have you ever just wanted to start your
life with a clean slate like you made a
big mistake and you just want to hit a
redo button and pretend like it never
happened if you promise not to judge me
I'll tell you the story of how I tried
to cover up my own son I know you're
probably thinking I'm stupid and selfish
but just hear me out
I didn't want to let one little slip-up
ruin my life you know pregnancy is a
scary thing when you're just 18 please
just give me a chance to explain myself
I'm really not a horrible person before
I get into that though don't forget to
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good fortune trust me I never thought I
had a lot of luck to be honest my mother
was very poor and we lived in a really
rundown neighborhood I always told
myself I'd do better and become super
rich one day I'd never have to worry
about finding my next meal or not having
a roof over my head I worked very hard
in school I was top of my class and
super-smart but I don't think that was
the reason I was so popular I'm not
trying to sound cocky but I was pretty
hot I always got stopped in malls with
modeling opportunities but I turned down
each and every one because I wanted to
focus on school and get out of this
horrible town I never thought I would
let anyone get in the way of my dreams
but I was wrong during my junior year of
high school I had to get a job to start
saving up for college I worked at a
frozen yogurt place passing out samples
in the front of the store it wouldn't
have been so bad except the store owner
made me dress up in an embarrassing
uniform that looked like an ice cream
cone I went from being the prettiest
person in the room to the loser people
pointed and
that I remember this one day in
particular was very bad one afternoon a
whole group of people from my class
showed up to the shop they weren't just
any students they were the most popular
kids from the private academy this super
handsome guy approached me for some free
samples even I was starstruck around him
he told me that I was kind of cute for
an ice cream cone and I blushed I could
tell his compliment upset one of the
girls he came with out of nowhere she
pushed me to the ground there was frozen
yogurt all over my face plus the weight
of the costume made it hard to get up
I was stuck struggling on my back like a
turtle everyone was laughing everyone
except the super handsome guy he yelled
at the girl for being so mean and helped
me up I'm sorry about them how about you
let me make it up to you he asked he
told me that he wanted to take me on a
date after my shift
the girl who pushed me was so mad her
and the rest of the group he came with
stormed off on the spot just like that I
had fallen for him he didn't seem to
care that I was poor at all he showered
me with gifts and took me on extravagant
vacations he showed me the life that I
wanted the life that I had been working
so hard for
he even covered my tuition fees and
helped me apply to college I thought
this meant that he saw us being together
forever but I was mistaken see my life
was about to be changed forever after
eating a peanutbutter sandwich well to
be more accurate it was only after
eating 20 of them did I realize
something was up see I started craving
them out of nowhere at first I thought I
was just in the mood for it
but after a while I felt like a
disgusting monster I decided to go to
the doctor and see if I had a vitamin
deficiency but the reality was much
worse I was in trouble like deep trouble
I was 5 months pregnant I had hardly put
on any weight or experienced any other
symptoms the doctor said I was just a
rare case of a subtle pregnant
but the baby was very happy and healthy
did you know that it takes an African
elephant nearly two years of pregnancy
to make a baby well human babies only
need nine months meaning I was less than
a semester away from holding a baby in
my arms with graduation being only a
month and a half away I was freaking out
I decided to go and tell my boyfriend
everything
it's funny how guys work sometimes he
accused me of trying to cheat my way
into wealth he said that he's jerk could
not afford a baby and it wasn't his
problem he threw $100 at me and told me
to never talk to him again he kicked me
out of his house and that was that I was
so scared and hurt I cried my whole way
home when I got there my mom was waiting
at the door she had a huge smile on her
face and was holding a huge envelope I
had gotten into the most prestigious
school in the country this was my dream
but it couldn't have come at a worse
time I cried and told my mom everything
about the pregnancy and baby she was so
utterly disappointed I thought you were
going to be better than me she lectured
now you're gonna be just like me a poor
single parent living in this rundown
house with an ungrateful daughter or son
I tried to tell her that I could do both
plenty of people have babies and go to
college but she just shook her head at
me she said I was too immature for this
whole situation and she was right she
could hardly look at me at all for the
next few months she didn't even come to
my graduation when it came time to give
birth to my baby boy I was completely
and utterly alone you know how they say
after going through labor and holding
your baby for the first time you fall
immediately in love well I didn't I
don't want to say it but I kind of hated
that baby I blamed him for my breakup
and me not going to college
I could hardly look at him I was in the
hospital for a whole week all by myself
with the baby and it just never got any
better I took a taxi home and brought
the baby into the house
surprisingly my mom didn't seem too
upset now that she saw her grandson I
would have said she seemed happier about
him and I was when it was time to go to
bed I brought the baby to my room
