现在花点时间想想 Now, take a moment and think about the most
孩子和父母间最重要的时刻 important events between a child and her parents.
看着她迈出珍贵的第一步 Watching her take those precious first steps.
教她游泳 Teaching her to swim.
希望她拥有她母亲的开朗 Hoping she has her mother's buoyancy.
送她去参加毕业舞会 Dropping her off at prom.
带着夜视镜守在外面 Standing outside with night vision goggles.
保罗·多伊尔那么绅士你也不放心吗 Even though Paul Doyle was a gentlemen?
他握手时满手汗 He had a sweaty handshake.
感觉像拍鲶鱼一样 It was like slapping a catfish.
记得她第一次学车吗 Remember her first driving lesson.
想着 她怎么一下子就这么大了 And thinking, how did she get so big?
时光流向何处去了呢 Where did all the time go?
是不是应该用她母亲的车来教她 Shouldn't we be doing this in her mother's car?
*我的孩子出生了* *My child arrived*
陪着她走过婚礼红毯 Walking her down the aisle.
亲吻她的脸颊 Kissing her cheek.
永远地放开她 Letting her go for good.
那些是你们的孩子也会记住的里程碑 These are the milestones that your children remember, too.
特别的时光 The special times.
与父母共度的时光 The times spent with their parents.
你们说得对 You guys are right.
我会去参加我女儿的同性恋婚礼 I am going to my daughter's gay wedding.
对 你得去 谁在乎她穿的是男式礼服 Yeah, you are! Who cares if she's the one in the tux?
也不在乎她们都叫凯伦 Or that they're both named Karen.
恭喜啦 Mazel tov.
你们有选择权 Now, you have a choice.
我们可以去找其它广告公司 You could go with another agency.
那你们就太傻了 But you'd be fools to
没有广告公司会有我们这么好的创意 because no one has what we have to offer.
里程碑广告由父女团队打造 A milestone campaign built by a father-daughter team
我们经历了刚才所说的全部的里程碑 who've experienced all the milestones we just talked about together.
除了走婚礼红毯 Except for the walking down the aisle.
我连男友都没有 I'm not even seeing anyone.
我希望她能碰上个好男人 I hope she meets a nice guy.
-爸 爸 -或是好凯伦 - Dad. Dad! - Or a nice Karen.
听起来非常好 我们同意 This sounds great. We're in.
-你们真是最佳人选 -谢谢 - You two are perfect for this. - Thank you.
*你知道我们会度过开心的时光* *You know we'll have a good time then*
*非常开心的时光* *A real, real good time then*
*和你的女儿还有她的"朋友" 就像是朋友* *With your daughter and her friend like a friend. *
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翻译 疯狂的独醉 疯狂的泽生 疯狂的小饭
校对 疯狂的泽生
总监 疯狂的泽生
后期 疯狂的加森
时间轴 疯狂的加森
第一季第三集
疯狂广告人
第一季第三集
疯狂广告人
第一季第三集
疯狂广告人
第一季第三集
疯狂广告人
第一季第三集
疯狂广告人
我去买咖啡 你要什么 I'm going on a coffee run, do you want...?
不说咖啡 聊下八卦 You're off coffee. You're on gossip.
很好 因为会计部的佳尔怀孕了 Oh, good. Because Gail in accounting is pregnant
她不知道孩子父亲是谁 and she doesn't know who the father is.
真的吗 Really?
不是那事 是他们 Not that, them.
听我说 克莱尔 Look, Claire,
我想我们都知道 I think we both know
我们拥有的那段感情 that-that what we have, uh...
我们的感情 已经超越了空间和时间的界限 what we have is so much bigger than space and time,
也就是说空间与时间无法包容我们的感情 which means it can't be contained by it.
那个可怜的女生 完全不知道她要被甩了 That poor girl, she has no idea she's being dumped.
那是三楼的克莱尔 That's Claire from the third floor.
你叫她谢丽尔 You call her Cheryl.
她叫克莱尔吗 Her name is Claire?
你为什么不告诉我 Why didn't you tell me?
你不喜欢别人纠正你的错误 You don't like being corrected.
知道问题所在吗 You see my problem?
-我希望再见面时不会尴尬 -他太厉害了 - I hope things never get awkward. - He is so good.
如果我只能活半年 If I had six months to live,
我希望这噩耗由他告诉我 I'd want him to tell me.
安德鲁上了 And there goes Andrew.
他的速度快过跑路的皮条客 He swoops in faster than a pimp on a runaway.
怎么啦 我知道市井文化 What? I know stuff.
好吗 女士们 'Sup, ladies?
我的天 这是什么 Oh, gosh, what's this?
老天 看起来像是 Oh, my goodness, it looks like the the number
会做出后悔事的女生的电话号码 of a girl who's about to make a regret.
趁虚而入真是好办法 Way to strike while the iron's vulnerable.
我在安慰情绪化女人方面有天赋 那也不是我的错 It's not my fault I have a gift for comforting emotional women.
我是我家七姐妹之一 I'm one of seven sisters.
你是说你有六个姐妹吧 You mean you have six sisters?
我就是这么说的 That's what I said.
所以我的肩膀才是哭泣时完美的依靠点 It's why my shoulders are so perfect to cry on.
既不会太硬 也不会太软 Neither too hard, nor too soft.
不硬不软刚刚好 They are just right.
