Vic: Now, there was an indescriminate amount of time
between Tex and Junior disappearing from Blood Gulch,
and the gang getting split up and reassigned by Project Freelancer.
You All Remember that.
It was a strange time...
A time when the Reds and Blues had become familiar with one another,
but were technically still at war,
but were simultaneously no longer giving a damn,
BUT were also not really fond of one another...
Like I said, it was a strange time.
And strange things happen when you're stuck in a canyon
with your worst friends/enemies/robot companions/siblings.
Man...
What a bunch of weirdos...
Tucker: Tight!
Simmons: Hey!
The fuck are you doing to our base, Blue?
Tucker: Oh, hey, guys! I was just putting up some fliers for my thing, tonight!
I'm hosting a m--
Grif: "Movie night," we figured it out...
Tucker: Awesome! Well, I'm keeping the film a secret,
but I can give you guys some hints:
it's a kickass crime caper, made by the most badass filmmaker of all time.
Grif: Come on, Tucker, we know it's Reservoir Dogs,
It's ALWAYS Reservoir Dogs.
Simmons: Ugh, I'm so sick of that movie.
Tucker: You cant get sick of Reservoir Dogs! It's impossible!
It's the perfect movie.
Kickass dialogue, kickass characters, kickass ass-kicking!
Grif: Oooh, ya...
That sounds great, Tucker, but,
we actually have plans tonight, for once.
Simmons: Ya, Sarge says he's gonna make Grif finish that squat he started in basic.
Grif: On second thought, we'll be there.
Doc: Alright, everyone,
remember: we're calling sanctuary,
so no fighting.
Donut: Well, I thought you could only call sanctuary in a church!
Church: Ya, huh? What do you want?
Tucker: This is a church!
Of cinema!
So grab some popcorn!
And shut up!
Doc: Oooh, we have popcorn?
Tucker: Oh, no, not really.
Doc: Awww.
Tucker: Gentlemen, I've had your curiosity, now I'd like your attention.
Tucker: A little background on our film tonight:
before Quentin Tarantino went on to dazzle audiences with Kill Bill,
Inglorious Bastards, and Pulp Fiction,
he made his first his first mark on the cinematic world with this stunning debut film:
a little movie I lake to call
"Reservoir Dogs"
Church: Hey, Tucker, I was just thinking, I got an idea here:
what if we watched,
literally anything else?
Tucker: Why would you want to watch anything else?
Church: Uh, firstly, because this movie is older than Sarge,
Sister: Ya, and old things are totally gross.
Sarge: Hey, I'm not that old you sockdoggling whippersnapper!
Get off my lawn!
Caboose: Uh, I didn't know there was a lawn here, sorry!
Grif: Dont you guys get it?
It's still the only movie we have in this God-forsaken canyon!
It's got us by the balls!
Tucker: Great point!
So, unless someone's hiding Netflix in their armor,
Simmons: Lopez just left.
Tucker: you'll have to settle for watching the greatest film of all time
again.
Caboose, the tape!
Caboose: Already set up!
Tucker: Oh...uh...I- I don't think that gonna work, Caboose.
Why don't we just take the tape out,
and play it in the VCR?
Church: I vote we try it!
This could definately work.
Grif: Seconded.
Caboose: Ok, dim the lights!
Tucker: NO, CABOOSE, WAIT!
Caboose: uh-oh
Uhhh-uhhh, it broke!
That is weird I don't know how it-that would happen...
Sister: Uh, so,
since that thing is on fire,
should I...still get the lights?
Church: Yo! Reds!
anybody here?
Grif: No,
we packed up and left.
Church: Cut the crap.
We gotta talk about Tucker.
Simmons: Tucker?
Don't tell me he's still upset about movie night...
Church: Hes done nothing but sit in his room and listen to "Stuck in The Middle With You" on repeat.
Grif: Could be worse.
Church: He's been doin it for almost six days.
That's like...two weeks in Tucker time.
Grif: Oh!
Church: Ya, so listen,
I feel somewhat...responsible
for what happened, and I would like to try to make it up to him if I can.
Also,
I gotta admit,
I'm about two songs away form just covering myself in gasoline and ending it all.
Are you guys gonna help me or what?
Grif: What? Out of the goodness of our hearts?
Church: Or boredom,
what else are you gonna do?
Both: We're in.
Sarge: Hold on there, Blue!
We're not agreeing to anything!
Just because we may lay down out arms for a weekly movie night,
doesn't mean we're going to --
Church: You can play the lead.
Sarge: I'll get you my head-shots!
Church: Alright, now,
for our remake,
we're all going to be playing characters from the movie "Reservoir Dogs."
