I love this job! Can't you go faster?
- Floor this thing! - It's my wife's.
- I won't go faster. - You're doing 65 now.
65?! Shit!
Get your foot off the pedal! You're killing my corn!
We're eastbound on Fourth, in pursuit of a red BMW...
...driver Caucasian, blond.
Plate 2-Boy-Adam-Henry-174.
You are westbound on Second. 20-William-12 is southbound...
...approaching Second. You're heading right for each other.
- Somebody back off. - Got it!
- What'd she say? - We're about to have an accident.
- You're gonna get us killed! - Shit! I'm...
We'll stick with this red son of a bitch. You chase the blue.
20-William-15, that's confirmed. You got red, we'll get blue.
- What's the pursuit? - 20-William-15 and 20-William-12.
- Riggs, Murtaugh. - And the squad.
- $ 20 on Riggs and Murtaugh. - Who's driving?
Murtaugh, in his wife's wagon.
I knew nothing about the wife's station wagon. Bet's off!
Shut up!
What the hell is that?
What fucking language is that?
It's German.
Japanese?
It's a Japanese radio. Maybe they bought the LAPD.
They own everything.
Shotgun!
Shots are being fired.
Thanks for the scoop.
The son of a bitch shot my wife's windshield.
Entering the pursuit.
Shit, man! We're splitting up!
Son of a bitch! Now we're cooking!
Step on it!
Look out!
See you!
I'd like to see your license and proof of insurance!
We got one. Yours is going up the hill.
So is Riggs, on foot!
Hey, Riggs! Get your slow ass in here!
Get in here. Now!
Only if I drive.
Move over, I'll drive.
No, go around. I'm driving.
I'll drive.
Did you get a make on that red Beemer yet?
Not a scratch, you hear?
You're not gonna make it.
There's no room!
You're not gonna make it!
Look at my side panel!
Goddamn it, you were right, you know.
There wasn't enough room.
Get down! Get down!
Get down, stay down!
He's making a hard right.
Get out of the way!
This was a new car, Riggs.
It still is.
On three.
One...
...two... three!
Shit!
You forgot your left indicator.
Where the hell is he? This guy's Mandrake!
Where were you, man?! Goddamn it!
Me?! Where'd he go?!
- He's fucking gone! - I can see that!
- You come on "three"! - It's "three", then go!
No! We always go on "three"!
Sometimes we go, "one, two, three", then go!
Go check back there!
What was that?
- He's in the trunk. - I got you covered.
Holy Christ!
That's a lot of money.
What is this?
It's gold!
Fucking gold!
Krugerrands.
It's illegal. You can't import this into the country.
You're right.
The damage you caused comes out of the department's budget.
- Pay it off in Krugerrands. - Don't make jokes, make arrests.
You came up empty, I want an explanation.
- Things got out of hand. - You said it was a routine bust.
You didn't mention helicopters, automatic weapons, Krugerrands...
This was bigger than we thought.
Talk to you later.
I worked psycho ward, Riggs. You'll never get out.
One minute, 15 seconds.
Shapiro, scratch my nose.
What's going on here? Is this a kindergarten class or a police station?
Let's get some work done.
Houdini Jr. Bets he can free himself in five minutes.
I will too.
Don't try this at home, kids.
It's all over now.
Put your money on the table, and get back to work.
Suckers!
Somebody check that thing, man.
How the hell did you do that?
I dislocated my shoulder once. I can do it whenever I want to now.
Goddamn, doesn't that hurt?
Yeah, it does.
But not as much as...
...when I put it back in.
If it isn't Mrs. Sigmund Fraud.
My door is always open, sergeant.
I think we ought to keep this on a professional level, don't you?
Why the hell do you do this to yourself?
Who else could I do it to? None of them will let me.
And I need the money.
Cough up!
It's not all here yet. I want it all. I want the lot.
Where did this come from?
You can't help yourself to this stuff.
This is evidence. It's a Krugerrand.
- That's mine. I won that. - It's not yours.
You want to get busted?
Want to get something to eat?
Not tonight. Rianne's commercial is on.
- Rianne's in a commercial? - Not so loud!
What's the matter? I'd be proud of her if I was you.
I haven't seen it yet. I don't know. What if she stinks?
You gotta be kidding. She'll be great!
Everybody, listen up!
Tonight at... What time?
Come on!
What time?
8:00.
At 8:00 on channel...?
Eight. The sergeant's beautiful daughter Rianne...
Here's her picture.
She'll make her television debut in a commercial.
With this crowd, baby, you'd better not stink.
- Thought I'd get a new windshield. - Don't worry, it'll be fine.
- The hood. - We got a new hood on order.
- No bumper. - We got a bumper on order.
See you back at your place, Rog.
- If you ever get there. - Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Be careful. The mirror's got tape around it.
Oh, boy. Shit.
What happened? This was a new car. Mom's gonna be upset!
- It's still new. - It's not! It's wrecked!
I don't want your mother to know about it.
Do your homework too.
- Hey! I haven't read these. - Rianne put them there.
Why don't you look out for me?
Hey, Ricky! I want to use my driveway once in a while.
Nice oxygen tent.
- Do I look like Michael Jackson? - No, but you're bad.
This is a two-car garage, and this is my hobby room upstairs. Take a look.
I retire when I'm 52, and the whole nine yards kick in when I'm 55.
Cut it out. You're not retiring, are you?
- I've thought of it since I met you. - Thank you.
This is a nice hobby room. All you need now is a hobby.
Jesus Christ!
What's wrong with you guys?
