慾望城市
（性愛專家凱莉布雷蕭）
’殘酷的真相’
兩年前﹐我朋友蘇珊雪倫 Two years ago, my friend Susan Sharon...
義大利喀什米爾羊毛運動服 東岸代理商 ...the East Coast rep for a line of Italian cashmere sportswear...
嫁給一個脾氣非常暴躁的男人 ...married a mean man.
我跟你說過聽完CD要怎樣？ What did I tell you about listening to my CDs?
你把娜塔莉放到U2的盒子裡了 You put Natalie Imbruglia back in U2!
現在我跟她每年只見一兩次面 通常是當她丈夫出城的時候 Now, I only see her once or twice a year...
...generally when her husband is out of town.
我不記得晚餐前 是否吃過安眠藥 Now, I can't remember if I've taken my Halcion before dinner or not.
所以我又吃了一顆 喝了杯雞尾酒﹐不覺得痛苦 So I take another one, I have a cocktail, I'm feeling no pain.
接下來我只知道 空姐正賞我巴掌﹐想把我打醒 The next thing I know, this freaked out stewardess is slapping me awake.
「夫人…到了…」
我睜開眼睛環顧機艙 人都走光了 I open my eyes, I look around the plane, it's completely empty.
-飛機半小時前在米蘭降落了 -我的天 - We'd landed in Milan 30 minutes ago. - My God.
我要送你一個禮物 Come up to my apartment because I have something for you.
-這裡看起來好氣派 -小聲一點﹐理查睡著了 The place looks fantastic!
Richard's asleep.
在…？好的 In here?
蘇珊雪倫和她丈夫的公寓 裝潢得好講究 Susan Sharon and her husband had one of those very adult apartments...
我覺得自己像個16歲少女 ...that made me feel like I was 16 visiting the home of a friend...
去朋友家玩﹐她父母卻認為 我會帶壞他們的孩子
...whose parents thought I was a bad influence.
生日快樂﹐凱莉… Happy birthday, Carrie.
You didn't have to.
-我知道還沒到 -天啊 I know it's a little early.
-蘇珊雪倫﹐好漂亮 -這是百分之百喀什米爾羊毛 It's beautiful.
It's 100 percent Italian cashmere and light as a feather.
-輕得像羽毛一樣 -我好喜歡﹐這是金錢的奇蹟
God, I love it.
It's a "cashmere-ical."
你知道巴尼百貨賣多少錢？ 九百塊 - Guess what Barneys gets for this. - Don't tell me.
- $900. - $900 for a scarf? No.
九百塊一條圍巾？不會吧…
我可以拿去退嗎？ 換現金比較實在 - Do you mind if I return it? I need cash. - Why not?
有何不可？你以為它為甚麼 又稱做「全是錢」？
Why do you think they call it "cash-mere"?
-到底在搞甚麼鬼？ -抱歉﹐親愛的﹐凱莉想到… - What the hell is going on? - Sorry, honey.
- But Carrie had this idea about returning... - What...
我們對於九點以後接待訪客 定了甚麼協議？
...was our agreement about visitors after 9:00 p. M?
-我知道﹐但她生日快到了… -我的作息是以倫敦時間為準 - I know, it's her birthday. - I'm on London time!
再過三小時開市﹐我就得起床 I've got to be up in three hours when the markets open.
拜託你們去別的地方狂歡 我會感激不盡 I'd really appreciate it if you'd take the fucking noise somewhere else.
-我再打電話給你 -別理他… - I'll call you. - Just ignore him. You don't have to leave.
沒關係… It's okay.
-晚安 -滾出去 - Goodnight, Grumpy. - Get the fuck out of my house!
跟神經質的另一半爭執 是不明智的 Taunting the psychotic spouse, I realized, was not a wise move.
你給我閉嘴 Just shut the fuck up!
她的婚姻真有那麼糟 還是吵架只是前戲的形式？ I wondered...
...could their marriage be that bad, or was their fighting a form of foreplay?
