不知道你他妈上周在哪 Don't know where the fuck you were last week,
以下是《无耻家庭》剧情提要 but here's what you missed on Shameless.
工人们过几天要把排污总管挖出来 They're digging out the sewer main in a few days
到时会断水 and shutting the water off.
那金吉姑妈怎么办 What about Aunt Ginger?
我来和你缕一缕 Let me spell this out for you.
城建局如果挖出了遗骸 警察就会来 The city digs up some bones, the police show up.
你埋了一具尸体 并窃取联邦政府的资产 You buried a body and you stole from the Federal Government.
你会蹲一辈子监狱 You will never get out of prison.
"我爸跟你弟是好基友"的事 "My dad is gay for your brother" thing.
一直在我脑中循环上演 It's, like, on film loop in my brain.
我会回来吃晚餐 振作起来 孩子 I'll be back for dinner. Buck up, kiddo.
没什么大不了 就是三观颠覆而已 No biggie, just my universe falling apart.
我们真的是在挖尸体 We are literally digging up a body.
就那样走开 Walk away.
你何不去向你的同性恋父亲哭诉呢 Yeah, why don't you go cry to your gay dad about it?
大夫早上怎么说 Hey, what did the doc say this morning?
老实说 我到底怀不怀得上 I need to know the truth. Can I have a damn baby or not?
找代孕妈妈怎么样 What about a surrogate?
等孩子一出世 你们就接过去 You two take it from me when it comes out.
是啊 妈 Yes, mama.
那会是我们的孩子 会是你的孙子 It will be our child. It will be your grandchild.
你记得那个被你海扁的家伙吗 You know the guy you beat the shit out of?
他想让我潜入他的大宅 He wants me to sneak into his mansion
帮他拿点东西 and take all of his crap.
真不明白你怎么会看上 Don't know what you see
那个靠吃伟哥才能上膛的老头子 in that geriatric viagroid.
他不怕跟我接吻 He isn't afraid to kiss me.
我能在家照顾你 I can take care of you at home.
不 你不能 No, you can't.
快上车 黛比 上车 Get in the car. Debbie, get in the car.
我爱你 黛比 I love you, Debbie!
接线员 你能给我接通一下儿童福利中心吗 Operator, can you connect me with Child Welfare Services?
我想举报一个过失情况 I would like to report a negligent situation.
你他妈是谁啊 Who the hell are you?
我是儿童保护机构的布兰妮·特奇斯 I'm Britney Sturgess from Child Protective Services.
无耻家庭 第三季第六集
人人影视 YYeTs.com
原创翻译 双语字幕
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仅供学习 禁止用于任何商业盈利行为 更多影视更新 请登陆www.YYeTs.com
翻译： 爱卿遛小鸟 扎克不渣 企鹅三星带花
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翻译： 重案组李Sir 天意 ztonyy
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时间轴： 葵小树 裙带菜 旺TY的Jessie
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校对： 落
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后期： 孤帆 精轴： 加森 总监： 落
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搞什么飞机啊 Hey, what the hell's going on?
家庭服务部的人要带我们走 Department of Family Services is taking us away.
什么 凭什么 They what? Can they do that?
不会很久的 小黛 我保证 It won't last, Debs. I promise.
上次多久 一周吗 What was it last time? A week?
九天 Nine days.
二十块赌我们五天就回来了 Aw, 20 bucks says we're back in five.
能现在告诉我他们会被安排去哪吗 Can I get their placement addresses from you now?
要等跟收养人谈过之后才行 Not until the intake interviews with the children are complete.
举报人是谁 Who reported us?
说啊 是谁 Come on! Who was it?
弗兰克 Frank.
弗兰克 Frank. Frank.
弗兰克 Frank.
我要去看心理医生了 I'm off to my hypnotherapy appointment.
你帮我照顾哈纳姆吧 I need you to watch Hiram.
我在忙呢 小希希 I'm kind of in the middle of something here, Sheils.
乔迪哪去了 Where's Jody?
他在纹身店干活 He's working at the tattoo parlor.
用墨水标记那些白痴 好让别人能认得他们 Marking idiots with ink so the rest of us can recognize them.
弗兰克 你也有纹身 Frank, you have tattoos.
有道理 Point well taken.
你要洗衣服的话 So-- and if you're doing laundry,
能把哈米的连体衣一起洗了吗 can you put some of Hymie's onesie's in?
一起洗了吧 反正你俩的衣服都很脏 Might as well. You're both covered in pee-pee.
好了 兄弟 There you go, buddy.
我只想你知道 I just want you to know that
我抛弃你出城 my dumping you and leaving town...
可不是对你有意见 哈纳姆 is in no way a reflection of my feelings toward you, Hiram.
我就是得低调点 I just gotta lay low a little bit
以防他们在我后院找到金吉的尸体 in case they find Ginger's body in my backyard.
妈的 我十分钟后要上班 Oh, shit! I got a shift in ten minutes.
去上班吧 我来收拾 Yeah, go to your shift. I'll take care of this.
我还以为你不会回来了 I wasn't sure I'd see you again.
我也是 Yeah. I wasn't either.
我去看看那些吸人鸡巴的死女人 I'm gonna see if I can get one of the evil cock gobblers
肯不肯跟我换班 to cover my shift so I can get over to the DFS
我好去家庭服务部找孩子们 and start tracking down the kids.
你们还好吗 You guys okay?
没事 Oh, yeah.
又不是第一次了 Ain't our first time at the rodeo.
因为利亚姆还很小很可爱 'Cause Liam's still cute and little...
他会去一个充满爱的家庭 he'll go to some loving home with people
那家人是真心想要孩子 who really want a family, but waited so long
但是等到自己蛋都碎了 还是生不出 their egg batter rotted so they can't have one of their own.
黛比和卡尔会被安排在一起 因为... And Debbie and Carl will be placed together because...
因为政府会尽量把兄妹安排在一起 Because the State always tries to keep siblings together.
而我和利普什么疯子收养人都能搞定 And Lip and I can handle whatever foster nut jobs we end up with.
还记得上次那个男人吗 Remember that last guy with the, uh...
-浴室钻了个偷窥孔的 -记得 - Was it the fucking bathroom peephole? - Oh, yeah.
这次会有小小改变 Well, this time's gonna be a little different.
我把利亚姆和卡尔安排在一起了 I've placed Liam and Carl together,
但是黛比就得靠自己了 but Debbie unfortunately has to be placed separately.
我独自一人 All by myself?
菲利普和伊恩 你们年纪太大了 And, Philip and Ian, you're too old to be placed,
所以要去教养院 so you're going to a group home.
你就像婊子的月经 又来迟了 Like a whore's period. Late again, bitch.
你真是浪费才能了 帕蒂 You're wasting your talents, Patty.
应该去网上发段子 You should be tweeting this crap.
你迟到了 You're late.
我知道 很抱歉 I know. I'm sorry.
我家里有点急事 Look, I kind of have a family emergency
今天能请假吗 and was wondering if I could skip my shift today?
你看看 脏吧 Would you look at this? It's filthy.
我背上很脏 因为你没帮我 My back is filthy. 'Cause you haven't washed it.
我又何必帮你 So why should I wash yours?
我只请几小时假 Look, I just need a couple hours
去家庭服务部一趟 to get to the Department of Family Services.
他们今早把我弟弟妹妹 They yanked my brothers and sister from our house
从家里带走了 this morning, and I just gotta
我得去问清楚他们在哪 确保他们现在安全 find out where they are and make sure they're safe
没跟什么精神病在一起 拜托你 and not with any psychos or anything, please.
