It seems today that all you see
Is violence in movies and sex on TV
But where are those good old-fashioned values
On which we used to rely?
Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry
He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy!
Family Guy 10x05 Back to the Pilot 回到试播集
片名恶搞了系列电影《Back to the Future》
噢 嘿 你在这啊 Oh,hey,there you are.
听着 我搞到个很酷的东西想让你瞧瞧 Hey,listen,I got something really cool I want you to see.
什么玩意 What is it?
这个 我在院子里发现的 This.I found it in the yard.
一个网球 A tennis ball.
干得漂亮 Brian That's very impressive, Brian.
嗯 但不要告诉这附近其他的狗 Yeah, but don't tell the other dogs in the neighborhood.
他们会嫉妒我的 They'll be jealous.
你这个杂种 You son of a bitch.
而且这还不算什么 And this is nothing.
外面还有一个网球 There's one tennis ball out there
比这个更酷 因为我往上面撒尿了 that's even cooler 'cause I peed on it.
多年以前被我埋了 Buried it years ago.
但我想不起来埋哪了 I just can't remember where.
但我会想尽一切办法找出来的 I'd give anything to find it, though.
嗯 如果你能想起你埋它的精确时间 Well, if you could recall exactly when you buried it,
我想我应该能帮你搞定 I suppose I could help you out.
我还记得那天的日期 I remember the exact day.
是1999年1月31日 January 31, 1999.
很好 跟我走 Brian Very well, follow me, Brian.
小心别踩到Ernie Watch out for Ernie.
木偶剧《芝麻街》中的人物
他正在接受CAT扫描 He's getting a CAT scan.
CAT=Computerized Axial Tomography 计算机轴向断层造像术 也简称CT
好吧 我们到了 Well, here we are.
从宽屏又变回去了
这就怪了 That's odd.
这是我们的房子 但总觉得看起来不太一样 It's our house, but somehow it looks a little different.
妈 我的嘴唇太薄了 Meg:Mom, my lips are too thin.
这是S01E01的剧情 那时Meg还是由Lacey Chabert配音
带我去打胶原丰唇针好吗 Can I please get collagen injections?
Meg你不需要改变你的外表 Meg, you don't need to change the way you look.
你知道 自卑是万恶之源 You know, most of the world's problems stem from poor self-image.
上帝呀 Meg的声音怎么了 Oh,my God,what's with Meg's voice?
她听起来像某个 She sounds like someone
放弃了大好前程的人 who's about to give up a huge opportunity.
嘲讽Meg的原配音Lacey Chabert放弃了该角色
没什么 看看你 That's nothing. Look at you.
你看起来就像个墨西哥教堂嘉年华的奖品 You look like a prize at some Mexican church carnival.
太好了 Excellent.
这个思想控制器快要完工了 The mind control device is nearing completion.
Stewie 我说过吃饭时不准玩玩具 Stewie,I said no toys at the table.
去死吧 你这贱妇 Damn you, vile woman!
自从我逃离你那邪恶子宫起你就一直破坏我的杰作 You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb.
噢 别生气 小甜心 Oh, don't pout, honey.
当你出生时 医生说 You know, when you were born,the doctor said you were
你是他见过的最开心的宝宝了 the happiest looking baby he'd ever seen.
那是当然 But of course.
那是我的告捷之日 That was my victory day.
我逃离那该死的卵巢监狱 The fruition of my deeply-laid plans
的精心计划得以实现 to escape from that cursed ovarian bastille.
把控制器还给我 女人 Return the device, woman!
天啊 你是不是身边带了本同义词字典 Geez.What,did you carry a thesaurus around with you?
你知道么 这太赞了 不管我对那 You know, it's amazing I could speak at all
犹太女人说什么伤人的话她总是那个样子 with that circumcision still healing.
嘿 等等 Stewie Hey, wait a minute, Stewie.
就是那里 That's the spot!
我埋网球的地方 That's where I buried my tennis ball!
哇 哇 哇 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Brain 你在干什么 Brian, what are you doing?
你不能在这挖 You can't dig it up here.
记下你是在哪埋的就行了 Just make a mental note of where you buried it,
然后只要我们一回去 and as soon as we're back in the present,
你就能把它挖出来了 you can dig it up then.
- 为什么 - 因为我们不能冒险 - Why? - Because we can't risk
做出任何改变过去的事 doing anything that alters the past.
我一直不明白 You know, I never got that.
我是说 你难道不想改变过去么 I mean, w-wouldn't you want to alter the past?
你可以让自己活得更好 I mean, you could make life better for yourself.
