[theme music playing]
["All the Girls Get Together and Rule" playing]
[Billie] New York can feel like a dream sometimes.
And I came here looking for mine.
For a life I couldn't have back in Georgia.
And me and Sash, we found that life.
Together.
♪ All the girls get together and rule ♪
♪ All the girls... ♪
[Billie] We were so damn shiny back then, you could see us from 30,000 feet.
Sure, we did tons of crazy shit,
but we always did it together.
Wait, wait, wait.
Oh, my God.
We need beers.
Do you wanna help me get some beers, Sash?
-Yes. -Mmm. Hells, yeah.
Four beers coming right up.
Jesus, your guy is so fucking hot!
-Oh. -Oh, no wonder you're never home lately.
Um, excuse me. Your guy is so fucking hot.
But fun fact, mine has a giant joystick.
Ooh.
-Yes. -Painful giant or good giant?
Mmm, just-right giant. I mean, you need to try it.
[whispering] It's kind of a crime if you don't.
You mean, like a swap?
Mm-hm.
'Cause truth, it's kind of a crime if you don't try the tongue on Taye.
Girl, the way he works it in my kitty cat?
-[in normal voice] Ooh! -Mm!
Mad skills!
-Okay. Is this insane? -Hell, no.
-They're just dudes. -Yeah.
It's you and me always.
Always. Yes.
[clears throat]
Sorry, it takes an awful long time to get a beer around here.
What are you girls talking about?
You.
["All the Girls Get Together and Rule" playing]
Sweet. Shit like this never happened back in Ohio.
Hey, where'd the pretty ladies go?
♪ I'm lucky and enough selfish ♪
♪ And use just anything you can take... ♪
[Billie] We were thick as thieves.
Nothing could break us.
♪ I'm sorry I forgot my mistake... ♪
[Billie] You and me.
Always.
♪ All the girls get together and rule ♪
-♪ All the girls get together and rule ♪ -[Sasha moans]
♪ All the girls get together and rule ♪
♪ All the girls Revolution has come ♪
[moaning]
You awake?
Mm-mm.
Was I right about his next-level skills or what?
So right.
Four stars.
Okay, but we still got papers due in six hours.
The perfect peen was a bit distracting, didn't keep me from outlining in my head.
Oh, but my head weighs a billion pounds. I'm never gonna make it.
-Like hell we won't. -No!
Girl, you know we can whip up something A-plus-plus for Sumner by class.
-Come on. We got this. -[groaning]
["Tarantula" playing]
Whoo.
Okay. Ready?
Mm-hm.
Billz, this is brilliant.
I mean, this is brilliant too.
-We are doing some genius-level work here. -Look how hot we look when we doing it.
-Oh, girl. You know it. -[man] Hey.
-What's for breakfast? -H&H Bagels on the corner.
-We like sesame. Toasted. -Toasted.
[Billie] Sasha and I have never had secrets.
Till now.
[moaning]
Of course Sasha succumbed. Brad has that effect on women.
And I meant what I said, I have no right to be upset.
What matters is, I shouldn't have watched.
I have to fix this.
Unless it's too late and she already knows.
I mean, Brad must have told her, right?
I think it feels like a waffles kind of...
[clears throat]
It's supposed to cool down today. The kids will probably need sweaters.
Mm-hm.
I'm gonna take a shower.
[clears throat]
[sneaky music playing]
[line rings]
[Sasha on voicemail] Hi, it's Sasha. Leave me a message.
Hey, Sash. Um, I got your text.
Call me back when you can. I need to, uh, talk to you too.
[dramatic music playing]
[cell phone unlocks]
[cell phone rings]
-Yo. -[Cooper] Dev.
Hey, man, um...
Sorry. I'm not gonna make this morning. I'm gonna need you to cover for me.
Dude, again? Seriously?
[mouths words]
For someone who became the big guy around here, you're not around here much.
Yeah, okay, I got it. Just help me out here.
Okay? I've got a...
I have to go to this thing at Hudson's school.
Apparently he's having a hard time transitioning.
Uh, they want us both to come in for this conference.
I'm having a hard time transitioning into doing two people's jobs.
Okay? There better be a Frappuccino in this for me when you come back.
Extra whip.
I'll be in as soon as I can. Thanks, bud.
All right.
You can do this. Look, you are such a big boy.
I mean, you don't need Mommy looking over your shoulder all day long, right?
Oh, perfect.
Hudson, I have a surprise for you.
Would you like to come for a play date after school
with Hannah and some of the other kids?
There will be Paw Patrol and a trampoline, and we're gonna make fudgsicles!
