(ALL CAUSE OF YOU PLAYING)
CARL: You have very beautiful toes.
Did I ever tell you that? Yes, you have.
I'm not even... I'm not even a foot guy.
They're not even webbed. Are you concentrating on the game,
or are you just lusting after the feet of your soon-to-be wife?
I'm concentrating.
(CHUCKLING)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
NEIL: Carl, it's Neil. Are you there?
No, we're not.
NEIL: Carl. It's Neil. There's a Problem.
NEIL: There's a wedding-related Problem.
All right, go. Get it.
Hey.
NEIL: I hear you whisPering about not answering me.
Just remember, when this is all over
it's just you and me.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
NEIL: Carl, if you're humPing, stoP, 'cause I'm coming in.
Dude, it's DuPree.
How the hell did DuPree end uP on the wrong island?
DuPree was born on the wrong island.
MAN: Gentlemen, move this out of the way, Please! We're coming through.
Thank you very much. Right this way, Please.
Careful with the boxes.
Ten minutes ago those were suPPosed to be out.
Where's Mr. ThomPson?
MOLLY: Dad, this is incredible.
We really didn't need all this.
I know. But I did.
NEIL: DuPree!
There he is.
Did other PeoPle land on the wrong island?
DUPREE: Guys, I know I'm in the doghouse, but come on.
These islands, Maui, Cowee, Lenowi, very easy to get mixed uP.
Don't worry, you're here. Don't worry.
I got my head turned around. I'm sorry.
Come here, you big lug. All right.
(PEOPLE CLAPPING)
THOMPSON: Thank you.
Folks, this is a bittersweet time for me.
A day that Molly's mother, rest her soul, and I used to dream about.
On one hand, I'm ineriting a new son-in-law,
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
But on the other,
Daddy's losing his only little girl.
Now, when Molly told me that she was gonna marry Carl,
I said, "Who?"
And Molly said, "Daddy, he works for you."
I said, "Honey, I've got 1,200 emPloyees nationwide."
But then I started to worry.
Maybe he was some young buck trying to Push me aside,
grab the reins of my comPany.
And then I met Carl, sitting in cubicle 26.
And I said, "You know, I like my chances."
So, ladies and gentlemen, will you raise your glass
to Molly and Carl, to health and haPPiness. He's funny.
Cheers.
ALL: Hear! Hear!
ALL: One! Two! Three! Carl!
Hey, everybody, listen uP.
Now, wait. Just wait.
In honor of your imPending nuPtials,
I want to Perform a feat that I've used to mark every sPecial occasion
in our lives since at least high school.
Ladies and gentlemen, birds and bees,
I Present to you the Flaming Tornado!
(ALL CHEERING)
Honey, look who's here! Hi!
This is just a safety Precaution.
Okay. Little room here. Need to focus.
BarkeeP, your finest Kentucky bourbon, low-grade tequila...
I've got a mai tai.
Don't let him start till I get back. ...lemon slices, a funnel,
and an oPen flame.
NEIL: Yeah!
(PEOPLE SHOUTING AND CHEERING)
Okay. Funnel.
ALL: Tornado! Tornado!
OPen flames. Carl will have the honor.
Will the groom Please light the liquid?
Carl, grab this. Carl, you got... Where...
What are you doing? Do the Tornado.
Maybe later. NEIL: No!
No. What are you doing, man?
No, we'll do it later.
Do it now!
MAN: Carl has to be here. Now!
Let Carl come and do it. Dude.
I'm doing the Tornado, bitch!
Do that Tornado!
CROWD: Neil! Neil! Neil!
(NEIL BLABBERING)
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
GIRL: Oh, my God!
(SHRIEKING)
Yo, Tornado Man.
This one is for you, my brother.
Nice one.
Well, I guess this is where the road ends for you and me.
We had a good run, though, didn't we?
Hey, DuPree, I'm not dying. I'm just getting married.
Yeah, I know. Hey, listen.
I feel bad about, you know, earlier when I was laughing like a hyena
when Mr. ThomPson was making all those jokes at your exPense.
Well, they werert really at my exPense. No, no, no, they were.
It was a shot across your bow. Yeah? You think?
It wasrt that funny. I mean, it was,
but I shouldn't have been laughing, 'cause I'm your best man,
and I don't want this guy getting in your head, okay?
'Cause he's in my head a little bit.
It just... It's... I don't know. I don't want you to forget
that you're bringing something to the table, too, okay?
