( pop music playing )
Okay.
Let's do this.
Oh.
We have a winner.
( cell phone ringing )
Monica, it's prom!
How can you still be in bed?
I know, I was up till 2:30 doing my hair poll.
Which style won?
The side-do.
I knew it!
All is right with my universe.
I'm tracking way ahead in the prom queen election.
And everything's set.
Date. Dress. Shoes.
And as of last night, hair.
What? What is it?
How did this happen?
It was fine when I went to bed!
It's like...
all crispy.
Okay. Bacon-crispy? Or dried-leaf-crispy?
I just broke it.
I just broke off a piece of my hair.
So, bacon-crispy.
Hold on.
Do not add heat or curl.
Do not mix with other products.
Do not leave on overnight.
I did all of these things!
Okay. How many products did you use?
The site was getting all this traffic,
so I just kept trying new styles.
My dress, my dress, my dress,
with the one that got the most votes ever last week...
The one that was like, plastic?
It's like melted.
What the...?
Everyone voted for the little ones.
So I put them in these shoe expander things.
Think, Monica, think.
These are just material objects.
They can be repaired.
I just need to do a little bit of research.
Okay.
What? No!
This is impossible.
What? What now?
The prom queen election tracking software I made,
I'm now in a dead heat with Ashley Mendlebach.
SIERRA: If she wins, evil will triumph.
Our school will be plunged into eternal darkness.
This day cannot possibly get worse.
( cell phone ringing )
Stay on the line.
Hello?
Hello. Monica Reeves?
Speaking...?
This is the Department of Motor Vehicles
calling to schedule your driver's test.
Yes! Finally!
Our first available is April 11th...
That was 2 weeks ago.
Of next year.
Next year?
Are you kidding me?
Budget cuts.
Well, but...I'll be in college next year.
I have to get my license this summer!
Don't you have anything sooner?
I have 2 p.m. today.
Can you do 2 p.m. today?
'Cause nobody else can.
Apparently, it's prom or something.
No. Not today.
I can't do today.
Next year it is then.
Fine. I'll take today.
Just show up 10 minutes
before your scheduled appointment.
Bye-bye.
Yeah. Now I have to take my driver's test today too.
I have to figure all this out.
- I'll call you back. - 'K bye.
What do you mean, you can't? You're my boyfriend.
And this constitutes emergency boyfriend duty.
I just need a ride! The salon,
some shops, the DMV...
I'm volunteering at the group home
and the orphans, babe,
they count on me.
So just call a taxi.
But that would cost like $200.
I barely have enough to cover my salon appointment.
You'll figure it out.
You always do.
I'll see you tonight, okay?
I'm super-stoked.
Me too.
Stoked...
super-ly.
Morning, honey.
Look, I'm a tech nerd too.
I finally figured out
that picture posting stuff you do.
I put up a shot of me at the hospital.
You can re-twit it to all your peoples.
Whoa!
New hairstyle.
Love it.
Not intentional, Dad.
My universe has been destroyed.
Everything I've set for prom is ruined.
My hair's crispy.
My dress is melted.
My shoes have exploded...
Don't worry.
We'll work something out.
I'll call in sick.
Wait, aren't you working at the ER today?
Yeah. So...
You can't call in sick.
You're a nurse.
People are counting on you to be,
you know, kept alive.
I'll be okay. You sure?
Yeah! I'm sure.
High five.
I don't want to push you.
But it is the week,
so you have to make a choice.
I get why you're leaning towards State.
I went to State.
It's a fine school.
A fun school.
But you've been given--
A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
I know.
Can we, maybe, talk about this later?
Yeah. If you need anything today just call me up
or, yo, text me up.
Just text. No up.
No up.
Dad, is this a bedpan?
DAD: Pretty dope, huh?
( cell phone ringing )
It's hopeless. I'm stranded here.
Okay. I can try and pick you up on my ten-speed.
Yeah.
That's a terrible idea.
Yeah.
Okay. What is that?
Oh.
This, I found it in a pawn shop actually.
13 bucks.
Pretty awesome, eh?
It's the one part of my outfit that isn't ruined.
Did you ever have people vote on it?
No. I actually just really liked it.
What? Do you not like it?
( doorbell ringing )
Who's that?
I don't know.
I'll call you later.
Okay, bye.
( indistinct mumbling )
Come on.
Good morning.
I'm Officer Liz McRogersburger.
FBI, Special Criminal Investigation Unit.
Dayton County Bureau.
Is this about the Gottlieb twins
blowing up the Abrahamians' lawn gnome?
Because I told Mrs. Abrahamian I did not see anything.
No, no, no, this has nothing to do with Abraham
or his decorative gardenware, ma'am.
I just need to ask you a few questions
and then I'll be out of your...
hair.
Stay here.
Well, I--
You're with the FBI?
That's right.
The American FBI?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is my Russian accent throwing you off?
Yes, yes, it would be the American FBI.
Can I please come in?
Oh, do you have a warrant?
Not technically--
Then no.
Okay, wow.
You're cautious.
I respect that.
Okay, let's get to work.
Tell me what you know about this.
Never seen it before.
I'm gonna need you to think harder.
You see, it's a felony to lie to a federal agent.
Actually, it's not.
It's only a crime to lie under oath in a court of law.
Lying to a federal officer? Just impolite.
Also, you're not a federal officer.
Yes, I am. I'm with the FBI.
Right. What bureau again?
Oh, Dayton County? Dayton County, yes.
Yeah, see, I'm on the FBI website. I see that.
And there is no bureau in Dayton County.
There is, you're just looking in the wrong place.
Let me see your badge again.
Okay.
Okay, I'm not with the FBI.
Cool, cool.
So, would you like to tell me who you really are,
you know, before I call the real authorities?
'Cause, see...
impersonating a federal officer?
That is a felony.
Okay, here's the deal.
I'm a private investigator.
And I'm working for a client
who would like to remain anonymous.
They're looking for this necklace.
And they're willing to pay a considerable reward.
Is that your car?
Yeah.
Pretty sweet, eh?
Sweet. Sure.
Come in.
What, now you are letting me in?
You're like 5'1". What could you possible do?
Hey, I'm five--
Okay, you know what,
let's not squabble over little details, okay?
Little, indeed.
You're one to talk.
That extra inch you've got on me is really intimidating.
No one cuts a hedge like you, Mr. Nedermeyer.
You know, you should upgrade your alarm system.
Yeah, you can neutralize that particular console
with a pipe cleaner and a cell phone.
Let's hope we're not robbed
by any third graders coming from arts and crafts.
Lovely home.
Rugged.
Good use of brown.
My Dad picked it.
You want something to drink?
Yeah, water.
Tap.
No ice.
So...
this necklace it's valuable?
No. No.
It's just costume jewelry.
But it has sentimental value.
Ah, okay. Yeah.
When was the last time you saw it?
What makes you think I've seen it?
I've been at this game a long time.
What game?
The crime game.
So this is about a crime?
I didn't say that.
You implied it.
I don't think I did.
Look, no offense,
but if you really are a private investigator,
you're a pretty terrible one.
How long have I been in your house?
I don't know.
Thirty seconds? Thirty seconds.
Thirty seconds and here's what I've learned about you.
Okay, you're a high school senior.
You're allergic to nickel.
You're young for your class.
