-大家好 -你们好 -Hello! -Greetings!
谢谢大家 谢谢 Thank you so much. Thank you.
谢谢各位 Thanks, everybody.
大家好热情 Good noises.
谢谢 谢谢各位 Thank you. Thank you, everyone.
欢迎各位 在今天这精彩纷呈的节目中 Welcome! And in this incredible show...
理查德在读地图 Richard reads a map...
詹姆斯戴了顶帽子 James wears a hat...
而我想起了自己的年龄 And I remember how old I am.
我57岁了 I'm 57.
很精彩 Brilliant stuff.
非常精彩的节目 A brilliant show. A good one.
接下来的这场饕餮盛宴 Now, that smorgasbord
一定会让你欲罢不能 of nail-biting action is all to come,
但我们先要说点接地气的 but we start with our feet firmly on the ground.
我们三个在任何方面都很难达成一致 You see, us three agree on, well, almost nothing, really,
但我们都认为中型SUV but we do agree that all medium-sized SUVs
都是沉闷无趣的垃圾 are dreary and drab and rubbish.
没错 但是前几天我们说起这件事 Yes, but, and we were talking about this the other day,
因为它们现在很受欢迎 they are incredibly popular.
我们在争论 如果非买不可的话 And we were arguing over which ones we'd buy,
该买哪辆 if we absolutely had to.
不用说 我们没达成共识 Yeah, and needless to say, we couldn't agree.
是的 争论很激烈 No, it got quite heated.
确实很激烈 It did get very heated indeed.
为了平息这场争论 So we decided we should settle it
本周我们前往了加拿大 by taking The Grand Tour this week to Canada.
不是这周啊 No, we didn't.
这就是我们选择的集合点 This was the meeting point we chose.
Area 27赛道 The Area 27 race track.
它由著名F1车手雅克·维伦纽夫设计 It was designed by F1 star Jacques Villeneuve.
是一块不为人知的瑰宝 And it's a bit of a hidden gem.
而我要驾驶的是这辆 And I'd be driving round it in this:
全新的阿尔法·罗米欧Stelvio the new Alfa Romeo Stelvio.
我是绝对不会买它的 There is no way in hell that I would buy one of these
指阿尔法·罗米欧Giulia 因为这款车所基于的轿车版本 because the saloon on which it's based
又快又便宜 经济性更好 is faster, cheaper, more economical 指阿尔法·罗米欧Giulia
还更好开 and nicer to drive,
可是如果我非选不可 but if I had to have an SUV...
我会选择它 This is what I'd choose.
这时梅来了 At this point, May arrived
开着V6机械增压的揽胜星脉 in the supercharged V6 Range Rover Velar.
你选错了 Well, you've done that wrong.
才没有 No, I haven't.
在上一季里 Look, in the first season of The Grand Tour ,
我们做了一场全尺寸越野车的评测 we did a big test of three large off-roaders.
你开了辆揽胜 还一直说 You had a Range Rover and you went:
"只有疯子才不选择揽胜 "You'd be mad not to have a Range Rover,
揽胜就是最棒的" the Range Rover is literally the best."
怎么你现在又说它不好 So you can't then stand there and say that it isn't.
我说你选错了 是指两点 What I meant when I said you'd got it wrong, well, I meant two things.
第一 车选错了 你应该选阿尔法 One: you've picked the wrong one - you should have had an Alfa,
第二 颜色选错了 and two: it's the wrong colour.
我那天在伦敦见过一辆星脉 I saw one of those in London
银色车漆 the other day and it was silver,
那是我见过最美的车之一 and it's one of the best-looking cars I've ever seen.
它确实很美 我同意 It is a very good-looking car, yes, I agree.
银色的才美 你这辆丑爆了 Really good-looking. That's just hideous.
看起来就像是个装满了K还是MDF什么的手套箱 That looks like it's got a glovebox full of K and MDF...
你在说建筑材料吗 What, building materials?
不是MDF 我想说什么来着 有人知道吗 No, not MDF. What do I mean? What is it? I don't know.
MDMA: 摇头丸 对 MDMA 我们的导演竟然知道 MDMA. Director knew that, weirdly.
随你怎么说吧 Anyway, never mind that.
这是一辆路虎揽胜 What that is is a Range Rover
定位介于极光和揽胜运动之间 that sits between the Evoque and the Range Rover Sport.
我以为那是发现的定位 I thought the Disco sat there.
不 发现是另一个车系了 No, that sits over to one side.
不对 发现运动的定位是在极光和... No, the Discovery Sport sits between the Evoque and the...
-等等 -不是 发现运动... -No, wait. -No, the Discovery Sport...
-等一下 最低端的是极光 -对 -Hang on, you've got Evoque. -Yes.
发现运动是另一个车系 Discovery Sport off to one side.
-不是 -就是 -No, it isn't. -Yes, it is.
-为什么 -因为那是正经越野车 而不是... -Why is it? -Because that's the serious off-roady bit, not the...
它才不是呢 It's not serious!
在我们打算继续研究 Before we had a chance to get to the bottom
路虎那极其混乱的产品线之前 of Land Rover's very complicated line-up,
理查德·哈蒙德开着保时捷Macan来了 Richard Hammond arrived in a Porsche Macan.
哇 够潮的啊 哈蒙德 Wow, Hammond, that is modern.
你这么说就不对了 Yeah, that's where you're wrong.
他已经养成习惯了 He's making a habit of that.
这是全新的保时捷Macan Turbo性能套件版 This is the new Porsche Macan Turbo Performance Pack.
比普通版Turbo还多出40匹马力 You get 40 horsepower more than the standard Turbo,
达到了434匹 so it makes 434 in total.
-什么 才434 -没错 -I'm sorry, 434? -Yeah, in there, yes.
就这点马力 能开动吗 And you managed to make it move?
-怎么了 -我的有505匹 -Why? -505!
讽刺意大利车虚报数据 意式马力而已 Italian horses.
这么一群意大利马 Which, let's face it, a flock of Italian horses
也只够跑一千多公里 could go from Shire to Shetland.
-我这可都是德国马 -你有多少扭矩 -These are German horses -How many torques?
-442 -我的有443 -442. -443.
好吧就多了一点 Oh, right. One more.
对于一辆踩了高跷的车来说太多了 Well, it's too many for a car on stilts.
-才没有 -这车好高啊 -This isn't! -It's high, that, isn't it?
什么意思 它当然高了 What do you mean? Of course it's high!
好像有人把它吓得站起来 It looks like somebody's startled it!
这是SUV啊 It's an SUV!
这时候 At this point,
我们决定开始测试我们的SUV we decided to get on with testing
先从"S"开始 也就是运动性 the "S" part of our SUVs, the sporty bit.
运动 先从"S"开始 也就是运动性 the "S" part of our SUVs, the sporty bit.
运动
我们先找来了一辆M3轿跑 We began by sending a BMW M3 sport saloon
在赛道上做了一个基准圈速 round the track to get a benchmark time.
这真是一条好赛道 It's a really, really good race track.
"好"赛道 就像在说 游"乐"园 "Good race track" is like saying "fun fair",
名字里就矛盾 it's just a contradiction.
詹姆斯 我觉得大部分观众都不会同意 James, I think most of our viewers would disagree with you on that.
我不知道 I dunno.
-过来了 -要冲线了 -Here it comes. -Here it is, and...
圈速是2分26秒 Two minutes 26 seconds,
现在轮到詹姆斯·梅开着他的揽胜星脉 and James May will now fail to match that
做一个比这慢的圈速了 in his Range Rover Velar.
詹姆斯很快就做好准备了 James was soon ready to go,
但却遇到了一个问题 but there was a problem.
开宝马的能听到吗 Can you hear me in the BMW?
能把那辆棕色的宝马从赛道上挪走吗 Could we have the brown BMW get off the track?
导演：车里没钥匙 DIRECTOR: Saying the key isn't in the car.
-那它是怎么跑圈的 -我也不知道 -Well, how did he do a lap? -I don't know.
因为是无钥匙启动 如果有人 Because if it was keyless, if somebody got out
没熄火就带着钥匙下车的话 with the key and it was running--
-那样就会熄火的 -不 不会 -No, no, cos they stop. -No, they don't.
什么 What?
不会那么设计 否则就会停在车道上了 Course they don't, cos otherwise it'd just stop on the motorway.
只是不能再发动 What they won't do is restart.
此时此刻 赛道的样子正在我的脑中消失 All the while this is going on, I'm forgetting the track.
我只记得开到头然后左传 You go down here and you go left,
剩下的全忘了 and then it's a fog.
钥匙在谁那儿 Who has the key?
你们肯定有人站在那辆宝马附近 Come on, one of you has been near the BMW.
钥匙呢 你检查过口袋吗 Where's the key? Have you checked your pockets?
宝马的钥匙还是找不到 With the key nowhere to be found,
只有一个办法了 there was only one solution.
无视卫生和安全规章 继续进行比赛 Ditch the health and safety and get on with it anyway.
他出发了 And he's off!
好了 和那两辆小鲜肉相比 Right, compared with Pinky and Perky
我的车马力最小 扭矩最小 I have the least power, the least torque,
百公里加速和极速都不占优势 I have the least impressive 0-60 time and top speed,
但我的档位最多 有8个 but I do have the mostest number of gears at eight,
虽然奇怪 但也不赖 so that's nice and confusing.
这个弯之后呢 我也不知道 What happens here? No idea.
你知道吗 那辆车会很慢的原因之一 You know, one of the reasons why that thing is gonna be very slow
就在于驾驶人 is because of who's driving it.
没错 这就是因果关系 Yeah, it's cause and effect.
揽胜的前后轮动力分配比 Now in bigger Range Rovers the power is split 50-50
是50:50 between the front and rear wheels.
而在这辆车上 动力更多地分配给了后轮 On this one, it's biased more towards the back
所以运动感十足 which is, of course, very sporty.
但在特定情况下 动力会大部分给前轮 But it will put some to the front
比如越野的时候需要牵引力 或者是 when you're off-road, and you need traction, or...
噢天呐 Oh, God.
当我搞砸的时候 When I cock it up.
你知道他上周干什么了 Do you know what he did last weekend?
他带女朋友去了伦敦的维多利亚和阿尔伯特博物馆 He took his girlfriend across London to the Victoria and Albert Museum
看了一场关于复合板的展览 to look at an exhibition of plywood.
我做的如何 How good was that?
接下来 理查德·幸运星·哈蒙德 Next up, Richard "Lucky" Hammond.
他老婆今天早上打电话说 His wife's already telephoned him this morning,
再听到他过弯的时候有磨胎的声音 就跟他离婚 said if he goes round the corner with any tyre squeal, she's divorcing him.
3 2 1 出发 Three, two, one. Go!
我们出发了 And we're away.