而且不止你一个人 你可以让所有人都如此 And not just for yourself,for everyone.
你可以阻止9.11 You-You could stop 9/11.
Brian 时间旅行有一个规则 是这样 Brian,there's one rule of time travel, and that is:
不要用任何方法改变过去 Do not alter the past in any way
否则后果不堪设想 or the consequences could be dire.
好吧 你从哪听来的 Yeah,where'd you hear that?
《时空怪客》里 Quantum Leap.
一部讲时间旅行的电视剧
那家伙一直在改变过去 That guy changed the past all the time!
哇 好多蠢货啊 BRIAN: Whoa, ass ahoy.
嘿 Peter 现在7点了 Hey, Peter, it's 7:00
你竟然还穿着裤子 and you've still got your pants on.
你要出席什么活动么 What's the occasion?
呃 我记起这段了 Ew, I remember this.
Peter的眼睛做了那古怪瘆人的动作 Peter's eye did that weird creepy thing
它都跑到鼻子上面了 where it went over his nose.
来吧 你这是杞人忧天 Come on, you're worrying about nothing.
噢 还记得你那次在教堂 Oh?Remember when you got drunk
注意看Peter的眼睛
领圣餐时喝高了么 off the communion wine at church?
阿 呃 恶心 STEWIE:Ah! Ew! Gross!
看呐 Look at that.
等等 他们在干嘛 Wait, what are they doing?
不知道 I don't know.
他们就像僵尸一样站在那 They're just standing there like zombies.
你觉得他们还好吧 Do you think they're all right?
我…我不确定 I-I'm not sure.
然后还有在雪糕店的那次 And then there was that time at the ice cream store.
他们又僵在那了 到底TM的怎么了 They're doing it again.What the hell?
这搞得我摸不着头脑啊 I-I'm at a loss.
我是说 我知道我们不该把时间线搞乱 I mean,I know we're not supposed to mess with
但我们是不是该叫辆救护车 the timeline, but should we call an ambulance?
这太恐怖了 That is so creepy.
还有你喝了杯爱尔兰咖啡 And remember you had an Irish coffee
那天我们去看了《费城故事》 the day we went to see Philadelphia?
噢 他们…他们在放他娘的嵌入式笑话 Oh.They're do-- they're setting up the fucking cutaways.
天哪 我们以前就是这样的么 Oh, my God, is that what we did back then?
嗯 我是说 我们现在就是 Yeah,I mean,now, we just like
回回短信 混混时间 做点乱七八糟的事 return text messages and screw around and whatnot.
Lois 我明天不去上班了 Lois, I'm not going back to work tomorrow.
那新来的老板老是盯着我不放 That new boss has it in for me.
他比那狡猾的推销员还要差劲 He's meaner than a shifty salesman.
你确定这时间够抽一根么 You sure you got time to smoke?
哦 是啊 这次放的是AL Harrington的笑话 Oh, yeah, it's an Al Harrington.
NBA球员 现效力于丹佛掘金队
要放一会的 It goes on for a while.
好吧 我们已经找到你的埋球地点了 All right,look,we found out where your ball is buried.
现在我们要回去了 Now let's get back to our own time.
好 把你的回程台放出来 我们走 Okay, get the return pad.Let's go.
不能在这外面 Not out here in the open.
别人会看到的 Someone could see us.
记得么 不能改变时间线 Remember? No altering the timeline?
走 到我房间去 Come on, let's get up to my room.
嘿 等等 Stewie 我得去小个便 Hey,wait a minute, Stewie,I got to take a leak.
这会搞乱时间线么 Will it screw up the timeline
如果我未来的小便出现在过去的厕所里 if my future pee goes in a past toilet?
哦 只要它在厕所里就不会 Uh, no, as long as it goes in the toilet.
如果溅到里面的杂志上 One splash on a magazine in there,
我们可能就会被恐龙追杀了 and we're getting chased by dinosaurs.
嗯 看起来没区别 Huh.Looks more or less the same.
天哪 我的日本儿童丛书 Oh, my God, my Japanese children's books.
我把这都忘了 I forgot about these.
《你现在拉粑粑》 You Poop Now.
《Horton听说了一次谋杀》 Horton Hears a Suicide.
《会受辱的小机车》 The Little Engine That Will,Or Get Great Shame.
哦 你来了 Oh, there you are.
好了 快 Brian All right,come on, Brian.
让我们离开这儿 Let's get out of here.
见鬼 那个野蛮 STEWIE:Blast,that draggle-tailed,
笨拙的女暴君 blunt-edged,matriarchal despot!