You're dating a jock-politician
who's popular but soulless.
You live alone with Dad, no siblings,
because Mom left, when you were very young.
How'd I do?
How did you--?
Your class ring is from this year.
It's pewter, not gold, so, no nickel.
And on the mantel is your middle school diploma
from 3 years ago, so you skipped a year.
And then there on the fridge
is this cute little picture of you and Mr. Wonderful,
eleven cause ribbons.
Enough said.
Now, onto the color brown.
Color clearly chosen by a man
who had absolutely no input from his wife.
And since I can't see a single picture
of a mom anywhere,
I'm guessing she left a long time ago,
and you guys are not happy about it.
The only thing that I can't figure out
is what the heck is going on with your hair.
Well, you're wrong about my boyfriend.
He's not soulless. Oh, he's not.
He helps orphans. He helps orphans.
Oh, my gosh, I didn't know that.
He does.
We can go back and forth like this all day
or you can give me the necklace
and I can arrange for you to get a reward.
Well, I don't have the necklace. Yes, you do.
I know you got it at a pawn shop couple of weeks ago.
How could you possibly know that?
Because the owner showed me the credit card record.
Yeah.
Uh-oh.
He fell for the FBI thing.
All 5'1" of it.
Wait here.
Mm-hmm.
Eleven cause ribbons.
I don't think so.
Mmm.
Dippy eggs.
Oh.
Is everything okay?
No, no. It's good. It's good.
It's just that you know, I really am-- I'm just--
I'm just--
This brown is really, it's really growing on me.
Here's the deal.
I know where your necklace is.
But I don't want a reward, I want a ride.
What? Today's my prom.
I've suffered some logistical setbacks.
I need four things. Hair, dress, shoes,
and I have to take my driver's test today.
Today? Long story.
I'll get you your necklace.
But you need to drive me to these places first.
No, no-- It'll only be a few hours.
And then we both get what we want.
Fine.
You may want to put a hat on that first.
Hello?
Hello!
Forgive the dramatic entrance,
but I'm in a bit of a rush.
I'm looking for a certain necklace.
A ne-- a necklace?
What is all this stuff? Nothing.
It doesn't look like nothing.
It looks like some highly illegal
aftermarket surveillance gear.
That's a high-frequency radar jammer, right?
That's like, police-level.
Though you may want to tune to the KA band
to decrease frequency noise.
You're pretty savvy for someone
who can't use a curling iron.
Is that a gun? No, no.
That is not-- That's not, okay.
That is a non-lethal high voltage
stunning apparatus.
Sweet. No, it's not sweet.
It is very unsweet, okay?
That thing can drop an elephant at 25 feet.
What's with the red button? Don't touch the red button.
But I want to touch the red button.
Haven't you seen movies, okay?
Nothing good ever comes out of it
when someone touches the red button.
So...
did this bucket of bolts
used to be a cab or something?
What? Okay, so.
Brando is a custom super-charged in-line
eight police-caliber powerhouse, okay.
He has bulletproof glass.
That's right. That's right.
Sixteen-channel emergency-band radio
and right there is built in video surveillance panel,
seat warmers.
Ooh.
"Brando?"
Your car has a name.
Yeah. After Marlon Brando.
The most famous actor of our time, Marlon Brando.
Nothing-- See, that is amazing to me.
I don't understand that. I don't.
Why can't I get a signal?
Because Brando, he's got magnetic shielding,
jams infrared.
I can't get a signal in this thing?
No.
But I've been, like, offline for 6 minutes.
Tonight's my prom
and I'm running for prom queen.
Do you know how much I've already missed?
How many posts? Status updates?
Emails? Good.
I don't trust that stuff.
It's bad news, it's a way for people to track you
and know exactly where you are.
But I want people to know where I am.
That's the point.
Yeah, we actually have apps for that.
Pal Spotter.
Yeah.
It lets people know where everyone is,
at every second.
That is terrifying to me, right.
Okay, here's what you need, here's what you need.
You need one of these. Okay.
No one has any idea where I am, all right?
It doesn't even hold contacts,
I don't think.
Built in 2002.
Oh, no. Water Polo Hotties.
Hide. "Water Polo Hotties"?
Is it like a gang?
What is it?
They-- They don't look very dangerous.
They go to my school.
I can't let them see me in this freakmobile.
I'm sorry, freakmobile?
Did you just-- You called Brando a freakmobile.
All right, let's play that game.
Wait, wait. No, please.
( music blaring )
Hey, you with the stupid glasses.
Yeah, you.
Turn your radio down.
It's a nuisance.
Municipal Code 5617-1B.
What's your problem?
Monica?
Is that you?
Hi, Braiden.
Aiden. Jasper.
Toby. Other Aiden.
Congrats on your win last night.
That 3-3 offense is really working for you guys.
Thanks.
See you.
Turn the music down please.
( indistinct )
( siren wailing )
Wait. You're a cop?
Not really.
You can get one of these for $21.99.
Pull over!
Pull your little mop art over!
Take your energy-efficient vehicle and stop it!
There you go.
What are you doing?
Don't get out of the car.
Sunglasses off now!
Guess what?
I have a windshield cam, it caught you littering
on a public road. Yeah.
So see, I'm within my rights to perform a citizen's arrest
and have you turned over to the authorities,
yeah, which is a $500 fine or two nights in jail.
Your choice.
But guess since you're such pretty boys,
you don't want to do that, right?
So, pull back,
pick up your drink
and dispose of it properly.
Okay?
Yes, ma'am.
Ma'am. That's right.
Ma'am.
Get some haircuts.
All of you.
You look ridiculous.
Buckle up, sweetpea.
I can't believe that just happened.
That just happened.
Sorry!
MONICA: Do you have any idea how many votes
that probably cost me?
LIZ: Votes? What, are you running for office?
For prom queen.
I had the election locked up last night.
And now I'm falling behind.
You have real time polling data
for prom queen election?
Yes. That is why you were cozying up
to those water polo delinquents.
They aren't delinquents!
They are really sweet, really hot guys
who happen to be slightly disrespectful
of the city's sanitation rules.
And why do you care about littering laws, anyway?
I thought PI's were supposed to be cool.
Hey, Sarah. I'm sure they are.
Am, I am. Look, why are we here?
I have a hair appointment,
and I need to return my dress.
Girl! That color looks great on you.
I got your vote tonight, right?
Oh, you are really desperate for votes.
Listen, I care about my community.
And I happen to care about what they think of me, okay?
It sounds exhausting. That's why I work alone.
How's that going for you, Miss Cheerful?
Tommy, I saw the pics from the sit-in.
You know, I really hope you guys save those wetlands.
Yeah.
Then you can get back to your drum circle.
Okay.
PS, thanks for the samurai work
you did on our website.
I told you. It's all about search engine optimization.
Rad hat, by the way.
Ski hats, this year's berets. You know what I'm saying? Totally.
So, I've got your vote tonight, right?
Hey, you've got my vote.
So who is this?
Uh...
she is my Aunt Hilda.
She's colorblind.
Oh, no,
I'm really sorry to hear about that.
I mean... Yeah.
It's sad.
I sit at stoplights all day wondering,
"Do I stay?
Do I go?"
Okay. Bye.
I'll see you tonight.
Bye.
Really?
"Colorblind Aunt Hilda"?