抱歉 你找不到人替你的话... Sorry, but if you can't get anyone to cover your shift...
你和我都清楚 这些贱人是不会 You know as well as I do none of these bitches
帮我的 are gonna cover for me.
我还留着你那段录像 我很乐意 I still have that video of you and I have no problem
寄给你老婆 sending it to your wife.
我也很乐意告诉家庭服务部的人 Yeah, and I have no problem going to DFS to tell them
你偷收银台里的钱 每天上班都嗑药 you steal from the register and show up high every day.
你没证据 Your word against mine.
外面那些女人会帮我作证的 Actually, the girls will back me up.
我要你自己请辞 And I'm gonna want you to quit
我就不必付你解雇费了 so I don't have to pay you unemployment.
去你妈的 鲍比 Fuck you, Bobby.
我跟你说 你现在来舔我的蛋蛋 Tell you what, you, uh, tickle the balls a little bit
也许我还能给你写个推荐信 and maybe I'll write you a letter of recommendation.
真是个"温馨"的教养院啊 It really puts the "home" In "group home".
就几天而已 It's only gonna be a couple days, okay?
加拉格家的人没问题的 对吧 Every Gallagher can handle that, right?
-我会照顾利亚姆的 -必须的 - I'll take care of Liam. - Yes, you will.
小黛 Hey, Debs.
很快见 好吗 See you soon, all right?
日安 先生们 Good day, gentlemen.
我叫安德烈 这里是冈德森之家 My name is D'Andre and this is Gunderson House,
是芝加哥社保体系等级14的教养院 a level 14 boys group home housing underage D&Ds
专门收容未成年的D&D in the Chicago system.
D&D指"龙与地下城"吗 Is that "Dungeons and Dragons"?
是"少年犯与小流氓" 跟我来 "Delinquents and deviants". Follow me.
在我们搞清楚你们人品怎样之前 This will be your primary residence until we figure out
你们就住这里 which one you are.
钱包和手机由我暂管 Your wallets and cell phones will be in my care
你们守规矩就会交还 until you've proven to me that you can follow the rules.
-跟监狱一样是吧 -看你们了 - So it's like prison? - It's up to you.
我们会给你们一个机会 You will be given an opportunity to earn back your money
赢得拿回钱和手机的权利 and your cell phone privileges.
天哪 还真是谢谢了 Gee, thanks.
在这里 你最好少说话 You would do well to shut your mouth
眼睛擦亮 and keep your eyes open in here.
县里的数据库显示你这里还能收养孩子 The county database says that you're available for placement,
但我担心你要照顾的孩子太多了 but I'm concerned there are too many children in your care.
孩子的数量是有上限的吧 I'm sure there's some kind of limit.
这些可不是猫 他们是孩子啊 These ain't cats, honey. They're kids.
需要有人照顾 They need someone to take care of them.
所以上帝才派我来 That's why the Good Lord put me here.
让我照顾这些没人要的孩子们 So I can take in all his babies don't nobody else want.
过来 小宝贝 Come here, sweetheart.
过来 我又不会咬你 Come on, I'm not gonna bite you.
你真是上天的赐福 You're a blessing.
有你真是妈妈卡马拉的福气 Mama Kamala is truly blessed to have you.
就待几天而已 我会好好的 It's only for a few days. I'll be okay.
这是我的号码 Um, this is my number.
要是你有任何问题 If you have any questions or, you know, if you just
或是想找人聊聊天 want to talk about anything,
都可以随时打给我 明白吗 you can call me any time, okay?
没问题 Okey-dokey.
拜拜 Bye-bye, now.
规矩一 Rule number one.
不许坐在高档家具上 No sitting on the good furniture.
这也算高档家具 This is the good furniture?
规矩二 不许顶嘴 听明白了吗 Rule number two. No sassing. You hear me?
让我检查下那个袋子 把袋子给我 Let me look inside that bag. Give me that bag.
确保你没带什么会闯祸的东西来 Make sure you ain't got nothing in there to get you in trouble.
还傻站在那里看着我干嘛 Why are you standing there eyeballing me?
赶紧帮忙看孩子去 Get busy minding them kids.
你好 我叫黛比 Hi. I'm Debbie.
我叫罗让达 Laronda.
你的袋子是拿不回来了 You ain't getting your bags back.
我知道 I know.
你叫什么 And what's your name?
老实说吧 卡尔 We want to be completely honest with you, Carl.
一直以来我们都想 We have been looking to adopt a bi-racial baby
领养一个跨种族的混血儿 for quite some time.
有人通知我们可以领养利亚姆时 And when they called about Liam,
可把我们高兴坏了 we were over the moon.
后来政府机构跟我们说了你们的情况 And then the State told us about you.
我们就想把你们俩都收养了 And we want to try to keep you two together.
咱们就试着过过这一家四口的生活吧 So let's give this foursome a try.
你们叫什么来着 Which one are you again?
我叫卡西乌斯 他叫拉尼尔 I'm Cassius and this is Lanier.
你们是同志 So you guys are gay?
-是的 -没错 - Yup. - Yes.
你们做那事的时候鸡巴上是不是会沾上屎 Does, like, shit ever get stuck on the tip of your dick?
没错 Yeah.
加拉格 Gallagher?
我本是来见玛丽琳的 I was hoping to see Marilyn.
过去几年她一直都是负责我们的社工 She's been our caseworker the last couple of years.
我们这一行的流动率是很高的 Well, the turnover rate in our field is quite high.
玛丽琳能做这么久都是奇迹了 It's really a wonder Marilyn lasted as long as she did.
我有什么能帮你的吗 So how can I help you?
希望你能告诉我孩子们被安置在什么地方 You can give me the addresses where the kids were placed.
我已经说过了 在接收完成之前 I already told you, I can't give out any information
我不能透露任何有关这个案子的信息 about the case until the intakes are complete.
拜托 玛丽琳以前都会透露点消息给我的 Come on. Marilyn always used to give me the info,
好让我知道他们都安然无恙 just so I can know they're okay,
我好给送点东西 and can get them stuff,
像是书本衣服什么的 like books or clothes,or whatever.
玛丽琳这么做明显是违反规定了 Well, that is a clear violation of policy on Marilyn's part.
我知道你自以为你是在帮人 Hey. I know you think you're helping,
但是根据一辈子游走于 but as someone who has been in and out
这个体制里的人的经验来看 of the system their whole life,
我可以告诉你这根本就是噩梦 I can tell you it's a nightmare.
这些孩子有个爱他们的大姐 These kids have a big sister who loves them,
我只是想确保他们都平安无事 and I just want to make sure they're okay.
你就告诉我吧 布兰妮 So give me something, Britney.
别管那些狗屁规定了 I mean, break a goddamn rule.
我能告诉你的就是有两个被我安置在 I can tell you that I placed two together
一个寄养家庭里 女孩在另一个 in one foster home, and the girl in another.
年长点的那两个男孩被安置在团体之家 And the two older boys are in a group home.
在赫斯特的那个 The one on Hester?
不是 在里士满的14等级教养院 No. They're in a Level 14 on Richmond.
谢了 Thanks.
要是我能找到一个愿意接收所有孩子的家庭 Hey, if I can find one family willing to take in all the kids,
他们是不是就可以被安置在一起 could they be placed together?
理论上来说 是的 In theory, yes.
-斯特拉来了吗 -你提着个袋子做什么 - Stella been in yet? - What's with the bag?
出去钓几天鱼 Uh, going fishing for a couple of days.
我听说斯特拉要跑长途 I heard Stella's pulling a long haul
去加拿大北部 up to northern Canada.
想搭她的顺风车呢 Hoping to hitch a ride.
