HOME TO DAD
What a great place.
- Hi, hi. - Hi, Niels.
- Welcome. - Thank you.
- Jutland isn't that bad, is it? - It's lovely.
Cool weather.
Nice of you to come and see Frank's childhood home.
Hi there, big boy.
- We've got us some tan. - Yes. It's the summer colours.
We're good-looking fellas, you and me.
I'll show you where you're sleeping. It's in Frank's old room.
Please wipe your feet. Today we call it the guest room.
- Frank, you're sleeping there. - Alrighty.
- And Casper, you're sleeping there. - There?
Sorry for asking, but isn't it really a sofa?
Yes, but you can pull this one down.
It's what you call a sofa bed.
- You can swap if you want. - I'm fine here.
- Shall we take a look round? - Yes.
I can't sleep there. Why do I have to sleep on a two-seater?
It's a bench. A sleeping bench.
Homeless people have better beds than that.
- We'll find you a mattress. - Fine. I don't mind the floor.
But I don't want to get a bad back.
- What now, Frank? - I'm making coffee.
Come over here first. I've got something to show you.
- Look. Stand there. - Aye, aye.
- Gosh. - Half a page.
"Frank Hvam is giving a lecture on June 7 in the village hall."
I've been getting so many positive comments, you know.
- I'm glad to hear that. - I'm bloody proud of you.
It's not on the front page.
I didn't want to be on the front page. It's a bit hoity-toity.
- We're not like that here. - People will think you're a snob.
Look at this. " 1953 motorcycle with sidecar for sale. 38,000 kroner."
- Just what we've been looking for. - Exactly. We want to share it.
Can we have a look at it? Is there time?
If it's not too far away...
- We could check it out. - I'll go in and...
- Do you want to call? - I don't know the dialect.
You'll sit down there, and I'll be up here.
I need a sidecar license.
I'm not sitting down there. No way.
Take it easy.
I don't want to sit in it. It's really unmanly.
- Don't do that. - What is it?
We're just taking it easy.
Have a nice day. I'm just waving, Frank.
- He can't hear that. - I waved, didn't I?
- What were you doing? - I waved to him.
Jesus, Frank.
- Is it a swan? - No, it's a stork.
- Can't you pull it in here? - No. Then someone will find it.
They'll start searching for the person who did it.
The bird jumped out in front of you. That's not your fault.
No, but it's a stork. The most important bird in Jutland.
- People will be furious. - It's the stork's own fault.
What is it running around here for?
We have to take it with us. Otherwise someone will find it.
What are you doing? Frank?
We'll dump it off the bridge when we go back.
The Great Belt Bridge? It's the stork's own fault.
It walked out in front of the car completely unmotivated.
It can't be our fault, damn it!
Get in.
It must be up here. Up at the end.
Is there a house up here?
I can feel that braking in the back of my neck.
Did you get a crick in your neck?
When it comes to negotiating the price -
- it's important that we don't seem too enthusiastic.
- Then we won't get a good price. - I know that, but...
It's customary around here to play down your enthusiasm.
- Hello. - Frank.
- I'm Casper. - Tine.
- It's down here. - Well, let's take a look.
- What do you say? - Damn, that's cool.
Don't you think, Frank? Bloody hell.
Wow!
- It's megacool, man. - But it's not new.
First attempt! Don't do that, Frank.
- It'll last forever. - Try getting on.
- Let's try it. - I'm checking the shock absorbers.
Come, let's go for a ride. Don't fiddle with it.
There are no shock absorbers.
- There aren't. - Come on, Frank.
- There are no shock absorbers. - It's rocking a bit.
- There are no shock absorbers. - Come on, let's go.
Yeah, man.
- Casper... - Damn, it's cool.
Gosh.
We'll have it. How much was it?
- 38,000. - It's a deal. 38, man.
What do you say, egghead? It's ours, damn it!
Write us a cheque, will you?
- I hope you'll enjoy it. - I'm thrilled already.
See you at home, Frank. Bye, bye.
We've got potatoes, milk and juice. And some strong sausage.
- How about some chocolate? - I know you.
- I'll just bump into Tove. - Niels, what a coincidence.
And you brought your son. He's done well for himself.
It's good to see you. We're really excited.
You bet. And do you know what?
- It's fully booked. - What?
- All the seats are sold. - That's nice.
- He'll sign autographs as well. - Yes, he'd better prepare for that.
I'll just take out the bottles. It's money straight in the pocket.
- That's exciting, Frank. - It'll take an hour, I think.
Just go on as long as... People will want to ask questions.
Hello? Have you seen the wine section? There's no bloody wine.
It's all redneck farmer's crap.
They bought a huge quantity of crap wine.
It's an Amarone from 2002, a really shitty year.
There's no Pinot Noir. It's crap.
- The white wine is just sickening. - Easy now.
See you tomorrow, Frank. I need to go.
- See you tomorrow. - Yes. I'll be there.
- Shall we take this one? - Yes.
It's crap, right? But it's the best one they've got.
Don't criticise everything out here, please.
- What are you talking about? - You're saying it's crap.
The people here in Jutland didn't make the wine.
- No, but they bought it. - That's because they're ignorant.
Are you okay?
Isn't anyone going to do something? Someone is feeling bad.
Hello?
Are you okay?
Did you choke on something?
- He choked on something. - Shake him.
I think it came up now.
- Are you okay? - It's okay.
It's your fault if he does it again.
What?
You know what? Let's go.
It's Gregersen from the riding school. The riding instructor.
He had to give it up, because rumours had it -
- that he was a pedophile and was groping little girls.