he was so loud and obnoxious I didn't
get any sleep around 3:00 a.m. I made a
pretty rash decision that I kind of
regret I scribbled down a note to my mom
explaining that she would be a better
mother than me then I just packed a
backpack of my clothes and left part of
me did it because I thought I would be a
horrible mother and my son would be
better off like this the other part of
me though was a little selfish it takes
only seconds to get pregnant it was so
unfair that that was gonna ruin my life
especially when I was the only one
forced to deal with the consequences I
had the taxi dropped me off at the
airport and took the first flight to the
University I got into they were
surprisingly understanding of my
situation or at least the situation I
told them I said we were so poor we had
no internet service and her postal
services were so bad since it wasn't my
fault that the acceptance got lost in
the mail they took me in I even got a
spot in a dorm all expenses paid I know
I probably should have felt guilty about
abandoning my son but didn't I deserve
to enjoy everything I worked for years
of hard studying and stupid side jobs
had brought me to this elite university
full of elite peers between my amazing
grades and my good looks I once again
became popular my future was so bright
it was easy to forget about the son I
only saw for a couple of days my mom
never tried to contact me or I never
heard about it once again I was alone
but I was excited since I had such a
good scholarship I didn't have to work
at all I didn't need to pay for our
fancy dining hall or extravagant
dormitories I was living it up again of
course
history does have a habit of repeating
itself one day in the library I was so
focused on reading I crashed right into
another person he seemed a bit upset at
first but once he got a good look at how
gorgeous I was he softened rather fast
he was a little older than me but super
attractive I
ashley mistook him as a student at first
but it turned out he was an economics
professor we started meeting up a few
times after that and he told me about
his luxurious life he traveled the world
had multiple mansions and even owned a
private jet he made my ex-boyfriend look
like a hobo in comparison now I wouldn't
call myself a gold digger but how many
people can honestly say they don't find
rich attractive I fell hard not just for
the money but he was just so charming it
was like a fairy tale one day our
normally happy dates felt a little weird
he was upset and it was obvious
eventually he told me some shocking news
he said that his ex-wife had died
leaving their daughter all alone she was
only 3 at the time but he didn't want to
uproot her meaning he was going to be
moving there in the next month the move
was on the other side of the country
more than a couple of days with the car
what he told me next shook me to the
core I know we've only been dating a
couple of months he said but I would
love it if you just came with me I think
you would be an excellent mother there
was something about the way he said it
that flooded me with guilt he thought so
highly of me I wonder what he would
think if he knew I abandoned my baby in
a horrible event of irony he asked me if
I would give up my dreams of school to
be a mother how many times would I face
that I decided to do it I didn't even
make it a year into school and I was
already moving for some boy I know what
you're thinking I'm an idiot I think so
do now but it didn't seem so at first we
had got married at the City Hall in his
town and just hopped into married life
and it was great
it was actually kind of nice being a mom
I loved his daughter as though she was
my own and it started getting me
thinking about my own son it felt like I
got what I wanted even though I quit
school I was rich and lived very
comfortably even if it wasn't my own
success I also got a taste of Fame too
as my new husband was actually pretty
famous and was always on TV when you're
famous you get a lot of fans showing up
at your house sometimes it's flattering
but most of the time it's scary
in particular threatened to turn my life
upside down I mean this incident was
easily the worst it was scarier than the
time someone went through our garage for
nail clippings it was even scarier than
the time some girl showed up dressed
just like me one day as my husband and I
were sitting in the garden
the butler let us know someone was up
the door for me we both found it a
little strange but I assured him that
everything was fine and I would get him
if I needed him just like a ghost
my mother was standing in the frame with
a young toddler in her hands
turns out my mom saw me on TV she looked
us up and decided to come here in person
to confront me when she saw what I was
doing with my life she decided she was
done struggling to raise my baby when I
was living so rich she yelled at me for
being spoiled and boy-crazy she said I
was so selfish for abandoning my own son
how she was disappointed in me
she set my son on the ground and then
just walked away I yelled at her to come
back and we could try to work something
out but she didn't even turn to me the
baby started crying and at that moment
my husband came into the living room I
heard all the shouting is everything
okay he asked who was that who is this
child for a moment I thought that this
was the perfect time to come clean I
finally had a reason to relieve myself
of this guilt and make right with my son
but then I started thinking about the
consequences what if he abandoned me too
I couldn't give up my life and dreams so
easily I told him that he was my
sister's son and my sister had died in a
freak accident I begged him to let us
keep the boy and he agreed he said it
might even be nice for our daughter to
have a brother even if he was just
adopted being around my son was nothing
