## OP / ED ##
## SIGNS ##
## SCRIPT ##
The Hero Yoshihiko and the Demon King's Castle starts right now!
Hey, yo!
Mind if I stop y'all a minute?
No matter how many we cut down, the servants of the Demon King never rest.
Feast your eyes on my sweet bandit stylings!
Representin' for my boss.
Anyway. Provisions! Weapons! I'm gonna ask for them nicely!
Just playin'. I know you won't give 'em.
What? What are you talking about?
Aw, chill out.
Just four of you? I'll pound y'all before breakfast.
Huh? Oh, it's afternoon.
Hey...
Wanna pretend I said "pound y'all before lunch" instead?
... If you wish.
Anywho, one of us is biting the big one, here.
So, any of y'all got last words? Last requests?
'cause, like...
I got your back on those last requests, man.
Just nothing big, okay?
Just "one last cigarette" kinds of deals or something.
Though that can get pretty tricky too, y'know?
See 'cuz sometimes a superhero does that to buy time for his bros to show up...
and they just beat the crap outta the guy, y'know? No joke, man!
One cigarette and it's all "up in smoke". Get it?
What's with this guy? He's so good at annoying me.
Just listening to him makes me want to break something.
So, let's start with...
Middle guy. Any last requests?
I will not die until I defeat the Demon King.
I feel you, bro.
So you'd have to beat me, huh?
'zat how it is?
I mean yeah, I know what I said.
But four against one? No way.
Let's be real, yo. I'm dead.
I mean I just think about it and it's like...
Ohhhh, maaaaaan... and then I bounce right back, woo!
Woah, I love this guy!
It's like I found my other half or something.
So anyway, totally for reals here.
I'm gonna lose. So how about I get my last words in?
You mind? I mean it might take a while...
So you guys just wait there, just a minute? Here we go.
Oh dear. Yoshihiko can barely restrain himself.
We can't fight like this.
That must have been his plan!
Annoy the enemy until he locks up, then cut him down while he's vulnerable!
So we just have to play it cool.
Just play it cool around the most annoying man in existence.
It's weird, he doesn't annoy me at all!
Too bad I can't fight.
So anyway, let's move on.
We doing this, right? You're waiting for the fight, right?
So let's get it on.
Hope you're prepared to feel the wrath of my sword of...
Woooah! Where's my sword?!
Am I the worst bandit ever or what?!
Thank god.
There's Fat J with his humpback letter
Gettin' pretty sick of these posers all around
Get yourself an afro if you wanna make a difference
The whole world needs you now, Funkanizer!
Internet, radio, and television
All pouring out information non-stop
It's just pulling me back and forth
My head's about to explode!
Love it! Love it! Evolution!
Love it! Love it! Revolution!
I want to see my true face in the mirror
I know that some day I'll wither away!
Get it up! Get it up! Haha, baby!
Get it up! Get it up! I can't sit still!
Let's do this with color and style! Hey!
A no-budget action-adventure series
You sure this'll be okay?
The Hero Yoshihiko and
the Demon King's Castle
Four
Take care! The river is swarming with leeches.
Woah! Crap! When the hell! Go suck on someone else!
The Demon King controls even leeches, now. This battle grows ever more treacherous.
Yoshihiko!
Woah! That thing really went to town!
It's huge!
Why are you such a space case?!
His color is returning.
A Hero sworn to defeat the Demon King will not fall to any mere leech.
You looked pretty close to falling, to me.
Even so, we've been going in the direction the Buddha indicated...
but I haven't seen anything of note.
Those instructions were way too vague.
He needs to take some leadership courses or somethin'.
I still don't think he's the real Buddha.
Hey, now. Hey.
I heard what you said. You guys are badmouthing me.
No, we weren't!
Yeah, you were. I'm always watching from heaven, see.
Watching from heaven, you know?
You can't hide from the eyes of heaven, you know. I hear everything, okay?
Fine, fine, fine!
What? What?
How about now?
