嘿，你們覺得我這條鴨子領帶怎麼樣？
很可愛～
而且不是很貴，僅僅是普通的價格
嗯哼
一個鴨子領帶？
哥們，你為什麼要這麼幹
你知道我一定會吐槽你
千萬不要把視線移開
我知道你們都很期待
準備好了麼？
鴨子，鴨子，，，噁心死
#燃燒吧#,
#鴨子領帶來吐槽#,
#Stinson帥呆了#.
還有啥事不？
噢，猜猜我遇到誰了？
我過去的一個女朋友～
猜猜是誰？
- Stella. - Zoe.
- Karen? - 那個打了你一頓的女人？
那個給你照片上畫叉叉的女人？
那個給你消去蝴蝶紋身的女人?
你們搞得我像跟一群
Stieg Larrson 系列小說的主人公約會過的人一樣.
也許你們需要更多的提示
我在婚禮中遇到了這個姑娘
我們在一起了一段時間， 但後來她去了德國
我們嘗試過異地戀 但是沒成功
因為我背著她跟另外一個人好上了 而這個人就在這張桌邊
Victoria.
Victoria!
她為建築師年會 製作甜品
喔噢，你好像有大概，呃 六年沒見了?
對啊，這真有意思啊， 想起當初...
你懂的，
你覺得你做對了 但是，你懂的,
因為真愛... 我去, Lily!
你胸前的這對小白兔 腫麼了?
噢，這對小可愛?
我有了一對 萌化的小白兔!
我現在感覺處在最佳狀態
我的胸部已經 感覺到我懷孕了,
但是我的 腹部還沒變化.
那麼，你還在等什麼 Lil?
讓你的小兔兔出來秀一下! 讓它們跳一個!
才不!
鈾?你的兔兔秀 鈾?
好啦，不好意思哥們
我老婆毛衣裡的部分是私人財產
而我是這財產的保護神.
哥們，我覺得這對 財產你要好好保護.
好了，我們能不再聊 我老婆的胸部了麼
Ted繼續說 Victoria!
我知道，我仍然有點 不好意思見她
經歷了這麼多年 她突然出現在我面前.
所有的感情，記憶...
偶的神啊，lily 你的屁屁像長在胸上了.
Whoo-whoo-whoo!
鈾?How I Met Your Mother 7x03 鈾?/font> Ducky Tie Original Air Date on September 26, 2011
鈾?
你究竟為啥要看?
因為這想法就環繞在哥的周圍
公平交易.
誰想一起吃飯?
保重身體喲 我們去Shinjitsu吧.
我去，又去?
你一個月 平均去一次
那邊有木炭火盆燒烤 還有席間廚師表演
說真的，誰一起去?
(Ted, Lily & Robin 均表示同意)
不！堅決不去！
那麼這樣吧：
假如你可以10秒鐘 不看Lily的胸部
你說去哪裡 我們就去哪裡
一言為定
坑爹呢
噢，也好
你遇見Victoria
肯定非常興奮咯
不，一切都還好
Hey, Ted.
Hey, 你好.
Ted,從我的角度來看...
Robin! 還好吧?
還是我自己來講吧.
讓我們把那段 尷尬的小開場
給略過去吧
比如我要說 我非常非常抱歉
謝謝，雖然沒關係 但是還是謝謝
所以沒有尷尬
- 還是有點小尷尬. - 沒那麼尷尬.
是有點尷尬.
你很幸運 因為你有場外援助 幫你度過難關
嗯...
我搶走了你的男朋友
聽起來很瘋狂啊!
我了個去?!
但是... 睹物思人，物是人非.
都是Ted的錯. 他把我灌醉了.
什麼? 噢，我在那邊等你.
噢，猜猜誰也來了? Robin.
我非常非常 為你們高興
你們在一起很般配.
不不不，我們沒在一起.
我的意思是說我們的確約會過一段時間.
但現在我們僅僅是朋友
噢，這個一點都不奇怪
不，這為什麼會奇怪?
假如你們天天 出去玩的話那麼就有點...
我們天天一起玩
...仍然不奇怪
我不知道還有誰
天天和自己的ex出去玩
Barney也是
真的麼? Barney的ex是誰啊？
Robin.
你的Robin?
