Woman: Well, today we're taking test three,
the one in the middle...
Psst.
How fast do you go in a falling-rock zone?
Come on, please. How fast?
Circle the one
that you think is the right one, corresponding...
And so on...
Psst!
Psst.
Uh, how fast do you go when a deer is crossing?
Shh.
Oh, I don't want to hit a deer.
[ English accent ] Madam, I must ask you
to stop interrupting --
you back there. You in the third seat.
Yes. Bring your test paper up here.
Actually, I've finished.
Yes. You're setting a poor example.
Why did you do that?
You don't think I was cheating.
Fortunately, we're prepared for the likes of you.
We have four different examinations.
You'll have to come back for the next session -- 1:00.
I'm a businessman. I have a --
that will be all.
You're disturbing the, uh, honest people.
Digby, please. This is Mr. Blake.
Diggers? Look, I've gotten hung up here.
No, I did not fail the test. I was caught cheating.
Never mind. Listen to me closely.
I want you to start that 2:00 meeting without me.
Yeah, and tell Mason
to order those new cartons with lots of extra wax
because of the new shipping regulation, okay?
At 2:45, I want you to call mccleglin
and set up a meeting for 5:30, okay?
Tell him to bring the stock samples
as well as the box weight, you got it? Mm-hmm. Check.
Check with Chicago about the ling-- oh, no.
If there's any spoilage, call Anderson.
Listen, diggers,
I'll see you about 3:00, okay? Bye. Good.
Look, I'm really -- I'm very sorry.
[ Chuckles ]
Go hit a deer, will you?
I probably will
because you didn't give me the answer.
If it's any consolation to you, everybody cheats.
You just happened to get caught.
Please don't feel you have to dog my footsteps
for the rest of my life.
Do you always get so upset by little things?
Is there a place I can get some food?
I have a 1:00 exam.
Yes, I know -- I know a great place,
and I will take you there myself.
Just point the direction.
No, please. Please, allow me.
It's the least I can do. Come. Come with me.
How do you like yours --
uh, Sauerkraut, mus-mustard, or both?
Just mustard, please.
One with just mustard,
one with Sauerkraut and mustard,
and put his Sauerkraut on mine.
We're entitled.
Here, here.
No, no. Don't do that. Please, be my guest.
After all, it's the least I can do.
Nonsense, I'll pay.
Good.
We can sit over here.
Uh, don't let me keep you.
No, it's all right.
Uh, this is on my way home.
Really?
I live right across that bridge -- Brooklyn heights.
Oh, that's very nice.
Is that your real accent,
or do you affect that because you're pompous?
It's my own pompous accent.
May I assume you're English?
If you like.
And you want to drive in america,
is that it?
Good thinking.
Well...
We drive...On the right side in this country.
I've been in america for three years.
Ah, well, then you should know that.
I do know it.
Mm.
I already drive. My license expired.
Don't feed the pigeons.
I beg your pardon?
I said don't feed the pigeons your roll.
Do you know what I carry?
I always carry... Ry krisps.
Pigeons prefer rye krisps...
5 to 1.
They are tasty and they are crunchy
and they are very low in caloric content.
Do you know what?
I will move down to the other end of the bench,
and then we'll both feed the pigeons,
and then we'll see who gets the most pigeons.
All right?
All right. Excuse me.
Oh, look there.
You have mustard on your sleeve.
I thought the English were very neat,
but you eat like a Russian.
I'm lucky it's mustard.
Borscht stains.
No, no, no, please. You've plenty of time.
It's -- it's not 1:00 yet.
Uh, I'm Sara Deever --
23 years old in April.
I'm Charles Blake.
What do you do?
I have my own company.
Ah, good, good.
What do you do?
We manufacture boxes.
Oh, that's -- [ Laughs ]
No, I'm sorry,
but, I mean, that's got to be
the silliest thing I ever heard.
All boxes -- all boxes are the same.
All boxes have...Six sides.
Seriously...how long can you stay in business
if all you do is manufacture
the same old 6-sided boxes?
A long time.
Ah.
Well, suppose somebody comes along
and manufactures 7-sided boxes for the same price
that you are manufacturing 6-sided boxes.
Aha. What happens then?
They'll clap a net over him.
Do you hire the handicapped?
Hmm?
I said, "do you hire the handicapped?"
Well, I don't go out of my way to.
What I mean is that I have many employees
and, uh...
I like to think that at least one of them
is seriously handicapped, okay?
Do you have any tattoos?
None that occur to me offhand.
None of, uh, eagles grabbing lightning
or snakes or a...Battleship?
No, I'm not big enough for a battleship.
The best I could hope for would be a gunboat.
None of arrows piercing hearts
with your mother's name written on it
or maybe your wife's?
I'm not married, and I don't have any tattoos.
It's very nice. Nice -- very neat.
Do you see?
Do you see that?
That's proof positive.
Pigeons prefer ry krisps 5 to 1.
Oh, s-say, do you need an apartment?
I-I'm showing a little dandy tomorrow at noon.
Thank you, I have a very nice apartment.
Well, I think -- I think you will like this one.
It has a fireplace. I love fireplaces.
I don't need an apartment.
I think the least you could do
is come have a look.
Here is the address.
Please, just don't have such a closed mind.
I don't need an apartment.
It's a very nice neighborhood --
very few burglaries,
and there has not been a rape there for seven years.
Maybe things will pick up in the spring.
[ Alarm buzzing ]
Uh-oh, there must be a fire.
No, it's my watch.
Well, it's time for my test.
Well, you certainly don't want to miss that, do you?
I didn't want to miss it the first time.
Ah.
Well, it's, uh, it's been...Interesting.
Thank you, Charles.
I think you've been very interesting, too.
Come on, pigie. Come on, pigie.
Goodbye.
Come on.
And don't let them catch you cheating.
They can be very hard on you there, you know?
Oh, there you are. Come on, come on.
Now, by February, that prototype carton
for international mills should be here.
Any change in that, Armstrong?
Not as of yesterday.
Call the factory and double-check it for me.
All right, I guess that's it.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Thank you, sir.
Diggers?
On the, uh,
on that cereal contract,
I'd like to see the crest either olive or maroon.
I like maroon.
Good, good, good -- greater visibility.
Woman: Personnel.
Do we hire the handicapped?
I arrange for the maintenance of all utilities --
the electricity, the plumbing, et cetera.
I also visit the premises once a month by appointment,
to collect rent and see that you are
in no way defacing the property therein.
When I first came here from Indianapolis,
I took a 3-year lease
on a silly, little westside apartment
which I grew to hate almost immediately,
but Mrs. Furman loved it.
I still hold the lease, still pay the rent,
but Mrs. Furman pays me more
than I pay the landlord.
In a short time,
I had two other apartments I handled the same way.
Do you have any idea
how many apartments I have today?
396?
No, eight -- eight such apartments
scattered all over the city.
I can fix any clogged drain better than any plumber.
Oh, that's sweet.
I use coffee grounds -- Espresso -- that's my secret.
Son of a gun.
As a matter of actual fact, I do all the handiwork.
I get $5 a call,
and I do television sets for $6 plus parts.
Oh, I always carry bicycle tape.
It's very impressive.
Aren't you impressed by bicycle tape?
Who, me?
Oh, I'm bowled over by a band-aid.
Oh, look. Do you see this?
Yeah.
It's a stick with a bubble in it. Yes.
It tells when things aren't level.
It's very good for when I am not sure what to do.
See, I just, uh -- I hold it up,
and I le-- I let that bubble --
I let it move around... Like that,
and then...It practically, uh, stupefies people.
Oh, tsk.
Oh, there you are.
What?
What is it?
The loop.
There's an expert.