Right, yeah, okay. That's a blind spot in the eyes of heaven.
So can we badmouth you, now?
Well sure, I can't stop you if I can't see you...
But cut it out! Just cut it out!
Okay?
I said it twice, so you know I'm serious.
Anyway. Today, you know...
Well, you know I usually come out at the end...
But FYI, I can come out at the start, too.
By the way, what's with Yoshihiko? Is he sleeping?
He got himself into a fix, but it's kind of a long story.
Okay, got it. Right.
So... Yoshihiko!
As you know, I instructed you to head broadly east.
Why so vague, though?
That's what I want to know!
You're the one always telling us to stop wasting time.
Just tell us where the Demon King is and we'll punk him good!
Where should we go, Lord Buddha?
- Like, you know, is it near a town, or a village... - I mean, east is a pretty broad category and all...
- If you say 'go here' we'll go there... - Yeah, we follow instructions and all.
- We want to defeat him. - It makes no sense.
Wait a minute!
- I mean, if you just give us a better idea... - Instead, you just keep yelling at us...
YOU JERKS!
Seriously, you guys.
You're cruising for a Buddha Beam, here.
Woah! Whip it out, man. I wanna see it!
It shoots right out of this little nub in my forehead.
-Woah, for real? -Yes, it does!
Here, I'll show you.
BUDDHA BEEEEAM!
... will not be seen today!
Ah, he's got nothin'.
Please. Just tell us what to do, Lord Buddha.
Quickly. Before the Demon King makes his move.
Okay. I getcha.
Listen up, Hero & Co.
To defeat the Demon King, you need... like... weapons and equipment.
So you'll need to wander around and fetch those, one by one.
First up, you'll need the Angel's Robe, which will let you dodge all of the Demon King's attacks.
Get it? Cross the river. You'll find a rock called Angel's Rock.
On it, you'll find an angel. ... most of the time.
Now, Yoshihiko! Acquire the Angel's Robe!
You said 'most of the time', right? She'll be there if we go, right?
Yeah, I mean, yeah. Probably.
It's just... like... she's an angel, so there'll be obstacles and stuff, probably.
So, Hero & Co., like...
You must combine your powers to overcome those obstacles!
There she is. That's the angel.
That was way easier than I thought it would be!
She's beautiful! Truly an angel!
Excuse me, Miss Angel!
Miss Angel! Over here!
Can't she hear us?
She probably can't hear us over the harp.
We should cross the river and speak to her directly.
Wait, Yoshihiko.
The Buddha said there would be obstacles.
Who cares about that guy's vague BS.
Wait!
Look at that!
What is that?
A kappa!
Of course! He's guarding the angel!
If anyone tries to cross, he'll drown 'em in the river!
Are kappas really that dangerous?
He doesn't look that dangerous...
Don't worry. I can handle a kappa.
Take care, Yoshihiko!
Eh, he's fine. That thing looks pretty wimpy.
Look at that!
Help him! Yoshihiko!
You gotta be kidding!
Man, that's one smug kappa.
He really thinks he's beat us.
I'll wipe that grin off his face!
Don't do it, Danjo!
You can't beat him in the water.
So we gotta draw him onto land.
Just leave this to me.
I have a cunning plan.
I can't resist the Black Adder joke. If you feel it's inappropriate, just change it to "I have an idea."
Do kappa really like cucumbers?
That's what they say.
I'm more worried about this setup we got going.
I mean, it's pretty obvious it's a trap.
Please trust me. He will come.
Oh, he's got his own!
It's no good. There's more kappa downstream.
Upstream's swarming with the things, too.
So... it's turtles all the way down.
Kappapa Runpapa, seems to a reference to this... this thing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQHLu0p38Ok Must have been quite a cultural phenomenon, there's a Pokemon named after it...
"Turtles all the way down" may be a little on the nerdy side, but I thought it would be a more "adult" reference appropriate to Danjo's character than some of the alternatives...
What does 'Turtles all the way down' mean?