I'm sorry. That's very uncool.
You're sorry? Check my shorts, for chrissakes!
- Don't you use hammers anymore? - What's a hammer?
Easy, easy.
It's no Saturday night special, for crying out loud.
All right, give it back.
A man's not safe in his own home.
Stay the hell out of here, then.
You got any traffic warrants?
Why? Can you fix them?
Almost time. Are we taping this?
Yes, so we can watch it over and over again.
Take the stairs.
Nick, get your feet off the table. You too, Martin.
- The color's no good. - It's fine. You'll mess it up.
I want my baby to look good.
Unplug it.
That's your sister!
Picture's perfect.
You think so?
Do I know you?
Yes, sir.
We had a long talk about a week ago. Remember?
We did? About what?
- About your new hobby room. - This is George!
- How you doing? - Did you sense that I liked you?
Yes, sir.
Then sit down and be quiet.
- What's that you're eating? - My tuna fish sandwich.
Tuna?!
Daddy, you can't eat tuna.
Dad killed Flipper.
We're boycotting tuna.
They kill the dolphins that get caught in the nets. Only albacore.
Have ham.
Eat Miss Piggy.
- I'm sorry! - It's only my eye.
Oh, my God! It's coming on!
My baby!
Don't she look gorgeous, Martin?
When the time has come...
... and the moment is right...
... remember...
... use Ramses Extra Condoms.
We do!
Ramses Extra.
Because caring means all the protection you can get.
Take the kids upstairs.
We learn this in human development.
In human what?! Human development what?!
Development. Chill out.
Upstairs.
Nick, upstairs.
You know how your father is.
- I looked fat. - I liked you.
Home. Out.
George, I got a gun.
What's with you? She looked beautiful.
I liked it. She made me want to buy rubbers right now.
I thought it was great. Rianne, that was just...
- I thought you were terrific. - Really?
I think she's got a future. Don't you?
- Yeah, she was good. - George is afraid of Daddy.
Stick around.
Mr. Murtaugh has a gun.
Yeah, but it's an old gun, and he's not a very good shot.
That's good. I'm going anyway. Good night.
- I'll buy you a beer. - Let him buy the beer.
You're under 21.
Be back by midnight.
Wait and see. Cops never let up, you know?
I'll have rubbers on my desk, in the mail, in the coffee...
If you'd only shut your mouth. You told everybody. I'm going for a walk.
Give the boys some credit. In one ear, out the rubber.
How goes it with you, Hans?
Okay. You, Pieter?
That's quite enough of that. Come on over here, Hans.
Mind the plastic. I'm having some painting done.
The important thing is, are you all right?
No bones broken?
I'm fine, thank you.
Just bumps and bruises, eh?
Yeah, that's all.
Good, good.
However, we did lose over $ 1 million in Krugerrand.
I know. I'm sorry, Mr. Rudd.
It happens.
It's not your fault.
Sometimes these things do not go as planned.
As you say, they just happen, eh, Pieter?
You give a whole new meaning to the word "dropcloth".
Certain policemen in this city have become an intolerable nuisance.
They are obviously onto us again. How do you propose to handle it?
Warn them off.
It's my experience...
...that a scared cop is more useful than a dead one.
A warning?
Is that not a bit tame?
Depends how you do it.
Then you'd better look at this.
This is the policeman in charge.
Goddamn "kaffir".
Lovely.
Remember to take these in order.
There's a packet for each day of the week.
Thank you.
This yours?
I found it in the wash.
Thanks.
I keep on losing this.
Something's wrong.
No, not really. It's just a goddamn pen.
What about the pen?
It just reminds me of something.
Reminds you of what?
It reminds me of...
...the night Vicki was killed.
I didn't mean to push.
That's okay. We never really talked about this.
I was supposed to meet her for dinner, one of those romantic dinners for two.
I had so much work.
I forgot about the whole thing.
She waited at the restaurant for an hour before she drove home alone.
It was midnight when I got home to a ringing phone, so I answered it.
They told me she was killed in a car crash.
I should've been driving. We'd have been all right.
I remember falling down on my knees, and I started shaking all over.
I remember thinking, "I'm just losing it".
So there I was, lying on the living room floor.
Lying there, and I'm seeing under the couch, and I see this gold pen...
...just lying there.
I'd been looking for it everywhere for two months. There it is.
She wasn't much of a housekeeper.
This voice goes off inside my head, like a drill instructor.
It said, "Get up! Now!"
I didn't feel like it, but I got up.
Muscles were still working.
Then I drove to the hospital...
...identified her and signed her out with my gold pen.
Gold pen? Trish found a gold pen in the laundry.
Look around you, Sam. Look around you.
One day, Sam...
...this'll all be yours.
Find a nice bitch, raise a couple of pups.
A man could live here and be happy.
Anybody tell you if you sit on cold rocks too long, you'll get piles?
Let's go watch some TV.
"Kaffirs!"
Wondering about your kids?
You wondering what we done to them?
If I was you, I'd be going nuts now.
I'd be going fucking bananas.
Want to know what we done?
Shall I tell you?
You just let your imagination run riot.
This has just been a warning.
After this, it gets bloody. You tell your people to back off.
Don't be a smart "kaffir".
Maybe we let you live, huh? Come on, let's go.
- You didn't see a face? - Not one. They all had on hoods.
What about a voice?
That motherfucker who did talk had a strange accent. I couldn't place it.
Not German, not English.
Kind of guttural. You know, a shitty accent.
Anything like what we were chasing the other night?
Yeah, kind of like that.