钓鱼 你是打算用你的小鸡鸡做饵吗 Fishing? You gonna use your tiny dick as a worm?
我这小"饵"可是钓了不少大鱼呢 I've caught some big whales with this little worm,
你不就是我的战利品之一么 莫比 yourself included there, Moby.
你好 斯特拉 亲爱的 近来可好 Hello, Stella. How are you, sunshine?
-你他妈找我干嘛 -你懂的 跟你一样 - What the hell do you want? - Oh, you know, same as you.
享受在路上的生活以及旅途上的艳遇 Free pussy and a life on the road.
-我能搭你的顺风车吗 -你要去哪里 - Could I hitch a ride? - Where you headed?
只要不待在这儿就行 Anywhere but here.
-杀人了 -不 不 不 - Kill somebody? - No, no, no.
但我确实埋尸的份儿 But I did bury her.
多你一个也无妨 Could always use some company.
明早我装货之前 I'll meet you here tomorrow morning
在这里碰面 before I pick up my load.
几杯威士忌下肚后跑长途 A couple of boilermakers to take the edge off
就不会觉得那么辛苦了对吧 the long haul, huh?
我开车前不喝酒 I don't drink before I drive.
我撞烂那些个高级小轿车 I end up ramming smart cars in the ass
纯粹是为了好玩 just for shits and giggles.
-小维 -在楼上呢 - V? - Upstairs!
我正要给网上的某个"撸管"网站 Making a video for one of those
拍个小短片呢 do-it-yourself websites online.
人家肯给150块呢 Pays 150 bucks.
这周是灌肠 This one's on a high colonic.
下周是把菊花漂漂白 Next week I bleach my exit ramp.
家庭服务部的人今早把孩子们都带走了 DFS took the kids this morning.
我靠 Oh, shit.
你和凯文能不能找负责你们领养的社工谈谈 You think you and Kevin could talk to your foster caseworker
看能不能收养他们 about taking them in?
-五个加拉格家的人待在我家 -就几天而已 - Five Gallaghers in my house? - Just for a couple days.
最多一个星期 A week, maximum.
利普和伊恩被安置在14级的教养院 Lip and Ian got placed in a Level 14 group home.
14级 Level 14?
收的都是那些放火烧死自己父母 For kids that light their parents on fire,
或是趁他们在沙发上睡觉时捅死他们的孩子 or stab them in the face while they're napping on the couch.
你都超过21了 Well, you're over 21 now.
他们就不能让你接收孩子们吗 Can't they just release them to you?
我还得申请监护权 I'd have to file for guardianship.
五个加拉格家的小鬼 Five Gallaghers.
我可得忙死了 I'm gonna be the lone black dot on a map of Ireland.
你来过教养院吗 You been in a group home before?
都是这样的吗 It's always like this?
不是 我之前待的那个地方还算是个家 No, last place I was in was an actual home.
这里整个就是他妈一劳改所 This is more like a fucking labor camp.
把钱给我 Yo, give me your cash.
-什么 -把钱给我 - What? - Give me your cash.
快点 Now. Come on.
萨尔瓦多 瞧瞧 Hey, Salvador, check it out.
这不是《勇敢传说》里的那个红发小妞吗 It's that chick from the movie Brave.
-他是你男友吗 -不是 我弟弟 - He your boyfriend? - No. Brother.
我叫利普 他叫伊恩 I'm Lip. This is Ian.
我们不想惹事 We don't want any trouble, all right?
只在这里待几天 We're just passing through.
只要你们懂得识时务 就不会有事 Long as you show respect, you're gonna be fine.
你他妈就是一只小强 You're like a fucking cockroach.
到哪里都能活下来 Able to live anywhere and feed off anything.
这就是生活 兄弟 Lemonade, man.
-吉米 -是我 - Jimmy? - Darker.
跟你们的那个社工谈了吗 Hey. Talk to your caseworker?
说了 不容乐观啊 Unfortunately, yeah.
她给了我们两个不能收养你那一大家子的理由 Two reasons why we can't take in your brood.
第一 你们之前收养的那个孩子 One. The fact that you had a foster child
在你们的所谓监护下逃跑了 in your home that ran away under your "Supervision."
第二 严格来讲 关于你们收养能力的调查 Two. Technically, the investigation's still pending
仍在进行之中 as to the quality of your care.
我们的收养能力 The quality of my care?
你是说她的逃跑是我的错 You're saying her running away is my fault?
跟你说吧 Oh, you know what?
少在我这儿大呼小叫 妹子 Do not get all up in my grill, sister girl, okay?
好歹试过了 Well, it was worth a shot.
现在怎么办 Now what?
挑战高难度的 Gotta kick it into high gear.
找出孩子们的安置地点 Figure out where the kids are staying.
把家里收拾好应付检查 Get the house ready for home inspection.
要父母才能把他们接回来 They're gonna require a fit parent to get the kids back,
但愿我能找到莫妮卡 so I'm hoping to find Monica
这样就不用去找弗兰克了 so I don't have to deal with Frank.
为什么最后总是要指望他 Why does it always come down to Frank?
卡尔 吃饭了 Carl, it's dinner time.
卡尔 Carl?
那孩子哪儿去了 Where is that boy?
我要猛插你的小穴 Oh, I'm gonna pound your fucking hole.
就快要插进你的菊花了 Yeah. Oh, that fucker's going up your ass.
来吧 来吧 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
干嘛不把你的裤子脱了 Why don't you get those pants off
好让我可以给你润润菊 so I can eat your fucking hole?
为什么他们都留胡子 Why do they all have moustaches?
出去 马上 Out. Now.
这是对我们隐私的侵犯 That was an invasion of our privacy
我们不允许这种事 and we won't have it.
你不能碰不属于你的东西 You are not to touch things that don't belong to you.
现在坐下 Now sit down.
我能碰这椅子吗 Am I allowed to touch the chair?
别耍小聪明 Don't be smart.
-这是什么玩意 -甘蓝 糙米和豆腐 - What the hell is this? - Kale, brown rice, and tofu.
人的身体是座圣殿 卡尔 Your body is a temple, Carl,
最好只放些自然的东西在里面 and you only want to put things in it that are natural.
好比说拳头 Like fists?
我在电影里看到了 I saw it in that movie.
那人的菊花被塞得满满当当的 Holes in your backyard have been filled.
奶奶 我是菲奥娜 Hey, grandma, it's Fiona...
加拉格 Gallagher.
是 是 有段时间没联系了 Yeah. Yeah, it's been a while.
我在想您会不会知道 Yeah, I was just wondering if you by any chance...
我妈妈在哪呢 maybe know where my mom might be?
您的女儿 Your daughter.
莫妮卡 Monica.
我想也是 我就试试 Yup. Yeah, I figured. But I just thought I'd try.
好的 谢谢 Okay. Thanks.
现在怎么办 Now what?
没有莫妮卡 那就没办法 With no Monica, I kind of have no choice.
我得找到弗兰克 I gotta find Frank.
把他弄清醒了 好让他出庭 Get him sober and ready to appear in court.
只有他能救我了 He's like my sad-ass Obi Wan Kenobi.
我可以帮你 I can help you with that.
这可真是个贴心的提议 That's a pretty nice offer considering
鉴于我之前说你父亲的那些混帐话 how much of a dick I was to you about your dad.
没事 你一直是个混帐 No, you're always a dick.
老实说 不是我想犯浑 Seriously, I don't mean to be an asshole.
这种东西是 与生俱来的 It's just... genetic.
你倒也没错 Yeah. You're not wrong.
我得接受我爸是个同性恋 I need to suck it up about my dad being gay...