無論如何 我的角色只不過是催化劑 In which case, I was merely the catalyst to get things going.
-喂？ -對不起﹐我覺得好丟臉
I am so sorry.
I'm so embarrassed.
沒有必要﹐他只是疲倦而暴躁 Don't be.
He's just tired and cranky.
那就是典型的理查 專制跋扈以及情緒化的辱罵 That was classic Richard:
Tyrannical, emotionally abusive. I don't know what to do anymore.
-我不知道該拿他怎麼辦 -也許今晚的事…
Maybe there were special circumstances tonight.
他工作賣力､睡眠不足… 我才不在乎 He works hard. He's sleep deprived.
Blah, blah, blah. I don't give a shit!
-若是你會怎麼做？離開嗎？ -如果情況沒有改善的話 What would you do? Would you leave?
If things didn't change...
情況的確沒改善﹐也不會改善 They haven't, and they won't.
-你認為我該離開他嗎？ -如果你不快樂﹐人生很短暫 Do you think I should leave him?
If you're not happy, you know, life's too short.
-我得掛線了 -掛掉電話之際我意識到 I gotta go.
As I hung up, I realized I had been placed in a classic no-win situation.
自己剛陷入一個 吃力不討好的處境
你絕不能勸朋友離開她的丈夫 Telling a friend to leave her husband is something you just don't do.
如果她真的跟他分手 那便是你的錯 If they do break up, it's your fault.
如果沒分手﹐而她知道 你的想法﹐可能會跟你絕交 If they don't, she knows you think they should...
...and therefore, can't speak to you again. You're screwed.
-不管怎樣﹐倒楣的都是你 -可惜﹐喀什米爾的通路斷了
It's a shame. There goes your cashmere connection.
她在我脆弱的時刻找上我 我累了 She had me at a weak moment. I was tired, I'd been chased out of her apartment.
我生日快到了﹐我太多話了 I have a birthday looming.
- I said too much. - No, in an intimate relationship...
不﹐在一段親密關係中 你應該要能暢所欲言
...you should be able to say anything. - I disagree.
我不同意
我知道的戀情幾乎都建築在 謊言的基礎上 Practically all the relationships I know are based on a foundation of lies...
而且彼此都接受欺瞞 好比說我和詹姆斯 ...and mutual delusion.
James and me, for instance. I pretend he doesn't have a small dick.
我假裝他的命根子並不小
而他假裝沒注意到 我們已經三個禮拜沒做愛了 He pretends not to notice we haven't had sex in weeks.
You should join the U.N.
-你應該替聯合國工作 -我現在有交往對象
I'm in an intimate relationship at the moment...
口頭對話的程度 已經變得有點過於親密 ...and I can tell you, the level of verbal discourse has become a little too intimate.
-你是指春捲先生？ -他是誰？ - Are we speaking of Spring Roll Guy? - Who's that?
艾寧莫門﹐我吃越南菜時 認識的皮膚科醫生 Aaron Melman.
He's a dermatologist I met at the Vietnamese lunch truck outside my office.
-問題出在哪裡？ -問題出在… What's the problem?
The problem, if you can call it that...
春捲先生喜歡在床第間 口出淫語 ...is Spring Roll Guy liked to talk dirty in bed.
寶貝﹐我就愛你陰道的觸感 Baby, I just love the way your pussy feels.
那麼濕潤､溫暖而緊實 So wet...
...and warm...
...and tight.
親吻你美麗的乳房 覺得難以置信的性感 Kissing your beautiful tits feels unbelievably sexy.
-火辣又淫穢﹐感覺如何？ -你說得對 So hot and nasty.
How's it feel to you?
What you said.
-那會讓人慾火焚身 -當然 That can be a turn on.
Sure, but now he wants me to reciprocate.
但現在他希望我回報 我做不到﹐我從不來這一套
I can't. I never could.
-為甚麼？ -因為做愛時不適合聊天 Why not?
Because sex is not a time to chat.
這是我終日滔滔不絕 發揮伶俐口才的生活中 It's one of the few instances in my overly articulated, exceedingly verbal life...