- What does 'Turtles all the— - Drop it.
I think he's trying to make a reference.
But what do turtles...
Just... drop it.
So, whadda we do?
We gotta beat the kappa if we wanna talk to the angel.
What's that thing?
"X marks the legendary weapon which can defeat the kappa."
Seriously vague, man.
Must be a gift from that stingy Buddha.
Yes, I concur.
This is the legendary weapon?
Seems a little familiar somehow...
Let us be off.
Right!
I dunno where you're headed,
but I'll be taking your money and provisions.
Can't take five steps without hitting a moron like you.
There's not enough food in the world to feed all of you!
Yes, I've heard that before.
But you'll find you regret those words against an opponent as deadly as I.
I'm afraid I and Blender here will make short work of you.
I'm on a mission to defeat the Demon King.
If you mean to impede us, I have no choice but to fight.
That stance tells me you're pretty green.
But I won't take it easy on you.
Have at them, Blender!
What's wrong with you?
Get them! Rip out their throats!
Hey, is Blender okay? He keeps drifting off, kinda.
He doesn't seem real into it.
He doesn't have to be 'into' it!
Blender is a soulless killing machine!
Go, my pretty! Bathe in the blood of the innocent!
Should I begin?
Wait! Wait a minute!
Don't rush us!
We're not ready to fight you guys yet.
Hey! Why'd you stop us if you weren't ready to fight?
Yeah, that's a good point... isn't it? Isn't it?
Yes, he makes a very good point, yes...
Now! While they're vulnerable, Blender!
Stop this!
I can't attack something that has no will to fight.
Just put down the dog and fight, alright?
But... no way.
I'm just a normal guy. I'm not even very strong.
So why'd you become a bandit?
What? What was that? You forgive them?
Huh? Hey!
Well, if you say so!
You sure are lucky Blender's so nice!
What a nice guy!
Oh no! Yoshihiko fell asleep!
Danjo's asleep, too!
Hey, not you too!
I guess it's down to me!
But my attacks all suck! What do I do?!
Sweets, I guess!
I sure do got a craving.
It worked, but it didn't really do anything.
Yoshihiko's awake!
Damn... he put me to sleep.
Here we are.
So many!
I'll take them on.
Huh... they ran away?
The legendary weapon must be in one of these chests.
We'll have to open them and see.
Oh no! I didn't know treasure chests could be monsters, too!
Get in there and save him, you!
No way! That thing looks really tough!
No it's not, it's just a damn box.
It's a really tough box!
That doesn't even make sense! Do it!
Hey!
Nice one.
Thank you, Melub.
I think I got a critical hit with that! I just hit it once!
So... this must be the legendary weapon, then.
I've never seen anything so fine...
With this, we can defeat the kappa.
So... how do we use it?
I dunno why this thing would be especially good against kappa.
Maybe throw it? It would knock him over good!
If that were all it takes, we could just use a rock, old man.
At least call me 'elderly gent'.
We went through hell to get this thing. No way we're throwing it.
But look at that kappa! He's pissin' his pants!
Yes, he does look quite intimidated.
I see.
Well, then.
Excuse me, Sir Kappa! Do you know how this is used?
Dude. What. Don't do that!
Seriously. Are you stupid or something?
Well... I don't know how to use it. I thought he might.
Well sure, but you think he's gonna tell you how to kill him?
Well, but...
... right.
You get it now, right?
Sometimes you just scare me, man.
Better late than never, but still.
Nooooo!
Whatever you do, don't turn that weapon towards me and press the red button!
Oh, he told us.
What a moron. Terra-pinhead.
It was a really detailed explanation, too.
We shouldn't waste this chance. It's for the greater good.
Woah, crazy!
It just dried his head-bowl right out!
Cool. He'll be out for a while, I bet.
Very well. Let us cross while we can.
Miss Angel, we have a request.
Let's all ask at once.
Very well.
One, two...
Miss Angel!
May I ask what brings you here?