When you have striped overalls
and a loop on the side like that, that's it.
That's the whole show.
That's an expert -- a master handyman.
You know what you can hang in that loop?
Anything -- a hammer, a chisel, a ruler, a stick.
It simply does not matter as long as you have a loop.
That's it.
You know, I think you'll have a loop one day.
Do you really? Do you think that?
I'm sure of it. You'll work your way up.
You'll start with drains and then sewers and --
[ alarm buzzing ]
Oh, I got to go. The bell tolls for me.
Listen, uh, can I see you sometime --
dinner, dancing, a night out on the town?
Yes, but it cannot be anything romantic.
It can't?
No, that's absolutely out of the question.
Nothing romantic?
No.
Well, how about, uh -- how about tomorrow night?
We can go to the "signposts of the '70s" exhibition --
"revolutionary ideas and developments
"that will be commonplace on the earth, the moon,
and the other planets within our lifetime."
8:30 P.M., Nichols hall.
Oh, fine. Uh, I'll meet you there.
[ No audio ]
This is where I live.
It's very nice.
Very nice. I like it.
Is it up for rent?
No. No, it's not. I'm sorry.
Say, would you like a glass of chocolate milk with me?
Uh, no. Thank you very much.
Well, suppose I make you a cup of tea. How's that?
Oh, that should hit the spot.
[ Humming ]
Very realistic.
You're very good with fruit.
Oh. So is del monte.
Good lord.
What's the matter?
This fruit is all rotten.
It's the only kind that I use.
I like to refer to it as "bruised."
I don't mind the bruises. It's the open wounds.
That's, uh, that's quite a rig.
Uh-huh. Well, uh, go on up, Charlie.
May I?
Please.
Are you -- are you sure about these stairs?
They look a little flimsy to me.
I prefer them flimsy.
Hmm. Then you should be very happy.
[ Chuckles ]
I have this thing about high places.
I'm afraid I'll get killed.
This, uh, this is my hall of archives.
Oh.
This is where I keep
all of my valuable documents and my leases.
Oh.
Oh, Charlie.
Charlie, please, come sit down.
Whoa!
Oh, Charlie.
[ Laughs ]
It's quite a lot of heavy stuff
on one small platform, don't you think?
No. No, no, no.
I had the feigus brothers up here to test it.
They're butchers.
They weigh 250 pounds apiece.
That's 500 pounds of feigus brothers.
Mm.
And I only had that one cracked board.
Which one?
Sara?
Can't hold the vegetarian rally until next month.
Going to leave the posters here.
Okay.
Oh, hey --
I went by lastasa's fruit stand.
They have a special sale on overripe bananas.
Brought you some.
Sara: Thank you.
Who was that?
Oh, Alonzo.
He heads the vegetarian movement in this district.
He got over 100 votes in the last election.
None from the feigus brothers, I'll wager.
He's a wonderful person, really,
but rather intense.
Parsley will do that to a person.
Oh, yes -- any sort of green.
All he eats is vegetables, but he looks marvelous.
Do you know how old he is?
396?
53.
He's a sign painter by profession.
Yes, he paints, like, "don't" signs,
like, uh, "don't walk on the grass,"
"don't hang around and do nothing,"
"don't talk rotten to a cop" -- like that.
Sara...
That's Richard.
Sara --
now, now, Richard --
calm, rational.
Sara, we must discuss this
in a calm and rational way.
There's nothing to discuss.
Who's that up there with you?
You're, uh, kind of jumping your month,
aren't you, fella?
I beg your pardon?
I ought to knock your teeth out.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Sara...
What do you mean by taking him in?
I'm still on the premises! It's still October!
Could you be angry down there?
This platform was only made for two feigus brothers.
I'm not talking to you.
Sara, I want to talk to you.
Look, I'll distribute the weight.
You go on chatting. You can fill me in later.
Let's talk it over.
Don't force me to make my exit this way.
Oh, you remember our agreement?
Then that terrible tantrum with the feigus brothers!
They had their fat fingers on the scales --
I have packed your bag.
All right, Sara.
If that's the way you want it, I'll go.
That's the way I want it.
All right, Sara. I just think --
I just think it wasn't exactly fair of you
to bring my successor in
while my belongings are still on the premises!
I'm sorry.
But...it's over,
so, uh, what's the difference?
Ended.
Fini.
Kaput.
So I'll go.
What else can I say?
Say you'll go.
I'll go, I'll go!
Good! Good!
Sara: Richard, you may take your Clay model with you.
[ Door closes ]
Sara...
What in the world goes on here?
Who is he?
Richard.
Mm-hmm?
Richard.
Yes, uh, "Richard slavin. Age 30. October.
"Was afflicted with extreme timidity
"upon his arrival.
"Richard is now quite courageous,
but in curing his cowardice, I developed his temper."
His month is about up, anyway.
It's practically the end of October.
How come I hardly ever understand you?
Oh, there were others.
Do you want to know about them?
You keep a file?
I mean, that is a file, right?
Oh, yes.
Yes, this is of a highly confidential nature.
I won't tell you details, just generalities.
All right?
Fine.
Norton -- Norton white.
"Norton white. Aged 27. September."
Norton was very conservative politically.
He couldn't even see the value in foreign aid.
Do you know
that he would not even spend money in New Jersey?
It's private.
Oh, Norton, that's --
he's quite liberal now.
What was the "oh, Norton" for?
"Spergeon lemaster.
Age 32. July."
He had a --
wait a minute. What happened to August?
There was no August.
Funny, I could have sworn there was.
Clem.
"Clem batchman. Age 25. April."
Do you know, when I first met clem,
he was hiding out in college?
He had a girlfriend.
Now, he had a girlfriend in Brooklyn,
but he was afraid to get married,
so he stayed on two extra years at Columbia
just to think -- just to think life over.
After, uh, one month with me,
he quit Columbia.
Son of a gun.
But he entered Cornell.
Oh.
I don't know...About clem, but I am hopeful.
And so it goes --
timid, shy, aggressive --
each man, uh, with a different problem.
"Each man with a different problem"?
I have a special therapy program.
I take to my side, for no longer than a month,
a man with a problem.
He comes here in need and leaves, I hope,
with some sort of fulfillment.
But time limits -- I mean, how do you figure that out?
Well, there had to be a beginning and an end
that could not be disputed.
A year was too long, a week was too short.
A month seemed just the right size.
I want you to know that I resent
your looking down your nose at me.
I'm not. I just --
I've upset you.
You have not upset me.
It's absurd, that's all -- just absurd. The idea --
that you have a problem? Yes.
What's my problem?
I don't know.
[ Tea kettle whistles ]
Excuse me.
An obsession with time
and that alarm watch --
hurry, hurry, ding, ding. Hurry, hurry, ding.
[ Chuckles ]
"Hurry, hurry, ding, ding." Is that my problem?
"Hurry, hurry, ding, ding"?
No. No.
That's just a symptom --
a manifestation.
I don't know.
You see, I can't -- I can't quite nail it.
I think it has to do with your working so hard --
rushing through life.
It's costing you dearly.
Like, for example, you didn't want Sauerkraut.
Now, I admit that that's not the whole answer.
The "hurry, hurry, ding, ding"?
Well, since you're so honest
about facing up to it, yes.
The result is,
in spite of your obvious attempts at witticisms,
the result is, uh, you're kind of a blur.
I just -- I can't quite see you.
But you can hear me, right? "Hurry, hurry"...
"Ding, ding." Yes.
Well, at least we're onto something.
Didn't you ever want to do anything with your life
besides make boxes?
Yeah, well, I wanted to be a fireman.
A pirate -- I wanted to be a pirate once.
A crusading newspaper publisher.
I, uh, I wanted to write poetry.
