Gossip girl here.
Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of manhattan's elite.
I know who blair and those girls are,
But I know who I am, and I'm not gonna forget that
Just 'cause I hang out with them.
The previously mentioned excited artist is my wife.
I thought you said the artist lived in hudson.
If the trains ever stop running. he proposed before we left,
And I'm going to say yes. take care, rufus.
Unless you want dear nathaniel to know how
You lost your virginity to me in the back of a moving vehicle,
I encourage patience and restraint.
If you're ready to forgive me, nothing can tear us apart.
I love you, nate archibald.
Are we really gonna do this? yeah.
Do you like me? define "like."
What's the difference between gossip and scandal?
So glad you asked, ues forever.
Anyone can commit a minor indiscretion
And generate a day's worth of buzz,
But in order for gossip to birth a true scandal,
It requires the right person to be in the wrong place.
Take one "it" girl on a pedestal.
Which one do you recommend?
Add a crowd eager to see her fall
And give them the means to knock her down.
I can't believe this. oh, my god.
Dan!
What? what? what? you okay? no.
I'fine.euh, I was just testing my screaming
To see its screaming efficiency. well, dad,
Now I'd like to kill her, please. what are you hiding?
Nothing, dad, stop. you're invading my privacy. this is a loft.
No, stop. you guys.
Dan, you're gonna be really sorry you did that.
Jenny, would you excuse us?
Is there something you want to tell me?
Am I that obvious? yes, actually.
That hair color is all wrong for you.
That's funny.
This isn't.
Please say something.
A-anything would be better than this
"i am so disappointed in you" silence.
Since the time you could walk,
Your mother and i-- we knew you were special.
You were very art, very talented,
And we promised each other we would do whatever it took
To give you a bright future,
And that did not include you becoming a teenage father.
Dad, this wasn't seriously, not a part of the plan,
But whatever serena decides to do,
I-i-i want to be there for her.
I-i have to be there for her.
I love her.
Dan... I do.
I do, whether she's pregnant, whether she's not pregnant...
I-i love her.
First things first. I think you need to talk to her.
Maybe it's not even true. did you hear what I just said?
I heard you, and I hope you heard what I said.
Hey, mom.
Yes, I'm pregnant, and it's yours.
Hey. I've been calling you every two seconds for the past hour.
Oh, I left my cell at home. i-i kinda had a lot on my mind.
I know, and I'm--i'm sorry--
No, wait, wait, wait. me first.
I'm sorry that you didn't feel that you could tell me,
And no matter what you decide, I want you to know
That I'm here for you because i-i-i--because I love you. dan,
So you don't have to say that. I mean, you don't have to,
Because, um, I get it. you would have done the right thing.
Um, thank you, though. that-- that's--that's really sweet. yeah, yeah,
Well, hey, that's good news-- the no baby part.
It's really good news, like my-dad's-probably-gonna-
Throw-a-party-good news. your dad? look, can we actually talk later?
I'm late to meet blair. she's on the steps of the met.
Oh, yeah, no, go. go, go. it can wait,
Unlike blair, who's waiting on the steps, right? exactly. yeah.
Okay, I'll talk to you later. okay, all right.
Her new line was fabulous.
Hi!
Jenny, hi. you're late.
Yeah, I know. I had to drop some books off at the library. sorry.
Would you do me a favor? anything.
Move down a couple steps.
You know, this whole hazing thing is getting a bit old,
Don't you think, b.? first of all, the hazing stops when I say it stops.
And for future reference, only my friends call me "b."
You know, I'm actually gonna go.
I have a lot of stuff to do before class. jenny.
Please, she'll be back.
Hey, you.
Hey.
Hey, guys. hey.
I'm not pregnant.
Aw, cool. congratulations.
Celebratory drinks after school?
Yeah, sure. blair, can I talk to you?
Of course.
Excuse me.
Did you get my text? of course. yes, I did, but I've been--
So then you know I told dan I'm not pregnant.
