死定了！ You're dead, bitch! You hear me?. You're dead.
你再也不要看我男朋友一眼， 你听到了吗？ Don't ever Iook at my boyfriend again. You hear me?.
你要是看我男朋友， 你就死定了。 You Iook at my boyfriend, you're dead!
下次你和你的朋友要是再对我动手， 我会在你睡觉的时候割断你的喉咙。 Next time you and your friends jump me, I'II cut your throats when you're sleeping.
-你想干什么？ -我在看你的画。 -What do you want?. -I was Iooking at your picture.
很不错。 It's good.
画的是谁？ Who is it?.
-你为什么剪了头发？ -不关你的事。 -How come you chopped off your hair?. -None of your business.
-你还是很漂亮。 -我对外表不感兴趣。 -You're still beautiful. -Looks don't interest me.
那对你来说很简单， 你从来都很漂亮。 That's easy for you to say. You've never been ugly.
看那，这就是puta。 她现在真丑。 Look. It's the puta. She's so ugly now.
你一点也不丑。 You're not ugly.
你在信里好像很惊讶 我在这里还是这么漂亮。 You write as if you're surprised to find me still beautiful even here.
我们的美来自于我们的力量。 Our beauty is our power, our strength.
我们可以用力量来改变自己， 来放松自己。 We can't allow them to change us, to lessen us.
我永远不会让它满足， 你也不能。 I will never grant them that satisfaction and neither should you.
这是你第一次来到Mac？ So is this your first time in Mac?.
没错，你很不友好。 Figured. You're so unfriendly.
-没有朋友生活会更容易。 -也许，我喜欢在这。 -Life's easier without friends. -Maybe. I Iike it here.
这里比领养家庭要好。 这里的地上你可以摔倒。 It's better than being in a foster home. It's the floor you can't fall below.
-那是什么？ -一封信。 -What's that?. -A Ietter.
-谁写的？ -我妈妈。 -From who?. -My mother.
-她在哪里？ -监狱里。因为谋杀罪。 -And where is she?. -In prison. For murder.
-你父亲呢？ -不认识那家伙。 -And your father?. -Don't know the guy.
你呢？ How about you?.
他们都是吸毒者。 They were junkies.
我六岁的时候我妈就离开了。 又过了几年我爸也消失了。 She OD'd when I was 6. He disappeared a couple years Iater.
-我出生的时候对海洛因成瘾。 -真的吗？那是什么感觉？ -I was born addicted to heroin. -Really?. What was that Iike?.
我不知道。 我六个月大的时候被治好了 I don't know. I was out of rehab by the time I was six months old.
那么... So....
-作为交换,你是同性恋吗? -什么? -What's the deal?. Are you gay?. -What?.
我不知道,我从你那里得到这种有趣的感觉. 好象你对男孩不感兴趣. I don't know. I get this feeling from you, Iike you're not interested in guys.
你说对了,我是不感兴趣. You're right. I'm not.
你以为这很有趣吗我对这厌倦了. 我再也不会让你这样做了. You think that's funny?. I'm sick of this. I'm not gonna Iet you do this again.
你为什么不闭嘴? 你跟这没关系. Why don't you shut up?. You're not even in this.
-不要说了. -是她说的这些废话. -Cut it out. -She does this shit.
等我们从车上下来 我要打你屁股. I'II beat your ass. Wait until we get off the van.
-退后. -我要对你不客气了. -Back off. -I'm gonna push you farther.
-如果他们抓到我们会怎么样. -他们会把我们带到McKinney Hall. -What if they catch us?. -They'd put us in McKinney Hall.
-快点. -快啊. -Hurry. -Come on.
赶快啊,快来. Come on, come on.
这家伙这个天才. The guy's a genius.
我刚开始的时候临摹他的东西. 但是... I started out copying his stuff, but no....
我从来没有触及到他。 I could never touch him.
他很棒，但是你比他更棒。 He's great. But you're better.
你疯了。 You're insane.
不，我没有。我的意思是， 他是一个伟大的卡通画家，但你是一个艺术家。 No, I'm not. I mean, he's a great cartoonist, but you're an artist.
这有什么区别？ What's the difference?.
这就像问为什么一个笑话是好笑的。 Well, that's Iike asking why a joke is funny.
它是否好笑。 你是否是一个艺术家。 Either it's funny or it's not. You're either an artist or you're not.
你是的。 You are.
这很难，他们一直都在动。 真不错。 It's hard because they keep moving. That's good.
别看。我还没画完呢。 Don't Iook. I'm not done.
-那边还有一个。你看到了么？ -看到了。 -There's another one. Do you see it?. -Yeah.
基本上整晚都能看到天琴座流星群。 The Lyrids shower is visible most of the night.
那最亮的星星是Vega. The brightest star is Vega.
但你不能一直盯着它看， 否则你会错过其他比较暗淡的流星。 But you can't Iook right at it or you'II miss the fainter meteors.
你可以看到他们回归到天琴座 You can trace them back to Lyra.
你怎么知道这些的？ How do you know all that?.
我小时候就知道了。 A kid I used to know.
我以前曾经在那边的领养家庭生活过。 I used to have a foster home right over there.
住在海边真不错。 It's nice Iiving on the beach.
你想你父亲吗？ Do you ever think about your father?.
不，他是个混蛋。 Not really. He was an asshole.
我有时想我的父亲。 I think about mine sometimes.
当我成为一个艺术家... That when I'm an artist...
...他会在报纸上读到我的新闻， 然后他会想要见我。 ...he'II read about me in the papers and he'II want to meet me.
我不是同性恋。 I'm not gay.
我知道。 I know that.
这是他为我画的另一幅画。 I'II show you the one that he did of me.
在这。 It's right here.
作为它们来说还不错。 They're not bad, for what they are.
作为它们来说？ 它们是什么？ For what they are?. What are they?.
漫画。 Cartoons.
不，它们不是。 No, they're not.
它们要比漫画来得多得多。 我的意思是，他真的很有天赋。 They're so much more than that. I mean, he's really talented.
-别再这样做，Astrid。 -做什么？ -Don't do it again, Astrid. -Do what?.