以及骗子的事实 and a liar.
我得翻过这一章 现在也做到了 And I need to get over it. And I am.
我没事了 I'm good.
算是一线希望 Silver lining?
终于有了我们自己的空间了 Finally have the house to ourselves.
抱歉 我没心情做 I'm sorry. I'm just not feeling it.
我们能就这么躺着吗 You mind if we just lay here?
当然 当然 挺好的 Yeah. Yeah, sounds nice.
这是什么东西 What is this stuff?
你妈下面流出来的东西 It's pus from your mother's monkey.
还以为你喜欢呢 Thought you liked the taste of that.
你有病吧 老兄 What's your problem, dude?
尼克 萨尔瓦多 去别的地方吃 Nick, Salvador, find another table.
快点 Come on, chop-chop.
你们雇工证明通过了 Proof of your employment came through,
今天你们就得上班了 so you go to work today.
到时让你的老板在这里签字 I need your employer to sign this,
写上下班时间 懂了吗 times in and out. Understand?
跟你说 我挺高兴能离开这里 You know, I'm actually pretty excited to get out there.
开始找工作 Start looking for work.
想得美 Nice try.
法庭强制的社区服务时间你还没干完呢 You have court-mandated community service hours you owe.
是 但是不多了 Yeah, but only a few.
这样我就能过去找份工作 Then I can get out there and start looking for work,
好成为我们伟大的资本主义社会的一员了 so I can become a contributing member of our great, capitalistic society.
你觉得你比这里的人都强 是不是 You think you're better than everyone here, don't you?
你说的是反话吧 是不是 Oh, that's-that's rhetorical, right?
我是说 你其实不想我回答你吧 是不是 I mean, you don't actually want me to answer that, do you?
真厉害 听着 我大可照着你的脸来一拳 Cute. See, I could smack you across the face.
但我想我避开你的道这样更好 But I think it's better I get out of your way.
让现实钣正你 Let life bend you over instead.
他还以为自己在演"现身试法"呢 Dude thinks he's in an episode of Scared Straight.
-艾瑟儿把我们孩子的信用都败了 -没错 - Ethel really fucked up our kid credit. - Yup.
现在我们连领养都不行了 Now we can't even get a foster kid?
谁都可以去领养一个 Anybody can get a foster kid.
我觉得这是个预兆 I think it's a sign.
美国传奇教练 因猥亵男童而被捕
连杰里·桑达斯基都有可能领养到孩子 Jerry Sandusky could probably get a foster kid.
这预示着我们应该找个代理了 It's a sign we need to step it up in the surrogate department.
我们刚在你妈那补了精 Look, we just did the baster thing with your mom.
等等看有没有成效吧 Let's just see if it works.
妈妈在怀了的第二天早上总是会吐 Mama always pukes the morning after she gets knocked up.
我小时候 那就像催吐一样 As a kid, it was like watching someone take ipecac,
你可以掐好表 you could set your watch by it.
我的超级"颈子" 她承受不了吗 My super "Spermazoa", too much for her?
是精子 我觉得没成功 Spermatozoa. I don't think it worked.
我们得试试别的方法 We need to try something else.
弗兰克 Frank?
该死的 你昨晚是不是睡在这了 God damn it, did you sleep here last night?
是啊 Guilty.
斯特拉到了没 Stella here yet?
快点 我不会帮你的 Oh, come on. I'm not helping you up.
起来 Get up.
现在 你已经正式戒酒了 As of right now, you are officially on the wagon.
家庭服务部的人来把孩子们带走了 DFS made a surprise appearance and the kids got pulled.
现在是你"年度好父亲"的表演时间了 It's time for your father-of-the-year act.
天哪 他们还好吗 Oh, my God. Are they all right?
这样吧 I'll tell you what.
我们回家见 然后把这事给了了 Let's meet back at the house and we'll get this all settled.
看上去挺重 Looks heavy.
我来帮你把它拿回去吧 Why don't I carry this back to the house for you?
但是我等会办事需要它-- But I need it for some errands I'm going to run a little--
现在就给我回去 Back at the house now,
不然你会失去所有的孩子还有所有相应的福利 or you'll lose your kids and the welfare checks that come with them.
我要一回家 政府找到了金吉的尸体 I go to the house, the city finds Ginger's body.
我就完蛋了 I'm toast.
我找到尸体 把骨头扔了 I found Ginger and I tossed her bones.
你安全了 You're safe.
-太好了 -对你不是 - That's great. - Not for you.
你要是不按我说的做 我就把你 You don't do exactly as I say, and I'll rat you out
骗取金吉姑妈社保跟假残疾的事抖出去 about Aunt Ginger's checks and your fake disability.
你没这个胆 You don't have the balls.
天 我需要你把这事了了 Jesus Christ! I need you to do this!
你听我一次行不行 Can you just do this?
抱歉 你刚是不是说你需要我 I'm sorry. Did you just say you need me?
是 我要你把自己弄成人样 Yes! I need you to get your shit together
把孩子们接回来 and get the kids back.
这样啊 鉴于你有求于我 Well, seeing as how you need something from me,
我可能也有求于你 maybe I need something from you.
首先 我希望受到我应得的尊敬 For starters, I would like to be shown the respect which I deserve.
我相信我已经在这么做了 I believe I'm already doing that.
还有这条是没得商量的 And this one is non-negotiable.
我要在我自己的房子里来去自由 I want free roam of my own house.
好 Fine.
我们先去利普跟伊恩待的教养院看看 We're gonna go visit Lip and Ian in the group home.
天知道他们在里面会遇上什么人 God knows what they've been dealing with in that shithole.
接着我们就去找你的律师 And then we go find your lawyer.
他还有律师 He has a lawyer?
别担心 利亚姆 Don't worry, Liam.
一旦我从这些人手上偷够了东西 Soon as I steal enough stuff from these guys,
我们就离开这里 we're outta here.
我在这里待过 I spent some time here.
那年我妈因捅死一只狮子狗被人带走了 That summer mom was sent away for knifing a poodle.
我好想你们 I missed you guys.
你们过得怎么样 How you holding up?
我们还好 这地方就是个笑话 Aw, we're fine. The place is a joke.
他们还在给你们吃那些恶心东西吗 They still serving that rotten porridge?
他已经清醒了 He already on the wagon?
-你干嘛要说 -至少现在如此 - Oh, why do you have to say that? - As of right now.
你们出来休假吗 You out on furlough?
不 我得去工作 他去做社工 No, I've gotta work. He's gotta finish parole hours.
要我带你们一程吗 You guys want a lift?
算了 我们得让巴士司机签证明 No, we gotta get our bus passes signed by the driver.
你找到小黛他们了吗 You find Debs and the boys?
还没 但是我会的 Not yet, but I will.
你们需要什么吗 Do you need anything?
-钱 衣服 -不 不用 - You need cash? Clothes? - No, no.
别担心我们了 我们没事 Look, don't worry about us, we're fine.
担心担心他吧 Worry about him.
我的拥抱呢 Where's my hug?
我来洗 你来擦干 I'll wash, you dry.
从桌上拿瓶饮料来 Grab a cup of kool-aid from the table.
喂 草莓脆饼 Hey, strawberry shortcake!
赶快过来帮我剪脚趾 Get on in here and cut my toenails!
行 你接手吧 Okay, um, take over.
去吧 去吧 Come on, come on.
那里完全没有隐私 I mean, there's just no privacy.
我打个手枪还得去厕所 If I wanna jack-off, I gotta do it in the bathroom.
就你这样要去少管所还不得被人弄死 Can't even begin to imagine what a pussy you'd be in juvie.
