慾望城市
（性愛專家凱莉布雷蕭 並且勇於發問）
“洛杉磯遊記”
洛杉磯…永遠有太陽和日光浴 LA - land of perpetual sun and sunbathing, which also makes it
也因此永遠得進行比基尼除毛 Iand of the perpetual bikini wax.
一週後﹐我預約了本市 第一流的明星除毛師… After a week, I made an appointment with the city's waxer to the stars -
艾莉西亞 Alicia.
She was known for her artful work, her lightning-quick hands...
她以熟練的技巧 雙手迅雷不及掩耳的速度…
以及難以理解的口音聞名 ...and her indecipherable accent.
你說甚麼？ Excuse me?
完成了﹐很漂亮﹐你自己看 All done. Beautiful. You look.
她把我所有的毛都拔光了 I got mugged!
She took everything I've got.
那即是所謂的「巴西式除毛」 It's called "The Brazilian Wax."
你幹嘛不叫她停下來 Why didn't you tell her to stop?
我覺得自己 跟一隻無毛狗沒兩樣 I feel like one of those hairless dogs.
這要從美學的角度來看 這裡的人都這麼做 It's an aesthetic thing. They do it here.
那當然﹐因為洛杉磯的男人 懶得尋找任何東西 LA men are too lazy to search for anything.
你不能把光芒隱藏在雜草之下 You can't hide your light under a bush.
難道她沒有留個三角形 當作降落地帶？
Didn't she leave a triangle, a landing strip?
沒有﹐我光禿禿而且冷得要命 No, I am totally bald and freezing.
-要是我就會殺了她 -現在我老是注意下面 - I would have killed her. - I'm so aware of down there now.
我覺得自己簡直像個 活生生的性機器 I feel like I'm nothing but walking sex.
巴西式除毛 會讓你做出瘋狂的事 The Brazilian makes you do crazy things.
當心你邀請去巴西的對象
Be careful who you invite to Brazil.
-我正式回覆：免了 -你要去哪裡？ - I'm officially RSVP-ing - no. - Where are you going?
-我要去見盧 -賴特曼的助手盧？ - I'm meeting Lew. - Letterman Lew?
他已經不再為他工作了 他正在寫一齣紐約情境喜劇 He doesn't work for him any more. He's writing that New York sitcom.
關於一群住在閣樓小孩的故事 The one about the kids who live in a loft.
-主角是個暴躁的女服務生 -你和盧要做甚麼？ - Yeah, one's a feisty waitress. - What are you and Lew gonna do?
一起喝飲料､批評洛杉磯 我真不敢相信他現在住這裡 We'll have drinks and bitch about LA. I can't believe he lives here now.
-你應該叫他搬到巴西 -今晚你們要自己過了 - Tell him to move to Brazil. - You're on your own tonight.
-我們會去參加電影首映 -是甚麼電影？ - We'll go to that movie premiere. - What's the movie?
根本沒人看﹐用我的記者證 然後參加慶祝派對 I don't know. We'll use my press pass and get into the after party.
-我愛洛杉磯 -你們兩個別再曬太陽了 - I love LA. - You two should get out of the sun.
盧和米蘭達約在 「搖曳樹」見面 Lew asked Miranda to meet him at The Flowing Tree.
四周都是古銅色肌膚 健美､心情愉悅的人們 Surrounded by all these tanned, fit, happy people,
她知道她可以立刻認出 蒼白､圓胖､不開心的盧 she knew she would recognize pale, chubby, unhappy Lew immediately.
米蘭達 Miranda.
我的天 Oh, my God!
-我看起來差別那麼大嗎？ -還好你仍戴著那頂帽子 - Do I look that different? - Good thing you still wear that hat.
-若你看我戴湖人隊的帽子… -我會殺了你 - If you ever see me in a Lakers hat... -...Shoot you.
-沒錯﹐你想坐下來嗎？ -你容光煥發 - Exactly. Do you want to sit? - You look amazing.
-謝了﹐想喝杯飲料嗎？ -好的 - Thanks. Wanna grab a drink? - Please.
我們走吧 他們的牙齒白得令人眩目 Yes, let's go. The sight of all these bleached teeth is blinding.
不﹐就在這裡 這家餐廳的沖泡綠茶很有名 No, here. This place is known for its green tea infusions.
拜託﹐沖泡？ 洛杉磯還能更糟糕嗎？ Please - infusions? Could LA be any worse?