Don't worry, unsweetened oat milk, carrot powder and agave,
no dairy, nuts, no sugar.
Oh, okay. Well, what do you think, honey?
Okay.
-Okay. All right! -Okay.
Well, that sounds fun, but for now, Hudson,
go find Hannah and Rory at the blocks.
Have a great day, sweetie.
I love you, Mommy.
I love you too.
Caroline, I mean, thanks so much for being so sweet with him,
and that is such a nice offer.
But, um, I'm just not sure what we're gonna do after school today.
Well, I am.
My nanny is picking up the kids so you and me
and some of the other moms can have a day in the city.
Judy read a Times article on SoHo hot spots.
It will be like a treasure hunt. You have to come.
That sounds... amazing.
Yeah. Um, but you know what?
I have the baby and there's just something really pressing that I need to do, so...
You never say yes to us.
You need a break. You deserve it.
Bring the baby. That's what strollers are for.
Actually, it might be good for me to get into the city today.
Yes! That's more like it.
-Yeah. -I am forcing you to have fun with us.
-Okay. All right. -Come on!
Excuse me. Can I help you?
[inaudible dialogue]
Nope, I'm good.
[suspenseful music playing]
Yeah, I signed them off a scratch track demo. Mm-hm.
They're that good.
-Hold on. I'll call you back. -Excuse me.
It's okay, Julie. I've got this.
I'm Cooper Connelly.
I know who you are.
It's nice to see you with your clothes on, mate.
I was wondering when you'd finally get the balls to talk to me.
I guess she told you.
She told me what?
So you're-- I mean, you're talking to Billie.
I ran into her.
-Sent her a text. -A text?
What the fuck?
Dude, it's a text. Okay? It's not a big deal.
You don't get to tell me what's a big deal.
Now listen to me.
Stay the fuck away from my wife.
Fucking piece of shit.
[Judy] So this whole area is a historic landmark.
Not just the buildings but the cobblestones too.
So old!
-I wish we had a Zuhair Murad by us. -Oh, it's so chic.
-Am I too old to wear that? -You could totally wear that.
-Look at your legs. -[Billie] I wish Sasha would call me back.
This neighborhood was ground zero for our crazy nights on the town.
This is where it all happened. Where I felt like I was my best self.
[Sasha] Nice jacket.
That little army-navy gem has served you well, but it's time for an upgrade.
Come on. Let's go spend your rent.
[Billie laughs]
["I Am Not Afraid" playing]
Bingo.
Mmm?
♪ So take me as I am Watch me as I go ♪
♪ I've been sailing seas 'Fore you jumped afloat ♪
♪ And now you're standing On the sidewalk... ♪
-Oh, honey, yes! Yeah! -Yes?
Okay, come on. Oh, my God. I told him 9:30 and it's almost 10.
It's right there. It's right there. Oh!
-Careful, ladies. -Yeah.
Thank you, Officer Handsome.
Billie.
Oh, hi! Hey. Sorry.
-Sorry we're late. -No, I get it.
Takes time to travel here from the, uh, Victorian era.
Hey, we take "costume optional" very seriously.
-We always do it up for Voltaire. -Oh, yeah.
-Yeah. -Okay.
Now. Sasha, this is Brad.
And Brad, this is Sasha.
-Kossi's friend. -I asked you to give her a ride home.
Looks like you gave her a lot more than that.
[Billie laughs]
You know you scare the shit out of me, right?
Good.
Welcome to the party, dreamboat.
♪ I'll run with the wind and I'll grow ♪
♪ A set of wings and free fall... ♪
Hi!
♪ So take me as I am Watch me as I go... ♪
-Come on, just let me see. -[grunting] Not yet.
That's it.
All done.
-[Brad] Thanks. -Okay, I'm going on a break.
You guys take your time.
♪ I am not afraid to do this alone ♪
♪ I know that it scares you But I am my own home ♪
♪ And I cried... ♪
It's you and me.
♪ I am not afraid to do this alone... ♪
Brad and Billie. Two B's.
Forever.
I love you.
♪ Change in love... ♪
I love you so fucking much.
I love you too.
♪ Picked myself up Off the fucking ground... ♪
[grunting]
Oh, my God.
-I'm so sorry. -No, come here. Come here.
I'm not done with you yet.
♪ I am not afraid to do this alone ♪
♪ I know that it scares you But I am my own home ♪
♪ I am not afraid... ♪
[moans]
♪ I know that it scares you But I am my own home ♪
♪ I am not afraid to do this alone ♪
♪ I know that it scares you But I am my own home ♪
♪ I am not afraid to do this alone ♪
-Billie! -We got you red velvet.
-This is a cupcake store now? -What's wrong, honey?