Other people said that he was a flasher...
- Was he convicted? - No. It's just rumours.
- Maybe it's just slander. - Yes, maybe.
Isn't that often the case in small communities in Jutland?
Yes, yes.
That's what I dislike about Jutland. I'm afraid of stepping out of line.
- Then you'll be an outcast. - Are they talking about it now?
Well, I don't think the next few weeks, -
- until things have settled down, will be too easy for me.
It's harsh to let people die just for a rumour.
I hope we'll still have a nice few days.
If it's okay I'd like to do dinner tomorrow.
So that it won't be so...
... so Jutlandic.
It's really nice, Dad.
By bringing you here I'm saying : "He's a good guy."
And by inviting me home my dad says: "My son is a good guy."
Shouting "Crap in a bottle" is going to come back on my dad.
So now the saviour of pedophiles is explaining to me how to...
- He's not a pedophile. - A flasher, then.
No, he wasn't convicted.
Listen, rumours like that appear nonstop.
I feel bad for your dad, but it's worse for you. You're his son.
I'm just some geezer sleeping in the room of the town's proud son.
I'm on the floor, while you're in the king's... You're Jeppe of the Hill.
We just need to behave.
I want to sleep. Thanks for putting me on the floor.
I've got a problem with my neck.
If I'm on the floor it will definitely get worse.
Frank!
Wakey, wakey, Frank.
Get out of bed now.
Frank, you better come out. A couple of gents want to talk to you.
Casper, there are some guys out by the car.
- One of them has got an antenna. - What?
- One of them has got an antenna. - Where?
There's someone out by the car.
- Oh! - Don't go back to bed.
Frank, hurry up. What have you got yourself into?
It's Ejnar in the green shirt.
And Michael in the black one.
They've got a locating device, and they claim -
- that there's a stork in your car. Is that true?
- Look at me. - Yes.
- We found a stork yesterday. - Found a stork?
- Why did you put it in the car? - We were going to hand it in today.
Can we open the boot? According to our equipment -
- there's a stork in the car.
As I was explaining to my dad I was driving on Lyngvejen yesterday.
And we found a dead stork on the road -
- which we picked up and brought with us.
- I was going to report it today. - Why not yesterday?
Things were hectic yesterday. And I didn't know where to go.
- Good morning, Casper. - Good morning, Niels. Morning.
It's not clever, Frank. You report those things straight away.
There was no time to brake.
It went straight out in front of... It was behind a tree.
- What did you say? - We were driving along...
Casper, what are you talking about?
- It's a stork, right? - Yes, well spotted.
- Casper... - What is it?
It jumped down from a tree, and then we crashed into it.
That doesn't fit with your story. You said you found it.
Casper says you hit it.
You must know whether you hit it or found it.
- We hit it with the car. - I'll talk to you later.
Ejnar, I'm sorry to interrupt. Isn't this something to...
- Why are you making faces? - What are you up to?
Nothing. We were driving, and then this frigging stork -
- was strolling along on your shitty little roads.
You can't help driving into the frigging thing, then, can you?
This is not good for me.
You know how small this community is.
Let's get some coffee and see if we can save the rest of the day.
A car.
- Are you okay? - No.
- What is it? - Stop for a moment.
My neck hurts.
Don't you just need some painkillers?
Shall we find a chiropractor or a masseur?
Just go slow, then.
Hey. There's something over there.
Cool. Right there.
- It's the old butcher's. - It's great.
- I want to go as well. - Should we book a time?
- Let's hear if anyone is there. - It's...
- That's not massage. - Yes, it is.
Come here, shy boy. We're going to...
- It's a brothel. - Yes, it is. Okay...
See you in half an hour, Frank.
What the hell?
Frank! The police are here.
The police are here.
It's the police. This is a raid. Stop!
It's the police! Get in the car.
Go!
- Let's go down there. - Go!
Have you seen two naked idiots on a motorbike?
Yes, they went that way into town.
- We're still watching you. - Yes, yes.
You can get out now. They've gone.
- You need to put some clothes on. - Oh yes. Thank you.
God, we escaped the police.
Hi. It fits perfectly, man.
- Thanks, man. - You're welcome. It suits you.
- Sit down and have some coffee. - God, I need it.
What have you been doing?
You don't want to know.
- It's a lovely farm. - Yes, it's wonderful.
- Do you have horses in the... - Yes.
- I guess things are busy. - It's not going so well these days.
Could it be something to do with...
I'll say it straight out. We've heard some ugly stories and rumours.
We're dead shocked -
- that rumours like that can spread like wildfire.
It's just so mean. People should mind their own business.
It's in. If you want to stigmatise someone -
- you label them as pedophiles.
Well, it's true. I can understand why people get upset.
- Yes, with being stigmatised. - No, it's true.
I like children.
- So you're a pedophile? - Yes.
Why would you do something like that?
It's illegal, but I like it, and they like it too.
- Nobody likes it. - Many people think it's wrong...
Let's go, Frank.
I hope you choke on a fucking toffee.
Take care.
- Hi. - What the hell have you been doing?
Mikkel, the village constable, was here.
He said he saw you running from a brothel, butt naked.
I'll go and change.
Frank, it's been a tough few days.
- Oh, there you are. - Hi, Tove.
- Could I borrow some chives? - Yes, of course.
Mine didn't come up this year. What on earth?
Where did you get those clothes?
"Frank Hvam's visit ended in pure scandal."
What is this?
"Drove around naked on a motorbike."
- Did you drive naked on a motorbike? - Is that so bad?