Trish and the kids?
They're at her sister's house in Bellflower.
Listen up. You all heard about what happened to Rog last night?
Forensics get back with anything?
Nothing yet. They'll keep us posted.
The point being, we gotta watch each other's backs and fronts.
You're all invited to watch my back in poker tomorrow. You in?
- If we catch these assholes. - Count me in.
I got something special for you boys.
Leo Getz has been placed in protective custody.
You guys are gonna babysit him until Washington sends the feds.
- How long? - Soon as the red tape is processed.
Three days.
This guy Getz is gonna testify before a commission of inquiry.
Drugs, laundered money, et cetera.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This is not a shit assignment.
- Yes, it is. - No, it isn't.
- It isn't. - It's a shit assignment.
Shut up, the both of you.
Here you go, sir.
- I guaranteed this guy's safety. - Why us?
Because you two are the most qualified for the job.
And after last night, you could use the break.
I can handle last night.
What do we do with him?
How should I know? Take him to Disneyland.
This stinks. This stinks.
I don't give a fuck.
I don't have an ulcer, because I know when to say that.
Here's where he's staying. It's a nice hotel.
Expenses are paid by the Justice Department, so enjoy yourselves.
One more thing.
Know what that says?
Same thing as that. But I don't give a fuck.
You're lucky. I have to live with that.
What a joint!
Excuse me, ma'am, where's the lobby?
That's this way.
Hey, come on. Come on.
What I wouldn't pay to have this pool in my back yard.
You can't swim.
I could get my stroke down.
- What's the water like? - Great.
- How's the temperature? - Great. Why don't you come in?
As an employee, I can't get into these things. If I get caught, I get fired.
Everything okay for you at the hotel?
No problem? Nothing I can do for you?
Excuse me. I see you're coming out of your shell.
- Hotel psychiatrist. - Join us also.
Our patient, Mr. Getz, is waiting for us upstairs.
Want to talk to Mr. Murphy?
Yeah, I gotta go to work. Bye.
- Come back. - We'll be waiting.
Can any of you cook?
Let's go. Murphy.
The girls in this place. This is where they live in the day.
This is where my tax money goes too.
Leo lives like this.
Where's the elevator?
Down the hall to the right.
Are you gentlemen guests of the hotel?
Excuse me.
What room is that for?
612.
This is it. 612.
- Who is it? - Police.
How do I know that?
After I shoot you through the door, you can examine the bullet.
Don't you want to see a badge?
- Where's your badge? - Shut up.
I get it. Bad cop, good cop.
Shut up!
Bad cop, bad cop. I know the routines.
- Are you Leo Getz? - That's me, Leo Getz.
Whatever you need, Leo gets. You get it?
I use that to break the ice when I meet people.
I'm Sgt. Murtaugh. This is Sgt. Riggs.
How you doing? Nice to meet you. What do I call you guys?
- Sgt. Murtaugh and Sgt. Riggs. - We're gonna be your shadow.
That's all right. An old-fashioned...!
Okay. I just ain't seen one in a long time.
I didn't think anybody used those things anymore.
I'll bet you the kid's got an automatic. Got an automatic?
Yep, a Beretta.
Don't touch it.
You sure you guys are cops?
Better watch how you treat me. I'm the state's star witness.
We'll take that room.
Actually, I already have my stuff in this room. You know, when I...
It's yours. My stuff's gone.
I'll move it in the small room, okay?
I'm the smallest guy here. I'll take the small room.
Come on, loosen up a little, guys. We'll be together a long time.
I'll get it.
It's only room service.
You hungry? I'll call and get anything you want.
See this silk robe? Silk pajamas? Free!
- It's not free. - Yes, it is!
- It's taxpayers'money. - Oh, God! It's the same thing.
Good morning, gentlemen.
That's my food! You guys didn't want anything. Bring it here.
It's mine. Boy!
You could've had anything you wanted.
I ordered eggs, not hamburger.
Martin, not the window!
Shit!
Where is that son of a bitch?
Somebody stop that guy! Stop him!
Don't leave me! I can't swim!
Get off me!
We're near the edge of the pool. Now get the fuck off my back.
Clear, move it! Get back! Police!
You all right?
I'm okay. Why didn't you follow me down?
- Why didn't you? - I was seven floors up!
He hit me.
Good!
This guy took an awful chance to pop all of us.
Did you witness a murder?
No, nothing like that. Honest.
All I did was, I laundered half a billion dollars in drug money.
Half a billion dollars?
Give or take a few. Who could count with that much money?
Could I please have some cotton balls for my nose?
Could you please shut up?
- You're supposed to take care of me. - Shut up!
Mr. Getz got away. Our best opportunity, and he gets away.
He slips right through our fingers and into the hands of the police.
What are you doing?
Just checking to see if I was standing on plastic.
Okay, I got it. Okay, here.
I'm who I am. You're a drug dealer. I work in a bank.
You have money to launder. What do you do?
I bring it to you.
- He does. - Me? I don't understand. Why me?
Who am I?
I'll tell you.
You're a courier. You work for him.
I'm the drug dealer.
Don't you have plates? Here. Come on. What is this?
I deposit the cash into the account of a dummy finance company.
Then I issue you a cashier's check in his name...
...minus a small commission for myself.
- You like breathing? - How much?
Two percent.
Not bad, Leo. Pretty prosperous.
You give it back to me as collateral on a loan I make to you.
But you don't pay back the loan. You keep the money.
How's that work?
How's what? That's it! Don't you get it?