少數可以不必說話的時機 ...where it is perfectly appropriate, if not preferable, to shut up.
現在我卻得為此大傷腦筋？ Now I have to worry about being stumped for conversation?
No, thank you.
-一直讚美他粗大的那話兒 -更正﹐他粗大好看的那話兒 Just talk about his big cock.
Correction, his big, beautiful cock.
-現在流行說那話兒了？ -我沒辦法加上形容詞 - We're using the "C" word now? - Sorry.
- I can't use adjectives. - A simple, "You're so hard," is effective.
一句簡單的「你好硬」 通常十分有效
有時候男人需要一點鼓勵 - Sometimes men need encouragement. - Such as?
-譬如說？ -你知道的﹐ 「沒錯」
You know...
"Yes, stud, that's right.
「不要停﹐就是那樣 快點﹐不要停」 "Don't stop, just like that. C'mon, fucker, don't stop."
-你在開玩笑吧？ -不﹐他們很喜歡 You're kidding, right?
No, they like it.
你的意思是 做愛時你完全沉默不語？ So, are you really telling us...
...that during sex you're completely mute?
不﹐我在高潮前會有反應 No, I can do a good orgasm alert.
"I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum."
「我快到了…」 但那是因為我真的快到了
But that's because I'm gonna cum.
其他的話感覺上都很虛偽 Anything else feels like make believe.
If you really like this guy, you're gonna have to start talking.
如果你真的喜歡他 你就得開始淫聲浪語了
米蘭達是對的嗎？ 我們如此強調坦白和誠實 Was Miranda right?
Have we put such a premium on being open and honest with one another...
以至於跨越了禮貌的界線嗎？ ...that we've misplaced the boundaries of propriety?
感情世界裡是否仍有某些 絕不能說出口的話？ Are there still certain things in a relationship one should never say?
我最好的朋友跟一個 我所見過最沒用的窩囊廢訂婚 My best friend got engaged to the biggest loser.
我該說甚麼？ 「你要嫁給一個笨蛋」？ What am I supposed to say? "You're marrying an imbecile?"
我太太動了兩次胸部整形手術 看起來很棒﹐但觸感極差 My wife, she's had her breasts done twice.
They look fantastic, they feel like shit.
這我沒告訴她 I keep that thought to myself.
我單身﹐38歲﹐還抱著 結婚的希望﹐我不想聽實話 I'm single, 38, and still hoping to get married. I don't want to know the truth.
我告訴理查我無法和一個 蠻橫的男人做夫妻 I told Richard I couldn't spend another day married to a man who is an utter asshole.
她來了﹐吃著餅乾 There it was, standing across from me.
證明我太多話的女人 站在我面前 Biscotti-eating, cashmere-swaddled proof that I had said too much.
-發生甚麼事了？ -話匣子一開便不可收拾 - Then what happened? - Once I said that, the floodgates opened.
他說在我們的婚禮上 他看著我 He said that at our wedding, when he looked at me...
覺得很失望 因為我長相如此平凡 ...he felt a huge wave of disappointment because I looked so generic.
我就說「再想一想﹐我覺得 生髮劑對你根本沒效」 I said, "On second thought...
"...I don't think the Rogaine is working."
他說如果我離開 他對我只會感到同情 He said that if I leave, all he'll feel for me is pity...
因為他會在一年內再婚 而我將孤獨終老 ...because he'll be remarried within a year and I'll be single for the rest of my life.
我不想告訴她 那句話可能是事實 I didn't want to tell Susan Sharon that his last statement was probably true.
我真的要好好謝謝你 I just feel like I owe you so much.
要不是你 我不會有勇氣這麼做 If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have had the guts to do this.
過去幾年我好像被軟禁一樣 現在我自由了
It's like I was under house arrest for years and now I'm free.
你打算怎麼辦？
What are you gonna do?
-今晚我能住你家嗎？ -當然可以 Do you mind if I stay at your place?
Of course not.
