手槍子彈的時速是700多英里 A handgun bullet travels at more than 700 miles per hour.
等等 千萬別這樣 Hey, whoa. Absolutely not. No.
不行 Mmm-mmm.
聽著 如果你不想 可以不做 Look, if you don't wanna do it, you don't have to do it.
太好了 我不想做 Okay. Good, I don't wanna do it.
好吧 Fine.
天啊! 我沒死 Goddamn! I'm alive.
哦! Oh!
太不可思議了! Oh, that's amazing!
我說得沒錯吧 來... I know, right. So...
嗯 Hmm.
想再來一次嗎? Ready to go again?
當然不想 Absolutely not.
好吧 Fine.
不要一邊說"好吧" 一邊對著我胸口開一槍 Don't just say "fine" and then shoot me in the chest.
那樣可不好 'Cause it's not cool.
我說真的 Like at all.
好吧 真是的 Okay. Jeez.
海扁王 2
我一直很納悶 為什麼在我之前沒人想當超級英雄 I always wondered why no one tried to be a superhero before me.
幾天前...
但其實有人想的 就是敏迪·麥克雷迪 It turns out somebody had. Mindy Macready.
她父親去世之後 他的老戰友馬庫斯 After her dad died, his old partner on the force,
成為了她的監護人 Marcus, became her guardian.
她背的是小粉馬的背包嗎? 背包不錯 Is that a Pink Pony bag she's wearing? Nice backpack.
謝了 Thanks.
從六歲小孩那裡偷的? Steal it from a six year old?
每天早上馬庫斯都送她來上學 Marcus dropped her off every day.
但是他前腳走 她後腳就溜了 But as soon as he was gone, so was she.
學校毫無察覺 因為她偷偷黑進學校的服務器 No one at school found out because she hacked into the server
給自己製造了完美的出席證明 and gave herself the award for perfect attendance.
超殺女和大老爹才是她所在乎的 Hit Girl and Big Daddy had been the real deal.
只要世界一天不太平 Mindy was gonna keep wearing the mask
她就會一直帶著她的面具 as long as there were criminals to take down.
但是無論她阻止了多少毒販 But no matter how many drug dealers she stopped,
她總是會覺得孤單 she couldn't stop feeling alone.
而我呢? 我不再想當超級英雄 Me? I'd given up being a superhero
因為太危險了 because it was way too dangerous.
但我快要無聊死了 Only problem, I was dying of boredom.
與普通高三生一樣 Like most high school seniors,
我對於人生毫無頭緒 I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.
該死 我都不知道自己想看哪個頻道 Hell, I didn't know what channel I wanted to watch.
這只是個電視節目 戴夫 不是中東和平問題 It's just TV, Dave, not peace in the Middle East.
我的小夥伴托德和馬蒂 My best friends Todd and Marty
根本不知道我是第一個被曝光的超級英雄 had no clue I was the first superhero to go public.
你們昨晚看蜘蛛俠了嗎? You guys watch Spider-Man last night?
梅姨媽讓我硬了 是不是很奇怪? Is it weird that Aunt May gets me kinda hard?
誰讓你是個大媽控呢 Not if you're a granny-slammer.
他們奇裝異服 卻不是因為萬聖節 They may wear costumes, but it isn't Halloween.
他們是貨真價實的超級英雄 They're real life superheroes,
自從兩年前第一位普通市民 and in the two years since the first ordinary citizens
帶著斗篷穿著面具出現在大家面前 donned capes and masks,
這場運動一發不可收拾 the movement has started to spread.
是海扁王讓我變成了超級英雄 I became a superhero because of Kick-Ass.
下班一回來 Yeah, you just come home from work,
就拿起裝備去巡邏 you grab your gear and you go out on patrol.
和我們一起保衛城市的安全 Help us make the streets safe.
我讓很多人充滿鬥志 I inspired all those people to get off their asses,
但自己卻很糾結 and now I was stuck on mine.
所以那天吃完飯 我把塵封已久的衣服拿了出來 So that night after dinner, I decided to get my old costume out.
- 抱歉 - 哇! 你不會敲門嗎? - Sorry. - Whoa! Can't you knock?
孩子 想要撫摸自己是很正常的行為... You know, buddy, it's perfectly normal for you to touch yourself...
天啊 爸 快點出去! Oh, Jesus, Dad. Get out!
如果我還想再續海扁王的傳奇 If I was even thinking about a Kick-Ass sequel,
那可要打起精神來 I had to get serious.
嘿 我們能談談嗎? Hey. Hey, can we chat?
求你了 敏迪 Please, Mindy?
上車說 打著表呢 Get in the cab. Meter's running.
我們聯手吧 就像蝙蝠俠和羅賓那樣 I wanna team up like Batman and Robin.
但誰都不想當羅賓 Nobody wants to be Robin.
羅賓怎麼了? What's wrong with Robin?
你不就像大老爹的羅賓嗎? Weren't you like Big Daddy's Robin?
羅賓希望他能成為我 Robin wishes he was me.
我想說 我們應該聯起手來 What I'm trying to say is we should be partners,
你和我 就像二重奏一樣 you and me, like the dynamic duo.
我可是個中高手 戴夫 而你只會小打小鬧 I'm in the NFL, Dave. You play pee-wee.
那又怎樣? 你可以教我 So? Train me.
我說到做到 I wanna walk the walk,
你是我認識的最像真正超級英雄的人 and you're the closest thing I know to a real superhero.
你總是獨來獨往 不辛苦嗎? Aren't you tired of being on your own?
難道不希望有個人幫你嗎? Don't you wanna know someone's there for you?
不想有個人支持你嗎? Someone who's got your back?
無論我說什麼你都會照做? And you'll do anything I say?
絕對的 Anything.
打我 Hit me.
你是個15歲的小姑娘 You're a 15-year-old girl.
怎麼回事? What the hell?
你要再磨磨蹭蹭 就得挨打 Act like a bitch, get slapped like a bitch.
該死 Oh, goddamn.
一連三周 敏迪每天都像打沙包一樣打我 Mindy beat me like morning wood every day for three weeks.
來吧 防守! 左 右 防守! Come on. Guard up! Left, right, guard up!
即使神經末梢受過傷 我還是痛不欲生 Even with my damaged nerve endings, it hurt like hell.
但說來奇怪 我挺喜歡這種感覺的 But, in a weird way, I kinda liked it.
讓我覺得生活有了方向 It gave me a sense of purpose.
- 你的臉怎麼了? - 沒事 - What happened to your face? - Nothing.
我們在朝著目標前進 Like we were driving towards something.
該死! Goddamn!
哦! 太不可思議了! Oh! Oh, that's amazing!
其他人戴上面具只為扮演超級英雄 All the other people putting on masks were just playing superhero.
但我們要把自己訓練成超級英雄 We were training to really do it.
我不能告訴我的女朋友凱蒂 或者馬蒂和托德這件事 I couldn't tell my girlfriend Katie, or Marty and Todd.
但誰在乎呢 我們過得很開心 But I didn't care. We were having too much fun.
左 右 左! Left, right, left!
我們的超級英雄小分隊 Our own superhero team.
會讓人大吃一驚的 It was gonna be balls.
與此同時...
怎麼搞的 媽? 你把錄像機裡的新聞刪掉了? What the hell, Mom? Did you delete the news off the DVR?
是的 我刪掉了 克里斯托夫 Yes. Yes, I did, Christopher.
那可是海扁王的報道 That was the one with Kick-Ass.
克里斯托夫 你不能再迷戀超級英雄了 Oh, Christopher, you've gotta stop obsessing over this superhero.
他才不是什麼超級英雄 媽媽 他是殺人犯 He is not a superhero, Mom, he's a murderer.
他用火箭炮把爸爸炸飛了! He blew up Dad with a bazooka, for fuck's sake!
你爸死於火災 Your father died in a fire.
火災? 你沒問題吧? A fire? What is your problem?
你就是我的問題! You! You are my problem!
我一心想把你培養成一個正常的孩子! I am trying to raise you to be a normal boy!
所以你爸意外去世後 我們才搬到長島來 That's why we moved to Long Island after your father's accident.
火箭炮不是意外 你不要胡說八道! A bazooka is not an accident, you delusional bitch!
不要再說了 This conversation is over.
太好了 正好我要走了 Great. Then I'm leaving.
讓開 哈維爾 別攔著我 Come on, Javier, be cool.
抱歉了 克里斯 但我拿了你媽的錢 就得替她辦事 Sorry, Chris, but your mom pays me not to be cool.
我恨你! 你所謂的家庭教育就是把我關起來! I hate you! You home-school me like I'm a prisoner!
你把我的紅旋風斗篷扔了 You threw away my Red Mist costume.
天啊! 問題不在我! 你的腦袋才有問題! God! I am not the problem! You are!
你怎麼不去死! I wish you were dead!
媽媽? Mommy?
別亂碰 Don't touch that.
不好意思 這是什麼? Oh, I'm sorry. What is it?
是終極武器 走投無路時候的殺手■ It's a last resort. Like if all else fails and you're about to die.
你不怕死嗎? Are you not scared to die?
你難道會害怕你終究會長大? Are you scared you're never gonna grow into your big boy pants?
我是說真的 如果有一天蜘蛛俠或者蝙蝠俠死了怎麼辦? I'm serious. What if Spider-Man or Batman got killed one night?
有這種可能 It could happen.
就算你害怕 人會死也是無法改變的事實 If you're scared of dying, one thing is certain, you are going to die.
我爸爸從不懼怕死亡 My daddy was never afraid of dying.
所以他現在這樣了 Look where that got him.
他知道自己總有一天會犧牲 He knew he might have to make the ultimate sacrifice one day.
所以他讓我答應他 And that's why he made me promise
我會一直保衛這座城市 I'd never stop defending this city.
以心發誓 Cross my heart,
即使犧牲 hope to die.
你爸爸瘋了 你知道的 對吧? Your dad was insane. You know that, right?
不對 戴夫 我爸才是第一位超級英雄 You're wrong, Dave. My daddy was the first real superhero,
不是你或者紅旋風 是我爸爸 not you or Red Mist. It was my daddy,
曾與他並肩作戰讓我覺得很光榮 and it was an honor to serve by his side.
嘿 敏迪 在學校過得怎麼樣? Hey, Min, how was school?
簡直瘋了 Super crazy.
穆林斯老師今天不在 Miss Mullins was out today,
庫帕老師給我們上的生物課 他脾氣真糟 so we had Mr. Cooper teaching us biology, such a grump.
是嗎? 真是怪了 昨天西莫夫校長給我打電話 Oh, really? That's weird because Principal Himoff called me yesterday.
她本來打算給你頒發全勤獎的 You were supposed to get an award
可是你竟然沒有去領獎 for perfect attendance, but you didn't attend.
今天早上我偷偷跟著你 看到你和一個小子上了出租車 I followed you this morning. Saw you get into a cab with some boy,
過橋的時候我把你們跟丟了 and I lost you guys over the bridge.
那你現在打算告訴我你今天去哪了嗎? So now you wanna tell me where you really were today?
很對不起 馬庫斯 我不想讓你生氣的 I'm really sorry, Marcus. I didn't wanna make you mad.
別來這一套 敏迪 你已經15歲了 不再是五歲小孩了 Cut the waterworks, Min. You're 15, not five.
好吧 Okay.
他約我逃學去逛商場 Look, he asked me to cut class and go to the mall.
我答應了 So, yeah, yeah, I did.
就是說這跟你的超殺女身份一點關係都沒有? This has nothing to do with you being Hit Girl?
你的床下面也沒有 I'm not gonna find any ninja blades
忍者刀和飛鏢? or throwing stars under your bed?
沒有 我只是想讓他喜歡我 明白嗎? No. I just wanted him to like me. Okay?
寶貝 逃學不會讓男孩子喜歡上你的 Sweetie, no skipping school's not away to get boys to like you.
- 我真傻 - 嘿 嘿 - I'm so stupid. - Hey, hey.
你是我認識的最聰明的女孩子 我們去吃披薩吧 You're one of the smartest little girls I know. Let's go get some pizza.
這麼說我沒被禁足? What, you mean I'm not grounded?
把這當做一次警告吧 Well, just consider this awarning.
嘿 你確定要把你媽媽的東西都扔掉嗎? Hey, you sure you wanna give all your mom's things away?
我要她的東西做什麼? What the hell am I supposed to do with all her stuff?
天啊 她的這雙手槍真棒 Damn, she had a nice pair of guns.
老兄 她都死了! 別再說她的咪咪了 Dude, she's dead! Don't talk about her tits.
我說的是這個 I was talking about these.
哦 那個 那是我爸爸的 Oh, those. Those were my dad's.
你為什麼不留下呢? Why don't you keep them?
真的嗎? Are you sure?
當然了 這本來就是你的 對吧? Yeah. I mean, they belong to you, right?
來吧 克里斯 現在你說了算 Come on, Chris. You're your own man now.
- 但要小心點 好嗎? - 嗯 - Just be careful, all right? - Yeah.
哇! Whoa!
這些都是你不要的! Definitely don't wanna keep those!
我來撿吧 I'll take care of it.
你今天休息吧 回見 You take the day off. Later.
