1
00:00:05,504 --> 00:00:08,042
It's about to come, it's about
to come, it's about to come.
2
00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:17,416
In your face, in your hair.
3
00:00:31,597 --> 00:00:33,899
I can't believe you bid
$1200 for this.
4
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:38,244
I have a really good feeling
about this. Trust me.
5
00:00:45,244 --> 00:00:50,648
d Yes, you sure
Bought this all d
6
00:00:50,649 --> 00:00:55,620
d And now you're rollin'
In this heap d
7
00:00:55,621 --> 00:01:00,258
d But you paid You paid d
8
00:01:00,259 --> 00:01:05,997
d You paid for this dirty
Berber rug d
9
00:01:05,998 --> 00:01:09,734
Which isn't actually so bad,
because I think
10
00:01:09,735 --> 00:01:12,742
you can get these stains out
with a little club soda.
11
00:01:16,742 --> 00:01:18,076
This is all worthless.
12
00:01:18,077 --> 00:01:21,581
Keep looking.
We'll find something.
13
00:01:23,581 --> 00:01:24,485
Bingo.
14
00:01:26,485 --> 00:01:29,288
This is ridiculous, Michelle.
It's such a waste of time.
15
00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:31,358
What's that?
16
00:01:33,358 --> 00:01:35,827
"Found footage" that we found.
17
00:01:35,828 --> 00:01:37,661
Wouldn't it be amazing
if it was one of those
18
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:39,862
celebrity sex tapes and
we could sell it for millions?
19
00:01:39,863 --> 00:01:41,667
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
Put it in.
20
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,305
All right.
21
00:01:53,012 --> 00:01:55,880
Carlsbad Police,
what's your emergency?
22
00:01:55,881 --> 00:01:57,148
Five.
23
00:01:57,149 --> 00:01:58,550
Excuse me?
24
00:01:58,551 --> 00:02:01,051
Five.
25
00:02:01,052 --> 00:02:02,487
Five.
26
00:02:02,488 --> 00:02:04,522
Five what, ma'am?
27
00:02:04,523 --> 00:02:10,328
d Five dollar footlong d
28
00:02:10,329 --> 00:02:12,329
Ma'am, what's your emergency?
29
00:02:12,330 --> 00:02:14,232
I'm a man, douche bag.
30
00:02:14,233 --> 00:02:16,899
My voice is altered because
I've got eight demons in me
31
00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:18,635
all taking turns to speak.
32
00:02:18,636 --> 00:02:20,837
- Anyway, I killed five people.
- I'm sorry?
33
00:02:20,838 --> 00:02:24,208
I served them six-inch tuna
subs that I wiped my ass with.
34
00:02:24,209 --> 00:02:25,911
They all died
from toxoplasmosis.
35
00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:28,079
Who?
36
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,716
The entire cast of The Artist,
including that dog Uggie.
37
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:32,083
What?
38
00:02:32,084 --> 00:02:33,984
Send the police, jerk-off.
39
00:02:33,985 --> 00:02:36,922
And if you're hungry, I still
have half a sandwich left.
40
00:02:41,827 --> 00:02:44,861
The Carlsbad community
was leveled by tragedy today
41
00:02:44,862 --> 00:02:46,502
as three clergy members
were found dead.
42
00:02:47,032 --> 00:02:50,201
At 11:47 p.m. in the evening,
43
00:02:50,202 --> 00:02:55,106
there was a call into our office
in a facsimile
44
00:02:55,107 --> 00:03:01,044
saying that there may have been
or might be a murder situation.
45
00:03:01,045 --> 00:03:04,250
But we cannot confirm or deny
that the cast of the film,
46
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:08,752
The Artist, has been murdered
in the basement of this house.
47
00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:14,300
I, myself, am not a fan of
the film. Didn't really get it.
48
00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:23,868
Hi, my name is Dana Rosti,
49
00:03:23,869 --> 00:03:26,537
and we're shooting
a documentary.
50
00:03:26,538 --> 00:03:29,039
Why are you shooting
a documentary?
51
00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,075
Well, when I was 10 years old,
52
00:03:31,076 --> 00:03:34,445
my father murdered some people
in our basement.
53
00:03:34,446 --> 00:03:36,914
And I just found out
that he murdered them
54
00:03:36,915 --> 00:03:39,984
while an exorcism
was being performed.
55
00:03:39,985 --> 00:03:41,485
On him.
56
00:03:41,486 --> 00:03:43,086
By clowns.
57
00:03:43,087 --> 00:03:45,055
Without his pants.
58
00:03:45,056 --> 00:03:48,595
I'm sorry,
can we stop for a second?
59
00:03:49,595 --> 00:03:52,095
After six months
of going to trial,
60
00:03:52,096 --> 00:03:53,666
my dad was proven not guilty
61
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:57,501
based on insanity,
but I didn't believe that.
62
00:03:57,502 --> 00:03:59,740
Wait a minute.
63
00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:05,643
Yeah! Ragh! Ragh!
64
00:04:05,644 --> 00:04:08,446
It's the Olympics. Whoo!
65
00:04:08,447 --> 00:04:12,450
Oh! Hello. Ugh!
66
00:04:14,353 --> 00:04:16,021
How about a five-way?
67
00:04:17,021 --> 00:04:19,122
A year later,
he was transferred
68
00:04:19,123 --> 00:04:21,526
to one of the top psychiatric
facilities in the world.
69
00:04:21,527 --> 00:04:23,861
Which happens to be in Italy,
70
00:04:23,862 --> 00:04:26,867
which is, like,
in a whole other country.
71
00:04:28,867 --> 00:04:31,135
- Are we recording?
- We're on.
72
00:04:31,136 --> 00:04:33,470
- And this is camera one?
- Yeah.
73
00:04:33,471 --> 00:04:35,972
And this is camera two?
74
00:04:35,973 --> 00:04:38,176
And this is the Steadicam.
75
00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:39,177
And this is my 3D camera?
76
00:04:43,115 --> 00:04:46,019
And this is
my motion-capture camera?
77
00:04:48,019 --> 00:04:49,953
Okay.
78
00:04:49,954 --> 00:04:51,522
Let's do this.
79
00:04:51,523 --> 00:04:53,524
You came on a very good day
today, Miss Rosti.
80
00:04:53,525 --> 00:04:57,895
Your father is
in very high spirits.
81
00:04:57,896 --> 00:05:01,898
Italy had cutting-edge
equipment, brilliant doctors.
82
00:05:01,899 --> 00:05:06,037
I need three CCs
of marinara, stat.
83
00:05:06,038 --> 00:05:09,305
So listen, there's a good chance
he might not even remember you.
84
00:05:09,306 --> 00:05:11,575
- Okay.
- Don't take offense to that.
85
00:05:11,576 --> 00:05:14,413
- It's just part of the disease.
- Right.
86
00:05:22,821 --> 00:05:24,554
Okay.
87
00:05:24,555 --> 00:05:27,995
Let's just go
with one camera, okay? Great.
88
00:05:35,934 --> 00:05:39,738
Dad? Do you remember me?
89
00:05:40,738 --> 00:05:42,108
Connect the dots.
90
00:05:44,108 --> 00:05:48,179
Connect the dots. Connect the
dots. Connect the dots.
91
00:05:48,180 --> 00:05:50,881
- Connecticut.
- No, dumb-ass.
92
00:05:50,882 --> 00:05:52,017
Connect the dots.
93
00:05:53,017 --> 00:05:55,284
I'd rather play Candy Land
or Jenga or something...
94
00:05:55,285 --> 00:05:57,923
I'd rather play Connect the Dots
and Dana Shut Up.
95
00:05:57,924 --> 00:05:59,531
Okay.
96
00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:07,931
Great. Now give me your phone.
97
00:06:07,932 --> 00:06:09,365
- What?
- Give me your phone.
98
00:06:09,366 --> 00:06:11,567
Give me your phone.
Give me your phone.
99
00:06:11,568 --> 00:06:14,142
- I'm getting it out of my purse.
- Give me your phone.
100
00:06:17,142 --> 00:06:19,210
And, bam!
101
00:06:19,211 --> 00:06:20,946
You just bought me
two Taiwanese hookers
102
00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:24,047
for the price of one
on Croupon. Hm?
103
00:06:24,048 --> 00:06:26,818
Listen, I came here
104
00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:29,255
because I have to tell you
something really important.
105
00:06:30,255 --> 00:06:31,329
Shh.
106
00:06:38,497 --> 00:06:41,265
- Dad.
- Now get out of here.
107
00:06:41,266 --> 00:06:43,435
I ain't got time for you
no more.
108
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:47,638
"Out," he said. Away with you.
109
00:06:47,639 --> 00:06:51,075
Out. I'm a pretty princess.
110
00:06:51,076 --> 00:06:53,744
- Say it!
- You're a pretty princess.
111
00:06:53,745 --> 00:06:55,014
- Louder!
- You okay?
112
00:06:56,014 --> 00:06:58,316
Yeah, I'm fine.
113
00:06:58,317 --> 00:07:01,451
Finally. Ling Mi One
and Ling Mi Two.
114
00:07:01,452 --> 00:07:03,420
Who's sitting on my face first?
115
00:07:03,421 --> 00:07:04,323
Since that day,
116
00:07:05,023 --> 00:07:07,964
I never went back
to see my old man.
117
00:07:12,964 --> 00:07:14,798
While I was building a career,
118
00:07:14,799 --> 00:07:16,935
I was looking for
the man of my dreams.
119
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,669
And I found him
120
00:07:18,670 --> 00:07:22,507
the way all attention-seeking
narcissist slut-bags do.
121
00:07:30,649 --> 00:07:33,019
- Dana.
- Oh!
122
00:07:34,019 --> 00:07:36,021
That's me.
That's not you guys.
123
00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:41,062
Okay, here. Just hold that.
That's for you. Okay.
124
00:07:44,062 --> 00:07:46,496
Will you accept this rose?
125
00:07:46,497 --> 00:07:48,540
I would love to.
126
00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:56,142
Okay.
127
00:07:58,142 --> 00:07:59,042
Okay.
128
00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:00,645
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
129
00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:02,648
Want this? Yeah, oh,
ride that donkey.
130
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,248
Yeah. Yeah.
131
00:08:04,249 --> 00:08:06,317
- Yeah. Join in, dude. Join in.
- Come on.
