1
00:00:13,451 --> 00:00:15,401
- You just
described every one
2
00:00:15,402 --> 00:00:17,496
Of my childhood
baths with my brother.
3
00:00:19,290 --> 00:00:20,340
Morning.
4
00:00:20,341 --> 00:00:22,258
- Tim, wouldn't
you like to go
5
00:00:22,259 --> 00:00:24,344
To the new water
park in carlsbad?
6
00:00:24,345 --> 00:00:27,781
- You mean urine
world? No, thank you.
7
00:00:27,782 --> 00:00:28,948
Okay, mr. G.
8
00:00:28,949 --> 00:00:30,884
I'll put your
bills on your desk,
9
00:00:30,885 --> 00:00:32,218
And here are your
magazines.
10
00:00:32,219 --> 00:00:33,219
American gun.
11
00:00:33,220 --> 00:00:34,688
American
ammunition.
12
00:00:34,689 --> 00:00:36,656
American gun and
ammunition.
13
00:00:36,657 --> 00:00:40,443
This one's just
called america.
14
00:00:40,444 --> 00:00:42,312
- When you've
finished your breakfast,
15
00:00:42,313 --> 00:00:44,230
Go make your bed and
pick up your clothes.
16
00:00:44,231 --> 00:00:45,865
We have a
houseguest coming.
17
00:00:45,866 --> 00:00:47,100
Who's the houseguest?
18
00:00:47,101 --> 00:00:49,469
- My best
friend. Wally durham.
19
00:00:49,470 --> 00:00:50,987
You told me last week
20
00:00:50,988 --> 00:00:52,772
That silence was
your best friend.
21
00:00:52,773 --> 00:00:55,742
- I said silence
was my lover.
22
00:00:55,743 --> 00:00:57,711
Wally was my
commanding officer,
23
00:00:57,712 --> 00:01:00,647
And Saturday is
the 40th reunion
24
00:01:00,648 --> 00:01:02,248
Of our tour of
duty in 'nam.
25
00:01:02,249 --> 00:01:04,050
- You know, my
old boyfriend and I
26
00:01:04,051 --> 00:01:06,453
Took a bike tour of
vietnam two years ago.
27
00:01:06,454 --> 00:01:07,987
Beautiful country.
28
00:01:07,988 --> 00:01:10,223
Very gay friendly.
29
00:01:10,224 --> 00:01:13,059
- I was a medic
on a ship there.
30
00:01:13,060 --> 00:01:16,329
Mostly treated
people for the clap.
31
00:01:16,330 --> 00:01:20,133
Very clap friendly.
32
00:01:20,134 --> 00:01:22,152
Anyway, about ten of
us are meeting here
33
00:01:22,153 --> 00:01:24,771
For a cocktail
party Saturday night.
34
00:01:24,772 --> 00:01:26,039
You gotta make
yourself scarce.
35
00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,241
- Whoa. Why
can't I come?
36
00:01:28,242 --> 00:01:29,375
It'd be cool to hang out
37
00:01:29,376 --> 00:01:30,510
With some of your
buddies from the war.
38
00:01:30,511 --> 00:01:31,444
Henry.
39
00:01:31,445 --> 00:01:32,679
This event is for
men, and although
40
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:34,497
You look like a man,
actually you're a boy
41
00:01:34,498 --> 00:01:37,884
In a very hairy
man's costume.
42
00:01:37,885 --> 00:01:41,154
- And who do I have to
thank for this genetic misfortune?
43
00:01:41,155 --> 00:01:43,723
Your mother.
44
00:01:46,544 --> 00:01:49,629
- Do you really want
to spend time with ten men
45
00:01:49,630 --> 00:01:51,064
That are exactly
like your father,
46
00:01:51,065 --> 00:01:53,032
Telling
stories about hookers,
47
00:01:53,033 --> 00:01:55,101
Diseases, and
things that they shot--
48
00:01:55,102 --> 00:01:58,688
Oftentimes all
three in the same story?
49
00:01:58,689 --> 00:02:00,340
Of course not.
50
00:02:00,341 --> 00:02:01,975
- Tim, would you like
to meet the fellas?
51
00:02:01,976 --> 00:02:04,197
- Mr. G, I wouldn't miss
it for the world.
52
00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:17,152
Sync by United
www.addic7ed.com
53
00:02:23,664 --> 00:02:27,333
♪ anchors aweigh ♪
54
00:02:27,334 --> 00:02:30,804
Both: ♪ farewell
to college joys ♪
55
00:02:30,805 --> 00:02:34,574
Both: ♪ we sail at
break of day-ay-ay-ay ♪
56
00:02:34,575 --> 00:02:36,059
- Hey, where did
you learn that tune?
57
00:02:36,060 --> 00:02:37,610
- The choral
group that I'm in
58
00:02:37,611 --> 00:02:39,979
Is rehearsing that
song for a concert.
59
00:02:39,980 --> 00:02:41,548
We're doing a
theme night.
60
00:02:41,549 --> 00:02:42,916
Is it a navy theme?
61
00:02:42,917 --> 00:02:45,185
Gay theme.
62
00:02:45,186 --> 00:02:47,787
- Well, either way, you've
got a set of pipes on you, man.
63
00:02:47,788 --> 00:02:50,523
- So tell me about
this wally.
