1
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:04,650
- Are they done? - I think they're done.

2
00:00:04,650 --> 00:00:06,660
Hey, get away from there.

3
00:00:06,660 --> 00:00:09,590
Those are muffins, not Girls Gone Wild.

4
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,210
Staring at them is not gonna get them

5
00:00:12,210 --> 00:00:14,850
to lift up their shirts and go, "Whoo!"

6
00:00:16,290 --> 00:00:17,540
Yes, they're ready! - Whoo!

7
00:00:21,770 --> 00:00:24,900
- Isn't that hot? - So hot.

8
00:00:27,150 --> 00:00:28,600
Bonnie, have one.

9
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:33,580
Oh, my god. They're delicious.

10
00:00:33,580 --> 00:00:35,940
Is that the most delicious corn muffin you've ever had?

11
00:00:35,940 --> 00:00:37,430
Ed, what is your secret?

12
00:00:37,430 --> 00:00:40,790
I lost my virginity to my second cousin, Sheila.

13
00:00:42,490 --> 00:00:45,300
Not the--yuck! No, not that secret.

14
00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:47,170
How can something so bitter

15
00:00:47,170 --> 00:00:49,450
make something so sweet?

16
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,330
I grow my own corn.

17
00:00:51,330 --> 00:00:53,420
The stalks are almost touching the roofline.

18
00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:56,040
Drives my neighbor crazy.

19
00:00:56,730 --> 00:00:57,980
You know, I may be a romantic,

20
00:00:57,980 --> 00:01:00,330
but I think her hatred makes the corn

21
00:01:00,330 --> 00:01:02,370
taste that much sweeter.

22
00:01:04,090 --> 00:01:07,030
It's also the amount of manure I use.

23
00:01:07,030 --> 00:01:08,580
My soil is so full of crap,

24
00:01:08,580 --> 00:01:10,950
it could start its own ministry.

25
00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,590
I'm dumping another batch tomorrow.

26
00:01:14,590 --> 00:01:17,380
Oh, um, do you think you can do that in the afternoon?

27
00:01:17,380 --> 00:01:18,960
I'm interviewing someone here tomorrow.

28
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:19,990
Don't you have an office?

29
00:01:19,990 --> 00:01:22,660
Yes, but I'm interviewing this local tv news anchor

30
00:01:22,660 --> 00:01:25,120
about how the news has basically become a tabloid.

31
00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,810
She wants to speak to me off the record.

32
00:01:27,810 --> 00:01:29,090
I am sworn to secrecy.

33
00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:30,400
- Who is it?  - Soledad Cho.

34
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:31,820
Damn it.

35
00:01:33,190 --> 00:01:36,550
Um, KPIL Action News Team anchor Soledad Cho?

36
00:01:36,550 --> 00:01:37,840
She--she's coming here?

37
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,680
Why is he so excited? Is she made of frosting?

38
00:01:42,850 --> 00:01:44,710
No, no.

39
00:01:44,710 --> 00:01:46,390
She's on his list.

40
00:01:46,390 --> 00:01:48,390
Of people to eat?

41
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:50,320
The list.

42
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:51,980
You know, the list you make when you get married.

43
00:01:51,980 --> 00:01:53,600
Of celebrities you're allowed to sleep with,

44
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,050
if you had the chance.

45
00:01:55,050 --> 00:01:56,920
Soledad makes the news so sexy.

46
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,770
You know, I love the way she says, "This just in."

47
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,010
Who else is on your list?

48
00:02:03,010 --> 00:02:04,450
- Jennifer Aniston.  - Mm-hmm.

49
00:02:04,450 --> 00:02:06,430
She's on mine too.

50
00:02:20,580 --> 00:02:22,200
Dad, you got another letter

51
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,500
from the homeowners' association

52
00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:24,790
about the height of your corn.

53
00:02:24,790 --> 00:02:25,800
Ooh, this looks serious.

54
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,140
I better do something about this right away.

55
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,610
Oh, I feel so much better.

56
00:02:34,610 --> 00:02:38,070
That was really hanging over my head.

57
00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:40,050
Ed, as a real estate agent I should advise you

58
00:02:40,050 --> 00:02:42,270
not to make enemies with the homeowners' association.