It's your money. You don't pay it back. It's yours, and it's clean!
It is now laundered.
You cops aren't too bright, are you?
This is the best part. You got it?
You take a tax deduction...
...on interest payments that you don't even make.
- Am I a genius? - You're a swindler.
Cheat!
Come on.
Everybody cheats. Look at the Pentagon.
So you got it?
Okay, Mr. Big Shot, how come you turned yourself in?
I was scamming those guys for months.
Every transaction, I kept a little.
You?
It was easy. All those cash deposits.
Millions of dollars in small bills changing hands.
Who's gonna miss $ 10,000 here, $ 20,000 there?
Drug dealers.
That's right. They did.
That's why I'm living out of a suitcase now.
You can give that to Nick.
I'll bet you it's softer. I put fabric softener in.
It's small, Leroy.
It's not Leroy, it's Leo. And if you want, I'll buy you another shirt!
Do me a favor. Give me the names of those drug dealers.
I don't know any drug dealers. All I dealt with was couriers.
- Where does Trish keep my laundry? - On the shelf in back of the machine.
You never met anyone except couriers?
No names.
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Come to think of it...
Okay, listen.
They took me up to the hills in this house with stilts on it.
And I had a job interview with a guy...
...and his name was...
...Haynes. Hans!
- Take us there. - We have to sit on this guy.
It won't do any harm to look.
- I know the address. - Let's go.
We shouldn't!
Come on, don't be a killjoy!
We're back, we're bad! You're black, I'm mad.
This is going to be great!
If we're going, shouldn't I have a gun?
Is my nose still bleeding? It's really sore.
I'm sorry about that.
That's downtown L.A. How'd you like to have a house here?
It'd be okay three days of the year when you can actually see it.
Get a fresh breath.
It's been two hours and six places. You sure of the address?
I told you I wasn't sure of the exact address.
What are you sure of?
I'm sure the numbers add up to 28.
I remember because I was 28 when I became a certified public accountant.
We can figure this out.
There's four numbers. The first one has to be a nine.
Nine is my lucky number. I was born on the ninth day of the ninth month.
- This is ridiculous. - Hang on. Maybe not, maybe not.
There aren't many streets in Bel Air that begin with nine...
...with four numbers in the address.
- How many's not that many? - Let's have a look.
Well, I meant more than 10 or 12 streets.
This is thin, Riggs. This is very thin.
This is anorexic.
- Such as 739, 658.
Okay, that's it.
That's it.
Look. This is it. See?
The last three numbers have to be either 739 or 658.
The first number's gotta be a 9 because 9 was my lucky number.
I was born on the ninth day... See, that's it.
I tell you, I could do it.
Take us there.
- We need a street, that's all. - Is that all?
- How's that? - Good enough for me.
Leo, this is the seventh place.
- We have the numbers. - And the seventh time.
- Just jumble them around. - It's a lucky number.
It should be coming up soon.
- 9856. - That's it.
- That's another possibility. - This is the ninth possibility.
That's it! Nine. My lucky number.
Stay in the car, you hear?
- Can't I come? - Stay.
Nice car.
- What are you doing? - Hooking it up.
You're not looking at what you're doing!
I know what I'm doing. I'm towing your car, not a baby carriage.
You're chipping the paint. I can hear it!
- You smell what I smell? - I smell something.
What's that? A rat?
A stinky one too.
Where you going?
I'm a peeping Tom. It goes with the badge.
It's fun sometimes too.
Bingo!
Lars, look!
What the fuck?
- Where's the pool? - There's no pool.
There's no pool.
This house is built on stilts.
Stilts? No, I'm sure there's a pool.
Cuff yourselves.
Not this again.
Riggs! Where you at?
Stay where you are. Don't move.
You all right?
Move that truck.
Give me your keys!
You all right?
Where you going?
That was the hotel waiter.
Wait for me!
Get out of here!
What are you doing? You can't take my truck! What's going on?
Don't worry. We'll bring it right back.
Gotcha!
Sergeant, it's the guy from the hotel!
Where did he go?
Riggs is hanging on the truck!
What are you doing out of the car? Get in the car!
Get back! It's police business!
It's a high-speed chase! Get out of the way!
Go faster! We gotta catch him and your partner.
Hello, asshole!
Come on, come on. Give me that!
There they are! Hurry up!
Come on! Can't you go faster?
Will you shut the fuck up?
Look out!
Oh, shit!
Wipeout! It's all under control.
I told you to look out!
- You're too old to drive this car. - Shut up!
And stay!
What do you think I am, a dog?
Hands behind your neck!
What are you doing here? We got a lot to talk about.
What's going on?
Freeze, dickhead!
Get down here, dickhead. It's been a bad day.
Show me your hands.
Take it easy, officer.
I'm not armed. I won't resist.
Put down your guns, gentlemen. It's all right.
Do as I say!
Get your hands on your head.
Lace them behind your head!
You have no idea what you're doing.
We're professional police officers. We do this for a living.
My name is Arjen Rudd.
I'm minister of diplomatic affairs for the South African Consulate.
South Africa, home of the Krugerrand.
Among other things.
These gentlemen also work for the consulate.
We have diplomatic credentials...
Keep your hands high.
Give me that.
Everybody take it easy. Especially you, Riggs.
Riggs? You Martin Riggs?
Of the Chicago Riggses. What's your name?
Pieter Von... Vor...
Fuck, I'll just call you Adolf.
Are you Arjen Rudd? Aryan...?
- That's you. - It's official.
They are official.
Under the Diplomatic Relations Act...