嘿 Hey.
準備好你的第一次實地演習嗎? So, are you ready for your first field test?
這些是幹嘛用的? What am I supposed to do with these?
換上它們 開工吧 Put them on and, uh, go fishing.
我是有史以來最白的鴨 I'm the whitest pimp ever.
說得沒錯 That's the idea.
下個路口右轉 從弗萊巴許大道出來 Take the next right. Comes out on Flatbush.
你確定我不用帶裝備? You sure I should be doing this without my gear?
這才是關鍵 That's the point.
海扁王與裝備無關 你就是海扁王 Kick-Ass isn't a costume. Kick-Ass is who you really are.
戴夫·利茲維斯就是你的面具 Dave Lizewski is the mask.
我的"面具"會被揍得滿地找牙的 Well, my "mask" is about to get his teeth kicked in.
嘿 怪胎 你拿著包要去哪裡? Hey, queer bait, where are you going with those bags, man?
告訴他你正打算帶著12英寸的皮鞭 去操他媽 Tell him you're on your way to fuck his mother with a 12-inch strap on.
我就是隨便走走 I'm just taking a walk.
這不是我的傳統做法 一般我都會報警的 This really isn't what I do. I usually just call the cops.
你在跟誰說話呢? Who are you talking to, man?
呃 我在打電話... Uh, I'm just on a call. It was...
你知道這裡的規矩吧 這樣可不對 You know, service round here, it sucks, man.
把包給我 小基佬 要不然等著吃我老二 懂嗎? Now give me the bags, faggot, before I make you suck my fat cock, huh?
快點 Come on.
好的 好的 Okay, Okay.
你們相信嗎 敏迪天天暴打我 Can you believe I let Mindy beat the snot out of me for weeks
但我還是被他們扁了? just so I could get my ass kicked again?
小分隊真不容易 So much for a team.
你找死吧? 小基佬! You ready to die? You faggot!
知道嗎 你那些恐同的言語讓你顯得更娘了 You know, all that homophobic shit makes you sound super gay.
不要啊 求你了 Come on, man. Come on.
如果再讓我看到你搶劫 If I ever catch you robbing again, shit-burger,
我就踢爛你的屁股 把你的手剁下來 I'm gonna go Saudi Arabia on your ass and cut your hand off.
保證你不再違法亂紀了 Promise me you're done with your life of crime.
我保證 I promise.
火燒屁股 Pants on fire.
- 怎麼樣? - 我差點沒命! - What do you think? - I think you almost got me killed!
不 我的台詞怎麼樣? No. What do you think of my line?
"火燒屁股" 這可是我千挑萬選的 "Pants on fire." I wrote a whole bunch of 'em.
快跑! 我會說是你救了我的 快走! Run! I'll tell them you saved me. Go!
女嫌疑人正從弗萊巴許大道逃跑 Female suspect fleeing Flatbush.
不到5尺高 戴著面具 有一把雙節棍和一把劍 Under 5 feet. Masked. Armed with nunchucks and a sword.
- 嘿 敏迪 - 嘿 馬庫斯 什麼事? - Hey, Min. - Hey, Marcus. What's up?
你接電話了 I see you answered your phone.
說明你沒有上學 That means you're not in school.
我去了 I was,
但我有點不舒服 校醫讓我回家了 but I wasn't feeling so good, and so the nurse decided to send me home.
小可憐 我馬上到家了 Poor thing. Well, I'm almost home.
我會給你煮點湯 然後我們一起看"挑戰自我"!(著名電視問答遊戲) I'll make soup and we can watch Jeopardy!
知道了 一會見 好吧? All righty. I'll see you soon, okay?
好的 All right.
該死! Shit!
湯好了嗎? You got my soup?
先讓我給你量量體溫 Let me take your temperature first.
你出了好多汗 Oh, you're really clammy.
我睡一會就好 I'll feel better after a nap-nap.
閉上眼睛好好休息 我去做湯 Close your eyes. I'm gonna get you that soup.
那是血嗎? Is that blood?
該死的 敏迪 不能再這樣下去了 Damn it, Mindy. I can't do this anymore.
你父親和我親如兄弟 Your father was like a brother to me.
他是個英勇的警察 He was a great cop and a hero.
但是大老爹? 他不是你爸 明白嗎? But Big Daddy? That was not your father, okay?
他偷走了你的童年 That was someone who robbed you of your childhood.
還有這個? And this?
超殺女? 這才不是你 Hit Girl? That's not who you are.
你是敏迪·麥克雷迪 一個剛上高中的小女生 You are Mindy Macready and you're just starting high school.
我知道你還不了解她 I understand that you don't know who that person is yet,
但只要試試 肯定可以的 but you will, you've just gotta try.
我才不想 I don't want to.
你不知道你想要什麼 You don't know what you want.
你還未成年 You can't. You're not an adult, not yet.
但我這15年裡做的事情比大多數成年人都多 Yeah, well, I've done more in my 15 years than most adults have in their lifetime.
你父親給你的筆記本 That note that your father gave you,
他讓你如果遇到了事情就打開看看 the one that you were supposed to open if anything ever happened.
上面寫了什麼? What did it say?
寫了你會照顧我的 That you would take care of me.
還有你應該聽我的話 是吧? And that you were supposed to listen to me, right?
你聽好 Well, listen up.
我希望你去上學 不要再理那個男孩子 I want you in school. I want you to stop talking to that boy.
並且答應我 And I want you to promise me
這種事情不會再發生了 that this is never gonna happen again.
以心發誓 Cross my heart,
即使犧牲 hope to die.
好了 Good.
敏迪! Mindy!
怎麼了? What the hell?
你先是差點害死我 然後又放我鴿子 First you almost get me killed, then you stand me up.
戴夫 對不起 Dave, I'm sorry.
你... 真覺得抱歉? I mean, I... you are?
是的 I am.
一切都很抱歉 For everything.
哦 好吧 Oh, okay, great.
我以前不知道你會說"對不起"這種話的 I mean, "apologetic" isn't a word I'd use to describe you.
那我還得說多少次? How many times do I have to say it?
我們走吧 Look, let's get out of here.
你需要放鬆 我好像斷了根肋骨 You gotta ease up. I think I might have broken a rib.
戴夫 結束了 Dave, I'm done.
訓練結束了? With training?
一切都結束了 With everything.
你說一切都結束了? Wait, you mean everything?
不可以 你是超殺女 You can't. You're Hit Girl.
我們要組成超級英雄小分隊 你不能就這麼退出 We were gonna start a team, you can't just quit.
這是你的使命 This is who you are.
不再是了 戴夫 Not anymore, Dave.
對不起 但都結束了 I'm sorry, but it's over. I'm done.
剛才她是在跟他分手? She just broke up with him?
別再找我了 Just leave me alone.
你能不能別說對不起? Will you stop apologizing?
不知道你和9年級小孩上床更糟 I don't know what's worse, that you're fucking a 9th-grader
- 還是你被她甩了更糟 - 哇 哇! - or that you just got dumped by one. - Whoa, whoa!
戀童癖 Pedophile freak.
不是那樣的 It's not like that.
那是什麼樣? 你告訴我 Then what is it like? Please, tell me.
我不能說 跟海扁王有關 I can't. It's to do with the Kick-Ass thing.
那我也告訴你一個秘密 還記得馬利克嗎? I've got a secret for you. You remember Malik?
那個自願與你交換針具的傢伙? Dude who volunteers at your needle exchange?
他的指揮棒比海扁王要大好幾倍 His baton is so much bigger than Kick-Ass'.
- 不是吧 - 就是 - No. - Yeah.
我說的"指揮棒"是指小雞雞 And by "baton," I mean penis.
我明白 謝謝 Yeah, I got that. Thanks.
十五歲的小孩都比你強 變態 Fifteen gets you 20, pervert.
吃嫩草啊 戴夫? 你這隻老狐狸 A freshman, Dave? You old, salty dog.
怎麼了? 我們去踢球吧 好不? What's the problem? Grass on the field, play ball. Right?
不了 托德 No, Todd.
克里斯 你的家教來了 Chris, your tutor's here.
克里斯! Chris!
克里斯 你的... Chris, your...
我的天 這是什麼? Holy shit. What the hell is that?
是我的命 My destiny.
克里斯 你媽媽的喜好有時確實很奇怪 Chris, just because your mom liked to get a little freaky now.
我知道自己在做什麼 哈維爾 I know what my role is in this, Javier.
這樣才對 我爸曾經是黑道老大 My dad was a crime boss, so it just makes sense.
我是超級反派 更強大 I'm a supervillain. It's evolution.
快點 Come on, come on.
把槍放下 別傷著人 克里斯 Just put those things down before you hurt somebody, Chris.
我不叫那個名字 That's not my name.
好吧 呃 紅旋風... Okay, okay. Uh, Red Mist...
紅旋風是我當超級英雄時的名字 Red Mist was my superhero name.
從此以後 Henceforth I'll be known as
請叫我萬人斬 The Motherfucker.
敏迪退出了 After Mindy quit,
我決定從街頭小事做起 I decided to stop hitting the heavy bag and start hitting the streets.
嘿 海扁王 歡迎回來! Hey, Kick-Ass, welcome back!
- 耶! - 哇! - Yeah! - Whoo!
你是最棒的! You're the best, man!
唯一的問題 我還是孤軍奮戰 Only problem, I was still on my own.
所以我在網上找到了一個物理教授 So I went online and found a physics professor
他叫"重力博士" calling himself "Dr. Gravity."
他雖然不是超殺女 但是我必須重新上路 Sure, he wasn't Hit Girl, but I had to start somewhere.
這是我發明的零重力裝置 This is the zero G device that I invented.
能輕而易舉地舉起幾噸的重量 Can levitate any object up to a ton.
真的嗎? For real?
當然是假的 這是一根包著錫紙的棒球棒 Hell, no, man. This is a baseball bat wrapped in tinfoil.
但它騙過你了 But it fooled you.
嘿 來瓶健怡激浪汽水 Hey, could I get a Diet Mountain Dew, please?
我都不是物理學教授 I'm not even a physics professor.
我只是一家廣告公司的文案 Just a copywriter for an ad agency.
所以我才喜歡那些 But that's why I love this stuff.
你能成為任何人! You can be anyone you want!
你以前組過很多隊伍嗎? You done many team-ups before?
算是吧 不 沒組過 Kind of. Yeah. No, not really.
只有一個人讓我覺得有點緊張 你知道嗎? I was getting kinda nervous about being on my own, you know?
我懂 我都沒真正打過架 Yeah, me, too. I never even been in a fight.
希望你永遠不用打架 Well, hopefully you won't have to.
我加了一個好友 他說想組隊 你感不感興趣 I friended a guy talking about forming a team, if you're interested.
我不知道他是不是認真的 I don't know how serious he is,
但他的頭像看起來不錯 but his picture was pretty hard core.
你沒搞錯吧? 我找你不就是為了組隊嘛 Are you kidding me? That's why I contacted you.
我不想太心急嚇到你 I didn't wanna freak you out by bringing it up too soon.
我先去方便一下 出來給你看他的資料 I'll show you his profile after I hit the men's room.
你這樣做 拉夫叔叔可不會高興的 克里斯 Your Uncle Ralph's not gonna be happy about this, Chris.
我不叫那個名字 That's not my name.
別想讓我叫你的新名字 I'm not calling you that, forget it.
哈維爾 剛開始你為我爸賣命 Javier, you worked for my dad.
然後為我媽 現在你是我的手下 Then you worked for my mom. Now you work for me.
我可能是紐約城最有錢的富二代 I'm probably the richest kid in New York City.
如果你不想跟著我 But if you don't like that,
就滾去找份別的工作 知道嗎? find yourself another motherfucking job, okay?
喲 海扁王! Yo, Kick-Ass!
真高興見到你 Man, am I glad to see you.
有什麼能幫你的嗎 先生? Is there anything I can do to help, sir?
我想讓你幫我在YouTube上賺到一百萬點擊量 Yeah. I was hoping you can help me get a million hits on YouTube.
來啊 來啊 Come on. Come on.
快跑 海扁王 快跑! Run, Kick-Ass, run!
澤西海岸的小混蛋! Jersey Shore motherfucker!
嘿 怎麼公平競爭你們就不敢了? Hey, what, you not interested in a fair fight?
不是公平競爭了 明天再聚 我會把地址有郵件發給你 That is no fair fight. Team meeting tomorrow. I'll e-mail you the address.
小心重力博士! Beware Dr. Gravity!
不得不承認博士似火的熱情 You had to admire the Doctor's enthusiasm.
真是迫不及待想見他的小夥伴們 I couldn't wait to meet his friends.
舉起手來 小卷毛 Hands in the air, Spring Roll.
把錢拿出來 別做傻事 Empty the register and don't do anything stupid.
動作快點! 嘿 監控攝像頭在哪? Come on! Hey, where are your security cameras?
- 我們沒裝監控 太貴了 - 真的假的? - We don't have them. Too expensive. - Seriously?
- 怎麼搞的? 那我怎麼上頭條? - 你想被錄下來? - What the fuck? How's this gonna go viral? - You want to be filmed?