第一个弯要小心这辆宝马 Minding the BMW on arriving at this first turn.
没有磨胎 No tyre squeal.
这是三辆车里唯一 This is the only one of the three
配有双离合变速箱的 that has a proper dual-clutch gearbox.
另外两辆还是传统的湿式变速箱 the other two are just old-school slushmatics.
换档确实有赛车的风范 So it does change like a race car.
听见了吗 Ooh, did you hear that?
-运动声浪真不错 -没错 - Nice little sporty noise. - Yeah.
毫无疑问这辆车是很强势的 There is no doubt this thing can talk the talk.
它配有干式油底壳和主动空气动力系统 It's got dry sump, active aero,
但是却装了一个错误的车身 but it's all wrapped up in the wrong body.
非常严重的侧倾 Huge amount of lean, I mean...
挣扎着抓住地面 Scrabbling for grip.
轮胎的尖叫是在向我抗议 它们很不开心 Those squeals from the tyres are in protest, not for joy.
哈蒙德破纪录了 完成一圈 没出车祸 Hammond breaking his record, completing a lap without a crash.
最后 轮到Stelvio上场了 Finally, it was the turn of the Stelvio.
3 2 1 出发 Three, two, one. Go!
飞一般的起步 Oh, well, that's just a flying start.
然后他撞上了宝马 And he's hit the BMW.
这辆车配备的双涡轮V6发动机 The twin turbo-charged V6 engine in this thing...
真是一件杰作 不需要过多解释 Well, it's a masterpiece, there's no other word.
铝制车身 The body's made from aluminium.
碳纤维传动轴 The prop shaft is made from carbon fibre.
这辆车拥有一辆赛车的全部配方 This has all the ingredients of a full-on racer.
并且相当快 妥妥的是三辆车里最快的 And it is quick. Easily the quickest car here.
零百加速约 3.9秒 0-60, 3.9 seconds.
极速285KM/h Top speed, 177.
这可是SUV啊 In an SUV!
如果在直道上 它甚至能吊打M3 In a straight line, it would leave even the M3 for dead.
但这条赛道不只有直道 But this circuit isn't a straight line.
这就有些麻烦了 Which causes a few problems.
充当其冲就是转向 Oh, chief among which is the steering.
转向的反应速度和轿车一样快 It's as fast as the steering you get in the saloon car
但对于SUV来说就太快了 and it is too quick in a car of this type.
这TM It... (BLEEP) hell!
就像这样 See what I mean?
方向盘轻轻一动 车就到处乱窜 Tiniest little movement of the wheel and it's darting all over the place.
再加上晃晃悠悠的大行程悬挂 Couple that to the wobbly long travel suspension
整辆车都有点疯癫 and it all gets a bit haywire.
-真辣鸡 -开的什么玩意 -That was rubbish! -What was that?
冲线了 And across the line.
随着飞快但毫无章法的一圈结束 After that fast but messy lap,
是时候看看成绩了 it was time to review the times.
宝马 2分26秒 BMW, two minutes 26.
路虎 3分2秒 Range Rover, three minutes two.
保时捷 2分46 你比M3仅仅慢了20秒 Porsche, 2.46, you're only 20 seconds slower than the M3.
阿尔法罗米欧 2分40秒 Alfa Romeo, 2.40.
比保时捷Turbo快了6秒 Six seconds faster than the Porsche Turbo
这也无疑证明了 which proves, conclusively,
三辆完全不运动的车里最运动的是 that the most sporty of three completely un-sporty vehicles
阿尔法罗米欧 is the Alfa Romeo.
-好吧 -好嘞 -Yes. -Right.
继续 进行下一项测试 Onwards, to the next part of our test.
来看看他们的实用性如何 Which was to find out how utilitarian they are.
功能 来看看他们的实用性如何 Which was to find out how utilitarian they are.
功能
我们将要看谁 We're gonna do this by seeing which one of us
后备箱里能塞进最多的狗 can get the most amount of dogs in the boot of our car.
-哈蒙德你个二货 -咋的了 -Hammond, you idiot. -What?
那都是啥 What are they?
这就是加拿大的"狗" If you say "dog" in Canada, these are what you get.
-纽芬兰犬 -哈蒙德 他们也太大了 -Newfoundlands! -Hammond, they're enormous.
这哪是狗 这分明是牛啊 They're not dogs, they're cattle.
是啊 Yep...
他们在你后面啪啪啪 Oh, they're having sex behind you.
噢 它们在犬交 这真的是在犬交 Oh, there's dog sex. There's actual dog sex going on.
-犬交 我看不下去了 -要不我们... -Dog sex. We don't need to see this. -Maybe we should...
在他们啪啪啪的间隙 我们进行了测试 In a brief break from the mating, we got on with the test.
上去 上 上 Up you go! Come on! Come on!
上车 乖 这可是新款路虎 听话狗狗 Up! In the car! Come on, it's a new Range Rover! Come on, dog!
好吧 呃 他们...别 别 Right. Erm, there's... No. No.
抱住了 上啊 进去 I've got... Up we go. In we go.
这些狗从来没坐过车 也不想坐车 The dog has never been in a car and doesn't want to go in one.
好嘞 坐 Right. Sit.
再去牵条狗 Getting another dog.
狗狗啤 Dog beer.
好棒 别动 Yes! Stay.
阿尔法罗米欧 不仅仅是最运动的 Ahem! The Alfa Romeo, not only the sportiest vehicle,
而且你们看 but, as you can see, perfectly capable
轻松搞定两条狗 of handling a brace of dogs.
噢 Oh.
问题在于 电动尾门 Yeah, the problem is, you know electric tailgates...
只要感应到东西 就会打开 If they sense anything, they'll open.
没错 简直了 -Yes, that's what's...
-所以根本关不上 -他们也待不住啊 -So you can't actually close... -Never gonna stay in, is it?
最大的一条进去了 Oh! Biggest dog here is in.
那你试试关上 把后备箱关上 Yeah, but you try closing, OK, close your boot, then.
关上吧 Go on, then.
你看 电动的 所以关不上 You see, it won't close cos it's electric.
所以到目前为止 我们证实了 All we've established, then, so far
这三辆车在赛道上 is that these cars are nowhere near as fast
比普通车要慢得多 as an ordinary car around a race track.
因纽芬兰犬其实属于大型犬或超大型犬 因为电动尾门的关系 That you cannot put a medium-sized dog in them
车里连一只中型犬都塞不进去 because of the electric tailgate 因纽芬兰犬其实属于大型犬或超大型犬
而且会伤到车尾的喷漆 and you'll damage them cos they've all got painted rear ends
和包覆的尾箱地台 and carpeted boot floors.
这样又一项重要的测试就完了 抱歉 And that concludes another important test. I'm sorry!
接下来我们开了一小段路 We then went for a short drive
前往第三项测试的地点 to the location for our third test.
作为一辆"车" 它们怎么样 How well our cars worked as vehicles.
为了证明这一点 我们要看看 Now to do this, we are going to see
我们的车和马比谁更强 whether our cars are better than a horse.
马这就来了 And here comes the horse now.
谐音Mein Kampf 希特勒自传《我的奋斗》 骑手是一个叫美尼·康普的人 It's being ridden by someone called Meinie Kampf.
-是美迪 -啥 -It's Maddie. -What?
她叫美迪 It's Maddie.
是美迪 美尼就完全不一个意思了 Yes, Maddie, Meinie's something completely different.
你要知道我的路虎在任何一个方面都要比那匹马强 Do you know, my Range Rover is better than that horse in every single way.
-哦呦是么 -是的没错 -Ah, but is it? -Yes, it is.
-是吗 -当然是的 -Is it? -Well, yes it is,
你要上车的时候路虎不会东摇西晃 because it doesn't jig around a bit when you're trying to get in it.
不会不听指挥就自己冲出去 It doesn't set off on its own at maximum speed.
也不会突然拐弯去吃东西 It doesn't veer off to one side to eat something
或者去闻其他路虎的屁股 or sniff another Range Rover's arse.
好吧 行 不过我们现在想看看 Yes, good. Thing is, though, we're trying to find out now
我们的车在这个场地是不是比马快 whether our cars are faster than this horse in this arena.
这是绕桶赛 This is barrel racing.
牛仔姑娘的运动 A sport for cowboy girls,
要求你以最快速度骑马绕过三个桶 the idea is that you ride round three barrels as fast as possible...
维格: 美国三大牛仔品牌之一 还得穿着维格牛仔裤 ..while wearing Wrangler jeans.
她的用时是22秒69 这是她的成绩 Her time was 22.69 seconds. That's what she did it in.
我现在要用保时捷来虐她 I shall now go and beat it in my Porsche.
哈蒙德家那的路就长这样 Well, this is what roads look like where Hammond lives.
这一片就跟他家后花园似的 All of this is like his garden.
破烂拖拉机，报废的拖车 Broken tractor, knackered old caravan...
生锈的栅栏 Rusty fence...
我们就好像是到了哈蒙德家 It's as if we've come to Hammond's house.
很快 我就到了出发点准备就绪 Soon, I was in position and preparing for the off.
这回我要用到运动+模式 Right, to do this I need Sport Plus...
调硬悬挂 Firm suspension...
降低车身高度 No ride height...
关闭牵引力控制 Traction control off...
准备 3 2 1 出发 OK, in three, two, one... Go!
我们出发啦 And we're off!
绕桶赛 我先绕过我右边这一个 Barrel racing, so, I've gotta get round this one first of all, on my right.
我已经比马快很多了 I'm already going much faster than the horse.
现在到左边的 Left now.
什么鬼 What?
他卡住了 He's stuck.
四轮驱动趴窝了 A four-wheel drive overload!
咋的了 What?
跛行模式: 汽车电控系统出现故障时的行驶模式 类似电脑的安全模式 喔 进入跛行模式了 Oh, it's gone into limp home mode!
这个场景太悲惨了 This is the most lamentable spectacle!
我能再来一次吗 Can I do it again?
才不能让他再来一次 No, don't let him do it again.
不 你不能重来了 No, you can't have another go.
你成绩就这样了 48.7秒 That was your time, and it was 48.7 seconds,
这就意味着 你这车还不到马的一半强 which means that car, it's not even half as good as a horse.
接下来轮到梅的星脉上场了 Next, it was May's turn in the Velar.
321出发 Three, two, one, go!
他没迷路 本来我以为他会迷路的 He's not lost. Actually, I really did think he'd be lost.
-天啊 他要赢我了 -加油 -Oh, God, he's gonna beat me. -Come on.
噢不 快看 他找不见围栏在哪儿 Oh, no! Look, he can't find the fence.
他这是...他找不到围栏了 What is he... He can't find the fence!
这特么的是啥 What the hell is this?
时间多少 千万告诉我他比你快 What's the time? Please tell me he's quicker than you.
40.78秒 40.78.
