不靠谱实验室 翻译制作
翻译 馋死我辣 Frank
荷兰欢迎 杰里米·克拉克森 理查德·哈蒙德 果酱制造·梅
校对 Frank 馋死我辣
总监 Frank
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大家好 Hello, everybody.
你好 谢谢 Hello. Thank you.
大家好 Hello.
谢谢大家 Thank you.
非常感谢 Thank you so much.
大家好 欢迎大家来到GT的录制现场 Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Grand Tour,
这一周 我们来到了荷兰 which, this week, comes from the Netherlands.
我们实际上创造了一个记录 We're setting something of a record, actually,
因为我们是第一批来荷兰过周末的三个英国人 cos we are the first three British men ever to come here for a weekend
并且还没有在妓女身上呕吐出来 and not vomit on a prostitute.
实际上 我们很喜欢来到荷兰 Actually, we love coming to Holland.
船长是...有他自己的独特理由 James for his... for his own reasons.
我喜欢荷兰的原因是以为 不开玩笑 荷兰人民是世界上身高最高的 And I like it because the Dutch are officially the tallest people on earth.
这是事实 没错 It's true. True fact.
没错 我就很不喜欢这里 我受够了... Yes, and I hate it here. I'm sick of... -
我受够了在这整天只能看人肚脐眼的日子 I'm sick of staring at belly buttons all day.
我在这里唯一的问题就是 说话不能用'swaffelen'这个词 The only problem I do have here is that I'm not allowed to use the word "swaffelen".
是啊 Yeah.
而你刚刚把这词说出去了 是吧 Well, you just did, didn't you?
问题是 这个词 在荷兰是一个真心很粗俗的词 No, the thing is, OK, it is a really bad word here,
我不知道为什么 and I have no idea why.
-这词是什么意思啊 What does it mean? -它的意思是... It means...
意思就是你手拿自己的丁丁 It means to bang your gentleman sausage...
然后猛敲泰姬陵的侧墙 ...on the side of the Taj Mahal.
上帝啊 Oh, God!
不要在意细节 大家注意... Anyway, listen. Erm...
我们现在的位置是鹿特丹 很棒的城市 We're in Rotterdam, which is a marvellous city, in fact,
原因是城市中实行了车辆禁行政策 because you aren't allowed to bring a car into the city -
如果你拥有92年以前产的汽油车 禁止进城 a petrol car - if it was built before 1992.
如果你驾驶的是2000年前产的柴油车 想进城也是不可能 You aren't allowed to bring a diesel car into the city if it was built before 2000,
也就是说 你永远不会在这座城市里被穷人堵在路上 which means you're never held up by poor people.
真的吗 Really?
关于荷兰我们还有什么可说的呢 What else can we say about the Dutch?
哦 对了 感谢你们为世界贡献了测速探头这一伟大发明 Oh, of course, you gave the world speed cameras.
可不是 Oh, yeah.
所以我感谢你们一家门啊 So thank you very much for that.
谢谢啊 Thank you.
别这么说 实际上 我还真是更情愿 No, actually, I'd far rather be pulled over
被荷兰的警察截停 而不是一个破测速探头 by the actual Dutch police rather than a speed camera,
因为 我的个老天 警察叔叔们长的真帅啊 cos, boy, oh, boy, do these guys look good.
我们这里有张照片 We've got a picture here.
我很想看一下女警穿这套警察制服的样子啊 I would very much like to see a lady policeman in an outfit like that.
看样子右边那哥们已经看过制服女警了呢 It looks like the guy on the right already has.
我们可以开始节目了吗...朋友 Shall we get on with the show... man?
是啊 说得好 Yes, good idea. Er...
接下来就是我们本周节目的内容... And coming up in our programme about cars this week...
我试着拽一匹骆驼 I try to pull a camel.
快点 过来啊 Come on. Come on.
一头驴试着拽走船长 A donkey pulls James.
而哈蒙德则陷入了一次奶牛"爱情" And Richard gets stuck in a cow orgy.
我现在真的好方 I-I really am alarmed.
但首先 这两个人在办公室里时就有过一些争论 But first, there's been a bit of an argument in the office between these two.
哈蒙德坚称 You see, Richard maintains
马自达MX-5才是最好的运动跑车 that the Mazda MX-5 is all the sports car you would ever need.
-因为它本来就是 Because it is. -呵呵 但是船长说不是 Mm-hm. But James says it isn't.
因为它本来就不是 Because it isn't.
于是他们两个决定一探究竟 So we decided they should sort it out
前往世界上当之无愧的运动跑车测试场 by going to the obvious proving ground for all sports cars:
北非 North Africa.
马拉喀什 摩洛克
就是它了 This is it,
有史以来最畅销双座敞篷小跑的最新款式 the latest version of the bestselling two-seater roadster of all time.
不难看出为何畅销 And it's easy to see why.
小巧且充沛的引擎位于前部 Peppy little engine at the front,
中间放置了两个座位和敞篷 驱动轮位于后方 two seats in the open air in the middle, rearwheel drive.
这就是运动跑车的最佳配方 It's the perfect sports-car recipe.
不过在这辆新款车型上 But layered on top of that in this new version
你还可以拥有空调 加热座椅 you get air conditioning, heated seats,
车道保持 巡航定速 lane-departure assist, cruise control,
感应雨刷 自动的头灯 rain-sensing wipers, dusk-sensing headlamps.
简直不能再好更多啊 You just can't do any better.
额 你可以 因为所有你提到的那些豪华装备 Well, you can, actually, because all of those luxury items you're mentioning now,
它们只是徒增重量 这也就丢掉了一辆运动跑车的灵魂 they just add weight, and they mean it isn't a true sports car any more.
-明明就是最好的 Yes, it is. -才不是呢哼 No, it isn't.
科林·查普曼 他是莲花品牌的创始人 Colin Chapman, he was the bloke who founded Lotus,
他说一辆跑车的灵魂就是简约和轻量化 he said the ethos of a sports car is simplify and add lightness.
他可没说要先简约 然后再加一个电动车窗啊 He didn't say you simplify and add electric windows.
是啊 然后他就把他所有的家当都交给了一个叫德罗恩的毒贩子 Yep, and then he gave all his money away to a drug dealer called John DeLorean.
*这位毒贩子设计制造了电影回到未来中著名的时光机器DMC-12 但是后来他因涉毒被FBI抓获 并且发现毒资中有一部分来自莲花的创始人
这个 女士们先生们 才是纯正的运动跑车 This, ladies and gentlemen, is what it's actually about.
它的名字叫Zenos This is called the Zenos.
你有四个轮子 你有个座位 再加上一台引擎 这些就够了 You get four wheels, you get somewhere to sit, an engine, and that's it.
纯粹的运动跑车 It's a sports car.
说得好 如果下雨怎么办 Yeah. What do you do if it rains?
那肯定是要被淋湿了 Well, you'd get wet.
如果你想听收音机怎么办 What if you want to listen to the radio?
我为什么非要在驾驶这辆车时听广播呢 Why would I want to listen to the radio around here?
它有暖风吗 Does it have a heater?
没有 No.
你这车有窗户吗 Has it got windows?
听着 如果你买了一双足球鞋 Look, if you buy a football boot,
你可不会指望穿它去跳芭蕾舞吧 对吧 you don't expect it to be usable as a ballet shoe, do you?
但是马自达就发明了一双你可以穿去听歌剧的足球鞋 But Mazda has invented a football boot that you can wear to the opera.
听好 我可以保证 如果你穿这双"鞋"去听歌剧... Look, I can guarantee that if you wear that shoe to the opera house...
就在此时 导演大人说 At this point, the director said
他听够了我们唠叨有关鞋子的话题 he'd heard enough about shoes for one day...
并且叫我们赶紧出发 ...and told us to go for a drive.
好吧 现在鼹鼠和他的"豪华跑车"已经走开了 Right, now I'm away from Hammond's luxury sports car resort,
让我来给各位说说这辆出色的汽车 let me tell you a little bit about this remarkable car.
它搭载了一台2.0升涡轮增压引擎 It's powered by the 2L turbocharged engine
从福克斯ST身上借来的 能输出250匹马力 from the Ford Focus ST, giving 250 horsepower.
发动机位于中部 差不多就在我脑后的位置 That's mounted in the middle, right behind my head there,
通过一台干脆凌厉的老派六速手动变速箱 driving the rear wheels through a no-nonsense,
直接驱动着后轮向前飞奔 old-school six-speed gearbox.
250匹马力 这个数字在现在看来也许不是啥大手笔 Now, 250 horsepower doesn't sound like a huge amount in the modern world,
但是这辆车 有一个铝制的车架 but this car, made with an aluminium spine
复合材料制成的驾驶舱 所有的重量全加起来 and composite tub, and all the rest of it,
车子总重小于750千克 weighs less than three quarters of a tonne,
所以它是真心很快啊 不信你看... so it is genuinely quick. Look...
它发出的声音就像是 未来某种靠反物质驱动的推进器的噪音 It makes the noise of some futuristic propulsion system powered by antimatter.
赞 风驰电掣啊 Yes! Electrifying!
船长生活的世界是手机和照相机分别是两个物件 James comes from a world where he wants his phone and his camera separate.
"人家喜欢用纸写日记呢" "I like a paper diary."
我的马自达则是智能手机 它包揽一切 This Mazda is a smartphone. It does everything.
看上去就很美 质量出奇的可靠 并且还很快 It looks brilliant, it will be endlessly reliable, it's fast,
车子在头枕的位置上设有扬声器 操控性也很优秀 it's got speakers in the headrests, and it handles well.