64
00:02:50,524 --> 00:02:53,493
It's so interesting to
me that you have a friend...
65
00:02:53,494 --> 00:02:55,261
A friend who what?
66
00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:59,132
- That was the
end of the thought.
67
00:02:59,133 --> 00:03:00,834
Hey, wally's a riot.
68
00:03:00,835 --> 00:03:03,703
We served three years
together, and I don't think
69
00:03:03,704 --> 00:03:05,588
I took one
shower without him
70
00:03:05,589 --> 00:03:08,675
Trying to hide my pants.
71
00:03:08,676 --> 00:03:10,460
And he'd wake me
up every morning
72
00:03:10,461 --> 00:03:13,346
By sticking his
junk in my ear.
73
00:03:13,347 --> 00:03:18,284
- Wow, the navy
sounds a lot like my gym.
74
00:03:20,087 --> 00:03:22,889
- Well, wally is more
than just a guy
75
00:03:22,890 --> 00:03:25,525
Who sticks his
schmeckel in your ear.
76
00:03:25,526 --> 00:03:27,393
He's a gentleman.
77
00:03:27,394 --> 00:03:30,630
- Holy crap, ed
goodson. Look at you.
78
00:03:30,631 --> 00:03:35,034
Looks like an elephant took
a dump in a fishing vest.
79
00:03:35,035 --> 00:03:36,435
Wally durham.
80
00:03:36,436 --> 00:03:40,506
You had any more
wrinkles, you'd be your wife's neck.
81
00:03:40,507 --> 00:03:42,642
- You know louise
died three years ago.
82
00:03:42,643 --> 00:03:43,793
That's the joke.
83
00:03:43,794 --> 00:03:47,330
[both laughing]
84
00:03:47,331 --> 00:03:49,515
How you doing, wally?
85
00:03:49,516 --> 00:03:52,451
- Hey kid, get in here
before your old man keels over.
86
00:03:52,452 --> 00:03:55,989
- What did you pack
in this thing?
87
00:03:55,990 --> 00:03:56,973
Your wife?
88
00:03:56,974 --> 00:03:57,991
Hey!
89
00:03:57,992 --> 00:03:59,458
His wife died three
years ago.
90
00:03:59,459 --> 00:04:00,493
Watch your mouth.
91
00:04:00,494 --> 00:04:02,662
- Aw, the
bag's not that heavy.
92
00:04:02,663 --> 00:04:04,514
You were right,
the kid's softer
93
00:04:04,515 --> 00:04:08,318
Than bob dole getting
out of a cold bath.
94
00:04:08,319 --> 00:04:10,320
You were so nice to me
95
00:04:10,321 --> 00:04:11,638
On the ride home
from the airport.
96
00:04:11,639 --> 00:04:16,492
- Didn't
have an audience.
97
00:04:16,493 --> 00:04:18,411
Ah, who's the apron?
98
00:04:18,412 --> 00:04:19,812
Oh, this is tim.
99
00:04:19,813 --> 00:04:21,531
He's like a
son, only his mother
100
00:04:21,532 --> 00:04:25,151
Hasn't sued
me for alimony.
101
00:04:25,152 --> 00:04:28,087
Tim watch out, he's
gonna zing you.
102
00:04:28,088 --> 00:04:30,206
- Wally durham.
Good to meet you.
103
00:04:30,207 --> 00:04:32,125
- That's it? You're not
gonna make fun of me?
104
00:04:32,126 --> 00:04:35,511
- Nah, why take a job
away from your mirror?
105
00:04:38,382 --> 00:04:40,767
Whoa. Who's this
stack of tires?
106
00:04:40,768 --> 00:04:44,387
- You remember my
other son, vince?
107
00:04:44,388 --> 00:04:45,939
Oh, this is vince.
108
00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:47,440
For a second I
thought they'd figured out
109
00:04:47,441 --> 00:04:52,011
How to put
humpty-dumpty back together.
110
00:04:52,012 --> 00:04:53,446
- Come on, vince. Be a
man, give it back to him.
111
00:04:53,447 --> 00:04:56,366
Um...I hate you?
112
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:01,287
Henry, you ready to go?
- Go where?
113
00:05:01,288 --> 00:05:02,956
- Dad says you're staying
with me and bonnie this weekend.
114
00:05:02,957 --> 00:05:04,157
- Yeah, wally's
gonna take your room.
115
00:05:04,158 --> 00:05:05,208
I took the liberty of
116
00:05:05,209 --> 00:05:08,061
Putting your stuff in
a trash bag outside.
117
00:05:08,062 --> 00:05:09,996
- There was no trash
bag outside.
118
00:05:09,997 --> 00:05:13,566
- Oh, that's
right. It's trash day.
119
00:05:20,593 --> 00:05:22,944
- I can't believe he kicked
me out of the house.
120
00:05:22,945 --> 00:05:24,412
Out of my own bed.
121
00:05:24,413 --> 00:05:26,881
- Ah! We have a pull
-out couch. You see?
122
00:05:26,882 --> 00:05:28,733
So we
just-- gotta just--
123
00:05:28,734 --> 00:05:29,918
Hold on a second.
124
00:05:29,919 --> 00:05:31,586
Come on, you bastard.
- Vince.