This used to be a tattoo parlor.
Everything's changed. [stammers]
This place used to be so different.
I used to be different.
You've been here before?
I lived here.
Right around the corner.
-I mean, my boyfriend did. -[Caroline] Ooh!
-Her boyfriend. -Who was he?
-He was a record producer, but... -A record producer?
That is so cool.
No, it is not cool.
It's a real problem. I mean, I can't--
[tender music playing]
I can't stop thinking about him.
Like nonstop.
And it's fucking up everything, even with my best friend.
It's okay. You don't have to talk about it.
-We'll stop asking. -I just--
I miss it, you know? I miss it so much.
That part of me, you know, that I thought was over when I met Cooper,
but now it's, like, screaming from inside me, "I'm still here!"
You know, this version of me before... all of this.
If the Billie who was here ten years ago could see me now...
I mean, cupcakes.
What the fuck am I doing?
I'm...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I know I should be happy.
But I'm going through, like, a major fucking crisis right now.
Honey, you're not in crisis.
You're married.
Well...
Everyone has doubts sometimes.
You get stuck in a routine, you start to wonder about the road not taken.
The past is sneaky like that.
It helps to talk about it. You have us.
-I have to go. You know... -No, please.
There's something that I really need to go do.
You get Hudson over his freak-out, super dad?
Hmm?
Oh, yeah, no, he'll be fine.
Come on. What's going on with you? You're all over the place.
I'm just dealing with some weird shit at home.
I love weird shit. Spill.
Come here.
It's Billie.
She's been writing in her journal about her ex-boyfriend
and all the sex they used to have.
Like, like epic sex.
And I read it.
I mean, every graphic, X-rated detail, and I can't stop.
Holy shit, Billie's freaky.
It's like you're living in an actual porno. Can I read it?
Okay, this isn't just some trippy fantasy of hers.
Turns out, she's talking to the guy. God knows what else.
-Do you think she's actually cheating? -Honestly, I don't know. I...
If she was, she wouldn't need to fantasize about it in her journal.
Right?
Then I don't see what the problem is.
So she's a horny housewife. Big deal. Welcome to suburbia.
It is a big deal. I haven't done half the shit that she's writing about.
This guy's some fantasy stallion, and turns out she is insatiable.
I mean, literally, like, the most sexual person I've ever met.
Sorry. Picturing.
We just had two kids, you know?
It's not like I don't know how to fuck her
or that I haven't tried some of this stuff before.
Yeah, you have.
She's the mother of my children.
I don't need to think about her being slammed by some guy
in the back of a downtown club in front of anybody that walks in.
-That is so hot. -I mean... Okay, what--
Hey, but you are too.
Look...
the truth is...
I'm just not that into it sometimes.
All right? You know, the equipment
takes a little longer to work these days, you know?
So, what do want me to Postmate you some Viagra?
Get over it!
Neither one of us is 18 anymore. Chicks have always been into you.
If you haven't done half the crazy shit Billie has,
it's not because no one wanted to.
You've just been playing this nice guy forever.
-I am a nice guy. -Look where that got you.
You're so focused at work, you're busy being super dad,
you've forgotten you.
We're going out tonight.
We're going out tonight, we're gonna work that big-dick energy back up.
-What does that even mean? -Okay.
Billie's reveling in her glory days.
Don't you miss yours?
-I'm not gonna cheat on my wife, Devon. -No shit!
Okay, we're gonna go out. Right?
We're gonna test your market value with some fillies.
While they're pining away over you, just like the good old days,
and you feel that pheromone rush tingling all over, yeah, you're gonna--
You're gonna bring that savage BDE home to your wife
and you're gonna satiate her insatiable ass.
Okay. That sounds adorable. Really. Heart-warming. But no.
I'm telling you, Coop, women are witchy.
They can sense when another woman's hot for their man.
Yeah, but I'm not trying to pour gas on this fire, Devon.
I'm trying to put it out.
I'm pretty sure the BDE is not gonna do that.
Lucky for you, I'm sure enough for the both of us. Okay?
-Look at me, this is gonna be fun. Yeah. -No.
-No. No! -Yeah.
[dramatic music playing]
-Hey. -Billie.
-Hey. -I've, uh...
I've been, uh, trying to reach you.
I know. I got slammed reading the galley of my new book.
The editor needs it by 6 and I'm about to teach,
but, um, listen, I really need to talk to you.
Me first. Okay?
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Why are you sorry? I'm the one who's sorry.
I had sex with Brad last night.
He stopped by my apartment, and I wasn't going to, I swear, I wasn't--
-I know. -I just--
I know. I know all of it.
How do you know?