并且你花1.85万英镑就可以买一辆MX-5 And you can get an MX-5 from £18,500.
*按翻译制作时汇率 约合16万人民币
船长的车起价就要3.3万 James's car starts at £33,000,
*按翻译制作时汇率 约合28.5万人民币
结果这些钱连个车门都买不到 and you don't even get doors!
我家的窝棚都有个门呢 My shed has got doors.
我给我家猫做窝都装个门呢 I furnish my cats with doors.
人们是需要门的 You need doors.
我猜他开那车现在一定被颠到死了 I bet he's being shaken to death in that thing.
我猜 鼹鼠猜我现在已经被颠死了 I bet Hammond thinks I'm being shaken to death in here,
但是他猜错了 but actually he's wrong,
因为这辆车跟BAC Mono或者Radical不同 because this isn't like a BAC Mono or a Radical.
虽然很明显这辆车的属性是赛道用车 It is obviously very much a car for taking on the track,
但是它已经被调教成了日常使用的设定 but it's been tuned for road use.
坐着感觉很柔软 It's quite supple.
看到没 See? Look.
颠簸 完全没事 Bump. It's all right.
我很放松 I'm very relaxed.
终于 我们靠边停车喝咖啡 Eventually, we pulled over for a cup of coffee
并且针对车门引发了更多的争论 and a bit more arguing about doors.
不要因为古人在12世纪时在什么教堂上都装了门 Just because they had them in the 12th century on cathedrals, whatever,
生活在现代的你就一定要还留着门这个东西 Doesn't mean you have to have them now.
不要成为陈规旧习的奴隶啊 Don't be a slave to convention.
但是12世纪的人是不是依旧长了眼皮啊 But people had eyelids in the 12th century,
现在可没人说"把眼皮给切掉把 那也是陈规旧习" and nobody's deciding, "Let's get rid of those, they're old hat."
"大事不好 眼睛进沙子了 我也无法睡觉了" "Oh, no! I've got dust in my eyes and I can't sleep."
你这就是纯抬杠 哈蒙德 你明明知道我什么意思 That's completely facile, Hammond. You know exactly what I mean.
门...Riva快艇就没有门啊 The door... I mean, Riva speedboats don't have doors.
未必吧... You don't say...
这地方真不赖 是吧 This is lovely, isn't it?
你在这里做什么 What are you doing here?
额 有人说你们俩在这净说废话 Well, word reached me that you two were talking rubbish.
你什么意思"净说废话" What do you mean, "rubbish"?
额 如果你们要找最好的运动跑车 Well, if you want the best sports car,
你肯定不会选马自达或者Zenos啊 你会选 you don't want a Mazda or a Zenos. You want--
上帝啊 他带了辆阿尔法罗密欧 Oh, God. He's brought an Alfa Romeo.
没错 我肯定选阿尔法 Yes, of course I have.
阿尔法罗密欧4C 敞篷版 Alfa Romeo 4C Spider.
这才是我心中的运动跑车 This is what I'm talking about.
一场碳纤维的音乐会 A symphony in carbon fibre.
平衡的化身 Balance personified.
电影毕业生的升级版 The Graduate updated.
*根据查尔斯·韦伯的同名小说改编而成 看封面貌似很香艳
一辆迷你法拉利 和邦尼兔一样可爱 A mini Ferrari, as cute as a bunny rabbit,
并且还缀有世界上最伟大的品牌... with the greatest badge in the history of mo--
你这车多少钱 How much is it?
你们心里很清楚我这车多少钱 You know perfectly well how much it is.
是啊 但是我们忘了 Yeah, we've forgotten.
金钱乃是粪土 Money is vulgar.
你不可以在这么独特的艺术品上粗俗的贴一个价签啊 You can't put a price on something as exquisite as that.
是啊 但是阿尔法罗密欧的人真的开了个价格 对吧 Yeah, but Alfa Romeo did put a price on it, didn't they?
那么请问是多少钱呢 And what was it?
六万英镑 Sixty thousand pounds.
*按翻译制作时汇率 约合52.5万人民币
所以你可以买下我们两个的车 外加我们身后镜头里所有的东西 So you could have both of our cars and everything in the back of shot
结果就买了一辆阿尔法罗密欧 for the price of one of these Alfa Romeos?
我知道 这钱花的很值啊 I know, it is extraordinary value for money.
车里车外的宽度也差太多了吧 It's too far from outside to inside.
都快有一英里了 It's miles!
是啊 门槛挺厚的... Yes, thick sills...
-咱们进去看看 Here we go. -这样才有车身强度 ...for strength.
看看这暖风的旋钮啊 Look at this, rotary heater knobs.
就像是回到了70年代 It's like being in the 1970s.
可不是 Yeah, it is, actually.
还有这手刹 看看 This handbrake, look at that.
到底是固定的 还是可以拿下来的啊 Is that fixed on or does that come off?
阿尔法罗密欧 我们不生产失望 我们只是失望的搬运工 Alfa Romeo, purveyors of disappointment for nearly three decades.
看这个 真高级啊 Look at this. Classy.
-是啊 感受一下这高端的品质吧 Yeah. Feel the quality in that. -让我也感受一下 Let me feel that.
嗯 这东西要六万块啊 Mm. Sixty thousand pounds?!
听听这个... Mm. And this...
这就是花六万英镑你想买来的声音 That's what you want to hear.
如果你新买了一件衣服 千千万万不要展示给这两个混蛋 If you ever buy a new item of clothing, never show it these two.
"你在哪里买的这衣服啊 你看上去像个德国游戏竞赛节目主持人" "What are you wearing that jacket for? It makes you look like a German gameshow host."
真令人满意啊 That's satisfying. -
你为毛要穿这样一件衣服 Why are you wearing that jacket?
因为我昨晚在印度参加派对来着 Because I was at a party in India last night,
之后就匆忙赶到这里了 and I've hurried over here.
你为啥参加派对要穿的像个德国游戏竞赛节目主持人啊 Why did you go to the party dressed as a German gameshow host?
很快 我听烦了他们俩的语言攻击 Soon, I grew weary of their abuse
驾驶着 毫无疑问 当今在售车型中我最喜欢的汽车出发了 and set off in what, be in no doubt, is my favourite car on sale today.
我承认 4C有着自己的一两个小毛病 I will admit, there are one or two tiny little problems with the 4C.
但都是小细节 Trivial stuff.
车子非常的宽 变速箱有一些轻微的愚钝 It's very wide. The gearbox is a little bit dim-witted.
如果你换装了运动风的排气 噪音就是一场灾难 If you fit sports exhausts, the noise is catastrophic.
油箱...是啊 真心是太小了 The petrol tank... yeah, that's too small.
你真的真的只能开个300米就要加油了 You've really only got a range of 300... yards.
接着就是转向系统 And then there's the steering.
没有转向助力 所以在你停车的时候就是个巨大的体力活了 There's no power assistance, so it's incredibly heavy when you're parking,
并且车子在行驶中也没有任何的路感 there's no feel when you're on the move.
并且 有趣的部分来了 And then, and this is its party piece,
偶尔的 车子会无原因的突然向左或向右转向 just occasionally, it'll go violently left or right for no reason.
哇 你看到了吧 Whoa! You see that?
我的天啊 Bloody hell.
但是你要这么看问题 我们都会在自家孩子身上发现缺点 But look at it this way, we could all probably find fault with our children,
但是...我们依旧爱他们 and yet... we still love them.
大猩猩很喜欢阿尔法罗密欧 Jeremy loves Alfa Romeos
那是因为 在过去的日子里 because, back in the old days,
他们车子真的不错 但是现在已然江河日下 they were great... but they're not any more.
很多东西都是曾经辉煌 Plenty of things were great.
比如希腊 Greece.
罗尔夫·哈里斯 Rolf Harris.
*澳洲知名主持人 涉嫌性犯罪被捕
你现在可不会喜欢上他们了 You can't love them now.
我之前没提到的阿尔法的另一个小毛病就是 Another small problem with the Alfa that I didn't mention earlier
你开上5分钟之后就会脚抽筋 is that you get cramp after five minutes.
我要停车走两步 I'm gonna have to stop and go for a walk,
他们俩肯定会问为什么 and they'll want to know why,
我就告诉他们我要尿尿或者别的啥 and I'll have to tell them I need a wee or something.
不 我要说拉稀 No, diarrhoea.
不好意思 我要停车 我要停车 Sorry, I've got to stop. I've got to stop.
我打算在这边歇几分钟 等我 I'm just stopping for a minute here. Hang on.
你为什么要停车 Why are you stopping for a minute?
哦 没啥 Ohhh! Nothing.
那你在那边蹦跶什么呢 Well, why are you hopping about?
看那边白雪皑皑的大山啊 Look at the snowy mountains.
欢迎来到摩洛哥 You are welcome to Morocco.
谢谢啊 警察先生 你好吗 Ah, merci, monsieur. Comment ça va?
我的老天啊 God above.
你是抽筋了吗 Have you got cramp?
没 No.
明明就是 Yes, you have.
额 好吧 我就是看看那边的景 Right, good. Well, I've seen the view.
我只是想看看那边的风景 好美啊 I just wanted to see the view, and it's lovely.
重新上路 詹姆斯突然发表了一通 Back on the road, James suddenly delivered
非常不符合他人设的讲话 a very un-James-manlike observation.
我的车真心的非常快啊 My car is seriously quick!
肯定没我的车快 It's not as fast as this.
呵呵 是啊 Yeah, I bet it is.