125
00:05:31,587 --> 00:05:33,688
- Just a sec. Mother
-father!
126
00:05:33,689 --> 00:05:35,957
Vince. Vince!
127
00:05:35,958 --> 00:05:40,495
Not a pull-out.
128
00:05:40,496 --> 00:05:42,530
So it's not.
129
00:05:42,531 --> 00:05:43,782
So it's not. That's
interesting.
130
00:05:43,783 --> 00:05:45,566
'cause that's what my
spine was telling me.
131
00:05:45,567 --> 00:05:46,868
Tell you what.
132
00:05:46,869 --> 00:05:48,269
You just grab whatever you
want out of the kitchen.
133
00:05:48,270 --> 00:05:50,038
I'm gonna go down to the
car and scrounge around
134
00:05:50,039 --> 00:05:51,372
For the receipt
of what I thought
135
00:05:51,373 --> 00:05:52,941
Was a pull-out couch.
136
00:05:52,942 --> 00:05:56,845
Okay.
137
00:05:56,846 --> 00:05:57,979
- Vince, when are
you gonna get henry?
138
00:05:57,980 --> 00:05:59,631
'cause I was
hoping you could
139
00:05:59,632 --> 00:06:01,433
Stop by the store for
a couple of things.
140
00:06:01,434 --> 00:06:03,585
Whoa.
141
00:06:03,586 --> 00:06:05,854
Aah!
142
00:06:05,855 --> 00:06:08,022
I'm naked!
143
00:06:08,023 --> 00:06:09,190
Yeah. I see.
144
00:06:09,191 --> 00:06:12,427
Aah!
145
00:06:17,366 --> 00:06:19,701
- [laughing] your
dad and I were
146
00:06:19,702 --> 00:06:21,669
Just reminiscing
about basic training
147
00:06:21,670 --> 00:06:23,138
In louisiana.
148
00:06:23,139 --> 00:06:25,406
All: [muttering]
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba!
149
00:06:27,109 --> 00:06:31,663
Wally. Have a seat.
150
00:06:31,664 --> 00:06:36,918
- Anyway, we're in the
swamps, and I catch this water snake,
151
00:06:36,919 --> 00:06:39,254
And I hide it in
ed's combat boots.
152
00:06:39,255 --> 00:06:40,955
- See, and I have no
idea, so I put the boots on,
153
00:06:40,956 --> 00:06:44,476
And that sucker went
nutso, pumped me full of venom.
154
00:06:45,694 --> 00:06:48,096
- Yeah, the
bastard bit him 17 times.
155
00:06:48,097 --> 00:06:51,466
- Yeah, I was legally
dead for three minutes.
156
00:06:51,467 --> 00:06:57,305
- Ah, good times.
- The good old days, yeah.
157
00:06:57,306 --> 00:07:01,042
- Oh, sorry. You
can have that one.
158
00:07:01,043 --> 00:07:03,444
Okay.
159
00:07:03,445 --> 00:07:06,414
It looks like someone is
going to have to address
160
00:07:06,415 --> 00:07:09,250
The elephant in
the room here.
161
00:07:09,251 --> 00:07:14,205
- I'll do it. How's
it going, vince?
162
00:07:14,206 --> 00:07:17,725
[exaggerated laughter]
163
00:07:21,964 --> 00:07:25,800
- I'm talking about
how crazy awkward it is
164
00:07:25,801 --> 00:07:27,368
Between me and
henry right now.
165
00:07:27,369 --> 00:07:30,038
Why is it awkward?
166
00:07:30,039 --> 00:07:34,642
- Because you saw me
naked yesterday, henry.
167
00:07:34,643 --> 00:07:37,111
And I know it's confusing, because
I'm your sister-in-law,
168
00:07:37,112 --> 00:07:39,513
But I'm also an
attractive woman,
169
00:07:39,514 --> 00:07:41,716
You know, who's...
170
00:07:41,717 --> 00:07:44,686
Who's got it goin' on.
171
00:07:46,355 --> 00:07:51,326
So that is why he's
acting just so super strange.
172
00:07:53,095 --> 00:07:57,398
- I don't think I'm
acting super strange.
173
00:07:57,399 --> 00:07:59,300
- Uh, babe, it's
1:00, if we're gonna make
174
00:07:59,301 --> 00:08:00,701
That open house we'd
better go now.
175
00:08:00,702 --> 00:08:02,503
What house is open?
176
00:08:02,504 --> 00:08:06,374
The international
house of pancakes?
177
00:08:06,375 --> 00:08:07,642
Yeah...Ihop.
178
00:08:07,643 --> 00:08:11,379
On your grave.
179
00:08:13,766 --> 00:08:17,118
- Jeez, that guy's three sandwiches
short of a picnic.
180
00:08:17,119 --> 00:08:19,220
Because he ate
'em! [laughter]
181
00:08:19,221 --> 00:08:22,056
- Hey, that's
my brother.
182
00:08:22,057 --> 00:08:24,959
- You got something
to say, pixie straw?
183
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:29,897
- Yeah, you're
damn right I do.
184
00:08:29,898 --> 00:08:33,468
You guys good with
coffee, oj, anything?
185
00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:35,253
- Fresh berries
and cream.
186
00:08:35,254 --> 00:08:36,938
Berries and cream?