我的和Barney的.
你們三個是一起 出去玩的麼?
總是在一起
那是有點奇怪
一點都不奇怪
有誰嘗過一口麼
好戲上演了！
今晚的大戲
今晚的演員是Takumi. 他很厲害的!
好吧，我開個玩笑
其實他們都很厲害!
讓我們的席間好戲開演
噢，這個提醒了我
我們有時間應該試試 別的酒店
那些酒店是在 一個小房間裡燒菜的
那小房間叫做"廚房"
那酒店的名字叫什麼來著的?
噢，對了 "紐約的所有其它酒店"
#燃燒吧#, #你的領帶還是遜斃了#,
#續杯#,
然後你跟Victoria聊天了
我是跟Victorial聊天了
那麼，我似乎應該 回麵包房去了
我今晚還要去趕去Hamptons 的晚班巴士
而我還要洗滿滿 一水槽的盤子
我助手竟然不洗
因為裡裡外外其實就只有我一個人
遇到你很高興，Ted
- 謝謝，我也是. - 好的
等等
讓我來洗碗吧 （吐槽：男人最性感的時候！！！有木有！！！）
什麼？
Victoria, 你是否相信命運
我相信你 要給我來一次關於命運的長篇大論
呃，是的
我相信你我二人在這茫茫人海中
不期而遇 這必然意味著一些事情.
我需要為我過去的 所作所為道歉
我不能改變我六年前 的所作所為
但，我可以幫你洗碗
事實上，我很擅長洗碗
Ted...
我發誓 我不是要去挽回什麼
鈾?I said, bang, bang, bangity-bang 鈾?
鈾?I said a bang, bang, bangity-bang. 鈾?
兄弟姐妹們！閉嘴！
給這位偉大的藝術家一點尊重！
先生，我為我的所為道歉
以及為我馬上要說的話道歉
我對他的印象是這樣的
噢，噢，噢
呃！呃！
歡迎來 Shinjitsu! Uh!
我過去是DQ的晚班經理!噢！
是人都能做
噢，真的麼？你能做到麼？Barney？
把這些把戲給我表演一下把！ 像你說的那麼簡單的話！
給我們表演洋蔥火山
心跳炒飯
讓蝦飛入上衣口袋
我打賭Ted肯定給Victoria 秀了一下他的小蝦蝦
小蝦蝦? 那麼小?
好，
我會做到這些事 你說地點時間吧
好的，就在這裡， 在我們吃完以後
要是我做到了怎麼辦
你想要什麼
我要摸Lily的胸
一言為定
Hey, 親愛的?
是的，我聽到了
好的Barney, 既然你想要
那我就給你
條件: 如果你能做到
Marshall剛才提到的事情
我會讓你碰我的一隻小兔
一對小兔
就一隻
又摸又捏
就只有摸
又摸又擠.
就只有摸
- 還能討價還價? - Barney.
就只有摸 就只有摸
摸一小時. 摸一秒.
20 分鐘, 兩隻兔兔
30秒， 就一隻兔兔
4分鐘，兩隻兔兔 捏三下
一分鐘，兩隻兔兔 不准捏
一言為定
但是...要是你做不到任何一件事
注意是任何一件事
拿你就要帶 Marshall的鴨子領帶...
一年
噢...
一言為定
那麼你們去了麵包房
我們去了麵包房
嗯，一切順利
你知道還有哪些能夠
把這些茶盤弄乾淨？
我的良心
你還要 你去償還什麼麼？
呵呵，我的烤爐還要清理一下
沒別的了
暫時沒別的了
鈾?Bang, bang, bangity-bang, said a bang-bang-bangity. 鈾?
我要結婚了.
Bang.
Baby,我覺得我拿了你的 這個裡面沒有酒
Oh,不，這個是我的
Yeah, 我不知道
為什麼我的Mai Tais 需要放酒
我曾經狂飲了 整整一晚
爽爆了
Yeah,你還是好好喝Mai Tai吧
因為明天晚上 你要帶我的領帶了
我們未來的孩子 太幸運了
等等，你沒和醉了吧?
Huh. 我覺得沒有.
這是個騙局！
我們被騙了!
