Seven, six, five, four...
Going live.
What you are about to see is true.
Only the names and faces have been left unchanged to protect the innocent.
Ladies and gentlemen,
tonight we have an absolutely spectacular show for you.
In living color from the Dolby Theatre
it's Still Laugh-In: The Stars Celebrate.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
-Here's Laugh-In.
Very interesting.
One ringy-dingy.
-Bippy. -Bippy.
♪ Blondes aren't necessarily dumber ♪
♪ Than redheads ♪
Sock it to me?
-Is that a chicken joke? -Oh!
The sky is blue, the grass is green.
Get off your butt and join the Marines.
Oh, pop goes the weasel!
There's kind of a kind of a... Kind of a... People just, you know, it's--
-Got ya!
-Hey, man. -Hey, Cher, of Sonny and Cher.
What am I doing on a show like this?
-I must be crazy.
And that's the truth.
Starring Lily Tomlin,
Tiffany Haddish,
Neil Patrick Harris,
Michael Douglas,
Snoop Dogg,
Billy Crystal,
Chelsea Handler,
Jay Leno,
Rita Wilson,
Bill Maher,
Tony Hale,
Rita Moreno,
Bobby Moynihan,
Michael Rapaport,
Mary McCormack,
Jon Lovitz,
Kenya Barris.
With special guests,
Ruth Buzzi, Jo Anne Worley.
Featuring Loni Anderson, Maria Bamford,
Margaret Cho,
Deon Cole,
Taye Diggs, Ron Funches,
Nikki Glaser, Jameela Jamil,
Natasha Leggero, Loni Love,
Cheri Oteri, Russell Peters,
Jeff Ross, Lisa Ann Walter,
and yours truly, Rob Riggle.
Now, please welcome Tiffany Haddish and Neil Patrick Harris.
-Yeah!
Look at you!
Welcome, everybody.
I am so excited to be here tonight.
I am, too.
This is Still Laugh-In: The Stars Celebrate,
and we're the stars.
And we're definitely celebrating.
-Yes, we are.
-It's good. -But we're not the only stars.
Some of the funniest people in comedy are joining us for the party.
-Uh-huh. I have been so ready for this. - Mmm.
And look at us.
-Look at us. -Mmm.
We are dressed like we're going to the prom!
Although we're not a couple,
for obvious reasons.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm... Episcopalian.
And I'm Jewish.
And we know some people in here frown upon that.
That's right. We're going straight to hell.
And this is gonna be one hell of a party, segue,
-because we are here to pay tribute...
...to one of the most groundbreaking shows in television history.
Groundbroken!
Yeah, it was cutting-edge.
Mmm, razor-sharp!
-It was...
-Innovative. -Turnt!
Turnt! You bet your sweet bippy it was turnt!
What the hell is a "bippy"?
A "bippy". It's a phrase that was dope in 1969.
-Did you just say "dope"? -Word.
Ooh, I love this. I've never had my own white boy before.
That's cool, 'cause I've never had...
Watch yourself.
I've never had the pleasure of sharing the stage
with anyone as talented as you.
Thank you.
And we are doing it in a way that has never been seen before.
Sounds so dirty.
-That tongue. - But...
But Laugh-In was unlike anything that had ever been seen before.
That's true. When the show premiered,
there was an unpopular president in the White House,
there was fighting overseas and here at home.
Mm-hmm. There was racial discrimination and sex discrimination,
the NRA had too much damn power,
and most of us felt like we didn't have anything.
-We didn't have any power. -It's true.
Sounds very 2019.
And since tonight is about celebrating Laugh-In,
let's start the way they did.
Let's go to the cocktail party.
According to a new study,
seniors are the most frequent binge drinkers.
Followed closely by juniors, sophomores, and freshmen.
Reverend Mother, get over here quickly.
There's a bunch of people here and they're all flying.
How is this show like the Titanic?
It gives me a sinking feeling.
Hey, remember the good old days
when they called illegal immigrants "pilgrims"?
It's all in how you look at it.
What you call "riots", we call "group therapy".
I don't shop at Forever 21.
I shop at Not That Great 48.
Hi. I'm Deon Cole.
Hey, what are you doing?
Swiping you to the right.
Ooh, you're a sexy motherfucker.
There's a new car coming out with a rotary engine.
It still pollutes the air, but with smoke rings.
Oh.
I thought it was that camera. Last time--
I'm on TV.
Hello, I'm Jon Lovitz, comedian/Instagram model.
Now, while I'm known around the world for my charitable works,
my proudest achievement is when I won the catchphrase of the century
for my character, the pathological liar, on Saturday Night Live.
-Thank you.
"Yeah, that's the ticket" launched my career.
As every famous comedian knows,
you're doomed if you don't have a killer catchphrase.
Larry the Cable Guy, "Git-R-Done."
Jeff Foxworthy, "You might be a redneck."
And Bill Cosby, "Hey, hey, hey, drink this."
Ooh.