Uh...
Because...
I watched you.
Brad's been calling me, texting, and then last night he FaceTimed.
I should have turned it off. I know. But I didn't.
I watched you guys. I watched... all of it.
Holy shit.
That sick Aussie fuck!
Wait, how did my ass look?
If you were watching, I would've tried harder.
Given you the VIP show.
Your ass looked pretty damn good to me.
Oh, thank you.
I've been doing mad squats. I'm glad they haven't gone to waste.
So you're not upset?
With you? Never.
We've seen each other do so much crazy shit.
-Okay, good. -But, listen, you are playing with fire.
You need to put down the Brad matches now.
I know.
What did he say? You said he's been calling.
Writing in your journal is one thing.
Making an instruction manual for your husband, fine.
But talking to Brad?
What did he say?
That he's been trying not to think about me for eight years
and... now he's fucked.
No.
This is crossing a motherfucking line. You need to shut it down.
-Now. -It just happened.
Please. Brad is not some all-powerful god.
And I am not your sexual avatar for an obsession that is gonna destroy you.
No more Brad.
[students chattering]
At all.
-Promise me you'll stop. -I'm sorry. I should go.
Hey.
Promise me.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
I promise.
[Sasha] B?
Are you okay?
I have a tourist map of SoHo in my purse. You know?
So how okay can I be?
["Music (I Like It; Part 1)" playing over speakers]
Yes.
Yes. Am I right or am I right, huh? See, this is what I'm talking about.
It's like your carefree days of yesteryear, bud.
You are like a really full-of-shit Yoda. You know that, right?
I cannot believe you talked me into this. I should be with my family.
Hey, look, we used to come here every day after work, and you know what?
You enjoyed it.
-That was like a lifetime ago, Dev. -Exactly.
You need to remember who you were.
Billie's out there thinking about her loved-up past.
So should you.
-Hot women wanted you. -Okay.
-That's the BDE you gotta bring home. -All right, I got it.
What the--?
Well, lookie here.
Who just happens to be sitting at the bar? Waiting for you.
Okay, what did you do?
-[as Yoda] Remember who you were. -No, no, no.
[in normal voice] I'm gonna go to the bar, get us a drink.
Hey, listen to me. Listen to me. You're a firecracker. Hi, Em.
-Cooper. -Em.
-Hey. -Hey.
-You never age. You look incredible. -Thank you.
-I mean, God, so do you. -It's really good to see you.
Such a nice surprise when Devon called.
[mellow music playing]
[man over PA] Next stop, 125th Street.
[Billie] Sasha's right.
I am playing with fire.
He may not be a god, but he's always been impossible to resist.
["Wildest Moments" playing]
What time's your flight?
I have to be at LaGuardia in 45 minutes.
Do you know how beautiful you look right now?
I really, really have to go.
♪ Two wrongs, no rights... ♪
Georgia will still be there next weekend.
Hmm?
But my family reunion won't.
♪ From the outside ♪
♪ Everyone must be wondering Why we... ♪
Come on.
It doesn't get any better than this, B.
♪ Baby, in our wildest moments ♪
♪ We could be the greatest We could be the greatest ♪
♪ Maybe in our wildest moments ♪
♪ We could be the worst of all ♪
♪ Baby, in our wildest moments ♪
♪ We could be the greatest We could be the greatest ♪
♪ Maybe in our wildest moments ♪
♪ We could be the worst of all ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Wait on, the thunder sky ♪
♪ Wherever there's smoke There'll soon be fire ♪
♪ And what could bring bad luck ♪
♪ I've been looking at you too much ♪
[both moaning]
♪ From the outside, from the outside ♪
♪ Everyone must be wondering why we try ♪
♪ Why do we try? ♪
♪ Baby, in our wildest moments... ♪
I love you.
I love you too.
♪ We could be the worst of all ♪
♪ Baby, in our wildest moments ♪
♪ We could be the greatest We could be the greatest... ♪
[doorbell rings]
Billie! I'm so glad you're okay. We were worried.
I'm so sorry I ran off like that.
You were so nice to organize all of this and...
Do not spend another second worrying about it. The kids are knee-deep in Legos.
Let's just let them keep playing.
And you can come sit, have a glass of wine with us?
I shouldn't. I left Ellary with Olga.
If she wakes up...
She'll give her a bottle. Or she'll call you.
Stay.
We really are your friends. At least we wanna be.
[tender music playing]
That sounds great.
So work sounds good. How's Matt doing?
I haven't seen him in forever.
Me neither. We divorced a couple years ago.
Oh.
Shit. [exclaims] I didn't know. I'm so sorry.
That's why I was so happy when Devon called.
