1 00:00:03,015 --> 00:00:22,718 Hi. Ronnie. Video. Conversation skills. How to avoid them? So maybe you don't want to 2 00:00:22,781 --> 00:00:34,907 talk to someone. This lesson is called "Conversation Skills: How to avoid a conversation." "Avoid" 3 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:39,667 means you want to stop having or not have something. 4 00:00:39,730 --> 00:00:48,809 So all of your life, probably, when you have been learning English, you've learned many 5 00:00:48,859 --> 00:00:56,211 lessons about how to have a conversation, how to talk to strangers, how to talk to people 6 00:00:56,239 --> 00:01:04,125 on the subway, how to talk to people in a store. Sometimes, I don't want to talk to 7 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:08,752 anyone. Sometimes, people talk to me. 8 00:01:09,752 --> 00:01:17,351 As an example, every morning, when I wake up, I have to walk my dog. It's cold outside. 9 00:01:17,406 --> 00:01:24,119 I've not had my coffee yet. I don't want to walk my dog. I do not want to be outside. 10 00:01:24,261 --> 00:01:30,929 And I'm generally not wanting to do anything except go back to bed. It seems that people 11 00:01:30,929 --> 00:01:37,810 that have dogs love to have conversations with other people who have dogs. I don't want 12 00:01:37,810 --> 00:01:43,679 to talk to you. I don't care. They ask me strange questions like, "Is your dog a boy 13 00:01:43,679 --> 00:01:50,890 or a girl?" Why? Why do you care if my dog is a boy dog or a girl dog? Do you want to 14 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:57,630 have sex with my dog? Are you concerned if my dog has a penis? No. Stop it. Who cares? 15 00:01:57,883 --> 00:02:01,902 "How old is your dog?" Why? Do you want to know his birthday? Are you going to have a 16 00:02:01,941 --> 00:02:07,710 party? Is your dog and my dog going to come to my house, and are we going to have a party? 17 00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:10,999 No. Shut up. I'm walking my dog. Don't talk to me. 18 00:02:11,053 --> 00:02:21,252 So tips on how to avoid a conversation. Rule No. 1, very easy, don't ever make eye contact 19 00:02:21,319 --> 00:02:29,421 with anyone you do not want to talk to. Number one rule when you want to have a conversation 20 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:37,828 is you must look at the people's eyes. Don't look down. Don't look up. Look at their eyes. ok? 21 00:02:37,892 --> 00:02:46,769 So to not have a conversation, don't look anyone in the eye. I'm not talking to you. 22 00:02:46,910 --> 00:02:58,898 The second one is: Don't ask the speaker any questions. So as an example, "Oh, hi. What 23 00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:08,818 kind of dog do you have?", "It's a Cairn terrier". "How old is it?", "Seven". "Is it a boy or 24 00:03:08,861 --> 00:03:17,605 a girl?", "Boy". If you've noticed, I did not ask the person about their dog because 25 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:24,260 I don't care. If you wanted to have a conversation with someone, you could ask the person the 26 00:03:24,260 --> 00:03:32,194 same question. As an example, "Hi", "Hi", "Good, yeah". "What kind of dog do you have?", 27 00:03:32,249 --> 00:03:37,629 "It's a Cairn terrier. How about you? What kind of dog do you have?", "It's a Jack Russell". 28 00:03:37,629 --> 00:03:42,624 "Oh, cool. Don't care. Good". "How old is your dog?" "Seven. How about you? How old 29 00:03:42,648 --> 00:03:50,195 is your dog?", "four". "Great", "Is your dog a boy or a girl?" "My dog's a boy. How about 30 00:03:50,195 --> 00:03:56,537 you? How about your dog? Does your dog have a penis or a vagina?", "Girl". "Oh, do you 31 00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:02,659 know what? Maybe my dog and your dog should have a party. Maybe they could have puppies. 32 00:04:02,713 --> 00:04:07,849 That would be cool. Yeah. Okay. Good to see you. Bye". 33 00:04:08,193 --> 00:04:22,363 Next one: Look at something or someone else. Now, maybe you have the magic of a cell phone. 