我们说到哪了? TED:Okay where were we?
在2006年的6月 It was June of 2006,
一个意想不到的转折出现了 and life had just taken an unexpected turn.
老爸 你就不能省略这部分 Dad, can't you just skip ahead
直接说你怎么碰到妈妈吗 to the part where you meet Mom?
我感觉你好像唠叨了一年了 I feel like you've been talking for like a year.
孩子们 我所说的都很重要 Honey, all this stuff I'm telling you is important.
是这个故事的组成部分 It's all part of the story.
我能去下厕所? Could I go to the bathroom?
不行 No.
2006年的夏天既精彩又糟糕 The summer of 2006 was both wonderful and awful.
对我来说 这是个伟大的开始 For me, it started out great.
甚至可以说 那天是神奇的 In fact, day one was amazing.
我终于和罗宾走到了一起 I'd finally gotten together with Robin.
当我还在享受 生命中最美好的一夜时 But while I'd been off having one of the best nights
你们的马修叔叔 of my life, your uncle Marshall
度过了最痛苦的一夜 had been having one of the worst nights of his.
我们玩完了? 我们分手了? MARSHALL: So that's it? We're breaking up?
马修 对不起 我只是... Marshall, I'm sorry. I just...
我只是想去 I just need to go
旧金山完成这个项目 顺便想想... to San Francisco and do this art program and-and figure out
没有了你 我将会怎样 who I am outside of us.
而且唯一 And the only way
能让想清楚的办法是 一段时间内我们不联系 that I can do that is if... if we don't talk for a while.
一段时间 For a while.
永远别再见面 如何 Try never, okay?
你走出这扇门 我们就彻底玩完 You walk out that door, and we're done.
你再也别想听到我的声音 You're never going to hear my voice again.
- 我必须打电话给她 - 不 不 I should call her. No, No.
- 泰德 这... - 她已经叫你不要联系 Ted it is-- If you call her
而你还打电话给他 那就表示你处于弱势 when she asked you not to you're just going to look weak
你会为此后悔的 and you're going to regret it.
听着无论什么时候你想打电话 Now, listen, whenever you feel like calling her,
你先来告诉我 you come find me first.
然后我就给你一拳 And I will punch you in the face.
泰德 你的确是我的好哥们 You're a good friend, Ted.
你知道那个爆炸性新闻? Hey. So, did you hear the big news?
你是说莉莉跟马修分手的事? You mean how Lily and Marshall broke up,
而且莉莉离开了纽约 除了这之外 and Lily's gone and nothing else
昨晚就没有发生 任何有一点点重要的事了 even remotely important happened last night,
这件事我想他已经知道了 yeah, I think he knows.
天那 Oh, my God.
真...真不好意思 I-I'm so sorry. Wh--
发生什么事了? What happened?
她走了 Well, she left.
而且我不知道她是否会再回来 And I don't even know if she's coming back.
我醒过来才看到你的信息 I didn't get your message until I woke up.
哥们 不好意思 Bro, I am so sorry.
谢谢 Thanks.
我知道这很痛苦 I know it must be tough,
但你现在打起精神听我说几句 but are you ready to hear something
这不仅会让你不再难过 that will not only make you feel better,
还会让你兴奋 but will actively excite you?
行 Sure.
生命中第一次 我们三人同时 For the first time, ever, the three of us are single
单身 at the same time.
我做梦都想着这一天 I've dreamed about this day, boys,
这将成为一个 and it's going to be
传奇 legendary.
三人合力 我们将拥有这城市 Together, we will own this city.
当任何一个女孩子 想重回前男友的怀抱时 Anytime a girl wants to get back at her ex-boyfriends,
我们将出现她的身边 we'll be there.
任何一个女孩 由于缺乏父爱而放荡堕落时 Anytime a girl wants to solve through promiscuity and binge her father issues drinking,
我们将出现在她的身边 we will be there
任何单身派对 只要当女孩们 Anytime a bachelorette party drives through the city
开着豪华车 从天窗里探出头大叫 in a limo, sticking their heads out the sunroof shouting,
纽约 你好 (mimicking female voice): "What's up, New York?"
我们也讲出现她们的身边 we will be what is up New York.
各位男士 我们将开创 Gentlemen, we are about to embark on...
你们两不会有一腿了? Aw, man, you guys did it, didn't you?