因为别人给了你一点点注意， 就把自己和他扯上关系。 Attach yourself to anyone who shows you the Ieast bit of attention...
...因为你是孤独的。 ...because you're Ionely.
孤独是人类的状况。 没有人能填补那空虚。 Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space.
你能做的最好的事就是了解你自己。 了解你想要什么。 The best you can do is know yourself. Know what you want.
别让那些畜牲挡你的路。 And don't Iet the cattle get in the way.
你不是在谈论我， 你是在说你自己。 You're not talking about me. You're talking about yourself.
有时我有一种感觉， 你根本就不想让我开心。 Sometimes I get the feeling you don't even want me to be happy.
我为什么要让你不开心呢？ Why wouldn't I want you to be happy?.
-他们要把你送到哪里去？ -我不知道。 -Where are they sending you?. -I don't know.
你看。 Look.
漫画书店会帮我收着信。 The comic book store will hold Ietters for me.
不管他们带你去哪里， 留意那里。 Wherever they take you, keep checking there.
我们为什么要去墨西哥买这些东西？ Why do we have to go to Mexico to buy this stuff?.
药管局没有批准这种药。 It isn't FDA approved.
-那药叫什么？ -DMSO. -What's it called?. -DMSO.
-它是治什么的？ -所有东西。 -What's it for?. -AII sorts of things.
你会喜欢他们的。她是一个演员， 他在电视台工作。 You'II Iike these people. She's an actress and he does something with television.
-他们有孩子吗？ -没有。他们想要收养一个。 -Do they have any kids?. -No. They're Iooking to adopt.
她有过不可思议的艰难的过去。 She's had an incredibly hard time.
她很聪明， 只是缺了太多课。 She's very smart. She's just missed a Iot of school.
-你们不需要马上作出决定。 -好的。 -You don't have to decide immediately. -Okay.
和她谈谈。 Just talk to her.
如果你在任何方面有什么不适， 只要告诉我。 If you're uncomfortable in any way, just Iet me know.
你在这。 There you are.
很抱歉，Mark不能在这里见你， 他在Nova Scotia拍片。 I'm really sorry Mark couldn't be here to meet you. He's filming in Nova Scotia.
好吧。 我把这里布置得简朴一点，是为了... Well, this is it. I Ieft it plain on purpose...
...是因为我想，你知道的， 你可以把自己的东西放上去。 ...because I thought that way, you know, you could put your own things up.
-我喜欢Durer的水彩色。 -你知道Durer是谁？ -I Iike the Durer watercolor. -You know who Durer is?.
-我妈妈是个艺术家。 -噢，没错。当然。 -My mother's an artist. -Oh, that's right. Of course.
当然。他们说过了。嗨， 你想要茶还是什么其它东西吗？ Of course. They said that. Hey, Iisten. Do you want some tea or something?.
或者百事可乐。我买了百事可乐。 我不知道你喜欢喝什么，我们有果汁。 Or Pepsi. I bought Pepsi. I didn't know what you'd drink. We have juice.
如果你喜欢，我可以为你调一些果汁。 你喜欢果汁吗？ I could make you a smoothie, if you Iike. Would you Iike a smoothie?.
茶就好了。 Tea is fine.
好了。 我在看，看着， 停住了， 再看.... Okay. I Iook, I Iook. Stop. Look....
然后我就死了。 And now I die.
-你真棒。 -你知道噩梦是什么样的吗？ -You were really good. -Do you know what a nightmare it is?.
我的意思是， 你花了所有时间在准备， 准备了几年... I mean, you spend all this time getting ready, ages getting ready...
...把你拖到了观众前面， 他们只看了你两秒钟... ...drag yourself to this audition. They Iook at you for two seconds...
...然后告诉你你太种族化， 太古典了， 太什么什么的。 ...and tell you that you're too ethnic, or too classic, too something.
太种族化？ Too ethnic?.
那意思是说你肤色太深了。 海有太古典的意思是说你太老了。 It means brunette. And too classic means old.
还有说你太小， 指你的胸部。 And too small, breasts.
-那你为什么还干这个？ -什么？ 放弃演艺事业？ -Why do you do it, then?. -What?. Give up show business?.
快啊！ Come on!
-来，为你第一次在海边跑步干杯。 -再也不要了。 -Well, here. To your first run at the beach. -Never again.
-你肩膀怎么样？你还好吧？ -是的，我很好。 -How's your shoulder?. You okay?. -Yeah. Yeah, it's fine.
你做得真棒。 真的，真的很棒。 No, you did really well. You did really, really well.
你生命中.... What was...
最美好的一天是什么？ ...the best day of your Iife?.
今天。 Today.
-我们等等要干嘛？ -我不知道，你想要干什么？ -What should we do Iater?. -I don't know. What do you want to do?.
游泳？ Swim?.
好啊。 Okay.
噢，我的天啊！ Oh, my God!
他早回来了。 He's back early.
Mark. Mark.
嗨。 Hey.
嗨 。 Hi.
你一定就是Astrid. You must be Astrid.
我们花了三个小时把他带回来。 It took us three hours to get him back.
整个电影摄制组都在那里。 他还是很害怕。 The whole film crew's in there. He still almost chickens out.
我想他以为那还会再回来 把他干掉。 I think he thought it was gonna come back and finish him off.
-如果是你你会怎么做？ -我会蹲下。 -What would you have done if it had?. -Ducked.
好了。 Come on.
好了。我们开饭啦。 Okay, here we go.
太好了，就放在这。 谢谢。 Perfect. Just, just right there. Thanks.
-干杯。 -干杯。 -Well, cheers. -Cheers.
干杯，Astrid. Cheers, Astrid.
我们有事做了。 So we've got some catching up to do.
CIaire告诉我你是个艺术家。 CIaire tells me you're quite an artist.
-实际上不是.... -她真棒。 -Not really.... -She's wonderful.
实际上，Tricia Day 接受了 Astrid 的一幅水彩画。 In fact, Tricia Day accepted Astrid for one of her watercolor classes.
-在博物馆？ -她很喜欢 Astrid的作品。 -At the museum?. -She Ioves Astrid's work.
你该给他看看。 You should show him.