187
00:08:36,939 --> 00:08:39,573
What do I look like,
the queen of England?
188
00:08:39,574 --> 00:08:45,096
- No, but I imagine your
jewels are just as old and jangly.
189
00:08:45,097 --> 00:08:46,347
That's it.
190
00:08:46,348 --> 00:08:49,350
This guy knows how
to dish it out.
191
00:08:49,351 --> 00:08:51,302
Word of advice, though.
192
00:08:51,303 --> 00:08:53,888
Don't tell a gal you're a
maid or her legs will close faster
193
00:08:53,889 --> 00:08:57,225
Than a mel gibson
movie in israel.
194
00:09:01,263 --> 00:09:03,031
- If you think that'll
close her legs,
195
00:09:03,032 --> 00:09:06,451
Wait until she finds
out I'm gay.
196
00:09:06,452 --> 00:09:09,437
- Tim, you just can't toss
him a softball like that.
197
00:09:09,438 --> 00:09:10,604
Come on,
wally. Let's hear it.
198
00:09:10,605 --> 00:09:13,041
- Nah.
- What, nothing?
199
00:09:13,042 --> 00:09:15,343
The only words I've ever
heard render you speechless were,
200
00:09:15,344 --> 00:09:20,148
"ladies and gentlemen,
president-elect obama."
201
00:09:22,151 --> 00:09:24,085
- Yeah, well I
got nothing to say.
202
00:09:24,086 --> 00:09:26,137
- Really? All right, we'll
save it for later.
203
00:09:26,138 --> 00:09:29,057
But, wally, you
should hear this guy sing.
204
00:09:29,058 --> 00:09:30,491
His pipes are
unbelievable.
205
00:09:30,492 --> 00:09:33,061
- I should get going, I've
got choir practice--
206
00:09:33,062 --> 00:09:35,263
- No, no, no. You're
not going anywhere.
207
00:09:35,264 --> 00:09:36,314
Come on.
208
00:09:36,315 --> 00:09:37,649
Anchors
aweigh, three-part harmony.
209
00:09:37,650 --> 00:09:38,733
I'm not singing.
210
00:09:38,734 --> 00:09:40,702
- But you love that song.
- Not today.
211
00:09:40,703 --> 00:09:42,103
- What's the
matter, you embarrassed?
212
00:09:42,104 --> 00:09:45,189
- I'm not gonna sing with
this guy, all right?
213
00:09:45,190 --> 00:09:47,008
I don't care what he
does behind closed doors,
214
00:09:47,009 --> 00:09:51,612
But I am not singing
that song with this guy.
215
00:09:51,613 --> 00:09:53,014
- Do you have a
problem, wally?
216
00:09:53,015 --> 00:09:55,283
- I'm not the
one with the problem.
217
00:09:55,284 --> 00:09:56,718
Oh, I think you are.
218
00:09:56,719 --> 00:09:58,920
- All right, settle down.
- No, I won't settle down.
219
00:09:58,921 --> 00:10:00,488
Did you hear what
he just said?
220
00:10:00,489 --> 00:10:02,757
- Yeah, he's just busting your
balls. That's what he does.
221
00:10:02,758 --> 00:10:04,325
- Oh, is that what
you think he's doing?
222
00:10:04,326 --> 00:10:05,360
Yeah, of course.
223
00:10:05,361 --> 00:10:06,511
I've known this
guy for 50 years.
224
00:10:06,512 --> 00:10:08,680
[whispering] what the
hell are you doing?
225
00:10:08,681 --> 00:10:10,331
You're overreacting.
226
00:10:10,332 --> 00:10:13,101
- Oh, you think that's
overreacting?
227
00:10:13,102 --> 00:10:14,686
Huh.
228
00:10:14,687 --> 00:10:16,688
Then how's this
for overreacting.
229
00:10:16,689 --> 00:10:19,474
I quit.
230
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:29,758
Why'd he quit his job?
231
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,794
A job is like a woman.
232
00:10:31,795 --> 00:10:34,430
You find one that's
easy, you hang on to it
233
00:10:34,431 --> 00:10:37,499
Until you can't
stand it anymore.
234
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,468
- Or until it
gives you crabs
235
00:10:39,469 --> 00:10:42,171
Because it banged some bartender
on spring break.
236
00:10:42,172 --> 00:10:46,375
- Wally says nasty
things, that's what he does.
237
00:10:46,376 --> 00:10:48,377
He's a little salty.
238
00:10:48,378 --> 00:10:52,280
- He's a little jackass
-y.
239
00:10:52,281 --> 00:10:53,966
- Wally's a stand
-up guy.
240
00:10:53,967 --> 00:10:55,134
Tim is too sensitive.
241
00:10:55,135 --> 00:10:56,418
You can't ask for a hug
242
00:10:56,419 --> 00:10:59,588
Every time life
sits on your nuts.
243
00:10:59,589 --> 00:11:01,790
We rib each other all
the time in the navy.
244
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:02,891
That's what men do.
245
00:11:02,892 --> 00:11:06,462
- Well, tim stood
up for himself.
246
00:11:06,463 --> 00:11:08,831
And in my book, that's
what real men do.
247
00:11:08,832 --> 00:11:12,534
If you want tim back,
you have to apologize.