You've got that... That Carlness.
That little twinkle in your eye.
And you're giving it to me right now.
That little glint that says they're never gonna beat you.
They can't lay a glove on you.
And don't forget that, because you can't Put a Price tag on it.
End of sermon.
Well, thanks, buddy, I aPPreciate it.
But, you know, I really think he was kidding around.
Yeah. Guy's got a kind of a weird sense of humor.
Besides, it's not like I'm gonna be working for him for the rest of my life.
You know, I got Plans of my own.
There it is. There's that Carlness.
They can't lay a glove on you, can they?
God, I admire you. I really do.
That's no secret.
(SIGHS)
Thanks, buddy. Thanks.
Oh, I wanted to give you this.
You know, for being my best man.
You got to be shitting me. It's a flask!
You like it? I love this.
Good. Hey, you know, that reminds me of the groomsmen outfits.
I really like them, but I'm wondering,
should mine be a little different since I'm the best man?
What did you have in mind?
Just like a little insignia or a Patch.
I don't want PeoPle to be confused.
I'm talking something understated,
like a lightning bolt. Nothing big.
Lightning bolt? Something.
Could be cool. Yeah. I like it.
Although, it is going to be listed in the Program that you're the best man.
Really? Uh-huh.
That's Pretty good. Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That should be enough.
Now, is Neil gonna be okay over there?
I'm seeing him, and it looks like the tide's coming uP.
Neil's gonna be fine.
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
Bingo!
MOLLY: Oh, wow! How many thank-you notes do you think we have to write?
Well, I counted 111.
Honey, I'm gonna do half of them.
Oh, come on. Really? No, no, no. Really.
Dear whoever gave us this Platter, I love it!
Finally a Platter. Just what I always wanted ever since I was a little boy.
(CHUCKLING) And now you've made my Platter dreams come true.
That's Perfect. And then you write 55 more just like that,
and you're done. Yeah.
MOLLY: Hi, this is Carl.
And this is Molly. Molly.
We can't get to the Phone right now. You've reached the Petersons.
So, if you leave a message... Wait for the beeP.
...we'll get back to you as soon as we can. All right...
Have a beautiful day.
All right, let's do it again. No. That was really cute.
I called you Carl. It was really funny. Molly, it was cheesy.
(LAUGHING) No, it wasrt cheesy.
Give it to me. It's totally cheesy.
Give me the machine. No! It's good cheesy!
Give me the machine. No!
PACO: ID? Hey, married guy, how you doing?
Good morning, Reese.
ID? ToP of the morning, Paco.
So, we're back from the honeymoon.
Oh, yeah, we...
We had a great time, sir. It was just...
It was really wonderful.
So I took a look at your ProPosal while you were gone.
The Oaks at Mesa Vista. You like it?
Did I like it? I loved it!
It's Perfect for lot 208.
208? It's huge.
If I may, Mr. ThomPson, it...
Mesa Vista is really more of a smaller, 40-unit eco-community.
Not anymore, Carl. You got to think big, you got to think bold.
You're a married man now. You're married to my little girl.
I'm fast-tracking this Project. And you, sir,
you're the lead designer on it.
Excuse me, sir? That's right.
You are the lead designer.
Wow, that's... Wow, that's... That's great.
What haPPened to Harrison?
I had to let him go while you were gone.
I had a little Problem with Rancho del Mar.
But, Carl, I believe in you.
You've got it. It's here and it's here.
Release it. Okay. I'll do that, sir.
Release it.
(BELL RINGING)
(CHILDREN SHOUTING)
Wow! I can't believe it. He made you lead designer.
Yeah. APParently, he just loved my ProPosal.
And it's a little bit bigger than I initially Planned,
but you know, hey, maybe that's a good thing.
So, what does this mean?
Well, it means I've got my own office.
Which is really great. Oh, and it's got a view.
A view of trees and some cars. It's just terrific, and...
Living the dream, honey. Living the dream.
MOLLY: Wow. Maybe we can celebrate
a little when you get home tonight from guys' night.
Are you trying to seduce me?
(GIGGLING) CARL: All right, I'll see you tonight.
CARL: What's uP, guys? DUPREE: Carl, you made it!
DUPREE: Intense matches going on. Guys' night, man!
Hey, there he is! Guys' night!
Can you feel the fun for the guys' night?
I can just feel it, you know?
(WATCH BEEPING) Shit balls!
(SIGHS) What's that?
It's my alarm. My hour's uP. That's it for me.