132
00:08:06,318 --> 00:08:08,886
Aaron and I fell in love
133
00:08:08,887 --> 00:08:11,658
and got married
three months later.
134
00:08:13,658 --> 00:08:18,528
He had a beautiful 2-year-old
daughter named Liz.
135
00:08:18,529 --> 00:08:22,197
And a New York strip for you,
young lady. Oh, I forgot.
136
00:08:22,198 --> 00:08:24,166
It was just a matter of time
137
00:08:24,167 --> 00:08:26,505
before I picked up
the whole mothering thing.
138
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,541
- It's good.
- All right.
139
00:08:30,541 --> 00:08:32,575
Can't have a steak
without your steak knife.
140
00:08:32,576 --> 00:08:34,245
- Good girl.
- Good girl.
141
00:08:34,246 --> 00:08:36,247
Yummy.
142
00:08:36,248 --> 00:08:39,955
Okay, eat up, ducky,
they're starving in Africa.
143
00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:45,723
Ah, Liz grew up so fast.
144
00:08:45,724 --> 00:08:48,057
She was your typical
teenage daughter,
145
00:08:48,058 --> 00:08:49,760
with a few issues to work out.
146
00:08:49,761 --> 00:08:53,100
Oh, no, honey, now, don't.
Don't... Ah!
147
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:57,066
We had Jonah about a year ago.
148
00:08:57,067 --> 00:08:58,769
People say
we're overprotective,
149
00:08:58,770 --> 00:09:01,104
but I don't really see it.
150
00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:03,706
Our family was growing,
so it was time
151
00:09:03,707 --> 00:09:06,142
to move out of our cramped
one-bedroom rental
152
00:09:06,143 --> 00:09:09,145
that we shared with
the 12-member Rodriguez family.
153
00:09:09,146 --> 00:09:10,814
After an exhaustive search,
154
00:09:10,815 --> 00:09:13,918
I found that the house
I grew up in was available.
155
00:09:13,919 --> 00:09:17,721
- This is amazing.
- It's so peaceful here, honey.
156
00:09:17,722 --> 00:09:19,322
I know, sweetheart.
157
00:09:19,323 --> 00:09:21,759
Another big milestone
for the Galen family.
158
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,465
Okay. Let's do this.
159
00:09:26,465 --> 00:09:28,766
Okay.
160
00:09:28,767 --> 00:09:30,467
Welcome to the new house,
everyone.
161
00:09:30,468 --> 00:09:32,068
Well, this is
my beautiful daughter
162
00:09:32,069 --> 00:09:33,802
coming down our new stairs.
163
00:09:33,803 --> 00:09:37,576
There is my little man with
my favorite gal. Hello, sweetie.
164
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,777
Okay.
165
00:09:40,111 --> 00:09:41,912
This house will work.
166
00:09:41,913 --> 00:09:44,783
I just took the biggest
dump upstairs.
167
00:09:47,619 --> 00:09:48,952
Felipe.
168
00:09:48,953 --> 00:09:52,590
- Yes, missus?
- It's time for Jonah's bath.
169
00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:56,127
Oh, no, no, no. Sorry, not
tonight, missus.
170
00:09:56,128 --> 00:09:58,030
Just kidding.
171
00:09:59,030 --> 00:10:02,132
- Baby, come over here.
- If I may propose a little toast?
172
00:10:02,133 --> 00:10:04,003
- Very romantic.
- Oh, well, thank you.
173
00:10:05,003 --> 00:10:07,706
To nothing but beautiful
memories in our new home.
174
00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:08,973
Oh, babe.
175
00:10:08,974 --> 00:10:10,014
- I love you.
- I love you.
176
00:10:11,009 --> 00:10:13,451
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
177
00:10:19,451 --> 00:10:21,316
Make sure you record
every moment.
178
00:10:21,317 --> 00:10:23,219
This is gonna be
riveting to watch.
179
00:10:23,220 --> 00:10:26,289
I just wanna document our first
full week in this house.
180
00:10:26,290 --> 00:10:27,523
I'll edit it later.
181
00:10:27,524 --> 00:10:29,892
It's all part of
the master plan, babe.
182
00:10:29,893 --> 00:10:31,297
I'm gonna do it
at the same time.
183
00:10:32,297 --> 00:10:33,532
It's so...
184
00:10:34,732 --> 00:10:36,702
Ooh, text.
185
00:10:37,702 --> 00:10:39,704
- Yes.
- What?
186
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,071
I got the meeting.
187
00:10:41,072 --> 00:10:43,874
- Honey, that's wonderful.
- I know.
188
00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:46,043
Oh, they wanna schedule it
for next week.
189
00:10:46,044 --> 00:10:48,413
Oh, baby, I'm so proud of you.
190
00:10:50,148 --> 00:10:52,882
This is a big deal, honey.
It's the Umbrella Corporation.
191
00:10:52,883 --> 00:10:56,419
If I get this, I won't have
to consult for anyone again.
192
00:10:56,420 --> 00:10:58,854
And you won't have to work
the corners anymore.
193
00:10:58,855 --> 00:11:01,692
Oh, baby, you've worked
so hard for this.
194
00:11:01,693 --> 00:11:03,062
Thank you.
195
00:11:05,062 --> 00:11:08,033
Hey, you feel like
christening the new house?
196
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:10,100
Well, the kids are asleep.
197
00:11:10,101 --> 00:11:12,435
- You know how to turn me on.
- Yeah?
198
00:11:12,436 --> 00:11:14,072
Wanna move some boxes, baby?
199
00:11:14,073 --> 00:11:17,277
Oh, the only box
I'm interested in is yours.
200
00:11:25,716 --> 00:11:28,793
Either one of you losers
might wanna take care of this.
201
00:11:34,793 --> 00:11:35,827
You should get out.
202
00:11:36,027 --> 00:11:39,197
Mommy and Daddy
are playing gardener.
203
00:11:41,732 --> 00:11:43,633
Order a pizza.
204
00:11:43,634 --> 00:11:45,035
Mushrooms?
205
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:48,875
Green peppers and mushrooms.
206
00:11:50,875 --> 00:11:56,046
First full night in this house,
total awesomeness.
207
00:11:56,047 --> 00:11:58,315
Let me get this here.
208
00:11:58,316 --> 00:12:00,586
There we go.
209
00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:07,091
What? What? What is this mess?
210
00:12:07,092 --> 00:12:09,627
Who tossed around
all the furniture?
211
00:12:09,628 --> 00:12:12,061
Liz, what the hell
happened here?
212
00:12:12,062 --> 00:12:15,100
Don't know. I was just about
to post my nudes on Twitter
213
00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:18,303
and then I came in here
and saw this.
214
00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:23,009
Baby? Dana?
215
00:12:25,009 --> 00:12:28,077
What the hell?
Who redecorated the room?
216
00:12:28,078 --> 00:12:30,514
You know,
it's actually pretty nice,
217
00:12:30,515 --> 00:12:32,615
in a retro kind of way.
218
00:12:32,616 --> 00:12:36,120
Honey, it looks like Neil
Patrick Harris threw up in here.
219
00:12:37,121 --> 00:12:39,260
Oh, for chrissakes.
220
00:12:43,260 --> 00:12:45,599
Oh, my God.
221
00:12:47,599 --> 00:12:49,767
Wait. What?
222
00:12:49,768 --> 00:12:51,367
Dana doesn't know how to cook.
223
00:12:51,368 --> 00:12:53,538
Where did all this food
come from?
224
00:12:54,538 --> 00:12:57,009
Aaron, what the hell
is going on here?
225
00:12:58,009 --> 00:13:01,144
Yeah, Dad,
this is fucking weird.
226
00:13:01,145 --> 00:13:03,146
But for some reason,
I wanna shoot it.
227
00:13:03,147 --> 00:13:04,980
I don't know what
this is either.
228
00:13:04,981 --> 00:13:07,550
Could be your classic
suburban burglar
229
00:13:07,551 --> 00:13:09,486
or a practical joke
by Martha Stewart.
230
00:13:09,487 --> 00:13:12,189
- You're wrong on both counts.
- Heh.
231
00:13:12,190 --> 00:13:14,992
It's just sweet old me,
Paula Bean.
232
00:13:14,993 --> 00:13:19,130
I just wanted y'all to taste
my new low-fat recipe.
233
00:13:29,173 --> 00:13:32,647
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
234
00:13:35,647 --> 00:13:38,250
You guys shooting a reality show
or something?
235
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:41,317
No. No, that's my daughter Liz.
Hi, babe.
236
00:13:41,318 --> 00:13:43,153
Hey, sunshine.
237
00:13:43,154 --> 00:13:45,755
You like things that dangle?
238
00:13:45,756 --> 00:13:48,391
We're gonna saturate this space
with cameras.
239
00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:50,526
Okay? I'm gonna put one up
in that corner.
240
00:13:50,527 --> 00:13:52,228
Right? That way you get it
coming this way.
241
00:13:52,229 --> 00:13:54,830
One up in this corner,
opposite direction, boom.
242
00:13:54,831 --> 00:13:56,533
One from the dining room, bam.
243
00:13:56,534 --> 00:13:59,103
Triangulation of coverage.
244
00:13:59,104 --> 00:14:01,938
Put one over the stove, right,
get it pointed this way.
245
00:14:01,939 --> 00:14:04,339
One on top of the TV,
pointed this way,
246
00:14:04,340 --> 00:14:06,242
that way we get the full
coverage in here, okay?
247
00:14:06,243 --> 00:14:08,210
- All right, yeah. That's good.
- Okay.
248
00:14:08,211 --> 00:14:10,613
Oh, I forgot to put this
on the list.
249
00:14:10,614 --> 00:14:12,783
Oh, you can install a camera
on this?
250
00:14:12,784 --> 00:14:15,518
No. To fuck on.
251
00:14:15,519 --> 00:14:18,088
Then I install a camera.
Ha-ha-ha!
252
00:14:18,089 --> 00:14:20,758
Okay, there's more house.
Let's go.
253
00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:22,892
We got one
directly above the crib
254
00:14:22,893 --> 00:14:24,697
and then one over here
up the bunny's ass.
255
00:14:26,697 --> 00:14:28,032
Hey.
256
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:29,433
This seems sturdy, right?
257
00:14:29,434 --> 00:14:31,802
Good for a nice blowing, right?
258
00:14:31,803 --> 00:14:34,304
You just slide in between
the slats and then...