59
00:02:42,270 --> 00:02:44,130
It's not the homeowners' association.

60
00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:46,550
It's one overstressed, undersexed lonely woman

61
00:02:46,550 --> 00:02:49,790
with a frown on her face and a stick up her ass.

62
00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:52,520
I believe those are the exact same words

63
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,570
you used to describe Dora the Explorer.

64
00:02:56,830 --> 00:02:58,630
Why does Dora have to go everywhere?

65
00:02:58,630 --> 00:03:01,590
And what the hell is in her backpack?

66
00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,010
Hi, Ed.

67
00:03:09,010 --> 00:03:10,220
Rosemary Pernworth,

68
00:03:10,220 --> 00:03:12,360
vice president of the Fleetridge homeowners' association.

69
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,560
I know when I come here as a neighbor

70
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:14,540
you slam the door on me.

71
00:03:14,540 --> 00:03:17,520
So I thought if I came on official business--

72
00:03:22,330 --> 00:03:23,610
Was that her?

73
00:03:23,610 --> 00:03:26,550
Wasn't Dora the freakin' explorer.

74
00:03:27,530 --> 00:03:29,790
Hey, what happened to Rosemary's husband?

75
00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:31,230
Died five years ago.

76
00:03:31,230 --> 00:03:33,870
Massive stroke in the supermarket.

77
00:03:33,870 --> 00:03:34,920
I'd have chosen divorce,

78
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,370
but hey, we all have our own thing, huh?

79
00:03:39,770 --> 00:03:41,770
Well, I don't think she's gonna stop ringing the bell

80
00:03:41,770 --> 00:03:43,310
until you talk to her.

81
00:03:47,340 --> 00:03:49,810
What do you know?

82
00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:51,610
Aren't you Rosemary Pernworth,

83
00:03:51,610 --> 00:03:54,950
vice president of the Fleetridge homeowners' association?

84
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:56,820
Hilarious.

85
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,500
You know, Ed, let's just say for the sake of argument

86
00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:00,720
that you did not receive any of the six letters I sent you

87
00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:02,650
or the numerous phone messages I left

88
00:04:02,650 --> 00:04:03,870
or that you weren't at home yesterday

89
00:04:03,870 --> 00:04:05,280
when I knocked on the door and you mooned me

90
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:07,140
through the curtains.

91
00:04:08,140 --> 00:04:09,600
No, I'm here in person to inform you

92
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,250
that your corn has grown well above my fence line

93
00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:14,540
in clear violation of the homeowner association rules.

94
00:04:14,540 --> 00:04:16,020
Oh, well, you know what they say.

95
00:04:16,020 --> 00:04:20,050
The bigger the stalk, the sweeter the corn.

96
00:04:20,780 --> 00:04:22,290
I see what you're doing.

97
00:04:22,290 --> 00:04:24,590
You're using corn as a double entendre for penis.

98
00:04:24,590 --> 00:04:25,940
Do you think that offends me?

99
00:04:25,940 --> 00:04:27,800
See, I saw the original production of Hair,

100
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,910
and I've read everything that Erica Jong ever wrote.

101
00:04:29,910 --> 00:04:32,200
You cannot shock me. Your corn is coming down.

102
00:04:33,510 --> 00:04:35,130
I'm going another way.

103
00:04:43,890 --> 00:04:47,080
So how did you know you wanted to be a TV reporter?

104
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,280
From a very early age,

105
00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:52,900
people told me I was well-suited for the job.

106
00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:56,880
And it wasn't long before this reporter

107
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,060
came to the very same conclusion.

108
00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:00,700
Back to you, Henry.

109
00:05:02,630 --> 00:05:04,510
You actually talk like--

110
00:05:04,510 --> 00:05:05,980
Yeah, you do.

111
00:05:07,970 --> 00:05:09,900
Your name, Soledad Cho.

112
00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:11,560
I mean, you don't really seem like a "Soledad"

113
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:12,800
or a "Cho" for that matter.

114
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,280
My real name is Janet Steele.