What, are you kidding me? Bullshit.
Where are you going?
I've got to go meet my wife
and watch Sisterhood of the Traveling Ya-Ya Pants.
I don't... How late do you get to stay out? I used to have midnight.
Do you get midnight? 'Cause I was late once, and...
I'm a grown man, Neil. I don't have a curfew.
Not yet you don't.
But in all seriousness, you got to tell me something, okay?
(EXHALING)
Do I smell like beer? Yeah.
Good. Because you know what I don't smell like, then?
Cigarettes and weed. That one's free.
Yeah!
(EXCLAIMING)
The dream continues! Still undefeated!
Yes! Nice.
Will you look at this guy? Look at you.
Is this what it looks like to be married?
Come here, man. It's still early on.
To fidelity, commitment, the whole shebang.
Yeah, and I also got a Promotion today.
Add it to the list. Forever blessed as the dream continues.
How are you doing, buddy? How am I doing?
Good question.
Turns out I got fired for taking that week off to go to the wedding.
Wait a minute. You got fired?
APParently, I never had authorization.
My boss claims he never received my e-mail.
Then I had a little bit of a cash flow situation,
so I ended uP losing my aPartment.
You're not living out of your car?
Carl, I'm not an animal.
Plus, it was a comPany car. So when I lost the job...
It's okay. I Picked uP a ten-sPeed.
Dave's letting me crash at the bar after hours.
DuPree, you can't sleeP in a bar. We're not in our 20s anymore.
Sure you can. I got a cot set uP in the back.
This is ridiculous.
Look, you're gonna come home and you're going to stay with us.
That's sweet of you to say, but I can't imPose, and I won't.
DuPree will land on his feet as always.
Can I have a toast, Please? Thank you.
Listen, DuPree, we've got to get rid of the cot.
Some of the regulars are starting to comPlain.
They don't think it's fair that you get to sleeP here and they don't.
Curley said that, didn't he?
Curley? Curley! What?
What? You got a Problem with me sleePing on the cot?
We all have a Problem with you sleePing on the cot.
We took a vote. The ayes have it.
DuPree? Live with us? Not live.
Just stay for a couPle of days
until he gets back on his feet.
Molly, he's been sleePing in a bar.
How does that haPPen? Who knows? It's DuPree.
I mean, I told you. His mother moved to Florida with that yoga idiot,
and all of his friends are married, including myself.
He's got nowhere to go. He's like an orPhan.
Wait a second.
What's all this?
This is that celebration we were suPPosed to have
about your Promotion. Oh, that's right.
I'm sorry, hon.
Look, Molly, let me go outside
and tell DuPree to bring his bags in...
What? DuPree's here?
Carl! Carl.
Carl.
Okay, look, you're right.
I screwed uP. I did this all wrong, and I'm sorry.
I should have called first.
You know what? Maybe I should just give him some money for a motel.
Carl. Carl.
He's your best friend. He's here.
He can stay. That's great, Molly.
Look, it's only gonna be for a couPle days.
Well, a week at the most. Okay.
After that, he's out of here.
KeeP those candles burning. I'll be right back.
Okay.
Hey, Molly.
I want you to know I really, really aPPreciate this, okay?
Yeah. No. It's really no Problem, DuPree. Thanks.
Nice moose. Oh, yeah.
MurPhy, say hello to the missus.
Hi, MurPhy.
Come on in, buddy. Make yourself at home. Great.
I hoPe the couch is okay 'cause
we're working on everything uPstairs. Oh, yeah. I'm fine anyPlace.
And you know where everything is. Thank you.
Great. Thanks.
Thank you. And, hey, listen, just to Put your minds at ease,
this is not a Permanent situation. Okay?
I'm hitting the job trail, I'm gonna hit it hard tomorrow.
Wheels of change are in motion.
Good. Good. That's a good attitude.
DesPite what my ex-boss said, I'm not unirable.
Those coPiers didn't exactly sell themselves.
And frankly, I think we had an inferior Product,
and I'd tell PeoPle that if they asked.
I wasrt going to lie for that son of...
I don't want to get started on him, but...
Okay, great. Well, make yourself at home,
and Molly and I are...
Well, we're going to go uPstairs and take care of some stuff.
Well, hey, hey, hey, hey. Listen, we're all adults here.
You're newlyweds. Making love's a big Part of that.
You're suPPosed to exPlore each other. I get it.
Come on.
If this situatiors gonna work,
we've got to be honest with each other.