259
00:14:34,305 --> 00:14:36,539
We'll get another one right here
coming in.
260
00:14:36,540 --> 00:14:38,442
We got this one
pointed directly this way
261
00:14:38,443 --> 00:14:41,110
and then one
directly over the bed.
262
00:14:41,111 --> 00:14:44,214
- Wait, why our bed?
- Don't worry about it.
263
00:14:44,215 --> 00:14:47,451
Oh, look at this fucking
great bathroom.
264
00:14:47,452 --> 00:14:49,987
Oh, shit,
this is fucking beautiful.
265
00:14:49,988 --> 00:14:52,588
We're gonna stick one here
pointed at the bathtub.
266
00:14:52,589 --> 00:14:55,293
We got one high in this corner,
directed at the shower.
267
00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:57,494
And then one in the toilet.
268
00:14:57,495 --> 00:14:59,966
- Excuse me?
- Huh?
269
00:16:16,975 --> 00:16:19,176
What are you doing in my shower?
270
00:16:19,177 --> 00:16:22,986
Get out, out, out.
271
00:16:28,986 --> 00:16:30,657
Really?
272
00:16:32,657 --> 00:16:34,224
Sorry.
273
00:16:34,225 --> 00:16:36,605
These are my nieces.
274
00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:01,618
I love the pool heaters.
275
00:17:01,619 --> 00:17:03,720
I love the pool heaters.
276
00:17:03,721 --> 00:17:06,440
I love the pool heaters.
277
00:17:51,669 --> 00:17:53,069
Morning, honey.
278
00:17:53,070 --> 00:17:56,172
Somebody slept in this morning.
279
00:17:56,173 --> 00:17:58,342
I like sleeping.
280
00:17:58,343 --> 00:18:02,512
Especially when it's
sweet dreams about you.
281
00:18:02,513 --> 00:18:04,581
- What?
- What is that?
282
00:18:04,582 --> 00:18:07,651
- What?
- There's writing on your face.
283
00:18:07,652 --> 00:18:11,323
Oh, yeah, I do that every night.
It's good for the skin.
284
00:18:12,323 --> 00:18:15,625
What the hell is going on here?
285
00:18:15,626 --> 00:18:18,161
And this is exactly why
we have cameras,
286
00:18:18,162 --> 00:18:20,099
so we can get to the bottom
of this stuff.
287
00:18:22,099 --> 00:18:23,700
What the...
288
00:18:23,701 --> 00:18:26,035
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, honey,
we have ghosts.
289
00:18:26,036 --> 00:18:28,036
Okay, okay.
No, honey, it's okay.
290
00:18:28,037 --> 00:18:29,939
I think you're being
a little over dramatic.
291
00:18:29,940 --> 00:18:32,275
Oh, I'm sorry, really?
What would you call that?
292
00:18:32,276 --> 00:18:34,112
It could be a million
different things.
293
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,180
Like what?
294
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:40,183
Could be the air conditioning,
window was left open.
295
00:18:40,184 --> 00:18:41,451
Scientologists.
296
00:18:41,452 --> 00:18:44,320
No. I am sorry, honey,
those are ghosts
297
00:18:44,321 --> 00:18:46,189
and I am freaking out right now.
298
00:18:46,190 --> 00:18:48,826
Okay, Dana. Dana, look at me.
Calm down, okay?
299
00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:50,560
They're not ghosts.
300
00:18:50,561 --> 00:18:56,033
There is no such thing
as ghosts. Trust me.
301
00:18:56,034 --> 00:18:57,166
Okay, fine.
302
00:18:57,167 --> 00:18:59,303
Attention, all ghosts.
303
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:02,639
If you're here with us right now
in this house
304
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,077
for the love of Jesus,
give us a sign.
305
00:19:07,077 --> 00:19:11,815
Okay. I guess you're right,
honey.
306
00:19:11,816 --> 00:19:13,519
Ohh...
307
00:19:15,519 --> 00:19:17,521
Goddamn Scientologists.
308
00:19:26,364 --> 00:19:29,032
I just don't understand
why this is happening to us.
309
00:19:29,033 --> 00:19:31,067
I think I do.
310
00:19:31,068 --> 00:19:33,239
What?
311
00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:38,443
It all started when I was 7.
312
00:19:39,443 --> 00:19:41,544
I was getting drunk
with my sister.
313
00:19:41,545 --> 00:19:42,944
We'd use tiny teacups,
314
00:19:42,945 --> 00:19:45,213
that way our parents
never knew.
315
00:19:45,214 --> 00:19:47,115
- Don't put that there.
- Why?
316
00:19:47,116 --> 00:19:48,950
Because Jeremy's sitting there.
317
00:19:48,951 --> 00:19:51,088
Jillian, you gotta stop
with this ghost thing.
318
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:52,456
You sound crazy.
319
00:19:52,457 --> 00:19:55,460
I'm not crazy,
I'm just telling you the truth.
320
00:19:58,128 --> 00:20:02,299
Sorry, Jillian, that one was
a little tougher to pinch off.
321
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,036
Okay. Tea me up.
322
00:20:06,037 --> 00:20:08,103
But Jeremy Lin wasn't even
a Knick back then.
323
00:20:08,104 --> 00:20:10,439
And I didn't know
you had a sister.
324
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,111
She was deported
to Guatemala when I was 10.
325
00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:15,045
But that's not the point.
326
00:20:15,046 --> 00:20:17,248
The point is that
two years after that,
327
00:20:17,249 --> 00:20:20,651
my father killed the entire cast
of The Artist,
328
00:20:20,652 --> 00:20:23,319
including Uggie the dog.
329
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,056
Why? That was a great movie.
330
00:20:26,057 --> 00:20:29,294
Frankly, I don't understand why
the whole film had to be silent.
331
00:20:29,295 --> 00:20:30,927
But anyway,
332
00:20:30,928 --> 00:20:33,261
it wasn't until I was
20 years old that I found out
333
00:20:33,262 --> 00:20:36,769
my father killed those
people during an exorcism.
334
00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:39,169
What?
335
00:20:39,170 --> 00:20:42,572
- I know. It's crazy, huh?
- Yeah.
336
00:20:42,573 --> 00:20:46,174
He's been in a psychiatric
hospital in Italy ever since.
337
00:20:46,175 --> 00:20:48,177
Who's the person that
walked you down the aisle
338
00:20:48,178 --> 00:20:49,946
and comes over
for the holidays?
339
00:20:49,947 --> 00:20:53,150
Oh, sweetie.
He's just an actor.
340
00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:56,186
His name's Joel Solomon.
He's very talented.
341
00:20:56,187 --> 00:20:58,755
I called him Pop-Pop.
342
00:20:58,756 --> 00:21:00,289
Listen, I...
343
00:21:00,290 --> 00:21:02,958
I really think we should call in
the Ghost Brothers.
344
00:21:02,959 --> 00:21:06,495
No way. Honey, those guys are
scam artists. You know that. No.
345
00:21:06,496 --> 00:21:08,300
Okay. Are you coming to bed?
346
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:12,701
Not yet, I'm only halfway done
with this, honey.
347
00:21:12,702 --> 00:21:14,584
I need at least 45 more minutes.
348
00:21:59,584 --> 00:22:02,019
d Babe d
349
00:22:03,019 --> 00:22:06,823
d I've missed your touch d
350
00:22:06,824 --> 00:22:09,766
d It's long since we... d
351
00:22:14,766 --> 00:22:18,102
- I know, it's all gone.
- Let's get something to eat.
352
00:22:18,103 --> 00:22:20,038
Let's get some milk.
353
00:22:22,038 --> 00:22:23,175
What the...?
354
00:22:25,175 --> 00:22:27,345
I just bought two containers
of milk.
355
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:29,446
Who drank it all?
356
00:22:31,048 --> 00:22:34,117
Hello, we are the Ghost
Brothers, here to investigate.
357
00:22:37,255 --> 00:22:40,523
It is so thick in here, dude.
So many ghosts in the air!
358
00:22:40,524 --> 00:22:43,758
I know what you mean. It's like
we're breathing in ghosts.
359
00:22:43,759 --> 00:22:46,228
Dude, I am choking on a ghost
right now.
360
00:22:46,229 --> 00:22:48,197
- I am choking on a ghost.
- Spit that ghost out.
361
00:22:48,198 --> 00:22:50,032
Spit that ghost out right now.
362
00:22:50,033 --> 00:22:52,303
Spit it out! I'll punch it out
if you want!
363
00:22:52,304 --> 00:22:53,603
Guys!
364
00:22:53,604 --> 00:22:56,038
You guys are professionals,
right?
365
00:22:56,039 --> 00:22:59,409
Yeah, 100 percent.
We even have business cards.
366
00:22:59,410 --> 00:23:02,444
Call me the middle man.
There you go. Super legit.
367
00:23:02,445 --> 00:23:05,146
Call us because we're always
open. Daily.
368
00:23:05,147 --> 00:23:08,284
- Did you hear that?
- That TV just turned on!
369
00:23:08,285 --> 00:23:10,452
- We're gonna die.
- Here we go, let's go.
370
00:23:10,453 --> 00:23:13,089
Rack them up, dude. This is
what we've been training for.
371
00:23:13,090 --> 00:23:14,790
Uh...
372
00:23:14,791 --> 00:23:16,393
I turned it on.
373
00:23:16,394 --> 00:23:20,162
- She turned it on.
- So...
374
00:23:20,163 --> 00:23:22,404
- She's possessed by ghosts!
- She's possessed by ghosts!
375
00:23:28,573 --> 00:23:31,941
Oh, my Lord! I am a...
376
00:23:31,942 --> 00:23:33,309
Oh, my God.
377
00:23:33,310 --> 00:23:35,110
These ghost readings
are off the charts.
378
00:23:35,111 --> 00:23:37,746
Dude, there are 57 ghosts
in that bathroom over there.
379
00:23:37,747 --> 00:23:39,150
- What?
- Three in my pee stream.
380
00:23:39,151 --> 00:23:40,517
Off the record.
381
00:23:40,518 --> 00:23:42,252
Where are you getting
these numbers from?
382
00:23:43,587 --> 00:23:45,323
A ghost was just born
in my hand.
383
00:23:45,324 --> 00:23:48,258
- What do we do?
- Flamboyant scream?
384
00:23:48,259 --> 00:23:49,192
Uh, duh.