她以为她是谁 Who the deuce does she think she is?!
快 Brian 藏起来 Quick, Brian, hide!
我应该把这致命的溅血装置巧妙地藏在 I shall cleverly disguise this lethal plasma disruptor device
金枪鱼三明治里 然后我就要终结 as a tuna fish sandwich,whereupon I shall end
那恶妇的暴虐统治 that wretched woman's Draconian reign of tyranny!
哦 嘿 Oh. Hey.
你他妹的是谁 Who the deuce are you?
呃 嗯 我…呃…我就是你 Uh, well, I'm, uh...I'm you.
你看起来像我 但这根本就不可能 You look like me, but that's utterly impossible.
恐怕这是真的 I'm afraid it's true.
我是来自未来的你 I'm you from the future.
我时间穿越了回来 I've traveled back in time.
骗猪的吧 That's absurd.
听着 我可以向你证明我是未来的你 Look,I can prove to you that I'm you from the future.
我知道那个Eddie Bauer产品目录 I know about the Eddie Bauer catalog.
美国知名服装品牌
原来是你 It is you!
好了 再见 Lois Okay, bye, Lois.
我要去参加男子聚会了 I'm going to the stag party.
Brian 你也可以出来了 Brian, you might as well come out now.
他都知道了 He knows everything.
阿哦 Uh-oh.
Brian 你还好吧 Brian, are you all right?
嗯 我很好 Yeah, I'm fine.
那玩意你从哪弄来的 Where'd you get that?
过去的Stewie比我 The Stewie from the past has
有更多的装置和玩意儿 a lot more gadgets and things than I do.
我现在有点偷懒了 I've kind of slacked off a little bit.
那聚会怎么样 看起来很好玩 How's the party?Looks like fun.
嘿 谁想来玩"喝啤酒" Hey, who wants to play"Drink the Beer"?
这里 Right here.
- 你赢了 - 好极了 - You win! - All right!
- 我赢了什么 - 另一瓶啤酒 - What do I win? - Another beer!
好吧 再看最后一眼 我们得走了 Okay, take a last look,'cause we're out of here.
哦 看那 Oh, look at that.
那真是一帮我们这些年来 There's the old gang we've gotten to know
熟悉的家伙啊 so well over the years.
电视机连插头都没插上 TV's not even plugged in.
他们当时在看A片
这怎么回事 What is this?
我们到底在哪 Where the hell are we?
第33届超级碗杯橄榄球赛今晚就要热烈开幕了 The air is electric here at Super Bowl 33 tonight.
- Stewie 怎么回事 - 我不知道 - Stewie, what's going on? - I don't know.
由于某些原因 时光机 For some reason, the time machine
没有把我们带回去 didn't take us back to the present.
我们还在1999年 We're still in 1999.
等等 我记起来了 Wait a minute.I remember this.
我想我现在正在那飞艇上 I think I'm up in that blimp.
真是惊人啊 你基本上不会开车 Amazing. You can barely drive a car,
然后他们竟然还允许你开飞艇 and yet you were allowed to fly a blimp?
是啊 美国太棒了 不是么 Yeah, America's great, isn't it?
除了南部以外 'Cept for the South.
哦 难怪回程台没把我们带回去 Oh, no wonder the return pad didn't take us all the way.
电池基本上用光了 The batteries are almost depleted.
这难道是1号电池 Are those D batteries?
是啊 自从我们那次在德国的麻烦后 Yes, ever since we had that trouble in Germany,
见S07E03德国之旅
我找到了一个解决的方法 I found a way to convert it
所以它现在用1号电池代替铀了 so it takes D batteries instead of uranium.
唯一的难题就是 我一点钱也没带 Only problem is, I didn't bring any cash with me.
你带了么 Did you?
我不认为这有什么难的 I don't think that's gonna be a problem.
妈妈咪呀 快 抓点钞票回来 Oh,my God! Quick, grab some money!
你…你有口袋么 Do you, do you have pockets?
你把钱放在口袋里 Are you putting that in pockets?
你太萌了 That's so cute.
所有人都冲到了场地中间 The crowd is storming the field!
真是一片混乱啊 This is pandemonium!
快 Brian 上来 Quick, Brian, get on!
哇 要坠毁了啊 Whoa, crash ahoy.
上帝啊 我们现在在哪 Oh, God! Now where are we?
呃 我以为我越快把钱兑现 Well,you know,I figured the sooner I cashed the check,
他们就能越早的发现错误 the sooner they'd, uh, catch their mistake.
