1 00:00:00,082 --> 00:00:01,458 Katie is amazing! 2 00:00:01,541 --> 00:00:03,335 McKinley and Ben were so good. 3 00:00:03,418 --> 00:00:04,962 I can't believe Andy is so talented. 4 00:00:05,045 --> 00:00:07,047 - Hey! - Hey! 5 00:00:07,131 --> 00:00:09,174 - "Zoot Suit" killed. - Oh, I know! 6 00:00:09,258 --> 00:00:12,469 Listen, um, do you wanna go to the staff party together? 7 00:00:12,552 --> 00:00:15,555 The staff party? I'll already be there. 8 00:00:15,639 --> 00:00:17,015 I'm DJing the staff party. 9 00:00:17,933 --> 00:00:19,143 I'm DJ Ski Mask. 10 00:00:19,226 --> 00:00:21,854 - You're DJ Ski Mask. - Yeah. Do you wanna be my date? 11 00:00:22,897 --> 00:00:24,649 - Yeah. - Awesome. 12 00:00:24,732 --> 00:00:25,900 - Okay, I'll see you there. - Okay. 13 00:00:25,983 --> 00:00:27,693 - Or I could pick you up. - What? 14 00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:29,069 I could pick you up before. We can walk there. 15 00:00:29,153 --> 00:00:30,570 - Okay, yeah. - Okay. Okay. 16 00:00:30,654 --> 00:00:33,198 - I'll be in my bunk. - Okay, I'll have the mask on. 17 00:00:33,282 --> 00:00:34,449 - Okay. - Okay. 18 00:00:34,533 --> 00:00:37,536 - Where's your bunk? - I'm right behind the lake house. 19 00:00:37,619 --> 00:00:38,912 - Okay. - Okay. I'll see you there? 20 00:00:38,996 --> 00:00:40,122 - Okay. - Okay. 21 00:00:40,205 --> 00:00:41,415 And you'll wear the mask. 22 00:00:41,498 --> 00:00:43,167 - Right here. Goodbye! - Okay. 23 00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:46,837 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 24 00:00:48,547 --> 00:00:51,758 {an8}Ask not for whom the bell tolls, my fellow campers. 25 00:00:51,842 --> 00:00:53,510 {an8}It tolls for thee. 26 00:00:53,593 --> 00:00:57,056 {an8}It's 10:00 p.m., and you know what that means. Lights out. 27 00:00:57,139 --> 00:00:59,349 {an8}Time for every camper to be in their bunk, 28 00:00:59,433 --> 00:01:02,061 {an8}while the staff party's just heating up. 29 00:01:02,144 --> 00:01:05,564 {an8}As for me, I'll be burning the midnight oil. 30 00:01:05,647 --> 00:01:08,108 {an8}Think of me as your night watchman. 31 00:01:08,192 --> 00:01:10,069 {an8}Oh, my God, Arty, are you still in here? 32 00:01:10,152 --> 00:01:11,195 {an8}Shh! 33 00:01:11,278 --> 00:01:14,031 {an8}Ten bells and all is well. Sleep tight, Camp Firewood. 34 00:01:14,114 --> 00:01:16,033 {an8}And sweet dreams. 35 00:01:16,116 --> 00:01:17,701 {an8}Arty, come on, bedtime. 36 00:01:17,784 --> 00:01:19,870 {an8}I could get in a lot of trouble. Also, I'm late for the party. 37 00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:21,455 Can you give me ten more minutes? 38 00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:32,299 Whoo! Look at you in that monkey suit, you handsome devil! 39 00:01:32,382 --> 00:01:33,550 Yeah? Do I look okay? 40 00:01:33,633 --> 00:01:35,760 - Shari will be here any minute. - Shari? 41 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:38,180 Shari, my girlfriend from high school, Vic. Come on, man! 42 00:01:38,263 --> 00:01:39,806 Oh, right, hey, Shari. 43 00:01:39,890 --> 00:01:41,516 You know what, man, you look like a million bucks. 44 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,518 You're actually gonna give me a run for my money tonight. 45 00:01:43,602 --> 00:01:45,729 - What do you mean? - The virginity bet, remember? 46 00:01:45,813 --> 00:01:46,856 Yeah, look, Victor. 47 00:01:46,939 --> 00:01:48,482 I know we made the bet, but I gotta tell you, 48 00:01:48,565 --> 00:01:49,984 Shari's not like the girls here. 49 00:01:50,067 --> 00:01:52,694 I mean, she's like a good girl. She doesn't put out. 50 00:01:52,777 --> 00:01:56,198 Neil, it is definitely time for you to get your dong in a thong. Okay? 51 00:01:56,281 --> 00:01:58,325 And, uh, there's gonna be a keg at the party tonight, 52 00:01:58,408 --> 00:02:00,535 - so she's definitely gonna be in the mood. - Yeah. 53 00:02:00,619 --> 00:02:01,745 Who you gonna go for tonight? 54 00:02:01,829 --> 00:02:02,830 - That's a good question. - Yeah! 55 00:02:02,913 --> 00:02:05,165 That's a really good question. I mean, the list goes on and on. 56 00:02:05,249 --> 00:02:06,917 - To the break of dawn. - Shit. 57 00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:08,543 Shit. 58 00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:12,172 No, it really depends on who dings my dong first. 