我叫尼克拉斯 Hey, my name's Nicholas.
尼克 尼克 Nick, Nick.
哥们 没人会后悔参加庆功宴 Buddy, nobody ever regretted throwing an after party.
不 我后悔了 Oh, I do.
迪克 我待这真显老 Dirk, I feel so old here.
现在叫女孩"小不点"还流行吗 Is calling a girl "Shorty" Still cool?
我们来挖掘一下你对女大学生的吸引力吧 We just got to find your angle with these college girls.
你的魅力 你勾搭妹子的才能 Your hook, your panty-melter.
我的魅力通常都是在打烊时间 只剩我在那 Usually, my hook is that it's closing time, and I'm there.
你可曾是法学院的勾搭人的招牌选手 You were a panty-melting icon in law school.
如果说妹子们的内内是雪人 If panties were snowmen,
你就是那三月的烈日 老兄 you were March, bro.
-别 别这样 -斯凯乐 蜜莉恩 - Don't-don't do this. - Skyler, Miriam,
-过来一下 -别让我丢脸了 迪克 - Come over here for a second. - Don't humiliate me, Dirk.
我朋友尼克有多帅 How cool is my friend, Nick?
你也是教授吗 Are you a professor, too?
不不不 我是个酒保 No, no, no, I'm a bartender.
三十岁 30 years old,
没有医疗保险 I don't have health insurance.
你会调酒吗 You know how to make drinks?
尽情勾搭吧 Panty-melter.
你是问我 会不会调饮料吗 Do I know how to make drinks, did you say?
没错 比如酒精类饮料 Yeah, like alcoholic drinks?
会啊 我可是专业级的 Yeah, I do that professionally.
你能用专业水准把我灌醉吗 You could get me drunk professionally?
你是警察吗 Are you a cop?
有时是 Sometimes.
你有带身份证明吗 Do you have identification on you?
我要给珍娜打个电话 I gotta call Jenna
告诉她我在和一个酒保亲热 and tell her I'm making out with a bartender.
一周五晚哦 Five nights a week.
杰茜 你来参加派对啦 Jess, you made it to the party!
发生什么了 What's going on?
为什么《社交网络》剧组跑我们家来了 Why is the cast of the Social Network in our apartment?
迪克就是个天才 Dirk is a genius!
二十岁的小姑娘 她们觉得我酷毙了 20-year-old girls-- they think I'm awesome!
你看她们 And look at 'em!
她们连《解救的钟声》都没听说过 They don't know what Saved by the Bell is 电视剧 1989年上映
真是少不更事 and they've never felt pain.
斯凯乐把我当高富帅 I'm Skyler's Fancyman!
你能相信吗 Can you believe it?
你的高富帅呢 他人呢 Where's your Fancyman? Where is he?
我不知道 情况太糟了 I don't know. It was horrible.
他提前离开 留下一百块钱 He left and gave me $100
给我打车用 for a cab!
你猜怎样 You know what?
我要用剩下的九十块 I'm gonna use the remaining 90
离开这儿 重新生活 to get out of here and start a new life.
认识你很高兴 It's been nice knowing you.
我要孤老终身了 I'm gonna die alone!
不 Oh, no!
我现在非常 非常悲伤 I am so, so sad right now.
我心都要碎了 My heart hurts!
要让尼克给你调杯杨梅微风吗 You want Nick to make you a bayberry breeze?
-因为他超聪明的 -超聪明 - 'Cause he is so smart. - So smart.
是的 我需要 非常需要 Yes, I do. Yes, I do!
给你 This.
老娘不爽 三十岁烂透了 I'm not happy! 30 sucks!
这样子真怪怪的 Weird party move.
都俩小时了 It's been two hours.
真是太疯狂了 This is officially crazy.
而且 我还想上厕所 Also, I have to go to the bathroom.
尿在身上好了 Just pee yourself.
所以你宁愿接下来一路都 So you'd rather sit in my urine
坐在我的小便上 for the rest of the car ride
也不愿向温斯顿承认我们俩上床了吗 than admit to Winston that we're sleeping together?
是的 没错 想都不用想 Yep, absolutely. Don't even have to think about it.