你瞧 这点小事不值得上公堂啊 Look,why are we making a federal case out of this?
天啊 这是 Oh, man, this is the day
Peter因为救济金欺诈开庭的那天 Peter went to court for his welfare fraud.
嘿 Hey.
嗯 哦 嘿 Huh? Oh, hey.
你是那个Kool-Aid(一种饮料)家伙 You're the Kool-Aid Guy.
是啊 Yeah.
你在干嘛 What are you doing?
我在等 Just waiting.
等什么 For what?
我只是等着而已 伙计 放轻松 I'm just waiting,dude-- relax.
嘿 你知道这附近哪有卖电池的么 Hey, is there any place around here that sells batteries?
伙计们 不…别打扰我 行不 Guys, d-don't distract me, all right?
我马上就要出场了 I gotta really be up.
Griffin先生 我想你的话把我们都感动了 Mr. Griffin, I think your words have touched us all.
我判你监禁24个月 I'm sentencing you to 24 months in prison!
哦 不 哦 不 Oh, no. Oh, no.
哦 不 哦 不 Oh, no! Oh, no!
本来Kool-Aid要冲进来说Oh yeah的
所以你身体里没有器官 腺体或其他的东西是吧 So there's no organs or glands or anything, right?
只有液体 It's just the liquid?
是 是 只有液体 Yeah. Yeah, it's just the liquid.
呃 我不知道这个问题会不会太怪 Um, I don't know if this is a weird question,
但是 我能来点么 but... can I have some?
好吧 好吧 把头向后仰 All right, fine. Tilt your head back,
然后我把我的液体倒你嘴里 and I'll lean my liquid down into your mouth.
哦 现在我又不想要了 Oh, now I don't want it.
哦 见鬼 我错过了么 Oh, crap! Did I miss it?!
听着 我丈夫可能平常会有点粗心大意 Look, my husband may be a bit thoughtless at times;
他甚至是比较彻底的 呃 愚蠢 he may even be downright, well, stupid,
但我知道他唯一接受那笔钱的原因是他 but I know he only accepted that money because he...
哦耶 哦耶 耶 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Yeah!
就是你们害我的 You guys did this!
就是你们他妹的害我的 You guys fucking did this!
谈论我的肚子 Talking about my guts?!
搞我 艹你 fuck me up?!fuck you!
好吧 现在还好 Okay, this is good.
我们弄到1号电池了 We got the D batteries.
现在我们回去吧 Let's get back to the present.
好 上来 All right, get on.
我们回来了 We made it.
是啊 超级碗杯太酷了 Yeah, the Super Bowl was cool,
但老实说吧 别提Tommy Brady 也别提像Stewie的东西 but frankly,no Tommy Brady, no Stewie likey.
Tom Brady美橄榄球球星 Stewie的头像什么呢
Brian 你在这 Brian, there you are!
快来 他们要在新闻上宣布 Come quick, they're about to announce
为你的雕像揭幕了 the unveiling of your statue on the news.
雕像 为什么 Statue?! For what?
你在想什么呀 国家英雄先生 What do you think, Mr. National Hero?
当然是为了你阻止9.11恐怖袭击事件和拯救了我们的国家啦 For stopping the 9/11 terrorist attacks and saving our country.
噢 你 Oh, you--
我现在已经无法表达我对你的愤怒 I can't even express how mad I am at you right now.
如果不是因为你 If it wasn't for you,
那些飞机就会撞上世贸大厦的 those planes would've hit the World Trade Center.
Brian 你到底干了什么 Brian, what the hell did you do?!
我 呃 可能把9.11告诉了以前的我 I, uh, may have told my former self about 9/11.
我是怎么告诉你让你不要改变过去的 What did I tell you about altering the past?!
等等 你什么时候干的 Wait-Wait, when did you even do that?
呃 你还记得我说要去嘘嘘么 Well,you remember when I said I was going to take a leak?
Brian 你不应该那样做的啊 Brian, you shouldn't have done that.
谁知道我们还造成了什么不可预见的后果 Who knows what unforeseen consequences are awaiting us.
萨达姆侯赛因可能还是总统 Saddam Hussein could be president.
墨西哥可能成为超级大国 Mexico could be the world's dominant super power.
饼干怪可能已经发明了校内网 Cookie Monster could have invented Facebook!
饼干怪是木偶剧《芝麻街》中的人物
这是什么 What is this?
饼干网 Cookiebook.
Brian!
快来 要开始了 Hurry, it's starting!
晚上好 我是Tom Tucker Good evening.I'm Tom Tucker.
我是 Joyce Kinney And I'm Joyce Kinney.