59 00:02:12,256 --> 00:02:14,466 It's like, "Bing-bong! Who's there?" "Ooh, two of us at once!" 60 00:02:14,549 --> 00:02:16,301 "Hey, take it easy, ladies. Get in line, okay? 61 00:02:16,385 --> 00:02:19,388 I only got so many balls to pass around. One, two. That's it!" 62 00:02:19,471 --> 00:02:21,932 Yeah, Vic, you really are the man! 63 00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:23,893 Yeah, just terrific stuff. It's spot on stuff. 64 00:02:23,976 --> 00:02:25,394 I'm gonna give you a little tip. 65 00:02:25,477 --> 00:02:27,562 - This is aftershave. All right? - Okay. 66 00:02:27,646 --> 00:02:30,190 Ladies love it when your junk smells good. 67 00:02:30,274 --> 00:02:31,316 Ooh, I didn't know that. 68 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,735 - Watch this. - Okay. 69 00:02:33,818 --> 00:02:34,945 - The more the better. - Yeah? 70 00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:36,196 Mmm-hmm. 71 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:37,614 Okay. 72 00:02:38,282 --> 00:02:39,283 That's a lot. 73 00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:41,243 Oof. 74 00:02:41,326 --> 00:02:42,327 I can smell that. 75 00:02:42,411 --> 00:02:44,538 - Your turn. - Okay. 76 00:02:47,832 --> 00:02:48,833 Like this? 77 00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:50,920 Little bit more, you gotta make it sting. 78 00:02:53,964 --> 00:02:55,966 There you go. There you go. 79 00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,717 There you go. 80 00:03:00,137 --> 00:03:01,721 Oh, God, it stings. 81 00:03:02,514 --> 00:03:03,848 Hey. 82 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:05,267 - Vic! - There you go. 83 00:03:05,350 --> 00:03:07,019 - Vic! Oh, my God! - There you go. 84 00:03:07,102 --> 00:03:09,813 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. 85 00:03:09,896 --> 00:03:11,731 Two, three, four, five, six, seven. 86 00:03:11,815 --> 00:03:13,900 I can't write the story, Alan. 87 00:03:13,984 --> 00:03:16,695 No, no, no, no, no. You don't have a choice here, Lindsay. 88 00:03:16,778 --> 00:03:20,365 I've already prepped the advertisers, they're expecting a big summer camp story. 89 00:03:20,449 --> 00:03:24,328 These people are my friends. I've known them for 12 hours. 90 00:03:24,411 --> 00:03:26,288 I can't hurt them! I won't. 91 00:03:26,371 --> 00:03:28,665 I warned you not to get too close, didn't I? 92 00:03:28,748 --> 00:03:30,084 - I warned you! - I know. 93 00:03:30,792 --> 00:03:31,835 I know. 94 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:33,963 - You're a professional! - Yes, I remember. 95 00:03:34,046 --> 00:03:37,716 Well, then act like it and call in the story, pronto! 96 00:03:37,799 --> 00:03:39,551 Print deadline is midnight tonight! 97 00:03:43,513 --> 00:03:45,890 Hey, party people in the house! 98 00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:49,478 It's me, DJ Ski Mask, otherwise known as Ben, the theater counselor. 99 00:03:49,561 --> 00:03:50,854 It's me! Here we go! 100 00:03:50,938 --> 00:03:52,106 Hey, Katie. 101 00:03:58,528 --> 00:03:59,989 Hey! 102 00:04:04,909 --> 00:04:05,995 You wanna dance? 103 00:04:07,787 --> 00:04:08,872 Jesus, Katie. 104 00:04:08,956 --> 00:04:10,958 You know, first you blow me off, then you wanna hang out. 105 00:04:11,041 --> 00:04:12,709 You're like hot and sour soup. 106 00:04:12,792 --> 00:04:15,254 Hot, then sour. Hot, then sour. 107 00:04:15,337 --> 00:04:17,631 You know, life isn't like a Chinese restaurant, Katie. 108 00:04:17,714 --> 00:04:19,258 And there's sure as hell a lot more things 109 00:04:19,341 --> 00:04:21,843 on the menu besides hot and sour soup. 110 00:04:21,926 --> 00:04:25,514 Why don't you try some moo shu pork for once in your life, Katie? 111 00:04:25,597 --> 00:04:29,476 You never know. You might just like the way it tastes. 112 00:04:33,938 --> 00:04:37,359 You look so beautiful tonight, Shari. I'm so happy you're here. 113 00:04:37,442 --> 00:04:41,613 Oh, I'm nervous. I've never been to a beer party before. 114 00:04:41,696 --> 00:04:43,448 What if your camp friends don't like me? 115 00:04:43,532 --> 00:04:46,410 Are you kidding? They're gonna love you. 116 00:04:46,493 --> 00:04:47,952 I'm worried you're not gonna like them. 117 00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:49,371 I wanna dip my balls in it! 118 00:04:49,454 --> 00:04:51,665 They can be a bit raunchy sometimes. 119 00:04:51,748 --> 00:04:55,627 Well, I can be a bit raunchy sometimes, too. 120 00:04:55,710 --> 00:04:59,839 Eat my pussy, Mr. Shit Cock Fucker. I can't believe I said that! 121 00:04:59,923 --> 00:05:02,717 - I said it! - God! You are amazing! 