Would you prefer "creepy private eye
strangely obsessed with a piece of costume jewelry"?
Why colorblind? And why Hilda? I don't know.
I don't even know your real name.
I somehow doubt it's Liz McRogersberger.
It is Liz, all right?
Liz Morgan.
Oh, hey, Sierra's here.
Who? Where?
Right there... there.
Oh, great. There's another one of you.
Hey!
You're here!
I thought you were stuck at home.
Well, I got a ride.
Oh. Hi.
I'm Sierra.
Who are you? Who is she?
I'm Hilda. She's Liz.
Long story. What's up?
Okay. I am totally freaking out.
I'm second guessing my colors for tonight.
Oh, I wish I could help you.
But I'm colorblind so it ain't gonna happen.
Stop it. You started it.
Okay, okay, okay.
So did you hear Steph and Zoey
both got in off the waitlist.
We're all going to State. Monica, you have to go.
It's going to be such a blast.
I know, I know, it's-- Oh, no.
I'm gonna be late.
Okay! Okay!
Whoo! What's all this about State?
Ooh, I want to go to State.
State sounds great.
I'm trying to decide which college to go to.
And, you know, all my friends
are going to go to State next year.
But I got into one other place. What's that?
The University of I Can't Do Hair?
MIT.
What?
Youand you're debating thattts Instituor State?hnology,
How is that even a choice in your head?
Because everybody I know is going to State, okay.
At MIT, I would...
I'd be a nobody.
And that's a bad thing?
Hi. Uh, Monica Reeves.
I have an 11:30.
It's 11:33.
Yeah, I'm a smidge late.
We gave your spot away. What?
Well, it's prom day. There's no room for error.
"There's no room for error."
Okay. Please.
I mean, I... Look at this.
You're speechless now, aren't you?
Be quiet.
If something opens up, I'll buzz you.
Okay, that is ridiculous, okay?
It's hair, not all-you-can-eat appetizers
and cheesecake.
Is this your mother?
Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
She's my Aunt Hilda. She's colorblind.
Well, tell her to stop talking
or we won't take you at all.
Hey, you know what?
I'm colorblind, not deaf, right? I can hear you.
I just can't tell if that color looks good on you.
Bye-bye now.
What is wrong with you? What? She started it.
Have you never been inside a salon before?
You've never been inside a salon before.
Okay.
Who cuts your hair? I do.
Figures.
Oh, yeah. You're one to judge.
( beeping )
Hello?
Anyone here?
( beeping rapidly )
Which one's better?
I don't know.
They both block the sun, right?
Why did you just take a picture of yourself?
I'm polling my peeps.
You're what-ing your what?
I, um-- I build these websites.
Little online surveys,
let people weigh in on my decisions.
Oh, 'cause heaven forbid, you get the wrong sunglasses?
Hey. It's Marketing 101.
I mean, these little choices are important.
People are either going to accept you or reject you
based on their first impression.
Or you could just be yourself
and not really care what other people think?
$540!
$540.
That's $540.
Yeah. So?
What? There's been a mistake. There's been a mistake.
I-I-It's two pieces of plastic and a label.
Here, try them on. No, no, no.
If I drop them, I'd have to mortgage my house.
Hey!
Kinda hot.
Oh... Wow!
That's what you're paying for.
I can almost see in color again.
Hey. Can I help you two?
Yes. Yes. Yes.
I'm actually here to return this
little dress.
Whoa!
Monica, what did you do to your dress?
I'm guessing the same thing you did to your hair.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
I-- I didn't-- I didn't do anything.
It just...
you know, it spontaneously melted.
It spontaneously melted?
That's not even possible. That can't happen.
It doesn't matter.
You have a no-questions return policy, right?
Did you put it in a microwave?
Did you put it in the microwave?
Because I don't think we can take it back
if you put it in the microwave.
I did not put it in the microwave.
Then what did you do to it? What is this? A police interrogation?
I steamed it.
With what? A blowtorch?
No. With water...
turned into steam...
by a humidifier.
You know with some of that little eucalyptus vapor stuff.
It was very stiff.
Well, were you trying to soften it or open its lungs?
I'm sorry, but we can't accept returns with
customer damage.
But I-I-I didn't damage it.
I steamed it.
No. You vaporized it.
Monica, come on.
You vaporized your prom dress.
Hey! Whose side are you on?
It's not about being on your side.
( overlapping chatter )
I'm sorry. I just got to say.
Well, it's really nice to see mothers and daughters
out shopping together.
Oh, she's not my mother. We're not related at all.
Zero chance.
( phone beeping )
My hair appointment. Okay.
This, this is not over yet. I'm coming back.
And this lady? She's crazy.
I do not know her.
I'm not really crazy.
Hey, hey, hey, why are you upset?
You completely just cost me my dress.
Oh, I did that to your dress?
Yes! Oh, did I also do that to your hair?
You know, how about taking some personal responsibility?
You want a new dress.
You want something new, you buy it.
Oh.
( security alarm blaring )
Okay, did you hear that?
You hear that, someone is being busted
for shoplifting, okay.
Someone wanted something, and they didn't pay for it.
What?
Hello.
Ma'am, please follow me.
How's your personal responsibility
treating you now?
Really? Ma'am, please.
Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Seriously.
Would a woman who dresses like this,
steal sunglasses that look like that?
Look, here's my Police Retirement Association
pension card, okay. I'm a cop.
At the moment kind of-- kind of a cop.
You don't need to know about that.
All right, ma'am. I'm gonna let you off with a warning.
But you need to be more careful.
Think hard about the kind of example
you're setting for your daughter here.
My daughter-- I'm not her daughter!
We don't even look alike. We don't even look like each other.
She has blue eyes, I have brown eyes.
It's just silly to me. Can we just go now?
Just go. Yes. Thank you.
Can you take those back for me? Thanks, you're the best.
You're great at your job.
Is that true, you're a cop?
Yeah.
I mean, no. I'm on temporary sabbatical.
Indefinitely.
What happened?
Let's just stick to the mission, okay?
What is an ex-cop doing
looking for a piece of costume jewelry?
This is all getting really weird.
Then just give me the diamond.
The diamond?
You mean the fake diamond?
Yeah. Exactly, the fake.
Yes.
Hello, friend.
This is buzzing.
No. It was buzzing. But now it's stopped.
We gave up your spot.
What? No!
I literally came as fast as I could.
But now you have to wait until this one buzzes.
I need a corn dog.
See what you did? See there?
I don't like that color either.
Just be quiet.
Listen.
No. No talking.
I'm going to sit there and eat these corn dogs
and wait for that buzzer to buzz.
But if you would just--
And you are not going to speak or distract me
in any way or complicate the situation, understood?
Understood?
Got it.
You need a moment...
and a corn dog.
Uh-uh.
No, no, no.
Uh-uh.
Oh, she doesn't like mustard.
Note to self.
( ringing )
Oh, come on.
Oh, snap.
( cell phone ringing )
Oh, that's disgusting.
Hey, Dad. Hey, kiddo.
I just wanted to check in on you.
You're doing okay? Oh. I'm-I'm doing great.
Just great.
I talked to Faraja in radiology.
Now they don't have prom in her country,
but she said she had a couple of dresses
she thought might work.
And there's a big sale today at Discount Warehouse of Shoes.
Thanks, Dad.