248
00:11:12,535 --> 00:11:15,187
That's what a
man would do.
249
00:11:15,188 --> 00:11:18,774
Now, this man has to go
back to his brother's house.
250
00:11:18,775 --> 00:11:20,175
Hey, man.
251
00:11:20,176 --> 00:11:21,377
You forgot your lactaid.
252
00:11:21,378 --> 00:11:23,379
Ooh.
253
00:11:27,817 --> 00:11:29,785
- Henry? We
need to talk.
254
00:11:29,786 --> 00:11:31,120
Oh, boy.
255
00:11:31,121 --> 00:11:33,656
You want me to help
you kill wally, don't you?
256
00:11:33,657 --> 00:11:35,991
[laughing] no, no.
257
00:11:35,992 --> 00:11:38,961
That's something I
need to do alone.
258
00:11:38,962 --> 00:11:41,964
You saw my wife naked, amd
acted inappropriately.
259
00:11:41,965 --> 00:11:44,500
- How did I act
inappropriately?
260
00:11:44,501 --> 00:11:45,801
I mean, I told her
it was no big deal.
261
00:11:45,802 --> 00:11:49,304
- Exactly. It needs
to be a big deal.
262
00:11:49,305 --> 00:11:50,472
She puts a lot of
effort into looking good.
263
00:11:50,473 --> 00:11:52,608
You not acknowledging
that was very hurtful.
264
00:11:52,609 --> 00:11:55,210
- She told you that?
- No, she doesn't have to.
265
00:11:55,211 --> 00:11:57,279
I'm her husband, okay? I
know the way she thinks.
266
00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:58,614
You have to fix it.
267
00:11:58,615 --> 00:12:00,182
- So what do you want
me to do, vince?
268
00:12:00,183 --> 00:12:03,986
Tell her how hot she looked
when I accidentally saw her naked?
269
00:12:03,987 --> 00:12:05,954
- Come on, henry. Don't
be ridiculous.
270
00:12:05,955 --> 00:12:07,823
- Okay, good. That's
what I thought.
271
00:12:07,824 --> 00:12:09,208
- No, you need to see
her naked again,
272
00:12:09,209 --> 00:12:10,426
And then tell
her she looks hot.
273
00:12:10,427 --> 00:12:12,761
Otherwise, it'll
just sound phony.
274
00:12:12,762 --> 00:12:16,231
- Vince, it's my
sister-in-law. It's your wife.
275
00:12:16,232 --> 00:12:20,736
- Whose naked body you need to
ogle and tell her she looks hot.
276
00:12:20,737 --> 00:12:23,872
- You don't think it's weird
that you're asking me to stare
277
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:25,474
At your wife's
naked body?
278
00:12:25,475 --> 00:12:29,211
- Oh, come on, henry. Just
look at my wife naked.
279
00:12:29,212 --> 00:12:31,046
Please? Just
this once, for me.
280
00:12:31,047 --> 00:12:34,483
- Nope, too weird.
- Cool.
281
00:12:34,484 --> 00:12:36,452
I'll give you $50.
- Still too weird.
282
00:12:36,453 --> 00:12:37,936
- Is it still too
weird for $100?
283
00:12:37,937 --> 00:12:40,622
Just weird enough.
284
00:12:46,096 --> 00:12:47,663
Sorry, we're closed.
285
00:12:47,664 --> 00:12:49,732
Ed? What are
you doing here?
286
00:12:49,733 --> 00:12:51,417
- Tim, I get
why you quit.
287
00:12:51,418 --> 00:12:53,502
I mean, wally can be
a bit of a ballbuster.
288
00:12:53,503 --> 00:12:54,903
But if you want
to get back to work,
289
00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:56,088
He'll be gone in
a couple of days
290
00:12:56,089 --> 00:12:57,239
And I'll take you back.
291
00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:00,809
I can't promise the
same health plan.
292
00:13:00,810 --> 00:13:03,345
- Your health
plan was saying,
293
00:13:03,346 --> 00:13:06,782
"be careful."
294
00:13:06,783 --> 00:13:09,418
And I didn't quit because
of what wally said.
295
00:13:09,419 --> 00:13:11,186
- Well, why
did you quit?
296
00:13:11,187 --> 00:13:13,305
Oh, no, you found the
trunk under the house.
297
00:13:13,306 --> 00:13:15,023
What? What trunk?
298
00:13:15,024 --> 00:13:18,293
Nothing.
299
00:13:18,294 --> 00:13:20,195
Don't look under
the house.
300
00:13:20,196 --> 00:13:23,665
- Ed, you have
to leave, okay?
301
00:13:23,666 --> 00:13:25,367
I have
something going on here.
302
00:13:25,368 --> 00:13:27,936
- Really? Is
it a gay thing?
303
00:13:27,937 --> 00:13:31,140
- Not everything I'm involved
with is a gay thing.
304
00:13:31,141 --> 00:13:35,461
- Okay,
choir, we only have--
305
00:13:35,462 --> 00:13:38,197
We only have 10
minutes to work on ymca
306
00:13:38,198 --> 00:13:39,748
Until the dinner
crowd gets here,
307
00:13:39,749 --> 00:13:42,551
And then you
ladies gotta skadootch.
