Come in, come in!
Just a minute!
You guys got here fast.
Thanks, thanks, we try.
I assume you're Jasper, you called about that cut.
What?
I asked if your name was Jasper.
You called us to take a look at that cut on your chest.
I'm Jasper.
Yeah, I'm, yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's not for me,
you see, it's for her.
Her, did you say her?
I called, I called for, I called for her,
for her, inside, I didn't call for me.
What?
Oh, come in, come in, yeah, yeah.
Come on, guys.
She's, uh, she's through there.
She's in the bathroom, she's not,
she's not dead.
She's just like sleeping now.
I don't know, you need to wake her up, I don't know.
I mean, you go ahead and make yourselves at home.
Whatever you guys need, anything you need.
Maybe you can turn the music down a little bit
while we get started?
Turn the music down.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'll turn the music down, guys.
What happened?
What?
This would be a lot easier
if we had some context.
What, fuck!
What?
Could you tell me what happened to her?
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, uh, can you please just tell me what happened?
Can you let me know what happened here?
Oh, she passed out.
Yeah, I can see that, thank you,
but where is she bleeding?
That's not hers, it's mine.
I cut myself.
In a downward stabbing motion.
Yeah.
What's her name?
Uh, Nikki.
Nikki, hey, can you hear me?
Can you look at me, honey?
Is she on any drugs?
No, she doesn't do, she's not on drugs.
I mean, she can't do drugs right now.
Why not, she pregnant?
What, no, what, what, no,
why would you think, why would you jump to that conclusion
that she's pregnant?
- Nikki, hey. - Well, you said she can't
- do any drugs. - Can you hear me?
She passed out because she doesn't like blood, that's all.
I mean, does she look pregnant to you right now?
I mean, is that a body that looks pregnant to you?
I mean, look.
Relax, okay, we're just talking here.
I'm just trying to get the facts straight.
Well, let's just get her straight first
and then we'll worry about the facts.
Welcome back, sweetheart.
Hey, hi.
Can you tell me your name?
Who the fuck are you?
My name is Marcus Steadman, all right,
this is my partner Sebastian.
We're just here to help, all right.
It looks like you fainted, maybe bumped your head.
Get the fuck out of my house.
All right, well, I'd say we can rule out a concussion.
You're probably going to have a little bit of bruising.
You know, probably a little bit of a headache
from the fall.
Oh God, why am I laying in blood.
What is this?
Well, it seems that Jasper here had himself
a little knife accident.
Hey, baby, how you doing?
How you feeling, baby, are you okay?
Are you hurting?
Does your head feel better?
You're fucking high again, aren't you?
Wait, I'm not, I'm not high.
I mean, I thought about it.
I mean, of course I thought about it
cause you were, you know, I was stressed out about you
so I thought about doing, and it's here,
but I didn't do any of it, I promise you.
I didn't, baby, I'm sober, I swear,
- I'm sober, okay. - Help me up.
Get me up, help me up, please, thank you.
All right, don't you fucking start with me right now.
Oh, thanks for looking out, baby, I love you, too.
Sorry about that.
You're being sarcastic.
I'm not being sarcastic.
I don't, I don't know who these guys are.
They just, they're here now.
I messed up, I'm sorry, babe.
Oh, wow, great, you promised me you were done
- with this shit. - Oh, God!
It's not my fault.
It's not, it's not your fault?
Okay, well then who the fuck's fault is it?
Who else would bring 30 pounds of cocaine
into my kitchen?
Did you guys do this?
Get in here.
Babe, baby, there's a lot going on!
I panicked, you hit your head, you passed out,
I freaked out so I did.
You passed out, not me.
Stop hiding!
I'm not hiding.
Stop hiding, get in here.
No.
Get in here!
I'm coming.
Just please shut the fuck up.
Look, baby, I'm done, all right?
Please, what the fuck?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and, look, I promise you
that as soon as this stuff is done,
I'm done with it forever.
My lips to God's ears, I promise you,
scout's honor, it's not gonna happen anymore.
Look, I thought I lost you back there
so I freaked out a little bit!
So what, I did a little coke, that's all.
I was worried about you!
You didn't almost lose anything.
I fucking passed out.
Christ, you fucking called 911?
Are you out of your goddamn mind?
- Baby-- - Are you crazy?
- What were you thinking? - You passed out!
What do you think happens when you die?
You pass out first.
I thought that's what you would want.
Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!
30 pounds of coke!
Hi, I hate to interrupt
your little domestic dispute, guys,
but I'm just gonna need one of you guys
to sign this, saying everything's all right,
and then we'll be out of your hair.
Well, wait, what, you have to report this?
We're fine.
- We're fine. - There's no need
- for papers and shit. - Yeah, I mean,
you guys are great, but if I want to keep my job,
then, yeah, I'm gonna need to report this.
Come on.
Can't you just do us a favor
and just forget about this one?
No, I'm gonna need you to sign it.
Okay.
Well, what if we work something out,
like, uh, financially?
You guys do have a little scratch, don't you?
Just sign the form.
Look, we're not gonna fucking sign anything, all right?
We're fine, we don't want you here,
so fucking, you know, take our money,
mark this one down as a false alarm
or leave empty-handed, up to you.
How much money?
What are you doing?
Come on, Marc.
You looked around this place?
I think they can afford a little off the top.
Hey, Skippy, what do you do?
Hmm, I'm in a band.
He's a musician.
I don't care what he does for a living.
I'm not taking their money.
I just need you to sign this
and then we will gladly be on our way.
Boys,
nobody here is stupid, okay?
Anyone can take one look around this place
and see that there's a lot of explaining
that needs to be done.
Quite honestly, none of us are really qualified.
Yeah.
Enough.
If we sign that thing, this becomes an insurance issue,
possibly even a legal issue, right?
I mean, depending on what you write down.
I'm not gonna change what you're seeing in here.
I mean, I'll even give you a copy.
I just need you to sign it so I don't lose my job.
Just change it.
They ain't lying, man.
This dude's fucking loaded.
I think we oughta at least consider
what they're talking about here.
How much you want?
Just, just sign the form.
5,000?
10,000.
Cash.
Deal.
- Deal! - No.
- Deal, be gone.
No!
No?
Marc, that's 10 Gs, it's more than we make
in a fucking month.
Yeah, and that might be all the money we ever make
if we get caught.
We're not gonna get caught, that's the thing, man,
that's my point, cause they ain't reporting shit.
Ain't that right?
Cause you got bruises all up and down your body.
This guy's got a gash on his chest
the size of Lake Tahoe.
I don't think that's a fucking coincidence.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
that's not right, that's not fair.
I don't, I don't hit girls, I didn't hit her,
- I don't hit girls. - Not to mention,
the yayo on your fucking kitchen counter.
Okay, that's right, this cannot leave the room,
not for us, it cannot, it cannot leave the room.
- That, that, I mean. - Shh!
Come on, man, you could take a vacation
for the first time in years.