詹姆斯 我的车搭载了一台来自菲亚特Punto的1.75升涡轮引擎 James, this has a turbocharged 1750cc engine from a Fiat Punto.
我的2.0升引擎搭载了双涡流涡轮 Mine's 2L with a twin-scroll turbocharger.
你注意到鼹鼠在动力这个话题上安静的反常么 Have you noticed Hammond is being strangely quiet on the subject of speed?
哦 我只是在听你们两个互相打嘴炮 Oh, just listening to you two bicker.
我的车动力跟他们比稍显不足 我老实跟你讲 I am a bit down on power, if I'm honest.
我感觉哈蒙德坐的是痴迷于马自达MX-5昔日辉煌的车主俱乐部里 I think Hammond's in a sort of retirement home for former distressed sports-car owners.
好了詹姆斯梅 下一段路算是相对比较直的路 Right, next straight bit of road, James May,
我停下来给你展示一下它到底有多快 I will pull over and show you what real speed is.
奶牛出没 Cows.
奶牛放在顶架上 从来没见过啊 On a roof rack. I've never seen that.
很快我们找到一段直路 Soon, we found a suitable stretch of road...
...哈蒙德同意作发车女郎 ...and Hammond agreed to be the starter.
我有弹射起步哦 I've got launch control.
没兴趣 Not interested.
准备好了吗 赶紧在有人来之前解决 Are you ready? Before anyone comes.
3...2...1...出发 In three, two, one, go!
额 简直不可能啊 Well, now, that's just impossible!
Zenos赢了 It's the Zenos...
也就是说龟速船长赢了一场直线加速赛 which means James May has just won a drag race.
但是对我来说 这还不是最惊喜的 But for me, that wasn't the biggest surprise.
我想不通为啥会输啊 I don't understand why this lost,
因为摒弃了传统底盘 because instead of a conventional chassis,
4C选择了碳纤维座舱的设计 it has a carbon-fibre tub,
就跟F1赛车和迈凯伦P1的设计是一样的 like you get in a Formula One car or a McLaren P1.
并且碳纤维座舱让车子变得更...贵 但是更轻 And a carbon-fibre tub makes a car... expensive, but light.
非常轻 Very light.
我试着搞清楚为什么会输啊 I'm trying to work out why I lost that race.
我认为仅仅是因为你的车没我的快 I think it's cos your car isn't as fast as mine.
好清晰的理由啊 That was a factor.
是啊 但是我的车是那么的轻 Yeah, but mine is so light.
你怎么知道它很轻 How do you know it's light?
每次你问阿尔法的人这车多沉 他们都能给你报出不同的数字 Every time Alfa say how much it weighs, they give a different figure.
那是因为他们有更重要的事去做 而不是没事称重玩 Yeah, that's because they've got better things to do than go around weighing cars.
当毕加索完成他的作品时 When Picasso had finished one of his paintings,
他可不会说"我好奇它有多重" he didn't say, "Oh, I wonder how much that weighs."
当你把这辆阿尔法卖二手的时候 你的确需要知道确切重量 You need to know the weight of an Alfa for when you resell it,
因为废铁是按斤卖的啊 because you buy scrap cars by weight.
至于Zenos 它是在诺福克制造的 With the Zenos, that was built in Norfolk,
所以很显然他们会称重 因为他们也没别的事做啊 so obviously they're gonna weigh it - there's nothing else to do.
这可是来自米兰的杰作啊 This is from Milan.
他们完成了设计 然后就进城喝酒把妹子去了啊 They finished making it, and then they went into town with one and pulled girls.
它个头很大 并且还用生铁做的 It's massive and it's made of pig iron,
这就是问题所在 that's the problem.
我都能看见碳纤维... I can see the carbon fibre...
关于重量的争论持续在剩下的旅程中 The weight argument raged on for the rest of the journey.
于是 当晚 在酒店里 So, that night, at the hotel,
我想到一个好主意 I came up with a plan.
我要给三辆车称重来证明阿尔法是最轻的 I'm gonna weigh all three cars to prove the Alfa's the lightest.
问题是这样你就需要一个天平 但是... The problem with your plan is that you'd need a weighbridge, and...
-没错 Yes. -等一下 Well, hang on.
-那就搞一个呗 Well, get one. -不 这里可没有天平 No, there isn't one.
我这里有酒店的服务手册 I have got the hotel brochure here, actually,
你知道吗 他们有餐厅 and, do you know, it's got three restaurants,
有SPA 健身房 商务中心 网球场 a spa, and a gym, a business centre, tennis court.
但是很明显少了一样啊 But with one glaring omission.
-啥 What? -少一个巨型天平啊 There's no weighbridge.
-不会吧~ No! -连这个都没想到 服务要减一星啊 They haven't thought of that. I'd knock a star off.
我要自己做一个 I shall build one.
我要自己做一个天平 你们会看到的 I shall build a weighbridge, and then you shall see.
我会做一个天平的 I will build a weighbridge.
这本来回是一次非常使用且有趣的测评 结果让你给毁了 That could have been a really useful and interesting test, and you've ruined it.
人们对于阿尔法罗密欧是感兴趣的啊 People are interested in Alfa Romeos!
人们还感兴趣谋杀案呢 这不意味着大家都想看谋杀啊 People are interested in murders, they don't want to see one.
无论如何 无论如何 我们稍后继续这段测评 Anyway, anyway, we'll have more of that later on,
但是 现在是时候开始我们的 but first, it is now time for us to engage reverse
每周固定环节 谈话街 and park neatly in a marked space on Conversation Street.
好吧 哪个国家拥有全世界最差劲的警车 Right, now, which nation on earth has the worst police cars?
哦 这是个有趣的话题 我喜欢 Oh, that's some good conversation. I like that one.
最差的警车 肯定不会是美国人了 The worst police cars, it's definitely not the Americans, is it,
因为他们的维多利亚皇冠都是后驱的V8 because they have those Crown Vics, and they're rearwheel drive V8s.
-警车就需要这样啊 That's what you need. -它们绝对是优秀的警车 肯定不是美国人 They're good police cars. Not the Americans.
是我们 是英国警车啊 It's us. It's the British.
没错 我们的警车是那些可怜的柴油沃克斯豪尔雅特 Yeah. We have those dreary little Vauxhall diesel Astras.
如果你们住在这里的话品牌就叫欧宝 Opels if you live here.
如果你是一个美国人 那就是可怜的雪佛兰 Or, if you're in America, those miserable little Chevrolets
本质上其实是韩国人做的大宇 糟糕透顶 that are actually Daewoos. It's awful.
世界上很多国家 Most countries around the world
通常都会选择当地制造的品牌作为警车 would traditionally have always had a police car that was made there,
或者是自己的本土品牌 对吧 one of their own cars. Wouldn't they?
而有意思的是 在这里却不是这样 And the funny thing is, that's not what they used to do here.
-荷兰吗 In Holland? -对啊 No.
一点都不奇怪啊 You don't surprise me.
荷兰这么多年来 差不多30年 选择的是保时捷 What they actually had for many years, about 30 years, was Porsches.
-啥 What? -这里的警察选择保时捷作为警车 记得吗 没错 The police used Porsches, yeah. Remember? Yeah.
你知道么 你不说我都忘了 你说得对 还真是 Do you know, I'd forgotten. You're right, they did.
没错 They did.
他们是如何说服政府的啊 How did they persuade the government?
绝对的高手 绝对的天才 It's masterful. It's genius.
向想出这个主意的人致意 Absolute respect to everybody who did it.
他们也就说"好吧 我们想要... What they did was say, "Right, we need...
嗯 我们想要保时捷 Hm. I think we need a Porsche
以为它是风冷后置引擎 because it's air-cooled and the engine is at the back,
这样如果我们遇到长时间的倒车追击的话会很方便 and that would be handy if we have to reverse at high speed for a long time."
他们真这么说的? They actually said that?
真的 还有更绝的 They did. And this gets better.
我可没瞎编啊 他们说 And I'm not making this up. They did say this.
他们需要一辆车可以拆掉顶棚 They need a car where you can remove the roof
这样当有紧急交通状况时 他们可以站在座椅上指挥交通 so you can stand on the seats to address traffic in an emergency situation.
于是他们就选择了911Targa So what they need is a 911 Targa,
我猜还搭配了太阳镜 and matching sunglasses, I presume, yes.
他们是不是还说"车后面写着911 Did they also say, "And it comes with 911 on the back
这样报警电话都省的喷涂了" which is our telephone number"?
问题是 还没完 还有进一步的情况 The thing is, it doesn't, and they're still at it,
因为这里还有骑自行车的警察 because the cycle cops around here,
人数还不少 and there's a lot of them,
他们计划说服政府 说他们现在需要山地车 they managed to persuade the government that they need mountain bikes.
-哪里 这里 What, here? -没错 荷兰 In Holland.
在地球上最平坦的地方 It's the flattest country on earth
他们居然说需要山地车 and they need mountain bikes!
"是啊 我也可能遇到山路啊" 有没有搞错啊 "Yes, I might see a mountain." What?!
最好的是... The best thing...
最好的是 这个话题给我们机会可以再看一眼 The best thing is, it gives us an opportunity to have one more look
荷兰山地自行车警察的照片啊 at a photograph of the Dutch mountain cop police.
就是他们了 There they are.
现在 我想谈谈水獭 Now, I want to talk about otters.
-啥 What? -我想谈谈水獭 I want to talk about otters.
你看 几年前在荷兰有些人 You see, a few years ago somebody in Holland
计算了荷兰全国仅仅有185只水獭 worked out that there were only 185 otters in the entire country.