...no diplomatic agent may be detained or arrested...
Once his identity has been established.
We do have a serious diplomatic situation here...
...which I'll take up with your State Department tomorrow.
I'm quaking in my boots, but I'll still bring you down.
My dear officer...
...you could not even give me a parking ticket.
Who is the dickhead now?
This house is owned by the South African government.
This is South African soil.
Now get out of here.
All of you.
Come on, let's go.
Hey, man, don't do it.
Don't fucking do it. Fuck with me, and I'll make you eat this thing.
"Kaffir"!
With those credentials, Chuck Manson could get off.
- I went to school with him. - Yeah, right.
Miss, could you step out of the car, please?
Put them away. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Are you...?
Don't open that.
That is a diplomatic pouch...
...protected under Article 27 of the Vienna Convention.
Is he serious with this stuff?
These are police officers, Miss Van Den Haas.
They were just leaving.
She is a consulate secretary.
Give her back the briefcase.
Give it to her.
Here. I'm sorry, Miss Consulate Secretary.
Don't talk to them! Come here.
He's a nice guy. What's he paying you an hour?
How'd you like to increase your pay? Better hours?
I'd start getting used to that sort of view.
- It's the Triangle Trade again. - The what?
Didn't you ever do American history at school?
From molasses to rum to slaves.
Now it's drugs to dollars to Krugerrands.
I know there's a dead guy with a surfboard where his face was...
...and the State Department's breathing down our throats.
I'll have to make a formal apology to the South African Consulate.
Apologize?
He's a sack of shit! He's dirty, a crook.
It doesn't matter if he's dirty. He's a diplomat.
He's got immunity. We can't touch him, arrest him, prosecute him.
Is that clear? Does that spell it out?
Yes, sir.
- Who the hell is this guy? - Leo Getz. Nice to meet you, sir.
You took a civilian on a bust. A civilian you're supposed to protect!
- He's alive, isn't he? - It's okay. I signed a waiver.
- Besides, I usually wait in the car. - Usually? Usually?
They're very adamant about that.
- I don't give a fuck. - They're good cops. They're the best.
One time, a guy was waving a gun...
What'd he say?
What did he say?
"I don't give a fuck." It's his mantra.
Why is everybody's ass parked on my desk? Up! Up!
It's a rubber plant!
I had nothing to do with it. Looks like a week's supply.
Go spit.
I'm sorry, I forgot. You're too old for that shit.
If you don't like it, you can exchange it.
Thank you, Mr. Rudd.
One moment, Miss Van Den Haas.
I hope you understood what was happening here today.
I'd rather not jump to any wrong conclusions.
Why don't you explain it to me?
The policies of our government are not popular here in America, as you know.
The police department of this city is overrun with blacks.
They have badges and guns, and they hate us.
Our consulate, its staff...
...and particularly myself, will always be targets for their harassment.
Good night, Mr. Rudd.
Things are getting out of hand.
We are suffering too many losses.
We have to move the cash in one large shipment.
We'll need something bigger than a suitcase.
I'll worry about that. You worry about the police.
Your warning did not work.
- Come on, Leo, let's go! - I'm coming.
Come on! Move!
Okay! Hey, they're cops, okay?
- Big deal. I've gotta eat too. - Come on, Leo.
Give me the food.
- Who ordered the super combo? - Over here.
I get a steak sandwich.
Who gets Leo?
You got a big, empty house.
I got a trailer. What will I do with him?
My place is too small. You take him.
I had him last night.
Excuse me, fellas!
This is tuna. I hate tuna.
I refuse to get stuck with tuna. Now, come on.
- Don't eat the tuna. - Where were you? I just said that!
I'm not eating tuna. Let's go back.
We're not going back. Shut up!
Sure, don't go back. Okay, don't go back. That's it.
Can I give you two guys a friendly piece of advice?
Never go up to the drive-through. Always walk up to the counter.
You know why? Let me tell you.
They fuck you at the drive-through, okay?
They know you'll be miles away before you find out you got fucked.
They know you won't turn around and go back.
They don't care. Who gets fucked? Leo Getz! Sure!
I'm not eating this tuna!
Shut up!
Good morning, Mr. Rudd.
- Get rid of that man. - Yes, sir.
Sorry, you're gonna have to leave the premises right now.
The morning faxes.
Sam, come here. What's the matter? He kick you out of the house?
Here, Sam. I want you to bite Leo for me.
What are you doing?
I'm cleaning up this pigsty.
I like living the way I live.
When's the last time you did the refrigerator? The pan under it?
- There's a pan under there? - Oh, please. Come on.
Where's my phone? Where the fuck is everything?
Where's my TV?
Everything is outside.
Just stop what you're doing.
- Get the dog out of here! - You go before the mutt.
Out, out! Oh, man!
Riggs, it's Collins.
- Has Murtaugh checked in with you? - No, he hasn't. Why?
I haven't heard from him. He doesn't answer his phone.
I'll be right there.
Stay in the car.
Get in there.
I'm upstairs!
Should I call 999, "Officer in distress"?
I'll cover the back!
- Where are you? - I'm up here.
In here.
Good morning.
First time in 20 years I got the bathroom all to myself.
No kids banging on the door. No wife asking me to hurry up.
Just me and my new "Salt Water Sportsman" magazine.
Is that the one with the article on deep-sea fishing?
Sitting here reading about marlin fishing in the Gulf of Mexico...
...when I glanced over, I saw this.
Oh, Jesus!
Is that all?
- You scared the shit out of me. - Scared the shit out of you?