就像金发姑娘的肩膀 Like Goldilocks' shoulders.
[源自童话《金发姑娘和三只熊》 金发姑娘找到了最合适的床]
我得全力投入工作 All right, I need to throw myself into work
来忘记这段分手的伤痛 to get over the pain of this breakup.
你看起来不会有事的 You seem like you're gonna be okay.
我知道 劳伦 但还是不太容易 I know, Lauren, it's just hard.
她工作的那一层楼 She works on the same floor
刚好有我最爱的咖啡店 as that coffee shop I really like.
他们家浓咖啡上的奶油泡沫的 And the foam on their macchiatos,
浓度真是太完美了 it's the perfect density.
那种好东西可不是每天都能碰到的 You just don't come across that every day.
曾经爱过总胜过 失去 一杯饮料 It's better to have loved and lost... A beverage.
我想安慰下你 但这并不容易 I'm trying to be here for you, but it's not easy.
我知道 你现在有什么进展了 I know. All right. So what do you got here?
我做出了佳洁士新平面广告的模型 I mocked up the print ad for the new Crest campaign.
-我喜欢这种布局 安德鲁 真不错 -谢谢 - Oh, I like the layout, Andrew. It looks good. - Thanks.
我写的文案呢 Uh, where's the copy I wrote?
我觉得只用图案更有冲击力 Uh, I felt it hit harder with just the image.
大家都说图画胜过千言万语 I mean, they say a picture's worth a thousand words,
加上两句广告词 就过犹不及了 so it was kind of overkill with your two tacked on.
是吗 但广告语才是画龙点睛之笔 Yeah, but the slogan's the whole thing here.
你扔掉了诗意一般的语言 You're losing the poetry of the language.
买两支 这就是你的诗吗 Uh, "Buy two"? That's your poetry?
未曾道破的深意才是诗意所在 Uh, the poetry is in what I didn't say.
完整的应该是 It used to read
你应该买两支 "You Should Buy Two."
但这样 就是一切尽在不言中 But this way it just sings.
劳伦 你是助理 对吗 Okay, Lauren, you're an assistant, right?
所以你和普通人非常亲近 So you're very close to the common man.
你觉得哪种更有效 Which way do you feel is most effective?
我必须说扎克的好 Well I'd have to say Zach's way
因为你刚刚简直是在骂我穷 because you just called me poor.
大家好 Hey, everybody.
猜猜我手中是什么 Guess what I have in my hand.
-淘汰的科技 -错 - Obsolete technology. - Wrong!
你一直哄骗我们看的结肠镜检查的视频 That colonoscopy video you keep tricking us into watching.
-被我毁了 -3D的没有毁 - I destroyed that. - Not the one in 3-D.
是里程碑广告吗 Is it the Milestone commercial?
叮叮叮 答对了 Ding, ding, ding, ding, yes!
一鸣惊人的震撼之作 Take anything off the top shelf.
两周内就完成了 Did the whole thing in two weeks
现在准备向全世界展示 and now it's ready to show the world!
我终于可以亲眼见证 And I'll finally be present at the birth
我所骄傲的小东西出生了 of something I'm proud of.
除了你 你很棒 Except you. You're cool.
你们总是对广告这么守口如瓶吗 Are you guys always this secretive about commercials?
不是 通常在拍摄前 No. No, usually the art director
由美指和文案做推介 and the copywriter pitch it before they shoot it.
但这不是基于你的回忆改编的 But it's not based on your memory.
不 但我们有很棒的想法 No, but we had some really good ideas.
安德鲁的毕业舞会舞伴是他的西班牙语老师 Andrew took his Spanish teacher to prom.
格林沃德夫人让我那晚成为了男子汉 Senora Greenwald made me an hombre that night.
我们在《老友记》主题曲的伴奏下慢舞 We slow danced to the theme from Friends.
你就用这招交朋友的啊 That's where you got the amigos.
我好想看这个广告 I am dying to see this commercial.
广告再现了我教她开车 Well, it's a reenactment of me teaching her to drive.
不 是他想教我开车 No, it's him trying to teach me how to drive.
-太疯狂了 -真是快疯了 - It was crazy. - It was hysterical!
她的牙箍掉了 She had her braces just off...
他刚刚拿回驾照 He had just gotten his license back...
-你来说吧 -你来 - But you should tell it. - No, you.
不 说真的 你来说 No, really, seriously, you tell it.
-不 -说吧 - No, no. - No, go ahead.
你确定吗 你是好孩子 Are you sure? Oh, bless you.
那是典型的我的风格 It was classic moi.
给她个措手不及 Kind of sprung it on her really.
-我完全没有准备好 -你没准备好 - I was so not prepared! - You were not prepared?
我刚从车后座醒来大叫 I had just woken up in the back of that car going,
我的衣服呢 "Where are my clothes"
好了 别剧透了 Hey, but don't spoil it.
来焦点小组 Come to the focus group
看着我最爱的孩子出生 and see the birth of my favorite child.
只是一种表达方式 It's just an expression now.
你才是最棒的孩子 You know? You're the best.
你做什么 Oh, what are you doing?
你知道渣渣里的钠是最棒的 You know the sodium at the bottom is the best part.
我的天 我知道你是什么了 Oh, my God! I just figured out what you are.
你是扎克的印鱼 You're Zach's remora.
-不 才不是呢 -我就说吧 - No, I'm not. - I know, right?