脫掉那頂帽子 我現在就要殺了你 Take off that hat, I'm gonna shoot you right now.
我真的很喜歡這裡 I really like it here.
跟我一起喝啤酒､取笑快樂 人們的那個傢伙怎麼了？ Where's the guy I shared beers with and made fun of happy people?
我知道﹐事實上 我想我現在也成了快樂的人 I know. The thing is, I think I'm one of those happy people now.
-真替你高興 -我知道這聽起來很瘋狂 - Good for you! - I know it sounds crazy.
我在紐約時非常不快樂 I was supremely unhappy in New York.
我來到這裡﹐拋開那些 毒害我多年的憤怒情緒 I came here, and I let a lot of that old toxic anger go.
我把步調放慢､到外面走走… 洛杉磯很適合我 I take things slowly, get outside... LA agrees with me.
米蘭達發現 她才是格格不入的人 Miranda realized, she was the one standing out.
她是幾哩內唯一憤怒的紐約人 She was the only angry New Yorker for miles.
我們去健行吧 Let's go for a hike.
當晚﹐兩個非常快樂的紐約人 Later that night, two very happy New Yorkers prepared
準備踏上她們在洛杉磯的 第一塊紅地毯 to hike up their first LA red carpet.
-我是紐約星報的凱莉布雷蕭 -你有在名單上嗎？ - Carrie Bradshaw, New York Star. - Are you on the list?
-我是個專欄作家﹐這就是我 -記者室請往左走 - I'm a columnist. That's me. - Press room is to the left.
只有波紋狀的起司和肥胖記者 我才不去 Crinkle-cut cheese and fat reporters, I don't think so.
-請出示你們的電影入場證 -沒人會去看電影的 - Let me see your movie passes. - No one goes to the movie.
人人都會去看電影 麻煩你們站到一旁好嗎？ Everyone goes to the movie. Could you step off the red carpet?
-你知道她是誰嗎？ -她不在名單上 - Do you know who she is? - She's not on the list.
好…我們走吧 OK, OK. Let's just go.
在紐約就不會發生這種事 在紐約大家都認識你 This wouldn't happen in New York. People know you in New York.
-而且誰會去看電影？ -我們離開這裡 - No one goes to the movie. - We're out of here.
我去取車 I'm getting the car.
這就是我﹐好萊塢的無名小卒 There I was, a Hollywood nobody,
被趕出星光大道 站在停車場一個適合我的位置 cast off the red carpet and standing in my proper place on a parking lot.
我說話拐彎抹角﹐沒錯 We're talking in circles here. That's right.
我明白 我聽到了﹐好﹐沒問題 I understand. I heard you. OK, sure.
告訴她等她準備好要談 她可以自己打給我 Tell her that when she's ready to deal, she can call me herself.
-請告訴我你還有另一根煙 -我以為又有麻煩 - Please tell me you have another one. - I thought I had a problem.
有火嗎？謝謝 Got a light for me? Thanks.
整支的捲煙﹐太好了 我以為這裡禁止抽這玩意兒 Full tars, very nice. I thought they'd banned these here.
我坐飛機時把它們黏在身上 I taped them to my body on the plane.
-你是紐約人？ -是的 - New Yorker? - Yeah.
我是基斯崔佛 麥特達蒙的經紀人 Keith Travers, representing Matt Damon.
凱莉布雷蕭﹐代表我自己 Carrie Bradshaw, representing myself.
-你是演員？ -不﹐是作家 - Actress? - No, no. Writer.
太漂亮了﹐不可能是作家 Too pretty to be a writer.
說這麼俗氣的話 你也不可能是作家 That's too cheesy for you to be a writer.
-取車得花一個鐘頭 -莎曼珊瓊斯﹐他是基斯崔佛 - It will take an hour to get the car. - Samantha Jones, Keith Travers.
麥特達蒙的經紀人 He's representing Matt Damon.
-你們哪裡都不能去 -如果你這麼說的話 - You aren't going anywhere. - If you say so.
我們進去好好享受這個夜晚吧 Let's go inside, just enjoy our evening.
進去之後 我們的魔毯之旅才真正開始 Once we got inside, our magic carpet ride really began.
我不敢相信他們不讓你進來 真是秀逗 I can't believe they wouldn't let you in. That's a disconnect.
-秀逗？ -對﹐就是愚蠢 - A disconnect? - Yeah. It's like a fuck-up.
秀逗 A disconnect!
你們作家是文字的納粹黨 你會一直拿這個來嘲弄我 Yeah. You writers are word Nazis. You're gonna ride me with that.
