×ÖÄ» I can't do a job interview right now.
×ÖÄ» My head's not in the right place.
×ÖÄ» I should be in jail, not Lacey.
×ÖÄ» Lacey was on probation.
×ÖÄ» She should've known better than to be shoplifting.
×ÖÄ» I just keep thinking,
×ÖÄ» "I should've put the marshmallows in my clothes."
×ÖÄ» But, no.
×ÖÄ» I watched her put her hands in her dress
×ÖÄ» and I tried to say "Stop,"
×ÖÄ» and then the only sound that came out was "Oh-hh."
×ÖÄ» You can't sit around thinking about Lacey.
×ÖÄ» You gotta move forward. The best way to do that is to get a job.
×ÖÄ» It's what Lacey would want you to do...
×ÖÄ» if she ever thought about anybody other than herself.
×ÖÄ» Why would Kate even hire me?
×ÖÄ» Because you have all the qualifications
×ÖÄ» to make a great receptionist.
×ÖÄ» You can talk, you can push buttons,
×ÖÄ» you're a carbon-based life form.
×ÖÄ» But what if Kate and I don't get along?
×ÖÄ» Look, you have a history of seeking out women
×ÖÄ» who are cold, domineering, and borderline abusive.
×ÖÄ» You're gonna love her.
×ÖÄ» So you think she'll yell at me?
×ÖÄ» I don't see why not.
×ÖÄ» Hey, come on. I got a lot of work to do.
×ÖÄ» Fix your hair. This is a job interview.
×ÖÄ» I like her.
Ó²×ÖÄ»
×ÖÄ» So, Nolan, tell me about yourself.
×ÖÄ» Well, I think my resume speaks for itself.
×ÖÄ» From '98 to '98,
×ÖÄ» I worked at Taco Bell.
×ÖÄ» And then from '98 to '98,
×ÖÄ» I worked at Jiffy Lube.
×ÖÄ» - and then in '98, uh... - Can I see that for a minute?
×ÖÄ» But I still have 14 more years to go.
×ÖÄ» On your resume or to tell us what's left in '98?
×ÖÄ» Would you mind waiting in the reception area
×ÖÄ» while Kate and I talk?
×ÖÄ» Oh. I should tell you.
×ÖÄ» I do suffer from migraines,
×ÖÄ» so there'll be days that the office has to be pitch-black.
×ÖÄ» So what's it gonna take to land this guy?
×ÖÄ» I know, I know. He's a mess, but hire him and I'll owe ya.
×ÖÄ» Okay. What do I get?
×ÖÄ» How does an entire night of passionate lovemaking sound?
×ÖÄ» - Exhausting. - Then give him the job or that's what you'll get.
×ÖÄ» Uh-uh. You're gonna have to do better.
×ÖÄ» This guy's like a human rescue dog.
×ÖÄ» He's cute and he's sweet, but soon as I leave,
×ÖÄ» he'll whine and pee on the couch.
×ÖÄ» Okay, how 'bout this?
×ÖÄ» I give you my credit card and you go crazy at Agent Provocateur.
×ÖÄ» Ooh, can I get the fishnet bodysuit with the horsehair whip?
×ÖÄ» - You can if you hire Nolan. - Fine.
×ÖÄ» You know the whip isn't for show.
×ÖÄ» I know.
×ÖÄ» After four hours of trying to lead this woman to fashion sanity,
×ÖÄ» she picks out the pink leopard-skin coat.
×ÖÄ» I thought, "She has to be a hooker."
×ÖÄ» Patrick, you really gotta work on being less judgmental.
×ÖÄ» Just because she has a bold fashion sense
×ÖÄ» doesn't mean she's a prostitute.
×ÖÄ» She offered to pay me with her mouth.
×ÖÄ» Well, that does mean she's a prostitute.
×ÖÄ» That reminds me, how's Lacey doing in the hoosegow?
×ÖÄ» I talked to her last night. She's having a hard time in jail.
×ÖÄ» And, big surprise,
×ÖÄ» she's getting into it with some of the other inmates.
×ÖÄ» So I've arranged to do an anger management session at the jail.
×ÖÄ» Might wanna consider wearing some protection over your, eh,
×ÖÄ» private parts.
×ÖÄ» Otherwise, those cats will be scratching at your post.
×ÖÄ» Well, thanks for that homespun wisdom.
×ÖÄ» So, Nolan. How do you like working for Kate?
×ÖÄ» I've never been so fulfilled.
×ÖÄ» I made some coffee, did some filing,
×ÖÄ» saw some crazy half-naked pictures of her,
×ÖÄ» watered some plants...
×ÖÄ» Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's this about pictures?
×ÖÄ» That was my bad.
×ÖÄ» I opened up her outgoing mail by mistake
×ÖÄ» and a lingerie photo fell out.
×ÖÄ» With a lot of shaking...
×ÖÄ» a bunch of other photos fell out by mistake, too.
×ÖÄ» How can you not tell the difference between outgoing
×ÖÄ» and incoming mail?
×ÖÄ» When you're facing the desk,