122 00:05:02,801 --> 00:05:05,262 Hey, Zach, I'm feeling a little Livvy John tonight. 123 00:05:05,345 --> 00:05:08,057 I'm gonna get physical with those two ladies. 124 00:05:14,021 --> 00:05:16,356 Can we help you? 125 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,733 But I'm gonna do it later. They seem to... 126 00:05:22,862 --> 00:05:24,739 Hey, you. 127 00:05:25,824 --> 00:05:28,452 - Hey. - I saw you looking at me. 128 00:05:28,535 --> 00:05:29,661 Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't... 129 00:05:29,744 --> 00:05:31,246 No, I was just checking to see 130 00:05:31,330 --> 00:05:33,790 if everybody was having a good time at the party. I didn't... 131 00:05:33,873 --> 00:05:37,086 I wasn't intended... I wasn't... I wasn't... 132 00:05:37,169 --> 00:05:40,630 My point was... is... I wasn't focused in on you. 133 00:05:40,714 --> 00:05:42,966 So do you like what you see here or what? 134 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,553 Sure, sure. Yeah, yes, yes. 135 00:05:46,636 --> 00:05:48,597 So, what's your story, Mr. Thing? 136 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,350 Are you like big man on campus here or what? 137 00:05:52,642 --> 00:05:58,690 Uh, yeah, whatever, you know. It's like... I'm adventure counselor. 138 00:05:58,773 --> 00:06:01,443 And, you know, I like to party. I like to have a good time. 139 00:06:01,526 --> 00:06:03,027 So, you know, stuff like that. 140 00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:04,571 What do you do for fun, huh? 141 00:06:04,654 --> 00:06:07,574 You know, like, pretty much, you know, like... 142 00:06:11,745 --> 00:06:14,498 Like, fucking and stuff like that. 143 00:06:15,790 --> 00:06:18,168 You know, I could show you if you want. 144 00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:20,712 - Sure. - Really? 145 00:06:20,795 --> 00:06:25,259 - I mean, that's cool, right? - Yeah! Yeah. So cool. 146 00:06:25,342 --> 00:06:27,511 You know, it's like, I mean, I do it all the time, 147 00:06:27,594 --> 00:06:28,887 so why should tonight be any different? 148 00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:31,973 You're cute, kid. I like you. 149 00:06:35,644 --> 00:06:37,187 Cool. 150 00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:38,480 Hey! 151 00:06:38,563 --> 00:06:40,899 Oh, wow. Coop, what are you wearing? 152 00:06:40,982 --> 00:06:42,942 Coop! Really going for it! 153 00:06:43,026 --> 00:06:47,947 Yeah. Yaron lent me the earring and the vest, and Donna gave me the shirt. 154 00:06:48,948 --> 00:06:51,034 - I think it looks rad. - Oh, thanks. 155 00:06:51,117 --> 00:06:54,496 Actually, it's not red. It's more maroon. 156 00:06:54,579 --> 00:06:57,123 Anyway, what do you do? What about you? What do you do? 157 00:06:57,207 --> 00:07:01,211 Oh, I'm a choreographer. But, like, my real passion is playwriting. 158 00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:06,090 In fact, I have a play, Woman, Wine, and Why the World Is Round, 159 00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:09,636 which is world premiering at Westbeth, so pretty excited. 160 00:07:09,719 --> 00:07:11,012 I love that place. The West... The... 161 00:07:12,639 --> 00:07:14,224 Kid, you wanna make it with me or what? 162 00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:19,229 - Yes, yes. Sure. As always, as always. - Oh, yeah? 163 00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:22,149 All right. Well, I'm gonna go freshen up 164 00:07:22,232 --> 00:07:24,818 and then I'm gonna meet you in your bunk in 30 minutes. 165 00:07:24,901 --> 00:07:28,988 And I don't know where you been, so bring a prophylactic or two. 166 00:07:29,614 --> 00:07:30,782 Or four. 167 00:07:31,533 --> 00:07:34,118 Rubbers. Rubbers! 168 00:07:35,912 --> 00:07:39,458 Hey, guys, this is my girlfriend from home, Shari. 169 00:07:39,541 --> 00:07:42,377 - Hi. - It's really nice to meet you, Shari. 170 00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:45,672 Yeah, welcome to Camp Firewood. What's ours is yours! 171 00:07:45,755 --> 00:07:47,591 - Aren't they great? - So nice! 172 00:07:47,674 --> 00:07:49,343 How long you thinking about hanging around camp? 173 00:07:49,426 --> 00:07:52,053 Oh. As long as Neil lets me! 174 00:07:52,136 --> 00:07:53,763 I think I'll keep her. 175 00:07:53,847 --> 00:07:55,182 Neil's a terrific guy. 176 00:07:55,265 --> 00:07:56,641 - Oh, gosh, he is the best. - Neil's a terrific guy. 177 00:07:56,725 --> 00:07:57,934 Ask anybody. 