有人的屁股響了﹐可不是我的 Someone's ass is ringing, and it ain't mine.
如果可以的話你的也會 它會響個不停 Yours would if it could. It would ring.
不好意思﹐失陪一下 去狂歡吧 Excuse me, I'll just be one second. Enjoy yourself.
那傢伙身材真高大 That is one tall drink of water.
She had worshipped Hugh Hefner since she was old enough
莎曼珊自從懂得偷看 她老爸買的花花公子之後
就很崇拜休海福納﹐對她來說 這不是隨便看見一個名人 to steal her father's Playboys. This wasn't a celebrity sighting.
而是看見畢生的偶像 This was the celebrity sighting.
我很快回來 I'll be back.
休﹐你好﹐我是莎曼珊瓊斯 Hugh, hi. I'm Samantha Jones.
-你好 -我是你的仰慕者 - Hello. - I'm a huge fan.
-既然如此﹐一起喝一杯吧 -喝一杯？ - In that case, join us for a drink. - A drink?
-美事一樁 -謝謝你 - That would be great. - Thank you.
真的嗎？ Seriously?
和三個金髮美女一起喝酒… 我想對你而言一定稀鬆平常吧 Drinking with three blondes - I guess that's a regular day for you.
緩慢的一天﹐是的 A slow one, yes.
我這個禮拜忙瘋了﹐但星期三 還要出席一個午餐聚會 I'm pretty crazed this week, but I have an opening on Wednesday.
我可以帶你去嗎？ 林肯餐廳﹐位子很棒 Can I take you out? Linc, great table.
我試了一個禮拜 始終不得其門而入 I had been trying to get into Linc for a week.
他看起來聰明又性感 我這局外人很想一窺其中奧妙 He seemed smart and sexy, and this outsider liked being inside.
-好﹐當然 -太好了 - Yeah, OK. Sure. - Great.
基斯﹐那兒有一間貴賓室 Hey, Keith. There's a VlP room.
-你想去嗎？ -是的﹐我想去貴賓室 - Do you want to go there? - Yeah, I want to go to the VlP room.
-我們走吧 -好 - Let's go. - All right.
回到家的夏綠蒂 從未覺得這麼滿足 Back home, Charlotte had never felt more inside.
她剛參加完第一場 正式的醫界慈善餐會 She had just attended her first black tie doctors' benefit.
-該死﹐我們真是速配 -是的 - We make a fine looking couple. - Yes, we do.
我表現得如何？ So, how did I do?
麥克道格太太﹐你表現得很好 Mrs. MacDougal, you did quite well.
謝謝你﹐麥克道格醫生 Thank you, Dr MacDougal.
You know, doctor, I have an itch. Could you help me out with it?
醫生﹐我有個渴望 希望你能幫我解決
崔？ Trey?
或許我們該考慮其他選擇 好比威而鋼 Maybe it's time we thought about some options, like Viagra.
你知道威而鋼對心臟 有毛病的男人是致命的藥物嗎 Are you aware that Viagra is a killer for men with heart problems?
我父親死於心臟病 家族中也有遺傳 My father died of a heart attack. It runs in my family.
崔不是唯一心臟有毛病的人 Trey wasn't the only one with heart problems.
我只是想幫忙 I'm just trying to help.
現在我神經緊張﹐我去跑步 Now I'm tense. I'm going for a run.
這是過去兩週來 崔至少第五次在睡前去跑步 It was the fifth time he'd gone running at bedtime in the last two weeks.
隔天﹐莎曼珊也決定去做運動 The next day, Samantha decided to get some exercise as well.
大部分是由她的錢包來承受 Her pocketbook was getting most of the workout.
芬迪皮包﹐150塊 Fendi, 150.
她決定讓她的舊皮包休息一下 She decided to give her old pocketbook a rest.
當夏綠蒂收到我的來信後 她意識到 As Charlotte picked up my mail, she realized
她想念的不只是性生活 還有她的單身生活 she missed more than her sex life. She missed her single life.
如果崔可以逃避他們的問題 那麼她也可以 If Trey could run away from their problems, so could she.
-我對崔無計可施 -打電話給我可能比較經濟 - I can't deal with Trey. - Calling might be more economical.
我真的很想念你們 And I really missed you guys.
我們也很想念你 We missed you too.
-崔… -沒有用 - Trey is... - It's not working.
他甚至拒絕討論 He refuses to even talk about it.