Those are...
good options.
Great. I'll be home by 6:00.
Okay, Dad. I love you.
Love you too. Tons, yo.
Yeah, no yo.
Yeah, just bye.
Discount Warehouse of Shoes?
Oh, I love that place.
No talking.
I have a question.
Oh, my goodness.
One question. It's one, little.
Go ahead.
You know your boyfriend, the soulless jerk
with the bedazzled letterman's jacket?
He's not soulless.
Right. He's full of soul. I forgot.
Okay, so let's say hypothetically,
um, I saw him
flirting with another girl, at say, I don't know,
a mall food court,
would you want me to tell you?
What?
He's supposed to be helping orphans.
Does that girl have parents?
Yes!
Then he's not doing that.
Kyle?
Oh. Monica.
Hey.
What are you doing here?
Uh.
The orphans canceled.
Really?
The orphans canceled.
Yeah. They were just...
They were...
They were totally booked up today...
very busy doing orphan stuff.
Hi, Monica.
Nice hat.
Are you competing in a slalom later?
Or maybe going for a luge?
Kyle, how could you with her?
No, this-- this isn't what it looks like.
Okay, 'cause it looks like my supposed boyfriend
is having a date with my arch rival.
Okay. That might technically be somewhat accurate.
I am so sorry, Monica.
I know this must be really hard.
I mean, first I steal your man.
And then, tonight,
I rob you of the prom crown.
ALL: Ooh.
I...
I think I'm going to be sick.
That guy is a classic vanity case.
I told you.
You know, he's probably got an emotionally
distant lawyer for a dad, mom's, like an over-doter.
He just goes from girl to girl to girl.
( Monica sobbing )
Oh, wow.
This has affected you.
Okay.
Oh, she's crying.
( clears throat )
Monica?
What?
Do you...
need a corn dog?
This is what happens when you're not perfect.
What?
Is she here?
I'm so glad you're here.
It's going to be okay.
Don't worry. No, it's okay.
Should I-- Should I hug you?
This is--
Don't worry, we're gonna fix this.
It's just weird, okay.
You know what, I'm just gonna hug from afar.
Okay, we're gonna put you back together.
Okay? Okay.
Okay, come.
You know, you are a strong, independent woman
and he is a shallow dirt bag.
Yeah, he's a dirt bag!
It was humiliating.
Everybody was watching.
Yeah, well, they just saw Ashley for the desperate
back-stabber she is.
He made a fool out of me in front of all those people.
Don't worry, we're gonna fix this.
Wait. What is she doing now?
Kyle Timmins, on your feet.
What? Me? Undercover mall security. Stand up.
All right, hold on a second.
Oh, you don't follow directions very well, do you?
Hey, Kyle, meet table.
Table, this is Kyle. Oh, no.
What did I do?
Inappropriate use of hair products,
wearing jeans that make you look silly,
and we have an insider tip
that you may have shoplifted
hair loss products and a man girdle.
What? That's crazy!
I-I-I didn't shoplift anything!
Especially not a man girdle!
I have a body mass index of like 4%.
Oh, and you're so humble too.
Put your hands behind your head.
Is this a joke?
My dad's a lawyer. I'll sue!
Oh, fancy pants words. You know what?
We have rules in this here mall.
Yeah, we do.
No disorderly or lewd behavior.
I saw what you and Miss Thing were doing
with those chili fries over there.
Disgusting. What? It's illegal to eat chili fries?
Hey. I'm the one asking the questions around here.
Now touch your nose.
What? Do it!
Touch your toes.
Stand up.
Walk in a straight line.
Stop, turn around.
Walk in a crooked line.
Stop, turn around.
Waddle like a duck.
Whoa! Sing "Rocky Top."
What? Do the Macarena.
I don't even know what that is!
Stop. Quiet.
Let's see what kind of incriminating items
are on your person.
That's right.
Looking in your bag.
Looking in your blue bag.
Looking in your blue bag--
Oh, zit cream.
Hmm, back hair remover.
That's for my sister!
Yeah, I've heard that one before.
That's a lame excuse, buddy.
Oh, self tanner.
Monica.
I ask you what self-respecting male
uses self-tanner?
It's been very cloudy!
Okay? I need to keep a base.
Okay. That does it, Kyle?
I'm gonna have to take you downtown.
To the Department of Imposters,
of fakes, of frauds, of wannabes--
I don't even think you're really mall security.
Oh, I assure you I am.
No.
Actually, you're not.
So my priceless little diamond.
Where the devil are you hiding?
( tablet dings )
Any news on the Williamson case?
Hey, you, so here's the thing.
I'm wondering why you had to, like,
arrest me when I'm just like hanging out
in the food court at the mall.
It's because your security can't, like,
catch real criminals, right?
You are just too scared of them, so you're like,
"Oh, hang out at the mall and see if I can arrest Liz today."
Is that what happened? Sorry, Liz.
We'll try to expedite your case.
Yeah, expedite.
That's such a funny word, see.
I used to work here, people!
I know what "expedite" means!
We're gonna be here for hours.
Okay.
Hey, um...
sorry about your boyfriend.
It's fine.
I'm not really sure I liked him
that much anyway.
So how does a smart girl like you
end up with a jerk like him?
I, uh...
I set up an online poll.
Right, of course you did.
That-That sounds, that sounds right.
You know, when I heard the call on the radio,
I thought the suspect's description
was eerily similar to a certain partner I once had.
How are you, Liz?
I'm so good, Adam. So glad you asked.
I've just been having a leisurely time off,
you know, going to the spa and such.
Can you please take these handcuffs off of me?
What part of "under arrest" do you not understand?
Come on, Ed.
Wait here.
I'll see what I can do about getting the charges dropped.
Yeah, you're always seeing what you can do.
How about you actually do something for a change?
Man, have I missed you.
I didn't miss you at all.
( chuckles )
Hey, is the chief around?
Nope. Meeting with the mayor.
Lucky.
I can see why you like him.
He's hot.
What? Ed? Hot?
No, no, that's-- No, that's ridiculous.
You are crushing him.
It's obvious.
"I haven't missed you at all."
You were doing the whole thing with him.
No, no, no, no, there's no thing.
We don't have a thing.
No, we-- we were partners, police partners.
Mm-hmm.
That's it.
Don't you have some kind of online
poll blogging stuff that you do
with your little phone when you touch it
like every 10 seconds?
Nope.
No, you don't have that to do right now.
Of all times, you don't do that right now, okay.
How do you even know I'm single?
You're obviously single.
FYI, Ed has a crush on you too.
I-I-I don't think he feels that particular way.
Well, there's only one way to find out.
Yeah? What's that? Flirt.
Flirt? Yeah. You know, it's this thing humans do
when they're trying to demonstrate attraction--
Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. I know what flirting is.
I'm just-- I'm just--
I'm not very well-versed at it.
You know, it's remarkably easy
once you put your mind to it.
Instead of insulting people,
compliment them.
What do you even know?
You're like 12.
Okay, try it on him.
I will do nothing of the sort.
Yeah, you know,
I didn't think you had it in you.
( sighs )
Really? Even with the sigh...
With your brown eyes.
"I didn't think you had it in you,
"you think that's gonna get me to like turn around
and be like, Dennis, Dennis.
You think, I'm just gonna be like, yeah, Dennis.
Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, Dennis. I'm just--
What do you want, Liz?
Dennis, has anyone ever told you
that you have really nice...
large nostrils?
Whatever, Liz.
Yeah. Yeah, whatever.
"Large nostrils"? That's what you got?
He has really large nostrils.
You don't necessarily have to point that out.
What am I supposed to do, lie? Say he has small nostrils?
Oh, my goodness. Sorry.
I got some good news and bad news.
Yeah.
The good news is...
they got the charges 86.
Great.
The bad news is--
Where is she?
You? In my office, now!
Shut the door!
Shoplifting sunglasses?
Impersonating mall security? What were you thinking?
I was thinking that it was very bright out,
and that I, you know, needed to protect my eyes.
You're a complete disgrace to this badge!
Thanks to you, I'm actually not wearing a badge, so--
Well, they seem friendly.
Liz and the chief have a special relationship.
Yeah, clearly one that involves a lot of yelling.
Well, the chief always expected a lot from Liz.
She's one of this department's rising stars.
Really? Liz?
Well, she's a little rough around the edges
but she's the best partner I ever had.
The diamond is gone.
Get that through your thick skull!
Why did she quit?
She didn't quit.
What?
She didn't tell you what happened?
No.
Well, that's her business.
I get it. I get it. Okay.
Let's go!
How about you stay out of trouble for a change?
How about you keep your nose on your face
and not in everybody's business?
It's good seeing you, Liz. Yeah.
If you need anything, I'm around, okay?
Okay, thanks.
And hey. I'm a cop.
Having my nose in everyone's business
is my business.
Whatever.
So let's get back to the shopping and the grooming
and whatever other nonsense it is
that we have to do here.
What's really going on?
Nothing.
Why were you thrown off the force?
And why do you really care about a piece of costume jewelry?
Tell me or you can forget about the deal.
It's not costume jewelry.
The center stone in the necklace is a 21 carat
pink diamond worth roughly $7 million.
Wait, what?
Yeah.
It was stolen 2 months ago.
It was my fault.
There was a traveling exhibit of jewelry
on display at the Civic Museum.
And the necklace, your necklace,
was the star attraction.
I knew there was something special about it.
I was in charge of security.
It was a real, real high-profile assignment.
Ed offered to help me,
but, I knew I had this on my own.
There was one thing I didn't count on.
Pierce Peters, one of the world's foremost jewel thieves.
( alarm ringing )
You know, being one of the only women on the force
and with the chief constantly breathing
down my neck, it doesn't always feel like
an option for me to ask for help.
So...
I didn't call for backup.
I thought I had him.
And that's when everything just starting to go downhill.
Losing that diamond was a black mark on my record
and erasing that mark was all I could think about.
And work starting slipping and nobody understood.
I needed to make this right.
See, but...
eventually the chief had enough and...
Turning by badge in was one of the worst moments
of my life.
Wow. That's...
That's pretty awful. I'm sorry.
Yeah.
But...
how did I end up with the diamond?
Well...
Pierce found a buyer for the diamond
and he arranged an exchange.
But unfortunately for him
and the rest of society actually,
the safari look was in this season.
And he gave the diamond to the wrong man.
So the necklace went on a bit of an adventure.
No one else was aware of the diamond's real value.
MONICA: How did you find all this out?
LIZ: A lot of good old fashioned shoe leather.
I combed through taxi GPS data,
watched thousands of hours of surveillance footage.
Interviewed the mime which was interesting,
because he is a mime.
And did you know that...
is "no" in mime.
Hmm.
LIZ: Anyway I tracked a food truck for days
and that necklace
got it traded for hotdog.
Lost to a biker in a card game.
Sold to a pawn shop...
where it was discovered by a local high school girl
looking for something to wear to prom.
And that pretty much brings us up to date.
Why didn't you just tell me the truth?
Well, because, how could I be sure that
once you knew the value of the diamond
that you wouldn't disappear and try to sell it yourself?
Yeah, but you could've just sent the cops.
No. No. No.
You don't get it. You don't get it.
See, I want to be the one to march the diamond in there.
I want to take that necklace into that station,
look the chief square in the eye
and say, "Lieutenant Elizabeth Morgan
reporting recovery of stolen goods."
I need to be the one to make this right, Monica.
That's kind of your thing, huh?
Making things right on your own.
Lone Ranger-style.
Lone Ranger style.
I like it.
You know, that necklace was the one part of my outfit
that I didn't put up for a vote.
I just...
I just really liked it.
Wow!
As it turns out, you have exorbitantly expensive taste.
Can I ask you something?
Why is it so hard for you to make a choice on your own?
I don't know.
I guess... I just...
I don't want to make the wrong choice.
Yeah, but that's how you learn, by making mistakes.
Everyone says that.
But there are real consequences.
There's real conseq-- Okay.
You're like 16 years old.
What's the worst that can happen?
You wear blue eyeshadow instead of green?
I mean, not that I care. I'm colorblind.
I could be a disappointment.
People might not want to be around me.
Is this still about Kyle?
Kyle. Sure.
Or...
my mom.
You got to be pretty disappointing
to leave a 3 year old.
That...
That was not your fault.
That's why I want to be prom queen.
You know people like you.
I mean you got... You got the title,
you got the crown, a page in the yearbook.
It's official.
It's real.
Oh, no! What time is it?
That's about 2 o'clock.
My driver's test!
Oh, gosh, here we go again.
Here we go.
Hi! Hi! Hi!
I'm here for my driver's test.
Please tell me I made it.
I can't handle missing any more appointments today.
You made it.
Barely. Thank you.
Is this the car she'll be using for your exam?
I'm sorry the what you'll be using for what?
You understand, it is a driving test.
You'll need something to drive.
Hi! No. No.
Yes. No. This was not part of the deal, okay.
This was not part of the deal.
No one drives Brando but me.
Okay. So you got to be gentle with Brando, okay.
He's quick off the line.
Sorry. Sorry.
And the steering's loose until it gets about 40.
And the brakes are new so go easy...
Sorry. On him.
LIZ: And be careful parking.
Ma'am? This is your daughter's test.
Not yours.
She's not my daughter. Forget it.
Just...
pull Brando out of the traffic.
Watch the traffic.
Stop!
Sorry.
Straight.
Okay.
( beeping )
What the...?
Oh, ignore it. That's just my radar.
It means there's a highway patrol in the area.
That's actually not legal.
Oh!
Garbage Truck!
( indistinct chattering )
( indistinct )
Garbage cans!
Stop now immediately.
At least I signaled that time.
Pull over!
Get out! You're not driving another inch.
Wait. Please. Give me one more chance.
Floor it! What?
LIZ: It's Pierce!
Go now!
So, I have to keep driving for a few more minutes.
Maybe you can reset the test, give me one more chance.
Go faster! I cannot go faster.
There's a speed limit.
Okay. I'm still being graded.
Yellow light!
Run it!
That was still yellow. That was still yellow.
You can't dock me for that one.
You got to go, okay.
We do not want this guy to catch us.
Stop! Can somebody tell me what the devil's happening?
Get me out of this car.
Oh, gosh. Would you stop your crying?
Okay. Just hold on you big baby.
I'm calling the police! That's not really going to work in here.
No signal?
Yeah. I told you.
( screaming )
Oh! Oh!
Okay.