Now, go on. Enjoy yourselves. I'm not gonna listen.
HumP away. Go on, get out of here. Good night.
Okay.
Good night.
(ALARM RINGING)
MOLLY: I'm kind of dreading the talk with his Parents.
He hasn't really been treating anybody very nicely at...
(DUPREE SNORING)
That's not good. No. Not for us
or our couch.
ComPuter skills. Not really.
(TOILET FLUSHING)
(HUMMING)
The Oaks at Mesa Vista.
This is exciting, isn't it?
Stunning. Just stunning.
You know, sir, if we're not gonna have any trees,
(CELL PHONE RINGING) Maybe we should consider changing the name.
No. No, no, I love the name.
Names are imPortant, Carl.
Are you gonna answer that Phone?
Give me a second.
What do you want? DUPREE: Carl, hey.
Real quick, where do you keeP the Plungers?
A Plunger? What do you need a Plunger for?
No reason. Just want to stay on toP of stuff.
What do you mean "no reason"? What haPPened?
No reason. I just want to know where things are in case there's an emergency,
which there Probably never will be.
I don't have time for this. I'm...
I don't have time for this. I'm at work. I got to go.
(WATER GURGLING) You better make some time for it
'cause we got a little bit of a situation.
I didn't want to have to say anything, but...
Carl?
Just stoPPed.
Where were we?
We were talking about names, Carl. How imPortant they are.
Would you ever consider letting Molly keeP her last name?
I mean, I know it's a strange request coming from a father-in-law,
but a mars name is his legacy,
and if Molly takes yours,
then the ThomPson name dies with me.
Well, there's lots of ThomPsons around, aren't there?
Not in a direct line, Carl. No, no, not in a direct line.
Well, what about our kids?
Children should have the last name of the father, don't you think?
You're having kids?
Well, not right now, but eventually.
You know, in certain Asian cultures, Carl,
the husband takes the wife's name.
Wait a minute. You just said a mars legacy is his name.
All right. What about a hyPhen?
A hyPhen? Yeah.
I could ask Molly, but I don't think she...
Wait a minute. You mean me.
You mean I'm suPPosed to hyPhenate.
Well, then you can still use your own name, only you'll be hyPhenating it. It's win-win.
With all due resPect, not for me it isn't, sir.
All right, forget it. You're obviously uPset about it.
You know what, I'm sorry I even brought it uP.
Let's keeP focused on your Project.
Come on! Come on! Toshi, what are you doing? You gave him a meatball!
BOY: Watch the car!
DUPREE: Throw it, throw it. We got him.
(HORN HONKING) Throw it, throw it!
Did he touch the Plate? He... Oh, here we go.
The game just turned. Yes!
Carl Peterson, third team honorable mention.
All-district, 1984. We get Carl.
BOY: No, we get him. Hey, what's going on?
There he is. Hey, sweet heat.
Time to dust off the old jockstraP.
This kid Dougie's been killing us all afternoon.
We need your arm out there. Let's go.
DuPree, I'd love to, but I can't. I kind of had a rough day.
And I better go in and see Molly.
I like it. Family first. Priorities.
Okay, he can't Play. We're gonna have to do it ourselves.
Now listen, I want you to brush him back here, okay? What's a brushback?
It's where you throw it really close to him. Scare him a little bit,
but don't hit him 'cause he's bigger than you.
But, Mr. DuPree, I don't even Play baseball.
I'm in the orchestra, remember?
First of all, call me DuPree 'cause I'm your team-mate.
Second of all, so what if you're in the orchestra.
So was Catfish Hunter.
Let's go. Let's go. Here we go! Here we go! Hey, batter, batter...
Hi! How was work?
It was fine.
Good fine? Bad fine? Fine, fine.
You wouldn't believe the resPonse I'm getting for my Career Day Program.
And I saved a sPot for you on the 15th if you're interested.
Yeah, of course.
I'll bring in some bluePrints and maybe even some models.
It'll be fun. TOSHl: No. Get away.
DOUGIE: You hit me! You hit me on PurPose! The kids'll really love it.
MAN: No more fighting. Thank you, that's it!
Hey! Hey! Come on now! Break it uP. That's it!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
DUPREE: Hola, you've reached Dupree.
If this is in regards to employment,
please be aware that my Class Four driver's license has expired,
and I am no longer willing to work with asbestos. I won't do it.
Can you believe that? A little chin music
and the whole neighborhood goes crazy.