把嘴閉上 趴在地上! Shut up and just get on the ground!
你要告訴大家 萬人斬來了 And you'd better tell people The Motherfucker was here.
你怎麼了 孩子? What's wrong with you, boy?
你也趴在地上 甘道夫 Get on the floor, too, Gandalf,
要不然我讓你屁股開花 or I will bust a cap in your ass.
你連槍都不會拿 You're gonna bust your own face
小心別讓自己滿臉開花 when that gun kicks if you don't hold it properly.
趕緊趴下去! Just get on the ground!
天啊 你能不能快點! God, will you hurry up!
讓你不聽我的 I told you.
走! 快走! Go! Go, go, go!
開車! 快點! Start the car! Go, go!
太爽了! It was amazing!
我滿血復活了 我重新回來了 I feel so alive. I know who I am. I know why I'm here.
我要讓這裡天翻地覆! I'm gonna fuck this world up!
萬人斬的名號會家喻戶曉的! They will know The Motherfucker's name!
你去給我找些練格鬥的壞小子來訓練我 好嗎? You've gotta find me some bad-ass MMA types to train me, okay?
像查克·裡德爾那樣的 Like a Chuck Liddell or whoever.
該死 我不在乎要花多少錢 Fuck, I don't care how much it costs.
我只想要用我的雙手殺掉海扁王 I just wanna be able to kill Kick-Ass with my bare hands.
我得發個推特 I gotta tweet about this.
在波威利巷的莫菲酒吧後門 你該來 你爸爸會希望你來的
就是因為我爸爸 我才不能加入隊伍 你不會明白 再見
好了 你準備好了嗎? All right. Are you ready?
不知道 我像是準備好了嗎? Um, I don't know. Am I?
準備好了 你看起來很不錯 Yes, you are. You look great.
而且芭芭拉的女兒布魯克挺好的 And Barbara's daughter, Brooke, is really nice.
我該跟她們聊些什麼呢? What am I supposed to talk to them about?
要是得聽賈斯汀·比伯的歌 那我寧可當個冷場的了 I'd rather be water-boarded than listen to Justin Bieber.
- 你不會冷場的 - 我會很尷尬的 - You're gonna be fine. - I'm gonna be a disaster.
你怎麼知道? How do you know that?
因為這聚會真他媽無聊 Because it's a slumber party, for fuck's sake.
往罐子裡放一美元 Dollar. Jar.
你該換個大一點的罐子了 You're gonna need a bigger jar.
很酷 對吧? 啤酒也是這樣運的 Pretty cool, huh? This is how the beer gets delivered.
兄弟 你還有秘密電梯通往地下總部 Dude. You got a secret elevator to your underground headquarters.
是啊 這地方就是我給你講的那個人的 Yeah. The guy I told you about owns this place.
像是一個現實版的蝙蝠俠藏身洞 It's like a real-life bat-cave.
- 我懂 - 真棒 - I know, right. - Oh, yeah.
這是我見過的最棒的了 This is the single greatest thing I've ever seen.
歡迎來到"正義永恆"總部 Welcome to Justice Forever.
嗨 威廉姆斯探長 這個一定就是敏迪 Hi, Detective Williams. This must be Mindy.
是的 嗨 布魯克 It is. Hi, Brooke.
姑娘們玩得開心點 我早晨來接你 好吧? You girls have fun and I'll pick you up in the morning, okay?
我估計就割腕自殺了 I'll be the one with the slit wrists.
不 你會去做個漂亮的美甲 No, you're gonna be the one that gets the awesome manicure.
- 是嗎? - 是的 當然 - I am? - Mmm-hmm. Oh, yeah.
姑娘們 跟敏迪打個招呼 Say "hey" to Mindy, ladies.
嘿 Hey.
我認識你 I know you.
你是那個剛剛甩了戴夫·利茲維斯的新生 You're that freshman who took a ride on Dave Lizewski's disco stick.
我沒有甩他... I did not ride his...
如果你只是給他吹了簫 那你還是個處女 對吧? If you just blew him, you're totes a virgin, right?
她沒給他吹過 你看看她 She didn't blow him, look at her.
那有過什麼? 胸推? 打飛機? 手指總用過吧? Then what? Rim job? Hand job? Fingerbang?
小寶貝 你至少吻過他 對吧? Sweet-Ryan-Seacrest, you at least kissed him, right?
沒有 Totes.
你從來沒吻過男孩子 是吧? You've never kissed a boy, have you?
天啊 太可愛了 Oh, my God, that is so adorable.
也許她是個同性戀 Maybe she's a dyke.
也許我該用腳踢死你 Maybe I'll jam my foot up your snatch.
她還真夠賤的 我喜歡 Oh, she's super bitchy, I likes.
有什麼大不了的呢? Then what's the big deal anyway?
堵住某個討厭鬼的嘴又有什麼意思呢? What could be so great about gagging on some douche-bag's tongue?
挺他媽有意思的 It's pretty fucking great.
你知道看那段Union J的視頻有什麼感覺嗎? You know how you feel when you watch that video by Union J?
天啊 你沒看過? Holy shit, you don't know?
這會改變你的生活的 This will change your life.
# 別說你寂寞都是我的錯 # # Don't ever say you're lonely Just lay your problems on me #
# 我會等著你 # # and I'll be waiting there for you #
你們喜歡這玩意比痴迷玩家喜歡斯坦·李(漫威創作人)還瘋狂 是嗎? You guys love this shit more than fanboys love Stan Lee, don't you?
斯坦·李是誰? Who's Stan Lee?
# 我會帶著你 帶著你 # # I'll carry you I'll carry you #
# 我會帶著你 # # I'll carry you #
# 你知道我會帶著你 # # So you know that I'll carry you #
# 我會帶著你 # # I'll carry you #
# 好像你跑了太久 # # Like you've been running for hours #
# 已無法呼吸 # # And can't catch your breath #
# 腦海中的魔鬼叫個不停 # # The demons are screaming so loud in your head #
# 你心力交瘁 # # You're tired You're broken #
# 你心如死灰 # # You're cut and you're bruised #
# 可只要你堅持住 其實沒那麼沉重 # # But nothing's too heavy Just hold on #
# 我會帶著你 # # I'll carry you #
這他媽怎麼回事? What the fuck was that?
我懂 我都沉醉了 I know, right? I'm soaked.
明白嗎? 那是你的本質 明白 That? That is who you are, Mindy.
你可能穿衣服或者談吐不像我們 You may not dress like us or talk like us,
可是談到男孩子 我們是一樣的 but when it comes to boys, we're all the same.
暮光之城 錢寧·塔圖姆 還有Union J Twilight. Channing Tatum. Union J.
這是生理反應 妹子 別抵抗了 It's biology, bitch. Don't fight it.
我 呃... I, um...
我得走了 I gotta go.
可是我們還要去羅根會所泡浴鹽澡爽爽呢 But we were gonna go and get high on bath salts at Logan's house.
敏迪 我要給你一個機會 Mindy, I wanna give you a chance
那可是我們班裡的女生們會拼命爭搶的 that the rest of the girls in our class would kill for.
你不想每天帶著大家對你的崇拜 Don't you wanna walk out the door every day in skin-tight clothes
穿著緊身衣出門嗎? knowing that everyone worships you?
你不想半夜偷溜出去 放縱一下 Don't you wanna sneak out at night, raise a little hell,
給這個世界看看 and show the world what a strong,
一個獨立強大的女人能做些什麼? independent woman is capable of?
你不想有歸屬感嗎? Don't you wanna belong?
# 你知道我會帶著你 # # So you know that I'll carry you #
我能穿這個去羅根會所嗎? Can I wear this to Logan's?
當然! Yay!
會很有意思的 It's gonna be so much fun.
我們找了警察和報社 So we tried the cops and tried the newspapers,
甚至還發了一個 呃 網絡公告 and even set up a, you know, a thing on the Internet
讓人們幫我們尋找湯米 for people to help us find Tommy.
呃... Um...
可是一無所獲 我們再也沒有見到我們的兒子 But we got nothing. We never saw our son again.
我想到了"紀念湯米"這個名字 I came up with the name Remembering Tommy,
我們每周做三個晚上 後來... and, uh, we've been doing this three nights a week. So...
星條旗上校在網上發現了我們 Colonel Stars and Stripes found us online.
太不幸了 夥計們 真是遺憾 That's terrible, guys. I'm real sorry.
我妹妹被殺然後被拋屍在垃圾桶之後 我當上了"暗夜賤女" I became Night Bitch after my sister was murdered and found in a dumpster.
天啊 Holy shit.
雖然不能讓她起死回生 Doesn't bring her back,
不過至少我是在做一些正確的事情 but at least I'm doing something positive about it.
- 昆蟲俠 - 我 呃... - Insect Man. - Yeah, um...
我因為是同性戀 被欺負一輩子了 I've been bullied my whole life for being gay,
所以我現在要代表無力保護自己的人們站出來 so now I stand up for the defenseless.
這也是我不戴面具的原因 That's why I don't wear a mask.
跟不出櫃太像了 Too much like being back in the closet.
只要你一心向善 Long as your heart's in the right place,
我們可不管你是不是喜歡男人 we don't care what you put in your mouth.
- 碰一下 - 謝謝 謝謝 先生 - Fist bump. - Thank you. Thank you, sir.
我是因為我父母去看歌劇 Well, I became Battle Guy,
在回來的路上被殺所以當上了"戰鬥兄" after my parents were mugged and killed coming home from the opera.
我有沒有給你們講過那個變態 Did I tell you that sick bastard,
還在色情網站上刷爆了他們的信用卡? maxed out their credit cards on porno sites?
我希望我們有一天會有機會遇到這個傢伙 I hope we get the chance to say hello to this guy someday,
那樣我就能親自讓他靈魂出竅了 so I can personally levitate his soul from his body.
天啊 馬蒂? Oh, my God. Marty?
是 我就知道是你的聲音 Yeah, I knew I recognized your voice.
不 我不知道你說的是什麼 No, I don't know what you're talking about.
我不認識什麼馬蒂 新來的 I don't know no Marty. New guy.
嘿 混蛋 是我 戴夫 Hey, asshole, it's me, Dave.
戴夫? 你為什麼穿著海扁王的衣服? Dave? Why are you dressed like Kick-Ass?
因為我是海扁王 Because I'm Kick-Ass.
你們認識? You two know each other?
是啊 五歲開始就認識了 Yeah, like since we were five.
為什麼要扯這個父母被殺的蛋? What's all this bullshit about your parents getting killed?
- 嘿 注意用詞 - 什麼? - Yeesh, language. - What?
戰鬥兄 要更新你的簡歷嗎? Battle Guy, care to update your resume?
呃... Uh...
我正在思考如何可以在不像白痴一樣的前提下 I'm trying to figure out how to explain this,
把這個解釋清楚 without sounding like a complete idiot right now.
好吧 我覺得沒那個必要 蝙蝠俠 Yeah, I'm not sure that's possible, Batman.
我也那麼認為 I'm not, either.
呃... Um...
好吧 我在網上看到你們的時候 Okay. Well, when I found you guys online,
你們都在說這些自己的原創故事 you were all swapping these awesome origin stories.
上校 你曾經是黑手黨 上帝啊 I mean, Colonel, you're ex-Mafia, for Christ's sake.
嘿 別隨便說上帝的名字 Yo. Don't take the Lord's name in vain.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
我以為如果我沒有個好的故事 I didn't think you'd let me join the team,
你們就不會讓我加入了 unless I had a good story, too.
好吧 這次我們就放你一馬 戰鬥兄 All right, we'll let you off the hook this time, Battle Guy.
- 想看些給力的嗎? - 想 - Wanna see something cool? - Yeah.
我覺得這個可以當做我們的會議室 I thought this could be our meeting room.
太給力了 Whoa, this is so cool.
整個翻修都是暗中進行的 Now this little renovation was totally clandestine,
所以沒人知道 which means nobody knew about it.
我知道有點簡陋 但至少是個開始 Now, I know it's not much, but this is just the beginning.
我們在一起就大不一樣了 Together we can make a real difference.
喔! Whoa!
如果你能考慮一下的話 海扁王 If you'd consider it, Kick-Ass,
我們很榮幸有你加入 we'd be honored to have you join us.
當然! Hell, yeah!
這正是我想聽到的 That's what I like to hear.
好了 加入儀式要開始了 Right, time for initiation.
轉過身去我來給你開苞 Turn around and I'll unzip you.
對不起 我聽錯了嗎? I'm sorry, what?
開玩笑的 準備正經事吧 Just joking. Let's get down to business.
好的 Gotcha.
你在這 There you are.
我們在餐廳給你留了位子 你卻沒來 We saved you a seat in the caf, but you never showed.
我通常都是去"橄欖園"吃東西的 I usually head over to the Olive Garden to carb load.
我從一歲生日以後就再也沒有吃過糖了 I haven't had white sugar since my first birthday.
需要干預嗎? Do we need a thintervention?
行了 收緊小肚子最好的辦法就是學校的舞蹈隊 Come on, best way to tighten up a tummy is varsity dance team.
報名表出來了 The sign-up sheet just went up.
我還是有點接受不了 海扁王 It's still blowing my mind. Kick-Ass.