这个夏天我懂得了一件事 One thing I learned that summer
一个人的爱情开始时 is that when love is beginning...
一个人的爱情结束时 (moans) ...and love is ending,
头三十天的生活非常相似 the first 30 days are remarkably similar.
第一点 大部分时间都在床上 For one thing, you spend most of your time in bed.
第二 你的朋友忍受不了你的唠叨 Your friends can't stand to listen to you.
他很怕痒 He's so ticklish.
那真的是首很好听的歌曲 It was a really beautiful song.
如此...愚蠢 So... stupid, man. (mimicking choking)
第三 在家只穿内裤 And you never seem to wear pants.
马修 Hey, Marshall.
泰德 Hey, Ted.
- 你饿了吗 - 吃东西有意义吗 You hungry? What's the point?
我吃下的东西 I could eat some food.
也会变成排泄物离开我 It's just going to leave me.
至少那时候是你在抛弃 (dump 双关 拉大便 抛弃) Well, at least in that scenario you get to do the dumping.
打点精神 这是星期天 Come on, it's Sunday.
今天是吃煎饼的日子 It's pancakes day.
莉莉今天总是做煎饼 Lily always made the pancakes.
我太喜欢她做的煎饼了 God, I loved her pancakes.
软硬适中 So soft.
温度正好 So warm.
形状还那么好看 So perfectly shaped.
这还算是讨论煎饼? Are we still talking about her pancakes?
说吧 想吃什么 我给你做点 Come on, you got to eat something; what can I get you?
啤酒 Beer.
不行 晚上才能喝 No, that's what you had for dinner.
好吧 Fine.
那我只好喝昨天剩下的 Then I'll just have leftovers.
他就每天呆在家 BARNEY: So, he stays home
不去泡妞? all the time not getting laid?
知道吗 No, see,
别人只有在有了 未婚妻的时候才会这样 that's what you do when you have a fianc\e.
他应该来这里庆祝 He should be down here celebrating.
他自由了 He's free.
他终于摆脱了那红毛怪物的纠缠 He got that redheaded tumor removed.
你应该去写儿童文学 You should write and illustrate children's books.
你们知道马修应该怎么办吗 You know what Marshall needs to do.
他不能再伤心 He needs to stop being sad.
每当我伤心的时候 我就立刻不伤心而且精神百倍 When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.
绝对真实 True story.
现在才一个月 It's only been a month.
他必须要找回自我 He just needs to go at his own pace.
不管怎么说 莉莉是罪魁祸首 Anyway, Lily's the one who caused this whole mess.
不要说她的坏话了 Hey, cut her some slack.
她毕竟是我们的朋友 She's our friend, too.
她只不过想努力了解自己 She's just trying to figure out who she is.
了解自己? Figure out who she is?
她应该打电话给我 我可以给她列个清单 Yeah, she should call me; I got a whole list.
她自私 She's selfish.
她幼稚 She's immature.
她... She's...
什么 What?
天那 你眼睛好蓝啊 God, your eyes are so blue.
泰迪熊 (泰德的昵称) Aw, Teddy Bear.
那是... (mimics sword unsheathing) Oh that's a...
我现在的感觉不能再好了 Yeah, it was hard to feel too bad.
我在和我的梦中情人约会 I was dating the woman of my dreams,
一切都那么美妙 and things were going great.
应该说大部分 Well, for the most part.
我发现了她的香波 So, I found her shampoo.
可能是她落这里了 MARSHALL: I guess she left it here.
闻起来很像她 It smells like her.
有薰衣草 贝壳的味道 还有希望的味道 Like lavender and seashells and hope.
不知何故 闻到这股味道 Somehow,
就让我感到满足和舒服 erotic and comforting all at the same time.
这是我的香波 That's my shampoo.
不好意思 Oh, sorry.
我感觉他好像从不睡觉 Mmm, I thought he'd never go to sleep.
怎么了 Uh-oh. Already?
他在给莉莉打电话 He's calling her.
- 我什么都没听见 - 他在给她打电话 I don't hear any-- He's calling her.
不要 No. (screams)
你说的对 我不会给她打电话了 MARSHALL: Okay, you're right, I won't call her.
我不打了 I will not call her.
我刚刚打了电话给她 Well, I called her.
知道了 And get this,
她换了号码 she changed her number.