178 00:07:58,017 --> 00:08:01,646 Yeah, ask anybody here at camp. We just hold him in such high regard. 179 00:08:01,730 --> 00:08:03,398 - He is the cream of the crop. - Cream of the crop. 180 00:08:03,482 --> 00:08:06,276 - So complimentary. - Can't do much better. You could do worse. 181 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:07,611 Yeah, that's for sure. 182 00:08:07,694 --> 00:08:10,530 But you I know specifically cannot do better than him. 183 00:08:11,448 --> 00:08:16,203 Rubbers. Rubbers. Prophyls. Get some prophyls. Prophyls. 184 00:08:17,579 --> 00:08:19,289 Can I help you, mister? 185 00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:20,749 Yes. Um... 186 00:08:25,128 --> 00:08:26,505 May I have a... 187 00:08:28,465 --> 00:08:32,469 - a comb and a TV Guide, please? - Mmm-hmm. 188 00:08:32,552 --> 00:08:34,388 Yeah. 189 00:08:34,471 --> 00:08:37,224 And I'll take this keychain. 190 00:08:37,307 --> 00:08:39,393 - Yeah. - And what else? 191 00:08:39,476 --> 00:08:41,395 A deck of cards, probably need one of those. 192 00:08:41,478 --> 00:08:42,604 Yeah. 193 00:08:42,687 --> 00:08:44,314 - Okay, can I get the... - All right. 194 00:08:45,482 --> 00:08:48,527 Condoms and the lube, please? 195 00:08:49,986 --> 00:08:52,781 Hold on, please, I gotta ask the manager about a price here. 196 00:08:52,864 --> 00:08:54,073 - Wait, no, no, no! - Tony? 197 00:08:54,157 --> 00:08:55,199 No, no, no, no, no. 198 00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:56,660 Tony, how much for the keychain? 199 00:08:56,743 --> 00:08:59,288 Stop! I don't... 200 00:08:59,371 --> 00:09:01,164 It's not for me, I swear. Okay? I don't even have keys. 201 00:09:01,248 --> 00:09:04,208 No, I just want the rubbers and the lube and I don't care about any of this. 202 00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:06,711 - What's the cost on the keychain... - Stop it! Don't, don't, don't! 203 00:09:06,795 --> 00:09:08,880 Tony, the guy wants to buy a keychain. How much? 204 00:09:08,963 --> 00:09:10,465 I don't want it. I don't want the keychain! 205 00:09:10,549 --> 00:09:11,633 Yeah, right. 206 00:09:11,716 --> 00:09:13,552 It's for a friend. The keychain's for a friend. 207 00:09:13,635 --> 00:09:15,595 And what's the price on the TV Guide? 208 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:17,764 Just give me the rubbers and the lube and I'll be on my way, okay? 209 00:09:17,847 --> 00:09:19,641 I also need a price on the cards... 210 00:09:19,724 --> 00:09:21,643 - Ah! Don't... - And a comb... 211 00:09:21,726 --> 00:09:24,854 Oh, just give me the condoms and the fucking lube! Okay? 212 00:09:27,482 --> 00:09:29,943 Keychain! What a pervert! 213 00:09:31,861 --> 00:09:33,237 Yeah! 214 00:09:34,698 --> 00:09:35,740 Andy! 215 00:09:35,824 --> 00:09:37,992 ♪ We want it all ♪ 216 00:09:38,076 --> 00:09:41,037 ♪ Our time is coming soon ♪ 217 00:09:41,871 --> 00:09:43,081 Strum that thing! 218 00:09:44,207 --> 00:09:46,460 ♪ We walk it off ♪ 219 00:09:46,543 --> 00:09:48,587 ♪ A-whistlin' our tune ♪ 220 00:09:52,048 --> 00:09:53,967 ♪ Thunder in our heads ♪ 221 00:09:54,050 --> 00:09:56,511 ♪ Flowers in our beds I saw you ♪ 222 00:09:59,055 --> 00:10:00,765 ♪ Oh, I am a wolf ♪ 223 00:10:03,267 --> 00:10:05,144 ♪ Way out in the woods ♪ 224 00:10:07,146 --> 00:10:09,316 ♪ And you are the moon ♪ 225 00:10:09,399 --> 00:10:12,193 All right, last paragraph. 226 00:10:12,276 --> 00:10:14,738 - Mmm-hmm. - "Maybe it's true what they say. 227 00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:20,494 Teenagers are archetypes. If so, they were all here. 228 00:10:21,411 --> 00:10:23,037 The nice guy, 229 00:10:23,121 --> 00:10:24,914 the popular girl, 230 00:10:24,998 --> 00:10:26,207 the rebel, 231 00:10:26,290 --> 00:10:27,709 the goody-goody, 232 00:10:27,792 --> 00:10:29,293 the ladies' man, 233 00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:30,754 the sweetheart, 234 00:10:30,837 --> 00:10:32,422 the theater kid, 235 00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:34,048 the flirt, 236 00:10:34,132 --> 00:10:35,550 the sidekick, 237 00:10:35,634 --> 00:10:37,218 the wild man, 238 00:10:37,301 --> 00:10:38,470 the jock, 239 00:10:38,553 --> 00:10:39,888 um, that guy. 240 00:10:40,639 --> 00:10:42,599 No, I've never seen her before. 241 00:10:42,682 --> 00:10:44,308 Weird Al Yankovic, 242 00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:49,356 and finally, the one I fell in love with." 243 00:10:51,775 --> 00:10:53,652 Last sentence. 