你日过那边的人没 You fuck anyone in there yet?
当然没了 God, no.
明智之举 Wise choice.
即便是别人先提议的 有可能也只是个套 Even if you're propositioned, it's probably just a setup.
那些人想知道你是不是同性恋 Guys want to find out if you're gay
是的话就会把你揍死 and pound the shit outta you.
而且下手相当狠 And not in a good way.
真好 Great.
我爸带着我的兄弟出去几天 Hey, my dad took my brothers on a run out of town for a couple days,
你要是想来我家住就来 so you wanna ditch that dump and crash at my place, you can.
你是邀请我去过夜吗 Was I just invited to a sleepover?
我是邀请你操你妈 Fuck you, is what you were invited to.
菲奥娜在吗 她不在家 Fiona here? She's not home.
你没事吧 你的寄养父母打你了 Are you okay? Did you foster parents hurt you?
-那我没有就替你 -没有 我们跑出来的 - 'Cause I will-- - No. We ran away.
宝贝 你不能呆在这 Honey, you can't stay here.
警察会找你们的 The police will come looking for you.
我们跟两个基器人在一起 We're with these two gay robot guys
他们一直在说要领养利亚姆 and they keeping talking about how they want to swipe Liam.
宝贝 你们得回去 Honey, you gotta go back.
我知道寄养孩子离家出走的感受 I know what it's like to have a foster kid run away on me.
来吧 我带你们回去 Come on, I'll take you.
要是他们真的很想收养利亚姆怎么办 What if they really want to keep Liam?
他们只是想收养利亚姆 The only reason why they would want to keep him
让他们不想不就行了 is if they want him, so be sure that they don't.
有点创意 Be creative.
那先帮我保管这些东西吧 Can you at least hold some of my stuff?
什么东西 What stuff?
天啊 罗 Jesus, Lou!
-什么时候有的 -不是我的 - When did that happen? - It's not mine.
说重点 弗兰克 这是谁 Get to the point, Frank. Who's this?
我女儿和她"女朋友" My daughter and her girlfriend.
-谁有麻烦 -家庭服务部把我孩子们带走了 - Who's in trouble? - DFS snatched my kids.
-我想让你把他们弄回来 -有钱吗 - I need you to get them back. - Cash?
我没钱也不能够保证短期之内会有 I have no money and no promise of any coming my way any time soon.
好吧 Okay.
首先 你得去一趟家庭服务部 First order of business, you need to get your ass to DFS.
你需要上诉恢复监护权 You need to file a petition to reinstate custody
你还得找出来你那个没用的老婆 莫妮卡 and you're gonna need to dig up that useless wife of yours, Monica.
有两个糟烂的家长签字 It's always better to have signatures
总比一个好 from two shitty parents instead of one.
我们找不到她怎么办 What if we can't find her?
那就找一个像她的 Well, find someone that looks like her.
然后你们去上家长教育课程 And you're gonna need her to take parenting classes.
我就提起诉讼 And I'm gonna go ahead and get the case filed.
然后就听证会上见了 And then I'll see you at the hearing.
同时 戒毒 戒酒 In the meantime, no drugs, no booze.
戒罂粟子面包圈 No poppy seed bagels.
尿检要合格 眼神别涣散 I need your piss clean and your eyes white.
谢谢你的"来电" Thanks for the phone call.
你知道公共电话有多难找吗 You know how hard it is to find a public phone?
伊恩就找到了 Ian managed.
我还得自己来找你 Then I had to track your ass down through the city.
对不起 我们忙 Sorry, I've been busy.
茉莉的妈妈来我家了 Molly's mom showed up at my house.
她还活着 Oh, she's still alive?
茉莉其实是离家出走的 Turns out Molly's a runner.
怎么 你就让她把她带走了 What, you just let her take her?
我应该阻止她吗 Oh, I was supposed to stop her?
不知道 她出走应该是有原因的吧 I don't know, if she ran it was probably for a good reason, no?
或者没有 Or not.
我小的时经常离家出走 I used to run away all the time when I was little.
你就应该离家出走 My point exactly.
我爸爸离开家几天 My dad's out of town for a few days
我告诉米奇我也不回去了 and I told Mickey he could have the place.
我能跟你住吗 Can I stay with you?
我得在这个教养院里好好表现 I got to play it straight in this group home for a bit.
我可以晚上让你溜进来 Maybe I can sneak you in tonight though.
保证我不会被轮奸 Promise I won't get gang raped?
不能保证 Nope.
那我也去 Whatever, I'm in.
吃饭前你为什么吃糖 Why are you eating candy before dinner?
因为网上说黑巧克力中有一种氨基酸 'Cause it says here that dark chocolate has an amino acid
能增加精子的数量 that doubles your sperm count.
我没看过 但是我妈说 I didn't read that one, but mama says
芦荟和大蒜也可以 所以 看呀 asparagus and garlic does the trick, so tah-dah.
如果我吃了 我的尿得臭一个月 If I eat all that, my piss is gonna stink for a month.
我妈还会拿牡蛎来 And mama's bringing over oysters.
我们得想个比火鸡浇油管更好的受精系统 But we gotta think of a better delivery system than the turkey baster.
水枪 Squirt gun.
有点脏 Kind of messy.
吸管怎么样 长的那种 What about a straw? Silly straw?
-雅各布 -到 - Jacobs. - Here.
维斯顿 And Weston.
-维斯顿 -到 - Weston! - Here.
晚安了 芝加哥小杂种们 All right, good night, you shits of Chicago!
伊利诺伊州小混蛋们 Pricks of Illinois!
好好玩 Have fun.
你怎么搞到单人房的 How did you get the private room?
交了几个朋友 I made some friends.
以后你帮我溜进你大学寝室的时候 Is this what it's gonna be like
也是这样子吗 when you sneak me into your dorm in college?
有点不同 A little different.
我猜我室友会有点文化 I'm guessing my dorm mates would be literate.
你真是疯了 You are out of your mind.
你看见那个马尾巴了吗 Have you seen that fucking ponytail?
很有权力的马尾巴 It's a powerful ponytail, man. That's bullshit.
西格尔肯定能打过尚格·云顿 Segal could totally kick Van Damme's ass.
均为美国动作巨星
除非 Oh, unless-unless...
是《绝地双尊》里的尚格·云顿 It's Double Impact Van Damme.
那可是尚格双重云顿 'Cause that's some Van double Damme!
我想上尚格云顿 I wanna fuck Van Damme.
你疯了吗 Are you out of your fucking mind?
小凯只需要和你做 Kev is just gonna lie down with you for procreation,
又不是做爱 not sex.
有什么区别 What is the difference?
纯交配 没人享受 It's clinical. So no one enjoys it.
那个火鸡浇油管里死了百万个精子 Millions of sperm died in that turkey baster.
这种方法数量更多 This will deliver the biggest batch.
数量多 机率也就大 The bigger the batch,the better the chance.
不行 宝贝 No, honey.
这是一趟通往《毛里·波维奇怪秀》的快车 This is an express bus to The Maury Povich Show.
我只是想让你得到一个 I want nothing more than to be able to give you the baby
你一直想要的孩子 that I know you want.
还有你应得的外孙 And the grandbaby that you deserve.
但我不能 But I can't.
这让我伤心欲绝 And it kills me.
求你了 趁着你还在排卵的时候试一试吧 Please, just give it a go while you're still ovulating.
你家有什么烈酒 有多少 What kind of hard liquor you got and how much?
这里真热 Damn, it's hot up here.
那是因为热空气往上走 That's because heat rises.