我不想破坏这份关系好吗 I don't want to ruin what we have, okay?
因为如果大家发现了 Because if people find out,
他们会问一堆问题 they're gonna have a lot of questions,
比如"希希 你为什么和他上床" like, "Cece, why are you sleeping with him?"
"说真的 到底为毛啊" And, "Seriously, why?"
你是说我们现在这关系值得维护吗 You think we have something to ruin?
之前 我打扮得像个"咪"书 Earlier, I was dressed as a sex-cretary.
还塞了垫肩 And I was wearing shoulder pads.
所以很显然 So I obviously
我喜欢和你上床 must like sleeping with you.
是秘"骚" A secre-tarty.
讨厌 Shut... up.
这样感觉真好 This is pretty great.
顺便说句 我冻僵了 I'm freezing, by the way.
冷死了 I'm so cold.
你怎么会不冷的 How are you not freezing?
难道棕色皮肤能保温吗 Do your brown skin retain heat?
敞胸怀开喝 特雷弗 Take out your tampon and drink, Trevor!
翻杯女王发话了 The Flip Queen has spoken!
喝 喝 喝 喝 喝 Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
喝 喝 喝 喝 Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
谢尔比 Shelby.
宝贝 我不想保持距离了 Babe, I don't want space.
我也不要 Neither do I!
所以我去了你家 That's why I'm at your apartment.
我坐飞机回来了 我想见你 I got on a plane. I wanted to see you.
什么 What?!
宝贝 我在墨西哥 我是来见你的 Babe, look, I'm in Mexico. I came to see you.
真的假的 Are you serious?
我好想你 谢尔比 I miss you, Shelby.
你如此性感 姑娘 You're so sexy, girl.
不管戴没戴假发 In or out of the wig.
我都不在乎了 谢尔比 I don't care. Shelby.
你使我勇气倍增 宝贝 You make me so feel brave, babe,
你对我而言是史无前例独一无二的 and I've never felt like this about anybody else before.
我爱你 I love you.
无论去哪儿我都放着你的灵魂之歌 And I carry your soul-song with me wherever I go.
我也爱你 I love you, too.
我这就回来 宝贝 再也不分开 I'm coming back, baby. No space!
你有和任何非美国公民一起上路吗 Are you traveling with any non-US citizens?
你就用这句台词抓人吗 You actually catch people with that line?
没有 警官 只有我和我的美国心 No, sir, just me and my American heart...
满满都是爱哟 full of love.
那你怎么解释 Then how do you explain...
这个 this?
解释不了 警官 I can't... sir.
全世界没人能解释这个 No one in the entire world can explain that.
我好高 I am so tall!
就像那个中国篮球运动员 I feel like a Chinese basketball player.
拉塞尔 Russell?
杰茜 Hey, Jess.
我不是杰茜 I'm not Jess.
我是她表妹 西尔维亚 I'm her cousin... Sylvia.
你还好吗 Are you doing okay?
我想吃甜甜圈 I want a donut.
那我们去买甜甜圈 Then let's get you a donut.
拜托 Please?
我想单独和你谈谈 I want to talk to you... alone.
真是个有趣的小团体 Well, this is a fun group.
你能在宿舍放我下车吗 Can you drop me off at my dorm?
在哈密尔顿 It's called Hamilton.
我想吐 I'd like to vomit now.
老天 God!
我竟然从行驶的车上跳了下来 I've never jumped out of a moving car before!
真是帅呆了 That was bad-ass!
-孩子 -好了 - Hey, uh, kiddo. - Okay.
-尼克 那边是马路 -啥事儿 - Nick, that's the road. - What's up?
你得去树林 You want the woods.
我得去树林 你真聪明 拉塞 I want the woods. You're smart, Russ.
-抱抱 -这没什么 - Come here. - Hey, it was nothing.
你很好 拉塞 You're okay, Russ.
好了 我们一会儿再抱 Okay, we can hug some more later.
你知道她不是这样的 This isn't her, you know.
她和我们不一样 She's not like us.
她是个好姑娘 She's one of the good ones.
呕吐时间到了 拉塞尔 Time to make the puke, Russell.