它们真的非常非常很漂亮。 They're really, really beautiful.
她甚至没有学过画画， 她都是自学的。 She's never even studied. She's self-taught.
是么？ Is that right?.
她还好吧？ Is she all right?.
-我知道你是完美的。 -我不是完美的。 -I know you're perfect. -I'm not perfect.
你当然是。 你是我的女儿。 Of course you are. You're my daughter.
嗨。 Hey.
-你还好吧？ -是的，只是在想事情。 -Are you okay?. -Yeah. Just thinking.
-你收到我的信了吗？ -是的。 -Are you getting my Ietters?. -Yes.
-我不能确定。 -我收到了。 -I can never be sure. -I get them.
为什么她没有孩子？ Why doesn' t she have any children?.
她不能生育。 She can't have them.
你现在穿得像她了。 You dress Iike her now.
她带我去购物。 She takes me shopping.
她丈夫怎么样？ What's her husband Iike?.
他人很好。 He's nice.
经常外出。 He's gone a Iot.
那你大部分时间都是和CIaire在一起？ So you spend most of your time with CIaire?.
是的。 Yeah.
我想见见她。 I'd Iike to meet her.
为什么？ Why?.
因为你不想让我见她。 Because you don't want me to.
这过去是属于谁的？ Who did this belong to?.
是我父亲那边的大姑姑的。 That was my great aunt's on my father's side.
她是基督教青年励志会的战地护士。 非常，非常勇敢的一个女人。 She was a field nurse at Ypres. Very, very brave woman.
这很漂亮，是吗？ It's pretty, isn't it?.
-这以前又是谁的？ -是我母亲的。 -And whose was this?. -It was my mother's.
我父亲给她的。 我父母是完全不可分离的。 My father gave it to her. My parents were completely inseparable.
一点也不像Mark和我。 Not at all Iike Mark and I.
当他要长时间里开的时候 我真的很讨厌这个。 I hate it when he has to go away for so Iong.
-你为什么不和他一起去呢？ -她说那会拖累他。 -Why don't you go with him?. -He says it slows him down.
-我想是因为他有外遇了。 -她不会有外遇的。 -I think it's because he's having an affair. -He wouldn't have an affair.
他爱你。 He Ioves you.
是啊，我知道。但如果她有外遇， 我永远也不会知道的。 Yeah, I know. If he did, I would never know about it.
你只是在妄想。 You're just being paranoid.
是啊，他也是这样说的。 那很消极。 Yeah, that's what he says. That can be very negative.
-我能把它放这吗？ -可以，很好的。 -Should I put this here?. -Yeah, perfect.
里面都准备好了吗？ Everything ready inside?.
-你明天要走吗？ -是的，明天早上。 -You're Ieaving tomorrow?. -In the morning.
我打赌Claire会很想和你一起去。 I bet CIaire would Iove to go with you.
调整我们的时间表是很难的。 Coordinating our schedules is difficult.
她不用工作。 我的意思是说，她可以按你的安排调整。 She's not working. I mean, she could fit into yours.
那你呢？ 她不是要在这陪你吗？ What about you?. Doesn't she need to be here for you?.
是的。 Yeah.
我不在的这几天她怎么样？ 她还好吧？ How is she these days, when I'm gone?. She okay?.
她很好。 She's fine.
-你为什么问这个？ -没有原因。 -Why do you ask?. -No reason.
你更早回来了。 You're back early.
你母亲给你写信有多久了？ How Iong has my mother been writing you?.
不太久。 我们只是有时写写信。 Not Iong. We've only written to each other a couple of times.
-你为什么不告诉我呢？ -她叫我不要告诉你。 -Why didn't you tell me?. -She asked me not to.
她想你不会喜欢这样。 Well, she thought that you wouldn't Iike it.
她的信很有力量。 Her Ietter was so powerful.
她很坚强。 She's so strong.
天哪， 她很有才华。 And God, she's talented.
我们想要见面。 We'd Iike to meet.
这是谁的主意？ Whose idea was that?.
我的。 Mine.
我就是这样想。 I bet.
-你知道，我真的很喜欢你的工作。 -你看到了什么？ -You know, I really Iove your work. -What have you seen?.
Astrid 给我看过了那些抽象拚贴画。 Astrid showed me the collages...
...还有一些目录里收藏的你早期的作品。 ...and some of your earlier work in the catalogues.
噢，我很喜欢那个人造偏光板的作品。 Oh, I Iove the Polaroid installation.
真的吗？为什么？ Really?. Why?.
我不知道。 I don't know.
因为.... Well, because....
因为它非常棒。 Well, because it's great.
-我个人非常视觉化。 -一个有同类的精灵。 -I'm actually very visual myself. -A kindred spirit.
你在这创作一定很艰难。 It must be difficult for you to work here.
是啊。 我花了太多时间在拒绝求爱上。 It is. I spend so much time fighting off sexual advances...
...我很难有时间去思考。 ...I hardly have time to think.
那是一个笑话。 That was a joke.
-囚犯的幽默有时很难理解。 -抱歉。 -Jailbird humor is hard to get sometimes. -Sorry.
那， 你是个演员。 So, you're an actress.
-真诱人。 -不，我的职业是个灾难。 -So glamorous. -No, my career is a disaster.
我想是这个过程。 你知道的，也许对我来说太痛苦。 I think it's the process. It, you know, may be too painful for me.
你是个很敏感的人， 这.... You're such a sensitive person, it's....
因为你的自尊，拒绝变得很难。 AII that rejection has gotta be hard on your self-esteem.
我是个典型的双鱼座的人， 但那也是为什么Astrid和我相处得那么好。 I'm a typical Pisces, but that's why Astrid and I get on so well.
天蝎座和双鱼座的人都能理解对方。 Scorpio and Pisces understand each other.
你有研究占星术吗？ You're into astrology?.
她没有研究占星术， 这只是因为她知道我们的星座。 She's not into astrology just because she knows our signs.
Astrid 和我过去也很理解对方。 Astrid and I used to understand each other.
但是她变得更秘密了。 But she's become so secretive.
Astrid 一点也没有秘密。 我们向来什么都谈。 Astrid isn't secretive at all. We talk about everything, all the time.