-從行李判斷你打算留下來？ -我需要度假 - I take it you'll be staying? - I need a vacation.
你來對地方了 我得和一個叫基斯的傢伙見面 You came to the right place. I gotta meet this Keith guy.
米蘭達和莎曼珊 在樓下的游泳池畔 Miranda and Samantha are down by the pool.
夏綠蒂瞥了一眼閃爍的游泳池 Charlotte glanced at the glistening pool,
就這樣﹐她的婚姻和崔 似乎變得十分遙遠 and just like that, her marriage and Trey seemed far away.
在午餐前﹐我答應陪基斯 去看一棟他感興趣的房子 Before lunch, I agreed to go with Keith to see a house he was interested in.
老天﹐這不是一棟房子 這簡直是一個機場
This is not a house. This is an airport.
屋主是羅倫佐拉馬斯﹐他開價 340萬﹐不過320萬就能成交 It's Lorenzo Lamas'. He's asking 3.4, but it'll go for 3.2.
真划算 There's a bargain!
在紐約 初次約會是一頓晚餐和電影 In New York, a first date is dinner and a movie.
在洛杉磯 則是午餐以及看340萬的豪宅 In LA, it's lunch and seeing a 3.4 million dollar house.
你覺得呢？ What do you think?
-我應該在聯合電視台工作 -這房子不錯吧？ - I should work in television. - It's good, right?
非常好 It's really good.
但是你一個單身漢 需要這麼大的空間嗎？ But does a single guy like you need this much space?
或許不需要 不過﹐房子很漂亮 Probably not. But come on, it looks good.
他也是 So did he.
置身南美風格的客廳 我身上的巴西因子讓我吻了他 In the South American's living room, my Brazilian made me kiss him.
等你們參觀過大澡盆再親熱吧 Wait till you see the hot tub.
-我們應該去看看大澡盆 -好 - We should check out the hot tub. - Okey-dokey.
我要不加起司的煎蛋捲 但要加番茄和蘑菇 I'll have the omelet with no cheese, but tomatoes and mushrooms.
薯條換成水果﹐不要葡萄 以及一杯低咖啡因的脫脂拿鐵 Instead of the fries a side of fruit with no grapes, and a half decaf skim.
我建議蘑菇用蒸的 You should get the mushrooms steamed.
可以降低熱量卻保持風味 It lightens the calories but retains the flavor.
太好了﹐謝謝 Great, thanks.
-我真喜歡洛杉磯 -誰不喜歡呢？ - I really like LA. - Who wouldn't?
基斯想買一棟三百萬的房子 而我連新窗簾都買不起 Keith wants a $3 million house and I can't afford new curtains.
那就是這裡的男人 勝過紐約男人之處…房地產 That's where the guys here have New York men beat - real estate.
-盧可能是理想人選 -賴特曼的助手盧？ - Lew may be the perfect guy. - Letterman Lew?
對﹐他是東西岸的完美綜合體 Yeah. He's an ideal combination of the two coasts.
他本質上還是一個紐約人 但他甩掉了神經質…還有30磅 He's a New Yorker at heart, but he's lost all his neuroses and 30 pounds.
我們是紐約人 難道不該神經質嗎？ We're New Yorkers. Aren't we supposed to like neurotic guys?
伍迪艾倫那一套已經過時了 The Woody Allen thing is so over.
他現在改頭換面 他虔誠而快樂 He's a changed man. He's spiritual and happy.
-他去見達賴喇嘛 -我碰到休海福納 - He met the Dalai Lama. - I met Hugh Hefner.
一個是色情雜誌創辦人 另一個則是心靈導師 One woman's pornographer is another woman's spiritual leader.
也許他有所領悟 也許我該停止憤世嫉俗 Maybe he's on to something. Maybe it's time I stopped being angry.
-你們空閒時都做些甚麼？ -我告訴你們可以做甚麼 - How would you spend your time? - I'll tell you what you could do.
-購物 -老天 - Shop. - Jesus!
-你竟然買得下手 -那好像要價三千塊 - No, you didn't! - That's like $3,000.
或者150﹐這是仿冒品 Or 150. Fake.
-不會吧 -天啊﹐看起來跟真的一樣 - No. - It looks so real.
-我知道 -給我瞧瞧 - I know. - Give me that.
除非看到內襯 否則不可能知道是假貨 You'd never know it wasn't real unless you looked at the lining.
那對我是種奢侈 我所有內在都暴露在外頭了 I don't have that luxury. All my insides are on the outside now.