It was like... Oh, and for Carl and Molly, press two.
Oh, I meant to tell you about that.
I changed the answering machine in case somebody calls about a job.
I'm staying on toP of this job thing.
You guys are okay with that, right?
We got to Put the job first.
Well, Carl, are we okay with that?
Molly. Molly, come on.
Nice.
MAN ON TV: HBO. Simply the best.
When did we get HBO? Yeah, you saw that.
I uPgraded us, and I'm going to go halfsies on it
'cause I love it also.
You get it uPstairs, too.
I think you get the Oxygen channel, too.
What? What are you doing? What?
What do you want? Cinemax?
What do you hear? What do you say?
MOLLY: So, let me get this straight. I mean, he hijacks our answering machine.
"Carl and Molly, Press two." Okay?
And then he decides, "Hey, I'm sleePing on the couch,
"and I'm gonna order HBO."
I mean, I don't know, Carl. Am I wrong here?
Carl!
Molly, what do you want me to do, whack the guy?
Look, I told DuPree not to change anything without asking,
and I gave him a Pair of Pajamas.
DuPree's gonna get the hang of this.
He's never truly been domesticated. He's like the aPe-man of Borneo.
Oh, so we're the lucky ones who get to housebreak him?
No, you know what I mean, honey.
I'm over it.
I finished my thank-you notes today.
Do you need helP with your half? No, no, no, I...
Candlesticks, bread maker, Crock-Pot. I got them covered.
It's my final offer.
No, I got them covered.
(MOLLY EXCLAIMING) Sorry to interruPt. Oh!
Damn it, DuPree! What is this? This is an emergency.
I'm sorry. The downstairs craPPer, it's on the fritz again.
What do you mean, "It's on the fritz"?
I don't know. It's on the fritz.
Please tell me he's joking.
We might need some matches.
Does that answer your question?
MOLLY: Oh, God!
DuPree! Oh, my God. I don't...
Carl! Carl!
DuPree! DuPree?
Yo!
DuPree, what you did in our bathroom last night was disgusting.
Molly nearly Passed out.
I know, I know.
Believe me. I'm never eating Buffalo wings again.
I don't care how much I love them. I'm off them.
It's weird. I used to have a stomach like a billy goat, but not anymore.
Now, I made a little breakfast for... Molly, great.
Come here. Morning.
DUPREE: Good morning.
Right here. Let me get this chair for you here.
Have a seat. Breakfast is served. Yes.
I believe Carl told me you're a fan of
the banana Pancake and the soy macchiato.
One second.
DUPREE: I want this to be Perfect.
Did you tell him all this?
Here you go.
Soy macchiato.
DuPree, you really didn't have to do all this. Yes, I did have to do this.
Look, I know I got off on the wrong foot,
and I just want you both to know that I really aPPreciate this.
And I'm grateful.
I don't know what to say, but... Don't say anything.
Just accePt my aPology and enjoy this feast.
I'm off to a very Promising job interview
which exPlains my natty attire. Wish me luck. Goodbye.
CARL: Good luck. Go get them, tiger! I will. Thank you.
Off like a Prom dress.
MANAGER: So, why don't you describe yourself, Mr. DuPree.
I'm a PeoPle Person. Very Personable.
I absolutely insist on enjoying life.
Not so task-oriented. I'm not a workhorse.
If you're looking for a Clydesdale, I'm Probably not your man.
Like, I don't live to work.
It's more the other way around. I work to live.
Incidentally, what's your Policy on Columbus Day?
Yeah, we work. Really?
The guy discovered the New World.
I'm afraid to even ask about Victory over JaPan Day.
LAD Y O VER SPEAKER: Eddie. You have a call waiting on line...
Hey, we tried. Right?
Thanks a lot. Yeah.
I'm gonna keeP my resume. Excuse me.
You've got to lean into it and commit to it.
That's the way. You get hurt if you're afraid.
And if you time it just right, then you both...
There he goes. Come down. You guys got to get a rhythm going.
Come on.
Here, watch me. See, I'm just running down the ramP.
It's actually harder than on a skateboard.
There we go. SPeed's your friend. Hold on.
Yeah, come down. Go.
You see how he's timing it? And then he PoPs it uP? Go!
Yes! Go! One more time.
So, what's going on over here?
Carl, check out this badass skate ramP I had Aarors dad build for us.
Hey, man, I was just telling these guys how we used to tear it uP back in the day.
YeP! Pretty good.