那为什么宇宙那么冷 Then how come space is so cold?
我来 I got it.
是谁敲门 是谁敲门 宝贝 Who's at the door? Who's at the door, baby?
滚 弗兰克 滚 No! Frank, no!
-等等 -你 赶紧滚 - Wait. - You-- first of all, get out!
滚出去 Get out!
-听我说 -你不准进来 - Just hear me out. - You are not allowed in here.
-滚出去 -家庭服务部带走了我的孩子们 - Get out! - DFS pinched my kids.
我需要你假装成莫妮卡帮我把孩子弄回来 I need you to pretend to be Monica to help me get them back.
什么 不行 不行 What? No! No!
为什么我要帮你 Why should I do anything for you?
你把哈纳姆自己放着 You left Hiram all alone.
求你了 I am begging you.
作为一个知道失去孩子是什么滋味的人 As someone who knows what it feels like to lose a kid.
凯伦离家出走了 Karen ran away.
你能想象有人把她抢走的感觉吗 Can you imagine what it must feel like to have them taken from you?
这不是为了弗兰克 好吗 This isn't for Frank, okay?
是为了黛比 卡尔和利亚姆 It's for Debbie and Carl and Liam.
也许你该帮 希拉宝贝 为了孩子们 Maybe you should do it, Shelly-bear... for the kids.
算了吧 小凯 Give it up, Kev.
不管多黑 You can't make it dark enough to deny
都躲不过即将要发生的事情 what's about to happen in here.
我也希望像你一样烂醉 I wish I was drunk as you.
但是我怕喝多硬不起来 No,I can't risk the whiskey-dick.
好吧 开始吧 Okay, let's get this going.
别闹了 妈 Knock it off, mama!
等等 这个3K党的袍子怎么回事 Hey, wait, wait, wait. What's with the KKK costume?
我去年参加过一个婚礼 I saw them use something like this
看过他们用这个 at that super jewel wedding I went to last year.
作为避免肌肤之亲的屏障 It keeps the skin from touching. Acts as a barrier.
我觉得我像鬼妓女 I feel like a ghost prostitute.
就像珍妮弗·洛夫·休伊特的那个剧一样 看过吗 You know, like that Jennifer Love Hewitt show. You seen that?
就是她演一个专门服务鬼的妓女 You know, where she's, like, a call girl for ghosts
还是什么的 or some shit.
不是 那是两部不同的剧 No, that-- it's two different shows.
-好了 你俩准备好了吗 -是的 - All right,you two ready? - Yeah.
等等 我得先出去 No! Let me get the hell out of here first.
我不能看 I can't watch this part.
你还好吧 You...you okay out there?
我很好 你呢 Yeah, I'm fine. How are you?
需要帮助吗 You need any help?
不 我没事 没事 谢谢关心 No,I'm fine. I'm fine. Thank you for asking.
怎么不给我剪一个喘气的口 Why she didn't cut me a mouth hole?
我该怎么 我的天呐 How am I supposed to-whoa! Hello!
看来下面是来客人了 Looks like I got a visitor down there!
该死的 God damn it.
矮油 有人敲完门就想跑 Ding dong ditch. Somebody rang my bell and ran away.
我感觉我在上鬼马小精灵 I feel like I'm fucking Casper.
盖着这东西真的很难呼吸 Hey, you know, it's getting seriously hard to breathe under here.
我能拿下来吗 Can I take this off my face?
不 不 No! No!
你能把弗兰克送去家庭服务部吗 Can you dump Frank at DFS?
我得去给卡尔送点东西 I gotta drop some stuff off for Carl.
当然 没问题 Yeah,not a problem.
该走了 弗兰克 表演时间 Let's go, Frank! Showtime.
离我上次来有一段时间了 Been a while since I've been in.
也许我需要张新照片 Maybe I need a new picture.
我们去年有次嗨过头了 We had a bad meth run last year
那玩意的威力你懂的 and you know what that stuff can do to you.
网站上都能找到 They've got a website and everything.
现在你已经申请恢复监护权了 Well,now that you've filed your petition to reinstate custody,
我们需要你报名参加家长教育课程 we'll need you to sign up for parenting classes.
-家长教育课程 -很好 - Parenting classes? - Good.
同时我们会进行随机药检 Also there may be some random drug tests
在孩子被送回来之前 and we'll need to set up a home visit prior
进行一次家访 to the possible release of the children.
请稍等 我去那课程报名表 So I will get the class registration. I'll be right back.
该死的政府 Fucking big brother.
我不想上什么狗屁家长教育课 I don't want any goddamn parenting classes.
那是什么 What are they?
你坐到一间屋里 You sit in a room and they lecture you
然后他们教你如何当个好父母 how to be Ozzie and Harriet.
我在想也许我能搞清楚 I was thinking maybe I could figure out
我和凯伦之间的问题 where I went wrong with Karen.
孩子出问题 Kids come pre-wired,
和你的教育方式没有关系 it has nothing to do with your parenting.
我挺喜欢自己金发的样子 I pretty much like being a blonde.
感觉像是棉花糖 I feel like cotton candy.
你好 Hi.
我叫菲奥娜·加拉格 我来探访黛比 Uh, my name's Fiona Gallagher. I'm here to visit Debbie.
她在吗 Is she here?
-你是她母亲 -姐姐 - Are you her mother? - Sister.
我只是来问候一下 我能见她吗 I just want to say hi. May I see her?
我只是想和她说说话 I just want to talk to her!
在这说吧 Do all your talking out here.
15分钟之后她就得回来干活 I'm gonna need her back in 15 for chores.
你还好吗 You okay?
我很好 Yeah, I'm fine.
这里面有一万个孩子吗 Are there a million kids in there?
只有几个 他们人还都不错 Just a few, but they're really nice.
卡马拉也没那么坏 And Kamala's not so bad.
床很舒服 还有热水 Bed's pretty comfortable and there's hot water.
我给你带了一些书和衣服 I brought you some books and clothes.
-你需要钱吗 -不 不需要 - Do you need any money? - Nope. I'm good.
你觉得我们什么时候能回家 When do you think we can go back home?
很快 Soon. Real soon.
我给你带了一些巧克力 I brought you some Hershey's Kisses too.
当年我到第一个领养家庭的时候这些可珍贵了 These were like gold when I was in my first foster home.
谢谢 Thanks.
我把你弟弟今天的工作文件拿来了 Hey, I got your brother's working papers for today.
好 我会给他 谢谢 Oh, great. I'll give them to him. Thanks.
-他在哪 -厕所 - Where is he? - Uh, latrine.
他晚上基本都待在那 He's been there most of the night.
事实证明吃这些烂糊糊也能让你肚子疼 Turns out eating diarrhea can actually give you diarrhea, so...
进出都要签字 Signed. In and out.
我最好在熄灯之前看到他 And I better see him at lights out.
就是这样 利亚姆 画大圈 That's it, Liam. Big circles.
请进 Please, come in.
卡尔 利亚姆 有人来看你们 Carl! Liam! You have a visitor!
-你好 我是拉尼尔 -我是菲奥娜·加拉格 - Hi there, I'm Lanier. - Hey, Fiona Gallagher.
菲奥娜 Fiona!
看看你俩 Hey! Look at you two!
你们好 Hey!
你看上去真干净 Wow, you look so clean.
他们让我们每天洗澡 Yeah, they make us take baths every night.
他们那个奇怪的马桶还能洗屁股 And they have this weird toilet that cleans your bits.
那叫坐浴盆 A "Bidet."
到了夏天 Sometimes in the summer
我们偶尔用草坪洒水器干这活 we use a whacky lawn sprinkler for that, but...