115
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,160
But my agents and I felt

116
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:18,380
I needed something more ethnic,

117
00:05:18,380 --> 00:05:21,620
and since "Geraldo Rivera" was already taken,

118
00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:25,280
I went with "Soledad Cho."

119
00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:26,490
That was a joke.

120
00:05:26,490 --> 00:05:28,170
- Henry.  - Yeah?

121
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,730
And how's that working out for you?

122
00:05:33,730 --> 00:05:35,580
We'll find out...

123
00:05:35,580 --> 00:05:37,620
after this.

124
00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:42,740
I'm gonna get a recorder.

125
00:05:42,740 --> 00:05:44,280
I'll be right back.

126
00:05:48,110 --> 00:05:51,710
Henry, have you seen my pile of sophisticated newsmagazines

127
00:05:51,710 --> 00:05:53,940
that I read every day?

128
00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:55,570
Gonna read them at my "Mency's" Meeting.

129
00:05:55,570 --> 00:05:57,670
Soledad Cho?

130
00:05:58,470 --> 00:06:00,210
What are you doing here?

131
00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:01,420
Do I know you?

132
00:06:01,420 --> 00:06:03,640
No, no, but I know you.

133
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,470
Actually, I'm a real big fan.

134
00:06:05,470 --> 00:06:06,730
I'm Vince, by the way.

135
00:06:06,730 --> 00:06:07,700
Good evening.

136
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,910
I'm Soledad Cho.

137
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:12,540
Oh, you know, it's actually really funny you're here

138
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:15,920
because--you know what, never mind.

139
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:19,150
Mmm, it sounds like there's more to that story.

140
00:06:21,410 --> 00:06:24,540
Uh, well, it, um-- this is sort of embarrassing.

141
00:06:24,540 --> 00:06:26,440
Erh, I shouldn't say this.

142
00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:29,170
Okay, me and my wife Bonnie, we have a list of celebrities

143
00:06:29,170 --> 00:06:32,020
that we'd be allowed to, you know.

144
00:06:32,020 --> 00:06:33,800
Yes?

145
00:06:35,170 --> 00:06:37,840
Sleep with if we ever had the chance.

146
00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:39,280
And?

147
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:41,620
And, well, it's just that, um,

148
00:06:43,020 --> 00:06:44,960
You're--you're on my list.

149
00:06:46,350 --> 00:06:49,340
I'm on a celebrity sex list?

150
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:51,300
Yeah.

151
00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:52,980
Let me get this straight.

152
00:06:53,940 --> 00:06:58,380
You come in here, you just met me,

153
00:06:58,380 --> 00:06:59,450
and you tell me...

154
00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:00,430
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything.

155
00:07:00,430 --> 00:07:02,530
that you consider me a celebrity?

156
00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:05,960
Well, yeah.

157
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,530
No one's ever called me

158
00:07:08,530 --> 00:07:10,280
a celebrity.

159
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:11,870
I'm in.

160
00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:26,460
Oh, hi, Ed.

161
00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:29,090
I know this is private property, but this is official business.

162
00:07:29,090 --> 00:07:30,010
I'm Rosemary Pernworth,

163
00:07:30,010 --> 00:07:32,650
vice president of the Fleetridge homeowners' association.

164
00:07:32,650 --> 00:07:34,440
Rosemary Pernworth,

165
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,190
Meet Mr. Hose.

166
00:07:37,210 --> 00:07:38,900
You're threatening me with your garden hose?

167
00:07:38,900 --> 00:07:42,150
Who said anything about a garden hose?

168
00:07:42,150 --> 00:07:43,500
Hilarious.

169
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:44,960
As I said before, you can't shock me.

170
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,800
I know vulgarity is your weapon.

171
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,660
No, garden hose is my weapon.

172
00:07:48,660 --> 00:07:50,880
Vulgarity is my sidekick.

173
00:07:52,810 --> 00:07:54,700
Why are you walking funny?

174
00:07:56,630 --> 00:07:58,340
I have a morton's neuroma.

175
00:07:58,340 --> 00:08:00,100
It's a swollen nerve in my foot.

176
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:01,390
Makes me limp.

177
00:08:01,390 --> 00:08:03,470
That makes two of us.