You satisfied?
I wanted to be a poet.
Good. Oh, good. What kind?
Blank verse, okay?
That's the kind that doesn't rhyme.
You certainly chose the easiest road.
If you haven't tried it, don't knock it.
I mean, it's not that easy.
All you do is avoid rhymes
and call it a poem.
No, Charlie, no.
Yeah, but it has to have meter, rhythm.
I mean, blank verse can be very difficult.
Poetry doesn't have to rhyme, Sara.
Do you take cream and sugar?
No, thank you.
Shakespeare didn't deal in rhyme.
He dealt in meter --
iambic pentameter.
Oh, the hell with it.
Ah! And you call yourself a poet?
The hell with it with a hey, nonny, nonny.
Why did you give it up?
I grew up, that's why. I became a man.
You became a box.
It's been a family business for over 80 years.
My father made it one of the most successful concerns
in the British empire.
I intend to do the same thing in america.
It may take a little time.
Hurry, hurry, ding, ding, hurry, hurry, ding, ding.
You know, I really don't understand
what it is about you
that makes you feel so damn superior.
I think you're worth saving.
Thank you.
What are you doing next month?
Next month?
November.
Yes, yes, November. Of course.
What are you doing next month?
Well, why -- why do you ask?
Would you like to be my November?
Oh, sure.
Okay.
I mean, what the heck?
Will you be able to move in with me?
Oh, I don't see why not. I mean, after all --
will you write me poems?
I would like that, you know.
I think you should be a poet.
Oh.
Will you be able to leave when December comes?
I guess that won't be too easy.
Well, the answer to that must be "yes."
Oh, yes.
Shake.
Of course, you understand
it is still officially Richard's month,
and even though he's not on the premises,
I still cannot give any part of his month
to anybody else.
I'm sorry.
Oh, I understand.
All right.
Oh, uh, you must report at midnight,
the last night of the outgoing month,
the first morning of the incoming month.
Right.
On the stroke of midnight, you must wake me gently.
Right.
Now, I will give you the key to November.
You must return it at the end of the month.
And I hope that you won't have a duplicate made,
because it won't fit in December.
I should also like to point out to you
that November has only 30 days.
Well, that's the luck of the draw.
I must ask you to leave now, Charles,
and please, I also must ask you
to try not to call me.
Do you understand?
Yes.
Fine. Now, do you remember how to get back here?
Yes, I remember.
All right.
Good night.
I think November will be a very sweet month.
Oh, good.
Charles?
Sam naylor from toliver testing.
Oh, naylor, come in, come in.
What do we have?
They've run the consumer tests as to preference.
The public prefers this one.
Easy to understand
since the gold foil is so prominent.
Agency feels this one stays closer to the theme.
Actually, the difference in total score is so minute,
it's quite possible to satisfy
both the agency and the public.
All these boxes, uh -- they have six sides.
Correct. Right.
What happens when somebody comes up with a 7-sided box?
Offhand, I would say it would tip over.
I'll have to research that.
What's your point?
My point is that we keep making the same old 6-sided box.
What about seven?
If we did a basic color scheme, I don't see why not.
Blue would be very good for seven!
Sam, why don't you take these into my office,
and I'll be in in a little while.
Certainly.
We're not really that far apart.
Do you understand him?
Hmm? No. That's why he's so valuable.
Your concentration dropped out.
What's wrong?
It's, uh, it's that merger in Toronto.
I thought that cooled off.
Yeah, it got hot again.
They're sending over an expert from Europe
to meet with me.
Very good.
Anyway, they want me up in Toronto for a meeting.
Great. How long will it last?
A month.
That's what they've requested.
All I really need is a week or so.
Yes...about a week should do it nicely.
Charles, the Wellington meeting's coming up.
It's important you be here.
Exactly.
That's why I want you to send me a telegram
reminding me of the meeting.
That way, I can bow out gracefully.
Okay, where do I reach you in Toronto?
No.
Uh, no, I don't want them to know I'm there.
You see, some of them know, but the others don't.
It's all supposed to be very hush-hush.
Okay, where do I reach you?
Brooklyn.
Brooklyn?
Brooklyn heights.
Yes, they've got branches all over --
Toronto, Montreal, winnipeg, Brooklyn heights.
It's a very big outfit.
Give me the address. I'll send the telegram.
Righty-ho.
Want me to send the telegram to the young lady's house?
Yes. Ha ha ha.
And you'll be back in time for the Wellington meeting?
Uh, yes.
Very important meeting, Charles.
Okay, give me the address.
Yes. Digby?
Yes?
You're a very discreet man.
Yes.
You're also a bit of a smartass.
Yes? Who's that?
[ German accent ] Miss Deever,
uh, allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Emile Von sattingtom --
Von sattingtom galleries --
and your door was open, so --
yes, I was just about to lock it.
Miss Deever,
the work of a very promising young sculptor
has come to my attention.
Obviously, a man on the brink of genius.
It won't work.
It'll work, it'll work! All he needs, I feel,
is a little more time with you here in your studio.
Oh, Richard. Richard, it won't work.
It won't work.
[ Normal voice ] Sara, listen to me.
Oh, aren't you ashamed of yourself?
Sara, look, uh...
October's over.
It's gone.
Book me for November.
I'm sorry, I already have a November.
April? August?
Book me for next November, Sara.
Put me on standby, like the airline,
just don't --
I didn't think I'd get through to you.
Well...you were right.
I hope you'll remember me fondly, Richard.
Sara...
With this night,
you have... Broken my spirit.
Anger and me will never join forces again, Sara.
This is the height of anger for me --
haaah.
I am a whisper...
A hush...
A piece of soft cotton.
Goodbye, Richard.
Goodbye, Sara.
[ Clock chiming ]
[ Garbage cans rattle ]
I was just attacked by a beard,
a violent little beard.
Oh, no, a piece of soft cotton.
No, no, no, a -- a little hairy fist.
You didn't tell me you kept a pet hairy fist.
Thank you.
Well, here we are.
Uh, I-I don't know.
I-I think we've gotten off on the wrong foot somehow.
I -- it all feels rather awkward.
Look, you were supposed to be asleep.
I was supposed to climb these cockamamie stairs
and wake you gently.
I took three dramamine to help me do the job.
[ Sighs ]
Maybe it's your clothes.
What's wrong with my clothes?
You look kind of Harvard.
I wonder, do you -- do you have any sandals in there?
Sandals?
No. My order doesn't wear sandals,
just the brown robe with the hood.
Oh. Well, then, what -- what do you have in there?
Well, let's see, shall we?
All right.
I'm sure I brought my raincoat
in case of inclement weather.
Ah. Uh-huh.
There it is -- raincoat. Blue cashmere sweater --
oh, no. That's wrong.
You -- wrong. Right.
How about my green tweed with the waistcoat?
It's wrong.
W-Wrong. You don't like that.
Here we are --
my brown Norfolk jacket with the cutaway --
ah, no, no, that's wrong.
You hate that. Right.
I have some shirts, underwear, ties.
I think we will have to shop for you tomorrow.
What shall I do with my bag?
Oh, I know. Why don't I leave it by the door
so that you can get rid of me quickly?
Well, that would be just fine.
Oh, please.
Listen, uh, being huffy won't solve anything.
We will have to work very hard
to overcome this initial rift.
Right.
However, getting these antagonisms out of the way
right at the start can be very healthy.
Very healthy.
So, uh, I don't like your Cologne.
It smells like the main floor of bloomingdale's.
That's what it's called --
"main floor" by bloomingdale's.
Are you being funny, or are you being huffy?
No, my huff is over.
I'm happy to announce my huff is over!
Well, then, you probably would like to go to bed.