噢，我已經聞到陰謀的味道了
這陰謀的味道臭不可聞
他要贏這賭局了！
Baby, 放心，即使他靜若處子
也絕對做不到這裡廚師的水準
確實如此，我的意思是要學到
Shinjitsu木炭火燒的精髓秘笈
就要遠赴..
Hoboken, New Jersey.
是的，他們在那邊有所學校
六個月的課程， 他們會教你一切.
你怎麼知道？
也許我剛剛用手機 上網查了一下
也許不是噢
那麼說Victoria馬上要結婚了
她馬上要結婚了
對不起 我早就該告訴你的
不，這很好
我覺得這事 遲早會發生
大概有百分之一的機率
下次記得戴上戒指
但問題是 他還沒向我求婚
我在一個襪子櫃的盒子裡 找到了一個戒指.
哇噢，這哥們為襪子準備了一個櫃子
真是個好男人
那麼那個好男人 什麼時候打算向你求婚？
我很肯定應該是在明天
他要帶我去
一家在Hamptons的非常好的旅館
旅館就建在水上
所以在我們漫步在沙灘 沐浴在月光之中
你也許該離開了
我不懂誒 聽起來是個不錯的暗示
(尷尬的笑)
我是認真的，我覺得我讓你誤會了
女士，我過來是幫你洗盤子的
沒別的了
- Whoa!剛才那是什麼？！ - 什麼是什麼？
這人和Barney 剛才對了個眼！
你認識他麼?
又來了！
整個事情就是個陰謀 絕對的！
陰謀！
Lily,你是在說Barney 花了六個月
為了學習一個他更本就不喜歡的烹飪招式而
在紐約和Hoboken之間折返
僅僅是為了贏一場打賭
甚至這打賭當時還根本不存在
對的，整個事情就是個陰謀！
不，這根本不可能
是我提議去Shinjitsu...
(Barney打噴嚏) 注意身體
Barney怎麼可能...
你這個天才的混蛋
這太明顯了...
迄今為止， 我忘了，大概五年
每一次我說出，我們去"Shinjitsu"吧
注意身體
你就會打噴嚏
每一次
MARSHALL: 一點又一點
咱們去Shinjitsu.
注意身體
...在我腦海之中 .你嵌入了這個遐想
那麼我們去哪裡吃飯
我們去Shinjitsu. (噴嚏)
噢，注意身體， 謝謝
MARSHALL: 直到最終...
是的，我是說過 我們周日才回來
但是那又怎麼樣 我們現在已經回來了
現在到底...
別跳了 你到底...
怎麼想的 覺得我們會同意這個！
咱們去Shinjitsu吧.
去年你每感冒一次
我們就去Shinjitsu 去了六次
你的確有這刀法...
你握有把柄...
你所等待的 就是想要從我這裡獲得什麼
直到有一天 你想要的東西出現了
Wapowng!
我要帶著這樣的念頭生活
Barney要摸我的胸部
是的，這個念頭會伴隨你
更別提他會用email來提醒你
Okay, Lily, 這太荒謬了
如果你要取消 這個打賭的話
太好了，打賭取消
讓我說完
條件是這樣的:假如你同意讓我看他們--
不摸，僅僅是看-- 一分鐘...
30秒 好吧，30秒
在一個亮堂堂的攝影室裡
- 在小胡同裡 - 在小胡同裡...
我們就徹底取消 這場賭約
成交麼？
我覺得你應該跟他成交
MARSHALL: 我不知道，我覺得我們還有機會
我同意這場交易
好吧，我會認真考慮一下的
那麼你洗完盤子
我洗完了盤子
都搞定了
謝謝你！
你的業報終於了結了 帶著淡淡的檸檬香
- 乾杯. - 乾杯.
我終於可以重新開始
滿心期待的憧憬 你和他...
請問他的名字是？
- 誰的名字? - 即將稱為你未婚夫...
Oh! 他的名字是Klaus.
- Klaus. - Klaus.
德國人.
- 是的，德國人 - Hmm.
你在德國生活的時候
我們在堅持著異地戀...
那個Klaus 是不是在你班裡?
是有一個Klaus在我班裡
- 而你和Klaus非常親密 - 沒有那麼親密
是是，你和你班裡的Klaus十分親密
有點親密
- 是那個Klaus麼? - 我的Klaus?
