(somber music)
(upbeat music)
¶ Ash and burn ¶
¶ Wouldn't you say that's the only way we learn ¶
¶ We don't need nobody ¶
¶ When the red light and the brake lights hit your face ¶
¶ And you take me on a joy ride back to your place ¶
¶ We don't need nobody, no ¶
¶ We don't need nobody ¶
¶ Take me home tonight ¶
¶ Don't ¶
¶ Deny ¶
¶ It's not fair that I'm too scared, I don't know why ¶
¶ They can't tell us what to do ¶
¶ They don't even know the truth ¶
(cell phone ringing)
¶ I can't help ¶
¶ Falling for you, it's chemical ¶
¶ And I don't need to hear it ¶
¶ When the red light and the brake lights hit your face ¶
¶ And you take me on a joy ride back to your place ¶
¶ I don't need nobody ¶
- [Jessica] Every day when you wake up,
before you even put your feet on the ground,
you tell yourself it's gonna be a great day.
¶ Take me home tonight ¶
- Gonna be a great day.
¶ Take me away to a different place ¶
(phone ringing)
¶ I can't keep myself off of you ¶
¶ Drag me down, drop me off onto town ¶
¶ And I will follow you ¶
¶ When the red and the brake lights hit your face ¶
¶ And you take me on a joy ride back to your place ¶
¶ We don't need nobody ¶
- [Jessica] You can't greet each day with negative energy
and expect positive results, so start positive
and stay positive.
It's gonna be a great day, say it, and mean it.
- Today's gonna be a great day.
(vomiting)
- [Jessica] It's been clinically proven that exercise
increases energy and libido, improves health
and enhances self-esteem.
Look good, feel good.
- Wow, so you asked me to take you to work
and you're doing Jane Fonda.
No no no, not this, we're gonna be late, let's go.
(sighs)
Really?
- What time is it?
Oh crap.
- What happened to pushups?
- [Jessica] No excuses, no exceptions.
Stop being a spectator and get into the game.
Want to attract high-calibur mates?
You'll need low body fat and high endurance,
both in and out of the bedroom.
Winners look good.
- Oh, sod off.
Taxi!
- [Jessica] Chapter two, dressing for success.
If you want to attract successful people
you need to dress the part.
Dress like you're as successful
as you one day hope to become.
Sloppy slouches never end up as super models, do they?
- To differ, Jessica, what about Jonah Hill
and Donald Trump?
- Wait a second, who are you calling Jessica?
Don't tell me you're still reading that girly crap.
- No, no, I'm just thinking out loud.
- Oh god, what is that?
Oh, ew, ew, god.
- [Andy] It's Confidence.
- Confidence?
You need a lot of confidence to wear that cat piss.
Where'd you get it, at the dollar store?
- I can't do it this morning, I can't take the knocking--
- You need to do a little spring cleaning around here,
I mean seriously, what the hell is that?
- No, what are you doing?
My grandma gives me one every year!
- You don't wanna hurt Grandma's feelings,
but you should shove that into a drawer, fast.
- Thank you.
Look, are you taking me, or am I Ubering?
Like what am I doing?
- Excuse me, I got lost in your little piggy collection.
Let's go, let's go!
- Bangs this morning, oh.
- Sasha?
- [Sasha] Hmm?
- Can I raid your closet again?
- Again?
- Please.
- My Chanel is your Chanel.
Especially if you don't throw Elvis out the window.
- Did he poop on the futon again?
- In your suitcase, but you know what,
it's only because he trusts you,
because he doesn't just poop anywhere, do you?
No you don't.
Oh my baby.
- Oh, I really need to get my own place.
- Why?
Devin's hardly around, and I like having you here.
- So does Elvis, apparently.
- Now that you are broken up, I want you to focus
on your goals, your dreams, and achieve them.
- Right now all I want to do is achieve
looking as good as you in one your Chanel dresses.
- Hmm, good luck with that.
(laughs)
- [Jessica] Wanna marry up?
Don't dress down.
Wanna climb the corporate ladder all the way to the top?
Then dress like you're already there.
You are the master of your own fate,
so be punctual, be diligent, be efficient,
and you will accomplish all of your goals.
- Hello Linda, how's the desk?
- [Linda] Hello Andy.
- You're late.
Again.
You know, it is the 21st century,
there's some exciting new products
called razors and ironing boards.
You should give them a try.
- Good one, boss.
I mean, I sacrificed underwear today, you know?
In an effort not to be late.
I'm going commando. (laughs)
- You're disgusting.
TMI.
- You're right, it's clearly TMI.
- The toilet in the executive wash room is clogged.
I'd like you to take care of that after you clock in.
(laughs)
- Kev, buddy.
That's not in my job description.
Can't maintenance do it?
- Oh, they can.
But you will.
Call it your penance for your allergy to being punctual.
You see, one of the perks of having
a high level job like mine is it gives me
the right to be capricious.
I'm sorry, Andy.
That may be a big word for you.
You know what that means?
- It's 8:02 in the morning, okay?
I'm not gonna let you ruin my day.
You think that I'm gonna capriciously clean that toilet?
- So sad.
Yes, I do.
And if you have a problem with that,
why don't you take it up with our boss Mr. Warren?
We all know the reason why he feels he has to tolerate you.
So go ahead, and take care of that dump, Andy.
Ooh, ooh.
Dumpty.
That will be your new nickname.
It's perfect 'cause it's dumb and D, I squeeze it,
I wasn't finished with you.
Welcome to the Ravel.
- [Jessica] Not everyone will like you.
Not everyone will want you to succeed.
Life doesn't always give you what you want,
but it does equip you with what you need to learn.
(sighs)
- Okay.
(water gurgling)
(coughs)
(typing)
(splashes)
(flushing)
What!
- [Jessica] Wanna take over the world?
You better own it first.
The world is yours.
Say it loud.
- The world is mine.
The world is mine.
- Really, is it?
Could've fooled me.
- [Jessica] You're on your way.
You're on the path.
You're getting closer every day.
- Have to believe you can get what you want.
The world is mine.
(sighs)
You sure you don't want a copy of this book?
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm telling you, you wanna work here forever?
This book will impact your life.
- Right now I'm hoping that a margarita will impact my life.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
- Night mama.
- Night baby.
(giggles)
- In a rat race like this, you have to be
the strongest and the fastest rat
if you wanna get the cheese that's waiting
on the other side of that finish line.
And that is why we are all here, to do the best we can,
to make the most of who we are, to win the race
and to win the game.
Thank you.
(applauding)
Hello.
- Hi.
- [Jessica] Hi.
- Wow.
You're so much prettier in person.
Well, that's a little bit absurd, actually.
(laughing)
- Thank you, you have great taste.
And I love your accent, what's your name?
- Hayley, H-A-Y-L-E-Y.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm actually thinking about writing a book myself.
- Oh, awesome.
What about?
- Oh, I dunno, I dunno what my story is yet.
- Why don't you get out there and find out,
and when you have a book signing,
I'll be front and center, deal?
- Deal, yes, can I shake--
- Yes.
Nice to meet you.
- Lovely to meet you, thank you.
- Good luck to you. - Thanks.
- Hi.
- Wow, you are prettier in person.
- Ah, you can tell with those shades on, huh?
- Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
(Jessica laughs)
- Oh, you have beautiful eyes, you should use them.
And stitch up that shirt, you're better than that.
- Oh.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
Want more and you'll get more.
Ask for more and you'll receive more.
You wanna be rich, be rich.
You wanna be successful, be successful.
You are made of unrealized greatness.
Believe it.
- Can I ask you to fix my shirt?
Stupid...
(gasps)
(speaks foreign language)
- You're dreaming.
- I'm not, why, why am I dreaming?
- Okay.
Rich.
- Yeah.
- Handsome.
Funny.
Under 35, with an IQ over 125?
I mean, that's like an anomaly.
That sounds like place in Italy.
- Oh it does, yeah. (laughs)
- I love the pizza in Anomaly.
(laughing)
That's not found in nature.
Okay, that's like a nudist that you really
want to see naked.
- [Hayley] Wait.
- Any man like that is going to stray or he's gay.
That rhymes.
- Oh, it does.
Well done.
- Exhibit A, Joey.
- Hey!.
What have we spoken about?
We do not say his name aloud, do we?