I would love that.
Good.
Would you throw down the clothes you're wearing
and put on your pajamas, please?
You know, I-I think that I have some sandals.
Ahh.
Listen -- oh.
Would you like your sandals
with the thong between the toe,
or do you prefer a strap over the instep?
Do you have any with a plastic heel?
I don't know. I don't think I do.
Then I'll take the thong between my toes.
Oh.
Oh, aha!
You know, uh...
It is very important to our relationship
that we're able to snap back after things don't go right.
I have a very hopeful feeling.
I think you're going to turn out just fine.
We'll introduce you around tomorrow, Charlie,
and then maybe in a day or two,
uh, we can visit some of my tenants,
and you can be my assistant.
It's the 1st of November, Charlie,
and there will never be any regrets.
We'll have fine times together --
fine times with much maturing.
Sara?
[ Humming ]
Son of a gun.
"Charlie Blake."
Sara: Charlie Blake. November. November 1st.
Charlie arrived last night,
suffering from an advanced case
of "hurry, hurry, ding, ding"
manifested by a compulsion
to continually make wisenheimer remarks.
The feeling here is hopeful.
The first night was as expected.
Nothing unusual.
Nothing unusual?
Man: Hello!
Ooh!
Who's that up there?
Ooh, hoo, hoo -- 3-fingered brown.
Oh, Mr., uh, uh...Blake.
Where is she?
Sara?
No -- grandma Moses.
Relax, relax.
I've seen them come and I've seen them go.
All of them maimed, right?
All of them jamming their fingers
in that file cabinet, if that's what you mean.
[ Chuckles ]
A guy has to be king Kong to get some food in here.
What did she write that got you so mad?
[ Chuckles ]
None of this is happening. None of it.
Everybody gets mad.
I don't know how she can tell you apart.
Oh, by our fingerprints and our dental charts.
And you seem to know a great deal
about the general procedure around here.
Finger is bleeding.
I don't blame it.
Come here.
Now --
ohh.
You stay off this finger, and you'll be fine.
Hmm, she seems to run her own drugstore.
That's quite a collection of pills.
What's the matter?
How'd you like people looking at your pills?
I'm sorry there's no eggs.
Sara doesn't keep any eggs
out of respect for my... Vegetarianism.
But you can get them around the corner.
Oh, no, that's all right.
I always eat bread and milk.
It gives my coat such a lovely sheen.
You like her?
Hmm?
Sara.
Oh, sure I do. How could I not like her?
She likes you.
I'm very pleased.
Y-You wouldn't, by any chance,
be her father?
No, I'm not her father.
Close...relative?
A friend.
Perhaps we'll be able to say that about you someday.
Ah.
Charlie, you're up.
I brought you some eggs. Be careful.
Your, uh, friend the vegetarian is here.
Good morning, Alonzo.
I, uh, really came to tell you
that there's a big Lima bean sale
at lastasa's today.
You all right?
I'm all right.
See ya.
Mm-hmm.
Have a nice day.
Bye.
I see he's pushing the Lima beans today.
He's trying to convert you.
I see you got your finger caught in the file.
Ah, well, that's what you get for snooping.
What kind of report was that --
"nothing unusual." Hmm?
How do you suppose that makes me feel?
I was only trying to point out
that with a little bit of...Loosening up,
you could be salvaged.
Salvaged?
You write that way about a sinking ship, Sara,
not about a human being.
Oh, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.
Well, why do you leave it lying around?
I mean, you know a man's going to look.
Exactly. A man is going to look.
You should know my opinions about such personal things.
So, that's where you will always find my opinions.
Now, excuse me. I'd just like to get in here.
And you can look without feeling guilty --
can I see? Ah, it's not bad.
And y-you don't have to crunch your finger, okay?
I get reviewed every morning?
It's been my experience that it's better
if we correspond on such personal matters.
Oh, it'll be a great correspondence.
All I get is your opinion. What about my opinion?
Well, up there,
on the writing table next to the bed,
is a velvet book.
Anything you want to tell me,
you write down in the book --
anything that occurs to you.
That way, you see, we need never fight.
We simply write down our grievances,
and when we are with one another,
we just deal with the day ahead.
Charlie: November 2nd. Review of yesterday's events.
She was serious about my clothing --
actually set up an appointment for me
with the number-one custom tailor in Brooklyn heights,
who dealt with imported English fabrics only.
I told her I didn't need suits -- I needed shoes.
She assured me that her number-one custom tailor
could outfit me from head to toe.
Monty the mod was not to be believed,
nor was that carnaby cap.
It looked terrible on me -- lovely on him.
As to the imported fabrics,
they were imported from the Chicago stockyards
and designed by the Boston strangler.
The sweaters of Brooklyn heights' number-one tailor
were quite something else -- they were alive.
There was a beige llama, still shedding.
I explained about my allergy.
The zebra, not yet housebroken,
would have to be walked twice a day.
No, I drew the line, took a stand.
Though I had agreed to wear the cow pants,
none of this other livestock would ever touch my body.
Not wishing to hurt anyone's feelings,
Sara was quite diplomatic.
"Good," she said, "we will take them both."
It was my darkest hour.
Sara: Charlie is a very good sport
about wearing the costumes of his native land.
We bought him a pair of prince Edward boots,
and with every step he took, I heard "rule britannia."
We did the neighborhood rounds,
and he was readily accepted by the group.
The feigus brothers assured him
that my office platform was quite safe
in spite of the cracked board.
He has accepted apples as our basic food staple,
and...to hasten his changeover,
he can no longer wear his alarm watch.
I've asked him to put pen to paper
and write his first poem.
In this instance, I will accept blank verse.
Charlie: Third day.
I was about to write a poem about my sweater
when this emergency arose
at Sara's 23rd street apartment.
Thank heavens you're here.
Do something, anything, before it's too late!
All right, Mrs. Schumacher,
now, tell me -- where is the patient?
"Where?" she asks.
Now, where would a bathtub be, on the roof?
It is in the bathroom.
She's probably right, Sara.
Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk!
[ Water gurgling ]
Uh, she's probably left the faucets on.
I'll handle it.
Sara: Charlie, it's my responsibility.
Talk, talk, talk!
No, the faucets are off.
Ah. Here you are.
You neglected to replace your stopper, madam.
Another job for the silent service.
Oh, Marvin, that you should live to see such a thing.
Heh.
[ Grunts ]
There you go.
[ Crying ]
Aah, it's alive! It's alive!
Okay, Sara, you're on.
[ Crying continues ]
It's all right, honey.
[ Water draining ]
Ha ha ha ha.
Ah, Mrs. Schumacher,
now, if this should happen again,
please don't hesitate to call me.
Oh, such a relief.
[ Water gurgling ]
Charlie: I, of course, panicked
and resorted to the stick with the bubble.
But she, master plumber that she was,
eventually poured Espresso grounds into the drain
and saved the day.
I can now see a 7-sided box as a distinct possibility.
Sara: Charlie is coming along nicely.
It was our first Sunday together,
and to deliberately slow him down,
we took a leisurely walk across the bridge
and then took a trip on the ferry
that goes around Manhattan island.
We bought two Sunday times for the puzzle.
It was determined that I would do the acrosses,
and he would get the ups and downs.
I really think that if we pooled our solutions,
we could breeze through this.
I don't think so.
I only have one word, but it is a very big word --
"rumpelstiltskin."
Let me look.
No, I don't think that it would do you any good.
It's in the lower left-hand corner.
I don't know, but I think
you took the easy part of the puzzle.
Easy? Do you really think that rumpelstiltskin
is the easy part?
A 4-letter word for magnificent --
"Sara."
The capital of Alaska?
The capital of Alaska is nome.