-我不喜歡仿冒品 -重要的是外觀 - I don't like fakes. - All that matters is what it looks like.
不錯… It's good.
我們可以去挑﹐我有老闆名片 他住在「山谷區」 We could get more. I got the guy's card. He lives in the "Valley".
-你還放得下更多保險套嗎？ -可以 - Could you have more condoms? - I did.
我很高興能脫離保險套的生活 I am so happy to be out of that condom stage of life.
我想這就是所謂 「我三十歲的人生」 I thought it was called "my thirties".
每晚和同一個男人上床真好 It's nice to go to bed with the same man every night.
你不是專程來洛杉磯告訴我們 現在的性生活有多充實吧？ Tell me you didn't come to LA to tell us how much sex you're having.
夏綠蒂沒有告訴她們 她的美滿良緣是個失誤 Charlotte couldn't tell them her conjugal bliss was a conjugal miss.
我來洛杉磯 第一件事要做甚麼？ What should I do first in LA?
你首先需要進行比基尼脫毛 The first thing you'll need is a good bikini wax.
你該試試艾莉西亞的技術 You should try Alicia.
當晚﹐在池畔消磨了幾小時後 我發現一個震撼的事實 That night, after hours of pool time, I realized something startling.
我竟然開始喜歡洛杉磯 I was actually starting to like LA.
紐約人被訓練厭惡洛杉磯 New Yorkers are trained to hate Los Angeles,
據說在這裡聰明才智是可笑的 where, supposedly, intellect is ridiculed
你約會的對象 和你的外表才受尊敬 and who you date and what you look like is revered.
然而﹐我們玩得很開心 Yet, we were having the time of our lives.
男人很快樂､房子很大 皮包很漂亮 The men were happy, the homes were huge, the bags looked great.
也許這就夠了 暴風雨從西岸移至東岸 Maybe that was enough. The weather moves from west to east.
最後在曼哈頓肆虐 是否只是時間的問題？ Was it a just matter of time before the truth blew across Manhattan?
談到皮包､男人和城市 真的只有外表才重要嗎？ When it comes to bags, men and cities,
is it really what's outside that counts?
隔天﹐莎曼珊和我 為了芬迪皮包來到山谷區 The next day, Samantha and l went to the Valley for Fendi bags.
就是這裡﹐45386 This is it, 45386.
-那是地址還是郵遞區號？ -我不知道 - Is that an address or a zip code? - I don't know.
我想念羅倫佐拉馬斯住的那區 I miss Lorenzo Lamas' neighborhood.
-我的天 -他在那裡 - My God. - Oh, there he is.
我們找到了﹐仿冒的芬迪天堂 We had found it. Fake Fendi paradise.
他應該佈置一下展示區 He should work on his display area.
七個一千塊﹐喜歡嗎？ Seven for 1,000. You like?
我本來會喜歡的﹐但是此刻 盯著那些皮包﹐它們不再優雅 I should have liked them. But staring into the trunk, they didn't look elegant.
反而看起來很廉價 即使每個人都以為是真品 They looked cheap. Even if everyone else thought it was real,
我永遠都知道我的皮包 來自山谷區的一個後車箱 I'd always know, my bag came from a trunk deep in the Valley.
你知道嗎？我不想買了 You know what? I don't think so.
-你不想買皮包了？ -抱歉﹐它們很漂亮﹐只是… - You don't want a bag now? - Sorry. They're very nice. It's just...
拜託﹐不要在皮包附近抽煙 Please, don't smoke near the bags.
我們開了兩個小時的車… We drove for two hours in the Valley...
到此為止﹐我們回旅館吧 That's it. I'm going back to the hotel.
它們顯得好悲傷 從後車箱裡凝視著我 They looked so sad staring up at me from that trunk.
它們等著被收養 They were waiting to be adopted.
我差點被狗吃掉 最起碼你可以買個皮包 I was almost eaten by dogs. The least you could've done was buy a bag.
等待真品的感覺比較好 這麼一來至少你知道它很特別 It's better to wait for the real thing. Then at least you know it's special.
-我的婚姻是冒牌的芬迪皮包 -你說甚麼？ - My marriage is a fake Fendi. - Excuse me?
崔和我表面上看起來 是一對完美夫妻 Trey and I look like the perfect couple from the outside,
但實際上全是假的 一點都不特別 but on the inside it's all fake. It's not special.