244 00:10:54,861 --> 00:10:58,823 "Everyone was represented at Camp Firewood. 245 00:11:00,199 --> 00:11:03,870 And everyone was welcome, 246 00:11:03,953 --> 00:11:05,372 including me." 247 00:11:06,915 --> 00:11:10,084 It's a heck of a story, dear. Real gonzo stuff. 248 00:11:10,168 --> 00:11:12,504 But why are you crying? 249 00:11:12,587 --> 00:11:15,298 Just file it, please. 250 00:11:20,219 --> 00:11:23,014 I really love your friends, Neil. They're wonderful. 251 00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,977 This is perfect. It is. 252 00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:38,154 No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. 253 00:11:39,781 --> 00:11:41,074 No. 254 00:11:46,538 --> 00:11:47,872 I don't understand. 255 00:11:48,832 --> 00:11:50,166 I'm sorry. 256 00:11:50,917 --> 00:11:52,544 Sorry for what? 257 00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:56,715 You're a pig! You're a pig! 258 00:11:56,798 --> 00:11:59,050 You're a big fat sloppy old pig! 259 00:11:59,133 --> 00:12:01,344 You've got lice! You pick boogers! 260 00:12:01,427 --> 00:12:03,555 You're a big fat sloppy old pig! 261 00:12:05,807 --> 00:12:07,976 Big pig! 262 00:12:10,269 --> 00:12:12,481 Big pig! 263 00:12:15,399 --> 00:12:17,736 God damn it, guys. What are you guys doing? 264 00:12:17,819 --> 00:12:20,196 What is wrong with you people? 265 00:12:20,279 --> 00:12:23,908 Shari! Shari! Wait, Shari! 266 00:12:27,704 --> 00:12:28,955 Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. 267 00:12:29,038 --> 00:12:30,248 Okay, everybody, 268 00:12:30,331 --> 00:12:32,542 here are the rules for seven minutes in heaven. 269 00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:34,293 Okay, you pick a name out of a hat, 270 00:12:34,377 --> 00:12:38,464 and then you go in the closet for seven full minutes. 271 00:12:38,548 --> 00:12:40,341 You can do whatever you feel like, 272 00:12:40,424 --> 00:12:43,427 but at the bare minimum, you must make out. 273 00:12:44,888 --> 00:12:47,223 Oh, wait a minute, someone has to be the timer. 274 00:12:47,306 --> 00:12:48,725 Oh, Kevin will do it. 275 00:12:48,808 --> 00:12:50,560 He's not gonna make out with anybody anyway. 276 00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,687 - I might. - No, you won't. 277 00:12:52,771 --> 00:12:54,480 Okay, so I'm gonna draw a name, 278 00:12:54,564 --> 00:12:59,027 and the person I'm going into the closet for seven minutes of heaven is Kyle! 279 00:12:59,110 --> 00:13:00,862 Ooh! 280 00:13:03,072 --> 00:13:04,616 Let's go. 281 00:13:07,493 --> 00:13:08,870 Start the timer. 282 00:13:12,373 --> 00:13:13,792 - To us! - Yeah. 283 00:13:13,875 --> 00:13:15,293 Cheers. 284 00:13:19,463 --> 00:13:22,008 There's an empty room over there. Let's go fill it up, huh? 285 00:13:22,091 --> 00:13:23,927 Uh... Sure. 286 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:27,806 Oh, hey, you guys. Hi, Coop. 287 00:13:27,889 --> 00:13:28,932 Hi, Gail. 288 00:13:29,015 --> 00:13:32,936 Have you met my husband Jeff? Or, I mean, my ex-husband. 289 00:13:33,019 --> 00:13:35,313 - Nice to meet you all. - Good to meet you, too. 290 00:13:35,396 --> 00:13:37,941 Ex, I have to get used to saying "ex," my ex. 291 00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:40,860 What are we... We're going in here? 292 00:13:42,862 --> 00:13:44,488 How much longer? 293 00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:46,700 Okay, that's time. 294 00:13:46,783 --> 00:13:50,912 Okay... Yup. Next up. 295 00:13:50,995 --> 00:13:54,123 - Amy, are you ready? - Okay. 296 00:13:55,625 --> 00:13:56,626 Um... 297 00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:59,003 - Kevin. - Ooh! 298 00:13:59,087 --> 00:14:02,048 Oh, wait, no, you cheated. You looked at it. No, no, no. 299 00:14:02,966 --> 00:14:05,551 The person you're gonna go with is Drew. 300 00:14:05,635 --> 00:14:08,012 Yes! Sweet! 301 00:14:08,888 --> 00:14:10,473 Yeah, man! 302 00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:15,019 Oh, shit! Sorry, Blue Balls. 303 00:14:15,103 --> 00:14:17,230 I... Yeah. 304 00:14:18,815 --> 00:14:19,899 Amy, wait! 305 00:14:20,984 --> 00:14:22,652 Yeah? 306 00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:25,822 Amy, ever since the first moment I saw you, 307 00:14:25,905 --> 00:14:28,617 I've felt a strong connection between us. 308 00:14:28,700 --> 00:14:32,787 At first, I tried to act like Joe Blow Mr. Cool, 309 00:14:32,871 --> 00:14:35,498 but as I've gotten to know you better, 310 00:14:35,582 --> 00:14:39,085 my affection towards you has only intensified. 