好像是防止我去跟踪她 What, like I'm going to stalk her,
好像她很特别 or something? Like she's so special.
好像她是唯一的莉莉·艾得仁 Like she's the only Lily Aldrin out there.
其实单单在旧金山 就有四个莉莉·艾得仁 'Cause there are four others in the San Francisco area alone,
而且我跟她们短暂通话之后 and they all seem a lot better than her
发现她们都比我的莉莉要好 based on the brief conversations I had with them.
他知道我在这? Does he know I'm in here?
是的 罗宾 Yeah, hey, Robin.
但其中一个莉莉·艾得仁说... Anyways, one of the Lily Aldrins said...
不能在这样下去了 This has to stop.
泰德 我们才刚开始约会 Ted, we just started dating.
我们都同意不要进展太迅速 We agreed we don't want to move too fast,
但莫名其妙的我们有了孩子(马修) and yet somehow, we have a baby.
他不吃饭 He can't feed himself.
经常哭 半夜不睡觉 He cries a lot, he keeps us up all night.
你没有试过母乳喂养? Have you tried breast-feeding?
你应该好好喂一喂 Nailed it!
他们在一起有九年了 Look, they were together nine years.
现在才过了一个月 It's only been a month and a half.
他需要点时间来找回自我 He just needs to go at his own pace.
他昨晚睡 在我们房间的地板上 He slept on our floor last night, Ted.
那是因为他看了恐怖片 He watched a scary movie.
他现在必须要学会坚强 It is time for some tough love.
我们要让他去公寓外面走走 We need to get him out of that apartment.
他需要新鲜空气 He needs fresh air.
他需要阳光 He needs sunshine.
对 阳光 Mmm, sunshine.
欢迎上台 阳光 (演员的名字) ANNOUNCER (over speaker): Please welcome to the stage, Sunshine.
但我真的不觉得真有什么用 All right, I really don't think this is going to help.
你知道你为什么忘不掉莉莉? Do you know why you're not over Lily yet?
那是因为你还能想起她的胴体 It's 'cause you can still picture her naked.
除非你忘了她的咪咪啥样 You can't get over a woman until you can no longer
你才能忘了他 这是有科学根据的 picture her boobs; it's a scientific fact.
一般男性大脑只能储存一定数量的 The average male brain can only store a finite number
咪咪图像 of boob images or "b-pegs".
现在你大脑里的图像都是莉莉的 And your hard drive's filled to capacity with Lily's.
很多 很多 There are a lot of them.
除非你储存新的图像 否则它们不会消失 Well, they won't go away until you overwrite them
否则它们不会消失 with images of other women's boobs.
但这个过程需要你看 Now, this journey may take
n个别的女孩的咪咪 as many as a million boobs,
哥们 让我们从今晚开始吧 so we begin here tonight, my friend.
一次看两个 Two at a time.
两个大的可以当四个 Those count as four.
真太有意思了 Yeah. This is fun right?
我们出来了 今天天气不错 We're outside, it's a beautiful day.
印地安人队会赢 The Indians are winning.
我必须承认 I got to admit,
出来散散心确实不错 it is really nice to be outside.
扬基队的球迷们 ANNOUNCER (over speaker): Yankee fans,
现在大家请看大屏幕 please turn your attention to the Diamond Vision
看看我们在休息时间里的惊喜 for a special seventh-inning-stretch surprise.
不要 Oh, no.
他是在骗你 It's all a big lie!
她会伤透你的心 She's just going to break your heart.
你可以把我拉出去 但她还是一样会辜负你 You can drag me out of here, but she has no soul!
我们什么都试过了 棒球...脱衣舞... We've tried everything-- baseball, strippers.
但这家伙还是不买我们的帐 The guy still won't eat a damn pancake.
我觉得他已经不可救药了 I think he's beyond repair.
这就是你们的问题了 See, this is the problem with guys.
你们不知道怎么去安慰心碎的人 You don't know how to deal with heartbreak.
那说说你的药方 雌激素大夫 Oh, and what's your prescription, Dr. Estrogen?
吃吃哈根达斯 看看真爱至上 Eat Haagen-Dazs and watch Love Actually,
直到你们两个一起来月经 till your periods sync up.
就这样打 Yeah, that's the stuff.
天那 Oh, my God.
你会这个有多久了吗 How long have you been doing this?
我小时候 我爸就教我射击了 Well, my dad taught me to me shoot when I was a kid.