But what people don't realize
is that the comedy catchphrase was invented
by the scientists of the Laugh-In Institute for Laughs.
Yeah, that's the ticket.
A gracious "hello."
Is this the party to whom I am speaking?
Uh, information?
Yeah, listen. I'm in... I'm in beautiful downtown Burbank.
Can you get me an outside line?
Yes, I'd like to call America.
You bet your sweet bippy!
-I bet my sweet bippy and lost it! -What did he say?
Look that up in your Funk and Wagnall's.
I don't understand a word she said, but when she says it...
...who cares?
Well, ring my chimes.
A one for the money, two for the show...
Here come da judge, he gonna get you.
♪ Swear to tell the truth And you better come clean ♪
♪ 'Cause here come da judge And he looks mighty mean ♪
♪ Here come da judge Here come da judge ♪
♪ Here come da judge ♪
Very interesting.
I think that you are very interesting, too.
Sock it to me.
-Sock it to me. -Sock it to me.
Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me,
Night, Dick.
-Goodnight, Dick. -Dick?
Ladies and gentlemen, Lily Tomlin, Ruth Buzzi, and Jo Anne Worley.
Oh, my God.
Wow!
Thank you so much.
Oh!
Oh, my God, we all thank you so much.
And as we're seeing tonight,
Laugh-In was funny.
And just as relevant today as it was 50 years ago.
And it all began thanks to a man who is here tonight,
who was and is a special part of my life.
Of all our lives.
George Schlatter.
Yay!
Very simply put,
George is a comedy
icon!
And a real mensch.
George, Georgie,
Georgie, we love you.
- Mm-hmm. -Everyone loves you.
Please join us in thanking George
for creating Laugh-In
and providing us all these laughs for all these years!
I love you.
My name is George Schlatter,
and I was the executive producer and creator of Laugh-In.
-George Schlatter, eh.
Laugh-In was an adventure. Laugh-In was an experiment.
I really mean it. Let George do it.
I collected a group of people.
They were people who didn't fit into sitcoms.
They were not variety performers.
They were just charming personalities with a wonderful sense of humor.
NBC, beautiful downtown Burbank.
NBC didn't understand it. They didn't even really like it.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to television's first Laugh-In.
But they had nothing else to put on
opposite Lucille Ball and Gunsmoke.
I'm sorry, Lucy, but it's a living.
Laugh-In had a lot of accidents in it.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Travis. I thought you were... you were...
We broke all kinds of rules.
We forgot something.
The joke wall was one of my favorite segments.
The doors would open up, and it would get out of control.
Hello, hello, hello.
We were allowed to go on doing a lot of...
very strange, unusual, and provocative things.
You gotta get out there, kid.
-I just can't go on like this. -It's a full house. Shape up!
It was scripted,
but rarely did they all do what was on the page,
which is the magic of the show.
Tonight, Laugh-In salutes the FBI.
♪ Gimme an F, gimme a B Gimme an I, I, I ♪
We made fun of everything. The rest is history.
Oh, George!
For a minute, I thought you guys had changed.
I, actor, singer, dancer, sword-swallower, Neil Patrick Harris...
I have hosted the Tonys, the Emmys,
and right here in the Dolby Theatre, the Oscars.
And so, I have gotten the chance
to do my fair share of big, splashy musical numbers.
I wasn't going to do one tonight, but the producers, they kept asking.
I told them I didn't have an idea, I couldn't find the right song,
there wouldn't be time to rehearse,
and most importantly, I wasn't getting paid enough.
But they opened their checkbooks, and here we are.
So...
in the spirit of Laugh-In's hilarious musical extravaganzas,
here's a little something special,
just for you.
Key of G. Hit it!
And now,
Rita Moreno and Rita Wilson.
With Judy Carne and Artie Johnson.
♪ This is a groovy life ♪
♪ This is a lot of fun ♪
♪ I may be black and blue Before the season's done ♪
♪ In spite of chicken jokes We're telling everyone ♪
♪ That it's a sock-it-to-me ♪
♪ Very interesting ♪
♪ Cuckoo Laugh-In world ♪
-♪ Dum! ♪ -♪ Dum! ♪
-♪ We never get uptight ♪ -♪ We never hold a grudge ♪
♪ If worry's in the way ♪
♪ We give a little nudge ♪
♪ We let it all hang out ♪
♪ And yell, "Here comes the judge" ♪
♪ 'Cause it's a sock-it-to-me ♪
♪ Very interesting ♪
♪ Cuckoo Laugh-In world ♪
♪ Is this the Twilight Zone? ♪
♪ This must be outer space ♪
♪ And lovely downtown Burbank Is the place ♪
♪ Where ballerinas quack ♪
♪ And run around the block ♪
♪ And everybody says, "Knock, knock!" ♪
-Who's there? -Rita.
Me, too.
#MeToo.
Someone touched you?
No, no. Me, too. My name is Rita.