我们都爱她。 We just Iove her.
她做得很好。 She's doing so well.
她很让人骄傲... She's on the honor roll...
...我们只想让她成绩能升上去。 ...and we're just working to keep that old grade point average up.
在他书桌上放一个金字塔。 这有助于提高记忆。 Put a pyramid over her desk. It improves memory.
-我的记忆力很好。 -金字塔？我从没有想过。 -My memory's fine. -A pyramid?. I hadn't thought of that.
虽然我有学一点风水。 I do practice feng shui, though.
你在信里从没提起过。 You never mentioned that in your Ietters.
你丈夫怎么样？ 她对风水也有研究吗？ How about your husband?. Is he into feng shui as well?.
不，他经常出远门。 No, he's into frequent flier miles.
一半的时间他都是在外面的。 He's gone half the time.
你知道吗，那并不是很糟。 而且现在我有了Astrid.... That's not so bad, you know?. And now that I have Astrid....
她对你一定是一个很大的安慰... She must be a great comfort to you...
...不能有自己的孩子。 ...not being able to have children of your own.
是的。 她是的。 Yeah. Yeah. She is.
宝贝，你不介意让我们独自谈一会儿吧？ Would you mind Ietting us talk alone, sweetie?.
一些大人的事情。 Grown-up things.
-我们要走吗？ -不，没关系。 -Don't we have to go?. -No, it's okay.
我们有时间。 We have time.
爱情侮辱了你。 Love humiliates you.
仇恨使你成熟。 Hatred cradles you.
这使人宽心。 It's soothing.
你和她说了什么？ What did you say to her?.
她和她丈夫之间有问题。 She's having trouble with her husband.
那不是你，是吗？ 我知道你对成年男人有一种吸引力。 It's not you, is it?. I know you have an attraction for older men.
不，那不是我。 No, it's not me.
-你不要干涉她。 -但是这很有趣。 -You Ieave her alone. -But it's such fun.
简单，但是有趣。 Easy, but fun.
在目前的状况下， 我会尽可能的寻找快乐。 In my present situation I have to get fun where I can.
天啊，你怎么能和可怜的CIaire一起生活？ God, how can you stand to Iive with poor CIaire?.
你知道吗？ 她有一个完整的计划。 Did you know there's an entire order called the Poor CIares?.
她是一个真诚的好人。 She is a genuinely nice person.
你不知道那是什么。 You don't know what it's been Iike.
-如果你爱我，你应该帮助我。 -帮助你？ -If you Iove me, you'II help me. -Help you?.
和她在一起， 我宁愿看到你在最糟糕的收养家庭里。 I would rather see you in the worst kind of foster hell than Iiving with that woman.
你能从她那里学到什么？ What can you possibly Iearn from her?.
如何艺术地渴望。 How to pine artistically?.
27个催人落泪的名字。 Twenty-seven names for tears?.
我所能说的... AII I can say is...
...只是收拾好你的东西。 ...keep your bags packed.
我不喜欢这样。 我像是一个陌生人在我自己的房子里。 I don't feel Iike it. I'm a stranger in my own house.
你住在这， 我只是偶尔在这。 You Iive here and I stay here once in a while.
-也许你能再多付出一些。 -付出。 -Maybe if you gave a Iittle bit. -I give.
为什么我不能为她付出？ 为什么我不能在这里？ Why can't I give to her, why can't I be here?.
-因为我要工作！应为我有一个职业。 -那不公平。 -Because I work! Because I have a job. -That's not fair.
我给了你要求的一切， 那就够了。 I give you everything you ask for and it's not enough.
不，不是一切， 不是一切。 No, not everything. Not everything.
你答应过事情会有改变的。 You promised things would change.
-Mark,，我在试 ，你知道我在尝试。 -尝试并不够好。 -Mark, I'm trying, you know I'm trying. -Trying's not good enough.
你在崩溃。 我们又回到了开始的地方。 You're falling apart. We are back to where we started.
这还没有解决， 我像我们应该把她送回去。 It is not working out and I think we should send her back.
你不能仅仅把她送回去。 You can't just send her back.
-她要到哪里去？ -他们会找某个地方。 -Where's she gonna go?. -They'II find someplace.
你要把她送走？ 你把一切都带走了，不是吗？ You're gonna send her away?. You take everything away, don't you?.
-你什么都没有为我留下。 -上帝啊，你真是个差劲的演员。 -You just Ieave me with nothing. -Jesus Christ, you are such a bad actress.
我都快要忘了。 I really almost forgot.
好吧，好吧。 Okay, okay.
好的，我会把她送回去，好吗？ 我们可以试试。 AII right, I'II send her back, okay?. We can try that.
只是不要走，好吗？ 只是不要离开我。 Just don't go, okay?. Just don't Ieave me.
我有工作，CIaire,， 我不像你，知道吗？ Unlike you, CIaire, I work. Remember?.
她会和你在一起， 你的女朋友？ And she going with you, your girlfriend?.
我和她在一起， CIaire。 I've had it with this, CIaire.
我已经有了。 I've really had it.
Astrid?. Astrid?.
Astrid. Astrid.
Astrid，不要这样。 Astrid, please.
CIaire?. CIaire?.
你醒着么？ Are you awake?.
很抱歉。 I'm sorry.
你还好吗？ Are you all right?.
是的。 Yeah.
听我的建议， 不要靠近分手的人。 Take my advice. Stay away from broken people.
你不能把我送回去。 You can't send me back.
她不会回来了，Astrid. He's not coming back, Astrid.
他要和我离婚。 He's gonna divorce me.
你知道吗，CIaire， 这并不是最坏的事。 You know, CIaire, it wouldn't be the worst thing.
我很冷。 I'm cold.
真的很冷。 Real cold.
来这里，过来和我在一起。 Here. Get in here with me.
来吧。 Come on.
好的。 Okay.
和我在一起，好吗？ Stay with me, okay?.
和我在一起，拜托了。 Stay with me, please.
CIaire. CIaire.
CIaire,醒醒！ CIaire! CIaire, wake up! CIaire!
天啊！ God!
CIaire,不要这样。 CIaire, please.
不！ No!