你们知道印鱼是什么吗 Do you guys even know what a remora is?
-当然 新的别克车型 -倒进咖啡里的东西 - Totally, it's the new Buick. - You put it in your coffee.
好吧 Oh, okay.
看来你们不看《鲨鱼周》节目 You guys do not watch Shark Week.
过来看 是这样的 Here, look. It's this.
印鱼 或者叫吸盘鱼 A remora, or a suckerfish,
是把自己吸附在鲨鱼身上的鱼 is a fish that attaches itself to a shark.
看 鲨鱼去哪里 印鱼就去哪里 See? Wherever the shark goes, the remora goes.
为鲨鱼清洁身体 以鲨鱼的剩余食物为生 Grooming him, living off his leftovers.
-我才不是这样呢 -薯片怎么说 - That's not me. - Uh, the chips?
刚刚克莱尔那事呢 What about Claire?
怎么 我想带她出去喝茶 What? I'm gonna take her out for a cup of tea.
那并不代表我就是他的鱼啊 That doesn't make me his fish.
当然不是 Ah, of course not.
我觉得我的头发今天有些怪怪的 Hey, I think my hair's, like a little funky today.
-看起来不够完美 -我不知道 - It doesn't seem perfect. - I don't know.
前面的刘海很讨厌 It's just this pesky bang.
谢谢你 印鱼 Oh, thank you, remora.
不 我们之间才不是这种关系 No. This is not gonna be a thing.
我觉得应该是鲨鱼说了算 I think the shark decides what the thing is.
我觉得鲨鱼是白痴 And I think the shark's an idiot.
鲨鱼甚至不是哺乳动物 A shark's not even a mammal.
大家都知道 你们是来观看广告公司 So, as you know, you're here to screen a commercial
刚刚拍摄好的广告 the agency just completed.
看完后 我们会问你们一些问题 Afterwards, we'll ask you some questions
请你们填写意见卡 and invite you to fill out a comment card.
然后我们会有午餐吃 对吗 And then we get lunch, right?
对 然后吃午餐 Yes, then lunch.
我在分享心灵悸动的回忆 I'm sharing heartfelt memories
灰熊亚当斯却在担心午餐 and Grizzly Adams is worried about lunch.
[训练黑熊的山里人 头发浓密 和此人很像]
你在哪里找到他的 Where did you find him?
施舍处 Soup kitchen.
他开玩笑的 你在开玩笑对吗 He's kidding. You're kidding, right?
告诉他你在开玩笑 Tell him you're kidding.
我开玩笑的 我没开玩笑 I'm kidding. I'm not kidding.
-你没开玩笑吗 -开玩笑的 - You're not kidding? - I'm kidding.
好的 Okay.
知道我们今天要做什么吗 亲爱的 You know what we're going to do today, honey?
-什么 -学开车 - What? - Learn to drive!
但我们在州际公路上 But we're on the Interstate.
-方向盘归你了 -爸 你没有吃药了吗 - Take the wheel! - Dad, did you stop taking your meds?
只有几天没吃 Only for a couple of days...
我以前没开过车 I've never done this before.
没事 你总是坐在副驾位上是学不会的 That's okay, can't learn in the passenger seat.
我不知道怎么开 I don't know how to do this!
-放轻松 -这事是真的吗 - Relax! - Did this actually happen to you?
但现在是高峰时期 But we're in the middle of rush hour...
不完全一样 Uh, not exactly.
希德妮当时有牙箍 我烫了头发 Sydney had braces and I had a perm.
头发牙齿一团糟 你懂的 Too much hair and teeth. You know,
爸 到处是摩托车 Dad, there's motorcycles everywhere!
我们碰上了摩托车拉力赛 We're in the middle of a motorcycle rally!
没错 如果你在这里都能开 That's right, if you drive here,
-那你在哪里都能开 -哪个是刹车 - you can drive anywhere! - Which one is the brake?!
你得自己弄清楚 Got to figure it out.
-我要来点音乐 -别这样 爸 - I'm gonna listen to some music. - Stop it, Dad!
你为什么要这样对我 Why are you doing this to me?
因为你永远不会知道在生活中会突然碰到什么 'Cause you never know what life is going to throw at you!
好事达保险 Allstate Insurance.
保护您平安度过生命中的每一个里程碑 Protecting you through life's milestones.
你们觉得这则广告如何 Okay, so what did we think of the commercial?
我觉得太搞笑了 Aw, I thought it was hilarious!
是吗 为什么 Oh, yeah? So, why?
因为这种事永远不会发生在现实中 'Cause that would never happen in real life.
我真为这小姑娘捏把汗 I was scared for the little girl.
你被吓坏了 You were scared, okay.
-我觉得你是应该捏把汗 -没错 - Well, I think you were supposed to be scared. - Right.
因为他是个坏爸爸 Because he's a bad dad.
坏爸爸 Okay, bad dad.
没错 这是重点 Yeah, that's the point.
-坏爸爸 -还有谁认为他是坏爸爸 - "Bad dad"? - Okay, who else thought he was a bad dad?
-那才不是重点 -全体同意 - That's not the point. - Okay, unanimous.
那不是我们追求的效果 It's not what we were going for.
但我 我猜你也可以这么看 But I-I guess you could see it that way.
你不这么看吧 有吗 You don't see it that way, do you?
他这爸爸可真够坏的呀 坏透了 How bad a dad was he? Really bad!