385
00:23:50,627 --> 00:23:52,295
Stop it! Stop!
386
00:23:52,296 --> 00:23:58,133
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
387
00:23:58,134 --> 00:24:02,137
Seriously? This is what
you brought into our house?
388
00:24:02,138 --> 00:24:05,274
All right, so we found about 70
ghosts in your house total.
389
00:24:05,275 --> 00:24:07,109
Fifty-five up there
in your bedroom.
390
00:24:07,110 --> 00:24:10,548
Also, it's our day off,
so we charge double for that.
391
00:24:10,549 --> 00:24:14,049
So, whatever you guys
think is fair.
392
00:24:14,050 --> 00:24:16,052
So basically, free?
393
00:24:16,053 --> 00:24:19,823
I was thinking moreover,
like, $3.
394
00:24:19,824 --> 00:24:22,057
Fine, deal. Go.
395
00:24:22,058 --> 00:24:24,627
- Thank you so much.
- Hell, yeah.
396
00:24:24,628 --> 00:24:27,146
If you need us, we will be in our
van, watching the perimeters.
397
00:25:26,923 --> 00:25:29,593
A door doesn't wake you?
You deaf?
398
00:25:29,594 --> 00:25:31,362
I knew I had to step up my game
399
00:25:31,363 --> 00:25:34,069
or I'd get kicked out
of the house.
400
00:25:42,873 --> 00:25:46,576
I love the pool cleaners.
I love the pool cleaners.
401
00:25:46,577 --> 00:25:50,419
I love the pool cleaners.
402
00:25:55,419 --> 00:25:57,787
Oh, do the left nut.
403
00:25:57,788 --> 00:25:59,788
Left nut.
404
00:25:59,789 --> 00:26:02,234
Oh, my hair.
405
00:26:17,407 --> 00:26:20,981
d There's something about
The way you do your thing d
406
00:26:24,981 --> 00:26:27,654
d I can't take
My eyes off you d
407
00:26:35,593 --> 00:26:38,099
- Liz, you have a visitor.
- What the...?
408
00:26:43,099 --> 00:26:45,268
Good morning, young lady.
409
00:26:45,269 --> 00:26:50,172
Hey. I was just
looking for my earring.
410
00:26:50,173 --> 00:26:51,144
There it is.
411
00:26:53,144 --> 00:26:55,177
Who said you could come
to my room?
412
00:26:55,178 --> 00:26:57,312
Well, I apologize
for barging in.
413
00:26:57,313 --> 00:26:59,316
Your mother gave me permission.
414
00:26:59,317 --> 00:27:02,685
Well, what if I didn't
want you to come up?
415
00:27:02,686 --> 00:27:07,524
I had a sneaking
suspicion you did.
416
00:27:07,525 --> 00:27:09,392
And how's that?
417
00:27:09,393 --> 00:27:13,563
By the very way
you were staring at me.
418
00:27:13,564 --> 00:27:16,299
Say what? I wasn't staring
at you, dude.
419
00:27:16,300 --> 00:27:18,535
I was writing in my journal.
420
00:27:18,536 --> 00:27:20,343
Hm.
421
00:27:26,343 --> 00:27:29,913
Look, I don't know what
you want, but I'm really busy.
422
00:27:29,914 --> 00:27:32,716
I was just about to pierce
my pancreas.
423
00:27:32,717 --> 00:27:34,249
Mm-hm.
424
00:27:34,250 --> 00:27:39,392
d I just came To say hello d
425
00:27:41,392 --> 00:27:44,259
- d Hello d
- d Hello d
426
00:27:44,260 --> 00:27:46,063
Come to Abe.
427
00:27:50,034 --> 00:27:51,836
Oh, shit-burger.
428
00:27:52,836 --> 00:27:54,837
- What?
- Gotta go, babe.
429
00:27:54,838 --> 00:27:58,240
Getting the hairy eyeball
from my sweet slut.
430
00:27:58,241 --> 00:28:00,174
Yeah. Check you later, though.
431
00:28:00,175 --> 00:28:02,512
Can't wait to get inside
that oval office.
432
00:28:02,513 --> 00:28:04,847
- Ugh...
- Ah!
433
00:28:04,848 --> 00:28:05,915
Stay free.
434
00:28:07,017 --> 00:28:08,751
But wait!
435
00:28:08,752 --> 00:28:11,130
I didn't even get to show you
my Apple product placement!
436
00:28:19,130 --> 00:28:20,864
Is this thing on?
437
00:28:20,865 --> 00:28:23,297
- Hello, America!
- Hello, America!
438
00:28:23,298 --> 00:28:25,700
All right, we came here
expecting to find
439
00:28:25,701 --> 00:28:27,738
a bunch of ghosts,
and guess what?
440
00:28:27,739 --> 00:28:30,272
We did.
441
00:28:30,273 --> 00:28:32,306
I didn't say any of that
just now.
442
00:28:32,307 --> 00:28:34,644
- You're possessed.
- Dude, kill me.
443
00:28:38,214 --> 00:28:41,217
- I'm trying, but I can't.
- Why?
444
00:28:41,218 --> 00:28:44,287
Because I'm possessed, too.
445
00:28:44,288 --> 00:28:47,124
- We're both possessed by ghosts!
- We're both possessed by ghosts!
446
00:29:01,672 --> 00:29:03,239
Yes, Miss Liz?
447
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:06,276
I thought maybe we could talk.
448
00:29:06,277 --> 00:29:08,944
Come on in. Come on.
449
00:29:08,945 --> 00:29:10,913
Sit down.
450
00:29:10,914 --> 00:29:12,448
Oh, uh...
451
00:29:12,449 --> 00:29:15,419
Don't worry about that.
Felipe was just tanning.
452
00:29:15,420 --> 00:29:18,461
Just some tanning.
There you go, sit down.
453
00:29:27,530 --> 00:29:30,165
Oh! Heh, heh.
454
00:29:30,166 --> 00:29:33,702
Don't worry, they don't bite.
455
00:29:33,703 --> 00:29:35,305
Ay-ay-ay.
456
00:29:35,306 --> 00:29:38,874
So, what can I help you with?
457
00:29:38,875 --> 00:29:40,677
It's about a boy.
458
00:29:40,678 --> 00:29:43,212
Of course it is.
459
00:29:43,213 --> 00:29:45,715
His name is Abraham,
and I just don't know
460
00:29:45,716 --> 00:29:48,116
if I've already blown it
with him.
461
00:29:48,117 --> 00:29:52,557
I really like him.
I think about him all the time.
462
00:30:00,698 --> 00:30:04,298
There are certain things
you can do to... How you say?
463
00:30:04,299 --> 00:30:05,469
To win him over.
464
00:30:05,470 --> 00:30:07,502
Like what?
465
00:30:07,503 --> 00:30:10,973
It's called "Roofie and Bang."
466
00:30:10,974 --> 00:30:13,075
A "Roofie and Bang"?
467
00:30:13,076 --> 00:30:14,646
Mm-hm.
468
00:30:16,646 --> 00:30:20,182
Ah! Just put one of those
in his Amaretto Sours,
469
00:30:20,183 --> 00:30:22,049
and he's yours
for the rest of the night.
470
00:30:22,050 --> 00:30:24,853
And the best thing is that
they wake up the next morning
471
00:30:24,854 --> 00:30:27,991
not knowing I stuck my cheese
between their crackers.
472
00:30:27,992 --> 00:30:33,183
Ha, ha! It's fabulous.
Have fun.
473
00:30:54,183 --> 00:30:56,278
No.
474
00:33:11,755 --> 00:33:13,823
Poor little baby.
475
00:33:13,824 --> 00:33:16,826
Are you hungry?
Are you hungry, baby Jonah?
476
00:33:16,827 --> 00:33:18,428
Come here.
477
00:33:18,429 --> 00:33:22,737
Oh, just kidding.
478
00:33:26,737 --> 00:33:28,259
Shh!
479
00:34:32,735 --> 00:34:34,362
Help me!
480
00:35:17,347 --> 00:35:20,952
Jesus Christ.
Dude, are you okay?
481
00:35:24,353 --> 00:35:26,855
What the hell
is this doing here?
482
00:35:26,856 --> 00:35:29,825
And who the hells are you?
You?
483
00:35:29,826 --> 00:35:31,993
I'm directing. We're...
484
00:35:31,994 --> 00:35:35,514
Ahh! Leave me alone!
485
00:36:04,027 --> 00:36:05,928
Oh, sweet Lord.
486
00:36:05,929 --> 00:36:07,330
Oh, my God.
487
00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:09,899
Oh, my God.
488
00:36:09,900 --> 00:36:13,175
Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no, no.
489
00:36:18,175 --> 00:36:19,609
Oh, thank God.
490
00:36:19,610 --> 00:36:21,443
If that thing had been left out
another hour,
491
00:36:21,444 --> 00:36:24,047
we would've had ourselves
a murky pool.
492
00:36:24,048 --> 00:36:26,061
Hey, Felipe.
493
00:38:02,012 --> 00:38:05,047
Bam! Dutch oven, bitch.
494
00:38:47,690 --> 00:38:49,226
d Aw, baby d
495
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:52,829
Oh, thank you, honey.
496
00:38:57,032 --> 00:38:59,368
Your nose is cold.
497
00:38:59,369 --> 00:39:02,171
Oh, baby, the eggroll.
498
00:39:02,172 --> 00:39:04,739
Teeth, teeth, teeth.
499
00:39:04,740 --> 00:39:08,762
Oh, you need a haircut.
500
00:39:25,762 --> 00:39:27,096
There's so much...
501
00:39:27,097 --> 00:39:29,404
Get it off me. Get it off me.
502
00:39:34,404 --> 00:39:36,439
Good morning, sweetheart.
503
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:39,274
- Hi.
- Hi.
504
00:39:39,275 --> 00:39:42,044
You know, I gotta tell you
505
00:39:42,045 --> 00:39:45,114
that was a really nice surprise
you gave me last night.
506
00:39:45,115 --> 00:39:46,614
Huh?
507
00:39:46,615 --> 00:39:48,384
I'm telling you, baby,
508
00:39:48,385 --> 00:39:52,327
it's moments like those that
make this marriage so exciting.
509
00:39:59,463 --> 00:40:02,766
What? This...
510
00:40:11,474 --> 00:40:12,976
You want to mess with me?
511
00:40:12,977 --> 00:40:16,479
You've messed with
the wrong person, jerk-off.