How long you been here?
I've been here all night.
My legs are so goddamn numb, I don't know if I can...
Don't move.
I can't.
Just stay that way. Do you mind?
A dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it.
Tell me I'm not fucked.
He's fucked.
Okay, but I'd be lying.
You'll be okay if you don't stand up.
That's a relief.
- I'll have to get help. - No way!
Why?
I'm on the toilet. Give me a break.
This is serious. I gotta get the Bomb Squad in here.
Bomb Squad?
Okay, call them in.
Call them, but don't use the open frequency.
Let's keep this quiet, okay?
Sure. Trust me.
Excuse me, please.
Officer, an escort isn't necessary.
I know you're a psychiatrist, but it's not a pretty sight.
I have helped policemen through the most traumatic moments.
Believe me, there is nothing in this room that I cannot handle.
I was wrong.
Excuse me.
I should've known. Where there's one, there's the other.
Split.
You're the psychiatrist? I have these dreams.
It's ready to come out.
I gotta live in this house!
Clear this room.
Come on, Riggs.
- You too, Riggs. - No.
Riggs. Out.
All right.
Dive into the tub.
When you do, pull the bomb blanket over your head.
This is a good cast-iron tub. It'll withstand a hell of a blast.
I can't do it.
He can't do it. He's been on there for 18, 20 hours.
He can't even walk.
I'll have to help him.
All right, you better wear this.
- How's the nitrogen? - Almost there.
What he's doing is spraying this thing with liquid nitrogen...
...to give you a second or two before detonation.
- Got that? - A second or two. Thanks a lot.
Lights out!
Get him up and out.
- Let's go. - Move!
Good luck.
You got a piece?
- A Smith & Wesson. - Try this.
Safety's on. I'll collect it later.
Good luck.
All right, let's move.
Alone at last.
Why didn't they plant the bomb in Trish's stove?
Think of all the needless suffering that could have ended.
I'm gonna die on the toilet.
Guys like you don't die on toilets.
Anyway, I'm here, and I don't plan on going just now.
Let's do it.
On "three".
Wait, let me get into the tub.
I'm just gonna give you the...
On "three", huh? What do you say?
One...
...two... - Wait!
Do we do it on "three"...
...or "one, two, three"...
...then do it? - Well, it's your ass.
It's up to you.
My ass, yeah.
"Three."
We go on "three"?
"One, two" and then "three"!
One...
- Martin? - What?
I know.
I mean it, man.
I hear you.
We're not gonna fucking die, all right?
On "three".
One...
...two...
...three!
I gotta go! I gotta go!
Get off me. I don't want anybody to see us like this.
Mr. Jones?
Sit down, please.
What can I do for you today?
I have this problem, this very delicate matter.
My friend wants to emigrate to South Africa.
Of course, I can help him do that.
I want you to talk him out of it.
Talk him out of it?
Whatever for?
This is a bad time for him to go. I mean, with all the trouble.
Ask your friend to come back later in the week...
...we can sit down... - No, he's here.
- He's here? - He's here now.
Alphonse!
Alphonse?
How you doing?
There must be some mistake.
Say what?
Listen to your friend. He knows what he's talking about.
I don't think you want to go to South Africa.
Why not?
Because you're black.
You are.
He is.
Of course I'm black. That's why I want to go.
To join my brothers in the struggle...
...against the tyranny of the racist, fascist...
...white, minority regime!
Fascist regime!
One man, one vote!
Free South Africa, you son of a bitch!
You son of a bitch!
I've heard as much as I want to. I demand that you leave.
What's happening here?
Back off!
Close the security gate! Quickly!
End apartheid now!
You're telling me to shut up? You gonna arrest me?
You can't push me out!
You call this security?
More people come in and out of here than Grand Central Station.
Wait, gentlemen!
Don't bother to call the police. I'm here already.
I should have known.
Well, well.
It's the master race!
I hope you realize the trouble you are in right now.
As usual, you have everything upside down and turned around...
...and back to front.
Gentlemen...
...show Officer Riggs into the street.
Fingers off.
Hand off!
Let me look at that.
That's some piece of hardware. Where the fuck do you get that stuff?
I've never seen that. Where's it from? South Africa?
Don't move.
I'm surprised you haven't heard about me. I got a bad reputation.
Sometimes I just go nuts.
Don't move.
I'll make a deal with you, Arjen. Or is it Aryan?
Whatever the fuck your name is.
You fold up your tents, and get the fuck out of my country...
...and I won't do anything to you.
I'll leave you alone.
If you stick around here, I'm gonna fuck your ass.
Then I'll send you home with your balls in a sling.
Just get out of here...
..."kaffir" lover.
Eenie...
...meenie...
...minie...
Hey, Moe!
Sorry, Adolf.
Pick them up with your hands.
Big smile.
Big smile!
Vorstedt, come over here!
Vorstedt!
- Hello. Officer...? - Martin Riggs.
What are you doing here?
I've been with your boss. You know, shooting the breeze.
Shooting his fish.
The guy goes, "But, but, but...
...you're black!"
He's black!
- I bet he was shitting. - Started some shit with that!
You get into Rudd's office?
Yeah, I got up there.
Aryan Crud and his Brown Shirts turned up...
...but I ripped this off a pad. What's that?
- "Alba Varden, Thursday." - What do you think?
Is that Hitler's girlfriend?
That's Eva Braun.
He has a date with her Thursday.
Her name sounds familiar.
- You know her? - No. It just sounds familiar.
Alba Varden...