无论如何 这则广告都挺逗的 Either way, it's a really funny commercial.
-根据一段可怕的伤心经历改编 -没错 - Based on a hideously traumatic experience. - Yes.
我猜他们是想让我们认为这爸爸疯了 I think they wanted us to think the dad was crazy.
-完全疯了 -你认为他疯了 - Totally. - You thought he was crazy.
-太搞笑了 -太逗了 - It was hilarious. - Hilarious.
他真是世界上最糟糕的爸爸 He's, like, the worst dad in the world.
广告非常棒 Really great campaign.
-你们找到行家了 -打断一下 - You got a winner. - Excuse me.
我很好奇我们是不是搞错重点了 I'm wondering if we're missing the point here.
你们不允许进入这里 Okay, you people are not allowed in here.
你们在影响我的焦点小组 You're tainting my focus group.
你们就是拍摄这条坏爸爸广告的人吗 Are you the people who made the bad dad commercial?
是的 我...我是说算是吧 Yes, I-I mean, sort of.
抱歉 我想你是指"棒爸爸" I'm sorry, I think you mean "Best dad".
因为这位爸爸是在教他女儿防御性驾驶法 Because he was teaching her defensive driving.
那些干扰都是为了给她压力考验她 You know, all those distractions were to stress test her,
激发出她的最佳状态 to bring out her best
以应对最糟糕的情况 in the worst case scenario.
而你们则是把驾驶技术稀烂的闺女扔到马路上 You people would throw her out on the road, ill-equipped,
你们知道结果是什么吗 and you know what you get then?
闺女丧命 Dead daughter.
当然了 头韵相同所以听起来不错 Sure, it sounds nice because of the alliteration.
但我跟你们保证 事实绝非如此 But I assure you it's not.
而是像杀人小丑那样 It's like "Killer clown."
先是欢声笑语 而后你将走进一间 It's all fun and games until you walk into a room
放满了破气球和身体残骸的屋子 full of busted balloons and body parts.
-我们不能再欺负焦点小组了 -谢谢 - Maybe we don't bully the focus group. - Thank you.
唯一重要的是他们喜欢这条广告 Okay, the only important thing is they like the commercial.
别牵扯上个人恩怨 Okay, don't take it personally.
就在这儿 就在这儿 看 Right here, right here, look.
了不起的广告 "Great commercial.
巧妙有趣 "Smart and funny.
爱死这个烦人的女儿了 Love the bitchy daughter."
说的是坏爸爸 不是什么烦人的女儿啊 It's about the bad dad, not the bitchy daughter.
你说这些评语是匿名的 You said those were anonymous.
我说的话统统没办法保证了 My word is no longer my bond.
看来我们真的没有 Can we agree we didn't
劫持门萨成员来这里[顶级智商俱乐部] raid a Mensa group to get these people here?
太不可理喻了 看看这张 This is insane. Look at this one.
"如果我是那个..." 那词是..."姑娘" "If I were were that..." Is that, that's "Girl."
如果我是那姑娘 我就再也不开车了 "If I were that girl I would've never driven again""
你还一直在开车呢 And you drive all the time.
其实我不开车 Actually, I don't drive.
我从没学会 I never learned.
说好的披萨呢 Hey, what about that pizza?
没有披萨 Uh, no pizza,
但是有金枪鱼三明治和薯条 but there are tuna fish sandwich halves and chips.
没有薯条 No chips.
抱歉 Sorry.
我就不明白了 Hey, I don't understand.
你有驾照啊 You have a driver's license.
只有你给我买的那张假驾照 好让我去买啤酒 Just that fake one you took me to get so I could buy beer.
啤酒是给我买的 The beer was for me.
酒庄里的人都喜欢嚼舌根 Liquor store people can be so gossipy.
你这么大了怎么还不会开车呢 How have you gotten this far without driving?
我一直住在大城市里 I-I've only ever lived in big cities.
我不用自己开车 I just never really needed to.
又或许是因为你害怕学开车 Or maybe you've always lived in big cities
才一直住在大城市里 because you were scared to learn.
你没那么害怕啦 You weren't that scared.
我们说起这事儿还哈哈大笑呢 We laugh about the story.
是啊 那是现在 Yeah, now.
-但我当时真的很害怕 -没有吧 - But I was pretty scared. - No...
真的 I was.
其实我有点被吓坏了 Actually, I was kind of terrified.
老天呐 这样一来就说通了 Oh, my God, this explains so much,
希德妮 这件事是你的触发点 Sydney. This was your trigger moment.
一切都由此开始 When it all started.
什么由此开始 When what started?
没什么 Nothing.
我现在是在"诚实地"表达对你的看法 I'm doing that thing where I give my honest opinion.
你非常棒 You are great.
我从不知道你很害怕 I never knew you were scared.
怕到都不敢开车了 I mean, scared enough to never drive.
你送我的那个马克杯说错了 So that mug you gave me was wrong.
我不是世上最棒的爸爸 I'm not the World's Best Dad.
我的马克杯上印的都是瞎话吗 Are all my mugs lies?
我真的很喜欢周一吗 Do I actually like Mondays?
老爸 不是什么大事啦 Dad, it's not that big a deal.
我已经克制住了 I repressed it.
你就装吧 可真够健康的 Yeah, that's healthy.
又来了 There it is again.
我喜欢你的鞋 I love your shoes.