like those first few days in the
hospital
I actually really came to love him he
was my everything
and I told myself that from now on I
would make sure to make him my priority
if only I was good at sticking to my
promises from all the love I was showing
to my son my husband got very suspicious
and confronted me about it a few days
later I told him he was just being
paranoid and then he threw an envelope
at me it was the maternity results
you're not lying I don't suppose you
would be upset if I opened this
he asked angrily I broke down in tears
and threw the letter into the fire
he sighed for a moment and told me that
he didn't need a letter because that was
an answer enough
he gave me an ultimatum I could send the
boy away and we can start our own family
or my son and I could pack our bags I
loved my son with all my heart at this
point it felt as though fate had brought
us back together just to rip him away
again
what would I even do if I left my mother
wouldn't take me in I couldn't support
myself let alone my son with tears in my
eyes and a heavy heart I let him give my
baby away he never told me who he gave
him to he never wanted me to find out it
was a lot harder to just erase him from
my mind this time I got super depressed
but I thought a new baby would help my
husband and I tried over and over again
but no luck I decided to go to a
fertility doctor and they let me know I
would never have a baby I explained that
I got pregnant once and they told me
that the pregnancy was a miracle I could
try some medications but the chances
would always be slim I felt horrible and
if it couldn't get any worse my husband
seemed very disappointed in me as my
depression got worse he spent more and
more time on business trips or late
nights at the office every time he would
come home and immediately shower I
sometimes could smell perfume on his
briefcase or work shirts I wasn't an
idiot it was obvious he was cheating I
wanted to leave but where would I go
depression wasn't a good look for me all
the medicine I took to try to get
pregnant made me fat and made my skin
break out plus I wasn't the young and
fresh 19 year old I was when we met I
always held on to hopes that he would
get his child and we could both be happy
it did partially come true but it ruined
my life see one of his mistresses got
pregnant he sat me down to tell me this
I told him that we could work through it
I would raise the baby on my own but he
just shook his head he told me that he
had fallen in love with this young
pregnant woman and that he would give me
a month to move out because he was such
a nice guy just like that
was gone I had no qualifications and had
to get a job cleaning toilets at the
motel I lived in it was absolutely awful
20 years had passed since I was in
college I wasn't pretty enough anymore
for a guy to sweep me off my feet
instead I was just this boring and bland
old woman who had nothing to show for
her life
I spent my nights at my job my days
sitting in my dirty dimly lit room
searching through newspapers for any
promising opportunity eventually I found
an ad for my dream job at least a dream
job where I didn't need a degree I
showed up to the interview in my best
outfit and even showed up 15 minutes
early you'll never guess who was sitting
behind the desk when I walked in that
door the CEO of that company was young
and handsome with a warm smile he asked
me to come in and sit down I was frozen
and shocked over a decade may have
passed since I last saw him but there
was no mistaking that was my son his
desk was full of family pictures and his
wall was adorned with impressive degrees
my son had lived the life I always
wanted I wanted nothing more than to
tell him everything how I had been
thinking about him for years and how I
loved him part of me also teased the
idea that telling him would bring me
back into the life I loved and out of
the motel I had been living in I played
out all the possible ways I could tell
him wait for it because you will never
guess what my genius mind came up with
as I sat across from him and he asked if
everything was okay I said nothing he
was happy and successful I had put him
through a hard life because of how
selfish I was acting I decided that once
and for all I would put him first it was
unfair for me to suddenly pop into his
life again and ruin everything he'd ever
known so I just sat through the
interview as though he was a stranger I
ended up getting the job in becoming his
secretary
we grew surprisingly close over the
course of my job it's always tempting to
let him know my secret but I know it
isn't the right thing to do or maybe
that is just something I'd tell myself
because I'm too afraid to step up one
day he seemed really upset I asked him
what was wrong
started to cry she told me how he was
secretly adopted his parents didn't want
him to know but he actually remembered a
bit from his childhood he remembered
bouncing around as a toddler between
houses and he just pretended he forgot
everything for his adoptive parents they
did so much for me I think they would be
hurt to know I was interested in my real
mother you know he said I asked him how
he felt about it and he gave me an
answer that nearly moved me to tears
that deadbeat he asked angrily
I hate her he went on to say how she
ruined his self-confidence he spent so
much time wondering how horrible she was
to abandon him then his tone suddenly
changed I wonder if she regrets what she
did I asked him if he really wanted to
know and he hesitated I don't know he
left the room shortly after today was
not the right time but I have finally
gathered up my thoughts and will tell
him everything tomorrow the good and the
bad but I wasn't expecting what happened
next but you'll have to wait for our
next video to find out what happened
after I told him keep your fingers
crossed for me
you