We've come before you to ask you for a favor.
Hear our plea, we beg of you.
I'm sure a beautiful, magnanimous lady such as yourself could help us.
I shall hear your request, but I am accustomed to peace and tranquility.
Might you one of your number discuss the matter with me, alone?
The presence of large crowds distresses me.
As you wish.
The Hero Yoshihiko received the divine mission, so the rest of us will take our leave.
Now, then. What is it you ask of me?
To defeat the Demon King, we require the robe that you wear.
Would you give it to us, so that we might complete our mission?
I see...
I should like to help you, truly...
We have no time. Please, take it off.
Excuse me?
You can take it off now, then I'll come up there and get it.
I beg your pardon?
If you take it off now, I'll...
No, now, wait a moment, here.
Please, just take it off.
No, listen to me...
We have no time. Take it off.
No, no, you can't just—
Do it.
No, you see...
Take it off.
Take it off now.
JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!
Who comes outta nowhere to tell a woman to take off her clothes?! You freaky creep!
I...
This 'robe' includes my underwear.
If I take it off, I'll be naked.
Strip in front of a man I just met?! Who do you think I am?!
I... I'm sorry.
Perhaps... when it gets darker?
This is not about the LIGHTING!
You're an asshole and you can't have my robe.
Get lost, scumbag.
And drop dead!
Yoshihiko... you really should drop dead.
Why?
Didn't you hear her?
Why would you tell a woman you just met to get naked for you?
You gotta be like a king for that kinda thing.
What's to be done?
Yoshihiko is still inexperienced in the ways of women.
Playing the fine gentleman now, huh?
Is it time for us to turn to the 'middle class' for answers?
Please help us.
I will.
In my early years, they called me...
The Section Chief Shima Kosaku.
Who's 'Section Chief Shima Kosaku'?
No clue.
I don't know either, but...
He must be very popular with the ladies.
Excuse me, Miss Angel.
If you recognize any specific Kosaku callbacks in this scene feel free to rewrite.
Might I join you for a while?
What is that?
It's a drink for adults.
Oh, my.
Being an angel must be a stressful life.
I wouldn't say that...
Just playing that harp all day...
I always thought harps were for mermaids.
Is that what they say?
This wasn't the plan you had for your life, was it?
Of course it was...
Be honest with yourself.
Your true instrument is not the harp.
You are not a mermaid. Your instrument should be—
The "mermaids" thing may be a reference to "mermaids" being a homonym with "doll" or "puppet". "You are not a doll" is the sort of thing someone in this scene would normally say, but the captions specify that it's the mermaid reading.
Don't say it!
If you feel hardship, you may speak to me...
I don't know if I can help you...
But I can be a shoulder to cry on.
What is your name, kind sir?
My name is... Dan... jo.
I thought you were making good progress.
So why'd she slap you?
No reason.
People don't slap each other for no reason.
What did you say to her?
Just asked her to take it off for a roll in the hay.
Gross! You're no gentleman!
Not a gentleman at all!
I didn't know you were a pervert, Danjo.
Hey, I'm not...
Perverts are disgusting, Danjo!
Shut up! You're a pervert, too!
I am not a pervert! A Hero cannot be a pervert.
When we took out your soul, you—
Lay off, man! Don't say something you'll regret.
It seems the task does fall to me, then.
I am the Hero. I will speak to her of the importance of my mission.
I'm only doing this to defeat the Demon King.
To restore the peace of the world!
You big fat liar.
It is the truth!
Defeating the Demon King is my only priority!
Then what's with the trouser tent?
This is...
My dagger!
Oh, please!
Daggers go on a belt!
This is where Heroes keep their daggers!
How could you even use it like that?
You can't lie to an angel, bub! Clear out!
We're havin' a barbie on the cliff. Wanna come by?
I do not associate with humans.
There's gonna be lotsa alcohol!
I'll pass.
But it's gonna be soooo fun!
We're gonna catch up some fish to fry, and...
I will pass.