-他甚至無法勃起 -甚麼？ - He can't get it up. - What?
- We've never had sex. - You've never had sex?
-我們從來沒有性生活 -你們從來沒有性生活？
-你們已經結婚… -超過一個月了 - You've been married for... -...over a month.
-你們從來沒有性生活？ -不是生理問題﹐是心理障礙 - You've never had sex? - It's not physical, it's emotional.
-你知道這件事？ -她在婚禮上告訴我了 - You knew about this? - She told me at the wedding.
我怕你會說你早就告訴過我 我不該這麼快結婚等等 You'd just say you'd told me so and I shouldn't have married so quickly.
我憑甚麼評判你？ 我們在人生中都有自己的路 Who am I to judge you? We all have our own paths in life.
跟盧相處三天改變了米蘭達 Three days with Lew had changed Miranda
從一個總是冷嘲熱諷的女人 成了心靈大師狄巴克喬布拉 from deeply sarcastic to Deepak Chopra.
- What am I gonna do? - You've never had sex?
-我該怎麼辦？ -你們從來沒有性生活？
-她從來沒有性生活 -才一個月而已 - She's never had sex. - It's only been a month.
-他沒去過巴西 -去南美洲二度蜜月 - He hasn't seen Brazil. - A honeymoon to South America.
-可能會有幫助 -我知道怎麼讓你開心起來 - That might do the trick. - I know how to cheer you up.
花花公子豪宅一遊 A trip to the Playboy mansion.
海福邀請我們 去參加經典女郎池畔派對 Hef invited us for one of those Playmate pool parties.
你說「海福」？ Did you say, "Hef"?
那為甚麼會讓她開心？ 她看起來像兄弟會成員嗎？ Why would that cheer her up? Does she look like a frat boy?
不﹐但去見一些也無妨 No, but it wouldn't hurt to meet some.
-抱歉﹐我不去 -拜託﹐很好玩的 - Sorry, not going. - Come on, it would be fun.
我們在洛杉磯 We're in LA.
好吧﹐但我最好在賓客名單上 All right, fine, but I better be on the guest list.
Later that night, I was a guest at Keith's amazing house.
當晚﹐我到基斯 令人大開眼界的別墅作客
他做了燙呼呼的扇貝 晚餐後﹐氣氛更熱烈了 He made sizzling scallops, and after dinner things got even hotter.
我喜歡泡澡﹐紐約應該在 屋頂之類的地方多蓋一些浴池 I like hot tubs. New York should have more hot tubs like on roofs and stuff.
既然你喜歡… Well, if you like that...
當我正融入基斯的生活 米蘭達和盧卻造訪紐約 While I was going native with Keith, Miranda and Lew went to New York.
至少是紐約牛排 At least to the New York strip steak.
-看起來很好吃 -老天﹐我真想念這味道 - This looks great. - God, do I miss this smell!
你剛才說到哪裡？ So, you were saying?
你應該讀一本書 「襌學與現代生活藝術」 Read "Zen And The Art Of Modern Living".
我仍在適應沐浴球 I'm still trying to get used to bath beans.
-你真是充滿紐約氣質 -得了﹐難道你不想念嗎？ - You are so New York. - Come on, don't you miss it?
-一點都沒有？ -不﹐我每天都在寫紐約的事 - Just a little? - No, I write about it every day.
那不是紐約﹐而是攝影棚 That's not New York, it's a sound stage.
20幾歲薪資微薄的人不會住在 索霍區寬敞閣樓裡﹐全是假的 20-somethings with tiny salaries don't live in SoHo lofts. It's totally fake.
四千萬觀眾不會同意這一點 40 million viewers would disagree with you on that one.
-你的牛排有甚麼問題嗎？ -沒有﹐很棒 - Is something wrong with your steak? - No, it's great.
-你在幹甚麼？ -我在品嚐我的食物 - What are you doing? - I'm tasting my food.
-你為甚麼不吞下去？ -你以為我靠吃維持身材嗎？ - Why aren't you swallowing it? - You think I look this good by eating?
盧並未找到內心的平靜 他得了飲食失調症 Lew hadn't found inner peace, he'd found an eating disorder.
-你是認真的嗎？ -別跟我說那些屁話 - Are you serious? - Don't put your toxic shit on me.
這裡是洛杉磯 你根本不知道我的壓力有多大 This is LA. You have no idea what pressure I'm under.
誰會在乎你的外表 你是個作家 Who cares what you look like. You're a writer.