512
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,580
Aaron, what are you doing?
513
00:40:18,581 --> 00:40:20,447
Dana,
they have crossed the line,
514
00:40:20,448 --> 00:40:22,952
and I am not taking
their crap anymore.
515
00:40:22,953 --> 00:40:24,419
Sweetheart, please.
516
00:40:24,420 --> 00:40:25,822
I think if we just lay low
517
00:40:25,823 --> 00:40:30,259
and we don't interact,
they'll go away.
518
00:40:30,260 --> 00:40:33,428
Yeah.
519
00:40:33,429 --> 00:40:35,163
Okay.
520
00:40:35,164 --> 00:40:36,697
- Okay, fine.
- Okay. All right.
521
00:40:36,698 --> 00:40:37,965
I'm giving it one week.
522
00:40:37,966 --> 00:40:39,001
- That's it.
- Okay.
523
00:40:39,002 --> 00:40:40,803
- Got it?
- Yes.
524
00:40:40,804 --> 00:40:43,104
I've got a big interview and I
am not gonna have it screwed up
525
00:40:43,105 --> 00:40:45,675
- by a bunch of ghosts.
- I understa...
526
00:40:45,676 --> 00:40:48,176
Sweetie, we have to go.
527
00:40:48,177 --> 00:40:50,345
We have to run those illegals
across the border.
528
00:40:50,346 --> 00:40:52,282
- Oh, my God. Is it noon already?
- Baby, yeah.
529
00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:53,549
Go, go.
530
00:40:53,550 --> 00:40:56,152
Illegals don't keep in the heat,
sweetie.
531
00:41:43,666 --> 00:41:46,773
He maintains a strict
plant-based diet.
532
00:41:56,045 --> 00:41:58,614
Beat an egg white. I made it
faster than the machine.
533
00:41:59,748 --> 00:42:01,550
- Over the counter.
- Yes.
534
00:42:01,551 --> 00:42:06,032
- Yes.
- One, two, three, go.
535
00:42:41,056 --> 00:42:42,458
Oh, yeah, baby.
536
00:42:44,327 --> 00:42:47,731
Oh, that's right. Oh, that sort
of feels... Feels so good.
537
00:42:47,732 --> 00:42:50,332
So smooth.
You're a dirty little one.
538
00:42:50,333 --> 00:42:54,069
You're a dirty little minx.
Oh, you... Oh! Oh! Oh!
539
00:42:54,070 --> 00:42:55,804
Look at it. Look at it. Oh!
540
00:43:01,478 --> 00:43:04,412
And you thought we couldn't fit
20 of them into one van.
541
00:43:04,413 --> 00:43:06,682
Well, once again, honey,
you were right.
542
00:43:06,683 --> 00:43:09,119
Thank you, sweetie.
543
00:43:12,088 --> 00:43:13,822
Honey,
do you smell something burning?
544
00:43:13,823 --> 00:43:17,091
No.
545
00:43:17,092 --> 00:43:19,304
Something's burning.
546
00:43:29,304 --> 00:43:31,983
Ectoplasm.
547
00:43:39,983 --> 00:43:42,788
Son of a bitch!
548
00:43:44,788 --> 00:43:46,954
Aaron, you're wasting all of it.
549
00:43:46,955 --> 00:43:49,724
Don't worry, honey. It's only
the cheap stuff from Tijuana.
550
00:43:49,725 --> 00:43:52,360
I just don't get
what this is gonna prove.
551
00:43:52,361 --> 00:43:55,630
It's gonna prove that we're not
going out of our minds.
552
00:43:55,631 --> 00:43:58,400
If anyone or anything
is coming into this room,
553
00:43:58,401 --> 00:44:02,909
we'll have a clear idea
of what we are dealing with.
554
00:44:05,909 --> 00:44:07,867
Whoo!
555
00:44:35,237 --> 00:44:37,339
What was that?
556
00:44:37,340 --> 00:44:39,612
Holy sweet nuts.
557
00:44:43,612 --> 00:44:46,349
Sweet potato pancakes,
would you look at that?
558
00:44:46,350 --> 00:44:48,116
It's scary.
559
00:44:48,117 --> 00:44:50,585
It's okay, baby. It's okay.
560
00:44:50,586 --> 00:44:52,222
- So scary.
- Don't get too...
561
00:44:52,223 --> 00:44:54,122
Oh, look.
562
00:44:54,123 --> 00:44:58,761
Oh, honey, he's just
a witty-bitty thing.
563
00:44:58,762 --> 00:45:02,598
Oh, it's so cute.
564
00:45:02,599 --> 00:45:04,867
Oh, no. I knew it, honey.
He's a baller.
565
00:45:04,868 --> 00:45:07,301
- Oh, no.
- It's okay.
566
00:45:07,302 --> 00:45:09,606
You know what they say
about big feet.
567
00:45:09,607 --> 00:45:13,107
- Don't worry, baby.
- Don't wo... Huh.
568
00:45:13,108 --> 00:45:14,408
They end here.
569
00:45:14,409 --> 00:45:16,245
This is weird.
570
00:45:16,246 --> 00:45:18,380
- Oh, my God.
- Did you leave that open?
571
00:45:18,381 --> 00:45:21,116
What, the...? Oh.
572
00:45:21,117 --> 00:45:22,384
No.
573
00:45:22,385 --> 00:45:24,733
Oh, we are so fucked.
574
00:45:37,733 --> 00:45:40,570
I'm the raccoon
that snuck into your attic.
575
00:45:40,571 --> 00:45:41,937
Scratchy scratchy.
576
00:45:41,938 --> 00:45:45,239
Now your power bill's
through the roof.
577
00:45:45,240 --> 00:45:47,909
If you got home insurance
where you got car insurance,
578
00:45:47,910 --> 00:45:50,579
then you're gonna have to pay
for this all by yourself.
579
00:45:50,580 --> 00:45:52,980
So get Upstate.
You'll save money
580
00:45:52,981 --> 00:45:56,786
and be better protected
from mayhem like me.
581
00:46:00,356 --> 00:46:03,657
Okay, ducky, so you wanna give
him his baba in half an hour
582
00:46:03,658 --> 00:46:06,429
and give him the soy formula
because he's had a lot...
583
00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:09,430
Bitch, I got it covered.
584
00:46:09,431 --> 00:46:12,501
- Get the hell out.
- Okay. Bye, now, sweetie.
585
00:46:12,502 --> 00:46:15,770
Okay. Okay. Oh.
And we're shoving now.
586
00:46:15,771 --> 00:46:17,340
That's good.
587
00:46:19,708 --> 00:46:22,512
- He's okay. He'll walk it off.
- Just go.
588
00:46:22,513 --> 00:46:25,849
- I got you. It's okay.
- Bye, buddy.
589
00:46:26,849 --> 00:46:31,168
You smell like a dumpster. Yeah.
590
00:46:51,807 --> 00:46:53,684
My bad.
591
00:47:02,684 --> 00:47:06,321
Dude, seriously?
592
00:47:06,322 --> 00:47:08,757
Dude,
they dropped me all the time.
593
00:47:08,758 --> 00:47:11,927
Look how good I turned out.
594
00:47:29,244 --> 00:47:30,945
The Tasmanian monkey is not one
595
00:47:30,946 --> 00:47:33,447
to shy away from
a good ass-humping.
596
00:47:33,448 --> 00:47:36,349
With its muscular hind legs
and powerful thrusts
597
00:47:36,350 --> 00:47:38,351
that can pull a 1-ton truck...
598
00:47:38,353 --> 00:47:40,529
...this rare species is...
599
00:47:46,529 --> 00:47:49,565
Sorry to barge in. I just locked
myself out of the house.
600
00:47:49,566 --> 00:47:52,976
- Can I use your phone?
- Yeah.
601
00:47:59,976 --> 00:48:02,611
You mind
if I take my pants off?
602
00:48:02,612 --> 00:48:06,314
Uh... No.
603
00:48:06,315 --> 00:48:08,316
You mind if I
deep French kiss you
604
00:48:08,317 --> 00:48:11,054
while I fondle
your 12-year-old boy ass?
605
00:48:11,055 --> 00:48:13,427
Okay.
606
00:48:21,563 --> 00:48:25,467
My name is Alice, and
this is my world.
607
00:48:44,253 --> 00:48:46,454
Shit! You guys gotta
get out of here.
608
00:48:46,455 --> 00:48:47,990
But we just got started.
609
00:48:47,991 --> 00:48:50,764
- I don't care! Get out!
- Okay!
610
00:48:54,764 --> 00:48:57,933
Guess we'll just have
to do each other.
611
00:48:57,934 --> 00:49:00,938
Leave.
612
00:49:01,938 --> 00:49:04,805
Well, hello.
613
00:49:04,806 --> 00:49:09,944
Maybe your friends would care
to stay for a libation?
614
00:49:09,945 --> 00:49:12,647
Or two.
615
00:49:12,648 --> 00:49:14,217
Uh, no.
616
00:49:15,818 --> 00:49:19,620
d Baby d
617
00:49:19,621 --> 00:49:22,457
d Mm, you and I
Belong together d
618
00:49:22,458 --> 00:49:24,326
You know,
619
00:49:24,327 --> 00:49:30,232
I greatly apologize
for intruding upon your privacy.
620
00:49:30,233 --> 00:49:33,134
- Not at all. Sit down.
- Oh.
621
00:49:33,135 --> 00:49:36,504
Can I get you
something to drink?
622
00:49:36,505 --> 00:49:38,707
Amaretto Sour?
623
00:49:38,708 --> 00:49:41,710
No, I don't think that'll
be nece... Oh, why, thank you.
624
00:49:41,711 --> 00:49:45,147
- Is that John Wilkes Booth?
- Where?
625
00:49:45,148 --> 00:49:47,349
- My mistake.
- I hate that guy.
626
00:49:47,350 --> 00:49:49,051
Me too.
627
00:49:49,052 --> 00:49:52,487
Anyways, I'm glad you're here.
628
00:49:52,488 --> 00:49:54,522
As am I.
629
00:49:54,523 --> 00:49:57,325
You look thirsty.
630
00:49:57,326 --> 00:49:59,393
Drink, drink, drink.
631
00:49:59,394 --> 00:50:02,596
All the way.
632
00:50:02,597 --> 00:50:05,369
Good boy.
