hi my name is Ben and it took me a long
time to be able to say those words I was
born Becca and assigned female at birth
but I knew from a young age I was a boy
I never wanted to wear girlie clothes I
hated dresses I felt weird when teachers
at school would divide the class ended
girls and boys and I would be expected
to join the girls people called me a
tomboy but I knew it was more than that
I was a boy thanks to the internet I
knew what trans meant and I knew that's
what I was but my parents are
conservative more than once
I heard my dad describing trans women
using a horrible language I knew if I
told them they'd be furious things got
worse when I started puberty I hated the
breasts that we're developing the curves
that was getting I dread that I could
begin my transition by taking hormone
treatment at this stage then after a
while I could get gender confirmation
surgery except my parents would never
agree to the hormones I was so depressed
which made me moody which made me fight
with my parents more it was a horrible
cycle and then I met Mel we ran into
each other at a football game and hit it
off right away
Mel looked like a boy but wore feminine
clothes and had long hair she asked me
to use female pronouns for her and call
her Melissa she asked what pronouns I
used with my heart pounding I told her I
used male pronouns she didn't even
flinch just asked me if there was a name
that I preferred to Becca and I said
then so she called me Ben we barely
watched the game that night we were so
busy talking I was so excited to meet
another Tran student plus my
so was really cute but there's no way
she likes me I thought I look like a
girl to her and even if she likes girls
I don't want her to like me as a girl I
want her to like me as a boy but the
next day I got a text from Melissa hi
Ben loved hanging out last night really
want to see you again with a bunch of
hearts
Melissa and I began dating in secret she
seemed like the most confident person
I'd ever met
she didn't care when other people made
fun of her or you slurs well she cared
but she was tough enough to handle it I
was still terrified to ask other people
tease male pronouns and call me Ben you
need to be who you are Melissa told me
or you'll never be happy so I tried at
school I started by telling a few close
friends who were very supportive one
even volunteered to tell other people to
refer to me as Ben slowly
word got around some people were fine
with it
some ignore my request and some were
awful I got bullied a lot more and
people asked humiliating questions about
why I wanted to be a boy one teacher
even told me you're too young to know
what you want that made me so mad
being a boy wasn't something I wanted
it's who I was when were people going to
understand that I asked myself what
Melissa would do but I wasn't Melissa I
was scared
Melissa noticed something was wrong so
she asked me what was happening it
couldn't hold my feelings anymore I had
to tell someone I explained to her that
I'm not sure who I am anymore
but I hate my body my name and I'm not
sure anyone will ever accept me for who
I am you know she said in this state you
can't get hormone treatments as a minor
without parental consent
that was too bad Melissa's parents were
about to let her start and I had to wait
for a couple of months before I was 18
it was fine though
because what I really needed at that
point was not my parents legal approval
but their support unlike mine
her parents were so cool since then I
found myself spending plenty of evenings
at Melissa's house and her parents were
so nice to me
they used male pronouns for me and
called me then like it was no big deal
I'd wished so many times I could trade
lives with Melissa I'd be there for you
even if they didn't support you I would
in that moment
I couldn't imagine loving anyone more
than Melissa her strength and confidence
were the only thing getting me through
life I knew if I had her support I'd
have the courage to start transitioning
so I said yes and on my 18th birthday I
started my hormones with her help
Melissa hooked me up with some resources
for young adults who needed hormone
therapy but didn't have their own health
insurance we went to our first
treatments within a few days of each
other we were so excited to take this
journey together and I knew once and for
all that I loved Melissa with all my
heart I had no plan for how I tell my
parents I just figured I'd wear baggy er
clothes to hide any changes in my body
until they noticed I was too happy to
care melissa was acting weird though she
said her first treatment had made her
feel strange and after the second one
she seemed really down I wondered if it
was just the hormones one day I came
home from school and my mom was holding
a piece of paper it was a bill from the
doctor's office she opened my mail I was
panicked but also angry that wasn't for
you I shouted
my mother demanded to know about the
letter I had no way out
so I told her everything