当我心情不好或寂寞的时候 我就来这里 Whenever I'm feeling lonely or depressed, I come here,
这会让我想到... and it reminds me that...
射击很好玩 guns are fun.
你知道 泰德对枪支很反感 Um, you know, Ted is kind of against guns.
所以泰德必须 And that's why
永远也发现不了这个地方 Ted's never going to find out about this.
这听起来有点恐怖啊 Whoa, that sounded kind of scary
还拿着枪 对吧 with me holding a gun, didn't it?
不 不 我意思是 No, I-I just mean,
请别跟他说 please don't tell Ted.
你试一下吧 You want to try?
太好了 Only hell yeah.
爽啊 爽啊 这正是我需要的 Oh, yeah, yeah, this is what I needed.
这段时间来 我一直感觉自己很无力 I felt so powerless this whole time,
但这 but this... (laughs)
这就是力量 this is power.
这是... This is... (gasps)
我该先跟你说有后坐力的 I should of mentioned the recoil.
我不得不夸下你 马修是满脸笑容的回来的 I got to hand it to you, when he got home,
你跟他上床了? Marshall was smiling-- did you sleep with him?
因为我好像 三天没和你上床了 'Cause I was actually, like, three days away
没和你上床了 from suggesting that.
有时候 你所需要的只是稍微 Sometimes, all you need is to get in touch
理性的想一想我会这么干吗 with your feminine side.
爽啊 太爽了 Yeah, yeah!
恭喜你 Well, congratulations.
你是这个夏天 第一个让他高兴起来的人 You're the first person to cheer him up all summer.
- 你赢了 - 我赢得什么了吗 You win. Oh, what do I win?
我正要告诉你赢了什么 I'll tell you what you win:
这个周末我要带你去度假 I'm taking you away this weekend.
你? You are? Mmm.
不错 That's so nice.
我叔叔在孟托克海滩边有间房子 Yeah, my aunt and uncle have a beach house
那是个非常浪漫的地方 out in Montauk, oh, it's really romantic.
我叔叔在那出过三次轨 My uncle's had like three affairs there.
那肯定是个很美的地方 Wow, must be a nice house,
我看过你叔叔的照片 I've seen pictures of your uncle.
这太好了 This is going to be so great.
我们终于可以单独在一块了 We'll finally get some time alone.
你确定马修一个人会没事? Are you sure Marshall's going to be okay with this?
绝对没问题 Yeah, absolutely.
哥们 我已经好多了 Dude, I'm doing much better. Oh.
开我的车吧 In fact, take my car.
- 真的? - 对 Really? Yeah.
谢谢了... Hey, thanks... and, hey,
如果你任何时候需要我 只管打我电话 if you need anything day or night, just call me--
你知道吗... 最好别打电话 You know what, please don't call me.
怎么啦 What? What's wrong?
这是莉莉的信用卡账单 It's, uh, Lily's credit card bill.
她肯定是忘了 She must have forgotten
换地址了 to switch her address.
那? So?
所以我想知道她在旧金山 So, I wonder what kind of charges she's making
- 都有什么支出 - 不行... out there in San Francisco. No.
看这东西对你没有好处 No, no good can come from looking at this.
你已经好了很多了 You've made too much progress already.
- 我知道 我只是... 可能... - 不要! I know but I just, maybe the-- No!
你将来会感谢我的 You're going to thank me for this.
泰德 你确实是个好哥们 You're a good friend, Ted.
八月五号 一笔支出 门票 August 5th, one charge-- tickets.
去哪的? 乔治·华盛顿和P·芬克全明星的演唱会 To what? George Clinton and the P-Funk All-Stars.
八月十号 一笔支出 网球中心 August 10th, one charge: Tennis Emporium.
八月十号 两笔支出 August 18th, two charges:
在玛丽奥·毕斯托吃饭 还买了宠物王国的东西 Mario's Bistro and, get this, Pet Palace.
你们知道这意味着什么? You guys see what this means, right?
玛丽奥·毕斯托餐厅 Wow, Mario's Bistro.
这里绝对是个鬼混的好地方 What a perfect place to whore around.
对我的小莉莉来说 这里是最好的 Only the best for my little Lily pad.