今日主要新闻 Quahog准备给一座新雕像揭幕 Our top story: Quahog prepares to unveil a new statue
纪念可能是有史以来最伟大的英雄 commemorating perhaps its greatest hero ever.
是的 Tom That's right, Tom.
是10年前 一场几乎无法预见的 It was ten years ago that an almost inconceivable plot
破坏世贸大厦的阴谋 to destroy the World Trade Center
被Quahog的Brain Griffin阻止了 was thwarted by Quahog's own Brian Griffin.
这段打酱油的视频记录了Griffin的英勇行为 This amateur video captured Griffin's heroism
他直面那个阴森的恐怖组织 它叫 in the face of a shadowy terrorist organization called--
天哪 看看这些元音 holy shit,look at all those vowels--
基—地—组—织 Al Qua-aye-eeda.
这样 要保证都拍下来 Here.Make sure you get all this.
是恐怖分子恐慌的时候啦 Time to terrorize the terrorists.
呃 你竟然还准备了句顺口溜 Ugh. You prepared catch phrases for yourself?
不 不是的 No. Not necessarily.
Mohammed Atta 回家歇着吧 Mohammed Atta stayed home.
9.11事件的主犯
那时候还没人知道他的名字呢 Nobody knows that guy's name yet.
你使用了其他人未知的信息 You're using information that nobody knows.
休斯顿 我们搞定了 Houston, we have a solution.
休斯顿是用来停留的 不是每天都往那飞的 Houston's for space,not everyday air travel.
告诉他们不要让东部海岸的任何一架飞机起飞 Tell them to ground every plane out of the East Coast.
Seacrest出柜了 Seacrest out.
Ryan Seacrest 美偶像主持人
哇 真是个大英雄 Wow. What a hero.
接下来是体育新闻 Coming up next in sports:
亚利桑那红雀队的Pat Tillman Arizona Cardinal Pat Tillman
前橄榄球运动员 他在9.11事件后入伍 2004在阿富汗被友军误杀
被自己的队员截下了 tackled by his own team?
噢 Brian 我们真以你为荣 Oh,Brian,we're so proud of you.
是啊 兄弟 Yeah, buddy.
阻止那些恐怖分子真是干得漂亮 Great job stopping those terrorists.
谢天谢地他们在 And thank God their follow-up attack
圣路易斯后续攻击的计划也破产了 on St. Louis was a bust.
我们撞偏了 We missed!
Brian 我向你保证 这一切会以非常糟糕的方式结束的 Brian,I promise you,all of this can only end badly.
Stewie 没事的啦 Stewie, it's fine.
我阻止了9.11 I prevented 9/11.
这怎么是件坏事呢 How could that possibly be a bad thing?
我是说 别这样嘛 我救了 大概 200条人命 I mean, come on, I-I saved, like, 200 lives.
3,000.
哇 3000 Wow! 3,000?!
哎哟 你知道你救了多少人的 Oh, you knew what you were doing there.
插播一条重大新闻 This major breaking news just in.
9个南部的州宣称 Nine Southern states have declared
他们正式脱离美国 that they are seceding from the United States.
这条声明来自于 The announcement came
前总统小布什 from former President George W. Bush,
他在2004年总统改选惨败之后 who reformed the Confederacy
改组成立了南方联盟 after a bitter loss in his 2004 reelection bid.
这里的Confederacy特指美国内战期间南部各州成立的美利坚联盟国
布什2004年落选了吗 Bush lost in 2004?
是啊 大概是因为他不能 Yeah, he probably couldn't
利用人们对9.11事件的恐惧了吧 exploit people's fears with no 9/11.
布什今天出现在媒体面前 Bush appeared before the press today
发表了这段简短声明 to make this brief statement.
如果有谁可以 If anyone out there can get
把他们的手放在小丑的手提箱上 their hands on a clown's suitcase,
Bush背后的旗帜就是美利坚联盟国国旗
我也会非常愿意看看里面装了些什么 I'd very much like to see what's inside of there.
我想我们放错带子了 I think we have the wrong clip.
什么 没有吗 What? No?
这…这是… It... this...?
呃 好吧 刚才是小布什 Uh,okay,that was George W. Bush
向北部各州宣布内战的声明 declaring civil war on the Northern states.
上帝啊 内战 Oh, my God! Civil war?
瞧见没 Brian See, Brian?
这就是我在说的 This is exactly what I was talking about.
听着 Stewie 这不意味着 Look, Stewie, this doesn't necessarily mean
事情会向坏的一面发展 things are going to turn out badly.