311 00:14:39,168 --> 00:14:41,129 I guess what I'm trying to say is 312 00:14:41,212 --> 00:14:44,591 please don't go in that closet for seven minutes of heaven with Drew. 313 00:14:44,674 --> 00:14:49,012 But instead, spend seven billion minutes of life with me. 314 00:14:49,095 --> 00:14:53,307 What I'm really trying to say is will you be my girlfriend, Amy? 315 00:14:54,183 --> 00:14:58,396 Oh, sorry. I think you're really sweet, Kevin, but... 316 00:14:58,479 --> 00:14:59,731 I don't like you like that. 317 00:14:59,814 --> 00:15:01,482 I'm sorry. 318 00:15:02,734 --> 00:15:04,903 I'm just gonna go in here now. 319 00:15:04,986 --> 00:15:06,821 Yeah, start timing us, d-bag. 320 00:15:11,409 --> 00:15:13,703 You should time... Yeah. 321 00:15:15,747 --> 00:15:18,958 Okay, Coop, Donna, here we are. 322 00:15:19,959 --> 00:15:22,211 Man and woman. 323 00:15:32,013 --> 00:15:34,974 Hey, wait! Stop! Stop it! 324 00:15:35,058 --> 00:15:37,686 - What? - I mean, you're crossing a line. 325 00:15:37,769 --> 00:15:39,478 What is it, Coop? Because she is your girlfriend? 326 00:15:39,562 --> 00:15:42,481 Yes, exactly. She's my girlfriend. 327 00:15:43,566 --> 00:15:45,985 - Then you kiss her. - No, I'm not gonna do that. 328 00:15:46,069 --> 00:15:47,320 Coop, it's okay. 329 00:15:48,362 --> 00:15:49,864 Fine. 330 00:15:51,407 --> 00:15:56,037 No, Coop, Coop, when you kiss her, you must kiss her with passion. 331 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:59,540 When you kiss Donna, you must kiss her from the waist. 332 00:15:59,623 --> 00:16:01,793 Okay? So it's, it's... 333 00:16:04,671 --> 00:16:08,007 Stop! Both of you. What's going on here? 334 00:16:08,091 --> 00:16:09,718 Why the discomfort, Coop? 335 00:16:09,801 --> 00:16:12,679 We are living, so we should be alive. 336 00:16:12,762 --> 00:16:15,890 - These are our stories. - These are our bodies. 337 00:16:15,974 --> 00:16:19,143 The tongue in the mouth can mean so many things. 338 00:16:20,269 --> 00:16:23,397 - It can mean hello. - Or, it can mean goodbye. 339 00:16:23,481 --> 00:16:25,483 - It can mean peace. - Peace. 340 00:16:25,566 --> 00:16:26,818 Coop. 341 00:16:28,695 --> 00:16:30,404 What? 342 00:16:30,488 --> 00:16:35,744 This is the true meaning of kibbutz, of community, 343 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,705 of kehillah. 344 00:16:39,663 --> 00:16:41,457 Now, kiss Donna. 345 00:16:44,043 --> 00:16:45,211 Yeah. 346 00:16:46,713 --> 00:16:48,506 Enough of this, okay? 347 00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:58,182 - Stop! I don't want to do this anymore! - Wait, Coop! 348 00:16:59,475 --> 00:17:01,185 Coop, wait! 349 00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:06,190 - Ugh. - What's wrong? 350 00:17:07,483 --> 00:17:10,569 You know, I was so excited to see you again, all year, 351 00:17:10,653 --> 00:17:12,906 but it's like I don't even know who you are anymore. 352 00:17:12,989 --> 00:17:16,409 I mean, you smoke, you tried to get me to be in some weird threesome. 353 00:17:16,492 --> 00:17:20,079 It's like you want me to be someone else! I'm sick of it! 354 00:17:21,164 --> 00:17:24,042 And I look ridiculous. It's like, who wears this stuff? 355 00:17:24,125 --> 00:17:25,919 I think you look rad. 356 00:17:26,002 --> 00:17:27,754 Donna, are you coming? 357 00:17:27,837 --> 00:17:31,465 I cannot stay hard for much longer. Although I'm happy to try. 358 00:17:34,468 --> 00:17:36,095 - Go. - Coop, don't be like that. 359 00:17:36,179 --> 00:17:37,263 Here. 360 00:17:38,264 --> 00:17:39,307 Take this. 361 00:17:39,390 --> 00:17:41,309 It looks better on you anyway. 362 00:17:48,149 --> 00:17:49,150 Okay. 363 00:17:51,277 --> 00:17:52,320 You got protection? 364 00:17:52,403 --> 00:17:55,739 Uh... Oh, yes! Yes. Yes! 365 00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:57,158 - Come on! - Just gonna... 366 00:17:57,241 --> 00:18:00,161 - All right. All right. - How do ya get it out? 367 00:18:00,244 --> 00:18:02,330 - This is like a Rubik's Cube. - All right. 368 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:05,208 - How do ya... - Okay. 369 00:18:05,291 --> 00:18:08,252 - Oh, sure, sure. Yeah, there we go! - There you go. 370 00:18:08,336 --> 00:18:09,712 This is... 371 00:18:09,796 --> 00:18:12,090 - Just break that open. - All right. 