178
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:06,070
Bravo, you're an 11-year-old.

179
00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:07,980
I'm not here to trade pee-pee jokes with you.

180
00:08:07,980 --> 00:08:09,340
I'm just here to measure your corn

181
00:08:09,340 --> 00:08:11,130
so I can file an official complaint with the city

182
00:08:11,130 --> 00:08:13,500
and have them come and force you to cut it down.

183
00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:16,430
I got a better idea. Why don't you get a life?

184
00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:18,530
Why don't I get a life?

185
00:08:18,530 --> 00:08:20,340
At least I do something constructive with my time.

186
00:08:20,340 --> 00:08:22,030
I'm trying to improve the neighborhood.

187
00:08:22,030 --> 00:08:24,050
All you do is go around dumping garbage

188
00:08:24,050 --> 00:08:27,180
and growing your corn like it's freakin' Kansas.

189
00:08:27,180 --> 00:08:28,540
And here's an idea.

190
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:30,390
The next time you vacuum your living room

191
00:08:30,390 --> 00:08:31,790
wearing nothing but a fishing vest,

192
00:08:31,790 --> 00:08:34,250
why don't you pull down your blinds?

193
00:08:34,250 --> 00:08:36,150
For your information, I also wear socks,

194
00:08:36,150 --> 00:08:38,580
but thank you for watching.

195
00:08:39,740 --> 00:08:41,280
You know, Rosemary, when Joe was alive

196
00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:42,440
you were merely annoying.

197
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:45,300
Now you've become unbearable.

198
00:08:45,300 --> 00:08:47,700
You've always been unbearable, Ed.

199
00:08:47,700 --> 00:08:49,930
You may have been able to bully three wives out of your life,

200
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,310
but I'm not going anywhere.

201
00:08:51,310 --> 00:08:53,050
And next week when I become president

202
00:08:53,050 --> 00:08:54,500
of the homeowners' association,

203
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:57,860
I will grab your stalk and rip it out with my own hands!

204
00:08:57,860 --> 00:08:59,480
You're not touching my corn.

205
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:02,370
Who said anything about your corn?

206
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:05,250
Oh, hilarious.

207
00:09:05,250 --> 00:09:08,250
One problem, gotta get to be president first.

208
00:09:08,250 --> 00:09:10,170
I'm running unopposed.

209
00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:11,430
Up until now.

210
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,190
You wouldn't.

211
00:09:14,190 --> 00:09:16,750
Or wouldn't I?

212
00:09:16,750 --> 00:09:17,810
Let me tell you

213
00:09:17,810 --> 00:09:20,380
what I told my second cousin Sheila.

214
00:09:20,380 --> 00:09:24,620
One of us is going down, and it ain't gonna be me.

215
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,030
I can't believe you're going through all this trouble

216
00:09:37,030 --> 00:09:38,570
just to grow your corn.

217
00:09:38,570 --> 00:09:39,860
It's more than the corn.

218
00:09:39,860 --> 00:09:42,660
It's about not letting some tight-ass neighbor

219
00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:44,330
tell me how to grow my crops.

220
00:09:44,330 --> 00:09:46,540
Besides, how dare she call me a bully?

221
00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:48,370
Hi, do you have a minute for the environment?

222
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:51,360
No. You got ten seconds to find your clipboard?

223
00:09:52,770 --> 00:09:54,720
Vote Ed Goodson.

224
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,450
Ed, what are you doing?

225
00:09:56,450 --> 00:09:58,450
Gathering the votes.

226
00:09:58,450 --> 00:10:00,140
You want to join team Goodson?

227
00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:02,190
Free corn muffin.

228
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,460
You're turning this into a farce.

229
00:10:04,460 --> 00:10:05,670
What are you even running on?

230
00:10:05,670 --> 00:10:07,690
I'm running on prune danish and a coffee,

231
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,560
So keep your distance.

232
00:10:11,430 --> 00:10:13,110
That's hilarious. It's hilarious.

233
00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:14,390
You know, Ed, if you want to get into this,

234
00:10:14,390 --> 00:10:17,470
I will expose you as the type of person that you really are.