Think about it. You know what you could do?
You could finish that bathroom for Lizzy.
It's very easy, you just rip up that report,
we walk outta here.
Fuck it, I'm getting the money.
Dude, these are some great albums you got here.
These all yours?
Yeah.
Me and Nikki's.
So aren't you musician types supposed to be,
like, covered in tattoos.
I don't know, would you put a bumper sticker
on a Ferrari?
So, uh,
what kind of music do you play?
I don't know, probably nothing you've heard of.
Oh, I don't know, I got a teenager at home.
I hear a lot of shit.
Oh, so you just assume all my music is shit?
Oh, I hate to break it to you,
but your outward appearance doesn't exactly scream
musical genius right now.
All right, what about, what about those
gold records on the wall, huh, how about that,
and the money she's bringing you right now?
Suck on that dick.
That's not you hitting her, is it?
You know, those bruises on her back?
I don't hit girls, I don't do that,
that's not me.
Cause I don't like guys who hit girls.
I don't like guys who hit girls, either,
and that's why I don't do it, so leave it alone.
Then why'd she cut you?
Because she doesn't like drugs.
- So stop using. - What are you, like my dad?
Cause you sound like my dad but you look like a paramedic,
just so you know.
I called 911, last I checked.
If I wanted my dad to come, then I'd call him.
You didn't expect the baby, did you?
Hey, she's not pregnant, okay?
She's not pregnant.
Even if she was pregnant, it's not your business,
and it's not your business.
You know, it's only the couple having the baby's business,
all right, and, right now, that couple
having the baby, we don't even know
who the father is, all right,
so why don't you guys just take a walk, okay?
You're bleeding again.
So, look, kid, we're gonna take your money and walk away,
but, you know, I can't in any sort of good conscience
leave without at least fixing up your gash there,
so I'm just gonna go out to the rig,
get some more gear, and then come back
and patch you up properly,
so you don't like bleed out later, okay?
Are you gonna give me stitches?
Probably not.
Just gauze and a little bit of tape oughta do it.
I do know, maybe you should stitch it.
I've never had stitches before.
Okay.
Well, we will keep that in mind.
Just in case, as a precaution.
I'm really sorry.
I mean, I never should've called these fuckers
in the first place, I'm really sorry for that.
You know what, you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna pay back Jasper all that $10,000.
I promise I'm gonna do that, and you know what?
Even if this little thing inside of you here
isn't mine, I'm going to do everything I can
to keep it happy and healthy and safe, you know,
and all that other shit, too, you know,
like a good old man will do.
Just one last time.
How you doing, pal?
Oh, I'm ready when you are.
All right, great.
Whoa, whoa, that's quite the pig-sticker you got there.
What is that for?
Uh, it's just a little antibiotic,
nothing to get worried about.
Oh.
Now if you can just give me your arm here.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, cool.
Now, Jasper, if you can hold really still for me.
- Yeah. - Can you do that?
Yeah.
Okay.
You want me to make a fist?
That's good, right there.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, oh, just real quick,
I mean, that's not gonna like cause like a reaction
or something, you know what I mean,
like, you know, that blow in the kitchen,
I'm not saying I did it, but if I did, hypothetically,
you don't think that this would cause like my blood
to boil like a speedball or something,
I mean, you know, fucked up, right, or die,
you know, like hypothetically?
- Hypothetically? - Yeah.
Hypothetically, I think, I don't think your heart
will explode.
- Okay. - Yeah.
All right.
Now just stay real still for me, all right?
How's that feel?
I'm good, I'm all good, I'm all good.
Good, that's great.
Are you gonna do it?
Have you ever heard of potassium chloride, Jasper?
Yeah, like a banana.
Well, yeah, bananas do have potassium.
That's good,
but, you know, not nearly as much as this syringe.
You see, potassium chloride is what the prison system
uses for the death penalty
to kill our most dangerous criminals.
Guys that get high and beat and bury their wives.
It's fast-acting and relatively painless.
So, like, death row?
Whatever happened to gauze and tape?
I have no words.
Jasper, let me explain how it is to you.
We went outside just now,
and, well, we came to a realization.
Any house with 10 grand just lying around,
the way your wife made it seem--
What, you guys want more money,
is that what you're saying?
You want more money?
He's a genius.
Oh, fuck, I fainted again.
Oh, what's with the needle, I fucking hate needles.
No, baby, baby, that's what I'm trying--
Not now, we'll deal with your fucking apologies later.
I just wanna get these guys outta my house.
That's what I'm trying to tell you about--
Get them out!
Baby, they're gonna kill me with the banana shit!
What?
They want more money.
Oh, okay, all right, all right, all right, fellas,
I understand what you're doing here,
but, you know, there isn't any more money,
so just please get the fuck out of my house.
Something tells me that's probably not entirely true.
Well, I don't care what anything tells you,
that's the way it is.
Now take that thing out of his arm
and please get the fuck out of my house.
Yeah, well, uh,
we have a better idea, sweetheart.
We're gonna take a walk.
I'm sorry.
You shouldn't have called them.
Got a bag?
You forgot a bag?
All right, can I dump this shit?
No, no, no, that's my art shit.
You paint?
Yeah, a little.
What kind?
I'm in abstract expressionism, Rothko.
- Right on. - Newman.
So how many bananas do you think it takes
to like kill a guy?
My dad, he was into Pollack.
He's a little messy for my taste,
but the same movement, so.
Yeah, I think there's a bag in there.
Do you want me to just use that?
Go for it.
Okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, take it easy.
All right, Chucko, drop the knife
or I'll blow your fucking head off.
Really?
Yeah, really, what'd you think,
I was going take you down here and talk postmodern art
and then let you steal all my hard-earned cash?
- Belize. - Belize.
They send in all the bananas.
You mean to make the banana death juice?
- Yeah. - Now drop the knife!
Look at you, you can barely hold that thing.
You wanna try me?
No.
I do think before we go any further,
you should see something.
No, no, no, no, no!
You all right?
Oh, yeah, I mean, I'm just bleeding a little.
Not you, dumb ass, sit the fuck down!
Wait, wait, where's Nikki?
She's fine, asshole.
Jesus, where'd you get a gun?
- She pulled it from the safe. - Oh, was there more money?
Yeah, there was a lot more money.
Why didn't you bring it up?
I forgot a bag.
You forgot a bag?
- Smart guy. - Shut the fuck up.
You got a real thinker of a partner,
- I gotta say. - Shut up!
Grab a bag and pack it up and let's go.
Nah, no, not yet, man, we're not done.
What are you talking about?
Look around, all right?
We gotta tie them up, we gotta see what else
- there is to take. - Tie them up?
Come on, we're not going anywhere.
- Fuck. - Can't you just do
what you gotta do and get the hell out?
Baby, I'm really glad you're okay.
Shut up, Kyle.
- I'm so glad you're okay. - How the fuck is Kyle?
Fucking Kyle?