負責一個熱門的節目 沒人想僱用一個肥胖的編劇 For a hit show. No one wants to hire a fat story editor.
米蘭達想把他頭上那頂 尼克隊的帽子扯掉 Miranda wanted to rip that Knicks hat off his head.
因為一個有自尊的紐約人 不會吐掉那麼好的牛排 No self-respecting New Yorker would spit out that good a steak.
我的老天﹐現在我沒胃口了 Jesus fucking Christ. Now I've lost my appetite.
在基斯灑滿陽光的臥室醒來 我覺得自己價值340萬 Waking up in Keith's sun-filled bedroom, I felt like 3.4 million myself.
我喜歡你下面那裡的傑作 I like what you have going on down there.
-你是指一片荒蕪 -是 - That would be a whole lot of nothing. - Yeah.
-你不用工作嗎？ -我一直到11點才有事做 - Don't you work? - I don't have anything till eleven.
-愜意的生活 -是的 - Nice life. - Yeah.
你們究竟在幹甚麼？ What the fuck do you think you're doing?
我告訴過你﹐看管房子時 不准帶妓女回家 I told you, no prostitutes when you're house-sitting.
-你是看管房屋的人？ -私人助理… - You're a house-sitter? - Personal assistant.
-我以為你是經紀人 -但願我的經紀人會幫我澆花 - I thought you were an agent. - My agent won't water my plants.
原來我嚮往的不是基斯的生活 而是嘉莉費雪的 The life I was coveting wasn't Keith's, it was Carrie Fisher's.
-你被開除了﹐我會跟潘妮說 我得歸還她的車嗎？ - You're so fired. Wait till I tell Penny. - Am I going to have to return her car?
以及潘妮馬歇爾的 And Penny Marshall's.
我要去… I'm going to...
-你可能需要這個 -謝謝 - You might need these. - Thank you.
你會帶妓女去 班三百萬的新房子嗎？ Are you going to bring prostitutes to Ben's new $3 million home?
還有班亞佛克的 And Ben Affleck's.
我不是妓女﹐我是凱莉布雷蕭 I'm not a prostitute. I'm Carrie Bradshaw.
我也是個作家 我在紐約有個專欄 I'm a writer too. I have a column in New York.
我是凱莉﹐你是嘉莉 我寫作﹐你也寫作 I'm Carrie, you're Carrie. I write, you write.
我有個孩子﹐我真的沒辦法 I have a child. I really can't do this.
你們在這裡抽煙？ Have you been smoking in here?
這一直是開著的 This was always on.
乾洗的衣物拿回來了 貓食也買好了﹐一切都已辦妥 The dry-cleaning and the cat food, that's all done.
這是我虛幻星期的完美結局… It was the perfect ending to my week of make-believe -
造訪花花公子豪宅 和經典女郎池畔派對 a visit to the Playboy mansion and the Playmate pool party.
-我們的遭遇還能更奇特嗎？ -再也沒甚麼事會讓我意外了 - Could our lives get any weirder? - Nothing surprises me any more.
在洛杉磯﹐看管房屋者成了 大人物﹐而作家倒成了妓女 In LA, house-sitters are somebodies and writers are prostitutes.
-起碼你是高級的應召女郎 -謝謝 - You're at least a high-class escort. - Thank you.
-嘉莉費雪 -現在我們又火大了？ - Fuck Carrie Fisher! - Now we're angry again?
-是 -都怪除毛蠟 - Yeah. - I blame the wax.
對﹐都是里約的錯 That's it. Blame it on Rio.
太陽下山之後 派對才真正開始加溫 After the sun went down, the party really started heating up.
那些身穿緞質服裝 頭戴兔耳朵的女孩呢？ Where are the girls in the satin outfits and the Bunny ears?
對﹐我想看兔耳朵 Yeah, I want to see some Bunny ears.
在義大利式洞穴 以及溫和動物區之間 Somewhere between the ltalian grotto and the petting zoo,
夏綠蒂找到了真實 他名叫伊恩 Charlotte found something real. His name was lan.
從那時起我便開始收藏 霍克尼的作品 - So I started collecting Hockney. - I love Hockney.
我熱愛霍克尼
他泳池系列裡用的顏色 充滿洛杉磯風格 The colors in his pool series are so LA.
那些湛藍和深綠 The blues and those deep greens.
天啊﹐和一位聰明的女性聊天 真是難得的喜悅 God, it is such a pleasure talking to an intelligent woman for once.
我也很喜歡跟你聊天 I love talking to you too.