34 00:04:22,616 --> 00:04:32,317 This is a great conversation avoider. You may go as far as to pretend -- "Hi, Mom. Yeah, 35 00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:37,500 good. No" -- that you're talking to someone on the phone. "Mom. Yeah. Busy. No. No, I 36 00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:44,500 got -- Mom, hi. Yeah. Good". This is a great tool. You can pretend that your phone rang, 37 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:50,890 and you're talking to your mother. You can pretend you got a text message. Or you can 38 00:04:50,890 --> 00:04:59,193 just look at your phone. This will indicate to the speaker that you do not want to talk 39 00:04:59,230 --> 00:05:05,600 to them. In reverse, if you want to talk to a person and have a real conversation, put 40 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:12,958 your phone down. Do not text or talk on the phone when you are trying to have a conversation 41 00:05:12,974 --> 00:05:19,890 with a real live human being. If I'm at a bar and I'm talking to you, if you take out 42 00:05:19,910 --> 00:05:25,892 your phone and start texting someone, bye-bye. Ronnie's gone. She's getting another beer. 43 00:05:25,977 --> 00:05:33,075 So please, if humans want to talk to you, put your phones away. You can text them later. 44 00:05:35,931 --> 00:05:43,971 If you talk really, really, really fast and you don't say your words properly -- no one 45 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:50,150 has any idea what you're talking about -- they will not have a conversation with you. So 46 00:05:50,150 --> 00:06:02,780 if you speak or talk really, really quickly, or if you mumble -- "Mumble?" "Mumble" means 47 00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:10,390 you do not say words clearly. Some people will talk like this. They have their hand 48 00:06:10,445 --> 00:06:16,311 -- they put their hand in front of their mouth, and you can't really hear anything that they're 49 00:06:16,384 --> 00:06:17,632 saying because 50 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:18,906 [inaudible] 51 00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:26,090 So rule No.1, put your hand down, okay? Don't talk down. When I talk like this, you can't 52 00:06:26,132 --> 00:06:30,902 even hear -- okay? "Mumbling" means you don't say your words clearly, or they're muffled. 53 00:06:30,941 --> 00:06:31,813 It's like this. 54 00:06:31,931 --> 00:06:33,243 [Inaudible] 55 00:06:33,282 --> 00:06:40,680 And talking really, really, really quickly. Maybe you are very excited to meet someone. 56 00:06:40,810 --> 00:06:47,029 That's cool. But try and speak a little slowly so that the person can understand you. 57 00:07:01,492 --> 00:07:08,872 Okay. So this one: strange facial expressions. If I'm having a conversation with you and 58 00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:16,405 you're smiling and you're nodding and you're doing this, I think, "Okay, this person is 59 00:07:16,430 --> 00:07:24,879 happy. They like what I'm saying to them". But if your face is very strange or you kind 60 00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:30,120 of make weird facial expressions or you have -- you do strange things. If you pick your 61 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:37,478 nose or pick your ear or something, the person thinks that you don't care about what they're 62 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:42,530 saying to you. So this is a good thing. If someone's talking to you, you just go... 63 00:07:42,554 --> 00:07:45,282 [makes faces] 64 00:07:45,321 --> 00:07:51,514 I guarantee you they will stop talking to you, especially if you pick your nose. Number 1. 65 00:07:51,568 --> 00:07:53,849 [picks nose] -- person's gone. 66 00:07:55,077 --> 00:08:00,860 The other one is body language. Now, this may seem strange to you, but if you're talking 67 00:08:00,860 --> 00:08:09,000 to someone, and you use hand expressions, it's easier for them to understand you. But 68 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:16,040 if you are talking to someone and your hands are folded and you don't even look at them 69 00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:25,080 and you're like this, they think that you don't want to talk to them. So eye contact, 70 00:08:25,151 --> 00:08:31,590 your facial expressions, and your body language are really important to avoid or to have a 71 00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:37,078 conversation with someone. If you do not want to talk to someone, you can fold your hands 72 00:08:37,078 --> 00:08:43,613 and look at the ground. They will stop talking to you hopefully. 