Astrid. Astrid.
怎么了？ What is it?.
我被送回Mac了。 I'm back in Mac.
-他们没告诉你吗？ -没有。 -Didn't they tell you?. -No.
CIaire死了。 CIaire's dead.
她自杀了。 She killed herself.
-我很遗憾。 -不，你没有。 -I'm sorry. -No, you're not.
-你也毒害了她，用你的语言。 -我只是告诉她已经知道的事。 -You poisoned her too, but with words. -I told her what she already knew.
你只是嫉妒。 You were just jealous.
我当然嫉妒了。 我和一个女人一起生活在一个囚室里... Of course I was jealous. I Iive in a cell with a woman...
...她连字都认不全。 ...who has a vocabulary of 25 words.
你认为他们为什么要收养你？ Why do you think they got you?.
建立一个完美的家庭？ 人们生孩子就是为了这个。 To create a perfect family?. People get babies for that.
而不是让孩子从枪伤中痊愈。 Not teenagers recovering from bullet wounds.
你看到她自杀， 不要以为这是她第一次尝试。 You were on suicide watch. Don't think it's the first time she tried it.
这是是第一次成功罢了。 It's just the first time she pulled it off.
我不会再回来了。 I'm not coming back.
我再也不会和你说话了。 I wanted to tell you that in person.
我要让你独自一个人呆在这里。 I'm gonna Ieave you here, alone.
我知道你认为我很残酷。 I know you think I'm cruel.
我只是想保护你不受那些人伤害。 I'm trying to protect you from those people.
那些人并不是敌人。 妈妈。我们才是。你和我。 Those people are not the enemy, Mother. We are. You and me.
他们没有伤害我们。 是我们伤害了他们。 They don't hurt us. We hurt them.
你还在逃避我吗？ You still ignoring me?.
星期六我就18岁了。 我打算去纽约。 I turn 1 8 Saturday. I'm going to New York.
我想你和我一起去。 I want you to come with me.
我不能。 I can't.
你当然可以。 只是离开这里。 Sure you can. Just Ieave.
是因为你母亲吗？ Is it your mother?.
不要这样。 Come on.
我找到了一份工作。我们会有地方住的。 我们会像以前说得那样生活。 I'II get a job. We'II find a place to Iive. We'II be Iike we always talked about.
我不想去纽约。 我不想和你在一起。 I don't wanna go to New York. I don't wanna be with you.
她和我们在一起生活了三年。 但是她父母后来把她带回去了。 She was with us for three years. Her parents took her back.
我们想你会喜欢和我们在一起的。 We think you'd really Iike it with us.
我们家附近有很多和你年纪一样的小孩。 There are Iots of kids your age in our neighborhood.
抱歉。 Excuse me.
别担心。 她只是最近生活得很艰难。 Look. Don't worry about it. She's had a very hard time recently.
让我和她谈谈，好吗？ Let me just go talk to her, okay?. You're doing fine.
这次怎么了？ So, what's wrong this time?.
对于他们来说我年龄太大了。 I'm too old for them.
你看，Greenway一家很好。 Look, the Greenways are great.
他们有不错的房子， 准备了一间卧室给你。 They've got a nice house with an extra bedroom for you.
他们都信教。 They go to church.
那里的学校也不错。 Schools are good.
他们不抽烟， 自己酿造啤酒。 They don't smoke. He makes his own beer.
我想要她。 I want her.
工人们，起床啦。 Workers of the world, arise.
你们再不起床就要错过赚钱，吃早餐了。 You've got nothing to Iose but Visa card, Happy Meal, and Kotex with wings.
天啊，星期四了。 Christ, Thursday.
-嗨，懒虫们，要抽烟吗？ -我怀孕了，要戒烟，Rena。 -Hey, Iazy cows, you want smoke?. -I quit for the baby, Rena.
为什么？你不抽了，感谢上帝。 Why?. You don't keep it, thank God.
嗨，你呢？拉拉队长。 你要抽烟吗？ Hey, you, cheerleader. You want smoke?.
俄罗斯香烟，不会致癌的。 Russian cigarettes. No cancer.
衣服。 CIothes.
-这颜色真不错。 -真华丽。 -That really is a nice color. -It's gorgeous.
-这衣服是什么质地的？ -我不知道。 -What's it made of?. -I don't know.
你为什么不试穿上看看怎么样呢？ Why don't you just try it on and see how you Iook?.
-真得不错。 -好的，谢谢。 -It's really nice. -Okay, thank you.
嘿，这是我的衣服。 这些都是我的。 Hey, that's my dress. These are all mine.
那又怎么样？它们可以卖好价钱。 你又需要哪些昂贵的衣服干什么呢？ So?. You get good price for them. What do you need expensive clothes for?.
-你想当明星吗？ -那是别人送我的。 -Melrose Place call you to be a star?. -Someone gave them to me.
那就更好了。纯赚了。 这就是为什么我这么喜欢这个国家。 Even better. AII profit. That' s why I Iove this country.
因为它和我一样爱钱。 Because it Ioves money Iike I Iove money.
-嗨，你出价吧。我抽成25% -不。 -Hey. You make a price, I take 25%. -No.
什么？你想自己一个人卖吗？ What, you think you're gonna sell it all by yourself?.
我为摊位，库存，煤气付钱，他们为你付钱。 你又付钱给我。 你还是赚的。 I pay for stall, storage, gas. They pay you, you pay me. You still make profit.
嗨。 Hey.
送这些东西给你的人已经死了， 她不会在意的。过去的就已经过去了。 Dead person who give you thing don't care. The past is gone.
伤感是愚蠢的。 只有赚钱才是明智的。 Sentimental is stupid. It's smart to make money.
没有定价。20美元怎么样？ There's no price. How about $20?.
那是Marc Jacobs牌的衣服。 只穿过一次。 It's a Marc Jacobs dress. It's been worn once.
-50怎么样？ -100。 -Fifty?. -A hundred.
谢谢，我们走吧。 Thank you. Let's go.
-昨晚怎样？ -很有趣。 -How was Iast night?. -It was fun.
-是吗？ -你昨晚在干什么？ -Yeah?. -What'd you do?.