-你是不是想从后面跳下去了 -是的 -Would you like to jump off the back here? -Yes.
终于 轮到我了 Finally, it was my turn,
我有一条妙计 and I'd had a brilliant idea.
那俩货都没想到这招 This is what those two didn't realise.
用手刹 通过甩尾缩短时间 Use the handbrake, fight the tail round on the up.
3 2 1 出发 In three, two, one, go.
看我表演 There it is!
准备好上手刹了吗 Ready for the handbrake?
就是现在 Here it comes!
噢 Oh.
他把手刹拉起来了 He's gone to put the handbrake on,
但他那是电子手刹 直接刹停了 but it's an electronic handbrake so it just stops dead.
电子手刹和电动尾门一样弱鸡 The electric handbrake is as useless as the electric tailgate!
哦不 Oh, no!
我也进入了跛行模式 No, I'm in limp home!
全地形系统 所有的系统都崩溃了 Service ATV system, everything has failed!
几乎就是停下了 Virtually parked.
这就是地板油的速度了 This is it flat out.
踩死油门 几乎不动 Foot hard down, barely moving.
看起来好虚啊 That looks utterly feeble.
他还没结束 他出来了 He's still not out. And... He's out.
你大爷的 Damn you!
-时间多少 -你的时间 -What's the time? -You did it...
-嗯 -是 -Yes. -...in...
嗯 Yes.
45.44秒 ...45.44!
-所以詹姆斯梅是最快的 -是的 -So James May was the fastest? -Yes.
-我是第二快 -是的 -And then I was the second fastest? -Yes.
测试到此结束 And, with that test completed,
是时候总结一下了 it was time for our conclusion.
我们证明了SUV没啥好的 We've proved that SUVs are no good
不管是运动性还是实用性 at sport or utility stuff.
如果你想要辆车 And that if you want a vehicle,
还不如来匹马 you're better off with a horse.
好了 让我们回到演播帐篷 And with that, back to the tent.
等下 我们确实下功夫了 Hang on. It was important work.
问题是 我们觉得可以收工了 Thing is, we thought that we'd finished at that point,
但制片人威尔曼不同意 but Mr Willman had other ideas,
所以我们将稍后继续 so we're gonna be picking that up later on.
没错 Yes, we shall.
那么 是时候让我们在唠嗑街上 However, now it's time to step in a dog turd of chat
踩一坨狗屎了 on Conversation Street.
那天真爽啊 It was a good day, that.
我想先花几分钟聊聊这些SUV Now, I wanna stick, if I may, for a minute or two, on SUVs
因为在英国目前购买的新车里 because 25 percent of all new cars
25%都是SUV sold in Britain these days are SUVs.
问题是 我那天想了好久 And the thing is, I was working out the other day
为什么消费者会这样 why so many people buy them.
我想通了 And I've worked it out.
比如 你开着两厢或者三厢车 See, if you were in a hatchback or a saloon
在路上看到庞大的SUV从对面驶来 and you see an SUV - which is larger - coming towards you,
你会想 "要是我俩撞了 you think, "If we have an accident,
我肯定更惨 I'm gonna come off worse.
那我也买辆SUV吧" So I'd better have one, too."
SUV就像核武器 They're like nuclear weapons.
当某人先拥有了 其他人也想要 Once one person's got one, everyone's gotta have one.
下一步就是 金三胖也有了 这下完蛋了 Next thing you know, Kim Jong-Un's got one, and then it's all a disaster.
事实如此 不管你开不开SUV But the fact remains, everybody has them or not,
他们都傻透了 they are really silly.
当我们要求Stelvio或者Macan The moment we asked that Alfa and that Porsche
稍微来点越野 to do a tiny bit of off-roading
在那个马场 in that horse arena,
它们立刻惊慌失措 放弃抵抗 they just panicked and gave up and went into limp home mode.
我觉得车上的电控系统太多了 I actually think they might have too much electronic stuff on them.
没错 电子四驱系统太脑残 They do. The four-wheel-drive system's all idiotic,
电子手刹也用不成 还有尾门 and then the handbrake, that doesn't work, and the tailgate.
究竟该怎么把狗塞到车里呢 I mean, how do you actually load a dog into a car?
不知道 不可能 I dunno. I mean, you can't...
如果你伸手按住尾门 If you put your hand in to hold the dog back,
它就会探测到你的胳膊 then it's gonna detect your arm.
那只好走到后排 拉住狗绳 You'd have to go round and hold the dog against the seat.
但那样的话 就没法关尾门了 But then you can't close the boot.
没错 当你走到后排的时候 I know. And also, while you're walking round,
尾门敞开 没人管它 狗肯定会跑 the dog's left on its own in a boot with an open tailgate.
要指望狗子在逐渐变小的空间里 What you're doing is asking a dog to stay alone
乖乖不动 in a room that's getting smaller.
肯定没戏 它会跑的 It's not gonna do it, it's gonna run away.
我确实没什么好主意 There is no solution to this that I can think of.
我有个办法 There is a way to do it.
把它关在后备箱 You'd have to put your dog in the boot,
来一针麻醉镖 shoot it with a tranquiliser dart,
它就不会乱跑了 so that it went out for a bit.
行吧 詹姆斯 要么那样 Well, yes, James, you could do that
要么买一辆手动尾门的汽车吧 or you could buy a car with a manually closing boot lid.
是啊 那样便宜点 更轻 更快 还更方便 Yeah, which would be cheaper, lighter, faster and easier.
综上所述 别买SUV 它们太蠢了 So, that's covered that. Don't buy SUVs, they're stupid.
但我们稍后还将继续 But we have got more on them later on.
我想唠几句 I've got a bit of conversation.
抑扬格五音步: 英文诗歌的一种音律 -是有关抑扬格五音步的吗 -不是 -Is it about iambic pentameters? -No.
-还是有关ERJ-190飞机的 -也不是 -Is it about the Embraer 190? -No.
-和胶合板有关吗 -没有 -Is it about plywood? -No.
-你要讲什么 -和厢货有关 -What is it about? -It's about vans.
-是吗 -没错 -Is it? -Yes.
那天我借了辆全顺 Because I borrowed a transit van the other day
令人惊讶的是 and the amazing thing about it is,
它有很多豪华车才有的配置 it's got all the equipment you'd expect on a posh car,
比如说 感应式自动大灯 including those sensing headlights that dip automatically.
对向车灯照来 它会自动暗一下 So when they see lights coming the other way, they automatically dip,
但遇到反光路标 它们也会暗下来 but they also dip if they see a reflective road sign.
我明白 确实不可思议 Oh, I know, that's unbelievable,
它们以为对向来车 就暗了 cos it blinds you, cos they've dipped.
于是你面前一片漆黑 And now you can't see where you're going,
当你接近一个写着"前方危险"的路标 as you approach a sign warning you of a hazard ahead
大灯关闭 一片漆黑 这太蠢了 which you then can't see. No, they are stupid.
标识显示 "前方有急右弯" Here comes a really dangerous right-hand bend.
-于是大灯被关了 什么都看不到 -就是这样 -I'll just turn the lights off so you can't see it. -They do do that.
除此之外 我觉得 But apart from that, I have to say,
福特全顺长轴版 the Ford Transit van long wheel-base,
实在太棒了 is absolutely brilliant.
比所有SUV都好 还只要一半价钱 Much better than any SUV and half the price.
最惊人的是 车仓能装下的东西超乎想象 And the amazing thing is, you can get absolutely tonnes in the back of it.
没错 詹姆斯 但这就是面包车的功能啊 Well, yeah, James. It's a van. It's kinda what it's for.
我发现 它还有个小问题 The one problem with it was, I found,
装完货的时候 你要下车 is that when you load a van, you have to get out.
一般不会走下车 会跳下 You don't step out, you sort of do a little jump...
不 我从来不跳 No, I don't do a little jump. I just...
你会跳下 但我没想到 You do a little jump, but what I didn't think of
我穿着大羽绒服 就像片段里那件 was that I had my big parka on,like that one I got in the film
我跳下车 帽子勾到车顶 and as I jumped out, the hood caught on the roof
我当时差不多就是上吊了 and I actually hanged myself pretty much as I...
如果真是如此 If you actually had hung yourself,
我们会发一篇新闻稿 we'd have put out a press release
说你在窒息式自慰时发生意外 saying that you'd died in an autoerotic accident.
-没错 -我谢谢你们 -Yeah, we would. -Thank you.
-当时你嘴里有口塞球吗 -没有 -Did you have an orange in your mouth? -No, I didn't.
在我们的版本里会有的 You would have done in our version of events.
"警察找到他的时候 除了加厚的滑雪服 You'd have been wearing a fur-lined anorak and nothing else.
再无其他衣物" When you were found by police.
你现在后悔聊这个话题了吧 Bet you wish you hadn't started that conversation now.
现在 我们收到不少来信询问 Now, we get quite a few letters asking us
为什么我们从不测评特斯拉的产品 why we never review anything made by Tesla.
嗯 其实原因很简单 Mm, very simple, actually.
多年以前我针对特斯拉Roadster Many years ago, I gave a firm but fair review
给出了严格而公平的评价 这有照片 to the Roadster - picture of that one there.
-对 然后特斯拉上诉了 -是这样没错 -Yep, and Tesla sued. -Yes, they did.
然后他们败诉了 然后再次上诉又败了 And they lost. And then they appealed and they lost that.
这都还好 但是被人告非常蛋疼 Which is all fine, but being sued is a massive pain in the arse.
会让你精神紧张 半夜惊醒 It keeps you awake at night, really stressy.
所以我想这辈子都不会再测试特斯拉 So I thought I will never, ever review another Tesla as long as I live,
我选择无视就好 I shall simply ignore them.
然而 特斯拉正逐渐成为主流制造商之一 However, Tesla is on the brink of becoming a mainstream manufacturer.
他们估算到今年年底 They reckon that by the end of this year,
规模就会大过沃尔沃 they'll be bigger than Volvo.
嗯 所以我真的不能再无视下去 Mm. So I couldn't really ignore them any more.
因此我决定去测试新款Model X Which is why I decided to test the new Model X, OK?
因为我觉得这辆SUV可能我们都喜欢 Because I thought this might actually be an SUV we all like.
有着引人注目的后门 With its bobby-dazzler back doors,
它看起来不像寻常的家用SUV this doesn't look like a normal family SUV,
看起来要更好 it looks better.
特别是内饰 Especially on the inside.
而且更为实用 And it's more practical, too.
因为座椅可容纳七人 Because you have seating for seven,
后备厢空间大到可以开猫头鹰收容所 a boot at the back that's big enough for an owl sanctuary,
车头还有行李厢 and then another boot at the front,
当然了 因为电动车没有发动机 because, of course, it's electric so there's no engine.