♪ The elevators work ♪
♪ But never up and down ♪
♪ We're wearing roller skates ♪
♪ Beneath a velvet gown ♪
♪ We think that Charles De Gaulle Is really quite a clown ♪
♪ 'Cause it's a sock-it-to-me ♪
♪ Very interesting ♪
♪ Cuckoo Laugh-In world ♪
Give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a day.
Give a vegan a fish, you'll get accused of a hate crime.
Is that a chicken joke?
♪ If we get really bored And try a nutty trick ♪
♪ If someone lays an egg We pull another shtick ♪
If you're picking a safeword,
stay away from "harder."
♪ We always end the fun ♪
-♪ By saying... ♪ -Goodnight, Dick.
♪ 'Cause it's a sock-it-to-me ♪
♪ Very interesting ♪
♪ Cuckoo Laugh-In world ♪
-It's a sock-it-to-me -Sock-it-to-me
-♪ Sock-it-to-me ♪ -♪ Sock-it-to-me ♪
♪ Sock-it-to-me ♪
It is with a heavy heart
that we continue.
Very interesting.
♪ Cuckoo ♪
♪ Laugh-In world ♪
I heard Snoop Dogg is here.
Actually, I smelled it.
Wow, that's some dank shit.
Cheri, did you take my wallet?
What? I'm just keeping up with the Cash-chic-ians.
Oh, you mean the Kardashians.
Potato, potahto.
Have you ever had a problem with bullying?
No, I've always been really good at it.
I'm opposed to the literacy test.
I mean, if you don't have to be smart to run,
why should you have to be smart to vote?
-Sex is like pizza.
When it's good, it's really good.
But when it's bad,
it's still pretty good.
Sonny and I are perfectly compatible. As soon there's a problem,
my psychiatrist contacts his psychiatrist, and they work it out.
Do you like your martinis shaken or stirred?
You know how I like my martinis?
Paid for. Ooh.
Tonight's show has been pre-recorded for our protection.
Ladies and gentlemen, Jay Leno.
Well, I grew up in a house that had one television,
and it was in the living room,
and I would watch Laugh-In with my mom and dad.
And we would get maybe 15 to 18 minutes into the show, and my mother would go,
"I think we've seen enough of the Laugh-In people. Mm-hmm."
And we'd watch the last 40 minutes of Gunsmoke.
So consequently, there are parts of the show
I'm seeing tonight for the very first time,
that I've never seen before.
In fact, I understand there's a segment called "Laugh-In Looks At The News."
It was cutting edge with jokes about current events.
Poked fun at everything from celebrities to the government,
influenced just about every comic of my generation,
and paved the way for shows like SNL, In Living Color,
and the late-night comedy we love today, so let's take a look.
♪ Want the news across the nation? ♪
Now with the news of the present,
a man without whom news wouldn't be news.
Here's Dickie!
Charleston, South Carolina.
Dawn Simmons, the Englishman who became a female,
recently gave birth to a baby boy.
A close friend commented,
"I only hope he'll grow up to be half the man his mother was."
Many people suspect that our news is doctored.
-How many Russians did you say were in? -Fifteen.
Fifteen...
Joe, that could be serious. We better make it ten Russians.
How about five Russians?
Make it a couple.
Where was this Russian born anyway?
Seventy-five miles off the coast of Labrador.
Labrador.
Well, nobody knows where that is. Make it New England.
"Seventy-five miles off the coast
of Massachusetts."
No, round it out to 50 miles, 'cause I think that'll read better.
Maybe even 25.
Let's not quibble.
Put him a mile off of Boston Harbor.
Representatives of the National Rifle Association
said today that anyone who would sell guns
to minors and unstable people should be shot.
I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, I don't have any news for you tonight.
Here it is. Here it is, look.
Celebrity tennis tournament today.
A record crowd was on hand to see Steve McQueen
win three straight sets from his wife!
It can now be reliably reported
that today, Steve McQueen beat his wife badly
in full view of a large crowd.
Can we get a step ladder for Kevin Hart?
This is just like Twitter, but without all the death threats.
I'm Barbara Walters, and this year,
I'll be hosting my own New Year's Eve special
so I can finally say with confidence,
"This is 2020."
-Where am I?
If I have a psychotic episode at work,
can I write it off as a business trip?
-No, it's too early for that.
Mom!
We're out of toilet paper!
I'll be the judge of that.
My wife found out that I went to a massage parlor.
Happy ending?
No, we're still married.
Contrary to popular belief,
this show is not a rerun.
Felicia? Ernestine.
I've got a new job with some real power.
I'm working at a healthcare insurance corp...
...denying healthcare to everyone.
-Oh, I got to go. I got a call coming in.
Controlled Healthcare Insurance Corp, claims department.
Ernestine Tomlin speaking.
Remember, an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
So does being uninsured.
And what is your gripe du jour?
Nope, not covered.
No, being blind is a pre-existing condition.
You should have read the fine print.
Claims Department, Ernestine.
Nope. Not covered.
Why don't you hop on the bus, Gus, slip out the back, Jack,
get a new plan, Stan?