I'm Kyle.
Just rob us already!
I'm fucking confused.
You know, I gotta say, you guys,
it seems a little, you know, excessive.
I mean, she told you to rob the place,
and I'm not about to do anything about it
any time soon, so I really don't understand
why you guys are tying us up to chairs.
You know, I can see why she doesn't like you
getting high.
You just can't keep your fucking mouth shut.
That, all right.
I'll keep my mouth shut.
So, who's hitting you?
Jasper or Kyle?
Fuck you, what do you care?
I don't like guys who hit girls.
You shouldn't have to take that.
Oh, yo, okay, that's real sound advice
from the guy who was threatening to stop my heart
with the banana death juice.
All that was in that syringe was saline.
The worst thing it would've done is rehydrate you.
Really?
All right, are we done fucking around?
May we?
I, we'll be out of your way shortly.
Hey, I think that was a good move with the gun.
You know, it was worth a try.
I mean, he was a big guy, but it was worth a try.
Come on, I mean, come on, I got your signal
with the finger gun thing, you know?
Come on, we were on the same wavelength.
I mean, can you at least acknowledge that
we're on the same wavelength?
Fuck, come on, don't be mad at me, please,
please don't be mad, please don't be mad,
please don't be fucking mad at me, come on!
- I didn't want this either! - I'm not mad, I'm not mad!
Okay?
I'm sad.
I'm really fucking sad.
The reason I started back on the drugs
was because you told me that, you know,
I might not be the father, so.
I'm married, Kyle, of course you might not be
the fucking father!
All right, yeah, I forgot you're married
to the douche bag, wife-beating rockstar
fucking-- Okay, well, at least he is
who he fucking says he is!
Oh.
That hurts, Nikki.
That fucking hurts.
You gotta know, I mean, this isn't easy for me, either.
You know?
And you comparing my one little mistake
to his lifetime of insanity isn't exactly fair.
I mean, you gotta kind of agree with me on that one, right?
I mean, come on, right?
Wiggle with me.
What?
Trust me, trust me.
Wiggle?
Yes, wiggle, yes, just back and forth like this.
- Go right. - I'm wiggling.
- No, go like this. - Oh, you mean rock.
- No, okay, fine, rock. - Rock.
- Rock the fucking chair. - Rock, I got it,
you want me to rock.
- Okay, I'm fucking rocking. - Back and forth, come on.
Why is it fucking tied?
Come on, wiggle.
I'm getting claustrophobia!
Owie.
What are you doing?
You don't have to keep wiggling.
Shh, shh, stop.
Get the money!
Oh, got it!
Okay, okay, okay, let's go, let's go.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, Nik, Nik, Nik,
- wait. - What?
I need to know, I need to know right now.
If you could pick who the father was,
would it be me or him?
Oh, fuck off, you know I'd choose you.
Choose me?
I fucking love you to death.
- I fucking love you to death. - Let's be smart
and get out of here
so it doesn't have to come to that, okay?
Oh, what the fuck?
Kyle, we were going to be smart,
we were gonna leave!
He was gonna shoot!
You don't know that!
He had a gun, Nikki.
I can pretty well fucking guess
that he was going to shoot.
No, no, no, no, no.-
Is he okay?
Oh my.
No, no!
No, come on, come on!
Hey, come on, man, come fucking back.
Fuck!
You okay?
You sure?
You just killed a guy.
Well, I, I mean he was going to kill us.
I don't really think that shit matters right now, Kyle,
okay, you're alive, he's dead, okay,
that's all anyone's gonna really fucking care about.
Like legally?
Yeah, legally, what the fuck else would I mean?
What else matters right now?
Everything, everything except for that matters right now.
We're not gonna call the fucking cops.
Are you out of your fucking mind?
Okay, okay, well then let's call 911
because that worked out fucking perfectly
- the first time. - Stop that.
Remember that, remember that, huh?
I said I was fucking sorry, I'm fucking sorry, okay?
Fuck, Jesus, fuck.
I'm sorry about that, I mean, come on, what do you want?
We just need to weigh our options,
we need to fucking think right now.
So, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're fucking out of your fucking mind!
You don't drink, remember?
No more fucking drinking.
You killed somebody!
There's a fucking dead body right over there
because of you!
Fuck, no, no, no, no more fucking drinking.
No fucking drinking, all right?
No fucking drinking.
We've gotta get our heads together,
we gotta come up with ideas, you know,
and you know what?
That paramedic guy Marcus,
I mean, he's not gonna go to the cops,
I mean, because he was trying to rob us,
so he's just as fucked as we are, so we're good.
We gotta figure out how to get rid of that body,
that's all, that's all we have to do.
Everything's going to be fine.
Jasper's going to kill me.
- Why? - Jasper's going to fucking
kill me, I've seen him do way worse shit
over way less than that.
Don't worry about Jasper right now.
Please don't worry about Jasper right now.
We need to think about us.
We need to think about me and you,
that's what we need to do right now, think about us.
I didn't ask for this.
What the fuck happened?
I just wanted to be us.
What?
Is someone, what?
Nik, Nikki, hey, Nik!
What are you doing, what are you doing,
what are you looking for, what are you?
- Rings, my fucking rings. - Rings?
They took my fucking rings!
Whatever, we'll just get you more rings.
We'll just buy you more rings,
it's not a big deal.
You don't understand, my wedding rings,
my fucking wedding and engagement rings, Kyle.
I always take them off when I'm with you,
but you probably never even noticed
because you're too fucking high!
Or maybe I never noticed because you always
take them off when you're with me.
That's probably why I didn't notice, babe, that's all.
Oh my God.
He's gonna kill me. I mean, I have to get them back.
They're like his grandmother's or something.
They were like or they are?
I mean, there's a big fucking difference
between like and are. I mean, we could buy like.
They were his grandmother's.
- All right. Are you sure? - He's gonna fucking kill me.
- Can they be in another room? - I mean, he's going
to murder us both.
He's not going to kill anybody.
Nobody's killing nobody, you're fine.
Everything's fine.
You just did!
All right, so let's just get the fuck outta here,
me and you, right now.
Let's just fucking get in the car
and fucking take off and fucking leave this place
so far behind and get as far away from him
as possible, let's do that, baby.
- It's not that easy. - Come on, yeah it is.
I mean, I love you, you love me.
I mean, all you need is love.
The baby's Jasper's.
What?
You sure?
No, look at you, you're bleeding, you're high.
You stabbed me.
You're not a dad, Kyle.
I love you, I love you to death,
but you cannot raise a kid.
All this, this place,
Jasper pays for all this,
not you, definitely not me.
Without him, what the hell do I have, huh?
Okay.
Wait, what are you, that's Jasper's shirt.
What the fuck are you doing?
I'm getting your rings back.
I'm gonna save the fucking day.
I'm gonna get your fucking rings back.
I'm gonna get your rings fucking back, baby.
Where are you going?
I'm getting your rings back!