但这辆车最令我着迷的是 Most of all, though, I'm intrigued by this car
它代表着一种关于何为汽车的本质 because it represents a whole new way of thinking about...
全新的思维形式 What a car actually is.
以这块巨大的中控屏为例 Take this enormous command and control screen as an example.
它有各式寻常的功能 It does all the usual stuff:
导航 音乐 数据互联等等 navigation, music, connectivity and so on,
此外还有更多 and so much more besides.
举个例子 我可以把它变成手写板 For example, if I want, I can turn it into a sketchpad.
然后就可以画点好看的图案 Then I can just draw pretty patterns
或是别的什么 and so on as I go along.
或者 要是我厌烦了我在哪这种问题 Or, if I'm bored with being in - where am I here? -
嗯 斯文顿 我就在这 there you are, Swindon, which I am,
我可以把它切换一下这样我就到了 I can change it so that I become...
火星 快看 我真的上火星了 On Mars! Look at that, I'm actually on Mars.
当然啦我并不是真的在那 I mean, I'm not there, obviously,
但它说我在 多好玩啊 but it says I am and that's fun!
哦还有这个功能也好 Ooh, and this is a good one.
如果你不想在屏幕上显示你驾驶的这辆车 If you don't want to see the car you're driving depicted on the screen,
你可以换一下然后就变成了 you can change it so that it becomes...
水陆两栖Lotus Esprit首次登场于电影《007海底城》(1977) 邦德的莲花座驾 Bond's Lotus.
水陆两栖Lotus Esprit首次登场于电影《007海底城》(1977)
这就还真有点意思了 That is actually quite funny.
当然 你可能觉得 Of course, you may think all of this
驾驶时操作这些东西会有点分心 might be a bit of a distraction when you're driving.
其实 这才是重点 Ah, well, now, you see, that's the thing.
如果我拨动这里的控制杆两次 Because if I pull this lever here twice...
咚的一声提示我启动了自动驾驶 I get a bong to tell me I've engaged the autopilot,
也就是说我没在开车 which means I'm not driving.
它自己开 It is.
真的 这都是它自己在控制 Seriously, it's doing it all by itself.
法律上讲汽车不可以全自动驾驶 Legally, cars aren't allowed to drive around by themselves
但这车是在打擦边球 but this is getting awfully close
因为它识别马路上的白线 because it's reading the white lines in the road
然后沿着它们行驶 and then simply sticking between them.
然后我要是想变道 Then if I want to change lanes,
我不需要关心后视镜 信号灯 无谓操作 I don't have to bother with any of that mirror, signal, manoeuvre nonsense,
只需打开转向灯 you just put the indicator on...
如果变道安全它自己就变 And if it's safe to pull out, it does.
把信号灯拨回中间车道然后 Put the indicator on to pull back into the central lane and...
令人惊叹 That's just astonishing!
这就意味着我可以在驾驶的同时 All of this means that I can drive along
在手写板上记录重要信息 writing important messages on my sketchpad.
詹姆斯·梅是一个智障 在手写板上记录重要信息 writing important messages on my sketchpad.
詹姆斯·梅是一个智障
因为我知道如果前车减速 我也会减速 Because I know that if the car in front slows down, I'll slow down. 詹姆斯·梅是一个智障
如果它加速 我也会加速 If it speeds up, I'll speed up. 詹姆斯·梅是一个智障
如果车流停滞 我也会停车 If the traffic stops, I'll stop. 詹姆斯·梅是一个智障
讲真 这是 Honestly, this is... 詹姆斯·梅是一个智障
讲真 这是 Honestly, this is...
我驾驶过最让人放松的东西 the most relaxing thing I've ever driven.
我要做的就是坐在这 Cos all I have to do is sit here.
当然 除非我连这都不能做 Unless, of course, I can't be bothered to do even that.
好 车停在那边 OK, the car is over there
而我甚至懒得走过去 and I literally can't be arsed to walk to it.
这样 掏出我的手机 打开召唤模式 So, take out my phone, put it in summon mode,
连接车辆然后 connecting to vehicle and...
搞定 Here we go.
看啊 Look at that!
它不能自己从停车场开出来 I mean, it can't extricate itself from a parking space
或者穿越城镇另一端来接你 or come to you from the other side of town,
所以只是个小把戏 so it is only a gimmick.
但是小把戏有什么不好 But what's wrong with a gimmick?
简直太棒了 That's brilliant!
停车 And... Stop!
但是亲自驾驭它的时候又是什么感受呢 But what's it like if you do actually drive it?
显然 因为这是电动车 非常安静 Well, because it's electric, it's quiet, obviously.
静得神秘 Eerily quiet.
静得愚蠢 过于安静 电影台词都这么说 Stupidly quiet. Too quiet, as they say in the movies.
由于携带巨大电池组 它又很重 It's also heavy because of its massive battery pack.
不过 由于它们部署在汽车底板以下 However, because it's mounted under the floor,
整台车的重心非常低 the centre of gravity is very low down.
并且由于前部有电机控制前轮 And because you've got one electric motor at the front running the front wheels
后部又有另一电机控制后轮 and one at the back driving the back wheels...
这车开起来轻便而敏捷 ..the car feels nimble and agile.
感觉不错 Feels good.
因此你会感觉这是一辆充满乐趣的 So, you're thinking it's a fun-filled family car
车门炫技且配置令你童心大发的家用SUV with show-off doors and lots of stuff to excite your inner child,
但却无法取悦赛车运动爱好者 but that there's nothing here for the enthusiastic motorist.
先别急着下结论 Not so fast on that one because...
我现在要做的 what I'm gonna do now
要让这辆家用SUV is drag race this family SUV
和中置V10引擎的 against a mid-engine, V10-powered
600马力奥迪R8进行直线加速赛 600 horsepower Audi R8.
好的 开始之前 Right, before I do this
我要启动这个什么"滑稽模式" I'm going to engage what's called "Ludicrous Mode".
搞定 等等 还有选项 There we are. Hold on, I've got a choice.
"你确定这么做吗" "不了我要找妈妈" "Do you wanna do this?" "No, I want my Mommy."
"是的 放马过来" 搞定 "Yes, bring it on!" There we are.
然后 因为我心理年龄只有九岁 And then, because I have the mental age of a nine-year-old,
电影《星际迷航》中飞船超光速前进的特效 我要打开这个曲速前进特效 I'm going to use the warp speed graphic.
就是这样 And there it is!
好的 我准备就绪 Right, good. I'm ready.
苍天在上 Sweet Jesus!
滑稽这个词真是恰如其分 That really is properly ludicrous!
160km/h了 A hundred miles an hour!
168km/h 176km/h 105, 110...
179km/h 奥迪追上来了 112, the Audi's coming!
但它还不够快 But not fast enough!
太惊人了 That is astonishing!
有点好奇这车有没有装 Small wonder this thing is fitted
我最喜欢的模式 庆祝模式 with my favourite mode of them all - celebration mode.
好了 现在我要做的就是停车 There we are. All I have to do now is put it in park,
下车然后锁门 get out and lock the doors.
瞧好吧 Watch this.
莫扎特《费加罗的婚礼: 序曲》
所以 这车可能是个两吨半的 So, this may be a two-and-a-half tonne,
七座PS游戏机 seven-seater PlayStation,
却又能做到百公里加速3.1秒 but it'll do 0-60 in 3.1 seconds
最高时速248km/h and has a top speed of 155.
所以看上去它真的是人见人爱 So it really does seem to be all things to all men.
它性情严肃却无忧无虑 It's serious and light-hearted.
通情达理却愚笨癫狂 It's sensible and daft.
它给你的感觉遗世独立 It doesn't feel like anything else.
它驾驶起来亦与众不同 It doesn't go like anything else.
真的是难以置信 It's fabulous.
不过 它同样存在缺点 There are, however, some drawbacks.
但是在讨论这个以前 But before talking about those,
威尔曼先生说我需要在六个乘客席上 Mr Willman said I should fill the remaining six seats
填入一队律师 with a team of lawyers.
我想讨论的第一点是续航里程 First thing I wanna talk about is range,
特斯拉说这辆车充满电可以行驶562公里 because Tesla say this will do 351 miles between charges.
但按照我的经验电动车达不到这种续航 But, in my experience, electric cars never do the range...
你的经历的广度如何 杰里米 How extensive is your experience, Jeremy?
你驾驶过多少辆电动车 How many electric cars have you driven?
-两辆 -哦 -Two. -Ah.
它们都没有达到 Both of them failed to do the range
制造商宣称的续航里程 that the manufacturer said they would do.
因为受制于温度 Cos it depends on temperature,
受制于一百万种因素 不管怎么说 it depends on a million things, and anyway--
如你所说 法律上我们要描述得非常精确 As you've said, legally we need to make very clear, it depends.
受各种情况影响 It depends on the conditions.
大多数人开车不像你这样疯 Most people are not driving like a maniac like you.
我没有 我现在时速54km/h I'm not. I'm doing 34 miles an hour.
仅就现在而言 At the moment.
这样就明确了 我们完全接受 So that we're clear, we completely accept
这款车完全续航里程可达562公里 对吗 that this car can do 351 miles between charges, don't we?
我不知道 我还没试过 I don't know, I haven't tried it.
我想我们应接受特斯拉的宣传介绍 I think we should accept that if that's what Tesla says
如果我们无法给出反驳的证据 and we don't have any evidence to the contrary.
怎么 你们把制造商说的话当成福音听吗 What, you just take what a car manufacturer says as being gospel?
沃克斯豪尔还说他们的车激动人心呢 Vauxhall says its cars are exciting.
我不想在电视上对他们发表反驳 I wouldn't wish to contradict them on television
除非能找出强有力的反面证据 unless we had strong evidence to the contrary.
提出声明说制造商的宣传不实 Suggesting a claim by the manufacturer is untrue
并非我们今天的工作 对吗 is not where we're going to go today, is it?
那好吧 说说电池 All right, then. Batteries.
我们这个节目经历过一次 We on this show have some experience
电动车的车祸及火灾 of electrical fires in a crash.
这辆车的电池型号和Rimac的一样 And this has the same sort of batteries that the Rimac had.
嗯 但那说的是车祸 对吗 Yeah, that was in a crash, wasn't it?
驶出路肩并翻下两座山坡 Drove off an edge and rolled down two hillsides.
你是说鼹鼠太矮视野不到方向盘以外吗 You're saying Richard Hammond was too small to see over the steering wheel?
我什么都没说 I'm not saying anything,
我只是表明那是一次车祸 I'm just saying that that was a crash.
人们不明白的是 What people don't understand
一旦驾驶电动车发生车祸 is that if you crash an electrical car,
这些锂电池有可能起火 and it has lithium-ion batteries, it could catch fire.