Oh, I'm hot tonight.
Claims Department, Ernestine. It's your dime.
You were shot in a subway?
Next time, eat at Quiznos.
Claims Department, Ernestine.
Nope, your plan does not cover prescription drugs,
and don't be a pill about it.
You know, you should try acupuncture.
Of course we don't cover acupuncture.
I was just needling you.
Claims Department, Ernestine.
Nope. Not covered.
You must think that HMO stands for "Help Me Out."
Remember, your health is our business, not our concern.
Do you believe in the hereafter?
Of course I do.
Then you know what I'm here after.
By any chance,
are you two ladies brothers?
Move over, will you?
You wanna see a moon gotcha?
What's a gotcha?
See the moon?
Gotcha!
-Oh. - Ah!
You're standing for me?
Wow, that's new.
And flowers for me?
- Mmm. - Mmm.
Well, I guess guys can change.
-Ah!
God, that hurt!
Why did all that stuff get in your bag? What's in it?
Well, it's 2019. I carry a lot of stuff now.
Vape pen, my taser--
What's that sound?
-That's my vibrator. -Oh, God!
Wait a minute.
You can't be Gladys's granddaughter.
You're, uh--
Black?
Your words, not mine.
I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it!
You're a modern, sophisticated, strong...
beautiful,
spiteful woman.
-Okay, you're growing on me. - Mmm.
And you're kind of cute.
What do you say you and me get a room,
my little chocolate buttercup?
God!
We cannot come close to the funny that you
and Artie Johnson did to these characters.
-Aww. -Ladies and gentlemen, the legendary
-Ruth Buzzi. -Oh!
Are we having fun yet?
I sure am,
and I can't wait to see Bill Maher give the finger to someone.
Sorry, the Fickle Finger of Fate to someone.
Okay, now seems like as good a time as any to do my special musical number.
Key of G. Hit it!
Well, wait a minute, that's my key!
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ La ♪
You know, say what you will, she still gets good volume.
What's better than a lawyer?
An alibi!
What do you think of the population explosion?
Well, you know what, doesn't bother me a bit because I wear ear plugs.
My kids, Brasper and Lemongrass, don't need vaccinations.
I just send them off to school and let the bullying do the rest.
These days, an old-fashioned Hollywood marriage
is one where the sex videos are only on VHS.
Mr. Hefner,
Harry says I look like something out of your Playboy centerfold.
Yes, uh, the staple.
Hey.
I don't have a joke.
-I'm just the eye candy.
I told the bartender to give me an Old Fashioned
and make it stiff.
Wow. Well, you're old-fashioned, and I'm stiff.
That was inappropriate.
What's up, everybody? My name is Kenya Barris,
and I'm the creator of the Emmy-nominated, boundary-pushing,
genre-defining show, Black-ish.
Our little show manages to stay on people's minds in a very unique way,
because each week we get an opportunity to talk about important things,
from police brutality to the N-word,
to police using the N-word while brutalizing us.
-You know, the basics.
In fact, at Black-ish, we talked about so much shit,
including a certain orange-faced president,
that I can't be there anymore.
But that's okay. It allowed me to become a part of this amazing Netflix family,
until I say some shit about fat people and end up at Hulu.
No, but seriously, as bummed as I was about leaving ABC,
I did it with no malice,
because it took a lot of balls for that network
to talk about even half the stuff we did.
See, nowadays, that's not something that people do,
talk about things, especially things that offend people,
which is crazy to me, because 50 years ago,
a ground-breaking show called Laugh-In
was going farther than I ever would have fucking dreamed of.
They're going to legalize homosexuals?
Oh, no!
Now that means I've got to take mine down for a collar, a license, and shots.
I have nothing against minorities,
but what happens when there's more of them than there is of us?
Please, no, um... Mexicans,
Negroes, Indians, or, um...
people of the, uh, Jewish... race.
-Whoo!
Don't touch the contrast knob, folks.
I'm colored.
Did you hear the one about the two Jews who hit this Arab with a Chinese pizza?
And there'd be no trouble in the Middle East
if only the Israelis and the Arabs
would start behaving like good Christians.
They don't make us sit in the back of the bus anymore,
because they found out most of the accidents happen in the front.
You know, it used to be that kids looked up to the cop on the beat.
And now they're looking to beat up on the cop.
Well, the kids in my neighborhood still look up to the cops.
I mean, when you're flat on your back, man, you've got to look up.
We had an old-fashioned Thanksgiving.
My granddaddy, the Colonel, flew to New England
and shot an Indian.
Why don't you Americans recognize the Red Chinese?
Because to us, all Chinese look alike.
-Very interesting.
I suppose you're wondering why I asked you here.
It's crazy, right?
I mean, if this show was on today, every one of the writers and producers
would be doing three to five in Pelican Bay.
You know, it's... I joke, but seriously, it's not so easy being funny nowadays.
That's why it warms my heart to see the bold and brilliant work of art
that Laugh-In was.