當晚蘇珊雪倫佔據了我的沙發 That evening, as Susan Sharon squatted on my couch...
而夏綠蒂回家擁抱 她人生中的新男性 ...Charlotte came home to the new male in her life.
她受夠寂寞早晨､孤枕難眠的 夜晚和缺乏無條件的愛 Fed up with lonely mornings, cuddle-free nights...
...and the lack of unconditional love she longed for...
夏綠蒂決定 一切要掌握在自己手中 ...Charlotte took matters into her own hands.
她搜遍全市尋找完美的物種 She combed the city for the perfect specimen of breeding, style and trendiness.
有教養､體面又時髦
亨利﹐我回家了 Henry, I'm home.
小乖乖﹐亨利﹐好狗兒 Hi, my good boy.
在找到完美的男人以前 夏綠蒂先養隻完美的狗 Until she found the perfect man, Charlotte would have the perfect dog.
那晚 向來不擅長保守秘密的莎曼珊 That night, Samantha, who was never good at keeping a secret...
發現她不能說出口的話 卻一直盤據在她腦海 ...found the one thing she couldn 't say was the only thing she could think about.
甜心﹐有甚麼不對勁嗎？ 我希望你告訴我 Sweetheart, is anything wrong? If there is, I want you to tell me.
-親愛的﹐沒有﹐我累了 -你變得好冷淡 No, honey, I'm tired.
I feel like you've become so distant, like you're upset with me about something.
-你好像在生我的氣 -抱歉﹐跟你無關是我的問題
I'm sorry. It's not you, it's me.
我沒有在氣任何事﹐你很好 I'm not upset about anything.
You're wonderful.
你願意陪我去找感情顧問嗎？ Will you come see a couple's counselor with me?
莎曼珊畏懼心理醫生的程度 就跟大部分人怕看牙醫一樣 Samantha dreaded the shrink the way most people feared the dentist.
-如果這真的對你很重要… -太好了 If it's really important to you...
Great.
晚安
Goodnight.
她突然渴望 感情空窗期的單身生活 She longed for the simple days...
...of emotional unavailability and hot one-night stands.
以及火熱的一夜情
與此同時 米蘭達成了「窈窕淫娃」中的 Meanwhile, across town, Miranda was appearing as Eliza Doolittle...
女主角依莉莎杜利朵 ...in My Filthy Lady.
我好喜歡親吻這邊的性感帶 I just love kissing this sensitive spot right here.
-你喜歡嗎？ -喜歡 Do you like that?
-告訴我你喜歡甚麼？ -那個 Tell me what you like.
That.
你喜歡我用手愛撫你的胸部嗎 You like my hand there, caressing your breast?
-當然 -輕輕捏你的乳頭？ Sure.
Gently pinching your nipple.
很好 Fine.
親吻我的胸膛 好舒服﹐那真的讓我好興奮
Kissing my chest.
That's hot. That really turns me on.
-覺得怎麼樣？熱嗎？ -熱 How's it feel?
Hot?
Hot.
-還有呢？ -胸毛濃密？ And?
- Hairy? - God, you're getting me hard.
老天﹐你讓我勃起了
-告訴我它是甚麼感覺 -大？ Tell me how it feels.
Big.
-還有呢？ -硬 And?
Hard?
-像石頭般硬 -對﹐說下去 - Rock hard. - Keep talking.
-大石頭… -很好 A big rock.
堅硬的石頭 A hard rock.
-一個堅硬的大石頭 -太好了 A big, hard rock.
-一根香腸 -寶貝﹐你真下流 - A sausage. - Baby, you are so nasty.
出乎意料地﹐米蘭達一開了口 就發現很難閉嘴 Surprisingly, once Miranda opened her mouth, it was difficult to shut up.
A big, throbbing, rock-hard sausage.
一根巨大､會震動 石頭般堅硬的香腸
那天晚上我帶蘇珊雪倫 去見夏綠蒂生命中的新男性 That night, I took Susan Sharon to meet the new male in Charlotte's life.