- 在你班裡. - 在我班裡?
你的那個Klaus 是那個你們班跟你有點親密的Klaus麼?
是的
你每跟Klaus出軌吧？
- 不不，我沒有 - Mm.
新的問題
在我們分手之後
你跟Klaus花了多久時間在一起?
噢，多久,um,我們是在四月分手的 ...
一天半
我了個去，您老不是在開玩笑吧!
對不起
我花了六年的時間 來譴責自己
因為我背叛了你 結果你...
好吧，是你逼我的
(吐槽：好噁心)
我去
就讓你自己免于良心的譴責吧
別忘了，是你先背叛我的
我怎麼能忘 我永遠不會忘
我的歉意一直沒有停過
因為你對我意味著 太多太多！
我僅僅... 我希望我對你也意味著一些東西
你開玩笑麼？
- 我愛過你！ - 你愛過麼?
是的
我們在一起 曾經有過美妙的時光
你還記得那個夜晚麼
我們找到了Barney的瘋狂視頻?
那個遊戲之夜
我們玩了一晚上 Marshall發明的優秀
- Marshgammon. - 是的
在那之後我們又玩了幾次 但是我一直都學不會
記得我們相識的晚上麼
我記得你 不讓我親你
記得為什麼麼？
你有一個可笑的想法
你覺得親你之前的那一個時刻...
那個等待..
...就跟親吻本身一樣的美妙
難道不是麼
這時刻更加的純真
徹底的無瑕
徹底的
- Oh, 天哪! - Oh 不.
不，不不不不
- 我不該這麼做的 - 不，是我的錯
我讓你過來幫我洗盤子！
我說我的 "烤箱" 需要 "清理"!
我給了你不良暗示!
不
我們都沒錯，這就是命運
我要再一次的 遇見你
去測試我對Klaus的感情.
結論是...?
結論是...
我要去趕巴士
好吧，你可以看我的胸部
去巷子裡！
這不公平！
你看 我是惟一一個
不能看這個的 但...
這個一點都不公平.
快點, Lily, 快脫吧
哥們兒們...
我是這場賭局的見證人，但是誰邀請了Takumi?
對不起兄弟， 哥盡力了
(我給你傳照片)
發生了什麼？ 我錯過了什麼？
小兔兔出來了麼？ 長什麼樣子？
我不想知道具體描述
可以用硬幣大小給我比劃
你知不知道30秒究竟 有多長?
你大概要花5秒鐘...
然後是25秒鐘...
我知道看Lily的兔兔
是你一直都想幹的 但是得了吧
他一直都想幹的...
Lily,停!
你看不出來麼?
他計畫這個很久了！
他讓我們相信他會玩Shinjitsu的各種技術,
讓他把你帶到這裡來
引兔出洞！
你個混蛋!
賭局又回來了!
幹得不錯,Barney!
幹的不錯
（放蕩的大小）
(Barney帥呆了，有木有！！！)
也許我錯了
我覺得我已經完成了你們要讓我做的事了?
噢，等等! 讓蝦飛入口袋.
經典中的經典
現在...
在二壘上整整一分鐘...
堅挺又下流的擠壓...
沒什麼能阻止他了
只有一件可以！
實際上是兩件
不！
Yeah! Yeah!
那麼你們去巴士那邊...
我帶她去坐巴士
場景何其相似
你要離開 希望我說"不要走"
現在有點遲了
是有點
- 不要走 - Ted...
對不起，有點失態...
我為什麼那時候不說出來
為什麼我要讓你上飛機？
為什麼我不跟你一起走？
要是我們現在生活在一起，要是我們能...
Hold住?
我還會在今晚的宴會上遇到你麼...
或者 我們今夜會出現在這裡麼?
我們攜手歸家...
歸我們的家?
你做飯來我洗碗
我快樂因為你快樂
但，現實太悲摧了
要是？
你是不是想聽這個問題的答案？
不
我覺得這個答案會讓我難過
再見，Ted.
故事結束了
現在她大概訂婚了
也許這是最好的結局了
好了，現在...
我們要出去了鴨
不好意思要讓你買單了
噢，弟兄們 這會是美好的一年啊！
我很高興你們開心
因為我覺得我又要生病了
變得跟只綠頭鴨一樣?