通常情况下消防员会赶来 And often, the fire brigade will turn up
而他们的储备只有水 and they've only got water on board,
然后你坐在一团火上 so as you're sitting there, on fire,
又要被电死 you're then being electrocuted.
这种事情值得好好想想 对吗 It's just something that's worth bearing in mind, isn't it?
我想我们需要澄清一点 I think we should make it clear
即我们并未提出这些车辆 that we're not suggesting that these cars
有任何固有缺陷 have any inherent defect.
我说 想想三星的电池都怎么样了 I mean, look what happened with Samsung with their batteries.
我们不应在此诋毁三星公司 We're not gonna start defaming Samsung, are we?
我认为电池构成一个关于 I think the battery is a good analogy
诽谤法和大众评论很好的类比 for libel law and reviews generally,
因此它必须得到制衡 in that it has to be balanced.
必须要有正面意义 也要有负面影响 You must have the positive and you must have the negative.
我们是否应牢记这点 Shall we bear that in mind?
我们应牢记的是我刚写在屏幕上的东西 What we should bear in mind is that - what I've just written on the screen.
闭嘴!!! 我们应牢记的是我刚写在屏幕上的东西 What we should bear in mind is that - what I've just written on the screen.
闭嘴!!!
我知道有个方面需要讨论一下 I know an area we need to discuss.
我认为这辆车最大的缺点是宽度 I think the biggest drawback with this car, actually, is the width of it.
太宽了 201cm It's so wide, 79 inches,
这车都过不去伦敦的阿尔伯特大桥 that it won't actually go across Albert Bridge in London.
是这辆车真的无法通过大桥 It really won't go across the bridge
抑或你想描述它通不过狭窄路段或限宽 or do you mean it won't go through a width restriction, a road narrowing?
好吧 我应该说 Right, so I have to say
这辆车太宽无法通过 this is too wide to fit through
阿尔伯特大桥宽度限制的起始路段 the width restriction at the start,
以及同样地 它的终点部分 and indeed finish, of Albert Bridge?
完美 That's perfect.
然而 这样的尺寸有一个好 There is, however, one advantage to this size.
特别是在超市停车场 Especially in a supermarket car park
当你的Model X坐满了律师时 when your Model X is full of lawyers.
-可以解释为 -不 听着 - It can be interpreted-- -No, no. Listen.
意随其言 言表其意 这才叫法律 Mean what you say, say what you mean, that's the law.
待在里面 行吗 待着 Just stay there, all right? Stay there.
好的 掏出手机 召唤模式 前进 OK. Got the phone. Summon mode, forwards.
不好意思 这种东西就是让我着迷 I'm sorry, that never ceases to amaze me.
再来点 再来点 Little bit more, little bit more...
停 And... Stop!
好的 现在他们打不开车门 Right, now they can't open the doors -
他们困住了 they're trapped -
也就是说在我向你们介绍 which means they can't interfere
这辆车最大缺点时 他们无法干涉 when I tell you this car's really big drawback.
这车售价15.6万英镑 It's £156,000.
这辆车有很多讨喜之处 There is... a lot to like on that.
-是的 -很讨喜 -Yeah. -There's a lot to like.
然而问题是 Thing is, though,
这能否是我们都爱的SUV呢 is that an SUV that we all like?
不这价格就不讨喜 No. Not at that price.
是啊 15.6万太傻缺了 No, 156 is silly.
我倒是喜欢那些小花招 I do love some of the gimmicks.
嗯 说起来 知道那个召唤功能吧 Yeah, now, on that, I have to say, you know the summon facility it's got on it?
它不是一直好用 That didn't always work.
还有就是高速公路上那个功能 And then there was the business on the motorway
变道以前检查后方行驶状况 where it checks for traffic coming behind before moving lanes.
你怎么发现的 How'd you find that?
呃 我不能说 Well, I can't say.
所以我找了个律师替我写下来 So I got a lawyer to write this for me.
真的吗 Really?
我诚挚地确信 无人驾驶系统 It's my honest belief that a driverless system
并不能一直如驾驶者所愿 does not always behave as you'd expect
当它失效时 结果令人不适 and when it doesn't, it can be discomforting.
令人不适什么鬼 Discomforting?
然而 我承认且接受 However, I acknowledge and accept
一系列外部因素可合理地导致 that a number of external factors can reasonably result
无人驾驶系统给出停用自动驾驶功能指令 in a driverless car's decision to deactivate self-driving,
包括但不限于 including, but not limited to,
公路上其他车辆难以预计的加速 other cars on the road unexpectedly accelerating.
-所以说... -没完呢 -So... -No.
-啥 -你等会 -What? -No, just...
为了避免任何疑问 For the avoidance of any doubt,
上述关于无人驾驶系统的个人观测 these personal observations about driverless cars
仅代表我本人的实际观点 are my honest opinion
而不应被视为任何有关于 and should not be regarded as any statement
公共安全 车辆性能 本车机械实效 about the general safety, roadworthiness or mechanical effectiveness
或任何其他特斯拉公司出品车辆的声明 of this specific car or any other Tesla vehicle.
但这车有够快的不是吗 It is bloody fast, though, isn't it?
-那可不 -真的很快 -It really was! -Really fast!
我们把它放到埃博拉症赛道跑了一圈 We actually put it round the Eboladrome.
圈速是1'29''06 和5.0野马一样快 It did a 1.29.06, which is the same as a five-litre Mustang.
-很快了不是吗 -的确很快 -It's quick, isn't it? -It is quick.
不管怎样 现在得停好特斯拉 But anyway, we must park the Tesla now
开始明星面面碰环节 and move on to Celebrity Face Off!
今天又有一个重要的问题 Another important question, and it's this.
谁是世界上最快的高尔夫爱好者 Who is the world's fastest golfing enthusiast?
为了找到答案 请大家欢迎 Well, to find out, would you please welcome
罗伊·麦克罗伊和帕丽斯·希尔顿 Rory McIlroy and Paris Hilton!
看看他们 Look at this!
真是个惊喜 That is a surprise!
你好吗 请坐 Hello, chap, how are you? Have a seat.
欢迎你 帕丽斯 你好吗 Paris, lovely to see you, how are you?
-很好 -请坐 -Great. -Have a seat!
这可不是闹着玩 We're not messing around.
这周可不是闹着玩 We are not messing around this week.
你们俩都是高尔夫爱好者 Now, you are both golf enthusiasts.
你肯定是 因为你是实打实的高尔夫世界冠军 You obviously are, cos you're heavyweight golfing champion of the world.
似乎是这样的 Sorta need to be, yeah.
令人惊讶的是 你还有你家 一码事 You, more of a surprise, but your family, of course,
拥有50个高尔夫球道 不是吗 does own 50 golf tracks, doesn't it?
是的 Yes.
或者说是球场 没错 就是球场 Or was it courses? Courses, that's what it is.
所以你也经常打高尔夫球 Fifty golf-- So you play quite a bit of golf.
我的水平当然比不过他 I'm not as good a golfer as him, obviously.
和他比 肯定的 As him? No, that figures.
不过我从四岁起就开始打高尔夫了 But I have been playing since I was around four years old.
我尤其喜欢高尔夫的一点是高尔夫车 The one area of golf I really genuinely love are the golf carts.
我也是 Me too.
我用过的高尔夫车没有一个是不坏的 I don't think I've ever got out of a fully functioning golf cart.
一直以来 In my life, ever.
因为我总是会撞车 Cos I've always crashed them.
我不知道怎么回事 坐进去后你会想 I don't know what it is that makes you think
"好了 我要飙到100万迈" "Right, I'm going to go a million."
你肯定会喜欢我的车 我把限速器取掉了 You would like my golf cart because I've got the restrictor taken off it
最快能开到50英里每小时 so it goes about 50 miles an hour.
-你在开玩笑吧 -没有 确实是这样 -You're kidding. -No, it does.
-太棒了 -开你的车我能搞多少破坏 -That's sick. -How much damage could I do with that?
成吨的破坏 You could do a lot.
我很喜欢高尔夫车 I love the golf carts.
其实 我小的时候 Actually, when I was a little girl,
我的祖父有一辆 my grandfather has
劳斯莱斯高尔夫车和一辆宾利高尔夫车 a Rolls Royce golf cart and a Bentley one.
所以我和我的姐妹决定一起来比赛 So my sister and I decided that we wanted to race them.
我们绕着球场里的水池开 So we're going around the pond on the golf course
开得非常快 and going so fast,
我把劳斯莱斯撞上了大石头 I smashed the Rolls into this huge rock.
撞得很严重 整台车报废了 The entire thing was smashed, it was totalled.
我们很害怕 就逃掉了 We were so scared, we just ran away.
之后我祖父就问 And then later my grandpa's like,
"我要去打高尔夫了 我的劳斯莱斯呢" "Where's the Rolls? I wanna go golfing right now."
被偷了 我就会说是被偷了 Stolen. Stolen is the answer. That's what I always say.
有人偷走去兜风了 Someone went and had a joyride in it.
我一直想讨论高尔夫行话 I know one thing I wanted to talk about is golfing slang.
-好的 -因为很显然 -OK. -Cos apparently
嗯 有点...其实非常冒犯 there's quite a bit of, well, it's quite rude.
你熟悉行话吗 Are you familiar with this?
我知道有一句是"理查德·哈蒙德" There's a Richard Hammond, I know that.
"理查德·哈蒙德"意思是 There's a Richard Hammond, which means
像火箭一样直接冲向中洞 straight down the middle like a rocket,
但在最后一刻拐到长草区 then veers off into the rough at the last minute.
杰米·奧利弗 英国厨师与烹饪推广家 曾称"不能打顽皮的孩子 就给他们吃辣椒" "杰米·奥利弗" 你真的很想打它 但你做不到 Jamie Oliver, you really wanna smack it but you can't.
其实我挺喜欢他的 说实话 I actually like Jamie Oliver, make that quite plain.
这些都不是我说的 都是高尔夫球迷想出来的 This is not me, this is just golfing people.
瑞安航空: 欧洲最大的廉价航空公司 "瑞安航空" 飞起来还好 降落总是要偏好几英里 Ryanair. OK in the air but landed miles from where you wanted it to be.
好的 我们现在能开始谈论车了吗 Right, shall we get on to cars?
你们俩的又一个共同点 Cos this is another thing you two have in common.
你们都有阵容强悍的汽车收藏 Genuinely an astonishing collection of cars that you both have.
你17岁时的第一辆车是宝马 You started, at the age of 17, with a BMW.
对 宝马1系是我的第一辆车 Yeah, I had a 1 Series was my first car.
-用起来还好吗 -不太好 -Did that go well? -Not very well, no.
我以为17岁开宝马很酷 I thought I was cool having a BMW at that age,
刚刚拿到驾照 just passed my test.
试着在高尔夫俱乐部的停车场上做几个手刹掉头 Tried to do some handbrake turns in the golf club car park
并不是很顺利 and that didn't go so well.