633
00:50:06,369 --> 00:50:08,371
Come to Abe.
634
00:50:09,371 --> 00:50:10,739
Oh, yeah.
635
00:50:13,443 --> 00:50:16,713
I'm Abe Lincoln.
636
00:50:17,713 --> 00:50:19,849
Wow, you know,
I am feeling a little sleepy.
637
00:50:19,850 --> 00:50:21,249
Don't fight it.
638
00:50:21,250 --> 00:50:23,050
I want you to show me
the Lincoln Monument.
639
00:50:23,051 --> 00:50:25,052
Yeah, I want you
to go to the South.
640
00:50:25,053 --> 00:50:26,420
Yeah, take me to the South.
641
00:50:26,421 --> 00:50:28,389
You wanna see
the Lincoln Monument?
642
00:50:28,390 --> 00:50:29,425
Show it to me. Mm.
643
00:50:36,132 --> 00:50:39,968
Sorry, bitch. He's mine.
644
00:50:39,969 --> 00:50:41,602
What in tarnation?
645
00:50:41,603 --> 00:50:44,473
You're in good hands now, papi.
646
00:50:44,474 --> 00:50:49,377
Felipe was the one who created
the Roofie and Bang.
647
00:50:49,378 --> 00:50:52,413
Hey! Let me out!
648
00:50:52,414 --> 00:50:56,423
I want to free
your penis slaves.
649
00:51:01,423 --> 00:51:03,892
Rats!
650
00:51:03,893 --> 00:51:07,095
Oh. Your nipples, mm,
651
00:51:07,096 --> 00:51:09,239
they taste like copper pennies.
652
00:51:17,239 --> 00:51:20,510
I'd like to invite you
to the Teabag Party.
653
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:26,180
Abraham?
654
00:51:26,181 --> 00:51:27,582
Abraham!
655
00:51:27,583 --> 00:51:31,021
Help me! Help me! Help me!
656
00:51:32,021 --> 00:51:34,956
Abe Lincoln's getting teabagged!
657
00:51:39,094 --> 00:51:41,429
No, stop it!
658
00:51:42,864 --> 00:51:44,800
Take this,
you dragon tattooed slut!
659
00:52:03,351 --> 00:52:05,391
Abraham.
660
00:52:09,391 --> 00:52:11,362
Abraham.
661
00:52:14,362 --> 00:52:16,134
Abraham?
662
00:52:18,134 --> 00:52:19,701
Abraham.
663
00:52:19,702 --> 00:52:21,306
Abraham!
664
00:52:24,306 --> 00:52:26,674
Let me in!
665
00:52:26,675 --> 00:52:30,485
Let me in!
666
00:53:21,530 --> 00:53:25,433
Mom, Dad, it's me, Jonah.
667
00:53:25,434 --> 00:53:27,435
Where do I start?
668
00:53:27,436 --> 00:53:29,936
It was just supposed to be
for one night.
669
00:53:29,937 --> 00:53:31,539
I wanted to be cool, you know?
670
00:53:31,540 --> 00:53:35,709
I wanted to be more than just
a baby in the crib.
671
00:53:35,710 --> 00:53:38,880
And then things got a little
out of control.
672
00:53:52,128 --> 00:53:54,828
Excuse me! Excuse me, please!
673
00:53:54,829 --> 00:53:57,765
You're all gonna have
to shut this down
674
00:53:57,766 --> 00:54:00,251
or I'm gonna have
to call the cops.
675
00:54:16,251 --> 00:54:18,452
It's about time we had
a proper date night.
676
00:54:18,453 --> 00:54:20,454
Well, it was a wonderful night.
677
00:54:20,455 --> 00:54:22,490
I'll tell you what
I am excited about.
678
00:54:22,491 --> 00:54:25,359
Having a chocolate muffin
for dessert.
679
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:27,761
That is for tomorrow,
young man.
680
00:54:27,762 --> 00:54:32,366
Wow.
Honey, there's no mess.
681
00:54:32,367 --> 00:54:33,403
I'm so impressed.
682
00:54:34,003 --> 00:54:36,704
I told you, Liz is responsible
to handle all of this.
683
00:54:36,705 --> 00:54:38,708
You know, once again
you were right.
684
00:54:38,709 --> 00:54:40,311
Thank you, dear.
685
00:54:43,311 --> 00:54:45,882
Shh, shh.
686
00:54:46,882 --> 00:54:49,722
Hey, Jonah.
687
00:54:52,722 --> 00:54:55,371
Is that a wine cooler?
688
00:55:11,507 --> 00:55:14,010
Ooh! Look at that.
Honey Badger don't give a shit.
689
00:55:15,010 --> 00:55:17,480
He'll just run through your
bedroom while you're sleeping.
690
00:55:17,481 --> 00:55:19,983
Honey Badger don't care.
691
00:55:35,931 --> 00:55:37,871
It's not even fun anymore.
692
00:55:45,340 --> 00:55:46,741
Honey?
693
00:55:46,742 --> 00:55:49,779
- Honey, wake up.
- I already gave you a handy.
694
00:55:49,780 --> 00:55:51,846
Did you hear that?
695
00:55:51,847 --> 00:55:54,288
Something downstairs.
696
00:55:59,288 --> 00:56:03,457
No, no, no, no, no, no.
697
00:56:03,458 --> 00:56:05,233
Damn it, no.
698
00:56:12,233 --> 00:56:13,801
Oh, my God.
699
00:56:13,802 --> 00:56:15,636
No!
700
00:56:15,637 --> 00:56:17,272
Sweetie!
701
00:56:17,273 --> 00:56:20,707
- Damn it.
- What is it?
702
00:56:20,708 --> 00:56:23,645
Someone ate
my chocolate muffin.
703
00:56:23,646 --> 00:56:24,947
Yeah.
704
00:56:27,048 --> 00:56:28,387
Babe?
705
00:56:31,387 --> 00:56:33,425
Oh, my God.
706
00:56:36,425 --> 00:56:39,400
Oh,
that's seven years bad luck.
707
00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:48,403
They swapped out
all the family photos.
708
00:56:48,404 --> 00:56:51,105
I gotta document this.
709
00:56:51,106 --> 00:56:52,573
Oh.
710
00:56:52,574 --> 00:56:54,911
Honey?
711
00:56:55,911 --> 00:56:58,078
Something's breathing on me.
712
00:56:58,079 --> 00:57:01,482
And it smells like
chocolate muffin.
713
00:57:01,483 --> 00:57:03,484
Wow.
714
00:57:03,485 --> 00:57:07,153
A lot of them look like they're
from the turn of the century.
715
00:57:07,154 --> 00:57:08,626
And now it's feeling me up.
716
00:57:10,626 --> 00:57:12,926
- Oh.
- Ooh!
717
00:57:12,927 --> 00:57:14,293
Who's a naughty ghost?
718
00:57:14,294 --> 00:57:15,963
Wow, baby,
you gotta look at this.
719
00:57:15,964 --> 00:57:18,532
The ghost's great
grandfather's ghost
720
00:57:18,533 --> 00:57:20,534
is in a picture
with President Roosevelt.
721
00:57:20,535 --> 00:57:22,202
Oh, yeah, you're a bad ghost!
722
00:57:22,203 --> 00:57:24,139
Do it to me
like it's paranormal!
723
00:57:24,140 --> 00:57:26,640
Looks like Hitler's ghost
is here.
724
00:57:26,641 --> 00:57:29,476
Yeah! Yeah, fuck me
like you don't know me!
725
00:57:29,477 --> 00:57:31,612
Oh, God,
you're such a big ghost!
726
00:57:31,613 --> 00:57:34,724
- God, I love poltergeists! Yeah!
- Right, right, right.
727
00:57:41,724 --> 00:57:44,658
Okay.
728
00:57:44,659 --> 00:57:46,361
Whoa!
729
00:57:46,362 --> 00:57:48,697
Close the door! Close the door!
Close it!
730
00:57:48,698 --> 00:57:50,802
Sorry.
731
00:57:53,802 --> 00:57:57,138
- Hello. Hi. Come on in.
- Hi.
732
00:57:57,139 --> 00:57:58,706
We weren't expecting visitors.
733
00:57:58,707 --> 00:58:00,475
Oh, no, that's okay.
734
00:58:00,476 --> 00:58:03,075
- It's small, but we get by.
- Didn't mean to intrude.
735
00:58:03,076 --> 00:58:05,177
Sit down,
welcome to our humble abode.
736
00:58:05,178 --> 00:58:06,882
- Welcome.
- We know it's not much.
737
00:58:06,883 --> 00:58:10,817
Hey, what you guys saw
back there, totally nothing.
738
00:58:10,818 --> 00:58:13,320
- Hey, we're not here to judge.
- Yeah, no.
739
00:58:13,321 --> 00:58:15,488
- That was actually science, okay?
- Yeah.
740
00:58:15,489 --> 00:58:17,393
We can't really get into it
because it's...
741
00:58:17,394 --> 00:58:20,261
- Guys, it's fine.
- It's fine. Listen.
742
00:58:20,262 --> 00:58:23,263
Things are getting worse
at the house.
743
00:58:23,264 --> 00:58:27,569
Um, hey, uh, why are you filming
all of this?
744
00:58:27,570 --> 00:58:30,436
I just feel the need
to record everything.
745
00:58:30,437 --> 00:58:32,572
- Good call.
- Yeah, good call, my man.
746
00:58:32,573 --> 00:58:34,206
We actually do the same thing.
747
00:58:34,207 --> 00:58:35,541
- Camera twins.
- Let's go.
748
00:58:35,542 --> 00:58:37,209
- Okay, look, guys,
- Okay.
749
00:58:37,210 --> 00:58:39,514
We really,
really need your help.
750
00:58:39,515 --> 00:58:41,616
All right. Step number one.
751
00:58:41,617 --> 00:58:45,284
You gotta hire yourself
a Hispanic gay manny, all right?
752
00:58:45,285 --> 00:58:47,920
But he's not gonna do
any of his chores.
753
00:58:47,921 --> 00:58:49,590
Instead, this is the kicker.
754
00:58:49,591 --> 00:58:51,124
Here's the kicker.
I love this part.
755
00:58:51,125 --> 00:58:53,559
This is great. He's gonna be
up in his room
756
00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:55,095
all day with some secret lover
757
00:58:55,096 --> 00:58:58,067
that nobody really knows
or understands at all.