Today, as a comedy writer,
I feel more than ever, comedy is under attack.
The brilliant voices of Norman Lear, my brother...
Saturday Night Live,
and of course, Laugh-In,
would have a hard place in the world we live in today.
And that's disheartening.
People like George Carlin,
Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce, Dick Gregory...
Those... those were my heroes.
The writers and performers I grew up worshipping
weren't just telling jokes.
They were formalized intellectual outcries to the country.
They said things we all were feeling but were afraid to say.
And they said them in a fearless way
that not only made people laugh, it made them think.
And subsequently, it changed the world.
That's why it's so important that we're here tonight,
to honor the iconic show that pushed boundaries and moved our culture forward.
Thank you.
And now for an interesting change of pace.
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Ah, go fuck yourselves.
I do every night.
Oh, nut!
I have a problem with my husband saying no to sex.
Well, that's funny, because I never had a problem with your husband.
That two-timer!
If Olivia Wilde married Kanye West,
she'd be Olivia Wilde West.
Hey, hey! I got to take pills for an iron deficiency.
Are they working?
I think so. I'm peeing rust.
Show me a man with both feet on the ground,
and I'll show you someone who's bad in bed.
My name is Edith Ann.
But I don't have to say nothing if I don't want to,
because I'm going to have a baby.
God has a TV set, and he binge-watches all of us on it.
Whenever I think He is watching me,
I always sing and dance and do a commercial for myself.
And any day now, I expect to get my own show.
Yes.
Whoa.
Hi.
Hello.
I am the fabled Fred Farkel,
and I am so flattered to be part of this fun and fantastic, fine night.
If you're not familiar with me, feast your eyes on this fab film.
Hold on, folk.
Once again, it's time for another visit with the...
fabulous, friendly Farkel family.
- What?! -Farkel?
People with red hair.
-I'm Frank Farkel. -I'm Fanny Farkel.
-I'm Mark Farkel. -I'm Sparkle Farkel.
-I'm Smarty Farkel. -I'm Artie Farkel.
And we're the twins.
-Simon-- -And Gar Farkel.
-Simon-- -And Gar.
We're the Farkel twins.
And of course, her.
-Hi! -Flicker Farkel.
And this is our dear friend and trusted neighbor, Ferd Berfel.
Ferd Berfel.
-Hello, Ferd. -Hello, Frank.
A fine-looking family you got there, Frank.
Thanks, Ferd.
Well, what's going to happen next?
How come all the Farkel children--
They certainly do.
That's a fine-looking family of Farkels you got there, Ferd.
Ferd's a Berfel. We're Farkels.
Oh, yes, of course they are. Of course. I should have seen it right away.
They're the spitting image of you, Frank.
Well, as my brother Paul in Pittsburgh says,
you can't tell a Farkel by its cover,
so Ferd unto others as you would have them Farkel onto you.
♪ Do the Farkel ♪
♪ And we'll Fark, Fark, Fark, Fark, Farkle Daylight till dark ♪
A Farkel a day keeps the Berfel away.
Key of G! Hit it!
Ah, suckers!
That was wacky.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, Michael Douglas.
Thank you.
Hey, thanks. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
When Laugh-In premiered,
I was studying drama at the University of California, Santa Barbara.
And so, with its hilarious take on politics and cultural references,
and I mean all types of culture,
it hit the right note with my crowd.
And I noticed that all of the cool people in Hollywood
were making appearances on the show, so,
when I got back home, I told my dad, Kirk, about it.
Now, keep in mind that my dad had just played Spartacus.
And at that time, that was about as cool as you could get, all right,
but he had not done Laugh-In.
And I told him if he wanted to be really cool,
he should pick up the phone
and call George Schlatter.
And here's what happened.
Look it's... No, look so they can see.
That's him. And look at the Molexander, right there!
My mother will be so happy.
You know, if Kirk Douglas married Phyllis Kirk,
and she divorced him and married Douglas Fairbanks Jr.,
and married Justice William O. Douglas,
she'd be Phyllis Kirk-Kirk-Douglas-Douglas-Douglas.
Sock it to me!
Hey, who do I have to be nice to to get off this show?
Sock it to me.
So all these years later, he's glad he did the show,
but Dad wasn't the only Academy Award winner
to grace the multicolored stage in beautiful downtown Burbank.
Here are some of the more famous members of the elite Oscar club.
Our special guest is a young lady who used to be a regular on this show.
She went on to become an Oscar winner.
I'd like to thank all the little people who stood in my way
before I pushed them aside.
What will you do if you don't win the Academy Award?
Oh, nothing unusual. There's been a lot of suicides in my family.
Michael, tell me confidentially, what do you really think of Laugh-In?
Well, actually, it's rather like cricket. No one seems to understand it.
I'm so happy to be here, I could drop a log.
Mr. Welles, this is so--
I-- This is the-- I want--
You know what? I'm so excited. The thing about it is...
when I used to listen to you on the radio, when you were The Shadow--
There's an odd couple.