就好像發現你最好的朋友 It's like finding out your best friend's,
其實是威爾·史密斯的感覺 你懂吧? always been Will Smith, you know?
嗨 兄弟們 你們在談什麼? Hi, guys. What are you talking about?
沒什麼 Nothing.
- 沒什麼? - 是的 托德 沒什麼 - Nothing? - Yeah, Todd, nothing.
好吧 回頭見 夥計們 All right. See you around, guys.
托德 別走 Todd, wait.
- 當心點 - 當心我結果了你 - Ow, watch it. - Watch me end your life.
行了 走吧 Come on. Forget it.
又是一個在推特粉"萬人斬"的混蛋 Just one of the dickheads that follows The Motherfucker on Twitter.
誰? Who?
萬人斬 是個 The Motherfucker. He's some guy
自稱為世界第一超級反派的傢伙 claiming to be the world's first supervillain.
他已經有1000個粉絲了 He's got 1,000 followers already.
真是個混蛋 What an asshole.
- 來啊! - 哈! 來吧! - Get some! - Uh-huh! Yeah!
你可以的 萬人斬! You got this, Motherfucker!
你真的認為他可以? You really think he's got a shot?
如果不行的話 我不會收他的錢的 I wouldn't take his money if I didn't.
綜合格鬥跟下棋一樣 MMA is like chess.
都是招數 這小子很在行的 It's all about the moves. And your boy really knows his stuff.
去死吧 混蛋 Time to die, asshole.
- 你沒事吧? - 我沒事 哦! - You all right? - I'm cool. Ow!
乾得漂亮 好啊 夥計 Good job. Nice jab, buddy.
來啊 放鬆 寶貝 動起來 動起來 Come on, stay loose, baby. Walk it off, walk it off.
- 哦! - 該死! - Oh! - Shit!
你踢壞我的腿了! Oh, you broke my leg!
- 行了 別傻看著 - 暫停一下吧 - Come on. Do something. - Let's take a break.
是啊 來 暫停一下吧 夥計們 行了 Yeah, yeah, let's take a break, guys. Come on.
沒有規則 傻蛋! Street rules, bitch!
查克! 把這傢伙拉開! Chuck! Get this girl off me!
嘿 你幹什麼? 你要幹什麼? Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing, man?
克里斯 你沒事吧? 你沒事吧 夥計? You all right, Chris? You all right, buddy?
滾開! 我快贏了 Get off me! I was winning.
沒有 你快哭了 No, you were crying.
不要這樣了 我的超能力 You know what? Screw this. My super power
就是我富得流油 is that I'm rich as shit.
嘿 你想為我工作嗎? Hey, you wanna work for me, huh?
你想替我打人嗎? You wanna beat people up for me?
- 想 - 很好! - Sure. - All right!
我們來給你做一套面具和服裝 Let's get you a mask and a costume,
然後我們管你叫"黑鬼死神" and we will call you Black Death.
等等 你不覺得這有點種族主義了嗎? Whoa, whoa, you don't think that's just a little bit incredibly racist?
我才不在乎 I don't give a shit.
我要你放出話去 I want you to put the word out,
就說我願意花重金 that I'm willing to pay top dollar,
雇傭所有的打手 for every hired hitter in town.
行了 行了 我們先談談吧 Come on, come on. Just talk about it first.
有錢能使鬼推磨 Money talks.
你要我自己說了算 You wanted me to be my own man.
就應該是這個樣子 This is what it looks like.
好吧 好吧 我會去打幾個電話的 對了! All right, all right, I'll make some calls. Yes!
還有人要成為超級反派嗎? Anybody else wanna be a supervillain?
我保證比小屌的查克·裡德爾出價高 Promise I pay better than Chuck-little-dick-Liddell.
- 你叫我什麼? - 別衝動 夥計 - What did you call me? - No, no, man.
他頭被打了 不知道自己說什麼 He took a hit to the head. Doesn't know what he's saying.
我一直在跟波戴爾教練私下學習 I've been studying privately with Coach Podell.
我說學習 其實是我媽媽賄賂了她讓我進舞蹈隊 And by studying, I mean my mom paid her off to make me varsity.
所以只要你還算過得去 我保證她會讓你進隊 So, if you're half decent, I'll make sure she puts you on the team.
至少可以當替補 At least as an alternate.
你願意幫我? You'd do that for me?
閨蜜要團結 Besties stick together.
如果布魯克想養寵物 養條狗多好 If Brooke wants a pet, she should just get a dog.
她只是想按照自己的形象重新塑造敏迪 She's just trying to recreate Mindy in her own image.
好了 姑娘們 請坐 我們開始 All right, ladies, have a seat. Let's get started.
敏迪·麥克雷迪? Mindy Macready?
冷靜 只要你不摔個狗吃屎 你就進隊了 Chill. As long as you don't fall on your face, you're in.
去吧 Go.
四個敵人 Four attackers.
無路可逃 No escape.
天啊 你完全可以當隊長 Oh, my God. You could totally make captain.
比布魯克那個好多了 That was so much better than Brooke's.
天啊 Oh, my God.
這樣看來布魯克根本沒機會當隊長了 Brooke doesn't stand a chance for captain after that.
一群給自己取了綽號的人們 A bunch of people with made-up names,
穿著自製的服裝 standing around in homemade costumes,
在網上搜索未結案的犯罪 searching the web for unsolved crimes.
漫畫英雄都在月亮上有億萬美元的基地 The comic book heroes all have billion-dollar bases
還有總部 不過這裡是現實世界 and headquarters on the moon, but this is the real world.
各種比例 像紅色 白色和藍色 很帥 Scales, like a red, white and blue. It's awesome.
- 那是什麼? - 板磚 - What's that? - Brick.
對了 Right.
- 你覺得呢? - 我覺得很合適 - What do you think? - I think it does the job.
人們應該得到應得的一切 People should get what they deserve.
流浪的家庭應該吃上熱菜熱飯 Family living in the street deserves a hot meal.
酒醉的女學生在晚上也應該能夠安全回家 An inebriated college girl deserves to make it home safe at night.
而變態 戀童癖 And a pervert, pedophile,
應該被艾森豪爾拜訪 deserves a visit from Eisenhower.
咬香腸! Schwantz!
好痛 Ouch.
不能握拳攻擊 You don't wanna hit with your closed fist.
可能會傷到手 那樣就無法防禦了 You might break your hand, then you're defenseless.
要張開手掌和手肘攻擊 手掌和手肘 You wanna hit with open palm and pivot. Open palm and pivot.
抓住腦後... Grab the back...
我沒進過足球代表隊 I never made varsity football,
也沒演過校劇 or got cast in the school play.
天啊 我連優等生名單都沒上過 Hell, I never even made honor roll.
出局 賤人! Knock out, bitch!
不過就算我有過那樣的經歷 我相信也不會像這個感覺這麼好 But if I had, I gotta believe it would've felt a lot like this.
當警察無法提供保護和服務 When the cops can no longer protect and serve,
小心點 殺人犯 注意了 變態 be warned, mugger, heads up, perv.
我們有力量 我們有勇氣 We got the strength, we got the nerve,
給有需求的人帶來應得的安寧! to give those in need what they deserve!
正義永恆! Justice Forever!
我們在最強大的團體中 We were in the ultimate clique.
別人不知道也無所謂 It didn't matter that no one else knew.
我們自己知道 而且感覺就像搖滾明星一樣 We knew. And we felt like rock stars.
- 晚安 夥計們 - 乾得漂亮 戰鬥兄 - Good night, guys. - Nice job. Battle Guy.
晚安 上校 謝謝你做的一切 Night, Colonel. Thanks for everything.
不 孩子 謝謝你 No, son, thank you.
你讓我們看到了任何一個人都可以轉變 You showed us that every man can make a difference.
沒有海扁王 我們誰也不會走到這一步 Without Kick-Ass, none of us would be here.
這是心裡話 但別得意忘形了 That's from the heart. Don't let it go to your head.
其實... So...
我還沒有那麼累 I'm not really that tired.
嗯 Mmm.
嗯? Mmm-mmm?
好吧 Mmm. Okay.
咱們戴著面具吧 Let's leave the masks on.
- 什麼? - 來吧 - Yeah? - Yeah.
好吧! Yeah!
今晚是第一個大任務 First big mission's tonight,
而且不是社區服務 and it's not community service.
我們說的是真正的壞蛋 We're taking on some real bad guys.
什麼 你們的團隊處理不了嗎? What, can't your team handle it?
他們跟你不一樣 敏迪 They're not you, Mindy.
"紀念湯米"是開乾果店的 Remembering Tommy owns a dry fruit business.
"暗夜賤女"是教芭蕾的 Night Bitch teaches ballet.
暗夜賤女? Night Bitch?
她是什麼人? 到底是超級英雄還是色情明星? What is she? A superhero or a soft core porno?
也許都有點吧 Maybe a little bit of both.
天啊 你上她了? Oh, God, you're plugging her?
我要吐了 I'm gonna vom.
你像個忍者一樣 You're like a ninja.
你就不能等馬庫斯睡著以後偷溜出來嗎? Can't you just sneak out after Marcus goes to sleep?
你沒明白 戴夫 You don't get it, Dave.
我向馬庫斯保證過了 I made a promise to Marcus.
那就毀個約 你可是超級英雄 記得嗎? So break it. You're a superhero, remember?
敏迪·麥克雷迪只是個偽裝 Mindy Macready's just a disguise.
好吧 我不知道"暗夜婊女"是哪種超級英雄 Yeah, well, I don't know what kind of superhero Night Whore is,
可是如果你真的認為我會毀約 but if you really think I'd ever break my word,
你顯然是不了解我 you obviously have no idea who I am.
其實加入舞蹈隊並不能阻止你做回自己 I know that making dance team doesn't make you stop being who you are.
我知道超殺女才不會在乎 I know Hit Girl couldn't give a shit,
高中女生喜歡什麼 about what high school girls are into.
我知道你不會把生活的重點放在約會上的 I know that you wouldn't go on a date if your life depended on it.
滾蛋吧 戴夫 Go to hell, Dave.
怎麼了? 你知道我說得對 What? You know I'm right.
嘿! 暴躁小子 Hey! Roid Rage.
- 叫我? - 是啊 - Me? - Yeah.
你想約我嗎? You wanna take me on a date sometime?
呃 好啊 當然 呃... Uh, yeah. Sure. Um...
我叫賽門 My name's, um, Simon.
好的 賽門 Great, um, Simon.
約好了 It's a date.
敏迪 抱歉 Mindy, I'm sorry.
有麻煩嗎 敏迪? Is there a problem, Min?
沒有 Zero.
好的 因為我不喜歡麻煩 Good. Because I don't like problems.
戴夫 你晚上溜出去了? Dave, you been sneaking out at night?
尼帕特夫人說 Mrs. Neipert said,
她好像看到你凌晨2點離開過 she thought she saw you leaving at 2:00 in the morning.
尼帕特小姐瘋了 爸爸 Miss Neipert's crazy, Dad.
她還想教她的狗說西班牙語 She tried to teach her dog Spanish.
你吸毒了? Are you on drugs?
你開玩笑呢? Seriously?
我總該問問 I gotta ask.
你是我最好的朋友 可是你長大了 You're my best bud and you're growing up so fast.
跟我保證你不會做什麼傻事吧? Promise me you're not doing anything foolish?
好的 我保證 Yeah, I promise.
這我就知足了 夥計 Good enough for me, pal.
你很聰明 不會做傻事的 You're too smart to do anything stupid.
正義永恆! Justice Forever!
很高興你喊出來了 I'm glad you got that out of your system.
托德又給我發信息了 真是個屌絲 Oh, Todd texted me. Again. What a loser.
兄弟 星條旗上校有多厲害? Dude, how bad-ass is Colonel Stars and Stripes?
是啊 我還是不相信他曾經是黑手黨 Yeah, I still can't believe he's an ex-mob enforcer.
我是說 怎麼能從那種人變成超級英雄? I mean, how do you go from that to being a superhero?
他是重生派的基督徒 He's a born-again Christian.
- 別扯了 - 是真的 - Shut up. - Yeah.
希望今晚他能搞定 Let's hope he can handle tonight.
我覺得我們快知道結果了 I guess we're about to find out.
嘿 其他人呢? Hey. Where's the rest of the team?
重力博士感冒了 Dr. Gravity has the flu,
"紀念湯米"買到了摩門經(宗教題材音樂劇)的票... and Remembering Tommy got Book of Mormon tickets, so...
沒關係 That's okay.
我們五個就可以了 Five of us should do.
你說這傢伙怎麼賺錢來著 長官? 組織賣淫? How did you say this guy made his money, sir? Prostitution?
不僅是女孩 還有兒童 從家鄉把他們運過來 Not just girls. Kids. Ships them in from villages back home.
穿藍衣服的有一隻眼睛是瞎的 Boneheads in blue take a blind eye.
你怎麼知道他今晚在這? How do you know he's here tonight?
因為周四晚上是撲克之夜 Because Thursday night is poker night.
每周都是五個同樣的小弟 Same five low-lifes every week.
有習慣的人很好找 Man with a habit ain't hard to find.