我们得看看你这有力的小胳膊 we gotta watch the spinning arms, right?
我们得看看你这有力的小胳膊 We gotta watch those spinning arms.
请坐吧 Please, come. Have a seat.
很高兴看到有人爱着这俩小子 It's nice to see that the boys have someone who loves them.
我们很高兴你能来 We're glad you came.
但是要说清楚 我们已经申请 But just to make it clear, we have filed the paperwork
领养利亚姆了 to adopt Liam.
而且我们也在认真考虑领养卡尔 And we're seriously considering adopting Carl too.
但我们欢迎你和他们保持联系 But please know that we'd love for you to stay in contact
并且随时来看望他们 and visit as often as you'd like.
我们认为让孩子知道他们是从哪里来的 We think it's important for the boys to know
非常重要 where they come from.
这里怎么湿了 Why is my seat wet?
利亚姆 你是不是又尿在沙发上了 Oh, no, Liam. Did you pee on the couch again?
是你吗 还有墙上的东西 Was that you? And the wall too?
利亚姆 那可是喷砂墙面 Liam, that is a matte finish!
我们怎么把那个去掉 How the hell are we gonna get that out?
只是油漆而已 我能搞定 It's just paint, honey. I can touch it up.
现在是什么颜色 夏季之影吗 Now which color is that now? Summer shadow?
他只是个小孩 他不是故意的 He's just a baby. He didn't mean it.
小孩子就是这么麻烦 Babies are just so messy.
是你干的吗 Did you do that?
-是你干的吗 -一条船 - Did you do that? - A boat.
好了 我得去上班了 All right, I gotta get to work.
好的 稍等一下 好吗 All right, just-- in a minute, okay?
要享受这份荣幸吗 Wanna do the honors?
-这是巨人的念珠吗 -不是 - Is that a rosary for giants? - No.
-是吗 -不是 - Huh? - No.
不 这是肛珠 No, man, they're Ben Wa beads.
你把他们塞到我的屁眼里然后慢慢拉出来 You shove them in my ass and you pull them out real slow.
-这对我来说有什么有趣的 -别这样 - How is that fun for me? - Come on.
好吧 留意我受伤的那瓣腚 All right, okay. Just easy on the injured cheek.
我就主攻另一瓣了 I'll just go on the other one, all right?
-好 -放松 - Yeah. - Relax.
-我操 -该死 - Fuck. - Shit.
这是他妈搞什么 What the fuck?
老爸 老爸 等等 住手 Dad! Dad! Hold on! Hold on!
-曼迪还不够满足你吗 -老爸 住手 - Mandy wasn't enough for you? - Dad, hold on!
该死的混蛋 人渣 Fucking piece of shit! Piece of shit!
别打他了 Get the fuck off him!
我的儿子决不能成得艾滋病的基佬 No son of mine is gonna be a goddamn AIDS monkey!
你给我坐下 你这个专操屁眼的王八蛋 Sit your ass down, you fucking ass-digger!
我是特里 叫俄国人过来 It's Terry. Send over the Russian.
好了 角色扮演 Okay, role play.
莫妮卡 弗兰克 All right, Monica, Frank.
好 莫妮卡 你扮演十几岁的女儿 Okay, Monica, you play the teenage daughter.
弗兰克 你来扮演训斥她 And, Frank, you be the father disciplining her
错过宵禁的父亲 for staying out after curfew.
这么晚才回来去哪了 Um, where the hell were you so late?
我在操妈妈的男朋友 你管得着吗 I was fucking mom's boyfriend. What do you care?
你就是个荡妇 You're nothing but a little tramp, you know that?
和你妈妈一样 Just like your mother.
如果你不是一直偷她的钱 You know what, if you weren't stealing from her,
也许她就不会去搞汤姆 迪克和哈利了 maybe she wouldn't have to screw every Tom, Dick and Harry--
那个婊子把疱疹传染给我了 That bitch gave me herpes!
就我来说 我觉得每分钱都是我应得的 As far as I'm concerned, I deserve every single dime.
-她没有疱疹 -她也就值这个价钱 - She did not have herpes. - She fucking well did too.
怎么样 How was that?
那个 That one.
她会把你掰直的 孩子 She's gonna fuck the faggot out of you, kid.
苏卡 操到他开心 Ride him till he likes it, Suka.
你就在这看着 And you're goddamn gonna watch.
我们还要这么干几次 How many more times are we gonna have to do this?
直到我们完成疗程 别这样 宝贝 Until we complete the mission. Now, come on, baby.
你就是卢克·天行者 You're Luke Skywalker and it's up to you
要指望你一击命中 摧毁死亡星球 to shoot one in and destroy the Death Star!
好吧 床单在哪 Okay. Where's the sheet?
不 不行 我上次都喘不上气来了 No. No, I couldn't breathe last time.
我们必须给她套上个关塔那摩囚犯带的那种头套 Well, we gotta put a Guantanamo hood on her
或是什么东西 or something.
我不知道为什么我不能喝酒 I don't know why I can't drink.
好了 闭嘴 这都我们来说都很难 Okay, shut up! It's hard for all of us.
所以你们两个 闭嘴 So both of you, shut up!
现在 所有人就位 Now everyone get in your positions.
好吧 All right.
加油啊 伙计 Oh, come on, man!
命根子诶 求你别这样好么 Don't do this, you piece of shit!
你不是连闻到猪排香都会勃起的嘛 You get hard when you smell pork chops.
咆哮也没用 Yelling at it is not gonna help.
过来 Come here.
这还不错 Oh, there we go.
你这么软趴趴的是要闹哪样 Come on, you piece of shit!
天哪 你不能这样 God, baby! You can't do that.
都快被你磨出茧了 You're gonna build up calluses
那样我的鸡鸡就没感觉了 and I won't be able to feel dick.
我现在对你的小鸡鸡就没什么感觉 Well, right now, no one's feeling dick!
-你觉得我不难受吗 -这都是我的错 - You think this is easy? - It's all my fault!
如果小鸡鸡见不到小咪咪的话 You can't make the little soldier salute
它怎么能起反应呢 if he doesn't see an officer in the room.
都怪我的身材全走样了 I've lost all my stripes.
妈妈 这跟你的身材没关系 Mama, this is not about you losing anything.
这其实怪我 我压力太大了 It's really me. I'm under a lot of pressure.
-不是的 -妈这都是我的错 - No. - It's all me, mama.
我都好几个月没约会了 I haven't had a date in months!
我又老又胖又难看 I'm old and fat and unattractive
我肯定会孤独终老的 and I'm gonna die alone.
不会的 妈妈 No, mama.
看到这场景我更硬不起来了 Well, this is not helping me get hard.
这感觉就像飞机失事一样 It's like when a plane goes down.
-怎么形容呢 -糟透了 - What do they call that? - Shitty?
冰冻三尺非一日之寒 No, it's never just one thing that causes it.
这是个连锁效应 It's a chain reaction.
无与伦比的挫败感 应该这么形容 Cascading failures. That's what this feels like.
没了工作 没了孩子 Losing my job, losing the kids,
跟弗兰克纠缠不清 dealing with Frank.
某人不是告诉我不要抱怨 Someone recently told me to stop whining
不要自怨自艾么 and feeling sorry for myself.
这人听上去好贱 She sounds like a bitch.
其实她还不错啦 Well, she has her moments.
我们有很多惩罚孩子的合理方法 Legally and morally there are acceptable methods of punishment for children,
当然也有一些方法是不提倡的 versus unacceptable methods.
老师对不起 Uh, I'm sorry.