758
00:58:58,068 --> 00:59:01,069
I'm sorry.
Are you frigging kidding me?
759
00:59:01,070 --> 00:59:03,770
What, effing?
760
00:59:03,771 --> 00:59:06,540
You've just described
our manny Felipe.
761
00:59:06,541 --> 00:59:08,108
- Great. Awesome.
- All right.
762
00:59:08,109 --> 00:59:10,242
I'll check that one off.
Moving on.
763
00:59:10,243 --> 00:59:12,211
- All right, here we go.
- Number two.
764
00:59:12,212 --> 00:59:14,280
You're gonna have to do
a very bad job
765
00:59:14,281 --> 00:59:16,383
at raising a teenage girl, okay?
766
00:59:16,384 --> 00:59:18,985
That way she can have a very
rebellious phase in her teens.
767
00:59:18,986 --> 00:59:21,420
I'm talking tattoos.
I'm talking piercings.
768
00:59:21,421 --> 00:59:24,559
I'm talking things to do
with dragons. You get my drift?
769
00:59:26,394 --> 00:59:27,895
You guys? Okay.
770
00:59:27,896 --> 00:59:29,563
Great.
You guys already have that.
771
00:59:29,564 --> 00:59:31,831
Here's number three.
Aaron, this is just for you.
772
00:59:31,832 --> 00:59:34,936
All you gotta do is stumble upon
two naked dudes in their van.
773
00:59:34,937 --> 00:59:38,670
That's it.
That's all there is to it.
774
01:00:10,606 --> 01:00:12,506
Aaron! Aaron!
775
01:00:12,507 --> 01:00:15,375
No, no!
776
01:00:15,376 --> 01:00:17,112
Aaron!
777
01:00:18,112 --> 01:00:19,547
No.
778
01:00:55,550 --> 01:00:58,829
Fuck. I forgot the crisps.
779
01:01:08,931 --> 01:01:10,201
Oh, good morning.
780
01:01:12,201 --> 01:01:15,203
How long have you been up?
Honey?
781
01:01:15,204 --> 01:01:18,507
You okay? Hello?
782
01:01:19,507 --> 01:01:21,442
Dana?
783
01:01:21,443 --> 01:01:25,751
Dana. Honey, talk to me.
What are you...?
784
01:01:31,753 --> 01:01:33,754
Holy mother of cotton.
785
01:01:33,755 --> 01:01:38,961
Dana. Baby?
Baby. Say some...
786
01:01:39,961 --> 01:01:43,196
"Get out of my house...
787
01:01:43,197 --> 01:01:46,702
...buttnuts"?
788
01:01:50,639 --> 01:01:52,141
Hello?
789
01:01:53,141 --> 01:01:54,709
Hello, sir.
790
01:01:54,710 --> 01:01:57,245
You wanna come here?
791
01:01:57,246 --> 01:02:01,281
No, no. That's fantastic, sir.
My house is your house.
792
01:02:01,282 --> 01:02:02,619
Bye-bye.
793
01:02:04,619 --> 01:02:07,489
Dana, that was the CEO
of the Umbrella Corporation.
794
01:02:07,490 --> 01:02:11,591
He's coming here.
Isn't that great? Wha...?
795
01:02:11,592 --> 01:02:12,959
Oh, right.
796
01:02:12,960 --> 01:02:14,729
I've gotta figure out
797
01:02:14,730 --> 01:02:17,568
how to get you depossessed
before he gets here.
798
01:02:20,568 --> 01:02:22,570
But since you're
unconscious anyway...
799
01:02:22,571 --> 01:02:24,839
No.
800
01:02:24,840 --> 01:02:26,108
Okay.
801
01:02:45,994 --> 01:02:48,462
Sluggy?
802
01:02:48,463 --> 01:02:51,166
Sluggy Kornnutz,
exorcism specialist.
803
01:03:03,612 --> 01:03:08,716
In the name of the Lord Jesus
Christ and all of his saviors,
804
01:03:08,717 --> 01:03:11,451
I command you, evict this body
805
01:03:11,452 --> 01:03:16,893
and return back to the bowels
of hell from whence you came.
806
01:03:17,893 --> 01:03:19,362
Defiant one.
807
01:03:21,362 --> 01:03:23,664
They hate this.
808
01:03:35,978 --> 01:03:37,412
What? What? What?
What's going on?
809
01:03:38,012 --> 01:03:40,882
She's being possessed by
the deadliest of demons:
810
01:03:40,883 --> 01:03:42,683
Her inner demons.
811
01:03:42,684 --> 01:03:45,487
We all have them. We try to
fight them on a daily basis,
812
01:03:45,488 --> 01:03:46,854
whether it's eating
813
01:03:46,855 --> 01:03:48,554
the last half-pint
of strawberry ice cream
814
01:03:48,555 --> 01:03:50,659
or shooting up
an armful of smack...
815
01:03:50,660 --> 01:03:53,996
Sluggy. Please.
816
01:03:54,996 --> 01:03:56,363
Sorry.
817
01:03:56,364 --> 01:03:59,200
Time to bring out the big guns.
818
01:03:59,201 --> 01:04:02,535
- What are you doing?
- An intervention. Ahh!
819
01:04:02,536 --> 01:04:05,105
Stop, stop. Stop it.
820
01:04:05,106 --> 01:04:09,880
- What? What's wrong?
- You're not shooting my wife.
821
01:04:11,880 --> 01:04:16,885
Suit yourself. We'll stick
with the chosen plan.
822
01:05:04,632 --> 01:05:08,570
Oh! I'm okay. I'm back.
823
01:05:09,570 --> 01:05:12,175
- Mazel tov!
- Mazel tov!
824
01:05:19,014 --> 01:05:20,916
Ugh! Oh!
825
01:05:26,521 --> 01:05:30,124
You've got 20 minutes
to knock my socks off.
826
01:05:30,125 --> 01:05:34,369
But first, I need your bathroom.
I just sharted myself.
827
01:05:49,043 --> 01:05:51,347
Very impressed.
828
01:05:52,347 --> 01:05:55,150
- You've got everything covered.
- Thank you.
829
01:05:55,151 --> 01:05:57,852
What do you know about
umbrellas?
830
01:05:57,853 --> 01:06:00,187
I'm sorry?
831
01:06:00,188 --> 01:06:04,529
What do you know about
umbrellas?
832
01:06:07,529 --> 01:06:09,567
You...
833
01:06:12,567 --> 01:06:14,237
...use them when it rains?
834
01:06:16,237 --> 01:06:17,041
Aaron,
835
01:06:19,041 --> 01:06:20,307
you're hired.
836
01:06:22,143 --> 01:06:24,380
Oh, my God.
837
01:06:25,380 --> 01:06:28,016
All right. Hi.
Oh, my God. Hey. Thanks, guys.
838
01:06:29,016 --> 01:06:30,584
All right, enough.
839
01:06:30,585 --> 01:06:33,088
Listen, I need to use
your bathroom again.
840
01:06:33,089 --> 01:06:37,323
This time, not only did I shart,
but I peed myself too.
841
01:06:37,324 --> 01:06:38,329
Of course...
842
01:06:41,329 --> 01:06:44,330
You didn't pay
your electric bill?
843
01:06:44,331 --> 01:06:46,267
That's a loser move.
844
01:06:46,268 --> 01:06:48,768
Winners pay their bills.
845
01:06:48,769 --> 01:06:50,170
No, no, no, I pay my bills.
846
01:06:50,171 --> 01:06:52,572
All the time.
I'm a winner. Ask anybody.
847
01:06:52,573 --> 01:06:54,740
There's a short.
There's a short in the breaker.
848
01:06:54,741 --> 01:06:56,108
It happens all the time.
849
01:06:56,109 --> 01:06:57,709
I know that
you've got a plane to catch,
850
01:06:57,710 --> 01:06:59,213
so why don't we
just go out and...?
851
01:07:01,349 --> 01:07:06,856
Mm. Oh, thank you, honey.
852
01:07:08,856 --> 01:07:11,027
I've done some
messed-up shit in my life,
853
01:07:12,027 --> 01:07:15,129
but that is insanity.
854
01:07:15,130 --> 01:07:17,434
Aaron, you're fired.
855
01:07:19,434 --> 01:07:22,267
What...? Wait, wait, no, no, no.
I can explain. I can explain.
856
01:07:22,268 --> 01:07:25,371
Wait, sir. Sir. Right over here.
Look. Look in the closet. See?
857
01:07:25,372 --> 01:07:27,941
We've got three umbrell... Look.
Look, one of the umbrellas
858
01:07:27,942 --> 01:07:30,577
is already open
in case it rains in the house.
859
01:07:30,578 --> 01:07:32,311
Sir, just give me one more
chance, please.
860
01:07:32,312 --> 01:07:34,613
I'm gonna borrow your dog
for a few days.
861
01:07:34,614 --> 01:07:36,650
- I don't know if...
- Fantastic.
862
01:07:37,719 --> 01:07:39,886
d Baby d
863
01:07:39,887 --> 01:07:42,657
d There's something about
The way you do your thing d
864
01:07:42,658 --> 01:07:46,231
Generic? Loser.
865
01:07:49,231 --> 01:07:51,265
Damn it.
866
01:07:51,266 --> 01:07:53,567
Damn it! Shit!
867
01:07:53,568 --> 01:07:57,838
Yes. Now, that felt good.
Bloody good.
868
01:07:59,106 --> 01:08:01,609
So you think that's funny?
869
01:08:01,610 --> 01:08:04,612
Why don't you come out and show
yourself, you son of a bitch?
870
01:08:04,613 --> 01:08:06,480
Oh, you're so stupid.
871
01:08:06,481 --> 01:08:09,818
Yeah, sure, it's easy to haunt
people when you're invisible.
872
01:08:09,819 --> 01:08:13,591
- Come out here, you wuss.
- I'm a ghost.
873
01:08:19,627 --> 01:08:23,197
- Holy shit.
- Calm down.
874
01:08:23,198 --> 01:08:26,934
Now is not the time for fear.
875
01:08:26,935 --> 01:08:29,702
That comes later.
876
01:08:29,703 --> 01:08:31,705
What?
877
01:08:31,706 --> 01:08:35,643
Huh? I said, calm down.
878
01:08:35,644 --> 01:08:40,550
Now is not the time for fear.
That comes later.