什麼計劃? 我們偷溜進去嗎? So what's the plan? Are we sneaking in?
我覺得要敲門 更有禮貌一些 I thought we'd knock. It's more polite.
什麼? What?
冷靜點 夥計們 Stay frosty, team.
我過去對付這些小混混跟吃早點一樣輕鬆 I used to eat punks like this for breakfast.
上帝鑒證! Jehovah's witness!
加十塊
老大 外面有人
看看是誰 我花錢雇你 不是讓你在那兒打飛機的
到你了
抱歉 我剛才走神了 I'm sorry, I just zoned out for a second.
你剛才是說我們要對付五個黑社會嗎? Did you say that we're going up against five gangsters?
加上保鏢算是六個吧 And bouncer makes six.
再加四分之三個 And three-quarters.
你他媽想幹什麼? What the fuck do you want?
晚上好 年輕人 我們想跟吉米·金談談 Good evening, young man. We'd like a word with Jimmy Kim.
如果方便的話 If it's not too inconvenient.
在我把你的腦袋擰下來之前從這滾蛋 老不死的 Get the fuck out of here before I tear your head off, you old fuck.
對不起 I'm sorry.
我覺得我們有麻煩了 I think we're in trouble.
我只是很不理解為什麼人們需要 I just don't understand why people feel the need,
說那種粗話 to use that kind of language.
喔! Whoa!
就這樣了 There he goes.
哦 上帝啊 Oh, sweet Jesus.
戰鬥兄 我跟你說過不要隨便提上帝名字的事吧? Battle Guy, what did I tell you about taking the Lord's name in vain?
抱歉 長官 Sorry, sir.
艾森豪爾 準備好 Eisenhower, at the ready.
昆蟲俠 我要你跟著我 Insect Man, I want you right behind me.
其他人分散 抓住逃跑的 Everybody else spread out, catch the strays.
哦 Oh.
還有記得要開心 不然還有什麼樂趣呢? And try to have fun, otherwise what's the point?
多好的聚會啊 有人想跳舞嗎? Nice party. Anybody wanna dance?
怎麼搞的?
你要去哪? Where are you going?
- 漂亮 - 小心身後! - Very nice. - Behind you!
一記小鳥球 Watch the birdie.
哇! Whoo!
不許動 Don't you move.
暗夜賤女! 小心身後! Night Bitch! Behind you!
留情 Wait.
小心! Look out!
好 我銬住他右胳膊了 Okay, I got his right arm.
嘴巴有東西時不要說話 You know, you shouldn't talk with your mouth full.
非常不禮貌 起來 It's very rude. Come on.
你是誰? Who the hell are you?
我們是好人 We're the good guys.
錯了 你們將是死人 Oh, no, you're the fucking dead guys.
艾森豪爾! 咬香腸! Eisenhower! Schwantz!
夠勁! Oh!
嗷! Ow!
女孩們在哪? Where are the girls?
別這樣 兄弟 我心臟不好使 Come on, man. I've got a heart problem.
是嗎? Oh, yeah?
別 No.
你想讓它不能使嗎? Do you want me to solve that for you?
哇哦 哇哦! Whoa, whoa!
好吧 女孩們在樓上公寓裡 Okay. The girls are upstairs in the apartments.
我弟弟在收銀台 他只是個大學生 My little brother, he's on the till. He's just a college kid.
- 海扁王 暗夜賤女 - 知道 - Kick-Ass, Night Bitch. - On it.
拉夫·達米科會為此滅了你的 Ralph D'Amico is gonna end you for this.
嗷! 好疼! Ow! It hurts!
肯定的 狗咬著你的蛋蛋呢 Yeah, there's a dog on your balls.
你想要錢嗎? 桌子上有五萬 You want money? There's 50 grand on the table.
讓他住嘴! 求你了! Please just make him stop! Please!
你以為可以收買我們? 你是這麼想的? You think you can buy us? Is that what you think?
我們不是來偷錢的 We're not here to steal from you.
我們來是給所有人渣一個消息 We're here to send a message to all the other bottom-dwellers.
- 我們要阻止你們 - 快走 - We're shutting you down. - Come on.
外面等著一輛受虐待婦女避難所的車 There's a van waiting outside from a battered women's shelter.
會帶你們去安全的地方 It'll take you some place safe.
- 快 快 - 我們真的不能走 - Go. Go. - We really can't leave.
我們沒錢 We have no money.
戰鬥兄 桌子上有多少錢? Battle Guy, how much they have on the table?
大概有五萬吧 Oh, it's like 50 grand.
現在錢夠了 You got plenty now.
謝謝 Thank you.
乾得好 各位 Good job, guys.
非常利索 非常利索 Very tidy. Very tidy.
不敢相信你拿槍指著那傢伙 I can't believe you pulled a gun on that guy.
你真的會開槍嗎? Were you really gonna shoot him?
告訴你們一個小秘密 Let you in on a little secret.
空的 別告訴壞人 Empty. Don't tell the bad guys.
原諒我的措辭 上校 但你真的太有種了 Pardon my language, Colonel, but you have got some serious balls.
反正比金先生的多 Certainly more than Mr. Kim.
"狗咬到我蛋蛋了" "There's a dog on my balls."
該死的 God damn it.
- 哈維爾! - 出什麼事了? - Javier! - What happened?
有個笨蛋剛發了關於一家妓院的鏈接 Some douche just posted a link to a story about a whorehouse,
說海扁王的隊伍幹掉他們了 says that Kick-Ass' team took them out.
搞什麼? 我的隊員呢? What the hell? Where's my crew?
克里斯 大家只是... Chris, everybody's just...
呃 女士們能迴避一下嗎? Uh, can you ladies excuse us for a second?
不行 她們是我的朋友 Uh, no, they're my sidekicks.
她們可以聽我們的對話 They can listen to what we have to say.
她們不是你的朋友 克里斯 They're not your sidekicks, Chris.
她們是妓女兼目擊者 快點 They're prostitutes and witnesses, come on.
- 好吧 - 抱歉 無意冒犯 - All right. - Sorry, no offense.
大家只是太怕你叔叔拉夫所以不敢接這活 Everybody's just too afraid of your Uncle Ralph to take the job.
但他在監獄裡 But he's in prison.
沒影響 他現在掌管家族 Doesn't matter. He runs the family now.
他希望大家都低調行事 And he wants everybody to lay low.
但是你走運了 But, fortunately for you,
大個唐尼不知道怎麼低調 所以他加入了 Big Tony doesn't know how to lay low, so he's in.
- 我不記得什麼大個唐尼 他很大嗎? - 非常諷刺 - I don't remember a Big Tony. Is he huge? - He's ironic.
才五尺四 但非常凶狠 5 foot 4, but mean as shit.
他極其渴望砍人 He's got such a hard-on for killing people.
- 他很小個 但是愛砍人 - 沒錯 - He's little and he kills. - Right.
叫他"腫瘤" Call him "The Tumor."
下一個是誰? Who's next?
好吧 有一個前三合會成員想找活幹 All right, we've got, uh, an ex-Triad member looking for work.
太容易了 "思汗屠殺" 接著說 Easy, "Genghis Carnage." Come on.
你不能有種族刻板印象 克里斯 You gotta quit with the racist stereotypes, Chris.
都一樣 接著說 Archetypes. Keep going.
還有卡特琳娜·鄧布朗夫斯基 We got, uh, Katarina Dumbrovski.
慢著 女的? Wait, wait. A chick?
是的 Yeah.
不是吧 你雇了一個女的? Seriously, you hired a chick?
是的 前克格勃 她被關在古拉格集中營 然後吃了獄友 Yeah. Former KGB. She was locked up in the Gulag until she ate her cellmate.
好啊 "俄國老娘" Okay. "Mother Russia."
俄國老娘和幹你娘都在一個隊上? Mother Russia and Motherfucker both on the same team?
這樣不行 克里斯 That doesn't work, Chris.
我不是在問你意見 混蛋 I am not asking for suggestions, asshole.
只管給他們準備好服裝! Just get them costumes and get them ready!
我去 Shit.
哈維爾 謝謝你 Javier, thank you.
沒你我可做不到 I couldn't do this without you.
你就像我唯一的親人了 You're pretty much like the only real family I have left.
不客氣 孩子 我支持你 Not a problem, man. I got your back.
你就像邪惡蝙蝠俠的聰明幫手阿爾弗雷德 It's kinda like you're the Alfred to my evil Bruce Wayne.
你就叫我他媽的管家? Did you just call me your fucking butler?
是啊 這不是讚美嗎? Yeah, is that not a compliment?
該死 我錯了 Shit. My bad.
大多數晚上沒什麼活動 There wasn't much action most nights.
當然 每晚跟暗夜賤女都有小活動 I mean, there was always a little action with Night Bitch.
當超級英雄就是大量的巡邏 The reality of being a superhero is lots of patrols.
但這並沒有阻止人們請求加入 But that didn't stop people from begging to join up.
有了這些新成員 不叫上托德真是太不夠意思了 With all our new members, it seemed kinda shitty not to ask Todd.
別偷看 哥們 會毀了神秘感的 Stop peeking, man, you're gonna ruin it.
看過來 Check it out.
你不能穿成這樣去打擊犯罪 褲子太緊 擠出蛙眼了 You can't fight crime in that. Your pants are so tight, you got frog-eye.
什麼是"蛙眼"? What the hell's "frog-eye"?
- 男性駱駝趾 - 什麼? - Male camel toe. - What?
我也不確定這些名字好不好 "大扁王" "海扁者" I'm not really sure about these names, either. "Whup-Ass," "Kick-Ass-Man."
- "海扁王博士"? - 怎麼 - "Dr. Kick-Ass"? - Yeah.
他們貌似都是衍生的 Yeah, they all kinda seem derivative.
我直說吧 Let me translate that.
你不能抄襲戴夫的名字 衰人 You can't just copy Dave's name, you knob-gobbler.
好吧 呃... Okay. Um...
呃... Uh...
慢著 我想到了 Oh, wait. Oh, I got it.
想到了 想到了 I got it. I got it.
"扁海王" "Ass Kicker."
不是吧? Seriously?
你真是太混蛋了 馬蒂 You're such a dick, Marty.
我知道這就是你們不回我短信的原因 I know this is why you guys aren't texting me back,
我又不是真傻 I'm not an actual idiot.
你真是騙到我了 舔屁王 Well, you could have fooled me, Ass-Licker.
- 去你們的吧 - 托德... - Yeah, well, screw you guys. - Todd...
真的 去你媽的 No, really. Fuck you guys.
我要找自己的隊伍去 I'm gonna go find my own team.
托德 等等 別這樣 Todd. Wait. Come on.
托德說得對 我們是很混蛋 Todd was right, we were being dicks.
但事實是 我唯一希望 But the truth is, the only person
加入隊伍的是敏迪 I really wanted on the team was Mindy,
但她正忙著不做超級英雄 but she was too busy trying not to be a superhero.
好了 敏迪 他來了 Okay, Min, he's here.
你第一次正式約會 感覺如何? Your first big date. How are you feeling?
就像第一次爸爸把我送到 Like the first time Big Daddy sent me into
精神病院的時候 只拿著一把小刀 a crack den with nothing but a penknife.
有點緊張 I've got some butterflies.
你做好自己就行 我來替你緊張 You just be yourself and you let me be nervous.
別擔心我 我能用壞人的手指戳死他自己 Don't worry about me. I can kill a man with his own finger.
一句建議 不要用這個做開場白 A word of advice, I wouldn't open with that.
謝謝你終於同意和我約會 Thanks for letting me finally take you out.
這個嘛 Well, uh,
不然怎麼讓你停止打電話呢? how else was I gonna get you to stop calling?
- 謝謝 - 不客氣 - Thanks. - You're welcome.
我們這是去哪? Where are we going?
派對 To a party.
派對怎麼在這鬼地方? Why is this party in the middle of nowhere?
因為飲酒會通常都這樣 不是嗎? Because that's where keg parties usually are, right?
看來我們是第一個到的 Guess we're the first ones here.
這不是開派對的地方 笨蛋 This isn't where you have a party, moron.
而是拋死屍的地方 This is where you dump a dead body.
你有毛病啊? What's your problem?
抱歉 I'm sorry.
我不這麼毒舌了 I'll stop being such a bitch.
你看起來是個好人 You actually seem like a nice guy.
所以 呃... So, um...
想親熱一下嗎? you wanna hook up?
還是個白痴 And a total idiot.
賽門 上車去 Simon, get back in the car.
立刻! Now!
你們來了 Yay, you made it.
布魯克? Brooke?
這是為了慶祝你的 This is to celebrate you.
慶祝? Celebrate?
你真是太衰了 What a total loser you are.
衰人靠邊站 And we ditch losers.
可憐的敏迪 你想什麼呢? Poor Mindy. What did you think?
酷孩子們看到你身上的某種特質 The cool kids saw something special in you
邀請你參加第一次派對 and invited you to your first party
你會喝第一口啤酒 where you'd sip your first beer
並且最終獻上初吻? and finally suck face for the first time?
新消息 你並不特別 Newsflash, you're not special.