事实上 我敢打赌 5年以后 In fact, I bet, five years from now,
世界还是会因为我所做的而受益的 the world will still be better off for what I did.
是这样吗 Is that so?
好吧 Brian 如果你那么自信 Well, Brian, if you're that sure of yourself,
那我们就去5年后看看 then let's go five years into the future,
- 这样你就能证明我错了 - 好 - and you can prove me wrong. - Fine.
哇 这就是未来么 Wow. This is the future?
一切都看起来圆圆的 Everything looks slicker.
嘿 Lois 我找到一些两面用的胶带 Hey, Lois, I found some double-sided tape.
我想我可以用它弄出可以笑7分钟 I think I can do about seven minutes worth
的搞笑玩意出来 of funny stuff with it.
然后可以让我们联想到Meg接吻的电话亭故事上 That should get us to the Meg kissing booth story.
哇 风格变得有点慵懒了 是吧 Wow. Things have gotten kind of lazy, huh?
嘿 Peter Hey, Peter.
谢谢你借我那套螺丝刀 Thanks for letting me borrow your screwdriver set.
我只是想告诉你 回到 You know, I just want to say how nice it is
Spooner街和你们在一起真是棒极了 to be back here with y'all on Spooner Street.
哦 我想弗吉尼亚州现在可能不太好过 Oh, I guess things didn't work out in Virginia.
Chris我听说你成绩单上有个D Chris, I heard you got a "D" on your report card.
这里是嵌入笑话 Here's a cutaway.
Matthew McConaughey太糟糕了 Matthew McConaughey is terrible.
美演员 主演过《婚礼策划者》《十日拍拖手册》等片
主啊 我们到底怎么了 Good Lord! What's happened to us?
好吧 也许是看起来不太好 Okay, maybe things seem a little off,
但是除此之外 整个世界还不错 but other than that,the world seems okay.
这正好证明了我的观点 Which proves my point.
我阻止9.11事件也没让世界变得怎么样 Me stopping 9/11 led to a world that's just fine.
那么明天见咯 Well, I'll see y'all tomorrow.
Brian也许你想看看外面 Brian, you might want to look outside.
上帝啊 Oh, my God!
噢 噢 鞋子里进石子了 Oh, oh! Pebble in my shoe!
鞋子里进石子了 鞋子里进石子了 Pebble in my shoe.Pebble in my shoe.
干得漂亮 小布 Nice work, Bri.
哎哟糟了 Whoops.
不过 至少Joe变成了机械生化人 Well, at least Joe gets to be a cyborg.
不许动 蛙格迈尔 Freeze, Frogmire.
这段恶搞了电影《终结者》
你宵禁以后还在外面 You are out past curfew,
违反了当地法令 and therefore, in violation of local ordinance.
(giggity变种?) Ribbity.
到底发生了什么 What the hell happened?
难道这些都是我造成的吗 Could I really have caused all this?
这里说你造成的美国 It says here that the new American civil war
新内战在一系列 you set into motion ended up in a series
对东海岸地区的密集核打击后结束 of concentrated nuclear strikes all along the Eastern Seaboard.
造成了1700万人的死亡 It killed 17 million people.
噢 Oh.
- 包括Cesar Millan - 不 - Including Cesar Millan. - No!
美籍墨西哥人住在加州 犬类心理学家 拍摄过著名系列剧《狗语者》
好吧 好吧 我知道了 Stewie 我搞砸了 Okay, okay, I get it--Stewie, I screwed up.
行了吧 我不应该改变过去 All right? I shouldn't have altered the past.
我们可以做点什么吗 Is there anything we can do?
呃 唯一的补救方法就是回到 Well, the only way to fix this is to return
我们刚回到过去的时候 to the moment when we first arrived in the past
然后阻止你说出9.11的事情 and stop you from spilling the beans about 9/11.
好吧 好吧 我们去吧 Okay. Okay, let's do it.
哇 好多蠢货啊 Whoa, ass ahoy.
好了 看 我们在那 All right, look, there we are.
嘿 呃 Peter 现在都7点了 Hey, uh, Peter, it's 7:00
你竟然还穿着裤子 and you've still got your pants on.
你要出席什么活动么 What's the occasion?
停下 你们两个 Stop! Both of you!
搞毛啊 你是谁 What the hell? Who are you?
我们未来的你们 We're you, from the future.
天哪 这肯定不会有什么好事 Oh, boy, this can't be good news.
- 我们搞砸了么 - 随便猜猜看 - Who screwed up? - Take a wild guess.