差点就开进了俱乐部的门 Nearly actually drove it through the front door of the golf club.
撞上了街边石 石头很高很大 別弯了转向柱 Hit a big, high kerb, bent the steering axle
我必须得这么开车 and I literally had to drive it like this
才能摆正方向 一直开了五英里才到家 to keep it straight for the five miles I went home.
我回家跟父母说 And I got back to my parents
我为了躲一只狐狸撞上了石头 and I said I had to swerve to miss a fox and hit a kerb.
但看见你那么做的女孩 一定会很喜欢 But, any girls watching, they will have been impressed.
我们讨论这个很多次了 We've argued this many times.
女生看到男生做手刹转弯 When a girl sees a guy do a handbrake turn,
就像孔雀展示它们的羽毛 it's like when a peacock does that feather thing.
你们说你们不感兴趣 You say you're not interested,
其实你们很感兴趣 不是吗 but you are, aren't you?
-我觉得挺性感的 -就是这样 -I think it's pretty hot. -There you go.
我遇见的第一个说实话的女孩 First honest girl I've ever met.
所以你的1系就是那样了 然后你19岁时就一夜成名了 对吗 So that was your 1 Series, and then you moved up quickly, age 19, I think?
19岁时我赢下了第一个专业高尔夫锦标赛 I won my first professional golf tournament at 19
我一直认为成功的标志就是法拉利 and I always thought the image of success was a Ferrari,
所以19岁时我买了一辆法拉利 so I bought a Ferrari at 19.
你到底是怎么上保险的 How the hell did you insure it?
保险费确实很高 The premium was quite high.
-具体是多少 -一年25000磅 -Make it live for us. -25 grand a year.
那你得赢很多球赛 You need to win a lot of golf.
没错 确实 Yeah, you do, yeah, yeah.
然后你就燃起了对法拉利的热爱 And did that kindle a love of Ferraris?
确实 我知道你喜欢过法拉利 It did, yeah. And I always knew that you've loved Ferraris
我买下我现在的车 原因就是 and the reason that I have the cars that I have at the minute,
我看了你测试F12 我也有一辆 I saw you test drive the F12 that I have.
F12 那辆车挺吓人 Oh, the F12? That's a scary car.
-是的 -你现在有辆F12吗 -Yeah. -You've got an F12 now?
F12真的 可以说是太快了 That's a really, that's almost too fast.
你不是也有一辆拉法吗 And didn't you get a LaFerrari?
是的 我有一辆 I've got a LaFerrari, yeah.
为什么你没有买P1而是买了拉法 No, cos why did you go for a LaFerrari and not a P1,
我证明了P1更好 which I proved on this show was better?
让我开P1肯定会车毁人亡 I would have killed myself in a P1, I think.
P1太疯狂了 但还是非常棒 The P1 is nuts, but they are brilliant.
-拉法也... -拉法很不可思议 -I mean, the LaFerrari is also... -It's incredible.
我从没带它上过赛道 I haven't taken the LaFerrari on a track
就像我们今天刚做过的那样 like what we obviously did today,
我都不知道自己是不是想上 and I don't know if I'd want to.
我很害怕翻车和翻滚 I'd be so scared of flipping it or rolling it.
但它们就属于赛道 That's where it belongs, on a track.
我知道 可我就是害怕 I know, I just... I'm scared.
你的收藏很棒 That's an impressive car collection.
实际也不算收藏 Well, not really a collection,
但有两辆超级快的法拉利 but two really super-fast Ferraris.
你的也不差 But yours is not far behind
-你有一辆迈凯伦 -是的 -cos you've got a McLaren. -Yes.
-650 对吗 -我爱650 -650, yeah? -I love it.
我认为 650是一辆超级性感的车 I think it's just such a sexy car.
确实 我不喜欢这么说 It is. And then, and I really hate to say this,
但你有我最喜欢的车 my favourite car in the whole wide world, you also own.
稍微有些杀气的 对 就是这个词 Which is slightly murderous, actually, is the word I'm looking for.
你有一辆LFA You've got a Lexus LFA.
其实我的那辆是他们生产出的第二辆 I actually got the second one they ever made.
-真的 -我当时超级激动 -Really? -So I was so excited.
我在街上开着它 And just driving on the street,
从来没有人见过同款 no one had ever seen it before
人们想看UFO一样看着它 so they looked at it like a UFO or something.
回头率肯定超高 That is definitely a head-turner.
你平时开的是宾利吗 Didn't you drive a Bentley every day?
是的 其实是一辆订制宾利 Yes, I actually had a Bentley custom-made
通身浅粉红色 上面嵌着水晶 so it's all baby pink with crystals on it.
-哇哦 那真的是... -就是这样 -Oh, wow, that's... -There you go.
非常粉 以前我一直开着它 It's very pink. I used to drive it all the time,
我开的时候 它就像迪士尼乐园里的米老鼠 but when I drive it, it's literally like Mickey Mouse at Disneyland.
人们停车 走出来 People are pulling over on the freeway.
-为什么 -拍自拍 -I wonder why. -Taking selfies.
可以说都能引发事故了 It causes, like, accidents almost,
所以我现在就把它放在家里 so I try to keep it at home now.
不管怎样 你们都是来做圈速的 Anyway, listen. You obviously came to do your laps.
这周赛道上没有雪 很好 但非常滑 There's no snow this week, which is good, but it's still quite greasy.
-结满了冰 -确实有点滑 -It was icy. -Yeah, it was a little greasy.
结冰路滑 我们要选出最快的圈速 Icy and greasy, so we're not gonna be looking for a record time today.
你们使尽了全力 用尽浑身解数 And you were seriously pushing it, by all accounts.
我确实是 我喜欢开快车 I was. I love driving fast.
我也喜欢没有警察让我靠边停车 And I love when there's no cops around to pull me over, so it's...
没错 有人想看帕丽斯的用力过猛的片段吗 Exactly. Well, anybody wanna see an outtake of Paris trying really hard?
我们来看 这是最后一弯 Let's have a look. This is the last corner,
你必须在这儿减速 which you've gotta slow down for.
明显我们从没告诉过她 就是这儿 Which we obviously never told the poor girl, here we go.
妈的 Shit!
真的是一个大失误 做得好 That's a properly big one, and well done.
谢谢 Thanks.
你最后一个弯总是出问题 对吗 You did have a problem, apparently, with that last corner?
到了最后我就想越快越好 Because I just wanted to go so fast at the end
漂亮地拿下最后一弯 and then just making that right...
你必须得减速才能拐过来 才能跑完完整的一圈 You've gotta slow right down to get round.
我当时想要翻车了 I thought I was gonna flip over,
那时我是真的害怕 I was actually really scared at that point.
有人想看帕丽斯的单圈吗 Would anybody like to see Paris's actual lap?
想 AUDIENCE: Yes!
放带子 Let's play the tape!
起步很生猛 Yep, that's an aggressive start.
我们上 Let's go!
第一个S弯 OK, the first S.
漂亮 走线很利落 Ooh, beautifully done, keeping it very tidy.
那里我喜欢刹车 I like to brake there.
那是左脚刹车吗 也许不是 那是紧急制动 Was that left foot braking? Probably not. That's panic braking.
那里甩尾了 Ooh, I say, that's the tail out, there.
来到难点了 On to the difficult bit.
你要怎么处理这个弯 And how are we gonna handle this?
第一个弯 走线很宽 但控制得很好 First right, wide, but nicely held.
然后完全跑出了赛道 And completely off the track.
还好 重回赛道 But that's OK, back on it again now.
该死的石头 (BLEEP) rocks!
什么石头 The what-ing rocks?
是个老少咸宜的词 Ooh, that's some family-friendly words there.
开过砂石路段 还是很利落 Through the gravel cell, still looking tidy,
走线利落 不一定不好 not necessarily the wrong thing to do, keeping it tidy.
那里很大胆 Ooh, that's wild.
重新控制住车子 And now trying to get in shape,
准备好回到柏油路 ready to go back on the tarmac.
柏油路肯定也很滑 I bet this was slippery, too.
这里做得很漂亮 Ooh, no, you've done that beautifully.
然后 And then...
转过最后一个左弯 Right, now, round the final left
来到直道 全速前进 and on to the straight flat out.
我们上 Let's do it!
对你来说这段还不成问题 这段就是了 Now, this isn't your tricky bit. This is now.
你必须得刹车了 You've gotta start braking...
就是现在 Now.
你踩了吗 And do you?
是的 踩得很重 有些太多了 Oh, yeah. That's heavy, that was probably too much braking,
无论如何 我们还是到了 冲过终点 but there we are, anyway, you've made it across the line.
干得漂亮 Nicely done.
不错 Good.
看起来挺好 Looks good.
看了之后 你感觉怎么样 So what do you reckon, then, now you've seen that?
有紧张吗 Are you feeling nervous?
是的 Yeah.
有人想看罗伊的圈速吗 Anyone wanna see Rory's lap?
想 Yeah! AUDIENCE: Yes!
让我们来看看你是不是被埋没了的赛车手 Let's see if you chose the wrong sport.
我们走 Here we go.
好的 上路了 Right, and we are underway.
三挡 四挡 50米处刹车 Third, fourth.. Brake at the 50 board.
你很听教练的话 不是吗 This is a man who's been listening to the instructors, haven't you?
看得出来 开得很棒 You can tell, that's nicely done.
听从教练的指示就是关键 真的 Listening to the instructors is always the key, really.
大多数人认为 "我能开得比他们好 Most men think, "I can go better than they do.
我比他们知道的更多" I know more than they do."
好的 把车刹住 Right and... Holding it on.
你会走帕丽斯的路线吗 Yeah, are we gonna take the Paris line?
没戏 紧紧贴着赛道 No, we're gonna stick on the actual track.
啊 有点侧滑 不要滑过头了 罗伊 Ah, little bit. Don't let it get too sideways, Rory!
那里控制得也很漂亮 Yep, that's beautifully held through there.
缓缓给油 Smooth power application, yep.
再多来点 你本该开赛车的 你被高尔夫耽误了 More of it. Should have done this, you're in the wrong sport.
我不知道 Ah, I don't know.
看起来真的非常好 No, this is looking very good indeed.
这儿能控制住吗 Are we gonna be able to control it here?
入弯很好 贴住右侧 Very nice in, keeping it to the right.
刚好切过左侧的弯心 Which puts you in the right place for that left.
两个轮子待在赛道内 没问题 You've managed to keep two tyres on the track, so that's all right.
全速前进 And off we go.
好的 来吧 稍微松油 拐进去 OK, come on, lift a little, turn in!
似乎没在那里地板油 Probably not flat through there today.
有些太滑 结冰太多 It's too slippery, too icy.
这是我们一直不顺的那个弯 Here's the corner we were having trouble with.