能别再提这事了吗 Can we please just drop this?
我真不敢相信我说出了那种话 I can't believe I said that.
我讨厌中跟鞋 I hate kitten heels.
那至少让人可以不用纠结她的上衣 Well, at least they distract from the blouse.
束腰上衣 逗我呢吗 Tunic top, really?
我知道我的童年不同寻常 I know I had an unconventional childhood,
但不是每个人第一次开车的时候都很吓人吗 but isn't everyone's first time driving scary?
我的第一次就很和谐 Mine was lovely.
我姐姐帕姆和我在停车场里练习 My sister Pam and I practiced in the parking lot
然后他给我买了泡泡糖冰淇淋 and then she bought me bubble gum ice cream.
我是去叙利亚看望我叔叔时学会开车的 I learned to drive when I was visiting my uncle in Syria.
他被宪兵队开枪击中 He got shot by the military police
我是周围唯一一个 and I was the only one around
能开车送他去医院的人 to drive him to the hospital.
但我还是认为你的经历更恐怖一些 Still I think your experience was scarier.
各位 午餐时间结束了 回去工作吧 Okay, everybody, lunch is over. Back to work.
我们得寻找为好事达的广告 We have to find a completely new angle
找一个全新的角度 快点 for the Allstate campaign. Come on.
我以为焦点小组喜欢那条坏爸爸广告呢 I thought the focus group loved the bad dad ad.
坏爸爸 棒爸爸 巴格达 Bad dad, best dad, Baghdad...
谁知道他们在扯什么呢 who knows where they landed?
一屋子七嘴八舌的 So much were said in that room.
-走吧 快点 -我们手头有一些数据 - Come on, let's go. - Well, we have all this data.
九个人支持坏爸爸呢 Yeah, nine people in favor of bad dad.
一个人写"好饿啊 披萨在哪里" One person: "So hungry, where's the pizza?"
看来说的是棒爸爸 So, go with best dad.
安德鲁 去找扎克瑞 快去 Andrew, go find Zachary, get on that.
劳伦 干你该干的去 希德妮 跟我来 Lauren, do whatever it is you do. Sydney, come with me.
我们得马上去见好事达的人 We got to go meet with Allstate right away.
他们很担心预算 走吧 They're nervous about the budget-- let's go!
我们的花销比预算还少一万美元呢 We're, like, $10,000 under budget.
而且 我刚做了个超美味的三明治 And besides, I just made the perfect sandwich.
大家都讨厌王婆 我的大小姐 快走吧 No one likes a braggart, missy. Let's go!
-我可以随身带着啊 -不行 - You know, I could've taken that with me! - Nope.
那倒是实话 三明治就是专为外出设计的 It's true, sandwiches are specifically designed for travel.
好事达为什么这会儿要开会 我快饿死了 Why does Allstate want a meeting? I'm starving,
何况他们只会提供些傻乎乎的卷饼 and all they're gonna have is a stupid plate of wraps.
最不上档次的三明治 The sneakiest of sandwiches.
如果卷饼那么好吃 他们还掩藏了什么呢 I mean, if wraps are so great, what are they hiding?
-我不知道 -等等 老爸 你错过那个转弯了 - I don't know. - Wait. Dad, you missed the turn.
不 我没有 No, I didn't.
为什么那么讨厌卷饼 And what's with hating on wraps?
我前几天就吃了一个很好吃的 I had a lovely one the other day.
搭配点鹰嘴豆泥 很快就下肚了 Little hummus. Went down quick,
然后一直往下拉稀不止 and then it got really Beirut down there.
等等 我们这是在... So, wait, what are we...
根本没什么会 是不是 There's no meeting, is there?
没有 No.
你应该拥有一段美好的学车记忆 You need a good learning-to-drive memory.
不那么吓人的回忆 One that's not so scary.
快握住方向盘 Take the wheel!
这玩笑不好玩 抱歉 That's a bad joke. I'm sorry.
不不不 拜托 我很抱歉 No, no, no, come on, I'm sorry.
美好记忆现在开始 Good memory starting now.
-不不 -现在...开始 - No, no. - Starting... now.
天呐 我都紧张得出汗了 Oh, God, I'm all sweaty and nervous.
我这下知道 Now I know how you feel
缓刑监督官在身边时 是什么感觉了 when your probation officer comes around.
你表现得很好 You're doing great.
有趣的选择 让汽车发动机空转 Interesting choice, letting the car idle
地球自转就会让车动起来了 and having the earth's rotation do all the work for you, but...
我还在做思想准备 I'm mentally preparing.
来点驾车音乐舒缓一下情绪如何 Well, how about a little driving music to help take the edge off?
不要军乐 No marching band music.
很奇怪 我不觉得这有安抚作用 Oddly, I don't find it comforting.
真的吗 Really?
我发现这是在回家路上 I find that's the only thing
唯一能让我放松的东西 that relaxes me on the way home.
好了 出发了 All right, there we go.
非常不错 非常 非常 This is lovely. Very, very... it's...
你不用减速那么多 You don't need to slow down that much.
试试提一点速 Try and pick up a little speed.
-就是这样 -我不需要那么多指点 - There we go. - I need a little less help.
那好吧 但速度再快一点 Well, all right, but just a little more speed.
我们快到停车标志了 Okay, now we're coming to the stop sign.
我们快到停车标志了 We're coming to the stop sign.