What do you mean, they said I was short?
You know, do what you-- You know, when you used to--
You would--
I'm a star! I'm a hit!
I'm a maid.
Teresa,
I think I love you.
You're in a lot of trouble.
That was a quickie.
John and I have never been able to check into a hotel in this country.
- Oh, pity. -Yes.
See, the minute I sign the register "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith"--
Right out.
I've worked in every phase of show business,
legitimate theater,
films, television,
now... this.
Due to circumstances beyond my control,
Laugh-In will return in just a moment.
-Will Bill Maher give someone the finger?
-Will Snoop Dogg light up the joint?
Will Neil Patrick Harris ever get the chance to finish his song?
How the hell should I know the answers to these burning questions?
Yesterday I tried a do-it-yourself bikini wax.
Tell me more.
Well, there's nothing left to tell.
Oh, my feet wouldn't stop.
Show me a drunken white supremacist,
and I'll show you a man who's four sheets to the wind.
What the fuck does that mean?
So, how's the show going so far?
Great, if you skip this part.
You know, my wife just doesn't understand me.
Oh, you married men are all the same.
No, I mean it, she doesn't understand me. She's Swahili.
The President was right about creating more jobs.
Too bad for him,
the jobs are all in the Special Prosecutor's office.
And now, as part of the educational section of our program,
here's Goldie Hawn who will explain to you what it means when you hear the term,
"This show is pre-recorded."
If this show were live, I'd be standing here talking to you now,
but I'm not. I'm here weeks ago.
That means that this show is done a long time
before I do it in front of you.
As a matter of fact, I should be in Pittsburgh right now.
I could be, except it's too cold, and anyway, I'm home.
But I can't-- You can't see me because I'm here.
I thank you.
Actually, I'm not thanking you now, but a long time ago,
so I should say thanked you.
I've thanked you.
-Thank...
Meanwhile, back at the ranch,
here are Chelsea Handler and Mary McCormack.
It's so great to be here with another...
fellow funny lady.
Thank you, thank you.
There are so many amazing women here tonight
paying tribute to Laugh-In,
-and it really, really makes me smile. -Me, too.
But it would be wrong to celebrate the women of Laugh-In
without mentioning how groundbreaking the show was when it came to sexism.
Yes, Laugh-In defied that stupid, sexist stereotype that has persisted
and gone on to this day,
that silly idea that men aren't funny.
"Men aren't funny"...
has been a poisonous idea for centuries now.
-Because of course men are funny, right? -I mean, not all of them are funny.
No, not all.
We found out some pretty bad stuff over the last year.
I mean, a couple guys masturbated into plants.
-It wasn't great. -So, those guys aren't fucking funny.
-No, it wasn't great. -But there are guys that are funny-funny.
Yeah. I mean, Laugh-In knew that.
They knew that men had the potential to be funny.
And although a lot of people said, "Funny men?" in 1968--
Too soon.
-It was so unfair. -It really was unfair.
But Laugh-In, like a lot of men, wouldn't take no for an answer.
In the end, it all worked out,
and men got a chance to show they could compete.
And be on a show...
with these amazing ladies.
Women.
Women, indeed.
What I think about women is,
because first, the men-- The thing is, they're so-- The thing is--
It's great, but they're so-- They're so-- The thing is--
Sometimes, and if you walk in, you walk down, and sometimes you see--
You wanna be-- If you're a little flirta-- You walk in and say, you give a little hi.
♪ How can I be A little bit more like you ♪
♪ Miss Welch? ♪
-Try a sexy walk. -Walk!
-Come on, Gladys, let's get it together. -Okay.
I told you I got it.
Yes.
And I think I got it, too.
Hello. I'm your Judy doll.
You can play catch with me.
You can play house with me.
But try to play doctor with me, and I'll break your face.
Oh! Oh!
-You know, Dan? - Hmm?
it's awful lonely at the top.
♪ It's lucky to be a woman ♪
♪ Whenever a crime occurs ♪
♪ But, honey, the law is on our ♪
♪ Sweetie, the law is on our ♪
♪ Darlin', the law is on our ♪
♪ Here is the truth The whole damn truth ♪
♪ And nothing but the truth ♪
Meanwhile, in an abandoned warehouse on the other side of town,
please welcome Billy Crystal.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thanks for staying. I was, uh...
I was clean-shaven when this started.
Now every week on Laugh-In, Dan, Dick, and the cast
made fun of the ridiculous, the incomprehensible,
the stupid, and the corrupt.
In other words, Washington.
Now, it's one of the great strengths of our country
that we're allowed to laugh at our political leaders,
and they've always been able to take it,
until now.
I mean, can you imagine President Trump?
'Cause I can't. I just still can't.
And...
It feels like...
It actually feels like I'm directing a movie about the government,
and they cut to the Oval Office and he's there, and I want to go,
"Cut, cut, cut. Who is this?
First team, please."
But can you imagine if...
