- One of the greatest communication challenges
I consistently see with my clients across the globe
is how to say no and set boundaries with grace.
This is especially challenging
if you're a yes person or like to please others.
Having to say no to a colleague's request for help
because you have a tight deadline to complete
is never easy to do.
Standing up to your own manager when you disagree
with the policy can be unpleasant.
Having to let a contractor go and needing to tell your team
they have to work longer hours is not something
to look forward to.
Setting strong and clear boundaries at work
is something we're often not taught how to do
and it can feel daunting so we avoid it.
There's a much easier way that has you keep the relationship
in tact while staying in your personal power.
The first and most critical step
before setting boundaries is to be crystal clear
on what your priorities are in the moment.
When you know what you have to achieve
it becomes more clear what fits
into your priorities and what's outside of them.
The second step is taking the time to prepare your response.
If there are strong emotions behind having to set boundaries
or say no, it's important not to respond right away.
Instead, identify the emotions that are coming up.
Name them and remember that you're human.
It's challenging to say no because we fear rejection,
and we want to be liked.
Acknowledge your emotions without judgment
and give yourself permission to feel the emotions instead
of resisting them or wishing you didn't have to respond.
When we allow emotions to come up and through,
we move through them faster.
When preparing for the conversation,
I always recommend scripting it out first.
To assist with that you can download the handout
I've provided.
The idea is you pick a phrase
from each section and customize it.
There are basically three components.
Acknowledge the situation, empathize,
and state what is or is not possible.
For example, a colleague has just requested your help
and you're swamped with completing a big deadline
with your team.
You could script out something like this,
"I get how important this is to you.
I would love to be able to help you right now
but I'm already extended and don't want to jeopardize
the quality of our project deliverable."
The handout is more like a guideline
versus an exact recipe of what to say.
So use what's valuable and make it your own.
The last step is making a request or suggestion.
Is there another time I can help you.
Or I can't help you right now, but check with Bill,
he may have time.
Or can I help you with part of it right now?
It's easy to see this process as a confrontation,
but it truly isn't.
It's simply a conversation to acknowledge what is so,
to share what you can and cannot do,
and to brainstorm or suggest a solution.
Next time you have to say no or set boundaries at work,
whether done in person or remotely,
practice this three step process.
Get clear on your priorities,
prepare for the conversation and share a solution.
And if you get stuck, use the handout to support you
in writing out what you want to say.
Practice speaking it out loud so that when you do share
it won't feel like the first time.
I promise it will get easier.
When you master the art of saying no and setting boundaries
with grace, you feel more empowered and you become
a role model for your team members and colleagues
to do the same.