是啊 杰里米 我们是汽车节目 Yeah, Jeremy, it's a car show.
等我一下 好不 我这里有数据 Bear with me, OK, because I've got the figures here.
在2014年 有21只水獭被压死了 In 2014, 21 of these otters were run over.
在2015年 49只水獭又被碾死了 OK? In 2015, 49 were run over.
你们全国上下仅剩下185只水獭 You only have 185 otters in the whole country,
这才过了2年 70只水獭就被你们给撞死了 and in two years, you've flattened 70 of them under your cars.
你跟水獭有什么恩怨吗 What is your problem with otters?!
问题是我不想让大家得到错误的印象 The thing is that I don't want people to get the wrong impression.
我可不想大家看我们节目就认为全荷兰都是些谋杀动物的人 I don't want everyone to think that Dutch people go around murdering animals.
让我解释一下 Let me explain.
最近 荷兰这里的政府花费15万欧元 Recently, the government here spent 150,000 euros,
*按翻译制作时汇率 约合110万人民币
那差不多是15万英镑 and that's £150,000,
不对 16万 17万... £160,000, £170,000...
这就是英国脱欧啊 That's Brexit for you.
我们英国佬现在都买不起抹薯片用的蛋黄酱了 We can't even afford to put mayonnaise on our chips now any more.
额 不说那些 当地政府花费15万欧元在一条路上修了一座桥 Er... Anyway, they spent 150,000 euros on a bridge over a road
这样松鼠君就可以安全过马路了 so squirrels could cross safely.
我们这里有张桥的照片 个头还不小呢 We've got a picture of the bridge. It's a substantial thing.
你知道这座桥吗 它很有名吗 You know this bridge? A famous bridge?
这是一座松鼠专用桥? That's a squirrel bridge?
没错 松鼠专用 Yeah, it's a squirrel bridge.
无论如何 你认为松鼠用过几次这座桥? Anyway, how many squirrels do you think have used it?
额 鼠百万次吧 A squillion.
我知道你是怎么想的 詹姆斯 不过不是这样 I see where you're going with that one, James. No, it isn't.
我这里有具体数据 I've got the figures here.
"根据监控录像显示 在2014年 "CCTV footage has revealed, in 2014,
三只松鼠使用过这座桥 three squirrels used it.
在2015年 只用了2次" In 2015, it was used only twice."
额 为啥2014年的第三只松鼠15年不再用了呢 Well, why didn't the third squirrel use it again in 2015?
可能路上被车撞了吧 It probably got run over.
是啊 Yeah.
可能有人误会它是一只水獭了吧 By somebody mistaking him for an otter.
干掉它 干掉它 Get it! Get it!
现在呢... Now... Er...
你们可能已经知道这事了 荷兰最近搞了一个调查 You've probably read the other day, the Dutch are taking a view
关于是否允许人们... on whether to allow people to...
我该怎么说呢 协助一些将死之人... How can I put this? Assisted dying of somebody -
来"圆满"他们的生命 懂了吗 feels as though their life is complete, OK?
这件事让我思索了很久 This is something that occupies me a lot,
我跟你们老实讲 因为有时我就会想 I'll be honest with you, because I sometimes think...
"嗯 我这辈子过够了吗" "Oh, have I done enough now?"
够了 Yes.
*异口同声的革命友谊啊
才没有 我是想什么时候? No, you know, when?
什么时候我才可以去思考 When would it be appropriate for me to think,
"是时候结束了" "Time to end."
就是现在 Now.
*看来翻译君还感慨早了
-你能让我继续了吗 May I get on with it? -可以啊 请继续 现在就动手吧 Yeah, do. Do it now.
不 我想说的是... No, what I want to say is, OK...
我来处理文字表格工作 不会太麻烦的 I'll get the forms, there can't be many.
当你...别打断我 The time comes... Ssh!
我认为 当你不再想当一个傻瓜 做些傻事的时候 The time, I think, comes when you stop wanting to be an idiot.
那就是你的人生可以结束了的瞬间 That's the time when you've done enough.
-我懂你的意思 I know what you mean. -其实 你说的有道理 No, actually, you are right,
我认为的瞬间就是当你去商场的时候 cos I think it's the moment where you go into a big department store,
你走到厨房用品的部门 看见一个茶壶保温套 and you go into the kitchenware section, and you see a tea cosy,
但是却不想把它戴在脑袋上 but you don't put it on your head.
没错 Exactly.
不想把东西往脑袋上比划就是一个信号啊 Not putting things on your head is a sign it's time.
还有就是你不再想把手套戴在耳朵上 And the time you don't want to put gloves on your ears
假装自己是一只驯鹿的时候 and pretend to be a reindeer.
我想只有你自己是这样吧 哈蒙德 I think that's just you, Hammond.
只有我自己是么 It's just me, isn't it?
我这里倒是有一个瞬间 Here's the moment I think you know.
当你在高速公路上开车的时候 侧面有一条火车道 You're driving up a motorway. There's a train track next to you.
旁边有一列火车开过 还有可能速度挺快的 A train comes. It could be one of those fast ones.
当你不再想跟火车比速度的时候 The day when you don't try and race the train,
那就是死期了 that's the day.
-没错 Yes. -我是一定要跟火车比一比的 I have to race the train.
我一定要开的比火车快 I have to go faster than the train
这样坐在火车里的人看着我就会想 so everyone on the train looks at me and goes,
"看来我出行方式选择错误了啊" "I've made the wrong travel choice.
"我应该开车出门的啊 那样还能更快一些" "I should have gone in the car. It's quicker."
如果你在火车上望向窗外 If you're ever on a train and you look out of the window,
看见你的火车比我的车快 并且我还懒得理你 you're overtaking me and I can't be bothered to race you,
那是因为我正在开车前往荷兰的死亡诊所 it's because I'm on my way to the new Dutch death clinic.
那么今天的谈话街就是这样了 And that is the end of Conversation Street.
现在 如果你家里有孩子 Now, if you have children,
并且他们把自己所有的业余时间都花在了 there's every chance they'll spend every spare second they have
玩喷射僵尸7这类的游戏 playing Zombie Splatter 7 ,
或者是别的什么电脑游戏 or some other such computer game,
他们为什么不选择更加传统的桌面游戏呢 but what about more traditional board games?
现在的孩子们对于传统游戏不那么感兴趣 Kids these days say they're not interested in such games,
但是我认为如果传统游戏搞得在大一些 并且加上汽车元素情况就不同了 but I believe they would be if they were bigger and involved cars.
为了证明我们的观点 To prove our point,
我们来到了这里 乡下 we've come here, to the countryside.
在选择桌面游戏的种类时 And on the board-game front,
我们应该先从经典游戏开始 we shall start with a classic.
一个由两位玩家组成 互相猜测对方战舰位置的游戏 A game where two players try and guess where each other's ships are,
*听说有个游戏叫 炸飞机?
接着依靠发射火箭来摧毁敌方舰船 and then blow them up by firing missiles at them.
游戏很简单 It's a simple game,
并且 如果你想用汽车来做游戏的话 and, as such, if you want to play it with cars,
用不了那么多车 you don't need much.
实际上 你需要的 In fact, all you need
是一个巨大的冷战机场 is a massive former Cold War airfield
那里有着足够的跑到来让你放置你的棋盘和棋子 with enough tarmac to accommodate the board for your board game.
随着机场的到位 With a big enough slab of airfield,
你就可以画好你的棋盘了 you can then lay out your grid,
你需要在上面放置你的棋子战舰 onto which you can place your battleships.
你需要做的 And all you need for that
就是花个几千块买几辆旧车而已 is several thousand pounds' worth of old cars.
但不是随便的几辆旧车就可以的 But not any old cars.
这些加长礼车 举例来说 This stretch limo, for example,
你也许在单身夜派对上见过很多次 may have seen active service on hundreds of hen nights,
但是它用来做航空母舰更为合适 but it makes the perfect aircraft carrier.
接着是丰田普锐斯 And then there's this Toyota Prius.
电动车的设计让它成为理想的潜水艇棋子 Its electric engine makes it perfect as a submarine,
运行起来毫无声息 silent running.
接着是克莱斯勒PT漫步者敞篷车 And then there's this Chrysler PT Cruiser convertible.
这辆车没啥海洋上的同类 There is no naval equivalent for this car,
但是如果能炸了它谁又在乎这些细节呢 but who cares if we blow it up?
因为 所有这些车 都很烂 Because it is, after all, crap.
说到炸掉 我们现在来看看火箭 And speaking of blowing up, we now come to the missiles.
作为火箭 你需要的车是既吓人又致命的车型 For these, you need a car that is frightening and lethal.
一辆能吓死别的司机的车 A car that strikes fear into other motorists.
完美满足这些要求的汽车 And what better car could there be for this job
有谁能比得过G-Wiz呢 than the magnificent G-Wiz?
我现在需要的就是一个对手了 All I needed now was an opponent,
一个桌面游戏老手 a board-game veteran,
一个认为使命召唤就是去厕所的召唤的人 a man who thinks Call Of Duty is a visit to the lavatory.
真棒啊 哈蒙德 你想到了一切啊 That's excellent, Hammond. You've thought of everything.
我知道 集装箱当作防偷窥栅栏 I know, I have. Containers as the fence.
一个消防车 以防事态超出控制 A fireman, in case things get out of hand.
一辆救护车 防止咱们把自己炸到 A health-and-safety bloke to stop us blowing ourselves up.
一些看上去很像船的车 数量也很多 Cars that look exactly like ships. The lot.
但是你要怎么发射这些火箭呢 But how will you fire the missiles at the cars?