跟女王蜂過不去會死得很慘 Fuck with the queen bee and you're gonna get stung.
被甩對象 Date ditch.
去我家狂歡! Party at my house!
真可憐 Pathetic.
賽門 你開車 Simon, you can drive us.
戴夫? Dave?
天啊! 敏迪? 要命 你幹嘛呢? Oh, my God! Mindy? Holy shit. What are you doing?
只是想看看我的羅賓漢 Just needed to see my Robin, I guess.
你沒事吧? Are you okay?
嘿 嘿 Hey, hey, hey.
我不知道該怎麼辦 I don't know what to do.
那些女生 她們... Those girls, they're...
她們是魔鬼 they're evil.
這只是高中 誰在乎呢? It's just high school. Who gives a shit?
你應該在真實世界裡 讓世界更美好 You should be out there in the real world making it a better place.
戴夫 我不能 Dave, I can't.
我知道你答應你爸爸了 I know, you promised your dad.
但他已經不在了 But he's not here anymore.
這是你的生活 由你來主導 This is your life. You've gotta live it.
我明天該怎麼面對她們? How am I supposed to face them tomorrow?
真是丟死人了 I'm so embarrassed.
為什麼? Why?
你既聰明 又漂亮 還很風趣 You're smart. You're beautiful. You're funny.
你是我見過最強的人 任何事都難不倒你 You're the strongest person I've ever met. You can do anything.
你是超殺女 And you're Hit Girl.
不管你用的是面具還是化妝品 Doesn't matter if you're wearing a mask or makeup,
這就是你 it's who you really are.
所以我該怎麼辦? 割掉她們的舌頭? So what should I do? Cut their tongues out?
不! 絕對不行 No! Definitely not.
我逗你玩呢 I'm fucking with you.
用她們的方式戰勝她們 Just beat them at their own game.
做你自己 By being yourself.
如果你真想受歡迎 Well, if you really wanna be popular,
考慮兩個單詞 "性愛"和"錄像" consider two little words, "sex," "tape".
露易絲 你不需要這些賤人 Lois, you don't need these ax wounds.
如果我能跟她們穿得一樣 你也能 If I can dress like them, so can you.
這是某個失蹤的販毒者給你的禮物 It's a gift from some drug dealer who went missing.
你穿得像我們 Just because you dress like us,
並不代表你可以做我們 doesn't mean you can be like one of us.
不管我穿成什麼樣 像你還是像我都不重要 It doesn't matter what costume I wear, yours or mine,
我是個超級英雄 這才是我 I'm a superhero. That's who I am.
好吧 松餅狂人長官 Okay, Captain Muffin-Muncher,
自欺愉快 have fun playing make-believe.
這個嗎? This?
這都是騙人的 布魯克 This is all make-believe, Brooke.
事實是你是個邪惡的賤人 The reality is you're an evil bitch
就跟最壞的犯罪人渣一樣 who's just as bad as the worst criminal scum.
你想談現實嗎 敏迪? 現實世界裡 贏得是我 You wanna get real, Mindy? In the real world, I win.
我會上頂尖大學 嫁給性感帥哥 I go to an awesome college, I marry a hot guy
我會生下可愛的孩子 and I make adorable
給保姆帶 而我們在巴黎度假 babies for my nanny to take care of while we vacay in Paris.
我的生活會炫爆 而你的差勁死 My life is gonna rock and yours is gonna suck.
而不管你穿得多放蕩 And no matter how slutty you dress,
不會有男的想親你那屁眼似的嘴 no boy is ever gonna wanna kiss that hole you call a mouth.
你幹嘛不省省口水現在就割腕呢? So why don't you spare us all the whining and slit your wrists now?
因為唯一能毀了我這一天的事 'Cause the only thing that's gonna ruin my day
就是多看你的臉一秒鐘 is looking at your face one more second.
- 說過的 - 犀利 - Told her. - Damn.
這是什麼? 貧民手機? What's that? A ghetto cell phone?
是想叫人來支援嗎? 嗯 Gonna call for help with a come-back? Hmm.
其實 我爸爸從一個鬧情緒的國防高研局人員那裡買來的 Actually, my daddy bought this from a disgruntled DARPA employee.
是用來管控人群的 但被認為手段太過分了 You see, it was designed for crowd control, but deemed too severe.
它會釋放脈衝引起自發嘔吐和腹瀉 It emits a pulse that creates spontaneous nausea and diarrhea.
他稱為"噁心控制器" He called it "the sick stick."
要麼是你爸被騙了 Either your daddy got ripped off,
要麼你又開始不正常了 親愛的 or you're back in make-believe land, sweetheart,
因為我們感覺好極了 because we feel fabulous.
不會長久了 Not for long.
天啊! Oh, my God!
你離我遠點 求你了 你贏了 You get away from me. Please, you win.
我不想贏 我只是想讓世界更美好 I don't wanna win. I just want to make the world a better place.
爸? Dad?
你回家了嗎? 爸? You home? Dad?
這就是你一直忙活的 Is this what you've been up to
在我晚上工作給你攢學費的時候? while I'm out working nights saving for your college?
你一直偽裝起來跟別人打架? You've been dressing up and fighting people?
這棒子上還有血跡 There is blood on these stick things.
你在我房間幹什麼? What are you doing in my room?
我本來在找毒品 I was looking for drugs.
我很擔心你 I was worried about you.
那好 現在你不用擔心了 Okay, good. Now you can stop.
不 現在我更擔心了 No. Now I'm even more worried.
天啊 戴夫 吸毒比這都好 Jesus, Dave, drugs would have been better.
簡直太瘋狂了 This is deranged.
哇哦 有人更瘋狂 Whoa. Some people do a lot worse.
- 和你一起閒逛的那些人? - 不是 - Oh, the people you hang out with? - No.
我一起玩的人是超級英雄 The people I hang out with are superheroes.
沒有這種東西 戴夫 There is no such thing, Dave.
現實世界存在真實的後果 This is the real world with real consequences.
你什麼時候才能長大? When are you gonna grow up?
如果長大變成你那樣 永遠不 If it means turning into you, never.
我不是因為難為情才戴面具的 I don't wear the mask because I'm ashamed of who I am.
不像你 Not like you.
你這是什麼意思? What's that supposed to mean?
你不工作的時候 就在家做仰臥起坐 If you're not at work, you're here doing crunches.
為什麼? 這樣你就能像別人了嗎? Why? So you can look like someone else?
這樣可以多活幾年無所事事? Maybe get a few more years of doing nothing?
你的生活毫無意義 爸 Your life has no meaning, Dad.
某天你死了 誰會注意呢? When you're gone, who's gonna notice?
你這是去哪? Where the hell are you going?
我要離家 長大了就該這麼做 Oh, uh, I'm leaving. That's what you do when you grow up.
他說為什麼想見我了嗎? Did he say why he wanted to see me?
你叔叔拉夫打來電話的時候 我不敢發問 When your Uncle Ralph calls, I don't ask questions.
只見孩子 Just the kid.
克里斯 淡定點不會有事的 Chris, just be cool and you'll be fine.
嘿 近來如何? Hey, how you doing?
很好 拉夫叔叔 Good, Uncle Ralph.
聽著 克里斯 總從你爸爸死後日子就很艱難 Listen, Chrissy, things have been tough all around since your dad,
這你知道 you know.
我在監獄裡盡力讓家族回歸正軌 Well, I been trying to get the family back on track from in here.
他們會錄音的 They record these things.
我知道 沒事 I know, it's fine.
監獄長是自己人 現在聽我說 The warden's a pal. Now listen to me.
小放鬆一下沒問題 It's okay to have a bit of fun,
但你不能雇一幫重犯們 but you can't go hiring a gang of heavy hitters.
哈維爾應該告訴過你的 Javier should have told you.
沒關係的 No, it doesn't matter.
拉夫叔叔 我要讓海扁王為他的所作所為付出代價 Uncle Ralph, I am gonna make Kick-Ass pay for what he did to us.
克里斯 你得忘了那小混混 Chrissy, you need to forget that punk.
更重要的是你置身事外 It's more important that you stay out of this.
你不像我 或你父親 你... You're not like me, or your dad, you're, uh...
很特別 special.
你不能告訴我該做什麼 You can't tell me what to do anymore.
我現在知道自己是誰 I know who I am now.
是嗎? Oh, yeah?
是誰啊? And who's that?
是"萬人斬" The Motherfucker.
你以為自己是大壞蛋? You think you're the big bad guy, huh?
讓我給你看真正的壞人什麼樣 Let me show you what real evil looks like.
喂? Hello?
哈維爾 怎麼回事? Javier, what's going on?
克里斯 出什麼事了? Chris, what's up?
你用盧的手機幹嘛? What are you doing on Lou's phone, huh?
自己的又掉馬桶了? Drop yours in the toilet again?
沒出事吧? Everything okay?
謝謝 我很需要這刺激 Thank you for that. I needed it.
拭目以待吧 For what comes next.
別傻了 克里斯 Don't be stupid, Chris.
先暫時離開市裡 上個大學什麼的 Just get out of town for a while. Go to college or something.
為什麼? 你剛剛教會了我所有我該知道的東西 Why? You just taught me everything I needed to know.
真棒! Voila!
簡潔優雅 小鬼們設計的標誌很有品味 Presto and elegant, damn. Them boys designed a very tasty logo.
怎麼了 姑娘? 聽到什麼了嗎? What's the matter, girl? You hear something?
來吧 我們看看去 來! Come on, let's go see. Come on!
有人嗎? Anybody out here?
我什麼也沒看到 I don't see anything.
安靜下來之前 你就得待在裡面 瘋姑娘 Gonna have to stay in there until you calm down, you lunatic.
是什麼讓你不安呢 I wonder what's bothering you.
我知道 今晚是你的死期 I know. Tonight you die.
女士優先 Ladies first.
你不會開槍的 You will not shoot me.
你是超級英雄 你幫助別人 你不傷害他們 You are superhero. You help people. You do not hurt them.
這是超級反派的地盤 That's supervillain territory.
或者我更喜歡稱呼我的小隊伍 Or as I like to call my little gang,
大陰毒物 the Toxic Mega-Cunts.
嗨 Hi.
沒錯 像你的大腦 Yeah, like your head.
耶! Yay!
唔 肯定很疼! Ooh, it's gotta hurt!
我調查過你了 上校 I did my homework on you, Colonel.
你曾經叫薩爾·貝托裡尼 對吧? You used to be Sal Bertolini, didn't you?
過去為我爸做過事情 在你"重生"之前 Did a few jobs for my dad back in the day, before you got "born again."
我過去和很多衰人為伍 I used to hang with a lot of losers.
你就想這樣死去嗎 薩爾? 穿得跟白痴一樣? Is this how you thought you'd die, Sal? Dressed like an idiot?
你是誰? Who are you supposed to be?
我是萬人斬! I'm The Motherfucker!
我來此是要終結海扁王的 不只是殺了他 And I'm here to end Kick-Ass. Not just kill him.
我要毀了他愛的一切 I am gonna shit on everything that he loves.
砸了這地方 大夥 Let's trash this place, guys.
"米蘭達·思維洛爾"? "Miranda Swedlow"?
這是誰 薩爾? 你隊上的婊子? Who's that, Sal? She one of the whores on your team?
暗夜賤女緊緊依偎著海扁王 Night Bitch all snuggled up to Kick-Ass.
看來我們的乖乖又有新歡了 Looks like our boy's got a new hot pocket.
想讓我弄死他的狗嗎? Want me to kill his dog?
狗? 天啊 我沒那麼壞 The dog? Jesus Christ, I'm not that evil.
把老傢伙的頭砍下來 Cut the old man's head off.
你們餓嗎? 我餓死了 走吧 You guys hungry? I'm starving. Come on.
披薩 吃披薩可以嗎? Pizza, can we get pizza?
我們去吃披薩 We're getting pizza.
別擔心 我會先殺了你的 Don't worry, I kill you first.
正義... Justice For...
永恆 ever.
昨晚一名布魯克林居民被發現斬首 A Brooklyn resident was found decapitated last night.
根據推特消息 一個自稱 According to Twitter, a man claiming to be
世界第一超級反派... the world's first supervillain...
我告訴過你了 不許看電視 你被禁閉了 記得嗎? I told you, no TV. You're grounded, remember?
馬庫斯 我知道自己承諾過 Marcus, I know I made you a promise,
但我不能一直做別人 but I can't keep being someone I'm not.
看到邪惡的時候 我必須阻止 When I see evil, I have to stop it.
敏迪 你在學校對那些女孩的行為是不可接受的 Mindy, what you did to those girls at school was unacceptable.
- 你真的可能傷到她們 - 沒錯 我是可以 - You could have really hurt them. - You're right, I could have,
但我只是讓她們肚子疼回家了 but instead I sent them home with tummy-aches.
你奈我何 Boo-fucking-hoo.
我不懂 你對復仇的執念是不健康的 I don't get it. This obsession that you have with revenge is not healthy.
如果你不讓我和警察做自己的工作 If you don't let me and the police do our jobs,
我就沒法幫助你了 there is gonna be nothing that I can do for you.
你永遠不會有正常的生活 You're never gonna have a normal life
或許落得你爸那樣的下場 and you'll probably end up like your father.