Hey, I got an idea.
What do you say we Put on a little show for these guys?
Throw down some one-wheelers. Make it rain out here.
Come on. For a second.
BOY 1: Yeah, let's see what you got.
BOY 2: Yeah, show us something.
Okay, give me a board. Yes! Carl!
SteP aside, guys.
Honey, I need some helP.
CARL: YeP, just like back in the day.
DUPREE: Nice!
CARL: Let's show them how we used to do it.
DUPREE: SteP aside. SteP aside.
(BOTH EXHALING)
Well, no one ever said we were gonna live forever.
Let's go.
Carl! Carl, what are you doing?
What's it look like he's doing? He's getting ready to riP it uP.
Relax, Molly. This is only gonna take a second.
BOY: Come on, DuPree! Say when.
When! Yeah!
(CARL GROANING)
(SHOUTING)
DUPREE: Oh, I'm racked!
Carl!
Oh, I racked my little DuPrees.
When was the last time you were even on a skateboard?
1987. Oh.
For a second there we almost had it back.
CARL: Yeah.
CARL: What is this?
Are you kidding me?
Is this some kind of a joke?
Carl, ThomPson wanted more units.
Thought it would work better as a wraParound.
WraParound.
Mesa Vista is not a wraParound.
Hasta manana, Paco. Good night, boss.
Look, Mr. ThomPson. Hey. You see the Preliminaries?
Yeah, I did, and it's comPletely different than my original ProPosal.
God damn it, Carl. Will you stoP fighting this?
PeoPle buy homes. Let the government Pay for the Parks.
That's why we have taxes.
The Oaks at Mesa Vista is a money train.
You wanna be on it?
Yeah, I'm on it.
Money train. I'll give you a money train.
(TV PLAYING)
DUPREE: Right there! Right there! You gotta throw it now!
NEIL: Please, Please, Please!
No, he didn't go over! No! No! Why?
He didn't make it, man. Carl! Welcome home!
Come here, buddy! We got one for you.
DUPREE: Get a beer for him. What are you guys doing?
We're watching the game. Yeah, I can see that.
Hey, guys! Please, shut the hell uP for two seconds
'cause it's fourth and inches. Please, just shut uP.
You shut uP! NEIL: It's fourth and inches!
Why don't you watch it in your house?
I can't have friends over on weeknights and you know that.
Grow a sac. It's not my Problem, Neil.
Take it uP with Annie.
Time for the lion tamer. Yeah, well, I can't talk to him like this.
What's going on? You all right?
Yeah. I'm fine.
God, I've been watching you lately, man,
and you're really Putting in the hours, but you got to find some balance.
Find a little Carl time. You know what I'm saying? Carl time.
MAN ON TV: First down, Cougars. Now Washington State...
You're right.
Carl time. Come here.
Molly's got the Back to School thing tonight.
We got the house to ourselves for a while. Let's watch the game.
Let your hair down. Let your hair down. I mean...
You think I've been overdoing it with the work thing?
I know you've been overdoing it.
Yeah. Shake it loose, huh? Just live a little, man. Just live a little.
Yeah. You know, maybe I ought to make my nachos.
Nice! Yes!
Carl time! NEIL: Nachos, Carl nachos are in my belly.
CARL: Hey, Neil, turn uP the volume. Okay. Yeah, yeah.
You know who else loves Carl's nachos is Eddie.
Give him a call. I already did.
Carl, souP them uP, man! Make them sPicy!
Okay, guys. This is it. This is it.
Come on. Just come on. Please. Please, God!
Send everybody! Send everybody!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Damn!
DUPREE: No, no. NEIL: No, no.
No!
No, no! No! No!
No! Yes!
What did I tell you? That's what I'm saying!
Congratulations, idiots. Congratulations, guys. Very good.
Fifty PushuPs, faggot. Fifty PushuPs.
I'm not giving you any PushuPs.
That was the deal. Fine. Okay? Enjoy it.
ALL: One, two... He has a condition.
ALL: Three, four. That's right! I have a condition.
I should not keeP doing this. Come on!
NEIL: I have a gamey colon, and it gets sPastic and sPasms.
CARL: You don't have a condition.
Carl. Carl! Neil, shut uP! Carl. I didn't read that.
Mark, what? What is it, Mark?
Molly.
Hi.
Oh, hey, Molly.
(BLENDER WHIRRING)
CARL: You're home early. Really?
I just invited some of the guys over
to watch a little football.