- Sorry, please don't get violent.
Exhibit A, he whose name we do not say out loud.
- [Hayley] Thank you.
- He was cute. - Yeah.
- He had a nice butt. - he did have a nice butt.
He had a really nice butt.
- He was successful. - Yeah.
- What did he do?
Sleep with a Hooters waitress.
- Okay, first off, Hooters has lovely chicken wings.
Second of all, maybe he did not mean to sleep with her.
- Sure, honey.
And listen, I don't like cocaine,
I just like the way it smells.
- Look, I don't wanna settle.
- Everyone settles.
To varying degrees.
People, actual living, breathing, human people,
will never live up to the fantasy.
Never.
Like Taylor Swift, never, ever, never.
Okay.
Thank you for doing my nails, though.
They look pretty.
I wanna look really good for when I drop off
Mia's financials, although she's doing my head in.
She's driving me crazy.
- You need to slap that bitch.
- I do.
I do need to smack her.
Like a huge one.
- All five fingers.
- Mm.
- Thumb.
(laughing)
(light music)
- Oh!
- Watch where you're going.
- You serious?
Wow.
- Welcome to the Ravel of New York.
- Hi.
I'm looking for my colleague?
- Okay.
Well, we have a bulletin over there with today's posts,
do you have a meeting room?
- I don't know where.
- Do you know your colleague's name?
- Cruella Deville.
- Are you British?
- You're a smart one.
- Let me guess, Kate or Diana.
- [Hayley] Pardon?
Oh, my name?
- [Andy] Yeah.
- No, why.
- You look like royalty, or a beautiful princess.
(laughing)
- I'm Hayley.
- So Princess Hayley.
I'm Andy.
- Oh, I've gotta go.
- Wait, you're leaving?
I don't think I can face the world without you.
- Oh, I think you underestimate yourself.
- No, really, I'd love to see you again.
- Well find me and you never know.
- You're late.
What happened?
- I know, I'm so sorry, the bloody traffic was awful,
I nearly broke my heel, I tore my brief,
it's just a bad morning.
- Are you okay?
- Thank you for asking that.
If I'm honest, I'm really missing my ex.
I stupidly went onto Instagram
and I saw him with his new girlfriend,
and that was just really--
- Yeah, I don't actually care.
- Oh.
- I have no time now to go over these.
- Oh, I'm so sorry--
- Make sure this never happens again, you got it?
- I'm sorry, I did ask them though to get--
- No, don't ask, you demand what you need
and you make them give it to you.
And by the way, you represent my spa,
and I looked better during my first labor
than you look right now.
Go fix your face.
- You should be nicer as a mother now.
(groans)
- Sleeves rolled up, still unshaven,
and what were you doing flirting with a guest?
- I wasn't flirting with a, and she wasn't even a guest,
she was looking for--
- Everyone who walks through that door is a guest.
Listen here, Dumpty.
Did you enjoy cleaning the toilets the other day?
(sighs)
'Cause I've got a lot more jobs
just like that waiting for you.
Do you got it?
- Got it.
- Good.
- Not gonna ruin my day.
(singing indistinctly)
Mr. Warren.
- Pretty laying with Kevin's computer again, hmm?
(laughs)
- It's a beautiful day out, isn't it?
- You know your father hired me when I was 20 years old,
right when I got here from Denmark, right?
- Yeah.
I've heard the story a few times.
You had no shoes, you used to put your used gum in a wad
and then take it out when you wanna chew it.
I mean, such as, such as.
- Your father was like a brother to me.
If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have been able
to move up from the mail room to be the eventual CEO
of the Imperial Hotel Group.
When he passed, he made me promise
to look after the hotels and look after you.
Only you and I know of this promise.
- And I think you've done pretty well on both of 'em.
- Wrong.
I've done tremendously well at running this hotel.
We've turned a profit every year I've been at the helm.
Went from having 21 hotels in 12 countries
to having 49 hotels in 37 countries.
- It's amazing.
And Mr. Warren, I have an idea--
- But I've failed at you.
I see a lot of potential in you,
but you get in your own way.
You lack discipline, you lack focus, motivation.
The list goes on.
- Look, that's not entirely true--
- These are facts, not open for debate.
- I'm bored.
I need more to do, I need more responsibility,
and I'm very capable of having it.
- I agree, so I'm gonna try to motivate you.
- What exactly does that mean?
- I'm going away for four weeks to Sri Lanka
with my wife on a yoga retreat.
She thinks I work too hard, and so she's worried.
Ever since I had that heartburn last year
she thought was a heart attack,
she hasn't been able to move on,
so we will go to a spiritual retreat,
vegan, possibly nudist, and I just hope
I still have the tree hugging days in me.
- I'm there.
I would love to go with you guys.
- I want you to be in charge of this office while I'm gone.
You're a free spirit, I'm a free spirit,
and I think you can handle it.
Plus I don't really trust Kevin.
- Wait, so you're asking me to run this hotel.
(phone beeps)
- Would you send Kevin in, please?
- Sir, I...
- Don't speak.
- Yes sir.
- While I'm gone, Mr. Palazzo will be my personal bridge
between Sri Lanka and New York.
- Mr. Warren, Dumpty is not qualified--
- That's Mr. Palazzo to you.
- Mr. Warren, Mr. Palazzo is not qualified
to run a mile around the high school track.
He's not qualified to run a taco stand,
to run a fever, to run amok, no offense.
- I am not interested in your perspective in this,
Mr. Hartwell.
For the next month, Mr. Palazzo
will no longer be working for you.
You two will work together.
- Mr. Warren.
- [Mr. Warren] Is that understood?
- Mr. Warren, I cannot stress what a bad idea--
- Is that understood?
- Yes sir.
- You will have access to the corporate account,
which you will only use for corporate affairs,
is that understood?
You will have access to the company car,
which you will only use for company matters,
is that understood?
- Yes.
- You will work out of my office,
but you will not be making any decisions, major or minor.
Is that understood?
- Yes.
- This is your opportunity to show
I should take you seriously, Andy.
Is that understood?
- Yes.
- Mr. Hartwell, Mr. Palazzo, make it work.
Namaste to you both.
- Namaste.
- Mr. Warren.
Look, before you go.
I just wanna say thank you.
And I know if my dad were here too,
he'd say thank you as well.
- You're welcome, Andy.
- I'm not gonna let you down.
- I am counting on that.
(light music)
- I'm so sorry, I--
- Don't be, it happens.
I'm sorry I have to do this, it's just our policy.
You know, actually, we're having a recession special.
One free drink for every declined credit card.
- Thank you.
It's actually my reversary.
- I thought I've heard it all, but what's a reversary?
- It should've been my anniversary, but it's not,
because my ex decided to go to Hooters,
get a plate of hot wings and a slutty waitress on the side.
- I'm sorry, hon.
- I'm just gonna down this, please don't judge me.
It's a British thing.
- Okay.
(gulping)
Here, just have one more.
- That would be great, that would be great.
Sasha, I'm contemplating bankruptcy.
Seriously, all my cards are maxed out.
- Oh, well, let's see what Miss Jessica Banadetto has to say
about filing chapter 11, shall we?
- Okay.
Let's see here.
Never date down, blah blah blah, in any capacity,
if you do, he or she will bring you down.
Down to their financial class,
down to their stage of emotional development,
down to their lack of confidence.
Wow, Jesus, what is her next book gonna say,
men are like coffee and chocolate
and they taste better rich?
I mean, what's the plan here, you're gonna like find
some sugar daddy who has an abundance of self-confidence
and amazing emotional development?
- Yeah, why not?
- [Sasha] Oh, 'cause I don't know, what about like,
chemistry and passion and love?
- Ugh, stop it.
- [Sasha] Oh, sorry, Miss Shallow.
Yeah, I forgot, what was the plan again?
Climbing social status, seven figure bank account,
house in the Hamptons and then, wait,
what's the other thing I'm forgetting?
- Private jet.
- Oh, yes, the very, very important private jet.
(sighs)
- I've always wanted a private jet.
Is that too much to ask?
- Why don't you start with something smaller,
like stop spending and start thinking,
stop washing hair and put that MBA to use.
Do a project that you love, like write that book
you're always talking about.
And you wanna find your own place,
and you want your career to take off,
and despite what Rich Boy, Rich Girl says,
you, my dear, want to fall in love.