-看电视。 -你们昨晚和谁在一起？ -Watched TV. -Who were you with Iast night?.
-你知道我看到谁了吗？ -谁？ -You know who I saw?. -Who?.
我看到 Danny了。 I saw Danny.
-你不认为Astrid会喜欢他吗？ -不。 -Don't you think Astrid would Iike him?. -No.
Astrid?. Astrid?.
-我是Hannah. 她是 Julie. -你好。 -I'm Hannah. This is Julie. -Hi.
我们去过你的家了。 那位女士说你也许在这里， 所以... We went to your house. The Iady said you'd be here, so....
我们见过你母亲了。 We visit your mother.
她是我们进行的女性研究的课题。 She's our project in Women's Studies.
-她想要干嘛？ -不是她叫我们来的。 -What does she want?. -She didn't send us.
我们是自己来的。 We came on our own.
她叫我们把这个邀请函给你， 她在Bergamot的作品展。 She asked us to mail you the interview, her show at Bergamot.
我们认为可以把这个给你， 看看也许-- We thought we could deliver it and see if maybe--
-是这个吗？ -是的。 -Is that it?. -Yeah.
失陪。 Excuse me.
-你们谈论什么？ -什么都谈。艺术，音乐... -What do you talk about?. -AII kinds of things. Art, music....
她经常谈到你。 She talks about you.
真的吗？ Really?.
她说了什么？ What does she say?.
嗯，她说你在一个... Well, that you're in a--
你知道的，一个收养家庭。 You know, fostered.
对发生的这些，她真的感觉很糟。 Look, she feels really terrible about what's happened.
那你认为你能来干什么？ 收养我吗？ So you thought you'd come out and what?. Adopt me?.
你们认为她没有杀人， 是吗？ You don't think she killed him, do you?.
有些事你们应该知道。 Something you should know.
那是她干的， 那时我在场。 She did. I was there.
夹竹桃是有毒的。 我不知道人们为什么还要种植它。 Oleander's poisonous. I don't know why people grow it.
-快开门！ -你没有这个权力！ -Open the door! -How dare you?. You have no right!
他们不能拘留我的。 别担心，我一小时内会回来。 They can' t keep me. Don't worry, I'II be back in an hour!
画的是谁？ Who is that?.
我不知道。 I don't know.
-你一直都在画她。 -我想她的名字是Annie. -You draw her all the time. -I think her name was Annie.
她是我记忆中的某人， 我记不得她到底是谁了。 She's someone I remember. I don't know who she was.
注意了，伙计们。 Check it out, you guys.
Rodeo Drive 的难民。 Rodeo Drive refugee.
请问你是Rena Gruschenko吗？ Excuse me, are you Rena Gruschenko?.
是Gruschenka。如果你是移民局的， 我已经有绿卡了。 Gruschenka. If you come from INS, I have a green card.
我在这鬼地方找你找了好久了。 I have been all over this junkyard Iooking for you.
你一定就是 Astrid.我是Susan Valeris, 你母亲的律师。 You must be Astrid. I'm Susan Valeris, your mother's Iawyer.
抽烟吗？ Cigarette?.
-不知道为什么我一直都戒不掉。 -我知道。 -Don't know why I never quit. -I do.
囚犯们都抽烟。 你可以给他们一支。 AII the prisoners smoke. You can offer them one.
对于你没有退学， 你母亲觉得很骄傲。 Your mother's proud of you for not quitting school.
你和快就要毕业了。 你对自己的未来有什么打算吗？ You graduate soon. Are you making any plans for your future?.
是的。我想我要成为一名刑事律师。 Yeah. I thought I'd be a criminal Iawyer.
真的吗？ Really?.
或者当妓女，或者捡垃圾。 Either that or a hooker or garbage collector.
你母亲说过你会很艰难的。 Your mother said you'd be difficult.
-母亲总是最了解。 -你经受了残酷的考验。 -Mother knows best. -You've been through a terrible ordeal.
三个收养家庭，枪击。 收养者的自杀。 Three foster homes, the shooting, the suicide of a foster mother.
我了解你的心情。 I understand you were close.
你问过你的委托人她在这里面的参与吗？ Did you ask your client about her involvement with that?.
你不能因为和她只见过一面的人的死而责备她。 You can't blame her for the death of a woman she met once.
但是我就是要责备她， Susan. But I do blame her, Susan.
那太愤世嫉俗了，Astrid. That's pretty cynical, Astrid.
你想要我在法庭上为她作伪证， 是吗？ You want me to Iie for her in court, is that it?.
你为什么要恨她呢， Astrid?. Why do you hate her, Astrid?.
因为你认为她犯了谋杀罪吗？ Because you think she committed murder?.
还是因为你感觉被遗弃？ Or because you feel abandoned?.
和她谈谈，人是会变的。 Talk to her. People do change.
你应该听听她是怎么谈到你的。 她为你担心。 You should hear the way she talks about you. She worries about you.
她叫我来看看你还需要什么。 She asked me to find out if there's anything you need.
上大学的钱？车子？ Money for college?. Car?.
她还有钱， 只要告诉我你想要什么。 There's money behind her. Just tell me what you want.
你真是个傻女孩。 You are stupid girl.
你为了惩罚母亲， 放弃了金钱。 You walk away from money to punish mother.
你想要买车吗？ You want car?.
你想要去艺术学院吗？ 这都需要钱。 You want art college?. AII costs money.
你对这一点也不懂。 Rena， 不要管这个。 You don't know anything about this, Rena, so just stay out of it.
-无论如何，我为你制定了计划。 -是吗？什么计划？ -I have plan for you, anyway. -Yeah?. What's that?.
Niki很快就要走了。 Niki Ieave soon.
Yvonne 又是个笨女孩。 And Yvonne is stupid girl.
怀了第三个孩子。 Making third baby.
每次她都往窗外看， 看孩子的脸，看孩子离开。 Every time she Iook at the window to see baby's face, baby gone.
然后她就好像很惊讶一样哭起来。 Then she cries Iike it's a big surprise.
但是你， 你是一个不一样的女孩 But you, you're a special girl.
你留在这，当我的助手。 You stay, I make you partner.