噢，他們看起來餓了
來開飯了～
NARRATOR: 孩子們實際上 我忽略了故事的一部分
再見， Ted.
好吧，答案究竟是什麼?
因為一個原因， 所以我們永遠不會在一起
不是因為異地戀
我打賭這個原因
也是你這六年一直單身的原因
是Robin.
不
是的
她對你的影響 遠遠大於你所認知的
而你現在的所做 你，Robin和Barney
你們三人一起在酒吧玩 泡夜店
你們之間僅僅是哥們兒關係麼?
沒那麼簡單，相信我
你肯定錯了
我肯定對了
再見, Ted.
NARRATOR: 事實表明, 她的確是對的.
的確沒那麼簡單; 只是我當時不願意承認罷了
真是不易啊！！！
Hey, what do you guys think of my new ducky tie?
Pretty cute, right?
And not that much more expensive than a regular tie.
Hmm.
A ducky tie?
Bro, why do you do this
when you know I must slam you for it?
You guys might want to look away
'cause this ain't gonna be pretty.
You ready?
Duck, duck... gross.
Hashtag burn,
hashtag duck tie slam,
hashtag Stinson rocks.
What else is going on?
Oh, guess who I ran into.
A girl from my past.
Any guesses?
- Stella. - Zoe.
- Karen? - The girl who beat you up.
The girl who ruined a photo with Slash!
The girl who made you get the butterfly tattoo?
You make it sound like I've dated
a series of Stieg Larrson novels.
Perhaps I need to be a little more specific.
I met this girl at a wedding.
We were together for a while, but then she moved to Germany.
We decided to try long distance, but it didn't work
because I cheated on her with someone at this very table.
Victoria.
Victoria!
She catered dessert for the Architects' Ball.
Wow. I mean, what's it been, like, what, six years?
Yeah, it's so funny how the past...
you know, you think
you're doing fine, but you know,
because true love... God, Lily!
What on Earth is going on with your cans?
Oh, these old things?
I got my pregnancy boobs!
I'm in that sweet spot
where the chestal area knows I'm pregnant,
but hasn't told the downstairs neighbors.
Well, what are you waiting for, Lil?
Bust 'em out! Make 'em dance!
No!
♪ Let your boobies show! ♪
Okay, I'm sorry, pal,
but the party in my wife's sweater is a private event,
and I'm the bouncer.
Dude, I think they's the bouncers.
Okay, can we stop talking about my wife's breasts, please?
Ted ran into Victoria!
I know, I'm still a little shaken by it.
I mean, there she was after all these years.
The emotions and memories and...
Geez, Lily, it's like you have a butt on your chest.
Whoo-whoo-whoo!
♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x03 ♪ Ducky Tie Original Air Date on September 26, 2011
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
♪
Why on Earth would I want to see that?
They're round and attached to my body.
It's an even trade.
Okay, who wants dinner? (sneezes)
Bless you. Let's go to Shinjitsu.
Aw, again? Really?
You bring that up, like, once a month.
It's hibachi grilling with a vaudeville twist.
I mean, come on, who's in?
(Ted, Lily & Robin murmur approval)
No! Forget it!
Okay, how about this:
if you can go ten seconds without looking at Lily's boobs,
we'll go wherever you want to go.
(scoffs) Deal.
Damn it!
Oh, well.
So you saw Victoria.
You must have been freaked.
No, it was cool.
Hey, Ted.
Hey, kiddo.
Okay, Ted, 'cause from where I was standing...
Robin! Just... okay?
I'm telling this story.
Instead of the obligatory awkward small talk,
let me just kick this off
by saying I'm really, really sorry.
Thanks. It's unnecessary, but thanks.
So, wasn't awkward.
- It was a little awkward. - Not really.
It was a little awkward.
Lucky for you, the cavalry rode in to smooth things over.
So, uh...
I stole your boyfriend!
That was, like, crazy!
Like, what?!
But... bridge, water under it.
It was all Ted's fault. He got me drunk.
What? Yeah! Be right there.
Oh, guess who's here? Robin.
Oh. I'm really happy for you guys.
You look cute together.
Oh, no, no, we're not together.
I mean, we-we dated for, like, a year.