跟言之有物的男人在一起 真是愉快﹐我愛洛杉磯 It's nice to be with a man who talks. I love LA.
我猜第三杯歡迎酒 終於奏效了？
I guess that third welcome drink has finally kicked in?
我真不乖 我很不乖吧？我醉了 This is bad of me. Is this bad of me? I'm drunk.
還跟一個幾乎不認識的男人 躺在一塊 I'm lying here with a man I hardly know.
這裡是花花公子豪宅 事情可能會更糟 It's the Playboy mansion. Things could be worse.
-你人很好﹐伊恩﹐真的很好 -你也是 - You're nice, lan. You're really nice. - You're nice too.
-我買一對乳房送給你 -你說甚麼？ - Let me buy you some boobs. - Pardon me?
-這是個禮物 -我不需要胸部 - It's a gift. - I don't need any breasts.
夏綠蒂忘了單身生活 可以多令人討厭 Charlotte had forgotten how awful single life could be.
突然間﹐她充滿問題的婚姻 顯得沒那麼糟了 Marriage, with all its problems, wasn't looking so bad.
-有人偷了我的仿冒芬迪皮包 -你確定嗎？ - Someone stole my fake Fendi. - Are you sure?
我放在旁邊 當我起身時就不見了 I put it beside me. When I got up, it was gone.
我的天 那個兔女郎偷了我的皮包 Oh my God, that Bunny's got my bag.
把皮包還給我 Give me my bag.
-你偷了我的皮包 -這是我的皮包 - You stole my bag. - This is my bag.
-有甚麼問題嗎？ -這個兔女郎偷了我的皮包 - Are we having a problem? - Yes. This Bunny stole my bag.
-這是我的皮包 -她說這是她的皮包 - It's my bag. - She says it's her bag.
打開看裡面 有一個標籤寫著「中國製」 Look on the inside. A label that says "Made in China"
還有一大堆保險套 and there's a bunch of condoms in there.
瞧﹐正牌的芬迪 Fendi.
莎曼珊備感羞辱﹐她以為 兔女郎身上的東西都是假的 Samantha was mortified. She thought everything on the Bunny was fake.
好吧﹐算是我無心之過 OK then. Innocent mistake.
顯然﹐海福點個頭 池畔派對就結束了 Apparently, one nod from Hef, and the pool party was over.
-我要和我朋友一起走 -對不起 - I'm not leaving without my friends. - I'm so sorry.
一個芬迪冒牌貨最後讓莎曼珊 付出150塊皮包錢 The fake Fendi ended up costing 150 for the bag,
被盜刷的信用卡帳單兩千元 以及不可計數的自尊代價 2,000 in stolen credit cards, and unspecified costs to Samantha's ego.
庭院的另一邊﹐米蘭達和我 在去吃自助餐的路上轉錯彎 And Miranda and I took a wrong turn on the way to the buffet.
你看…裸體浴 Look at that - tit soup.
該回家了 It's time to go home.
原來你們在這裡 There you are.
-我們必須離開了 -我們正想走 - We have to leave. - We are.
立刻 Right now.
別緊張﹐我們要走了… Relax. We're going, we're going.
-她做了甚麼？ -我不知道 - What did she do? - I don't know.
What happened? OK. All right.
怎麼回事？算了
隔天﹐四個紐約人 離開洛杉磯時都輕了一點 The next day, four New Yorkers left LA a little lighter.
我們有些人失去了身上的毛髮 而且每個人都失去了一點尊嚴 Some of us had lost our hair, and all of us had lost a little dignity.
莎曼珊迫不及待 想返回曼哈頓沒有罪惡的街道 Samantha couldn't wait to get back to the crime-free streets of Manhattan.
米蘭達迫不及待 想返回肯吞嚥食物的男人身邊 Miranda couldn't wait to get back to men who swallowed.
夏綠蒂迫不及待想回崔的懷抱 Charlotte couldn't wait to get back to Trey.
至於我﹐我等不及了… And as for me, I couldn't wait.
-這裡不能抽煙 -別緊張﹐我們要走了 - You can't smoke in here. - Relax, we're going.
六個鐘頭後﹐我到家了 Six hours later, I was home.
它的內部擺設比我記憶中還好 It looked even better on the inside than I remembered it,
因為裡面一切都是真的 because inside it was all real.
我覺得又找回自我了 I was starting to feel like myself again.
而其他部分終究會回來的 The rest of me would grow back eventually.