额 这就是我计划真正天才的地方了 Well, that is the real genius in my plan.
轻松 有力 并且可靠 Easy, powerful and proven.
用移动炮来发射G-Wiz Fire the G-Wiz missiles with the movie cannon.
这个东西精准度够吗 You reckon that's accurate enough?
额 好歹是个炮啊 Well, it's a cannon.
但是你一定要准确的击中那个方块啊 But you've got to hit a specific square.
你瞄准好 调整弹道和高度就可以了 You aim the cannon. You adjust the trajectory and the elevation.
-你能准确击中吗 You can work that out? -好歹也是个炮啊 It's a cannon.
为了让船长闭嘴 我决定拿一辆备用汽车 To shut James up, I took one of the spare cars
来演示一下发射过程 to demonstrate a practice shot.
好了 我们都设定好了 Right, we're all set.
完全充气状态 压力也对 发射 It's fully charged. Pressure's good. Fire.
对于发射方式我有一个更好的主意 I had a better idea for the weapons-launching system.
你看 这就可以了 So, there you go.
你根据坐标喊出格子的位置 You call out the grid reference that you want,
然后吊车司机移动到目标位置上方 and the driver just manoeuvres the jib exactly over that square,
最后松开G-Wiz导弹 and then drops the G-Wiz missile.
这绝绝对对不会搞错了 It is absolutely unerringly accurate.
我喜欢 I like that.
除了我们搞得那些额外的花样 所有其他的设备 Unlike everything else I've done here, with all this stuff,
所有的一切您都可以在自家花园里实现 this is all things you can do at home in your garden.
由于巨型集装箱在中间 With the giant containers
确保没人可以偷看到对方的排兵布阵 making sure neither of us could see what the other was doing,
詹姆斯和我开始摆放自己的各种战舰了 ...James and I moved our battleships into place.
战舰拜访完毕 现在可以开始游戏了 And with the board laid out, it was time to play.
好的 单身夜加长礼车需要击中两次才算沉没 Right, the hen-night limos each require two hits to be sunk.
同样的还有房车 也是需要两次击中才算沉没 Both the motorhomes, they each require two hits to be sunk as well.
剩下的普锐斯和PT漫步者 And then my Prius and your PT Cruiser,
击中一次即算为沉没 they each require one to be sunk.
我们每人有10发子弹 We've got ten G-Wiz missiles each.
要获胜需要其中有5发击中 明白了 Five hits needed to win. Got it?
清楚明白 Yes, right.
扔硬币结果显示 詹姆斯先手 Having won the toss, James would be first to fire,
但是我有一个策略来击败他 but I had a cunning plan to thwart him.
我所做的就是把我的各种战舰都放在边界上 What I've done is put a couple of my ships right out on the edges,
这样船长就会想"鼹鼠是个二货 because James will think, "Hammond's a bit thick,
初学者经典的策略就是把所有的战舰都摆在边界上 and it's a typically amateurish tactic to put your ships on the edge,
所以他一定会这么干" so that's what he'll have done."
但是他又会想 "等一下 But then he'll think, "Hang on.
哈蒙德也没有那么傻 Even Hammond's not that thick.
他只是想让我以为他很傻 He just wants me to think he's thick,
所以他一定都把船摆在了中间" so he'll have put his cars in the middle."
这样他就不会攻击我的边界 James will then not go for the edges,
而选择中部地带攻击 he'll go for the middle.
但是我的船却放在了边界上 But my ships will be at the edges.
就好像是..双重 三重套路 It's like a... double, or even a triple bluff.
那么 哈蒙德很傻 真的 Now, Hammond is a bit thick, really,
所以我猜他一定会把船摆在边界上 so I reckon he'll have put his all around the edges.
坐标D2 谢谢 D2, please.
开火 Fire!
-这次是什么 What was that? -我的加长礼车 It was my limo.
在D2击中了加长礼车 谢谢 该你了 Hit on your limo on D2, thank you. Your shot.
红色吊车师傅 坐标C4 谢谢 Red crane driver, I'd like C4, please. C4.
开火 Fire!
没打中 That's a miss.
C4是空的 C4, miss.
回到我的原始理论 Back to my original theory.
哈蒙德一定沿着边界摆的船 Hammond will have gone along the edge,
这点我很自信 I'm pretty confident in that.
所以是这里 还是那里呢 So is it there, or is it there?
绿色吊车师傅 坐标D1 Green crane driver, fire at D1.
开火 Fire!
-好的 -Yes! - -你炸掉了我的加长车 You sank my limousine!
船长得一分 鼹鼠得零分 One sinking to me, a miss for Admiral Hammond.
怪你布局太差 And you've overdone the explosives.
如果你要在家门口这么玩的话 One plan would be, if you're playing this at home,
挑大家都在烧烤的那天再玩 do it on a day when there's a lot of barbecues in the area.
这样子的话 你玩的再过 That way, people will just think, "Well, yeah,
大家最多就会想“嗯 隔壁烧烤的阵仗挺大啊” it's a big barbecue they're having next door."
随着我的航空母舰下场 With my aircraft carrier gone
船长的舰队毫发无损 我得要拿分了 and James's fleet unscathed, I had to break my duck.
请向B2丢车 I'd like you to hit B2, please.
靠 Damn!
B2没有 好吧 B2. Well...
我看不到它们啊 去哪了 Well, there's no... Where are they?!
我有种预感 I've just got a feeling.
是B1 请挪到B1 B1. B1, please.
师傅 能调到A1吗 Red crane driver, can I have square A1?
开火 Fire!
好样的 Yes! Come on!
小样开始虚了吧 吃我一车 现在认输还来得及 Oh, you are on the run! That is it! Want to give up?
你把我的巡洋舰击沉 You've sunk my Cruiser.
所以说A1的车被我炸掉了 嘣 So that's a big red kill on A1. Boom!
但是船长并不认输 But James wasn't taking this lying down.
向C3开火 C3. Fire!
好样的 Yes!
你打着了我的潜水艇 You hit my submarine,
我那隐匿的还没出声的普锐斯 my invisible, silent-running Prius.
我输得很惨 I am losing badly.
我只拿了一分 他却拿下三分 I've scored only one hit, he's scored three.
但是风水轮流转 But then the game started to turn,
船长一连三发没打中 as James had a run of three straight misses.
开火 Fire!
没打中 哈哈哈 It was a miss! Ha-ha!
谢谢你哦 我在缩小范围 Thank you. I'm closing down my options.
但是你打得准一点效果更好 It would close your options down further if you were to hit rather than miss.
看起来我缩小范围的计划更成功一点 Which was exactly what I was now doing.
请向B3开火 B3, please.
请向A3开火 A3, please.
Yes! 好样的
你击沉了我的战舰 You've sunk my battleship.
我要让打击从天而降 I am raining down destruction
到你这群注定要灭亡的舰队上 on your dwindling fleet of doomed ships.
你真失败 哈哈哈 You loser. Ha-ha!
我还没输呢 我们还是不分上下呢 No, I'm not losing. We're neck and neck.
可气的是 船长说对了 Annoyingly, James was right.
我的房车战船还在 I still had my battleship Winnebago,
他也还剩下加长航空母舰 and he still had his stretched aircraft carrier,
两个都要打中两次才能被摧毁 both of which needed two hits to destroy.
到船长上了 It was May's turn to play.
挪到B2 B2.
游戏进入了白热化阶段 Critical stage of the game now.
再被打一次我就麻烦了 A hit now and I'm in trouble.
开火 Fire!
加油 Come on.
爽爽爽爽 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
虽然不应该 但这样子真的很爽 It shouldn't feel so good, but it does.
应该就在这 It's gonna be here.
师傅 请对准C1 Red crane, target C1, please. C1.
开火 Fire!
鼹鼠船长运气好像不太好啊 Hard luck, Horatio Hammond.
*霍雷肖·纳尔逊 英国帆船时代海军将领
我现在要做的 All I've got to do now,
就是换位思考 想想鼹鼠要怎么办 get inside Richard Hammond's mind.
这会拉低我的智商水平 但只要我一弄明白 An awful place, admittedly, but if I can just get in there for a second,
他是怎么布局的 which way has he put it?
是这两个 还是这两个 或者是这两 There and there; there and there; there and there?
挪到C2 C2.
开火 Fire!
你这样打不到的 That'll be a miss.
哎呀 船长 你算错了 That, Captain May, was a miss!
然而当船长只用在两个格子之中做出选择时 However, while James now had to choose between just two squares,
我要六选一 I was looking at a choice of six.
师傅 目标C2 Red crane, target C2, please. C2.
开丢 Red crane, fire!
不不不 我刚想说的是C3 I meant C3! I meant...
赞 Yes!
太赞了 Oh, yes! Yes!
我靠 Bollocks.
刚刚那一下不仅仅是打中了一次那么简单 That mistaken shot wasn't just a hit,
它改变了游戏的格局 it had changed everything.
我刚刚说的C2其实是想说C3 Because I said C2, when actually I meant three,
就怕他这么竖着摆 in case it was there,
那C2上打对了 嘣 that's a kill - bang -
也就是说剩下的一定在这了 which means it has to be there.
车不可能在这或者这里 所以我吃定他了 It can't be here or here, so I've got him.
船长 情况怎么样你也清楚 对吧 James, you do know what that means, don't you?
对 我刚弄明白了 Yes, I've just worked it out.
我这一步得走对 要不你就赢了 I've got to get this right, otherwise you've won.
-要认输吗 -Do you want to surrender? -才不 -No, I don't!