There, there. Take the freeway.
I've never been on the freeway.
Don't get on the freeway. Yes! No! Don't get on the freeway!
Wow!
Close one. That was terrifying.
Everything about this ride has been terrifying!
Well, it's about to get a whole lot more terrifying.
He's gaining on us.
Nitro boost. What?
Keep your eye on the road. I'm gonna hit the red button.
The red button? You said not to push the red button.
I'm going to push the red button.
Why are you pushing the red button?
Never push the red button. Don't you watch movies?
It's time, folks.
Okay, tighten your seatbelts, we're about to go a lot faster.
No. Please don't make us go faster.
One, two, three!
( indistinct )
Help me please!
( tires screeching )
I'm driving here!
Out of the way!
Oh, yeah?
You've got to be kidding me.
So...
did I pass?
"Here's one without the bedpan.
Northwest Hospital." Found you.
Northwest.
You have to give me another chance.
You cannot fail me. Oh. No.
I most certainly can. And I have.
You are totally, completely, failed.
Okay. Well, well, wait...
That other driver,
I got away from him without breaking the speed limit.
I mean, that kind of defensive driving
has to count for something, right?
Miss, you are quite literally the most dangerous driver
I've ever tested.
You're lucky I don't permanently ban you
from driving forever.
I don't legally think that you can do that. Yeah.
You can take your test again in 9 months. Nine months?
And you should consider yourself lucky,
I haven't thrown you in jail.
What? Hey! Hey! Hey!
We're not gonna be talking about jail here.
You can't legally do that either.
( indistinct )
What are you doing?
DMV: I'm having Brando impounded.
Apparently, I can do that.
It's a death trap.
No way all that gear can be legal.
It most certainly is!
Brando!
Brando, Brando, Brando...
(sighs)
(shouts, grunts)
Get out your phone!
Get your device!
Do your things with the apps and the, and the...
Ober and the uCab and whatever!
I can't believe that just happened.
Monica, I mean, you're a pretty terrible driver.
It's all ruined! Everything!
My outfit, my relationship, the prom, my future ability to transport myself.
It's all because of... you and that stupid necklace!
And this has literally been the worst day of my life!
Hey, look, there's no need to get pouty, okay? I am not getting pouty!
You're getting pouty! Look! Pierce is still out there, okay?
You are still in danger. (laughing) What? You're gonna protect me?
The washed up cop that drove everyone so crazy she got herself fired?
That's not what happened. Oh, really? 'Cause I can see what happened.
You're so obsessive and narrow minded, you have no idea what's actually going on around you.
Whoa, right, I'm the obsessive one. Yeah.
Okay, yeah, Miss, (robot voice) "I build websites
"so people will love me, though yes." (click)
Are you kidding me?! At least I have enough sense of self
that I'm not constantly seeking approval! Because nobody approves of you!
You know what? You need to give me the diamond, and we need to get you back to the station.
'Kay, look, okay, you want the diamond? You can have the diamond.
Really? Yeah, just take it, I'm done with it. I'm done with you.
The diamond is actually on you?
It's in my purse.
Where is your purse?
In the car.
Oh, God, in the... Well, come on, we have to go get it!
You have to go get it! I am going back home, and...
trying to put my life back together again, and...
Forget I ever met you! No, Monica, we have to go and get...
the...necklace, it's...
(shouts)
(scoffs) You know what? You know what?
I have one of these too!
Operator, I need the number for a cab.
(clears throat) Yes, I'm aware that no one calls information any more.
Hi, um...
No! No, no. I'm very okay.
Hello, Monica.
We've so much to catch up on, so...
be a dear, and come to the warehouse at the end of, uh...
North Shore and Sunset.
Oh, and don't forget to bring my little jewel,
or things might get a little...
unpleasant.
MONICA: Taxi! Taxi.
LIZ: No, I just need a regular cab to come pick me up.
Surely they still have those, right?
They're usually yellow, and some say "Taxi" on top,
and sometimes they have little numbers on the side that you...
Liz! Liz! Liz! Monica? I'll call you back!
What? Pierce has my dad!
And don't forget to bring my little jewel...
...or things might get a little...
...unpleasant.
What do we do?
We do what he says.
But we don't even have the diamond.
That's our first stop.
You're gonna have to use your phone to summon us a cab.
I need a new phone. Yeah, you do. Come on.
Hi, hi. Arnie, Arnie, hi.
Wait, I need to get my car back. Yeah.
Fill out all seven release forms and have a seat.
Listen, we're really in a rush. So are all of them.
Okay, you know what? I didn't want to do this, but here you go.
Yeah, I'm FBI. I mean, come on.
I don't care if it was J. Edgar Hoover himself.
You sit down and you wait, just like everybody else.
Well, can you at least tell me if my car is in this lot or not?
Sure! After you fill out the forms, have a seat, and wait just like everybody else!
You are a very angry person! Okay, stop, stop. Just come here.
MONICA: What do we do now?
We don't have time to wait here forever. Monica, honestly, I don't know!
Not a word.
(sighs) Come on.
Excuse me.
You know, I probably could take a look at the IT system.
Really? Yeah, it's...
just your standard SQL database, probably.
You know, I could get in, find your car, get it cleared.
I do it with the library system when I take too long to read the books.
But it's hopeless without a password.
"Poopy." What?!
That's the password. "Poopy."
How do you know?
%83 of people use their pet's name as their password,
and I'm guessing that number is closer to %100 when you and your dog have matching t-shirts.
I need to get back there. Okay, I'll distract him.
How? (sighs) I don't know, compliment him, right?
(inhales deeply) Just...follow my lead.
(exhales, whispers) Come on.
Um...
Arnie...
Hey, I think we got off on the wrong foot.
Ma'am, I just need the forms.
Um, has anyone ever told you that...
you have great...a great...
forehead?
Huh?
Yeah, it's--it's round, and your--your hair is like way back here,
and then it goes, "Whoop, whoop!"
Ma'am, could you just please have a seat, and-- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Look,I have a forehead thing. It's weird, I know, okay?
What I'm trying to say is that...
You have a tough job.
Yes, you do, but you have a certain intellect, I see...
The smarts and the thinking and the brain stuff,
and--and you're good at your job. And I respect that.
Thanks, that's...
actually nice to hear. You know, well, um...
nobody ever seems to appreciate what I do around here.
I...I do.
I-- I-- f...
find it very attractive...
when a man is good at his job.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. You know, you, you, you
sit in that chair, all day, and you are the guardian of cars.
And you deal with people, and that takes a strong constitution.
You know, your constitution is so strong.
You know, I really don't feel like I'm appreciated in this job.
I can see that. And this job, I mean it's hard for people to see the real you.
That's exactly right, I mean, like,
I'm stuck in this office all day.
It's tough for a man.
I mean, it can't help that you're so...
Uh, handsome!
Did I just say that out loud? Whoa, I said it, yep.
(inhales) It must make people feel really insecure.
Handsome?
Me?
You know, this may be against protocol, but...
for you, maybe I can bend the rules just a little bit and check on your car.
Okay.
What is the plate number?
It is, uh, four? "L"... Four.
"M"...
"K"...
Sorry, say that again?
Four... Yeah.
"L"... "L."
"Four." "Four, 'L,' Four..."
"'M', one, 'K'"
"4L4M1K"
Uh...well!