I was backstage a long time. I'm just getting relaxed.
Can you imagine his tweets if Laugh-In were on the air today?
It might go something like this.
"Hey, Laugh-In.
The only thing I like is the German Soldier.
There were funny people on both sides.
#TomorrowBelongsToMe."
"Hey, failing Laugh-In,
if you're gonna have bikinis on the show,
you're going to want people with big breasts like Stormy Daniels or...
Or Chris Christie."
"Hey, Dan and Dick.
Stop threatening me with the 'Here come da judge' line.
I know what you're up to.
#LeftySocialistBullshit."
"Hey, Laugh-In.
I like the joke wall. Walls work!
Let me ask, did Mexico pay for it?
Look I'm already wittier than you.
#PhunniestPresidentEver."
Oh, jeez.
Now...
probably the most famous political moment on Laugh-In
was in 1968,
when Richard Nixon came on the show and uttered just four words.
And when you watch it, watch his inflection and his rhythm,
and it'll tell you everything you need to know about that guy.
Now, his opponent was Hubert Humphrey,
and Hubert Humphrey was given the same offer to be on the show,
but Mr. Humphrey declined.
Nixon narrowly wins,
and many experts to this day
believe it was that moment on prime time on Laugh-In
in front of 40 million people
that made the difference,
and that put Richard Nixon in the White House.
Laugh-In,
fuck you.
Sock it to me?
If the war between the administration and the news media gets any worse,
the President may demand total withdrawal of reporters from Washington.
Of course, the reporters may request that he accompany them.
As one of the nation's leading politicians,
would you tell us, please, what you think of the far right conservatives?
Well, I think they're fine, dedicated men
who stake their views and promote their ideas with integrity and conviction.
And may I quote you on this, sir?
No.
You know, if your president doesn't want instant analysis of his speeches,
he shouldn't be giving speeches that can be instantly analyzed.
You should get out of Vietnam, you know.
It's a war you can't win. And you can't afford to lose.
It's much the same position England was in
when your George Washington started his ruckus with us.
"All citizens shall have the right to maintain and bear arms."
No. No, I'm afraid that won't do.
You see, then every nut in the country will be running around with a gun.
You know that in America, people are free to protest and criticize our government?
Oh, Mr. Rowan, it's same thing in old country.
-Oh, yeah? -Free to protest and criticize
-your government. -Oh!
I'd like to leave you with this thought, friends.
An America at war with someone else
is an America at peace with itself.
Remember, make war, not love.
We still on?
Tonight's show was taped in front of a studio audience
against their will.
News of the future, 20 years from now,
scientists who have been experimenting with marijuana for the past 20 years
emerge from their laboratory with two important conclusions.
First, they say marijuana is completely harmless,
and second, they say,
"The Moon is trying to kill us."
And now, please welcome Snoop Dog and Michael Rapaport.
Good evening, good evening.
Good evening, everybody.
My name is Big Snoop D-O-double-G.
And I am Michael Rapaport and this is CNN...
N.
The Cannabis News Network...
News.
Sorry, we were high when we named it, uh...
We are a wholly owned subsidiary of the Double-G-N News Network.
And so, here to give you the 411...
I mean, the 420.
Our lead story,
more and more states are joining in the legalization of marijuana.
-We got Nevada. -Yeah.
-We got Colorado. -Yeah.
We got Oregon.
And, of course, we got California.
And New Jersey governor Phil Murphy,
he wants to include marijuana revenue into the state budget.
Finally a reason to live in fucking New Jersey!
But it's still not enough. Listen, I'm from New York City.
We need weed.
Do you see how uptight these people are on the subway?
Mike!
They need to get blazed.
And now, it's time for a break.
Hi. I'm high.
Many people say, "Snoop,
how can I get high with you?"
Before, I would say,
"You can't, little white boy."
But now, with LBS, Leafs By Snoop,
it not only makes you feel like you're smoking with the Dogg,
but it also makes you feel like you rolled one with me, too, dude.
So if you want to be fly like me,
or get high like me,
hit me up on IG, #LBS.
Back to Mike.
According to Entrepreneur mag--
According to Entrepreneur magazine--
Let me start that again.
A--
This shit is real.
Mm-hmm.
Snoop, Michael.
Y'all know y'all can't be smoking in this theater.
Wait, we-we-we-we can't?
No, why smoke
when I got edibles, baby!
Give me one of them.
You want some?
Pot for everybody.
Come on, Tiff.
Tiff, the police coming. Police!
Now that was some good shit.
Hello.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Wow, what an honor.
Thank you so much. You're very kind.
You know, one of the most popular sketches on Laugh-In
was when Dan Rowan and Dick Martin
would award the Fickle Finger of Fate.
Let's all say it together.
The Fickle Finger of Fate.
They would give it to famous individuals or government institutions
for their hypocrisy, their blunders, and their stupidity.
Some of the recipients were Congress,
the Ku Klux Klan,
and Russia.
All were deserving back then,
and still today...