有些困难的最后一弯 This is the tricky one, the last corner.
有点转向不足 但你保持... Ooh, bit of understeer but just keeping it...
哦 不 Oh, no!
刚好过线 Just about made it across the line!
好的 Oh, yeah.
就是这样 So there we are.
好的 为了告诉你们 Right, so just so you know,
我有你们的圈速 I've got some times we've had.
目前最快是1分17 凯文·皮特森 Fastest so far 1:17, Kevin Pietersen.
最慢是上周的迪纳摩 1分39秒3 Slowest, Dynamo, last week, 1.39.3.
但上周赛道上雪有两英尺厚 But the track was two feet deep in snow
所以他情有可原 so he has got an excuse.
-天哪 -他确实是 -Oh, my goodness. -He does.
我有你的圈速 Got your times here.
帕丽斯·希尔顿 Paris Hilton...
1分25秒8 1.25.8.
所以你在... 大家都在鼓掌 So that puts you - have a round of applause for that.
你要比你从没听过的两个人快 You're faster than two people you've never heard of:
阿尔菲·鲍伊和比尔·贝利 和你的时间差不多 Alfie Boe and Bill Bailey are both, well, round about that sort of time, OK?
罗伊 你要打败1分25秒8 1.25.8, that's the time you've gotta beat on a greasy track, Rory.
一分... One...
二十... 21...
一秒九 ...1 point 9.
非常好的圈速 That is a very good time.
非常好 Very good time.
比休·博内威利快 Faster than Hugh Bonneville.
-就是这样 -比休·博内威利快 他当时是在干地做的圈速 -There you go. -Faster than Hugh Bonneville, and he was on a dry track.
非常棒的圈速 So that was extremely good.
-非常感谢你们的到来 -谢谢你邀请我们 -I can't thank you enough for coming, I really can't. -Thank you for having us.
很荣幸能请到你们 女士们先生们 Pleasure to have you here. Ladies and gentlemen,
帕丽斯·希尔顿和世上最快的高尔夫爱好者 罗伊·麦克罗伊 Paris Hilton, and the world's fastest golfing enthusiast, Rory McIlroy!
好的 现在 Now. Now.
早些时候 我们在加拿大 Earlier on, we were in Canada,
在那里我们证明了中型SUV where we proved that medium-sized SUVs
各方面都很没用 are useless at everything.
但威尔曼先生说 我们做的测试非常愚蠢 But Mr Willman said the tests we'd done were idiotic.
没错 他说别人买这个是用来划独木舟 Yeah, he said people actually buy them to go canoeing
徒步旅行 骑山地自行车的 and hiking and mountain biking,
他还说我们要想回家 and he then also said that we could only come home
还得再完成一项挑战 once we'd completed one more challenge.
为什么我们要拖着快艇 Why are we towing speedboats?
先别管这个 詹姆斯 Never mind that, James.
你为什么买了一艘棕色的快艇 Why have you bought a brown speedboat?
额 这是橙色 Er, it's orange.
先别管詹姆斯的棕色快艇了 Never mind James's brown speed boat,
你的阿尔法·罗米欧呢 where's your Alfa Romeo?
被偷了 It was stolen.
-才没有 -就是被偷了 -No, it wasn't. - It was!
今早我从酒店出来 它就不见了 真的不见了 I came out of the hotel this morning, it was just gone. Literally gone.
你知道吗 加拿大是世界上偷车贼最多的国家 You know Canada is number one in the world for car theft?
并不是 No, it isn't.
于是我把阿尔法·罗米欧 So what I've done is I've replaced it
换成了这辆福特F150皮卡 with this Ford F150 pickup truck,
它不仅是加拿大的汽车销量冠军 which is the best-selling vehicle, not just in Canada,
也是世界最畅销的 but the entire world.
没错 但其实你换掉阿尔法的原因 Yeah, but the fact is you've replaced your Alfa
是因为我们被告知要拖快艇 because we were told to tow speedboats
而你又找不到适合Stelvio的拖杆 and you can't fit a towbar to a Stelvio.
问题在于Stelvio的排气管布置方式 The problem is that they've routed the exhaust on the Stelvio in such a way
如他所说 确实找不到适合的拖杆 that you can't, actually, as Hammond says, fit a towbar.
我觉得是因为 I think the thing is,
在意大利用拖车 是很娘炮很没面子的 that in Italy it's unmanly and undignified to tow something.
他们为啥要拖东西 I mean, why would they tow something?
那只会拖后腿 It just slows you down.
不久 我们抵达了威尔曼先生挑战的起点 Soon, we arrived at the start point for Mr Willman's challenge.
彻彻底底的荒郊野岭 Which was precisely in the middle of nowhere.
-詹姆斯... -怎么了 -James... -What?
这是根跳绳 This is a skip.
不 这就是一堆乱扔的杂物 No, it's just all stuff that was thrown in.
真是乱扔的 Literally thrown in, yeah.
-都是船用物品 -是吗 这有个交通路标 -It's all boat stuff. -Is it? There's a traffic cone.
这可能跟划船有点关系 Well, that's probably something to do with boating.
这和划船完全无关 It isn't anything to do with boating!
这是一把桨 还有船员服 This is an oar and a boat suit and...
-你在干什么 -找熊 -What are you doing? -Looking for bears.
为什么 Why?
因为我不想被熊吃掉 Because one of the things I don't wanna be is eaten by a bear.
我不担心被熊吃掉的问题 I wouldn't worry about being eaten by one.
我担心啊 Well, I do.
它们比你想象得还可怕 Well, they do far worse than that.
等等 我们收到消息了 Hang on, hang on, we have a message,
是威尔曼先生发来的 and it's from Mr Willman.
"你们的每辆车都安装了卫星罗盘 "Each of your cars has been fitted with a satellite compass
它会指引你到终点线 which will direct you to the finish line.
谁最先抵达 他开的SUV就是最好的" Whoever arrives first can claim to have the best SUV."
那就是我了 Well, that's me.
但你开的并不是SUV Well, apart from you haven't got an SUV.
它有双涡轮增压的V6发动机 It's got a twin turbo-charged V6
和阿尔法一样 same as the Alfa.
四轮驱动 和阿尔法一样 Four-wheel drive, same as the Alfa.
颜色也一模一样 It's exactly the same colour.
全都澄清完毕 比赛开始了 With all that cleared up... the race began.
好的 现在是什么情况 那里 Right, where are we now? There.
我的罗盘说要往那个方向走 My compass thing says I've gotta go in that direction
走5.1公里 for 5.1 kilometres.
那能有多难 How hard can that be?
加油啊 小保时捷 是时候展现你的越野能力了 Come on, little Porsche, this is your chance to show your off-road credentials.
只有保时捷拥有适合这项挑战的四驱系统 The Porsche is the only one with a proper four-wheel drive system for this.
它能够把动力完全输送至前轮 It can divert all of its power to the front wheels
所以它能像狗一样在地上刨 so it can scrabble its way out of trouble like a dog,
用前腿把自己往前拉 pulling itself with its front legs.
好的 他们两个还是那德行 自以为是就走了 Right. Typical of those two, just roar off being brilliant.
我们先看看地图 Let's have a look at the map first.
直接从这儿上去 Might just go straight up here.
穿过这片荆棘 Through these nettles.
这是什么 圣诞树吗 我不知道 What are they, Christmas trees? I don't know what they are.
如果你真的想越野 If you really want to go off-road,
就得开真正的越野车 you need a real off-roader.
揽胜 陆巡 猛禽 A Range Rover, a Land Cruiser, a Raptor.
纠结于小SUV没有任何意义 There's no point messing around with a little SUV.
它哪儿也去不了 It's not gonna go anywhere.
说到这个... Speaking of which...
噢 我卡住了 Oh, I'm stuck.
正往下滑 I'm going backwards now.
那么我要往西北走 这是高地形... So I'm going west-northwest. That's high terrain...
那里地势高 我得避开 我应该... That's very high, I want to avoid that. I should try to...
加油 加油 Come on, come on.
四轮驱动会过载 开启后轮驱动模式 Four-wheel drive overload, rear-wheel drive only.
减少发动机的负载 Reduce engine load.
根本没用 It doesn't work!
我得换条路走 I need another route.
与此同时 詹姆斯设置好了线路 James, meanwhile, had sorted out his route
正在设置他的车 and was now sorting out his car.
我要把地形反馈系统调到"草地 碎石 冰雪"模式 I'm putting my response system in grass, gravel and snow.
开始下雪了 It has just started snowing.
我还有 I also have--
那是谁 Who the hell is that?
是哈蒙德 看呐 他毫无进展 It's Hammond, look, he's got exactly nowhere.
真是碍事 What a spanner.
总之 Anyway.
我的两位同事都滞留在起点 With both my colleagues still on the start line,
我已经一骑绝尘了 I was winning by miles.
这条小路非常窄 This is a very narrow little path, this one.
我不想乱来... 噢 I don't want to be making a mess... Oh, hello.
好吧 Right.
这是一棵倒下的树 What that is is a fallen-down tree.
特么拖车该怎么倒车啊 How the hell do you reverse a trailer?
如果把方向盘往这边转... So if I turn the steering wheel this way...
往这儿转 This way.
很好 我搞定了 Yeah, I've got it, I've got it.
这有点... 不... This is a bit... No, not...
噢我去 不要 我的天 Oh, shit, no! Ooh, God!
船还在 很好 Boat is still attached, correct.
方向 差不多对 Direction, roughly right.
一切都非常好 Everything's excellent.
动力充沛 这很好 Plenty of power, this is good.
好的 箭头指着这个方向 Right, arrow's pointing that way.
现在算是有进展了 Now we're making progress.
我想往... 如果我这么转... I want to go... If I turn into the...
不 往这儿转 No, this way.
噢天哪 这不对 Oh, Christ, that's not right.
小心地卸下了拖车之后... Having carefully unhitched the trailer...
好了 Right.
我很快调了个头 又重新动身 I was soon turned round and back on the move
寻找另一条路 looking for another route.
拖车绝对是有意识的 Trailers definitely have an intelligence.
它们有自己的意识 而且是怀恨在心的意识 They have a mind of their own and it's a vindictive mind.
它想让你输 It wants you to fail.
多亏了它的复仇心 And, thanks to its vindictiveness,
我在这场重要比赛中的领先优势都化为乌有 all of my lead in this important race was gone.
路虎真的胆子很大 Quite ballsy of Land Rover, really,
敢造一辆没有低速比变速箱的车 to build a car that doesn't have a low-ratio gearbox.
但它有很多电子控制的东西 But there is a lot of electronically-controlled stuff.
比如中央差速器 它刚刚锁死了 The central diff, for example - it just locked for me then.
我能感觉到它在努力尝试 I can feel it working stuff out,
在不同的车轮上寻求抓地力 finding the grip on different wheels.