But now we're just friends.
It's not weird.
No, no. Why would that be weird?
I mean, if you hung out every day, that would...
We do.
...still not be weird.
I've never known anybody
that hangs out with their ex every day.
Well, Barney does.
Really? Who's Barney's ex-girlfriend?
Robin.
Your Robin?
Mine and Barney's.
You don't all three hang out together?
All the time.
And we have weird.
It's not weird!
Has anyone gotten a bite yet?
Oh, good! Here we go!
The main event.
Oh, we got Takumi. He is good!
I mean, who am I kidding?
They're all amazing!
Let the dinnertainment begin!
Oh, that reminds me,
there's this other restaurant we should try sometime.
What they do is, they cook your meal in a little room
called a "kitchen."
What's the name of that...?
Oh, yeah! "Every Other Restaurant In New York City."
Hashtag burn, hashtag Your Tie Is Still Dumb,
hashtag refill!
So you're talking to Victoria.
I'm talking to Victoria.
Well, I should probably get back to the bakery.
I'm taking a late bus out to the Hamptons tonight,
and I've got a sink full of dishes
that my assistant did not clean.
Because my assistant is me.
But it was really good seeing you, Ted.
- Yeah, you, too. - Okay.
Wait.
Let me do the dishes.
What?
Victoria, do you believe in fate?
I believe you're about to give a big speech on fate.
Well, I do.
And I think when two people like you and me randomly bump
into each other, it means something.
I have to make amends for what I did.
Look, I can't undo what I did six years ago, but...
I can wash dishes.
It's actually something I'm good at.
Ted...
I swear to you I am not trying anything.
♪ I said, bang, bang, bangity-bang ♪
♪ I said a bang, bang, bangity-bang. ♪
Guys, guys! Shut up!
Give the artist a little respect!
Sir, I apologize for that,
and for what I'm about to say.
Here's my impression of this guy.
(guttural): Uh! Ooh!
Uh! Uh!
Welcome to Shinjitsu! Uh!
I used to be a night manager at Dairy Queen! Brr!
Anyone can do that.
Oh really? Then why don't you do it, Barney?
Show us all the tricks if they're so easy.
Show us the onion volcano,
the fried rice beating heart,
the shrimp in the pocket.
I bet Ted showed Victoria the shrimp in his pocket.
Shrimp? Really?
Okay, I'll do all
those things. You just name the time and the place.
Okay, right here after we eat.
And what do I get if I do?
What do you want?
I want to touch Lily's boobs.
Deal!
Hey, sweetie?
Yeah, I heard.
Okay, Barney, you want to make this real?
Let's make this real.
Terms: If you can do all that stuff
that Marshall just listed off,
I will let you touch one boob.
Both boobs.
Just one.
Touch and squeeze.
Just touch.
Touch and motorboat.
Just touch.
- Honka honka? - Barney.
Just touch. Just touch.
For one hour. For one second.
20 minutes, both boobs.
Thirty seconds, one boob.
Four minutes, both boobs, three squeezes.
One minute, both boobs, one squeeze.
Deal!
But... if you can't do everything
and I mean everything,
then you have to wear Marshall's ducky tie...
for one year.
BOTH: Ooh...
Deal.
So you get to the bakery.
We get to the bakery.
Well, this is great.
You know what else is getting clean
along with this cupcake tray?
My conscience.
You got anything else you need to atone for?
My oven needs cleaning.
Un, no, nothing else.
Not yet anyway.
♪ Bang, bang, bangity-bang, said a bang-bang-bangity. ♪
I'm getting married.
Bang.
Baby, I think I got yours. This one has no booze.
Oh, no, that's mine.
Yeah, I don't know
why people think that Mai Tais need booze.
I've been drinking virgins all night,
and they're delicious.
Yeah, well, enjoy your Mai Tai
because as of tomorrow night, you'll be wearing my tie.
Our future child is so lucky.
Wait. You're not drunk?
Huh. I guess not.
(gasps) It's a hustle!
We gettin' hustled!
Oh, this stinks.
This stinks to holy hell!
He's gonna win the bet!
Baby, come on. Even if he was sober as a nun,
there's no way he could do what these guys do.