Plus kebabs, and yakisoba, and lotsa karaoke!
Get lost, flat chest bitch!
What was that?!
You heard me! You wanna mix it up?
Any time, bitch! Just get down here!
Sure, get naked and wait right there.
Why would I get naked?!
- You're the one with the special robe thing! - I'll fly down there! I seriously will!
Then do it! Go ahead!
You mess with me, you mess with this whole forest, lady!
Bring it on! You just call your little friends!
Miss Angel. Would you join us for a game of strip poker?
Get lost. And drop dead!
We've tried everything.
There must be another way.
We've exhausted all options.
Between Yoshihiko's idiocy and my thoughtless come-on,
it's clear she has no trust of men.
She also seems to hate frivolous women like Murasaki.
Hey, Melub. Why don't you try?
I'm just bad with women.
Don't you got a spell to convince her or anything?
Sorry. Can I change the subject for a minute?
Huh? Why change the subject?
I recently learned... a healing spell.
That's amazing!
You mean to say you can recover lost stamina?
Yes. If I cast this spell, it restores 70% of your stamina.
Impressive!
However... there is a condition.
What is it?
After I cast the spell, you must eat...
a bull's testicles, a deer's antler...
and a viper's liver.
Oh, and one more thing...
Royal jelly! Yeah, you gotta eat it all.
So... what's the spell for?
Amazing. 70% of your stamina for such a low cost!
No, see, that stuff he said...
It'll restore your 'stamina' all by itself.
Where would you get that stuff, anyway?
I call this spell...
Healless.
After the "Hoimi" spell, which is "Heal" in its basic form and "Healmore" in its upgraded form.
Even the name says it's useless.
Your Healless spell will be a powerful ally in battle.
We don't even have that aphrodisiac junk!
Please, try to learn more useful spells.
Ah!
What is it, Murasaki?
I just got a great idea.
What's the plan?
Something only a woman would understand.
What you want now?
Still not givin' you my robe.
The Demon King can wreck the damn world for all I care!
Pigganose!
What? What did you do?!
Take a look in the mirror!
What did you do to my nose?!
Better give up the robe if you want it back to normal.
Don't wanna be stuck with a pig nose, do you?
Just think of it. 'Oh, look at that beautiful angel.'
'Too bad about her UGLY PIG NOSE!'
Oh, cut it out!
I apologize for the cowardly tactic, but we must defeat the Demon King.
I pray you'll forgive us, Miss Angel.
Fine, I get it. Just put my nose back to normal already!
Thank you!
I know you're happy and all, but put that thing in your pack already.
I'm feeling more confident about our chances against the Demon King!
I'm afraid your victory isn't won yet!
Hey, wait! Hang on, Yoshihiko!
What's up with the trouser tent?
You could put an eye out with that thing!
Kids these days...
Oh, kids these days, goodness...
Anyway, you still need more weapons and stuff.
So, like... you'll need to get them to beat the Demon King.
Now, head west!
Again with the vague instructions?
It's time for the Buddha song. It's called 'Buddha Works in Mysterious Ways'.
o/~ Buddhaaaaa woooorks... o/~
I'm not gonna sing it!
We still have a long journey ahead.
Yes, we do.
Let's move on.
Brother...
I'm so embarrassed!
Hey, Hisa. It's rally time.
The kanji on their happi is an ateji of 'yoroshiku.' It's a phrase used by bousouzoku and delinquents (TL note: bousouzoku means biker gang)
Right!
I want to find you waiting for me
On the day, at the place we agreed upon
It's not much of a song, but I wrote it for you
And I'll play it for you now
Because I'm still in love with you
Because I still have things to say to you
In hope that my song might reach you
I'll keep singing it into the wind
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual people or organizations is coincidental.
You're just gonna let them kill me?! Yoshihiko!
What mysterious trap awaits them?
If we investigate those five men, we'll find the Shoes of Invincibility.
The woman will die.
Bring it on.
Anything to defeat the Demon King.