235
00:10:17,470 --> 00:10:19,610
I'm gonna challenge you to a debate.

236
00:10:19,610 --> 00:10:20,880
What's the matter, Ed?

237
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:21,830
Do you not want to debate me

238
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,570
because you don't want to be publicly humiliated?

239
00:10:23,570 --> 00:10:25,690
If I was afraid of being publicly humiliated,

240
00:10:25,690 --> 00:10:28,410
would I have brought my son with me?

241
00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:33,270
I'll debate you anywhere, anyplace.

242
00:10:33,270 --> 00:10:34,660
I'm gonna show the entire neighborhood

243
00:10:34,660 --> 00:10:36,540
That you are nothing but a big bully

244
00:10:36,540 --> 00:10:38,480
and I am a nice person.

245
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:39,970
Do you have a minute for the environment?

246
00:10:39,970 --> 00:10:42,240
Oh, get out of my face, you hippy.

247
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,230
- Hi. - Hey, honey.

248
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,020
How was your meeting with Soledad?

249
00:10:50,020 --> 00:10:51,780
Did you guys do it?

250
00:10:54,330 --> 00:10:56,260
Not yet.

251
00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:00,000
Can you imagine if one of our celebrities was willing to?

252
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,410
I mean, what would you do?

253
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,390
I don't know.

254
00:11:05,060 --> 00:11:08,320
Actually, you know what, that's a really good question.

255
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,110
What would you do?

256
00:11:10,110 --> 00:11:12,170
What--what would I do?

257
00:11:12,170 --> 00:11:14,240
I don't know, I've never had the opportunity.

258
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,050
I don't know.

259
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,470
Okay, well, try to imagine if,

260
00:11:17,470 --> 00:11:19,390
let's say James Franco, said that he would sleep with you,

261
00:11:19,390 --> 00:11:21,770
knowing that the list allows it even though we're married.

262
00:11:22,830 --> 00:11:26,100
All right, I'll try to imagine it.

263
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,250
Does he have a moustache or no?

264
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:30,840
You know, I gotta say I think he's cuter without it,

265
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:32,750
but it's up to you.

266
00:11:37,650 --> 00:11:38,460
What are you doing?

267
00:11:38,460 --> 00:11:40,310
I'm imagining it.

268
00:11:42,890 --> 00:11:43,760
What's he--

269
00:11:47,990 --> 00:11:49,140
What's he doing?

270
00:11:49,140 --> 00:11:50,750
- Not now. - Okay.

271
00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:51,860
Bonnie, stop.

272
00:11:51,860 --> 00:11:52,950
Stop it.

273
00:11:52,950 --> 00:11:53,950
Bonnie, stop--

274
00:11:53,950 --> 00:11:55,150
Get off of you!

275
00:11:55,150 --> 00:11:57,190
All right, all right.

276
00:11:57,190 --> 00:11:58,600
I was imagining it.

277
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,490
Okay, well, now I want you to stop.

278
00:12:00,490 --> 00:12:03,600
Fine, I will. Jeez Louise.

279
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,620
It was all him anyway.

280
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:08,690
Look, all I'm saying is if you were

281
00:12:08,690 --> 00:12:10,120
in a hypothetical situation

282
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,320
wherein one of the celebrities on your list

283
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:13,720
aaid that it might be some--

284
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,420
Bonnie! Bonnie!

285
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:17,930
All right.

286
00:12:17,930 --> 00:12:19,680
All right, what would I-- I don't know.

287
00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:23,280
I mean, I guess why bother having a list

288
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,390
if you're not gonna do it? I don't know.

289
00:12:25,390 --> 00:12:27,600
Can you imagine it?

290
00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,950
Hi, hello.

291
00:12:35,950 --> 00:12:37,130
I'm Rosemary Pernworth,

292
00:12:37,130 --> 00:12:39,150
Vice president of the Fleetridge homeowner--

293
00:12:39,150 --> 00:12:40,350
Stupid, stupid, stupid.

294
00:12:40,350 --> 00:12:42,100
They know who you are.

295
00:12:42,100 --> 00:12:43,960
Come on, pull it together, Rosie.

296
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,040
This is one of the most important nights of your life.