What are you doing, what are you looking for?
We've gotta clean this place up
and everyone fucking wins.
You know what, everyone's gonna fucking win
when we clean this place up,
you know, even though that you fucking feel like
you got nothing without Jasper,
you got fucking nothing.
Without Jasper, what could you possibly have, huh?
Baby, I didn't mean it like that.
I'm just a little confused right now.
There's a lot of fucking confusion in the world right now,
in our world, but, you know what,
I'm telling you, one day,
and I swear to you with all my heart,
I can do it, I can be a good father,
and I'm gonna do that, but right now,
all I can do is get your fucking rings back.
You know why I'm gonna get your fucking rings back?
Because I love you and that keeps you safe from Jasper.
Let's save the fucking day.
Do you want me to go with you wherever you're going?
No, no, no, you need to stay here.
You need to be safe. That's what you're going to do.
You're going to stay here and be safe.
What about him?
I'm gonna take care of that, I'm gonna take care of that.
I'm gonna take care of that, I promise.
I'm gonna take care of it but I can only do
one thing at a time right now.
I'm gonna go deal with this,
I'm gonna deal with that later,
but I promise you, I'm gonna clean it up,
I'm gonna get rid of this guy, I'll fucking.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
I'm here, it's okay.
You gotta promise me.
Anything.
That if I do this, if I go get your rings,
and, you know, I get my shit together.
And get off the drugs.
And I get off the drugs,
that you'll be done with Jasper,
like for good, okay?
Like forever, and it'll just be me and you.
You know, like what we always talked about.
Like what we always wanted, okay?
Will you promise me, please?
What, what, what?
Oh my God, oh my God.
You can do this, you can handle this.
This is just a test.
Sure, fuck, why not, fuck it!
Test for what?
For motherhood, perhaps.
911, what's your emergency?
Yeah, yeah, hi,
I would like to report an emergency.
You're a strong, girl, you can do this.
Do not cry.
Oh, you want to fucking cry, but you can't.
You cannot cry, Nikki.
You fucking promised!
It is on fire, it's an inferno,
there's a fucking inferno!
Yeah, you gotta get here now,
you gotta get here right now.
- You gotta get here right now! - Calm down, sir.
- Okay. - Can I get your name, please?
Uh.
Sir?
People break promises all the time, but not you,
not you, not you.
You're a strong girl, Nikki, you can fucking do this.
You can do anything.
It's only a test.
Let's go.
Oh fuck, holy fuck!
Holy fuck!
Oh my God.
That was fucking genius!
Oh my God, oh my God.
Oh God, oh God.
So you left this woman,
this gorgeous, traffic-stopping woman
because she happened to put the roll of toilet paper
on the wrong way, is that right?
You're very stupid.
She fucked my cousin, okay?
Like once removed, right,
like a cousin of a cousin kind of thing?
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa.
Hey.
Huh, what?
- What's with the mask? - Sir, we can't here you.
You can take the mask off?
My identity.
Are you on drugs, sir?
I think he's on drugs.
Sir, sir, what is your name?
A lot, it's a lot.
- All right. - It's a lot to handle.
It's a lot to handle.
All right, this sucks. I have to do it, I'm sorry.
Just take the mask off and we'll talk about this, okay?
Sorry you gotta do what?
- I'm sorry. - You gotta do what?
I'm sorry.
Whoa!
Stick 'em up, just stick 'em up.
- All right, all right. - I'm not gonna hurt you.
All right, I'm gonna tie you guys up.
We get it.
Now where's the rope?
You look different today, you look better.
Okay, Marcus, Marcus.
What was his last name, I don't know, fuck it.
Oh, shit.
So much pressure.
Yeah, yeah!
Okay.
Got it.
Mister,
um, hi.
I just want you to know,
this is something I would never wish upon you
under any normal circumstances, okay?
I know it's really, really fucked up,
and I'm really, really sorry I have to do this.
I did it.
She's worth it, you got this.
You got this.
You just gotta go in there and save the day
and get her rings back.
You got this.
Baby?
It's been a long time since I heard you call me that.
Jasper!
What's going on, I thought you had a gig tonight.
What's happening?
Well, they canceled the gig.
Some bullshit about us not being able to perform,
not in the right mindset.
But with the bad comes the good, sugarplum.
It's starting to look like Daddy's gonna be home early.
In fact, we're at the airport now.
You're at LAX?
No, what's the matter with you?
I wouldn't call from down the fucking street.
Still in San Fran, few hours out.
Great, awesome, okay.
I can't wait to see you.
Look, do me a favor, would you?
Go grab us some burgers for when I get home,
you know, from that little place
with the little blue flags, you know it?
Berserks?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Berserks, that's it, yeah.
Get some of those.
- I'm fucking starving. - Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
I can do that.
Yeah, good girl.
I'll see you soon.
Baby, baby, baby, hey, hey, I missed you,
but my plan worked, I'm here, can you believe that shit?
I'm fucking here, I'm fucking here, babe.
My plan fucking.
Fuck!
All right, just play it cool, just play it cool.
Just be cool, Kyle, just be cool,
and you got this.
Even though this is fucking stupid,
so fucking stupid.
Fuck it.
Now just be confident, just be confident,
just be confident, and you fucking got this.
Yeah!
Oh.
Thought you were my friend.
Nope, no, I'm not your friend, I'm not your friend.
Is your dad here?
No, he's at work.
What about your mom, is she here?
Liz, somebody's at the door!
Can I help you?
- Hi, hi, Mrs. - Steadman, how you doing?
I hope you're having a good night.
I don't mean to bother you so late, I mean,
fuck me!
Excuse me?
I had this great mask I was gonna wear
to conceal my identity and all that shit,
but wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Ow, fuck!
Lady, open the door.
Open, in.
Get back, get back, back up,
don't even go for it, kid, don't even go.
You calm down, don't, don't, I'm not here
for anything except your dad, okay?
There's something I need to talk to him about,
so as long as you guys play it cool,
everything will be dandy, all right,
- so be cool, all right? - He's not here.
- I swear to God, he's not here. - Sit down.
Sit down!
Tell her to be cool.
I'm cool, I'm fine.
Liz, relax, he's not gonna do shit.
I will definitely do shit.
I don't want to do shit, but I will do shit.
All right, bright boy, you got that?
Bright boy?
Who says bright boy?
Who calls their mother by her first name?
She's my step-mother, dickwad.
Zach, stop.
Yeah, Zach, why don't you.
Why is your fucking TV on so loud so late at night?
You guys are fucking freaks.
Listen, listen, sit down, sit.
Sit down, and don't even try to pull
some fucking hero shit and go for that fucking phone
or I'll blow your face off, okay?
Got it.
Face shot off.
Oh God, oh, man, I'm fucking up!
I'm fucking up.
Fuck.
Watch it.
All right.
It's no big deal.
All right, all right, no, get up, get up.
Get up, change of plans, get up.