芬克音乐传奇人物 乔治·华盛顿 Oh, funk legend George Clinton,
我太开心了 你在演唱会时注意到我 I am so glad you spotted me at your concert
还让我当了柯特妮·考克斯一把 (扮演过一个被拉上和歌星一起跳舞的演员) and dragged me onstage to dance with you Courtney Cox-style.
我也很开心 你愿意和我一起打网球 And I'm so glad you agreed to play tennis with me.
你知道吗 马修求我打网球 Aw.
求了九年 You know, Marshall tried to get me to play tennis for nine years,
但我从没同意 因为我根本不爱他 but I didn't do it, because I never truly loved him.
我给你准备了件礼物 I got you a gift.
雪貂 Oh. A ferret.
那我去隔壁的 宠物王国买点宠物粮 Oh, I'll buy it some food next door at the Pet Palace.
我一直想要只雪貂 Oh, I've always wanted one,
但马修有个秘密 雪貂恐惧症 but Marshall had this secret phobia of ferrets.
我敢打赌 他警告过你 这是不可告人的 I bet that's something he made you promise not to tell nobody.
是的 (laughing): It was.
我爱你 芬克传奇 乔治·华盛顿 Oh. I love you, funk legend George Clinton.
我也爱你 莉莉 I love you, too, Lily.
马修 她是我的 That's right, Marshall, she's all mine.
现在我允许你玩弄我的头发 Now I'm gonna let her play with my hair.
这是我听过的最荒诞的事了 That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.
对啊 你为什么怕雪貂啊 Yeah, why are you afraid of ferrets?
它们很可爱 They're adorable.
因为它们看起来 像毛茸茸的筒状的老鼠 Because, Robin, they're like fuzzy, tube-shaped rats.
这些支出大概是一个月之前了 Plus, those charges are from, like, a month ago.
想要看新的支出 Exactly. For new charges,
你要上网查她的账号 you have to go to her online account.
你可以看到两小时之前的支出 You can see credit card activity from, like, two hours ago.
但 你不会... But, you know, don't.
你为什么要说 Why do you talk?
你为什么要说 Why do you talk?!
他需要她的密码 BARNEY: He needs her password.
他不可能有密码的 It's not like he has her password.
不妙 他还真有密码 Ooh, this is good, he has her password.
这是今天早些时候的支出 There's a charge from earlier today:
凯乐特饭店五楼 the Kellett Hotel on 5th.
难以置信 I don't believe this.
莉莉回纽约了 Lily's back in New York.
难以置信 I can't believe this.
莉莉回纽约了? Lily's in New York?
我以为 I-I guess I've been thinking
她一旦回来 就会打电话给我 when she got back, she'd call me.
这是唯一的理由 That's really the only reason
让我在整个夏天 忍住不打电话给她 I've been able to hold it together so far this summer.
你那样也算 "忍住了" This has been "holding it together"?
你知道吗 我要打电话给她 Okay, you know what? I'm calling her.
不要 泰德 把电话给我 No. Ted, give me the phone.
你不能打电话给他 打电话没有任何作用 You're not calling her, this changes nothing.
你 来这 You, come here.
这个周末我们要出去 Look, while we're away this weekend, can you keep
你能照看下他? 确保他不打电话给那个饭店 an eye on him, make sure he doesn't call that hotel?
你要像看小孩样看他 You want me to babysit him?
20美元 (laughs) 20 bucks.
每小时 An hour.
不包括比萨的钱 And money for pizza.
你考虑下 你是愿意免费做呢 Uh, yeah, how about you do it for free
还是每次我们出去 你就要看到这个 or every time we hang out, you have to watch this?
来 Come here. Ooh.
我蓝眼镜的宝贝 亲亲 好甜 好甜 My little blue-eyed baby, baby lips. Ooh, ooh, sugar, sugar...
够了 我免费干 Okay, I'll do it!
不要再恶心了 Stop being a couple.
马修 马修 马修! Marshall. Marshall, Marshall!
- 我知道不该这么这么 但我必须这么作 - 你打电话给他了 Ted, I know I shouldn't do this, but I have to! You call her
我们在一起九年了 但过去为之努力的一切 We were together for nine years! and everything we've been working so hard for
现在都要被冲进马桶 is completely flushed down the toi...
你好 帮我接莉莉·艾得仁的房间 Hello, Lily Aldrin's room, please.
- 谢谢 - 马上挂掉 Thank you. Hang up now.