A 4-letter word for impossible --
"Sara."
The capital of Alaska, actually, is Fairbanks.
So then nome is wrong no matter how I spell it.
A 4-letter word for outrageous --
"Sara."
If Fairbanks is right,
then rumpelstiltskin is wrong.
Charlie, what is -- w-what did you say?
What?
A 4-letter word for wonderful --
"Sara."
Where, Charlie, where?
Where do you see that?
Oh, that's --
oh, Charlie,
that's -- oh, oh.
Charlie: I will never again do a crossword puzzle
without the word "Sara" writing itself in,
nor can I believe
that you are so many contradictions all at once.
I do miss my watch,
but I'm able to tell time by the angle of the sun,
and at night -- who cares?
After due consideration and much serious thought,
I have decided to do my poem about the ferry
and not my sweater,
for I've grown quite fond of my sweater
and have named it Rex.
[ Knock on door ]
I got it.
Charles Blake?
Yes?
Telegram.
Oh, yes. Thank you.
Sara: What is it?
It's a telegram.
Oh, for me?
Uh, no.
[ Sighs ]
Aren't you going to open it?
No. If -- if I open it, I'll only read it.
Maybe you got drafted.
Can they do that all the way from england?
It's bad news?
Uh...
Sara, I've, uh...
I've got to call my office.
You have been drafted.
No, but it's urgent... Vital.
Well, there's the telephone.
I guess I'd better not listen.
No, I think you ought to listen.
Well, i'd, uh, I think I'd rather not.
Hello. Digby, please.
Mr. Blake. Thank you.
Hello, diggers? Yes, I just got it.
Well, I don't know.
Well, you know,
you really ought to be able to handle this on your own,
don't you think?
Diggers, look, old buddy,
I'm having a nice time. Yeah.
Oh, a little poetry, a little plumbing.
You know, the good things in life.
Well, diggers, I'm not coming to the meeting.
Tell them what you like.
Tell them I fell off a ferry.
A ferry boat.
And look, stop trying to box me in.
Maybe a week, 10 days. I don't know.
Yeah, and digby,
please don't call me here again.
Sara: After the phone call, Charlie bought a $4 airplane
and dedicated himself to its freedom.
Charlie: The policeman was, of course, quite correct.
Flying an airplane off the Brooklyn bridge
is very much against the law.
I think I will do my first poem about the airplane
and not the ferry.
A poem by Charles Blake.
Oh, Charlie. Just a minute. Okay.
"I shot a plane into the air.
"It struck Manhattan over there.
"I got a ticket, but I don't care.
I'd do it again."
Is that all?
Yes.
Oh, it's lovely, Charlie.
It's really very -- very nice,
and it rhymes almost all the way through.
You don't like it.
No -- yes. I just -- I had hoped for something
a little more dramatic, that's all. I'm sorry.
Okay. I'll put it with the others.
I had thought by now
you would be finished with the wisenheimer poems
and be really involved
in the lovely, sweet, romantic poems.
Otherwise, you see,
Alonzo will never be able to get them published.
I understand.
You are a good sport, though, Charlie. You are.
You take criticism so well --
much better than I ever expected.
You can tell a person
by the way he takes criticism.
More blue, Sara.
More blue, darling.
Sara, the sky is blue, right?
That's very good, Charlie.
That's very fine, but a brick wall is red.
Oh. That's a brick wall?
No one writes "no handball playing"
in the sky, Charlie.
Oh, I guess not.
No.
Hmm. A brick wall.
A blue brick wall.
Well, it's a very effective sign, darling.
I mean, you don't see anybody
playing handball up there, do you?
[ Laughs ]
Well, you've got plenty of red paint.
Now, where's that bicycle tape?
I've got to make a call.
Where?
The west 54th street apartment.
The TV picture is rolling.
Can you handle that by yourself?
Huh?
I said, "can you handle that by yourself?"
I handled the last Espresso job, sweetheart.
Well, you better take your TV tube tester.
Uh-huh. Check.
[ Humming ]
Did you say the west 54th street apartment?
That's Henry Jensen.
That's right. Now, what do I charge him?
Oh, no, there is no charge there.
He has a year's guarantee.
An 85-year-old TV set
and you gave him a guarantee?
Has he got a contract?
My word is my bond, Charlie.
I run a legitimate repair service.
Where is the bicycle tape, Sara?
You have it, Charlie. You have it.
You have it. It's there. It's in there, okay?
That's extra.
You charge extra for that -- $1 a foot.
I promise I'll use as much as I can.
That's good.
Man: Hello?
I bet that's Alonzo.
He's going to bring me some new canvasses.
No, it's not Alonzo.
Clem!
Hey, Sara.
Oh, clem.
Oh, I wanted to hear about the new college.
I thought of you so often.
Let me look at you. Oh, you look marvelous.
You did not write me a word.
Not a postcard! No excuses.
You've gained weight.
Do you two know each other?
There's so much I want to ask you about.
You're kind of jumping your month, aren't you?
Charlie, this is clem. I told you about clem.
Tell me, what have you been doing with yourself?
Well, it's a very long story.
Oh, we'd love to hear it.
Oh, Charlie. I'm sorry.
Charles Blake, clem batchman.
Pleased to meet you.
Is that a fact?
Oh, Charlie, you are so rude!
What am I supposed to do? I don't know this guy.
Clem! Clem batchman!
What are you doing? Good to see you.
You look marvelous!
Well, you do, too.
Listen, hey, I still have all of your paintings.
They're all framed.
Did you ever have that exhibition of my works?
Yeah, well, no,
but we came close, very close.
Pardon me. You painted when you were here?
Mm-hmm. What's your therapy?
Me? Oh, uh...
I write poetry.
Oh, very nice.
Maybe you can get published.
Yes. We seem to share the same agent.
Mr. Alonzo here, he represents me, too.
Clem: Well, you're in good hands.
We could possibly have a joint exhibition.
Your paintings, my poetry, bill Shakespeare's plays,
Pete Tchaikovsky's music...
Clem, where are you staying?
In a hotel.
Clem, you can't.
He can.
I'm only here for a few days, maybe a week.
I've got a surprise for you.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
Well, you can't stay at a hotel.
We'll have to make some sort of arrangements
for you to stay --
wait a minute. Hold it, Sara.
I feel I must point out
that November happens to be my month.
Now, where I do not wish to appear unreasonable
or inhospitable --
well, clem knows the rules, Charlie.
Yes. But when Richard wanted to return,
you disallowed him.
How come, then, when we are all familiar
with the established precedents,
how come captain america here
is allowed visiting privileges?
You must trust me
to make the correct decisions, Charlie.
In the meantime,
since you are in such an ungentlemanly snit,
I suggest that you run along
and make your service call.
Maybe I'd better go.
The guy's got a point, Sara. It is his month.
No, I'll make the call.
The man has a contract. He's entitled to service.
As for my poetry, it is not for publication.
Now, Charlie.
Oh, I'm onto your insidious little game,
trying to convert people to vegetarianism.
Listen, Sara,
people are not born to vegetarianism, you know.
It takes missionaries like him to convert them.
And as for you, sir,
be advised that I am a first-class judo expert.
And if you are still here on my return,
I will probably strangle you with my black belt.
Use Espresso grounds.
It's a TV service call.
Take the bicycle tape. It's $1 a foot.
Sara: As Charlie later found out,
the purpose of clem's visit
was to tell me that he finally quit hiding in college,
and to introduce his fiancée, Carol -- a very lovely girl.
Charlie is really very warm and clever and dear.
He apologized to everyone for his immature outburst
and must surely realize
that if he keeps up that kind of behavior,
he will always be Pinocchio and never a real boy.
Hey.
What?