Yes, and I am so happy for you. close call, huh?
Are we really gonna play that old game, b.?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Whenever something happens that's not a part of your plan,
You pretend like it doesn't exist.
You act like you're in this movie about your perfect life,
Then I have to remind you,
The only one watching that movie is you.
You admitted that your period was late. yes, I've been very stressed.
And you're acting like a total bitch
Because you're not hormonal? maybe I am a total bitch.
Just take the test, b.
Stop it.
Just take the test.
You need to know if you and chuck are gonna have a baby.
And for a scandal to really blow up,
All it needs is an unexpected turn.
Would you do me a really big favor?
What is it, sweetie?
I need you to come with me to visit my dad in rehab.
Please.
Really?
Yeah, it's just--
It gets really awaward when I have to go alone now,
And I don't know what to say anymore.
He loves you. you always know how to make him laugh.
Nathaniel archibald,
You have never asked me for anything,
And here you are, officially leaning on me.
This time we're gonna be so much better together.
We already are.
Well, at least now you know. know what? that I've wasted half the year
Trying to be friends with someone
That's never going to like me? uh, yeah. that's exactly it.
Hey. guys. so...
Dad.
You're not gonna be a grandfather.
That's cool.
That's really cool.
Yes, yes, yes.
Yes!
Yes.
And I thought I was relieved. it's not all good news, though.
I-i told her I love her, and she thinks I only said that
Because I thought she was pregnant. well, son,
Gives you a minute to step back and enjoy being 17.
You two were moving a bit too fast anyway.
I'm late for the gallery, but we can talk more later.
Wow. I've never seen you give up so easily.
Can you not start with me? can you not be so easy to start with?
Why are you taking his advice? he's old and alone. what?
Tell serena again without the pregnancy scare,
In a quiet, no distractions kind of way.
But then again, what do I know about romance,
Friends or anything else? no, no, no, no, no.
Actually, jen, that's-- that's a very good idea.
Oh, right.
What would you do without me?
Promise me I will find out one day.
Hey, b.
What are you doing here? in the neighborhood.
Can we talk later? despite your best efforts to ruin it,
I'm actually having a good day, and I don't want anything
To spoil it. guess who asked me to visit the captain with him?
Yes. it's like he finally needs me and isn't afraid to-- look, b.,
To burst your happy bubble, but I'm not giving up. well, I'm sorry,
I haven't been on the pill since I was 15. okay, I am giving up.
Before you start planning your perfect night with nate,
Don't you think you should-- I'm not pregnant, serena.
What's wrong? was it something I cooked?
No. no, no, no. I'm sorry.
It's honestly the best spaghetti I've ever tasted.
Thank you, even if I did have to drag it out of you myself.
Hey, guys.
Hey, jenny.
Go back to your room, jenny.
I'm just getting juice.
Excuse me.
Hey, jen. could you do me a favor
And drink your juice at vanessa's, maybe?
I'm going back to my room, closing the door,
Putting on my headphones and ignoring you and your date. excellent.
Where were we?
Um...
Well, let--let's try this.
Why don't you tell me what's on your mind?
Then it can be on our minds,
And our minds can worry about what's on your mind, together.
I have no idea what you just said.
I don't know what I said either, but, um,
What I'm saying now is talk to me.
I never thought I was pregnant.
The test was for blair. oh, wait, wait. I'm confused.
She just got back together with nate.
So... oh. then who?
Chuck.
Chuck?
And blair?
Blair and chuck?
Then why isn't he the one buying the test? because...
Because he's an ass. who doesn't know.
Why not?
I mean, there's no love lost between me and chuck bass,
But I gotta believe he--he deserves to know.
He--he does have this weird influence over her.
Maybe he could talk her into taking the test.
I just-- I'm so worried about her.
Come here.
This may be the most amazing purchase you'll ever make
In your entire lovely existence. your day almost over?