馬庫斯 他們把一個人的腦袋切下來了 Marcus, they cut a guy's head off.
還有誰能阻止他們? Who else is going to stop them?
海扁王? 你? Kick-Ass? You?
你得回房間做作業了 You go to your room and do your homework.
馬上! Now!
各位 我們在簽慰問卡給上校的妹妹 Hey, guys, we're signing a sympathy card for the Colonel's sister.
你們願意每人出五塊好組隊送花嗎? You wanna go 5 bucks each so we can send flowers from the team?
你們看到萬人斬的推特了嗎? Did you guys see The Motherfucker's Twitter page?
那傢伙是誰啊? 他跟我們有什麼仇? Who is this guy? And what's his problem with us?
我不知道 但他的種跟大象有一比 I don't know, but he has got some elephant-sized balls.
他在網上大肆吹噓對上校的所為 He's been bragging on the web about what they did to the Colonel.
能追蹤到嗎? Can that be traced?
我試過了 他隱藏了IP地址 I tried. His IP address is masked.
好吧 接下來我們這麼做 我們組織一場戰鬥 All right, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna organize a fight.
網上好多人說我們需要 他們就加入 There are a lot of guys online who said they're in if we need them.
開玩笑嗎? 這不是西區故事 Are you kidding me? This isn't West Side Story.
我們不是要加入幫派的 We didn't join up to be in a gang.
我們這麼做是想幫助別人 We did this so we could help people.
香農說得對 這事應該交給警察 Shannon's right. We need to leave this to the cops.
我們最好開始結對走 We better start walking in pairs.
萬人斬發推特說上校只是開始 Motherfucker's tweeted that the Colonel was just the beginning.
有人看見暗夜賤女了嗎? Anybody seen Night Bitch?
你確定她是他們的隊員? Are you sure she's on that team?
這婊子在自己主頁上說正在和海扁王談戀愛 Stupid gash posted on her superhero page that she's dating Kick-Ass.
所以我他媽很確定 So, yeah, I'm damn sure.
你好啊 暗夜賤女! Hello, Night Bitch!
嘿 Hey.
噢 她想要上樓去玩 Oh, she wants to take the party upstairs.
我們要好好玩一玩 We're gonna have a party.
她關門了 She closed the door.
別擔心 親愛的 我不會殺你 Don't worry, darling, I'm not gonna kill you.
我想給你的男友留個口信 I want you to give a message to your boyfriend.
來吧 親愛的 Come on, wriggly.
放手! Let go!
你和超級英雄的床戲演完了 寶貝 You're done banging superheroes, baby.
現在來感受一下惡魔之屌吧 It's time to see what evil dick feels like.
該死 Shit.
怎麼了? What's wrong?
你在幹什麼? What are you doing?
快點啊! Come on!
天啊 好吧 我只是... 沒有心情 God, okay, I'm just... I'm not in the mood.
我想惡魔之屌感覺很軟吧 I guess evil dick feels limp.
打她 往死裡打! Hurt her. Bad!
警察來了 Cops are coming.
交給俄國老娘吧 她比我們強十倍 Leave it to Mother Russia. She makes 10 times what we do.
一星期五萬佣金 額外報銷所有花費 Fifty thousand a week. Plus expenses.
嗨 小心! Hey, watch out!
哇哦! Wow!
倒車! 倒車! Reverse it! Reverse it!
不許動! 不許動! Don't move! Freeze!
五萬 花得真值 Fifty thousand. She's worth it.
哇啊! 怎麼他們在倒車? Whoa, whoa! Why are they backing up?
後備箱上怎麼有台割草機? Why is there a lawnmower on the trunk?
哇哦! Wow!
我們需要增員 八人死傷 We need back-up, eight men down.
我想應該是十人死傷 I think you mean 10.
我們撤吧! 把話放出去 我在招募邪惡大軍 Let's bounce! Put the word out I'm building an evil army.
歡迎所有反社會和刑滿釋放人員加盟 All psychopaths and ex-cons welcome.
我想人們知道之後你一定大受歡迎 I don't think you're gonna have a problem when people hear about this.
他們就這麼逃跑了? They just disappeared?
他們只要摘下面具 換回正常衣服 All they have to do is take off their masks,
大街上就沒有人認得他們 no one's gonna recognize them once they're back in their street clothes.
請大家注意! Your attention, please!
聯邦政府追蹤了所有裝扮狂的IP地址 Feds traced the IP addresses for all those other costumed freaks.
全國所有執法機構都會協助我們 We got every law enforcement agency
將他們一網打盡! in the state working to hit them at once!
為什麼海扁王會在名單上? Why is Kick-Ass on this list?
他的隊友一向為社區服務 His crew does community service.
那我不管 所有戴面具的人都將被逮捕 I don't give a shit. Anyone wearing a mask is getting detained.
我們要在今晚結束這場鬧劇! We're putting an end to this tonight!
很多人說警方在那晚的行動過於粗暴 A lot of people said the cops were too heavy-handed that night.
但你要聯繫環境來看這個問題 But you gotta put it into context.
警方剛開始並不反對我們做超級英雄 The police didn't mind our real life superhero stuff
因為我們不過是在撿垃圾 as long as we were picking up litter
或者扶老奶奶過馬路 or helping old ladies cross the street.
但突然事態嚴重起來 But suddenly it was serious.
突然 我們成為了社會上一切過錯的代表 Suddenly we represented everything that was wrong with society.
不許動! Freeze!
爸爸曾警告我 現實世界存在真實的後果 Dad had warned me that the real world had real consequences.
當他們停車時 他肯定感到自己一語成讖 As they pulled up, he must have been feeling pretty damn vindicated.
該死 戴夫 你都做了什麼? Oh, shit, Dave. What have you done?
警察 開門 Police, open up.
嘿 Hey.
嗨 Hi.
嗯 是我 海扁王 Uh, uh, it's me, Kick-Ass.
哇 Wow.
你戴面具還是很可愛的 You're actually pretty cute under that mask.
我對發生的事感到非常抱歉 I'm so sorry about what happened.
不用 Don't be.
是我自己的錯 It's my own fault.
我們要找那群混蛋復仇 We're gonna find these assholes and make this right.
有什麼意義嗎? What's the point?
我想 我們是超級英雄這件事 I mean, we're really superheroes
就像我們談戀愛一樣假 about as much as we're really dating.
我們甚至不認識彼此 We don't even know each other's names.
我想是時候回到現實了 I think it's time to get back to the real world.
我以為我們能讓世界變得更美好 I thought we were trying to make it a better place.
那它怎麼變得更糟了? Then why is it worse?
或許暗夜賤女是對的 Maybe Night Bitch was right,
也就是說 爸爸也是對的 which means Dad was, too.
我想 事態已經失控了 I mean, things had gotten out of hand.
或許我是時候從馬蒂家搬回來 Maybe it was time for me to stop crashing at Marty's
向爸爸道歉了 and start apologizing.
爸爸? Dad?
等等 那是我爸爸 Whoa, whoa. That's my dad.
你爸是海扁王? 什麼? Your dad's Kick-Ass? What?
是啊 他剛自首了 Yeah, he just gave himself up.
你不懂 他是為了保護我 You don't understand. He's doing this to protect me.
爸爸! Dad!
- 敏迪? - 戴夫? - Mindy? - Dave?
我需要你幫忙 我爸爸被逮捕了 I need your help. My dad's been arrested.
他們以為他是海扁王 你能和馬庫斯說說嗎? They think he's Kick-Ass. Can you talk to Marcus?
- 我被關禁閉了 - 所以呢? - I'm grounded. - So?
所以我幫不了你 So that means I can't get involved.
- 聽著 等一下 - 我也希望能幫你 - Look. Wait a second. - I wish I could help.
敏迪! 你在打電話? Mindy! Are you on the phone?
聽著 我得掛了 好嗎? Look, I gotta go, okay?
抱歉 戴夫 I'm sorry, Dave.
敏迪 等等 Mindy, wait, wait.
嗨 你究竟是怎麼想的? Hey, what the hell were you thinking?
是啊 我也想這麼問你 Yeah, I could ask you the same thing.
我不敢相信你對他們撒謊了 I can't believe you lied to them.
我不能眼睜睜看著你進監獄 I wasn't gonna do nothing while you went to jail.
這是我的選擇 你應該讓我承擔責任 I chose this. You should let me deal with the consequences.
我以為你想讓我長大 I thought you wanted me to grow up.
是嗎? 等你有孩子那一天 你會明白的 Yeah? When you get a kid of your own one day, you'll understand.
我要告訴他們真相 I'm gonna tell them the truth.
不要 嗨... 那只會讓這變得更糟 No. Hey... It'll just make things worse.
我和我的律師溝通過了 Look, I spoke to my attorney.
他說他們明天就能放我出來 He said they gotta let me out by tomorrow.
並沒有實際犯罪 No actual crime was committed.
外面有人想殺掉海扁王 There are people out there who wanna kill Kick-Ass.
是啊 警察正在抓那些人 Well, the cops are out there looking for them,
所以這裡是最安全的地方 鎖在這裡 so the safest place for Kick-Ass is right here, locked away.
我不知道你是怎麼卷進這件事來的 I don't know how you got into all this shit, but
但你得保證再不會參與這種事 you gotta promise me you will never dress up in that outfit again.
聽見了嗎? Do you hear me?
我保證 I promise.
這都是我這惡魔的財產! This evil lair owns!
人們現在還說"財產"這個詞? Do people still say that, "own"?
是啊 當然了 Yeah, of course.
看你的鯊魚 有點不對勁 Your shark. Something's wrong.
你好像用錯了水 Think you used the wrong kind of water.
怎麼回事 艾爾? What the hell, Eyal?
沒事 克里斯 它們本來就該待在缸底 It's fine, Chris. They're supposed to lie at the bottom of the tank.
怎麼說呢 它們在原來的地方 It's just their way of, how you say,
本來就是這樣生活的 settling into their environment.
不要騙我 好嗎? Don't screw me on this, okay?
你說兩天內就能準備好 You said we'd be ready in two days,
可現在我們連廁所都沒有 we don't even have a men's room yet.
別擔心 Don't worry.
那堆袋子是幹什麼的? What's with the bags of shit?
那是做炸彈用的化肥 It's fertilizer for the bombs.
要是沒有毀滅城市的計劃 還算什麼超級反派? You're not a Supervillain if you don't have a plan to destroy the city.
炸彈沒用 你得用生化武器 It will not work. You need a chemical kind.
什麼都得我親自動手嗎? 你們去幹啊! Do I have to do everything myself? Just fix it!
你得放鬆 一切都在按計劃進行 You must relax. Everything is going as planned.
嗯 不 不 沒有按計劃 好嗎? Mmm, no. No. Except it's not, okay?
那老頭不是什麼海扁王 That sad sack is not Kick-Ass.
我見過海扁王 他和我年齡差不多 I've seen Kick-Ass, he's like my age.
那人的歲數都夠當他爸爸了 Guy's old enough to be his father.
沒錯 對吧 No shit, right.
對不起 你是誰? I'm sorry, who are you?
我... 嗯 自願加入你的邪惡大軍 和其他人一樣 I... uh, volunteered for your evil army, like the others.
好的 我很感謝你加入隊伍 Right. I appreciate that. Thanks for joining the cause.
這是為核心成員提供的VIP區域 This is the VIP area for the core group.
我只是覺得你說得很有意思 I just thought it was funny you said that.
因為那人就是海扁王的老爸 Because he is Kick-Ass' father.
誰? Who?
利茲維斯先生 他是海扁王的爹 Mr. Lizewski. He's Kick-Ass' dad.
閉嘴! Shut up!
好 你不會對別人說的 對吧? Yeah. You're not gonna tell anyone, are you?
當然不 No.
可是你 我的朋友 剛剛被授予了 But you, my friend, have just earned
我這VIP區域的終身使用權 life-time access to my VIP area.
找地方坐吧 Go take a little seat.
嗨 給他來被星冰樂 Hey, get the kid a Frappuccino,
然後讓他滾回去幹活 then put his little punk ass back to work.
好的 Okay.
走吧 Come on.
你們需要幫助嗎? Can I help you?
海扁王想看你和我們的合影 The Motherfucker wants us to take a picture with you.
我爸爸是個好律師 It helps that my dad is a really good lawyer.
因為我覺得自己進監獄的話 Because I don't think my beautiful ass
不用多久小屁屁就要完蛋了 would last too long in prison.
哇 真奇怪 克里斯·達米科剛給我發了張照片 Whoa, that's weird. Chris D'Amico just texted me a picture.
紅旋風? 他發什麼神經呢? Red Mist? Whatever happened to that guy?
怎麼了? What is it?
哥們 怎麼了? Dude, what's wrong?
怎麼了? What is it?
接下來的幾天渾渾噩噩地過去了 The next few days passed in a fog.
雖然我告訴警方是克里斯乾的 It didn't matter that I told the police about Chris,
他們也沒找到他 they couldn't find him.
警方倒是出現在了我爸爸的葬禮上 The cops did show up at Dad's funeral,
不是出於尊敬 not out of respect,
而是因為他們害怕會發生什麼亂子 but because they were scared something would happen.