When am I going to hear it?
Hear what?
Your new poem.
You can't still be working on it.
I finished it three days ago.
I've been carrying it around in my pocket,
hoping it would fall out.
Were you so afraid to read it to me?
Uh-huh.
Charlie, you'll just have to face up to it
sooner or later.
I know, I know, I know.
All right, all right, all right.
Now, look. Empty your pockets.
Righty-ho.
Here -- here we are.
I call it "enigma."
Okay.
That's something that's difficult to figure out.
Okay, good. Now, go on.
"'Enigma,' by Charles Blake.
"A girl I know, she is partly mad.
"Yet, beyond that smile, she is partly sad.
"She is partly calm. She is partly wild.
"But she is mostly woman.
No, she is mostly child."
I thank you.
Charlie. Oh, Charlie.
You like it?
I like it, I like it.
I like it, and it rhymes, Charlie.
You've broken through. It rhymes.
It's a love poem, Sara.
Love poems don't have to rhyme.
You want rhymes?
"Jack be nimble" rhymes.
Oh, but that's not about me.
I know how hard it's been for you, Charlie,
all these years, hiding behind blank verse.
I know.
Well, it's nice to achieve recognition
in one's own lifetime.
Charlie, I will... I will keep it always.
And you wanted it to fall out of your pocket.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Shame, Charlie, shame.
I must have been mad.
[ Thunder crashes ]
Charlie: Dearest Sara, my every thought is of you.
You're looking tired.
If I ought to fret about you, please let me know.
I think I might very much like the worrying.
Perhaps instead of all those pills,
perhaps some vitamins with liver extract.
Surely Alonzo can't object to that.
I cannot face the fact that I must someday give you up.
I should never have agreed to a 30-day month.
[ Thud ]
What are you doing?
I'm being blinded.
What are you doing down there?
I was just checking, Sara.
I, uh...
I thought I heard somebody creeping about.
It was me.
What are you doing with my calendar?
Calendar? What calendar?
You are just like a little boy
caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
Honestly, Sara.
Would three extra days hurt you?
I mean, they're right in the middle
of the month -- 15, 16, and 17.
I mean, they're hardly noticeable.
A little bit of tape -- look.
And bingo! They're back.
Three days, Sara. That's all.
That tape is $1 a foot.
Money is no object, Sara. Bill me.
I love those days.
Then you may keep them,
but you may not put them back.
I don't understand
why I can't have two successive terms.
I mean, you do it for your presidents.
It would be very American of you --
very American.
Oh, Sara, what are we doing?
I mean, why are we tearing the days off one by one
like "she loves me, she loves me not"?
I mean...
I love you, Sara.
Oh, Charlie. You said it.
First time. World premiere.
You know I love you.
Yes, but you never said it before.
In my letters, I wrote it.
Never, never. Not once.
No, but it's implied in everything I do.
This is the first time that you ever said it.
And you know what I think, Charlie?
Hmm?
I think you really mean it.
Well...we're making great strides.
We are. I'm very pleased.
Oh, cut it out, Sara.
I love you.
That means past November, past winter,
past all the dumb years ahead, okay?
We made an agreement, you and I.
We shook hands.
Sara, kids do that.
A bargain is a bargain, a sacred vow, and an oath.
Whoever breaks that oath
must give up all memories of the other.
Do you want to give up your memories of me?
No, of course I don't, and I don't have to.
No. No, I know.
I know you don't have to, but...
Supposing that you did.
Sara, that's silly. I have no control over it.
I can't just blot everything out
simply because I agreed to.
People must be remembered, Charlie.
Otherwise, it's as if they were never here at all.
All we are, are the people who remember US.
If we go away,
and everybody forgets we were ever here,
it's as if we never were.
And you did it again, you know.
You did it again.
I did what?
A few minutes ago.
What, Sara? What?
I had a dream, and you were in it,
and then you misbehaved.
Sara, I can't be held responsible
for the way I behave in your dreams.
Yes, you can.
A dream is simply a truth that never happened.
Just because it never happened
doesn't mean it's untrue.
Little zig, little zag.
Here she comes, there she goes.
Let's just stick to the conversation,
shall we, Sara?
Now, I just announced my love for you.
Now, that's a pretty special thing,
don't you think?
Yes, thank you. Yes.
As it turns out, I really am in love
for the first time in my life.
Now, that's a pretty stupid thing
for a man of my age to have to admit,
but, well, it's my first outing.
Now, that in itself
is a pretty wondrous thing, no?
It's so late, Charlie. It's so late.
Tomorrow is a busy day for US.
Sara, all I want to know
is why you think that come November 30th,
I'm just going to walk out of your life --
walk right out the door, away, finished, kaput?
What makes you think I'm going to do a Richard?
Because you will.
Why?
Because you really do love me, that's why.
Good night, Charlie.
You're right, Charlie. You know, you're right.
Clem and his girl, they make a lovely couple.
It'll be a good marriage.
And who am I supposed to marry?
Oh, I don't know, Charlie.
Some very pretty girl who doesn't like dessert
so you can have her ice cream on your pie.
You really want me to marry someone else?
Yes, of course I do. I do, and soon, too.
You're getting on, you know,
or would you rather not talk about that?
Who, me?
I've never felt this young.
It's an illusion, Charlie. It's the vegetables.
Your diet is better,
but you can still tell a person's age by his teeth.
Listen, Sara --
or do they do that with horses?
I know that with a tree, you can tell by its rings,
but I-I don't know whether or not
they do that with a horse.
You won't give an inch, will you, huh?
What's the matter? Hmm?
Nothing, Charlie.
Nothing's the matter.
I'm cold. That's what's the matter -- I'm cold.
Come on. Let's go home. Come.
"Partly calm, partly wild.
"Mostly woman.
No, mostly child."
I like that, Charlie. I like that.
I think you've captured the real me.
[ Hammering ]
Charlie?
Ohh!
Is that you, Charlie?
No, it's Tom thumb.
Hi.
Clem, where are the girls?
Well, they're shopping. I don't know -- something.
What are you doing up there?
I'm trying to fix this cracked board.
Oh, yeah, that one
that the fiegus brothers cracked, huh?
Yeah, that's the one.
Would you like some coffee?
I got it.
All right.
Ah, so, you're getting married, eh?
Yeah, I'm going to take the plunge.
Oh, good, good.
I've been thinking
about getting married myself.
That's very nice.
Yeah. Well, you know.
I'm getting on. It's about time.
Yeah. What time is it?
I have to file the certificates.
I don't know. I can't help you, I'm afraid.
I don't wear a watch anymore.
It's 4:00. The bureau closes at 5:00.
I better get moving.
Oh, go tomorrow, clem.
Well, tomorrow is Sunday.
Tomorrow's Thursday.
Oh.
Sit down, clem, please.
Okay.
Now tell me about Sara.
Well, there's nothing to tell.
Sara is Sara.
Right. You seem to know your way around here
pretty good.
Okay.
What are the, uh,
what are the pills all about?
It's coming up the end of November, Charlie,
and you have to go.
That's not what I asked you.
What about the way she gets cold?
What do you know about Sara that I don't?
Nothing that you can't figure out for yourself.
I'll see you.
Alonzo?
Ho!
Oh, hi.
There's a big demand
for these "building coming down" signs.
I think our neighborhood's being saved.
If I could use a stencil,
I could mass-produce some of this stuff,
but all my work is hand-lettered.
It's all custom-made.
Alonzo, no fun and games, okay?
Okay. What's wrong?
I have some very serious questions
to which I know or think
or fear there are serious answers.
I want to know about Sara, Alonzo.
Yes?
I'm now asking.
Mm-hmm.
Some ask and some don't.