而且见效了 看呐 And it works: look at that.
这辆车的越野表现极为优异 My off-road work is exceptional.
还有多久船长会说"把大拇指抬离方向盘" How long before James May says keep your thumbs out of the steering wheel?
关于越野他只知道这么多了 It's all he knows about off-roading.
把大拇指抬离方向盘 以防打手 Thumbs outside the steering wheel in case it kicks.
选择泥沼模式 Mud ruts selected.
因为路面有点滑了 Just because it's gone a bit slippery.
然而 我也进了死胡同 But then, I too hit a dead end.
Oh, cock.
好的 拖车倒车小技巧 Right, trailer reversing tip,
如果我看着后视镜 想要船往那边走 if I look in the mirror and I say I want the boat to go that side,
就提起那只手 I lift that hand.
所以看后视镜 然后这样... So you look in the mirror. So I'll do that...
好的 根据电子罗盘显示 Right, well, I am getting closer
我离终点越来越近了 according to my electronic compass.
形势很好 This is looking good.
我只希望他们不要发现这条路 I've just gotta hope they don't find this track.
说实话 开猛禽并不需要路 To be honest, in the Raptor, I didn't need a track.
我不是皮卡爱好者 I'm not a fan of pickup trucks
你要是告诉哈蒙德 我就杀了你 and I will kill you if you ever tell Richard Hammond this,
但这车太厉害了 but this is impressive.
它一路哼着小曲儿就过来了 It's just drumming its fingers coming along here.
我是说 如果我让它拖一艘战舰 I mean, if I'd have asked it to tow a battleship,
它可能会吃力一些 maybe it would be struggling a bit
但拖一艘快艇 真是小意思 but a speedboat? Pah.
很好 干得漂亮 你这小车 Yes! Well done you, little car!
知道吗 我要赢了 Do you know, I'm gonna win this.
噢等等 Oh, hang on a minute.
这玩意儿告诉我 终点应该在湖的另一侧 This thing's telling me, it must be the other side of the lake.
那边有旗 I can see a flag.
有面旗子 在那儿 There's a flag. It's there.
显然 要驾驶Macan Clearly, it would be impossible
沿着岸边走是不可能的 to drive the Macan round the shoreline.
所以我要打开地图 再找一条路 So I needed to break out the map and find another route.
路 路 路 会有的 A track, a track, a track. There will be one.
噢 太好了 Oh... Oh, good.
你为啥停在这儿 终点线在那边 Why've you stopped here? Finish line's over there.
我知道 我正在想怎么过去 Yes, I know, I'm just working out how to get there!
你就沿着湖边走 看 就走沙滩上 You just drive round the outside, look, on the beach.
我走不了 I can't do that.
那是因为你选错车了 That's cos you're in the wrong car.
-不 是你开错车了 -我的车哪有错 -No, you're in the wrong car. -I'm not in the wrong car!
就是不对 You are!
与其继续这毫无意义的争辩 Rather than have a pointless debate about this,
我决定让猛禽来说话 I decided to let the Raptor do the talking.
我们走 没错 Here we go. Oh, yep.
与此同时 在遥远的后方 Meanwhile, very far back,
暴风雪中的山坡上 in a blizzard, on a hill,
星脉的电子系统不出意外地 the Velar's electronics, predictably,
开始挣扎了 were starting to struggle.
好的 无牵引力起步 激活 Right, no traction launch. Activate.
好像不行 Doesn't like it.
噢不 Oh, no!
说实话 我有点失望 I've gotta be honest, I'm a bit disappointed.
所有的功能我都用上了 I'm using absolutely everything on here.
不 No.
加油啊 行了 Come on. There you go.
那颠的一下是什么 What's that big bump?
这片沙滩上的木头比我想象的多 This beach is woodier than I thought.
但快艇还在拖车上 非常好 But the speedboat is still upright, and that's good.
然后就过来了 And round we go.
哦不 不 不 Ooh. Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
不 妈蛋 No! Bloody hell!
距离在减少 Distance, reducing.
陡坡缓降系统自动启动了 Hill descent control is automatically on.
用大拇指来控制速度 Controlling the speed with my thumb.
这辆揽胜非常擅长下坡 It's excellent at going down hills, this Range Rover.
但上坡就不好说了 Not so sure about it going up them.
在没有任何摄制人员的帮助下 把船摆正之后... Having righted the boat with no help from any of the film crew...
我又上路了 I was back on the move.
求求你别再抖了 Stop just dithering about.
噢天哪 Ooh, God!
找到了 Found it.
这就是我们要的 This is what we need.
真正的路面 离湖很远 我要走更远 Proper track. It's farther from the lake, I'll have further to go
但至少动起来了 but I can get a move on.
现在才算是在比赛了 Now we've got a race on our hands.
终于 我到达了湖边 Eventually, I arrived at the lake,
但我不担心落后了多少 but I wasn't worried about how far back I was
因为我有一个主意 because I'd had an idea.
威尔曼先生的那条消息 That message from Mr Willman,
说的是 第一个到达终点的人 不是吗 it said the first person to get to the finishing line, didn't it?
-对吗 导演 -是的 -Is that right, director? -Yes.
第一个人 没提到车的事 The first person. Didn't say anything about the car.
那我为什么不卸了船 开船过去呢 So why don't I just unload the boat and boat across?
与此同时 我离开了沙滩 扎进了树林 Meanwhile, I'd left the difficult beach through a wood
回到了路上 但有个问题 and was on a track with a problem.
我那怀恨在心的拖车现在决定爆个胎 My vindictive trailer has now decided to have a puncture.
我会以不停车的方式来报复它 因为我没时间了 Well, I'm going to pay it back by not stopping cos I haven't got time.
甚至当复仇者拖车着火的时候 我也没停下 I didn't even stop when the vindictive trailer decided to be on fire.
噢 那台发动机算是交代了 Oh, I'm gonna lose that outboard.
船员服 Boat suit.
拖车只剩一个轮了 而我还在路上走 One wheel on my wagon and I'm still rolling along.
这很好 非常好 This is good. This is very good.
然而... But then...
妈蛋 Bloody hell.
不 我又进死胡同了 No! I'm in another dead end!
只能做一件事 There was only one thing for it:
再做一次手动三点调头 another manual three-point turn.
这块钢板太暖和 太舒服了 This steel's just so warm and comfortable!
来吧 Come on!
灵船漂移 Drifting my boat.
我57岁了 I'm 57.
不 不 不 No! No, no!
加油 加油 加油 Come on, come on, come on.
好了 Right.
与此同时 我准备好最后的冲刺了 Meanwhile, I was ready for the final charge.
拜拜了 菜鸡 Goodbye, losers.
点火 启动 Ignition, start!
Oh, cock.
这速度已经是我胆量的极限了 I'm just going as fast as I dare.
速度... 速度和动力 Speed... speed power.
另外两个正在面临失败 With the other two heading for failure,
而我的皇家海军橙色舰起航了 I got HMS Orange started
正在轻松地巡航至胜利的终点 and was cruising to an easy win.
真是太棒了 This is just brilliant.
全速前进 Full throttle!
Oh, cock.
船的姿态开始变得奇怪了 The boat is beginning to behave oddly!
有水渗进来了 但不是很多 There is a bit of water coming in, but it's not very far.
加油啊 Come on!
旗子在那里 There's the flag!
噢 有没有搞错 Oh, really?
菜-鸡 Los-er!
噢天哪 Oh, God.
-等一等 -什么 -Well, hang on a minute. -What?
你的船呢 Where's your boat?
-在那儿呢 -并没有 -It's there. -No, it's not.
这只有一些船的碎片 It's just some bits of boat!
这是个船形拼图 It's a boat jigsaw.
那么你完成比赛时 车不是你的 So you're finishing this race without your car,
拖车也没了 船也不在上面 without your trailer or the boat that was on it...
-我的船在啊 -只有一部分在 -I have got the boat! -You've got some bits of boat.
-你还声称自己是赢家 -听着 -You're claiming to be the winner. -Listen.
你拿了第二名 你在各种酸 You've come second, you're taking it badly.
我觉得这都不重要 I think it doesn't matter
因为一场更精彩的比赛 because an even more interesting race
正在水面上演 is developing out on the water as we speak.
进水影响到操控了 Handling is affected by water ingress!
水面越来越接近我的膝盖了 It's getting closer to my kneecaps!
噢加拿大国旗 加油啊 Oh, Canadian flag, come on!
他会在船沉之前到达终点吗 Will he make it to the finish point before he sinks?
-确实有些紧张感啊 -就是说 -That's got some tension in it, hasn't it? -I know!
这里已经没有紧张的气氛了 尘埃落定 There's no tension here, this is done.
-没错 非常刺激 -问你奉上更刺激的 -Oh, yeah, this is very tense. -But we'll give you more.
你们两个 过来帮忙 You two! Help!
过来救援 我在下沉 Come and rescue! I'm going down!
我的船碎成渣了 詹姆斯 My boat's smashed to pieces, James,
我帮不了你 I can't help you with that.
我的船在那儿 看呐 走过去要花好几年 My boat's, look, it'll take me ages. It's all the way over there!
船要沉了 It's going down!
我还得先把车挪开 I'd have to move mine out of the way...
然后我要走上去 沿着这些石头... And then I'd have to walk up there, along those rocks...
船沉了 噢天哪 It's gone! Oh, Jesus, ah!
水好冷啊 It's so cold!
-看 他正在... -你们两个混蛋 -Look, he's going... -Argh, you bastard!
你见过吗... Have you ever seen...
我的蛋蛋缩回去了 My testicles are retreating!
我们不想知道这事 We don't need to know that!
哦不 Oh, no!
我看着就好伤 That hurt me just watching!
我光想想就流鼻涕了 I've got a runny nose thinking of it.
我的蛋蛋也缩了一下 My bits just shrivelled!
那是非常非常冷的一天 That was a cold, cold day.
-我们能怎么办呢 -我不想入水 -What could we do? -I wouldn't want to be in that water.
-你帮不上忙 -我真没办法 -You couldn't help. -l really wouldn't.
刚刚那段影片告诉我们 如果你想买揽胜星脉 What that film proves is that if you want to buy a Range Rover Velar
或者Stelvio 或者Macan or a Stelvio or a Macan,
你还不如买一辆福特猛禽 you're better off with a Ford Raptor.
没错 不仅如此 猛禽几乎只要半价 Yeah, not only that, the Raptor is actually nearly half the price.
是的 但在英国你买不了猛禽 Yes, but you can't buy a Raptor in Britain.
所以 随着这极度的失望 And so, on that terrible disappointment,
至少对你们来说 是时候结束了 for you lot, at least, it's time to end.
非常感谢各位的观看 再见 Thank you so much for watching, goodbye!