I figure we can make just like uhhh...
sizzle-reel trailer kind of a thing?
And just let Tucker direct the rest.
Otherwise we're all just gonna have to listen to him bitch about how we did it wrong.
Here are your characte--*cough*
Here are your character--*cough*
I got something in my throat.
Here are ya' characta's:
Mr. Brown,
Mr. Blonde,
Mr. Blue,
Mr. Orange,
Mr. Black,
Mr. Pink,
and I'm Mr. White.
Donut: Wait, why am I Mr. Pink?
Grif: Are you seriously asking that question?
Donut: It's lightish-red!
I've told you guys a thousand times!
Church: Who cares what character you play?
Donut: Well, that's easy for you to say,
you're Mr. White,
you have a cool-sounding name.
Why can't we pick our characters?
Church: If we pick our characters, we're all going to be fighting over who gets to be Mr. Black.
Simmons: Thank God Tex isn't here.
Church: HEY!
How would you like to be Mr. Has-A-Fucking-Hole-In-His-Head?!
And I'm not talking about your mouth.
Or, like, talking about...like...
another hole in your head...
A new hole.
I'm gonna shoot you...
I mean...you--you understand.
Sarge: I mean...
It's a little wordy...
Donut: Mr. Pink sounds like a pansy!
Tell you what...
How 'bout I be Mr. Purple?
That sounds good to me.
Church: you're not Mr. Purple,
there's no "Mr. Purple" in the movie.
Doc: Awww
Donut: We can change the movie!
I never liked how everyone dies at the end, anyway.
Sarge: Oh, come on!
Spoiler alert, somebody.
Grif: How is that a spoiler?
We've watched that movie together ten-thousand times!
Sarge: Usually after the gunfire I fall right to sleep.
Sister: Hey, Taran-terrible,
why the FUCK am I not Mr. Blonde?
Grif: Uh, because you're a girl and also:
you're not blonde.
Sister: Not on my head.
Grif: That doesn't e--
Wait, what?
Church: Sister,
there's no girls in Reservoir Dogs,
go back to base.
Sister: Uh, what about the all female remake they made?
You know, the terrible one?
Church: Reservoir Bitches?
it was terrible!
Sister: FINE!
ENJOY BEING SEXIST!
I'll go make my own movie!
And it'll only have girls!
Then, we'll see who's sexist!
Simmons: And where are you going to get girls to help you make an impromptu movie?
Sister: I've done it before,
they didn't even care about the nudity.
Because women. Are. Professionals!
Grif: Please do not tell anyone else the things you just said!
Sister: I HAAATE YOUUU!
You're just like Mom and Dad!
Grif (Poorly Acted): Ug,
I am shot
Church: Hey!
Cut that shit right now!
You're hurt.
You're hurt real fucking bad but you aint dying.
'Kay, trust me, I know what that feels like...
Grif (Poorly Acted): Uhhh,
That heist.
It went so bad.
And now, I have been shot.
I am going to die.
I know it.
Church: That heist went bad,
but you're not gonna die!
I'm--uh...
Line?
Simmons: "I'm going to get you help"
Church: Right,
I'm gonna get you help!
Grif: Hrrr
Church: No! Don't you "Hrrr-Blegh" on me!
You hold on!
Caboose: From the visionary brain of Quenten Terr--
Tarr--
-antula,
in a movie where some people who like wearing the same clothes,
and have colors for their names,
decide to have a robbery-heist
and also,
secretly,
-spoiler alert-
one of them is a cop!
Church: I think one of us is secretly a cop.
Caboose: There is violence!
And guns!
And shooting at stuff!
Church: BANG!
Grif (Poorly Acted): Pew Pew.
Bang.
Simmons: Bang! Bang!
Bang bang bang!
Grif (Poorly Acted): Oh no!
According to the script, I've been shot.
Simmons: Who the fuck gave him actual gasoline?
Caboose: I'm a method actor.
Sister: Vagina power!
Down with the man!
Suck my lady-dick!
End women's suffrage!
We've suffered long enough!
Church: So...
ya...it's still a rough cut...
Tucker: Dude that was awesome!
Church: Oh, thank God!
Caboose: So does this mean we get to make the rest of it now?
Tucker: as Quentin Tarantino would say:
"Let me suck on that bitch's toes!"
Sister: Aha!
I knew there was a girl in the movie!
Simmons: Hey, you know what I was thinking?
What is we turned that camera around on us?
Made a little documentary about Blood Gulch and all our hanging out?
You know, slice of life kind of stuff.
Church: what kind of brain-dead lunatic would watch something like that?
Simmons: Ya...
You're probably right.