308
00:13:42,552 --> 00:13:44,386
Bad timing, lawrence.
309
00:13:44,387 --> 00:13:46,522
- Oh, hey, ed, can
you help us out here?
310
00:13:46,523 --> 00:13:48,490
Marco, the guy who
usually plays the "y"
311
00:13:48,491 --> 00:13:50,175
In ymca
is a no-show.
312
00:13:50,176 --> 00:13:52,794
- No, I'm trying to get
tim to take his job back.
313
00:13:52,795 --> 00:13:53,996
- I don't
want my job back.
314
00:13:53,997 --> 00:13:55,931
I'm perfectly
happy working here,
315
00:13:55,932 --> 00:13:59,368
Cleaning tables and
marrying ketchups.
316
00:13:59,369 --> 00:14:00,569
How sad is that, ed?
317
00:14:00,570 --> 00:14:02,304
We live in a country where
tim can marry ketchups
318
00:14:02,305 --> 00:14:04,506
But he can't marry me.
319
00:14:04,507 --> 00:14:07,743
- Lawrence, even if I
could marry you, I wouldn't.
320
00:14:07,744 --> 00:14:10,813
We're roommates. It's
not gonna happen.
321
00:14:10,814 --> 00:14:14,316
Oh, it'll happen.
322
00:14:16,719 --> 00:14:20,205
Okay, boys. Circle
the wagons, come on.
323
00:14:20,206 --> 00:14:23,825
Five and six and
show those teeth.
324
00:14:23,826 --> 00:14:26,328
Men: ♪ young man, there's
no need to feel down ♪
325
00:14:26,329 --> 00:14:27,763
♪ I said, young man ♪
326
00:14:27,764 --> 00:14:28,931
- I said I'm
sorry about wally.
327
00:14:28,932 --> 00:14:30,065
I don't know
what else to say.
328
00:14:30,066 --> 00:14:33,402
- I'm not mad at wally.
- You're not?
329
00:14:33,403 --> 00:14:34,336
Who are you mad at?
330
00:14:34,337 --> 00:14:36,471
- You!
- Me?
331
00:14:36,472 --> 00:14:38,473
- ♪ it's fun to stay at the ♪
- why?
332
00:14:38,474 --> 00:14:39,858
Men: ♪ m.C.A. ♪
- I think you know.
333
00:14:39,859 --> 00:14:41,009
- ♪ it's fun to
stay at the-- ♪
334
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:42,911
- Why? Men:
♪ m.C.A. ♪
335
00:14:42,912 --> 00:14:46,582
- Because I expected that
kind of talk from guys like wally.
336
00:14:46,583 --> 00:14:48,150
But you're different.
337
00:14:48,151 --> 00:14:49,318
Men: ♪ you can hang
out with all the boys ♪
338
00:14:49,319 --> 00:14:50,485
- ♪ it's fun to
stay at the-- ♪
339
00:14:50,486 --> 00:14:51,787
- Why? Men:
♪ m.C.A. ♪
340
00:14:51,788 --> 00:14:53,088
- I think you know.
- I don't.
341
00:14:53,089 --> 00:14:54,523
Why? Men: ♪ m.C.A. ♪
342
00:14:54,524 --> 00:14:56,658
- Look, ed, he
can make fun of me
343
00:14:56,659 --> 00:14:58,060
For anything
else he wants,
344
00:14:58,061 --> 00:15:00,996
But I'm not willing to compromise
who I am as a man.
345
00:15:00,997 --> 00:15:02,097
This is off-limits.
346
00:15:02,098 --> 00:15:05,167
- Why? Men:
♪ m.C.A. ♪
347
00:15:05,168 --> 00:15:06,585
[all muttering]
- what was that?
348
00:15:06,586 --> 00:15:08,103
I thought you
were helping me out.
349
00:15:08,104 --> 00:15:10,439
- I don't read
music. What do I know?
350
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:12,507
- Just take
a break, okay?
351
00:15:12,508 --> 00:15:14,309
Get yourself
clean, have a good meal,
352
00:15:14,310 --> 00:15:16,728
Do whatever you feel.
353
00:15:16,729 --> 00:15:19,014
- Why are you mad at
me? I didn't say anything.
354
00:15:19,015 --> 00:15:20,548
- That's exactly
why I'm mad at you.
355
00:15:20,549 --> 00:15:22,651
Because you
didn't say anything.
356
00:15:22,652 --> 00:15:24,386
- Tim, I have no
problem with your lifestyle.
357
00:15:24,387 --> 00:15:25,587
I love your lifestyle.
358
00:15:25,588 --> 00:15:28,423
Among other things, you
always smell terrific.
359
00:15:28,424 --> 00:15:31,326
- Ed, this isn't a
lifestyle. It's who I am.
360
00:15:31,327 --> 00:15:34,630
It's like the color of my
eyes. I can't change them.
361
00:15:34,631 --> 00:15:36,598
- Are your eyes naturally
that blue?
362
00:15:36,599 --> 00:15:40,135
- Well, these
are color contacts.
363
00:15:40,136 --> 00:15:43,639
My eyes are like a swampy
brown, they're gross.
364
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:44,840
But everything else.
365
00:15:44,841 --> 00:15:46,108
- What about the
color of your hair,
366
00:15:46,109 --> 00:15:48,410
And the fact that your
forehead never wrinkles?