Looks here like I'm the one that needs to be apologizing to you!
It says here your car was, "Towed in error," and it's ready for immediate release.
Wow, that's great news. That's great news.
Here, um, just take this...
and give it to the guard on level three. Actually...
That's my phone number.
Maybe we could, uh, have dinner some time?
I'll bring my forehead.
(snaps fingers) Yeah, you will!
What are you doin' back there?! Um, uh, you know, I was, I was
looking for the bathroom.
Second door on the right!
I can hold it. (laughs)
She'll hold it. She's good like that.
You know...
You and your daughter look like you could be sisters.
Well, thanks. Thank you. Yeah, okay.
Go, go, go!
MONICA: Nice work! I gotta say, I didn't think you had it in you.
I didn't either. But you, you with the computer, you were amazing!
You're like Bill Gates but...smarter and with no glasses.
I can see why MIT wants you.
We make a pretty great team.
Yeah.
Um...
The diamond isn't here.
What? Well, I don't know!
I put it in my makeup and now it's gone.
Wha-- Wait, this is "Desert Flame."
This is not my color, I'm a "Mountain Sunset." (stammering) What happened?
I have no idea, I would never wear "Desert Flame."
I'm a winter. It completely washes me out.
I know, I know. Okay, just think, think, think. (sighs)
SIERRA: You are a strong, independent woman, and he is a shallow dirtbag.
Sierra! Sierra!
MONICA: She's at the park!
LIZ: Why is she at the park?
Prom pictures, it's the prettiest spot in town.
(scoffs) Please call me the second you get this!
This is a crazy, serious, monster emergency!
The park is huge, she could be anywhere!
How are we supposed to get to her?
We need bikes, quick.
Ah, we only have one left. We'll take it.
LIZ: Take it easy,
it's a little bumpy in here!
I'm trying here, okay?
Clear the road, people.
Stay clear of the vehicle's path. I repeat.
I told you you should have let me be in the mommy seat. Just be quiet, okay?
Whoa!
My goodness, look out, look out! MAN: Whoa, easy!
LIZ: Look out, comin' through! (static)
Sorry!
Whoa! The pond, to the right, to the right, to the right!
Right, right, right, right, right!
LIZ: (groans)
MONICA: (groaning) LIZ: Monica...
It's stuck! Okay, well, push harder.
LIZ: Pushing! Just push it harder!
LIZ: I am!
Kyle?
Listen, I am really glad you're here, I've been meaning to talk to you.
Now's not a good time, Kyle. No, look...
I might have made a mistake with Ashley, you know? She's...
She's a little difficult, but...
You know, I just, I was hoping you'd still be my date tonight. Wow.
Kyle...I--I don't know what to say.
I do. KYLE: (scoffs) Dude!
KYLE: Look, I don't want any trouble, okay? Lady, no "man-girdle."
Kyle! Hello?
Look, we're losing our lighting, we need to take pictures now!
Monica?
What are you doing here?
Nice to see you too, Ashley.
So what do you say, babe? Be my date again? Huh?
What? But you're my date! And she's...
Riding a bicycle. With the old lady from the mall.
(scoffs) Oh, did I hear that correctly, Monica? Mm-hmm.
Did she just call me old? You know what? I believe she did.
(growls) That's not good.
No, it wasn't me, it was her! No, I think she meant, "seasoned."
(gasps) 'Cause you're not that old.
Don't make me do "The Macarena" again. Yeah.
ASHLEY: What are you doing?
Oh! ASHLEY: No! (squeals)
BOTH: (screams)
Wait, Sierra! There! (gasps) Go!
(siren wailing)
(gasps)
LIZ: (grunts)
MONICA: I just need your makeup. But you're a winter!
My makeup just washes you out! We know, earlier we--
Never mind, I just need your clutch.
(sighing) Oh, oh, okay.
Okay, how did that get in there?
Long story. How much time do we have? Just enough.
Okay. Let's go.
LIZ: And remember, this guy's not mess
Just follow my lead. MONICA: I'll be okay.
LIZ: We'll get your dad.
LIZ: Look! Look, there's a door.
LIZ: Bingo. ( clanging )
MONICA: You know, we could still take the diamond to the cops. Let them help?
LIZ: No. No way, okay? I know this guy Pierce. All right? He's not messing around.
LIZ: This is the best way to protect your dad.
MONICA: Um, you got a little... LIZ: Yeah, okay.
MONICA: Yeah, but then you'd get to march in the station with the diamond.
LIZ: Well, yeah. MONICA: You know, like you've always wanted?
LIZ: Yeah. Be pretty great to see the look on the chief's face, wouldn't it? But no.
If you hate the chief so much then why don't you just transfer to a different department?
'Cause I can't escape her.
She's like a giant tarantula on my back, sucking out my soul.
She's my mom. Whoa, really?
Yeah.
Wow, that, um...
That must be tough
Yeah, you have no idea.
I am fifth generation cop.
My grad-dad always pushed my mom to be the best, and she was.
But now she's on my back every day, pushing me to be the best.
Pointing out every mistake.
That...actually sounds kind of refreshing.
Uh, "refreshing" isn't the word I would use.
It's like, I--I love my dad, but...
I'm only just "perfect" in his eyes, you know?
I don't know, let me try that on for size.
"Hey, Liz! You're perfect!" "Oh, wow, thank you"
I think that feels pretty great, Monica. I don't know what you're talkin' about.
Yeah, but, if someone's only telling you how great you are, then...
How do you know when...
you're not great?
I mean, sometimes...
you need a mom...
telling you the truth.
That's...probably why I'm always asking everyone's opinion on things.
So you can be "perfect" after all.
So people won't leave you.
Yeah. Yeah.
Something like that.
Well, if I was your mom...
If I was your mom, I would tell you...
that who you are today...
is way more interesting than "perfect" will ever be.
Monica, you're such a great kid. (stammers)
You're such a great kid.
And...
the people who are worth keeping?
Right? They're always gonna be around.
'Kay, look at me. They've always been there for me.
As difficult as I may be. I mean, that's questionable. (laughs)
You know, like, my mom, Ed, they've always been there.
They've always been there. Wow, they've always been there.
Let's go rescue your dad. Yeah.
LIZ: Okay. Now remember, the most important thing--
Hello?!
...is the element of surprise.
Sorry.
Uh, I c-- I'm sorry.
PIERCE: Hello, ladies!
Care to join me?!
LIZ: Get your walkin' shoes on.
PIERCE: These gizmos...
never cease to amaze, do they?
You can watch British Premier League football, live, right in your lap!
It's just...amazing.
Good evening, Lieutenant.
Or should I say disgraced, former Lieutenant?
Ha ha ha, see? That just cracks me up, y'know,
because that, coming from a guy who gave a $7 million diamond
to a complete and utter stranger.
Where's my diamond?
I think we can both agree that I have
the more valuable collateral here, so please, after you.
( whispering ) Give him the diamond. It's okay.
Now give me my dad.
Oh, Monica.
Monica, Monica, Monica.
You didn't just expect me to hand him over, did you?
What sort of incompetent criminal do you think I am?
Make no mistake, you will get your dad back. Absolutely.
I'll send you a text message
with his precise location, soon,
from some safe, unnamed place, with warm weather.
Until then? Au revoir.
Y'know something, Liz?