Exactly. I mean, to learn the trademark secrets
of Shinjitsu hibachi cooking,
one would have to go all the way...
to Hoboken, New Jersey.
Yeah, they have a school there.
It's a six-month course. They teach you everything.
How do you know that?
Maybe I looked it up on my phone just now.
Then again, maybe not.
So Victoria's getting married.
She's getting married.
I'm sorry. I should have told you that way earlier.
No, no, it's fine.
You thought something was gonna happen.
Like one percent.
Maybe slap on a ring next time.
Well, the problem is, he hasn't asked me yet.
I found the ring in a box in his sock drawer.
Wow! Guy's got a whole drawer just for socks?
Must be nice.
So when's Money Bags popping the question?
I'm pretty sure tomorrow.
He's taking me out
to a really nice restaurant out in the Hamptons.
It's right on the water,
so afterwards we'll take a walk on the beach in the moonlight.
You should probably go.
I don't know. It sounds pretty intimate.
(dry chuckle)
I'm serious. I feel like I misled you.
Madam, I came here to wash your dishes.
Nothing more.
- Whoa! What was that!? - What was what?
This guy and Barney just shared a look!
Do you know him?
(gasps) They did it again!
This whole thing stinks, I tells ya!
It stinks!
Lily, are you really suggesting that Barney spent six months
commuting back and forth to Hoboken
to learn a signature cooking style of a restaurant
he doesn't even like so he could win a bet
he hadn't even made yet?
Yeah, the whole thing stinks.
No, it's not possible, okay?
I was the one who said let's go to Shinjitsu...
(Barney sneezes) Bless you.
How could Barney have...
You brilliant bastard.
It's all so obvious now.
For the past, oh, I don't know how long, five years,
every time I've said, "Let's go to Shinjitsu""
(sneezes) Bless you.
You've sneezed.
Every time.
MARSHALL: And little by little...
Let's go to Shinjitsu.
(sneezes) Bless you. Bless you.
...you forged the association in my brain.
So what should we do for dinner?
Let's go to Shinjitsu. (sneezes)
Oh, bless you. Thanks.
MARSHALL: Until eventually...
Yes, I know I said that we'd be back Sunday,
but guess what? We are back now!
Now what on earth...
Stop bouncing! What on earth
would make you think that we'd be okay with this?
(sneezes) Let's go to Shinjitsu.
When you were sick for a week last year,
I had Shinjitsu like six times.
You had the knife skills...
you had the trigger...
All you needed then was to want something from me.
And then one day... those somethings came a-busting out.
Wapowng!
I am gonna have to walk this earth,
knowing Barney has touched my boobs.
Yeah. It stays with you.
His email reminders don't help.
Okay, Lily, this is ridiculous.
If you want to call the bet off...
Great! The bet's off!
Let me finish.
Here's the deal: If you let me just see them--
no touching, just looking-- for one minute...
30 seconds. For 30 seconds,
in a well-lit photography studio...
- In the alley. - In the alley...
then we'll cancel this entire wager completely.
Do we have a deal?
I totally think you should take the deal.
MARSHALL: I don't think we have a choice.
Go on, take the deal.
I'll... think about it.
So you're doing the dishes...
I'm doing the dishes.
All done.
Congratulations.
Your karmic slate is clean and lemony fresh.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
See, now I can start anew,
and hopefully end up as happy as you and, uh...
Sorry, what's his name?
- Whose name? - Your fiancé-to-be.
Oh! His name is Klaus.
- Klaus. - Klaus.
German name.
- Yeah, German guy. - Hmm.
When you were living in Germany,
and we were doing the whole long-distance thing...
wasn't there a Klaus in your class?
There was a Klaus in my class.
- And you and Klaus were close. - Not that close.
Yes, yes, you and the Klaus from your class were quite close.
Kind of close.
- Was that your Klaus? - My Klaus?
- In your class. - In my class?
Is your Klaus the kind of close Klaus from your class?
Yes.
You didn't cheat on me with Klaus, did you?
- No. No, I did not. - Mm.
Okay, new question.
After we broke up, how long were you single
before you and Klaus started dating?
Oh, how long... um, well, we broke up in April, so...
a day and a half.
Oh, you have got to be kidding me!
I'm sorry.
So I've spent the last six years feeling like
I completely betrayed you, when in truth, you...