一如往常 牠已經遠低於她的高期望 True to form, he was already falling far short of her high expectations.
-一分鐘前牠做得到 -牠反覆無常 He did it a minute ago.
He was inconsistent...
-去撿球 -自私､固執 Get the ball.
...selfishly stubborn, and hopelessly codependent.
-而且無可救藥地相互依賴 -牠很聰明吧？
Isn't he smart?
我們不該待太久 我想回去以免理查打電話來 We can't stay, I want to be at your place if Richard calls.
你不是離開他了？ Aren't you leaving him?
沒錯﹐但我想告訴他 我不想跟他說話 If he calls, I want to say I won't talk to him.
That's passive aggressive. You should only talk if you have something to say.
那是消極的主動 真的有事要說才跟他講話
-我嫁給一個混帳 -當時你不知道他是個混帳 - Do you believe I married a prick? - You didn't know he was a prick.
我不敢相信那混帳還沒打來 I just can't believe that prick hasn't called.
他確實有溫柔的一面 你跟他不熟 Although, he does have this sweet side. You just don't know him very well.
你認為我做對了嗎？亨利？ 還是我應該給他… Did I do the right thing, Henry? Should I give him another chance...
牠是一隻狗﹐不是先知 He's a dog, not an oracle.
隔天早上起床﹐我收到一個 令人不安的生日驚喜 The next morning, I woke up to an unsettling birthday surprise.
來了 Coming.
在這裡簽名 Sign here.
謝謝 Thank you.
我的天 My God.
-「誠摯獻上生日祝福」 -是大人物送的 "Best wishes on your birthday."
It's from Big.
-甚麼花？ -紅玫瑰 - What kind of flowers? - Roses, red.
一大束﹐很貴 你們覺得那是甚麼意思？ Big.
Expensive.
- What do you think it means? - It means rip up the card.
-表示「把卡片撕碎」 -小心花上的刺
And watch out for the thorns.
-不﹐這是個重大的宣示 -重大的宣示？ No, this is the grand gesture.
The grand gesture?
若你和某人分手而他就此消失 那麼你們真的不該在一起 If you break up, and he disappears from your life...
...it wasn't meant to be.
但若他做出強有力的愛情宣示 你就得重新考慮了 But if they make a powerful declaration of their love, then you have to reconsider.
一束玫瑰花加上祝福卡片 就成了重大宣示？ You think a dozen roses and a card saying, "Best wishes" qualifies as a grand gesture?
男人絕對不會說「我錯了」 他們送花來道歉 You know men. They can never say, "I was wrong." They just send flowers.
-有時候玫瑰就只是玫瑰 -如果是珠寶…那就另當別論 Sometimes a rose is just a rose.
Jewelry, that's another story.
Henry, no.
不行﹐亨利﹐不可以咬皮包 Henry, no, not the purse.
我的生日不需要這個 那代表甚麼？輪到我發球？ I really don't need this on my birthday.
What does this mean, the ball's in my court or something?
我不想玩遊戲 I don't want to play games.
這不是重大的宣示 這是曖昧的宣示 This is not the grand gesture. This is the vague gesture...
比完全沒宣示還糟 ...which is worse than no gesture.
-其實他一直很自私… -我同意﹐他存心搗亂… Under the guise of thoughtfulness, he's being very selfish.
I agree, he's muddied the waters.
你們瘋了 他在她生日時送花你們卻罵他 You're all just cuckoo. He sends flowers on her birthday and you condemn him.
-亨利﹐不可以﹐該死… -饒了那隻狗吧 Henry, no. No, damn it.
For chrissake, give the dog a break.
牠已經咬爛我四雙鞋 不能讓牠轉移目標到皮包上 He's eaten four pairs of shoes. I don't want him starting on purses.
該死﹐我們回家去 Damn it, now. We're gonna go home.
你想出來活動得先學好規矩 再見 You wanted to get out and socialize, but you'll have to learn to behave.
-你得學著聽話… -說到發瘋…
Speaking of cuckoo...
