上海和平教会葡萄园小组字幕组制作
谢谢观赏，上海和平教会葡萄园小组字幕组制作
大家好 Hi, everybody.
欢迎来到周日晚的马鞍峰教会 Well, welcome to Sunday night at Saddleback.and
一连紧张的五周，我们共同分享"你使我疯狂"系列 As aggressive for about 5 weeks, we are busy on the series you make me crazy.
我们共同分享各种关系处理的技巧 We are looking at relational skills.
我试着教导你们一些处理关系的技巧 I am trying to teach you the relational skills
这些方式是不能从父母或学校那里学来的 none of us learns from our parents or learns in school.
第一周我们介绍了6种不能使人们建立关系的错误 And we started off at our first week on six mistakes why people never make relationships.
并看圣经中雅各书是如何教导的 We look that in the Bible, the Book of James
然后我们学习了如何不被别人"激怒" Then we looked at how to not let people push your buttons
如何不受挑衅引发别人的愤怒 how not to get hooked into their anger
学习圣经是如何教导的 and what the bible says about that.
然后我们学习了怎样处理冲突 Then we looked at how we resolve conflict
及按照7个符合圣经原则的步骤来化解冲突 and seven biblical steps resolving conflict.
今天一早 我们学习了如何在生活中建立健康的界限 On this morning, we looked at how to build healthy boundaries in your life.
目前在我们马鞍峰教会 Now here in Saddleback Church
家庭教会中有超过3万人单身 we have over 30,000 names of single adults on our church family row.
我关心你们这些人 and I care about those of you.
我不希望你们在婚姻上犯错误 and I don’t want you to make mistakes in marriage.
因此今晚 我想特别来分享怎样找到合适的人 and so this evening, I want to specifically look at how to choose the right person.
这可以使你们免于许多痛苦 It can save you a lot of pain.
如何做出正确的选择? How to make the right choice?
在你的生命中 有2个最重要的选择 In your life, two of the most important choices you are going to make are:
我要结婚吗?这是一个选择 One, will I ever get married? That's your choice.
如果要结婚 那么和谁结婚? And the second one if I do, who is going to be?
关于这方面圣经有许多教导 The Bible has a lot to say about this.
请你将本系列"找到生命中的真爱"笔记拿出来 And if you take out your message note inside your program "Finding the Love of Your Life".
圣经在箴言十二章26节中写到 The Bible says in Proverbs 12:26.
义人谨慎地选择他的朋友 The righteous chooses his friends carefully.
既然你希望谨慎地选择你的朋友 Now if you are supposed to choose your friends carefully,
那你就应该更加谨慎选择谁将成为你一生的伴侣 you should be even more careful about who is going to be your life partner.
注意 这是一个选择 上帝不会代替你做出选择 Notice, it is a choice. God doesn't do this for you.
上帝要你自己做出选择 God says you make the choice.
义人谨慎地选择他的朋友 The righteous chooses his friends carefully
问题是没人教导我们该怎么做 the problem is nobody teaches us how to do that.
你没有在学校的课堂里学习这部分内容 You didn’t get it in class or school.
你的父母也没有教导你怎样选择恰当的人结婚 Your parents didn’t teach you how to choose the right person to marry.
结果是由于各样原因 许多人以错误的婚姻结局 As a result, many people end up in the wrong marriage for the wrong reason.
作为你们的牧师，我们爱你们 我不希望你们也这样 And as your pastor, we love you. I don’t want you to do that.
我不希望你们也以这样的方式结局 I don’t want you end up in that way.
因此 今晚我们将共同学习圣经的教导 So we are going to look tonight at what the Bible says
上帝对于恰当人选所列出的"清单" is a God’s checklist for choosing right person.
在此之前，我需要声明几个误区 Before you do that, I need to spell out a couple of myth.
我希望你把这记录在你的笔记大纲上 I want you to write this down on your outline.
关于婚姻有几个误区 There are a couple of myths about marriage out there.
我们需要将它们清除 We just need to get them out of the way.
第一，上帝"不"替我选择配偶 The first one is God DOESN’T choose my mate for me!
上帝不为我选择配偶 God doesn't choose my mate for me!
这是你的决定 It’s your decision.
这是你的选择 It’s your choice.
上帝并不为你选择配偶 God doesn’t choose your mate for you.
上帝将这份责任完全放在你的肩上 God places the responsibility 100% on your shoulder.
上帝可能在天空中放个标志写着"和哈利结婚"吗? God is like to put a sign in the sky says "Marry Harry"?
这是不可能发生的事情 It’s not going to happen.
你尽管找，但它的确不会发生 You can look all you want. But it ain't happen.
有些人会说 Now some people say
好吧 我不要去相亲 我只要等待 well, I’m not going to date. I’m just going to wait.
这样只有一种结果 单身 It’s a word for that. Bachelor or bachelorette!
永远不可能结婚 I will never marry!
说“我不要去约会，我只要等待”是毫无意义的 I mean that is nonsense to say "I’m not going to date, I’m going to wait."
这种"只等待不约会"的做法纯粹是胡扯 That’s what you get when you cross a crocodile with an abalone, it’s a croc-abalone.
我记得10年前有人写了一本书 I mean I remember about 10 years ago,
名字就叫"与相亲吻别" a guy wrote a book called I Kiss Dating Goodbye.
我觉得这就像当今的修道士 I think it’s a monk today.
你要知道 如果上帝要带领你 You know, when God wants to steer you,
一台已经开动的车要比一台停着的车更容易引导 it’s easier to move a car that's moving than one that is parked.
上帝不能使一台停着的车开动 God can’t move a parked car.
你可以驾驶 使车子发动起来 You can steer, it's going to be moving.
然后你才可以走这条路或走那条路 And then you can go this way or that way whatever.
你也可以呆在家里 呆在地下室 So you can go home, staying in your basement
说"我要等待 不要相亲" and say "I’m just going to wait and not date."
什么都不会发生的 And nothing is going to happen.
什么都不会发生的 Nothing is going to happen.
因此你要把这种想法清理掉 So you just need to clear that one up.
上帝说这是你的选择 God says it’s just your choice.
上帝会引导 会带领 会让我们看到祂的旨意 God leads this, God guides this, and God gives us guidelines
我们今晚就将来学习 但是最终还是要你进行选择 that we are going to look tonight, but ultimately it’s your choice.
第二 "不"存在唯一的给我准备的"恰当人选" The second myth is this. There ISN’T only one "right person" for me!
这是很浪漫的一种说法 You know, that’s very romantic that
整个宇宙只有唯一的一个人是为我准备的 there is only one person in entire universe for me.
但这不是真实的 It’s just not true.
它不单只是浪漫 它不合圣经原则 It’s not only romantic, but it’s not biblical.
它不单不合圣经原则 甚至不合逻辑 And it’s not only biblical, it’s not even logical,
因为如果在世界上每个人只有唯一的一个"恰当人选" because, if there was only one right person for everybody in the world,
那么只需要一个人做出一个错误决定 it would only take one person to make a wrong decision
就将接连破坏其他每个人的选择 to break the chain for everybody else.
那么所有的多米诺骨牌... 让我展示给你们看 and all the domino... Let me show you.
给你们稍微解释一下 I want to give you a little demonstration.
让我们有请今天的互动参与者 欢迎他们上台 Would you welcome my participants today? OK, welcome them out of here.
你们请上台来 Come on out of here, you guys.
请女生到这边 男生到那边 Let's put the girls over here, the guys over here.
好 我们假设这些人都是适合结婚的单身人士 Alright now, let's just say these are eligible bachelors and bachelorettes
好吧 我们假设 上帝爱你 OK? Let's say God loves you,
在你的生命中有一个很棒的男人 他的名字叫乔尼 you have a wonderful man for your life. His name is Jonny. Alright?
好的 乔尼是橙色的 Alright. Johnny here is in orange.
显然乔尼在这里 他是应该和玛格配对结婚的 So obviously, Johnny is over here, he supposed to hook up with Margo and marry Margo.
我们假设玛格说不行 没门 乔尼 我喜欢丹尼 But let's say Margo says, no way, Johnny, I like Daniel
玛格来到这边 与丹尼结婚了 Margo comes over here and Margo marries Daniel.
好的 这使乔尼很不幸 OK. That leaves Johnny unluck,
不能与上帝为他预备的女人结婚 so Johnny is not going to be able to marry the woman God plan for him.
而意想不到的是 他好过来了 说凯丽简直棒极了 And so all of a sudden, he goes well and says Kelly, she looks deadly, I mean she is wonderful, alright?
所以我要来到这边和凯丽在一起 So I was going here with Kelly, Alright?
但是凯丽应该与吉姆结婚啊 But Kelly was supposed to marry Jim. Oh, no.
现在凯丽已经结婚了 吉姆你不能与她结婚了 So now the Kelly is married. Jim, who you are going to marry?
吉姆到这里来 他要与劳伦结婚 Jim, come on over here, he is going to marry Lauren.
好的 劳伦我们到这边 Alright Lauren. here we go.
这样看来 你们两个人要笑翻了 好吧 Now, which means you two guys should laugh over. So alright.
布瑞特和艾米最终在一起了 Breit and Amy you are actually get together. Alright?
因此最终只有一对在一起了 So, one couple actually get together at all.
看到了吧 这是多么愚蠢的想法啊 See, how this sounds silly it is!
根本无法实现 It doesn’t work.
让我们为他们鼓掌 Let’s get these guys hands. OK?
我"应该"娶一个名叫"苏珊"的女生 Let's say I was supposed to marry a woman named "Susan".
你们现在可以下去了 谢谢 You guys can leave now. Thank you.
但我却娶了Kay, 难道这就意味着全世界人完美的婚姻设计都因此而受挫吗? And is that I marry Kay, with then all of a sudden it upsets the apple cart for everybody else on the entire planet?
这完全是一个误区 It's totally a myth.
这是多么浪漫的说法啊 但是这完全是一个误区 It’s romantic, but it’s totally a myth.
在你的一生中 有许许多多人 In your life, there are multiple people
上帝会说"你与他/她结婚很好" 许许多多的人 God will say that's OK for you to marry, multiple people
有数以百万的人上帝会说"没门" there will be millions people God would say no way, José.
但是也有许许多多的人上帝会说"好吧 没关系" But there are multiple opportunities that God would say OK, it’s all right.
这是你的选择 你喜欢的 Your choice, your preference!