He said you guys have been talking about me?
That I was on your mind.
[dramatic music playing]
Em, I...
Listen, I think we got our wires crossed. Okay? I...
I have been talking to Devon.
And, yes, Billie and I have hit a few bumps recently, but--
I mean, this is like ten steps too far.
Oh.
Okay.
Fuck. I'm sorry.
No, it's not a problem.
She really is a lucky girl.
So here's what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna go powder my nose, catch up with my girlfriends,
and make sure that this blowout and dress don't go to waste.
Sounds like a plan.
Motherfucker!
I am blinded by the light of that BDE. I gotta look away.
-Boom! Up top! -What the fuck is wrong with you?
Okay, this isn't about Emily. She is a sweetheart. She's not Billie.
I love my wife. I have since the second I laid eyes on her. You know?
She's formidable. And she made me feel that way too.
Fine. You want formidable?
There you go.
-That's what's up. -No, Devon...
-Cooper. -Hey.
You've come out to play.
Yeah, I felt like I had to blow some steam off, I guess.
It was really nice to see you.
Yeah, you too, Em.
Bye, Cooper.
We'll see ya.
Well, okay, then. Pretty sure that wasn't your wife.
It's, uh, ex-girlfriend.
Um, the past has been sneaking up on me lately.
Seemed pretty present to me.
So you like tequila?
-[Judy] Come on, just finish the bottle. -[Caroline] Okay, check this out.
Billie, we know you had a rough day.
So we got you something!
Oh, my God.
You guys!
I can't.
It's fake. Don't tell anyone, we all got one.
Canal Street. Can you believe it? It looks so real.
I am just so sorry for today.
For losing it like that.
I'm going through some things, clearly.
-[chuckles] I don't know. I-- -Honey. We get it.
[Judy] I had a guy.
An ex I couldn't stop thinking about.
Really?
He was a musician too.
All the things Jack isn't.
And let's be honest, will never be.
[all laugh]
He had a guru.
We lived together on an ashram in Goa.
Can you imagine me there?
Oh, my God. I can't. Like, at all.
I only ate chickpeas and rice for about six months, but...
I was so in love.
I would have done anything.
Of course, that never lasts. Heh. The breakup was nuclear.
I didn't think about him for years, then one day couldn't get him out of my head.
Same as you.
So I looked him up. Found him on Facebook.
Turns out he works in the concrete business now.
He's fat, he's bald, just like his dad.
[all laugh]
Believe me, I got real real fast about how good I have it...
and how much I love my husband.
[sighs] Billie, you should do that.
[Judy] Facebook, Google.
I promise, it'll be the end of the fantasy.
Yeah.
Sometime let's do that.
No. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You're going completely out of order here.
Since when do I follow the rules? Come on. Live on the edge, Connelly.
Oh, right. Yep. Here we go. Yeah.
-[groans] -[clears throat]
-Wow. So the tie does come off. -Whew!
Oh, it does. It does.
I figured since we were breaking the rules, that would be okay.
Oh, it's very okay.
You know, there is a great whiskey joint on Perry Street, all the way west.
It's right by my place. Why don't we get a nightcap?
Actually...
I should probably go home.
You're right.
That's probably a good idea.
That's a good idea. I should go home.
[cell phone chimes]
[footsteps approaching]
-Hey. -Hey.
-You okay? -Yeah.
It's just been a long day.
Wine helps.
Billie. It's just me now.
And I know a fake Chanel bag can't fix everything.
Real Chanel maybe.
Marriages can fall into a rut.
I get it. Believe me, I do.
But the way out of that rut is not through your old boyfriend.
Forget him.
You need to spice things up with your husband.
Do it together.
I think I may have screwed things up past the point of sexy lingerie.
There are other ways.
[cell phone ringing]
Who's Brad?
Is that him?
I-- I should probably take this outside.
This has to stop. I'm done.
I don't think you are done. In fact, I think you're enjoying this way too much.
-["I Feel Like I'm Drowning" playing] -No. No.
This is all you.
Really?
Mmm. Then how come your husband came to see me today?
♪ You keep dreaming... ♪
And for the record, I'm pretty sure he thinks you're enjoying it too.
What did you say to him?
Billie, of course I protected you.
I got you.
♪ And they say you're suspicious... ♪
Okay. All right. This---
This has gone on way further than it ever should have.
I have a life here.
This-- This isn't real.
What if it is?
Here I am, B.
♪ You're holding me down and... ♪
All of me.
It's all for you.
[Billie] Maybe he is a god.
But the flesh is all too real.
'Cause he's wearing me on his body. On his skin.
Still.
[closing theme playing]