297
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,370
How long do you think this is gonna take?

298
00:12:47,370 --> 00:12:49,730
I got some ice cream in the car.

299
00:12:51,180 --> 00:12:53,040
Do you care about anything, Ed?

300
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:56,230
Yes, I care about the ice cream melting in my car.

301
00:12:56,230 --> 00:12:57,730
It's neapolitan.

302
00:12:57,730 --> 00:12:59,750
You know they put the strawberry in there just to get rid of it,

303
00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:00,890
'cause they know you're gonna pay extra

304
00:13:00,890 --> 00:13:03,500
for the chocolate and vanilla together?

305
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,740
All right, five minutes till the debate.

306
00:13:06,740 --> 00:13:09,860
- How's the crowd? - Buzzing with excitement.

307
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,160
You know, if you back out now,

308
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,460
there's some strawberry ice cream in it for you.

309
00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:17,570
Will you just get away from me?

310
00:13:17,570 --> 00:13:18,800
I'm trying to prepare.

311
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,270
I mean, some people take this seriously.

312
00:13:20,270 --> 00:13:21,610
You're still limping.

313
00:13:21,610 --> 00:13:23,840
I told you, I have a neuroma.

314
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:25,120
Here, let me take a look at that foot.

315
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:26,730
I'm not gonna let you look at my foot.

316
00:13:26,730 --> 00:13:28,840
Hey, I'm a doctor. Let me take a look.

317
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:30,700
You shouldn't be hobbling like that.

318
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:32,570
Why would you do that? I thought you hated me.

319
00:13:32,570 --> 00:13:35,790
I do, but I'm a doctor. I hate everyone I treat.

320
00:13:37,740 --> 00:13:39,310
Let me see that foot.

321
00:13:42,650 --> 00:13:45,040
I, um, I wear two pairs of peds.

322
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:45,930
It's perfectly normal.

323
00:13:45,930 --> 00:13:47,110
I just don't like my feet to sweat,

324
00:13:47,110 --> 00:13:48,950
and we live in a temperate climate.

325
00:13:48,950 --> 00:13:52,020
Well, that's why I vacuum without any pants on.

326
00:13:56,950 --> 00:13:58,490
What's the matter?

327
00:13:58,490 --> 00:14:00,280
Nothing.

328
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:03,270
I'm just not used to having

329
00:14:03,270 --> 00:14:07,770
my feet touched a lot by men.

330
00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:10,990
I'm not touching your feet

331
00:14:10,990 --> 00:14:13,380
like a man.

332
00:14:13,380 --> 00:14:15,380
Right now I'm your doctor.

333
00:14:15,380 --> 00:14:17,430
I mean, not that I haven't had offers.

334
00:14:17,430 --> 00:14:18,620
I mean, not to touch my feet.

335
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:20,490
But, you know, my daughter's always trying to set me up,

336
00:14:20,490 --> 00:14:23,730
and I'm just far too busy to be dating right now.

337
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:25,030
Oh, what are you doing?

338
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:28,290
Who told you you have a neuroma?

339
00:14:28,290 --> 00:14:29,950
I looked it up on the Internet.

340
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:30,760
The Internet?

341
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,700
You know, it makes you sound smart even if you're an idiot.

342
00:14:34,950 --> 00:14:37,990
It's like having an English accent.

343
00:14:39,570 --> 00:14:42,090
You don't have a neuroma.

344
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:43,820
- Yes, yes, I do, Ed. - No, you don't.

345
00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:46,820
You're just so uptight your feet are cramping up.

346
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,680
What you need is a good foot rub.

347
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,590
Well, I don't need you to tell me what I--

348
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:53,040
Oh, good gracious.

349
00:14:53,820 --> 00:14:56,920
Oh, my goodness, there is a huge knot

350
00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:58,940
in your third metatarsal.

351
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:02,140
Okay, I need you to stop that now.

352
00:15:02,140 --> 00:15:05,680
Don't stop. Don't stop.

353
00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:09,480
Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop.

354
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:11,500
One more thing.

355
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:14,590
Oh, sweet christmas!

356
00:15:23,220 --> 00:15:26,050
Good evening, I'm Soledad Cho.