因此上帝对于婚姻对象并没有固定意见 So God doesn't have a bull's eye when it comes marriage.
忘掉"恰当先生"及"恰当女士" 他们并不存在 So forget there is some Miss Right or Mr Right out there. they are just not there.
这是不会发生的 Ok, it’s not going to happen.
圣经中也没有这么写 And the Bible doesn’t say that.
顺便提一句 我想再给你一条信息 单子里面没有 By the way, let me write, give you one more message, that’s not in your outline.
把它记下来 也是一个误区 Just write this down, one another myth.
单单爱情不是结婚的全部理由 Love alone is not a enough reason to marry!
你愿意把它记下来吗? 记下来吧 Would you write that down? Just write down.
单单爱情不是结婚的全部理由 Love alone is not enough reason to marry!
我经常与许多结婚人士聊天 I talk with people all time who get married.
他们并不匹配 家庭背景不合适 There is no way, the family background is not right.
属灵背景不合适 The Spiritual background isn’t right.
个人性格背景不合适 The personality background isn’t right.
教育背景不合适 Education background isn’t right.
他们能力不同 抱负不同 They don’t have the same amount of energy. They are not same on the ambition.
甚至没有共同的价值 目标 There are even not the same values, goals,
没有什么共同点 none of these things.
但是"我们深爱彼此" But We Love Each Other!
朋友 只要有恰当的环境 Friend, given the right situation,
我可以使你与任何人相爱 I can get you to fall in love with anybody.
爱情是一个选择 Love is the choice.
我可以将你放在一个环境之中使你感觉到浪漫 I can put you in circumstance that would make you romantically inclined.
因此你喜欢一个人不代表你应该与他/她结婚 Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should marry them.
我希望你们一起重复这句话 I would like first to repeat this together.
你喜欢一个人不代表你应该与他/她结婚 Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should marry them.
我与许多女人相爱 但是我与Kay结婚了 I fell in love with multiple women before I married Kay.
如果我娶了其他任何一个人 都将成为一场灾难 Any of them if I married, it would be a disaster.
你可以与各种类型的人相爱 You can fall in love with all kinds of people.
这不代表你应该与他们结婚 It doesn’t mean you should marry them.
单单爱情是不够的 还需要许多其他事情 Love is not enough, and it takes a lot of other things.
我们今晚就会学习到 That's what we will look at tonight.
上帝并没有告诉你应该与谁结婚 Now God doesn’t tell you who to marry.
上帝的确给出你一些描述 But he does give you this description
但是关于祂希望你结婚的对象 of the kind of person that he desires for you to marry.
如果你希望上帝祝福你们的婚姻 你该怎么做? And if you want God’s blessing on your marriage, what you do?
你希望上帝做你们婚姻的保护 你该怎么做? And you want God's protection on your marriage, what you do?
你希望你们的婚姻能够成功 And you want success in your marriage,
你该怎么做? what you do?
你最好仔细地听一下 And you’d better Liston to
关于你应该结婚的对象类型 上帝说了什么 what God has said about the kind of person you should marry,
因为没有遵行上帝话语的现象随处可见 because the evidence of not following what God says to do is out of all the rounds.
如我所说 基于恰当的情况 你可以与任何人相爱 Given the right situation, as I say, you can fall in love with anybody
这不意味着你应该与他们结婚 that doesn’t mean you should marry them.
但是上帝给出我们一份清单 But God gives us a list.
我把它叫做"必须要有" I call it the list of "must haves".
今晚我想基于圣经告诉你"必须要有"的清单 And I want to give you the list tonight from the Bible of things you must have.
这是你生命中必须要有的 You must have in your life
也是你的配偶 男朋友或女朋友生命中必须要有的 and your mate’s life, boy friend’s or girl friend’s life.
为了与他们结婚 除非这些清单内容满足 In order to marry them, until this is right,
否则你便没有预备好与他们结婚 you are not ready to marry them,
或是他们也没有预备好与你结婚 and then they are not ready to marry you.
他们可能就不是你应该结婚的对象 And they may not ever be the right person for you to marry.
你可以在这个清单中加上你自己的经验 Now you can add to this list your own experiences.
今晚我想与你分享的是基本的要求 This I want to give you tonight is the bare minimum.
这是婚姻能够蒙上帝祝福的最低要求 These are the minimal requirements for the marriage God blesses.
如果他们不能满足清单中的所有内容 这些不可或缺的条件 These are... If they don’t meet all these things, deal-breaker!
我不在乎我有多么喜欢他们 I don’t care how much I love them,
我不在乎他们拥有多少金钱 I don’t care how much money they have got,
有多么聪明 能使我笑得多开心 how cute they are, how much they make me laugh.
我也不在乎我们相处的时候有多甜蜜 That’s no matter how sweet we get along together.
我们有多快乐 有多少共同点 How much we have fun, and how much we have in common.
所有这些都没关系 It doesn't matter with all of the things,
但如果我们在清单上的事情不相配 这些不可或缺的条件 if we don’t match on these things, deal-breaker!
这一周，我庆祝了自己与妻子37年的结婚纪念日 Now this week, I celebrated my 37 anniversary.
我已经成功解决了成千上万对夫妇的麻烦 And, I have counseled thousands of married couples in trouble
解决了成千上万考虑结婚的单身的问题 and counseled thousands of single adults who were considering marriage.
我的确知道圣经说了什么 So I do know a little what the Bible said.
我只想告诉你一些观点 I just want to save you some pain.
这些不是我个人的观点 These are not my opinion,
这是上帝说的 this is what God says,
对你应该选择结婚对象的类型的要求 are the requirements of the kind of person you should choose to marry.
让我们开始吧 OK, let's get into it!
首先 我与我的妻子或丈夫必须要有的 No.1, the first thing we have to have, my wife and I or my husband and I
我们必须要有灵里的合一 No.1, we must have spiritual unity.
这是首要的要求 This is the first qualification.
我们必须要有灵里的合一 We must have spiritual unity.
也就是说我们要有相同的信仰 并与神有生命的连接 That means we believe the same thing about God, we have a relationship to God together.
如果你与你的配偶没有灵里的合一 If you aren’t spiritually unified with your spouse,
你将不会拥有那种深度的身体与情感的亲密合一 You are never going to enjoy the depth of physical intimacy, sexual intimacy or emotional intimacy
这是上帝渴望在你的婚姻里拥有的 the God desires for your marriage
你不能做到这些 You just can’t do it.
你将不会拥有，上帝渴望你拥有的身体与情感终极的亲密合一 You can't have the ultimate physical, emotional and sexual unity that God want you to have
因为你们在生命中的首要领域 即与神的关系上不能合一 If you are not unified in the No.1 area of your life, which is your relationship to God,
你们与神的关系应该是生命中最最重要的部分 Your relationship to God should be the biggest most important part of your life.
如果我不能与妻子分享生命中如此重要的部分 And if I can't share the biggest most important part of my life with my wife,
我们将以不同的方式生活 we'll live on different ways.
我们会有不同的世界观 We got different world views.
即便我们有很多地方相似 We may have all kinds of things in common,
但是我们的婚姻一生中都将笼罩在阴影中 but our marriage will be shallow our entire lives.
婚姻会有阴影 也会成为问题 It will be shallow, and it will be problems.
你们的婚姻也绝不会达到应有的深度 And your marriage would never be as deep as it could be,
你们也不会经历上帝所喜悦的情感与身体的亲密合一 and you will never experience the emotional intimacy or the sexual intimacy the God wants you to have,
除非你们在灵里合一 你们的生命才向同一方向前行 unless you unity in spiritual, that’s spiritual unity that you head in the same direction.
如果你希望上帝看顾你的婚姻 你希望上帝赐福你的婚姻 If you want God's protection on your marriage, you want God's blessing on your marriage
上帝应该成为你们的中心 加固你们的婚姻 Then God’s got to be at the center. He's got to be the glue.
大多数人并不明白上帝对于婚姻的重要性 Most people have no idea how important God is to marriage.
一个牢固的婚姻不仅仅需要一个男人和一个女人 It takes more than a man and a woman to make a solid marriage.
记住 婚姻是上帝的美意 Remember marriage is God's idea.
上帝设计了婚姻 设计了亲密的关系 God thought it up. God thought up sex, God thought up intimacy,
设计了家庭孩子 这一切是出于神的设计 God thought up family, and children and the whole big idea. So he designed it.
上帝所设计的婚姻是一个三角凳 上帝 丈夫 妻子 And God designed the marriage is the three legs’ stool, God, a husband and a wife.
拿去其中任何一只脚 凳子都将倒下 And you take out any one of the legs, the stool is going to fall over.
一只脚的凳子会倒下 两只脚的凳子会倒下 And a one leg’s stool falls over, a two legs’ stool falls over.
必须还要有第三只脚 你们的关系中需要有神 You got have the third leg. You got have God in the relationship,
否则便是不稳定的 or it is going to be unstable
没有神的婚姻很容易被各种各样的方式摧毁 It’s going to be knocked over in enormous ways, all kinds of different ways
上帝已经清楚地阐明这一点了 Now God is absolutely clear about this.
让我们看哥林多后书第六章14到15节的经文 Let's look some verses, 2 Corinthians 6:14-15.
你们和不信的原不相配 不要同负一轭 Stop forming inappropriate relationships with unbelievers.
义和不义有甚么相交呢? 光明和黑暗有甚么相通呢? Can right and wrong be partners? Can light have anything in common with darkness?
信主的和不信主的有甚么相干呢? Can a believer share life with an unbeliever?
换句话说 如果你们没有灵命里的合一 In other words, if you don't have spiritual unity,
你们又如何能够在其他地方合一? how in a word can you be unified in the other area?
我此刻很真实坦诚地告诉大家 Now, let me just be honest with you. I mean to have true confession right now.
作为一个牧师 我不想让任何人失望 As a pastor, I don't want to disappoint people.
作为一个牧师 我不想伤害任何人的感受 As a pastor, I don't like to hurt people's feelings.
我希望他们都喜欢我 我希望他们都能够开心 I want them to like me. I want them to be happy.
但老实说 我已经记不住有多少次人们来到我这里 And honestly, I can't tell you how many times people come to me
向我介绍介绍他们的未婚夫/妻 希望我对他们满意 and introduce me to their fiancée, and they want me to be happy about the fiancée.