What's that, Monica?
For the world's best diamond thief,
guy's kind of an idiot.
I--right? Am I right? Total idiot.
Exactly--what exactly do you mean by that?
It's the 21st century. It is.
I know exactly where my dad is.
She does. Go get your dad, honey.
Dad!
Dad! Oh, Dad, I got you, I got you, I got you.
Hold on.
But how?
How did you do that?
Who is this creep?
He's just a low-life
who's going to jail for a long, long time.
What is that?
Some non-lethal, high-voltage stunning thingy?
How adorable.
Forgive me if I completely ignore it...
...and just make my exit.
Oh, ha!
Why are you smiling?
I think it's because this time...
...she called for back-up. Yeah.
( police sirens )
All right, I need three teams!
Team One, Team One, take this exit.
Team Two, cover my back.
I want battering ram ready, let's go!
Well, I guess I'll just have to make my exit via the high road.
Oh, dear.
( incoherent yelps )
Where's my battering ram?
Move it!
Wait for my command!
Enter on my cue! Three, two, one!
Ohh...on second thought, Ed, I have missed you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ahh. ( laughter )
( police radio )
( cheering and clapping )
Lieutenant Elizabeth Morgan,
reporting recovery of stolen goods...
...and apprehension of suspected perpetrator.
Permission to file a report.
Book 'im.
Take 'im, boys.
And get that necklace down to Evidence.
Lieutenant.
One more thing.
Yeah?
You'll need your badge back.
( cheering and clapping )
No!
Thank you for saving me.
You really are an incredible kid, y'know.
How can I possibly go to MIT?
I mean, what would you do without me?
Oh, now, that can't be a factor in your decision.
Well...I mean...
...I don't want to leave you.
Monica, that's how I'll know when I've done my job.
When you can leave.
Besides, I'm not going anywhere!
I'm right here. It's four years.
And if you decide to stay in Boston,
or move to New York or Kathmandu, guess what?
They need nurses there, too. I'll be around.
Thanks, Dad.
( pager goes off ) Oh!
LIZ: 'Scuse me, 'scuse me. Hey!
Look, they have an opening, let's go. No, it's okay.
No, no, no, you can make it! There's an opening!
I'll give you a police escort!
Forget it. After everything that happened today,
prom just doesn't seem that important.
Look, it's prom, okay? You have to go.
Come on! This is the biggest night of your high school career!
But I don't have anything to wear.
Well...follow me.
Welcome to the coolest department store in the city.
Buzz us in.
Central Police Station Evidence Room.
Wow.
What is that?
Can I touch anything?
Lucky for you, some criminals have great taste.
Oh, yeah, they do.
♪ Live it up, whatever you're feeling ♪
♪ You and I, clear summer for sailing ♪
♪ We will go all over the world ♪
♪ Here we go, it's just the beginning ♪
♪ Yeah, you and me, we're spinning ♪
What do you think? Do you like it? What do you think?
Wow. I mean, wow.
I think the real question is, what do you think?
I like it. I love it.
I really like it. It even works with the hat.
I know, right?
But there's something missing.
What? It's missing, just a little, I don't know,
just, maybe...
...a little of this?
Wow...
...Oh, my goodness. Perfect.
I can't. It is way too valuable.
Well, I mean, you're gonna need a full police escort.
I've never been to prom.
Oh, you are going to prom. I'm going to prom?
You're going to prom! I'm going to prom!
( police sirens ) ♪ Live it up, whatever you're feeling ♪
♪ You and I, clear summer for sailing ♪
♪ We will go all over the world ♪
♪ Here we go, it's just the beginning ♪
♪ Yeah, you and me, we're spinning ♪
♪ We will go all over the world ♪
♪ And this bright life illuminates the way ♪ Listen up!
I want two men at every entrance, ♪ To a brand new place ♪
and a full squad inside! ♪ A brand new day ♪
♪ I don't know what to expect ♪ And keep your eyes on that necklace!
♪ Will never be the same, Live it up, whatever you're feeling! ♪
♪ You and I, clear summer for sailing ♪
Why, I never thought I'd live to see the day.
My daughter in a ball gown.
Well, it's for official police business, so...
Oh, thanks.
It was just a little twisted.
No, I mean, thanks for everything.
You're welcome, honey. ♪ You and I, clear summer for sailing ♪
Thank you. ♪ We will go all over the world ♪
Hey.
♪ Here we go, it's just the beginning ♪
You cut your hair!
Well, uh, technically, she did.
Yeah, yeah, I've had loads of experience. Chop chop.
I love it.
Me too. You look hot.
Oh, I almost forgot. You won.
What? What?
Yeah! In a landslide.
News about Kyle cheating on you with Ashley went viral.
Her support collapsed.
You are Prom Queen!
Wow! That's, um...wow!
Group hug!
Come on, girls, let's go to prom!
We're going to prom. Oh, we're going!
♪ Here we go, and it's just the beginning ♪
♪ Yeah, you and me, we're spinning ♪ Okay, let's go!
( clapping and cheering )
♪ We will go all over the world ♪
Yeah, Monica!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
This is an incredible honor.
Wow! Um, for the past few weeks,
this moment is all I could think about.
But I woke up this morning, and my day
took a little bit of a detour.
You see, there was this person.
Sure, she had terrible style
and questionable social skills,
and sure, she probably ruined my chance
to ever legally drive in the state. I'm so sorry.
But she taught me something.
Something I wanna share with all of you.
Whoever you really are,
it's okay to be that person.
And you don't have to put it up for a vote.
Because perfect, eh, it's overrated.
And the people that really care about you?
They're not going anywhere.
And I've decided to go to MIT next year.
Oh, yeah, you will!
Sorry, sorry.
I'm gonna miss you all.
So tonight?
Let's soak it up, and have a great time.
Thank you.
The Fooo: ♪ ALL OVER THE WORLD ♪
♪ We've got the love together we can sing it ♪
♪ All over the world, all over the world ♪
♪ We all belong together we can bring it ♪
♪ All over the world, all over the world ♪
♪ Beat it! You gotta move, gotta move like that ♪
♪ Move like that to the groove like that ♪
♪ All over the world, all over the world ♪
LIZ: Ed?
You've--you h- you are...
...you have such great...
...nostrils.
Thanks.
Um, do you, um...
...do you...
...do you wanna dance?
Yeah! Let's do it. Okay, great.
Can I lead?
Probably not!
♪ Dance like that to the beat like that ♪
♪ We got the love together we can sing it ♪
♪ All over the world, all over the world ♪
( pop music playing )
♪ I might try to sleep, still with the status quo ♪
♪ I always wonder if it's all worth it ♪
Come on! ♪ I turn the thing too much, too safe and out of touch ♪
Okay, let's skip that part real quick. ♪ I'm over waiting for ♪
♪ something perfect ♪
( yelling through megaphone ) ♪ Everything that could go wrong did go wrong ♪
♪ And I could be freaking out 'cause ♪
♪ everything that can go wrong will go wrong ♪
Oh, oh, sorry! Okay. Oh...
Okay, um, how did that get in there?
How much time do we have? Just enough.
Okay. Oh, we need the... ...'scuse me, we need the...
...best part of the necklace. DIRECTOR: One more right away!
Uhh.
Push harder. Yeah, just, um...
( groaning with effort )