You're gonna give me a tour of the house
and show me that your old man really isn't here.
He's not here, dude.
Why exactly do you want him for?
Just give me the tour.
This is the kitchen.
We remodeled it not too long ago,
put in new countertops.
I wanted an island, but that didn't quite make it,
but it is what it is, so.
What?
An island?
In here?
Yeah.
No.
It might make it a little crowded, right, an island?
Not to say it's small.
I mean, you could always fix up a few things,
but maybe an island, I don't know about that,
but maybe do the cupboards.
I don't know-- Wow, no old man
in the kitchen, weird, huh?
What are you doing?
I'm making toast, would you like some?
No, thank you.
You gonna stay right there?
Til my toast is done, sure.
You ready?
- Me? - Yeah.
Let's go, let's keep it moving.
Wait, Miss Steadman, let me go.
Stop.
I'm going first.
You were gonna signal him, is that what you were gonna do?
What?
You were gonna signal him.
It's the guest bedroom.
We really don't use it very much.
Is he in there?
What?
Open it.
I'm not getting booby-trapped.
Is that what you're trying to do?
Open it, I'm not.
Go.
He's not in there.
- No? - No.
Hey.
Oh, no, no, no, I can't open that.
That's his bedroom.
I can't.
I don't care if it's the arc of the fucking covenant,
lady, just open the door.
It's an easy thing to do.
We have had many issues in the past,
and I will not open it.
If Zach wants to open it for you, feel free.
I'm not gonna do it.
- Open the door. - All right.
Open the door, open the door, open the door.
Jesus Christ.
Is he in here?
- Is he in the closet? - He's not in the closet.
All right.
What, you're like into film and shit?
If by "and shit," you mean music,
then, yeah, I'm into film and shit.
Okay, I really wish the two of you
would stop cursing so much.
It's absolutely not necessary.
I think that's really cool.
You know, I'm a big film and music guy myself.
- Oh yeah? - Yeah.
Cool, I bet I got you beat.
- You think you got me beat? - Probably.
All right, hot shot, who's your favorite band
or musician?
Iggy and the Stooges.
Mm.
What's your favorite Iggy jam?
Anything from '72 to '74.
Whoa!
Lady, your son has got impeccable taste.
Step-son.
Fucking impeccable.
Doesn't matter, well played, well played.
Next room?
Yeah, next room.
Want me to shut this?
Please.
Silence, please.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your host Mr. Owens here.
This is a good fucking movie.
Yeah, it's not his best work, I don't think,
but, you know, the courtroom scene in this,
the guys looking like chess pieces, I love that.
Yeah, that sequence is real good,
but those dolly shots in the trenches,
that's what really stands out about this.
That shit's the fucking best.
Okay, the two of you, your language.
I'm just tired of it.
Please.
Prisoners of the bar of justice,
Dr. Edward G.
Fuck, is that him?
Is that Marcus, is that your husband,
is that your dad, is that him?
Why would Marcus knock at his own door?
I told you already, man.
Told me, what'd you tell me?
I told you, I thought you were my friend.
He was supposed to be coming over when you showed up.
So why didn't you just tell him not to come tonight?
When would I have done that? You wanted the tour.
Plus, you said no hero shit like touching the phone.
You're right, I did say that.
I'm gonna take care of this.
All right, what's his name?
Eat Dog.
I thought you were done with the attitude.
Relax, that is his name!
His name is Eat Dog, that's what we call him, I swear!
That's what his name is.
That's what they call him, I have no idea why.
You need new friends.
He sounds like a bad guy.
You are the company you keep.
Stay right there.
- Oh! - Whoa.
- The fuck are you doing? - Nikki?
What are you doing?
I thought you were Eat Dog.
Who?
Come inside here, come inside.
Eat Dog, I thought you were Eat Dog.
Okay, all right.
Watch out, here, chill out, chill out.
How'd you know I was here?
Uh, you left a voicemail with the address on it?
I called you back 40 fucking times.
What?
You're fucking high again, aren't you?
I knew it.
Unbelievable, unbelievable.
I'm not high.
Hey, baby, come on, it's not like that.
Hey, hey, it's not like that.
I took one bump, just to get myself straightened out
so I could, like, handle this whole undertaking.
That's why I did it, baby.
Look at me, babe, you look pretty.
You look really beautiful right now,
you're cleaned up.
I mean, think about the last time I saw you.
You look gorgeous.
Oh, really?
I look pretty?
Yeah.
You look beautiful.
You look so--
Look at you, you look like a cokehead
with these stupid fucking glasses on.
I'm so done, I'm so done, and I'm so over it,
and you wanna know why?
Because Jasper is on his way home.
- Jasper's on his way home? - Who's Jasper?
None of your business!
- Wait. Oh, oh! - None of your business.
You're Marcus' kid, aren't you?
Uh, Marcus' kid, yeah.
Hers, no way.
So you're Lizzy, then.
He did try to rob from you guys, didn't he?
Oh yeah, you're fucking asshole husband
tried to steal 10 grand from us.
I can't believe he would do that. I don't believe it.
Well, believe it cause he did
try to steal from us.
He also stole her rings.
- Really? - Yeah.
Yeah, well, but when you think about it,
it's actually kind of sweet
cause he was just doing it for you, so.
Can I see the bathroom?
Yeah, sure.
Don't move, no!
Bad idea!
You're staying right there, stay right there,
everyone's staying right here, everyone's gonna sit here,
we're all gonna sit here,
and we're gonna watch this wonderful movie
until your dipshit husband walks
through the wonderful door, okay?
That's what we're gonna do, right?
Hey, Zach.
- Hi. - Hi!
You're gonna stay right there.
- Sure! - Got it, easy, be cool.
That's a terrible fucking plan
because we don't have that kind of time.
Jasper's gonna be here in an hour and a half.
- In an hour and a half? - Yes, he's in San Francisco.
Yeah, your genius plan has been foiled.
Great.
Here, we're going to use this right now.
Just pass it to me like a human.
Call.
You're gonna call Eat Dog right now
and you're gonna tell him that he's not coming over
cause I don't want to shoot his face off, too, okay?
Why do you have to shoot our faces off?
I don't understand.
He's probably just gonna get high and forget
he even has a gun, honestly.
Hey, hey, hey, what happened to being on the same team?
The team went out the fucking window
when you did all that coke, remember?
All right.
Hey, speaker, I wanna hear this.
Oh, my God.
I wanna hear it.
Dude, I'm on my way!
Hey, man, I can't do it tonight.
What are you talking about?
I don't feel great.
You sound fine.
I got food poisoning, all right?
I puked all over the couch and everything.
Well, man, Dizzy Lizzy must be pissed, huh?
That is, if she took your dad's dick out of her mouth.
Tomorrow, okay, bye!
See what I have to put up with?
I didn't say it.
Hey, hey, your turn.
Your turn, your turn, pick up the phone.
- Me? - Yeah, it's your turn.
Why?