他们会告诉我 他们的未婚夫/妻品质多么优秀 And they say, and they start telling me all their fine qualities of their fiancée
确实 他们有许多优秀的品质 and their fiancée does have a lot of fine qualities, great, fine qualities.
他们告诉我 他们是多么地相爱 And they tell me how much they love them.
他们告诉我 他们有很多共同之处 And they tell me how much they have in common.
他们告诉我 他们有很多相似的计划 And they tell me how much they got similar plans.
他们告诉我 他们在许多方面的想法都十分一致 And they tell me how much they think like in so many different areas.
然后 一个人可能走过来对我说 And then, one of them may take a step and say,
只有唯一一个问题 他并不信主 there’s only one problem, he is not a believer.
她并不信主 这是唯一的问题 She is not a believer. Only problem.
我真的很想说 没什么大不了的 快快乐乐地结婚吧 Then every bone in my body wants to say, is it's no big deal, go ahead, be happy.
但是在看到上千对离婚后 But after watching over a thousand divorces,
我会直言不讳 你正在犯生命中最大的错误 I am blunt. And I say, you are making the biggest mistake of your life.
因为我如此爱你们 才告诉你们实话 I love you enough to tell you the truth
你正在犯生命中最大的错误 You are making the biggest mistake of your life.
如果你们没有灵里的合一 If you don't have spiritual unity,
你们将不会收获上帝喜悦的肢体的亲密 you are never going to have sexual unity the way God intended
你们将不会收获上帝喜悦的情感的合一 You are never going to have emotional unity the way God intended
你们的沟通交流永远不会合一 You are never going to have unity in communication,
因为那个你生命中最重要的领域 你的配偶拒绝 because the biggest area of your life, your partner rejects.
我不在乎你们有多少共同点 I don’t care how much you ought to get in common.
他们拒绝这个 我该怎么说呢 They reject that, how can I say,
如果你已经将自己的一生托付给了主 if you have committed your life to Christ.
你就不会将自己的一生给一个拒绝你救主的人 There is no way you can give your life away to somebody who rejects your savior.
你就不可能那样做的 There is no way you can do that.
你可能会这样说 好吧 上帝 Now you can do it, and say Well, God,
我不需要你祝福我的婚姻 I don’t want your blessing on my marriage,
我不需要你在我的婚姻中得胜 I don’t want your success in my marriage,
我不需要你来保护我的婚姻 and I don’t want your protection in my marriage,
我不愿有意忽视圣经中的话 And I don't want to willfully ignore what the Bible says.
我真的对这些想法习以为常了 I used to be really kind of casual about this.
哦 你知道的 我懂你会说可以在婚后信主的 Well, you know, I know you can lean on the Lord later
你可以和她约会的时候来传福音 you can wind her a missionary dating as we call it.
你知道吗 人们都会说我会使另一半信主的 You know? You know? And all people tell is I will wind her Christer.
他会在婚后改变的 he will change after we are married.
你能给我5个例子? Would you like to give me 5?
让我给你5000个人的例子 告诉你这不会发生 Let me give you 5000 people and tell you that ain't happen.
如果改变不再婚前发生 婚后也是一样 The change if that doesn’t happen before the marriage, that's what the marriage is on.
尤其是在许多姐妹的婚礼上 有一个标准流程 You see, a lot of girls in particular, when they plan their wedding, there is a standard
我主持过许多场婚礼 有一个标准流程 记得吗? I have done so many thousands of weddings, there is a standard, you know?
你要走进通道 在圣坛前站好 然后一同唱赞美诗 You walk down the "aisle", you stand at the "altar", and they do the "hymn".
那就是"Aisle Altar Hymn"，人们都喜欢这三个音节"I alter him"(我能改变他) And that’s "Aisle Altar Hymn". People like that sound going to be "I alter him"
但事实上这个愿望都落空了。 But it doesn’t work that way.
哥林多后书六章14节 又一次经文说 2 Corinthians 6:14, next verse,
你们和不信的原不相配 不要同负一轭 Do not unite yourself with an unbeliever; they are not fit mates for you.
如果你需要上帝的祝福 我只想告诉你 朋友 If you want God’s bless, I’m just going to tell you, well friend,
不要考虑和没有委身耶稣基督的人在一起 don’t even consider somebody who is not committed to Jesus Christ.
现在让你看看生活中严酷的现实 Now let me give you the hard, cold facts of life.
不是偏好 是生活现实 Not preference, facts of life.
一项全国调查 报导于某婚姻杂志 National survey, reported in Marriage Magazine.
在美国离婚率是40% One at the every two and a half marriages in America now is in devoice.
离婚不是什么特别的事情 That’s not very good odds.
在美国离婚率是40% One at every two and a half marriages in America under devoice.
但是当一对夫妻有灵里的合一 就像我刚刚讲的那样 But when the couple is spiritually unify, that's what I’m just talking about,
他们都是信徒 并一同练习3个习惯 they are both believers, and they practice 3 habits together,
一同去教会 一同祷告 一同读圣经 attend to church together, pray together, read the Bible together,
离婚率将从40%降至1/1105 the devoice rate drops from one of the every two and a half marriages to one at every one thousand one hundred and five marriages.
你是不是赢了? Are you winning the gamble?
真的 我是将最好的告诉你了 Please, I’m telling you the best.
千万别拿你生命中第二重要的决定来冒险 Don’t gamble the second most important decision in your life.
因为如果你们没有灵里的合一 可能十年之内你们就将面临离婚 Because if you marry without spiritual unity, the odds are in ten years, you are going to be devoiced.
你不会想要去搏概率吧，这真是一个普遍规律 You are not going to beat the odds, as a general rule.
当然你们也可以选择在一起 却没有最深层次的亲密 Or you will stay together, and your deepest intimacy will never be there,
你们将生活在浅滩之中 You live with the shallow level.
因为你们不能分享生命中最重要的东西 because you are not sharing the most important thing in your life.
或者这将使你们之间产生矛盾 有关孩子或其它各种问题 Or it's going to be conflict with the kids and all kinds of other problems.
因此 这是最基本的 So this is the starting one.
第一 我们必须有灵里的合一 No.1, I must have spiritual unity.
圣经在罗马书一章12节中这样说 You know, the Bible says this, Romans 1:12,
我希望我们因彼此的信心相互安慰 I want us to help each other with faith we have.
因你的信心我得安慰 因我的信心你得安慰 Your faith will help me, and my faith will help you.”
这是上帝希望我们在婚姻中做到的 And that’s what God wants to do in marriage,
祂希望丈夫的信心安慰妻子 妻子的信心安慰丈夫 he wants the faith husband has helps the wife, the faith the wife has helps the husband.
但是如果有一人不信 你们如何相互安慰? But how can your faith help each other while one of you has no faith?
假设我站在台子边缘 你走过来 If I would stand on the edge, and you would come up here,
是我把你拉上来更容易 还是你把我拉下去更容易? is it easier for me to pull you up or for you to pull me down?
通常在关系中更容易被拉下去而不是拉上来 It’s always easier to be pulled down in relationship than to pull somebody up.
通常会更容易 It’s always easier.
我对这个话题不再隐讳 So I’m not shy about this anymore.
如果这冒犯了你 真的抱歉 If that offends you, I’m sorry.
我这么做完全是为了你的幸福着想 I’m doing what is best for your happiness.
你的婚姻必须要有灵里的合一 You must have spiritual unity in your marriage.
好吗? 第二个"必须要有" Alright? No.2. Second "must have".
我们不单要有灵里的合一 这还不够 第二 Not only do we have spiritual unity, that’s still not enough. No.2.
顺便说下 那我已经与不信主的人结婚了怎么办? By the way, so is what if I have married with a unbeliever?
你要爱他们并为他们祈祷能够找到救主基督 You love them and you pray them to find the Christ.
这是你该做的 That's what you do.
除了灵里合一 寻找伴侣第二个不容商量的条件 Second non-negotiable in choosing a right parter, we must have not only spiritual unity,
我们的人生目标必须可以互相融洽 No.2, we must have life purpose compatibility.
人生目标相互融合是指 Life purpose compatibility that was
我们必须因生活中相同的原因和目标行在相同的方向上 we have to be headed in the same direction for the same reason, for the same purpose in life.
圣经在阿摩司书三章3节中说 Now, the Bible says this in Amos 3:3
二人若不同心 岂能同行呢? Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?
显然答案是不能 Well, Obviously the answer is no.
你可能想走那条路 而我想走这条路 You can want to walk that way, I want to walk this way,
我们可能走在一起吗? will we walk together?
既然两个人目标不同 在一起行走尚且不能 Now if two people can't walk together without the same purpose,
我们又怎能认为可以在一起长久地亲密相处呢? how in the word do we think we are going to live together in intimacy?
这是不会发生的 这样的婚姻将会破裂 it is not going to happen, the marriage is just going to fall apart.
这样的婚姻不会持久 The marriage will not last.
如果你有你的生活目的 我有我的生活方式 If you have a purpose for your life that way, I have a purpose for my life that way.
它将不能持续 最后将会是灾难 It's not going to last, it's going to end in disaster.
你的一生都将充满冲突 You are going to have a life of conflict.
顺便提一下 这说明你还没准备好结婚 By the way, the implication of this is that you are not ready to marry
在知道你的人生目的之前 until you know the purpose for your life.
布拉德牧师已经讲过许多次了 Pastor Bred teaches on this a lot of times,
几年前我写了一本关于这个主题的书 I wrote a book about a number of years ago.
但你需要弄清楚的是 But you need to identify
我的任务是什么? 我的目的是什么? what is my mission? What is my purpose?
我的呼召是什么? 我的工作是什么? What is my calling? what is my vocation?
上帝为何让我来到这个世界? Why did God put me on the earth?
在你没想清楚这些问题之前 不要考虑结婚 Until you know that question, don't even think to get married.
因为如果你不知道真正的目标 你结婚了 Because if you don't know what your purpose is, and then you get married
你会突然发现 你竟然不幸地与一个人生目的完全不同的人结婚了 and you discover later, all of a sudden, tough luck, you marry somebody whose purpose is totally different.
上帝让你来到世上是有目的的 祂做了三件事 Now God put you here for purpose, he did three things
祂创造了你 祂给你恩赐 祂呼召了你 He shaped you, he gifts you and he calls you.
让我们来看看这三段经文 Let's look at these three verses.