Not quite. I've got a few canvases to wrap
And a little more paperwork.
I'm trying to get you to ask me out for after-work drinks.
Oh, oh. uh, okay.
I'm sorry I didn't realize,
I guess you're not done for the day after all,
But when you are, call me.
Hi, rufus. remember me?
Bex, right? art dealer.
Yeah, you bought a very special piece
For lily van der woodsen.
I'm looking for some things for a couple other clients.
Any new discoveries since the last time I was here? a few.
There's a beautiful mixed media piece on this wall over here.
As I recall, you had a wife in hudson.
That still true?
Uh, she's still there. I'm still here.
Made things a little difficult.
Still trying?
I'm trying to move on.
Hmm. tomorrow night too soon to start?
I suppose not.
Sounds good.
Okay.
Hi, chuck.
Please, call me "brother."
I need to talk to you.
About getting knocked up? I must say
I was a little disappointed you weren't more careful.
Chuck, I really need to trust you.
I'm hoping that deep down inside,
You're actually a decent person
And won't make me regret this.
You're here for blair, aren't you?
Look, I'm not going to tell nate about us.
I tortured her, got bored and moved on.
There's no moving on just yet.
The pregnancy test wasn't for me. it was for blair.
What? she won't take it.
So given that if she's pregnant, you're the-- no, we used a condom.
Well, obviously, it broke. what is obvious
Is that your best friend has kept you in the dark.
What are you talking about? like I said,
I handle my business. apparently, nate doesn't.
They slept together just after we did.
It's him you should be asking for help.
Hey, dad.
I need to talk to to you about something.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. it's a little early in the morning
For the teens-gone-wild contingency plan, isn't it?
It's not about your relationship with serena. oh. oh, then what?
I need to know how you and jenny would feel
If I went out tonight for a drink... with a woman.
Well, I guess I feel like you shouldn't wear that shirt,
Or there will not be a second date.
Really? r-really.
Thanks.
Now I guess I just have to worry about jenny then.
Good morning. hi.
Good morning, sunshine.
Dad, where'd you get that shirt?
What's wrong with this shirt? nothing,
As long as you don't plan to wear it out of the house.
It's worse. he plans on wearing it on a date.
For drinks, if that's okay. whatever. it's awful.
Guess you have your answer. answer to what?
Nothing. nothing.
Morning.
Good morning, miss serena.
Anybody notice the weather today? what?
Take a look outside, b. my first response
Would be that the sky is a clear blue easy.
Dorota, you may be excused now.
I can't believe you didn't tell me about you and nate.
What did he say? noing. chuck did, when I went to see him
Because I thought maybe he could talk some sense into you.
You had no right to do that. I was trying to help you, b.
Let another rumor about me run rampant.
The whole school heard, even dan.
What's going on?
Ask blair. her version of the story's always better.
Fine.
You all right?
Never been better.
Well, serena has. what's wrong?
I don't know. I can't be held responsible for her mood swings.
Were you arguing
About the possibility
That your condition may have returned?
No. and it hasn't.
I heard you...
The other day,
In your bathroom, with the water running.
I'm very stressed.
And with you and serena down my throat,
I can hardly think straight, never mind keep food down.
Maybe you do just need to take a little bak, , h?
Visit your father? lyon is beautiful this time of year. maybe this summer.
Summer sounds great. finish your breakfast.
I'm not pregnant.
I command myself not to be pregnant.
Hello? hey, s. it's b.
Two things.
First... I'm sorry
About dan, about the "gossip girl" blast
And about not telling you about nate. okay.
You were just so hard on me about chuck.
I didn't want to be judged for sleeping with them both.
I understand. apology accepted.
That was fast. if I were you,
I would've made me work for it a little bit harder.
Well, I think you've suffered enough. and second thing--
Wait. that's already, like, three things. I took the test.
Aah! oh, my gosh! are you kidding me?
Aah!
Oh, I am so happy.