Now you're gonna call,
here, pick up the phone, pick up the phone.
Here, put it in your hand.
Take the phone, and now you're gonna call
your husband and you're gonna tell him to come home
because there's an emergency or something,
and you're gonna tell him to bring her rings, okay?
I'm not gonna call him back here
so that you can just hurt him. I'm not gonna do it.
- You're crazy. - Why would we hurt him?
I'm not gonna hurt him.
He's not gonna get hurt.
Oh, I did hurt him.
Yeah, I shot his fingers off.
- What? - Just blew 'em right off.
I don't even know where they went now that I think about it.
This is so fucking fucked.
Your language is atrocious tonight,
- shut up! - I don't care!
Lady, motherfucker, pick up the phone
and call him or I'm gonna shoot
your precious little son in the leg.
Step-son!
Fucking, I'm her step-son!
Step-son, step-son.
One more word.
One more word
that doesn't have something to do
with a kick-ass film or Iggy and the Stooges,
I'm gonna seriously consider using this
to put a bullet in your 16-year-old leg.
Right?
Okay, look, look, look, I'm calling him.
It's ringing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey, we don't have to shoot anyone.
Okay, Marcus is coming.
- Just calm, deep breaths, okay? - I'm not gonna shoot anybody,
I'm not gonna shoot anybody.
I like kids.
But not this kid.
Not this 16-year-old fucking fuck kid.
I can kill this kid.
I can kill this kid's leg.
I could shoot this kid.
17.
What?
You said you were gonna end my 16-year-old leg,
and I'm 17.
You know what, that is it, game over, Zach!
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!
Get it out, please!
You stabbed your own mom!
Marcus.
Fuck, come in, come in.
What are you doing here?
Sit down!
Relax, Dad, he doesn't have any bullets.
What?
You pointed the gun at my face.
I saw all the chambers, you dumb fuck!
You pointed a gun at my son's face?
What, I mean, yeah, but not really.
It doesn't have any
- bullets in it. - Hey, can we get,
can we take care of this, please?
Do you mind?
Sure, what's wrong, baby?
Zachary stabbed me is what's wrong.
You stabbed Liz?
No, no, he didn't mean to.
I'm sorry.
I was trying to get him.
He moved out of the way and I hit her.
Go to the bathroom and get the gauze!
Sure, I'm fine, Dad, I'm fine,
- no worries. - You gotta pull it out.
How did you find where I live?
The fire station.
They gave you my address?
No, I had a mask, I should've wore the mask.
I'm fucked.
That doesn't make any--
Oh, my God, the two of you,
I have a letter opener sticking out of my shoulder!
Could you get it out, please, Marcus?
Right, right, right, sorry.
Zach!
Your wife's in the kitchen.
She's not my wife.
So then they're not your rings.
What rings are you talking about?
The rings you stole.
I didn't steal any rings.
What do you mean you didn't steal any rings?
I mean, I didn't steal any rings.
What else would I mean?
Look, you two, this is getting out of hand.
All right, we need to make a deal here.
I don't want your money anymore.
It's not his money anyway.
Is it Jasper's money?
Zach, I told you to go to bed.
Yes, Jasper, Jasper my husband,
who's going to murder all of us
when he gets home because he's a sociopath
with a drinking problem.
Well, that's just great.
Baby, he's not gonna hurt you, I promise.
That I can always promise, all right?
Is this the Jasper I think we're talking about?
Zach, I told you to go to bed.
I stabbed your wife because you robbed
a couple of drug addicts.
I'm not going to be able to sleep for years.
- We're not drug addicts. - Can we please not talk
- about stabbing anyone? - You're definitely
a drug addict.
Oh yeah, Liz wanted me to tell you
that she's going to bed and she wanted to emphasize
the fact that she's not very happy.
Thank you, Zach.
Okay, guys, look.
I just want this night to be over, all right,
and maybe get my fingers back,
so, look, none of us can go to the police,
all right, we're all in this together now.
I'm willing to go to your house
and help clean up before psycho what's-his-fuck
gets home, and dispose of the body,
if you can just get me my fingers back, all right?
Just give me my rings back
and we'll go look for your fingers.
You don't know where my fingers are?
Baby, he hasn't got your rings.
Well, of course he has my rings.
Nah, I mean, he doesn't, someone else might.
The other guy might, that other guy,
but he doesn't have your rings.
What?
He's in the car.
Who's in the car?
Sebastian.
Sebastian's dead.
Holy shit, your new partner's dead?
He's out in the car?
Yes, yes, dead Sebstian's in the car, all right?
Fuck, I couldn't just leave him in the house.
He's in the fucking car.
He was still fucking breathing.
I had to tie a fucking plastic bag over his head.
So I didn't kill him?
So we killed him together?
- I don't fucking know. - Oh my God, it doesn't
matter who killed him, just where's the car?
Oh God.
Oh my God, I wasn't here that long.
No.
This is where you parked,
this, this is where you parked?
You got towed.
Please tell me that you didn't just park
in front of a fucking fire hydrant
- with a dead body in your car. - It was Jasper's car.
It was Jasper's?
My Porsche's in the shop.
I fucking love you.
You're like, you're smart and you're hot.
You're the best.
Oh my god, fucking stop!
You need to chill the fuck out, you know that?
Relax.
Relax?
She's just got her car towed
with my partner's dead body in the trunk!
You're talking like she doesn't know that.
She knows that there's a dead body in the fucking trunk.
What the fuck is wrong with you? Calm down.
What do you think is going to happen
when the towing company realizes
they've painted a brand new red carpool lane
down the 405?
Maybe they won't notice.
It's LA, I don't know.
We're all gonna spend the rest of our lives
in little tiny prison cells.
If you're so fucking smart,
then what do you suggest we do then, huh, what?
Yeah.
Okay.
We gotta go to the ambulance.
Ambulance, why would we go to the ambulance?
Her car just got towed to the impound,
so we need to go to the impound to get the car back.
Assuming, by some random act of God,
they didn't discover the dead body in the trunk,
we still need to dispose of it,
something that the ambulance,
with all of its equipment inside like, you know,
the body bags and shit might actually help us with.
I got it!
It's a great idea, I'm sorry I questioned you.
Yeah, yeah, it's a great idea,
except Jasper's gonna be here in a fucking hour.
Of course he is.
Where is he going?
- Okay. - I'm getting claustrophobic.
My legs are fucking sore.
Okay.
What are you doing?
Safety precautions.
Who knows how somebody's gonna react
when they find the dead body in your trunk?
That's a good idea.
How'd you get so much ammo?
.357s aren't that rare, kid.
Here let me do it, I can help.
I got fingers, you only got--
No, no, no, no, oh, you're gun-toting privileges
have been revoked, fella.
You only got eight fingers.
No.
All right.
Okay, now,
Jasper Duke, that's the name on the registration, right?
Yeah, yeah, Jasper Douglas Duke.
Okay, and you do actually have ID
saying that you are, in fact, his wife?