首先 祂创造了你 以弗所书二章10节说 First, he shapes you. Ephesians 2:10
我们原是他的工作 在基督耶稣里造成的 For we are god's workmanship created in Christ Jesus
为要叫我们行善 就是神所预备叫我们行的 to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do.
所以上帝事先准备 So God have prepared in advance.
你知道吗? 在你出生之前 Did you know that before you were born,
上帝已经计划好了你的人生目标 God already had decided your life purpose?
祂提前预备好了一些祂希望你用一生来做的事情 He prepared in advance the things he wanted you to do with your life.
终有一天 你会站在神的面前 祂将要问你两个问题 One day, you are going to stand before God, and he is going to ask you two questions.
我认为神已经告诉了我们 这场考试将要发生什么 And I think about God, he tells us what is on the final exam.
这场考试只有两道考题 And there are only two questions on the final exam.
神希望你顺利通过 因此提前告诉了你这两个问题 Since God want you to succeed that, he tells you the questions in advance.
有一天你将面临死亡 你的心脏将停止跳动 One day you are going to die, one day your heart is going to stop.
这将是你物质生命存活的终止 但却不是你的终局 That's going to be the end of your body, but this is not the end of you.
因为你是为永恒而受造 Because you are made to last forever.
你们将永恒地存在于一个或两个地方 You are going to live forever one or two places.
我们被造是为了与神建立一个长期永恒的关系 We were made for a long term relationship with God.
上帝希望你在天堂 God wants you in heaven.
这就是为什么祂让耶稣替你死 使这成为可能 That's why he sent Jesus to die for you, so be possible.
终有一天 你会站在神的面前 祂将首先问你 One day you will stand before God, he is going to ask you first,
你和我子耶稣基督有怎样的关系? What did you do with my son Jesus?
我希望你知道答案 I hope you know the answer.
祂不会问你是个天主教徒吗? 是浸礼教徒吗? He's not going to ask were you Catholic, or Baptist,
是某某吗? 祂不会问你这些名称的 or xxx, he is not going to ask you the denomination.
神只会问 你和我子耶稣基督有怎样的关系? He is going to say "What did you do with my son Jesus?"
紧接着神会问你第二个问题 And then he is going to say the second question.
你怎样运用我给你的一切? What did you do with what I gave you?
你们已经被赐予了各样的恩赐 能力 目标 样式 You've been given certain gifts, certain abilities, certain purposes, certain shape.
你应该感恩拥有这样属灵的恩赐 才能 个性 经历 you got wired spiritual gift, ability, personality, experiences.
神希望你使用这些来完成你的人生目标 that he wants you to use to fulfill your purposes.
当你站在上帝面前的那日 上帝不会问你 When you stand before God one day, God is not going to say
顺便问一下 你和谁结婚了? By the way who did you marry?
他会说 "你实现了你的人生目标了吗?" He is going to say "Did you fulfill your purpose?"
你实现你的人生目标了吗? Did you fulfill your purpose?
哦 主啊 可是我没有能力做到啊 Now, sorry, Lord. I wasn't able to do that?
但是我找到了一个非常可爱的小伙 Because I found a really cute guy.
嗡嗡嗡 回答错误 ANG Wrong answer.
这不是上帝想要听到的 That is not the one he wants to hear.
神呼召了你 祂说已经预先设计好了希望你做的事 God called you, he said I designed in advance what I made you to do.
祂不仅创造了你 还给你恩赐 He not only shaped you, he gifted you.
让我们看彼得前书四章10节 Let's look at next verse, 1 Peter 4:10
各人要照所得的恩赐彼此服侍 作神百般恩赐的好管家 Each of you has received a gift from God for serving others. Now you must be faithful to develop and use that gracious gift from God.
你要作个尽职的管家 You have got to be faithful to do.
如果你一生的伴侣对这毫不关心 你们将走向不同的方向 If you get a life partner, who doesn't care a bit of that, and you are going to different direction,
你又如何能够实现你的人生目标? How are you going to fulfill your purpose?
第三 上帝不但创造你 给你恩赐 祂还呼召你 Third, God not only shaped you, and gifted you, he has called you.
你们知道自己是被呼召的吗? 每一个基督徒都被神呼召 Did you know you are called? Every Christian is called by God.
圣经说婚姻是建立一种关系 来实现你所蒙的呼召 希伯来书三章1节 The Bible says marriage is partnership to fulfilling your calling. Hebrews 3:1
弟兄姐妹们 你们是同蒙神呼召的圣洁的同伴 Brothers and sisters, you are holy partners in a heavenly calling.
让我这样告诉你 So let me just tell you this.
如果你有了一个女朋友 If you get a girlfriend
但你发现 如果你们结婚 不能更好地实现你的人生目标 and you are not going to be more effective fulfilling your purpose if married.
那你最好保持单身 You'd better stay unmarried.
婚姻的目的是让你更有效地实现你的人生目标 The purpose of marriage is to make you more effective fulfilling your purpose.
如果你的婚姻使你远离你的人生目标 If marriage keeps you from your purpose,
那么就失去了婚姻的真正意义 then you miss the point of the marriage.
要成为在上帝呼召下的同伴 那你现在就需要这样做 To be partners in God's calling, so here is what you need to do.
你需要在脑海里想象未来 You need to picture in your mind,
你的人生目标像这样一个圆 同时你的脑海里构想 Your life purpose as a circle, and you picture in your mind,
你考虑同你结婚的那个人的人生目标在这里 the life purpose of the person you are considering to marry over here.
然后请你思考 这两个圆有多少重叠部分? And then you ask, how much do they overlap?
它们到底有重叠部分吗? Do they overlap at all?
更重要的是 它们可能合一吗? More important, could they become one?
因为当这两个圆合一的时候 结果是令人难以置信的 Because when you have that ones, it's incredible.
我娶了一个这样的女人 I married a woman like that.
她与我有相同的人生目标 who has the same purpose I did
而且难以置信的是 And unbelievable,
这使我们成为一个有力量的团队 这是我不能想象的 it made us a powerful team that took us places around the world I never would imagine.
这给我们带来许多我从没有想象过的机会 that gave us opportunitis I never would imagine.
当我与凯恩相爱的时候 When I fell in love with Kay,
我并不清楚上帝将在我的生命中成就什么 I had no idea what God is going to do in my life.
我只是知道祂的目标是什么 I just knew what his purpose was.
但我并不知道祂将在我生命中成就的所有这些事情 But I didn't know all of things he was going to do in my life.
以及将要在她的生命中成就的事情 and all of things he was going to do in her life.
我们还有一些尚未被发现的恩赐 And we have gift that has not even been discovered yet.
但我们确实知道的是 But we did know is that
我们拥有相同的人生目标 而且完美地合一 we have the same purpose, and our purposes matched perfectly.
结果有很大影响 and as a result, that gave impact.
而如果两个人目标不同 你就不会有影响 When you have two different purposes, you have no impact.
不仅如此 你的快乐会变少 And not only that, you have less joy.
不仅如此 你们会有更多的矛盾 And not only that, you have more conflict.
不单有灵里的合一 还要有相同的生活目标 So you not only have to have spiritual unity, you have to have the same life purpose in life.
上帝给你恩赐 上帝创造了你 并且祂呼召你 God gifted you, God shaped you and called you.
因此听着 你们可能都是好人 你们都很爱主 So listen, you may both be fine people. And you may both love the Lord.
你们可能彼此相爱 但这并不意味着你们应该结婚 and you may love each other, but that doesn't mean you should get married.
不意味着应该结婚 It doesn't mean.
你们应该问的是"我们有相同的人生目标吗?" You got to ask "Do we have the same purpose?"
圣经告诉我们 单身的一个优点是 The Bible tells us one of the advantages of being single is
你可以有一个唯一的生活目标 一个专一的志向 you can have a solitary purpose. You can have undivided intention.
我不知道是否有人告诉你这个 I don't know if anybody has told you this or not,
但我认为你们已经能够分辨出来 but I think you have already figured it out.
一个不幸的婚姻要比你在余生保持单身糟糕一千倍 A bad marriage is a thousand times worse than staying single in the rest of your life.
让我再说一遍 Let me say it again.
一个不幸的婚姻要比你在余生保持单身糟糕一千倍 A bad marriage is a thousand times worse, a thousand times worse than all the downside just staying single the rest of your life.
所以宁可不要结婚 也不要勉强接受不合适的婚姻 So do not settle for just second best.
我可以告诉你许多人跟我谈话的内容 I can tell you how many people I have talked with
这些人结婚十年 十五年 二十年 who've been married for ten years, or fifteen years, or twenty years
单独和我聊天时说 华理克牧师 and in the privacy one-to-one convention, they say, pastor Rick
我感到有负罪感 I feel guilty.
什么意思? So what do you mean?
我清楚知道上帝叫我去做什么 I know what God call me to do.
但是我现在做不了这些了 But I can't do it now.
因为我嫁给了某人 我娶了某人为妻 Because I married a guy, I married a girl.
而他们与我没有相同的价值观 Who didn't share the same value.
所以没有办法实现上帝要我做的事情 And there is no way to get it done.
我知道我正在错过我的人生目标 And I know I am missing my purpose in life.
你知道那怎样一种折磨吗? Do you know what torture that is?
知道你的人生目标 同时也知道你正在错过它 To know your purpose in life and know you are missing it.
别犯那样的错误 Don't make that mistake.
另外 正如我说的 如果你们的人生目标是合一的 On the other hand, as I said, when your purpose is in a line,
将产生巨大的力量 这是很大的能量 it is an enormous power, it's an enormous energy
也是一种极大的满足 and it's an enormous fulfillment
和你的丈夫或妻子做相同的事情 有同样的目的 to be doing the same thing , the same purpose with your husband or your wife.
并且知道生活中有上帝的祝福 And knowing the blessing of God is in your life.
我已经感受到了 And I have felt that.
朋友 世界上没有东西类似这种感觉 Friend, there is nothing in the world like that feeling
知道身边的这个人每个细胞里的基因都与我不同 to know that there is somebody by my side who is the exact opposite of me in every DNA cell of her body.
她是女人 我是男人 She is female, and I'm male.
很多时候我们彼此并不是十分了解 We don't understand each other a lot at the time.
我们确实知道 上帝这样安排 But we do know this, God calls this,
我们有相同的目标 这是极大的力量 we are on line together. That's enormous power.