There's a deli. Pull over. Let's eat, I'm starving.
I'll spring.
Let's go. Sounds good to me.
- Out the other side. - Other door, Leo.
Out the other door.
No cars.
Vorstedt!
That policeman.
You should pick from the bottom.
They put the old stock on top.
Officer Riggs.
I followed you from the consulate.
You followed me?
Well, I needed some pork chops and a toilet brush too.
I wanted to apologize...
...for the other day, in case we frightened you.
I was a bit startled by all those guns.
I'm sorry. And I wanted to thank you too.
Thank me for what?
You don't like your boss very much, do you?
There's a lot I don't like about my boss and my country.
But I like my job very much.
It keeps me here in Los Angeles.
You like this town?
That's a new one.
- I forgot your first name. - It's Rika.
Rika Van Häagen-Dazs.
- Ice cream? - No, Van Den Haas. It's Dutch.
That's a real pretty name.
- Got a rabbit or is that your dinner? - It's mine.
Shop one day at a time?
Good police work.
I get paid for that.
I don't shop for the entire week.
No? Why not?
I never know what I'll be hungry for.
Wait. Have dinner with me.
I got a nice place on the beach. A good view from every window.
A beautiful sunset.
Come on, be original, say yes. Everyone else says no.
Come to my place. I'm a gourmet cook.
Let go of the basket.
I'll scream.
- Don't. - I will.
Please...
I'll embarrass you. You'll turn red like that apple.
- Come on with me. - No. No, please.
Lady, let go of my bag! Hey, look! Somebody call a cop!
What are you doing?
Let's go before someone calls a cop.
You are a cop.
You must be an honest cop, Martin Riggs.
It ain't much, but it's everything I said. Look at the view.
I did exaggerate about one thing.
I'm not exactly a gourmet cook. I can only make chili.
- Do you like it with or without Oreos? - With, of course.
A woman after my own heart.
Careful. Watch your step.
Sam wants in.
Here, sit down.
Wait a minute.
It's a little filthy.
I haven't got wine. How about a beer?
That's fine.
She drinks beer.
What's wrong? You got a dirty glass?
Oh, it's a wedding ring.
I used to be married.
But not anymore?
No. Not anymore.
I got something on the stove.
Is Rudd hiding behind his diplomatic credentials?
What's that?
Rudd's hiding behind his diplomatic credentials.
He's not a very nice guy.
Then whatever he's doing, he shouldn't get away with it.
How's it hanging, Wyler?
- What the hell do you want? - I hope better than Murtaugh.
Easy. Easy.
Tell me, have your brains ever seen the light of day?
Who are you? What do you want? I'm a cop!
No, you were a cop.
Honey, we're gonna be late.
I'm just gonna take a couple laps before I go down to the station.
Sam, take a hike. No "Stooges" tonight. Go on!
He's sweet.
Get a beer, man.
Don't worry about it.
Cavanaugh, are you in or out?
I'm out.
Put some music on.
- Who's not accounted for? - Riggs and Murtaugh.
Murtaugh's taking the witness to a new location.
- What about Riggs? - Hasn't checked in.
Get on the radio and find them!
We lost Wyler, Collins, Cavanaugh. How many do we have to lose?
Let's worry about the ones that are alive, all right? Do it.
Sorry, captain.
Get me Riggs.
I'll get that.
Thanks to you, I missed my poker game. And I was feeling real lucky.
Okay. So what I see are nice conservative tax returns.
Everything by the book. Everything black and white.
You have to play around in the gray areas...
...if you want to see some bucks.
Your salary's not much to work with. You need deductions.
- My boat. - Can't deduct it.
- No, it's the bill of sale. - I know, but you can't deduct it.
That's it, my boat! Let's go!
- Go where? - To my house.
- For what? - My boat, man.
Look at this commercial!
Look at the body on this kid. She is so hot.
What are you doing? Look at the girl!
You hit the button...
- I didn't hear you say that. - Say what? She's great.
She has a great body. Makes me want to buy rubbers.
It's time for the seventh-inning stretch.
That's a baseball expression.
I know.
But we're only up to the fourth inning.
Batter up!
Stay in the car.
I'll only be a minute, okay?
I don't want to stay. It's cold. You have no door.
You're the reason there's no door. Turn on the heat if you're cold.
Don't touch anything.
Nothing. I mean nothing!
Alba Varden...
Why do I know the name?
It's here. It's gotta be.
- Another day, another hobby. - Yeah, what's new?
The day on my boat.
Not there. Where is it?
My birthday.
I'll be damned.
"Alba Varden" is a ship, not a woman.
Leo, I told you to stay in the car.
Shit!
Son of a bitch, what are you doing here?
Nailed them both.
My car.
Leo!
Get up, get dressed.
What is it?
Get dressed. Trust me.
- I don't understand. - Trust me.
Something's wrong. I got a bad feeling.
- I don't understand. - Put this on.
Get in the truck. The keys are under the seat.
When they stop to reload, run for the truck.
- What about you? - I'll be okay.
I'll meet you in the truck. Go on!
Stay out of the light.
Master race.
It's all right.
You shit! You shit!
- Who were those people? - You tell me. Was it your husband?
What are you doing Saturday?
It's Sam!
Get your head down!
Come on, Sam!
Come on, Sam.
- Shake a leg. - Come on, boy.
Has he got any holes in him?
You clever dog!
I promised I'd have you home by 11:00.
This is the most incredible first date.
Wait until the second.
- No more helicopters, please. - Okay, I promise.
This is a nice building you've got here.