I would have had no idea what to wear to a paternity hearing. clean slate?
Oh, clean slate. oh, I'm so happy.
See you at school.
Oh, don't stop on my account. oh, I have to.
Secondhand smoke is bad for the, uh... I'm not pregnant, so good-bye,
Mistake so far in my past I can hardly remember.
You cannot be serious. you can't be touching me.
Look, if you were gonna tell nate,
You would have done so in monaco,
But you don't want him to hate you, and you know he would.
Game over. game's not over until I say it is.
Then have fun playing with yourself.
Got 'em.
Are--are--are you cold? I'm okay.
It's pretty cold. here, let me get you this blanket.
This will be better to keep you warm.
Um, you--you want some ginger ale?
Here. I brought this for us.
We can have a nice little drink.
Um, it might be a little cold, actually.
I--you okay? you're doing that, um... thing.
Yeah, i-i know. I'm sorry. i...
It's just... i-i don't know.
In--in the short time we've known each other,
You--you've become really important to me.
I've been struggling to find a way to tell you,
Struggling now.
Oh, my lit paper. no, no, no, no, no.
Oh! no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, my gosh. here you go.
I love you. thank you.
No problem. all right, take care.
That was a close call.
I'm sorry. that would've completely ruined our picnic.
Yeah.
Okay, what, um, what was it you were saying?
Oh, just...
I think I should proofread this for you. can i?
Sure. yeah, but can we eat first? 'cause I'm starving.
Yeah. let's eat.
Can you believe this?
Jenny, come look at this.
Looks like the virgin queen
Isn't as pure as she pretended to be.
Who's your daddy, b.? baby daddy, that is.
Two guys in one week? talk about doing the nasty,
Or should I just say being nasty?
Oh, my god. you know she's right about this.
Oh, god, there she is. what a total hypocrite.
Who does she think she is?
Pot calling the kettle black much?
Oh, I can see a bump! what a bitch.
Oh, my god, she is such a whore.
She cheated on nate?! does nate know?
Oh, god!
Have you seen nate?
No.
I saw it.
Yeah, blair's gonna freak out. I mean, this is a total lie.
Yeah.
Of course it is.
Jenny, look, I know you're friends with blair,
And you'd never want to do anything to betray her,
But if you know something... well, blair was never really my friend.
So...
Yeah, there's something you should know.
I don't know if you would want to her...
Whoa, man!
Did you sleep with her, huh?
You son of a bitch. I could kill you.
What'd you do? did you get what you wanted,
Like you do with all those other girls? yes, nathaniel. I took what blair
Kept throwing at you and you kept throwing back.
Oh, so somehow you screwing blair for sport is my fault?
It wasn't for sport. she needed someone, and I was there.
Oh, so you cared about her?
You guys were broken up. what, for how long? a week? an hour?
Look, I am sorry, all right?
I know how long you and I have been best friends, okay?
No, it's not okay, chuck.
From now on, you stay away from me. nate.
Did you hear what I said?
You stay the hell away from me, chuck!
Show's over.
What are you doing here? your mom let me in.
I didn't ask how you got in. I asked why you came.
To talk.... about us.
There's no "us," blair.
Yes, there is. we finally really have a chance to start over.
You know, all this time, I felt so b for everything I've done,
And when you said you wanted to leave the past in the past,
I didn't know we were talking about your past.
I made a decision I was in no condition to make.
Yes. then you'll understand perfectly when I say
I want nothing else to do with you, blair.
You and chuck deserve each other. you know chuck would say anything,
But jenny wouldn't. jenny?
And don't go blaming any of this on her, blair.
I would have found out eventually. I said I'm done.
It's over. now would you please leave?
Fine. stay as long as you like. I'll leave.
Bryn. hi.
Good to see you again.
Rufus, at the risk of being forward,
I'm here on a dare from my friends to ask you out.
Then I guess I have to say, uh...
Yes? yes, you do.