当丈夫与妻子拥有相同的生活目标 when the husband and wife have the same life purpose.
第三个不可或缺的 No.3, third nonnegotiable,
除了我们必须属灵上一致 人生目标一致之外 we must have spiritual unity, we must have life purpose compatibility,
第三 我们必须都有健康的情感 No.3, we must both be emotionally healthy.
是的 我听到了 Yeah, I heard that one.
我不知道为什么 有人笑了 I don’t know. There was a laughter.
不要害怕笑出来 Don’t fear laugh.
让我们现在一起笑一下吧 Let we all...let’s all just laugh right now,
听着 我并没有说要有完美的情感 Now, I did not say emotionally perfect.
如果你在等完美的妻子或者丈夫 那将永远不会发生 If you wait for the perfect wife or the perfect husband, it isn't going to happen.
因为让我告诉为什么 Because let me tell you why,
我们都有残缺 没问题吧? we are all broken. OK?
让我们现在对你边上的人说 I want you look at the person next to you right now and say,
"我是残缺的 你也是" 来吧 "I’m broken, and so are you." Go ahead.
"我是残缺的 你也是" 好的 继续 "I’m broken, and so are you." OK. Go ahead.
"我是残缺的 你也是" 好的 "I’m broken, and so are you." Alright.
现在再对那个人说 Now, turn to a person and say
"但是没关系 因为上帝依然爱你" "But that’s OK, because God still loves you."
但是没关系 因为上帝依然爱你 That’s OK, because God still loves you.
好吧 就在刚刚可能发生了18次求婚 Alright. We just had 18 proposals for marriage just then.
今天讲道之后我可能要做降价的婚姻辅导了 I will be doing a cut rate wedding service after this service.
让我来告诉你 请认真听 我们的另一半都是残缺的 Let me tell you, read my lips, Anybody you marry will be broken.
现在你将要娶一个罪人 她将要嫁给一个更大的罪人 Now, you are going to marry a sinner, and she is going to marry a bigger one.
两个不完美的人不能够建立一个完美的关系 Two imperfect people cannot make a perfect relationship.
所以放弃你的想法 你永远不可能找到一个完美的人 So put down whatever out of your mind. You’ll never get a perfect...
我娶了一个罪人 Kay嫁给了一个罪人 I married a sinner. Kay married a sinner.
你们也要与罪人结婚 You’ll get to marry a sinner.
圣经上说所有人都有罪 没有人是完美的 The Bible says that all have sin, nobody is perfect.
事实上 如果某人认为他是完美的 In fact if you think you think you’re perfect,
那么你们最好马上远离他 then you’d better running from that person.
如果他们认为他们是完美的 没问题吧? If they think they are perfect, Ok?
因为他们脱离现实了 Because they are out of touch with reality.
所以 每个人都是残缺的 So, everybody is broken.
但是 有些人比其他人残缺得更厉害一些 But, some people are a lot more broken than others.
因此你需要拒绝他们 无论他们长相有多好 Any you need to avoid them no matter how good looking,
无论多有钱 无论对你多好 how much money, how well they treat you. You need to avoid them.
我听说有一位女士在离婚的法庭上 I have heard about a lady at a divorce court.
她要求离婚 She is asking for divorce.
法官说 "你曾说过他是更好还是更差?" The Judge said: "you promised to take him for better or worse?"
她说 "是的 但他比我当时想象中糟糕得多" she said: "yeah, but he is a lot worse than I was taking for."
所以要先看他的情感是不是健康 So you got to figure out the emotional health of that guy
而不是匆忙建立过深的关系 before you go too far in a relationship.
我为什么要这么说呢? Why am I saying this?
许多研究表明 Study after study after study shows
离婚案中80%是由于 80% of all separation in divorce come because
双方中至少有一个人的情感不健康 one or both of the partners are emotionally unhealthy.
离婚案中80%是由于 80% of all divorces come because
双方中至少有一个人的情感不健康 one or both of the people in the marriage were emotionally deficient,
或者说是情感上的缺陷 不成熟 they were emotionally immature, they were emotionally unhealthy.
现在 我会给你一个评判情感是否健康的不完整列表 Now, I’m going to give you a partial checklist of emotion health factors.
这不是我的观点 These are not my opinion.
这是神让我们远离的 This is what God says you need to avoid.
所以你需要拒绝它们 And you need to avoid them.
你需要摆脱这种关系 And you need to get out of the relationship.
如果你沾染上这些问题 If you are spotted in these,
用圣经上的话说就是 你在自找麻烦 the Bible says, you’re asking for trouble.
而你不想自找麻烦 You don’t want trouble.
所以 如果你现在听见我对你说的 So if you hear me teach this to you,
将来还与一个有列表上某些品行的人结婚 and you are going to marry a person who has some of these in their life,
事情变得糟糕了 那么你不能怪上帝 and things turn sour, you cannot blame God.
要知道这是你要坚持走下去 You walk into it for long, have to be knowing.
"尽管有这些问题 但我还是要结婚" "I am gonna to get married in spite of this."
考虑下这些因素 没问题吧? These factors. Ok?
让我给你一个列表 Let me give you a list of factors.
它并不完整 只是一部分可以用来判断的准则 This is not all of them, but it’s a partial check list of emotionally health factors.
第一 与我结婚的人必须没有无法控制的愤怒 No.1 Whoever I Marry Must No.1 Have No uncontrolled anger.
没有无法控制的愤怒 No uncontrolled anger
"但是我喜欢坏男孩" "But I like the bad boys."
有一个词送给你 傻瓜 你就是一个傻瓜 箴言二十二章24节说 There is a word for you girl, fool. Fool. You are just fool. Proverbs 22:24
不要 把它圈起来 不要结交朋友 我想这也适用于约会 Do not cycle that do not make friends, I think that would be going on in a date
好生气的人不可与他结交 暴怒的人不可与他来往 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man! Do not associate with one easily angered.
你知道为什么吗? You know why?
因为无法控制的愤怒反映出缺乏安全感和很低的自我认同感 Because uncontrolled anger reviews deep in security and low self-worth.
如果我都不喜欢我自己 我更不会喜欢其他人 If I don’t like me, I don’t like anybody else.
如果你有一个杯子 里面装着水 And when you get a cup, a cup of water,
水很满 到了杯子的边缘 and it’s full to the brim
任何一个小的摇晃都会使水洒出来 any little thing will shake that cup and it will spill out.
如果杯子里没有水 那么也不会有任何东西溢出 If there is not any water in it, nothing can come out.
你有一个被愤怒充满的朋友 You’ve got a guy who is filled with anger, or a woman who is filled with anger,
也满到了他的边缘 and it’s right to its brim,
任何时候你碰撞到时它们就溢出来了 any time you bump them, it’s gonna come out.
结束虐待妻子和暴力的最佳时机就是不要与他们结婚 The best time to end wife abuse and masty violence is don’t marry them.
如果你看到有人无法控制自己的愤怒 If you see somebody who has uncontrolled anger,
朋友 圣经上说了 跑 "不要与他来往" friends, the Bible says, run. Do not associate.
暴怒的人 不可与他来往 Do not associate with one easily angered.
因为他们都不喜欢他们自己 Because they don’t like themselves,
我保证 有一天 他们会将愤怒对向你 I guarantee, at some point, they’re going to turn their anger on you.
而你将会成为首当其冲的 And you’re gonna be the brunt of it,
因为你离他们是最近的 because you are gonna be the closest.
拒绝无法控制的愤怒 No uncontrolled anger.
这是不能商量的 That’s nonnegotiable.
第二点 与我结婚的人必须没有沉溺于某些事物 No.2, Whoever I Marry Must Have No addictions!
不能有沉溺的事物 这是不可商量的 箴言二十三章20节 No addictions. These are nonnegotiables. Proverbs 23:20
好饮酒的 好吃肉的 不要与他们来往 Don’t associate with people who drink too much or stuff themselves with food.
让我们暂停一下 首先忏悔一下 Let’s pause here for a little confession.
你们的牧师也包括在内 Your pastors are in.
这里只提到了两点 食物和酒 Now only two things were mentioned here, food and alcohol.
但你知道有很多东西都会使人沉溺 But you know there is thousand ways to get addicted.
你可能会沉溺于毒品 You may get addicted to drugs.
你可能会沉溺于情色 You may get addicted to pornography.
你可能会沉溺于电子游戏 You can get addicted to video games.
你可能会沉溺于花钱 You can get addicted to spending money.
"我只是喜欢购物" 快跑 "I just love to shop." RUN!
我还需要继续讲这一点吗? Do I need to carry on this point anymore?
不用了 好我们继续 No, OK, let’s go on.
第三 我的婚姻对象 No.3, Whoever I Marry
必须没有无法控制的愤怒 必须没有沉溺的事 Must Have No uncontrolled anger, Must Have No addictions,
不要交往 第三 没有苦毒 Don't associate, No3. No bitterness!
在与你交往之前 他们必须先处理这个问题 They are going to deal with it before they deal with you.
如果你的男朋友或者女朋友怨恨他/她的过去 If your boyfriend, or your girlfriend, is carrying with resentment from his past,
让我来告诉你 作为一个爱你们的牧师 let me tell you this, as a pastor who loves you, I love you,
我正试着减少你们的痛苦 I am trying to save you some pain,
我曾经坐在资讯室里为夫妇提供顾问服务时 I have sat in a counseling room with marriage after marriage after marriage after marriage,
看到许多苦毒是怎么样拆散他们的案例 and watch bitterness tear them all down.
无论你们有多好的工作 多好的长相 It doesn’t matter if you both have great jobs, you are both good looking,
多么优秀的孩子 多么好的车 多么好的家庭 you’ve got good kids, you’ve got good car, great family, everything,
它们都会被苦毒拆毁 but if there is bitterness, it tears it up.
它就像是吞噬你生命的毒药 Bitterness is like poison that eats your life.
无论你怨恨什么 你都会开始变得与它一样 Whatever you resent, you begin to resemble.
"我不会像我母亲一样的" 哦 是吗? "I am never going to be like my mother." Oh, really?
"我不会和某某某一样的" 哦 是吗? Yeah. "I am never going to be …" Oh, really?
无论你坚持拒绝什么 都像你把一个钉子往木块中敲 Whatever you resist, persist, you start to push a nail in the wood,
它只会越陷越深 it just goes deeper and deeper in the wood.