听好了 我们之间是平等的性关系 So listen, man, it's-it's really important to us
我俩谁都没占上风 that our completely equal sexual relationship
这一点真的很重要 where neither one of us has the upper hand,
请你一定保密 而且我尊重你 uh, remain a secret, and while I respect the fact that
你独处时听《魔法坏女巫》这个习惯 you listen to Wicked while you're alone,
我也能随时随地 I could use that information against you
把这事儿给抖出来 at any point in time.
顺便提下 那儿有个停车标志 那里 By the way, there's a stop sign, like, right up...
那是停车标志吗 Is that a stop sign?
你该减速了 Well, you'd probably want to slow down...
-我的天 -也许是个通行标志 - Oh, my God. - Maybe it's a go sign.
那不是通行标志 I don't think it's a go sign.
如果连你这种人 Because if somebody like you
都能泡上她这样的妞 is sleeping with someone like her,
那这天杀的世界整个乱套了 then maybe the whole damn world is upside down!
我就随便想想 It's just what I'm thinking.
我想和你聊聊 And I want to talk to you.
我想好好解释 I want to have a chance to explain.
没关系 我懂 That's okay. I understand.
我之前 以为 I just... I thought
你喜欢熟女 可现在我明白了 you wanted a sophisticated lady, but now I realize that
你喜欢和年轻女孩约会 因为我们认为你很酷 you like dating younger girls 'cause we think you're cool.
你猜怎样 And you know what?
这招还真管用 因为 It's working because...
我真觉得你真是个极品帅哥 I think you're a hotty with a body.
我要告诉你 我不是因为 I got to tell you, I didn't ask you out
你比我年轻 才和你约会的 because you're younger than me.
我和你约会是因为我喜欢你 I asked you out because I like you.
可我已经忘了 该怎么约年轻女孩子 But I-I've forgotten really how... how to do this, you know.
自从1989年那次后 我就再没约过会了 I haven't dated since 1989...
那时我开着越野车载她去看画展 when I took her to the picture show in my buggy.
1989年 那会儿 1989 was, my friend,
我才刚学会怎么用烤面包机呢 the year that I learned to use the toaster by myself.
晚餐收到的短信是我前妻的 The text I got at dinner was from my ex-wife.
莎拉这周末和她在一起 Sarah's with her this weekend.
我没把她的吸入器带上 I didn't pack her inhaler.
她哮喘发作了 She was having an asthma attack.
-莎拉还好吗 -很好 - Is Sarah okay? - Yeah.
谢谢 我 Yeah. Thanks. I-I...
我只是觉得我该解释一下 I just feel like I should have explained.
那天晚上我真的 And I really wanted to kiss you
-很想吻你 -真的 - the other night. - Really?
我不仅想吻你 I wanted to do more than kiss you.
我还想做你 某种意义上 I'd like to do you, at some point.
真的 Like, you know, really,
和你好好爽一番 really give it to you good.
可我忘了怎么把握 Uh, but I've forgotten how to tell
正确的时机 whether it's the right moment.
我很紧张 I was nervous.
你紧张了 You were nervous?
尼克说的对 Nick was right.
他有时候真挺聪明的 He can be really wise sometimes.
天啊 真的发生了 Oh, my God, it's happening!
末日来了 我要死了 It's coming! I think I'm dying!
我胆战心惊又心潮澎湃 I feel scared and excited!
你觉得呢 What do you think?
我觉得什么 What do I think of what?
你觉得现在时机对吗 Do you think now is the right moment?
我觉得对 I think so.
很好 Good.
你这毒药 从我体内滚出来 Get out of me, you poison!
那是你的手吗 Is that your hand?
不是 No.
是我的手 That's my hand.
-我的天 -不用谢 -Oh my God! -You are welcome.
滚开 迪克 Get out of here Dirk.
你们去哪儿了 Where are you guys?
-喂 -你们在哪儿 - Hello? - Where are you guys?
我得走下山吗 Could I walk down to the mountains?
这小山丘啥时候变这么大座山了 When does the hill became a mountain? It just happened.
我冷死了 I'm so cold.
你谁啊 Who is that?
我的天 迪克挂了 Oh my God! Dirk is dead.
迪克挂了 Dirk is dead!
我所知的头号智者 Smartest guy I knew.