(laughs)
- Yeah.
- I cannot believe nobody ever taught you how to tie a tie.
- I feel like Cinderfella.
Just-- - Relax, okay?
I'm not trying to bone you.
(laughs)
Whoa.
What the heck is that?
- That is-- - is that what I think it is?
Do you know how many times I've applied for one of those?
Even I don't make enough money for that.
- You're like a millionaire.
- Yeah, but apparently not millionaire enough.
What the hell are you doing with it?
- Company card, use it for company expenses.
- That's very admirable of you.
Don't Andy it up.
What the hell is this?
I thought I was the only one man enough to get a mani-pedi.
- Why are you always just grabbing stuff?
- It's just what I do.
- It's something that my future wife dropped at the hotel.
- Your future wife?
Really?
Have you even taken her out?
- Not yet.
- Uh-huh, so you're stalking her.
- No, I'm wooing her.
- By stalking her.
- No, by politely courting her.
- How does one politely court another exactly?
- Flowers.
(laughing)
- Flowers.
This isn't the '80s, kid, come on.
These days we need a little more than flowers.
Like a limousine or a nice dinner, maybe a show.
- Really?
- Really.
- I can't.
- You can.
- I shouldn't.
- But you will.
(bell ringing)
(gasps) (broom clatters)
- No no no no no no.
- Hayley. - Shh, shh.
Not here.
- You're right there, I can see you.
- [Hayley] No no, no I'm not.
Shh, he's looking for me, he's looking for me.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Maybe you could help me out, I'm looking for Hayley.
Is she here?
(typing)
- Excuse me.
- Oh, no, do your thing.
- Hayley's in her office. - Okay.
(typing)
- You can take a seat, she'll be with you shortly.
- Oh, okay.
Thank you.
- She loves you.
- What!
- Excuse me?
- Sorry, nothing.
You can just, you can go have a seat.
This is stupid.
- I'm sorry, what was that?
- Nothing, I'm talking on the phone, sorry.
- Oh.
(phone beeping)
- What the heck are you doing?
- I can't let him know that I sweep hair.
Is he sitting now?
- No, he's breakdancing.
- [Hayley] What?
- Yes, he is sitting down.
- That was a mean thing to do.
I have a favor to ask you, just a teeny tiny,
could you, what size dress do you wear?
- Absolutely not.
- Take this off, take it off.
- No, I don't...
- Okay, so I can't do two, can we move it to three?
- Mm-hmm.
Also, Mr. Johnson wants to invest
in one of your new business ventures.
- Oh, fine, but if he wants a meeting,
you must tell him that it's a minimum investment
of 100K to get me out to lunch.
I'm just not doing it anymore.
Do we have any messages?
- No, your highness.
- Delia, what are you wearing?
We have a dress code here, please observe it.
- There's something a gentleman.
- [Hayley] Hi.
- Hi.
- You found me.
- Oh, I'm very resourceful.
- Delia, can you grab me a latte?
- [Delia] Yeah.
- Please, thank you.
Remind me of your name again?
- Andy.
And these are for you.
- Oh, what are these?
- Flowers.
(laughing)
- Flowers? - Yeah.
- [Hayley] I've heard of those.
- So, I hope you don't mind me
coming to see you at work like this.
- No.
- What exactly do you do around here?
- Just some consulting here and there
at the other midtown affiliates,
you know, amongst other things.
You?
- Oh, (scoffs) I have a job that's got way too many
titles and hyphens to fit on a business card, so.
- Ah.
- Are you impressed?
(laughing)
- [Hayley] Maybe.
- [Jessica] When asking someone out to dinner.
- So you feeling spontaneous?
- [Jessica] Confidence is key.
- Maybe.
- [Jessica] Dictate the situation and don't hesitate.
- I want you to meet me.
6:00 for a gorgeous sunset and you know,
never-ending laughter and maybe some dinner.
- [Jessica] You are in control.
You are in demand.
- I'm not sure if I can do that, let me just check my,
(bell rings) mm, yeah, I can, good.
- Did you even check?
- Yeah, yeah, weird that you didn't see it.
No, we're fine.
So good, see you later, see you later.
You are late, someone needs their hair washing.
Bye!
- What the hell is going on?
- I think the coffee is ready.
- Okay, go ahead.
- So, what does he do?
- I think he's some sort of hotel executive.
- Oh, well that sounds too good to be true.
- Oh, so are his eyes.
When you see them, oh, just want to--
- Easy, tigress.
- Sorry.
(chuckles)
There may also be like one tiny, tiny other problem.
He might have a slightly skewed perception
of what I actually do for a living.
- You have got to own it.
Own your status.
- No, I know, but Jessica says to get success
you have to exude success.
(groans)
You hate the book, don't you?
(sighs)
- We're not gonna talk about that, are we?
No we're not, we're not gonna talk about that at all,
because we don't care if Jessica says that (babbling).
- That's looking pretty good.
- Yeah.
- Maybe just a little bit mess on the top right there.
- Can you-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah, like that.
That's perfect.
Okay, so where were we?
She's beautiful, she's successful.
(groans)
- She's incredible.
And her accent, so adorable.
She says tomorrow instead of tomorrow,
and she's cute and she's got beautiful--
- Yeah, I think we covered the beautiful thing.
Listen, this is starting to sound
a little too good to be true, so cool your jets there, okay?
(spraying) (coughs)
There's a little Confidence for ya.
(light music)
- Use good wine terminology to handle conversations.
Oaky, creamy, and buttery shows that you know your wines.
- It's hard. (Hayley giggles)
Love it.
It's round.
Velvety textured.
- [Waiter] Courtesy of the chef.
Enjoy. - Ah, thank you.
Wow, look at that.
- Ooh!
I don't think you eat those.
- Yeah, they're edible.
- No, I don't think they are.
- Wow, look at that bar.
(spits)
- You know, I'm really happy that you found me
as fast as you did.
- Yeah.
I can be tenacious.
- Hmm.
I do have one thing, though.
It's kind of a little rule of mine.
I don't like to mix work with my personal life.
I like to keep work as work and my personal life
as my personal life.
- Yeah, I know, I'm the same way.
- [Hayley] Oh really?
- Yeah, I mean, running a hotel is tough.
- [Hayley] Yeah, I bet.
- So let's do that, let's make a deal.
No shop talk while we're together.
- That is quite a commitment after knowing me
for hardly any time at all.
- Yeah, well.
Like I said, I can be--
- Tenacious.
Yeah, I got it.
(Andy chuckles)
- Have I told you how pretty you look?
I mean, If I say your body's amazing,
would you hold it against me?
(laughing)
That's good-- - That was smooth.
- Snuck it right in there.
- Did you research that?
Did you google it?
- I did.
Yeah, I went cube, functional, pickup--
- That's what you typed in?
- Yeah.
- Can I tell you what I'm thinking about?
A little bit closer than that.
The maitre d' is really freaking me out.
- Shoo shoo.
(laughing)
¶ It's not hard to fall ¶
¶ It's too easy to break ¶
¶ So I'll keep on pretending ¶
¶ That you're not perfect for me ¶
¶ As long as it takes ¶
¶ It's not all my fault ¶
¶ I know you feel the same ¶
¶ But we can't be the just friends ¶
¶ We've just been trying to be ¶
¶ I know it's too late ¶
- Thanks.
¶ But I'm just trying not to fall ¶
¶ In love with you ¶
I would invite you up, but...
- But?
- I gave up being a slut for Lent.
(laughing)
- Ah, so.
You're not a slut and you honor Lent?
- Yeah.
- I think you're a waste of my time.
Have a good night.
(laughing)
- No, you know I would, I just have
an early meeting tomorrow.
- It's fine.
No, me too, I gotta go straight back
to the office to handle a few things.
- So, until next time?
- Yes.
Till the next time.
¶ Back in each other's arms ¶
- Good night.
- Good night, Princess.
¶ I hold you, you hold me, we hold on ¶
¶ And let go of the walls ¶
- Good night, flower eater.
¶ We built around our hearts ¶
¶ Broken fences mend ¶
¶ Second chances start ¶
¶ A new life ¶
- [Andy] Huh?
- You see, that's what I'm talking about, that looks sharp.
- [Andy] Yeah.
I don't know how I'm gonna explain the charges
as a hotel expense, but--
- Are you kidding me?