是你把它锤下去的 You hammer it down.
所以你需要停止怨恨 你需要释放 And whatever you need to resent, stop resenting, you need to release it.
圣经上这样说 希伯来书十二章15节 Now the Bible says this, Hebrews 12:15
又要谨慎 恐怕有人失了神的恩 Make sure you all have experienced the grace of God
这包括丈夫 妻子 男朋友 女朋友 所有人 that would mean both the husband, the wife, the boyfriend, the girlfriend, everybody
又要谨慎 恐怕有人失了神的恩 Make sure you all have experienced the grace of God
恐怕有毒根生出来扰乱你们 因此叫众人沾染污秽 so that bitterness doesn’t take root and grow, because that causes much trouble and will corrupt you.
看到了吧 如果你开始和女孩或男孩约会 You see, if you start dating a girl or a guy
而他/她对于过去心存苦毒不能释放 who has bitterness for something in their past, and they hold on it, and not let it go,
我可以110%确定 I want to guarantee you, 110%,
如果你们结婚了 他/她会将苦毒转向你 that if you get married, that resentment is gonna turn to you.
一个女生说与她的父亲有问题 她也将这样对待她的丈夫 And a girl who said she had issue with her dad is going to take it on his husband.
女士们 你们想知道丈夫将如何对待你 看看他们如何对待父母 And lady, you want to know how your husband treats you, look at how they treat parents.
你们明白了吗? You get it clear?
看他/她有多尊重他/她的母亲 See what kind of respect the guy gives his mum.
就看这一点 Just look at that.
这点我已经看过许多许多了 I have seen this over and over and over.
圣经上说 "确保你们每个人都经历过上帝的恩典" Bible says: "Make sure you all have experienced the grace of God",
因此你们要抛弃苦毒 so you get rid of the bitterness,
因为它会带来许多的麻烦 注意 有多少次经文提到"麻烦" because bitterness causes much trouble, notice, how many verses use the word "trouble".
一个非常重要的问题是 他们是怎么样对待父母的 A very important question is to ask: how do they treat their parents.
哦 我不打算赡养他们的父母 Yeah, I am not parenting their parents,
我不是和他父母结婚 是和他们结婚 I am not marrying their parents. They are marrying me.
你说的对 但是他们会把父母也带进你们的关系中来 You’re right. But they are bringing their parents into the relationship.
你并不是与一个人结婚 You don’t marry a person.
而是和一个家庭 You marry a family.
你可能并不喜欢这样 但你确实是和一个家庭结婚 箴言二十章20节 You may not like that, but you marry a family. Proverbs 20:20
咒骂父母的 他的灯必灭 变为漆黑的黑暗 If you curse your father or mother, the lamp of your life will be snuffed out.
这句话是什么意思? What is the word that mean?
这听起来非常的严重 That sounds pretty, you know, strong.
"他的灯必灭" 这是什么意思? "The lamp of your life will be snuffed out", what does it mean?
意思是你会错过上帝想要给你的 You will miss the life God intended.
你知道吗? 在十诫中像不可杀人 You know, in the 10 commandments, like don’t murder,
不可奸淫 不可偷盗 不可说谎 don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, and don’t lie,
第五条是"当孝敬父母" number 5 or the fifth one is "honor your father and mother".
你知道吗? Did you know
在十诫中 这是唯一一条带有上帝应许的戒律 that is the only commandment in the big ten that has the promise with it? It's the only one with promise.
使你的日子在耶和华你神所赐你的地上得以长久 if you honor your father and mother, you will get a long life.
是唯一一条能得到上帝祝福的戒律 The only promise with blessing in the 10 commandments.
但是 我的父母不值得被尊敬 So my parents don’t deserve to be honored.
我不知道 你的父母有可能令人讨厌 有可能是酒鬼 I didn’t know, your parents may be annoying, maybe they are alcoholic,
有可能经常打你 有可能你被他们虐待 maybe they beat you, maybe you were abused,
对不起 但你知道吗 有人说 I am sorry. But you know what, people say:
为什么上帝选了他们做我的父母呢? Why the God choose parents I got?
我的父母在生命中几乎没做过什么 My parents, they did do diddly squat in my life.
他们甚至伤害我 they hurt me.
但是你知道吗 他们是你的父母 But you know what, they are your parents.
上帝为什么选了这些人成为你的父母呢? Why did God choose those people to be your parents?
不过他们是好是坏 或是很糟糕的父母 Regardless of whether they were good, bad or terrible parents,
上帝还是选择了他们成为你的父母 为什么? God choose them, why?
因为他们有创造你所需要的基因 Because they just got the DNA to create you.
上帝对创造你比他们做父母的技巧好坏更感兴趣 And God is just more interested in creating you than their parenting skills.
他们也许是很糟糕的父母 They may be terrible parents,
但如果没有你父母的基因 你就不会存在 but you would not be existing if it wasn’t for the DNA of your mum and your dad.
当然 我并不是说尊重他们的罪 So, I am not saying honor their sin.
圣经也没这么说 The Bible doesn’t say that.
圣经也没说尊重他们的虐待 The Bible doesn’t say honor their abuse.
没有说尊重他们对你的疏忽 The Bible doesn’t say honor their neglect.
你只需要尊重上帝拣选了他们来创造你这么一个事实 You just have to honor the fact that God choose them because without them you would not exist.
他们用精子和卵子创造了你 They have just the right sperm and egg to create you.
上帝对创造你比他们是否是好的父母更感兴趣 And God is more interested in making you than he was how well parents they were.
好的 没有无法控制的愤怒 So, No uncontrolled anger,
没有沉溺于某些事物 没有苦毒 No addictions, No bitterness.
当孝敬父母 No commandment problems.
第5条 别嫁 也别娶一个自私的人 No.5, whoever I marry must not be selfish.
为什么呢? Not selfish, why?
因为箴言告诉我们 自私的人将使你陷入麻烦 Proverbs 28:25 says this, selfish people cause trouble.
你应该把它圈起来 下面划线 用橙色标记 would you circle that, start underlining it, put it in error... 实在听不懂了，抱歉~~
自私的人会给你带来麻烦 selfish people cause trouble.
当你和对方约会时 请留意一下他是否帮你开过门? So you just look, in your date, does he ever open the door for you?
当你们在一起的时 他是否只知道谈论自己的事情? Do they only talk about themselves when you are together?
确实某些人谈起他们自己时 You know when some people talk about themselves,
有时会很吸引人 很可爱 也很有趣 Sometimes that’s fascinating, it’s a kind of cute, it's kind of interesting.
然而婚后呢? 这种感觉很快就消失了 After you are married, it wears off quick.
除了你的发型 汽车 梦想外 还能说写别的吗? Can you try to talk about something else besides your hair, your car or your dream, You know, can you talk about anything else?
圣经告诉我们 自私的人会给你带来麻烦 The Bible says, the selfish people cause trouble.
如果你仔细分析 婚姻中导致冲突的罪魁祸首便是自私 The No.1 cause of conflict in marriage when you boil it all down.
那如何在婚姻中避免冲突? How do you keep conflict out of our marriage?
很简单 就请避免自私自利吧 Simple, get rid of selfishness.
冲突的发生 源于我要我想要的 Conflict comes because I want what I want,
而你也要你想要的 you want what you want,
双方的自私使得谁都不愿做出让步 we are both selfish and neither one of you is willing to budge
这是不成熟的表现 很自私啊 It’s immaturity. It’s selfish.
人若越无私 他与别人的相处就会越好 越无私 The more unselfish I am, then the more we are getting alone, the more unselfish you are going to be.
因为他们彼此间能够有交互和回应 Because we can respond each other.
不要与自私的人来往 箴言十八章1节 Don’t go with a selfish man. Proverbs 18:1
与人寡合的人只关心自己 人以为对的事他总反对 People who don’t get along with others are only interested in themselves; they will disagree with what everyone else knows is right.
不言而喻！ Don't point it out right now please.
与人寡合的人只关心自己 People who don't get along with others are only interested in themselves;
人以为对的事 他总要反对 they will disagree with what everyone else knows is right.
这样的人就是以反对他人维生的 They make their living by being opposite.
总之 千万别自私 Don’t be selfish.
下面一条 可能会令你吓一跳 Now the next one. This one may surprise you.
但这却是不容置疑的 But it’s non-negotiable.
那就是 别嫁或娶一个贪婪的人 The person I marry can't be greedy.
这可是圣经说的 我也只教导圣经所教导的 This is the Bible says. I’m only teaching you what the Bible says.
如果你希望自己有一个和睦且成功的婚姻 And if you want a peaceful marriage, you want a successful marriage,
就别嫁或娶一个贪婪的人 箴言十五章27节 don’t marry a greedy man, don’t marry a greedy woman. Proverbs 15:27
贪图不义之财 危害家室 A greedy man brings trouble to his family.
我鼓励你就以下几点去思考一下 I would encourage you to make a study on this.
贪婪给爱情带来了什么伤害? The damage the greed does to love?
贪婪使婚姻蒙受了怎样的损失? The damage the greed does to marriage?
贪婪如何伤害到你的子女? The damage the greed does to children?
贪婪又如何侵蚀了你的家庭? The damage the greed does to family?
如果你嫁了或娶了一个贪婪的配偶 If you marry a greedy spouse,
那你一辈子将债务缠身 you will be in debt in your entire life.
你将永远背负债务 You will always be in debt.
因为他们总透支去消费实际上并不需要的东西 Because they are always spending things, money they don’t have to buy things they don’t need,
又去给自己并不喜欢的人留下好印象 to impress people they don't even like
如果有一个贪婪的配偶 婚后将永远背负债务 You’ll always be in debt in your marriage, if you marry a greedy person.
因为他们不知道如何量入而出 他们不知道怎么做 Because they don’t know how to live within budget. They don’t know how to live on that.
我现在拥有了 那我就用自己的方式生活乃至负债 I got to have. I got to have. Now I am living with my means even when I am going to be charged.
箴言二十三章6节说得更清楚 Proverbs 23:6 even makes that more brighting.
不要吃吝啬人的饭 贪图他的美食 Don’t eat at the table of a stingy person.
我猜这意思是说别到外面去吃饭 I guess this means not going out to dinner.
不要吃吝啬人的饭 贪图他的美食 Don’t eat at the table of a stingy person.
别和这样的人出去逛 Don’t hang out with these people.