357
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:29,140
Panties have the night off.

358
00:15:33,050 --> 00:15:36,150
Wow, that's one hell of a lead story.

359
00:15:36,150 --> 00:15:38,940
We take you now to a couch,

360
00:15:38,940 --> 00:15:41,770
Where a large man is about to enter--

361
00:15:41,770 --> 00:15:43,680
Okay, Soledad, Soledad.

362
00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:46,600
You're moving kinda fast.

363
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,540
Oh, I'm an action news reporter.

364
00:15:48,540 --> 00:15:49,790
If you wanted to take it slow,

365
00:15:49,790 --> 00:15:52,560
You should have put Morley Safer on your list.

366
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,020
The problem is I'm married.

367
00:15:57,020 --> 00:15:58,980
And I'm starting to have some second--

368
00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:02,240
Wow, and that's the way it is.

369
00:16:04,190 --> 00:16:05,800
Look, Soledad, it's just that--

370
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,420
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to cut you off.

371
00:16:08,420 --> 00:16:10,190
Yeah, we're ready to go live

372
00:16:10,190 --> 00:16:12,710
to the scene of my boobs.

373
00:16:19,220 --> 00:16:22,520
I'd like to apologize for having to relocate the debate

374
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,590
to the children's reading room.

375
00:16:25,590 --> 00:16:28,880
Keep in mind, we lose the room

376
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:30,760
in half an hour to a puppet show.

377
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:34,710
Listen, Ed, I appreciate if we could keep it to ourselves

378
00:16:34,710 --> 00:16:36,760
what just happened out there.

379
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,380
I don't know what you're talking about.

380
00:16:39,950 --> 00:16:42,420
The thing with my fa--

381
00:16:42,420 --> 00:16:44,520
What's your fa-fa?

382
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,280
My foot.

383
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:47,650
Oh, please, give me some credit.

384
00:16:47,650 --> 00:16:49,200
I'm a doctor.

385
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,060
I know a thing or two about confidentiality.

386
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:55,110
Okay, first question.

387
00:16:55,110 --> 00:16:57,130
What do you think about the new mini-mall

388
00:16:57,130 --> 00:17:00,150
proposed at the intersection of Rosecrans and Nimitz?

389
00:17:00,150 --> 00:17:04,190
I think it'll lead to an increase in foot traffic.

390
00:17:08,750 --> 00:17:12,190
Rosemary, what do you think about the foot traffic?

391
00:17:12,860 --> 00:17:15,400
I think that foot traffic is a very personal issue

392
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,620
and should remain as such.

393
00:17:20,090 --> 00:17:21,970
Okay, next question.

394
00:17:21,970 --> 00:17:25,690
What do you think about the new speed bumps on grand street?

395
00:17:25,690 --> 00:17:27,380
I'll take that.

396
00:17:28,070 --> 00:17:32,540
I think we should massage the bump issue.

397
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,090
Get our hands in there.

398
00:17:35,090 --> 00:17:38,520
Maybe get a toehold on the subject.

399
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:41,060
- Ed-- - oh, I'm sorry.

400
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,840
Did I touch a nerve?

401
00:17:43,790 --> 00:17:44,890
Okay, okay.

402
00:17:44,890 --> 00:17:47,680
I have served this committee for 25 years.

403
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:50,110
This man, on the other hand, is best known

404
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:52,950
for leaving a dead raccoon on his garbage cans

405
00:17:52,950 --> 00:17:55,750
as a warning to "The others."

406
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,110
I'm sorry if we got off on the wrong foot.

407
00:17:58,110 --> 00:17:59,790
I apologize...

408
00:17:59,790 --> 00:18:03,110
For rubbing you the wrong way.

409
00:18:03,780 --> 00:18:05,960
I thought I rubbed you the right way.

410
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,330
Okay, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it.

411
00:18:07,330 --> 00:18:08,750
Okay, you're not answering any of the questions.

412
00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:10,760
You're not qualified. He's not qualified!

413
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:12,930
What do you say to that?

414
00:18:12,930 --> 00:18:15,280
Foot rub, foot massage, foot sex.