367
00:15:48,411 --> 00:15:50,913
- It's hard to
believe that you're not gay.
368
00:15:50,914 --> 00:15:52,080
You miss nothing.
369
00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:54,483
- Well, what do you
want me to do?
370
00:15:54,484 --> 00:15:56,418
You know I
don't agree with him.
371
00:15:56,419 --> 00:15:58,654
- Ed, if you disagree with
what your friend wally said,
372
00:15:58,655 --> 00:16:00,422
You should say something.
373
00:16:00,423 --> 00:16:03,659
Otherwise, your silence makes
it seem like you agree with him.
374
00:16:03,660 --> 00:16:06,228
Silence is my lover.
375
00:16:06,229 --> 00:16:09,731
- Well, I think it's time
you two should break up.
376
00:16:17,940 --> 00:16:19,908
- She's just finishing
up her shower.
377
00:16:19,909 --> 00:16:21,009
Are you ready?
378
00:16:21,010 --> 00:16:22,110
I gotta tell you,
379
00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:24,746
I feel so
uncomfortable about this.
380
00:16:24,747 --> 00:16:26,948
- I just want you to
look at my wife's wet,
381
00:16:26,949 --> 00:16:29,317
Naked body, and
compliment her.
382
00:16:29,318 --> 00:16:31,820
Stop trying to make
this into something weird.
383
00:16:31,821 --> 00:16:34,689
Oh, my bad.
384
00:16:34,690 --> 00:16:37,459
- Okay, are you ready?
- I don't think so.
385
00:16:37,460 --> 00:16:40,161
- Aah! Oh, my god! Bonnie,
get out here!
386
00:16:40,162 --> 00:16:41,329
- What is it,
honey? What--
387
00:16:41,330 --> 00:16:44,048
Are you hurt? Is
there something--
388
00:16:44,049 --> 00:16:47,435
Aah!
389
00:16:47,436 --> 00:16:49,804
Who was yelling
out there?
390
00:16:49,805 --> 00:16:52,006
That was me.
391
00:16:52,007 --> 00:16:55,310
I saw a spider.
392
00:16:55,311 --> 00:16:57,112
So you just screamed?
393
00:16:57,113 --> 00:17:00,681
Yeah, it had a knife.
394
00:17:02,318 --> 00:17:03,718
Uh...
395
00:17:03,719 --> 00:17:05,386
By the way, you
look great.
396
00:17:05,387 --> 00:17:07,288
Excuse me?
397
00:17:07,289 --> 00:17:10,959
- When you came out here
before and you were naked...
398
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,361
Good job.
399
00:17:13,362 --> 00:17:15,463
Really?
400
00:17:15,464 --> 00:17:18,466
- Yeah, you
have an amazing body.
401
00:17:18,467 --> 00:17:22,003
You really got
it goin' on.
402
00:17:23,706 --> 00:17:28,676
- Henry, that is the
creepiest thing I have ever heard.
403
00:17:28,677 --> 00:17:29,944
- Whoa, whoa,
whoa, I just--
404
00:17:29,945 --> 00:17:32,514
- I am your
sister-in-law. We are related.
405
00:17:32,515 --> 00:17:34,616
What in god's name would
make you think it's okay
406
00:17:34,617 --> 00:17:36,451
To comment on
my naked body?
407
00:17:36,452 --> 00:17:41,272
[stammers]
408
00:17:41,273 --> 00:17:42,557
- Hey, guys. What's
going on?
409
00:17:42,558 --> 00:17:44,058
- Henry just
saw me naked
410
00:17:44,059 --> 00:17:45,226
And then started
complimenting me.
411
00:17:45,227 --> 00:17:46,261
Oh, he did?
412
00:17:46,262 --> 00:17:47,529
It was creepy.
413
00:17:47,530 --> 00:17:50,265
- How dare you? That's
your sister-in-law!
414
00:17:50,266 --> 00:17:53,434
I mean, that is my wife!
415
00:17:53,435 --> 00:17:55,570
- What kind of weirdo
does that?
416
00:17:55,571 --> 00:17:59,791
- You know what,
man? I thought I knew you.
417
00:17:59,792 --> 00:18:00,875
Weirdo.
418
00:18:00,876 --> 00:18:02,911
- Seriously,
henry. Grow up.
419
00:18:02,912 --> 00:18:03,912
- But vince was
the one that--
420
00:18:03,913 --> 00:18:05,680
- You heard her,
henry! All right?
421
00:18:05,681 --> 00:18:06,814
Grow up!
422
00:18:06,815 --> 00:18:09,083
Grow up, henry!
423
00:18:09,084 --> 00:18:10,385
All right.
424
00:18:10,386 --> 00:18:11,636
Vince, I'm gonna go
finish getting ready for work.
425
00:18:11,637 --> 00:18:13,755
Try to keep this guy out
of my bathroom, okay?
426
00:18:13,756 --> 00:18:15,106
[both muttering]
427
00:18:15,107 --> 00:18:18,810
- Please.
- Okay.
428
00:18:18,811 --> 00:18:19,811
Sure read that
wrong, huh?
429
00:18:19,812 --> 00:18:23,064
You think?
430
00:18:25,634 --> 00:18:29,070
- I have never been
in such a situation.