Figured it was just a little time to loosen uP. A little Carl time.
(WHOOPING)
Me gusta margarita!
Hola, DuPree.
Hola, Molly.
ALL: Charlie. Brilliant.
CHARLIE: Sorry. We should go.
You guys want to go? Yeah, let's get out of here.
That's a good idea. Let's go to Larry's.
Let's get out of here. Let it go. Let it go.
CHARLIE: What'd I do with my tie? Let's go.
Bye. Sorry, I ashed on your floor.
Great. Take that tie off your head.
I'll bring this back tomorrow. I'll give it to Carl at the office.
So, don't tell Annie I was here. And if you do, don't...
Just don't tell her that I asked you not to... Get out, Neil.
Out! Okay. I'll just go.
I know what you're thinking, Molly.
But we were gonna have this rug shamPooed. I Promise you.
Oh, and look. Look at that.
It's my grandmother's silver cheese Platter.
You used it to serve nachos.
Well, nachos have cheese in them.
Let me just start cleaning uP some of... DuPree, Please stoP.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Somebody arriving late for the Party. Don't worry about it.
The Party... Game's over!
Go away! The Party's over!
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Party... Molly, for the love of God! Please!
We heard there were some bad boys in here.
There were, but they left.
(GOT TO BE SOME CHANGES MADE PLAYING)
You know, Carl, I...
I really think I've been Pretty cool about this whole situation,
and I hate having this conversation with you.
But this is not exactly how I Pictured us getting started.
I know.
Look, DuPree's got to go.
No. It's not about kicking DuPree out.
It's just that you said it was gonna be a couPle of days.
Look, Molly. He's my best friend.
Somehow I feel resPonsible for him.
Then maybe it's time to start Prioritizing your resPonsibilities.
You're right.
What if he had a girlfriend? Good idea.
But how is a guy with no job, no car, living on somebody's couch
gonna find any kind of girlfriend? Our new librarian.
She seems really nice.
You want to fix DuPree uP with a really nice librarian?
Listen, I know the guy for 25 years.
I think he's more into the young, foreign, non-librarian tyPe.
Well, it wouldn't hurt to ask. I wouldn't get my hoPes uP.
I'll do it.
Oh, that's great. Do you want to know anything about her?
No. Well, does she have a car?
Yeah. She does.
Good. See if she can swing by and get me around 8:00. Or quarter to.
Tonight? Please.
Okay. Candy?
Mandy. Mandy. That's even better.
Librarian.
(MOLLY GIGGLING)
No. No.
I thought you were really brave.
I mean, I have a whole new resPect for you, Carl.
Well, the rice was okay, but just for the record,
octoPus does not taste like chicken.
But you ate it.
(FUNKY COLD MEDINA PLAYING ON STEREO)
What is that?
Funky Cold Medina?
It looks like DuPree brought his date home.
Honey, what is a tie doing on our door?
Molly, I think we ought to drive around the block a couPle times.
Wait a minute. No way. Mandy's a Mormon.
She's not the kind of girl... A Mormon?
...who would get busy on the first date.
You fixed DuPree uP with a Mormon librarian.
Molly, wait!
(SHRIEKING)
Oh, my God. What?
Let's drive around the block.
Carl!
That butter dish was our wedding gift.
Guys, guys! Hold it! Let me exPlain. What was he doing with butter?
DuPree, no need to exPlain. It's not what it looks like.
DuPree, no exPlanation necessary. I know.
Go back in the house!
Not before I thank Molly for the best night of my life.
Mol, Mol. Thank you.
What haPPened in there, it was so natural. So beautiful.
Go back inside. Listen, I've got neighbors. I know you do.
But listen to me. I'm in love.
DuPree. DuPree, I'm not going to do this with you tonight!
Jesus! Molly, call the fire dePartment! Oh, my...
Carl! Mandy!
(MANDY SCREAMING) Mandy! Mandy!
MOLLY: Fire in our house! It's fire!
CARL: My couch! DUPREE: Roll!
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
God, I loved this couch.
WOMAN ON PA: Rescue 115...
You know, when I saw you on fire, my heart stoPPed.
I had so much adrenaline PumPing through me, I Probably could have...
Could have Picked uP this car and just hurled it 10 blocks.
Are you gonna do this, or am I gonna have to?
I'll take care of it. Tonight, Carl.
Go on, get out of here.
Or I'm not resPonsible for what these hands are gonna do. Go!
Bye.
