Hey, guys.
Marlene, you really have to say something
before you burst in on us like that.
Lucky we didn't set off our habitat's new defense grid.
Tear gas, blow darts, landmines,
the whole enchilada.
Isn't all that a little severe?
Is it?
One of these days, you're gonna learn
that there's only one universal language,
force.
And math.
Hm, right.
Force and math.
Music, also.
Force, math, and music are really the only
Laughter?
The point is,
we speak fluent force around here.
We feel safer knowing that no one - and I mean no one
Can get into our lair.
I like happy frogs, and belly flops
not big meanies and special ops.
Hi. How are you?
Roger, how could you possibly get through my defense grid?
Me? Oh, I just let myself in through the front door,
over there.
Well, then, according to the security protocol,
you are either an enemy agent or our guest.
Are you sure it's no bother if I hang out here for a while?
Well, actually, we might
Make yourself right at home.
Home,
that's my problem.
Take everything that ain't nailed down,
then take the nailed stuff too.
I estimate the target to be approximately 17 miles.
Make that 17 feet.
First they called me names.
Then they start taking my lunch.
And now
Now they've taken your home.
And that ain't gonna fly.
But I tried everything.
I tried being nice.
I tried baking them muffins.
Mm, good point, Rico.
Have you tried hammering them
until they run crying to their little rat mamas?
That sounds kind of violent.
If it's done properly.
Uh, I don't know, guys.
I don't think I'm comfortable with you actually hurting anyone.
Oh, don't worry. We're not gonna hurt anybody.
You are! - What?
Go on, show them that vicious primeval instinct.
But I'm not sure I have one of those.
What do you think these claws are for?
What about these teeth?
Well, they come in handy for arts and crafts
and scrap booking and croch
Look at yourself, man. You're an alligator,
prehistoric killing machine.
Those are just rodents.
Now, all you have to do is let nature take its course.
Say it.
Let nature take its course.
Gentlemen, I feel
How about you take a course of this and this!
How about these and those right there?
And how about over here?
Right behind you ear!
Nature can be cruel, gentlemen.
Well, fear not, Roger.
We will mold you into an instrument
of destruction and mayhem.
In order to coach you,
I need to know what I'm dealing with.
Take Rico for example.
He's clearly a world-class psychopath.
So we just kind of took that ball and ran with it.
We can use any talent you have.
Well, there is one thing,
but I don't think it's gonna be very helpful.
Nonsense.
Anything you say will be helpful, anything.
I've always dreamt of being a singer.
When you hear the night's last flush
then, my dear, it's time to hush
one or two, either number
says to you, peaceful slumber
feel the drench from the broken pipe
ooh, that stench it's
Okay. You know how I just said
that anything you say will be helpful?
Well, I was wrong.
Rico?
Naptime's over.
I think we just have to let Roger be Roger, Skipper.
There's nothing we can do to change who he is inside.
You're right, Pivate.
It's not like we can just take Rco's berserker rage
and drop it into Roger.
Can we?
A mind switching machine.
Huh. Is this gonna hurt?
Just a little pinch
followed by the brief sensation
of a thousand suns exploding in your skull.
Do I get a lollipop?
I don't know, Skipper.
Couldn't we just accept Roger for who he is?
You're an idealist, Private.
We are now go to switch the minds of Roger and Rico
using this 17-speed kitchen blender.
So after Rico trounces the rats inside Roger's body,
we switch them back?
Exactly.
It's 100% foolproof.
More accurately, it is 2.7% foolproof.
There's a 97.3% chance that this will backfire
and result in a horrific abomination that will be an affront
to the most element laws of nature and the universe.
I like those odds.
Switching from grind to chop.
Now grate, cream, mince,
beat, whip, crushed ice.
Really? That's a handy feature.
Shred, liquefy,
puree!
Rico, talk to me.
No, it's me, Roger.
Roger?
- It worked. - We did it!
Uh, Skipper, if that's Roger,
then where's Rico?
Just take it easy there, Rodge.
Can I call you Rodge?
Where are those delish muffins of yours, huh?
Wow, I can't believe I'm doing all this.
I have such guilt.
But you have to remember, Roger, that isn't really you.
Still, I really can't stand violence of any
What am I doing with all this horrible stuff? This is terrible.
No, Roger, you have to remember,
this isn't really you.
I thought you said that wasn't really him.
Well, I...
Pick a lane here, Private.
Would somebody here please tell me
which one really isn't me?
Does it even matter?
He or you now has his or your home back.
Mission accomplished. No harm done.
Uh, that may not be entirely accurate, Skipper.
I failed to take into account
the warm blood/cold blood differential in their physiologies.
It might cause Rico's aggression levels
to spike to dangerously high
Whoa, stand down, Rico.
Rico? Rico!
Rico's never disobeyed an order before,
not even the time I...
forced him to suck the cobra venom out of my left buttock.
He's heading into the city!
We have to stop him.
Me. It. That thing.
Get him!
The target is two inches away and closing fast.
Private, get those wires ready.
Kowalski, stand by to re-switch brains.
And, Rico...
No, I'm Roger.
Right. Never mind.
But, Skipper, I can help. I can.
I want to. Just tell me what to do.
Just tell me what to
You're just not cut out for this kind of action.
You better sit this one out.
Now, boys.
Don't test me, Rico.
If I have to take out one of my own, I'll do it.
Just ask Manfredi and Johnson
Whoa, stop, Rico.
Bad gator. Bad gator.
When you hear...
That voice,
that angelic voice.
It's time to hush
one or two, either number
says to you, peaceful slumber
feel the drench from the broken pipe
ooh, that stench, it's mighty ripe
so swat the flies, close your eyes
drift off to my stinky
lullaby.
Soldier, you can share a foxhole with me anytime.
Aw, thanks, guys.
I feel like I could cry.
Do penguins cry? 'cause I...
We should probably get these two back into their proper bodies.
My car!
Okay, people, from the top.
A-one, a-two, a-three.
I like happy frogs and belly flops
Belly flops
Not big meanies and special ops
lolly, lolly, lollipops
not karate-aty chops
bobby, bobby, bobby, bah
lollipops.