你有看到停车标志吗 你有看到停车... Do you see the stop sign? Do you see the stop...
你看到...过去了 那是 You see... there it went. That was...
亲爱的 不用担心那只鸟 它会飞走的 Honey, don't worry about the bird-- he's gonna move.
亲爱的 鸟会飞走的 Honey, the bird's gonna move.
它会飞走的 He's gonna move.
它会飞走的啦 He's gonna move.
我真的以为它会飞走的 I honestly thought he was going to move.
重点是不要撞到人 The idea is not to hit the people.
听着 我...我知道 Look, I-I know that.
我觉得你从撞上那只鸟后就有点嗜血 I think you have bloodlust since you hit that bird.
现在别 别别别 Now just don't... Don't-don't...
-别撞到人 -我不会撞到的 -Don't hit the person! - I'm not going to!
如果是爸爸的声音干扰了你 If it's my father voice that's disturbing you...
那我就试试装成这个人 I will try to be maybe this guy...
"目视前荒" Look up ahead...
别了 还是很干扰人 No, it's still disturbing.
说英语好点 English is better.
不不不 Oh, no, no, no!
现在吗 Now?
不是现在 Not now.
-现在吗 -不是现在 - Now. - Not now.
现在呢 Now?
不是现在 Not now.
-现在呢 -就现在 - Now. - Now!
也不是现在 Not now.
我直说了吧 So let me get this straight.
坏爸爸的好广告让萨蒙很受伤吗 The good ad about a bad dad made Simon sad?
我真是个诗人 却没意识到 I'm a poet and I don't realize it.
那这个如何 Okay, what about this?
我们选两种类型承保范围 If we take the two types of insurance coverage
周围各画一个圈 and draw circles around them
中间画一个预定目标 with intended targets in the middle...
我又画了对奶子 I drew boobs again.
不 拜托 Whoa, no, come on.
里头总有些东西 There's something here.
得透过奶子 Just have to look past the boobs
看清里面的好东西 to see the good inside.
我发誓 你们男孩子们都一个德行 I swear, you boys are all the same.
老天 Oh, my God.
我又在捡你不要的东西 I'm picking through your leftovers.
你的创意 你的食物 Your ideas, your food,
最糟糕的是 克莱尔 worst of all, Claire,
一个活生生的女人 an actual human woman.
天啊 你知道谁像那对奶子吗 Oh! You know who's the boob?
我就是那对奶子 I'm the boob.
-可悲至极的奶子 -不 你不是 - The sad, sad boob. - No, you're not...
劳伦 让他继续 他得好好感受自己的感觉 Lauren, let him have that. He feels what he feels.
安德鲁 我觉得你没能看到 Andrew, I think that you are overlooking
这和谐的生态系统的优点 the benefits of this delicate ecosystem.
听着 如果你不替我消灭剩下的食物 Look, if you didn't finish my food,
我就会变肥 I'd get fat.
对吧 如果你不替我安慰那些愤怒的女人 Right? A-And if you didn't comfort these angry women,
我会在睡觉时被人杀死的 I'd get killed in my sleep.
振作一点 Now come on.
让我看看那可爱的安德鲁式微笑 Let me see that adorable Andrew smile.
那美丽的小... That beautiful little...
甜甜的 孩子般的微笑 sweet, sweet child smile you have.
就像个小男孩一样 Like a little boy.
对吧 嘿 小家伙 Huh? Hey. Hey, little guy.
我给你准备了小礼物哦 I got something for you.
哔哔哔 来笑一个 笑一个 Bibbity-boop! Bop, bop, bop.
我就是对你生不起来气 I can't stay mad at you.
不 我是生我自己的气 No! I'm mad at me.
我再也不要做你的印鱼了 And I'm done being your remora,
捡你的剩菜剩饭 picking through your leftovers.
你以后睡觉就睁着眼睛吧 Start sleeping with both eyes open.
就跟鲨鱼一样 Like a shark!
不 不是像鲨鱼 No! Not like a shark!
是像人一样 Like a person...
睡眠质量很差的人 who sleeps... poorly.
不 真的 鲨鱼就是睁着眼睛睡的 No, really, that's how sharks sleep.
可不是嘛 Tell me about it.
现在吗 Now?
-就现在 -就现在 - Now! - Now, now.
就现在 就现在 Now, now, now, now.
就现在 天啊 快开 Now, for the love of God, go!
我在开啊 我受不了了 I am! I can't do this anymore!
-我也受不了 -你生什么气啊 - Well, neither can I. - Why are you mad?
我不生气 我只是在转移你的责怪 I'm not, I'm just deflecting blame.
没谁在责怪谁 No one is blaming anyone,
但如果说真要责怪谁的话 but if there was someone to blame,
他就坐在这车里 而且他穿着你的裤子 he's sitting in this car and he's wearing your pants.
那可能是任何人 Well, that could be anybody!
听着 或许驾驶时不利于我们父女和谐相处 Listen, maybe driving isn't one of our best moments.
但我们有其他美好时刻 But we had others.
我教会了你游泳 I taught you how to swim.
你那是把我扔进了密歇根湖 By throwing me in Lake Michigan
让我自己找到湖岸 and telling me to find the shore.
你成功找到了啊 You found it.
我接受你的道歉 Apology accepted.
那次有趣的露营之旅呢 What about that fun camping trip?
就是去威斯康辛州那次 You know, the one up in Wisconsin that...