现在我面临着选择 So, I was now faced with the choice
这选择决定了游戏的走向 that would decide the game.
是A2还是B3 A2 or B3?
A2还是B3 鼹鼠他会选哪个 A2, B3. What would Richard Hammond do?
师傅 麻烦你 Green-crane driver...
心都跳到嗓子眼上了 Oh, God.
得了吧你个老糊涂的短腿猎狗 打不到的 Come on, you bewildered old spaniel - miss.
*船长的头型略像这种狗
那好 开火 Right. Fire!
棒 太棒了 Yes! Yes!
我的天啊 Oh, God!
爽 Yes!
鼹鼠 Hammond!
三局两胜吧 Best of three?
我敢说 I bet...
我敢说PS上的游戏开发者在瑟瑟发抖 I bet the makers of Sony PlayStation are quaking in their boots.
显而易见 Well, I wouldn't be surprised.
-他们会说“天啊” -They will go, "Oh, my..." -这才是游戏的未来 -I know. There's the future.
-那太浪费时间了 -That was a total waste of time. -别急着下结论嘛 -Well, now, hang on.
你看 我们炸掉了一辆PT漫步者 一辆普锐斯还有许多老头乐 No, we destroyed a PT Cruiser, a Prius and many G-Wizs.
你说的没错 但是 船长他 Well, that's true, yes. But James...
船长 James?
不管了 让我们切到下个环节 Never mind. Let's move on to Celebrity Brain Crash.
-好 是时候 - Yeah. Now...
这一周 This week...
这一周我们请来的可不止一位嘉宾 This week, we don't just have one star,
我们请来了好几个呢 we have several.
他们是荷兰 They're one of the biggest bands
最有名的乐队之一 ever to come out of Holland,
他们要在这里 and they're going to begin here,
世界上第六大港口 in the sixth largest port in the world...
表演他们的经典曲目 by performing their biggest hit,
嗯 他们的曲目 by which I mean... their hit.
*hit另有哈草的意思
女士们先生们 掌声欢迎欢迎金耳坠乐队 Ladies and gentlemen, Golden Earring!
他们来了 And there they are.
我觉得 I tell you what,
我们该调一下灯光 we ought to make the lights go a bit better.
能让灯光暗一点吗 更有摇滚范一点 Can we dim the lights? That's better. A bit more rock 'n' roll.
他们今天要表演什么节目 What is their hit?
这里是荷兰 测速相机的发源地 Well, this is Holland, birthplace of the speed camera.
那当然是爱的雷达啦 It's obvious. Radar Love.
驾驶整夜 汗水浸湿方向盘 * I've been drivin' all night My hands wet on the wheel *
女士们先生们 嗯 OK, ladies and gentlemen, erm...
看起来有一条电缆伸入了海中 ...there's a cable's gone into the sea here, and...
整个乐队触电了 ...Golden Earring have been electrocuted.
那他们还能继续表演吗 Does that mean they're not coming on, then?
船长 他们触的电量是致命的 Well, James, they've been subjected to a lethal dose of electricity
他们还在地上烧的滋滋响呢 所以说不行了 and are now lying on the ground, sizzling, so it's no.
-他们不能继续了 -They're not, no. -好的 好的 -OK, OK.
看起来真是太惨了 各位 我很抱歉 That is a very grisly scene. I apologise for that, everybody.
也许没那么惨 Erm... Probably not as grisly, though,
如果你在外面看着我们 as if you're looking at us from out there.
想想看 Well, think about it.
-明白了 -Oh, yeah!- 对吧 -Yeah.
我们在荷兰港口的窗口站着 We are standing in a window in a Dutch port,
背后的灯光还是暗红 bathed in red light...
站在这也没事干 ...and we've got no trade lining up.
-没人光顾 -Nobody's here. -一个都没 -No.
等等 我有办法了 我知道该怎么办了 No, I know! I know! I've had an idea.
我知道怎么办了 即使嘉宾不在了 I've had an idea of how we can fill the time
观众老爷的钟还上着呢 that would have been taken up by the late Golden Earring.
你看哈 You see, the thing is...
能把灯光调回去吗 假装什么都没发生 Can we make the lights go white again now? Pretend that never happened.
好的 在荷兰这里 Good. See, the thing is that, in Holland,
有很多给驾驶者的饰品店 there are these motorist accessory stores, OK?
-所言极是 -Oh, yeah. 晚上都开着 里面满是顾客 -They're open all night. The place is full.
昨晚我们去了其中一家 买了很多神奇的东西 We went to one last night and bought a load of amazing stuff
开车的时候你可以用这些 you can use on the road.
放在桌上 给你们展示一下 Bring it over here. Let's show you a couple of things,
比如说这个 I mean, this, for example.
就是一个惊人的保护装置 It's an incredible safety device.
是啊 Yeah.
这个设计非常机智 在很多的车祸中 This is very clever, because in a lot of car crashes,
受害者会咬到自己的舌头 更有甚者 把舌头咬掉 people bite their tongues, sometimes off.
但只要戴上这个那么正的保护装置 But by wearing this neat safety device,
妈妈再也不用担心我被咬舌头了 no way is he biting his tongue.
你看看 百分百安全 太巧妙了 Look at that! Perfectly safe. That is clever.
太难以置信了 然后还有这个雪糕筒 Unbelievable. And then you can get traffic cones
刚好塞进手套箱里 that fit in the glovebox.
-还有这个 -This is one here.
-嗯 Yeah. -这可不是儿戏 这些都是安全的材料 -It's not funny stuff, this is safety material.
-还有这个- Another one. 这几个都是紧凑型的 你能放靴子里 -These are compact, so you can fit them in your boot.
如你们所知 在美国 The thing is, though, OK, in America,
有很多多乘员车道 as I'm sure you know, there are high-occupancy vehicle lanes.
只有车上有大于或者 Er... You're not allowed to go in them
等于两个人才能用 unless you've got two or more people in the car.
在欧洲的我们对此十分忧虑 We've always been very worried in Europe
怕这个政策要在欧洲实行 that this idea is gonna come over here,
但是荷兰人想出了解决方案 but the Dutch have it covered,
因为你能在这些驾驶者饰品店里 because in these motorist accessory shops,
能买到充气假人 you can buy inflatable people.
我们也带了一个到现场 We've got one here.
-太机智了 这东西 真的是太机智了 -Very clever, this. Very clever. -可不嘛 -Isn't it?
唯一的小麻烦就是充气要费点儿劲 The only slight issue is they do take a lot of effort to blow up.
这就有点难了 It's hard work doing.
没关系 你看啊 It doesn't matter, though, because here's the thing.
当你在多乘员车道 OK, if you arrive at one of those
行驶时 high-occupancy vehicle lanes,
把车停到路肩上 then you pull over on the hard shoulder -
把这荷兰小可爱放到左手这边 just pass the Dutchie on the left-hand side here -
然后让你的发动机来吹 and then use your engine to blow up
你的充气假人 your inflatable person.
我现场示范一次 给你们看看这多简单 So I'm going to do that now, just to show you how unbelievably easy this is.
准备好了吗 Are we ready?
在这里加点油 I'll just er... put a bit of fuel in there.
这就行了 And here we go.
你为什么把耳朵堵起来 这只是台V8发动机 Why have you put your fingers in your ears? It's only a V8.
几乎都没声音 It's virtually silent.
开干 Here we go.
各位看好了啊 Behold.
搞什么 What the...?
好吧 这个 Right, the erm...
这个充气假人裂了 这里有个 The inflatable person has split. There's--
天啊 Oh, dear.
我的还好着呢 Mine's all right.
让我们继续节目好吧 今晚我们去了摩洛哥 Let's move on, shall we? Tonight we are in Morocco,
去测试价格最合理的小跑 我选了马自达 for what was supposed to be a sensible sports-car test of my Mazda MX-5
还有鲍勃·马利和他的诺福克郡产的Zenos versus Bob Marley's Norfolk-built Zenos.
*牙买加雷鬼乐歌手 此处恶搞船长的发型
不幸的是 一只大猩猩不请自来 Unfortunately, the ape turned up, uninvited,
还开着一辆贵的荒谬的阿尔法罗密欧 in a ridiculously expensive Alfa Romeo.
是的我是开了一辆 Yes, I did.
然后我们出发了 And when we left the action,
我决定造一个粗糙的天平 I decided to see which of the cars was the lightest
来看看谁的车最轻 by building some rudimentary scales -
他们两还嫌弃我这天平呢 a job that these two thought would be... beyond me.
在两位同事的嘲讽下 Despite the cynicism of my colleagues,
第二天一早 我的天平做好了 the next morning, my scales were ready.
看起来还成 Yeah.
更让人吃惊的是猩猩选的砝码 Even more startling was Jeremy's choice of counterweight.
你怎么把它放上去 How are you gonna get it on there?
-它们自己会跳 -It's gonna jump. -嗯 没错 牛可会跳了 -Oh, yeah, they're big jumpers, cows.
-你看它有这个意愿 -Look, it wants to. 对对对 它在舒展肌肉 -He's limbering up,
在准备开跳 看得出来 he's getting ready, you can tell.
-一跳就上去了 -Up you come. 它不会跳的 牛根本不能跳 -It's not gonna jump. They can't jump.
一跳就上去了 Up you come.
这牛看起来不大会跳 On the off chance that this isn't a jumping cow,
你该弄个斜坡 which it might not be, I think you need a ramp.
拉着 我去弄个坡来 You hold that. I shall go and make a ramp.
-你好嘿 -Hello. Hello. 你好啊 真是头好牛 -Hello, nice cow.