留在这？ Stay here?.
怎么了，你有更好的地方去吗？ What, you got better place to go?.
那就去见你的母亲。 Then go see mother.
她需要你。 你也需要她。 She need something from you, you need something from her.
去找她吧。 Go get it.
她来了。 Here she comes.
Astrid，我的天啊！ Astrid, my God!
怎么了，妈妈？ 你不喜欢我的打扮吗？ What's wrong, Mom?. You don't Iike my outfit?.
我会让你们两个独自呆会儿。 I'II Ieave you two alone for a while.
好吧，你要我说什么假话？ 我们没有去墨西哥买DMSO？ So, what's the story?. We didn't go to Mexico to buy DMSO?.
Barry打了你？他强奸了我？ Barry beat you?. He raped me?.
要把他说得多坏你才能出狱？ How bad does he have to be to get you out of jail?.
我不敢相信你怎么了。 等我出去了，我会把你弄好。 I can't believe what's happened to you. When I get out, I'II make it up.
谁说你要出去了？ Who said you're getting out?.
我说我要和你谈谈。 我没说我要干。 I said I'd talk to you. I didn't say I'd do it.
那你想要什么？ Then what do you want?.
我们做一个买卖，一个交易。 I have a deal to make. A trade.
你告诉我实情， 我就替你在法庭上作伪证。 You tell me the truth, I'II Iie for you in court.
-关于什么的实情？ -你不让我知道的一切。 -The truth about what?. -Everything you kept from me.
-如果我不呢？ -那你就要一直在这里呆下去。 -And if I don't?. -Then you can rot in here.
顺便说一句， 我不喜欢你现在的样子。 I hate this Iook, by the way.
你就像汽车旅馆里的一个廉价妓女。 You're a Sunset Boulevard motel, a $20 hooker in the back of a car.
你为什么要杀了Barry？ Why did you murder Barry?.
如果我说了，你就会去作证？ If I submit to this, you'II testify?.
是的。 Yes.
为了自卫。 他想要杀我。 Self-defense. He was killing me.
CIaire 对你并没怎么样。 你为什么要报复她？ CIaire did nothing to you. Why'd you go after her?.
CIaire 报复她自己。 我只是告诉她要怎么去做。 CIaire went after herself. I just showed her how to do it.
我父亲是谁？ Who was my father?.
你为什么老是问这个？ 这是个古老的故事了。 Why do you always ask that?. It's ancient history.
这是我的古老故事。 他是谁？ It's my ancient history. Who was he?.
他的名字叫 KIaus Anders. His name was KIaus Anders.
-他是做什么的？ -他是个艺术家。 -What'd he do?. -He was an artist.
你们怎么认识的？ How did you meet?.
在威尼斯的海边，一个晚会上。 他那时吸了毒。 At Venice Beach, at a party. He had the drugs.
你爱他吗？ Did you Iove him?.
那是很久以前的事了。 我已经不像以前了。 It was a Iong time ago. I'm not the same person.
骗子。你还跟以前一模一样。 回答这个问题。 Liar. You're exactly the same. Answer the question.
你真是个孩子。 拿我的话当真。 You're such a child, taking my propaganda for truth.
直接一点。 你爱他吗？ So set me straight. Did you Iove him?.
我们有很好的性关系。 这超出了其他事情。 We had a very sexual relationship. One overlooks many things.
你崇拜他。 我在你日记里读到过。 You worshipped him. I read it in your journal.
“崇拜”这个词用在这里不合适。 ""Worship"" isn't exactly the word we're Iooking for here.
Annie是谁？ Who is Annie?.
什么？ What?.
谁是Annie，妈妈？ Who is Annie, Mother?.
她是个邻居， 帮别人照看小孩的。 She was a neighbor who took in kids, did people's Iaundry.
-她看起来什么样？ -肤色比较深，卷发，有雀斑。 -What did she Iook Iike?. -Dark, curly hair, freckles.
她有照顾我吗？ Did she take care of me?.
你怎么可能记得这些？ How can you possibly have remembered this?.
这只会伤害你。 It will only hurt you.
设想一下我的生活。 Imagine my Iife for a moment.
我毫无准备的就成了一个母亲。 How unprepared I was to be the mother of a small child.
我需要时间思考， 而你只是想要，想要，想要。 I was used to having time to think and you just wanted, wanted, wanted.
我感觉像是一个人质。 I felt Iike a hostage.
你能了解我是多么的绝望吗？ Can you understand how desperate I was?.
一天下午， 我把你留在了房子里... I dropped you off at her house one afternoon...
...然后和一些朋友去了海边。 ...to go to the beach with some friends.
然后一件事又引出另一件。 And one thing Ied to another.
它们在Ensenada有个地方。 They had a place in Ensenada.
那里非常棒。 It was wonderful.
你想象不到的。 You can't imagine.
在下午打个盹。 To take a nap in the afternoon...
...只要我想， 可以整天做爱而不用去想 ...to make Iove all day if I wanted and not have to think:
Astrid 在干什么？Astrid在哪里？ 没有人一直叫着妈妈，妈妈... What's Astrid doing?. Where's Astrid?. Mommy, Mommy...
...那像一只蜘蛛一样缠着我 ...clinging to me Iike a spider.
最后，我只是想把你扔到墙上。 At the end, I just wanted to throw you against a wall.
你走了多久？ How Iong were you gone?.
一年左右。 About a year.
也许几个月。 Give or take a few months.
-我的天啊。 -你问的事不该问的问题。 -My God. -You're not asking the right question.
别问我为什么离开。 问问我问什么回来。 Don't ask me why I Ieft. Ask me why I came back.
你不该这样做。 You should've been sterilized.
我本可以把你留在那的。 但是我没有。 I could've Ieft you there but I didn't.
你知道吗？ 我做了一次正确的事。 Don't you understand?. For once, I did the right thing.
当我回来的时候， 你认得我， When I came back, you knew me.
你坐在门边。 看着我向我伸出双手。 You were sitting by the door. You Iooked up and you reached for me.
就好像你一直都在等我一样。 It was as if you'd been waiting for me all along.
我一直都在等着你。 那是我生命中不变的。 I was always waiting for you. That's the constant in my Iife.