415
00:18:23,590 --> 00:18:25,230
Oh, my god.

416
00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:27,110
I have something really important to tell you.

417
00:18:27,110 --> 00:18:27,990
What, is something wrong?

418
00:18:27,990 --> 00:18:30,290
No, I just wanted you to know

419
00:18:30,290 --> 00:18:34,960
Your husband turned down having sex with Soledad Cho.

420
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,010
Oh, well, then you should know

421
00:18:37,010 --> 00:18:38,690
that I ran into Oprah at the supermarket,

422
00:18:38,690 --> 00:18:41,740
and she's taking me to Australia.

423
00:18:43,070 --> 00:18:44,310
Honey, I'm being serious.

424
00:18:44,310 --> 00:18:45,440
Soledad Cho came back here,

425
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:46,470
and she wanted to have sex with me,

426
00:18:46,470 --> 00:18:47,810
and I said no.

427
00:18:47,810 --> 00:18:49,000
And I'm being serious.

428
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,280
Gail's coming.

429
00:18:52,410 --> 00:18:53,770
She was here!

430
00:18:53,770 --> 00:18:56,100
And she was doing all this weird sexy news jargon.

431
00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:59,060
She was sitting in for panties and her boobs were on location.

432
00:18:59,060 --> 00:19:00,860
I'm telling the truth.

433
00:19:00,860 --> 00:19:03,800
Honey, is this because I was fantasizing about James Franco?

434
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,160
No, it really happened.

435
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,530
If you need me to believe you on this, I will,

436
00:19:08,530 --> 00:19:12,380
But I want you to know you don't have to worry about James Franco.

437
00:19:12,380 --> 00:19:13,140
I don't?

438
00:19:13,140 --> 00:19:14,190
No.

439
00:19:14,190 --> 00:19:17,330
Because you know who's the real number one on my list?

440
00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:20,010
Dog the bounty hunter.

441
00:19:20,010 --> 00:19:21,380
No.

442
00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:21,990
He's number four.

443
00:19:21,990 --> 00:19:24,290
It's you. You're my number one.

444
00:19:24,290 --> 00:19:25,680
Ooh, really?

445
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,570
- Yeah. - You're my number one too.

446
00:19:28,930 --> 00:19:30,530
Let's go upstairs and fool around,

447
00:19:30,530 --> 00:19:35,380
'cause I can sense a warm front moving in

448
00:19:35,380 --> 00:19:36,680
to my pants.

449
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:37,860
I can't really do the voice.

450
00:19:37,860 --> 00:19:38,870
What the heck was that supposed to be?

451
00:19:38,870 --> 00:19:40,470
I was trying to do the reporter, make it sexy.

452
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,820
Oh, well, you can try it again upstairs.

453
00:19:45,130 --> 00:19:47,220
So what are you gonna do

454
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:50,970
now that you are the president of the Homeowners' Association?

455
00:19:52,620 --> 00:19:54,810
Same as every other president does.

456
00:19:54,810 --> 00:19:56,920
Blame the last guy.

457
00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,210
Good luck.

458
00:20:08,230 --> 00:20:10,360
Ooh, Rosemary Pernworth.

459
00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:11,330
I'm Dr. Ed Goodson,

460
00:20:11,330 --> 00:20:15,850
President of the Fleetridge Homeowners' Association.

461
00:20:17,330 --> 00:20:19,120
Look, I know that you think

462
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:21,310
it's gonna be nothing but parades and dignitaries,

463
00:20:21,310 --> 00:20:23,410
but there's a lot of really hard work

464
00:20:23,410 --> 00:20:24,500
that goes into that title.

465
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:25,940
You have to organize the neighborhood watch,

466
00:20:25,940 --> 00:20:27,760
and you have to put the doggy bags in the park.

467
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,160
and as acting vice president,

468
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,260
I am not gonna allow you to--

469
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:36,830
I'm still gonna be working under you.

470
00:20:36,830 --> 00:20:38,770
I mean, not underneath you.

471
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:40,700
And we still have to talk about the corn,

472
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:42,080
because there's a lot of issues that have come up,

473
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,870
and I'm not gonna--

474
00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:50,530
It's good to be prez.