哎呦 猩猩它还离不开你嘿 Oh, it's bonded with you, Jeremy. It's bonded.
很快 在不借助任何帮助的情况下 Soon, without any help at all,
我弄了个临时的小坡 I had fashioned a makeshift ramp.
很好 干得不错 Very good. Well done.
真的是又快又高效呢 That was quick and effective.
不幸的是 我们把牛弄丢了 Unfortunately, the cow had wandered off,
我又弄来了一个替代品 so I had to draft in a substitute.
小骆驼快来 Go on, camel.
-小骆驼加油 -Come on, camel. -加油 -Come on.
你能行的 Come on, camel. Come on.
快来 快来 Come on. Come on.
它是不会上去的 He's not gonna go on.
你快上来 给点力 Up you come. Come on.
加油啊 你能帮忙推一把啊 别啊小乖乖 Come on. Can you push him? Oh, no.
帮不了忙 帮你的话蛋蛋得遭殃 让我来 Not really, cos they kick your balls off if you do that. Let me...
戴维·阿滕伯勒没有说过驴会这样子啊 David Attenborough has never said that.
*自然纪录片主持人
终于 我有了点进展 Eventually, I had some success.
你这挑的厉害了 This is good. We are getting there.
是打算做圣诞大餐吧 We are building up a big Christmas dinner.
然后一开始的那头牛又回来了 And then the original cow came back.
给点力啊 小笨蛋 Come on. Dr Thinklittle.
加油 努力 那我就把骆驼放一边了 Come on. Come on. My camel's going over here.
乖牛牛 Good cow.
-然而 悲剧的是 -Tragically, however... -根本不够 -...it's not enough.
你能去再找一头牛来吗 Could you go and get another cow?
小牛来 Come on, small cow.
它上来了 很棒 He's on. Right, excellent.
-好样的 -Good, good, good. -猩猩 -Jeremy?
-怎么 -Yes? -这远远不够啊 -This is far...
-辣眼睛 -Oh, my God! -我来这不是看它们交配的 -I don't want to be here for this!
我就在这台上看着它支起小帐篷 I'm on some scales. Its carrot's come out.
-这两都是公的吗 -Are they both boy cows? -对 两个都是公的 -Yeah, they're both boys.
不 这太糟糕了 Yeah. Oh, no. This is quite bad.
-我有点 -I'm... Yeah. -我现在有点慌 -I really am alarmed.
我现在被困在这毛片现场 I'm stuck on a porn set.
我有被算进去吗 那不就是3P了吗 Am I part of this? Is this a threesome?
要踩到只火鸡了 哦 没有啊 He's trod on a turk... No, he hasn't.
更重要的是 我们这一群毛片演员 More importantly, the whole cast of our porn film
还没这马自达重 still weighed less than the Mazda.
鸡鸡 小鸡鸡 Chickens. Hello, chickies.
-还不够吧 -It's not enough, is it? -不够 No.
这根本没 猩猩你这样子根本没用 It doesn't make... Jeremy, this is complete nonsense.
别交配了 停下 Cow sex! No!
来来 小家伙快上 Come on, we go. On you go.
我不认为这个 I'm not convinced that this isn't...
喔 羊逃掉了 Oh, the goat's escaped.
事已至此 我们向猩猩解释 At this stage, we explained to Jeremy
动物是不能做砝码的 that animals cannot be used as counterweights.
你说得对 但我就不听 Right, no, you may have a point.
我觉得杀掉它们就好了 I think it's better if I kill them.
-什么 -What? -如果他们死了就没那么多事了 -Well, if they're dead, they won't mind.
这个计划很成功 This plan made the job much easier.
你们瞧 Oh, hello!
我成功了 My experiment has worked.
哇 我们现在有个参照了 Wow! We have a figure.
这辆车刚好等于 两头牛加上 For the record, it weighs two cows,
大约两条后牛腿 two legs of cows - brackets, rear -
加上一只骆驼还有三只羊 one camel and three goats.
真是了不起 That's incredible!
这是我这辈子遇上最有趣的事了 The most exciting thing I've ever been involved in.
量完了马自达的重量 Having established the weight of the Mazda,
该量Zenos的了 it was time to do the Zenos.
鼹鼠 从我这棒极了的坡上倒下去 Hammond, reverse off down my superb ramp.
哇 我过去保持平衡-Whoa! It's... -I'm gonna walk this way.
怎么会这样 船长站过去了啊 Why is it doing that? James counterbalances with you.
等等 有点不太稳 Hang on. That's not gone well.
-是有点 Yeah, it has. -不 它开始动了 -No, it's moved!
现在后轮掉下去了 Oh, this is... Now the back wheels have come off!
来人啊 全组人都上来 Somebody get on! The whole crew!
怎么了 What's happened?
天啊 Oh, God!
鼹鼠 现在不是干这个的时候 No, there's no point doing that, Hammond.
我们得想想办法 We need to think this through.
等等 我有办法了 Hang on. I've got an idea.
你下去的话 这边就升起来了 If you get off there, this side will go up.
然后它降下来的时候 Then you put the ramp under the back wheels of the Mazda
你们再把坡放车底下 when it comes down again.
现在你只要下去就好了 -So you all need to get off. -成 我下去了 -Right, I'm off.
等等 你们现在升上去了吗 Hang on. Are you going up now?
-我看是 -I think so. -不 得要 -No, we need...
得要所有人都去另一头 I know, everybody has to go there.
-到那边 -On that side. Yeah. -上边的所有人 -Everybody, all the crew.
小伙子们 都去那边 All the chunkier lads, if you get on that one.
该怎么站 How did we get into this position?
你们几个站前头 让它倾斜一点 Somebody pull on the front, just to tip it.
然后把那个坡挪走 And then we will move this ramp.
听着 我们能 Hello? Can we have all of...
-他掉下来了 -He's down now! -我要死了吗 Am I gonna die?
我死了吗 我死了吗 Am I dead? Am I dead?
多亏我们流利的法语 Thanks to our fluent French,
我们成功指挥了铲车司机 we were able to get the forklift driver to help us.
把那个马自达 The Mazda...
把坡朝着你的方向拉出来 Reverse à vous la ramp,
把它和那个坡一起 avec introduce la ramp... Yeah.
然后官方来了一些人 Then the authorities arrived.
-那些动物吗 -Ah, les animaux? 对的 那些动物 -Yes, les animaux.
等等 Wait. Erm...
这有问题吗 Is it a Problème?
船长 在摩洛哥 James, it's not acceptable in Morocco
杀动物来当车的砝码是不允许的 to kill animals to establish the weight of a car, so...
在摩洛哥这样不行 It's not acceptable in Morocco?
大半天什么都没干 Having established nothing at all,
还被责令赶走 we were all ordered to leave,
让鼹鼠对我非常生气 which made Hammond very cheesed off with me.
你特么就是个** You're a bloody idiot!
真有趣吼 Funny!
他生气了吧 I think he's angry, isn't he?
船长对我也相当上火 And I wasn't in James's good books, either.
猩猩 Clarkson!
怎么了 What's the matter?
把方向盘还我 你个呆子 I want the steering wheel back, you muppet!
-我没拿 -I haven't got it. -你就是拿了 -You have!
不是我 应该是哪头羊拿了 I haven't. One of those goats has got it.
羊怎么能捡东西 Goats can't pick things up.
船长拿回方向盘后 我们出发了 With his wheel retrieved, we set off.
我和船长决定 And soon, James and I decided
要做点什么 something needed to be done.
杰里米 你在吗? Jeremy, are you there?
你说 Yes, I am.
好 Oh, good. Erm...
听着 你就 Look, just...
你就多包涵一下我 好吗 Er... Just bear with me, OK?
现在和我们想的不太一样 This isn't really working as well as we'd hoped at the moment,
所以我们决定 你走你的阳关道 so we think it would be better if we went our own way
我们走我们的独木桥 and you went yours.
船长你也这么想的吗 Are you in on this, James?
我们已经构想了许多关于日常跑车 Well, the thing is that we had conceived quite an interesting test
和硬核赛道车的测试 between an everyday sports car and a hardcore sports car.
不是说你不好 And, I mean, it's not you.
只是你选的车不太适合 But, I mean, really, it's the Alfa. The Alfa doesn't fit.
那行 Right, well, OK. Erm...
我就留你们两自个儿去吧 I'll leave you two alone.
自个儿的意思是 And I do mean alone,
我把整个摄影班子都带上 because... I'm going to take the film crews with me.
现在剩下我主持了 Now that we're alone,
我可以扯上一个小时的淡 I could prattle on for hours
关于阿尔法的车标 about what the Alfa Romeo badge means,
还有车上的碳纤维车架 and how, with its carbon-fibre tub,
这的确不是个小跑 this isn't really a sports car.
它更像是个 小号的 便宜多了的拉法 It's more a... scaled-down, cut-price LaFerrari.
但我有了更好的主意 But I've had a better idea.
我找到了一段好路 What I did was find a wonderful piece of road...
然后闭嘴 ...and then shut up,
让这画面来说话 so the pictures could do the talking.
BGM-The windmills of your mind
这就是我想表达的 That's the thing about this Alfa -
一用言语表达 气氛就毁掉了 if you talk about it, you're gonna criticise it.
如果你只是静静看着 你会深深的爱上它 你们瞧 If you just look at it... you're gonna fall in love. Oh, hello.
老哥 老哥 谢天谢地你来啦 Mate! Mate! Thank God you're here!
他怎么了 What's the matter with him?