Clem asked, you may be interested to hear.
Richard didn't.
Never asked, never looked, never saw.
She's sick. I can see that.
Yes.
The pills -- I mean, a whole ruddy collection.
Every color in the rainbow,
prescribed by eight different doctors,
eight different dates.
Yes.
The quick tiredness, the little trembles,
the uneven breathing in her sleep.
I, uh, I can't bring myself
to ask you any direct questions.
All right, Charlie.
Is she, uh...
She's very ill.
Obviously, she's very ill.
I mean, anyone can tell that.
I mean, a man would have to be blind.
Charlie, Sara --
she's temporary.
She doesn't have much time.
Oh, god in heaven.
Oh, no.
Oh, Alonzo.
Oh, no.
My whole dull life I've been looking for her.
What do I do, Alonzo?
You do exactly as she says.
She's entitled to that much.
We don't talk about it?
Not necessary. She knows that you know.
Everything's been tried? Every new drug --
yes, yes.
I know a great doctor.
Her family had her everywhere,
almost to the point of its being cruel.
Sara called it off and moved here.
I keep in touch with them, write them letters,
lie a little, give them hope.
Why her?
Why anybody?
I don't care about anybody, Alonzo.
I care about Sara.
Well...
Now you understand better
why every month is like a year to her
and no man is allowed to stay longer.
Not out of desire.
Out of fear.
Fear of being forgotten.
What is it that she has?
I have it written down somewhere.
It's quite rare, quite incurable.
Doesn't much matter what it's called.
How much time -- oh, god.
I can't believe I'm asking these questions.
They don't really know.
Alonzo, I mustn't lose her.
You can't -- you can't --
you can't lose what you never really had.
You can only borrow Sara, and she is the way she is
because she has no time for pretense.
Now, don't -- don't disappoint her, Charlie.
Just hold her hand and let go when she says to.
She has her own road to go on.
You happened to cross it in November.
Hmm.
When she says to,
let go and let it be.
Oh, I hope this pie will be all right.
I never made a pumpkin pie before.
I never made any pie before.
Oh, Charlie, what's to become of me?
Shh, it'll be great. It'll be beautiful.
It'll be a thing people will talk about for years.
All that I ever made before was jello.
Well, it takes a certain amount of courage
to make jello --
oh, Charlie, it does not! Do not lie to me!
I followed all those directions,
I did not waver, and I did not improvise.
Then you stand a certain fighting chance.
Charlie, would you keep your voice down please?
Otherwise, the pie will fall.
You know what I think?
No.
I think it will be all right.
I do. I think it will turn out fine.
Fine.
Oh, we should use the good glasses tonight.
Both of them?
First come, first serve. Did you get the wine?
Yes, my dear.
Have you decided which silver pattern
you'd like tonight -- shrouts or hornen haddart?
Well, I think we should go with the good stuff.
The shrouts? Hmm, that's a pity
because we've only got three sets.
First come, first serve.First come, first serve.
Hey, Sara.
Charlie, don't do that.
There's a pie in the oven.
Let it listen. I got nothing to hide.
You know Alonzo won't eat Turkey.
Well, what is Thanksgiving without Turkey?
So let me show you what I made him.
I made him a Turkey to go with his salad,
but it's out of jello.
Oh, Charlie, don't --
what do you laugh for like that?
Doesn't it look like a Turkey?
It's strawberry.
Sara?
This is all so right, you and me.
Maybe I should have asked another couple
to Carol's Thanksgiving bridal shower,
but if they hardly know her,
I can't ask them to bring gifts.
So there'll just be you and me
and clem and Carol and Alonzo.
We have a lot to be thankful for
this Thanksgiving.
Right. We haven't had one Indian attack
all winter.
Oh, Charlie. That's very funny.
Sara, come and have a talk with me.
No, Charlie, no, no!
Come on. I have a lot to do.
Cut it out, Sara. Come and have a talk.
You know, there's something
that I've been meaning to tell you.
Promise you won't be angry.
I promise I won't be angry.
All right.
Whee!
I want to tell you about Gordon.
He's going to be my December.
Oh, see that, Charlie? You are angry.
Things must go on, you know.
I don't want to hear.
I don't want to know.
I need your advice.
Really, it may be something serious.
I don't know.
Now, can't we discuss it like civilized people?
Okay.
I met Gordon at the vegetable stand.
He seems dreadfully uncoordinated
and terribly awkward.
When he tipped his hat to me,
he knocked over a whole row of cabbages,
and then, when he bent down to pick them up,
he knocked over more -- dozens.
Hmm.
I think it may be an equilibrium problem.
Now, if it's purely emotional,
I think I can be of some help,
but if it's his inner ear --
this is the question that I want to ask you.
Do you think I should send him to a clinic?
Sara, I don't care
if you pickle him and send him to the moon.
I mean, he means nothing to me,
and if you think I'm thrilled to hear about him,
then you're very much mistaken.
See that, Charlie. You are angry.
I have a few days left in November, Sara,
and I don't want to devote them
to a discussion about my successor,
and I'm sick and tired of your casual evasions
and your determination to --
have a hell of a happy Thanksgiving!
Oh, Charlie -- Charlie!
Carol -- thank you for --
I'm sorry.
Please, you were going to say something.
Well, it wasn't important.
I wanted to thank you, all of you,
for all the wonderful gifts,
and, well, I just wanted to make sure
I thanked you again.
Yeah.
Oh, you'll find that cookbook
very enlightening, Carol.
Vegetables can be prepared in many delicious ways.
Well, animals thrive on it, right, Sara?
Right. You never saw a skinny gorilla.
[ Laughs ]
Excuse me.
Well, where is he?
That's just terrible of him.
Shh.
He missed almost the whole dinner.
Carol.
Um, let's go pack up the gifts, huh?
Sara --
I think we should have dessert now, don't you?
This thing looks hardly edible,
but I think it deserves a chance.
He'll be back.
He loves you, and you love him.
Look, isn't it time
you closed that book of yours?
Isn't it time you grabbed
whatever happiness you can get, hmm?
Let him stay. He knows. He doesn't care.
But I care.
I love him, Alonzo.
I never meant for that to happen, but I do.
And because I do,
I-I don't want him around when it comes.
I don't want him to see that.
I don't want him to be part of it.
I don't want him to remember
even one tiny, little piece of it.
And that's why I-I hope he never comes back.
That's why I-I hope he keeps on running,
never, never to return.
Because I am afraid that if he comes back
these last few days in November,
I'm afraid that I will never let him leave me again.
Why did he go?
Why? Why?
Because I told him about Gordon.
I told Charlie about Gordon
because I wanted him to run.
You know I wanted that.
Who is Gordon?
A candidate for December.
A distinct possibility --
Alonzo, Alonzo, just someone to keep me company.
Purely clinical.
Just like Richard, all right?
He's not Charlie.
No. Nobody's Charlie.
I'm afraid that it's a terrible failure.
I haven't been able to get any good pumpkin
since the Indian attack.
[ Laughter ]
I'm afraid it -- it flopped.
As a matter of fact,
I think it fell all the way through.
Well, not at all. It looks delicious.
Oh, you're very kind.
Alonzo, would you do the honors?
Uh, yeah.
A knife. I'm sorry.
[ Knock at door ]
I'll get it.
What?
It's a 7-sided box.
Well, I guess we're supposed to read it.
I guess so.
Uh...
Number two -- "sorry I couldn't be with you
for the festivities."
Number three -- "must you... Leave so soon, Alonzo?"
Number four -- "and you, too, clem?"
Five -- "and you, too, Carol?"
Six -- "isn't it a shame that you must all leave?"
Signed, "the phantom Charlie," number seven.
Well, I'm a bit tired.