These are clothes for meetings.
And as Mr. Warren's personal liaison,
it is important for you to look good.
- [Andy] You're right.
- I mean, you like this girl, don't ya?
- Yeah.
She's incredible.
Oh, and I have an amazing idea for the second date,
by the way.
- Excellent.
(exhales)
- I'm like a high-class criminal.
(laughing)
Not exactly the look I was going for,
but hell, I will take it.
Oh, I set up the meeting at the bank to air my idea.
- Get out of here.
Come on, come on, give me a hug.
- All right, all right.
(light music)
- [Andy] You're outta your mind.
- No, Keith Rune is better than John Bonham.
- John Bonham was incredible, are you kidding me?
When you see him live, you just feel it.
- This is so beautiful.
Thank you for bringing me out here.
- I have a surprise for you.
- I've already had a surprise, the yacht.
- Close your eyes.
(Hayley giggles)
Close them.
- Okay.
Can I open them?
(acoustic guitar music)
¶ Simple but it's complicated ¶
¶ Conversation underrated ¶
¶ I could be your open book when you close ¶
¶ Tell me is it too impulsive ¶
¶ Asking you to stay till morning ¶
¶ It's a familiar feeling we all know ¶
¶ Now let's roll on out ¶
¶ And stay up talking shit all night ¶
¶ And climb the roof ¶
¶ And watch the world be set on fire ¶
¶ Break the rules ¶
¶ And look for things we shouldn't find ¶
¶ Inside ¶
¶ 'Cause lately ¶
¶ I been going crazy ¶
¶ I think this might've saved me ¶
¶ Exactly what I needed ¶ (laughing)
¶ I need it tonight, night ¶
¶ Tonight, night ¶
¶ I need tonight, night ¶
¶ Exactly what I needed ¶
¶ I need it tonight ¶
I didn't know you could do that.
(gulls cawing)
That was amazing.
- Aww.
I wrote it for you.
- Did you really?
(laughing)
Thank you.
(light music)
(sighs)
- I'm not using him.
- No.
Not for the nine course meals, the limo, yacht.
(laughs)
- All right, well when you put it like that,
you have a fair point, but Sash, I really like him.
- You do, don't you?
(laughing)
- That's why I can't tell him the truth, yet.
I can't tell him the truth yet.
- Well, it's not real until you do, you know that, right?
- Oh my god, what happened to the Hayley I know, huh?
The one who's a force of nature,
who's tough and strong and confident.
Student body president and never earned
less than a B in her life, huh?
Where'd she go?
'Cause the Hayley I know would never lie about who she is.
About her status or how hard she works for her dreams.
Baby girl, you have got too much going on inside.
You're better than this.
- I just don't know anymore.
- Oh my god, so you got a little banged up and bruised,
we all do.
(panting)
- Yeah.
I haven't gotten laid in months.
- Well there is that.
- I'm gonna keep going.
- Yeah, I'm not.
- Okay.
- Fair enough.
- Yeah, good luck with that.
- [Hayley] Thanks.
(groaning)
(phone ringing)
- So, that's basically it.
All I need is the startup capital.
- To cover what exactly?
- Well, I need an architect, for one.
- But you don't have the money to build the hotel.
- Well no. (laughs)
I mean I need to build the model first.
- And you would use the model to?
- Show the investors what the hotel might look like,
you know, so they'll invest in the build.
- A bigger model?
- Exactly, you know?
And I need money for market analysis,
and to put the prospectus together, and I mean--
- Couldn't you sorta do all this yourself?
- No, well, I mean, maybe if I had a computer.
- A computer.
- You know, and then in theory,
I can do some of those things.
Actually, heck, I could do all of those things.
This is true.
- Honestly.
Who doesn't have a computer?
Your main problem, Mr. Palazzo, is--
- Oh, oh, you can call me Andy.
I mean, we're past that point, right?
I can call you Tom.
- No.
Your main problem, Andy, is that you don't have assets.
Liability and collateral, and it would be impossible
for us to give you a loan.
Find someone to bankroll your startup capital
and get you going.
Thanks for coming in.
- When you say impossible, mm?
- Impossible.
Thanks for coming in.
- [Andy] Great, thank you.
I'm gonna go ahead and take a pen.
- Look, the answer is no, okay?
- Why not?
- Because I don't invest in friends' businesses.
I mean, eventually the friendship will suffer.
The business will fail.
- My business is not gonna fail.
- Why don't you ask Mr. Warner?
- It's Mr. Warren, and no, he's already done
way too much for me already.
- You got nothing to lose.
Besides, he might like it, I mean it's a good idea.
Just all about the presentation.
I tell you what I will do.
I've got the complete Adobe suite.
Photoshop, Illustrator, everything you need
to make a kickass presentation.
I'll help you with that, you can use my computer.
- Computer, I want you to invest in the company,
I want your money.
- It's not gonna happen, okay?
You can have my computer or nothing.
Oh, how's Holly doing?
- It's Hayley.
She's good.
- You guys done the Macarena?
- [Andy] No.
- Really?
That must be some kinda record for you.
(laughs)
- No, it's just, it's different with this one, man.
And it's a mutual thing, just there's no rush.
- You must really like this girl.
- Yeah.
Really, it's killing me.
I'm dying. (laughs)
- Hey, you got plans for Saturday?
- No.
- I got a couple tickets for the opera, you can have them.
- [Andy] The opera?
- Yeah, the opera.
Trust me, one night at the Met and you'll get laid.
- The opera.
- What?
All right, forget it.
- No, I'll take it.
- I'm gonna give 'em to someone else, forget it.
- I trust you, I just, the opera?
That's what's gonna turn her on?
- That will close the deal.
- Yes, I'm heading to the caterer right now.
I'm taking the corporate limo!
But nothing, I will talk to you later.
(light music)
Dumpty.
Dumpty!
Janine!
(light music)
- [Jessica] The opera is a cultural benchmark.
A sophisticated and elegant affair,
and although it can be emotionally overwhelming,
unlike a wide receiver in the end zone,
try and pretend like you've been there before.
(classical music)
(camera clicking)
(singing in foreign language)
(camera clicks)
- You wanna see it?
It's kinda cute.
- It's cute.
(laughs)
(speaking foreign language)
- Well, listen.
$40 million, that's a lot of renmimbes,
so let's just not screw this up.
(laughing)
(speaking foreign language)
Okay.
All right.
Okay, sorry.
Hi. - Hi.
You must be Andy.
- Hi, yeah.
How are you?
- Hi.
- I know we just met, and it's not my place to criticize,
but your Cantonese is bad.
- Mm, well then it was a good thing
I was speaking Mandarin, isn't it?
(laughing)
(mumbling)
(laughing)
- So, how was the opera for the first time?
This season. - Great.
- The first season.
- Yeah.
It was fun, brilliant, if anything.
Not as good as the Zepheretti we saw last year.
- The Zepheretti, right.
- Yeah, I love Zepheretti, he's amazing.
- Really? - You too.
Yeah, especially La Bohama, right?
- La Bohama is just-- - It's stunning.
Absolutely. - Maybe.
- Yeah.
- So, we didn't mean to disturb you,
but you had a business call, what do you do?
- Oh, a hedge fund manager.
- Oh, so you handle like, investments with you know,
with other people's money in different fields.
- Yes.
Yes, I do.
Primarily high risk VCs, you know,
thinking outside the box type stuff,
a lot of it very cutting edge.
It's not safe, so that is what makes it fun.
- [Andy] I've heard.
- She's important.
- Yeah.
(clears throat)
- And you, Andy, what exactly do you do?
- Oh, I'm hotel business, it's, I don't, it's a lot.
I mean, maybe if we, you know, talk later
I can give you more details.
But it's just, yeah, hotel business.
- Okay, well I'm bushed, so we'll talk later
about that hotel business, and you guys just
enjoy yourselves, 'cause I'm gonna sleep in your bedroom,
if that's okay.
- That's fine, anything that you need
is more than okay with me.
I just want you to get back on your feet.
- Yes, okay, got it, yes, uh-huh, thank you.
And yeah, you kids need anything,
just help yourselves.
- Did she just say that we could have
whatever we want in your house?
- Did she?
No.
Really?
(laughs)
Her sense of humor's really really strange,
but I find it funny.