- 泰德 我不能挂 - 马上挂掉 Ted, I can't hang up now. Hang up now.
箭在弦上 不得不发 我知道你不会同意我打的 The missiles are in the air, and I know that you don't approve.
- 挂掉 - 你好 Hang up. Hello.
一个男的接的电话 Uh, a guy answered.
有...有个男的在她房间 There's-there's a guy in her room.
我要去那饭店 I'm going down there.
哥们 你不能这么干 BARNEY: Dude, you can't do that.
我必须去那 I have to go down there, and I have
我要告诉她 我爱他 即使要我跪下 to tell her I love her; I have to beg her to take me back,
我也在所不惜 even if I have to get down on my knees.
- 马修 你不能这么做 - 真的吗 为什么? Marshall, you can't do that. Oh, really, why not?
56天 TED: 56 days.
我花了这么长的时间 才让马修找回了点自我 That's how long it took me to get right about here.
因为你太软弱了 Because you're pathetic!
我很抱歉 但是现在 你不是马修 I'm sorry, but right now, you are not Marshall.
你是马修的影子 一只可怜的 You are the miserable,
只会闻香波的鼻涕虫 whining, shampoo-sniffing ghost of Marshall,
坦白的说 现在的你 and frankly, a guy like you
去找莉莉根本没有机会 doesn't have a shot in hell with a girl like Lily.
你知道 You know who might have a shot
谁有机会 somewhere down the line?
马修 Marshall.
真正的马修 The real Marshall.
如果你就现在这幅孬种样过去 But if you go down there right now like this, you're going
你肯定会把事情搞得一团糟 原来的马修绝饶不了你 to blow it for him, and he's never going to forgive you.
当然 不管我怎么说 Of course, whatever I say,
你还可以作截然相反的事 you're just going to do the opposite,
祝你周末愉快 so have a great weekend.
希望你不要搞砸了 Good luck screwing up your life.
走吧 罗宾 Come on, Robin.
我现在还能借你的车? Is it still okay if we borrow the car?
无耻...无耻的还敢借车 Bold. Bold to go for the car.
什么? What?
我没说什么 I didn't say a thing.
你肯定觉得我对他太残忍了 You think I was too hard on him.
我什么都没说 I didn't say a thing. (scoffs)
我不敢相信 你竟然觉得我对他太残忍了 I can't believe you're accusing me of being too hard on him.
你还曾说 爱是残忍的 You're the one who said "tough love."
对 爱是残酷的 但并不是"你去买斤面条上吊吧" Yeah, tough love, not "hand the guy a noose."
那给别人把大口径的手枪就没问题了? Oh, but it's okay to hand him a nine millimeter?
他跟我说了 Yeah, he told me.
这么说你是枪痴 So you're a gun nut?
- 我只是个枪支爱好者 - 你知道一年有多少人 No, I'm a gun enthusiast. Do you know how many people
- 死于枪械 - 宪法第二条 are killed each year The Second Amendment
允许公民携带武器 并在意外情况下 protects my right to bear arms... in accidents...
好了 好了 好了 All right, all right, all right.
我确实对他太残忍了 I was too hard on him.
有点 A little.
我打个电话个巴尼 看看他们在干嘛 I'm going to call Barney, see how they're doing.
这是巴尼 (phone rings) Go for Barney.
你们在哪吗 Oh, hey, where are you guys?
我们正在捐款 We're at a fundraiser,
为读不起社会大学的贫困女孩捐款 helping young women raise money for community college.
脱衣舞夜总会 不错啊 Strip club, nice.
马修怎么样吗 Is Marshall okay? (laughs)
他在这 他很好 Yeah, he's here and he's great.
等等 马修呢 Uh, hang on. Marshall?
跟泰德说 Tell Ted that--
准备好了? Uh-oh. Already?
怎么 怎么了 What? What uh-oh?
他不见了 He's gone.
你把他弄丢了? You lost him?
难以置信 I can't believe this.
他一定是去那家饭店了 He's going to go down to that hotel.
郁闷 你说的对 Crap, you're right.
好 这是计划 Okay, okay, here's the plan, here's the plan.
你去饭店找到他 You go down to the hotel and find him.
我呆在这 跳段大腿舞 (舞女坐在对方大腿上跳) I'll stay here and get a lap dance.
我数到三 二 一 On three. One, two...