假设有一个人 她的女儿生下了一个 Just hypothetically, if one's teenage daughter gave birth
患有唐氏综合症的孩子以后就跑走了 to a baby with Downs Syndrome and then took off,
她就这样不负责任的跑走了 relieving her of all responsibility,
如果她有一天回家的话 if and when she should come back,
你觉得把她关禁闭合适吗 would you recommend grounding?
在这种情况下是不是可以打她或... Or in that instance would a firm spanking be more...
在回答问题之前我们还是 You know, before we take any more questions,
来把基础知识过一遍吧 let's just go over some of the basic...
-给我片安定 -我自己就剩一颗了 - Would you give me a Valium? - No, I only have one.
如果催眠疗法失效了的话我就靠它了 And it's my safety net in case my hypnotherapy doesn't work.
催眠疗法就是让你到别人的办公室去睡觉 Hypnotherapy is just paying to nap in someone's office.
给我 Give me a pill.
你吃了会过不了尿检的 It's gonna show up in your urine test.
-把药给我 -你这是闹哪样啊 - Give me the goddamn pill. - What's the matter with you?
这能帮助孩子建立起责任感 What this does is it puts the responsibility right on the child.
快给我 Okay. Come on.
你们的职责就是制定规则 Your job as parents is to define the rules...
拿去拿去 Here. Christ.
并告诉孩子们一旦他们违反了这些规则 And then lay out the consequences that will follow
将会产生哪些后果 when those rules are broken.
所以如果孩子违反了规则 Now the child breaking the rules is then responsible
那后果将由他们自己承担 for his or her own consequences.
这样一来孩子们会更有自主性 And this method actually leads to empowerment
他们会感觉命运掌握在自己的手上 and helps him or her feel more in control of their own lives.
她怎么还在排卵 她是牛科动物吗 How is she still ovulating? What is she, part bovine?
把注意力放我身上 Focus on me.
你就把自己想象成一个高中生 Yeah, now you're gonna pretend like you're in high school
迅速的来一炮 怎么样 and you're gonna come quickly like a rabbit, okay?
也别那么迅速 No, not that quick.
妈 快进来 Mama, get in here!
-别 别对着那儿 -抱歉抱歉 - No. Not there, honey, no. - Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
你是打算就这么硬塞进来吗 You gotta shoehorn or something?
拜托你别说话行不 一个字都不许说 Can you not talk, please? Just don't say a word.
你这是哭了么 神呐 她哭了 Are you crying? Oh, God, she's crying.
别哭了 我错了好吗 Please don't cry. I'm sorry, okay?
妈我错了 别这样 I'm sorry, mama. Hey, hey, hey.
别再整这些幺蛾子了 Okay! That's it!
我们今天必须把这件事情完成 We're gonna do this shit and we're gonna be done with it.
小凯 你给我硬起来 Kev, get that dick hard.
妈 擦干眼泪集中精神 Mama, wipe your tears and focus!
你必须快快乐乐的受孕 We need to give those little spermies someplace happy to swim to.
躺好 Lay down!
妈 各就各位 Mama, get on it.
你好 我是莫妮卡 你叫什么名字呀 Hi, I'm Monica. What's your name?
弗兰克 我上回对着一个小杯子撒尿 Frank, wasn't the last time I had to pee in a cup
还是我怀着利亚姆的时候吧 when I was pregnant with Liam?
还记得不 恍如昨日啊 Remember that? It was just like yesterday, huh?
抱歉 热水用完了 Uh, sorry, the shower ran out of hot water.
妈 让凯文送你回去吧 Mama, you want Kevin to take you home?
他腿都那样了怎么开车啊 Well, he can't drive with that leg.
是不能开车 可是他能给你叫的士啊 No, but he can get you home in a taxi.
这是我们该做的 It's the least we can do.
我去拿包 Well, let me get my bag.
-你好呀卡罗 -你好 菲奥娜 - Hey, Carol. - Hey, Fiona.
-沙龙要招人吗 -暂时没有 - Any work at the salon? - Uh, not right now, baby.
-要人的话我会通知你的 -谢啦 - But I'll keep you in mind. - Thanks.
她怎么这么早就来了 What was she doing here so early?
她和凯文滚完床单以后就在这睡了 She slept over after she and Kevin had sex.
什么 What?
我妈是最好的代理孕母 Mama's the best surrogate we got.
之前的自主受精没成功 Turkey baster didn't work.
只能老老实实的来一炮了 So we had to do it the old-fashioned way.
天哪 小薇 我忙着处理自己的烂事情 Jesus, V, I'm so wrapped up in my own pity party,
都完全忽略了你们这里发生的乱伦惨剧啊 I had no idea what kind of biblical shit you had going on here.
你感觉还好吗 You okay?
如果我妈她怀上了 我会没事的 If it works, I'll be fine.
弗兰克的勒戒计划进行的怎么样了 How's Frank doing in rehab?
他到目前为止表现的还不错 So far he seems to be holding it together.
他现在在家庭服务部准备材料 Heading over to DFS now to make sure he got all the paperwork in.
买这么多芦笋干嘛 What's with all the asparagus?
大力水手不是吃了菠菜就变得又强又壮么 You know how popeye gets all big and strong when he eats his spinach?
芦笋就是精子们的菠菜 That's what asparagus does for sperm.
-又是你啊 -没错 又是我 - You again. - Me again.
我只是来确认一下弗兰克有没有来 Just wanted to make sure Frank showed up
那些材料办理的还顺利吧 and all our paperwork was good to go.
他来了 他通过了尿检 He did. He passed his urine test with flying colors.
相关材料都准备好了 And yes, your paperwork is all set.
那现在就只等听证会咯 So now we just wait for a hearing?
没错 Yeah.
你很棒 菲奥娜 你是个好姐姐 You've done good, Fiona. You are a great sister.
拥有你是那些孩子们的幸运 And those kids are lucky to have you.
家庭服务部是怎么注意到我们的呢 How did we show up on DFS radar?
是一个匿名电话打来举报的 It was an anonymous phone call, actually.
肯定是那个死贱人 I bet it was that bitch
她孩子巨臭 所以我们的托儿所拒收了 we turned away from daycare 'cause her kid stunk.
不是她 Um, no.
-是一个男人打来的 -男人 - It was a man, actually. - A man?
男人怎么会管这种闲事 It's never a man. Men don't give a shit.
一个人的电话就这么把你的生活全盘搅乱 How is it fair that someone can make one call
而他们居然好意思匿名 and completely ruin our lives, and they get to be anonymous?
我得去趟洗手间 I have to go to the restroom.
希望我走的时候你不要打开这个文件 I'd appreciate it if you didn't click on this file while I'm gone.
加拉格一家的案子
我想举报一户儿童无人看管的人家 Yes, hello, I would like to report a negligent situation.
北华莱士街2119号 2119 North Wallace.
这家名叫加拉格 Gallagher.
能大概描述一下是什么情况吗 And what's the situation?
六个孩子挤在一个又脏又烂的房子里 Six kids living in squalor.
没有父母监管 No parental supervision.
他们的爸爸每天都喝得不省人事 When the father is there, he's drunk.
他还会打孩子 不过那些孩子也该打 He hits them. Not that they don't deserve it.
他们都是些少年犯 专做坏事 They're all criminals, delinquents, vile--
-抱歉先生 -怎么了 - Excuse me, sir. - What?
能告诉我们你叫什么名字吗 Could you give me your name, please?
如果可以的话 我想匿名举报 No. If it's all right, i would like to remain anonymous.
感谢您的来电 Thank you for bringing this to our attention.
不 谢谢你 愿主保佑你 No. Thank you. And God bless you.