你把火鸡尿浇在我身上 Oh, the one where you doused me in turkey urine
来掩盖我身上人的气味 to "Mask my human scent""
那是因为你想见到鹿啊 Well, you wanted to meet a deer!
我可没想着在火鸡交配的季节去 Not during turkey mating season.
谁知道火鸡总那么性致勃勃啊 Well, who knew that turkeys were so sexual?
跟你简直没得谈 你总是对的 There is no talking to you. You're always right.
"总是"有点夸大其词了吧 "Always" is a bit of a stretch.
我一直以为自己是个有趣的酷老爸 I always thought that I was the fun, cool dad,
我总是怪你妈这不好那不好 and I'd blame your mom for stuff,
直到我的心理医生说我不能再那样了 until my shrink said I couldn't do that anymore
然后我就炒了他 那事有点令人心痛 and I had to fire him, which was kind of a pain,
因为他开处方很随意 because he was pretty liberal with the prescriptions.
事实上 The truth is,
我没做过任何有利于你独自面对人生的事 I didn't do anything to help prepare you for life.
我只是个吓人的坏爸爸 I was just a scary, bad dad.
-不 这么说不公平 -停 - No... that's not fair. - Stop.
-不 我不是那个意思 -停 - No, it's not what I was saying, it... - Stop.
-停下车 我们在往前滚 -天啊 天啊 - Stop the car, we're rolling! - Oh, God! Oh, my God!
天啊 我真的很抱歉 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
没关系 我来处理 你们没有任何证据 It's all right, I'll handle this. You can't prove anything.
搞毛呢 Oh, what the hell?
让你老婆开车时注意点方向 Just tell your wife to watch where she's going.
我老婆 你竟敢出言不逊 那是我女儿 My wife? How dare you! That's is my daughter.
不过我的二妻确实跟她差不多大 Although my second wife was her age,
我撤回自己的愤怒 so I retract my indignation.
你们吓到我女儿了 今天是她第一次学开车 Well, you scared my daughter. It's her first time driving.
真的吗 好巧啊 Really? What a coincidence.
我也在教我的女儿学开车呢 I'm teaching my daughter to drive, too.
你怎么还不会开车啊 Why can't you drive yet?
你都快40岁了吧 Aren't you, like, 40?
不 我才30 多岁 No, I'm 30... something.
-都一回事 -不 姐妹儿 - Same thing. - No, sister friend,
那怎么可能是一回事呢 it's not even close to the same thing.
"姐妹儿" "Sister friend"?
听着 她不会开车 Listen, she can't drive
因为我第一次教她开车时 给她造成了心理阴影 because the first time I taught her i sort of traumatized her.
一切都是混乱状态的 我就不点名了 It's all a blur, really. Without naming names,
当时我们中的一个刚结束为期三天的狂欢 one of us was coming off a three-day bender,
另一个在担心化学期末考试 the other was worried about a chemistry final.
你没给我留下心理阴影 You didn't traumatize me.
得了吧 你就继续自欺欺人吧 Yeah, keep telling yourself that.
是啊 你老爸真是个怪胎 Yeah, your dad's a weirdo.
我更喜欢被人叫做"疯老头" I prefer "Nut job," Or...
他才不是怪胎或疯老头 He is not a weirdo or a nut job!
好吧 或许他都符合 Okay, maybe he's both.
但那是好事啊 我是说... But that's good. I mean...
你们认识的孩子当中 how many kids do you know
有几个会用发簪撬锁啊 who can pick a lock with a hairpin?
我9岁时 他就把我教会了 He taught me when I was nine.
-她超棒的 -是啊 还有 - She's amazing. - Yeah, or
玩21点时怎么把A和8分开 how to always split aces and eights.
不然庄家就赢了 Otherwise, the house wins.
怎么替一位女士点烟 Or how to light a lady's cigarette.
你要温柔地包裹住她的手 You-you gently cup her hand...
要和她对视不要转移 While never averting her gaze.
那是门快要消亡的艺术 真的 It's a dying art, really.
你们在说些什么呢 What are you talking about?
我说的是他教会我的那些事 I'm talking about all the things that I got from him
也许在你看来有些疯狂 that might seem crazy to you,
但我可不愿意改变 but that I wouldn't change.
我是个极富创意的成功人士 I'm creative and successful
因为在我离家前 都不知道正常的日子是怎样的 because I never knew a normal day until I left home.
我的一切都是这位疯狂怪老头的功劳 And I owe it all to this weirdo nut job.
真的吗 Really?
是啊 真的 Yeah. Really.
好消息是 Well, the good news is
车子受到的损伤没你们父女的心灵损伤那么严重 the cars aren't nearly as damaged as you two.
我们觉得就算了吧 We can let it go.
算你们走运 You're lucky.
我是很走运 I am.
你从哪儿学会电视剧《杜克兄弟》里那套的 Where did you learn that Dukes of Hazzard thing?
你的驾驶技术比你妈高多了 You're a much better driver than your mother.
算是吧 Kind of.
我想知道你之前说愿意陪我谈谈 现在可以吗 I was just wondering if I could take you up on that offer to talk.
抬起下巴 Um... chin up.
听着 我的肩膀不是给你依靠的 Looks... these are not for you.
我知道你现在正经历分手后的心碎时期 I get that you're going through a hard time right now,
我很遗憾 我真希望自己能够安慰你 and I'm sorry, and I really wish I could console you...
