EVERY ONCE IN A
WHILE A BLOG POST OR BOOK GETS WRITTEN INDICATING THAT THERE
ARE PARENTS OUT THERE WHO FEEL LIKE THEY MAKE THE WORST
DECISION OF
THEIR LIVES BY DECIDING TO HAVE
CHILDREN.
RECENTLY THERE WAS THIS INSANELY GOOD PIECE IN THE
GUARDIAN WHERE A REPORTER SPOKE TO A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE
WHO OPENLY AND TRANSPARENTLY TALK ABOUT HOW THEY REGRET
HAVING KIDS.
WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
SOME PEOPLE PUSH
BACK ON THIS NOTION AND CRITICIZE AND RIDICULE THEM,
OTHERS FEEL A SENSE OF RELIEF BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING THROUGH
THE SAME THING AND THEY THOUGHT
THEY WERE ALONE.
LET ME GIVE YOU THE DETAILS ON SOME OF THESE
INDIVIDUALS.
THERE WAS THIS ONE WOMAN, HER NAME IS VICTORIA
ELDER.
SHE RESPONDED TO A QUESTION ON THIS WEBSITE CALLED
QUORA.
QUORA IS WHERE PEOPLE ASK A QUESTION AND PEOPLE ONLINE
TO ANSWER IT.
SHE RESPONDED WITH THE POP FOLLOWING ANSWER.
SHE
DIDN'T HIDE HER NAME IN THE POST AND SHE WAS JUST OPENLY TALKING
ABOUT WHAT SHE WENT THROUGH.
OF
COURSE SHE GOT HATE.
SO PEOPLE OF COURSE CRITICIZED HER.
>> AT SOME POINT THAT KID IS GOING TO GROW UP AND READ THAT.
THAT IS A LITTLE PROBLEMATIC.
I LIKE THE GUTS OF BEING ABLE TO
SAY THINGS PEOPLE ARE GOING TO
CRITICIZE.
IT IS SUCH A FORBIDDEN TOPIC.
YOU ARE A
MONSTER IF YOU SAY IT.
A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE THINKING IT AND WE
SHOULD HAVE AN OPEN DISCUSSION
ABOUT IT SO PEOPLE MAKE THE RIGHT DECISIONS.
IT DOESN'T MEAN
DON'T HAVE KIDS, IT MEANS SOME
PEOPLE LOVE KIDS.
>> I
THINK WOMEN LIKE VICTORIA ARE HEROES FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME.
THE REASON I SAY THAT IS BECAUSE
HAVING CHILDREN IS NOT A DECISION I TAKE LIKE LATELY.
I
LIKE TO WEIGH THE PROS AND CONS.
YOU CAN MAKE DECISIONS IN YOUR
LIFE AND THEN CORRECT THE COURSE IF YOU FEEL YOU'RE GOING IN THE
WRONG DIRECTION.
BUT ONCE YOU
HAVE A KID, YOU HAVE A KID.
YOU CAN'T CHANGE THAT.
THAT IS A
RESPONSIBILITY AND COMMITMENT
YOU WANT TO DEAL WITH FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
I APPRECIATE
PEOPLE WHO BREAK THE MOLD AND
SHARE THE TRUTH ABOUT THIS ROMANTICIZED IMAGE OF HAVING
KIDS.
HER DAUGHTER IS 18 YEARS OLD NOW.
>>SO SHE JUST READ IT NOW.
>>I THINK HER DAUGHTER RESPONDS WITH WHAT HER MOM MEANS.
HER MOM
LOVES HER A LOT.
IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HOW MUCH A
MOTHER'S LIFE HAS CHANGED BECAUSE YOU GIVE UP AND
SACRIFICE A LOT JUST SO YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF THIS KID.
LET ME
GIVE YOU SOME MORE.
>> THIS GROUP IS NOT KEEPING IT 100, THEY ARE KEEPING IT 1000.
>>THEY ARE.