Okay.
(sighs)
- I gotta come clean.
- Okay.
(sighs)
- I've never been to the opera.
(laughing)
- Oh my god.
That's not what I thought you were gonna say.
- [Andy] Whew, okay.
- Okay, but I actually do have something serious
to tell you, though.
I feel like I've been a little bit
misleading about something.
I don't know who Zepheretti is
and I've never heard of him...
What?
- No, I just told you that, no.
- Is the La Bohama thing, shh, is La Bohama a real thing?
- I don't know.
- I thought you knew what that was.
- It probably is.
Where's your bathroom?
(laughing)
- It's down there, to the right.
Okay.
Yeah, good.
(light music)
(sighs)
- I like this girl.
(sighs)
I really like this girl.
Don't let me down.
Sorry.
- Hey.
I was gonna go get us a drink.
(R&B music)
¶ Having shots, saying is that deep enough ¶
- I don't care.
(laughs)
¶ Seven minutes more gonna be seven too much ¶
¶ Dirty minds think alike, you ain't gotta say nothing ¶
¶ We made it to the floor, now we can't get up ¶
¶ Just move with me, get loose with me ¶
¶ Show me what you're gonna do ¶
¶ Come through it, pass through it ¶
¶ You some got facts, I got 'em too ¶
¶ You got me like oh, oh, oh, oh ¶
(moans)
(yawns)
- Good morning.
- Sorry, did I wake you?
- No.
- How come Sasha's in all these photos
and you're in none of 'em?
- Oh, that's just, it's a weird thing,
I just don't like posing for photos, like at all.
So she just stands in for me.
- [Andy] So these are your parents?
- [Hayley] Yep, yeah.
- You don't look anything like them.
(laughing)
- That's just, I think I look like
my grandfather George, god rest his soul.
- So this must be your husband.
- No, no.
That's Devon.
He's away on business, so, but you'll meet him.
- Oh.
So that means you're planning on
keeping me around for a while?
- I don't know, maybe.
Yeah.
(phone ringing)
- It's a call from the company, I gotta take this.
- [Hayley] Okay.
- [Andy] I'll be right back.
(exhales)
- Mr. Warren.
How are you sir?
- Are you in a bathroom?
- Look, I'm at the gym.
On the way to work.
- I don't really care where you are, I'm worried.
I've been doing the downward dog all morning,
and all I can think about is you
and why I haven't heard from you in two days.
Anything I should know about?
- No.
No, sir, everything is, it feels great.
(sighs)
- Have you heard from Roman about the acquisitions?
- No, sir.
But I've reached out multiple times.
(moaning)
- Well light some fire under their asses,
get this thing-- (loud moaning)
- Sir...
- Is everything okay?
(Andy sighs)
- Yeah.
Everything's good.
I just had a few wrinkles on a hotel acquisition.
- Oh, acquire a hotel?
- I have this idea. - Mm-hmm.
- Where I wanna create hotels that are more like apartments.
Instead of hotel rooms where the interior
the decor is casual, instead of room service
you're having a fridge in your place
with beer and hot pockets. (laughs)
Stuff like that.
And the staff, they're all your friends
and they're dressed in street clothes
instead of bell hop uniforms, and it's just a cool,
casual place that feels like home,
but it just happens to be a hotel.
Yeah, I'm gonna call it Crash Pad.
It's a bad idea.
- No.
Actually reminds me a little bit of something
that I'm working on.
- [Andy] Really?
- I want to open up a full service bar salon
that's more social.
- When you say full service.
(laughing)
- Shut up!
Seriously, like, when you go to get your hair done
or whatever at a salon, everyone's chatting,
they're gossiping, it's like communal,
but when you go to a spa, it's,
like to get a body scrub or a massage,
you're just so isolated.
So I wanna combine them both.
I wanna have like a bar and a buffet,
and just make it like a more social experience, I guess.
Kind of like Cheers but for women.
- So what are you gonna call it?
- Community Zen.
- Ah.
- Oh no, do you think I'm crazy?
- No.
I think you're zensational.
(laughing)
You see what I did there?
- Yeah.
Yeah, that's very clever.
(sighs)
I'm afraid of you.
- Good.
'Cause if you're falling for me half
as hard as I'm falling for you, then we're in big trouble.
(gentle music)
I wanna stay, trust me, I wanna stay.
- Okay.
Go acquire a hotel.
(laughs)
- Do you have any plans tomorrow?
- Did you have something in mind?
- Maybe.
I wanna take you somewhere.
And it requires skill.
- Okay.
- [Andy] We'll see if you're up to par.
- Oh.
(giggles)
- Oh, good morning, Princess.
(laughing)
Details, details, details, 'cause like,
Grandpa George, really?
- What was I supposed to do?
I'm not in any of the photos.
- And whose fault is that?
- Well we did not think that through.
I did not think that through.
(laughing)
- So did we give the American a good wank?
- [Hayley] Stop.
- Did we?
Come on, spill it.
- It was great.
It was amazing, it was amazing.
We were amazing, I mean, the whole thing
was just really amazing.
In like a lot of ways.
- Was it amazing?
- [Hayley] It was amazing.
- Yeah, I'm getting that.
- Yeah, you know last night with the opera talk?
Yeah, it was his first time at the opera.
- Oh, really? (laughing)
La Bohama my ass.
You're smitten.
- I am.
- Mm, that initial little pitter patter of feelings
that if we could just bottle up and sell,
we would be millionaires.
(laughing)
- Oh, I'm pathetic though, aren't?
- No, not exactly pathetic.
You're at the intersection of pathetic and cute.
(laughing)
And I'm happy for you, but you do know
that he thinks he's dating the owner and boss
of a series of spas.
- I know.
What am I gonna do?
- You gotta tell him.
- I can't!
- You gotta just spit it out.
Every pun intended.
(laughing)
- Oh my god.
- Oh, you ridiculous petulant little child.
God, whatever.
It's your life.
I'm gonna make us some tea.
- Okay.
- And you're gonna wash the sheets.
- Oh.
- [Sasha] No, seriously, wash the sheets.
- I'll wash the sheets.
- [Sasha] Yeah.
(light music)
- Here it comes, you ready?
Okay, you gotta keep your eye on the ball,
that's all I know what to tell ya.
- Okay.
- Hey, I got an idea.
Why don't you guys come and hang with us
at the beach house this weekend?
- Really?
- Yes.
Check in with Hayley, see if she's down with it.
- Yeah, but what about Ava?
I mean, does she know what's going on?
'Cause if we go, then I mean, you both are gonna have to--
- Lie about your professional life?
Look, I don't think she's gonna do that,
but I'll make sure she keeps her mouth shut.
- Okay.
Thanks, man. - Yeah.
Oh.
You're not so great at this.
- [Andy] Maybe one more.
- Yeah, let's go do a little putt putt golf.
Come on, Babe Ruth.
- I hate you.
(birds chirping)
(laughing)
- Real skill, huh?
- Hell yes.
(giggles)
- [Clerk] Hi, two for mini golf?
- Yes, please.
(camera clicks)
Learn to golf, and to golf well.
- Wait, did you just quote--
- Huh?
- Nevermind.
- Here's your score card.
- [Hayley] Thank you.
- You guys are so cute.
- Aww, appreciate that.
- You're cute.
(laughs)
- Yes, Mr. Dumpty.
(camera clicking) (laughing)
- Okay.
So, you can take it.
- Okay.
- So what you're gonna do
is you are going to move your arms.
- Uh-huh.
- And your shoulders.
- Right.
- Together, like a pendulum, okay?
- Okay.
- Gorgeous velvet pendulum.
- Okay, okay.
- Okay, you got it.
- Just watch and learn.
- Okay.
- Yeah, I learnt how to play golf
before you discovered pocket pool.
Just be grateful we're not on a real golf course
'cause I mean really embarrass you.
- Noted.
- Yeah, you'll be fine.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
(camera clicking)
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
There's no way this is right.
- Well, with the nine mulligans I gave you
and the penalty strikes that I did not add,
because you thought that getting your ball lost
in the windmill was penalty enough.
All of that is correct.
- Okay.
That it is.
- Traumatized?
- No.
Yes.
(laughing)
I just don't think I've ever been so thoroughly
emasculated in my entire life.
- I'm sorry.
- You're not sorry.