You okay? Yeah.
Yeah, just a little smoke inalation.
Wow. Unbelievable.
Mandy was comPletely unarmed.
Fire chief said that the butter Probably saved her life.
You talk about a miracle. You just got to thank the big man.
It's all you can...
What is wrong with you? Why did you have to use so many candles?
I was just trying to set a mood.
You know how I am, Carl.
Yeah. I do.
Look...
It's about time you got on the road.
You guys need any helP? No, we're good. Relax.
DUPREE: Well, I had a lovely stay.
Thank you both for your generosity.
Sorry about last night, and no hard feelings.
I hoPe. At least, there are none on my Part.
Okay. Are you sure you got a Place to go? Yeah. I got a Place to go.
Going to Mandy's.
The librarian?
Don't you think that's kind of moving a little quickly, DuPree?
Maybe it is, but so what?
Something sPecial is haPPening there. I'm not gonna fight it.
Hey, take care of this big mook for me.
Bye. See you guys.
Tosh, listen.
You got the heart of a damn lion.
I resPect you. You took a beating, but you took it like a man.
God bless all of you.
DUPREE: Goodbye!
Off to Mandy's!
(HORN HONKING)
Oh, my God! Carl.
Okay! Sir, are you sure you're okay?
DUPREE: My helmet saved me.
You see that? He's gonna be fine.
Here's your bag. Thank you.
Bye!
Bye.
Carl.
Carl?
We've been staring at this for over two hours. Let's go get some dinner.
Or margaritas. Celebrate our emanciPation.
The insurance adjuster recommended that we sue DuPree.
For a moose head?
(LAUGHING) Just curious.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
It was the margarita that did it, wasrt it?
It was the emanciPation that did it.
(SMOOTH OPERATOR PLAYING ON RADIO)
CARL: I like this song.
Smooth ta-ta-ria
She makes a smooth margarita
We had some good margaritas
Oh, my God. What?
Are you kidding me? What the hell is he doing?
MOLLY: I thought he was going to Mandy's.
Honey, I don't think he can see us.
Maybe we should just keeP going.
It's Pouring rain outside.
Not that bad. Honey, look at him.
What?
Damn it.
Molly. Molly!
DuPree!
DuPree.
DuPree, what are you doing? It's Pouring rain outside.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
Yeah, well, what about Mandy? Don't ask.
Carl, can you get his bike?
Come on. Let's go. Let's go home.
MOLLY: Carl, honey, bike.
MOLLY: Carl! I'm coming!
I really aPPreciate this, guys.
Trust me, no more oPen flames. I've learned my lesson.
All right, well, it's been a long night.
So, I'm gonna go to bed.
DuPree, try not to go to sleeP with that head wet. Okay?
Good night, Molly.
DuPree. I don't mean to come down on you,
but you need to start getting your life together.
We're grown-uPs now. Yeah.
You know what I mean? I know. I know. You're right.
And if you're going to stay here, things are gonna be different from now on.
No more naked stuff.
Well, it felt natural to be naked. I... I don't care!
Okay. I do not care.
Clean uP after yourself, watch the noise,
try to helP out around the house, Please?
It's not too much to ask.
You're right.
Carl? I can be really helPful when I set my mind to it.
And that's what I'm gonna do.
Oh, and...
Another thing.
Would you mind writing some thank-you notes for me?
Okay.
Yeah. That'd be great.
Try to get some sleeP.
Gut-check time, DuPree.
(TRAIN IN VAIN PLAYING)
(GROANING)
"Dear Aunt Kathy.
"Thank you so much for the wine glasses."
(PANTING)
MAN ON TV: And this, of course, is the point of the race
(PHONE RINGING) Where speed will play a major factor,
where long months of training certainly pay off.
Hello?
Yeah, DuPree. I'm gonna need you to do me a solid.
Yeah, no Problem. What do you got?
I Promised Molly I would give this Career Day Presentation today at 1:00.
But her father just droPPed a big one on me,
so I'm gonna need you to steP in and fill in for me.
Can you do that?
I don't know, Carl.
I don't know the first thing about the develoPment business.
I really think Mr. ThomPson might find me in over my head.
No, not the develoPment business. School, DuPree.
CARL: I'm gonna need you to fill in for me at Molly's school.
No, no, no. Not this time.
What? No, no, I'm talking to Lance Armstrong.
He's trying to break away from the Pack. I got him, though.
Will you quit dicking around with your little Huffy bike and listen to me?