Well, tonight, I have plans, but maybe some other night...
Am I interrupting?
Hi.
Uh, bryn, bex. bex, bryn.
Actually, I'm bex. she must be... bryn.
I always get a little tongue-tied with my b's.
Looks like you're still tied up.
Maybe we should reschedule drinks. no, that-- that won't be necessary.
Actually, I think it will. good to meet you, bryn. you, too. bye.
Guess you're available after all.
Hey, b. what's up?
I can't believe you told jenny about me and chuck.
What? i-i didn't.
Because of her, everybody knows the intimate details
Of my private life, and now nate's not speaking to me. but i-i told you,
I didn't tell jenny. I don't know how she found out. did you tell dan?
What?
You did. you told your low-rent boyfriend,
And he told his social-climbing sister
Who wears my hand-me-downs, and she blabbed to nate.
I can't believe you're attacking dan and jenny.
Did you or did you not tell him?
I did,
But only because you weren't dealing with it,
And I wanted advice on how to help you. I can't believe you don't get it.
The rules are different
For the serena van der woodsens of the world.
People expect you to party and be wild,
Sleep with whoever you want, run away, come back. wait,
You shot your reputation to hell a long time ago.
It doesn't matter what you do, but I'm a waldorf. well,
Obviously don't need me and my low-rent taste,
You and the waldorf name can weather the storm alone.
With pleasure.
Hey, jenny.
Hi.
Are you joining us? um...
What are you doing here? I was just leaving.
No, stay.
Blair, given you can barely manage your own messy affairs,
Surely you're not in a position to tell anyone
Where they can and can't eat. do you realize who you're talking to?
You mean a self-righteous bitch who always sat
On her own high horse judging everyone else? pregnant little hypocrite.
Not that it's any of your business,
But I'm not pregnant.
Nate must be thrilled. chuck, too.
What are you talking about?
The whole school saw them throwing down
Over your cheap ass.
The boyfriend and the best friend? pretty classy.
Consider yourself dethroned,
Queen b.
Nn jey.consider yourself dethroned,
It is highly unlikely
That I will ever forgive you for going to nate,
But if you walk away from me now,
I will also ruin you.
How are you gonna do that?
Good to see you again.
Okay. bye. take care. enjoy.
Hi. it's bex. you know what to do.
Hi. it's rufus,
Calling again to apologize about last night again.
I really didn't mean to insult you or disrespect you
Or whatever it is I did.
I'm new at this, and well...
I'm new at this.
You told jenny about blair and chuck?
No. no, of course not.
Well, you're the only one I told.
And I didn't tell anybody.
How can I know that?
Because I gave you my word.
Because I love you.
What?
I love you,
And not just because I thought you were pregnant
And not in the way you love
Some random guy who picks up your lit paper
Or some girl who likes your hair.
Okay.
"okay"?
That response is not okay.
I'm such an ass. let me guess. dan?
He told me loved me,
And all I did was stand there like a stupid mute.
I mean, why wouldn't I want to hear those words
Come out of his mouth? but it's like it made me trust him less,
Which is crazy, and even if he is lying about telling jenny,
Even though I told him not to tell anyone,
I should have come up with a better response to "i love you.
But why would you think he was lying? because I'm the only one who knew,
And he's the only one I told.
On your conversations when you thought I wasn't? ooh. none, I hope.
You hope wrong. I'm a little brother.
It's what I do, and you don't have to be a genius
To figure out the trust thing. I mean, every time
Mom brought home someone who said, "i love you,"
They would end up married. and then divorced.
Didn't leave us with a strong sense of trust, huh?
But that's mom's issue, not ours,
And dan's not one of those guys.
Okay, this conversation has to end,
Because you're getting dangerously close
To being smarter than I am,
No, thank you. all right.
I came to congratulate you in person.
You ruined my relationship with nate,
Serena, all of my friends.
Even little jenny thinks she's too good for me,
So... bravo.