Any vacancies? I'm between homes.
You can stay right here.
I can?
Yes, there's a vacant apartment up there.
I was kidding. You can stay with me.
Tonight?
Yes. Tonight and tomorrow night and the night after that.
And after that?
Don't push your luck.
I gotta go.
- But you said... - Go inside and lock all the doors.
And you're not going to work tomorrow.
There's better ways of staying in L.A. Than that job.
All right. I've just quit.
I'll just grab a few things... I forgot, I haven't got anything.
Just bring yourself.
I gotta go.
Bye.
Go home!
Go!
Go get the girl.
I was going to offer you a drink, but I understand...
...you're on the wagon.
That stuff will kill you quick.
You know so much about me, who the hell are you?
I'm the guy that changed the course of your life.
Four years ago...
...when you was a narc down at Long Beach...
...you were getting too close. We put a contract on you.
I handled it myself.
Drove your car off the road, remember?
But you weren't driving, were you?
You can't imagine the surprise.
I pulled back this matted mop of bloody hair to see this woman's face.
Your wife, right?
She didn't die straight away.
It took a bit of time.
Don't have much luck with women, do you?
She's dead. They killed her.
Where are you?
They killed her. She's dead.
They killed them both.
Slow down. Who are you talking about? Where are you?
She's dead, Roger. She's dead.
Just calm down. We'll take care of it. Where are you?
I'm not a cop tonight. It's personal. I'm not a cop.
You don't know what happened tonight. There's more.
I'm gonna get those bastards and fuck them! I'm going there now.
We're not going to the fucking stilt house. We're under orders!
Then the stilt house will come to me.
You don't understand. They killed them both.
- They got Rika and my wife. - Don't hang up!
Shit.
What's the deal?
You talk to the feds, but you don't talk to me.
That's not fair.
We trusted you, Leo.
You betrayed us.
You took our money!
We want it back now, you slimy little shit.
Give him some more. He seems to like it.
Don't try and stop me.
I've seen that look in your eyes before.
They declared war on the police.
You know about that?
I heard it on the radio.
We don't have the authority.
Cavanaugh...
...Wyler, Shapiro...
...Rika, Vicki. How much fucking authority do you need?
You got a plan?
If you drive around the front of the house...
...you wait for my signal...
...and then just go in and shoot those fuckers.
They got Leo.
Be careful.
What's your signal?
You'll know it when it happens.
Somehow I think I will know.
Payday.
Feel like talking, Leo?
It's the big one!
All right. Cool it.
- Watch him. - Move me away from the windows!
Watch the glass!
- Come on! - I'll go.
Riggs, you crazy mother...
Holy Christ!
You all right?
I'm okay.
Thanks.
- Was Adolf in there? - He got away.
- I'm gonna find him. - What about Leo?
What about Leo?
You're on your own now, Leo.
What do you mean?
Take my car to the station and wait for the federal marshal.
It's been an experience knowing you.
- I don't want a hug. - Give the little fellow a hug.
I had a lot of fun.
You do your duty now.
Don't worry. I'll really get them now.
- Listen! Wait! - You know how to find him.
Is it okay if I sound the siren?
Loud as you want.
Really?
- Okay. Really? - Bye, Leo.
Check it out.
The "Alba Varden" is a cargo ship, not a woman.
The Port Authority said that the "Alba Varden" arrived today...
... and heads out tomorrow to South Africa.
This is the 11th dock.
It must be here someplace. I know I'm right.
The ship.
What did I tell you?
That container there, with three heavy hitters.
Let's have a look.
I'll take two of them out. You take one.
Better yet, you take two, I'll take one. Pull over.
I can't see shit.
Me either. What is this shit?
Got a light?
It's gotta be Rudd's, whatever it is.
I still can't see shit.
- You got something? - I don't know. It's a car.
Holy shit. Fort Knox!
Hell, how much is it?
Thousands.
Fucking millions!
Billions! A fucking Donald Trump lotto!
Look at this.
These are thousand-dollar bills.
With what I'm holding, I could put all three of my kids through college.
Take it.
Fucking drug money.
Do something good with it.
Rudd won't need it where he's going.
Load the container.
Next time the sun hits their bodies, they'll be in Cape Town.
- This thing's moving. - It sure as hell is.
- What are we gonna do now? - I don't know.
Let's shoot our way out.
Don't do that. I got a better idea.
Our money.
Just make sure they're dead.
- You go first. I'm too old. - No, you go first. I'll cover you.
- How do we get out? - I'm going this way.
I'll go this way. I'll check over here.
Shapiro...
... Moss, Wyler...
... Cavanaugh, Friesen!
All of them! For Rika!
Rog!
Shit!
Riggs, you okay?
Drop it, asshole!
Diplomatic immunity!
It's just been revoked.
You're breathing. You're alive. You're not dead.
No, don't die.
You're not dead until I tell you.
You got that, Riggs? You're not dead until I tell you.
You got that, Riggs?
You're not dead until I tell you.
Now breathe with me. Breathe.
- Now, breathe. - Hey, Rog.
Rog, in my pocket.
I want you to throw those things away.
Those things will kill you. Really.
You son of a bitch!
I thought you were dying.
I didn't die on your toilet, I'm not dying in your arms.
You son of a bitch.
Are they all gone? The bad guys? Did you get them?
They been "de-kaffirnated".
Don't make me laugh! Oh, Jesus.
Did anyone ever tell you...
...you really are a beautiful man?
Give us a kiss before they come.
Where'd that bullet hit you anyway?
Don't make me laugh!