Yeah, yeah, I got it right here.
Be careful.
I'll just be here.
Now I'm sorry.
Oh!
Ah, well, hello.
Hi.
What can I do for you this lovely evening?
We're just here to pick up my car.
Oh, pick up your ride, eh?
I would like to take a lot more than that
off your hands, my friend.
Nah, nah, nah, come on.
Give me your name.
We'll give your ride back.
Uh, it's Duke.
Jasper Duke.
One moment, please.
Ah, the green Mustang, yes?
Uh, yeah.
I see.
A cool car for a cool guy.
Make sense how you can get such a fine woman.
Please, give me your ID.
Show him your ID, babe.
Okay.
Please.
Sure, yeah, sure.
Okay, it's good, it's good.
Okay.
Follow me, we're going to inspect the car,
pay the fee, and you'll be on your way.
Inspect it?
What for?
Amigo, it's state law.
We have to check all the cars before we cut them.
Come, come along.
Follow me, this way.
Come, come, come.
- Okay. - Excuse me, please.
Go ahead.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
- Are you kidding me? - What the fuck?
Are you kidding me, man?
- Hey, give me that. - After all that?
After how pissed your girl got,
after how hot your girl is,
you're still gonna do this shit?
- Give me that back. - This is mine,
- mine, now. - Fuck, you have a camera,
what are you doing?
Getting rid of this shit, and I'm filming
because this is a pretty memorable occurrence.
It's for your own good.
How do you know what my good is?
This is my fucking good.
Oh, well then I dumped your good. I'm sorry.
You're a little prick, you know that?
Little fuck.
You mind if I ask you a few questions to better document
- the evening? - There's no sound
on that camera.
So is your girl really married to Jasper Duke?
Is that what I heard?
Wait, what, what, who, who are you again, by the way?
What are you doing here?
You little boy.
You didn't answer my question.
Is she married to him?
Yeah.
She's married to Jasper Duke.
Well, you're gonna say now that, aw, man,
I love his music so fucking much,
I think it's the best thing since sliced bread.
Oh, it's the shit.
Well, guess what, pal?
I think it's great, too, okay,
so you can save your breath, okay?
Well, actually, I think he's a hack,
but I do know his shit.
Well, okay, he's not a hack, okay?
I mean, he's talented.
That why you're porking his wife?
No.
That is not why I'm porking his wife, all right?
I'm porking his wife
because I love his wife.
Why is she his wife if you two love each other?
I hear that guy's a fucking whack job anyway.
Wow, you ask a lot of questions, you know that?
Is there some way that maybe
we could just save some time
and just say you inspected the car?
Oh, no, no, no, this is not a possibility.
If I fight with the law, the law is going to win.
You know what I mean?
Hey,
do you like smut?
Smut?
Yes, smut,
dirty pictures.
Movies.
I'm asking because I sell it.
Some are homemade.
That's tempting, like, wow,
but I think we're just going to have to skip
on the dirty pictures tonight.
Are you sure?
I could just check the car
and just drop a box of mags in the back.
I give you the best deal in town, I promise.
No, no, I think we're good, we're good,
so thanks.
Suit yourself.
Well, here's your car.
Oh, hold on.
Okay, I'll check it,
and we can start it in the front.
So what's the deal here?
Were you in Jasper's band or something?
I mean, you could say that.
You can say whatever you want me to say. What do you say?
You know his first hit?
The Girl from Segovia?
That's right, yeah.
I mean, I know it, but it's his weakest shit.
He made a name for himself doing that, like,
New Age punk feel stuff, and then he pulls out
this jukebox doo wop bullshit from the '50s.
- Whoa. - It's garbage.
Whoa, what?
All right, first of all, it's not some
jukebox doo wop shit from the 50s, okay, okay?
No.
And, secondly, I wrote that song.
- No! - Yeah,
- so lay off. - What?
You're hurting my feelings.
You wrote that song?
I wrote it.
All right, well I kind of take it back.
It's still pretty doo woppy, but.
I sold it to him for 200 bucks,
and agreed to take my name off it.
You know.
So it went gold a couple times, a few times,
and, uh,
he bought a house and a couple of other things.
A bunch of other things.
Including the girl you wrote it about?
Yeah.
Fuck!
Yeah.
That sucks.
What are you gonna do?
I take back the jukebox comment.
You gotta eat.
Okay.
The insides look great.
Now let's check the trunk
and my friends can be on their way, no?
Well, that's that.
Now I just have to fill out the form,
unless you guys changed your mind
and you want to buy my dirty pics?
High quality.
Then you can be on your way, okay?
Fuck!
You blew Frankie's head off.
I didn't mean to!
- I flinched! - Oh shit.
You shot the thing and made a noise and--
Just shut up, just get your hands up,
- just get them up! - Okay, okay.
Man, I know he was a little creepy, but, damn!
I didn't think you was gonna blow his head off.
All right, what do you want?
I know you took our fucking body, what do you want?
Our body?
Well, that's a funny way of looking at it, honey.
You do this shit often?
No.
I can't say that I do.
I'd have never thought somebody as privileged
as Mrs. Jasper Duke would stroll through here
with that kind of trouble on board.
What do you want?
$50,000, cash.
And, in return, I'll get rid
of that smut-dealing scumbag the same way
I did your first body.
Okay, 50,000 cash, no problem.
What the fuck?
Whoa!
Goddamn it!
Zach?
What the hell are you doing here?
Jesus Christ, you're covered in blood!
What happened out there?
Nothing, put the camera down.
No way, this shit is priceless.
Goddamn it, you put the camera down,
or I'm gonna walk over--
Enough, enough, both of you!
Jesus Christ, Jasper's gonna be back in 20 minutes,
so just knock it off.
Are we going to Jasper Duke's house?
Shut up!
You, get me two bags up there, okay?
What am I supposed to do now?
Help him with the bodies, let's go!
More bodies?
You, bags, now.
Here, take them.
Hey, what do you think this chick
did with Sebastian's body?
I have no idea, she said she disposed of it.
Grab her feet.
What if she's full of shit?
No, like.
What if she just left, like, his body
laying around somewhere, like under some car
or something?
If she took the time to clean the trunk,
I'm pretty sure she disposed of the body, okay?
She's not an idiot.
You assume that she's not an idiot based on what?
You know, that she's trying to blackmail
a bunch of people that she knows are murderers?
You gotta think, Marcus, I keep telling you,
you gotta think.
If you wanna go look for him, please, be my guest,
but I'm gonna load up this body
while you're doing that, okay?
The whole point of getting to Sebastian's body
in the first place, aside from, you know,
not going to jail, was getting Nikki's rings, right?
I think we have more important things to worry about,
like avoiding death by Jasper when we get home,
and, uh, you know, disposing of multiple homicides,
but, please, be my guest.
I'll just sit here and wait while you go look for him.
You look a little down.
I have a lot on my mind right now.
Did you shoot somebody?