情感健康最显著的指标之一 我们谈谈相反方面 Now one of the clear signs of the emotional health, now we are going on the opposite,
就是与之前两个相反 不自私和不贪婪 is the opposite of last two, selfish and greedy.
圣经告诉我们要远离这些 Bible says we run from that.
如果她总是谈论自己 只对自己的事感兴趣 If she is selfish, she always talks about herself,
他也只在乎自己 你就知道这人很自私 贪婪的人 she is only interested in her, he is only interested in him, or they are greedy,
他们非常物质主义 圣经告诉我们 要远离他们 they are very materialistic, they are very materialistic, the Bible says run.
而与之相对的 情感健康的两项指标是慷慨和仁慈 The opposite of that, two of the opposite signs of emotional healthy, are generosity and kindness.
慷慨和仁慈 generosity and kindness
这就是下一条 情感健康的明显指标就是慷慨和仁慈 So that’s the next. Clear sign of emotional health is that they must be generous and kind.
他们慷慨吗? 他们仁慈吗? Are they generous and are they kind?
我为什么要娶或嫁一个慷慨的人呢? And why do I want to marry somebody who is generous,
为何这如此重要? 我为何要这么做呢? why is that important, why do I want marry somebody who is kind?
来看看圣经是怎么说的 Let’s look what the Bible says.
慷慨好施 更加发达 A generous man will prosper;
你想与一个发达的人结婚吗? 那你就找个慷慨的人 You want to marry a man prospers? Then you should marry a generous man.
恩德的妇女得尊荣 慷慨好施更加发达 帮助别人自己受益 A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.
所以这样的人也容易相处 And it’s also easy to get along with.
再来看看仁慈 箴言十一章17节 But also kindness. Proverbs 11:17
仁慈人造福自己 强暴人残害己身 A kind hearted woman gains respect. And a kind man benefits himself, but a cruel people brings trouble on themselves.
请注意 贪婪带来麻烦 自私带来麻烦 Notice, greed brings trouble, selfish brings trouble,
苦毒带来麻烦 上瘾带来麻烦 bitterness brings trouble, addictions brings trouble.
而慷慨 仁慈则带来益处 兴盛和尊重 But generosity and kindness bring benefit, it brings prosperity, it brings respect.
还有一点 Now I got time for one more.
情感健康的人不隐瞒真相 而是说出真相 An emotional healthy person tells truth, tells the truth.
情感健康的人不隐瞒真相 箴言二十章7节 An emotional healthy person tells the truth. Proverbs 20:7
我为何要嫁给这样的人呢? 因为圣经如此说 Why do I want to marry a person tells truth? Because the Bible says this.
行为正直的义人 他的子孙多么幸福 A righteous person lives on the basis of his integrity. His children will be blessed, even after he is gone.
你想让你的子孙多多蒙福吗? You want your children be blessed?
那就找一个诚实正直的人 Then you marry somebody who tells the truth.
为什么这点很重要? Why is this so important?
请大家看这里 Everybody looks up here.
因为爱是建立在信任之上的 而信任则是基于真相 Love is based on trust, and trust is based on truth.
如果你不告诉我真相 我就没法信任你 If you don’t tell me the truth, I can’t trust you.
而如果我没法信任你 我又怎能爱你呢? And if I can’t trust you, how can I love you?
男士们 如果你对你的女友撒谎 Guys, if you lie to a girl that you are dating,
那有一天你也将会对妻子撒谎 you are going to lie to your wife later on.
女士们 如果他现在就向你隐瞒自己所做的事 Girls, if a guy is lying to you about what he is doing right now,
那婚后他将向你隐瞒更多 he is going to lie you even more when he is married.
我之所以这么说 是因为我想要保护你们 I’m doing this because I want to protect you.
千万别嫁或娶一个不真诚的人 Don’t marry somebody who doesn’t have integrity.
但你若寻得一个正直的人 圣经告诉你 But if you find somebody who is integrity, the Bible says
这不仅将是你和你婚姻的祝福 that’s blessed not only on you and your marriage,
也将是你子孙的福分 即使在他离世之后 but on your kids too, even after they die.
那么 你们发现没有 Now, did you notice
在这张单子上没有一个词是关于外表的 in this entire list there is not one word about appearance.
没有一个词提到他们看上去要如何 要有多性感 Do you know there is no one word about how they look, how sexy
(是美国的一种健身舞蹈) Is she susie swisel hips?
(跳这种舞蹈时通常配的音乐里的歌词) a hunger, hunger, burn in love.
我们的文化教导我们的与圣经教导我们的完全相反 Now, our culture teaches us the exact opposite what the Bible teaches us.
我们的文化教导你 Our culture teaches you that
婚姻最重要的是你需要性感 你需要好看 the No. 1 thing you need in marriage is you need to be sexy, you need to be good looking.
我们整个体系建立的基础是 Our entire society is built on the idea
你要找一个漂亮 有吸引力的人 that you marry somebody beautiful, and that if you marry somebody who is attractive,
那你的婚姻一定会很棒 你将会很快乐 then your marriage is going to be great, and you are going to be happy,
你会得到你生活中想要的每一样东西 and there is going to be every need in your life.
朋友们 如果真是这样 And friends, If that were true,
那么持续最长久的婚姻应该是好莱坞的婚姻 the marriage that would last longest would be Hollywood marriages.
因为他们都比我们好看 Because they are all better looking than all of us.
可是这是真的吗? Is that true?
好莱坞的婚姻 美人的婚姻真的持续的时间最长吗? Do Hollywood marriages, do the best looking people have the longest lasting marriage?
你们说这是真的吗? Tell me is that true?
问问Kardashian吧(Kardashian为美国影星 曾接受Kris Humphries20.5克拉钻戒结婚 但婚后72天即离婚) Ask Kardashian.
根本不是的 这与你婚姻成功与否毫无关系 Not a chance. Not a chance. It has zero to do with the success of your marriage,
因为他们告诉你 你不会永远性感的 because they hate to tell you this, you are not stay sexy forever.
当然除了我 Unless for me
好莱坞式婚姻的误区是 Now, the Hollywood myth
你的婚姻只要有浪漫的感觉 性感的吸引 all you need to get married is romantic feeling, sexual attraction,
除去你的孤独感 一切都会很好 want to get rid of your loneliness, and that everything will be great.
不 不会的 这些不是结婚的理由 No won’t, those are not the reasons to marry.
你可能疲于被关注 或不被关注 You may be tired to be noticed, are not noticed,
你想被关注 某人对你稍稍注意一下 and you want to be noticed, somebody you a little attention,
你就说我应该跟这人结婚 因为他关注我 should I marry this person who's paying pay me attention?
不 你们有灵里的合一吗? No, do you have spiritual unity?
你们的人生目标一致吗? Do you have life purpose compatibility?
他们的情感健康吗? Are they emotionally healthy?
这些不是好的结婚的原因 These are reasons for not get married
不是因为她好看或关注我 as she is a good looking and pay me attention.
我领一只狒狒来也可以对你那样做 I can probably to get a baboon to do that too for you.
你会说 拜托华理克 You say, oh come on, Rick,
我不相信我能找到一个完全符合这些条件的人 I am not sure I can find anybody who fit all of these.
真的吗? 我找到了 你也能 Oh really? I did, and you can too.
当我和Kay结婚的时候 When Kay and I got married,
一个著名的传道人送给我们一张结婚卡片 Leonard Ravenhill, who is a great preacher of the previous generation, sent us a wedding card,
我永远不会忘记他写的 I never forgot and it says this:
上帝总是把最好的给那些顺服上帝的人 God always give his best to those who leave the choice to Him.
我想要神给我最好的 并且我得到了 I want God’s best of my life and I got it.
当我还没结婚的时候 有些人会对我表示不屑 And I wasn’t settle for somebody who’s
当我在学校的时候我很受欢迎的 When I was in the school, I was pretty popular,
我每年都是班长 学生会主席 I was class president every year and student body president.
从7年级到大学一年级 我每年都是班长 From 8...7 grade to my first year collage, I was president every singal year.
我是个聚会狂 我认识很多很可爱的女孩 I was a party animal. And I did know a lot really cute girls,
我娶了她们中任何一个都会成为我的灾难 any of them will be disasters, would be disaster for me,
因为我们没有这些问题 because we did not have these issues.
这些只是建立在简单的性吸引 被关注的感觉 And it built simply on sexual attraction, the feeling being noticed,
孤独的感觉 希望被爱的感觉 我们分享很多的想法 the feel of loneliness, want to be in loved, we share a lot in commen,
我们在一起很开心 各方面条件都很好 但这些还不足以建立婚姻 we were having fun, and those were all great things, but there is not enough to build marriage on.
这就是为什么总有一个 两个的婚姻会面临离婚 And that’s why every one or every two marriages is in divorce.
我想再次提醒你们 I want to remind you again,
一个不好的婚姻比保持单身要糟糕上千倍 a bad marriage is thousand times worse thing than staying single.
当我们看这张清单的时候 Now, as we go through this list,
也许你们中的一些人意识到 some of you may realize
你现在正在跟某位可能导致灾难性婚姻的人约会 you are currently dating with somebody who could be disaster married.
那你该怎么做? What do you do?
你说的对 快跑 You are right. That's right. RUN!
事实是你跟谁约会越久 跟他分手就会越痛苦 The fact is the longer you date somebody, the more painful it’s going to be to break up.
我想鼓励你 I would encourage you
在前两次的约会中就看看对方是否符合这些条件 to try to figure out in the first 2 dates do they fit the situation here,
或者寻求这些事 look for these things.
因此我建议 可能你们有人刚刚开始约会 So I would suggest, maybe some of you in early dates
多花一些时间交流沟通 spend more time talking,
而不是去看电影 than you watch a movie.
因为当你进入一段较长时间的关系时 Because if you get into a relationship over a long period time,
时间越长 从这个关系中走出来就越痛苦 the longer it is, the more painful it’s going to be to get out of it.
大家同意吗? Anybody wants to agree on that one?
时间越长 走出来就越痛苦 the longer you are in it, the more painful it’s to get out of it.
所以你要快速地识别你们是否在灵里合一? So you want find out quickly do you have spiritual unity?
你们的目标是否一致? Do you have purpose unity?
情感健康? Emotionally healthy?
他有二头肌 不过还是把他忘了吧 我们讨论的是关于他所有的品质 I mean he's got bicep but forget man, that's about all he's got.