我人生中第一次因为你在这 Well, for the first time in my life,
而那么高兴 I'm rather glad you're here, because...
因为他认为他发现了个古代文明 he thinks he's discovered an ancient civilisation.
然后就很兴奋 And he got very excited,
我也不能跟他说"鼹鼠那都是假的" and I couldn't say, "No, Hammond, it's not real."
都是电影场景 It's a film set.
他们在那拍了《 高卢勇士》 That is where they filmed Asterix And Obelix ,
在那拍了《权力的游戏》 and that is where they film Game Of Thrones .
我明白 但他就是觉得那些是真的 Yeah, I know that, but he thinks it's real.
他真的以为外星人来了 He thinks aliens have come down
英国大学里教的古代埃及史 古代希腊史 and that everything that universities in Britain know about Ancient Egypt,
古代罗马史 都是错的 Ancient Greece, Ancient Rome, is all wrong.
谁最后从这些楼梯上踩下 Which feet last trod these steps?
他们是人类吗 Were they even human?
可能他们有那么大 Maybe they were that big.
这个在《尼罗河宝石》里出现过 This was actually used in The Jewel Of The Nile .
-真的吗 -Was it? -对的 -Yeah.
凯瑟琳特纳 麦克道格拉斯 Starring Kathleen Turner, Michael Douglas,
还有丹尼德威托几个人演的 and, I think, Danny DeVito.
鼹鼠估计会以为这是艘宇宙飞船 Hammond probably thinks that it's a spaceship.
他们是坐着这个来的 That's how they got here.
感觉像是在与千年前的古人 It's like touching hands...
会面 ...across the millennia.
他们可没那么简单 These were not primitive people.
当寻宝家鼹鼠 While Indiana Hammond
还蒙在鼓里四处乱晃的时候 continued his deluded ramblings,
我有了个好主意 I came up with an idea.
你知道这个地方没被当作什么用过吗 I tell you what this place has never been used as.
-什么 -What? -赛道 -A racetrack.
在说服鼹鼠我们不会 Having convinced Richard
激怒沉睡中的神灵 we wouldn't anger the sleeping gods,
我们就着摄影棚之间的路订好了路线 we made a circuit from the roads running through the studio lot.
然后我就去换衣服了 And then I went off to get changed.
哇哦 鼹鼠 罗杰摩尔没混进来吧 Wow! Hammond, Roger Moore isn't here.
*演员 共出演七部007电影 此装束和布景完美复刻了海底城的场景
没有 你这穿的是什么 No, he's not, is he? What is that?
是我的阿尔法专用赛车服 It's my Alfa Romeo racing suit.
-是吗 -Is it? 是的 你看好了 -Yes, it is. Look at that.
孔雀毛内衬唉 Oh! Peacock lining.
看上去好了一些 That makes it better.
这不是给Del Monte做宠物食品广告的Dick么 It's the Dick from Del Monte.
*Del Monte 美国大型食品公司
啊 原来是做广告的丁丁啊 The Cock from Del Monte.
*Dick=Cock=丁丁
一位给宠物食品做广告的丁丁 嘴里喊着 啊啊啊 The Dick from Del Monte, he says, "Ra-ra-ra!"
-当你开着辆阿尔法 -In an Alfa Romeo-- -装逼装大发了 This is tremendous!
当你开着辆阿尔法时 In an Alfa Romeo...
会打扮比会认路更重要 ...looking good is more important than looking where you're going.
-太可惜了 -That's a shame. -那你什么时候能真的好看一点呢 -When are you gonna do that?
是时候干正事了 It was now time to get down to business.
但首先 我们先熟悉一下赛道 But first, we went out for some sighting laps.
好滑啊 It's all skiddy!
这里很窄啊 是船长选的 Oh, this is very narrow. James did this.
就比我的车宽了几厘米 你脑子有病吧 That's only an inch wider than my car, you stupid man!
但是我过去了 But I'm in!
我现在到古埃及了 I'm into ancient Egypt!
看边上的画还有其他的东西 Oh, wow! Look at that! Paintings and everything!
我要绕着那不可信的战斗机绕圈 I'm gonna go around the unconvincing fighter jet.
疯了一样地推头 不是件好事 我得记着 Understeering like mad, that's not good. I must remember that.
4C的问题是它是中置引擎的 The problem you have in the 4C is it's mid-engined,
也就是说 在这样的路面 which means, on a surface like this,
前头没有重量 there's no weight over the front,
也就没有了抓地力 and that means... no grip.
不像其他两辆车 MX5的引擎是前置的 Unlike the other two, this is front-engined,
所以车尾就没有那么多的重量 so there's less weight on the back end,
这让它的车尾更灵活 which would make for a livelier back end
有更多的机会甩尾 and more time enjoying oversteer.
我要转过去了 Oh, I'm gonna spin!
这样子不行 这样子太过了 That's bad! That's too much oversteer.
权力的游戏的布景 Game Of Thrones set.
不能想龙母 I mustn't think about Khaleesi.
完了 开始想了 Oh, no! Thinking about Khaleesi, it's bad!
不能想龙母 Don't think about Khaleesi!
不 No!
卧槽 Holy crap!
是座城堡 It's a castle!
天啊 差点撞上了圣城拿撒勒 God, no! Nearly hit a bit of Nazareth then.
差点惹耶稣生气 Jesus would have been displeased.
了解了我们 Having got to know
奇怪又苛刻的赛道之后 our weird and demanding track,
我们开始计时圈了 船长是第一个 we began the timed laps, with James going first
开着他的吧轻量化 动力强的诺福克特产车 in his lightweight, powerful Norfolk-mobile.
准备好了吗 Right, are we ready, James May?
三 二 一 开始 In three, two, one... Begin!
那弯在哪来着 我可不想 Oh, where's the bend? I don't...
我靠 Oh, balls!
我们最担心的是 You know, what worries me most of all,
那个把房子抵押了开办Zenos的人 is the poor little man who's mortgaged his house to start Zenos.
还把车借给了电视上的我们 And that he's lent it to us on the television.
"是谁开来着..." "And which one's driving it? Which...?"
"哦 不" "Oh, no."
那我现在该往哪走了 Right, now what do I do?
第一个弯弄砸了 After my first-corner cock-up,
目前出师不利 尽量缩短时间 I was on the back foot, trying to make up time.
应该是往拿撒勒那边走 Heading for Nazareth, I think.
一直在打滑 All over the place!
在这绕两圈 Round and round the thingy.
快点快点快点 Fast, faster. Faster.
很可惜 这个就只能记999小时 Well... this only goes up to 999 hours, sadly.
好吧 Right.
但好在你比最大限度快 But it's OK, you were just in that time.
好吧 Yeah, mm.
船长你刚刚是边拉长脸 James, did you manage to drive
边开车的吗 whilst dragging your face along the ground?
进了好多尘 A lot of dust comes in.
你为什么不把窗户升上 Why don't you wind the windows up?
你们好幽默啊 You're funny men.
接下来 到约翰特拉沃尔塔了 Next, it was the turn of John Travolta.
*好莱坞演员
没有谁穿得那么体面 Never has anybody looked quite so good...
去跑计时圈的 ...on a timed lap.
三 二 一 出发 In three, two, one... Go!
让这一圈不要作废 Right, let's make this count.
好窄啊 Narrow!
穿着亚麻西装玩漂移 Sideways in linen!
权力的游戏的布景 Game Of Thrones set.
推头 Understeering...
转啊 转啊 Turn! Turn!
让涡轮欢快地歌唱吧 Come on, let's get that turbocharger singing!
咆哮吧 Kill it now!
嗯 他到了 Well, he arrived.
终于 到了探险家鼹鼠了 Finally, Sir John Blashford-Hammond.
*John Blashford-Snell 英国探险家
-准备好了吗 -Ready? -是的 -Yes.
三 二 一 出发 In three, two, one... Go!
好的 出发了 Right, this is it.
我一点错都不能犯 I can't afford a single error.
这一圈很重要啊 This is a hot lap!
他来了 Here he comes.
不 No!
就这样 回到演播帐篷 And with that, back to the tent.
你撞坏了 Smashed it. Smashed it.
-等一下 -Hang on a minute. -怎么了 -What?
你独自试驾时的那首歌 You know that Windmills Of Your Mind sequence in the car?
-怎么 -Yeah. -把阿尔法衬得很棒 You made the Alfa look really good in that.
-嗯哼 -Yes. -如果谁被你忽悠了去买了一辆呢 -What if somebody buys one?
你的良心会受到谴责的吧 You don't want that on your conscience.
你讲什么啊 那是一辆 What do you mean? It was a brilliant... What?
不管了 不管了 我手上有我们的成绩 Anyway, anyway, I have the results here of the laps.
第三名的是 And er... well, in third place,
开着Zenos的船长 第二名开阿尔法的猩猩 you in the Zenos; second place, you in the Alfa;
第一名 就是开着马自达的我啦 first place, the winner was me in the Mazda.
但是没有用 But it was a hollow victory,
因为我不小心毁了一小栋古代建筑 because I ruined an ancient piece of sculpture.
我想说的是 Yes, but here's the thing, OK?
在经历过重量还有速度测试之后 After the weight test and the speed test we did,
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我们学到了 we've learned...
-什么都没学到 -...nothing. -对 一点也没有 -Yeah, it's nothing. Nothing at all.
根本什么都没有 Literally nothing at all.
随着这个失望的消息 And on that terrible disappointment,
恐怕是时候说再见了 I'm afraid it's time to end.
感谢收看 Thank you so much for watching.
我们下周见 再见 See you next week. Goodbye.
再见 Goodbye!
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