夏綠蒂即將見識到 亨利的真面目 Charlotte was at the point where she was starting to see the real Henry.
但她的確提出一個問題 「我錯了」這句話 But she did raise a valid question.
Was, "I was wrong," the one thing Mr. Big couldn't say?
真讓大人物說不出口嗎？
我們分手並不表示 我無法以禮相待 I realized that just because we were no longer together...
...didn 't mean I couldn 't be polite.
-喂？ -是我﹐凱莉
It's me.
Carrie.
-你好嗎？ -很好 How are you?
Great. I wanted to call and thank you for the flowers.
我想謝謝你送花給我 你真體貼
That was thoughtful of you.
我秘書記在她的行事曆上了…
My secretary had it on her calendar, so I, you know...
所以是你秘書送的？ Your secretary sent them?
不﹐是我送的 她提醒我是今天 I sent the flowers, my secretary alerted me to the day.
你跟她都很體貼 That was very thoughtful of her and you for sending them.
不客氣﹐你今天要做甚麼？ You're welcome. What are you doing on the big day?
史丹佛要在那間摩洛哥式餐廳 舉行派對﹐你應該來的 Stanford's arranged this party down at Layla, that Moroccan restaurant.
You should come.
那些話一出口我就後悔了 The instant the words popped out of my mouth, I regretted them.
-我已經有計劃了… -不來沒關係﹐無所謂
I made plans already.
Or not. I mean, just forget it.
-晚一點我可以去看看 -好﹐隨便你 I could stop by later.
Fine. Whatever.
-我可能會帶某個人去 -好… I may bring someone.
帶那個人一起來 晚上見﹐再次謝謝你 Come and bring that person and maybe I'll see you later.
Thank you again for the thoughtful flowers.
我剛邀請前任男友和他的女伴 來參加我的生日派對 I couldn't believe it.
I had just invited my ex and his date to my birthday party.
彷彿老了一歲還不夠悲慘似的 As if getting older wasn't traumatic enough.
當天下午在費瑪魯丁的辦公室 她是著名的心理學家 That afternoon in the office of Velma Rudin...
...celebrated psychologist and author of In-to-me-see...
也是「探索」這本書的作者 是配偶間親密關係的指南
...A Couple's Guide to Intimacy...
莎曼珊盡力克制自己不要說出 她知道不該說的話 ...Samantha did her best not to say the thing she knew she shouldn 't say.
-我們沒有性生活了 -一切正常不是嗎？過一陣子 I've noticed that our sex life has diminished.
That's normal, isn't it? I mean, after a while...
-多久了？ -一個月 How long has it been?
A month.
別看得這麼嚴重 好好享受性行為本身 Don't take it all so seriously.
Have fun with your sexuality.
-你們試過性愛遊戲嗎？ -莎曼珊想坦白說 Have you tried playing erotic games?
Samantha almost confessed that James...
詹姆斯的命根子從他們 認識的那天起便一直玩捉迷藏 ...had been playing "hide the salami" since they met.
我只是最近沒甚麼性慾 I'm just not feeling very sexual these days.
我洗澡出來時看到你在自慰 I saw you masturbating the other day when I came out of the shower.
很多女人在性交時 無法達到高潮 Many women are simply unable to achieve orgasm through intercourse.
-這沒甚麼好難為情 -你對做愛有很大的障礙 It's nothing to be ashamed of.
You have a problem with intimacy.
-不是那樣 -不然是甚麼？ No, that's not it.
- What is it? - It's nothing.
沒甚麼
你有甚麼感受儘管說 我不會在意的 Nothing you say can hurt me, as long as it's what you're feeling.
時間到了 That seems to be all the time we have for today.
不錯﹐你們很努力 下週同一時間好嗎？ Nice work, you two.
Shall we say next week, same time?
我可以﹐莎曼珊？ Good for me.
想到每週固定 要向費瑪魯丁報到 The idea of seeing Velma "In-to-me-see" Rudin on a weekly basis...
讓莎曼珊無法忍受 ...was much more than Samantha could bear.