我爸爸是個好人 My dad was a decent man.
他竭盡全力給我好的生活 All he ever did was try and give me a good life,
我卻曾對他說 他死了之後也沒人會注意到 and I told him no one would notice when he was gone.
我愛你 小子 I love you, pal.
我也愛你 爸爸 I love you, too, Dad.
你們來了 You guys came.
我們想幫你找克里斯·達米科這個混蛋 We'd love to help you track down this Chris D'Amico d-bag, but
可我們剛剛假釋出來 we just got out on parole.
不 沒事 No, that's fine.
我不會再尋仇了 I'm not looking for revenge.
我向爸爸保證的最後一件事就是放棄這一切 Last thing I promised my dad was that I was gonna give this up.
我要遵守諾言 That's exactly what I'm gonna do.
但一切是由你開始的 But you started this.
現在也由我來結束 Now I'm ending it.
戴夫 很抱歉 我沒有幫忙 你恨我嗎? Dave, I'm so sorry. Do you hate me for not helping?
不 一點都不 No, not even a little bit.
你是對的 你放棄了 You were right. You gave it up.
如果我也放棄 我爸爸可能就還活著 If I had, too, my dad would still be alive.
我只恨我自己 The only person I blame is myself.
幹活吧! Let's do this!
臥倒! Get down!
敏迪! Mindy!
發射出去! Spread out!
別抬頭! Keep your head down!
快過來! Come on!
哇啊 停火! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
抓他! Get him!
把車開過來! Get that van over here!
快上車! Hurry up!
敏迪? Mindy?
敏迪! Mindy!
敏迪? Mindy?
給我穿上這個 You gotta put this on.
我不穿 I'm not gonna do it.
你已經沒有辦法再傷害我了 There's nothing left you can do to hurt me.
你不信? You wanna bet?
哇! 哇! Whoa! Whoa!
遊戲開始 混蛋們! Game on, cocksuckers!
車頂上有個女孩! There's a girl on the roof!
她還在那! She's still up there!
- 我可能打中她了! - 出去看看! - I think I got her! - Go check!
出去瞧瞧! Get out there!
快點! 腦袋閃開 Come on! Move your head.
靠邊停車 毛臉鬼 Pull over, pube-face.
我們知道克里斯·達米科就是萬人斬 他在哪? We know Chris D'Amico is The Motherfucker. Where is he hiding?
你去吃屌吧 Eat a dick.
要是不說我就讓你吃自己的 You're gonna eat yours if you don't start talking.
開槍打我啊 小婊子 Go ahead and shoot me, you little bitch.
你沒有辦法讓我開口的 There's nothing you can do that would make me talk.
等一等 我受不了 這是我爸爸的葬禮 Look, hold on. I can't do this right now. It's my dad's funeral.
戴斯 你爸爸愛你 Dave, your father loved you.
正如我爸爸愛我 我知道這很難過 可或許 Just like my daddy loved me. And I know it hurts, but maybe,
或許這才是成為超級英雄的真正意義 maybe that's the real meaning of being a superhero.
接受痛苦 然後將之轉化為善良 Is taking that pain and turning it into something good.
化痛苦為正義 Something right.
還記得你對我說嗎? Remember what you told me?
這是你的生活 由你來主導 This is your life. You've gotta live it.
現在幫我找老虎鉗 我要讓這貨吃自己的屌 Now help me find some pliers. I'm gonna make this guy eat his own dick.
真的假的? Seriously?
- 喂? - 馬庫斯? - Hello? - Marcus?
敏迪 怎麼回事? 你沒事吧? Mindy. What's going on? Are you okay?
我沒事 I'm fine.
我們知道萬人斬藏在哪了 We know where The Motherfucker's hiding.
他在招募一支超級反派軍隊 並在製作土炸彈 He's recruiting an army of supervillains and making homemade bombs.
馬庫斯 他想炸平這座城市 Marcus, he wants to burn the city down.
你保證過的 You promised me.
我知道你覺得我是個小女孩 可我不是 從來不是 I know you see me as this little girl, but I'm not and I never was.
你說得對 You're right.
爸爸的確奪走了我的童年 Daddy did take my childhood away,
但我覺得那並不是一件壞事 but I'm not so sure that was a bad thing.
馬庫斯 他給了我天賦 Marcus, he gave me a gift,
無論如何我都無法逃避的天賦 a gift that I can't escape no matter how hard I try.
我不需要在接下來的四年裡 And I don't need to spend the next four years of my life
苦苦思索自己的是誰 trying to figure out who I am
因為我已經知道了 because I already know.
我就是超殺女 I'm Hit Girl.
所有超級英雄注意 我們需要支援
我公布了地址 你覺得他們會來嗎? I posted the address. Do you think they'll show?
克里斯可有一支軍隊啊 Chris has an army.
那些現實中的傻蛋們 These real life super dweebs
早就期盼著這樣的戰爭召喚呢 have been waiting their whole lives for a call like this.
你怎麼了? Are you okay?
什麼? 啊 不... 我沒事 What? Yeah, no... I'm fine.
拿著 Here.
帶上這個 Take this.
"終極武器"不是我的風格 "Last resort" really isn't my style.
戴夫 這不是漫畫書 今晚真的有人會死 Dave, this isn't a comic book. Real people are going to die tonight.
我爸爸準備好了一切 My daddy was prepared for anything.
你呢? Are you?
嗯 Yeah.
我也是 I am.
他們應該早就回來了! They should be back by now!
絕對死了 It's definitely dead.
網上說應該在活水裡養它 Says on the Internet you're supposed to keep them in fresh water.
它只是餓了 我們得喂它 It is just hungry. We must feed it.
你看我幹嗎? Why are you looking at me?
我們開始吧 We gotta get this shit started.
各位 我給你們準備了節目! Oh, yeah. Have I got a show for you bitches!
萬人斬 萬人斬... Motherfucker, Motherfucker...
好的 隊員們! All right, party people!
我們要一起殺了海扁王 We are gonna kill Kick-Ass,
這個頭號超級英雄 the very first superhero, together.
我們要把他剁成碎片 然後喂鯊魚 We are gonna cut him up into little pieces, feed that shit to MC Shark
然後把視頻傳上YouTube 真的! and post it all over YouTube. For real!
他在開玩笑 是嗎? He's kidding, right?
萬人斬從不開玩笑 Motherfucker don't kid.
不僅如此 我還要給你們每一個人 That's not it. I'm gonna give each and every one of you
發一顆化肥炸彈! party favor fertilizer bombs!
我們要讓世界混亂! And we are gonna get our riot on!
這才是真正的邪惡 That's what it means to be evil.
我們才是那百分之一的稀有惡魔 We, my friends, are the real 1%,
今晚不把城市毀滅 我的名字就不叫... and tonight we are gonna fuck this city up or my name is not...
克里斯·達米科! Chris D'Amico!
那不是我的名字! That is not my name!
沒錯 那不是 你的新名字是小婊子 No, you're right. Your new name's Little Bitch.
噢 太棒了 Oh, this is perfect.
你是真白痴嗎? Are you really that stupid?
兩個人來抗擊我的整個軍隊 There's two of you and a whole army of us.
你們真的這麼想尋死嗎? Do you really have such a hard-on to die?
不 No.
所以我們才帶來了朋友 That's why we brought our friends.
怎麼啦 克里斯? 嚇尿了? What's the matter, Chris? Shit hit your shorts?
是啊 我要在你的臉上蹭乾淨 Yeah, and I'm gonna wipe my ass with your face.
你要為我爸爸的死付出代價 You're gonna pay for what you did to my dad.
你爸爸? 你還用火箭炮打死了我爸爸呢 Your dad? You blew up my dad with a bazooka.
噢! Oh!
準備受死了嗎 小姑娘? Are you ready to die, little girl?
長時間看著你屎一樣的臉的確會死人 I might be if I have to keep looking at that shit-stain you call a face.
克里斯! Chris!
抓住他 我要看他長什麼樣子 Hold him down. I wanna see what his guts look like.
你們幾個夠了! That's enough from you boys!
乾得漂亮 親愛的 Nicely done, sweetheart.
你就這點本事? That all you got?
不 我有致命零重力裝置 No, I got my lethal zero G device.
胡說八道 Bullshit.
不是胡說 No shit.
你沒事吧? Are you okay?
嗯 謝謝你 扁海王 Yeah. Thanks. Ass Kicker.
好的 Nice.
天啊 你這傻逼 Jesus, you are such a pussy.
這麼窩囊帶面具有什麼用? What is the point of wearing a mask if you can't do what you want?
我們想維護正義 We want to do good.
不 人們只想贏彩票 No, people want to win the lottery.
人們只想操斯嘉麗·約翰遜 People want to fuck Scarlett Johansson.
你以為用針管能殺死我? You think you can kill me with little needle?
那不是殺人用的 That's not what it's for.
那叫腎上腺素 婊子 It's called adrenaline, bitch.
那是什麼 廉價毒品? What was that, some cheap shot?
剛才那下是為了上校 That was for the Colonel.
啊! Ahh!
這下是為了暗夜賤女 That's for Night Bitch.
現在是為了我的爸爸 And that's for my dad.
我以為你這婊子扎不死呢
你他媽在幹什麼? What the hell are you doing?
救你的小命! Saving your whiny ass!
不要! No!
我不要你救 我寧願死! I won't let you have this. I'd rather die!
你有毛病吧 哥們? 這不是漫畫書 這是現實! What is wrong with you, dude? This is not a comic book, it's real life!
你死了 就真的死了 再沒有續集了 When you're dead, it's done. There's no sequel.
是你幹的好事 是你先開始的! 我現在要結束一切 You made this real. You started it! And I'm gonna finish it.
我會永生的 就像惡魔上帝 I'll be immortal, like an evil Jesus.
等等! Wait!
我還活著 I'm alive.
戴夫 我真抱歉 Dave, I'm so sorry.
那種感覺無法用語言描述 The feeling was indescribable.
克里斯·達米科死了 Chris D'Amico, dead.
他想做超級反派的夢 破碎了 His wannabe supervillains, defeated.
但我們真的讓世界更好了嗎? But did we make the world a better place?
還是說 我只是終結了自己當初戴上面具引發的鬧劇? Or did we just finish something that began when I first put on this mask?
警察來了 The cops are coming.
他們會收拾那些壞人 They'll take care of the bad guys.
我們最好在他們來之前逃走 We better skedaddle before they get here.
我們成功了 We did it.
太他媽爽了 Fuck, yeah.
嘿 注意用詞 Hey, language.
你是對的 我們打扮成超級英雄 就要做超級英雄的事 You're right, if we're gonna dress like heroes, we should act like heroes.
他會為你而驕傲的 戴夫 He'd be proud of you, Dave.
他會為我們所有人感到驕傲 He'd be proud of all of us.
你知道我們永遠不能再這樣做了 對吧? You know we can never do this again, right?
結束了 It's over.
最後一次 來吧 One last time. Come on.
你怎麼樣 超殺女? 加入嗎? What do you say, Hit Girl? Are you in?
為什麼不呢? Why the hell not?
正義永恆! Justice Forever!
謝謝載我回來 Thanks for the ride.
我們學校見 I'll see you at school.
我要離開紐約了 戴夫 I'm leaving New York, Dave.
我不能回家 我不能讓馬庫斯陷入兩難境地 I can't go home. I can't put Marcus in that position.
為什麼? 他不會逮捕你的 你剛才拯救了城市 Why? He won't arrest you. You just saved the city.
是啊 我也用警察的槍殺了六個人 Yeah, well, I also killed six guys with a cop's gun.
超級英雄也不能逃脫法律制裁 Vigilantes don't get a free pass.
你不能走 人們需要你 You can't go. People need you.
- 他們現在有你了 - 敏迪... - They've got you now. - Mindy...
我不像你 I'm not like you.
做超級英雄不一定要很厲害的 戴夫 You don't have to be a bad-ass to be a superhero, Dave.
你只要勇敢 You just have to be brave.
這算什麼? What was that?
這是我的初吻 That was my first kiss.
好好的 不然我把你撕成兩半 Be nice or I'll rip your ass out through your mouth.
敏迪走了之後 When Mindy left,
我終於明白了自己人生的方向 that's when I finally understood where my life was going.
就像現實中的人們 Just like it had to eventually happen,
註定要有成為超級英雄的幻想 that real people would try to be superheroes.
而幻想也註定將會結束 Eventually it had to end, too.
世界上沒有真的超級英雄是有原因的 Superheroes can't exist in the real world for a reason.
因為真正的世界需要真正的英雄 It's because the real world needs real heroes.
不是喬裝打扮的小丑 And not some punk in a wet-suit playing dress-up,
而是一個真正可以替天行道的俠客 but a genuine bad-ass who can really kick ass.
不要走開 稍後彩蛋
有人嗎? Hello?
求求你 別走 Please. Don't go.
不要走 Don't go.
那邊有人嗎? Is anybody there?
有人嗎? Hello?
拜託 幫幫我 Some help, please?
我被鯊魚咬掉了屌 現在連水都喝不到嗎? A shark bit my fucking dick off and I can't get some water?