- No.
- Mm-mm. - Mm-mm.
- What are you doing tomorrow?
- Nothing I can't move around.
Why?
- 'Cause maybe I wanna see you.
- Yeah?
- Take you somewhere.
- Where?
- Definitely not mini golf.
(laughing)
- Yeah, we won't do mini golf anymore.
- Never again.
- No, it didn't make you look good.
- No.
It's messed up.
- Yeah.
(knocking)
- [Peter] Yeah.
- Peter.
How we doing?
- Fine, what do you have?
- This just came up from legal,
they said everything is copacetic,
but Mr. Warren would feel better if--
- Yeah, yeah.
I'll take a look, thank you.
Anything else?
(laughs)
- I wanna talk to you about an idea
that I've been working on.
- An idea?
- It's a new hotel chain.
- Do you know how much effort it takes
to make a proposal for a new hotel chain?
To even build one?
- I do.
But this is great.
- Look, everyone knows Mr. Warren sees something in you
that no one else sees.
But that'll take you so far.
It you got in this conversation.
But all due diligence, you gotta start hustling,
or this is how far you're gonna get.
(sighs)
Goodbye Andy.
- Mia?
- What?
- I was just wondering if you could give me some advice?
- On?
- I have this idea about starting up a spa, like yours.
- Well this should be interesting, go on.
- No, not, I mean, vastly different to yours,
like considerably different to yours,
but I was just, how did you start this place up?
Like did you get an LLC, where did you get
the startup funds for it?
- You do realize you're asking your current boss
how to start a business that will
directly compete with hers?
- Oh no no.
Oh no, it's just a hypothetical, it's not--
- Should I start looking for your replacement?
- No.
No, definitely not.
'Cause I'm asking for the future, like a galaxy far away.
Not now is what I'm saying, like not now at all.
So, I really appreciate the advice.
Have a lovely weekend.
Just not now, is, yeah.
(laughing)
- I hope you guys are ready for an amazing weekend
at the beach.
Andy, thanks for the limo.
- No no, it's the least that we can do.
- Honey, did I tell you?
Andy's company's picking up the limo ride for us.
- Isn't that a personal expense, though?
Are your shareholders okay with that?
- How many shareholders is it that you have?
I forget.
- Honey, we don't wanna talk about this boring stuff
when there's a lot of expensive champagne to be drinking.
- No champagne, no champagne, no shop talk,
let's just sit back and enjoy the ride.
- Okay, okay.
(light music)
- Come on in, make yourselves at home.
- Wow, this is your house?
- [Blake] No, technically it's our house.
- (Woman speaking foreign language)
Something what do you guys wanna do?
- I wanna get some sun.
- Oh yeah, you could us a little sun
on that pasty white butt of yours.
(laughing)
- [Hayley] Wow, that pool is amazing.
- Listen, why don't you guys just chill out a little bit
and we'll go and have some dinner, okay?
- And I have an idea for tomorrow, so let's talk.
(light music)
- This guy, right?
(laughs)
- What?
- What, what?
What, you know what.
- You're smitten over her.
Not that I blame you, she's adorable.
- You're falling for this girl.
- Fallen, this is past tense.
- Really?
- Yeah, that was fast.
- I know, I'm sold.
- Good for you.
- Somebody's a little P-whipped.
Right, Mr. P. Whipped over here.
(Andy laughs)
We got Mr. P. Whip--
- It's the accent, it's priceless.
- No, it's just, she's everything I wanna be.
- What, like a fraud and a liar?
- Wow.
- Come on, I'm just saying, when you gonna
tell her the truth?
- I don't know.
I mean, maybe when I feel like I'm not gonna lose her
when she finds out.
- You'll never know until you tell her the truth.
You're not the first guy to do something stupid
because you wanna impress a girl.
- What are you talking about?
(laughing)
Was she looking at me?
Huh?
(groans)
- Jeez.
(birds chirping)
Andy, what is going on?
I have left you over 20 messages.
Call me immediately.
(sighs)
(upbeat music)
¶ Deep down in the jungle ¶
¶ Where the wild grass grows high ¶
¶ Where life is a miracle ¶
¶ And they never really ask why ¶
¶ Can I get a ride down there ¶
¶ Need a bit of action, I know ¶
¶ Take me to the danger ¶
¶ Show me how the party goes ¶
¶ Oh ¶
¶ You have come too far away from home ¶
- I cannot believe me talked him into
taking dance lessons right now.
- You've had a few drinks, we're gonna have a good time.
- Thank god we've had drinks.
(laughing)
- You're okay with this?
- Are you kidding?
This is awesome.
Come on, let's go.
Let's go.
Come on!
¶ Shake it up into the night ¶
¶ Time to dance my life away ¶
¶ Shake it up into the night ¶
¶ Remember the days I prayed for what I have now ¶
¶ Ivy league law friends, dreams and cocktails ¶
¶ Sharing the mussels, the good times and the best times ¶
¶ What's in us is stronger than what's there to defeat us ¶
¶ And oh-ey-oh ¶
¶ We only get one chance at this single life ¶
¶ Oh-ey-oh ¶
¶ Chase out there your dreams till you feel alive ¶
(sighs)
- Hey.
- Hmm?
- We're home.
Hey.
We're gonna step out, guys, this is us.
- Okay.
- I had a great time, had a great time.
Have fun.
- Thanks for everything, buddy.
- Thank you again.
- [Ava] Good night.
- Good night.
(yawns)
(engine starts)
(light music)
- I don't want this weekend to end.
- Yeah.
It doesn't have to.
- Really?
- Have you ever had a Neapolitan orgasm?
- It's always been on my to do list.
(laughing)
- Well, some would call it Italian food.
- Yeah, I'd like to do that.
- Gary.
Take us Patsy's.
(acoustic guitar music)
¶ I miss you ¶
¶ More and more ¶
(clapping)
- Wow.
Italian orgasm of the soul indeed.
- Oh, but it's not Italian, it's,
Tony, will you remind her what this is?
- It's Neapolitan.
Chef Boyardee in a can is Italian food.
Sal isn't with us this evening.
However, I would like to present to you both
a copy of his latest book.
May our recipes become your family dinners.
- So nice of you, thank you.
(speaks foreign language)
(laughing)
- Get it?
I crack myself up.
- It's our first communal property.
(laughs)
Come here.
Thank you.
For dinner, and for this weekend.
Okay, I'm gonna go use the lady's, I'll be right back.
- Tony, can I get the check, please?
Here you go, my friend. - Ah.
(suspenseful music)
- I am sorry, but...
- I'm assuming this meal has nothing to do
with official hotel business.
Am I wrong in that assumption?
- What are you doing here?
- Just making sure Mr. Warren knows
that you are not to be trusted.
Oh, you would never use the company credit card, would you?
- Oh.
I'm so sorry, that was a mistake.
I'm gonna go ahead and leave cash, thanks.
- Give my regards to your girlfriend.
And I hope you brought enough cash.
(chuckles)
I can't wait for Mr. Warren to come home.
Limos, yachts, expensive dinners?
Dumpty Dumpty.
The point is, you're in a lot of trouble!
- Hey.
- [Andy] Hey.
- You okay?
- Yeah, everything's--
- Are we good, are we set?
- Yeah, I just, why don't you meet me in the limo?
And yeah, I wanna do one more thing.
- Okay.
Don't forget that.
- I'm not going to.
(laughs)
(light music)
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
- Gary, take us home.
(sighs)
- Thank you for dinner.
- You're welcome.
I'm sorry, come here.
Kevin.
Good morning.
We should talk.
- Not a good day for you, Dumpty.
I just got off a Skype call with Mr. Warren.
And Gina, up in accounting, all those expenses
that you've rung up?
(exhaling)
- What are you doing?
- [Kevin] I'm trying to whistle.
- That's not a whistle.
- That's not the point.
The card, please?
Thank you.
Mr. Warren would like you to go home,
and he will deal with you when he returns.
- Kevin, you're not--
- I don't wanna hear it.
- You can't fire me.
- That's correct.
But I can suspend you, and that's what I'm doing right now.
- Just because I--
- Just because!
Corporate fraud is not a just because.
You have always been a world class slacker,
but congratulations.
You have just graduated to an epic screw-up, and a criminal.
If it was up to me I would send you to jail today,
but Mr. Warren insisted that he takes care of it himself.