Just like you wanted.
I have no one to turn to but you.
Actually, you don't even have me.
Enough.
I'll try to be more succinct.
You held a certain fascination
When you were beautiful,
Delicate...
And untouched.
But now you're like...
One of the arabians my father used to own--
Rode hard and put away wet.
I don't want you anymore,
And I can't see why anyone else would.
You okay?
I'd be a lot better if I could spend a semester
Going to school in france.
A semester?
Well, i-i already talked to harold about a visit,
And he was-- he was thrilled.
So can I go?
Now?
Mom, please try.
Blair, I am very concerned.
So book a flight.
We'll get you out tomorrow.
Thank you.
Who's up for a barneys drive-by?
Me. ooh. followed by hot sake at decibel.
Huh. I don't think so. yeah. she made out with the bartender last time.
Now he thinks she loves him. what about you, little j.?
Oh, I can't. I have to return these books to the library.
Elise will take them for you,
Won't you, e.?
Yeah, sure.
It's okay. I can do it.
The question isn't if you can do it, jenny,
It's if you should have to.
I'm going there anyway.
Okay.
Let me know if you need anything else.
You coming?
Props to blair. she trained you well.
Hi.
Don't act so surprised to see me.
How could I not stop by
After all those pitiful messages you left? oh, for the record,
I'm really sorry for what happened the other night. so am i.
Look, bex, I was married for almost 20 years,
And before that, I was a somewhat successful musician,
And I wouldn't really call what I was doing dating. what was it then?
A succession of women--
Groupies, mostly-- whose chose me.
I really don't have any experience
With real honest-to-goodness dating.
Despite your worst efforts,
I am completely charmed by you, rufus humphrey.
Thanks, I think.
Okay.
Here's where we are.
Dating 101, lesson 1.
In two days, you're gonna call me
And thank me for forgiving you of your dating faux pas.
You'll ask me out to dinner-- someplace elegant
But intimate, and we are going to have a fabulous time.
You got all that? absolutely.
Good. talk to you in two days. two days.
Okay.
Hello?
I never was good at following rules.
Hey. what are you doing here?
I need to know why you love me.
Because I do.
I really want to trust you when you say those words, dan,
So maybe if I knew why, I'd stop being so scared of hearing them
And afraid to say them.
Okay.
Well, if you want to talk about why--
It has to do with my mom and her many marriages.
There. that's why.
Because I actually like it when you interrupt me,
Which is often, by the way.
I love you because you make no apologies
About being exactly who you are--
Beautiful, smart,
Sexy as hell--
Now you're embarrassing me.
That's another reason.
You're completely unaware of your affect on me.
You're also completely unaware
That you laugh like a 4 year old.
Just like that.
And I love you because you can be with someone like me
And still be best friends with someone like blair.
Yeah, well, I tried to be.
I know you do, and that's not easy,
But you never give up on her.
That is how amazing you are.
Well, you're amazing, too,
For being able to say all of those things,
You just are.
And I love you...
But I have to go.
What? what--what is it this time?
One of the many reasons you love me.
Blair.
What?
You want a lift to j.f.k.?
Your mom said you were going to france tonight.
She has a big mouth. b., I'm your best friend.
She was shocked I didn't know.
Well, now you do.
What I know is how you felt when I left without telling you.
Is there a reason you're here?
Stay.
Don't let some stupid scandal make you run away
Like it did me, like it does everyone in our world.
Everything's horrible.
My whole life is falling apart.
So rebuild it.
You're a waldorf, remember?
People don't tell you who you are. you tell them.
Stay and fight.
I'll fight with you.
I'm so embarrassed.
I'm so
So what?
Start over.
It can be done.
I should know.
We'll get through this together.
Promise?
Promise.
Stop, guys.
I'm going home.
One good scandal deserves another.
Wonder who's going down next?
Everybody, if b. has anything to say about it.
You know you love me,
X.o.x.o., gossip girl.
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