等着你。 你会回来吗？ Waiting for you. Will you come back?.
你会把我忘在商店里或是公车上吗？ Will you forget that you tied me up in front of a store or Ieft me on a bus?.
-你还在等待吗？ -不。 -Are you still waiting?. -No.
当CIaire是我知道被爱是什么感觉的时候起， 这就结束了。 I stopped when CIaire showed me what it felt Iike to be Ioved.
你是怎么想的？ 我要使你愉快吗？ What did you think?. That I would amuse you?.
孩子就是那样的，妈妈。 That's what babies are Iike, Mother.
你认为我们应该谈论Joseph Brodsky吗？ Did you think we'd talk about Joseph Brodsky?.
我以为KIaus 和我会生活得很愉快。 I thought KIaus and I would Iive happily ever after.
亚当和夏娃在葡萄园里生活。 那时我失去理智了。 Adam and Eve in a vine-covered shack. I was crazy.
-你爱上他了。 -是的。 -You were in Iove with him. -I was, all right?.
我爱上他了。 是孩子使我爱上了他。 I was in Iove with him, baby makes three and all that crap.
那你为什么要离开他？ Then why did you Ieave him?.
-为什么你又要离开他？ -我没有离开他，是他抛弃了我。 -Why did you Ieave him?. -I didn't Ieave him. He Ieft me.
你想知道关于你父亲？ You wanna know about your father?.
在你六个月大的时候， 他为了另一个女人离开了我们。 He Ieft us when you were six months old for another woman.
我再也没有看到过他， 知道你8岁的时候他来看你。 I never saw him again until he came Iooking for you when you were 8.
-他来看我？ -是的。 -He came to see me?. -Yes, he did.
但那太迟了。在他对我做了这些之后， 我为什么要让他看你。 But it was too Iate. Why should I Iet him see you after what he did to me?.
那不是为了你！那是为了我。 我想要见他！ It wasn't about you! It was about me and I wanted to see him!
我一直都想见到他。 那时我的决定，不是你的！ My whole Iife I've wanted to see him. That decision was mine, not yours!
什么事都是你的。 从来就没有关于我的事。 Everything's always been about you, never about me.
我早就知道你要杀了Barry, 但是你都不在乎。 I knew you were gonna kill Barry, but you didn't even care.
你根本就不在乎那对我会有什么影响。 You didn't give a damn about what that would do to me.
我会说Susan想要说的一切。 但是我现在要走了。 I'II say whatever Susan wants, but I gotta go.
你不能就这样离开我。 我生了你。你流着我的血。 You don't just walk away from me. I made you. I'm in your blood.
你不能去任何地方， 除非我让你去。 You don't go anywhere until I Iet you go.
那就让我走。 Then Iet me go.
你看着我， 你并不喜欢你所看到的。 You Iook at me and you don't Iike what you see.
但这就是代价，妈妈。 属于你而需要付出的代价。 But this is the price, Mother. The price of belonging to you.
如果可能，我会让这一切从来。 If I could, I'd take it all back.
我会的。 I would.
那就告诉我你不需要我作证。 Then tell me you don't want me to testify.
告诉我你不要我这样做。 Tell me you don't want me Iike this.
告诉我你会放弃你的余生。 Tell me you would sacrifice the rest of your Iife...
...为了使我变恢复原来的样子。 ...to have me back the way I was.
听着，忘了这吧。交易就是交易。 Listen, forget it. A deal's a deal.
让我们就到这吧。 Let's just Ieave it at that.
抱歉。 也许这会浪费你的时间... Excuse me. It's probably a waste of time...
...但是我在找一个过去常来这的人， 他的名字是Paul Trout. ...but I'm Iooking for someone who used to come here. His name's Paul Trout.
-你是Astrid?. -是的。 -You Astrid?. -Yeah.
他说过你会来的。 He said you'd turn up.
谢谢。 Thanks.
-怎么了？ -不知道。 -What's going on?. -I don't know.
-请问现在是休庭吗？ -不，陪审团都出来了。 -Excuse me. Is it a recess?. -No. Jury's out.
你不需要我作证了？ Don't you need me to testify?.
你母亲告诉我让你独自一个人。 Your mother told me to Ieave you alone.
怎么了？ What happened?.
她让我走了。 She Iet me go.
Paul和我搬到纽约两年后... Two years after Paul and I moved to New York...
...我收到的我妈妈写的一封信。 ...I received a letter from my mother.
里面是洛杉矶时代杂志， 封面上是我妈妈。 In it was the Los Angeles Times Magazine, my mother on the cover.
Santa Monica的一个画廊举办了她的作品展。 A Santa Monica gallery had mounted a showing of her work.
杂志里面有七页... The Times included seven pages...
...是关于她在狱中不懈的创作的。 ...of her hauntingly distant prison collages.
在封面上她向外看着， 囚室的栏杆在她身后。 She stares out from the cover, the bars of her cell behind her.
美丽。 Beautiful.
危险。 Dangerous.
自豪。 Proud.
书里说她就要赢得第一次上诉失败后的又一次复审。 The Times said she was close to winning a retrial after a first failed appeal.
他们说她获得了胜利。 They called her show a triumph.
很难想象她是如何调节忧伤和快乐的时刻... It's too much to imagine her tempering her joy with a moment of grief...
...为那个胜利所付出的时刻。 ...a moment for what that triumph had cost.
这个衣箱是那乡村的写照... These suitcases are a map of that country...
...一个可怕的乡村， 我再也不会去了。 ...a terrible country I will never revisit.
即使这样... Even so...
...我发现我还是想着她... ...I find myself thinking of her...
... 想要感觉那风。 ... wanting to feel that wind.
这是一个秘密的希望... It's a secret wanting...
...像一首我无法停止哼的歌曲... ...Iike a song I can 't stop humming...
...或者爱着你不可能拥有的某人。 ...or loving someone you can never have.
无论她伤害我有多深... No matter how much she 's damaged me...
...无论她有多少缺点... ...no matter how flawed she is...
...我知道我妈妈还是爱着我的。 ...I know my mother loves me.
谢谢观赏
[ENGLISH]