- 我做了什么 - 呃 现在还没 但是听好 - What did I do? - Well, nothing yet, but listen.
不管你做什么 不要告诉 Whatever you do, you cannot tell
以前的那个你 Brian 有关9.11的事 your former self-- that Brian-- about 9/11.
如果你这么做了的话 你知道的美国将不复存在 If you do, America as you know it will cease to exist.
天哪 Brian 干屌啊 My God, Brian. What the hell?
我们才来这2分钟 We've been here two minutes,
然后你就已经毁灭美国了 and already you've destroyed America.
好吧 好吧 我保证不说任何事 Okay, okay. I promise I won't say anything.
而且 如果你不给那个Stewie来个背部马杀鸡的话 Also, if you don't give that Stewie a back rub,
会把所有事情都搞砸的 it really messes everything up.
好了 我们能走了吗 All right,can we go now?
那起作用了么 Did that do it?
我们复原了过去么 Did we restore the past?
那让我们查查看 Well, let's check.
"9/11."
哦 找到了 Oh, there it is.
我们成功了 Brian We did it, Brian.
我们让9.11发生了 We made 9/11 happen.
击个掌 太好了 High five! All right!All right!
吔 击掌 Yeah! High five!
呃 那…那大概 Wow, that... that probably
看来没什么值得高兴的 wouldn't look very good out of context.
哈利波特系列作者在这儿呐 There's the writer of the Harry Potter series.
事实上哈利波特1997年就开始出版了
和麻瓜们混在一起肯定很怪吧 是不 Brian Must be weird hanging out with us Muggles, huh, Brian?
嗯 Yeah.
好吧 "洗洗更健康" Well, laundrium insertum.
这句显然是模仿了哈利波特中的咒语
对吧 Huh?
我的天哪 Oh, my God.
好吧 你明显没有自制能力 All right, you obviously have no self-control,
所以我们必须得回去再做一次 so we've got to go back and do this again.
哇 好多蠢货啊 Whoa, ass ahoy.
好了 走吧 All right, let's go.
嘿 呃 Peter 现在都7点了 Hey, uh, Peter, it's 7:00
你竟然还穿着裤子 and you've still got your pants on.
哦 嗯 这就对了 我们刚来过 Oh,yeah,that's right.We were just here.
等等 Wait!
你妹的 你谁啊 Who the devil are you?
- 我们来自未来 - 我们还不是一样 - We're from the future. - So are we.
我们来自未来的未来 We're from the further future.
我们回来阻止你 We came to stop you.
- 为什么 - 他们所做的 - Why? - What they did
其实并没有造成任何破坏 actually turns out to be damage-free.
但你们要阻止他们的行为 It's what you're about to do--stopping them--
却造成了彻底的混乱 that causes utter bedlam.
哦得了吧 Oh, come on.
等等 停下 Wait! Stop!
我们来自未来的未来的未来 We're from the further further future.
你们做的其实起作用了 What you guys do eventually works out.
事实上你你们两个要做的 It's what you two are about to do
毁灭了一切 that ruins everything!
停下 不要做任何事 Stop!Don't do anything!
噢 额滴神呐 Oh, for God's sake.
我们来自未来的未来的未来的未来 We're from the further further further future.
他们两个造成的影响其实还好 What these two do is fine.
但是你们俩做的却让事情更加糟糕了 It's what you two do that makes things worse.
- 停下 - 等等 - Stop! - Wait!
- hold住 - 停 - Hold it! - Stop!
- 等等 - 不要 - Wait! - No!
hold住 停下 Hold it! Stop!
我不知道我在这里做什么 I don't know what I'm doing here.
我只是来找罐子的 I'm just looking for the can.
- 别动 - 停下 - Don't move! - Hold it!
- 不许动 - 停下 - Freeze! - Stop!
- 等等 - 不要 - Wait! - No!
哦 上帝啊 这是为什么啊 Oh, for God's sake, why?
这就是原因(好大...) This is why!
- 别动 - 停下 - Don't move! - Hold it!
- 不许动 - 停 - Freeze! - Stop!
- 不 - 等等 - No! - Wait!
上帝啊 那是什么 Oh, my God.What's that?
我不知道发生了什么 I don't know what happened.
不知为何我们的生命形态变成这样了 This is life for some reason.
别做任何你要做的事 Don't do whatever you're about to do.
上帝会帮助我们的 God help us.
这样不可能活下去的 This is no way to live.
不 不要 停下 No, don't do it! Halt!
好了 大伙们 都TM给老子闭嘴 All right, everybody, shut the hell up!