>>SOME PEOPLE FEEL LIKE MONSTERS IF THEY CAN'T IMMEDIATELY FALL
MADLY IN LOVE WITH THEIR KIDS THE MINUTE THEY ARE BORN.
THE
MOVIES AND ALL OF SOCIETY TELL YOU THAT THE MINUTE THEY COME
OUT YOU HAVE NEVER FELT A LOVE LIKE THIS.
FOR SOME OF US THAT
DOES HAPPEN, BUT FOR PEOPLE WHO IT DOESN'T HAPPEN WHICH IS A
LOT, THEY THINK THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM.
IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A MONSTER, THAT IS JUST WHO YOU ARE AND
THAT IS OKAY.
>> THERE ARE SO MANY FACTORS AT PLAY.
OBVIOUSLY POSTPARTUM
DEPRESSION HAS A LOT TO DO WITH
WHETHER OR NOT A MOTHER CAN BOND WITH THE CHILD.
THERE IS ALSO
THE ISSUE OF NOT REALIZING AHEAD OF TIME THAT YOU ARE GOING TO
SACRIFICE A LOT WHETHER IT IS YOUR CAREER, YOUR FREE TIME,
YOUR BODY.
AGAIN YOU GO ON INSTAGRAM, THESE NEW MOMS ON
INSTAGRAM, IT IS LIKE OH MY GOD I JUST HAD A KID LIKE TWO HOURS
AGO, LOOK AT MY ABS.
>>SO, WHO IS THAT?
>>PEOPLE LOOK AT THAT AND THEY THINK YEAH, I'M GOING TO POP
THIS BABY OUT AND IT WILL BE FINE.
BUT FOR THE VAST MAJORITY
OF WOMEN THEY DON'T HAVE ABS
BEFORE OR AFTER THE BABY.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING?
I WANT TO
GIVE YOU MORE.
HERE IS A FATHER'S POST I THINK
IS
FASCINATING.
>> YOU DO HAVE TO KEEP IT REAL, EVEN IF YOU LOVE YOUR KIDS AND
DON'T REGRET IT IT IS STILL A
GIANT RESPONSIBILITY.
YOUR LIFE IS DEFINITELY DIFFERENT THAN IT
USED TO BE.
YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF A WHOLE OTHER HUMAN
BEING.
THEY CAN'T TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES FOR A LONG TIME.
YOU
HAVE TO TEND TO EVERY POOP,
EVERY CRY.
YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING.
SOME PEOPLE DO
IT MORE EQUITABLY, BUT LET'S KEEP IT REAL.
THE MOTHERS ARE BURDENED WITH IT SO MUCH MORE.
>>YES, AND THAT WAS COVERED HERE.
THERE WAS A WOMAN WHO
DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO HAVE KIDS,
SHE WAS 38.
SHE HAS A HUSBAND, AND HER HUSBAND WANTED ONE.
SO
SHE MADE IT WORK AND HAD A BABY.
THEY HAD AGREED AHEAD OF TIME
THAT THEY WOULD SPLIT THE
PARENTING 50-50.
AND SHE WAS LIKE IT WAS SO NAœVE.
HER
FRIENDS HAD WARNED HER AHEAD OF TIME.
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW
PROGRESSIVE YOUR HOUSEHOLD IS,
NO MATTER WHAT THINGS TEND TO FALL BACK INTO TRADITIONAL
GENDER ROLES INSIDE THE
HOUSEHOLD.
ALSO I WANT TO READ A QUOTE THAT SHE ALSO GAVE ABOUT
WHY SHE HATES PARENTING SO MUCH.
>> THESE PEOPLE ARE KEEPING IT TOO REAL.
>> ONE FINAL QUOTE.
OH MY GOD.
THAT IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT
PERSPECTIVE TO SHARE.
PEOPLE LIKE ME NEED TO KNOW.
THIS IS
THE OTHER SIDE.
ONE SIDE IS THE SEXY INSTAGRAM MOM WITH THE
SIXPACK.