...of someone giving them the Finger.
This is the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate award.
Or the Rigid Digit, as it's known in Burbank.
We hereby present Congress with the first
Flying Fickle Finger of Fate.
The award must go to Soviet Russia.
What exactly was it that won for the good Russians?
Well, it was their great love of freedom.
The Russians are such a freedom-loving people
that they wanted all the freedom they could get their hands on,
so they took Czechoslovakia's, too.
To Russia with love. You sure earned it the hard way.
The Flying Fickle Finger of Fate award,
or the Nifty Knuckle, as it's known backstage,
goes to California governor Ronald Reagan.
There's no reason right now,
but we're sure he'll come up with one by next week.
-The Ku Klux Klan. -Oh.
What are those wizards up to now?
In recognition of your continuing efforts to poison the relations between the races,
we give it to you.
You ought to be more careful with that thing.
I didn't know it was loaded.
And now, it is my honor to award this trophy
for the first time in 46 years.
It goes to a man whose hypocrisy, blunders, and stupidity
have made him the perfect recipient.
The new Flying Fickle Finger of Fate goes to...
the whiny little bitch himself,
President Donald J. Trump!
And thank you, George Schlatter.
We love you, and we thank you.
Thank you.
I took my uncle Albert's Playboy magazine.
Sometimes I drink beer.
You know what happens when you get angry?
First, you're...
your face gets just like a fist.
And then your heart flies up
and stings your brain in the front.
And your eyes are like two dark clouds,
looking for trouble.
And your blood is like a tornado.
And then you have bad weather inside your body.
Yes.
And that is how...
climate change happens.
What's going on?
Oh, it's up to me?
Blessed are the--
Hey.
Hey, so I says to Elon Musk,
"Don't invent a driverless car.
I want an odorless Uber."
Did I just blow my best joke?
Dairy farmers in England have developed a dating app for cows
to find matches for breeding,
or so they tell their wives.
I wouldn't have missed this party for all the tea in Scotland.
How do you feel about vaccinations?
I used to be against them until I found out they involved shots.
I love Jell-O.
My boyfriend loves when I wear sexy bras, and panties, and--
What's wrong with that?
They're his bras and panties.
Go to your room!
I don't want a baby. To raise a kid costs like $250,000.
Now you tell me?
Now that was tasteless and unfortunately violent.
Now, here's a moment that is not violent and not tasteless.
It is just unfortunate.
♪ At first I was afraid, I was petrified ♪
♪ Kept thinking I could never live Without you by my side ♪
♪ But I spent so many nights Feeling sorry for myself ♪
♪ Now I'm drunk ♪
♪ About to turn this fucker up ♪
♪ Yeah, here is me, somebody new ♪
♪ I'm not that sorry little chick You used to fuck with, boo ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, I'm bad as fuck, yeah ♪
♪ I do my fucking thing ♪
♪ And now I cuss because I can buy My own diamond rings ♪
-♪ Oh, go ♪
♪ Walk out the door ♪
♪ Don't turn around now ♪
♪ 'Cause I ain't That broke chick anymore ♪
♪ No, I don't drive a Geo Metro No, no, boo ♪
♪ I'm in a Tesla ♪
♪ And Tyler Perry bought it, too ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, go ♪
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's been a great celebration of Laugh-In.
Before we say goodnight, we have a special treat.
I give you the music of Mr. Neil Patrick Harris.
Thanks, Tiffany.
-All right, for real. - For real!
Let's do this. Key of G. Hit it.
Take five. Roll 'em!
-I think I fucked mine up.
-Yeah, let's go take two. -Let's go back. Let's go back.
President Nixon has been trying to get...
My single, broke girlfriend called me the other day, and she totally...
Can we do it again? Sorry.
President Nixon has been trying to get a list of the total number of...
I'm so sorry.
Well...
-You've got your thumb on my line.
I think you did fuck it up.
And now, I...
This is me forgetting my joke. Um...
♪ The elevators work But never up and down ♪
-Do it again. -Turn the cards back.
We've been sitting there
for two fucking hours, waiting for this.
-We have!
-We are cold as a witch's tit. -Cold. Cold.
Okay, you guys, hold it down.
This year, I want to get it right.
-I ain't taking the blame for this shit. -No.
-We... that's right.
-You're... you're... you're sexy.
-I didn't get my line right.
Listen, honey.
My husband wants to...
Listen, honey.
You think you've got it bad?
-Come on.
I didn't write my joke, by the way.
In case you go, "Why does that guy suck?" 'Cause I didn't write it.
I didn't like that one either.
Ah! My head!
Oh, did I... did I hit you?
-I hit my head on the thing. -Yes, don't hit your head in there!
Dateline, San Clemente, California.
It's a funny town, all right. Yeah, San Clemente, California.
Residents of this seaside--
♪ She was only eight years old ♪
♪ But she stole my powerhouse ♪
No way, man.
"Stole my powerhouse"?
Artie, give me a break.