But don't fret, Dumpty.
We'll survive just fine without the lackluster services
of our hotel greeter.
- A hotel greeter?
- Oh yes.
And a bad one at that.
- Ooh, what's he talking about, Andy?
- [Andy] Nothing, he's just--
- You told you were the manager.
(laughs)
- He did?
Oh, that's funny.
(laughing)
That's funny.
Because I'm the manager.
- Is that true?
(sighs)
- Yes.
- You lied to me?
(crying)
(solemn music)
- Hayley, wait.
- Don't touch me!
- Okay.
I'm sorry, but, you gotta let me explain.
- Explain what?
Explain what, Andy?
Every single moment that you and I have spent together
has been a lie.
- I wanted to tell you the truth, but--
- [Hayley] But?
- But I thought you would leave me, okay?
I thought that--
- [Hayley] You thought that what, Andy?
- That you're this insanely beautiful,
successful businesswoman and I'm a loser.
Okay, tell me you didn't fall in love with my Am Ex card.
Tell me that you fell in love with the schmuck
who cries like a infant at the opera
and accidentally eats flowers.
Tell me you don't care that I'm a flat broke greeter
who lives in a 200 square foot apartment.
I know you would never lie, and I would never
stoop this low, but I didn't think
that you would fall for me if I,
if I wasn't as successful as you were.
And that was wrong.
But I am in love with you.
- I don't know you.
- Hayley, come on.
(solemn music)
(crying)
- Dress to impress.
Bollocks!
(sobbing)
- It's gonna be a great day.
A great day.
(light music)
¶ Thinking tomorrow that I'll see your face ¶
¶ So sorry that I let you go ¶
¶ And the memory of your kiss still haunts me at night ¶
¶ But I'm not with you babe ¶
¶ Lost is what I feel ¶
¶ When you take me to your house ¶
(water running)
¶ And words cannot describe as ¶
¶ I kiss your lips goodbye ¶
¶ Lost is what I feel ¶
(alarm buzzing)
¶ When you take me to your house ¶
¶ And words cannot describe as ¶
¶ I kiss your lips goodnight ¶
¶ When I kiss your lips goodbye ¶
¶ Goodbye ¶
¶ Oh, oh ¶
(knocking)
(laughing)
- Hey, what's going on?
- Who are you?
(laughing)
- I'm the guy whose door you knocked on.
- I'm Andy.
I'm looking for Hayley, she lives here.
- Yeah, I guess you could say that.
But she went out with Sasha, she's not here right now.
(laughing)
- I'm sorry, I recognize you.
You're that guy from the pictures in her room.
- I'm Devon.
Oh, I know exactly, all right, cool.
I know who you are.
She's gonna be back in a little bit, you wanna come in?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Come on in.
- Okay.
(sighs)
- So, it's poker night.
Make yourself comfortable, have a seat.
- Oh, I don't wanna...
- This is Doc, Dopito, Bashful, and Grumpy.
- Why do I gotta be Dopito?
- Because you look like a Mexican.
- That's a little racist.
- This is Hayley's friend.
- Andy. - Andy.
- Nice shirt, man.
Who's Hayley?
- Freeloader who lives in Sasha's closet.
- Let's be nice, all right.
Helping out a friend, thank you.
- Sure.
Why did he just say that?
- He's a little banged up, who knows what he says
half the time, don't worry about it.
- All right.
Can we?
- Can we smoke in here?
- No.
I told you that like a couple minutes ago.
You want Sasha to freak?
- Well how am I supposed to play poker
and drink without smoking?
- My apartment, my rules.
(laughing)
- Hey, what do you mean--
- So with Hayley, I think that maybe
if you just give her a little bit of time--
- Honestly, I mean, it sucks.
Next time we're not gonna play at your place.
This is like a nunnery.
(laughing)
- Feels like you keep saying your place.
- [Dopito] It's a place where nuns are made.
- Don't worry about it.
First of all, it's also where his ex-wife buys his weed,
so there we go, right?
(laughing)
- I'm gonna throw up.
- Oh, dude, dude, dude, right through the hallway,
first door on the right.
- See, it wasn't so bad.
- I mean, the drinks were really good.
- Hey babe.
- [Devon] Hey honey, we have a guest.
- So, what exactly did you mean
when you said that this is your house?
- Andy?
(scoffs)
- [Andy] Hi.
What do you mean you live here?
- Okay, this is when you spit it out.
- It's theirs, okay?
I haven't been entirely honest with you either.
(solemn music)
- Why would you tell me this was your place?
- It means I don't exactly have my own place right now.
- And?
(sighs)
- And I'm not a consultant.
I'm a shampoo girl.
And a failure, and now a fraud, apparently.
So that's good.
(vomiting) (shouting)
- [Sasha] Poker game over.
- Yes. - Yeah.
- [Hayley] I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- [Sasha] No worries, no worries, you'll clean it up.
- [Andy] I'm sorry.
- [Devon] I think it might be time to leave.
- [Andy] Yeah, I'm sorry.
We were just lying to each other.
You know what?
(solemn music)
I wanted to love you.
I still wanna love you.
Maybe one day we can, but
not until we find the courage to love ourselves as we are.
Just not someone else.
This is embarrassing.
I'm gonna go.
- Okay.
- Look, it's not the end of the world, right?
- Oh. (laughs)
Probably gonna get fired from my job
and I just lost a girl that I thought
I was gonna spend the rest of my life with,
but it doesn't feel like it.
- Well, my point is, she's never gonna see you again.
- Wait, that's my point.
- No, I'm agreeing with your point,
I'm just saying, she's not gonna see you again
because you lied to her.
- So?
- So you don't need to be embarrassed
that you threw up at her friend's house,
that's not the reason it didn't work out.
- You are just a huge help.
- Look, do you ever wanna see this chick again?
You don't even know her.
- I just really thought I loved her.
- You thought you loved her or you loved the idea of her?
- I don't know, whatever it is, I miss it.
Just wish I would have never read that damn book.
- What book?
- Sasha, I think there was something real there.
Under the lies and all that deception
and everything we both did, I think it was real.
Oh god, I must be crazy.
- Yes, you are.
(laughing)
But so was he, and maybe you both being crazy
is why you're perfect for each other.
- If we were perfect for each other
we wouldn't have lied, though.
- Well, I wouldn't be too hard on yourself.
You were just (clears throat) following instructions.
- Jessica.
- Yes.
- You know, I think my copy was broken.
- Is there security?
- No no, no.
Don't worry.
Don't worry, I'm leaving.
But thank you for nothing.
- I'm so sorry.
That may have been my fault.
You don't know me, I'm Hayley, hi.
I met you at a book signing a few months ago,
and yeah, I'm pretty sure that was me.
Sorry.
- Do you know him?
- I do.
He's my ex.
- Oh, well your ex didn't like my book very much,
he burned it, dumped it on my desk,
and told me it was broken.
- Your book.
- [Jessica] Was.
- I see that.
Sorry again.
We've both been reading your book and following your advice.
We did do that.
Where we sort of projected to be successful
like we're wanting to be, but we're not really, and--
- Yes, you read it wrong.
- What?
- It's project success in business not in love.
(light music)
- Is there any way you wanna go get a drink?
I'd love to just talk to you and maybe get some advice.
- You know what, I could use a drink.
- Really?
- Yes.
- Well.
- Yes, and the first one's on me.
- Thank you, 'cause I'm broke.
- I don't care that you spent $20,000
of the company's money.
I don't care that you committed
what amounts to corporate fraud.
What I do care about is that I gave you
an opportunity and you squandered it.
What I do care about is that I saw potential in you
that was never really there.
What I care about is that I wasted 15 years on you.
Now you have to find a way to help yourself.
Help yourself grow, I can no longer help you.
You're fired.
See yourself out.
- Sir, I understand.
I would fire me too.
(solemn music)
But I am incredibly grateful for
everything that you've done for me.
And, well, there's nothing I can say to let you know
how sorry I am that I've let you down, and let myself down.
- I got work to do.
(dialing phone)
- I'm coming back.
But I'm not coming back as your clerk.
I'm gonna come back as your partner.
And I'm gonna show you.
(hangs up phone)
Grandma, you are a life saver.
(light music)
- Hi.
I'm Hayley, nice to meet you both.