-你的命根子太小了 -你說甚麼？ Your penis is too small.
Excuse me?
它不能… It doesn't... and it just... it can't.
我辦不到 它…它實在是太小了 I can't.
It's just too damn small.
你有沒有想過 也許是你的陰道太大了？ Did you ever stop to think that maybe your vagina is too big?
-我能說甚麼？我需要大老二 -我聽到了 What can I say? I need a big dick.
I hear that.
As Samantha paid the price of mentioning the unmentionable...
當莎曼珊為說了不該說的話 付出代價時
米蘭達發現自由發言的代價 伴隨著發言本身而來 ...Miranda discovered that free speech comes with a cost of its own.
我喜歡把手放在你的那話兒上 I just love putting my hand around your cock.
-我喜歡聽你說「那話兒」 -你大而堅硬的那話兒 I just love hearing you say "cock."
Your big hard cock.
那話兒… Cock, cock, cock.
我以前為何說不出口？ 它只不過是一個詞 Why couldn't I ever say that before?
It's just a word.
為甚麼我說的時候 會讓我們兩個都興奮起來？ Why does it turn us both on when I say it?
-你還喜歡甚麼？ -你粗魯的方式 What else do you like?
I like it when you're rough.
當你把我的雙腿舉高 跨過你的頭時﹐我便失去控制 When you throw my legs over your head, I lose control.
-我喜歡甚麼？ -你喜歡我咬你的乳頭 What do I like?
You like it when I'm biting your nipple.
-還有呢？ -你喜歡我親吻你的蛋蛋 What else?
You like it when I'm kissing your balls.
繼續說 Keep going.
你更喜歡我把手指 伸進你的屁眼 You really like it when I slip my finger in your ass.
-你說甚麼？ -你喜歡手指在你的屁眼裡 Excuse me?
You just love a finger in your ass.
我怎麼知道 「你喜歡手指在你的屁眼裡」 How could I know, "You love a finger in your ass"...
是不能在床上對男人說的話？ ...is the one thing you can't say?
-不只那句話 -可是他很享受 Trust me, that's not the only thing.
- But it's true, he enjoys it. - So do a lot of men.
-很多男人都這樣 -你不能提醒他們這一點
They enjoy it, but don't want it brought to their attention.
Personally, I don't like anything in my ass.
我個人是不喜歡 屁眼裡有任何東西
-我知道你們會很驚訝… -我覺得被出賣了 I know that may come as a surprise.
I just feel so betrayed.
他試著要我講些淫聲浪語 He wanted me to talk dirty, I got into it, then he pulled the rug out from under me.
我學會了﹐然後他卻把我推開
男人真是反覆無常 所以我才愛我的亨利 Men are so frustratingly inconsistent. That's why I love my Henry.
-牠充滿熱情﹐還會舔我的臉 -你可能太著迷了 He's a big love bug. You tell him anything and he licks your face.
Charlotte, you may be onto something.
給壽星再來一杯 加冰塊的雙份伏特加 Another double vodka rocks for the birthday girl.
伏特加是我唯一的盟友 大人物隨時會… The truth was, vodka was my only ally.
At any moment, Big was gonna walk in with his gorgeous date...
帶著他迷人的女伴走進來 對我微笑說著…
...smile at me like some distant stranger and say something crushing...
生日快樂﹐寶貝 Happy birthday, baby.
-很高興你能趕上 -無法待很久﹐駱駝在外面等
Glad you could make it.
I can't stay long.
I left my camel outside.
-你記得傑克吧？ -傑克？你要帶的人就是他？
You remember Jack?
Jack is your date?
-我沒有意識到… -見到你真好 I wasn't aware we were formally dating, but...
It is so good to see you again.
-你最近怎麼樣？ -妙不可言﹐婆娘傷了我的心 How have you been?
Marvelous, I split up with a bitch who broke my heart. She didn't get my money.
-起碼她沒騙走我的錢 -祝我生日快樂
Happy birthday to me.