73 00:08:44,966 --> 00:08:54,490 One thing that could be very useful if you are in a bar and maybe someone -- a man or 74 00:08:54,540 --> 00:08:58,740 a woman -- is talking to you that you don't want to talk to, a really good technique is 75 00:08:58,740 --> 00:09:05,100 to use slang. Maybe the person's older than you, and you know some crazy whooped up slang 76 00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:10,610 words. Instead of speaking to them like you would your mother, you would speak to them 77 00:09:10,610 --> 00:09:12,160 like you would your best friend. You'd be like, "Yo! Hey! What's going on? What's happening 78 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:23,410 in the crib? Yo!" And the person who's trying to talk to you will be like, [hesitates]. 79 00:09:23,543 --> 00:09:26,656 They're gone. I guarantee it. 80 00:09:26,953 --> 00:09:36,391 On the other hand, if you are talking to someone and you know very -- we say "big words" or 81 00:09:36,548 --> 00:09:43,060 people who are educated say "educated words". Rather than use simple language, if you are 82 00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:51,723 going to use very big words, it can be intimidating to people. So if you are trying to speak English 83 00:09:51,750 --> 00:10:02,007 to someone who has a very, very large vocabulary and your vocabulary is very small, there's 84 00:10:02,050 --> 00:10:08,370 going to be a communication breakdown because you're going to use words the other person 85 00:10:08,385 --> 00:10:16,103 doesn't know. So the other person is not going to understand you and is not going to want 86 00:10:16,129 --> 00:10:23,328 to talk to you. So it's really important that when you try to have a conversation, you realize 87 00:10:23,330 --> 00:10:30,315 what vocabulary or what words you and the speaker -- or you and the listener -- both know. 88 00:10:31,414 --> 00:10:38,173 The last one is how you project your voice, okay? The tone of your voice -- right here. 89 00:10:38,212 --> 00:10:45,480 Angry tone. -- makes the person nervous, thinks that you're angry. I have a lot of people 90 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:52,164 in my class from different countries. Sometimes, a person will ask a student a question. For 91 00:10:52,188 --> 00:11:01,609 example, "What's your name?" "My name is Ronnie". "[Shouts] What?" "Oh, my God. Why is this 92 00:11:01,648 --> 00:11:09,249 person yelling at me? [Softly] My name is Ronnie". If you don't hear someone, it's okay 93 00:11:09,282 --> 00:11:15,779 to say, "What?" Maybe you're going to want to smile, but be careful of your tone. You 94 00:11:15,779 --> 00:11:23,184 do not want to use an angry voice if you're not angry. If you're angry, you let that person 95 00:11:23,209 --> 00:11:27,258 know that you're angry. You can say, "Why do you care what kind of dog I have? Is it 96 00:11:27,259 --> 00:11:31,768 important to you that I have a dog? Do you really care what kind it is? Where did I get 97 00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:37,465 it? Who cares? Okay. I am pissed off. I have not had my coffee yet. So don't talk to me, 98 00:11:37,528 --> 00:11:38,887 okay?" 99 00:11:38,926 --> 00:11:46,883 So if you want to avoid a conversation -- maybe the person is creepy, scary. Maybe they smell 100 00:11:46,922 --> 00:11:57,346 bad. Maybe they're drunk. Maybe you're drunk. Do all of these things. But if you want to 101 00:11:57,379 --> 00:12:03,893 have a conversation, don't do these things. To have a conversation with someone, make 102 00:12:03,916 --> 00:12:11,529 eye contact. Ask them questions. You can ask them the same questions. It doesn't have to 103 00:12:11,604 --> 00:12:20,290 be about a dog. Look at the people directly in the eye. Look at who you're talking to. 104 00:12:20,368 --> 00:12:31,611 Don't look at someone else, okay? Don't talk really quickly. Don't mumble. Don't make strange 105 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:41,517 faces. Don't use strange body language. Don't use slang or words the person doesn't know. 106 00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:55,847 And don't use an angry tone. Make sure that all of these things are positive. Do and don't. 107 00:12:56,034 --> 00:13:04,224 Please tell me about a situation that you've had where you did not want to have a conversation 108 00:13:04,259 --> 00:13:10,470 with someone. And tell me a situation where you wish you could've had a conversation with 109 00:13:10,470 --> 00:13:15,406 someone. I'll let you know some tips later on in life. Goodbye.