好吧 就算他穿还很有品味 那还是算了吧 All right, he dresses nice.
让我给你们一些最后的建议 Let me give you some ending advice
箴言6章2到4节 请看屏幕 proverbs 6:2-4, look at the screen.
这段经文实际上是在讲财务担保的 但也适用 It is a passage actually talking about financial commitment, but it applies here too.
你就被口中的话语缠住(约会) If you have trapped yourself in an agreement (called dating)
被嘴里的言语捉住 and are caught by what you said
我儿 你既落在朋友手中 就当这样行才可救自己 quick, get out of it immediately…
你要自卑 去恳求你的朋友 Swallow your pride; go and get your name released.
不要容你的眼睛睡觉 不要容你的眼皮打盹 Don’t put it off! Do it now! Don’t rest until you do!
你可以说是华理克牧师让我这样做的 pastor Rick tell me to do it.
我不介意背这个轭 箴言二十八章23节见屏幕 I don’t mind be in the heavy. Proverbs 28:23 on the screen.
责备人的 后来蒙人喜悦 多于那用舌头谄媚人的 In the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery.
因此我建议你要做的是不要继续一段没有结果的关系 So what I suggest you do is you don’t keep prolonging a relationship that you know is go nowhere.
如果你知道没有结果 就不要继续它了 If you know it’s going nowhere, don’t continue it.
哦 我想有人在周五晚约我出去 oh, I want to have anybody to take me out on Friday night
一个不好的婚姻比周五没人带你出去要糟糕百万倍 A bad marriage is million times worse than not going out on Friday night.
而你在一段关系里越久 就越难从关系里出来 And the longer you in the relationship, the more difficulty it is going to be to get out of it,
觉得有道理吗? does that make sense?
所以快快地结束它 So come to cease them up quickly.
把这个写下来 把它们写在一张小卡上 Write this down, put them on a little card,
用在你的第一次约会上 像我这样问 put them in your first date, let me ask these questions
-你是不是不能控制你的怒气? -不 我没有 -Do you have a uncontrolled anger? -NO, I DON’T
-你自私吗? -我们能谈谈我吗? -Are you selfish? -Can we talk about me?
-你贪婪吗? -你可以买单吗? -Are you greedy? -Would you pick up the tab?
你可以很快地发现这些的 你不用这么单纯 You could figure out this pretty quick, you could not be blunt
但如果你想结婚 愿神祝福你 But if you want to get married, God bless you.
圣经说如果你找到了妻子，你就找到美好 The Bible says if you find a wife you find a good thing.
这是好的祝福 神的祝福 It a good blessing, blessing of God.
你需要从跟耶稣基督有个人的关系开始 You need to begin with personal relationship with Jesus Christ by yourself.
如果你还没有 那你需要从这里开始 If you haven’t done that, you need start from there.
你需要跟神有灵里的连接 得到你生命中三脚凳 You need to get spiritual connected with God, get that third leg stool already in your life.
然后 我今晚想挑战大家 顺服神的标准 And then, I want to challenge all of you tonight, to commit yourself to God’s standard.
不再任由情感的海洋泛滥而做出愚蠢的决定 I will not let oceans of motion swimming and make stupid decision.
我的意思是 只要给你适当的条件 I mean, given the right situation as I said,
你可能对任何人心动 You can get quiver in your liver.
这让人兴奋 That's thrill.
你只是喜欢被爱的感觉 and you fall in love with the idea being loved.
不要做愚蠢的决定 不要约会 Don’t make the stupid decision, don’t date
直到你自己被伤害的情感已经按照医治的程序得到医治 until you own emotional hurts are healed or at least in a healing process,
我们可以帮助你 布拉德牧师和汤姆牧师 we can help you do that, Pastor Brad and Pastor Tommy
还有其他牧师可以帮助你 各种小组可以帮助你 and all other pastor can help you, all kinds of group to help you,
解决这个问题 消除他们 关掉这扇门 deal with those thing, get them done, get them settle, close the door.
除去苦毒 除去它 你有发怒的问题? Get rid bitterness, get rid that. You have anger problem?
没关系 你可以解决你发怒的问题 Fine, you can get rid of your anger problem.
我见过上千人解决了发怒的问题 I saw thousands of people get rid of anger problem.
不要带着它们生活 But don’t carry that with you.
我记得在许多年前一对夫妻在马鞍峰结婚 I memor a marry couple many many years ago here in Saddleback.
5年后 我们有机会一些晚餐 5 years later, we had moment for dinner.
妻子告诉我 她说 The woman told me, she said
你知道吗 华理克 当我穿着白色的婚纱走过通道时 You know, Rick, when I walk down that aisle, and I am in white dress.
我不知道我把我情感的所有垃圾都背在我的背上 she said, I have no idea that I was carrying the entire bag emotional garbage on my back.
我把这些垃圾带到我的婚姻里 And I took all those garbage into our marriage.
朋友 婚姻不会创造问题 但会审视它们 Friends, marriage does not create problems, it reviews them.
你需要把这句话写下来 You need to write that one down
婚姻不会创造问题 但会审视它们 marriage does not create problems, it reviews them
问题已经存在了 在你或你男朋友或女朋友 The problem was already there, in you or in your boy friends or girl friend.
它已经存在了 你在结婚前把它解决得越多 It is already there and the more you can deal with it before you get married,
你的婚姻就会越幸福 the happier of your marriage going to be,
神的祝福就会越多 满足也会更多 the more God on it going to be, the more fulfilling it’s going to be.
你们会有灵魂深处的亲密相交 You will have the deep soul intimacy
这是个人的 它是关系 是性 是灵 That is personal, it is relational, it is sexual, it is spiritual,
这个清单来自于我们与神 人生目标 呼召及相互关系的合一 It is one list that comes from being unified in our relationship to God, our relationship to our purpose, our relationship to our calling, our relationship to each other.
这首先要清楚你的使命 To discover clarify your mission first, get involved in the church.
参与到教会中 如果你还没有来马鞍峰教会 If you are not come to the Saddleback church,
欢迎你现在就成为马鞍峰教会的一部分 welcome you to be part of Saddleback now.
你不可能坐在家里找到你想要的 You are not going to find what you want sitting in the home,
也不可能在单身酒吧里找到 and you are not find it in a single's bar either.
慢慢来 尽可能地了解对方的家庭背景 Go slow, find out all you can know about their family background.
当你决定结婚时 要做婚前辅导 When you decide to marry, get the pre-marry counsel.
我要说的太多太多 但时间已经到了 So much I want to say but time is up,
让我们低下头一起祷告 let’s bow our heads
天父 我将我们所有的需要摆在你的面前 Father, we get all kinds of needs dropped at here in this place.
现在有许多已婚夫妇正在努力处理他们婚姻关系方面的问题 You get some marriage couples who are struggling in their relationships.
也有许多单身者 他们在上一段婚姻中受到许多伤害 There are single adults who have been hurt in a previous marriage.
他们渴望结婚 但是时机并不成熟 They are those who love to be married, but the opportunity hasn’t risen.
神啊 这就是我们的现状 我们要转向你耶稣 遵行你的话 God, this is our situation, help us realize, when it must turn to you, Jesus, and follow your instructions.
让我们认清 我们不听你话 一再制造不必要的问题 Help us realize we always create unnecessary problems when we ignore what you tell us to do.
而且你已经很明显地告诉了我们 一生中当远离何种人 And it’s very clear what you told us to do, who to avoid in life.
今晚这里就有这样受伤的婚姻 因为他们没有灵里的合一 And there’re marriages represent here tonight that are hurting because no spiritual ones.
也有许多单身者 他们内心深处有长期的伤痛 There’re also a lot of single adults who have the ache of long in their inner heart.
主啊 我爱他们 I love them, Lord.
教会爱他们 我们爱他们 This church loves them, we love them.
我感谢你将他们带来教会 作为牧者 我恳求你医治我的羊群 I thank you to bring them to our church family, as a pastor of this flock, I ask you to bring healing to my flock.
医治这些我的家人 还在伤痛的人 Bring healing to those who are my family here, who are hurting.
将希望带给那些觉得结婚没有希望的人 And bring hope to those who feel hopeless right now that ever getting married.
神啊 你能做成奇妙的工作 You are a miracle working, God.
我祈求你 今天让在座人的生命及关系发生奇妙的改变 And I ask you to make some remarkable changes in people’s lives and their relationships today.
让那些人有勇气结束一段没有结果的关系 For those who need encouraged to end a relationship that is going nowhere.
帮助他们在爱中说真话 Help them to speak the truth in love.
这样最终 人们会更喜欢友好而非奉承 Then in the end, people will appreciate friendliness more than flattery.
现在请你这样祷告 Now you pray.
天父 我需要你来帮助我处理关系问题 Father, I need your help in my relationships.
首先 我需要你在我身上做工 让我完成所需任务 The first, I need you to work on me to go through that is some stuff I need to work on.
你知道我哪里不安全 You know where I am insecure.
你知道我哪里受伤 哪里伤痛 You know where I ache, you know where I hurt.
你知道我需要什么来治愈和改变 You know where I need to heal and change.
你知道在我生命中那些只有你才能满足的需要 You know the needs that only you can meet in my life.
我要信靠你是我的救主 不是某个男人 不是某个女人 And I want to trust you to be my savior, not some man, and not some girl.
我要信靠你是我的救主 而不是其它任何人 I want to trust you to be my savior here, not anybody else.
帮助我认清自己的人生目标 即你让我来到世上的原因 Help me to clarify my life purpose, the reason you put me on the earth.
帮助我成为属灵圣徒的样式 与其它信徒相通 Help me to build spiritual partner shapes, to connect with other believers.
感谢你带领我来到这个伟大的教会家庭 Thank you for bringing me to this great church family.
如果你已经结婚 请你这样向神祈求祷告 If you are married, here you are going to ask, you just pray,
主啊 请帮助我与配偶建立灵里的合一 Lord, help me to build spiritual one with my spouse.
现在单身的朋友 请这样祷告 For those you are single, say
主啊 今天我决定按照你的标准寻找伴侣 Lord, today I commit to your standards for choosing a mate.
如果我决定结婚 我将按照你的方式 遵行你的话语 If I have decided to marry, I want to do it in your way, and on your terms.
以上祷告祈求是奉耶稣基督的圣名 阿门 And I pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.