以及做其他事 and other stuff.
但我现在不是那种人了 But I'm not that guy anymore.
一位睿智的西班牙女人曾在约15年前对我说过 As a wise Spanish woman told me some 15 years ago,
"那不是真正的你 而是伪装的你" "It's not you... it's yo."
那与我信仰的一切都背道而驰 That went against everything I stand for.
嘿 大家进展如何 Hey. How's it going?
安德鲁在和自己的本能做斗争 Andrew's fighting his basic instincts
以弃求胜 and winning by losing.
听上去像是佛教赌场的广告语 Sounds like an ad for a Buddhist casino.
好消息 我们最终决定采用 Good news. We have decided to embrace
-"坏爸爸"广告 -真的哦 - the "Bad dad" Campaign. - True.
焦点小组喜欢那个 The focus group loved it
而且我们从自己的生活中提取了无数的素材 and we've got a million stories from our lives.
比如那次我教你骑自行车的故事 Like the time I taught you to ride a bicycle.
噢 是啊 他把我丢在... Oh, yeah. He puts me right in the middle...
我一直觉得防摔轮是给废柴用的 I always thought training wheels were for losers.
-不好意思 你能... -你想来说说吗 - I'm sorry, do you want to...? - You want to tell it?
不不 你来吧 快点 你... No, no, just do it. Come on, you're...
你记得清楚一点 毕竟你没摔的脑震荡嘛 You'll remember it better. You weren't concussed.
你那天简直是个小骑兵 You were such a trooper that day.
我还记得替你擦干血迹 I remember wiping away the blood,
你的蓝眼睛直直地盯着我看 and there were those blue eyes, looking up at me.
我的眼睛是绿色的 They're green.
是啊 在这灯光下是绿色的 Yes, they are, in this light.
扎克 跟我一起来 Zach, walk with me.
我们必须详细谈谈我毁了 We have to talk about all the ways
我女儿人生的千百种方式 I've ruined my daughter's life.
你知道吗 萨蒙 Oh, you know what, Simon?
你的背上沾到一点脏东西 You have a little schmutz on your back.
脏东西 真的吗 Schumtz? Really?
是啊 Yeah.
你看到我所看到的那一幕了吗 Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
是啊 我完全赞同 Yeah, and I totally agree.
那双中跟鞋完全无法显出她的小腿美 Those kitten heels are doing her calves no favors.
不是 No.
扎克是萨蒙的印鱼 Zach is Simon's remora.
或许每个人都是别人的印鱼 Maybe everyone's someone's remora.
你这个想法可真美好 That's a beautiful thought.
你知道还有什么想法很美好吗 You know what else is a beautiful thought?
三楼有个女人 正哭求我的肩膀 There's a woman on the third floor who's weeping for these shoulders.
不管怎样 既然她想倚着我哭泣 And whatever else, you know, that she wants to cry on,
我绝对欢迎 it's all welcome.
总比我自己抱着自己哭好 It's better than me doing it on myself.
你没事吧 亲爱的 You okay, honey?
我觉得我没事 I think I'm okay.
这很好 This is good.
是啊 我们现在离火车线很远 Yeah. We're nowhere near train tracks,
而且这次我还带了食物 and this time, I brought food.
这附近没有逃犯吧 There's no escaped convict in the area?
没有 No.
而且最近的火鸡尿 And the nearest turkey urine
还藏在最近的火鸡的身体里 is still inside the nearest turkey.
你可以把森林关掉了 You can turn off the forest now.
好滴 Okeydoke.
晚安 宝贝 Night, honey.
你觉得你能睡得着吗 Do you think you can sleep?
我觉得可以 你呢 I think so. You?
来点音乐会比较助眠 Well, this'll help.
好咧 There we go.
晚安 宝贝 Good night, baby.
晚安 疯老头 Good night, nut job.
天啊 有只蜘蛛 Geez, there's a spider.
快抓住 快抓住 抓住了 晚安 宝贝 Get it, get it, get it! Got it. Good night, baby.
猜猜我手上拿的是什么 Guess what I have in my hand.
最新的结肠检查录像 不对 那不新了 That new colonoscopy... no, it's not new.
你早做过了 You've had it a long time.
我告诉你的是《排泄高速路》 没事的 Or I told you it's The Fecal Express, it's fine.
我们能看看吗 Can we just see it?
开拍 And... action.
坐到蛋了 Landed on a ball.
等你听到我的第一句台词再笑吧 Just wait till you hear what my first line is.
不太硬也不太软 Neither too hard nor too soft.
这是你的真人真事吗 Did this actually happen to you?
不 实际上 希德妮叫得更大声 No, actually, Sydney screamed way louder
我当时身上有件"猫衣"... and I was wearing an asscat, just...
"猫衣" Asscat?
我当时... I was like...
当时太古怪了 那个小... It's so weird, this little...
就当时那个阶段罢了 Oh, it was just a phase.
不要啊 Oh, no!
抱歉 Sorry.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
我好像吓出屎了 I think I pooped myself.
可真诡异啊 That was weird.
我再也不要当你的印鱼了 I'm through being your remora!
你从哪儿学会电视剧《杜克兄弟》里那套的 Where did you learn that Dukes of Hazzard thing?
女主曾主演的《吸血鬼猎人巴菲》里的故事发生地
桑尼德尔 Sunnydale.