879
01:08:41,550 --> 01:08:43,885
I'm sorry, I'm not getting it.
880
01:08:46,488 --> 01:08:48,656
You dumb-ass.
881
01:08:48,657 --> 01:08:51,392
I said, calm down.
882
01:08:51,393 --> 01:08:54,661
Now is not the time for fear.
883
01:08:54,662 --> 01:08:56,197
That comes later.
884
01:08:56,198 --> 01:08:59,500
Oh, okay. No, no, no,
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
885
01:08:59,501 --> 01:09:02,814
Oh, shit. Oh, God. Ahh!
886
01:09:12,814 --> 01:09:16,519
What on earth
is going on down there?
887
01:09:17,519 --> 01:09:21,327
Honey, hi. You think
you could give me a hand?
888
01:09:25,327 --> 01:09:29,666
Why is Manuel the Guatemalan
gardener shirtless?
889
01:09:31,666 --> 01:09:34,867
All right. I got you now.
890
01:09:34,868 --> 01:09:37,609
Been waiting a long time.
891
01:09:42,610 --> 01:09:45,746
- This is some good shit.
- The best.
892
01:09:45,747 --> 01:09:48,521
- Buttery, isn't it?
- Amazing.
893
01:09:54,521 --> 01:09:56,591
That's my cock.
894
01:09:57,591 --> 01:09:59,635
You'd think it would be
circumcised.
895
01:10:06,635 --> 01:10:09,136
This is the scary part.
896
01:10:11,573 --> 01:10:13,577
What the hell is going on?
897
01:10:15,577 --> 01:10:19,612
Welcome! Welcome to the 74th
Annual Hunger Games.
898
01:10:19,613 --> 01:10:23,651
May the odds be ever
in your favor.
899
01:10:23,652 --> 01:10:27,090
Oh, for the love of God,
please have mercy!
900
01:10:29,090 --> 01:10:31,760
I don't want my ass
to be branded!
901
01:10:56,751 --> 01:10:58,818
Oh, my God. Honey.
902
01:10:58,819 --> 01:11:00,622
It's the Ghost Brothers.
903
01:11:01,855 --> 01:11:04,491
Take that, douche bags!
904
01:11:04,492 --> 01:11:05,694
You saved our lives.
905
01:11:05,695 --> 01:11:08,829
Oh! Oh, thank you so much.
906
01:11:20,307 --> 01:11:22,679
Oh, yeah,
we're getting out of here.
907
01:11:24,679 --> 01:11:27,814
Oh! Oh, no.
908
01:11:27,815 --> 01:11:29,654
Oh, no, dude.
909
01:11:32,654 --> 01:11:34,321
Ohh!
910
01:11:34,322 --> 01:11:35,688
Abe Lincoln, bro.
911
01:11:35,689 --> 01:11:39,193
Hey, hey, hey, Abraham Lincoln!
912
01:11:39,194 --> 01:11:40,395
What are you doing?
913
01:11:40,396 --> 01:11:42,729
Killing ghost hunters.
914
01:11:42,730 --> 01:11:44,363
But you're a vampire slayer.
915
01:11:44,364 --> 01:11:47,735
Yeah, well, getting tea-bagged
by a ghost changes a man.
916
01:11:47,736 --> 01:11:51,071
Oh, my God!
917
01:11:51,072 --> 01:11:52,538
Ow!
918
01:11:52,539 --> 01:11:55,341
No, no, no!
Please, don't! Don't!
919
01:11:55,342 --> 01:11:56,977
Die, you son of a bitch.
920
01:11:56,978 --> 01:11:59,380
- Oh!
- Die!
921
01:11:59,381 --> 01:12:02,683
Abe Lincoln's getting Tased.
922
01:12:02,684 --> 01:12:05,688
Leave my dad alone, bitch.
923
01:12:06,688 --> 01:12:08,554
- Liz?
- Honey.
924
01:12:08,555 --> 01:12:10,758
Honey, you look great.
925
01:12:10,759 --> 01:12:12,559
What happened to you?
926
01:12:12,560 --> 01:12:16,263
Guys, I'm so sorry
for being the rebellious,
927
01:12:16,264 --> 01:12:18,500
skanky, slutty teenager
for so long.
928
01:12:18,501 --> 01:12:21,033
You two deserve
better than that.
929
01:12:21,034 --> 01:12:23,201
You've been
the most amazing parents,
930
01:12:23,202 --> 01:12:24,736
and I love you both so much.
931
01:12:24,737 --> 01:12:26,906
- Oh, honey. We love you.
- We love you.
932
01:12:26,907 --> 01:12:29,944
Ah. Ow, ow. That's an ax.
That's an ax in my arm.
933
01:12:29,945 --> 01:12:32,712
There is one more bit
of exciting news.
934
01:12:32,713 --> 01:12:34,914
- You got off the meth?
- Your herpes cleared up?
935
01:12:34,915 --> 01:12:36,850
You're not a lesbian anymore?
936
01:12:36,851 --> 01:12:39,252
No. I met
the most amazing guy,
937
01:12:39,253 --> 01:12:41,055
and he's brought
so much positivity
938
01:12:41,056 --> 01:12:43,389
to my life on so many levels.
939
01:12:43,390 --> 01:12:47,395
Mom and Dad,
meet my new boyfriend Otto.
940
01:12:50,765 --> 01:12:52,470
Isn't he the sweetest?
941
01:12:55,470 --> 01:12:57,039
Does Otto have
a five-year plan?
942
01:12:59,039 --> 01:13:00,640
Uh, he's Jewish.
943
01:13:00,641 --> 01:13:04,426
- Oh, I love Jews.
- That's a good plan. I like it.
944
01:13:18,426 --> 01:13:22,062
I stood face to face
and fought off an attack,
945
01:13:22,063 --> 01:13:24,832
and I know that you want
all of the facts.
946
01:13:24,833 --> 01:13:28,805
So stick a fin in your ear
and dig out the wax!
947
01:13:37,612 --> 01:13:40,781
- Oh...
- Felipe!
948
01:13:40,782 --> 01:13:42,916
I'm just kidding!
949
01:13:42,917 --> 01:13:46,819
The cameras they had taped
and the mouse was afraid
950
01:13:46,820 --> 01:13:49,188
that his ass would get laid.
951
01:13:49,189 --> 01:13:52,426
If my ass would get laid!
952
01:13:58,632 --> 01:14:00,800
- Hey, gang!
- Dad?
953
01:14:00,801 --> 01:14:02,469
I know, I know.
954
01:14:02,470 --> 01:14:04,303
Yeah, I got kicked
out of the hospital
955
01:14:04,304 --> 01:14:06,472
for lewd misconduct,
whatever that means.
956
01:14:06,473 --> 01:14:08,141
So I thought I'd stay with you.
957
01:14:08,142 --> 01:14:10,176
Oh, no, we don't have the...
958
01:14:10,177 --> 01:14:12,479
Cool. Come in, ladies.
We got company.
959
01:14:12,480 --> 01:14:14,715
Awesome. Discount whores.
960
01:14:14,716 --> 01:14:16,148
The best.
961
01:14:16,149 --> 01:14:18,986
This is, uh, uh, uh...
962
01:14:18,987 --> 01:14:20,487
Bah!
963
01:14:20,488 --> 01:14:22,222
Okay, well, if you need me,
964
01:14:22,223 --> 01:14:25,526
I will be upstairs
doing the Jamaican Donut.
965
01:14:25,527 --> 01:14:28,728
Yeah. It's like yoga,
except it's stinky.
966
01:14:28,729 --> 01:14:30,662
Then we'll do
a Pittsburgh Platter,
967
01:14:30,663 --> 01:14:32,667
Cleveland Steamer.
We'll mix it up.
968
01:14:32,668 --> 01:14:34,800
So that was your real father?
969
01:14:34,801 --> 01:14:36,870
Yeah.
970
01:14:36,871 --> 01:14:38,839
I like him.
971
01:14:38,840 --> 01:14:40,578
I like him a lot.
972
01:14:43,578 --> 01:14:45,311
Are you effing kidding me?
973
01:14:45,312 --> 01:14:47,812
This is the biggest piece
of crap video I've ever seen.
974
01:14:47,813 --> 01:14:49,917
I know. We aren't
getting squat for it.
975
01:14:49,918 --> 01:14:51,751
I don't know.
976
01:14:51,752 --> 01:14:56,489
Well, I thought it was
pretty damn good.
977
01:14:56,490 --> 01:14:59,825
Could one of you be a dove and
get me another tub of popcorn?
978
01:14:59,826 --> 01:15:03,430
Extra butter, please,
with a splash of patchouli oil?
979
01:17:57,872 --> 01:18:01,541
d I like the taste of honey d
980
01:18:01,542 --> 01:18:05,444
d This ain't from a honey bee d
981
01:18:05,445 --> 01:18:09,049
d I like the sea and sunshine d
982
01:18:09,050 --> 01:18:11,601
d I like to feel I'm free d
983
01:18:27,601 --> 01:18:31,371
d I like the icy water d
984
01:18:31,372 --> 01:18:34,640
d I like to feel I'm tall d
985
01:18:34,641 --> 01:18:38,612
d I like your lips On my lips d
986
01:18:38,613 --> 01:18:41,648
d I'll catch you
When you fall d
987
01:18:41,649 --> 01:18:44,818
d I like it that way d
988
01:18:44,819 --> 01:18:47,722
d Yes, I like it that way d
989
01:18:48,722 --> 01:18:51,126
d I like it that way d
990
01:18:52,126 --> 01:18:54,845
d Yes, I like it that way d
991
01:19:11,845 --> 01:19:15,782
d I like the color purple d
992
01:19:15,783 --> 01:19:19,318
d It makes my world go round d
993
01:19:19,319 --> 01:19:22,956
d I like the shady palm tree d
994
01:19:22,957 --> 01:19:25,959
d When I lay on the ground d
995
01:19:25,960 --> 01:19:27,130
d I like it that way d
996
01:19:29,130 --> 01:19:31,333
d Yes, I like it that way d
997
01:19:33,333 --> 01:19:35,770
d I like it that way d
998
01:19:36,770 --> 01:19:39,675
d Yes, I like it that way d
999
01:19:40,675 --> 01:19:43,510
d I like it that way d
1000
01:19:43,511 --> 01:19:45,713
d I like it that way d
1001
01:19:46,713 --> 01:19:49,851
d Yes, I like it that way d