No, you know what?
(gasps)
Okay. Fine.
Just let yourself off the hook on a technicality!
Forget the fact that you did cheat on me!
Forget it? I will never forget it. Okay?
I will never stop regretting it,
because what we had meant that much to me!
I just... I wish it had meant something to you, too.
Are you kidding?
- I loved you! - Did you?
Yes.
We had such an amazing time together.
Do you remember that night
we found that crazy videotape of Barney?
Game night.
We played that ridiculous game Marshall invented.
- Marshgammon. - Yeah.
We've played it a few times since. I still don't get it.
Remember the night we met?
I remember you not letting me kiss you.
Remember why?
You had this ridiculous idea
that the moment leading up to the kiss...
The drum roll.
...is as good as the kiss itself.
Isn't it?
Well, it's certainly more innocent.
It's completely harmless.
Completely.
- Oh, my God! - Oh no.
No, no-no-no-no-no.
- I should not have done that. - No, that was me.
I let you come wash my dishes!
I said my "oven" needed "cleaning"!
I invited you into a porno!
No.
You were right. This is fate.
I needed to see you one more time
in order to know for sure about Klaus.
And...?
And...
I have a bus to catch.
Fine, you can see my boobs!
To the alley!
This seems unfair.
I mean, I get that I'm the only person
not allowed to see this, but...
it just, it-it seems unfair.
Come on, Lily, hurry up.
Guys...
You know, I'm all for honoring a bet, but who invited Takumi?
Sorry, bro. I tried.
(speaking Japanese)
What's going on? What am I missing?
Are they out yet? What do they look like?
Look, I don't want to know!
Just tell me the kind of coin.
Do you know how long 30 seconds is?
It's going to be five seconds of... (gasps excitedly)
followed by 25 seconds of.... (awkward grunt)
I mean, yes, seeing Lily's boobs
is all you've ever wanted, but come on.
All he's ever wanted...
Lily, stop!
Don't you see?
This was his plan all along!
He let us think he knows how to do all this Shinjitsu stuff,
just so he could get you out here
whipping out your milk-makers!
You son of a bitch!
The bet is back on!
Nice try, Barney!
Nice try.
(laughing loudly)
(sizzling)
Maybe I was wrong.
Well, I guess that's everything you asked me to do, is it not?
Oh, wait! The shrimp in the pocket.
A modern classic.
And now...
for one minute on second base...
with a firm yet sensual squeeze...
Nothing can stop him now.
One thing can.
Make that two things.
No!!
Yeah! Yeah!
So you take her to the bus...
I take her to the bus.
Well, this feels familiar.
You leaving, me kind of wanting to say, "Don't go""
Little late for that.
Little bit.
- Don't go. - Ted...
I'm sorry. I just...
Why didn't I say it then?
Why'd I let you get on that plane?
Why didn't I get on it with you?
What would our lives be right now, if we had just...
held on?
Would I have still run into you at this party tonight...
or would we have been there together?
We'd go home...
to our home?
You cook. I do the dishes.
I'm happy that you're happy.
But damn it.
What if?
Do you really want to know the answer to that?
No.
I think it would kill me.
Good-bye, Ted.
And that was it.
Now she's probably engaged.
Maybe it's for the best.
All right. Well...
We're gonna duck out.
Sorry to leave you with the bill.
Oh, guys, it's gonna be a good year.
I'm glad you guys can laugh,
'cause I think I'm gonna be physically ill.
Coming down with a mallardy?
Oh, they look hungry. There you go.
Here you go.
NARRATOR: Kids, there was one part I left out.
Good-bye, Ted.
Okay, yes. What's the answer?
There is a reason that it didn't work out between you and me,
but it's not Germany.
And I'm willing to bet it's the same reason none of your other
relationships in the last six years have lasted either.
It's Robin.
No.
Yes.
She is so much bigger in your world than you realize.
And this thing that you're all doing, you and Barney and Robin,
where the three of you hang out at the bar night in, night out,
like you're all just buddies?
That doesn't work. Trust me.
You-You've got it all wrong.
I'm right about this.
Good-bye, Ted.
NARRATOR: And sure enough, she was right.
It didn't work; we just didn't realize it yet.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==