Oh, Alonzo, no. You don't have to go.
It's just Charlie's way of being silly.
Oh, clem, don't go.
I'll get the coats.
You have not even had your dessert.
It's okay. We really should go.
And Sara, thank you.
It was wonderful -- really, very nice.
You're welcome.
Bye, Sara.
Bye-bye.
Ahh!
From New York's famous Plaza hotel,
a recently stolen plunger.
Oh, Charlie.
From monty's irregular mod shop,
a shockingly chic carnaby cap.
1,500 yards of bicycle tape,
and at $1 a foot, wow!
And now, the two most requested answers
in the New York driving test.
May I have the envelope, please?
Thank you.
The legal speed limit in a deer-crossing zone
is 15 miles per hour.
How fast do you go in a falling-rock zone?
As fast as you can.
For the man in your life...
A generous bottle
of "main floor" by bloomingdale's.
And from steigmeyer's delicatessen and grocery shoppe,
a 1/2-quart container of Sauerkraut.
How sweet it is.
And from your neighborhood a&p,
a year's supply of ry krisp
for pigeons with a weight problem.
Birds prefer them 15 to 4, so they say.
And from the hardware store to the stars,
a pair of striped overalls...
With a loop.
Ohh.
And, as an expression of my undying love...
A tattoo, Sara, a tattoo.
Does it hurt?
Painted on by myself in available light.
Do you like it?
Oh, Charlie.
Ah, ah, ah, come sit down.
A poem by Charles Blake
entitled "sweet November."
I promised you, Sara, so here it is.
May be good, may be bad -- probably bad --
but one thing's for sure --
from beginning to end, it do rhyme.
"Sweet November,
"they say you're wintry and gray,
"and yet, this love that you bring
"is sweeter than spring and warmer than may.
"Come December,
"when our November is through,
"we'll face the winter and smile,
"for you know that I'll be staying with you.
"When we remember November sunshine,
"we won't mind December's rain.
For US, it will be like sweet November again."
1,000 novembers, Sara,
for as long as they last.
Let's tack them up all around the room.
We'll cover the walls with them.
We'll pull the days off, one by one,
and as we finish one month, we'll go on to another.
From now on, Sara, sweetest Sara,
every month will be November.
And wherever you look in your funny life,
you're going to see them, sweet and endless,
and you're going to see me, too,
because as we agreed, November is my month.
All your novembers are mine.
I'll never leave you.
Sara: Dear phantom Charlie, what a marvelous Thanksgiving!
How grand the way you arrived like the u.S. Cavalry.
Your poem was very lovely, as were all your gifts.
I only worry
for those 1,000 people with 1,000 calendars
who will never have a November at all.
I am pleased with you. Sara.
Charlie: Dearest Sara, with Thanksgiving over,
we must prepare for the holidays ahead.
We must get our Christmas shopping
immediately out of the way so that by Christmas morning,
all our presents
can have been exchanged for the proper sizes.
I love you, Sara Deever.
Wherever I go from here,
you will be the sole occupant of my heart,
and if it gets crowded in there,
the arteries will just have to go.
I've explained it to them. They understand.
I will never leave you. Charlie.
Sara: Dear Charlie, now, as our November runs out,
I see that you are no longer a box,
6-sided and dull, but rather,
you are one of my greatest triumphs. Sara.
Charlie: Dear Sara, I will never leave you,
I will never leave you.
Charlie.
Oh!
Oh, snow, snow, unseasonable snow!
Good lord.
Oh, oh, look.
What?
We've sprung a leak.
Ha ha.
The moon is spilling in.
Quick, Charlie, the bicycle tape!
No, I'll fix it tomorrow.
Even the moon has to wait for an appointment.
Brrr.
I've packed your bag...
...so you can make a clean getaway.
Oh, and, um, one of your argyle socks
was badly worn,
so I took the Liberty of throwing them both away.
It seemed the proper thing to do.
Charlie, oh, look there.
Oh, look at that moon crouching on our skylight.
All that -- all that green cheese.
We would have to hurry
and make lots and lots of toast.
I suppose that's a new lock on the door, right?
Yes.
Sure were up early this morning, weren't we?
You have to return your key, Charlie.
It won't work anyway.
Perhaps I didn't get through to you, Sara.
I'm not leaving.
We have to say goodbye.
We have to stay within the scheme of things.
I have to send you away now.
Nothing I did, nothing I said
made the slightest dent on you, huh?
Nothing? Hmm?
You know what I think?
I think that we should put
another sticker on your bag --
a big sticker that says, "hotel silly, u.S.A."
That bag isn't going anyplace either, Sara.
You're going to ruin our goodbye,
aren't you, Charlie?
November is obstinate.
It doesn't go out that easy.
It's almost midnight.
We stayed out too late, you know.
You deliberately kept me out.
Yes. It was wrong. I'm sorry.
Well, I don't much care about midnight.
Sara, I've been trying for days now
to find some kind of philosophy
that would allow me to do this your way,
that would allow me to say,
"so long, kid. It's been great," you know?
I tried hard because I love you,
but I just can't come up with it.
I don't know anything about philosophy, Charlie.
I don't ask questions anymore, not now.
I just settle for the answers
as they come.
You mean to tell me straight out
that you never once thought of letting me stay?
I think I forgot your toothbrush, Charlie.
You know, standing here in this dopey light,
the whole idea of me leaving you
is so unreal,
I actually believe that I made it up
just so that I could have something so perfect
that I'd never be able to keep it.
[ Clock chiming ]
I despair, Sara. I goddamn despair.
I want you to leave me now, Charlie,
when you love me most.
Everything after now is wrong.
I know because I have an instinct for time.
It lives all around me.
What I have of it is mine,
and I have to use it my way.
Time doesn't count, Sara. You taught me that.
Oh, Charlie, I'd hoped you would leave.
Hi. It's 12:00. Here I am.
Well.
I had hoped you would be gone.
Sometimes I think my clothing is alive.
That's, uh, quite a snow, isn't it?
Wasn't even expected at all.
I'm Gordon from December.
We met at the veg--
vegetable stand.
Hi. Didn't expect to see you,
stroke of midnight and all that.
Uh, I would have, um, saved the cab for you
had I known, uh --
l-look, do you want me to go out
and come back in again?
It's -- it's very easily done.
I'm, uh, sorry if i'm making anybody uncomfortable.
Look, I'll tell you --
I'll just go and, uh...
Put my bag right over here,
and that way it'll be safe, and I'll go out.
I'll go out for 10 minutes, 11, maybe 15.
No, wait a minute.
Um, I'm on your time.
What's a few minutes?
No, no, no. You stay.
Stay there, please.
I'm brim full, Sara.
I've got you with me for the rest of my life.
Staying longer would only run me into the hereafter.
I'll remember.
No. Don't turn around.
I'll turn to salt.
How are you with bicycle tape?
Pardon?
Oh, uh, don't worry about the stairs.
They held the fiegus brothers.
I've got a problem, you know.
I-It's funny, I suppose,
but inanimate things keep fighting me.
Who are the fiegus brothers?
I think December will be a lovely month, Gordon.
You'll see.
You'll see. A lovely month.
-- Captions by vitac -- www.Vitac.Com
captions paid for by Warner Bros. Inc.
* sweet November *
* they say you're wintry and gray *
* and yet this love that you bring *
* is sweeter than spring *
* and warmer than may *
* I can't remember November sunshine *
* more beautiful than today *
* fleeting, it's true, but what can I do *
* to make sweet November stay? *
* come December *
* when our November is through *
* I'll face the winter and smile *
* for I know that I'll be thinking of you *
* when I remember November sunshine *
* I won't mind December's rain *
* for me, it will be like sweet November again *