372 00:18:12,173 --> 00:18:15,093 And... Here we... 373 00:18:15,176 --> 00:18:18,054 - Just... - All right. Here we... 374 00:18:20,306 --> 00:18:22,141 Oh... 375 00:18:22,225 --> 00:18:24,227 - All right, that one's not good. - I don't know. 376 00:18:26,604 --> 00:18:28,522 Ow! Shit. 377 00:18:28,606 --> 00:18:30,066 Okay. Oh, I got a little lint on that one. 378 00:18:30,149 --> 00:18:33,236 Okay, I got it. 379 00:18:33,319 --> 00:18:34,737 - You all right? - Yeah, no, no, I'm good. 380 00:18:34,821 --> 00:18:36,489 I'm fine. I'm totally fine. I just got... 381 00:18:36,572 --> 00:18:38,782 I'm super fine, as a matter of fact, okay? 382 00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:40,118 Let me just read the... 383 00:18:40,201 --> 00:18:42,453 Let me read the instructions here, just double-check. 384 00:18:42,536 --> 00:18:44,080 Okay. Okay. 385 00:18:44,163 --> 00:18:47,000 Okay. Okay. 386 00:18:47,083 --> 00:18:49,127 Okay, got it. 387 00:18:50,711 --> 00:18:52,796 Oh, I see. 388 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,799 You're a virgin. 389 00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:59,178 What? No! What're you talking about? 390 00:18:59,262 --> 00:19:01,764 Just not a lot of girls ask me to wear a condom, okay? It's... 391 00:19:01,848 --> 00:19:04,475 Hey, kid, it's okay. 392 00:19:04,558 --> 00:19:07,728 I know it's okay, all right? Just let me get it on. 393 00:19:07,811 --> 00:19:09,438 I mean, "Are you okay?" is the question, you know. 394 00:19:12,441 --> 00:19:15,528 Hey! Hey, hey, come on! All right. 395 00:19:15,611 --> 00:19:19,490 You're a virgin. It's not a big deal. 396 00:19:20,824 --> 00:19:22,743 This is not how I imagined this moment. 397 00:19:27,165 --> 00:19:29,667 That's 'cause it's not that moment, you know? 398 00:19:29,750 --> 00:19:34,130 But when it is, it's gonna be great. 399 00:19:34,213 --> 00:19:38,301 And you know what? You're gonna be glad you waited. 400 00:19:38,384 --> 00:19:40,511 Oh, thanks. 401 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,058 You're not gonna tell anybody about this, are you? 402 00:19:46,850 --> 00:19:50,771 You can tell people you made it with me if you want. 403 00:19:50,854 --> 00:19:52,856 I like to appear unstable. 404 00:19:59,197 --> 00:20:00,614 Camp Firewood Infirmary. 405 00:20:00,698 --> 00:20:04,785 Hey, Nancy! It's your old pal, Glen. Glen Jarvis, from nursing school? 406 00:20:04,868 --> 00:20:08,957 Glen! How are you? You still knocking 'em dead over at the St. Peter's ICU? 407 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,542 No, actually, I switched gears a few years back, 408 00:20:11,625 --> 00:20:14,420 and now I'm working as a typesetter over at Rock & Roll World magazine. 409 00:20:14,503 --> 00:20:16,380 Oh, exciting! That must be fun. 410 00:20:16,464 --> 00:20:18,967 I got something here I think you might be interested in. 411 00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:21,302 - You got a fax machine? - You are so sweet, Glen, 412 00:20:21,385 --> 00:20:24,180 but I'm not interested, because I already have a fax machine. 413 00:20:24,263 --> 00:20:26,890 Right, no. What's your fax number? 414 00:20:31,729 --> 00:20:34,648 J.J., look at this fax I just got. 415 00:20:36,734 --> 00:20:38,444 How could she do this to us? 416 00:20:38,527 --> 00:20:41,072 She's a rock journalist? I thought she was our friend. 417 00:20:41,155 --> 00:20:43,199 What a total Benedict Arnold! 418 00:20:43,282 --> 00:20:44,700 Where is she? 419 00:20:51,832 --> 00:20:54,043 Hey, guys. I was just going on a beer run. 420 00:20:54,127 --> 00:20:56,129 So anybody want anything? 421 00:20:56,212 --> 00:20:58,672 Well, I could go for a six-pack of my counselor friend Lindsay, 422 00:20:58,756 --> 00:21:00,549 but apparently she doesn't exist! 423 00:21:03,427 --> 00:21:06,889 I trusted you with my diaphragm. 424 00:21:06,973 --> 00:21:10,934 - Nancy, J.J., I can explain. I... - Oh, really? 425 00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:14,230 Because it looks like you were just leaving, pronto. 426 00:21:14,313 --> 00:21:15,856 As in, get the fuck out of here. 427 00:21:15,939 --> 00:21:18,192 No, guys... You heard me, Lindsay. 428 00:21:18,276 --> 00:21:21,029 Just... Please. No, shut up! Get the fuck out! 429 00:21:21,112 --> 00:21:23,156 Please, don't! You're my best friends. 