好吧 这太狗屎了 懂吗 All right, this is (bleep),all right?
我的思维已经跟不上这里的情况了 I can't follow what's going on anymore,
我敢说你们也不行 and I'm assuming the rest of you can't, either.
所以我们来用个简单的方法 投票 So let's make this easy and take a vote.
有多少人认为要阻止9.11 How many think we should prevent 9/11?
请举手 Raise your hands.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 One, two, three, four, five,six, seven, eight, nine...
好吧 好了 看起来有42个 Okay, all right, looks like 42.
好了 投"需要9.11"的举手 All right, who votes "yes 9/11?"
好 有57个 Okay, all right, 57.
好了 9.11获胜 All right, 9/11 wins.
等等 不应该是个偶数么 Wait, wait, shouldn't it be an even number?
为什么总数是奇数 Why is the total an odd number?
哦 嗯 我想有个Brian死了 Oh, yeah, I think one of the Brians died.
什么 你什么意思 我不知道 其中的一个 What? What do you mean? I don't know-- one of them
着陆的时候喉咙被割开了 landed here with its throat slit.
等等 但是 如果其中一个我死了的话 But wait,if one of me is dead,
那剩下的我不都应该死了么 then shouldn't all the me's be dead?
Brian 我…我不知…我…这… Brian, I-I don't... I... it's...
我不知…我什么都不知道了 我… I don't... I don't know anymore. I-I...
告诉你 我觉得不会 好了吗 You know what?I guess not. A-All right?
好吧 听好 各自 Okay, listen up-- everybody, get back
小心回到你们自己的时光机 in your individual time machines very carefully.
任何人不要碰任何地方 Nobody touch anything.
没有哈里波特小说 No Harry Potter novels.
不要踩臭虫 Don't step on a bug.
不要给以前的你有利可图的建议 Don't give earlier yous investment advice.
就这样回到你们来的地方 然后待在那 Just go back to where you came from, and stay there!
好了 There.
现在 我们要去做 Now, we're going to do what we
我们一开始应该做好的事 should have done in the first place.
上来 Get on.
等等 这不就是我们刚才待的地方么 Wait a minute.Isn't this where we just were?
另外的2个我们在哪 Where are the other two us's?
他们不在这了 They're not here yet.
只是确保下这里完全没有其他我们的残留 Just to make sure there are absolutely no loose ends,
我把我们送回到 I've sent us back in time to the moment
我们最初到来之前一会 just before you and I originally arrived.
为什么 走着瞧吧 Why?You'll see.
滚回那TM的时光机里 Get the fucking back in your time machine!
啊 你们是谁 Aah! Who are you?
我们是谁不重要 Never mind who I am!
给我回到你们的时光机里 Just get back in your time machine,
回到你们的时间 然后待在那 get back to the present,and stay there!
- 听着 别紧张 - 啊 - Look, just calm down.- Aah!
你准备扇自己的嘴还是照我说的做 You gonna flap your lips or you gonna do what I said?
好吧 好吧 Okay, okay!
好了 上帝啊 All right! God!
你刚和自己说话了 You just talked to yourself.
那不会改变过去么 Won't that alter the past?
别担心 Brian Don't worry, Brian.
如果我刚才重建过去成功的话 If I was successful in restoring the past just now,
你和我就不会存在了 you and I will never have existed.
创造了我们的时间紊乱 The chronological tangent that created us
将会被抹掉 will have been erased.
哦 这会疼么 Oh. Is it going to hurt?
有一点点吧 Just a little.
嚄 Ow.
哦 上帝啊 我的腿疼死我了 Oh, God, my leg is killing me.
呃 时间旅行有风险呐 Well, time travel is risky.
每次你走进那机器 Every time you step into that machine,
你就创造了改变 you invite the possibility
我们已知世界的机会 of altering the world as we know it.
谢天谢地 那些不同版本的我们 Thankfully, the alternate versions of us
在那里阻止我们 were there to prevent us from doing
做出我们已经做了的事情 whatever it is we apparently did.
- 我想知道我们做了什么 - 我们永远也不会知道了 - I wonder what it was. - We'll never know.
但是想想好的一面 But look on the bright side.
你可能坐在这腿里有个枪眼 You might be sitting here with a hole in your leg,
但至少我们这个宇宙没有被影响到 but at least our present universe hasn't been affected.
抱歉 伙计们 我要用沙发了 Sorry, guys.I'm gonna need the couch.
我和我的兄弟们要看比赛了 The gang and I are gonna watch the game.
好吧 让我们把电视插头拔掉然后开始 All right, let's unplug the TV and get going.
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