I don't wanna talk about it.
Help me.
All right, ready?
One, two.
Ah, we gotta go on three.
No, no, on three.
Is that what I think it is?
Stop asking questions.
You're not even supposed to be here.
What he means is he's gonna tell you
all about it when you're older.
Right.
Just stay out of this.
I was practicing.
So she really is pregnant.
Yeah, yeah, she is.
Well, congratulations.
Thank you.
Congrats on the kid.
Thanks.
What's next?
I mean, after we clean up all this and settle it,
if we do,
what then?
I'm sorry I stabbed you, Kyle.
Okay.
Hey, what's the little boy, the child, doing in the truck?
I'm not going to let my son see that mess.
That would fuck him up.
Oh, okay, but the bodies in the truck
are doing him a lot better?
You know what, I think you guys
are gonna make really great parents someday
- whenever that thing pops out. - You gotta think.
But until then, you know, maybe if you guys
could just do me a favor
and stop talking until we can get through this
and, uh.
Jasper!
Whoa, whoa.
Sorry about that, sugar tits.
The shot was meant for you.
Who the fuck is he?
Kyle, are you fucking my wife?
That is my shirt.
Easy with the gun, come on, come on, come on.
I would offer you some booze
or a microwaved meal,
but, seeing as least one of you fucked my wife,
I don't really owe you anything, now do I?
Jasper, I'm not fucking either one of them,
I promise.
What's the matter, Nik?
I thought
we were something special.
We are, we are.
You're just imagining things.
I forgot my rings.
I swear.
Do you know what they call an orgasm in France?
It's not the official name,
but it's a euphemism.
It's a figure of speech.
No.
That's what they call it.
But do you know what it actually means?
The little death.
Jacques Fucking Cousteau here.
I'm very well impressed.
But do you know why they call it that, eh?
Any ideas?
Well, I'll tell you why they call it that.
They call it that
because of the life force you fucking toss out
every time you get your rocks out.
It's that exhausted bliss feeling
that we've come to know so well.
It's almost like dying, isn't it?
Hence the name.
You see, I was on tour in France,
and I started thinking about it,
and then I started philosophizing,
and I came up with this theory.
From when you're born, you're always looking
for a way to die.
From when we were nothing,
before we swam into our daddies' balls
and weaseled our way into our mommies' eggs,
we were nothing, and then we were kids
and teenagers, and we were reckless,
we didn't care, we never thought about the consequences,
but, you see, as we get older,
that wildness starts to fade.
But I would argue it was because
we were further away from nothing,
far away from the peace and the ease
of non-existence.
You see, as kids,
I don't remember fearing death
because we remembered what it was like to not be,
but as we grow older,
as we gain age,
we start to look for it in our everyday lives,
seeking this little death in an unconscious fashion,
looking for somebody to fuck.
Jasper, what are you talking about?
However, as problems arise,
fucking just doesn't do it for you anymore.
So what I would like is for her
to have that death experience one more time,
just for kicks.
I got to show you something.
You're gonna like this.
No, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, Jasper, what the fuck?
What's the matter?
Cat got your tongue?
Ah, I collect guns.
But you probably already know that,
seeing as my beautiful wife has shown you
the intimate portions of our lovely house.
But this gun,
this is my favorite gun.
I think it's time we play a little game,
called Please God, Don't Let Me Blow My Fucking Brains Out.
I hope Nikki feels that little death feeling again.
Please, put the gun down, please.
Shall we go?
Jesus, Jasper, don't, don't!
Fuck!
Yeah!
You feel that?
Your turn, sweet potato.
Don't fucking touch it.
Don't touch that gun.
Nikki, don't touch that gun.
Either pick up that gun
or I'm gonna blow you, Kyle,
and Jacques Fucking Cousteau over there
into.
Do you know what that means, Kyle?
The big death.
The big fucking death.
Well, come on then, girl.
Give it a whirl.
Hey, no, no, no, no, no, please, Nikki,
look at me, Nikki, don't, put the gun down, Nikki!
Nikki, please, I'm begging you
to put the fucking gun down!
Kyle!
If you want to talk, you better have something
- better to say. - Don't fucking make her do
- this to her. - I mean, at least be frothing
at the mouth like some old raconteur,
telling stories of great love lost and heartbreak.
Do it.
No.
You do it!
Please, Nikki, fucking stop, Nikki!
Nikki, don't fucking do.
Jasper, she's fucking
pregnant!
Fuck!
Gave you that rush, didn't it?
How does it make you feel, Nik?
Does it make you warm down in your lady parts?
Would you fucking stop fucking--
Don't you say anything.
One more word out of you that's not special
and I will murder you.
You think I'm fucking dumb, don't you?
You think I don't know that you're fucking my wife.
Well, I'm not dumb.
I'm actually very intelligent.
She, on the other hand, is very easy.
Now, answer my question, Nik.
Yeah, it felt fucking great, Jasper.
That's what I want to hear.
Give me the gun.
This is why we do this.
We do it to make us feel the true pleasures of life.
What a rush.
My piss is burning throughout my body.
How are you boys?
You feeling good?
It's your turn, pumpkin patch.
Three down, two lucky strikes to go.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Jasper,
okay, okay, I have a really good story.
You'll like it, it's like a special story.
All right, friend.
You go and tell it.
I once knew these people, right,
and they were in love,
and the girl, she was beautiful and young,
and the guy, he was pretty much a mess
in every single way, he was like a degenerate,
but it worked out for a while
because, you know, they loved each other so much.
- You got five seconds. - I know, I'm talking.
And the guy, he was into drugs, and the girl,
she was just afraid that he wasn't right for her,
but what the girl didn't know
was that he loved her more than anything,
more than anything in the world, you know.
And anybody who knows this guy,
they could tell this is true
because he wrote a song about this girl,
a song that she loved and a song
that she always secretly thought
- that someone wrote for her. - One Mississippi.
He writes this song, right, but he never told her
because he didn't want to mess things up
with her and the other guy in her life.
And she was with him for whatever reason,
maybe because things were easier for her.
Two Mississippi.
And then one day, something happened, Jasper.
Something happened.
This girl got pregnant,
and this degenerate guy,
he decided that she was worth any risk.
Three Mississippi.
Any sacrifice in the world,
and so he told her that he'd be done with the drugs,
and he'd be done with the bad decisions.
Four Mississippi.
And then
he vowed to her
that he would write her another Girl From Segovia
if she would just use that gun in her hand
to get them out of this fucked up situation.
You wrote that song?
Five Mississippi.
Duck, Marcus!
Baby, baby.
It's yours.
- What? - It's yours.
It's your baby, the baby, it's yours, it's all yours.
I knew all along, but I was too afraid to admit it.
I should have told you, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
You kept your promise.
You really wrote that song?
Of course I wrote it.
I fucking love you.
I love you, too.
Wait, wait, wait.
Hey, Dad.
Zach.
I think I found your fingers.