430 00:21:23,239 --> 00:21:24,907 Friends don't sell each other out. 431 00:21:24,991 --> 00:21:26,492 Friends don't pretend to be somebody they're not. 432 00:21:26,575 --> 00:21:27,994 Friends don't pretend they're not music journalists 433 00:21:28,077 --> 00:21:30,079 and then write stories in major national print magazines. 434 00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:31,372 You're right. 435 00:21:32,290 --> 00:21:35,084 Friends don't do those things. 436 00:21:36,335 --> 00:21:37,795 Reporters do. 437 00:21:38,837 --> 00:21:42,383 Every day for the last five years, 438 00:21:42,466 --> 00:21:46,095 I've been selling out, lying, sniveling, groveling, backstabbing! 439 00:21:46,179 --> 00:21:49,848 And for what? To get that one big story. 440 00:21:49,932 --> 00:21:54,103 Well, I got it. Finally. Right here at Camp Firewood. 441 00:21:55,646 --> 00:21:58,066 But I got something I didn't expect, too. 442 00:21:58,899 --> 00:22:00,109 I got all of you. 443 00:22:01,277 --> 00:22:03,029 And you gotta believe me that I would trade 444 00:22:03,112 --> 00:22:04,988 every birthday party with Steven Tyler, 445 00:22:05,073 --> 00:22:07,533 every bump of coke I did with the Oak Ridge Boys, 446 00:22:07,616 --> 00:22:11,287 every blowjob I gave to every member of the Little River Band, 447 00:22:11,370 --> 00:22:14,582 if I could just stay here... 448 00:22:15,916 --> 00:22:16,959 with you. 449 00:22:18,877 --> 00:22:22,590 But I can't stay, because I'm a 24-year-old reporter. 450 00:23:09,887 --> 00:23:11,305 J.J. 451 00:23:12,223 --> 00:23:13,432 You. 452 00:23:21,857 --> 00:23:24,693 Eric. Eric... 453 00:23:24,777 --> 00:23:26,404 Blood-sucker. 454 00:24:11,532 --> 00:24:12,908 No! 455 00:24:17,205 --> 00:24:18,956 You... Don't you walk away from me! 456 00:24:19,039 --> 00:24:20,833 What? What do you want from me, Katie? 457 00:24:20,916 --> 00:24:22,626 I wanna know why you're so mad at me! 458 00:24:22,710 --> 00:24:25,546 Because you said that that kiss on stage tonight was just acting. 459 00:24:26,547 --> 00:24:29,300 Well, it wasn't for me. For me, it was real. 460 00:24:30,468 --> 00:24:33,053 Those weren't Billy the Convict from Indiana's lips 461 00:24:33,136 --> 00:24:34,680 kissing your lips on stage tonight. 462 00:24:34,763 --> 00:24:36,181 Those were Andy's lips. Those were my lips. 463 00:24:36,265 --> 00:24:39,602 And don't even try and tell me that those were hard-nosed Electro-City DA, 464 00:24:39,685 --> 00:24:41,479 Pamela Needlehoffer's lips kissing my lips, 465 00:24:41,562 --> 00:24:43,689 those were Katie's lips, A.K.A. your lips. 466 00:24:43,772 --> 00:24:45,483 The only reason that I said that I was acting 467 00:24:45,566 --> 00:24:46,942 was because you said you were acting first! 468 00:24:47,025 --> 00:24:48,652 - No, I didn't! - Yes, you did! 469 00:24:48,736 --> 00:24:49,820 - Hardly. - You said it 470 00:24:49,903 --> 00:24:51,322 and then I said it. Then you said it again. 471 00:24:51,405 --> 00:24:53,866 - You're imagining things. Bullshit! - I know what I saw. 472 00:24:53,949 --> 00:24:55,451 - And then we bowed. - Oh, right! Really? 473 00:24:55,534 --> 00:24:57,786 - Then why am I so mad at you? - You're not. 474 00:24:57,870 --> 00:25:00,456 - I'm not? - No. 475 00:25:00,539 --> 00:25:02,708 - Really? - Yeah. 476 00:25:04,918 --> 00:25:06,379 Sweet. 477 00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:42,581 Silence! 478 00:25:44,417 --> 00:25:47,836 Look at you! All of you! 479 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,964 Dancing! Laughing! 480 00:25:51,965 --> 00:25:53,967 Across that lake, 481 00:25:54,051 --> 00:25:59,807 those miscreants at Camp Firewood are plotting against us! 482 00:26:01,350 --> 00:26:04,937 They're desecrating our values, stealing our women... 483 00:26:05,020 --> 00:26:08,065 and putting into peril 484 00:26:08,148 --> 00:26:11,026 the code of honor that we at Tigerclaw 485 00:26:11,109 --> 00:26:13,278 have worked so hard to establish! 486 00:26:13,362 --> 00:26:14,363 Yes, yes. 487 00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:20,494 Now, there is a time to stand by and there is a time to say, "No more." 488 00:26:21,745 --> 00:26:26,917 And right now, my friends, we must say, "No more!" 489 00:26:28,001 --> 00:26:30,045 - Now, who's with me? - We are! 490 00:26:30,128 --> 00:26:32,840 - And we are? - Camp Tigerclaw! 491 00:26:32,923 --> 00:26:35,384 - We are? - Camp Tigerclaw! 492 00:26:35,468 --> 00:26:38,554 - We are? - Camp Tragerclow! 493 00:26:38,637 --> 00:26:42,766 Claw! Claw! Claw! Claw! Claw! Claw! Claw! 494 00:26:45,938 --> 00:26:47,938 www.addic7ed.com