巴尼 Barney!
你叔叔的房子里有浴缸? Was there a hot tub at your uncle's place?
有个很漂亮的浴缸 A really nice one.
你能告诉我 莉莉·艾得仁住哪个房间? Hi, uh, could you tell me what room Lily Aldrin's in?
马修 Marshall.
怎么了 (chuckling): Hey. What happened?
当我走到了莉莉的那一层楼 Well, I went up to Lily's floor,
我脑子里一直在想 and I had this little speech in my head--
我要告诉她这个夏天 我想告诉他的一切 everything I've been wanting to say to her all summer
爱情 忠诚 尊重 about love, loyalty, respect.
我敲了敲门 I knocked on the door.
于是你揍了莉莉的新欢 So you knocked out Lily's new boyfriend?
对 Yeah.
那个不是莉莉的男朋友 It wasn't Lily's boyfriend.
什么?那他是谁? What? Who-- who was it?
他的名字是乔伊·阿德里安 TED: His name was Joey Adalian, although he went by a number
虽然用过几个化名 但确认有过案底 of aliases in his years as an identity thief.
事情是这样 今年夏天 Apparently, earlier in the summer...
这太不好意思了 LILY: Oh, this is so embarrassing.
我发誓我有零钱的 I-I could have sworn I had some change.
我知道 我知道 I know, I know.
对不起 I'm sorry.
找到了 Oh, here we go.
不对 这是个纽扣 No, that's-that's a button.
这是个纽扣 It was a button.
你们这可以刷卡的吧 Do you, uh, take credit cards?
当然了 Yes, I do.
这么说莉莉没回纽约 So Lily's not back in town,
她也没有男朋友 and she doesn't have a boyfriend?
这是好消息 对吧 Th-That's good news, right?
我也说不清 Yeah. I don't know.
那些信用卡的支出纪录 Those credit card charges
是我和她仅存的联系 were the only remaining connection I had to her.
现在我不知道她在哪? 她在干什么? I don't know where she is or what she's doing.
哥们 她就是我的生命 但现在她却杳无音信 She was my whole life, man, and now she's-she's gone.
我第一天去大学的时候 You know, first day of college, I showed up,
我有点战战兢兢 I was so freaked out,
然后我就去我的宿舍 看到了我的室友 and-and I got up to my room, and there was my roommate,
躺在床上 脚翘在墙上 lying on the bed with his feet up on the wall.
带着耳机 看着我一脸傻笑 Had headphones on, big smile on his face
什么话都没说 like he just didn't give a crap.
快乐 Happy.
自信 无所畏惧 Confident. Not afraid of anything.
那个人就是你 That guy was you.
遇见莉莉之前的你 You before you met Lily.
泰德 Ted?
怎么? Yeah?
我那天我很爽 I was high that day.
我... I was.
我非常爽 看到你 我还以为校长来了 I was so high, I thought you were the dean.
我...我想说的是 Wh-What I'm saying is
没有莉莉 你也尝试下另外种活法 there's a version of you without Lily,
不是现在这样 and it's not this.
莉莉只是偷走了身份证 You can't let Lily steal your identity
但你的魂都被莉莉钩走了 the way that guy stole hers.
好的 Okay.
好了 我下决心了 Okay, resolved.
从明天开始 我不再伤心了 Starting tomorrow, I'm going to start being okay.
干杯 干杯 Cheers. Cheers.
但他并没有做到 But he wasn't,
因为生活不可能是一帆风顺的 'cause that's not how life works.
第二天 他发现了莉莉的袜子 The next day, he found one of her socks or something,
然后一切又回到了从前 and we were back to square one.
然后 一天早上 And then, one morning...
我觉你应该过来看看 Ted, I think you should see this.
这怎么回事啊 Oh, no, what now?
马修 你在干嘛啊 Marshall, what are you doing?
今天是星期天 It's Sunday.
吃煎饼的日子 It's pancakes day.
终于 在67天零 It took him 67 days
一个及其难吃的煎饼之后 and one really disgusting batch of pancakes...
好吃 So good.
对 好吃 Mmm. So good.
真正的马修终于回来了 ...but Marshall had come back from the dead.
唯一能根治伤心的东西 不是 棒球 脱衣舞 也不是枪 Because while baseball, strippers, and guns can help,
而是时间 the only thing that can really heal a broken heart is time.