一小時後我「天方夜譚」式的 生日派對變成了「午夜快車」 An hour later, my Arabian Nights fantasy...
...birthday felt like Midnight Express.
-你好嗎？ -好極了﹐你呢？ - How are you? - Great.
How are you?
-也很好 -那好 Good. Fine.
Good.
-你生日前男友來幹嘛？ -我邀他來喝杯東西 Excuse me, what is your ex doing at your birthday?
I told him to drop by for a drink.
我沒想到他會為了艷舞留下來 I didn't think he'd stay for a lap dance.
-你有沒有吃過茄子沙拉？ -我不吃茄子沙拉 My God, have you tried the baba ganooj?
It is to die for.
I don't eat baba ganooj.
你不知道錯過了何等美味
You don't know what you're missing.
我不敢相信他竟然有臉來 I can't believe the bastard dared to come.
我不敢相信那女人的肚臍功夫
I can't believe what she does with her navel.
我即將失去我的蒸丸子 Please, I'm about to lose my couscous.
當我望著我的前男友 欣賞一場美索不達米亞式艷舞 While I watched my ex get a Mesopotamian lap dance...
...Susan Sharon made a play for Mr. Marvelous.
蘇珊雪倫對「妙不可言先生」 展開疲勞轟炸
我不知道能否再適應單身生活 我們的婚姻有高潮也有低潮 I can't deal with being single all over again.
Every relationship has its ups and downs.
我丈夫和我可能放假時 相聚的時間太少 My husband and I work very hard.
We probably don't spend enough damn time together.
我們兩個都睡眠不足 話說回來﹐哪對夫妻不是如此 Compounded by the fact that neither of us gets enough sleep. Then again, who does?
我從沒想過自己會離婚 I really never imagined myself as a divorcee, you know?
耕耘自己的土壤 比尋找更青綠的牧草地重要… It's more important to till your own soil than to go in search of greener pastures.
你有沒有閉嘴的時候？ Do you ever shut the fuck up?
在那一刻她才發現 她有多麼想念她的丈夫 In that moment, Susan Sharon realized she desperately missed her husband.
當天晚上夏綠蒂回家發現 一個非常不愉快的意外等著她 That night, Charlotte came home to a very unpleasant surprise.
天啊…
亨利…
你這壞狗… Bad!
跟之前的許多男人一樣 亨利在她完美世界裡到處拉屎 Charlotte realized, like so many males before him...
...Henry had shit all over her perfect world.
牠和夏綠蒂很快就分道揚鑣 He and Charlotte soon parted ways.
而她永遠不能說 「我把寵物趕走了」 The one thing she could never say was, "I got rid of the puppy."
我們都知道牠後來的際遇為何 We all know what happened to him.
牠是蘇珊和丈夫 重修舊好的大功臣 He'd become the glue that put Susan Sharon and her husband back together.
閉嘴﹐快給我閉嘴 Shut up.
Shut the fuck up.
雖然他們都不願承認 一隻狗救了他們的婚姻 Although neither of them could admit that a dog saved their marriage.
我的生日派對結束時 已是凌晨時份 Later that evening, as my birthday passed into the early hours of just another day...
我發現我和大人物兩個人 單獨在街上漫步 ...I found myself alone on the street with Mr. Big.
-又老了一歲 -卻沒長智慧 Another year older.
And none the wiser.
人生就是如此 That's the way it goes.
-我送你回家好嗎？ -我搭計程車就行了 - Can I give you a ride home? - No, I'm just gonna grab a cab.
-需要計程車錢嗎？ -不用了﹐我有 - Do you need cab fare? - No, I'm okay.
還好﹐我想我把所有20塊 鈔票都塞給那肚皮舞者了 Good, because I think I left all my $20 in that belly dancer's crotch.
-那麼？ -那麼？
再見 Goodnight.
看著他離去﹐我明白 我不能對大人物說的話是… As I watched him go, I realized the one thing I couldn't say to Mr. Big was...
「我還是忘不了你」 ..."I'm still not over you."