>>THE OTHER SIDE IS THAT CONNECTION TO ANOTHER HUMAN
BEING AND A FEELING THAT IF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO EXPERIENCE
IT IS TRULY UNLIKE ANY OTHER
FEELING YOU HAVE EVER FELT.
THIS LOVE IN THIS CONNECTION.
I FEEL
TERRIBLE SAYING IT BECAUSE IT IS
SO CHEESY.
BUT IT IS TRUE.
A FEELING I NEVER FELT BEFORE.
THE
BEST ARGUMENT MY WIFE EVER MADE
WAS HEY, YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE ALL OF LIFE AND YOU CARE DEEPLY
ABOUT IT AND THAT IS PART OF THE REASON WHY YOU ARE CONCERNED
ABOUT HAVING KIDS BECAUSE YOU
WON'T GET TO DO AS MUCH.
WE KNEW THAT GOING IN.
SHE SAID PART OF
EXPERIENCING LIFE IS EXPERIENCING HAVING A KID.
IF
YOU HAVE NEVER LIVED THAT, HAVE
YOU REALLY LIVED LIFE?
IT WAS SUCH A GREAT POINT AND SHE WAS
RIGHT.
AND I HAVE LOVED IT.
THAT WAS THE OTHER SIDE, NOT THE
STUPID MOM WITH THE ABS.
BUT HAVING SAID THAT THERE IS A
PRICE.
WOMEN YOU HAVE TO BE REALISTIC.
EVEN IN MY
RELATIONSHIP WHERE WE BOTH HAVE BEEN WORKING FOR MOST OF OUR
MARRIAGE.
SHE MADE MORE MONEY
THAN I DID WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED.
SHE WAS A SOCIAL
WORKER.
I MADE VERY LITTLE MONEY.
SO SHE CARRIED US FOR A
WHILE.
THEN WHEN SHE GOT PREGNANT, I CARRIED US, BUT SHE
HAD TO TAKE CARE OF THE KID AND NOW SHE IS BACK AS A FULL-TIME
THERAPIST.
I WOULD COME HOME AND I MIGHT CHANGE FOR DIAPERS IN A
ROW AND I AM GOING AROUND LIKE I AM FUCKING ROCKY.
>>YOU JUST MADE A REALLY GREAT POINT.
YOU WILL FEEL LIKE A
CHAMPION BUT SOCIETY WILL ALSO
LOOK AT YOU AS A CHAMPION.
WHEREAS PEOPLE WILL SAY O HE IS
SUCH A GOOD DAD, HE CHANGED A DIAPER ONCE A WEEK.
FOR WOMEN IT
IS MORE ABOUT RIDICULING OR CRITICIZING THEM IF THEY ARE NOT
DOING A PERFECT JOB RAISING
THEIR KIDS.
THERE IS ALSO THAT DOUBLE STANDARD.
JUDGMENT FOR THE MOM, AND A LOT OF APPLAUSE FOR THE DAD.
>> THE BAR IS SET SO LOW FOR DADS.
AS LONG AS YOU ARE THERE
AND YOU ARE NOT A MANIAC, EVERYONE IS LIKE PAT ON THE BACK
BIG GUY.
YOU EVEN LIKE YOUR KIDS.
AND FOR MOMS, IF YOU ARE
NOT JUGGLING THREE DIAPERS AT A TIME THEY ARE LIKE WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU?
IT IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT UNFAIR STANDARD.
JUST
BE MINDFUL OF IT.
JUST MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION.
I HAVE
FRIENDS WHO HAVE KIDS WHO SAY IT IS THE GREATEST DECISION THEY
EVER MADE.
I HAVE FRIENDS THAT DON'T HAVE KIDS AND ARE
ECSTATIC.
THEY TRAVEL THE WORLD,
THEY ARE IN PARIS FOR SIX WEEKS.
I AM LIKE OH MY GOD THAT IS SUCH
A GREAT LIFE.
WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT.
EVEN THOUGH THESE PEOPLE ARE KEEPING
IT TOO REAL, AT LEAST THEY ARE LETTING YOU KNOW THE OTHER SIDE
AND THAT IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD
KNOW.