431
00:18:29,071 --> 00:18:33,441
I had to use my
fists to get people aside,
432
00:18:33,442 --> 00:18:35,510
So I could see
the daylight.
433
00:18:35,511 --> 00:18:39,163
And I will never, ever,
434
00:18:39,164 --> 00:18:42,984
Set foot in
walmart again.
435
00:18:45,454 --> 00:18:48,923
- Oh, commander
ripplinger, I gotta tell you,
436
00:18:48,924 --> 00:18:51,960
It's an honor to
spend time under you.
437
00:18:51,961 --> 00:18:53,695
Too bad your wife
can't say the same.
438
00:18:55,731 --> 00:18:59,534
- Did I ever tell
you my walmart story?
439
00:18:59,535 --> 00:19:02,403
Three times, sir.
440
00:19:02,404 --> 00:19:04,205
[knock on door]
441
00:19:04,206 --> 00:19:05,540
Come on in.
442
00:19:05,541 --> 00:19:07,942
- Thanks, mr. G. We'll
set up over there.
443
00:19:07,943 --> 00:19:12,046
- Hey, I have that same
uniform. Only mine's assless.
444
00:19:12,047 --> 00:19:14,115
Fall in, gentlemen.
445
00:19:14,116 --> 00:19:15,950
- What the hell's going
on here, goods--?
446
00:19:15,951 --> 00:19:17,652
Oh! Oh, I get it.
447
00:19:17,653 --> 00:19:19,003
Good one!
448
00:19:19,004 --> 00:19:20,204
No, it's no joke.
449
00:19:20,205 --> 00:19:22,290
I asked tim and the
choir to be our entertainment.
450
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:24,425
Are you kidding?
451
00:19:24,426 --> 00:19:27,061
This isn't some pride
parade, it's a navy function.
452
00:19:27,062 --> 00:19:29,030
I didn't fight in a war
453
00:19:29,031 --> 00:19:31,015
To hang around with
guys like this.
454
00:19:31,016 --> 00:19:32,634
- Wally, you're my
friend. I love you.
455
00:19:32,635 --> 00:19:35,536
You saved my life.
456
00:19:35,537 --> 00:19:37,138
Going into battle, there's
no one I'd rather
457
00:19:37,139 --> 00:19:40,508
Pop their
schmeckel in my ear.
458
00:19:40,509 --> 00:19:43,278
But I can't let
you talk like that
459
00:19:43,279 --> 00:19:44,612
About a friend of mine.
460
00:19:44,613 --> 00:19:47,115
- My, you've really
changed, goodson.
461
00:19:47,116 --> 00:19:48,216
No, I haven't changed.
462
00:19:48,217 --> 00:19:50,285
I still load my
shotgun one shell at a time
463
00:19:50,286 --> 00:19:51,886
Like everybody
else, but I realized
464
00:19:51,887 --> 00:19:54,589
I can't be silent when
guys like you aren't.
465
00:19:54,590 --> 00:19:56,591
Ed, come on.
466
00:19:56,592 --> 00:19:58,192
I mean, you look
me in the eye
467
00:19:58,193 --> 00:19:59,694
And tell me
that's normal.
468
00:19:59,695 --> 00:20:01,663
I mean, look at the
way they dress.
469
00:20:01,664 --> 00:20:05,733
- Look at the
way we dress.
470
00:20:05,734 --> 00:20:07,802
Wally, if you're going to
talk like that in my house,
471
00:20:07,803 --> 00:20:10,004
I'm going to have
to ask you to leave.
472
00:20:10,005 --> 00:20:12,440
- Are you actually kicking
me out of your house?
473
00:20:12,441 --> 00:20:16,244
- It's your
choice, wally.
474
00:20:16,245 --> 00:20:17,945
But I'm paying $5 an
hour to this choir,
475
00:20:17,946 --> 00:20:19,447
And I'm not going
have them
476
00:20:19,448 --> 00:20:21,349
Standing around just
looking pretty.
477
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:23,318
Let's make some music.
478
00:20:23,319 --> 00:20:24,902
- Okay. Loud
and proud, guys.
479
00:20:24,903 --> 00:20:27,855
- That's my guy.
Pretty cute, huh?
480
00:20:27,856 --> 00:20:32,126
- Have you ever
been in walmart?
481
00:20:33,324 --> 00:20:35,396
All: ♪ anchors
aweigh, my boys ♪
482
00:20:35,397 --> 00:20:39,033
♪ anchors aweigh ♪
483
00:20:39,034 --> 00:20:42,170
♪ farewell to
college joys ♪
484
00:20:42,171 --> 00:20:45,289
♪ we sail at break
of day-ay-ay-ay ♪
485
00:20:45,290 --> 00:20:48,509
♪ through our
last night ashore ♪
486
00:20:48,510 --> 00:20:51,979
♪ drink to the foam ♪
487
00:20:51,980 --> 00:20:54,632
♪ until we
meet once more ♪
488
00:20:54,633 --> 00:20:56,718
♪ here's
wishing you ♪
489
00:20:56,719 --> 00:20:58,720
♪ a happy
voyage home ♪
490
00:20:58,721 --> 00:21:00,521
[cheers and applause]
491
00:21:00,822 --> 00:21:04,689
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