Okay, so my idea is to combine a spa and a salon.
¶ Conversation, said I'm lost in a mood ¶
¶ I didn't drink, I think I'm wasted on you ¶
¶ I'll never last, never feel like I can run, hey ¶
¶ We light the fire then we pull out the plug ¶
¶ There's no incandescent ¶
¶ Inside the tattoo's permanent, here to stay ¶
¶ There's no incandescent ¶
¶ Inside the tattoo as we feel, I'm here to stay ¶
¶ Even if I meet you tomorrow ¶
¶ I'll be here to wake you up in the morning ¶
¶ And dance with you until nightfall ¶
¶ It's today and the day and the day after that ¶
¶ I'll stay with you tomorrow ¶
¶ Good night into good morning ¶
¶ We pick up our love as we trust fall ¶
¶ It's today and the day and the day after that ¶
¶ I'll stay with you ¶
¶ The king of hearts is being dealt on my sleeve ¶
¶ It is no card with the hand of its queen ¶
¶ If you're afraid to jump then how will you ever fall ¶
¶ There's no shame in loving this deeply ¶
¶ There's no incandescent ¶
¶ Inside the tattoo as we feel ¶
¶ I'm here to stay ¶
¶ Even if I meet you tomorrow ¶
¶ I'll be here to wake you up in the morning ¶
¶ And dance with you until nightfall ¶
¶ It's today and the day and the day after that ¶
¶ I'll stay with you tomorrow ¶
- Man, I've been working on that thing for eight months.
- Listen, Crash Pad is a great idea.
- Yeah.
Now that's out of my hands all I can think about is her.
- Well.
It's been inspiring watching you work on something so hard.
And listen, good things happen to good people, right?
You keep your heart in the right place
you're gonna get everything.
You get the girl and the job.
You deserve it.
- [Andy] Thanks man.
(insects chirping)
(bangs)
(knocking)
- What are you doing here, Andy?
- I would love to see Mr. Warren.
- Come in.
Make yourself comfortable, and I'll go grab him.
Listen, don't tell him that I'm telling you this,
but he really wanted you to come visit for Christmas,
we both did.
(sighs)
- Yeah.
I'm sorry I missed it.
- Go ahead, go sit down.
(exhales)
(exhaling)
- What's that?
- How are you, sir?
That.
- Spit it out, Andy.
- Yes sir.
It's your 50th hotel.
And it's my first.
Of many.
- I have no time for games, Andy.
- I understand.
I'm not here to play games.
- Sit down.
- Mr. Warren, I need to apologize.
- I know that you're sorry, Andy,
you don't need to apologize.
- Dude.
I mean, you've been incredibly gracious to my family and I.
You've been like a second father.
You deserve more respect and more gratitude
than I obviously can give to you.
Now I'm just--
- I appreciate that, Andy, thank you.
Now shut the hell up and show me what's in this case.
(laughs)
- I'd like to present to you
Crash Pad Incorporated,
by Andrew Palazzo. (laughs)
And look, I mean, the projected revenue
from the first quarter is there, and you know,
if you flip here, actually, sorry.
But wait.
There's more.
I'd like you to take a stroll through the hotel.
I've created an idea to make a hotel feel like home.
Like an apartment.
The interior, it's casual, it's friendly,
it's affordable, I mean, we have a staff
that dresses in street clothes
rather than bell hop uniforms,
and the refrigerators are filled with beer
and hot pockets, if they want,
and I want a home away from home.
That's the Crash Pad.
I put my heart into this, Mr. Warren,
and I feel like it can work.
And I mean, I--
- Scotch?
- No, I'm...
I'm off booze.
Yeah.
A home away from home.
- It's very very risky.
- No, Mr. Warren, I--
- Stop.
It's also brilliant.
(laughs)
The hotel VCs are tight asses.
They don't like to stray too far off the comfort zone,
so if this is gonna happen, it has to be outside the box.
Investors with balls.
- Mr. Warren--
- Sebastian.
Sebastian.
If we're gonna be business partners,
it's gotta be on a first name basis.
- Sir.
Thank you.
(laughs)
- Here we are.
To the first step.
(glasses clink)
- To the first step.
(giggles)
Remind me again what the next step is?
(laughing)
- We find a company to partner with.
- Mm-hmm.
- Someone who will be the perfect fit for the spa.
Well aren't you happy?
- Oh, I am.
I just miss him.
- So call him.
- No, I can't.
I have to drag myself out first.
If it's meant to be we'll find each other again,
but this takes priority.
- Good girl.
(glasses clink)
- Nice suit.
Shiny.
- Thank you.
- Dude, you fart?
- That was me.
I'm sorry.
Not on purpose.
(light music) (birds chirping)
(typing)
(phone ringing)
- Hey babe.
Nothing.
I'm stocking conditioner.
Yes, it's riveting.
What?
(screaming)
We did it!
They said yes, they said yes!
They said yes!
- What is going on with the screaming?
What is happening?
- They said yes!
- I don't care.
Who said yes to what?
Your behavior is completely unacceptable.
- You know what Mia?
Blow it out of your ass.
Shove it in your face.
I'm out, bitches!
They said yes!
(light music)
(power tools whirring)
So construction starts when?
- A few months from now.
Tonight is just a groundbreaking party,
you know, a chance for everyone to meet each other.
- [Hayley] I cannot believe that this is happening.
- Well, I can.
Because you deserve it.
(chuckling)
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
- [Hayley] I can't see.
- I know, good good good, right here.
And
right here.
- It's beautiful.
- [Sasha] That's because it's yours.
- Thank you.
(sighs)
Sasha.
- Hmm?
- What's this hotel called?
- What is this hotel called, you know,
that is a really good question.
- [Andy] You know, I thought I said that.
- You know what, you did.
I'm gonna go find some more liquid food.
- Thanks Sasha.
- [Sasha] You're welcome.
- What, you don't remember the name?
- [Hayley] Crash Pad?
- Yeah.
- [Hayley] How did you do this?
- With a lot of help.
Some good advice, and some bad.
And Mr. Warren.
- We like Mr. Warren.
(laughing)
When I found out we were gonna have the space for a spa,
I knew a little someone that had some wonderful ideas,
just hadn't got the opportunities yet.
It was true.
Us.
When you said that everything we ever had together
was a lie, that wasn't true either, because
the moment you came through those doors,
I fell in love with you.
(light music)
And I know I did some--
- Shut up and kiss me.
Show me Crash Pad.
- [Andy] Okay. (Hayley laughs)
¶ Simple but it's complicated ¶
¶ Conversation underrated ¶
¶ I could be your open book when you're closed ¶
¶ Tell me is it too impulsive ¶
¶ Asking you to stay till morning ¶
¶ It's a familiar feeling we all know ¶
¶ Let's roll on out ¶
¶ We'll stay up talking shit all night ¶
¶ And climb the roof and watch the world be set on fire ¶
¶ Break the rules and look for things we shouldn't find ¶
¶ Tonight ¶
¶ 'Cause lately ¶
¶ I been going crazy ¶
¶ I think this might've saved me ¶
¶ Exactly what I needed ¶
¶ I need it tonight ¶
¶ Yeah ¶
¶ I need it tonight ¶
¶ Yeah ¶
¶ Spend a little time that's wasted ¶
¶ We can jump into the pool we can get naked ¶
¶ You wanna take it too far, that's where we'll go ¶
¶ Let's roll on out ¶
¶ We'll stay up talking shit all night ¶
¶ And climb the roof and watch the world be set on fire ¶
¶ Break the rules and look for things we shouldn't find ¶
¶ Tonight ¶
¶ 'Cause lately ¶
¶ I been going crazy ¶
¶ I think this might've saved me ¶
¶ Exactly what I needed ¶
¶ I need it tonight ¶
¶ Yeah ¶
¶ I need it tonight ¶
¶ Yeah ¶
¶ I need it tonight ¶
¶ Yeah ¶
¶ 'Cause lately ¶
¶ I been going crazy ¶
¶ I think this might've saved me ¶
¶ Exactly what I needed ¶
¶ Yeah ¶
¶ I need it tonight ¶
¶ Yeah ¶
¶ I need it tonight ¶
¶ Yeah ¶
¶ I need it tonight ¶
¶ Yeah ¶
¶ I need it tonight ¶